- 16 hours ago
Chicago Med - Season 11 - Episode 16: The Book of Charles
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00:05After that little scare with Anna, I just got this knot in my chest every now and then.
00:11I have decided to step away from teaching because I already found the best possible replacement.
00:17Me?
00:17You must have some kind of protege who's ready to take the reins.
00:20What happened?
00:21I'm thinking about retiring.
00:23I haven't had a panic attack since medical school.
00:27I'm in the candle at both ends.
00:28I started to volunteer at a suicide hotline.
00:31Being the guy on the other end of the line, I don't know, it kind of helps.
01:19Greater Chicago Lifeline, this is Dan.
01:22What's going on tonight?
01:28Hello?
01:31Are you there?
01:32Did I lose you?
01:38I'm here.
01:39Oh, there you are.
01:41Tell me what's happening.
01:44I want to die.
01:48Thank you for your honesty.
01:51I also appreciate you saying that out loud because that's not easy to do.
01:58It's all I can think about.
02:00My brain just keeps, I don't know, running in circles.
02:05It always comes back to that.
02:07I can't eat.
02:08I can't sleep.
02:11Not sleeping absolutely sucks.
02:14Do you mind if I ask your name or at least, you know, what you'd like me to call you?
02:22It's Gio.
02:23Gio.
02:25Okay, Gio.
02:27It was an accident.
02:29It was my fault.
02:31What was?
02:32What was your fault?
02:36I killed my girlfriend.
02:40Okay.
02:42Think it might help to, um, tell me what happened?
02:47Why?
02:48Why?
02:48How would that help?
02:50Well, you know, you said that it was your fault and that it was an accident, which is interesting
02:55because, you know, I mean, accidents are, well, I mean, they're accidents, right?
02:59I mean, they're not on purpose.
03:03We went to a holiday party.
03:05By the end of the night, she was pretty hammered, but I only had a few beers, so I drove
03:11us home.
03:13She started feeling sick, so I was driving pretty fast.
03:18I didn't want her to puke in the car, you know what I mean?
03:20Oh, I sure do.
03:20That's the worst.
03:22Yeah.
03:25We were coming up on a big intersection when the light turned yellow, so I gunned it.
03:34And out of nowhere, a woman stepped into the crosswalk early.
03:40I slammed on my brakes.
03:42I tried to see around her, but the car spun out of control and slammed into a traffic pole on
03:51the passenger side.
03:57When I looked over at her, her eyes were open, but she was gone.
04:07Man, I'm just so sorry, Gio.
04:09That sounds awful.
04:11I mean, awful.
04:12It's like a tape loop in my brain.
04:15It hurts so much, and it never, ever stops.
04:18I need to make it stop.
04:21Okay.
04:21You know, there is a big difference, though, right, between being involved in an accident and intentionally causing someone's death,
04:30right?
04:31And I want you to trust me on this.
04:32Like, grief and guilt are really, really good at blurring the difference.
04:37It was my job to get her home safe.
04:41You want to know what the cruelest thing is about accidents that happen really quickly?
04:45It's that after the fact, we slow them way down, and then we start to play them over and over
04:52again in our head, which creates the illusion that we might have done something differently, right?
04:58That we could have somehow created a different outcome, when the truth is that that was just never, ever going
05:04to happen.
05:09Look, you're clearly a nice guy, but none of this stuff is going to bring her back.
05:15No, it's not.
05:16And I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to accept that.
05:22Gio, can I ask you, do you have anything with you that you might use to hurt yourself tonight?
05:29I couldn't.
05:31Got it.
05:32And, uh, where is the gun right now?
05:37Okay.
05:40Look, I'm going to ask you to do something for me, all right?
05:42And that is, I just want you to put it somewhere, just for now, put it somewhere where you can't
05:47see it.
05:52You still there, buddy?
06:00Sometimes it can actually help to talk about people that we've lost, right?
06:06You think that might help to talk about her a bit?
06:08I mean, there is no wrong answer to this question.
06:11I'm-I'm just asking.
06:15Her name is Darby.
06:20She's gone.
06:22Forever.
06:25You know what?
06:26This-this is a mistake.
06:28What is?
06:30What-
06:31Gio, look.
