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Celebs Go Dating Season 15 Episode 1
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00:00You bring me joy
00:02Celebs Go Day In is back!
00:04Yes!
00:08Kicking off the line-up this year, we've got
00:11The Lean Mean Rapping Machine
00:13Professor Green
00:15I might be asexual
00:16All green, no beans
00:18Pop legend and loose woman, Colleen Nolan
00:21Hi, how are you?
00:22I'm in the mood
00:23England rugby colossus, James Haskell
00:26This is scary
00:28Aussie math star, Lucinda Lyne
00:31Three since four since more since
00:33Love Islander and SAS survivor, Gabby Allen
00:36I'm just in the business
00:37Joy!
00:40And making his return, the reality icon
00:43Hello you cheeky boggers
00:45David Potts
00:47I'm ready for someone to put a bloody ring on it
00:50And if that's not enough, dropping in later
00:52We've got baller and YouTuber, P.K. Humble
00:55I'm not going to do a number two, I promise
00:57OK
00:58Oh God!
00:59Can this lot put in the graft?
01:01It's like someone with a pulse
01:03It's just really bad
01:04Like is it?
01:05Swerve the drama
01:06Did you kiss him?
01:09I would love to get a step ladder and climb up you
01:12And overcome heartache
01:14It felt so easy to fall in love and be in love
01:18People don't hear men talk about this, right?
01:22To find the one
01:23To find the one
01:23People have always told me that they can imagine me with a rugby player
01:26Oh really?
01:27I mean I couldn't say stuff
01:28This is going to be good
01:30Who would you like to bring with you to Tenerife?
01:32Wow
01:33Sexy baby
01:34Hello
01:34As our celebs
01:35My dick is cuddling
01:37Go
01:37You could do a lot of spunking in here
01:40Dating?
01:41My tits might fall out
01:42I don't know if I'm excited or I'm going to be sick
01:50Welcome to a brand new series of Celebs Go Dating
01:55This year we're kicking things off in the capital with
01:58No, not a mixer
01:59The celebs are being treated to one of Tom Reid Wilson's infamous DP sessions
02:06It's a dinner party
02:08Oh
02:10There isn't a big enough hope
02:12There you go
02:13Before the agents set them on their dating journeys
02:16They want to know exactly who they're working with
02:18At an intimate spill the beans dinner soiree
02:21Yum yum
02:22Now I'm just going to tug you gingerly
02:26Mmm, he's touching cloth
02:28There
02:28So let's dispense with the needless fluffing
02:31And start stuffing this place
02:33Because our first celeb is here
02:35And hold up, it is massive
02:38Needed no introduction
02:39He might have lost himself
02:43But he's here to find romance
02:46Yes
02:47It's
02:49Ah, of course
02:50You saw him at the start
02:52With a PhD in Hip Hop
02:54Now looking for an education in love
02:56Is Professor Green
02:58This ain't so stereotypical man
03:01Not for a stereotypical man
03:03It should be me the ones that get rid of you
03:05Hello, my name is Steven Manderson
03:08Hello Steven
03:09People may know me better by the name Professor Green
03:14I'd say so, yeah
03:14I would describe myself as awkward, annoying, intolerable, insufferable, but kind
03:21Pro-G and Made in Chelsea star Millie Mackintosh divorced in 2016
03:27Then Steven became a dad in 2021 before splitting up with his partner six months ago
03:33Being a dad and having a son
03:36It's the most important and most significant thing in my life
03:39If someone's going on a date with me, I would much rather than not have Googled me
03:43But then again, low expectations are easy to exceed
03:48Can't wait to get in front of Paul and be like, assess me
03:50Tell me where I've gone wrong
03:51I clearly need some help
03:55Professor Green
03:56Steven, please, good evening
03:57Steven
03:58How you doing?
03:59Drop the title
04:01It's just a nom de plume
04:02I don't know what that means
04:04It'll be something to do with plums, knowing Tom
04:06Your work is sublime
04:07I suffer with compliments, by the way, so
04:09Oh, do you?
04:10Yeah, if I seem awkward, it's because I am
04:11I will stem the flow in that case
04:13Because I can be like a machine gun volley often
04:16Yeah, well shove a thumb up your barrel, Tom
04:18Because the next celeb is inbound
04:22It's former Richard and Judy's son-in-law, James Haskell
04:25He played some rugby too
04:26I played rugby, I was very lucky to play for my country
04:29I was lucky to play around the world
04:31I now DJ and make music
04:39James was previously married to TV presenter and personal trainer, Chloe Madeley
04:43I was with Chloe, I met her in 2015
04:47And we got married, got a daughter called Bodie, who's three and a bit
04:52You know, we separated two and a half years ago now
04:56Dating later on in your life is definitely a bit like the wild west
04:59It doesn't matter how big you are, how cool you think you are
05:02Going up to a girl and ask for the number and then getting dismissed
05:06Still digs you out
05:08Oh, not for me that
05:09I've got high expectations of the agents
05:11Every day's a school day
05:13And school's in session
05:14What could possibly go wrong?
05:16You'd be surprised the massive bloke from the chase drunk a candle last year
05:21Hang on, where's the crutch come from?
05:22He didn't have one on the walking-in shots
05:24How's he injured himself already?
05:26How you doing? I'm James, lovely to meet you
05:27How are you? How lovely to meet you
05:30You are?
05:30It's not just a sympathy
05:31No, no, I wish it was, I wish it was
05:33It's a hell of a story, but no
05:33Do you know, you and I have an awful lot in common
05:36Do we?
05:36Mmm
05:37You've both seen Richard Madeley's knob?
05:39And we've both been in the junk
05:40I know, you were amazing
05:41Ah, yeah, that was it
05:42Did you have to eat anything, Garcy?
05:44I had to drink pig's penis
05:45Pig's vagina, I didn't mind
05:47Because I had it in solid and liquid form
05:49Oh yeah?
