- 6 hours ago
The Trades S03E08 (2026) [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:09How's it going?
00:12Imperial Valley, let's go!
00:17Let's get those rigs tied.
00:19Vapes sealed, lips creased.
00:21I want all you beautiful bastards lubed up and ready to float for $1,400.
00:28Attention everybody, the Dew Bar is here for all your float thieves.
00:33Liquors, SPF 25 to 50, Pepco, Beef Jerky, Amodium if things go south,
00:40Gravel if things go north, you name it, Deuster's got it.
00:43The Proligo Son of Conch is here!
00:48The men, the men, the men.
00:51What can I get you?
00:52Oh no, no, no, today I'm the DF, the designated floater.
00:55You know, boys, this will be the first float down I've done sober, not shit-faced.
00:58I might even remember this one!
01:00It's your lucky day, I have a fresh batch of my home-brewed non-alcoholic beer.
01:04Oh, that's lame.
01:06Listen up!
01:10I am not your mom!
01:12I'm off the clock!
01:13So if you find your drunk ass face down in a lily pad somewhere, that's between you and God!
01:20Safety third, butchers!
01:22Woo!
01:23Toddler, you're looking too sober!
01:25You got a little head stir.
01:26Mm-hmm.
01:27Where the fuck is Backwoods?
01:30Where the fuck is Backwoods?
01:39Oh, shit.
01:39Oh, fuck!
01:40It's Taser's kit.
01:41You guys touching junk down there?
01:43Hi, Sherry-Ann.
01:44No, we're just, um, we're looking for coins in the grass.
01:47Pretty sure that's not where coins go.
01:50Meat's on the move!
01:51Heads up!
01:51Meat is on the move!
01:53Yes, sir!
01:56Don't be a dirtbag!
01:57Use the tongs!
01:58They fell in the water, my dude!
02:01Those things are crawling in duck shit!
02:03Coming in!
02:04God, I love getting banged up in the water!
02:06It's that time!
02:06Let's go!
02:07No, no, no, no, no, no!
02:09Here we go!
02:09Here's one for lunch!
02:11Tase, my boy.
02:12It's a fucking masterpiece.
02:13Hands down, the first and the best four-man microbrew float to ever float this river.
02:18What's a frigate, man?
02:20It's a beer boat, bud.
02:21It's a bit weird that Backwoods didn't even text me back.
02:24Yeah, that is really weird.
02:26Maybe he's dead.
02:29Jesus, that's where your mind goes first?
02:31Maybe he slept in.
02:32I don't know.
02:33Maybe it's a car crash or like a boating accident or, I don't know, like a crossbow misfire.
02:37I don't know, Todd.
02:38I'm brainstorming.
02:39I'm quite drunk.
02:41Stay hydrated, amigo.
02:43Crossbow?
02:47I saw them making out near the canoes when I walked up.
02:49Don't shit in your own nest.
02:51I don't see what we're lying for them is giving me fucking hives.
02:53Party time!
02:54Let's go!
02:55What the fuck's that, Leonard?
02:56There's an art to brewing non-alcoholic beer that most laymen can't master.
02:59Lucky laymen.
03:00Knowing the precise moment to stop the fermentation process, just short of flavor?
03:05It's like skanky kombucha.
03:07With a hint of ass.
03:08Leonard!
03:09Let's go!
03:10All right, all right, all right.
03:11Put your nose in, Chuck.
03:12It's disgusting.
03:13I've got all afternoon.
03:13Things heavy, though.
03:14You gonna help me?
03:15No, you got it, you got it.
03:16Maybe it's time you quit spying, kid.
03:17Go build some sandcastles or something and steal some popsicles or whatever.
03:20I'll tell my dad and everyone you're dry humping.
03:23What?
03:23I'll scream it right now.
03:24What's the shit?
03:26Unless you give me some candy.
03:27Oh my god, this fucking kid.
03:29Yeah, but are we getting blackmailed by a child now?
