- 5 hours ago
The Boys S05E05 (2026) [Full Movie] [Hot 2026]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02They're up before dawn.
00:04They got a thousand heads of cattle to herd.
00:06It's hard work and strong coffee.
00:09Old leather saddles and the worn stock of a trusty Remington.
00:14And when the sun finally rises over the range,
00:17the cowboys know America is God's country
00:20and Americans God's chosen people.
00:23So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans?
00:26With American grit and American values
00:29founded by the greatest American of us all.
00:32A true American prophet.
00:34Come home to the Democratic Church of America.
00:37Come home to Homelander.
00:39Already, the campaign's aided awareness outpaces the norm
00:43by plus 22 points led by white men and women ages 36 to 54 and 55 to 72.
00:51We are also seeing massive growth on the ground level.
00:54Yeah, I'm seeing massive growth myself.
01:00Church attendance is up.
01:02And our online donation CTR is at 44%.
01:05That's a new record. Amen.
01:06Amen.
01:07Next up is a 500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital.
01:15Ain't nobody won't know about the Democratic Church of America and its chosen prophet.
01:25Prophets are servants.
01:27Of course.
01:29Sir, great point.
01:30We're just trying to ease people into it.
01:32No, no, no.
01:33We need to prepare America for my ascension.
01:37You must be honest.
01:38You must be direct.
01:40I like Savior or Lord.
01:44Yes, I couldn't agree more, sir.
01:45Hmm.
01:46Religion's not about being meek.
01:48We should dominate the seven mountains of society.
01:51Bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.
01:53Amen.
01:54Amen.
01:54Amen.
01:55I love all that.
01:56So fucking dope.
01:57Easter is just around the corner.
01:59How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
02:04Hmm.
02:05Second coming?
02:06Let's be clear.
02:07I am not the son of God.
02:11Well, of course.
02:12Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
02:16Well, that's just confusing.
02:17I don't want my church getting involved in all of that.
02:21Exactly.
02:21Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have...
02:25Yes.
02:36We gonna drag our feet because of a book.
02:38Not a book.
02:41The book.
02:42The Homelander Bible.
02:49Heavy.
02:51It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament.
02:58Written by AI, trained on the works of Pat Robertson.
03:00See, we need to pass the torch, sir.
03:03From Jesus to you, sir.
03:06And we don't get more than one chance at a first impression.
03:10Are we really gonna rush something this important?
03:14We need Arby's after all.
03:16No.
03:18We're the Cheesecake Factory.
03:24Okay.
03:26We'll do it your way.
03:31You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
03:37Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
03:41No.
03:42Is recall all superstition overseas?
03:44The American heroes should be protecting America, not who gives a fuck a stand.
03:48Great idea.
03:48Mm-hmm.
03:56Something wrong?
03:58Everything's peachy.
04:05Well, I can see why they call this the city that never sleeps.
04:09How could you with all that racket?
04:12You get used to it.
04:13You seem to us.
04:14City life seems to suit you.
04:16I guess.
04:19I was surprised you called, Reverend.
04:21Well, I was surprised you answered.
04:23It's been a while, and I said things I regret.
04:25You both did.
04:29You remember when you used to stop by the church after school?
04:33Use your powers to light our candles.
04:35I remember staying for supper.
04:37Oh, man.
04:39Those fish fry Fridays.
04:41I never liked eating alone.
04:42Well, were you making sure I got at least one hot square a day?
04:48Reverend, is something the matter?
04:50I'm embarrassed to bug you with all of this, but the last couple of weeks have been rough.
04:55We've been bleeding congregants to the Democratic Church of America and what folks are sticking around and shared.
05:02Why?
05:03Because last Sunday, somebody melted her stained glass window of Mary.
05:08Melted it?
05:08Mm-hmm.
05:09It's a local soup.
05:11Prairie Mantis.
05:13He sprayed acid out of his butt.
05:15I mean, his glands is whatever.
05:17Yeah, I know him.
05:18It was a message.
05:19I called the sheriff.
05:21I called the mayor.
05:22I've caught half of Florida.
05:23You're all I got left.
05:26Reverend, I don't know what I could do.
05:28Well, you gotta be able to do something.
05:30Your Homelander's right hand.
05:33Well, Homelander's not too keen on being challenged.
05:38Why not just pay the franchise fee and join?
05:41Honey, we can barely afford to pay our water bill.
05:44Besides, the Democratic Church of America, God does not favor one nation over another.
05:50Doesn't he, though?
05:51No.
05:52Name one way God's ever blessed Canada.
05:58Just cause Homelander tells you that the sky is red does not make it so.
06:05You still have that, uh, that Jesus action figure.
06:09I'm surprised you remember that.
06:10How could I forget it?
06:11You carried it with you everywhere you went.
06:12You almost worked face off the thing.
06:15You still carry him?
06:16Yeah.
06:21It's complicated.
06:22No, it's...
06:23I don't think it is.
06:25Homelander's a great American.
06:27He can stop bullets.
06:29He can fly and do amazing things.
06:31Those aren't miracles.
06:33And he is not God.
06:36If you're the same Misty Tucker Gray that I taught the Bible to, Overfish, I think you know it too.
06:53What are you doing?
06:56We ain't doing that again.
06:58It's what you said the last six times.
07:00Well, I really mean it this time.
07:05You seem a little out of it.
07:07Did you nut?
07:08It's usually you nut.
07:13Were you baptized?
07:18Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill.
07:20Governor Sproul did the honors.
07:22My family kept up appearances, of course.
07:25And we never set foot in church again.
07:27I had lunch today with the Reverend who baptized me.
07:29He's been getting heat to switch over to our church.
07:33I think Homelander might be open to going easy on him.
07:36Just...
07:36Give him a little more time.
07:39I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but...
07:41That man practically raised me.
07:44So you didn't nut.
07:48You know this whole Homelander is God shit.
07:50It's...
07:51It's fucking ridiculous.
07:53Really? You think so?
07:55If he's a second coming, then what does that make me?
07:57Joseph?
07:59We talk about the biggest cook in history.
08:01A man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin.
08:04And then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet.
08:09Fuck that.
08:10I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
08:17Okay.
