B.M. 17. Hang the DJ.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 29th December 2017.  Paired up by a dating program that puts an expiration date on all relationships, Frank and Amy soon begin to question the system's logic.  Georgina Campbell - Amy Joe Cole - Frank Gina Bramhill - Coach (voice) George Blagden - Lenny Gwyneth Keyworth - Nicola Jessie Cave - Edna Luke Manning - Mike Tim Pritchett - Norman Alex Tamaro - Butch Che Watson - Silverfox Bruce Chong - David Anna Dobrucki - Patty Emilia Rose Arnò - Alice Alex Henry - Club Patron Daniel Westwood - Taser Guard

Transcript

00:00The End

00:05The End

00:08The End

00:10The End

00:13Coach?

00:15Yes, Frank?

00:16Where do I go?

00:17Proceed to the hub.

00:19Got ya.

00:30.

00:32.

00:33.

00:39.

01:02How will I know who he is?

01:04This is him.

01:12Sorry.

01:14Fork.

01:14Amy.

01:15I don't know, my name's not Fork.

01:16Yeah, I guessed.

01:17Oh, it's Frank.

01:19Do you want to sit?

01:19Should we sit?

01:20I think it's a little stand.

01:21Come sit, yeah.

01:24Oh, oh, that's...

01:25I was on that side.

01:26Oh, shall I...

01:27Oh, no, no, no, it doesn't matter.

01:28It doesn't matter.

01:31Why bring it up?

01:35Sorry, I'm so bloody nervous.

01:37It's my first time on the, you know, the system.

01:41Me too.

01:42Oh, really?

01:43Yeah, I'm shitting it, mate.

01:45I can't mention it.

01:45You do look terrified.

01:47Do I?

01:47Yeah, quaking with fear.

01:48Well, maybe shaking with revulsion?

01:50At least you've stopped shitting.

01:53Are you sure about that?

01:59Shall we stop talking about shitting now?

02:01Yeah, maybe order some food.

02:02Yeah, good plan.

02:02Yeah.

02:03Okay.

02:04Do you know how we order?

02:05I think we use these.

02:06Oh.

02:07Menu choice already established.

02:09Oh.

02:09There you are, sir.

02:11And for you, madam.

02:15Well, evidently, I'm a pasta girl.

02:17Yeah, I'm a fish cake.

02:28It's good.

02:29Can I try some?

02:31Are we allowed to do that?

02:38Fuck it.

02:40Yeah, fuck it.

02:41Yeah, fuck it.

02:43Mm.

02:44That is good.

02:45Mm.

02:52So...

02:53We're both first-timers.

02:55Mm-hmm.

02:56Should we check our expiry date?

02:58Yeah.

02:58Good plan.

02:59Yeah.

02:59Right.

03:01Um...

03:01So, I think it's under info.

03:04Yeah.

03:05Tap to reveal.

03:06We have to tap to reveal at the same time.

03:09Okay.

03:11So...

03:11On three.

03:12Two.

03:13One.

03:14Go.

03:16Twelve hours.

03:18Yeah, twelve hours.

03:20Okay.

03:21A bit, um...

03:22Yeah.

03:23A bit short.

03:23It is a bit short, isn't it?

03:25Mm.

03:25Oh, and getting shorter.

03:26I didn't realise it would sort of count down like that.

03:30It's more sad.

03:32Well, maybe we should eat quickly.

03:34Yeah.

03:35Yeah, maybe we should.

03:37The race is on.

03:42Yeah.

03:43Come on, hurry up.

03:48I guess this is us.

03:50And this takes us to the place.

03:52Yeah, I suppose so.

03:53After you.

04:09And this is Mal we have to raheb.

04:27I never am...

04:27I approval.

04:27Yeah, I thinking they will.

04:28You're my son.

04:28No, no.

04:34And you've got to go me.

04:38You need a doctor who got an illustrator.

04:39There's a sinking house on the roof.

04:47Here we are.

04:48Yep.

04:52Huh.

05:02Do you want to open it or shall I?

05:04Go ahead.

05:05All right.

05:06T's low.

05:08You're a knob.

05:15Oh, God.

05:17It's a shithole.

