- 21 hours ago
1997 Busted FULL HOT COMEDY MOVIE Mariana Morgan [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:22Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:30Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:33Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:36We put together a sweet situation
00:00:40From a plan born in my brain
00:00:44We finally bagged the taste of a good life
00:00:49Took a ride on a gravy train
00:00:52Then it all came crashing down
00:00:56Tell me where we're on
00:01:02But now we're busted, busted
00:01:06We thought we had it under control
00:01:11But now we're busted, busted
00:01:14Ain't nowhere to hide
00:01:23Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:27Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:31Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:34Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:38The bottom fell out of our love boat
00:01:42Now it's time to sink or swim
00:01:45We didn't do any harm to anybody
00:01:49Sometimes fate won't let you in
00:01:58Hey, you know, Uncle Alex, I really miss that great white.
00:02:02Things just haven't been the same since he's been gone.
00:02:05Yeah, that fish was a minnow compared to the barracuda I married.
00:02:09Hamilton, where have you been all morning?
00:02:11Out work in the streets. It's a jungle out there.
00:02:14Found a missing earring.
00:02:16Hamilton, hit the streets.
00:02:18Yes, sir.
00:02:19Time for roll call.
00:02:21Let's roll.
00:02:25Macy.
00:02:26Pumpernickels, sir.
00:02:27Casey.
00:02:28Onion, sir.
00:02:30How?
00:02:30Sesame seed, sir.
00:02:33David.
00:02:34I actually, uh, I wanted the sesame seed.
00:02:37You had it last roll call.
00:02:38Yes, but I wanted it now, too.
00:02:40I like sesame seed.
00:02:42I wanted the damn sesame seed.
00:02:43You did it.
00:02:44You fucking idiot.
00:02:45I wanted it.
00:02:53That's why I'm the captain.
00:02:56Oh, I'm sorry.
00:02:58I'm going to roll.
00:03:00Hey, ladies, knock it off.
00:03:03Where the hell's Clifford?
00:03:04He's down cleaning the sewage pumps, last time I saw him.
00:03:07Yeah, that's where he belongs.
00:03:11All right.
00:03:13Got a busy day ahead of us.
00:03:16Let's see what we've got this week.
00:03:18All right.
00:03:19So far, we've had robberies, zero.
00:03:22Accidental deaths, zero.
00:03:24Murders, zero.
00:03:26But we have had an increase in the number of women jumping out of their showers and running
00:03:30through the yard.
00:03:32Naked.
00:03:34That, that would be the peeping Tom.
00:03:44We have a sketch.
00:03:49It's a little rough right now, but we're still working on it.
00:03:53You should get a fair idea.
00:03:56Not bad.
00:04:00Really nice.
00:04:02Well, I know it's, uh, it's a little rough, but it's the best I could do right up front.
00:04:07So, basically, I want you to keep doing what you're doing.
00:04:12Keep your eyes out for that peeping Tom.
00:04:18And don't get caught sleeping in the squad car.
00:04:21I, uh, that's because I was using my other senses.
00:04:24I was like an idiot.
00:04:31So, when you go out there today, I want you to fight.
00:04:33Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:04:36If you run into a criminal and you get in a fight, here's what I want you to do.
00:04:40If he hits you and knocks you down, I want you to get up and fight him again.
00:04:43If he knocks you down again, I want you to get up and fight him harder.
00:04:46If he knocks you down again, I want you to get up and get the hell out of there, because
00:04:49you're losing.
00:04:50Now get out there and lose.
00:04:54Give me a donut.
00:04:58Captain, he gets the last thing.
00:05:00I'm yours.
00:05:02I'm yours.
00:05:03Hey, what happened to you?
00:05:06Sorry.
00:05:07You missed roll call.
00:05:09Ah, Kaiser.
00:05:11Where were you?
00:05:12I was on a cigarette break.
00:05:13But you don't smoke.
00:05:14Well, it's not what the ladies say.
00:05:32Morning, Lieutenant.
00:05:33Morning, officers.
00:05:41Amity, please.
00:05:42Is this an emergency?
00:05:43Uh, yes.
00:05:44I would have the greatest respect for you if you could hook me up.
00:05:46Will you have many different kinds of girls there?
00:05:48Yes, sir.
00:05:50Do you have a preference for your afternoon pleasure?
00:05:53Yes, something in a redhead with big broad shoulders.
00:05:56Ah, someone will be right over to pick you up.
00:05:59David, we got one.
00:06:01Yeah?
00:06:01Who's it for?
00:06:02Damn me.
00:06:03Ah.
00:06:05Oh, good.
00:06:07Wake her up.
00:06:08Wait.
00:06:09Start your cat one.
00:06:11She doesn't need to be awake.
00:06:26Hold it right there, miss.
00:06:28Yes?
00:06:28You realize that you were jaywalking?
00:06:31Why?
00:06:31Uh, we have laws around here, miss.
00:06:33Do you think you see?
00:06:35Butt, butt, nothing.
00:06:36Great butt or no butt.
00:06:38You're still getting a ticket.
00:06:39Butts don't stop me.
00:06:40Butt.
00:06:40Don't worry.
00:06:41In case you're wondering.
00:06:41Police are here.
00:06:42You have a great butt.
00:06:43Hey, attention, you bloody fools.
00:06:45Nice hat.
00:06:46What's the problem?
00:06:47I got a note.
00:06:48I got a note.
00:06:48They came from over there.
00:06:50Where are you going?
00:06:51Why aren't you chasing me?
00:06:53I cannot believe it.
00:06:54That's a long run.
00:06:55I bet it is.
00:06:56Officer Hamilton.
00:06:58Officer Howe.
00:06:58Yeah.
00:06:59Uh, did you see everything?
00:07:01Everything.
00:07:01Get, get, get, get, get, get.
00:07:02Where are the perks?
00:07:03Right over there.
00:07:05Uh, I, uh...
00:07:10I mean the, uh...
00:07:12I mean the guys who robbed the liquor store.
00:07:16Someone robbed the liquor store?
00:07:18Oh, God.
00:07:18Nobody tells me anything.
00:07:20Jeez.
00:07:21I tried to tell you.
00:07:23You're under arrest.
00:07:24I tried to tell you.
00:07:25I'll tell you down.
00:07:25Wait till I get you to the free scene.
00:07:27You're a troublemaker.
00:07:28You're a troublemaker.
00:07:29Walk, walk, walk.
00:07:30Move that ass.
00:07:31Move that ass.
00:07:32Come on, come on.
00:07:33Come on.
00:07:33Get here.
00:07:34No, no, no.
00:07:34Let me tell you down.
00:07:36Get out of the way.
00:07:47What have we got here?
00:07:48We had a burglary.
00:07:49Let's see.
00:07:50Uh, what'd you do?
00:07:54Steal somebody's heart?
00:07:59Now, this is the eyewitness.
00:08:02Einstein over there.
00:08:03The Hamilton idiot.
00:08:04Moron.
00:08:05Moron.
00:08:06Idiot.
00:08:06Shut up.
00:08:07Sorry.
00:08:08This big palooka had his back to the whole crime scene and missed everything.
00:08:13She was jaywalking.
00:08:14So, tell me.
00:08:15Did you see anything?
00:08:17I saw two guys running out of a liquor store.
00:08:18They had shorts on.
00:08:19They had black ski masks.
00:08:20And I tried to tell him.
00:08:22He didn't do anything.
00:08:23Hmm.
00:08:25Too crazy.
00:08:26Too bad she didn't see anything.
00:08:29Wait a minute.
00:08:30What day is it?
00:08:31The third?
00:08:33The Baker Brothers.
00:08:35That's right.
00:08:37Excuse me?
00:08:38Well, you see, it's the Baker Brothers' M.O.
00:08:41Black ski masks.
00:08:42Every Wednesday, they rob their father's store.
00:08:44However, hell, pick them up.
00:08:48My commandant.
00:08:49You want a booker?
00:08:50Yes.
00:08:51Booker.
00:08:51I can offer you a two-day roll.
00:08:53SAG scale and credit billing.
00:08:55But you'll have to call my agent.
