- 8 hours ago
Rooster - Season 1 - Episode 06: Cop Hawk
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TVTranscript
00:15Oh
00:41What a great night.
00:43You know my favorite part about last night?
00:46The high five.
00:48Oh.
00:49I was just so excited about how it was going.
00:53I was self-conscious about being on top.
00:55It totally snapped me out of it.
00:58You shouldn't be self-conscious about anything.
01:02Oh my gosh, this week.
01:04Wow.
01:05I was so messed up after seeing my ex.
01:07Really helped me.
01:10There is nothing like a no-strings-attached booty call
01:13that gives you a boost of confidence.
01:19I'm glad I could help.
01:21What is better than just fun, uncomplicated sex?
01:27Oh my God.
01:32What are we doing?
01:36You need to wait at least 30 seconds before we start a conversation.
01:38I just fucked you.
01:39Are you seriously telling me to be quiet?
01:42This is tricky for me because I really want to say yes.
01:45Oh.
01:49Doesn't this make you feel icky?
01:51Icky?
01:52Icky.
01:53It makes you feel excellent, Katie.
01:56And you.
01:59You're so beautiful.
02:02I love you.
02:03Yeah, yeah.
02:04We're not doing that.
02:05Come on.
02:05You can't honestly tell me you're not enjoying this a little bit.
02:08I am.
02:08Of course I am.
02:09It's forbidden.
02:10Yes.
02:11And it's dangerous.
02:12And I want to do it over and over, which makes me want to fucking choke you.
02:15Well, I'm sure that can be arranged.
02:16Ew.
02:18Take it out, maize.
02:20Shit, it's my dad.
02:22Don't say a word.
02:23That's exactly what I've been saying.
02:24Oh my God.
02:26Come on out.
02:28Oh boy.
02:29Ah.
02:30Oh, yes, mi amor.
02:33What did we say about drop-ins?
02:35You have got to text me.
02:37I did text you.
02:39I'm out front knocking.
02:41Not what I meant.
02:42Check it out.
02:43How cool is this?
02:44Gosh, half as cool as a motorcycle?
02:46And twice as safe.
02:48This sporty little sportster is going to turn my 13-minute commute into a nine-minute commute.
02:56Total game changer.
02:57Dad, if you ever find a woman as excited about this as you, don't let her go.
03:00Never going to happen.
03:01Okay.
03:02Bye.
03:02Be safe.
03:03Woo!
03:03Go sporties!
03:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:09Is that thing street legal, Russo?
03:11I don't know.
03:13Shouldn't you know?
03:14Are you sassing me right now?
03:15No, no, no.
03:16Let me tell you something.
03:17I've got an office.
03:18And in that office is a computer.
03:20And as long as no one else is on it, I can look up the legalness of anything.
03:24Okay?
03:25Okay.
03:26I'm watching you, Russo.
03:27Like a hawk.
03:28Like a cop hawk.
03:30A what?
03:30Cop hawk.
03:31Are you saying car park with a Boston accent?
03:33No, I'm saying cop hawk.
03:35Cop hawk.
03:35Cop hawk!
03:36No, cop...
03:37Smotin' up!
03:38Hawk!
03:38Park the car on the cop hawk!
03:39I'm saying cop hawk!
03:41Wicked pisser!
03:42Get out of here.
03:44Cop hawk!
03:47Oh, I, I've played before.
03:52I laugh at me, I'm crying, trying.
03:56Falling sometimes, sometimes flying.
04:00Cry me and I'll shine up white liners.
04:04Cruel, cruel, cruel.
04:11Cortado and a decaf.
04:12Enjoy.
04:13Hey, love the green hair, by the way.
04:14Well, tell that to my mother.
04:16Huge fight last night.
04:18We'll get her sleep on the couch.
04:19I'm gonna just...
04:20Okay, take care.
04:22We can help whoever's next.
04:23I always regret talking to Beverly.
04:25It's like, I care, but I don't care.
04:27You know what I mean?
04:28Of course I do.
04:29It's how you feel about everything in the world.
