- 10 hours ago
Hacks S05E03 [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:10Oh, God, I think I've got an ace in the hole.
00:12Okay, well, it's not exactly the most practical ensemble.
00:16Practical doesn't get you pressed.
00:17I need something that gives Madison Square Garden a headliner
00:20and also a timeless, humble sex icon.
00:23Hmm, I always wonder what Machiavelli would have been like
00:25if he'd been warped by boomer misogyny.
00:27Ladies and gentlemen,
00:30Nico Hayes, the Palmetto's newest artist in residence.
00:38I know it's, like, obvious to say that an international rock star is hot,
00:41but, like, he's hot.
00:43Deborah?
00:44Hi.
00:44Would you like to do the carpet?
00:46Oh, me?
00:48I'm kind of shy, but sure, I'll try it.
01:06How are you feeling about Marty's wedding?
01:08Oh, it's kind of like a colonoscopy.
01:10They happen every five years.
01:11They're a pain in the ass, but I'm passed out for most of it.
01:14Deborah?
01:15Hi.
01:15Looking aces.
01:17Hi.
01:18Oh, my gosh, we were just talking about your big day.
01:20Ah, yeah, well, Victoria wanted to keep it small,
01:22but I said, baby, this might be my last one.
01:25Let's blow it out.
01:27Might.
01:27Oh, nothing says love like a subjunctive bird.
01:31Congratulations on your show at Madison Square Garden.
01:34Oh, thank you.
01:35I miss New York.
01:37To be young again.
01:39I just can't picture you young.
01:42So sorry.
01:43I have to go say bonjour to the mini cheeseburgers.
01:46I'll see you guys.
01:47She calls the mini because that way it seems normal when she's five.
01:52Oh.
01:53Sorry.
01:54You can have it.
01:55Oh.
01:56Yeah, totally.
01:57Really appreciate it.
01:58I live with a woman who doesn't believe in having snacks in the house,
02:01so needed this.
02:02You got it.
02:03I love the tie.
02:04Very cool.
02:06I got it at the men's section at the Ross Dress for Less on the Strip.
02:09Oh, never been.
02:10Oh, you must go.
02:12Okay, I'll check it out.
02:14You might want to ever hurt your eyes.
02:15I'm going to eat this really fast.
02:17I kind of want to watch.
02:18Okay, freak.
02:21Oh, my God.
02:23You think they'll let me play blackjack in this thing?
02:25Oh, Debra.
02:27Yes, this dress.
02:28Marty, no scotch?
02:29No, I need to stay short for these young VC guys
02:32who just bought the Palmetto Group.
02:34They're obsessed with hitting their macros and biohacking.
02:37There's so many new terms for eating disorders these days, literally.
02:41So what are they like?
02:42Just young.
02:43Great guys.
02:44They're, uh, what do they call it?
02:46Strategically editing.
02:47Meaning they're offloading properties,
02:49like the Paradiso downtown.
02:51What?
02:51No, that casino's legendary.
02:53My grandma lost her retirement there.
02:55I mean, she should be protected as a historical landmark.
02:57I agree, but it's above my pay grade now.
03:01Okay, they're coming this way.
03:02I got to go.
03:03Marcus, what's a cool app I can bring up?
03:05Um, Chase Mobile Banking.
03:07Okay.
03:09Hi, Debra.
03:10Nico is a huge fan.
03:11He's wondering if you have a moment to meet him.
03:13Oh, certainly.
03:14Okay, right.
03:15Excuse me, Thomas.
03:18Almost wore that.
03:19So, first she dates Jim Carrey in the mask, green.
03:23And then Fiona's dating Shred Green.
03:25I'm going, what is happening here?
03:26Are you saying that Cameron Diaz has a green guy fetish?
03:28I'm not saying she's a fetish.
03:30But I'm saying if it happens again, then something's afoot.
03:32Isn't she in the green Hornets?
03:34Oh, my God.
03:35Oh, my God.
03:36This goes all the way to the top.
03:38Sorry, have a sec.
03:39Um, oh.
03:41No, I have to go.
03:42Oh.
03:43Sorry.
03:44It was nice meeting you.
03:46You too, yeah.
03:48See ya.