00:08:56Ah, damn.
00:08:57I hate working with agents.
00:09:01Hey, David.
00:09:01Anything new?
00:09:02Yes.
00:09:03Ten children were born yesterday.
00:09:04I mean in the station.
00:09:05Oh.
00:09:06Ah, same old garbage.
00:09:08See what I mean?
00:09:12Yeah, that really stinks.
00:09:14So what about that peeping Tom?
00:09:16What about him?
00:09:20Oh, well, we haven't caught him yet, if that's what you're asking.
00:09:23But he really does give me the creeps.
00:09:26He's not spying on you.
00:09:29You're built the wrong way.
00:09:30What do you mean?
00:09:31Well, you see, David, the male anatomy is quite different from the females in many ways.
00:09:36For example, the male erection.
00:09:37I think I got your point.
00:09:39No pun intended.
00:09:41No pun taken.
00:09:42I wasn't trying to be funny.
00:09:44Well, so far you don't have anything to worry about.
00:09:46Good.
00:09:46So, you got any leads?
00:09:48Yeah, no.
00:09:50But if it kills me, I'm going to catch that peeping Tom.
00:09:58Whoa!
00:10:00Who do you think can raise your eyebrow higher?
00:10:04Spock.
00:10:07Yeah.
00:10:09Ah, Mrs. David.
00:10:12Good to see you.
00:10:16You must have tickled.
00:10:18I don't have a mustache.
00:10:22Oh!
00:10:23Oh!
00:10:25Oh, I came to check on the woman's auxiliary.
00:10:28Oh!
00:10:35Come on.
00:10:36Come on.
00:10:43So, how are things?
00:10:45Fine.
00:10:46Just fine.
00:10:47David, darling, uh, you haven't told my husband about your little enterprise, have you?
00:10:53Not a thing.
00:10:54Besides, I think if he knew what we were doing here, he would have no problem with it, because
00:10:58all we are doing is taking crime off the streets and putting it in the police station where it belongs.
00:11:12Well, I just wanted to warn you, because he's up for re-election, and you know what that means.
00:11:20Instantaneous, ostentatious morality.
00:11:22All right, precisely.
00:11:23Let's go.
00:11:26Ah, Mrs. Mayor, we were just getting started.
00:11:29Ah, ah, ah!
00:11:30Ah, carry, carry, carry on.
00:11:37All right, ladies, the procedures I am going to be teaching you this afternoon will be very, very important to
00:11:45your marriages.
00:11:46Oh, my God.
00:11:47Today, we'll be discussing oral sex.
00:11:50Ah!
00:11:50Now, I've laid out a few items here for us to practice with.
00:11:53Ah!
00:11:54Try and find whatever it is that you have at home.
00:12:01Cucumbers.
00:12:01I have cucumbers.
00:12:03Does anybody need a cucumber?
00:12:05Oh, yeah.
00:12:06I need a cucumber.
00:12:09Oh, yeah.
00:12:10Oh, yeah.
00:12:10I'm sorry.
00:12:14Carrots.
00:12:18Anybody need a carrot?
00:12:22Hot dogs.
00:12:23Oh, sure.
00:12:24Now you're talking.
00:12:28Trying to rubbery, though.
00:12:29Yeah.
00:12:30I'm kidding.
00:12:32Do you have any, um, Vianna sausages?
00:12:35Oh.
00:12:35Oh, yeah.
00:12:37I am sorry.
00:12:40Officer Angelotti, you left your new crack shots in the copier.
00:12:43Please pick them up.
00:12:47Thelma?
00:12:48Is the cell ready yet?
00:12:49Yes, sir.
00:12:51Nice to see you again, Dr. Kaplan.
00:12:54Thelma?
00:13:05Oh, yeah.
00:13:07I'm coming for you, honey.
00:13:09Here we go.
00:13:11Yeah.
00:13:13There you go.
00:13:25Come here, you bad, bad boy.
00:13:29First, I'm going to have to strip search you.
00:13:35Now, you're the prisoner, I'm the warden, and I'm going to have to put you in the hole.
00:13:42Hahaha.
00:13:43To have to be who we were, baby, we turn around.
00:13:47And youized, I found another pet or cup, with see if someone does understand not fit or not.
00:13:47I'm coming for you.
00:13:47Hey, what are you doing?
00:13:57Oh, yeah.
00:14:24And who should I say is asking?
00:14:26I'm Martin Riff. I'm the new guy.
00:14:30Oh, the rookie! We've been expecting you. Let me check.
00:14:37Captain Smith, the rookie's here for orientation.
00:14:47You must be the new rookie.
00:14:48Captain?
00:14:49Good to see you, son.
00:14:52Well, welcome to the Amity Police Force.
00:14:55Come on, let me tell you something about our organization.
00:14:57Organization?
00:14:58You know, I was in the drama club in high school.
00:15:00Ah, so you're a four-eyed homo.
00:15:02Come on, one more. One more. Squeeze it out.
00:15:05Oh, that's a girl.
00:15:09Good going, girl.
00:15:19You mean you're running the brothel here?
00:15:21You really are a bozo on yourself.
00:15:23Tit for tat.
00:15:25Oh, excuse me.
00:15:27Officers Casey and Lacey, rookie Marty Riff.
00:15:30You mean they're not the hookers?
00:15:33No, you idiot. Hookers have real tits.
00:15:36Officers Casey and Lacey.
00:15:38Ladies?
00:15:39Sir!
00:15:42Come on, butt boy.
00:15:43Bye.
00:15:46Oh, my God.
00:15:48Yeah, they're partners.
00:15:50More ways than one.
00:16:00Hey, Captain! We got a pickup.
00:16:03You want me to take the rookie?
00:16:06Oh, yeah, that's a great idea.
00:16:08Get that four-eyed geek out of here.
00:16:10He's bugging the crap out of me.
00:16:11Oh, I appreciate your confidence in me, Captain.
00:16:14Hey, you're doing a great job, son.
00:16:16I'm sure your father would be proud of you
00:16:17if you knew who you were.
00:16:19Oh, I appreciate that.
00:16:23It's for Bambi again.
00:16:25Teddy over on Larchmont.
00:16:26And he used the old password.
00:16:28Okay, I'll give him the new password.
00:16:30What's the password?
00:16:31Shang-a-lang-a-ding-dong.
00:16:33It used to be cock-a-doodle-doo.
00:16:35Then last summer, a rooster called.
00:16:37We thought it was a john.
00:16:39Now we know what chicken ranch means.
00:16:44Captain?
00:16:44Take your hands off me, you slimeball.
00:16:48Found her on the corner of first domain soliciting for sexual favors.
00:16:51Was not.
00:16:52Was too?
00:16:53Was not!
00:16:53Was too!
00:16:54Was not!
00:16:55Was too!
00:16:56Take this little floozy to the interrogation room.
00:16:58She looks dangerous.
00:17:00Don't try anything smart, Tootsie.
00:17:01Or you'll find out what police brutality really means.
00:17:04This way.
00:17:04Let's go.
00:17:08Hey, where the hell's Slipper anyway?
00:17:11Little shit's probably getting another MRI.
00:17:17Well, she looks like the real thing.
00:17:19Yeah.
00:17:20Choice of a new generation.
00:17:22Well, maybe she's the uncola.
00:17:24Quite possibly.
00:17:25Yeah.
00:17:26Well, I'll run her record.
00:17:28You, uh, go in there and keep her calm.
00:17:30Be firm with her.
00:17:32I want her to know.
00:17:35We don't take the law lightly.
00:17:36Okay.
00:17:38Let's go.
00:17:40Look, I wanna make a phone call.
00:17:43You'll make a phone call when I say you can make a phone call.
00:17:46Well, I ain't saying shit until I talk to my lawyer.
00:17:49Well, fine.
00:17:50I'll get you some silence around here.
00:17:52Oh, hey.
00:17:56Mike, your outfit.
00:17:57Did you get that around here?
00:17:59What's up to you?
00:18:00Just trying to be nice.
00:18:04They're not gonna really try and hold me here, are they?
00:18:06Why?