04:32you okay just got rejected from another internship really thought i nailed this one
04:37we bonded over the fact that we're both germaphobes and then i pretended i was going
04:41to sneeze on him it was fucking hilarious no hey that it sounds so funny listen someone is
04:48gonna hire you and when they do it's gonna be the smartest thing they've ever done you're like
04:53your pep dog no you know what you don't need to watch this movie anymore
05:02before i start to actually write i like to do something that sounds a little bit basic
05:10uh i like to list my character's traits so let's uh let's call out some traits anyone
05:16conscientious conscientious i love a conscientious character how about one that's easier to spell
05:23irascible no garthy all right we're done why don't we brainstorm some of these traits bring
05:29them in in the morning hello hello sleepyhead today's class is going to be the only thing
05:36on the final sorry what i'm kidding what's going on sorry rooster i fell a little bit behind
05:45on rent and my roommates kicked me out i've been sleeping at spooner's place on the floor and
05:50my back is not happy to tell me are you homeless unhoused thank you ronnie are you unhoused uh no
05:58don't worry about me okay i have an extra room why don't you just crash with me for a couple
06:03of days
06:04really yeah that is so lit thank you you're welcome do you have toothpaste and you know what
06:10never mind i'll get my own okay so just swing by after i get back from hockey practice okay
06:16hey how is coach jake doing he's better i think he just needed someone to believe in him fucker
06:23come on dj whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa guys guys guys guys no no no no hold on hey coach
06:29coach coach
06:30you okay dj you're gonna take his size give me a crazy attitude i just have to go to the
06:34bathroom
06:36oh no no no no no coach maybe you need a shower huh a little time out yeah i don't
06:41believe in
06:42me and not as much as before blame oh fucking losers
06:59ladies and gentlemen i have just been shot those were teddy roosevelt's words moments
07:03after an attempted assassination now what challenge did roosevelt face as a boy that gave him so much
07:12grit as a man eli i i appreciate your enthusiasm son but i like to ask questions and answer them
07:20myself it's how i command a room as you were the answer is childhood asthma roosevelt would then be
07:28consumed by grief i was looking for you do you always come to walt's lectures he likes me to start
07:35the applause when he's finished my q word is onward i'll keep an eye out for that question which of
07:42roosevelt's speeches resonates most today eli i feel like we just had this discussion hand down
07:50that one was really tricky sir just tell me when there's a real question there won't be
07:55roosevelt's speech of all speeches of course was the man in the arena so what are you up to later
08:05what like 11 or i don't know 9 45 11's kind of late okay greg i'm a grown woman a
08:12single parent
08:12i have a house that i will own outright in 28 years if you want this or these or to
08:18be inside this
08:19i need to be treated with some dignity take me on a proper date i'm not some cheap bluesy
08:24i never felt that ever even when you photocopied the you're the the these i appreciate that
08:31because i don't do that very often okay
08:37would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight
08:41to think about it okay yes oh okay onward
08:49one word my goodness how can you not clap for that
08:57hello gorgeous hey i just got some free time this afternoon
09:01fancy a shag so romantic uh i can't i'm meeting my dad here and i was thinking about claiming
09:06back some self-respect no don't worry about that no no no okay so i was going to be having
09:10a meeting
09:10with my editor who's going to be giving me notes in the first five chapters of my book but
09:14spoiler alert she didn't have any i mean zero notes it's like sorry am i the lion or messy of
09:20slavic languages and russian studies i want to celebrate with you i want to celebrate with your
09:24body oh yeah uh-huh i meant to ask are you still fucking sunny
09:33whoa that's wow that's an incredibly personal question seriously okay if you must know yeah i am
09:40but never on the same day as you never in the same 22-hour window as you i think you
09:46may be the
09:46worst person in the world well hey listen i have been very clear about what i want you say the
09:53word
09:53and i will do whatever we have to do to get this marriage back on track i don't know if
09:57i want that
09:57you need time i get that and i pray that you take me back but if you don't i kind
10:03of feel like
10:04it's maybe incumbent upon me to do whatever i can to make it work with the mother of my unborn
10:08child
10:09i mean what kind of man would that make me if i didn't i mean i don't think that's a
10:12man that you
10:12could love oh my god so i can't do anything that would raise suspicions are you trying to make
10:17sleeping with two people simultaneously the moral high ground i hope you choose us katie no
10:25i really do
10:33screeching to a stop never gets old what the fuck are you wearing oh yeah isn't that great