03:49Uh, okay.
03:50I'm sorry.
03:51Um, I think you're really cute.
03:53Do you want to get a drink sometime?
03:55Yeah.
03:56Yeah.
03:56Yeah.
03:58Said it enough times.
03:59Yes.
04:00Okay.
04:00Uh, I feel like I need to be up front with you because it's been kind of an issue in
04:05the
04:05past with dating.
04:07Um, I'm a sex worker.
04:11That is awesome.
04:12Really?
04:12Yeah, really.
04:13That is totally rocking.
04:15For sure.
04:15Oh, my God.
04:16I've been saying sex workers work forever.
04:18I wasn't the first one to say it, but I was definitely in the first thousand.
04:21Okay.
04:22Then.
04:22Cool.
04:23Cool.
04:23Yeah.
04:24Um, do you want to?
04:25Yeah, yeah.
04:26I'll put my number in.
04:27Oh, and, um, I should be up front with you as well.
04:31Well, I am a comedy writer, and that has been an issue for me when it comes to dating, just
04:36because we can be annoying.
04:38Damn.
04:39So, you're almost perfect.
04:41I'm excited to meet you right this way.
04:44Nico, this is Debra.
04:46Debra.
04:46Hi.
04:47Nico.
04:47Hi.
04:48It is so nice to meet you.
04:49I've been a huge fan since you did this.
04:50Oh, please.
04:51If you're going to name an event that happened after 1990, don't finish that sentence.
04:54Fair enough.
04:55But it's nice to meet someone who I admire so much in person.
04:58Well, it's nice to meet a fellow Lancome ambassador.
05:02And congratulations on your residency.
05:05You know, I wouldn't be doing any of this if it wasn't for you.
05:08Oh, come on.
05:09Seriously.
05:09Before you did a residency, Vegas was just magicians and acrobats.
05:13You made it cool for artists.
05:17Yeah, and then my...
05:18Oh, don't say history.
05:20Icons.
05:25Welcome to Vegas.
05:27Yes.
05:27Can we get a picture?
05:29Yeah.
05:39Change disassociating to reclining elegantly and change sweatpants to cashmere slacks.
05:46Okay.
05:46So in Singapore, you were so depressed you were reclining elegantly in cashmere slacks?
05:51Yeah.
05:51That's how I remember it.
05:53Me too.
05:54Oh, great.
05:54It's Jimmy.
05:55Hello, hello.
05:56Hello.
05:56So I got a very interesting request.
05:59Nico Hayes' publicist called and said that Nico would love to take you out to dinner.
06:04Oh.
06:04Yeah, there are photos of you guys from last night that are breaking the internet.
06:07I mean, not literally.
06:08Though, my Wi-Fi is slow today.
06:11Anyway, there's already a hashtag.
06:12People are calling you guys Nicora.
06:14How interesting.
06:15I do want to flag that I'm not pressuring you in any way into any sort of sexual situation.
06:20It's very important to me that you have your own private, intimate, sensual life and that
06:25I have no influence over that.
06:26And as a matter of safety, I am recording this conversation.
06:29Jimmy, he's not asking me out on a real date.
06:31He's just trying to get attention for his new residency.
06:34It's a PR stunt date.
06:35I'm very shrewd of him.
06:36And since I'm still bound and gag, I need all the free publicity I can get.
06:40So yeah, tell her I'm in.
06:41Okay, great.
06:42You two can talk shop, performer to performer.
06:44You know what I always say.
06:45Stars, they're just like each other.
06:48Oh, while I have you, do you want to be a guest on a Xena Rewatch podcast?
06:52I have a fake date.
06:54I know.
06:54You take every call on speakerphone directly next to your head.
07:02With these beings removed, the ceiling just opens up.
07:05Smells like dust.
07:06You know, I hate it when you say we're going to the gym and then you just bring me on
07:10a tour
07:10of some old-ass building.
07:11I've only done that three times.
07:13Besides, this is different.
07:13They're going to tear down one of the only historic casinos left in Vegas.
07:16I mean, with a little work, this could be such a cool space for people who want to stay
07:20somewhere different.
07:20Like what the Ace did in Palm Springs.
07:22I love the slippers there.