05:19You're kidding?

05:21I am, yeah.

05:26Oh.

05:30It's nice.

05:31I, uh...

05:33Like that lamp.

05:35Yeah, it's incredible, that lamp.

05:37No problem.

05:51Right.

05:53That's, uh...

06:00There's an on-suite.

06:05Shower or bath?

06:06Both.

06:07Oh, that's good.

06:09Uh, well, I'm...

06:10I'm just going to use the...

06:12Oh, yeah.

06:12I've got to, uh...

06:13Over here, so...

06:24Okay, seriously, what are we meant to do?

06:27Query too broad.

06:28Please narrow.

06:29I mean, are we just meant to...

06:30I don't know, like, just go at it?

06:33Define go at it.

06:34Oh, fucking hell.

06:36So, are we meant to just have sex with each other?

06:40Participants are not required to take any specific action.

06:43Yeah, I mean, we can, right?

06:46I mean, people do if it's just a short time.

06:48If that's your decision.

06:50It's up to us.

06:51It's up to you.

07:00I could just sleep here.

07:02Don't be daft.

07:03Be scrunched up in a ball.

07:12It's not awful.

07:15The bed's pretty big.

07:17I'm sure we could both fit in it.

07:19Yeah, okay.

07:24Must have been mental before the system.

07:28How do you mean?

07:30Well, people had to do the whole relationship thing themselves.

07:35Work out who they want to be with.

07:37Hmm, option paralysis.

07:39So many choices, you end up not knowing which one you want.

07:42Yeah, exactly.

07:43And if things seem shitty,

07:47they'd have to figure out

07:49whether they wanted to break up with someone.

07:53Oh, it's a nightmare.

07:55It's not like when it's all mapped out.

07:56God, no.

07:58So much simpler when it's all mapped out.

08:00Hmm.

08:04This is weird, though.

08:06It really is.

08:07Hmm.

08:07It's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh,

08:13it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh,

08:14it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh,

08:19it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh,

08:22it's just like, oh, it's just like

08:55Well, then.

08:57So?

08:59Thanks for being my first.

09:03Oh.

09:05Bloody time.

09:08It was great, you know.

09:10You were nice.

09:12So are you.

09:16If we had this time again, you would totally get it, by the way.

09:21Oh, you...

09:21I still...

09:22Sorry.

09:24You get it, too.

09:25Fucked that one up, didn't we?

09:28Yeah, totally.

09:55I guess I just don't see the point in something that's short.

09:58It's all of ours.

09:59Even your reaction to a brief encounter provides a system with valuable information.

10:06Yeah, well, I don't even do anything.

10:07The system thinks I'm a prude.

10:09The system makes no moral judgments.

10:11Yeah, but how do I know she wasn't the perfect match for me?

10:14I mean, she was...

10:15Your ultimate compatible other has not yet been selected.

10:18Yeah, I know, but...

10:19The system gains insight as each participant progresses through numerous relationships

10:23and uses the gathered data to eventually select an ultimate compatible other.

10:28On your pairing day, I know.

10:29And it always finds your perfect match.

10:32In 99.8% of cases.

10:34But I have to go through loads of relationships to find it.

10:37That is correct.

10:38Great.

10:43What was that?

10:45Another relationship.

10:47Already?

10:49What's this? Another one?

10:51That is correct.

10:53Best girl get changed, then.

11:05Only fuck.

11:06Tell me that's him.

11:07I cannot confirm identity until a personal introduction is made.

11:13Hi.

11:14Identity confirmed.

11:19I like your hair.

11:20Yours is good too.

11:21It's on my own.

11:27It's just funny.

11:37Hi.

11:39I'm Frank.

11:41Hmm.

11:43Nicola.

11:45I've been here a while.

11:46Aye, sorry. I was getting changed.

11:50Really?

11:52It started already.

11:53I was hungry.

11:54Aye, of course, yeah. Sorry.

12:00Come on, let's get it over with.

12:02Checking the expiry.

12:05Ah. Yeah, yeah.

12:15One year.

12:17We've got each other for one year.

12:20Could be a mistake.

12:21Yeah, coach, is this a mistake?

12:22This is not a mistake.