08:19Of course I worship Homelander.
08:21I mean...
08:21He's always been a God to me.
08:23Look, I'll tell you this.
08:24If there is a God...
08:27Sure as hell didn't come out of my balls.
08:30I gotta go.
08:31Where are you off to?
08:32L.A.
08:33L.A.
08:35L.A.
08:35I fucking hate L.A.
08:39Home Lander?
08:42Home Lander?
08:46Hello?
08:50Does Homelander know you're here?
08:53yeah of course some of our church's followers generously donated their milk for our savior's
08:58sustenance i mean you gotta get his liquid gold from somewhere am i right you need some where's
09:04homelander oh well he didn't tell you yeah he had to fly off to la strange you didn't mention
09:10anything well i've been real busy working for his glory so not much time for chit chat of course
09:15look at us regular peter and john just bearing witness and spreading the gospel real blessing
09:20amen a real blessing oh uh by the way after our meeting i checked in on the timeline of that
09:28homelander bible and uh the printers were happy to rush it to make easter
09:34ain't you fully get up and go thing is they said it wasn't a problem so i wondered why you
09:41were so
09:41bent on holding it up i wasn't i just wanted to make sure everything was just right listen
09:50if you are ever feeling any doubts come to me i could be a warm shoulder and a friendly ear
09:58well bless your heart
10:02i'll do that
10:06what do you want to talk to homelander about maybe i could help that is so kind to you
10:23what's up um got a tip from our southeast stringer praying mantis rated half a dozen churches in
10:31daytona was one of them holy baptist the man upstairs wants us you to run with it top of show
10:40he thinks with it being your home church and all it'll make a strong statement
10:44so i'll have chris load the new graphics
10:47i gotta finish getting ready
10:57welcome to truth bomb our top story tonight's a personal one it's the story of my hometown church
11:05holy baptist at daytona it was the church i grew up in sang my hymns from the pews there every
11:10sunday
11:10but that church
11:16that church
11:21that church
11:25has become
11:27a hotbed
11:29of starlighter infestation
11:32and my old pastor
11:34reverend greg dupree
11:35has been
11:37infected
11:38surrounded by starlight seditious propaganda
11:44now
11:47i never told soul this but
11:49when i was a little girl the reverend regularly had me over for supper
11:54alone
11:57nothing ever happened to me but
12:01i heard stories
12:03about his fish fry fridays
12:06and
12:07if that ain't code for child grooming
12:10i don't know what is
12:13how much longer
12:15are we gonna let these institutional
12:18pedo churches
12:19diddle our babies
12:23americans deserve better
12:27homelander
12:29they deserve
12:29homelander
12:32they deserve
12:35the democratic church
12:37of america
12:52something wrong
12:54everything's peachy
12:58would you like some knee pads
12:59i'm sorry
13:00you're looking at me like you want to suck my hog
13:04so i'm asking if you would like some knee pads
13:07take it easy i'm a little guy
13:09you brought me stan edgar
13:12thank you sir
13:13thank you
13:29thank you
13:33harry gibb
13:34b g
13:35there's no b g's without me
13:37b g means the brother's a kid
13:39well you think that falsetto makes you boss
13:41i think saturday night fever going platinum 16 times makes me boss
13:44we made that album together
13:45nothing
13:46without me and maurice
13:47don't you dare bring me to this
13:49i don't know it feels inauthentic for barry to move like this
13:53oh yeah
13:57in what way
13:58egomaniacs like barry are
14:00are really just insecure
14:01i think he's threatened by robin's talent
14:03so maybe he uh
14:05expresses that by doing a barrel roll instead
14:11never mind sorry i broke character i didn't mean to
14:13yeah
14:14you need to apologize all right
14:17for being a fucking genius
14:20are you fucking kidding me a barrel roll
14:22holy shit
14:25it's brilliant
14:27justin
14:27i don't know who you are
14:29or where you came from
14:30or anything about you
14:31but my god
14:32if you are not a fucking talent
14:34wow thank you no
14:37thank you
14:38let's take ten everybody
14:43all right
14:46lay down me justin
14:47what do you mean
14:48you're acting
14:49up there stop acting
14:50stop acting
14:54don't act
14:55don't
14:55because i don't need an actor
14:59i need barry gibb
15:00you're right boss i'm sorry
15:02my process has been all over the map
15:04but just
15:05this thing is a little close to home
15:08all right let me guess the egomaniac we're talking about
15:09that's someone in your life
15:11someone i work with
15:12in my day job
15:14all right what are you doing so quit
15:15there's no way this gig is more important than the fucking theater
15:17i thought this guy was my brother
15:19but he should have hijacked something i did
15:21and took all the credit for it
15:22all right
15:25i've been trying to keep this on the tl but
15:29in addition to my theater work
15:30i also happen to be a massive feature director
15:32for saturn wars to prove it
15:34so i was working on this little film
15:36i don't know you may have heard of it called
15:37dawn of the seven
15:38billy dollar gross but who's counting
15:41there's this fucking guy
15:42the deep
15:44he just kept upstaging everyone with his trite
15:47shitty improvs
15:49i heard he's a real baby
15:50he's a jared leto level baby bitch
15:53but you gotta put people like that
15:55in their place right
15:56so whoever's upstaging you
15:58you fucking upstage them right back
15:59okay
16:00yeah
16:01all right
16:02you got this gula
16:07so great you're here bro
16:09yes well we need to meet young men where they are
16:13if we plan to usher them into the fold of our lord
16:15totes my goats
16:17so listen you know i've got some ideas
16:18about how to take this whole church thing to the next level
16:21oh yeah
16:22so you know how communion wafers taste like dried shit
16:26what if they were nila wafers instead
16:28huh
16:30oh yeah
16:31yeah and if you could throw in a commandment about how it's not cool to try and bone another