07:24Like a blowjob for the feet.
07:26Okay, so you want me to go alone knocking on walls?
07:28Yeah, but in a real mask way.
07:30Trust me, it prevents price gouging.
07:32Here she comes.
07:33Hi, I'm so sorry, Emily.
07:35I thought I found a lump in my breast.
07:36It turned out it was a dry glass of the sea in my bra.
07:39Hi, Meredith.
07:39Marcus, and that's such good news.
07:42Wow.
07:44Well, you like what you see?
07:46I really do.
07:47I think this is such a special property, and I would hate to see it turn to a parking lot.
07:50I agree completely.
07:52We are on the same page.
07:55What do you say, 6'2"?
07:566'4".
07:57Oh, my God.
07:59My ex, 5'5".
08:01It was like walking around with a minion.
08:03So I was going through the archives, admiring the marble floors before the reno.
08:06Do you know if they're still underneath the carpet?
08:08You know what?
08:09Here's my motto.
08:09If they don't disclose, I don't stick my nose.
08:12Okay, so I have no idea.
08:13But for you, I might stick my nose somewhere.
08:17Okay.
08:17All right, here's the deal.
08:18I find you very attractive, and I'd like you to take me out on Friday.
08:23Okay?
08:24Oh, that clunkety-clunk?
08:27Oh.
08:27That's a red flag, brother.
08:29Um, I think we're going to need, like, another 10% off, probably.
08:32Who's this?
08:32This is my friend, Wilson.
08:34He asked him to check out the property with me.
08:36So.
08:39Is this your boyfriend?
08:40No.
08:40I mean, we used to date, but now we're just better off as friends.
08:43Oh, my God.
08:44I'm so embarrassed.
08:45Oh, don't be.
08:45I'm sorry.
08:46Encroached on your territory.
08:47My bad.
08:48Will you forgive me?
08:49Yeah, you're good.
08:49Okay, how about this?
08:50Only thing better than a date this weekend is two gay guys to hang out with.
08:55Guacamole chips?
08:56Friday?
08:57Um.
08:57Do you want this fucking place or not?
08:59Yes.
08:59Let's go, guys.
09:01This way.
09:01Let me show you upstairs.
09:02Oh, wait.
09:04This way.
09:08Deborah?
09:09I'm in my closet.
09:18Hey, what's up?
09:20Do you have a fair tweezers, I could borrow?
09:22I've been waiting for this day.
09:25Okay, are we going between the brows or we start from the ground up with a big toe?
09:28I have a splinter.
09:33God, there is something so exciting about getting ready for a date with a man.
09:36Maybe it's the tiny threat of being killed at the end of the night.
09:40Well, mine's not really a date.
09:42It's publicity, so it's more of a work function.
09:45Why are you so sure it's not a real date?
09:47Maybe he's legitimately into you.
09:48Even if he was, I'm not into him.
09:50He's not my type.
09:51He's just too young and pretty.
09:52I'm the pretty one.
09:54Yeah.
09:55Anyway, what are you going to wear on your date?
09:56Oh.
10:00This.
10:03Go ahead.
10:03That looks like something that my grandson would wear so that he could poop out the back.
10:07God, I wish.
10:08It'd be so convenient.
10:10All right.
10:10I'll text you after the date.
10:14Thanks.
10:14Bye, girl.
10:18Hi, doll.
10:19How's my favorite paparazzo?
10:20Sensational.
10:21We still on for tonight?
10:22Oh, yeah.
10:23Daily meal's already chomping at the bed for these pigs.
10:25Great.
10:26I'd say I'd get my good side, but I paid to have them both be good.
10:37Hi.
10:38Hello.
10:40You look beautiful.
10:42Ditto.
10:43I think we have the same stylist.
10:45Well, it looks better on you.
10:47Good evening.
10:49Hi.
10:50Cell phones?
10:50I love it here.
10:51I put a sticker on your camera so nobody can take any photos.
10:54It's discreet.
10:54It's private.
10:55We can relax.
10:56That's great.
10:58I've been looking forward to this all day.
11:00Me too.
11:02Okay.
11:03Follow me.
11:04After you.
11:13Oh, um, sorry.