06:32It's so important that you feel this stuff.
06:35Look, you-
06:35It is.
06:36You can't possibly understand.
06:38It's torture.
06:39Buddy, listen.
06:40And I can't do it anymore.
06:41No, no, you look-
06:42No, no, I'm sorry.
06:44Gio, listen.
06:45Lost like this brings a kind of pain that-that can't be solved or explained away.
06:50You just got to talk about it.
06:51You just got to feel it, right?
06:52But just because you're feeling it doesn't mean you have to act on it.
06:55Feeling guilty doesn't mean you don't deserve-
06:59Gio.
07:23I don't know.
07:25I'm running in circles and it always comes back to that.
07:27I can't eat.
07:28I can't sleep.
07:30I can't sleep.
07:49Hi.
07:50Hi, honey.
07:51How you doing?
07:52Good.
07:54Oh.
08:01is everything okay dad yeah great you're early yeah the traffic from evanston was super light
08:09okay i want you to be honest with me what do you miss more me or my state-of-the
08:14-art laundry
08:15facility it's a dead heat oh man you are so adorable when you lie i lie because i love dad
08:22you know what i'm gonna make some eggs sugar only gets you so far oh but they're magically delicious
08:31oh whoops oh sorry about that oh no don't touch anything
08:40boxers uh those are mine you wearing men's boxers now uh it's a thing now okay
08:53what honey nothing it's none of my business okay come on dad i'm asking you to tell me what you
08:59were gonna say i'm just wondering if having a boyfriend is just the best idea right now
09:02that's all i cannot believe you just said that honey you told me that that's what dr drake told
09:06you okay note to self don't tell dad a goddamn thing about anything ever again sweetie i'm sorry
09:11really i'm sorry dad i don't have a boyfriend aren't you worried that a new relationship i mean even a
09:17sexual relationship okay dad good point fine i like to get laid oh man i need to get laid no
09:24no
09:25honey it's like the best antidepressant that i have found so far come on dad this doesn't have anything
09:30to do with me this is about you whenever you start fixating on my life it means something's going on
09:35with you it's called projecting yeah i'm familiar with the concept how about deflection you ever heard
09:41that one okay how about this you go to work i'll wash my clothes and we'll pretend this conversation
09:47never took place okay so could your supervisor trace the call using his phone number only emergency
09:57services is allowed to do that and get this once we make that move right once we escalate it that's
10:03it
10:04no follow-up allowed whatsoever it's a legal thing right we are not allowed to find out what happened
10:09one way or the other damn that's brutal tell me about it yeah but look you did everything you can
10:14and you don't know what happened and maybe that's a good thing you also know what you signed up for
10:20right of course i do so come on daniel you can't save everybody why not
10:32oh hey do you have a moment i do talk later maybe a little cocktail after work yes please
10:40all right i have a patient that just came in travis abbott says he fell and hit his head
10:46but he's been knocked around pretty bad uh there was blood and perineal lacerations near his rectum
10:52and his tox screen came back positive for ghp oh okay you're thinking sexual assault yeah but
10:58he won't go there lead the way i don't know what the big deal is all right i i i
11:04had too much to
11:05drink i tripped and smashed my head in the bathroom i just came here to make sure i didn't have
11:08a
11:09concussion and dr ripley said i don't so should i please go home now here's the thing we do need
11:14to
11:14inform you that we are legally obligated to reach out to law enforcement and provide you access to
11:20counseling when we're confronted with evidence wait i'm fine okay
11:30you know um my dad he wasn't around long but uh he did teach me to handle pain with silence
11:38because that's what real men do right someone kicks your ass you suck it up someone makes you cry
11:43you suck it up but that crap eats you up inside trust me it's not worth it you gotta learn
11:55to
11:56ask for help
12:03oh that was super moving but none of it applies to me
12:09got it i really just have one more question screw you go fuss over somebody else who do y'all
12:19think
12:19you are my model
12:20you creeping on your daughter's facebook page dr charles
12:33i'm not creeping on anything it's my it's my daughter and it's a public platform i last checked
12:38how about you mind your own business
12:44what do you mean how do you know that well because i follow her and you don't
12:57well if you must know i think she might have a new boyfriend and i'm just worried he's a little
13:02sketchy anna has a new boyfriend what she's got a new new boyfriend how many boyfriends does she have