10:39that uh artsy girl with the nose ring zoe she's handing them out what's the deal with nose rings
10:45let's hurt give me the bike oh yeah give me the try it i knew it okay so that's throttle
10:50goes to the
10:50right okay beautiful form go for it oh you should put a helmet on hon
10:57okay just loop it around loop it around hon and she's not coming back all right now that the review
11:05is back in print we got to move fast so i was thinking we all could work a little late
11:09tonight
11:09that's gonna be tough for me i have a date oh then uh i do too oh no with you
11:15check your texts
11:18with my roommate but i introduced you guys yes thank you i'll never forget you
11:25professor shepard you want to see me one sec this is going to be the best issue yet let's get
11:31it
11:34i'm sure you know that we've lost a few young professors to other institutions so i was thinking
11:39you and i could have some personal meetings so our best new voices know that there's a fast track to
11:44continue you're really embracing this dean of faculty thing i like the initiative i'm in okay
11:49good excuse me there wasn't another reason you wanted to see me perhaps you were moved by an
11:54anonymous poetry submission a sonnet about the irish potato famine yeah i'm sorry that wasn't gonna work
11:59for me huh
12:11hi katie your hair looks crazy i uh was on a very fast bike uh guys can we have a
12:18minute along
12:21i i i have a t-shirt for you if you want what are you doing
12:25i don't need you to punish archie okay he is a narcissist with a baby on the way believe me
12:31he's
12:31gonna get his and not that it's about this but the picture that you've chosen makes me look like
12:36nancy pelosi you made me the face of a cause without even asking this is a flashing reminder
12:43of all of the mistakes i keep making katie you didn't make any mistakes it's professor russo
12:48stop it all of it clear yeah yeah sorry thank you
12:56i've got a date tommy what did you do with the toothpaste i just borrowed a little bit but i
13:01didn't want to use your sink so i used mine and i don't know man it's not in there well
13:05it's not
13:05upstairs do you definitely have to brush ranch flavor cornets empty bag you do the math
13:10yeah just think try to retrace your steps tommy where did you last have the toothpaste oh the
13:15kitchen great yeah the sink in the guest room was too small to get my face in why do you
13:19put
13:19your face in the sink well you don't well uh hey get the tongue tongue there you go see you
13:27can
13:27fit your whole face in there i don't want to put my face in there all right now i'm going
13:31to call
13:32her and tell her i'm going to be a little bit late and oh god why why is this not
13:40charged oh that's
13:41my charger dude that thing's broken why do you keep it well you never know you do you know it's
13:46a dead charge it don't oh go i just gotta go yeah yeah slow down there you just took a
13:50shower and
13:51you're already sweating again you know what i bet i can't find my deodorant either did you take that
13:54just use it a little bit don't use my deodorant please all right i'm out hey crush it rooster
14:12oh hello we meet again finally got a chance to hop on the work computer did a little research
14:19and it turns out these babies are not street legal don't you have anything better to do driver i'm
14:26gonna need you to exit the vehicle put your arms up and then i'm gonna need you to give me
14:33a hug come here come here there you go what's going on yes there what are you doing i'm not
14:40feel
14:40good i don't understand i'm gonna let this slide tonight ask me why why because what you did
14:51for my boy donnie jr coach was gonna punch him and then you threw yourself in the way dj that
14:58was
14:58your kid that's my son you earned yourself one of these get out of jail free card from monopoly
15:05monopoly yeah yeah yeah it's a game i've played so that gets you out of jail turn it over that's
15:12my
15:12name and my phone number okay so it's legit okay it won't work in any other town and it will
15:19not work
15:19for murder that's a whole other card thank you so i really need to get going i'm late for a
15:25date well
15:25then hop in the car i'll give you a ride over there would that be faster i don't actually know
15:30i can't use the siren i uh did that once for a date and i got into a heap of
15:36trouble you're gonna
15:36hit traffic you got that light on main street you're gonna sit there and sit there and sit there it
15:41doesn't ever change i've called about it but no one picks up thank you again
16:03you know when i was a kid the bedford y had a set of sauna rules too no horseplay
16:08no foreplay i enjoy your friend she's my rock i do have news you know you have not heard from
16:17biotech so i went ahead and called you're not getting the internship
16:26because they flat out want to hire you stop i knew it the golden buzzer you got the golden ticket
16:33you're
16:33going to hollywood diana was quite impressed by you she is offering you a full-time position in
16:38her lab she's happy to work around your pregnancy she shouldn't even care about you getting your
16:42degree they don't give a shit she didn't get up okay okay okay okay okay okay uh i uh i
16:52need