16:34bros girl
16:36we have that
16:37that already exists
16:39great minds then eh
16:41point is me and homeowner we go way back
16:43i know what he likes doesn't like so
16:44you ever want to bounce my ideas back
16:46don't listen to him bro
16:48oh shit
16:50he talks
16:51no he does not
16:51he's not trying to help you
16:53he's like those fish who suck on whales
16:54he's talking about a sucker fish
16:56he latches onto every new soup
16:57starlight
16:58me
16:59sage
16:59he pretends he's the guy
17:01but he's not the guy
17:02he's a joke
17:03that smell in his breath
17:04it's because he's been clam diving
17:05on clams
17:06what
17:07i have not done that
17:08i have definitely never done that
17:10look
17:10if you really want to impress home lander
17:12bring me on stage for easter
17:13home lander can heal me
17:14i'll get my voice back
17:15and then
17:16i'll fly
17:17you know i can fly right
17:18that's so fucking stupid bro
17:20well now i'm gonna have to run this
17:21by a home lander but uh
17:23in honest to god faith healing
17:24that's like a nine point bump
17:26with pentecostals right there
17:29god damn
17:44there's my guy
17:45little pep in the step huh
17:49sir
17:49i did what you said
17:50and i upstaged that bucket at work
17:53i'm proud of you
17:54now that's exactly how i handled that motherfucker paul rudd
17:57he's not who you think he is
17:58i appreciate that oh boss
18:01oh my god kid
18:02you know what keep this between us bud
18:03you know vault studios hung you out to dry
18:06after they shelved training atrium
18:08oh yeah
18:08and at first i drowned my sorrows in crack
18:12nitrous huffing glue
18:13huffing paint
18:13paint thinners
18:14cough medicine
18:14guns high-risk sex
18:16codeine
18:16did you ever fucking codeine
18:20but that's not the answer
18:23this play
18:26it saved me
18:27you saved me
18:28wow
18:30thank you
18:31no
18:31kid thank you
18:34because i got some big news
18:35we're going to broadway
18:37yes no more mindless studio bullshit
18:40i can probably be the artist i was dreamed of
18:41and you
18:42kid you have no idea but you're going to be a fucking star
18:45so you ditch that office gig because you and i
18:47we're going to save the world
18:51with our talent
18:52oh my god you have no idea how much this means to me
18:56i love you kid
18:59you start your vocal warm-ups
19:02i'm gonna drop a juice
19:09i fucking told me to go away
19:23oh my god
19:26oh my god
19:28oh my god
19:44My ass hurts so fucking much.
20:08Hey, bro.
20:09Don't you fucking hate, bro, me.
20:10What the fuck is wrong with you?
20:13Nothing.
20:14Why?
20:14What's wrong with you?
20:15I call you a clam diver and you send an eel to ass-murder Adam Bork?
20:18Did something terrible happen at your play rehearsal today?
20:20Which is definitely not your job.
20:22The lead producer's stepping away.
20:24They're shuttering the production.
20:25Get it coming.
20:27Fucker didn't use my improvs in Dawn of the Seven.
20:29He believed in me, you fuckwit.
20:30And for what?
20:31Because I fucking upstaged you with O-Father?
20:35This is gonna happen now.
20:36You are gonna fucking do whatever I say, whenever I say it.
20:39I'm gonna kill Homelander you are in some pussy play.
20:43Which is a definite conflict of interest since Homelander outlawed the National Endowment for the Arts.
20:49You have nothing to say.
20:52Nice.
20:53You're gonna get the hang of the miser technique, huh?
21:02Hey, buddy.
21:04Good boy.
21:06Good boy.
21:10You wanna fuck me?
21:12You wanna fuck me like a good boy?
21:16I really love you.
21:30Hold on.
21:32What are you doing?
21:33Frenchie won't cook my steak, Pasadena, rare.
21:35And I like mine burnt with ketchup.
21:37Okay, and why are you telling them that?
21:38I have.
21:40Maybe we just don't like the same steak.
21:44You know?
21:47Jesus Christ.
21:49Has Butcher ever washed this thing?
21:51Oh.
21:51That thing is, like, glazed in dog semen.
21:53Like a cum donut.
21:55Cum nut?
21:55Did I just invent a new word?
21:57You know what?
21:57I'm gonna do a still a favor and wash this.
21:59Terror.
22:00Your boyfriend is about to become a virgin all over again.
22:03Whew.
22:03Good boy.
22:21What the fuck is that?
22:23You finally building yourself a fuckbot?
22:25Sorry, me and Frenchie working on it.
22:28Preparation?
22:28I'm planning my son.
22:29I'm in my fucking business.
22:30Got it.
22:31Yeah, that's the one.
22:32And he leaves on bum's side.
22:33Not a damn thing.
22:34Well, he's an unbreakable cum that flies through the air.
22:36How old can it be?
22:37Well, it was so easy.
22:39Why don't you look for him?
22:40I've hit every single dead end and then some.
22:42How about lynching?
22:43That old bastard knows everyone.
22:45He's in the wind.
22:46If I had as much shit on fire as he did, I'd fuck off, too.
22:50Oh, shit.
22:50Wait, wait, wait.
22:51Hey, Terror.
22:52No.
22:53Hey, get down.
22:53No, Terror.
22:54Wait, wait, wait, wait.
22:55No.
22:56You can't have no chocolate, mate.
22:58Yeah, get your own chocolate.
23:05What?
23:06The Mississippi Room?
23:07What the hell?
23:08I never thought I'd see the guy.
23:10It's got a fucking pubic ear on it.
23:11I know.
23:11Tasty, too.
23:12Hmm?
23:16You know what's funny?
23:18Here we are, parked in the middle of hell, and I've never slept or shit so good my entire
23:24life.
23:25What's different?
23:26Huh?
23:26Like you, I just finally realized that I'm already dead.
23:31And once I just gave up that stress of needing to stay alive, it's like shit got easier.
23:38I spent my whole life going after Soulja Boy for what he did to my family.
23:44Yet, he's immortal?
23:46He's immune.
23:49What kind of fucking cosmic joke is that?
23:52So you tell me, Butcher.
23:54Why should I keep going?
23:56Well, you keep going from the name to the name.
24:00They're better off without me.
24:01How can a man so smart be so fucking doffed?
24:04They are.
24:05And I'm better off without them.
24:08Because if I thought that there was a snowball's chance in hell, that I might see him again.
24:15Then I might be too scared to do what you and me both need me to do.
