- 58 minutes ago
Celebs Go Dating Season 15 Episode 2
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00:00I'm afraid of.
00:00Gentlemen.
00:01Steven is a nightmare.
00:03Ooh!
00:04Elderly ladies have got very close to him.
00:07Absolute granny magnet.
00:09Dates were then dished out.
00:11He has shocked me!
00:13Dating!
00:14Meow.
00:15And tonight...
00:16Hi!
00:17We get deep.
00:19I was very much abandoned.
00:20We get direct.
00:22You're right, bitch, now.
00:23And we get dirty.
00:25God, suck a fart out your ass.
00:27He's got some cheek.
00:28That's our celeb!
00:29Three, some, four, some, more songs.
00:31Go!
00:32What kind of in a go on, y'all?
00:33Dating!
00:34Um...
00:34I need more ta-boom-boom.
00:36Do you want to have a kissy?
00:38I don't know.
00:38Can you play the drums?
00:46Welcome to Celebs Go Dating.
00:48Romance rehab for any star lacking a little ooh-la-la.
00:52Come on.
00:52Let's get all your juices on your nose.
00:55And Tom's playing with his penis again.
00:56Sorry, read that wrong.
00:58Tom's playing with his pens again.
01:00Ardour.
01:02Meaning to burn with passion.
01:07Someone who always makes me a little ardour
01:09and the only man who can pull off a leather gilet outside the village people
01:12is Paul the big doll Brunson.
01:16Oh, my best chum.
01:19Look at the size of those trouser legs.
01:21Hello, my love.
01:22Hello.
01:23Oh my goodness.
01:24What?
01:25You have a chalkboard.
01:26Yes, very high-tech, Tom.
01:28I love it.
01:28So, every day are we going to get a word?
01:30Well, if you'd like.
01:32Yes.
01:32I mean, the thing is, I could use it for admin as well.
01:35Oh, no.
01:36You prefer that etymological stimulation.
01:38I knew you would.
01:42Well, if there's stimulation of any kind going on,
01:45saucy sexpert Dr T is going to want to be a part of it.
01:50Hi, friends.
01:51Hi.
01:52Hello.
01:53Good morning.
01:54Good morning.
01:56And you know, eh, doves won't want to be left out in the rain.
01:59Should have hung Paul's trousers up as a canopy.
02:01Could have kept the whole postcode dry.
02:04Good morning, Pete.
02:06Oh, bloody hell, it's quite cats and dogs.
02:08Oh, you look so good.
02:10I'm very wet.
02:11Oh.
02:11Ever the over-sharer.
02:12Such a wet day, but such an exciting day.
02:15After yesterday.
02:16Off the back of yesterday, yeah.
02:17That was, can I say, that was the most phenomenal opening event
02:22I think we've ever had.
02:23Beautiful and insightful.
02:25Someone that surprised me was Colleen.
02:28Colleen's someone who's so prominent in the UK media.
02:32So, in my head, I thought she would be a bit of a diva,
02:36but, oh, absolutely not.
02:38Wow.
02:39So warm, kind, and nice.
02:40I don't know, I've seen her ride her,
02:42a bowl full of lemon sherbet and a can of dandelion and bird hop,
02:45or she won't turn up.
02:46From a negative, it was Gabby.
02:48Yes.
02:48Here is someone now who is a rabbit in her headlights.
02:52Yes.
02:52And I think this is going to be a real challenge for Gabby.
02:55Very exposing, I thought, for Gabby.
02:57Yes.
02:57What do we think of Lucinda?
02:59Oh, I mean, I think she's exactly, like, what you see is what you get.
03:02Yeah.
03:02When she signed up to join the agency, immediately I was a bit apprehensive
03:07because she does consider herself an expert in this category of love and relationships.
03:15And I thought, wow, will she be open enough to actually hear us out?
03:19Who surprised you the most last night?
03:22Steven, without question.
03:24Because I feel like he was also one of the leaders.
03:26He set the tone by being vulnerable and that allowed the entire group to be vulnerable.
03:30Yes.
03:31So I applaud that.
03:32Because if he set the tone by being jokey or by being dismissive,
03:36everyone would have followed through.
03:38Yes.
03:38Yes.
03:39Alright, Paul, some of us pay the mortgage being jokey and dismissive.
03:43Anyway, you'll be pleased to know, first in the agency and in need of some expert coaching,
03:48after a while out of the dating game, is golden voice Steven,
03:51a man who's so pro-green that he'll wear all the ugliest shades of it.
03:55Hello, Steven.
03:57Come in, dude.
03:58It was meant to be a one-night king.
04:00Nothing more than a little one-night fling.
04:02Now when I'm in need, you're the one-night ring.
04:04I need you tonight.
04:08Entree?
04:09Hello.
04:09Hello, you.
04:11Look at that noisy jacket.
04:12How are you doing?
04:13Oh, I'm swell.
04:15Good. You look great.
04:16I forget how lovely you are.
04:17You're like a...
04:18You're like a great sequoia.
04:20What's a sequoia?
04:21You know, like those redwoods.
04:22You're forgetting he's not actually a professor, Tom.
04:25Those ones that sort of stretch up to the skies almost interminably.
04:28Very tall trees.
04:29Yeah, he could have just said that.
04:31I was, um, in the jungle recently.
04:33Oh, really?
04:34You should mention it more often.
04:35Do you know what?
04:35You had such a good bunch, you know.
04:36I met H recently and he's a...
04:38Oh, H is sublime.
04:39He's a gorgeous human.
04:40Yeah.
04:41Do you know, in a funny old way, I think you and H are very similar.
04:44Are they?
04:44Because you're very, very...
04:46We're both white and we rap.
04:49Awkward.
04:49Change of subject, Tom.
04:50I'm glad that your lucky mastoid is popping out again.
04:53How can you see that when his legs are crossed?
04:55It's always out there unless I've got a scarf on.
04:57Oh, he means his tattoo.
04:59Oh.
05:00Do you have any names on you?