11:14I just want to clarify something.
11:16Just FYI, I don't expect us to hook up tonight just because you're a sex worker.
11:19Just like you wouldn't expect me to, like, write a monologue joke for you.
11:22Just saying.
11:23I don't expect you to blow my back out.
11:26Yeah.
11:27But it's not work if you love what you do.
11:29All right.
11:30Okay.
11:31I love that.
11:32But, um, in general, though, that phrase is kind of like a capitalist propaganda message
11:36to get people to, like, self-identify with their labor output to amass more productive
11:40hours.
11:42Wow.
11:43Did you go to grad school?
11:47That's the hottest thing anyone's ever said to me.
11:53You knew little Richard.
11:55You knew him?
11:56He offered me $5,000 to let him watch me pee.
11:59No.
12:00Oh, I would have done it.
12:01But he was just so over-eager, just kind of took the fun out of him.
12:04Oh, my God.
12:05That's insane.
12:07So, are you going to have your parents come see your show?
12:10Um, no, I'm not really close to my family.
12:15I emancipated from my parents when I was 15.
12:19Really?
12:19Yeah.
12:20Um, my dad sold my homecoming photos to E! News, and that was kind of the final straw.
12:28The press are fucking vultures.
12:30When I saw those stories about you having a breakdown, I knew it was bullshit.
12:38So, you just moved to Vegas all on your own, just to do shows every night?
12:44Yeah, didn't you?
12:47Yeah.
12:50I don't mind doing things on my own.
12:53And cutting ties with my parents was actually great for me.
12:56I took control of my career.
12:58It ended up being the best decision I ever made.
13:02Good for you.
13:04When I know what I want, I don't hesitate.
13:15Maybe I should have hesitated that time.
13:17No.
13:18I just...
13:20I was just going to say I'm exactly the same.
13:29Papa's got a brand new bag.
13:39She didn't know anybody.
13:41Debra, Debra, right here.
13:42Nico, right here.
13:43Hey, back up.
13:44Come on, give us room.
13:46Right here, buddy.
13:46Right here, right here.
13:47Here's your space.
13:48I'm not saying it again.
13:49Here's your space.
13:49This is a violation.
13:50This is my job.
13:51What's wrong with you people?
13:52Just leave us alone.
13:54You need to go protect us.
13:56Seriously.
13:56You're bottom-keeters.
13:58You're just...
13:58Why don't you get a real job?
14:00Scum.
14:01Yes, you are.
14:02Yes, you are.
14:04We love you.
14:05Unbelievable.
14:08That's money.
14:11So I am going to see him again.
14:13But not until the weekend.
14:14Because tomorrow night he's having sex with a married woman
14:17while her husband watches from a recliner.
14:19Really exciting.
14:20And then Friday, he's having sex with someone in a wheelchair.
14:23Oh.
14:24Which is so cool.
14:25Sex work is so important.
14:27Of course.
14:28Oh, good.
14:29You can talk to Debra now.
14:31Oh.
14:33Okay.
14:34Hey.
14:38You okay?
14:44You're right.
14:45It was real.
14:47Oh my god.
14:48We actually have so much in common.
14:51I mean, he's sexy, and he's smart, and he's funny, and he's just a great sense of style.
14:59Oh, Ava.
15:01We made out.
15:03Oh my god!
15:05Way to bury the lead!
15:07You kissed a girly guy and you liked it.
15:09Are you going to see him again?
15:11I hope so.
15:12I have a good idea.
15:14What?
15:15Invite him to Marty's wedding.
15:16Oh, I couldn't.
15:17Yes.
15:18Could I?
15:18Of course you could.
15:19You have a plus one, don't you?
15:21Do you think you'd want to?
15:23Yes!
15:24Yes!
15:24Text him now.
15:25Okay.
15:29Oh!
15:29He already texted me!
15:30What did he say?
15:31I had a wonderful night.
15:33Next time we should get pumpkin soup!
15:35What?
15:37What?
15:37No, it was just pumpkin soup.
15:39It was just this whole bit, and we were laughing.
15:42How hard were you laughing?
15:44Oh, stop!
15:45All right, tell me what I should say.
15:47Okay, okay.