05:49And in solid form it was a bit like a, kind of a, a bacon-y radish
05:53But hairier, I suspect
05:55What a normal conversation
05:56Perfect, perfect
05:57As these two jungle vets swap war stories
06:00Stranding now a tastier treat
06:05She's baking it
06:06And I'm talking smoke
06:07It's the radishing bite-sized Love Islander, Gabby Allen
06:12I'm Gabby, I'm 33
06:14And you might know me from Love Island and Celebrity SAS
06:17Love Island was an amazing experience
06:19Because I just sit there in a bikini and have a lovely time
06:23And then SAS is the complete opposite
06:24Oh my God
06:27Shit, is that Toadfish?
06:30It's hell on earth, but so rewarding
06:33Let's go
06:33Gabby, not Toadfish
06:35Leave him alone
06:37I've been single for two years
06:39Everyone that I'm going for is just about initial impressions
06:42And then it all goes downhill
06:44I have the worst beer goggles
06:46Give me a margarita and I'll snog anyone
06:49Barman, one margarita please
06:50And some mints
06:51I'm 33 and I feel like all the good ones might be taken by now
06:54However, statistically they'll probably be divorced soon
06:57And then I can probably get with them once they're out of that first marriage
07:00Come to me with better equipment
07:04Doubt it, their equipment won't have been used since having kids
07:07Agents, bring them to me
07:11Oh my God
07:12I'm so nervous
07:13I'm so excited
07:13Oh
07:14Can I give you a libation?
07:16Yes, please
07:16Thank you
07:17Will that help?
07:18Hello
07:18How are you?
07:20Nice to meet you
07:21Oh, it's lovely to meet you
07:23Oh, perfect
07:23In between two guys already
07:25Both divorced?
07:26Right up your alley Gabby
07:27You look as braced and ready for romance as anybody ever could
07:32Okay, that's good
07:33He didn't say that to us
07:34Hard luck Haskell
07:35Well brace yourself for another Tom
07:37Cause our next celebs are always ready for romance
07:40It's the wonder from down under
07:42Aussie math star Lucinda Light
07:45I'm Lucinda Light
07:47G'day
07:47I am 45 years of age
07:50And I'm looking for love
07:52After married at first sight
07:54I'm ready to take a punt on love again
07:56Walking toward him
07:58I thought, ooh, solid and nice bump
08:00Like I was actually just checking him out
08:03Being a total pearl
08:04Much like my wife on our wedding day
08:06Dirty cow
08:07I want some top tier, quality, fabulous men
08:12That have got their shit together
08:15Dr Tara talks about big plish energy
08:18But in Australia we call it big pussy energy
08:21And that's what I'm here to do
08:22Bring my big pussy energy
08:24Yeah, not sure if UK men are looking for a big pussy
08:27Gotta be honest with you
08:28I'm a juicy wet and wild woman
08:30You know, splish splash
08:32So let's go
08:33I hope Tom's brought his caution wet floor sign
08:35Or at least a mop and bucket
08:39That is a bald eagle isn't it?
08:41Eyes up Tommy boy
08:42Is it bald?
08:44You should know
08:44I suppose they all are
08:46It is utterly majestic
08:48Ah, we're talking about her dress
08:50Shame
08:51Also the other thing I like about it is that the talons are out
08:54Yes
08:55Ready to clasp some prey
08:57It is a metaphor
08:58I am ready to claw them in
09:01Let's go
09:01Having got an eye full of Lucinda's bald eagle
09:04I am in the mood for another love hungry celeb
09:06I am in the mood for another love hungry celeb
09:07Left my bald was bald
09:09It is pop royalty and loose women legend Killeen Nolan
09:14I am probably best known for loose women
09:17But just take the brow off
09:19Oh no Kay
09:21Why?
09:22Because then I can tuck them in my chub rub knickers
09:26I am not selling myself am I?
09:29Any form of dating app is out the window
09:31Not true
09:32My mate Sad Alan met his wife on chubbrubbers.com
09:35Also from my singing days with the Nolan sisters
09:39It was a mad time, it was an amazing time
09:45I am very romantic
09:47I have been in love on numerous occasions
09:50My first marriage ended because of infidelities
09:55Husband number one was none other than East Ender Alfie Moon
09:59AKA Shane Ritchie
10:01Then my second marriage ended up just grew apart
10:03I have been single for about 18 months
10:07I kind of need help
10:10You want to be a part of my life then we are a team
10:12I am not there to be a servant
10:13Unless you ask nicely
10:16God almighty what the hell am I doing?
10:21Oh look at you
10:25Beautiful Scarlett
10:26Oh thank you
10:27This is most becoming most
10:29Can I offer you a tip?
10:30I just want to listen to him all day
10:31Yeah she's a loose woman
10:33She can take hours of pointless drivel
10:35So nervous
10:36I know it is terribly nerve-wracking
10:39I also think the nerves are such a good sign
10:41Because they're a sign of caring deeply
10:43Yes you're right
10:44You know
10:44And last up someone who's never knowingly nervous
10:47Yes ding ding he's back in the ring
10:50The one the only David Potts
10:54I'm back
10:58Agents I'm ready for round two
11:00I am David Potts and I am 32 years old
11:04I know I don't look it
11:06Who's gonna tell him?
11:08I would describe myself as a nice, fun, bubbly character with a big gob and very long legs
11:18That's right shake it down to the floor get low get low
11:20I've done Ibiza Weekend, a celebrity karaoke club, celebs on the farm, Celebrity Big Brother
11:25Have done celebs go dating but that was eight years ago
11:28I do want someone like as tall as me if not a little bit taller
11:31Like someone who's like straight acting like beefy, lighter coloured hair than me
11:35What the hell?
11:35Straight acting, beefy, light hair
11:37I'm here for you big boy
11:38Wrap those legs around me
11:40This time I want a man, I want a husband
11:43I've had situationships, I've been seeing people
11:47But I've never had her
11:48We are boyfriend and boyfriend
11:54You're coruscating, you're shimmering
11:56I'm so excited guys
11:58We've been so excited to have you restored to our bosom
12:02Thank you my love
12:03You really, really have
12:04Thank you
12:05You might be a bomb for everybody's souls
12:07Because everybody's feeling very, very nervous
12:10Oh no guys, it's so much fun
12:14Because you did it once before
12:15Yeah, I did this like eight years ago
12:17Definitely a different mindset for me this time
12:20Yeah, there's been an evolution, I can see
12:22Yeah, for sure
12:23Yeah, alright Tom, that'll do
12:25They're chuffing, starving
12:26And you've promised them some grub
12:27Shall we get a move on?