05:01I've got a couple.
05:03The most recent one is half of my son's name.
05:06His name is Slimane, which is the Arabic Solomon.
05:08I've got Slim on me in his handwriting.
05:09I've got fat on me in my wife's handwriting.
05:12Just a bit of fun.
05:18One thing that's no joke is how seriously Gabby takes getting ready for a date.
05:22The geezer's a fisherman Gab's just chucking some waders and reel him in.
05:26Most people say less is more, but I like more is more.
05:31Flipping heck.
05:31Is she Rob 2 and Carmoon?
05:33The more jewellery I can wear, the better.
05:35I feel like it makes an outfit.
05:36And also this is the most organised I've ever been for any date in my whole life.
05:39Surprised you're making any effort after the way you went on at last night's dinner party.
05:45Oh, I don't fancy him.
05:46I spend my days handling carp. Is that fish?
05:49It is.
05:50That doesn't turn me on.
05:51Really? I'm getting a semi.
05:52Can we have another one?
05:53You can, but he handles trout.
05:55All I know about him is that he handles carp on the daily.
05:59Just think of all the Omega 3 Gabs.
06:01I need to maybe broaden my horizons and not be so set in my ways
06:05and think that I know what I want when that might be where I'm going wrong.
06:10Alright, well that sounds begrudgingly positive. Well done.
06:12You know, if I really fancy somebody then I can kind of just ignore all the red flags
06:16just because I think they're really fit.
06:19So, maybe I need to do it the opposite way round and get to know someone first
06:22and then really like them.
06:24Yeah, that's the spirit.
06:26I don't ever put this much thought into it.
06:28It's just intense.
06:30It's a lot.
06:32There's so much you have to think about.
06:33Let alone the bloody what dress I'm going to wear.
06:35Does it actually even matter what I wear at this point?
06:39And we're back to Negi energy again.
06:41It was good why it lasted.
06:44Far more excited is Anna who's fangirling hard after calling Pro Green up for his consultation.
06:49I don't think we've ever had a celebrity quite as cool as Steven, Professor Green.
06:55Dean Gaffney's going to be fuming.
06:57This is what I loved about him at the dinner party.
06:58He says that everyone thinks he is this, yeah, quite hard man, cool, because he's a hip hop star.
07:04Yes.
07:05But he doesn't see that and even his friend Lewis was like, he's clunky, he's awkward, he's chaotic.
07:10He actually called him a nightmare.
07:12So, I think what's going to be brilliant is shining a spotlight on Professor Green, Steven, in a way that
07:18nobody has ever done before.
07:21Come on in.
07:22Come on in.
07:22Come on in.
07:24Steven.
07:25Hello.
07:26Hello.
07:27Steven's openness at the dinner party made him an early contender for teacher's pet.
07:31I'm relatively newly separated.
07:33My situation is difficult.
07:36Everything works backwards from being a father.
07:37So, I would like to get under the, I'd like to get under my hood.
07:41Find out a little bit about me.
07:42And first to try and get underneath said hood is Viv.
07:45We have some envelopes.
07:46These are your first dates.
07:48Shit's real.
07:49Shit just got real.
07:50Well, if Viv is even half as keen as Anna, he'll be set.
07:53I'll never leave you, Steven.
07:54I Need You Tonight is constantly on In My Kitchen.
07:58Well, on that subject, it clearly is a true story.
08:00For all my fans that thought I was just playing a character, that was a song about a man who
08:03was hopelessly in love, wasn't it?
08:05Yes.
08:05Yes.
08:06Look, we've had plenty of musicians come through the celebrity dating agency doors, but Steven is the first bonafide rapper.
08:13And as a hip hop fan coming from the birthplace of hip hop, Queens, New York, I can't tell you
08:19how excited I am that he is here.
08:21Did you ever breakdance?
08:23Hold on.
08:24Alright, so in full disclosure, do you know this?
08:25Can you breakdance?
08:26Something tells me we're about to find out.
08:28So.
08:29Hang on, I've known this man in 10 years.
08:30No, no.
08:31Alright.
08:31Ready to head.
08:33Oh, you get it.
08:34Smooth.
08:34Oh.
08:36Oh, so he can't breakdance.
08:40You have to commit to your best breakdance move.
08:44Sorry to be boring, Bobby, but can we commit to finding Steven a date and stop mucking about, please?
08:48Go on then.
08:49Are you ready?
08:49My tits might fall out.
08:51Oh, I suppose there's no harm in one more move.
08:54Sorry, Steven.
08:57She wasn't joking.
09:00What are you doing?
09:01She's making a well-respected rapper feel very uncomfortable.
09:04P-dog.
09:04That's what she's doing.
09:06We want to applaud you for the dinner party because of how you started and how you opened.
09:11I quite often dive head first.
09:14Here I am.
09:14Here it is.
09:15Yes.
09:15But in this instance, I'm really happy I did if it gave people permission to put forward what they might
09:22not have otherwise.
09:23What is it that you believe we can help you most with?
09:26I've never had objective opinion on how I communicate in the setting of a date.
09:35And, you know, hands up, I've been completely honest.
09:37I don't know if I'm even ready to date, but there's more pressure than me to be on it by
09:41saying it's a date.
09:42Because ultimately it's two people sitting down and having a conversation.
09:45That is a major statement, hands up, I may not be ready to date.
09:50That's one that we definitely have to unpack a bit in this session.
09:55There's going to be feelings of guilt around all of this.
09:59Is it guilt because it's very fresh coming into the dating world?
10:02Because obviously we are aware that you have very recently come out of a relationship.
10:07And is that the source of guilt?
10:08Absolutely, that is the source of guilt.
10:10It's really hard to step confidently into something new when what came before it is still so close in the
10:19rear view.
10:19And when there is a child involved, it is made ever more complicated.
10:25Not least of all because they are front and centre and priority in all things.
10:29I am still grieving.
10:31A loss of a relationship.
10:32Yeah, absolutely.
10:34Of course.