24:37Oh, bonsoir, mon tutu.
24:40You wonder what am I doing?
24:42Well, first, I made Kimiko the perfect French rebuy.
24:48You know, she loves my steak.
24:50And for dessert, I soufflé en chocolat.
24:55It's a thing of legend.
25:03You know, she wants one of you, too.
25:06I don't know.
25:07What is it that you do?
25:10Eat, sleep, or fetch?
25:13Ha-ha.
25:14I stir the wall.
25:15You bring it back.
25:16I stir the wall.
25:17You bring it back.
25:19It's a nightmare of futility.
25:21You see, what would I do with one of you?
25:24I've killed every plant I've owned.
25:26I'll surely kill you, too.
25:29Really?
25:32She deserves peace.
25:36A normal life.
25:39But I...
25:44I don't know how to give her this.
25:49If I even can.
25:54Oh, la-la-la-la!
26:08I need fresh air.
26:09You want to come?
26:10Outside?
26:12No?
26:13Okay.
26:18If you and M.M. still think...
26:20Oh, for fuck's sake, Sui, you knock it off with this V1 strike.
26:22You're doing me fucking head in.
26:25Oi.
26:26Terrah.
26:27Cut it out.
26:28Come on.
26:29Now listen, if we do find that stuff,
26:30we're not making any fucking vaccines out of it, alright?
26:33We're not the Department of Fucking Health.
26:34We burn that shit before Homelander gets his paws on it,
26:36and that's sad.
26:37Well, if you want to kill yourself, knock yourself out,
26:39but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
26:40Oh, because I'm fucking right.
26:42Because I've always been right.
26:43I've been telling you lot, from the fucking start,
26:45the sky has fallen.
26:47And guess what?
26:48The sky fucking fell.
26:49Well, you kind of helped bring it down.
26:50Oh, don't give me that bollocks.
26:53Listen, Homelander thinks he's a fucking god.
26:55Once he becomes a mortal,
26:56he's going to start killing like one,
26:58and we are talking millions of people.
27:00Now, are you telling me you're honestly happy
27:02to risk all of that for a life on the run with your girl,
27:07knowing that you could have stopped it?
27:11You can live with that, can't you?
27:14What if it was Becca?
27:18You just let her die?
27:24I did let her die.
27:27Look,
27:28I know that Homelander comes first.
27:31I really do.
27:32All I'm asking
27:33is that we try.
27:36Annie and Kimiko deserve that much.
27:41Oi, Sarah, no!
27:43Oi, get out of there!
27:44Oh, bloody hell.
27:45Is that chocolate?
27:46Isn't chocolate bad for dogs?
27:47For a dog this soda's fucking lethal.
27:49Oi, freshie, you cunt!
27:50Get me some hydrogen peroxide, would ya?
27:52Okay, we have some in the first day.
27:53Take me one second.
27:54What happened?
27:55You poisoned me fucking folk!
27:57No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
27:59All you need is chocolate.
28:00We should call that.
28:01They're going to tell you you need chocolate.
28:02Guys, we got this.
28:02Just give us some room.
28:03I'll hold this now, folks.
28:04You pour right on the count of three.
28:06One, two, three.
28:07Sorry, buddy.
28:09There you go.
28:11That's all right, all right.
28:15Oh, I see that.
28:17That's a good boy.
28:18All right.
28:18You're going to be all right, boy.
28:21Fucking hell.
28:26Hey!
28:27You want some turkey?
28:29Well, first you've got to fuck me, then I'll give you the turkey.
28:40Oi.
28:42There he is, eh?
28:44Oi.
28:45Hey, were you having a dream, were you?
28:47Was it a goodie?
28:50How's he doing?
28:52Yeah.
28:52He's all right.
28:54Thank you for, uh...
28:56Yeah.
28:58Fuck it.
29:08Oi.
29:09Dewey.
29:13Listen, uh...
29:15If we do find that B1,
29:18and if it don't fuck us,
29:21you can have some.
29:25For anything, though.
29:27I'm coming home.
29:29What about you?
29:32Oi.
29:32But as soon as Frenchie's got that shite sorted,
29:35we're using that, all right?
29:36Really or not?
29:49What's you looking at?
29:52Nothing.
29:57Well, as for you,
29:58don't you ever fucking do that to me again, all right?
30:01Good boy.
30:03Now,
30:04I caught Blondie trying to give you a red plus to boil wash,
30:08but I'll know how you love the crunchy bits.
30:10Usually I do want to know how you love those crunchy bits.
30:12Yeah.
30:24You do realize
30:25this kind of sudden
30:27religious upheaval
30:28is likely to generate
30:29widespread civil unrest.
30:30Local law can handle the suburbs,
30:31but we could use extra hands
30:33and major mattresses.
30:33But, well,
30:34recall all the superstition overseas.
30:36American heroes
30:37should be protecting America,
30:38not
30:38who gives the fuck a stand.
30:40Great idea.
30:52Where to?
30:53Brian Analytics.
30:59That was thrilling,
31:01wasn't it?
31:02What a bright future we have ahead of us.
31:05It was a real Gucci-oni piss party.
31:08Imagine how much more exciting it'll be
31:10when Homelander becomes immortal.
31:14Have you found who you are?
31:18No.
31:19Homelander hasn't gotten anything out of Stan Edgar.
31:21No.
31:23But I haven't had a crack at him yet.
31:34Jesus,
31:35give me a little personal space,
31:36will you, Garth?
31:3824-7 agents.
31:39Must be hard for someone so into scat play.
31:41You realize I do actually work?
31:43I was this close to convincing the FCC
31:44to pull every broadcast license
31:46but VNN.
31:47Homelander feels
31:48this is more important.
31:51What now?
31:52The president and I
31:53stand by this decision.
31:54We need our American soups
31:55here in America.
31:57Well,
31:58isn't it kind of
31:58sort of your fault
31:59for being invaded?
32:00You might as well
32:01have been wearing a short skirt.
32:02Man,
32:02those Ukrainians
32:03sure have a fucking mouth on them.
32:05Remember,
32:07you're doing the Lord's work.
32:08Words out.
32:09Vodsock is tanking.