03:31Yeah, the second time this month.
03:32Listen, you little hustler, I don't even know what we have.
03:35Here, I've got Tums, I've got some lint, and I've got a moist ciggy.
03:42I'll take the dart.
03:44Ruthless.
03:45Don't smoke.
03:46Your father's taught you well.
03:48I got a ciggy.
03:50Sucker!
03:50What the fuck are we gonna do?
03:52Well, I'm very flattered that Corn Pulse is thinking of me.
03:55And you're okay with the terms?
03:57Oh, the terms are great.
03:58Frankly, there's no other VP candidate with your kind of experience.
04:02We need to fill the position ASAP.
04:05Are you kidding me?
04:06Oh, she just doesn't stop.
04:08Chelsea, are you still there?
04:10Oh my god!
04:11Chelsea!
04:12Sickle bitch!
04:13Hello?
04:14Chelsea?
04:14Punt your face into the sun.
04:15Sorry, what?
04:17Nothing.
04:17I was talking to a seagull.
04:20I hate them.
04:21Okay, so do I.
04:23Right?
04:24So, your answer is?
04:28I will let you know by the end of the day.
04:31Thanks, Donnie.
04:34Oh, mighty river.
04:35Slow and wide.
04:37We come to you, drunken pride.
04:40And as we float together in a drunken dream, remember, puke ends up downstream.
04:46That's right, bud.
04:47I'm looking at you there.
04:48Let's not have a repeat of last year.
04:50Normally backwards would lead to shotgun star, but apparently you had something better to fucking do today.
04:55So, Taser has kindly stepped in.
05:02Let the weed hit hard, and your vapes not sink.
05:06May nobody drown while trying to, um, float?
05:11Drink!
05:11Ah, fuck it.
05:13Beer's at the ready!
05:14Yeah!
05:14Let's go!
05:16Let's fucking go!
05:18Let's go!
05:19Okay, come on, man.
05:20Let's go!
05:21Roll him up, boy!
05:22Get your ass in the water!
05:23Get up, everyone!
05:25Get the fuck out of the river!
05:28Get up!
05:32Get ready!
05:33Get up!
05:36Hey, Steph!
05:37Where the fuck is Oz?
05:38I haven't seen her since we got here.
05:39It's weird she's not out in the water, no?
05:40Uh, uh, she's, uh, totally, I, she's, sorry, where the fuck is she?
05:48Sorry, Todd, just pissing.
05:50Can't speak and leak at the same time.
05:52Wow, you guys got it set up already?
05:54Yeah, we don't kid around when it comes to drinking.
05:55Hop and float down.
05:56Hop and float down.
05:58There you go.
05:58Yoinks.
06:00Aw, thanks, Kunky.
06:02You don't talk much, do you?
06:03Yeah, no, but he drinks a lot.
06:06Like, more than us.
06:07Yeah.
06:10Hey!
06:12Hola!
06:13Mind if I park here?
06:14I'm gonna be close to the bar.
06:15Nope, it's wide open.
06:16Your usual.
06:19You don't float?
06:20Well, someone's gotta supervise.
06:22Plus, I know what's in that river.
06:24Rusty lawn chairs and mercury?
06:25Ooh, too soon, Rod, too soon!
06:28Thank you!
06:30Fuck.
06:32She won't leave me alone.
06:33Who's that?
06:34Jen Conk.
06:35She has no boundaries.
06:37You don't need that shit.
06:39She's lucky to have you.
06:41Come on, Homer.
06:42Come on.
06:43Do it.
06:43I said I wouldn't do it anymore, right?
06:45Come on, do it!
06:45Let's see it!
06:46Do it!
06:47All right, all right, all right, all right.
06:48Cha-cha-cha-cha!
06:50Yeah!
06:51How did Maureen ever leave that?
06:54Yeah, how's it going with her?
06:55She take your house yet?
06:56Nah, we're fine.