13:09dr charles you available for a consult yeah okay 32 year old sage ellison she claims she's
13:19in searing abdominal pain and is demanding i perform exploratory surgery and she
13:24put him in a real show too i ran every test under the sun and i didn't find anything so
13:29what
13:30you're saying is you think we might have a big time hypochondriac in there definitely thank you
13:36thank you so could you give me just a rough idea of when you first became aware of of the
13:43pain
13:44about two years ago okay and always pretty much been concentrated in your digestive system yeah it
13:53always starts off as minor but inevitably it always gets a lot worse i keep losing weight because
13:59eating is torture i mean it sucks sounds like it anything i don't know stressful going on in your
14:08life at the time there it is what skepticism you're a psychiatrist so you think i'm either drug seeking
14:18or it's all in my head the only thing i was thinking is that you didn't answer my question
14:25are you okay sage
14:29do you really care actually i do
14:35no nothing emotionally stressful happened in my life that triggered me
14:42but i get it i'm a woman i'm used to men discounting my physical pain
14:49all right i hear that but what i was about to say was people tend to start making moral judgments
14:57you
14:58know when we can't identify traditional sources of pain and as far as i'm concerned you know like pain
15:04it's pain do you know how many stories i've heard of doctors discounting a woman's pain only to later
15:10discover that she had cancer and that by then it was terminal because too much time had been wasted
15:17are you worried that this could be cancer that's my point i don't know
15:23but my stomach feels like it's being ripped apart by a chainsaw and nobody seems to care
15:29so please find someone who does or even better just send someone down here to prep me for my surgery
15:44oh it's like a table with my brain oh it hurts so much and it never ever stops i need
15:51to make it
15:59oh come on
16:04what's the problem
16:06naomi just schooled with me on wordle again what's the word lunar
16:12i completely blanked on the sixth and final guess and she gets it in too
16:18oh you okay seem a little sad don't don't don't even with me right now
16:24two guesses dr howard i'm a lifelong astronomy buff so the word came easy
16:30one thing this small town girl doesn't love about the big city is you can't see the stars
16:35i miss them wow that is sad sure is i gotta go oh also
16:45i rule
16:49it's a good one
16:52going on there absolutely nothing
16:58really sure we've had our moments okay but we're strictly friends got it she has a boyfriend
17:08really look there's been a lot of bad timing between us but i have a feeling that this
17:14new boyfriend is a short timer next time i won't miss my chance next time huh
17:22you are judging me aren't you next times aren't guaranteed you know gather ye rosebuds while ye may
17:35yeah
17:37hey daniel i'm sorry for summoning you but i just got a weird call from the provost of porter
17:46university school of medicine asking for a reference my god okay look this is howie all right who
17:54decided to retire now that's a terrible idea in my opinion but in his mind i'm the only person in
18:01the
18:01entire universe who could replace him as a dean of psychiatry i got it as long as it's all in
18:06his
18:07head and not in yours oh trust me ain't going nowhere and just for the record i am flattered by
18:13you're concerned oh and i ran into dr lennox she said you're consulting on a patient who's
18:19demanding a surgery she may not need yeah sage ellison poor thing she's a tough one but really suffering just
18:28not necessarily in the way she might have us believe okay oh and uh daniel
18:35i'm glad you're sticking around me too
18:46and i'm glad you're doing this
18:47travis travis wait nope i'm out
18:57well travis just checked himself out against medical advice
19:02sorry i couldn't help you move that needle pal yeah me too
19:06but i couldn't help noticing that you almost did
19:11so look none of my business but i couldn't help wondering are you in therapy
19:21good catch buddy was always such a hard no for you i mean what what got you there just curious
19:29i don't know maybe uh hannah and sadie dumping me for the same reason oh man those personal hygiene
19:36issues they finally caught up with you that and um my savior complex oh come on isn't that basically
19:43just i don't know being a doctor my three exes all said to me in so many words just do
19:51what you're
19:51gonna do danny because that's what you're best at ouch yeah i don't know man you just uh come a
19:58long way