12:23Jesus fucking Christ.

12:26There'll be a reason.

12:40Look on the bright side.

12:43Chicken tikka masala.

12:45What?

12:47Chicken tikka, miss.

12:49It's a joke.

12:51Right.

12:53So you're the sort of person that makes jokes?

13:04Okay, so on three.

13:06Two, one.

13:09Oh.

13:10Interesting.

13:15Nine months.

13:16Well.

13:19Cheers.

13:20Cheers.

13:21Cheers.

13:23Cheers.

13:39Pretty much the same as my last one.

13:41How many of these have you...

13:43Relationships, so far?

13:45Bye.

13:46I'm an old hand, I suppose.

13:47Oh.

13:52Listen, I'm just going to jump in the shower.

13:54Okay.

13:55Won't be long.

14:21Hey.

14:24Hi.

14:26So listen, if you're okay with it, this is relationship five for me, and I found it's

14:30best to have sex straight away up front.

14:34Right.

14:35Kind of breaks the ice.

14:37Gives an early overview of compatibility and so on.

14:39Yep.

14:41So I'm consenting to everything now.

14:43Whenever you feel comfortable with doing the same, you should...

15:03Tika masala, just...

15:07Tika masala.

15:08Oh, I'm sorry.

15:09Talking makes it worse.

15:13Shereen.

15:14No, no, you're going to have to do it from behind.

15:16You are?

15:17From behind.

15:18Ooh.

15:36Bit faster.

15:38Oh.

15:45more motion

15:47not like that, more motion

15:49you're all in, out, in, out

15:50like you're trying to shut a draw back to a filing cabinet

15:52sorry

15:52it's just boring

15:54want a bit more side to side

16:00like this

16:03no, not really

16:15what was that?

16:17nothing

17:05so I can't just walk away

17:07that is correct

17:10one day it will provide you with the ultimate match

17:16one day

17:18one day

18:02so I'd just like to say

18:04do have faith in the system

18:06because it does deliver

18:08it did for us

18:11you have so many experiences

18:13and then one day

18:14it pairs you up with your ultimate match

18:17the best in show

18:18as it were

18:22so if you're having doubts

18:23just hang on in there

18:25because it really does work

18:47garlic dip

18:48thanks for that

19:02hey

19:03hey

19:04what's that

19:07your

19:08yeah

19:09look for that

19:10oh

19:10yeah

19:15okay

19:17no you're not being

19:18being serious

19:19oh my god

19:20okay

19:20this is happening

19:21okay

19:21I'm just

19:25oh

19:25thanks

19:30you look well

19:31thanks

19:32I'd return the compliment

19:33but you've just spat food

19:35on my shoe

19:36so

19:36to be fair

19:37it is a revolting shoe

19:38so

19:39well I'm about to kick you with

19:42is that really hard

19:44ouch

19:45I'm so sorry

19:47look

19:53oh

19:54um

19:54uh

19:56Lenny this is

19:57um

19:57Frank

19:58Frank this is Lenny

19:59hi Lenny you're right

20:00hi

20:00well we were together for

20:02a bit

20:03small

20:04small bit

20:04yeah just before

20:06oh so you two

20:08oh that's great

20:10so I mean

20:11it looks like you two

20:12make a great

20:13team

20:17yeah

20:20yeah

20:21yeah

20:22yeah

20:26yeah

20:27yeah

20:28yeah

20:34yeah

20:38yeah

20:40yeah

20:41yeah

20:45yeah

22:15You know that noise you make?

22:17What noise?

22:21Do I do that?

22:22Yeah.

22:24You do, quite often.

22:25Does it bother you?

22:28A bit, yeah.

22:32I'll try not to.

22:33Okay.

22:34Okay.

22:46Okay.

22:50Okay.

22:57Okay.

22:58I don't know.

23:03Okay.

23:04I don't know.

23:07I don't know.

23:08Okay.

23:15I don't know.

23:16I don't know.