16:52i'm um i'm freaking out well i'll check on it no i got it you were late you still owe
16:58two minutes oh
17:02hey you okay obviously this is an incredible opportunity just taking this job means moving
17:09away from archie and that's it's complicated i understand but one of the top biotech firms in
17:15the whole country wants you and now it's time to celebrate so can i please get a what what
17:22what what again better what what my goodness what are we celebrating i got a job offer at bioteca
17:30do this neuro research oh yeah i i know who would you meet with
17:37diana jennings yeah really probably should have run that one by your first probably congrats thank you
17:49that one's gonna leave a mark you know what else i did got a pay increase for the adjuncts
17:55i mean i'm a poet i never expected to have a supervisory position you know but i like having
18:00the voice oh my god you're drunk with power stop you are you are i really just feel that i
18:09can i can
18:10do some good even though i'm only interim dean you need to stop treating this like it is a temporary
18:17position own it make it yours okay why not check it out whose is this my greg this is the
18:27coolest thing
18:28oh my god yes try this on give me safety first because i have a need for speed you don't
18:34scare me
18:34are you ready now you do
18:48you got class this morning uh no but there is something i need to do i think it'll be fine
18:54it's not fine greg i'm sorry again when i got home i charged my phone and i texted you a
19:01bunch of
19:01times i don't know if you got any of them i got them they made everything better i don't want
19:06to
19:06give you a bunch of lame excuses i did get pulled over by the police and if i have to
19:11be honest things
19:11really started to fall apart when i lost my toothpaste i don't want to hear it i know i know
19:16you know it was in the kitchen of all places this isn't how people behave greg when they're starting
19:23something real yeah yeah that's true it's just very embarrassing i was so we you send flowers to the
19:33hotel my wife is staying in oh yeah and find out where she's staying that'd be good morning greg good
19:41morning was there anything else not at the moment
19:49margaret keen's husband initially took credit for all of her work until get this a judge made
19:54them do a paint-off in court but the husband never showed up typical right
20:03you should have seen her dad she was devastated
20:06so he was the one kid that looked up to me and i completely crushed her
20:12so you don't like these shirts because she gave me four of them
20:16i can get rid of them they could be beach shirts i can wear them to the beach
20:19dad i don't think they're soft enough to wear a sleep shirts but they could be beach
20:23beach shirts not sleep shirts say that five times fast what were you talking about hon
20:30it's totally my own fault i was too open with zoe about everything going on with arch i don't usually
20:35do
20:35that you don't connect with your students why not yeah why not why is he here oh i live here
20:42just for a couple of days also greg said he needed to talk to me about some women problems
20:47no tommy i did not say that i said that i was a little confused about a woman that i
20:52was seeing
20:52and you said i got you dog and then katie walked in before i could say no thank you dog
20:58oh my god is
20:59this the one-nighter i think she wants a little bit more than that no dad okay let's stick with
21:03katie's issue here right now look connecting with students has been the best part of teaching for me
21:10so far it means a lot to me too you don't need to participate oh i don't mind
21:16i don't know if it's my thing you know and i think maybe that's because i'm not that much older
21:21than them don't say a word unless you want to get smacked
21:25i don't want to tell you how to do your job but i think you're missing out
21:29tommy has some pals coming over so i am going to get them some fun snackarooskies
21:35no veggies though rooster nobody likes celery how about with peanut butter
21:38yeah i'll allow it he's my dad not your dad he's everyone's dad he's my dad
21:43hot pockets yeah
21:50oh there they are oh i miss the quiet do you hear back from any of those internships bug do
21:56you
21:56hear back from uh biotech or no still nothing well keep your chin up bug it'll work out as planned
22:04thank you
22:07keeping secrets from him i like that thank you and i'll say this because you taught me how
22:14love you yeah making me all misty-eyed
22:20i think she wants something that's a little more real a little more serious and i'm not sure that
22:26i'm ready for that this celery with peanut butter goes crazy how you make this it's celery and peanut
22:35butter a little sea salt and a little lemon zest nice it is nice these would be so good if
22:41it had
22:41crunchy peanut butter instead of the smooth shit buddy i told you if you want anything just
22:46write it on the list on the fridge i can't believe you live here
22:50didn't work shit out with your parents don't worry about it
22:53come on pick take some time my rooster here
22:55bro take my advice don't catch no feelings
22:59if you do you're gonna be telling a beautiful little taiwanese girl