20:00and i hope you don't mind me telling you that uh i'm really proud of you
20:08thank you
20:21dr charles can i talk to you in private jake driscoll theater major he's a prick
20:28he's not ugly turned 22 on december 19. anyone to tell how long they've been dating
20:33oh i have no clue dr charles there's no hint of anna here no photos as a matter of fact
20:39he still
20:39has his dating profile set to single she was horrified when i called him her boyfriend
20:46oh well maybe they're not exclusive maybe this is like more of a casual thing he does give me
20:53wild child sagittarius vibes and miguel is also that's great show me the blog okay
20:59oh he's been in and out of rehab three times well he hasn't posted in like a month and a
21:05half i hope
21:05he's okay what do you mean do you think he relapsed
21:12alara i am very well aware of how busy you are and so i just wanted to uh thank you
21:18again for
21:19taking the time to come in and talk to me about your sister i really appreciate it just understand i
21:23don't want to see sage and she can't know i was here you have my word
21:30so it sounds to me like maybe you guys aren't really in touch right now not for the last five
21:35years you mind if i ask why
21:41let me guess why i'm here sage is an unbearable pain and she wants emergency surgery to fix it
21:49but you can't seem to find anything wrong okay so this has happened before
21:58sage is my kid sister we grew up in the foster system musical families some nice
22:07some not so nice but when they weren't nice i was always there to protect her
22:13but when i aged out of the foster system one kid cracked her skull with a bat and she had
22:19emergency
22:19surgery the doctors and nurses knew her situation so they showered her with attention to make up for it
22:27she's been chasing that high ever since
22:31did it ever occur to you the possibility that sage's pain might be real to her
22:37you're giving her too much credit the mind can be extraordinarily adept at creating physical pain
22:43alora it can she's not in any pain she's just a liar well the attention-seeking behavior you're
22:51describing is at the core of a very serious condition called factitious disorder or as it's more commonly
22:58known you know munchausen syndrome i don't care what it's called i just know i can't deal with it
23:03anymore i blamed myself for a long time maybe if i had taken her with me when i turned 18
23:09she'd be
23:11normal sage kept me on the hook with that guilt well she kind of weaponized it didn't she you're
23:18damn right i believed her lies enabled her defended her to doctors who knew better until i realized
23:29i had to cut her out of my life if i was ever going to actually have one
23:39it was my fault
23:43i killed my girlfriend girlfriend
23:47hi i'm dr charles dr frost asked me to stop by lee holloway but i'm not the patient oh he
23:54is
24:03well hello there what is uh with your name well you know cats don't talk dr charles excellent point
24:12what is this uh this kitty's name slater
24:19but i'd call him adelaide for your own safety adelaide it is uh lee brought him in with chronic
24:25vomiting he's been eating cat food uh-huh and um how long has adelaide been doing that for three days
24:33since our cat died oh well i'm so sorry thank you adelaide was my partner in crime for 18 years
24:42i adopted
24:43her my freshman year at depaul pre-husband pre-motherhood she got me through many breakups
24:51but it's a pretty extreme way of trying to make me feel better isn't it lee would you mind if
24:56i just
24:57had a moment alone with adelaide would that be all right of course just follow me this way
25:04thank you adelaide why don't you just um want me to jump up on the bed there's a lot of
25:11fleas on the
25:15floor wow so look i am gonna ask you a few questions okay and how about if the answer is
25:26yes
25:27you meow and if the answer is no you just don't say anything sound good
25:36okay maybe the reason that you turned into a cat was because your your mom was so sad and you
25:42wanted to make her feel better okay well look i think it's so wonderful how hard you're working
25:51to make your mom feel better but i want to let you in on a little secret moms actually left
25:56their kids
25:57more than anything anything in the whole wide world even their favorite pet so what i think
26:05is that who mom actually misses the most just later
26:18it was my fault what was your fault mommy had jersey chocolates on the top shelf of the pantry
26:26i'm not supposed to know because she doesn't want me eating too much sugar
26:33so i snuck in the pantry after she went to bed one night and ate with you but i forgot
26:40to put the
26:41chocolates back on the shelf i left them on the floor oh i see and adelaide found them