12:29Well, darlings
12:30It's time for you to follow me
12:33Here we go
12:34Where's he taking us?
12:36Trust me, sometimes it's best not to ask
12:40Just feels ineffably grand
12:42And speaking of grand
12:44I reckon the little fella has pulled a blinder here
12:46Very plush
12:47Full marks, Thomas
12:48Oh wow
12:50Wow
12:51Now you will find your name cards hither and yawn
12:55Oh my word
12:56That's so stunning
12:58Why are we so spread apart?
12:59Obviously there are three holes
13:02One up top, one up front and one round the back
13:05For special occasions only
13:06And these gaps are to be filled
13:09Where's he going with this?
13:11By the Merlins of romance
13:14Well, hocus pocus my bum hole
13:18If it isn't the magic circle of love themselves
13:21Alaka bloody zam
13:22It's
13:23The one, the only
13:25Mr. Paul C. Brunson
13:28Relationship guru Anna Williamson
13:32And pint sized sexpert
13:34Dr. Tara
13:44Oh my goodness
13:45It is so good to be back
13:47With a whole new bunch of celebs
13:48All looking for love
13:50I cannot wait to get under their skin
13:52And find out what makes them tick
13:54Bring it on
13:56This is going to be epic
13:57Hi, how you doing?
13:58Hello my love
13:59Well this is a bit boosh
14:01I know it's gorgeous isn't it?
14:02Isn't it?
14:03Can I give a big hello to everyone at this table?
14:07Yes
14:07Very much, I want to say hello and welcome
14:10Oh God
14:11Tension music already?
14:12What's going on Paul?
14:14What you're about to go on
14:15Is going to be the most incredible ride, okay?
14:19How are you all feeling about that?
14:21Everyone looks a little bit nervous
14:22I just took a deep breath
14:23And I haven't let it out yet
14:25Tonight is not about an ordinary dinner at all
14:28This is a dinner party with a twist
14:31Rob my job
14:32We are so back
14:42Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
14:44Where the class of 26 have had a good old probing by Tom
14:48And now he's handed them over to the Brundog
14:50Who's wasted no time in getting straight down to business
14:55Tonight is not about an ordinary dinner at all
14:58This is a dinner party with a twist
15:03This time we're doing things differently
15:07So we can truly understand who you are and what you need
15:12Wow, the agents are on full banter lockdown
15:15F-B-L
15:16Now it may not be the mixer you were expecting
15:19But don't worry
15:20Because one is coming
15:22Alright?
15:23And it will keep you firmly on your dating toes
15:25Oh, I don't know if I'm excited or I'm going to be sick
15:28I have a question
15:29Mr James
15:30Yes
15:31You present very confident
15:32For someone who really presents as you've got your act together
15:36Right?
15:37When you look back at the marriage
15:38Where did it go wrong?
15:41Cheers, Paul, for that
15:42Absolutely no time for a starter
15:44Before you're already demanding to know the inner workings of my marriage
15:47It's very easy in a race at Breakdowns to talk about the other person
15:51Look, you're only in control of how you behave
15:53And I think, you know, pretty early on when we had a daughter
15:57It coincided with me having lots of DJ trips away
16:00And it was the first time that part of my career was going really well
16:03And I probably took a piss a little bit
16:05But I'd stay out an extra night, you know, and I should have come home
16:08And I probably just didn't support her enough
16:11And I didn't get that stuff right
16:12So I was very excited to come here
16:14Be open-minded, let you tell me what you think
16:17And sometimes you need to look at your own kind of behaviours
16:21The way you are
16:22I'm sort of really keen to kind of explore that
16:24And maybe just have some of the rough edges smoothed off, you know
16:27And see if I can make it work and be better
16:29Thank you so much for sharing
16:31And I think what you've done is you've just given everyone permission
16:35To be able to be just as vulnerable, so thank you
16:38Bravo
16:38Thank you
16:39Stephen, you seem quite nervous
16:41Yeah
16:42Yeah
16:42Yeah
16:43He looks like he's about to drop a little Professor Brown
16:46What are you nervous about?
16:48Everything
16:48Yeah, all of it at the moment
16:50But do you know what?
16:52I'd love to get under the hood of the psychology, you know
16:55I'd love to hear from people who actually know what they're doing
16:58As far as dating and love
17:01About myself, I think we're always our own blind spots
17:03Man's going deep
17:05So I would like to get under the... I'd like to get under my hood
17:08You wouldn't want to get under mine unless I've had a shower
17:11Because it stinks of quavers and guilt
17:13My situation is difficult
17:16But this is going to be an education for me
17:19That was very honest
17:20Bravo
17:20That was intense
17:21Now is there any actual food coming at this dinner party?
17:24Or is it just truth tapas?
17:25Lucinda, you got married to a man that you've never seen before
17:29Like how was that?
17:30A wild experience and so much fun
17:33Yeah, I'd love to find that person that I can sort of do the next incarnation with
17:39I think, you know, yeah, sometimes I get a bit doubtful
17:43Or a bit like, oh God, you know, who would take this journey on?
17:48Yes, well you know at least in a year in the right place
17:50Yeah
17:50Because we are taking that journey on
17:52Yes
17:53I'm excited, bring it on
17:55Brilliant, now can we have some food?
17:57Ah, finally!
17:59Have a word with the staff, Tom
18:00Yes
18:00You should say grace or something
18:02Thank you, love
18:05Well, bon appetit
18:07Bon?
18:08Leave it out, Anna
18:08Even I know it's bon
18:10Give your head a wobble
18:17So how long have you been married for?