00:18:08It's a small town, honey.
00:18:10They don't take too kindly to breaking the law.
00:18:12Shut up, you two.
00:18:13This woman here's a criminal.
00:18:14And I'm gonna see to it that she's punished.
00:18:19No, no, no.
00:18:20Not that, please.
00:18:21Please.
00:18:22Anything but that.
00:18:23Please.
00:18:24Hold it right there, Officer Hamilton.
00:18:26I ran a record.
00:18:27Not bad.
00:18:28Second song's pretty good.
00:18:29What about the third song?
00:18:31Eh, not catchy enough.
00:18:33But we'll let you slide.
00:18:36So, Carrie, can you use an extra hand around here?
00:18:40Summer, we can always use an extra hand.
00:18:46Sorry I was rude to you earlier.
00:18:48I just wasn't sure.
00:18:52I'm doing my job.
00:18:54You, uh, may have been with Internal Affairs.
00:19:00But she thought I was a cop.
00:19:02Well, you can never be too sure.
00:19:06What was it that gave it away?
00:19:07Maybe the outfit?
00:19:09I like your outfit.
00:19:12Yeah.
00:19:13Me too.
00:19:15You guys are nuts.
00:19:19If you're not gonna charge me with anything, I'm gonna get the hell out of here.
00:19:24Let's go.
00:19:25Let's go.
00:19:25Let's go.
00:19:26You can go, darling.
00:19:27But I think you're making a big mistake.
00:19:29You can work right here doing what you do.
00:19:32But if you don't want to...
00:19:34Can I borrow your outfit?
00:19:36See, there's already two of us here.
00:19:38Got room for three?
00:19:40Wait a minute.
00:19:41You guys are hookers?
00:19:43No, but we play them on TV.
00:19:47Bambi and I got started the same way.
00:19:49Got busted.
00:19:51Captain invited us to stay on.
00:19:54Wait, the captain gave you a job?
00:19:56Sure.
00:19:57He said he didn't see any harm in two girls trying to make a living.
00:20:00Long as no one gets hurt.
00:20:02And you guys never get smacked, beat up, anything like that?
00:20:05In a police department?
00:20:07No one gets hurt with the police department.
00:20:13Just think.
00:20:14No more pimps.
00:20:15No more cold street corners.
00:20:17No more standing around in these ridiculous high heels that throw your back out.
00:20:23Great.
00:20:24So what do you think?
00:20:25You wanna get cleaned up?
00:20:26Sure.
00:20:27I'll show you the locker room.
00:20:28I think I'll clean the locker room.
00:20:32I think not.
00:20:34I think that you're not gonna rest until you get out there and find me that peeping Tom.
00:20:43God dammit.
00:20:45If we don't find him soon, this music is gonna drive me insane!
00:20:51Okay, and a five, six, seven, eight.
00:20:54Now twirl like you lean it and go, you go girl.
00:20:58Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma.
00:21:00Le-hmm, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, mo.
00:21:03And a turn and a fine, ah-ah.
00:21:06It's the mayor!
00:21:07It's the mayor!
00:21:10It's the mayor!
00:21:11Captain Smith!
00:21:13Take five, ladies. Love you. Hate you. Yes?
00:21:17Mayor Davies is here.
00:21:19Oh, my God. Mayor Davies.
00:21:22Gentlemen.
00:21:23Sir, Mayor Davies?
00:21:24It has come to my attention that this police department has not been following the strict moral guidelines expected of
00:21:30it.
00:21:32What do you mean, sir?
00:21:33Amity is a fine community of hardworking families and innocent children living in harmony with each other and the cities
00:21:39around them.
00:21:40They deserve a police department of dedicated, hardworking professionals.
00:21:45A police department serving the needs of the community.
00:21:49Hold it down. I'm trying to talk.
00:21:54What is it exactly you want, sir?
00:21:57Captain Smith, I'm demanding you step down until a full investigation of you and your department has been completed.
00:22:06Take him away.
00:22:10I'm innocent. It's my only town.
00:22:12I'm not leaving you high and dry.
00:22:14I have brought you exactly what this department needs.
00:22:19Captain May.
00:22:28This is Captain May.
00:22:30She'll be in charge of this department until things get sorted out.
00:22:35Lieutenant Carroll, show her the ropes.
00:22:38Mr. Mayor.
00:22:44Short, medium, long.
00:22:47Officer David Carroll, head of ICE.
00:22:49I'll bet you are.
00:22:51I think there was no need for a change.
00:22:54Oh, I think there was plenty of need for a change.
00:22:56I see.
00:22:56Bring me up to speed.
00:22:57All right.
00:22:58Let's go.
00:22:59Mr. Marks?
00:22:59Get set, go!
00:23:02Officer Howe, line one, Winchell's Donuts again.
00:23:09Hi.
00:23:15Will you stop it already?
00:23:18I noticed him, too.
00:23:21Yeah, but I'm not drooling.
00:23:23I bet he's great in the sack.
00:23:25I bet he's never been in the sack.
00:23:27I think we should find out.
00:23:31Sorry.
00:23:35Nah.
00:23:37Speak of the devil.
00:23:41Oh, I'm sorry.
00:23:43Sorry about what?
00:23:45Well, I mean, I don't want to interrupt.
00:23:47Sit there now.
00:23:49Sit there now.
00:24:04So?
00:24:06Did a cough, Mom?
00:24:09Yeah.
00:24:11No, no, I mean, no.
00:24:13No, no, I just graduated.
00:24:16You're gonna like it here.
00:24:18Mm-hmm.
00:24:19Can I have a bite of the apple?
00:24:22Sure.
00:24:48Excuse me.
00:24:54Don't you want something on that?
00:24:58Do you have any butter?
00:25:01I don't know.
00:25:09Oh, honey, you have to spread this evenly.
00:25:12Let me help you.
00:25:15I think you missed a spot.
00:25:19I think you missed a spot.
00:25:45Sir, would you like half?
00:25:48Thanks.
00:25:55You will see the fabulous lunchroom, and this is where all of our wonderful police officers
00:25:59come and have lunch every day.
00:26:01If you look right now, you'll be able to see them.
00:26:02What is going on here?
00:26:04What is going on here?
00:26:06What is going on here?
00:26:09Officer Rick here.
00:26:11He was showing the correct procedure for the Heimlich maneuver.
00:26:17Uh, he ate one of these, and I think he got really hot, right, Officer Rick?
00:26:23Eh?
00:26:24Oh, well, never mind that right now.
00:26:28Ladies and gentlemen, this is Officer Captain Mary May.
00:26:32She will be heading and investigating the department from here on out.
00:26:37Officers Casey and Lacey.
00:26:39At your service.
00:26:41Carry on.
00:26:43Carry on.
00:27:00Oh, maybe you'd like to see the, uh, Certificate of Appreciation we received last year.
00:27:05The most uneventful town in America.
00:27:09Eh?
00:27:09Eh?
00:27:10Well, that certainly is interesting.
00:27:12Eh?
00:27:12I'd like to see the locker rooms.
00:27:13Eh?
00:27:14Uh, okay.
00:27:16Look at that one.
00:27:17See that picture right there?
00:27:21Ah!
00:27:24Officer Carroll, you just gotta let me go.
00:27:27I promise I'll never do it again, and from now on, I'll be a good girl.
00:27:33You're already pretty good.
00:27:35Thanks.
00:27:35Thanks.
00:27:36Thanks.
00:27:37I'm afraid to ask.
00:27:39You should be.
00:27:40I mean, you shouldn't be, because it doesn't really matter.
00:27:43I can explain.
00:27:45I'm waiting.
00:27:46Uh, well, I, uh, would you believe?
00:27:52Thank you, thank you, and welcome to Would You Believe?
00:27:54To show that that's just how far your imagination will stretch.
00:27:59My pumpkin pie.
00:28:02My little prune danish.
00:28:05My lover.
00:28:12And right now, for $500, Officer David Carroll, why does this jail cell look like a bordella?
00:28:19Would you believe?
00:28:20Um, because she's here so often that they had to bring all of her own stuff from home.