32:10The international markets
32:11are in free fall
32:12and you're not the least bit concerned.
32:13It's not about what I think.
32:15It's what the man wants.
32:18It's always what the man wants.
32:24You want a drink?
32:26So we're at the
32:26climate change summit
32:27in Reykjavik
32:28where the Swiss chancellor
32:29says we should all
32:30race our Gulf streams.
32:31The amount of CO2
32:32we splooched out,
32:33the air was chewy
32:34the next day.
32:35Lolz.
32:40Come on.
32:41What do you want from me, Sage?
32:42What makes you think
32:42I want anything from you?
32:43You haven't called me
32:44the poster child
32:45for late-term abortion
32:46once today.
32:46Truth be told,
32:47you're not the one I want.
32:49I know you know
32:51what Homelander's doing.
32:52He's going after the V1.
32:53Wait, what?
32:54And if he gets any,
32:56he lives forever.
32:57What is V1?
32:58And what do you mean
32:59Homelander lives forever?
33:00I've done what I can
33:01to make sure
33:01he doesn't find any.
33:03How do you know about this
33:04and I don't?
33:05Have you two
33:05been talking without me?
33:07Homelander is an open
33:08baby book,
33:09but Soldier Boy is tricky.
33:10I need you to read his mind.
33:11What he knows,
33:12where they're headed next,
33:13and most importantly,
33:14if Soldier Boy is warming up
33:16to his sadistic...
33:16Well, glad.
33:18Okay, I'm in.
33:20The fuck you are?
33:21We are not conspiring
33:22against Homelander.
33:23Hey, don't forget
33:24the Aung San Suu Kyi
33:24quote tramp
33:25stepped on our ass.
33:27The only real prison
33:28is fear.
33:28No, the only real prison
33:29is prison.
33:30Ashley,
33:31what do you think
33:31happens to you
33:32if I die?
33:33I'm not about
33:34to risk my neck
33:35because I'd let
33:35an overgrown boil
33:36do my thinking for me.
33:38Okay, fine.
33:39Just stay.
33:40Why?
33:40So you can play
33:41more mind games?
33:42You gave me your answer.
33:43I heard you.
33:44Now,
33:44don't make me drink alone.
33:49I'm starving.
33:50Are you starving?
33:51I'd kill
33:51for a chalupa right now.
33:53I'd kill
33:53for a big juicy dick.
33:54Oh, you should call Gavin.
33:56His griff was amazing.
33:57Oh, man,
33:57the amount of spunk
33:58he shot back here.
33:59We looked like Pepe Le Pew.
34:00We are not booty-calling
34:01my high school boyfriend.
34:02But he was so sweet
34:03and mom loved him, remember?
34:05Yeah, well, mom's dead
34:05so she doesn't get a say
34:06and neither do you.
34:07What happened to her?
34:09Cancer.
34:10My grandmother, too.
34:12What was she like?
34:13Your mother?
34:15Tiny.
34:17I'm terrifying.
34:18This one bitch,
34:19Harper Hewitt,
34:20used to make fun of my nose.
34:21So my mom
34:22tells Mr. Hewitt
34:23that Mrs. Hewitt
34:24has been railing
34:25the UPS guy,
34:26which she was.
34:27That was mom.
34:28Bringing a nuke
34:29to a knife fight.
34:33So they moved
34:34and the rest of kindergarten
34:35was no sweat.
34:36My folks
34:37shot me out with V
34:39thinking I'd be a meal ticket
34:40and then my power
34:41turned out to be smarts.
34:43Which is the worst fucking one.
34:44Try knowing what everyone
34:45really thinks of you all day.
34:47Ooh, trust me.
34:47The thing people hate
34:48more than just about anything
34:51is feeling stupid.
34:52So when a three-year-old
34:53corrects your grammar
34:54or, oh,
34:55tells them
34:56their life dream
34:57yogurt shop
34:58is doomed to fail,
34:59they start to hate you too.
35:00At least my parents did.
35:02Until they don't
35:03meet my grandmas.
35:04But...
35:04Grandma.
35:05You know,
35:06she was the only one
35:06who ever thought
35:07it was a gift.
35:09I would quote
35:10Othello to her
35:11word for word
35:12and, and...
35:13She'd clap
35:15and laugh her big laugh.
35:19I'm still so pissed
35:20she is gone.
35:23I used to want
35:24to be like my mom.
35:26Strong.
35:27Pushy as fuck.
35:29Didn't take shit
35:29from anyone.
35:30You still can.
35:32If you help me.
35:36Fuck you.
35:37You knew about my mom
35:38the whole time.
35:39You drew it out of me
35:40just to soften me up.
35:41Did it work?
35:42No.
35:42This is my fucking
35:43problem with you.
35:44I know you've been working
35:45some big plan all year.
35:46How am I supposed
35:47to trust you
35:47if I'm just a pawn
35:48in your fucked up
35:49chess game?
35:50Alright.
35:51If I tell you
35:52would you help me?
35:54I would heavily
35:55consider it.
35:56Helping Homelander
35:57take control
35:57of the country
35:58is phase one.
35:59It was only
36:00ever the beginning.
36:01Phase two
36:01is the end.
36:02The end of what?
36:03The world.
36:05After this
36:06soup-killing virus
36:07is released.
36:07Wait, you want it released?
36:09Oh, you bet I do.
36:11After soups realize
36:12humans are behind it
36:13all hell will break loose.
36:15Soups butchering humans
36:17virus butchering soups.
36:18Oh, fucking
36:19World War soup.
36:20I don't believe you.
36:21Swear on my grandma's soul.
36:23Why would you
36:23possibly want that?
36:25Because I'll be watching
36:26for my cozy bunker
36:27outside Colorado Springs.
36:28And when it's
36:29all over
36:30I can read
36:31all day every day.
36:33No one bothering me.
36:36Nothing
36:36but peace and quiet forever.
36:40Which is why
36:41Homelander can't survive.
36:42That needy asshole
36:44would never give me
36:44a moment's rest.
36:46It defeats the whole purpose.
36:48Don't worry.
36:49You're invited
36:50to my bunker.
36:51You too, Ashley.
36:56Fuck.