10:34And not just for me.
10:36For our family.
10:38And for our son.
10:39For those feelings of confusion that we're impacting him with.
10:42It feels like a hell of a lot.
10:45Yeah.
10:46Yeah.
10:573.
10:580.
10:590.
11:000.
11:003.
11:00Welcome back to Celebs go dating.
11:02Where a Bombs a little beauty is heading in for some pointers after getting paired up with a date at
11:07last night's dinner party.
11:09I think the first tip should be, don't marry the lad at first sight.
11:12Ah, it's true!
11:15Hello, celebrity dating agency.
11:17Hello, gorgeous Tom, it's Lucinda.
11:19Come in.
11:29Oh, oh!
11:30Hello, Lola.
11:32Sartorial sorceress you are.
11:34Well, then you should tell her her wizard's sleeve's hanging out.
11:37Having recently delved rather extensively down under,
11:41I have returned to Blighty with a hankering for more.
11:45And Lucinda more than satisfies that hankering.
11:49You look to me like somebody in her prime.
11:52You just radiate light.
11:55That is very sweet.
11:56You know, Lucinda means light.
11:57It means the sparkle on the champagne.
11:59You are like a vintage champagne.
12:01Everything is suffused with gold.
12:03Do you know, all this I got out of that is vintage, which I like,
12:06because it's true.
12:07I'm middle-aged now.
12:08Oh, no, no, no!
12:09Which is what I'm not old!
12:10Oh, Lucinda, what have I seen?
12:12Pretty sure you said she was old and dusty like a forgotten fizz.
12:15That's what we heard.
12:18Upstairs, an uncorked Stephens continuing to open up to Anna and Paul
12:21about his relationship troubles.
12:23I've never been very good at letting go.
12:26I really struggle, even when things aren't good for me or good for us
12:29or good for, you know, anyone involved.
12:32And I don't know if that comes from my having been abandoned early on.
12:38Everyone always goes back to childhood, right, to try and find the reasons for things.
12:41But I was very much abandoned and felt as such, despite having such a solid family unit
12:47by way of my grandmother, my great-grandmother and my uncles.
12:50And I think that potentially makes me not want to abandon someone else,
12:54because I'm very aware of that feeling.
12:56Right.
12:58Stephen is clearly feeling very fragile, and understandably so.
13:02He has been through a lot of challenges in his life, ranging from his early childhood
13:06right up until recent relationship breakdown.
13:09But he does seem to be very open to working through a lot of those emotions,
13:12which will be immensely helpful.
13:14What we want you to do is use this opportunity to help you grieve your relationship.
13:20And I think when it comes to the dating side of things,
13:22to help you with some of your challenges.
13:26Mm-hmm.
13:27Communication, interpersonal skills, confidence, self-esteem.
13:31I feel like some of that has been eroded.
13:32Right.
13:33Of late.
13:35My posture is always, you know, I don't have people pick up on it.
13:37Right.
13:38And I carry things, you know, and I don't, I'm not very good at hiding that.
13:43And at 42, having recently been diagnosed as autistic,
13:48and trying to get my head around that, it's so weird getting to this age and being like,
13:53Who am I?
13:56Have you dated?
14:00Within the last year.
14:02No, not like, let's go to a restaurant, let's, this could be something, no.
14:06Are you still open to going out on dates?
14:09It's, yeah, I have to reframe it as something other than to be comfortable with it, but yeah.
14:13What works for you?
14:14Meet up?
14:15A drink?
14:16I don't know.
14:18How about meet up?
14:19Nah, celebs go meeting up, sounds world shit.
14:21They do that on Amsterdam.
14:23But does that feel more comfortable for you?
14:24Yeah.
14:24Perfect, because that really is all it is.
14:26The pressure is off.
14:28I think it's going to be a really good first step for you with Viv.
14:32I will just try and follow your lead and trust you.
14:36Super.
14:37Steven, thank you.
14:38All right.
14:39All right.
14:40We're going to have a really fun time, I promise you.
14:42See you later.
14:42Bye, love.
14:43All right.
14:43See you later.
14:46Man, gosh, I tell you, he's perfect.
14:49What a brilliant chap.
14:52Yes.
14:52I mean, he is very complicated, he's very deep, he's very self-aware, and I think it's
14:57very brave of him to want to be vulnerable with us to explore his romantic life as well.
15:04So, while Stephen has the night to ready himself for tomorrow's day, sorry, meet up with Viv.
15:15A judgmental Gabby has been told to be a bit more accepting going into her first date
15:20at the agency with Fisherman Johnny.
15:22I'm actually really nervous about my dates.
15:24On first impressions, I wasn't instantly attracted to him.
15:28He's obsessed with fish, and listen, I need my man to be more obsessed with me than anything.
15:32So, that's one thing that we might have to work through.
15:35Come on, Gabs, cut him some slack.
15:37There's more to the man than just fish.
15:39So, on the way down, I've called past fair, right, and I've played a bit of hook and duck,
15:43and I've only got to bought her a goldfish from fair.
15:45So, I'm going to see how she likes a little pet goldfish.
15:48Okay, so maybe he's a little bit obsessed with fish, but at least he didn't bring
15:52a carp.
15:52I wasn't initially attracted to Johnny, but, you know, things can change.
15:55He might have great crap.
15:57Or he might have a fish in a bag.
15:59He's meant in it.
16:05Oh, my God.
16:07What are you saying, my last year, God?
16:08I can't bet you've never, ever, ever seen this in your life, have you?
16:12Calm down, it's a goldfish, not the Loch Ness Monster.
16:15But nobody's ever fetched you a goldfish.
16:18No, thank you.
16:19What was your name?
16:20Oh, do you want me to name it first?
16:22Yeah, go on.
16:22What would you call it?
16:23I call it a little Johnny, me.
16:24Normally, bringing a Johnny to a first date would be a bit presumptuous, but this is a
16:28whole nother level.
16:29I cannot believe that he's walked in with a goldfish.