00:28:26Good answer, but not good enough.
00:28:29Miss Bambi, would you believe?
00:28:32Um, we had the whole thing redone by Madonna's decorator.
00:28:37That's unbelievable.
00:28:39Captain Mary May, for $500, would you believe?
00:28:42It was created by criminal psychologists who wanted to regress criminals to the moment of
00:28:46conception.
00:28:47That's right, we have a winner.
00:28:50Captain Mary May at the Amity Police Department.
00:28:53Step up here and collect your $500.
00:28:56Congratulations.
00:28:57I'll be in my office.
00:28:58Thank you, thank you very much.
00:28:59$500?
00:29:00That's more than I've made all week.
00:29:04Tune in next week and be prepared to stretch, stretch, stretch further than you've ever stretched
00:29:20before.
00:29:22So, you think you're being cute?
00:29:28You think this is some kind of game?
00:29:31You're answering, huh?
00:29:34Don't listen much, mister?
00:29:36You got a hearing problem?
00:29:38He doesn't speak much.
00:29:42Neither do you.
00:29:48Mr. Bigger.
00:29:50You're supposed to be the older brother.
00:29:53You're supposed to set an example.
00:29:55I don't think he's listening.
00:29:58Can you hear me, mister?
00:30:01He's got hearing problems, too.
00:30:05Let me try some sign language.
00:30:07All right.
00:30:07You can't break into your father's store.
00:30:20It makes you look...
00:30:24Whoa!
00:30:29He can't seize nothing, neither.
00:30:32So why are we talking then?
00:30:34Well, because he's the one that's got all the brains in the family.
00:30:39You know, put us on the map.
00:30:42Count us in the same situation.
00:30:45Okay.
00:30:47Cut her throat?
00:30:48Oh.
00:30:49Oh.
00:30:50Okay.
00:30:52All righty.
00:30:54Tell you what I'm going to do.
00:30:56I'm going to let you go this time.
00:30:59No one's pressing charges.
00:31:01But next time...
00:31:02Clear!
00:31:07We'll never do it again.
00:31:09Better not.
00:31:11And you.
00:31:12Take that stupid look off your face.
00:31:17That's better.
00:31:19Come on.
00:31:20Come on.
00:31:20Get out of here, you two...
00:31:21Leave those masks.
00:31:23Crooks.
00:31:24Wait a minute.
00:31:26Someone help me.
00:31:28Well, what can we do for you?
00:31:29I was taking a shower.
00:31:31I just live around the corner.
00:31:32And there was this man.
00:31:34I saw him in my bushes.
00:31:36Huh?
00:31:37Uh-huh.
00:31:37Watching me.
00:31:39So he was...
00:31:41washing your bush?
00:31:43No, he was busting my watch.
00:31:45I mean, watching my bust.
00:31:47I mean, watching me wash.
00:31:49Oh.
00:31:51I've never been so scared in my whole life.
00:31:56So, this man, uh...
00:31:59Do you look like this?
00:32:00That's him.
00:32:02Exactly.
00:32:06Well, sounds like the peeping Tom.
00:32:12We know somebody's been watching him.
00:32:14We've been watching him watch.
00:32:15But we don't know who he is.
00:32:16Even with that sketch?
00:32:18I know.
00:32:19It's hard to believe.
00:32:22Can I wash your walk?
00:32:23I mean, can I, uh, walk your bush?
00:32:25I mean, uh...
00:32:26Can I, uh...
00:32:27Can I walk you home?
00:32:32So, the mayor gone yet?
00:32:34Yeah.
00:32:35And the shit has really hit the fan.
00:32:39Wait a minute.
00:32:40We don't steal other people's jokes around here.
00:32:43We only borrow them.
00:32:45Good thing.
00:32:45Yes.
00:32:47Oh, my God.
00:32:47I left Billy in the cell.
00:32:48So, what's going on?
00:32:50Oh, well, let me tell you.
00:32:51I didn't tell you before.
00:32:51Okay, what happened was Captain Smith came into the picture, you know, and he was the captain.
00:32:54He was great because we ran a prostitution ring through here, you know, but everybody got paid a lot of
00:32:57money.
00:32:58They got their nails painted, their toes painted every single day because they could afford it.
00:33:00Sorry, I guess.
00:33:01We got all kinds of except a prostitution ring, and he's trying to get rid of the prostitution ring.
00:33:04Well, what are we supposed to do?
00:33:05I mean, nobody's making money anymore.
00:33:06Everybody needs to be rich.
00:33:07They need to get new clothes daily.
00:33:09They need to feed themselves.
00:33:10Then Captain Mary May comes in and she's in the lawn.
00:33:12I don't see.
00:33:15This is a fine way to run a business, locking us up in separate cells.
00:33:21I feel like I'm about ready to bust.
00:33:25Billy.
00:33:25David.
00:33:26Sorry, man.
00:33:27Didn't mean to leave you hanging.
00:33:29We've had a little problem.
00:33:30Look, we have a little problem here.
00:33:32I've heard that before.
00:33:34So have I.
00:33:35Me too.
00:33:36Huh.
00:33:37Well, anyway, I guess we should probably leave you be for now.
00:33:41Yeah, let's go.
00:33:42We'll come back.
00:33:43No, wait.
00:33:44David, you can't leave me.
00:33:45I feel like this, man.
00:33:47I feel like a prisoner.
00:33:48What would make you feel that way?
00:33:51I got it.
00:33:53We'll be back.
00:33:57It's so funny.
00:34:00She's trying to bust.
00:34:00She had something up her butt and it died.
00:34:03And she doesn't understand because it's a whole control thing.
00:34:05She doesn't even want to know what's going on because she walks around the whole place.
00:34:08She just came in here a little while ago.
00:34:10She has something to do with anything.
00:34:11And she's, you know, never relaxed.
00:34:13Anyway, anyway.
00:34:14Hey, where's Bambi?
00:34:15Angela, here you go.
00:34:16My God.
00:34:18She's still with Billy.
00:34:19Captain Bane's coming.
00:34:20Captain Bane's coming.
00:34:22Oh, mate alert.
00:34:23Oh, mate alert.
00:34:25I think I was going to know where I put that ship in a flagpole.
00:34:28Well, I'm sure it's all very interesting.
00:34:30But I really do have to get unpacked.
00:34:32All right.
00:34:32Maybe later then.
00:34:33I've still got some paperwork to do.
00:34:35Any messages?
00:34:36Yes, your mother called.
00:34:37My mother called?
00:34:38Well, yes.
00:34:38There's been a horrible accident and your father's been killed.
00:34:41What do you mean?
00:34:42Well, apparently there was a freak accident and his lawnmower killed him.
00:34:45She said it went haywire and turned your father into fertilizer.
00:34:49Wait, good news.
00:34:50Your lawn looks better than ever.
00:34:52It's colorful.
00:34:53They full of life.
00:34:54Fourth time this week.
00:34:56Who are you?
00:34:58Officer Lisa Hancock.
00:35:00I'm the night receptionist.
00:35:01I thought the lieutenant picked up the phone at night.
00:35:03Well, that's because you didn't have me.
00:35:07Do you have any whiteout?
00:35:26Is this an emergency?
00:35:27It sure feels like one shang-a-lang-a-ding-dong.
00:35:32Preference?
00:35:33I think the blonde one.
00:35:35I'm tired of these.
00:35:36An officer will be right over.
00:35:39Go wake up Clifford and get Hamilton a run interference.
00:35:43All right.
00:35:51No, I'm here as a public servant.
00:35:53I'll help anybody.
00:35:54No problem at all.
00:35:56Why would I care that it's the Pope?
00:35:58He's got sexual problems just like everybody else.
00:36:01I assure you.
00:36:03What do you mean, anti-Semitic?
00:36:10Hamilton.
00:36:11Yes.
00:36:12I've got a client in route.
00:36:14And I need you to pick up a graffiti artist.
00:36:18Take care of the captain for me, will you?
00:36:20Oh, that woman's about as much fun as an enema.
00:36:22All right.
00:36:23Then I'll take care of her.
00:36:24Thanks.