26:52mommy found her dad in the morning
26:56she'll never forgive me yes she will i promise you that but first we have to tell her what happened
27:05i know that that sounds scary but i'm gonna help you okay and after we do
27:11trust me everybody's gonna feel so much better especially you
27:23what kind of doctor are you why do you ask i thought i was gonna have to be a cat
27:29forever
27:29oh well i'm really glad that i could help should we talk to mom
27:50oh
27:50any luck any leads on geo's phone well don't worry dan i kept your name off him since his life
27:56was at
27:57an imminent risk i was able to use accident circumstances to trap the phone fantastic
28:03and and it was purchased at a 7-eleven okay as you go no database can ever hit the number
28:09so i
28:10got up quick on a trap and trace ping order but it was turned off right after your hotline
28:17phone to your pain got an area downtown but it's so dense with high rises and the ping has a
28:221000
28:23meter range of error so it's like kind of a needle in a haystack thing i did my best i
28:29tried to track
28:29every geo every giovanni nothing so what are you thinking kind of a dead end i wish i had more
28:36for you
28:37look buddy i knew this was a long shot i just really appreciate you looking into it for me really
28:43i do okay at least i can do that so you're calling me a liar no you just told me
28:50my pain isn't real
28:50that's not what i said at all what i said was just because there could be a psychological element
28:55at play here doesn't mean that this is any less real to you okay yeah great mother jerisa but
29:02but our nervous systems can learn to express emotional pain in the form of physical symptoms
29:10there it is again what did i tell you it's all in my head i know what i'm saying what
29:15i'm saying is
29:15your body and your mind could be colluding in ways you're not even aware of because it's not
29:20voluntary stop hiding behind all your fancy double talk and send me someone who will actually listen
29:25sage trust me i'm listening you're so full of it i mean do you actually know how full of it
29:31you are
29:31i understand the power of attention trust me you know medical attention included for people
29:38who feel lonely and abandoned oh i'm lonely and abandoned am i well you're a human being okay
29:49well if i need medical attention to feel whole do you know what that makes you i don't know what
29:58what does that make me the freak who needs sick people like me to feel whole because fixing us
30:05is how you feel important you should see your face i nailed it didn't i you need me
30:17i'm the damn drug you're strung out on you need us so that you can feel useful
30:23so you can bs yourself into believing you're actually helping
30:30come on dr charles hit me with some more of your fancy crap so you can feel better about
30:35yourself and feed your delusion because the truth is you're a useless fraud
30:44and you want to know what's really sad everybody knows it but you
30:58look it's really nice guy none of this is gonna bring her back oh sorry i'm sorry
31:05head it out uh yeah my boyfriend and i are grabbing deep dish at pequod's oh well you're
31:10not gonna regret that yeah i can't wait
31:18incoming
31:23doris i noticed you friend requested my new boyfriend today
31:30oh yeah i don't know she was snooping on my behalf
31:35i put her up to it yeah i put that part together all by myself
31:40you said he wasn't your boyfriend i think we should talk yeah let's talk
31:53you are many things but internet sleuth is not one of them honey maybe i i overstepped a little bit
31:58oh maybe honestly i was freaked out by our conversation this morning of course you were
32:03entitled to a private life oh thanks so much for getting that dad but i mean just so you know
32:06the
32:07program of alcoholics anonymous actively discourages relationships in the first year of sobriety okay
32:13because it's just a very risky proposition wow this from the man who spent years preaching
32:20non-judgment of recovering addicts i'm not judging anybody i'm trying to protect you you know bad idea
32:24for you terrible idea for him dr drake would have said the same thing about johnny jake jake because
32:30after all didn't the poor fella just relapse dad he had a couple of drinks that's called a relapse
32:35he's fine he's going to meetings again great does he know about your situations you know about your
32:39history about you know my suicide attempt yes dad he does good honey i'm just you gotta oh let me
32:49guess
32:49dealing with such complex emotions and attachment could lead to a relapse of depression or or worse
32:55suicidal ideation is that what you were gonna say i almost lost you okay sharon called me and told me