16:32It's definitely a nice breaker, but it's not the kind of first impression that I was looking
16:37for.
16:38It's cute, though.
16:39It's a big...
16:39Yeah, but surely you catch bigger fish than this, though?
16:41I do catch bigger fish than that.
16:43Big carp.
16:43Big carp, yeah.
16:45Big carp.
16:45Is that what you do?
16:46Have you ever done fishing?
16:47I just thought it would seem boring.
16:49He can't wrap his head around that, can he?
16:51What do you mean, is he?
16:54Don't tell me.
16:54Okay, wait.
16:55Wait, pull it back.
16:57Why fishing?
16:58There's no better thing than being inside at water.
17:00Do you know when you wake up in the morning and you've got water and you wake up to the
17:03ducks, bird life and stuff like that, and then catching a fish is another thing.
17:08That's just a bonus, really.
17:09I just like being up one with nature, so I wish I could.
17:11Oh, that's nice.
17:12I know, Gabs.
17:13I'm sold.
17:14Pass me a rod.
17:15Can I take your food out, Ducky?
17:16I'm just going to have a pepperoni pizza, mate.
17:19Are you?
17:19Yeah.
17:20What are you going to like, mate?
17:21I'm going to get a sea bass case.
17:22Cover your ears, little Johnny.
17:23Might be his cousin.
17:24I know you're going to like a fish.
17:27I'm feeding you now.
17:28Well, this is going better than expected.
17:30I wonder if Gabby's going to end up lakeside with her hands on Johnny's tackle.
17:39Back at the agency, Dr. T and the PCB are hoping to tackle Lucinda's relationship woes.
17:45I'm excited to see her.
17:47I'm very curious why it has been such a struggle for her to date because she's a gem.
17:53So what is wrong?
17:54Great question.
17:55We will find out.
17:57Hi.
17:58Hi.
17:59Oh, my gosh.
18:00Hello, you gorgeous creature.
18:01Lucinda, you're here.
18:03Lucinda brightens and opens up every room she walks into.
18:07And I can't tell you how excited I am that she's walked through the agency doors.
18:12I'm a little bit nervous.
18:14My heart's beating.
18:15She's dragged her sleeve up two floors.
18:17It's a lot on the line, all of this, isn't it?
18:20What is on the line?
18:21I suppose exposing myself to love again.
18:27I'm letting some armor go.
18:29I'm being really real.
18:31And I'm absolutely on the pursuit for my love.
18:35Lucinda, what is the last committed, loving, safe relationship you were in?
18:42End of 2018, I was with somebody for five years.
18:47He had children.
18:48And I was 38 and really wanted a baby.
18:50And he was just so undecided about it.
18:54And I just walked.
18:55I walked on my 38th birthday.
18:57Wow.
18:57And it was one of the hardest things I've done.
19:00And I was just full of regret and pain.
19:04And I then had a nervous breakdown.
19:07I was a wreck.
19:08Absolute wrecking ball.
19:09It's really brave for Lucinda to open up about this.
19:13Time is of the essence.
19:14And the pressure is really on for us to find a suitable partner for her to take the next step
19:19with.
19:20I think a big point of tension that perhaps you've already worked on it, I recently worked on it,
19:24actually is grieving not having children.
19:28It was a big moment for me.
19:30And I'm sure you had to go through a lot of internal emotional rollercoaster of like,
19:35well, but I'm a woman.
19:36This is what I'm supposed to do.
19:37And I think I'm still grieving, Ash.
19:41Did you freeze your eggs?
19:42No.
19:43No.
19:44Because I always thought, you know, we'll crack open life into existence if it's meant to be.
19:51Look, I'm a cancerian mama.
19:53I always thought I'd have kids.
19:55And it is still possible that I do.
19:57I'm quite philosophical about it.
19:59I've always sort of left it up to the universe to decide what will be so, will be so.
20:05There's still a tiny piece of me that's like, but you still could know.
20:09Like, what if you met somebody you could actually still, at the 11th hour, squeeze in a little nugget up.
20:25Whilst Lucinda wishes for a conceivable connection, Gabby's already been on the receiving end of Johnny's Little Swimmers.
20:32Have a dick at the size of that, man.
20:34Have a dick.
20:35I'll have a look, but that's as far as I'll go.
20:38Enjoy.
20:39Thank you so much.
20:40Right, go on then, tell me.
20:41What kind of bloat you're into?
20:42You're into a proper chava or you're into a spice boy?
20:46I'm into a sort of one of them pretty boys.
20:49I do like a good-looking face and...
20:52A healthy appetite?
20:53Someone that works out.
20:54You look like you work out.
20:55Do you train?
20:56Talking about training turns me on.
20:58Here we go.
20:58Talk about an open goal.
21:00Go on, Johnny.
21:00Reel her in, mate.
21:01What are you benching, bro?
21:03Jesus Christ, that's fucking red, aren't you?
21:06Mate, come on.
21:07I guess we can rule out the spice boy then.
21:10Is that spicy hot?
21:12Spicy.
21:16How's your face?
21:17It's actually really good.
21:18I don't think little Johnny's happy, you know.
21:20Oh, my God, no.
21:21Don't look, Johnny.
21:23His old brethren's all cooked up, man.
21:26I wouldn't go as far as saying I fancy Johnny yet,
21:28but he's funny.
21:30I'll give him that.
21:31Sounds like keeping an open mind is paying off.
21:33The agents are going to be well smug.
21:36How long have you been single?
21:38I've been single for two years.
21:41Give or take.
21:42I just find it so hard to find someone that I actually really like.
21:45Yeah?
21:45How about you?
21:46Not long.
21:47Not long?
21:49I feel like you're a player.
21:51Player, player.
21:53No?
21:54At least a night, mate.
21:56Do you not get loads of girls in your DMs, then?
21:57Loads.
21:58Not with my idea.
21:59Come on, tell me what they say.
22:00Tell me what they say.
22:01What's the best man that you've had?
22:01Tell you what, the worst one were a bit weird.