36:59Would you like
37:00some knee pads?
37:01I'm sorry.
37:01What?
37:02You're looking at me
37:02like you want to
37:03suck my hog.
37:06So I'm asking you
37:07if you would like
37:07some knee pads.
37:09Go easy on the little guy.
37:11You brought me
37:11Stan Edgar.
37:12Thank you, sir.
37:13You may leave.
37:24What crawled up
37:25your shithole?
37:25No idea what you mean.
37:27When you're pissy
37:29you tend to make
37:30everybody else's lives
37:31pissy too.
37:32Stan Edgar
37:34still stonewalling you.
37:35I've talked to him
37:35three times now.
37:36Says he has no idea
37:37where the V1 is.
37:38Heart rate
37:39steady as a rock.
37:40I'm certain to believe him.
37:41That slippery fuck
37:42used to fetch my cocaine.
37:46You know what?
37:48I have an idea.
37:51Why don't I take
37:52a crack at him?
37:54What, you don't trust me?
37:56Well, you did lock me
37:58in a room with
37:58nuclear material
37:59and tried to stop
38:01the gang of V1
38:02so I'm sure
38:03you can understand
38:04my hesitance.
38:06You could have
38:07killed me at
38:07Fort Harmony
38:08but you didn't.
38:09Maybe I feel like
38:10I owe you.
38:10I'm going to be lying.
38:12Maybe.
38:17Give me an hour.
38:19I'll meet you
38:20at your cell.
38:30My, my.
38:31Now the mighty
38:31have fucked themselves
38:33square in the ass.
38:35Don't shit where you
38:36eat, Stan.
38:37So you've called in
38:38reinforcements?
38:38I wanted to see the prick
38:39that sold me out
38:40to the Reds.
38:41It wasn't personal.
38:42It was a business decision.
38:43We had your replacement
38:44model on the way.
38:45Even as a toddler,
38:47Homelander showed more promise
38:48than you ever did.
38:50Not that it amounted
38:51to much.
38:52When have you ever
38:54done anything
38:56remotely interesting
38:57or original?
38:59My power
39:00is absolute,
39:02Stan.
39:02At heights
39:03no one's even
39:04dreamed of.
39:05I call that
39:06pretty fucking original.
39:07Nothing that the lowest
39:08speck of this
39:09pointless species
39:10couldn't have thought of
39:11were they to be granted
39:12your level of power.
39:14Why am I still alive?
39:18Because you're useful,
39:20Stan.
39:20And I always wanted
39:22a pet, perhaps.
39:23Or is it because
39:24you are so desperate
39:25for daddy figures
39:26that you can't even
39:27bring yourself to kill
39:28the ones who hate you?
39:30At least that's something
39:31he and I have in common.
39:33Do you want to die, Stan?
39:40Jesus,
39:41you'd get pregnant
39:42with all the I fucking...
39:45Tempe, Arizona.
39:46Is that supposed
39:47to mean something?
39:48Well, I had the eggheads
39:49and crime analytics
39:50track down your
39:50granddaughter,
39:52Zoe,
39:53and her dad.
39:54They're in Tempe, Arizona.
39:58So,
40:00where is
40:01the V1?
40:04As I told you,
40:05I genuinely don't know.
40:12But,
40:14I may know someone
40:15who does.
40:16You should go and see
40:17Mr. Maramond in L.A.
40:19He's always had
40:20an intense interest
40:22in Vought's history.
40:24It should be
40:25a delightful reunion.
40:29Hooray for Hollywood!
40:32That's screwy,
40:33ballyhoo-y Hollywood!
40:35Go out and try
40:36your luck!
40:36You might be
40:37Donald Duck!
40:39Hooray for Hollywood!
40:40Homelander,
40:41it's really, uh,
40:41really good to see you.
40:42Um, why?
40:43But, uh,
40:43you know,
40:44what brings you by?
40:44Relax,
40:45we're just there to talk.
40:46Yeah, great.
40:47Awesome.
40:47I told you, boy.
40:48Wow.
40:48Big fan, sir.
40:49I actually, uh,
40:50popped my cherry
40:50in your underoos.
40:52Nice.
40:53So you were part
40:54of the Seven?
40:54Oh, I was, I was.
40:56You know,
40:56until this one
40:56replaced me with A-Train.
40:58Check it out, come on.
40:59Well, you're only
41:00the world's fastest man
41:02champ,
41:03and you got slow.
41:04It was one race.
41:05Never gave me the chance
41:06to win it back, boss.
41:11Hey, check this one out.
41:13Gross 35 mil.
41:14On a 200 million dollar budget.
41:16These aren't even VOD films.
41:17What's the difference?
41:18These were made
41:18where washed up soups
41:19go to die.
41:21Sony Pictures TV.
41:22It's a legit studio.
41:24And I save half
41:24on their TVs.
41:25And maybe we're not
41:26part of the official VCU
41:27and maybe we can't
41:28mention VOD
41:29or, you know,
41:29any licensed
41:30VOD hero.
41:31But, hey,
41:32still making magic.
41:34Yeah, and I, uh,
41:35I slung a little bit
41:35on the side
41:36and blow pills.
41:37I was like,
41:37wherever you need.
41:38Fastest dealer in town.
41:39All right, come on.
41:40The gang will be
41:40psyched to meet you.
41:46Did you guys hear
41:47they rounded up
41:47Aziz, Macaulay,
41:49Joaquin,
41:49Kiefer,
41:50Meryl,
41:50also who they got,
41:51Benedict,
41:52Wong or Cumberbatch?
41:53Oh, fuck.
41:53I know, dude.
41:54What the fuck,
41:55Malchemical?
41:55Get your boys in check, huh?
41:56Just because I'm a suit
41:57doesn't mean I truck
41:58in that fascist shit.
41:58We need to do something.
42:00Camera point.
42:00Why?
42:01Because we're storytellers, dude.
42:02Yeah.
42:03Our superpower is we inspire
42:04hearts and minds.
42:05Look at the characters we create.
42:06Luke Skywalker, Katniss,
42:08Condi.
42:09Oh, bitch, please.