06:57Not planning on a second or third wife there, Taze.
06:59Working on the fourth, buddy.
07:00Wait, what did he say?
07:01Nah, you wouldn't get it.
07:02Find your beeswax back there.
07:03This current's brutal.
07:05I'm drifted.
07:06It's your float, man.
07:07You look like Jacques Cousteau fucked a filing cabinet.
07:09Yeah, some of us didn't get the nod this year to join the boyfriend's barn.
07:12Whoa, hey, take it easy.
07:13It's your loss.
07:14I float solo.
07:15A lone wolf.
07:16You're not going to float at all in that piece of shit, dude.
07:18Never mind.
07:20I got to go throw a quick wizard in the bushes.
07:22That's where you are.
07:22You're in a river, for God's sake.
07:23You just have to drink this water.
07:25It's disrespectful.
07:28A toast to you, my colleague.
07:30Commendable job navigating sobriety.
07:32Delish.
07:33You know, it's got the mouthfeel of actual beer.
07:36Good memories.
07:37Your approval means the world to me.
07:38You know, a lot of this N.A. stuff tastes like hospice.
07:41But you, Leonard, are lord of the lager.
07:44Funny you say that.
07:45Just thinking of trying to sell it online.
07:47I'm in.
07:47I'll be your silent partner.
07:48We'll be booze barons.
07:49Like, I'll be George Clooney and you can be...
07:52The other guy.
07:53Yes.
07:54You will be the other guy.
07:57Top-up time.
07:58Oh.
08:00Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
08:02I could float away forever.
08:04Nobody would know what to do.
08:05He would miss me.
08:09Ow!
08:10My leg!
08:11Oh, four locks!
08:16I'm stuck.
08:21Help!
08:22Anyone!
08:24Homer!
08:26Taser!
08:29Step-mommy!
08:31You know, you guys could be a little nicer to him.
08:34Do we?
08:35He knows we're just giving him the gears.
08:36He likes it, man.
08:38All I'm saying is that he's been around a lot longer than I have.
08:41And you let me on the barge.
08:43I mean, it feels a little...
08:44I don't know.
08:46A little...
08:47Clicky?
08:48Is that another word for bullying?
08:49Are we the mean girls of conk?
08:51Wicked!
08:52I'll be Lohan!
08:53When a few of the other apprentices asked to join the float,
08:56you guys literally said,
08:57are they float material?
08:58Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
08:59We have standards, okay?
09:00This isn't a soup pot, it's a stew.
09:02You either bring the spice or you get skimmed off.
09:04It's not personal.
09:05We're selective.
09:05This isn't intramural soccer.
09:07Not everyone gets to play.
09:08Totally, man.
09:10Oh my fucking God, who am I?
09:12You're Homer.
09:13Fuck, where's Dewey?
09:15He's my shooter girl.
09:16Taser's thirsty.
09:17Come on, float down.
09:18Yeah!
09:20Yeah!
09:20Let the river take us.
09:22Yeah!
09:23Let the river take us.
09:25Yeah!
09:27Yeah!
09:27Stop jerking!
09:28Woo-hoo!
09:30Woo-hoo!
09:30Woo-hoo!
09:31Keep going hey, people!
09:32Let the river take us.
09:34Woo-hoo!
09:35Woo-hoo!
09:36Woo-hoo!
09:37Woo-hoo-hoo!
09:39Woo-hoo!
09:39Woo-hoo-hoo!
09:40You got a light?