22:06It says, oh, God, I'd suck a fart out of your arse.
22:08She'd do what now?
22:09And I think to me saying, oh, sucking farts out of people's arses.
22:13Do you know what I mean?
22:13Who's doing that?
22:14I don't know, but when you find out, give them my number.
22:16I've got to backlog it.
22:17What a girl wrote that.
22:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:22And that didn't work.
22:23No, because it's wrong.
22:25To be fair, I won't mind having a go on yours anyway.
22:28Fit, aren't you?
22:29Jesus Christ, he's turned up with a fish in a bag
22:31and he wants to suck a fart out of her arse.
22:33What a first date.
22:44Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
22:46where Lucinda's been bearing her soul to the agents
22:48and surrendering to a process
22:50in a way only someone prepared to marry a complete stranger could.
22:55You are incredibly self-aware.
22:58Do you believe that you're in a space
23:00to relinquish the guidance of your love life to us?
23:05Yes.
23:06OK.
23:07I desperately need your help.
23:08The last couple of years, I have been quite dormant.
23:12Oh, sorry to hear that, Luce.
23:13Apart from a couple of affairs and a bit of poly
23:16and from a very sexy affair in Indonesia last year,
23:20which was just hot to trash.
23:22OK.
23:23Well, that put my handjob last month to shame.
23:25I've been involved in tantra communities.
23:28Oh, she's not finished.
23:30Tried a woman for the first time in my life
23:32and that was incredible.
23:34I have given it all a go, don't you worry.
23:37We believe it.
23:38You've had it all, right?
23:39You've done it all.
23:40I've done a bit of all of that.
23:41Which means that...
23:42Three-sons, four-sons, more-sons, you name it.
23:44Yeah.
23:44Sounds like she's done everything
23:45except learn what dormant means.
23:47Is it your desire to have one committed partner?
23:52And then, if so, in what form?
23:55Is that marriage or some other form?
23:57I am open to unconventional,
24:00but I do love the idea of really sharing my life
24:05with somebody for the next couple of decades.
24:09OK.
24:09I do want somebody that's up for life, you know.
24:13Yes.
24:14That's just got a bit of funk in his soul.
24:17Yes.
24:17Like, I just want a sexy kind of middle-aged dude
24:20that's got it going on.
24:22Watch your back, Paul, and your front.
24:23So, what did you think of the letter
24:27that you got at the dinner party?
24:29We have some envelopes.
24:30They signify the beginning of your own dating journey.
24:35Oh.
24:36Oh.
24:37Feels cool.
24:39The new.
24:40Oh, he seems delightful.
24:41All this I really know about him is golfing and surfing.
24:45I don't know much about golf.
24:47Do you want to?
24:48All right.
24:48Is he a swinger?
24:49I'm not sure.
24:50Just don't get excited if he mentions a foursome.
24:52It's not what you think.
24:54That's how I got barred from the West Wiccan Pitch and Pat.
24:56I've had many friends who've come from Marriott for a sex.
24:59Mm-hmm.
24:59OK.
25:01Traumatons.
25:02A tiny bit.
25:04Yes.
25:05But they often enter relationships very quickly.
25:08I will say, though, you're not there to attach.
25:12You're simply there to observe.
25:14Yes.
25:14I think that's very important
25:16because that takes the pressure off.
25:18This was a great first session.
25:20Loving your vibes.
25:21Are you guys just such wicked guns?
25:24See you, Gorda.
25:25See you guys soon.
25:27Take care.
25:27Have fun tonight.
25:31That was so lovely.
25:33Yeah, she's great.
25:34She has an opportunity
25:36to truly find a partner in this Asian city.
25:40Who says she'll stick to one?
25:46And speaking of kinks,
25:48still reeling from a flirty-farty fantasy,
25:50the open mind that Gabby was encouraged
25:52to bring to her date with fart-hoover Johnny
25:54might be rapidly shrinking.
25:57Imagine going on a date
25:59and being pulled out of your fucking head.
26:01I'm so confused.
26:02I like this guy, but it's too much, innit?
26:03I can just walk away.
26:04Wait.
26:04I know what I want
26:05and I want what I know,
26:06so I'm very forward.
26:08Sorry, I've just got to go with the lure
26:09and then backdoor it.
26:10Yeah, of course.
26:11Don't tell him to backdoor it, Gabby.
26:12He'll be all over you.
26:14It's fine.
26:17But this is going well for me and you, Marlis.
26:19I'm still here, so...
26:20Yeah, but how long will she be?
26:22So, if you take me out,
26:24where would you take me?
26:25I normally let the woman
26:26decide where we're going to go.
26:29I need a leader, though.
26:30Yeah.
26:31I like somebody that's like,
26:32I'm going to pick you up at eight,
26:34we'll go in this place.
26:35I'll take you.
26:36Yeah.
26:36Where would I take you?
26:37Curry house followed by yoga.
26:41We can just go to a nice bar.
26:43Yeah, I'd probably get smashed, yeah.
26:44Yeah, get smashed back to a no-town.
26:46Oh, ease off again.
26:48Oh, OK.
26:49Yeah.
26:49First night.
26:50You'll never find a sitter for little Johnny
26:52at such short notice.
26:54Depends how you're feeling.
26:56I'm easy, me, Marlis.
26:58Yeah, we kind of noticed that
26:59when you offered to suck a fart out of her arse.
27:01Johnny has got great energy.
27:03He makes me belly laugh,
27:04but he's a lot.
27:05Maybe a bit too much.
27:07I'm just going to go for it to the toilet.
27:09You'll do you, Marlis.
27:11You'll do you.
27:12Hold up, where's she going?
27:13Is she going for a backdoor exit?
27:17She wouldn't leave him with sole custody
27:19of little Johnny, would she?
27:22Whilst Johnny waits to see if Gabby's slipped out
27:24like a bum bubble,
27:26bubbly Colleen is slipping into the agency
27:27under the cover of darkness
27:29to discuss her date with Neil last night.