42:09Come on, like Mark Hamill,
42:11J-Law, and Sir Ben Kingsley
42:12do anything but collect
42:13their fucking residuals.
42:15They're very engaged.
42:16Look, here's what we do.
42:17We all post about this
42:18simultaneously on Instagram.
42:20Yes.
42:21Black squares on the main feed.
42:22Black Lives Matter
42:23did black squares.
42:24Fuck.
42:24You're right.
42:25We do blue squares on the grid.
42:26Because blue lives matter.
42:27I wouldn't post that.
42:28Is there any color
42:29that hasn't been taken
42:30by some fucking group?
42:31What about white?
42:32Brown.
42:33Oh, ooh, ooh.
42:34I'll get Lena Dunham
42:35to write an editorial
42:36for The Atlantic.
42:37Oh, that's a great writer.
42:39She's a very persuasive.
42:41Whatever fuck sticks.
42:42Look, best day of my life
42:43was when they executed Hader.
42:45Right?
42:45More offer onlys
42:46for the forte.
42:47Hey, do you think
42:48Michael Cera's the starlighter?
42:49Because we're up
42:49at the same part right now
42:50and it'd be pretty good
42:51if he got Vanish.
42:51You've been friends
42:52with him for 20 years, Chris.
42:53Yeah, but I really need
42:54this part, man.
42:55Hold on, hold on.
42:57What's up?
42:58Homelander.
42:59Soldier Boy.
42:59Wow, I'm Will.
43:01Remember me?
43:01I'm the one who
43:02turned in Channing Tatum.
43:06Seth Rogen.
43:07We actually met once before
43:08with Black Noir
43:09at the premiere
43:09for Sound of Vengeance 3,
43:10Vengeance Reloaded.
43:13Big fan.
43:14I'm actually testifying
43:15in front of Congress
43:15for you, you know,
43:16outing suspected starlighters.
43:17Spoiler alert.
43:18Post Malone.
43:20You need to get the fuck
43:21away from me right now.
43:22You bet, yeah.
43:24We came here
43:25looking for something.
43:26We didn't know enough
43:27if you want.
43:30Come to the right place.
43:38Here you go.
43:42Oh, yeah.
43:43Boy, I yanked that one
43:44from newsstands
43:44after Kent State.
43:47Good times.
43:48How'd you end up with it?
43:49Some old bitch on eBay.
43:50I paid 20 bucks.
43:51I mean,
43:52it'd go for
43:52half a million
43:53at auction.
43:53Easy.
44:01Yeah, Dr. Vogt
44:02was a Titan.
44:04A visionary.
44:05He was a pansy.
44:06With a German accent
44:07and sweaty palms.
44:08He was a complicated guy.
44:17Do you
44:17or do you not
44:19have V1?
44:22I don't.
44:23But Bombside does.
44:24He does.
44:26That piece of shit
44:27is still alive.
44:27Yeah.
44:28He was my best customer
44:29for a long time.
44:30What makes you think
44:30he has it?
44:31One night,
44:31he was tweaked
44:32out of his gourd
44:32and he told me
44:33he has some
44:34and I believe him.
44:34Where is he?
44:35Me and Bombside
44:35are so cool.
44:36Why don't we all
44:36just hang out
44:37for a second
44:38and I'll call him.
44:38He'll fly right over.
44:47Let's get this up
44:47in Bogota
44:48where you're taking
44:48the best.
44:49I mean,
44:49for the soldier boy?
44:51Nothing but the best.
44:57Is that...
44:58Oh, no.
44:59I actually hate weed.
45:00I just pretend
45:01to like it
45:01from my brand
45:02so I can sell
45:02ashtrays to suckers.
45:06Yo,
45:07Homelander.
45:08You want to hit this?
45:10It is my
45:10life goal
45:11to smoke you out,
45:12homie.
45:15Don't call me that.
45:18Homelander,
45:19it's good to see you again.
45:23Do I know you?
45:24Yeah,
45:25we met like six times.
45:27Malchemical,
45:28make deadly gases,
45:29did that whole campaign
45:30with gas sex.
45:34That's embarrassing.
45:36Homelander's still as weird
45:37as he was
45:37when I was there.
45:38I wasn't there back then,
45:40but yes.
45:41Let's get this one.
45:42One time,
45:43Adela Dew,
45:43Misha Barton
45:44wanted to suck him off,
45:45right?
45:45He spent two hours
45:46talking to her about Nietzsche,
45:47then left when she
45:48stepped on his cape.
45:49Oh,
45:49that fucking cape.
45:51Like a baby with a blanket.
45:52Pretty sure he jerks off
45:53into it.
45:54Probably why it's so stiff.
45:55Say that again.
45:59Oh,
46:00can't you take a fucking joke?
46:04Say it again.
46:07If not as much,
46:08if Mom's eye's not coming,
46:09I'm leaving.
46:10He's on his way.
46:10Be here any minute.
46:11I swear.
46:15I'm done.
46:18Oh,
46:19shit.
46:19By the way,
46:20wait.
46:21I heard you all.
46:22And I want you all to know
46:24that very soon,
46:25gentlemen,
46:25you are going to pay
46:26for your sick posts
46:28and your hateful memes.
46:30Especially the memes.
46:34No,
46:34no,
46:34no,
46:34no.
46:35It was Kamail
46:36and Seth's idea.
46:36What?
46:37Fuck you,
46:37he was fucking his idea,
46:39man.
46:39If he had just
46:40fucking your dick
46:40so you could help
46:41his shitty fucking career.
46:42Take them,
46:42okay?
46:43Shit,
46:43I'll take them out
46:43for you right now.
46:44Oh, really?
46:44Yeah.
46:44You want to take me,
46:45bitch?
46:45I'm fucking yoked.
46:46Really?
46:47Okay,
46:47make him this work.
46:48Everybody stop!
46:50He really should
46:51have held up Michael Cera.
46:54I'll let her.
46:56Sorry,
46:56quick question.
46:57What?
46:58Oh,
46:59for fuck's sake.
47:05Who's memorable now?
47:06What the fuck?
47:07Easy,
47:07easy,
47:07easy.
47:08Can we fuck off,
47:09please?
