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#video #Saturday Night Live UK S01E06 Aimee Lou Wood Meek NOW H 264 #drama2026 #movie2026 #hotmovie
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TVTranscript
00:00:03At this moment, somewhere over the Atlantic.
00:00:15Oh, Charles.
00:00:17Charles, you did such a smashing job with your speech to Congress.
00:00:21After that, there's no way Donald Trump will do anything weird or bad ever again.
00:00:28Mission accomplished, Camilla. Still, I'm glad to be heading home.
00:00:34I just hate being in any country where my mummy's not on the money.
00:00:39Come on now, Charles. America's not so bad.
00:00:42They've got hot dogs, Reese's Pieces, and best of all, legal weed gummies.
00:00:49Don't tell anybody, but I'm sneaking some through customs in my tummy.
00:00:55Camilla, you minx.
00:01:00Ladies and gentlemen, the in-flight meal is about to be served.
00:01:02Please return your seats to their upright position.
00:01:05Chicken or fish? Chicken or fish?
00:01:07Could we possibly have a bit of itch?
00:01:10We don't do that.
00:01:14Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain speaking.
00:01:18We're currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet.
00:01:20Time in the UK is 10.02pm.
00:01:23And we're turning around and going all the way back to America.
00:01:26Did you hear that, hubby?
00:01:28They're turning the plane around!
00:01:30What the devil?
00:01:31Captain, I demand this plane return to Britain!
00:01:35I'm afraid I can't do that, Your Majesty.
00:01:39Because, you see...
00:01:42It's me!
00:01:45Sir Keir Starmer!
00:01:54Sir Keir, what in the blazes are you doing here?
00:01:58Unless I've very much mistaken, Your Majesty.
00:02:00I've hijacked the royal plane.
00:02:03Sir Keir, land this plane at once!
00:02:07No can do, Queenie.
00:02:09You see, I was dusting off some of my old legal textbooks,
00:02:13and I came across a rather intriguing statute.
00:02:16Did you know that a prime minister cannot be removed
00:02:19while the monarch is out of the country?
00:02:26So you thought you'd save your premiership with this dastardly plan?
00:02:30What other choice did I have?
00:02:32Doing a good job?
00:02:34Ha!
00:02:35Grow up!
00:02:38Sir Keir, I commend you by order of the king...
00:02:41The king of what, Charles?
00:02:43The king of the clouds?
00:02:47You have no power up here!
00:02:51So long as we keep circling the skies,
00:02:55I keep being prime minister!
00:02:58Hey, Sir Keir, I've got a question.
00:03:02Chicken or fist?
00:03:09Her name's flight attendant, but why?
00:03:12Because I do have a name, Your Majesty.
00:03:15You see, it's me.
00:03:19Angela Rayner!
00:03:24Angela Rayner!
00:03:29Yes!
00:03:31And I'm taking us home,
00:03:33because I've been looking through some old legal textbooks,
00:03:36and I've realised if you're not in the country,
00:03:39then I can't do...
00:03:42this thing I'm planning.
00:03:44Hey, Rayner,
00:03:45please return your body
00:03:47to the downright position.
00:03:51I'm not letting this plane get back to Britain,
00:03:54because you see,
00:03:54it's me.
00:03:59Paul Selby!
00:04:05Are we supposed to know who that is?
00:04:08Not at all.
00:04:10I'm not famous.
00:04:11I'm the one member of the British public
00:04:13who loves Keir Starmer.
00:04:15That's right,
00:04:16I was indoctrinated online
00:04:17by the radical centre-left,
00:04:18and now I'm in charge of this plane,
00:04:21and nothing...
00:04:22nothing...
00:04:27I knew there was something fishy about that chap.
00:04:30That's why, right after take-off,
00:04:32I secretly slipped him 47 of your weed gummies, darling.
00:04:36Oh, Charles!
00:04:37Like I've always said,
00:04:39you come for the king,
00:04:40you best not miss.
00:04:44Now, baby,
00:04:46get in the cockpit and take the plane home,
00:04:49because...
00:04:49Life of London is Saturday night!
00:05:01It's Saturday night live!
00:05:07With...
00:05:10Monde and Michelle!
00:05:16Oh, yeah, right there, right there.
00:05:19Oh, yeah!
00:05:23Larry Dean!
00:05:30Celeste Spring!
00:05:35George Fouracre!
00:05:41Anya Magliano!
00:05:47Annabelle Marlow!
00:05:53Al Nash!
00:05:59Jack Sheff!
00:06:04Emma Sidney!
00:06:12Javi Young!
00:06:19Musical guest, Lee!
00:06:25And your host, Amy Lewis!
00:06:39Ladies and gentlemen, Amy Lewis!
00:06:58Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm Amy Lee Wood and I'm so excited to be hosting SNL UK!
00:07:07And I am the first Northern host!
00:07:13Shout out to the Stockport Hat Museum!
00:07:16Yes!
00:07:16Yes!
00:07:19Oh, seriously, it is a huge honour to be here tonight.
00:07:22You might know me from Sex Education!
00:07:26The show that took the shame out of getting freaky!
00:07:29Or perhaps you know me from The White Lotus!