27:32Hello, celebrity dating agency.
27:34Hi, it's Colleen.
27:35Sexy music on the wall.
27:39Sexy music, I was getting it all.
27:42Sexy, sexy music.
27:46Oh, hello, you.
27:50Oh, welcome, welcome.
27:52Good to be here.
27:54I'm so happy to have a veteran songstress
27:57and professional jabberer at the agency.
28:00It's not every day that I'm allowed to probe a loose woman.
28:03You were magnificent last night, by the way.
28:06I just have to tell you, you came in like a Madagascan movie.
28:11And I just thought, my God, she's doing this with a plum and panache.
28:15Are those her sisters?
28:17There's too many of them to remember.
28:19Oh, God.
28:19I do.
28:20An awful lot of gentlemen might think that in very short order, too.
28:23Oh, fingers crossed.
28:25You're toying again, aren't you?
28:27Yeah, but this one is more of, um, like an audience with.
28:30But might there be a song?
28:31Oh, there has to be at least one song.
28:34Have they got more than one?
28:35Oh, Colleen, yes.
28:37There could not be.
28:38They'll be sitting there waiting for it.
28:40Oh, my God.
28:41Get up, let me teach you don't make waves.
28:43Don't make waves?
28:44I'm in the mood for dancing, Colleen.
28:45Give the people what they want.
28:47People remember this more than a song.
28:49No one remembers the song.
28:53Don't, don't make waves.
28:56Oh, oh, you've become the, oh, I clicked then.
28:58Did you hear that?
28:59You did?
28:59That's so embarrassing.
29:00Fair play, Colleen still moves like someone half her age.
29:03Tom dances like my nan, though, and she's on her forfeit.
29:15And Hippie Lucinda is looking to put the moves on a middle-aged dude with funk in his soul.
29:20Could that be Golf Pro, Neil?
29:22I'm actually really excited to meet Neil.
29:24I think he looks like a really kind, lovely, open kind of guy.
29:29Well, he's going to have to be open to quite a lot to keep up with you, Luz.
29:32He's got a good vibe.
29:34I haven't been on any dating apps or anything like that for the best fight of six years,
29:37and now I've thrown myself into this.
29:39So what could go wrong?
29:41You could end up in a polyamorous foursome in Indonesia, for all we know, mate.
29:49Hi, how are you?
29:51Very well, thank you.
29:51How are you all?
29:53Lovely to meet you too.
29:54Neil, thank you.
29:56So brave.
29:58Not the most reassuring thing to open with.
30:03Yes.
30:04Where did you come from just now?
30:06Bournemouth.
30:07Yes.
30:07Yeah.
30:08Have you been there before?
30:08Well, I have been to Bournemouth.
30:10I was there last year.
30:10One of the affairs, no doubt.
30:12Yeah, it's cute.
30:13It's not bad.
30:13I love all the beach boxers.
30:15Yes.
30:16Yeah, there's it, yeah.
30:17Well, actually, do you know something?
30:20That would be the first beach huts in the UK.
30:25Something tells me Neil's not a part of the tantric sex community.
30:29Oh, Neil is such a lovely guy and a really handsome guy.
30:32I can tell he's nervous.
30:34I hope he loosens up.
30:38Um, you're from Australia.
30:40I'm from Australia.
30:41Whereabouts?
30:41I'm from the Great Ocean Road, which is super surfing.
30:44Nice.
30:45It's got massive surf culture.
30:46Do you surf?
30:48No, I'm in the ocean all the time, but not so much on the surfboard.
30:53Yeah.
30:54Okay.
30:55You're a golfer as well?
30:56I teach golf as well.
30:57You teach golf?
30:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:59Ooh, okay.
31:02So while Lucinda and Neil tried to find their way out of the rough,
31:08the agents are keen to hear how Colleen's dating journey teed off last night.
31:12Golf stuff.
31:13Hello.
31:15Although I'm at the right door.
31:16Colleen, welcome.
31:18During the dinner party, Colleen opened up about her struggles with loneliness.
31:22This sounds pathetic.
31:23This year was the first time that I've ever had to put Christmas decorations up on my own.
31:28Mm-hm.
31:29And then went straight out to meet former army engineer Neil.
31:32So I've never actually blown up a brief.
31:35I taught people how to do it.
31:36Backseat driver.
31:37There's no one to tell about my day.
31:40Oh, my God, that's me.
31:41After a promising start, the ex-soldier went in for the kill.
31:44I would really like to see you again.
31:47I hope you feel the same.
31:48Yeah, that'd be lovely.
31:49Really, Colleen?
31:51Welcome to the agency.
31:52Welcome to your safe space.
31:54Oh, absolutely.
31:55I'm genuinely here for your help to hopefully meet someone.
32:00Because I'm just not doing a very good job of it.
32:03I'm trying.
32:04Is it possible for us to go into unpacking your date?
32:10So, Neil.
32:12I can't fault him on being a really nice man, because he was.
32:17But as time went on, I just didn't feel any connection.
32:21I don't know, I just didn't feel attracted.
32:23And then...
32:24Go on.
32:25He asked me if I want to see him again.
32:27OK.
32:28What did you say?
32:29I went, oh, yeah, that'd be nice.
32:33Wow.
32:33Oh, Colleen Nolan.
32:36He was so nice.
32:38How can I say to someone, no?
32:40That's the epitome of people pleaser.
32:42This is it.
32:42I don't think it's a people pleaser.
32:44I just don't want to hurt people.
32:45Right.
32:46That's a people pleaser.
32:47And people pleasers are lovely, lovely people.
32:50I used to be one.
32:51Not anymore.
32:52She goes, no, you're a rat bitch now.
32:56Whoa, suck the fart out of that one, eh, Dubs?
32:59Yes.
33:00Yes.
33:01Still, I love you.
33:03That is the truth.
33:05Finally someone speak the truth.
33:06I hope I end up like you at the end of this.
33:08She might be a Nolan sister, but she's the daddy now.