15:47Um, I had a wonderful night.
15:48Okay, me too.
15:49And then be like, hey, going to this random ass wedding next weekend.
15:55Want to be my plus one?
15:56Want to be my plus one, yeah.
15:57Great, yeah.
15:58Oh my god.
15:59Okay, which emojis?
16:00No, no emojis.
16:02No!
16:06Oh my god, see the little bubbles?
16:07He sticks me back!
16:08This man's on his phone.
16:10Oh my god.
16:14Literally funny.
16:15That is hilarious.
16:16Can I wear white?
16:18Really, really funny.
16:19I told you it was funny.
16:20Oh my god, he's in!
16:21He's in!
16:22Oh my god, okay.
16:23I gotta call Marty.
16:24Oh my god.
16:25Wait, right now?
16:26It's ringing.
16:27Okay.
16:28Okay.
16:35Damn, you alright?
16:37Alright, Marty, I need to change my RSVP to your wedding.
16:39I am bringing a guest after all.
16:40He's this really hot, young guy, and he's really funny, too.
16:42Oh, you know him!
16:43Nico Hayes.
16:44Okay, that's fine.
16:46I'll tell the wedding planner.
16:48Good night now.
16:49Oh, Marty, can I bring a sex worker?
16:51Yeah, sure.
16:52Go ahead.
16:56Oh my god!
17:08Hi!
17:08Hey!
17:11So, now you're a fan.
17:12Huge.
17:13Hey, listen.
17:14What do you think these lyrics are about?
17:17Um...
17:17Oh, never mind.
17:18I'll help Damien Google it.
17:19Want some coffee?
17:20Tea?
17:20No, no, this will be quick.
17:22I just want to get your advice on something.
17:23Sure.
17:24So, after Marty told us about the Paradiso, I went down and took a look.
17:28I'm thinking about buying it.
17:31I'm going to renovate it, make it a cool boutique hotel casino, since there's really nothing
17:34like it left in the city.
17:35Wow, that's interesting.
17:38I've always loved that space.
17:39Oh, I know.
17:39The location is perfect.
17:41Historical building.
17:41Yeah, but, oh...
17:43I think that...
17:44That's a huge undertaking.
17:46I mean, you have to deal with the gaming commission, the unions, the permits.
17:51Plus, tourism is down.
17:53There's a reason there's no independent casinos anymore.
17:57I don't know.
17:58That's an awful big risk.
18:01So you wouldn't?
18:02If I were you, no.
18:04Keep your money in an index and wait for a lower lift.
18:07No, you're right.
18:08You're right.
18:09Thanks for the reality check.
18:10Oh.
18:11I mean, I could get a discount if I sleep at the realtor.
18:14Oh.
18:15Is he cute?
18:15He's a woman.
18:16Oh.
18:17Yeah.
18:17Sorry.
18:19You know what else I found out about Nico?
18:21He's a huge anti-bullying advocate.
18:23Isn't that cool?
18:24That could be an issue for you.
18:27Oh, shut up.
18:33I still can't believe you bought this whole place out.
18:36I want us to be free to, you know, do whatever.
18:49Oh, my God.
18:52So, how was your first week of show?
18:54Oh, it was okay.
18:55Just okay?
18:57When I tour, I change up the set list.
18:59And here, I'm doing the same exact show every night.
19:02And I'm just getting used to it.
19:04Oh, yeah.
19:05I get it.
19:06But just remember, people come from all over the world to see residencies here.
19:11And even though you're in the same place, doing the same thing, you know, I like to think of it
19:16as performing for the whole world all at once.
19:19It's a good way of looking at it.
19:23I think there's a lot I could learn from you.
19:25Oh, yeah?
19:27Yeah.
19:28How about we skip dessert and get out of here?
19:31Check, please?
19:34Wow.
19:35Yeah, why did you think I moved to Vegas?
19:37To be a prostitute.
19:39What?
19:39No.
19:40No.
19:41No?
19:42No.
19:42Okay.
19:43Here, let me show you a trick.
19:50Okay, all right.
19:52Now, I know what you're thinking.
19:53This is just a regular box of unlit matches, right?
19:57I wish.
19:58But guess again.