23:02that you like country music too and then this weekend you're gonna be driving three hours to go see
23:07somebody named luke combs that is a very specific story and one that sounds slightly personal
23:12i mean if you're having fun then don't overthink it i just don't want to lead a run
23:19on the other hand she's very nice i like her there's really only one question that needs to be answered
23:28how's the sex wow i would never tell you guys in a million years
23:36kinky it's gotta be kinky no guys he's into some weird shit i am not
23:40what you doing over there greg nothing i am just seeing if she wants to go to dinner tonight
23:47what's she saying
23:49steak emoji
24:02hey can i talk to you for a minute
24:05where are my glasses there they are
24:09uh-oh stud alert
24:10what do you think trying too hard
24:12hey i'd hit that
24:14thank you also you wish
24:17hey you need some condoms
24:18that's not a discussion we're going to have
24:20and i noticed that you put condoms on the refrigerator list
24:23that is for food items only
24:25so it's a no on the playstation
24:26that is a no on the playstation
24:28also um
24:30what did pig tits mean when he said work it out with your parents
24:34my folks and i have a deal
24:36they'd only pay for my rent if i kept an above c average
24:38and i'm just a smidge below that
24:40a big smidge or a small smidge
24:42it's a pretty sizable smidge yeah
24:43your class is the only one i'm doing well in
24:45it's pass fail
24:47and i'm gonna pass
24:48yeah let's hope
24:50well my mom wants me to move home until i can get my grades up
24:52but i'm feeling really good here you know
24:55you made a deal
24:55you gotta move back home tonight
24:57come on rooster
24:59pack your bags
24:59tomorrow we will meet
25:01come up with a study plan
25:02and i'll get you back on track
25:05and you do that
25:06of course we're accountability buddies
25:09yeah okay
25:10oh man i do not know why i'm so nervous about this date
25:14oh relax man i got you
25:15open this up a little yeah
25:16oh oh yeah
25:18let the chest hair sing
25:19yeah does that look good
25:20damn
25:21no wonder this lady wants to wipe you up
25:23oh boy
25:23yeah
25:24wipe me up
25:25hey you got this okay
25:27oh yeah
25:29look
25:31i didn't like the t-shirts
25:33i mean how would you feel if everywhere you walked you saw your own face
25:37i feel like i wouldn't mind it
25:39you're gonna do really well in life
25:41still
25:42i should not have come down so hard on you
25:45it's okay
25:45it's not
25:46i just
25:48ah
25:48zoe
25:49i know you think i'm a strong woman who is handling this personal shitstorm with grace
25:54but
25:54i'm not
25:55i'm struggling
25:57with my feelings for professor bates
26:00and
26:01those struggles are sometimes less about what he does
26:05and more about
26:06how he smells
26:08you like the way he smells
26:10unfortunately i do
26:12i know you're not perfect
26:14that's kind of why you were my favorite teacher professor russo
26:17i
26:18i felt like you were someone i could really relate to
26:21you can call me katie
26:22are you just saying that because you want to be my favorite teacher again
26:26that's definitely part of it
26:28look archie is a run-of-the-mill narcissistic asshole who sometimes smells like wildflowers
26:36i mean come on
26:38there are plenty of real villains lurking around this place
26:43making yourself right at home
26:44i thought it was time
26:47there's a
26:48something i need to talk to you about
26:50miss me
26:59there's no way she wrote all these poems
27:05that's what i wanted to talk to you about
27:07hey thank you
27:08i wanted to ask you about your name
27:11i've never met anyone named chrysal
27:13it's lovely
27:14thank you
27:16it's chrysal actually
27:19what
27:19my first day working for walt
27:21i'd just been to the dentist
27:23and
27:24he thought i said chrysal
27:26oh
27:26wow
27:27i just got divorced and needed a change
27:29so
27:30i just never
27:32corrected him
27:33and
27:34now i kind of like it
27:37please don't tell him
27:38i am not sure i would know how
27:40i really like it
27:43i like chrysal
27:44thank you
27:45i like the name
27:46greg
27:48thanks
27:51would you
27:52care for some dessert
27:55not here
27:56oh yeah
27:57we could go get ice cream somewhere
28:01are you okay
28:05are you
28:06oh
28:07can you feel that
28:08all right
28:09there he is
28:10hi
28:10can i get the check
28:12please
28:14um
28:15should we go to your place
28:17yeah
28:18oof
28:19oh i definitely pulled something
28:22oh
28:23we need to hydrate
28:24so we don't cramp up
28:25two gatorays
28:27coming up my queen
28:28i want blue flavored
28:29booster
28:35hey tommy
28:39what are you doing here
28:42i live here
28:43also get some whip cream
28:44so i can lick it off your balls
28:50holy shhh
28:52god
28:53what a mess
28:55on a ladder
28:57of success
28:58where you take one step
29:01and miss the whole first run
29:05dreams
29:06unfulfilled
29:07graduate unskilled
29:11and beat spit the cotton
29:13and waiting to be forgotten
29:16when all the sons of no one
29:20bastards will be on
29:23when all the sons of no one
29:27bastards will be on
29:29the daughters and the sons
29:35go
29:39go
29:43go
29:44Oh, no.
29:51Ah.
29:53Bye bye.
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