09:42help me what's in it for me yeah are you smoking don't make me parent you in front of everyone
09:51i saw backwards and audrey making out under the canoes they were using their tongues
09:57this is after i paid her off oh hey guys hey i was just peeing me too yeah urinating just
10:05uh
10:05peep separately peep what in the fuck my fuck busted yeah i hate to break it to you totter but
10:12uh backwards and your sister have been banging what shut up homer you rat a lot for how long long
10:17long time you're like total idiot yeah who knew about this i did me we did i think pretty much
10:24everybody we all did yeah they all knew who didn't uh over here bud well that checks out totally so
10:30you all lied right to my face what kind of people are you the whole crew's been taking bets on
10:34it
10:34you're the underdog todd sweetie can i get you a drink actually he probably doesn't need another
10:39one uh-oh red alert red alert yes betrayal that's what this is an absolute fucking betrayal you two
10:46stay right where you are i can chill okay now todd i have a little drink oh hey look at
10:51some weed
10:52out of my way well i think we missed our chance to tell him ourselves maybe we should just tell
10:57him
10:57now i'm ready backwards he fucking knows i know he knows i'm fucking running i'm fucking train
11:01okay okay okay okay i'm coming for you you slutty piece of rabbit shit he's just coming through
11:07you broke the bro code bro
11:14what are you doing oh i just didn't know no with my thumb thumbs what i just said the entire
11:21board
11:21conquer pick of uh el presidente meddy if i didn't know any better i'd think you were wasted
11:29we're falling behind hurry up
11:31we're gonna get out of here yeah but you're fucking dead did you
11:35i hope you're fucking down i think i broke my big toe good i'm gonna fucking break the other night
11:40stop right around like a scary bitch ass pussy dick a lot of words in that insult
11:44i think i love her
11:46i thought we were just fucking you love me now jesus
11:52i'm about to say the word I think i just threw up in my mouth
11:56fuck off
11:57aww
11:58honggy get the
11:58out of the way
11:59you're ruining my
12:00stuffy
12:01fuck off
12:02no no no no help me now
12:04stop running away with me
12:07okay
12:07paddle me over there
12:09notice the box of me toadstool
12:11Actually, I am, you goddamn boss.
12:13Jesus.
12:14Fuck.
12:15Get back over here, Batman.
12:16Let's put your fucking head in.
12:18Get over here.
12:19You're nuts.
12:20Look out here.
12:21Best bunch of alive on who they're teeing off with, bud.
12:24We were going to tell you.
12:25You're not the easiest guy to talk to.
12:27Oh, shit.
12:27I'm perfectly easy to fucking talk to.
12:29No, you're not.
12:30I'm sure you're bad.
12:31We don't do emotions.
12:32We do beers, bums.
12:33And that's fucking it.
12:34Boys, let the fuck go.
12:36We don't fuck off, cricket.
12:37Let me out.
12:38Come on.
12:38It'll be fun.
12:39Come on.
12:42Sorry, my bad.
12:44Un-fucking-believable.
12:46My face!
12:48What's my face?
12:49Uh-oh.
12:50I think I'm just about to do a no-no.
12:55Oh, my God.
12:57That is not his asshole!
13:00Asshole!
13:01I caught my baby.
13:02What are you thinking?
13:03That's my sister.
13:04Ah, not his face.
13:06Save yourself.
13:07You're fucking stopping.
13:09Superbitch.
13:09There you go.
13:11Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
13:13That's why I'm trying!
13:15It's not a unbelievable liar.
13:17Who wants to count up with me?
13:20I'm trying!
13:21I'm trying!
13:22What's up with Mettie?
13:24Sound stroke?
13:25Mettie's down.
13:26Call the medic!
13:37Mettie!
13:37Oh, God, do your words. I don't care. I can't fucking move.
13:40That was awesome.
13:42Dewey would have liked that one.
13:44Dewey. Where's Dewey?
13:47Dewey, here. Come on.
13:47Looks like we made the right choice staying on land.
13:49No kidding.
13:50I'd better go see if they broke anything.
13:52Hey, where are you?
13:56Well, well, well.
13:58There you are.
14:00You done?
14:01Huh?
14:02Why is everyone here?
14:04Stop it!
14:05That's for making our drama everybody else's problem.
14:07What the fuck was that about?
14:08Huh? You two fighting because he likes her and she likes him?
14:11You knew?