20:03I think it's lube all over my hands.
20:06Look, you weren't supposed to see the coins.
20:09But it's a work in progress.
20:13I'll practice.
20:14Bob.
20:15What?
20:16You were mean probably because there was a coin in your ear.
20:19Oh!
20:20Isn't that...
20:21Ow!
20:24That's a good one, too.
20:24You want that one?
20:28They're coming out.
20:29Oh, no.
20:30Dr. Hall.
20:31Nico, how was your date?
20:32How are you two officials?
20:33Well, out of the way.
20:35Oh, come on, Dave.
20:36You called me before, but not before tonight.
20:40Listen to him.
20:48Larry, can you give us a second?
20:54Was it you who called the paparazzi on our first date?
20:59Yes.
21:00And was it you who put the napkin I used on eBay?
21:03No!
21:04I feel totally violated.
21:08Look...
21:08Listen, listen.
21:09I did call them on our first date, but not the other times.
21:12Why would you call them at all?
21:14Because when you asked me out, I thought you were doing it for publicity, which I totally
21:18get.
21:18But once I knew that you genuinely liked me, I realized that I felt the same.
21:24I can't do this.
21:27Nico, don't let one little mistake ruin us.
21:30What us?
21:32Us, us.
21:35Nico, I'd like to go home now.
21:39Maybe you can get a ride home with your paparazzi friend.
21:41Come on, Nico.
21:43Come on.
21:49Oh, trouble with paradise.
21:58Yeah, the wedding is, is, um, uh, cocktail attire, four o'clock.
22:02Yeah, I think I'm busy that day.
22:04Oh, oh, no.
22:07What's up again?
22:09Tonight it's just another
22:11Walk to shame.
22:12Another alibi.
22:13I hope you got some comfy shoes on there.
22:15I'm not gonna let you retouch things.
22:16To keep the tears from coming.
22:20Coming to my heart.
22:22Oh, oh, not another alibi.
22:28Hey.
22:29What's going on?
22:30I've been waiting for you downstairs.
22:31You want to work up here?
22:32Sure, whatever.
22:33So, I think we should start with the opener, because it's not really feeling there yet, right?
22:37What do you think?
22:41Deborah?
22:42Who are you texting?
22:43Nobody.
22:45Let me see your phone.
22:46No.
22:46That's an invasion of my privacy.
22:49Deborah, let me see it.
22:51What are you doing?
22:53Let me see it.
22:54Stop it.
22:55I'm the right phone.
22:56What is wrong with you?
22:57Let me...
22:57Oh, God damn it.
22:59Ah!
22:59Get to me.
23:00Oh, God, you're strong.
23:01Jesus.
23:02Ah!
23:03Shit.
23:04Oh, my God.
23:05Deborah, no.
23:06There's so much blue.
23:07You're writing him a novel.
23:08Well, Nico hadn't gotten back to me for a while, so I was just bumping.
23:12No, these texts say not delivered.
23:14Oh!
23:16Oh, well, thank God.
23:18I mean, that means he hasn't even gotten them.
23:20That's a relief.
23:21No, Deborah.
23:22It means he blocked you.
23:28What?
23:29Yeah.
23:31He blocked me.
23:32Blocked you.
23:34I'll block him right back.
23:36I'll block him straight to hell.
23:37Hey, I'm going to go downstairs.
23:39I'm going to get you a Diet Coke.
23:41I'm going to bring up my copy of Anxiously Attached, How to Be More Secure in Life and Love,
23:44and then we're going to get back to work.
23:45Okay?
23:47Hey, he blocked you.
23:48He's not getting those texts.
23:50So say you.
23:50Oh, my God.
23:55How do you block back?
23:59Ah!
24:01Chill!
24:02Chill!
24:14Debra!
24:15This is my date, Eli.
24:17Eli, this is my boss, writing partner, and housemate, Debra.
24:20It's nice to meet you.
24:22I hope you two can hold on to what you have.
24:25I'm going to get another drink.
24:29Sorry.
24:30She's usually much meaner than that.
24:32Well, well, well.
24:33Does my eyes deceive me, or is my standing Sunday afternoon appointment at the Vegas wedding
24:39of the year?