18:19I've been married now for three years
18:21I've been together with my husband for six years
18:23Oh nice
18:24And I also have a boyfriend here
18:26Oh nice
18:26For the last seven months
18:27I'm Polly
18:28No, you're not, you're Dr T
18:29Excuse me, you've got a boyfriend here
18:31Yeah, yeah
18:32I'm in an ethical, non-monogamous relationship
18:34So, I'm Polly
18:36Oh, she means polyamorous
18:38God, that is so Dr T
18:39A husband and a lover
18:41So greedy
18:41Double dick
18:42My husband dates other people as well
18:45Legend
18:45You have to work really hard on that
18:47Otherwise it's very difficult
18:48People think it's like
18:49They get past the sort of
18:50Yeah
18:51Amusement side of it
18:52Then it's very much work
18:53Communication
18:54But it's as hard as monogamy
18:56Yeah, 100%
18:57You know what I'm curious on that note
18:58Is who around the table
19:00Would be open
19:01To have an ethical, non-monogamous relationship
19:05And Colleen, I'd love to start with you
19:10You know, because you know
19:11My wife and I were looking for a
19:13No
19:16Can I just say
19:17I was going to say
19:18Oh no, I couldn't deal with that
19:19But now
19:22It depends on with who
19:23Wow
19:24I think I would be open to it
19:26At this point in my life
19:27You'd be open to it
19:27Respect, cool
19:28I'll see what Lou says
19:28And get back to you
19:29Is that something that you've done before?
19:32I have explored it before
19:33Yeah, yeah
19:35With my last partner
19:36Who was a female
19:37Okay
19:38I gave it a go
19:38But actually realised within that
19:40That I'm quite hetero
19:41But I gave it a red hot shot
19:43I am all about the exploration
19:46Map the way for me
19:47Dr. T
19:48I am here to look for a partner
19:51But I don't mind having a bit of fun in the water park
19:55En route
19:55If you know what I mean
19:56Splish splash
19:57From my experience
19:58If you start heavy petting in the water park
20:00They'll route you to the exit
20:01But you know
20:02Exploration is beautiful
20:04Because it allows you to get clarity for yourself
20:07That's it
20:08You know, if you've never explored
20:09How would you actually know?
20:11Yeah
20:12Well, David
20:13When you were here last time
20:15Yeah
20:15I wasn't here
20:16You wasn't
20:17Uh-uh, uh-uh
20:19So please, please tell us
20:20Like, why are you back at the agency?
20:22Oh, God
20:23Erm
20:24I think last time
20:26I was
20:27Very
20:29Emotionally unintelligent
20:31Whereas this time
20:32My
20:34Head space is
20:35I actually don't
20:36Give a shit
20:37About
20:40Being judged
20:41About my vulnerabilities
20:43Is she playing invisible castanets?
20:46Oh, so I'm ready for someone to put a bloody ring on her
20:48Oh
20:50Ha!
20:51Knew it
20:51I believe that that is out there
20:53And that's what I want
20:54But what does that true love look like for you physically?
20:57Can you, like, describe him?
20:58Oh, what he looks like?
21:00Oh, for sure
21:00Can you describe him?
21:01So tall
21:01This is probably a trigger for Anna and Paul
21:03Yeah, it is actually
21:04Taller
21:06Older
21:06Erm
21:07Like, erm
21:07Be fit
21:08Yeah, be fit
21:09Like a be fit
21:11Older
21:12Tall
21:12So you're describing Paul Brunson?
21:14Yeah
21:14For sure
21:15I've been trying for six years
21:17But
21:18Yeah, well, it's my turn now
21:20My turn now
21:21My turn now
21:21But he just went straight for Colleen
21:22Which is rude
21:26Alright, well
21:27You're ready for love
21:28You're ready for marriage
21:29Gabby
21:31What about you?
21:33I don't know
21:34I don't actually know
21:35What I'm doing wrong
21:37It's because
21:38I like people
21:39And they're probably wrong for me
21:41And usually they're younger
21:42I feel like sometimes
21:44I might compromise on things
21:45Just because
21:47I'm so attracted to them
21:48And then they end up
21:50Just being awful for me
21:52However, I've dated people
21:54And that's been missing
21:55And I'm just not fulfilled at all
21:57Because
21:58I want to be with somebody
22:00That makes me feel alive
22:02And also
22:03I need to be put in my feminine energy
22:04As well
22:05Because I feel like
22:06I'm sorry, did you say
22:07You need to be put
22:08Yeah
22:09In your feminine energy
22:10Yeah
22:10So you need someone else to put you
22:12In your feminine energy
22:13Okay
22:13Is that wrong?
22:15Very
22:16Okay, so
22:17No
22:17I mean
22:18I want somebody to
22:21Make me feel safe and secure
22:23Because I feel like
22:25That is my role within my family
22:27So having somebody that makes
22:30I cry
22:30Makes me feel like that
22:32Yes
22:33And that's all I want to say
22:34You deserve that
22:35No
22:36Yes
22:36You know what's wild is
22:38I've never felt like
22:40We've started an agency
22:41With this level of intimacy
22:43Aw
22:44Yes
22:45Can I just say
22:46While you say that
22:47That this is the first show
22:49I've ever thought
22:50I really want to do that show
22:54I've never done that
22:55About another show
22:56Ever
22:56Ha!
22:57In your face loose women ladies
22:59I think because
23:00I've reached a part in my life
23:02Where I genuinely
23:03Would like to meet someone
23:05I have met people
23:07I have been on the dating apps
23:08I think what I'm looking for
23:10Is really hard to find
23:11For me
23:12What do you want?
23:13I think because
23:14I'm looking for Mr
23:15Everyday normal
23:16Have you considered
23:17Having breakfast in Wetherspoons?
23:19I live a very normal life
23:20I very rarely go to
23:21Big celebrity things
23:22You know
23:23I've got a little farm
23:24With all my animals
23:25And that's where
23:26I'm at my happiest
23:27And so I think
23:28Trying to meet someone
23:29That can just accept that
23:30And accept me as me
23:32And not my celebrity status
23:34Or
23:36Or be intimidated by it
23:37At the same time
23:38And that's where
23:39I'm finding it hard
23:40Because I've met a lot of guys
23:41And we've had a connection
23:42And they've been very honest
23:44And go
23:44I just don't think I can live
23:45In your world
23:46And I'm like
23:47I don't know what you think
23:48My world is
23:50Sometimes I'd just like
23:51Someone at home
23:51To put their arms around me
23:52When I get in and go
23:53Do you know what?