00:36:29By the way, don't forget, Bambi's in the cell.
00:36:34You got to get her out.
00:36:35Remember last time?
00:36:36She thought she was the lion for an hour.
00:36:38Remember?
00:36:39I had to do the end production number for the Wizard of Oz 50 times.
00:36:42How could I forget?
00:36:44It was pretty, uh, pretty miserable, wasn't it?
00:36:47Yeah, it was.
00:36:48You were off key.
00:36:49Very.
00:36:49Very flat.
00:36:50It's a bad day.
00:36:52Bad hair day, too.
00:36:55Damn.
00:36:57But I'm on a diet.
00:36:58You're 100 pounds overweight.
00:36:59A police officer should eat.
00:37:00Hey, has anybody seen?
00:37:01Oh, hi.
00:37:02Uh, Captain, I am going out on a caller.
00:37:04It's very high profile.
00:37:06I thought you might like to ride shotgun.
00:37:08You think it'll be dangerous?
00:37:09It very well could be.
00:37:11Let's go.
00:37:11All right.
00:37:17Marty!
00:37:22Did you see Carrie?
00:37:23No.
00:37:25All right.
00:37:26Well, if you see her before I do, let her know we need her in the interrogation room.
00:37:29We're not using the cells in that day anymore.
00:37:33Okay.
00:37:33Okay.
00:37:34Thanks.
00:37:34Hey, Cliff.
00:37:35Yes?
00:37:36Um, you ever, um, had two girls come on to you at the same time?
00:37:42Only my dreams.
00:37:43What's up?
00:37:44Well, I don't know how to decide.
00:37:47What's to decide?
00:37:49Well, I've never, you know, I've never been in a situation before.
00:37:54Well, Marty, there's worse situations to be in, all right?
00:37:56Trust me.
00:37:57I'll tell you what.
00:37:58If you get two chicks in the sack, all right, I'll turn in my badge.
00:38:02And it would almost be worth it.
00:38:04Shut up.
00:38:05All right.
00:38:06So if you see Carrie, you'll tell her that?
00:38:07I will.
00:38:14What do you got?
00:38:16Counterfeiter.
00:38:17Caught him red-handed.
00:38:19Good work.
00:38:20So what are you doing?
00:38:21You've got Carrie in the interrogation room.
00:38:23They're doing it, doggy.
00:38:24Here, my little dog.
00:38:30Heel.
00:38:32Heel.
00:38:37Ankles.
00:38:38Ankles.
00:38:42That's it.
00:38:43Lick my latex.
00:38:45Good dog.
00:38:47That was bullshit.
00:38:49An eight-year-old?
00:38:50What kind of crime we have in this city?
00:38:52Oh, mate alert!
00:38:53Oh, mate alert!
00:38:55Oh, mate alert!
00:38:57Oh, no.
00:38:57Come on, guys.
00:38:58Get up!
00:38:59Get up!
00:39:00Get up!
00:39:01Put your clothes on!
00:39:02Come on!
00:39:03Oh, mate alert!
00:39:04Get up!
00:39:04Put your clothes on!
00:39:06Hustle!
00:39:06Oh, mate alert!
00:39:08Come on!
00:39:09Out, dog boy!
00:39:10Out!
00:39:10Wow.
00:39:11Those things are huge.
00:39:11Oh, God.
00:39:11I've got to find something to put on.
00:39:13All clear.
00:39:14What's that supposed to mean?
00:39:16Oh.
00:39:16What?
00:39:17Uh.
00:39:18Would you believe...
00:39:21And welcome to
00:39:22Would You Believe?
00:39:23The show that has to...
00:39:24Wait, just...
00:39:25No, no, no.
00:39:26What?
00:39:26This is just over the top.
00:39:28Really?
00:39:29Yes.
00:39:30Well, if you want to be that way or not, but...
00:39:32Here.
00:39:36So, what really happened?
00:39:38Uh, well, I was interrogating this man, and he, uh...
00:39:42Uh, threw up.
00:39:43He threw up.
00:39:44Threw all of this stuff.
00:39:46And I was just letting them know that it was all clear, meaning that it was all clean.
00:39:49Clean.
00:39:50And clear.
00:39:50Uh-huh.
00:39:50And clear and clean.
00:39:51Yeah.
00:39:51As a whistle.
00:39:52Where are your cleaning supplies?
00:39:54Whistling.
00:39:54Uh, uh, all I need is my trusty rag.
00:39:58Eh, trusty rag.
00:39:59Dependable.
00:39:59You can trust it.
00:40:00Oh, we never lie to you.
00:40:01Ever.
00:40:02What have we got here?
00:40:04Um, oh.
00:40:05I caught him trying to pass, uh, counterfeit, uh, $100 bills.
00:40:10Good work.
00:40:11But the guy must be colorblind.
00:40:13What makes you think that?
00:40:15Because $100 bills aren't red.
00:40:18Stupid.
00:40:21Are you sure on that?
00:40:23Well, yeah, you take a couple, and I'll take a couple.
00:40:26Does anybody want one?
00:40:27I'll take one.
00:40:29Have a nice day.
00:40:30Merry Christmas.
00:40:31Twinkie?
00:40:31I'll take you.
00:40:31Sure, thanks.
00:40:33Give me another one.
00:40:34Thanks.
00:40:43Ah, what a day.
00:40:46Yeah.
00:40:46Seven jaywalkers, two double parkers on the litter bike.
00:40:49God.
00:40:51Sometimes you really gotta earn your paycheck around here.
00:40:57Leaving?
00:40:58I'm taking the books home with me.
00:41:00Think anything will happen tonight?
00:41:02Oh, no.
00:41:04No.
00:41:04Nights around here are slower than the days.
00:41:08I'm only a phone call away.
00:41:11All right.
00:41:12Good night.
00:41:12Good night.
00:41:14One, 1,000.
00:41:16Two, 1,000.
00:41:17Three, 1,000.
00:41:19Let's party!
00:41:20Three, 2,000.
00:41:22Yeah!
00:41:38Come on.
00:41:43Come on.
00:41:48Come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:42:18Come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:42:48Come on, come on, come on.
00:42:55Come on.
00:42:58Come on, come on.
00:43:10So you best watch your P's and Q's.
00:43:12We're going by the book.
00:43:25At ease.
00:43:29Understood?
00:43:31Understood.
00:43:32Understood.
00:43:37Now, I have a little surprise for you.
00:43:40Since there's such an excess of cash in the slush fund,
00:43:44I'm going to be sprucing up the place.
00:43:46You know, putting in some green plants.
00:43:49Maybe a painting or two.
00:43:52Any hemp?
00:43:53Anything else?
00:43:55Yes.
00:43:55We have a new drawing of the suspect, Peeping Tom.
00:44:00It passes around, everybody.
00:44:02Get a good look at it.
00:44:03Ooh, yeah.
00:44:05Ooh.
00:44:05I'm sitting in some games.
00:44:06Ooh.
00:44:07Ooh.
00:44:08Nice.
00:44:09All right.
00:44:10She could draw like that.
00:44:11Oh, I don't like this girl.
00:44:15Hey, that looks like my ex-boyfriend.
00:44:17Let me see that again.
00:44:20I bet you I could find this guy in two hours.
00:44:22I could find him in one hour.
00:44:23Okay.
00:44:24Get out there and be safe.
00:44:26Sounds like my mother.
00:44:38Oh, I'm sorry.
00:44:39I didn't know anybody was here.
00:44:41What are you sorry about?
00:44:44I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um, could you come stand here for a second?
00:44:59Well, sure.
00:45:08No, stand here.
00:45:11There?
00:45:14All right.
00:45:18Now, you try to push my legs out, and I'll try to push them back in.
00:45:24Okay.
00:45:29Gotcha.
00:45:31You know, all my life, I've never even had a beautiful woman look at me.
00:45:35I mean, much less to come on to me.
00:45:37Hey.
00:45:38Hey, and, and, and out of the blue today, it's, it's happened twice.
00:45:42Twice?
00:45:43What's going on here?
00:45:45Hey.