14:12Oh, every fucking buddy knows about Oddwood.
14:14You gotta be a fucking moron not to know.
14:16That's nice. There's even a name for it.
14:17Your family? Family doesn't handle shit like this.
14:20He lied to me.
14:21She lied to me.
14:22There's a lot of fucking lies flying around.
14:24So what?
14:25I pretended to have shingles for a week
14:27to avoid telling your mom I lost the house at a casino.
14:29We move on.
14:30Like we did.
14:31We all moved on to that house where I had to replace the shingles.
14:33Holy shit, this is full circle, isn't it?
14:34That's what happened to our house growing up?
14:36Todd, the point is...
14:38So what?
14:39No more casinos, Dad.
14:41Yeah, I'm sorry.
14:42How did you even find me?
14:44You realize this is my day off.
14:46So I have you on the Find My Coworker app
14:49just in case I need to track any of my minions?
14:51That crosses so many lines.
14:54Personal, legal, I don't even know where to start.
14:55A lady as powerful as moi
14:57just doesn't have the time to play hide-and-seek, Chels.
15:00You don't have power, Jen.
15:01You inherited it like a spoiled kid with Daddy's credit card.
15:05Oh, honey, I am the bank.
15:07And with Daddy gone, I get to choose the favorite.
15:10And guess what?
15:11I choose me.
15:11I'm done with you.
15:12I'm done with you.
15:13You narcissistic twat.
15:16And guess what?
15:18I quit.
15:20I feel like I just took a big shit.
15:23I want something stronger.
15:24Anybody have any tequila?
15:25Where are you, buddy?
15:27You can come on the bar!
15:28Let's go, buddy!
15:30Dewey!
15:31Dewey!
15:31Come on, man.
15:32Dewey!
15:33Dewey, my boy!
15:34Oh.
15:34Oh, no.
15:35False alarm.
15:36That's just Kunky getting his tongue work out.
15:37Oh, buddy.
15:38I can't do it!
15:39Don't mind us.
15:41Let's go, Kunky.
15:42Whoa.
15:44You're still here.
15:45Please, little girl.
15:47Help me.
15:48Dewey!
15:49Hey, buddy.
15:50Where are you at?
15:51I'm here.
15:52Dad!
15:52I got eyes on him.
15:54He's in bad shape, but he's alive.
15:56Good work, daughter!
15:58Dewey!
15:58Wait twice if you still want to party!
16:00Let's go, boys!
16:01Let's go!
16:01Careful, man.
16:02Let me scratch out.
16:05He said yes!
16:07He said yes, taser!
16:09I'm coming before you're doing it.
16:09Careful.
16:10Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:11Come on, get him up.
16:11Get him up!
16:12You came back for me!
16:13Let's get you in tank.
16:14Come on.
16:16So I guess there's a small chance that I may have overreacted a little bit.
16:21A lot of beers.
16:22I snapped, man.
16:23I was seeing red.
16:24I mean, it's fucking weird.
16:26Kind of like your best friend's date and your sister weird.
16:29Pretty much exactly that.
16:30And it's just so graphic in my head.
16:32We just didn't know how to tell you.
16:34You don't need my blessing, and I don't know, if I can stop picturing it, maybe I'll be okay.
16:37Nope, just saw it again.
16:39Fuck!
16:39It's a good picture.
16:40Okay, well, maybe this is just as good a time as any to tell you that I'm...
16:44You're not fucking pregnant.
16:45What?
16:46I need my own space.
16:48Oh, okay.
16:49I don't know.
16:50Maybe it's time for you to start sharing that hot tub with someone that you're not related to.
16:54I think we're ready for both of us to switch things up a bit.
16:58Whoa, boss.
16:59Great.
16:59Stop following me!
17:00I'll pay you more.
17:01Oh, Corn Pulse is tripling my salary.
17:03Yeah, I'll double it.
17:04I'm done.
17:05Wait.