23:54It's all gonna be okay
23:55We're gonna be okay
23:57This year was the first time
23:59That I've ever had to put
24:00Christmas decorations upon my own
24:02Oh
24:02I remember being in the house
24:04Thinking
24:05Oh shit
24:05I'm
24:06I'm lonely
24:07Oh
24:08Colleen
24:09That's so sad
24:10Don't worry
24:11You're in the right place
24:12We'll sort you out
24:13So
24:14No pressure
24:15But you are my last chance to lose
24:18You either do something
24:19Or I die alone
24:20Okay
24:21We can't have that happen
24:22We can't have that happen
24:23Darling's all
24:24Your candour has been
24:26Utterly
24:27Delicious
24:28And I want to reward you
24:30With a delicious dessert
24:33Oh
24:34Have you baked us a cake?
24:35Well
24:36Possibly
24:38Dessert
24:38Is served
24:41Oh shit
24:42What's this?
24:44Wait
24:45That's not a tiramisu
24:46Someone's coming
24:48Is this your twist Paul?
24:50Yes
24:50Oh god
24:51Who is it?
24:52What's going on?
24:55Oh
25:03Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
25:05Where Tom is about to serve our new celebs
25:08With some delicious dessert
25:09I hope he's not just been to the kitchen to add extra cream
25:12Oh
25:14Dessert
25:15Is served
25:18I'm actually shaking
25:19Yeah I get it like that with sticky toffee pudding
25:21Custard, cream
25:22And souls
25:23In the form of
25:25In the form of
25:26Colleen's beloved sister Maureen
25:28Woohoo
25:29Woohoo
25:31Woohoo
25:33Woohoo
25:34David's best friend, Ellie
25:36No way!
25:37Oh my god
25:39Jesus
25:40Jesus, I could hear you know where you're back
25:42Hi everyone
25:43Hello
25:44Hello
25:45Stephen's childhood friend, Lewis
25:49Oh my goodness
25:51Oh my goodness
25:53Oh my goodness
25:54See you Lewis walking
25:54My immediate reaction
25:57Oh god what's he gonna say?
25:59Gabby's dear friend Lyle
26:08Lucinda's cousin Tom, and James' mum, Susie.
26:21I'm so glad you all turned up.
26:25Enjoy your desserts, everybody, and I will see you at the agency.
26:31Sorry, can I check, are there any actual desserts coming?
26:35Friends and family can often see where the celebrities' love lives
26:39are going wrong, often things that the celebrities themselves
26:42just cannot see.
26:43So these are very much the best people to help us understand
26:47our new clients.
26:49We all love mums, don't we?
26:52So we want to hear from Susie.
26:55Oh, my God.
26:56Mum is an absolute loose cannon at the best of times.
26:59I am dreading what's going to come out of her mouth
27:02as long as she does not upset my ex.
27:05James is not what he appears to be.
27:10He actually, underneath, is extremely sensitive.
27:14I'm not sure where he's gone wrong, because prior to his marriage,
27:20I met lots of lovely girlfriends.
27:24Each of them just loved me.
27:27That's a bonus.
27:28I never saw James squirm like that playing rugby.
27:31I do have quite a strong opinion why I think it went wrong.
27:37You can't have two stars,
27:42because you have them competing for the floor space all the time.
27:46That explains why no-one's seen Richard and Judy
27:48in the same room for 30 years.
27:51In the past, he's been extremely popular.
27:53I mean, I've seen at rugby matches where elderly ladies
27:57have gotten very close to him.
28:00What are your hopes for James at the end of this process?
28:04He needs someone that can see.
28:06We'll tell him to stop with the elderly, then.
28:08The softness of him.
28:11Oh, right, I thought we meant eyes.
28:13Coupled with quite a brilliant intellect,
28:16because he's written seven books.
28:19Wow, quite the offer.
28:21And I think three of them were on The Times' best-selling list.
28:25Two of them. Who's counting? I am.
28:28I've got copies for everyone.
28:30Has he got pictures?
28:31Because if not, it'll be hard pass for David.
28:33Good.
28:34OK, up next.
28:35Stephen, you seem so keen.
28:37When you walked in, I was overjoyed.
28:40I mean, look, I'm not here to throw you under the bus or nothing, though.
28:42But, like, Stephen is a nightmare.
28:45Oh, wow.
28:46Wow.
28:46He's not just thrown him under the bus, he's reversed it back over him.
28:50You've been unlucky in love, and, yeah, I think you've got your work cut out.
28:54And then driven over him again!
28:56So, you think about Stephen on a date.
28:59I can't... I don't even want to imagine Stephen on a date.
29:01It's ghastly.
29:03Ooh!
29:03Don't be fooled by the tattoos and the lyrics.
29:05I think it's a little bit... a bit clumsy, a bit clunky, but quite cute.
29:10Give us an example of that.
29:11Oh, not the C word.
29:13Lewis, tearing me a new one. Thank you, Lewis.
29:15Cheers, mate. Appreciate it.
29:17So, let's go to Lucinda here.
29:19Okay, with Tommy.
29:20Uh, so, I'm curious.
29:22What do you believe Lucinda needs in her life?
29:26A man.
29:28A man-man.
29:29Lulu is looking for love.
29:32Genuine love.
29:33And has been for a long time.
29:37Lucy is a big character, which is wonderful.
29:39And we don't want someone to shrink Lucy's personality, but match it.
29:45Lulu has said that she has explored with a woman before.
29:50Naughty.
29:54That's what lockdown does to you.
29:57David Potts.
29:58Oh, hello.
29:59He falls in love quite easy, does David.
30:01Like, at least once a week, I'll be like...
30:03They know that.
30:04They know that.
30:04I fall in love.
30:05I'm a sucker for love.
30:06Well, that's good.
30:07Do you know what I mean?
30:08I'm a sucker for love, guys.
30:10He's got his type.