33:24Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating, where fart fan Johnny's anxiously waiting to see if Gabby's given him a taste
33:30of his own medicine and done a runner.
33:33She's here, man.
33:35Do you know what?
33:35I thought you'd done them in my last.
33:36I thought you'd fucking backdo it, didn't I?
33:41No, I'm sorry.
33:42I'm sorry.
33:43Sorted?
33:43Yeah.
33:44She's a lot lighter on her feet now.
33:46What would be your ideal first date?
33:48Where would you want to take me?
33:49I doubt she knows many tackle and bait shops.
33:51Or second date.
33:52In fact, fuck that.
33:53We were going on a third date, my lass.
33:54We were going.
33:55He's not letting her off the hook here, is he?
33:57Should have expected that from an angler.
33:59I just love a nice restaurant with a good wine.
34:02Although I like a good steak.
34:03Do you?
34:04How do you have it?
34:05Medium.
34:06Not too much blood.
34:07No.
34:07No.
34:08I don't like it dripping, man.
34:10No.
34:11Same.
34:11Medium brown.
34:12Because it makes everything else go soggy around it.
34:14That's true.
34:15Do you know what I mean?
34:16Just a bit pink.
34:16I'm not bothered about things going soggy.
34:19Unless.
34:20This guy is something else.
34:24Here's your beer.
34:25Here, I'll take that by, mate.
34:27Are you sure?
34:27Do you want to go halves?
34:28100%.
34:28No, you're right.
34:29I'll take that.
34:29He don't do anything by halves, this guy.
34:31100% commitment to every thought that ever enters his head.
34:36That's very kind of you.
34:38This is probably a date that I'm going to remember for the rest of my fucking life.
34:41Oh, that's what you're saying.
34:43So will we, my lad.
34:44So will we.
34:45Thank you so much for dinner.
34:47We'll definitely be in touch.
34:48You'll be in touch, will you?
34:50Aren't you forgetting something?
34:51Fish.
34:52Don't forget your fish.
34:53I forgot my fish already, sorry.
34:54Don't forget your fish.
34:55Little Johnny, big Johnny.
34:56Come on, then.
34:56Little Johnny.
34:57It was a first date like I've not had before.
35:00Moving forward, I don't know whether I would pursue him romantically.
35:05Thank you for the name.
35:06Bye, so much fun.
35:07Oh, absolutely amazing, my lass.
35:09And next time, I am coming home with her.
35:12You wish.
35:13She's a proper fit little thing she is, man.
35:16She took me by surprise.
35:18I feel like something out of a fucking movie, man.
35:21And I spent a lot of money on a good old outfit to impress her.
35:24So it wants to be worth it and done it.
35:26So, but yeah, I'd go on a second date with her.
35:28Who's going to tell him?
35:29Hats off to him.
35:30I think he will be perfect for somebody that, I can't even say what I was going to say.
35:39But he also said he'd suck a fart out of my arse, which, I mean, I think is a compliment.
35:44Never heard that one before, but I'll take it.
35:47That's how it starts, Gabs.
35:48Then before you know it, you're the piggy in the middle of a human centipede.
35:51Worst second date ever.
35:55Just across the way, Lucinda was pretty gassed to meet up with Neil, but he's yet to really
35:59let rip in the banter department.
36:01Come on, buddy.
36:02Relax, you've got this.
36:03Two teams.
36:04Yeah.
36:05Cheers.
36:05Cheers.
36:06Thanks for being here.
36:07Pleasure.
36:08Pleasure's mine.
36:08So tell me a little bit more about you, you know, your family or what, I don't know,
36:13what else are you passionate about?
36:14Um, so...
36:16All right, Neil, here's your chance.
36:17Oh, music, tantric sex.
36:19Yeah, um, golf is my passion, I guess.
36:22Oh, Neil.
36:24I'm looking for that passion and spark.
36:26I mean, I love that he loves what he does, but, yeah, maybe not quite me.
36:32What do you look for in a woman?
36:34I think, um...
36:35A good grip that's soft on the shaft.
36:37Chemistry.
36:40And...
36:41And passion.
36:42Bingo, that's more like it, Neil.
36:44How about yourself?
36:45Yeah, I suppose just a reciprocal enjoyment of each other, good banter.
36:51Yeah.
36:51I think you've got that.
36:52Yeah, we've got that.
36:53I think we've definitely...
36:54Early days.
36:55Early days.
36:56No, I'm enjoying you immensely.
36:58Did you want a Chinese ceviche?
36:59Yeah, let's go that.
37:00Oh, sharing food, nice.
37:02I might have to get a bit closer.
37:03OK.
37:05Oh, bit of body language.
37:06Go on, Neil.
37:06So, what, do you want me to feed you?
37:08Yes, please.
37:08OK.
37:09Much better, yes.
37:11It's like they've both just remembered how to flirt.
37:14That's good.
37:16Nice.
37:17I'm enjoying being quite close to Neil.
37:20This is a bit more me.
37:21This is good.
37:22Feeling the energy and just being in this little container.
37:25I can get my flirt on now.
37:27How did you go with your sherbet drink?
37:29Yeah.
37:30That went down very well.
37:31You didn't leak all the signs.
37:33Can I?
37:34Go for it.
37:35All right.
37:35I just really want to leak your bags.
37:39Wow.
37:39Who had first date rimming on their bingo card?
37:42I was all in on the Gabby date for that one.
37:46Back at the agency, people pleaser Colleen is looking to rediscover her dating mojo.
37:51With the help of Paul and that right bitch, Anna.
37:54Her words, not mine.
37:54If you were to break down the areas that you believe we can most help you, what would those
37:58areas be?
37:59I think me, mainly.
38:01I think I'm the problem.
38:05I don't know why.
38:07I've kind of been through a lot relationship-wise.
38:09You know, I've had two marriages and I've had relationships since then and I think I want
38:13something and then I get it and then I think, oh, and I almost back away from it and think,
38:17no, I don't want it.