00:45:46Uh, I was just exercising my thighs.
00:45:53Bitch.
00:46:06Where's that janitor?
00:46:08My blinds haven't been dusted this decade.
00:46:10Orcs are mostly knights.
00:46:12Fine, I'll leave her a note.
00:46:17La!
00:46:20La!
00:46:21Tell me when the mayor's wife comes in.
00:46:22She's taking me to lunch.
00:46:23She's already here.
00:46:25She is?
00:46:26She's downstairs with the women's auxiliary.
00:46:29Oh, good.
00:46:31I think I'll go join her.
00:46:38Now, hold it in your hand.
00:46:40Firmly, but gently.
00:46:42Then up and down, up and down.
00:46:46Open alert!
00:46:47Open alert!
00:46:48Okay, put him away till later.
00:46:50Knowing the correct way to use a ponder could mean the difference between life and death.
00:46:57Hello.
00:46:59You must be Captain Mary May, ladies.
00:47:03Yeah.
00:47:04Captain Mary May.
00:47:06Our new...
00:47:07Captain of what?
00:47:08Captain!
00:47:10Bravo!
00:47:14Aren't you the janitor?
00:47:16Oh.
00:47:16Janitor and also sex educator.
00:47:20Clean is as clean does.
00:47:22Clean this.
00:47:29Hey, what are you doing here?
00:47:31Eh, couldn't sleep.
00:47:33I was up all night trying to catch that damn peeping top.
00:47:42Hey, Hamilton!
00:47:44What do you got there?
00:47:45Yeah, what do you got over here?
00:47:46Order.
00:47:47I got a complaint from Cuttingham's.
00:47:48I'm so impressed with the role that this police department plays in the community.
00:47:53Oh, yes.
00:47:53Our officers really give their pass.
00:47:55Mister, you got a name?
00:47:58The process.
00:47:59The process.
00:48:00Don't give me any of your lip.
00:48:02All right, listen up.
00:48:04I want you to take his cuffs off him, but watch him.
00:48:07He looks like a creep.
00:48:10You get some fingerprints.
00:48:12You know, that was really good the way you handled him.
00:48:15It was strong.
00:48:16Well, you know, I was trying to be...
00:48:17I didn't want to be over the top.
00:48:18No, that was good, because some people...
00:48:22He's got a gun!
00:48:29That's enough screaming!
00:48:32Now!
00:48:33You!
00:48:34What'd you have to go do and get my gun?
00:48:36We were just going to give you a hot meal.
00:48:38We weren't going to do anything.
00:48:39All right, all right, all right, all right.
00:48:41All right.
00:48:42Mister, listen to me.
00:48:45There's nothing to worry about.
00:48:47It's okay.
00:48:48I know you're scared.
00:48:49Hey!
00:48:50Watch me.
00:48:51I'm the guy to talk to.
00:48:53I'm not touching my gun.
00:48:55You see me?
00:48:55My hand is not on my gun.
00:48:58No.
00:48:59No.
00:49:00No.
00:49:01Now.
00:49:02Stay focused.
00:49:04It's going to be okay.
00:49:05You can do this.
00:49:07We're all friends here.
00:49:08We're all friends.
00:49:11Drop the gun.
00:49:12Come on.
00:49:12Give me the gun.
00:49:13You can do it.
00:49:14Give me the gun.
00:49:16Look!
00:49:16A UFO!
00:49:34There's nothing to see here.
00:49:39All right, mister.
00:49:41We've got a place for people like you.
00:49:44It's called a big gray cell.
00:49:48Take them away!
00:49:50I'm sorry.
00:49:50It's all right.
00:49:52Kill them!
00:50:00Good work, Officer Carroll.
00:50:02Thank you very much.
00:50:03Just doing my job.
00:50:04Well, I'm impressed.
00:50:07Our hero!
00:50:10No need to thank me.
00:50:12No need to thank me.
00:50:16Well, why don't you take the mayor's wife out for a little lunch?
00:50:19Come on.
00:50:19You deserve it.
00:50:20Come on.
00:50:21Get out of here.
00:50:22Shall we?
00:50:22You guys have done a great job.
00:50:24Thanks for watching.
00:50:25You can sleep safe in Amity.
00:50:28Love those guys.
00:50:34What a nice group of women.
00:50:36That small-town morality.
00:50:38You just can't find that these days.
00:50:41Back so soon?
00:50:43Are you ever off-duty?
00:50:45As a matter of fact, I am.
00:50:47But not right now.
00:50:50I had, uh, three more complaints about that peeping Tom last night.
00:50:59Yes, but good news.
00:51:01Got a little further on that sketch.
00:51:04Take a look.
00:51:06Oh, wow.
00:51:08See?
00:51:08Big differences now, huh?
00:51:09A lot easier to find.
00:51:11Well, that'll certainly help.
00:51:13Yep.
00:51:13I know.
00:51:14Never knew I had such a flair for art.
00:51:16All right.
00:51:20Captain!
00:51:23Captain, what are you doing here?
00:51:37Clouds, what are you doing here?
00:51:38What's with the donut outfit?
00:51:41Camouflage.
00:51:42I'm a new player.
00:51:44Listen, I came here to warn you about that Mary May.
00:51:46She's the best they've got.
00:51:48I-N-S.
00:51:50Immigration?
00:51:51I mean, uh, I-B-M.
00:51:53Oh, computers?
00:51:54I mean, I-F-S.
00:51:58Banking?
00:51:59You know, internal affairs!
00:52:01Oh, right.
00:52:02Listen, tell me that you've closed down the whole operation and put away the contraband.
00:52:05Well, I would love to tell you that, but that's a lie.
00:52:08She's not that hot.
00:52:09Not at all.
00:52:10No, we've got it covered.
00:52:10We have a plan.
00:52:11She can't even go to the bathroom without everyone knowing exactly where she is.
00:52:15That's right.
00:52:16What, people?
00:52:17No.
00:52:19Hold me to the lunchroom!
00:52:21Hold me to the lunchroom!
00:52:23Pretty nifty, huh?
00:52:26Quick!
00:52:26Hide!
00:52:26Oh, quick!
00:52:27Hide!
00:52:28Hide!
00:52:31Gentlemen?
00:52:32Uh, we were just leaving.
00:52:34Leaving!
00:52:34No!
00:52:34Go ahead.
00:52:34I was just looking for the two of you.
00:52:37I think...
00:52:37Here we are.
00:52:38Right here.
00:52:39Okay.
00:52:39I think they've made a terrible mistake about this department.
00:52:43There's nothing fishy going on here.
00:52:45Nothing at all.
00:52:46No.
00:52:46Not at all.
00:52:47By the book.
00:52:48By the book.
00:52:48That's our motto.
00:52:48Yeah.
00:52:49That's all right.
00:52:50It's fine.
00:52:51Okay.
00:52:52Wonderful.
00:52:53We were just trying to be good cops.
00:52:55The best.
00:52:56You are both fine police officers.
00:52:59Thank you so much.
00:53:00Exemplary.
00:53:01Wow.
00:53:01Thanks.
00:53:02You know, you gotta just stop.
00:53:05In fact, I want to do something special for you.
00:53:10I don't know what yet.
00:53:14I just want you to know, I'm planning something.
00:53:19Great.
00:53:20Wonderful.
00:53:20Thank you so much.
00:53:21You're a real sweet heart, real pal.
00:53:23Hamilton?
00:53:24Get back to work?
00:53:26David, go home.
00:53:28Get some sleep.
00:53:29Get some Z's.
00:53:31That's an order.
00:53:32Night.
00:53:32Right away.
00:53:34That was close.
00:53:36I'm telling you she knows something.
00:53:37She can't.
00:53:38It's not possible.
00:53:40Listen, you've got to close down the operation.
00:53:42Well, we can't do that.
00:53:44We're less than a week away from the squad car.
00:53:46We'd let the girls down terribly.
00:53:47It's too dangerous.
00:53:49Yeah.
00:53:50Well, I think she's an M&M.
00:53:52Huh?
00:53:52You know, hard on the outside.
00:53:55Soft and squishy on the inside.