24:40Hi, Joanna.
24:41Hey.
24:42He likes my date.
24:44Yeah, listen.
24:44I know from experience he's only got about three or four in the tank daily, so, you know,
24:48don't wear him all the way out, sister.
24:49Hello, Mayor Penmente.
24:51Hello, my lovely constituents.
24:53Marilyn and Herman, this is Ava.
24:57I work with Debra Vance.
24:58I think we met at the town hall where Debra argued against the city recognizing Labor Day.
25:02Of course.
25:03And this is Eli.
25:04Pleasure to meet you.
25:05And what do you do?
25:06I'm a magician.
25:07I'm a magician illusionist.
25:10Well, he's a sex worker.
25:11Mainly.
25:12Oh.
25:13Oh, he's not a worker.
25:14He's an artist.
25:15And I prefer the term jiggle up.
25:17More European.
25:18Right?
25:43FBI!
25:44I'm a magician.
25:47Congratulations.
25:48Here we are.
25:50Eleanor Guillaume, you're under arrest.
25:52Oh, Victoria.
25:52What the hell?
25:53Who's Eleanor?
25:54What's going on?
25:55Miss Guillaume is one of her fraud, domestically and in France.
25:58Sorry about the timings, sir, but we had to apprehend her before she fled the country.
26:01You mean her honeymoon?
26:03Marty, the name was fake, but the love was real.
26:08I demand to be tried in France.
26:10We'd appreciate it if everyone would please stay at the venue.
26:13We're going to need to get some statements.
26:14Let's go.
26:15Let's go.
26:15No, but let me talk.
26:16Let's go.
26:17Let's go.
26:18No.
26:18Let's go.
26:19No.
26:19No.
26:20Look.
26:25Yeah.
26:26You know, I thought the dress was criminal.
26:39Are you kidding me?
26:41No, you don't.
26:41Come on.
26:42Please.
26:42I know you're faking it.
26:43You're good at that.
26:44Hey.
26:45I was just grilling him.
26:46Seems to really like you, Raggedy Ann.
26:48I offered him $2,000 for the night and he wouldn't take it.
26:51Oh, you should do it.
26:53Yeah, you should do it.
26:54I don't want to hold you back.
26:55No.
26:56I want to spend the night with you.
26:57Make sure the coin trick later.
26:58It's getting really tight.
27:00No.
27:00No, no, no.
27:01You should get that money.
27:03Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
27:04Listen to my Eskimo sister here.
27:06Why are you pressuring me to do sex work?
27:10Do you have an issue with my magic?
27:12I got no issue.
27:13We could do it Voldemort style.
27:16Ava?
27:16Do I have an issue with your magic?
27:18It's an interesting question.
27:19I guess I just feel like you're so, so good at sex.
27:23And sex work is so important.
27:24And I guess I just feel like magic is less important.
27:31But you said that you were okay with whatever I did for work.
27:34I didn't think that one of those things could be magic.
27:37I mean, come on.
27:37Don't you feel a little cringe when you're doing the tricks?
27:40Like, honestly.
27:40No, I feel a little more cringe when a stranger sticks a personalized dildo of their ex-boyfriend's dick in
27:46my mouth.
27:47Fit like a glove, as I recall.
27:50Hey, I'm not here to sex shame.
27:51No.
27:52You're just here to magic shame.
27:54This is so fucked up.
27:56Looking down on me for being a magician is just as bad as looking down on me for being a
27:59sex worker.
28:00No, it's not.
28:01Magicians aren't marginalized.
28:03The name one magician who's ever served on the Supreme Court.
28:05Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
28:06Whoa, whoa, whoa.
28:07I'm sorry.
28:07Okay, okay, listen.
28:08It's getting a little heated here.
28:10Let's relax.
28:10Let's go to my room.
28:11Have a little nightcap.
28:12You can come too, apartment patty.
28:14That's the gay one, right?
28:16No.
28:18We're done.
28:20And I'm done doing sex work.
28:21Hey.
28:22No.
28:23No.
28:23Don't be rash.
28:24I'm going to make it as a magician.
28:27And I'm going to prove you wrong.
28:32It's supposed to be smoke.
28:33No.
28:34No.
28:35Oh, my God.