38:18I don't want that.
38:20So in the last few months, I've kind of sat there and thought, I don't know what I want,
38:24really.
38:24That's very honest.
38:25Very honest.
38:26And also for me, going out feels like work.
38:28The last couple of years, all my kids have moved.
38:30So you go through the empty nest and for a while it was bliss.
38:34I'm not going to lie.
38:35I thought, wow, you know.
38:37And now they're all very settled and they've all got kids and, you know, I see them every
38:41day, really.
38:41But then they all go home, you know.
38:43And I think I said at the dinner party, this was my first Christmas putting decorations
38:47up on my own to the point where I hated it.
38:49I didn't even feel Christmassy.
38:51And then it hit me where I thought, I don't know if I'm ready to just be on my own.
38:57I really appreciate and commend Colleen's honesty.
39:01She is really brave to share this with us.
39:03Empty nest syndrome is actually really common and I reckon there are a lot of people who
39:08can relate to this.
39:09Going back to the dinner party, it's interesting.
39:12There was one word that you said that stood out above all of the other words that every
39:16other celebrity said and that is when you were talking about the Christmas tree and you
39:21called it pathetic that you were doing it and there was a lot of hurt behind that word
39:28that you would call yourself that in a moment that for many would be beautiful but you thought
39:35that was pathetic.
39:36That was me feeling lonely on my own.
39:38That was, yeah, it was sad to hear.
39:39And what I realized, and today really cemented it, is that you do what many people do and
39:47that is you negative self-talk.
39:51You place contempt upon yourself, which is disrespect.
39:57It saddens me.
39:58You're a beautiful, beautiful woman and you're so down on yourself.
40:02Until that changes, it's going to be really difficult to find you someone deserving of everything
40:09that you have because to Paul's point, we need to discover all of that and help you
40:14stand on that, stand on your own pedestal and instead of feeling pathetic putting up
40:18a Christmas tree, feeling goddamn titty tassels, swinging on the flipping Christmas tree fairy
40:23going, I'm a boss bitch, golly Nolan.
40:26That's where we need to get you to.
40:28Nice to know I'm not the only one who wears titty tassels when I put the Christmas tree up.
40:31So goddamn pleased that you've come to us.
40:33I am.
40:34You've got a bloody amazing future ahead of you if you choose to believe it.
40:38Yeah.
40:38Thank you so much for coming in.
40:41And most importantly, thank you for calling Anna a bitch.
40:44Oh, absolutely.
40:45Yeah, thank you.
40:46Colleen, can I just say, if there's anybody who I would love to be their bitch, it's you.
40:51Honestly.
40:51So you can be my bitch.
40:53I'm Colleen.
40:54I'm Colleen Nolan's bitch.
40:55I'm going to channel her all the way through this.
40:57See?
40:58Now that is an honour.
40:59Well, Colleen, we've loved this session.
41:02I have too.
41:03Thank you so much.
41:04Bring it in.
41:10I think she's a lovely lady.
41:11Oh my goodness.
41:12I think there's a lot we can do with her.
41:13We're blessed to have her here.
41:14This is going to be one hell of a journey that she goes on.
41:18It's going to be one hell of a journey home now.
41:20She's packing up the people pleasing.
41:22Hi Colleen, can I get a selfie?
41:23Fuck off.
41:29Two people who seem a lot more pleased by one another than they did at the start of their
41:33day are Rimlik Lucinda and her bit of Sherbert Neal.
41:36Good hanging out with you.
41:37It's been a pleasure.
41:39The British fellas are so lovely.
41:42Good.
41:42Your mum has a brain still well.
41:44Oh, thank you so much.
41:45I really appreciate that.
41:46Hello.
41:46We're at the Comfortable Silence Talk With Your Eyes stage.
41:49It's a far cry from the talking shite trying to fill the gap stage we had earlier.
41:54Oh, I like beach huts.
41:55Grow up.
41:56All right.
41:57We're out of here.
41:59Wasn't Neil lovely?
42:01Like, I can't fault him as a human.
42:03He was so lovely.
42:05But I think I need a little bit more challenge and banter.
42:09Probably need a bit more ba-boom-boom, you know.
42:13Not sure I do.
42:14But never mind.
42:15It was a valiant effort, Neil.
42:17You are beautiful.
42:18Oh, thank you.
42:20That's so sweet.
42:21Do you mind if I kiss you?
42:22Whoa, hang about.
42:24Go on, Neil.
42:26Look at that.
42:30All in one.
42:37That was great.
42:38I really enjoyed that.
42:39She's very open.
42:40She's intelligent.
42:41And a kiss as well.
42:43Woo!
42:44Neil, you dark horse.
42:45Where the fuck did that come from?
42:47I've been sorry for poor Neil.
42:49Because I taste so much like ceviche and macarilla.
42:53That I can only taste myself.
42:55And I don't think it's prime condition for kissing.
42:59I just went to the bathroom and just exploded.
43:02We've all been there.
43:03Just laughing at my life.
43:05Ridiculous.
43:06But thoroughly entertaining.
43:07Now you're done.
43:08Because you're not the only one who needs to explode in the toilet.
43:11Still an instant cough in the arse is screaming.
43:14See ya.
43:15Tomorrow night.
43:17Hello.
43:18There's emotion.
43:20It's kind of embarrassing.
43:21What's embarrassing?
43:24Interrogation.
43:25Was there an effect?
43:28Impersonation.
43:29It's been bloody lovely to be here with you today.
43:32Urination.
43:33There was literally a dog doing a wee up a tree behind you, sorry.
43:36Urm, yeah.
43:37And integration at the first mixer of the series.
43:41You've got the gays here, yeah?
43:42You've got the gays here.
43:42Okay, sorry everyone.
43:43As our celebs.
43:45Where do we even start?
43:46Go.
43:47I can flex my chest.
43:49I need to lie down now.
43:50Dating.
43:51This is hell.
43:53You're welcome, Gabby.
43:54This is hell.
43:55Yeah.
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