30:11He's like, well, I want him to be this and that.
30:12If he's a bit shorter, and I know what you're thinking,
30:16give him a chance.
30:17He could be the love of your life.
30:19Ellie, if he's not even able to get on the rides at a theme park,
30:23he isn't going to be the love of my life.
30:25Next up, we have Gabby and Lyle.
30:30You know, she has a lot to offer.
30:32And, you know, anyone who knows and knows,
30:33she's got a lot of layers there.
30:35But we don't necessarily see it enough,
30:36because she's obviously terrified of what might...
30:39Judgement.
30:40The judgements.
30:42That it, Lyle. Fair play.
30:43Long on air, short on chat.
30:45We would love to know, Maureen, a little bit more about Colleen.
30:49Colleen has just got so much to give.
30:52The problem is that when she meets someone,
30:55she falls in love so easily
30:57and gives so much immediately.
31:01Sometimes it comes back to bite her on the ass a little bit.
31:05I kind of like that.
31:08Do you find sexual connection important?
31:11Yes.
31:12Is that something that you're looking for as well?
31:14Well, I didn't think I was.
31:16And I'd heard all this thing about menopause,
31:18how old women lose their sexual libido
31:21when everything goes like the Sahara Desert.
31:23And it's gone the complete opposite for me.
31:26I don't know what's happened.
31:29Susie.
31:32Oh, God.
31:33Susie, for James' sake, will everyone say nothing?
31:37Can I just say I'm loving James' face with his mother
31:40sitting next to him in this conversation?
31:42That's the lady.
31:43Torture.
31:44This is torture.
31:47So now, celebs, your night is not over.
31:50But friends and family, your night is.
31:56Right, so now the celebs in a circle have stitched them up.
31:58They're off to drink the free bar dry.
32:01Bye, Susie.
32:03While the experts have yet another surprise in store.
32:06We have some envelopes.
32:08Each one is personalised to you.
32:11Yeah, that's generally how envelopes work, Dr T.
32:13Otherwise, it's a free-for-all.
32:15These are your first dates.
32:16Oh, my God.
32:21This is getting real.
32:23I am just ready to lean in and go for how exciting.
32:26Let's go.
32:26David, if you would like to open your envelope, please,
32:29and reveal to us all what is inside.
32:34Oh, my God!
32:36Is it the bill?
32:38He has jacked me!
32:40Get in!
32:41David, I moved from Melbourne to London three months ago.
32:46I'm in for a tree.
32:48Remember, don't fall in love.
32:49Oh, my God, I need to chill out, but what the fuck?
32:52Oh, my God, this is love!
32:55Gabby, would you like to reveal who is in your envelope?
32:59Oh, my God, I'm so nervous.
33:04I can't tell from her expression.
33:08Johnny, 34.
33:09Oh.
33:10It's probably the oldest I've ever got.
33:12Wow.
33:13I spend my days handling carp.
33:15Is that fish?
33:16It is.
33:17I don't know how I feel about that.
33:18Sexy fisherman.
33:19Getting my hands wet, and I'm always up for something a bit naughty.
33:23This is one catch you won't want to throw back.
33:25So, how do we feel about Johnny the fisherman?
33:28That doesn't turn me on.
33:30But he likes fish.
33:32Can we have another one?
33:34No.
33:34Shit.
33:35You know what I suspect?
33:37Is you looked at the photo, and you weren't interested,
33:40so you started looking for negatives.
33:42I'm not being funny, but Paul needs to get off my case.
33:45I just don't fancy the fishy fella.
33:47I'm just in the process.
33:49Yes, yes.
33:50It's cool.
33:51Lucinda has been matched with Silver Fox Neil.
33:54I'm happy to lean into that.
33:56Splish splash.
33:57Come on, Steven.
33:59And Steven has been paired with sexy DJ Viv.
34:02Does it sort of feel like it's got a bit real now?
34:05Shit's real.
34:05Shit just got real.
34:07James.
34:08Kitten, 30.
34:09I'm loud, I'm high energy.
34:10If you can handle me, you'll definitely remember the night,
34:13even if parts of it are a blur.
34:15She has a lot to say, and she has great sexual energy.
34:19Meow.
34:19You're excited.
34:20Are you a bit overwhelmed?
34:21I don't really know.
34:22You know what I mean?
34:23I'm sort of not really sure what my reaction is,
34:24because I've never had that.
34:25I've never been on a blind date.
34:26So, yeah, I'm very excited to see what she's like.
34:29Colleen.
34:31Neil P, 60.
34:33I've blown up bridges and raised sons,
34:36and if there's chemistry, let's just say
34:39I still know how to keep things running smoothly
34:41longer than lights out.
34:45Neil.
34:46Oh, my God.
34:46What, Neil?
34:47Neil looks nice, but I really wanted that reaction
34:51that David's just had.
34:53You are all going on these dates within the next 48 hours,
34:59except actually for two of you who will be going on those dates
35:07immediately.
35:08Well, splash my splish.
35:10What?
35:11No, you're joking.
35:13Those two celebrities are...
35:14Sink washes for everyone.
35:15Get those slits and dicks clean.
35:20Yourself, Colleen?
35:22And James.
35:23No, you're joking.
35:25You're going on a date right now.
35:27I'm in.
35:28Let's do it.
35:28Christ, I thought I was going out to bed.
35:31Well, Neil might.
35:34Talk about speed dating.
35:35What happened to breaking me in gently?
35:38Bye.
35:39Bye.
35:39Bye, everyone.
35:40I'm so excited, I can't wait to hear all about it.
35:42Hold on a minute.
35:44Why do Colleen and James get to meet theirs now?
35:47Why do I have to wait to meet the gorgeous Mark from Melbourne?
35:51These agents are cock blockers.
35:56So before Colleen and James can be shoved into the back of a black cab
36:00and score their dinner party out of ten,
36:02they're whisked off to the other side of London for their first date
36:04with these lucky, loveless lovelies.
36:07I don't think I've even met a celebrity before in my life.
36:11So this is going to be a totally new experience for me.
36:14Calm down, Neil.
36:15You're having a drink with Colleen Nolan.