23:29so it's been great really shame it has to end and it must anyway

23:44okay bye

23:57another partner already that is correct

24:15so three

24:17two one go

24:21that is six hours

24:30very well bye bye

24:42two one go

24:45one go

25:06one go

25:09one go

25:34one go

25:37one go

25:38one go

25:49one go

25:51one go

25:56one go

26:05one go

26:08one go

26:10one go

26:14one go

26:15one go

26:33one go

26:39one go

26:41one go

26:44one go

26:46one go

26:47one go

27:09one go

27:12one go

27:17one go

27:18one go

27:23one go

27:25one go

27:26one go

27:27one go

27:28one go

27:29one go

27:30one go

27:36one go

27:37one go

27:38one go

27:44one go

27:45one go

27:56one go

27:59one go

28:18one go

28:21one go

28:23one go

28:25one go

28:26one go

28:29one go

28:35you know

28:36this is kind ofBC

28:37then you better makeup for it in a minute

28:43i'm going to see your dick

28:47Sorry

28:50i'm gonna fucking see it

28:52Okay, different.

29:27What if there is no scrutiny?

29:29It's just putting us together in any old order

29:31and we all go along with it

29:32because they're always telling us how clever it is.

29:34Yeah, but it does put people with a wand.

29:36It's got a 99.8% success rate.

29:39But how do you know they're perfect matches?

29:41I mean, what if all it's actually doing

29:43is gradually wearing us down?

29:46Putting us in one relationship after another

29:48for random durations in a random sequence

29:51each time you get a little bit more pliable,

29:53a little bit more broken

29:55until eventually it coughs up the final offering

29:58and says, that's the one.

29:59And by that point, you are so defeated and so exhausted

30:03that you just accept it.

30:05You settle.

30:06And then you have to live the rest of your life

30:10convincing yourself you didn't.

30:14Well done.

30:15That's one of the bleakest things I've ever heard.

30:22Right.

30:23Do you want to know my theory?

30:25Let's assume the system isn't random, yeah?

30:27It's as sophisticated as they say it is.

30:29OK.

30:30Right, so using these,

30:31it slopes up all your reactions, yeah?

30:33It builds up a complex profile.

30:35Mm-hm.

30:36Every crazy thought you've ever had.

30:38All your dreams and your weaknesses and, yeah.

30:41And your mad theories.

30:42Yeah, like everything in your head.

30:44Right.

30:44Right, so if it's everything in your head,

30:46does it have thoughts?

30:48All right, so now you're going to say,

30:50what if that's us and we're stuck in the simulation?

30:53Well, how do we know?

30:57I think that settles it.

31:00Well, I might have been programmed to go out.

31:02OK.

31:02I think that's OK.

31:03OK.

31:04OK.

31:06OK.

31:07OK.

31:16OK.

31:33Come here.

32:04Come here.

32:15Come here.

32:17Come here.

32:30Come here.

32:31Come here.

32:48Come here.

32:50Come here.

32:51Come here.

32:52Come here.

32:53Come here.

33:07Come here.

33:09Come here.

33:11Come here.

33:25Come here.

33:35Come here.

33:37Come here.

33:38Come here.

33:41Come here.

33:55Come here.

33:56Come here.

33:59Come here.

34:03Come here.

34:09Come here.

34:35Come here.

34:38Come here.

34:39Why?

34:40Everything happens for a reason.

34:42Well undo it then.

34:43Make it go back.

34:44I cannot do that.

34:45Recalibrating.

34:48What if she looks at it?

34:49Once shortened, the expiry date cannot be extended.

34:52Why?

34:53Everything happens for a reason.

34:55Come on.

34:56Recalibrating.

34:57Come on.

34:59Why didn't it stop?

35:00It will stabilise once recalibration has completed.

35:04Recalibrating.

35:05Stop it.

35:06Stop it, just...

35:20Come on.

35:45I'm not going to leave.

35:52You okay?

35:53Yeah, I'm fine.

35:55Alright?

35:56I'm good.

36:15Have you ever had more than four or less than four?

36:17I suppose.

36:26What you thinking about?

36:29Doffy.

36:37Doffy.

36:41Doffy.

36:42Doffy.

36:43Doffy.

36:44Doffy.

37:11Doffy.

37:41Doffy.

37:43Doffy.

37:50Doffy.

37:51Doffy.

38:11Doffy.

38:18Doffy.