00:53:58You're playing with fire.
00:54:01No, I'm not.
00:54:04Besides, think of it this way.
00:54:05I don't think this has anything to do with the investigation on the department.
00:54:09I think it has to do with that little affair you had with Mrs. Davies.
00:54:14Oh, you think it's personal?
00:54:18It would sure explain things.
00:54:26I was going to work out before my shower.
00:54:28Would you like to join me?
00:54:30Well, you know, I...
00:54:30I think you should work out with me.
00:54:32We can work on my pecs.
00:54:34Um, well, you know, I just thought I was going to take a nap.
00:54:36I'm kind of tired.
00:54:38Is that an invitation?
00:54:39Well, you know, I'm...
00:54:41What the hell do you think you're doing?
00:54:45Why don't you go home and take a cold shower?
00:54:47It's easy to see which one of us he prefers.
00:54:50You know, tell the truth, I'm not...
00:54:51You know, you...
00:54:53You better get out of here before I knock your lights out.
00:54:57No, ladies, please.
00:54:58I want to see you try.
00:54:59Ladies, ladies, please.
00:55:01I...
00:55:04Come on!
00:55:04No, no, no.
00:55:06No, no, no.
00:55:06No, no, no.
00:55:08Catch me there.
00:55:09Catch me there.
00:55:10I'll get more.
00:55:11Those are best friends.
00:55:12Let's not forget that, okay?
00:55:13Not anymore.
00:55:14I did not...
00:55:15Bitch, you slut.
00:55:17Stop it.
00:55:18Bitch, hey, hey, hey.
00:55:21You're doing with your hands.
00:55:23What does it matter?
00:55:25There's no place where hands haven't been put.
00:55:27Knock it off.
00:55:29Hey, knock it off.
00:55:31We can't have brawling in the police station.
00:55:33Not with the new captain.
00:55:34Amber.
00:55:35You guys want to fight?
00:55:36You do it in the ring.
00:55:38Let's go.
00:55:39I will see you tomorrow.
00:55:41You'll be eating out of a straw.
00:55:43We'll see about that.
00:55:45I'm...
00:55:46You know...
00:55:46This has never happened to me.
00:55:48This is your fault, man.
00:55:49No, I did nothing.
00:55:50You're dust.
00:55:51What kind of...
00:55:52Why did you use?
00:55:53Brute.
00:55:54I gotta get some.
00:55:55Play Fabergé.
00:55:56Yeah!
00:55:59Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on, welcome on, to the greatest fight you've ever seen.
00:56:10We have three rounds of championship boxing.
00:56:16Now, weighing in at 120 pounds, the former Miss America runner-up, the anchor event, the champ, Miss Casey Williams.
00:56:41And in the other corner, which would be over here, the very talented and lovely lady, who is also happy
00:56:50to be Miss America third runner-up.
00:56:53Ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at 12.
00:56:59Ah, I see.
00:57:01Weighing in at 112 pounds, former Miss America runner-up, second runner-up, Miss Lacey Andrews.
00:57:14You're fucking dead.
00:57:16You're fucking dead.
00:57:17All right.
00:57:17All right.
00:57:18And fall.
00:57:19And fall.
00:57:19All right.
00:57:20Everybody back to your corner.
00:57:21Back to your corner.
00:57:22All right.
00:57:24I've designed you can't work enough.
00:57:26All right.
00:57:26Let's come in, ladies.
00:57:27Let's come in.
00:57:28You need to roll, my lady.
00:57:29You need to roll.
00:57:31All right.
00:57:34Now, I want a good, clean fight here, kids.
00:57:38I don't want to see any raw punches to the head, like that.
00:57:43Or any jabs to the side, like that.
00:57:46All right.
00:57:48Now, let's have it fun, kids.
00:57:49Let's have a good, clean fight.
00:57:51All right.
00:57:54All right.
00:57:55Go for it.
00:57:57Great.
00:57:58Great.
00:57:59Great.
00:57:59Let's start the fight.
00:58:03Let's go.
00:58:04Let's go.
00:58:06Let's go.
00:58:14Let's go.
00:58:15Oh, very scary.
00:58:16Very scary.
00:58:22All right.
00:58:24Okay.
00:58:24Now go.
00:58:27Watch out.
00:58:28A little low there.
00:58:29A little low.
00:58:32Nice.
00:58:34Yeah.
00:58:35There you go.
00:58:37All right.
00:58:38Let's bring it.
00:58:39Let's bring it.
00:58:40One.
00:58:41Two.
00:58:43Three.
00:58:44All right.
00:58:45Okay.
00:58:45Back to your age.
00:58:46Back to your age.
00:58:47Uh.
00:58:48I can't see nothing out of my eye.
00:58:51You're gonna have to cut me, Lisa.
00:58:53You look back, kid.
00:58:54I think we should stop the fight.
00:58:55No.
00:58:56Cut the goddamn eye.
00:58:58But watch the eyebrow.
00:58:59I just watched it.
00:59:00No.
00:59:01No.
00:59:01It's not working.
00:59:02Cut the eye.
00:59:08All right.
00:59:09Okay.
00:59:10Come on.
00:59:11Now we're scared.
00:59:11Oh.
00:59:12Now we're scared.
00:59:13Scat.
00:59:15All right.
00:59:16Come on.
00:59:17All right.
00:59:23Come on.
00:59:23All right.
00:59:25All right.
00:59:26All right.
00:59:27Come on.
00:59:27Come on.
00:59:28Come on.
00:59:30Yeah.
00:59:37Let's go.
01:00:31Let's go.
01:00:33Casey!
01:00:35Marty!
01:00:40Marty!
01:00:42Marty!
01:00:48Hey!
01:00:50You guys yourselves again?
01:00:52Yeah.
01:00:53I'm very cute.
01:00:57Have you seen Marty?
01:00:58We kind of want to apologize
01:01:00for all we put him through in the last few days.
01:01:02Yeah, I understand.
01:01:03You guys have been big troublemakers.
01:01:06I'm sorry.
01:01:08Don't sorry to me. I don't care.
01:01:10I'm not the one who was standing there watching you guys
01:01:12fight it out.
01:01:15Anyway, I'll let him know you're looking for him.
01:01:16Oh, no need.
01:01:17We have a surprise for him.
01:01:20Oh, really?
01:01:21Oh, wait. In that case,
01:01:24third cell on the left.
01:01:25Okay, thank you.
01:01:26All right.
01:01:27Shh!
01:01:28Be very quiet.
01:01:35Hey, what are you going to do?
01:01:37Hey!
01:01:38Hey, hey!
01:01:38Hey!
01:01:38Oh, my God!
01:01:40Nice man.
01:01:41Hi!
01:01:43Good morning, all.
01:01:44Good morning.
01:01:45Good morning.
01:01:46Nice You.
01:01:47As I told you originally, I was brought in here to turn this department around.
01:01:52And as I told you more recently, I didn't think there was a need to.
01:01:56Yeah, you know why?
01:01:58She's a good lady.
01:02:00The reason there is no need to is because this entire department is about to be dissolved.
01:02:09And each and every one of you is going to be dismissed.
01:02:18Wait a second. What are you talking about? We didn't do anything wrong.
01:02:22I think turning a police station into a house of ill repute is despicable.
01:02:28Ill puke what?
01:02:31Ill repute. Ill repute.
01:02:33Ill repute? Captain, what are you talking about?
01:02:35I didn't want to believe it.
01:02:36I wanted to believe that you were good cops.
01:02:40That you care about your community.
01:02:44We care.
01:02:44We care.
01:02:46I care.
01:02:49This tape has a prostitute playing bucking bronco with a john in this police station's investigation room.
01:03:08This one has a prominent businessman making a sizable donation to this department after an hour in a cell screaming,
01:03:18oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
01:03:27And this one has three police officers, two female and one male in one of our holding cells having intimate
01:03:39knowledge of each other.
01:03:46And I know you are behind all this sin and decadence, that you are the kingpin of this operation, and
01:03:54I will see that you are treated accordingly.
01:03:57Now, go clear out your desk and lockers.