36:16You're not going to the NTAs.
36:19I'm feeling so excited about my date.
36:21I've never heard of James, but they showed me a photo of him
36:25and he was topless.
36:26He had abs for days.
36:28You could great cheese on that.
36:30And I absolutely love cheese.
36:31So I'm ready.
36:32Well, Derry Lee, dunk my arse.
36:34She's ready, people.
36:35Take me to Cathedral City.
36:44Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
36:46where our new bunch of pampered personalities
36:48have been suitably wined and dined
36:50and then, because it's us,
36:52forced to spill the tea on their pitiful private lives.
36:56And if that wasn't bad enough,
36:58we've slung these two out for their very first dates
37:00with James off to meet 30-year-old admin assistant Kitten.
37:04Meow.
37:06And for Colleen is retired arm instructor Neil,
37:08who's no doubt going commando.
37:10Dick on trouser.
37:12Hello.
37:13Hello.
37:15Lovely to meet you.
37:17I took the liberty of getting champagne to start with.
37:20Oh, thank you.
37:21Cheers.
37:22Cheers.
37:22What's this dating like at 60?
37:24I don't know.
37:25I don't know.
37:26What do you do?
37:27Exactly.
37:29Hello.
37:29How you doing?
37:30Hey.
37:30Nice to meet you.
37:31Nice to meet you.
37:32Nice to meet you.
37:33How are you?
37:34That's not awkward.
37:35I love the tattoos.
37:37You too.
37:37I saw online that you have a leg injury.
37:40Yeah, I do.
37:40I'm limping everywhere.
37:41I was happy about that though,
37:43because she tried you in a back door now.
37:45Sorry.
37:45What?
37:47Yeah, I know.
37:48I wouldn't do that anyway.
37:49I'm too much for gentlemen.
37:50That's what they all say.
37:51Where do you live?
37:52Where are you from originally?
37:53The place that I'm from is really big for rugby though.
37:55Are you a rugby fan yourself?
37:57I've never watched rugby.
37:58Okay.
37:58And they were like, do you know who he is?
37:59And I was like, I'm not going to like, no.
38:01But they showed me a photo of you topless.
38:03And obviously I saw the abs and I was like, well, I want to know him.
38:07Well, yeah.
38:07I mean, I'm not sure I'm really in the ab phase at the moment.
38:09I look like surgery.
38:10I haven't trained enough.
38:11Well, thank you.
38:12I appreciate it.
38:12I mean, you look great too.
38:15I embrace my personality instead of pretending to be someone I'm not.
38:19So I've always had people call me crazy and stuff.
38:22Oh, really?
38:22But it's who I am.
38:23So I embrace her.
38:24And now my kind of like brandiness, I'm like, yeah, I'm the crazy tattooed woman.
38:29I have a question for you.
38:31You can ask whatever you want.
38:31So usually I date non-celebrities.
38:34Or like 99.99% of the population.
38:36So what do you think you can bring to the table as a rugby player that a normal man can't?
38:42Kitten's definitely lovely.
38:43But this is beginning to feel like a bit of an interview, I think.
38:47What I'm bringing to the party at the moment is a body that doesn't work particularly well.
38:50And a limp everywhere.
38:51And a limp.
38:51A limp, yeah.
38:52If you're into guys with limps, then I'm all over it.
38:55I feel like the main thing for me is personality.
38:57Yeah.
38:57And emotional intelligence.
38:59Because I can't deal with these younger men who don't know how to use a washing machine anymore.
39:03Actually, I'll be honest with you, I look very manly.
39:06But if you want me to, like, install your bathroom or, like, rewire a plug, I'm a bit useless to
39:12that kind of stuff.
39:13But he will drink piss from a rugby boot, so swings and roundabouts.
39:18Hopefully Colleen's ex-army guy Neil has more useful life skills.
39:21I did 15 years in the army, I was in the Royal Engineers.
39:24And I used to teach demolitions.
39:25So I've never actually blown up a bridge, but I taught people how to do it.
39:29I guess not, but you never know when that could come in handy.
39:31You know, this is okay, actually. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
39:34And Neil's really good company.
39:37Do you miss the army?
39:38I miss certain aspects of it.
39:40Have you ever killed anyone?
39:42Colleen! You can't ask him that!
39:43It's like him asking you about auto-tune!
39:46Seriously though, Neil, who was on the bridge?
39:48Oh shit, has he killed someone?
39:52Actually, there's a bit of a story there.
39:55Oh god, this is awkward. My bum all sucking and pulsing like a thirsty bath plug.
40:04You know you see all these guys on Remembrance Day with a whole chest of medals?
40:08Yeah? Go on.
40:10I did 15 years.
40:12What? Has he been banged up?
40:13But I haven't got one goddamn medal.
40:18Oh, thank god for that. I thought he killed loads of pensions on a bridge.
40:21He's just moaning about medals.
40:23Why are you crap?
40:24I didn't... I didn't...
40:27I'm going to give you a medal unless you deserve it.
40:29No, but you've got to be sent... I was never sent anywhere.
40:31And did you want to go?
40:32No.
40:32If you're in a unit that goes, you kind of want to be part of the team.
40:37But did your unit go?
40:38Yes, and the unit went, but I'd already left to go somewhere else.
40:41Idiot.
40:42No, well, you know, it was when I got sent back to Sandlest as an instructor.
40:45And we were like, get back out there and get us a medal.
40:47You might just have to settle for a poppy.
40:50Are you a good driver?
40:51I don't drive. I was in driving lessons for two years.
40:54Right.
40:54And I just couldn't do it.
40:55They said that the only person worse than me didn't speak English.
40:59What was your... what couldn't you do?
41:00Everything.
41:01You can't not do everything.
41:03I was in driving lessons for two years and, like, over 100 hours of lessons.
41:09Kitten's definitely got some energy about her, which I'm enjoying.
41:12She has described herself as a bit crazy,
41:14and I'm beginning to see some of those traits come through.
41:16Do you have a non-negotiable?
41:18Non-negotiable would be someone who doesn't have drive,
41:20someone who doesn't work.