38:33Doffy.

38:42Doffy.

38:44Doffy.

38:45Doffy.

38:46Doffy.

38:47Doffy.

38:48How'd you know?

38:53Amy.

38:54You've ruined this.

38:56You've ruined it.

38:59Ace, it's nothing.

39:02Amy.

39:03Don't follow me.

39:05Amy, I'm sorry.

39:10Amy.

39:13Everything happens for a reason.

39:16What reason?

39:16The system will be assessing your reaction

39:18to the painful premature termination

39:20of a treasured relationship

39:22and will adjust and improve its profile

39:24of your eventual chosen one accordingly.

39:27You have great comfort.

39:36To God, I feel like scaling the wall out there

39:40and jumping in the fucking wilderness.

39:42That would contravene the rules of the system.

39:44Oh, the fucking system.

39:49Failure to comply with the system may result in banishment.

39:52Alright, I know.

39:54Christ, will you let me be angry at least?

39:57Will you give me that?

40:00You must vacate your current living quarters

40:02when the time expires.

40:03Maybe police...

40:04...like I didn't know.

40:07I don't know.

40:24Mom's going

41:54And if I hadn't have looked, we'd have been together years.

41:59She was...

42:00You know, when you meet someone and you just know...

42:04You just know that...

42:06Reckon he could put this in me now.

42:08I sort got jawache.

42:10Yeah, come on.

42:11And after all that, he never even apologised.

42:16Not once.

42:18That's too bad.

42:23Do you mind if I think about her?

42:27If I can think about him?

42:29Yeah, it's hard.

42:44One, two, three, four.

42:53One, two, three, four.

43:12Congratulations, Amy.

43:14Your ultimate match has been identified.

43:16Your pairing day is tomorrow.

43:18Ultimate as in the one?

43:19That is correct.

43:20And we meet tomorrow?

43:22That is correct.

43:25Tomorrow you'll be coupled with your ultimate match.

43:27And together you will leave this place forever.

43:31Okay.

43:33Are you allowed to tell me anything about them?

43:35Do I know them already?

43:37Negative.

43:39Right.

43:40There is one more thing.

43:42Yeah, what's that?

43:43Prior to pairing day, you have been allocated a short farewell period with an individual of your choosing.

43:48What, a farewell period like I get to say goodbye to someone?

43:51That is correct.

43:53Data shows this can help provide psychological closure.

43:56Frank, I choose Frank.

43:58Your choice has been registered.

44:07Wait, where are we meeting?

44:08Usual booth, 7.30pm.

44:11Aye.

44:15Coach?

44:16Yes, Amy?

44:18Count to four.

44:21One, two, three, four.

44:46Wait.

44:47Wait.

44:48How long we got?

44:57The system set my pairing day for tomorrow.

44:59Yeah, me too.

45:00Right.

45:01I don't want whoever the system reckons the one is, okay?

45:04I want you.

45:05I want you.

45:06Failure to comply with the system may result in banishment.

45:08Oh, you can just walk off an odd.

45:10Can you remember where you were before you came here?

45:15You can't, can you?

45:18No.

45:18Me neither.

45:20Why can't I think of that?

45:21It's a test.

45:23Do you remember the first night that we were together?

45:25I mean, the first night.

45:26How did you feel?

45:29I felt safe, happy, comfortable.

45:33It felt like something locked into place, you know?

45:37Like we met before.

45:38Like it happened before and like it'll happen again.

45:40Like it's happened a thousand times over and over again.

45:43Do you know what I mean?

45:45Yeah, I do.

45:47Ever since we've met, this world has been toying with us.

45:49It's trying to keep us apart.

45:51It's a test, I swear it is.

45:53And the two of us rebelling together is something to do with passing it.

45:58We've got to fuck it all off.

46:01Exactly, we've just got to fuck the whole thing off and go.

46:03Yeah, over the wall.

46:04Right, over it.

46:05No matter what's out there.

46:07Okay.

46:09So let's go.

46:13Yeah, let's go.

46:55I don't know.

47:16I don't know.

47:46Come on.

48:24I don't know.

48:55I don't know.

49:21I don't know.

49:46I don't know.

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