01:04:01The mayor will be here soon to serve you your papers.
01:04:04I think I can keep my gun.
01:04:07Hold on a second.
01:04:10I have something I want to say to all of you.
01:04:13As far as I'm concerned, you're all great cops.
01:04:19Regardless of what the department has to say.
01:04:22And I just want to tell you, I've been doing this for many, many years.
01:04:27Every time I try to get out, they suck me right back in.
01:04:34I know you're right here.
01:04:36I know.
01:04:41That's all my mom.
01:04:52I bet you really enjoyed that, didn't you?
01:04:54Just doing my job.
01:04:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:04:57Well, I got news for you.
01:04:58We didn't do anything wrong, and you know it.
01:05:01You broke the law.
01:05:02Oh, broke the law.
01:05:03Yeah, great.
01:05:04Come on.
01:05:05Prostitution is the oldest profession on this planet.
01:05:10Besides the fact that it's a victimless crime.
01:05:12But it's still a crime in this city.
01:05:16Yeah, it is.
01:05:17But I want you to think about something for a minute.
01:05:20The fact that we are helping these ladies.
01:05:24They're hookers, yes, granted.
01:05:25However, they're going to be hookers either way you look at it.
01:05:29So, we help them out.
01:05:31We give them a head start.
01:05:32We get them off the streets and doing something that they never thought they could do.
01:05:36Carrie is going back to school to become a lawyer.
01:05:39Bambi, she's going to become a crossing guard.
01:05:42I mean, they're doing things with their lives for a change.
01:05:44But it's still against the law.
01:05:47Okay.
01:05:47I'll give you that.
01:05:48It's against the law.
01:05:49But we all break the law.
01:05:51I mean, come on.
01:05:52You know, we speed.
01:05:53We cut those little tags off our pillows that we're not supposed to.
01:05:57I still have the tags on my pillows.
01:05:58You would.
01:06:00You know what it is.
01:06:03You need something that you haven't had in a really, really long time.
01:06:10You see, the truth of the matter is, what you need is something that is not only physical, but is
01:06:21emotional.
01:06:22You need to learn how to feel.
01:06:35You know, they really do know how to hurt a guy.
01:06:44But I'm a cop.
01:06:46I'm always a cop first.
01:06:50Well, so am I.
01:06:52So much so, that I don't go anywhere without my badge.
01:07:05You think you're so hot that you're the only one devoted to your job?
01:07:12Well, you are not the only one.
01:07:17My God!
01:07:20Wow.
01:07:21Wow.
01:07:24Wow.
01:07:34Wow.
01:07:37Wow.
01:07:39Wow.
01:07:46Wow.
01:07:48Wow.
01:07:48Wow.
01:07:49Wow.
01:07:50Wow.
01:07:51Wow.
01:07:56It's a disgrace to our community, our culture, and to the fine people who pay your salaries.
01:08:06Oh, I will take great pleasure in seeing that you're replaced by officers of high moral integrity
01:08:15and that you're all properly punished.
01:08:18Save it for the podium.
01:08:20You lost our vote.
01:08:21Yeah.
01:08:23Prisoners are not allowed to vote.
01:08:28Captain May.
01:08:29I can explain.
01:08:32The news team will be here any minute to put all of this, this whole thing on the 6 o
01:08:38'clock news.
01:08:39And you, head of vice, clean out your desk.
01:08:45You know, Mayor, I think we can work this out.
01:08:47Now, these men and women have learned the error of their ways, and I think we should give them another
01:08:54chance.
01:08:54Oh, really?
01:08:55Well, that's not what you were saying when we were viewing the tanks.
01:08:58Well, see, things have changed.
01:08:59Officer Carroll has presented a very hard argument, and I really think that you should hear...
01:09:04Oh, God almighty!
01:09:06It's like an epidemic around here.
01:09:07And you take those off!
01:09:12I mean, well, change!
01:09:17Change!
01:09:19I have changed.
01:09:21I don't see how!
01:09:24You guys stop blearing at my wife!
01:09:27I will sue you all!
01:09:30You leches!
01:09:31I didn't know about the cameras or I would have told you.
01:09:34I feel awful.
01:09:37Yeah, me too.
01:09:39You know, it's not even the fact that I got fired that I'm upset about.
01:09:46It's not even the fact that we have to go take this entire department in front of a jury and
01:09:51talk about all our dirty laundry.
01:09:53That's not even what it is.
01:09:54You know what it is?
01:09:55What?
01:09:56The fact that we're never going to catch that peeping Tom.
01:10:02We were so close.
01:10:04We were this close, you know?
01:10:06It just drives me crazy.
01:10:08I feel like there's just one more thing.
01:10:13Just one more thing.
01:10:16Wait a minute.
01:10:18Wait a minute.
01:10:21Hmm.
01:10:30Good God!
01:10:32Great Scots!
01:10:34By George!
01:10:37Look.
01:10:58Keep packing.
01:10:59I want you out of here in an hour.
01:11:05What?
01:11:05What?
01:11:06What?
01:11:06What?
01:11:07What?
01:11:07Well, Mr. Mayor, sir.
01:11:09My.
01:11:10Pervert.
01:11:11What?
01:11:11What?
01:11:12Pervert.
01:11:13You sleep at night.
01:11:15Mr. Mayor.
01:11:15What?
01:11:16What?
01:11:17Howdy, naughty.
01:11:18Same, same, same, same.
01:11:22Well, Mr. Mayor.
01:11:27Look familiar?
01:11:29Yeah.
01:11:30I bet it does.
01:11:31Because this is a face.
01:11:32Because this is a face that you see every morning when you look in the mirror.
01:11:35There must be some mistake.
01:11:36Oh, yeah.
01:11:37You know what the mistake is?
01:11:39You!
01:11:40You!
01:11:41Maybe we could work something out.
01:11:43Oh, yeah.
01:11:45I've got a bone to pick with you.
01:11:48Nice legs.
01:11:51Don't try to butter me up by being nice.
01:11:55Okay?
01:11:56Okay.
01:11:57All righty then.
01:11:59Take him where the sun don't shine.
01:12:01Third cell on the left.
01:12:03Bye-bye.
01:12:04Call my attorney.
01:12:05You are under arrest.
01:12:06See ya.
01:12:07No, no, no.
01:12:08You are under arrest.
01:12:08Got it good.
01:12:09You have to call her arrest.
01:12:10Call my attorney.
01:12:11There is nothing wrong.
01:12:34Everybody, I'd like to officially welcome Lieutenant Mary May.
01:12:38Very nice.
01:12:40Very nice.
01:12:42May I marry?
01:12:43She's going to be leaving internal affairs and joining us as our new head of vice.
01:12:46Whoa.
01:12:47All right.
01:12:48Hey, where the hell is Clifford anyway?
01:12:49Well, it seems the boy had to turn in his badge.
01:13:00Well, as of today, Officer Carroll will be my new right-hand man.
01:13:06And Officer Hamilton will be my new left-hand man.
01:13:09Okay.
01:13:18Well, anyway, just remember what I've always said.
01:13:23What was it?
01:13:24What was it?
01:13:25Leave the seat up.
01:13:26This is where we do the Macarena.
01:13:28Oh, yeah.
01:13:28Oh, yeah.
01:13:29Right?
01:13:30A good, uh, good, um...
01:13:32There's nothing like a good right hand.
01:13:34Right-hand man job.
01:13:36No, it was a man, man job.
01:13:38You said it was a hand job.
01:13:39Right.
01:13:39I mean, a right-hand man with a job for a right-hand man.
01:13:41You said it was a job for a right-hand man.
01:13:43Right.
01:13:43I'm not going to call my agent.
01:13:45I suppose I came to work.
01:13:46It's time for lunch.
01:13:48Come on for lunch.
01:13:49Call me.
01:13:50End this thing.
01:13:51Bye-bye.
01:13:53Good job, Mike.
01:13:54Good job.
01:13:55Good job.
01:13:56Good job.
01:13:57Good job.
01:13:58Good job.
01:13:58Good job.
01:13:58Good job.
01:13:59Good job.
01:13:59Good job.
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