41:22I think I need people who are secure as well,
41:24which is challenging because everyone's got things that they...
41:27Blind spots that they have and things that they don't want.
41:29Yeah.
41:30It's when people just offload it all onto you
41:32and then you're like, ugh.
41:34So, what's your usual type?
41:36Because I've had a weird thing...
41:38Yes.
41:39...that my entire life people have always told me
41:41that they can imagine me with a rugby player.
41:43Oh, really?
41:44It's getting a bit intense.
41:46Probably need a bit of time out at the moment.
41:48Can you excuse me?
41:48I'm just going to go to the bathroom. Is that right?
41:50Yeah, that's fine.
41:50And when I say go to the bathroom, I limp to the bathroom.
41:53Sorry, mate.
41:54Sorry to butt in.
41:55Oh, you...
41:56God, James, come on.
41:57How are you?
41:57I'm good.
41:58Of course.
41:59How can I argue?
42:00You've let me go so easily.
42:02Oh, sorry.
42:02You didn't put up a fight.
42:03You've got the ball left.
42:05Story of his life.
42:09So, what do you think?
42:10So far, so good, yeah.
42:11Yeah?
42:12Good.
42:13So, talk to me.
42:13How's it going?
42:14It's going really well.
42:15Really?
42:16It's really nice, yeah.
42:17Has he made you laugh yet?
42:18I mean, not ballet laugh yet, but yeah.
42:20Oh, just picky, picky, right?
42:21He seems lovely.
42:22He's very polite.
42:23He's very charming.
42:24And it's made me realise that I am willing to give it a go.
42:30Go on, girl.
42:31That's the spirit.
42:32You've got to be in it to win it.
42:33Moving on to you.
42:35Do you know what?
42:35She's really, really nice.
42:37I think with very different people.
42:39Would you see her again?
42:40My mentality is, listen, I've been single for two and a half years.
42:44I've done dates like that.
42:46I don't feel like, you know...
42:48Yeah, this waffle sounds like a definite no to me.
42:55What star sign are you?
42:57Aquarius.
42:59Oh, are you?
43:00Oh, what does that mean?
43:02Oh, that's nice.
43:03Are you really?
43:04I'm Pisces.
43:06I know nothing about this.
43:08Pisces are dreamers.
43:10Just everything's a movie and romantic and soft.
43:14Is that what you want?
43:15Yeah.
43:16I have a feeling I know what James wants.
43:19Should we go?
43:19Yeah.
43:20Yep.
43:20An early night.
43:22Go for it.
43:23Go for it.
43:24Don't expect it back though.
43:25Should we get the bill?
43:26Yes.
43:27Can we get the bill please?
43:29Well, thank you so much for a lovely date.
43:30It was lovely to meet you.
43:31It was really nice.
43:32Hopefully see you again.
43:33See you soon.
43:34Bye.
43:34I really enjoyed the date actually.
43:36And I feel like he had really good chat and we bounced off each other.
43:40Slightly unresolved.
43:41I'm not sure if he wants to see me again.
43:43I mean, does he?
43:44He didn't actually say.
43:45He did to Killeen.
43:46Look, as dates go, I think I showed my personality.
43:51She was very complimentary, which obviously is a good thing.
43:54But for me, there wasn't quite that spark in terms of wanting to go further with her.
44:05Thank you for that.
44:06I really appreciate it.
44:07It's been really lovely tonight.
44:11Yeah.
44:11Because I haven't felt once awkward at all.
44:15Mmm.
44:16No, it's been really nice.
44:17You might want to tell your face that.
44:19No.
44:20So, erm...
44:21Cheers.
44:22I would really like to see you again.
44:25Oh, God.
44:27What am I going to say?
44:28It's so nice, but I'm just, I'm just not sure if there's a spark.
44:33I hope you feel the same.
44:38That'd be lovely.
44:39Mmm, say it like you mean it, Killeen.
44:41Had a fabulous time.
44:43I thought we were a really good match.
44:44Erm, it was a really good exploratory first date.
44:48All right, Neil.
44:49It was just a drink, not a reconnaissance mission in Basra.
44:52Ooh!
44:54God, that's a bit lasty, isn't it?
44:55Yeah, lovely to see you.
44:56Lovely to see you.
44:57To meet you.
44:58See you again soon.
44:59Yeah, definitely.
44:59See you later. Bye.
45:01He was such a nice guy, and we do seem to match on what we want in a relationship, which
45:06is good.
45:07But it didn't make me laugh, and that's high up on my list.
45:10You know, I do want to meet someone, but you know what, it's so hard.
45:13It can't be everyone else, some of it's got to be me.
45:16I'm obviously doing something wrong or expecting too much.
45:20Why is it so complicated now?
45:22Don't worry, Killeen, we'll find you someone.
45:26Still to come.
45:28The agency throws open its doors.
45:31Entree.
45:32And I'm not talking about Tom's back ones.
45:34Hello!
45:35Was there an effect?
45:36It's kind of embarrassing.
45:38Hashtag orcs.
45:40The celebs go dating.
45:42There was literally a dog doing a wee up a tree behind you, sorry.
45:45Okay.
45:46That'd throw me, to be fair.
45:48And the shit chat's back.
45:49God, suck a fart out of your ass.
45:51Literally.
45:52Things heat up at the first mixer.
45:54You are outrageous.
45:56I love her.
45:56Your finger is naughty.
45:58I was sandwiched between two men, and I was like, no, we're not you.
46:00Sorry.
46:01Dude's got no game.
46:02Understatement.
46:03What do I do?
46:04Oh, show me, bro.
46:05After that whole exchange, it came across as very rude.
46:10And the temperature keeps rising as the celebs land in Tenerife.
46:15You're about to get torn left, right and centre.
46:19Hopefully I will on my date.
46:20Oh, Killeen.
46:21Once I had sex up a tree.
46:24Up a tree?
46:25Splinter my sphincter.
46:26We all go.
46:27I'll go.
46:29That's the end of the rack.
46:31I'll go.
46:38I'll go.
46:53Get an ace of my else.
46:56See ya.
46:57Yeah.
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