47:09Shut up,
47:10McGruber,
47:10everything's cool.
47:11Hey man,
47:11we don't have a problem
47:12with you,
47:12honest,
47:12but fuck this fucking guy.
47:14You know,
47:15he fucked my life.
47:16If you help us
47:17get rid of him,
47:17then we all win.
47:18And you,
47:19you can have the seven.
47:20And I don't even,
47:21like,
47:21really care if you
47:22bring me back
47:22or whatever.
47:23I don't need to kill him
47:23to get the seven.
47:24No,
47:24yeah,
47:25of course not.
47:25But what about all
47:26that creepy shit
47:26he's doing with that church?
47:27I mean,
47:27they're rounding up
47:28everybody cool,
47:29all the hookers,
47:30the drug dealers.
47:31They want to ban porn.
47:32I mean,
47:32they want to ban
47:33fucking abortions.
47:34Okay,
47:35well,
47:35banning abortion
47:35wouldn't be a big problem
47:36for me personally.
47:37Exactly,
47:37for all of us.
47:38So if we kill him,
47:40we can stop worrying
47:41about being cops
47:41or gods
47:42or asexual weirdos.
47:44You know,
47:44we can go back
47:45to fucking
47:45and being fucking awesome.
47:47Look,
47:48we know you've got
47:49that fucked up
47:49chest blast thing.
47:50I mean,
47:50I was at Hero Gas
47:51and I saw it.
47:52Just finish him.
47:53Now,
47:53take away his powers
47:54so we can
47:54curb stomp him
47:55while we have the chance.
48:03He is a fucking
48:04asexual weirdo.
48:07as much as it pains
48:08me to say this,
48:09he's my fucking
48:11asexual weirdo.
48:15Nobody fucks
48:16my son but me.
48:18What?
48:19That came out wrong.
48:24Ow!
48:30Oh, fuck!
48:35Get out of the way!
48:37Oh, fuck!
48:40Damn it,
48:41I need to stick to acting
48:42on top of those.
48:42Fuck my shit.
48:44soldier boy!
48:49What's your emergency?
48:50Please send police right now.
48:51I don't know the actress.
48:53You know the actress?
48:53I don't know the actress.
48:54Oh, fuck.
48:55Fuck.
48:56Shut up.
48:56Shut up.
48:57I'm not gonna kill you.
48:58I'm gonna get you
48:59out of here
48:59but you need to do
49:00exactly
49:00as I say.
49:07Don't.
49:07Don't.
49:08Ah!
49:12Fuck!
49:22No!
49:29What should you do
49:30to be bad?
49:31Seth?
49:33Fuck!
49:34Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
49:35This isn't bad.
49:36Well, uh,
49:38I didn't mean to.
49:39I don't want to die.
49:41It's gonna be okay.
49:42I'll remember you
49:43every time
49:44I watch
49:45an American Pickle.
49:46What?
49:47Fuck!
49:49Fuck!
49:50Fuck!
49:53Fuck!
50:25Does Bombside really have it?
50:28Fuck you!
50:29I'm gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.
50:31That'd be like trying to shove two grapefruits through a garden hose.
50:34Does Bombside have the V1?
50:39Yes, yes, okay, yes.
50:41The Barber's villain's order to fucking God, man.
50:43He's got it.
50:43Where is he?
50:44I don't know.
50:45Where the fuck is he?
50:45I don't know.
50:46I haven't talked to him in like five years of Swearband.
50:47I swear to God.
50:48Please.
51:00What happened?
51:02I took care of it.
51:06Why?
51:08Because fuck them.
51:10That's why.
51:12I don't think this Michael prick was lying.
51:14Bombside has to be one.
51:16I'm just gonna find him.
51:19Also, um...
51:22I've been fucking, Firecracker.
51:25But...
51:26Out of respect for you, that's, uh...
51:29That's done.
51:31Plus, her pillow talk was...
51:34Need to be a real drag.
51:36Pillow talk?
51:50Home Lander.
51:50Home Lander.
52:09How was L.A.?
52:12Did you catch Annette's truth bomb?
52:14I did indeed.
52:16And it was a real barn burner.
52:18Well done.
52:18Thank you, sir.
52:19That means the world.
52:22How's sex with my father?
52:26Is he good at it?
52:28Are you thinking about me...
52:30when you're making love to him?
52:34I never meant to cross a line or offend you and...
52:37Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
52:38Don't fret, little one.
52:39I don't care about the sex.
52:41Really.
52:43I do care about your little chats after sex.
52:46Sir, whatever Soldier Boy told you, I can assure you that I...
52:48You mean your inner turmoil when it comes to me and, uh...
52:55Jesus.
52:56Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
52:59No, you are my one and only savior.
53:03You say that, but your jagged little heart is wearing like a hummingbird.
53:11You're supposed to worship me.
53:13Love me.
53:15And me alone.
53:17I do.
53:17I believed in you.
53:19Turns out...
53:21You don't believe in me.
53:25I need you to collect your things.
53:28And leave.
53:31But I do believe in you.
53:33I love you.
53:35I'm the only one here who ever has.
53:38I gave you everything.
53:40I gave you my soul.
53:42And everybody else here, they're just...
53:43They're just scared of you.
53:45Or they want something from you.
53:47But I have always loved you for you.
53:52Just the strongest.
53:54Smartest.
53:56Best man on earth.
53:58Man.
53:59No, no, no, no, no.
54:00God, no.
54:01No, me.
54:02God.
54:03Oh, Lord.
54:05That look you used to get when you'd suck on me.
54:08I felt like Mother Mary herself.
54:10I felt blessed.
54:13To nourish someone as...
54:15Important as you.
54:20But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it?
54:23You cast me out of the cold.
54:26Which was so much worse than ever feeling your warmth.
54:28In the first place.
54:30So all I have been trying to do is to get you to see me the way that you used
54:35to.
54:36Hell, the only reason I was with Soldier Boy was because your reflected light...
54:42is better than I was with you.
54:43It's better than I was at all.
54:45Please, sir.
54:48I love you.
54:49We all need love, don't we?
54:54Even God.
55:02I love you.
55:04I love you.
55:15I love you.
55:19I love you.
Comments