17:06You're leaving, Chelsea?
17:08No, no, no, not yet.
17:08Chelsea!
17:09What?
17:09You can't.
17:12Chelsea, boss, lady, leave.
17:13I love you guys, but it's time.
17:16I'm going to call Donnie and let him know I accept Corn Pulse's offer for VP.
17:20Donnie!
17:21Don't leave us!
17:22You know what?
17:23I have had enough of this!
17:25Ow!
17:27Jesus!
17:27Well, that was a conch phone, so...
17:29Worth it!
17:30You carpet!
17:31Judas!
17:32You were my sister!
17:34My right-hand lady!
17:35I'm, like, the only person who knew all my computer passwords.
17:38I know all your passwords, Janet.
17:39Not now, Janet!
17:40Well, consider this my two weeks' notice.
17:43Consider this my offer to pay for all your future plastic surgery needs.
17:48What?
17:48I know a great boob guy in Tulum.
17:50I can get you on a plane tonight and have you perky by brunch.
17:52How did your head get so far up your ass that you think new titties is what I'd want?
17:55Everyone loves new titties.
17:57What am I right here?
17:57I mean, that's not titties!
17:59Listen, Todd will be a great replacement for site manager.
18:02Fuck that, Chelsea.
18:04You run our refinery.
18:05You're more of a conch than she'll ever be.
18:08You earned it.
18:08You worked your bag off to get where you are.
18:10You're not some idiot that had it handed to her.
18:12Oh, snap!
18:13Get the bag!
18:14Got it, Addy!
18:15That is a lovely bag!
18:16Come on, Chels!
18:18You know, Chels, you're right about one thing.
18:21The site manager's office should have a stool mainplate.
18:25Damn straight!
18:25Finally, Todd!
18:27Yo!
18:27Audrey Stuhl!
18:32You've just been officially promoted.
18:34Congratulations.
18:35Whoa, hold on a second.
18:36Wait.
18:37What?
18:38I just got my union card.
18:40Boom.
18:40And now you're management girl.
18:41Wow, that is so fucked up.
18:43Yeah, could she actually do that?
18:45Isn't it amazing, Todd?
18:46How fast you can climb that conch ladder when you don't insult the owner.
18:50Effective immediately, Audrey Stuhl is our brand new site manager.
18:55Let's go, Janet.
18:57Janet!
18:58What the hell?
18:59Hot sister, hot boss?
19:03Congrats, I guess.
19:05No offense, but Audrey?
19:07What the fuck is happening right now?
19:11Oh, dummy troubles.
19:13Get it out.
19:17Must have been something I ate.
19:18Now sip a little more near-beer?
19:20The dandelion and goji have restorative properties.
19:28Leonard, if it wasn't for your friendship, I'd be right back on the sauce.
19:32I'd probably be bent over a picnic table, puking my gut.
19:36Leonard, get him.
19:39You took our real beer by accident, full of actual alcohol?
19:42Yeah, this is your stupid near-beer.
19:43That's why I'm stone-cold sober and not the one making it with Conkey.
19:46What the fuck?
19:47Oh, no.
19:48To my esteemed conk board of directors, in regard to the earlier image of my penis,
19:56it was a private medical image intended for my urologist.
20:01A routine mold check.
20:03Turns out, my doctor's email is shockingly close to all of yours.
20:10Oh, time to move on, huh?
20:12Forgive and forget.
20:14And speaking of hard to forget...
20:18My penis!
20:20My penis!
20:21My glorious penis!
20:22Wait, no, no!
20:22No!
20:23No!
20:23No!
20:24No!
20:25No!
20:26No!
20:28No!
20:29He's on the way, Benny!
20:32He's on the way!
20:34He's on the way!
20:58Get away, Benny!
21:07Hey Chelsea, this is Donnie from Corn Falls. I'm just checking in.
21:11Hello? Hello? Chelsea? Chelsea? Waiting.
Comments