33:04you've been an accident and that you were in critical condition so robin and i we got in the car
33:09and we
33:10drove here and it was the longest 15 minutes of my life because i was terrified that i would get
33:15here
33:16and find you dead so you just be careful around this topic and you cut me some slack please
33:43stop stop stop hi dr charles are you okay i'm fine
33:56and clearly not as good as you two but uh thank you for asking
34:21dr charles what are you doing looking for the big dipper no it's a surprise for naomi
34:31oh wow yeah but uh her shift ends any minute and she's gonna walk in here so
34:38buddy i think i might have just seen her leaving the hospital
34:41wait really yeah do you have any idea where she went
34:47damn it okay if you must know i was taking your advice
34:54i know it's kind of corny but i was trying to i don't know make her day
35:02well if it's any consolation um i think you might have just made mine
35:12thanks excuse me yeah go ahead
35:21hi sharon where are you daniel i am right behind the doctor's lounge listen i need you to come up
35:29to my
35:29office right away something wrong we have a situation so don't talk to anyone just come straight up here
35:38i'm on my way
35:47it's torture and i can't do it anymore
35:50you know what this is all i'm staying with this thing
35:53i have some distressing news
35:56st hallison just filed an official complaint against you
36:07what are you okay yeah i'm fine what's going on sorry what were you saying sage ellison just filed
36:15an official complaint against you on what grounds well she claims you verbally abused her a few hours
36:22ago that is a steaming load of crap well she also claims you accused her of faking
36:28her abdominal pain for attention i promise you the only person who got abused in that room
36:35was me you do know i have to go through the motions of processing this complaint why
36:43sharon nothing happened do you not believe me when i tell you yes of course i believe you
36:48but this is about optics come on you dismiss this kind of stuff all the time daniel it's a little
36:55different when the accused is your best friend now wouldn't you say come on this is unbelievable
37:02this is unbelievable okay what is wrong with you what are you not telling me
37:09what's that supposed to mean not tell not telling you what
37:14you don't believe me you don't believe me no no you don't believe daniel wait a minute just slow
37:20down i'm worried about you this is not like my friend yeah well right back at you maybe your
37:26friend doesn't like being called a liar okay you know what maybe you need some more personal time
37:31how about no what i need is uh maybe take howie's offer more seriously that's what i need okay so
37:36you
37:36were considering it you were just lying to me i have never lied to you never
37:44and i was not considering it not for a second but i sure as hell am now
37:59hey yo right here can you all stand by one second yeah thank you or three is ready for her
38:04what
38:05happened uh sage just swallowed some drain cleaner what cleaners were here earlier she must have stolen
38:11it off the cart she was screaming at the top of her lungs when i came in on exam she
38:15had significant
38:16erythema and ulceration in her mouth who knows what her esophagus looks like what was she screaming
38:20about crazy stuff something about her dad i think am i sick enough for you now pop does that mean
38:28something to you is um she couldn't make it uh if she didn't just put a huge hole into her
38:34esophagus
38:35or stomach and she doesn't start to hemorrhage in the next 10 minutes maybe let's get her upstairs to
38:46surgery
38:49uh
39:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
39:39Oh, my God.
39:40I think you're a little hard enough.
39:42I'm ready.
39:43I'm ready.
39:43I'm ready.
39:46I'm ready.
39:47I said it again.
39:48OK.
39:48I said what again?
39:49I think we're going to start.
39:51Is that ready?
39:53You're on me.
39:54I love it.
39:55Sikes before the man.
39:55We're going to get home in time to start working.
39:57I'm covered.
40:00I'm ready.
40:01I'm ready.
40:01I'm ready.
40:01I'm ready.
40:04I'm ready.
40:05I'm ready.
40:06I'm ready.
40:07I'm ready.
40:08I'm ready.
40:14I don't know.
40:18There's no way I can set a price on some I've never done before.
40:32Danny?
40:35Is that you?
40:38Oh, hi, Mom.
40:39What are you doing here?
40:41You tell me.
40:46I don't know.
40:47I'm going to assume that I'm dreaming.
40:50You sure it's not a nightmare?
40:52Probably
40:52You're ready as my fate.
40:57I don't know if you're dead Givenchy.
41:03I'm really, I'm proud to make you feel sad.
41:05Hit it.
41:35Transcription by CastingWords
41:54Transcription by CastingWords
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