28:36Hey.
28:36Hey.
28:37God.
28:39What did you do?
28:41Listen to me.
28:42It's Saturday at dusk.
28:43You got 18 hours to find me a new Sunday boy.
28:46So tick tock, Missy.
28:48Oh, my God.
28:49Fuck, man.
28:50You're not getting him a Sunday boy.
28:52I don't want to talk to you anymore.
28:59Come in.
29:04Hey.
29:05You okay?
29:08How could I be so stupid?
29:10Well, she was old.
29:12It was the perfect smoke screen.
29:13Yeah, they're calling what she did to be elder fraud.
29:17It's peer-to-peer fraud.
29:18Hmm.
29:22I really thought she was the one.
29:24Well, her real crime
29:28is not realizing how wonderful you are.
29:39Deb, I know this is crazy, but what do you say we get married?
29:45The priest is still here.
29:46The caterers are ready to go.
29:48Me and you.
29:49Come on.
29:49Let's finally do it.
29:51Marty.
29:54Marty.
29:54Deborah and Marie Vance.
29:56Will you marry me?
30:00No.
30:02Oh, God.
30:04Marty.
30:07Marty.
30:07Hey.
30:09You know how I feel about you.
30:11But you've got to stop asking people to marry you.
30:14It's a compulsion.
30:15Yeah.
30:15I guess you're right.
30:18Man, I just feel like such a loser.
30:22If it makes you feel any better, I was just dumped and blocked by an international rock star.
30:27Okay.
30:28Sounds like you've still got the date of rock star.
30:30Yeah, but I got my heart broken.
30:32I've been very sad about it.
30:34But I mean, I should actually be thrilled.
30:37I mean, what a gift to still be taking risks.
30:41Come on.
30:42We both got our hearts broken.
30:43Aren't you glad that you're still putting yourself out there like that?
30:46I mean, a lot of people our age are just too busy collecting commemorative coins.
30:52I mean, you love falling in love.
30:56And you will again.
30:57I know it.
30:59I mean, you own multiple properties.
31:01You still have your own hair.
31:02You're chum in the water.
31:06Well, are you sure you don't want to be Mrs. Marty Vance?
31:13I'll tell you what.
31:14If we're both single, when we're 100, I'll marry you.
31:19Well, that's something to look forward to.
31:30Marcus.
31:33Marcus.
31:35I was wrong.
31:36You should do the part as you said.
31:38It is exactly what Vegas needs.
31:39I appreciate that.
31:40I really do.
31:41But you were right.
31:42My business manager looked at the numbers, and it is too big of a risk.
31:46If you don't take risks, you're as good as dead.
31:49What if we did it together?
31:51And now, I'm not trying to insert myself here.
31:53I could be as involved as you want.
31:56But I miss working with you.
31:58I miss conniving with you.
32:01We will be partners this time.
32:02Totally equal.
32:03Or I could just be a silent investor.
32:06Whatever you want.
32:07What do you say?
32:09Want to?
32:13I do.
32:19What a great day.
32:27Wow.
32:27Isn't it beautiful?
32:28If you would have told me five years ago that I would be part owner of a casino, I would
32:32not have believed you.
32:33You are no part of this.
32:35You are literally just here.
32:36Yeah, but even that is crazy.
32:39Oh, wait.
32:41What?
32:42Kiki just sent me this video.
32:43She thinks it's about you.
32:48But you're a funny girl.
32:51Yeah, something's funny.
32:54Funny how you lie so easily.
32:58Oh!
32:59So are gay-ish jokes on me.
33:03Whoa, funny girl.
33:06Wow, his fan army's really coming after you in the comments.
33:08What?
33:09Let me see.
33:10They're calling me chocked.
33:12What does that mean?
33:13I mean, am I in danger?
33:14No, no.
33:15They're just insulting your looks.
33:17What?
33:17That's even worse.
33:19I don't know, is it?
33:20I mean, people are going to want to hear your side of the story at the MSG show.
33:23It could be good for ticket sales.
33:25That's true.
33:27And if he can make art about me, I can make art about him.
33:29It's a two-way street.
33:31I need to clap back.
33:32Call Diane Warren!
Comments