00:07:31The show where a guy wanks off his brother and puts the shame right back in there!
00:07:39But this is the first time I've ever stood on live television as myself!
00:07:44And honestly, I have been having stress dreams about this moment!
00:07:48Where I come out and just start talking gibberish!
00:07:50But thankfully, I libied there Jub's barnacles going seat beyond the floor in mid barman Mundeo!
00:07:57Phew!
00:08:00Nailed it!
00:08:03Talking of powerful women making interesting noises, the writers have been asking me all week,
00:08:09Amy, what do you want to say in your monologue?
00:08:11And after a lot of long, hard thinking, the answer was simple.
00:08:15I want to scat.
00:08:17Like Kim Cattrall in that YouTube video.
00:08:39And I am aware that not everyone will get that reference.
00:08:43But I guarantee the five people that did will nominate me for the BAFTA P&O Cruises TV moment of
00:08:48the year!
00:08:51It's very nice to show a different side of myself though, because ever since I got famous,
00:08:56all I ever hear is how relatable I am.
00:08:59How bubbly I am.
00:09:01But I'm here tonight to put those vicious rumours to rest.
00:09:05Because you know what?
00:09:06I'm a freak.
00:09:09No, I am.
00:09:10I'm a weird lady.
00:09:12The only thing bubbly about me is my IBS.
00:09:20I'm a Scorpio moon, for God's sake.
00:09:24OK?
00:09:26I once got a reading from an astrologer and she said, sorry.
00:09:32That's how intense my birth chart is.
00:09:35No, seriously, I'm genuinely tapped into something other.
00:09:38It's not just horoscopes and auras.
00:09:40I'm also mixing with the spiritual realm all the time.
00:09:43For instance, this is going to sound very cocky, but in a past life, I was Derek Jarman, the British
00:09:49artist.
00:09:49And that's true because it came up in a regression.
00:09:52Right?
00:09:53It's fact.
00:09:53And in fact, I can tell anyone what they were in a past life.
00:09:57OK?
00:09:57So I'm going to do it now.
00:09:58Right now.
00:09:59So, we've got dog, dog, dog, dog.
00:10:04Ooh, you were the Pope.
00:10:06Well done.
00:10:08Dog, dog.
00:10:09And ooh, hello.
00:10:12OK, yes, you.
00:10:17You were Pablo Escobar.
00:10:19Bit of a bad boy, huh?
00:10:21I also carry crystals about like this one.
00:10:26I make sure I always have it in my bra when I'm flying.
00:10:29It protects me as long as the plane doesn't crash.
00:10:34Look, I know I may sound just like that fun Mancunian girl you lived in uni halls with.
00:10:39Oh, your cousin's super sweet partner with the job you can't quite remember.
00:10:45But I, Amy Lou Wood, I'm a certified card-carrying god damn weirdo.
00:10:51And don't you forget it!
00:10:57Shabbos hurray!
00:11:04We've got a great show coming up for you tonight, including music from Meek.
00:11:09So stick around and watch this!
00:11:18She's the kind of girl who you and your life.
00:11:22Flip your world upside down.
00:11:24You can't get her out of your mind.
00:11:29Here's why.
00:11:32Sing it, my guy.
00:11:34Yeah, she's dangerous all right.
00:11:37But not just cause she's hot, she's also got really poor hand eyes.
00:11:43Coordination.
00:11:44She's crazy clumsy, a gazelle all right.
00:11:50Scoot in the wrong way in a bike lane.
00:11:54Blind someone elderly when she popped that champagne.
00:11:58Watching her own dress is its own kind of insane.
00:12:03Headless horse machete.
00:12:04A one woman hurricane.
00:12:07Dangerous!
00:12:08Ow!
00:12:10Ow!
00:12:10I have to take her out.
00:12:12Now she's taking me out.
00:12:14Ah!
00:12:15Dangerous!
00:12:16Baby, that hurt!
00:12:17Watch out!
00:12:18She'll have you up on that baby.
00:12:20Waiting round in A&E.
00:12:24I try to keep things within safe limits.
00:12:28It's a blow to my pride.
00:12:30But now I wear a full time helmet.
00:12:34And my clothes have no ships.
00:12:37With her hair and personality.
00:12:39Zips are high ribs.
00:12:41Dangerous!
00:12:42Ow!
00:12:43Love her!
00:12:44Things I was warned about this girl.
00:12:46All 999 with Michael Burke.
00:12:49Who the f*** is Michael Burke?
00:12:51My shirt is the canvas.
00:12:53My food is the paint.
00:12:55To stick with me, boy, you need the patience of a saint.
00:12:59When she's telling an anecdote about an accident,
00:13:03you know she'll accidentally re-enact the accident again.
00:13:07But she's forgetful regularly.
00:13:11It's not the same with being a coach.
00:13:13But it adds to the anarchy.
00:13:16She'll say things like...
00:13:17Sorry, I had to put a tampon in.
00:13:18But now I think there might have been already one in there.
00:13:20Ooh, that looks good.
00:13:21Jesus!
00:13:23Woo!
00:13:23That's this rock'n'roll
00:13:25Way more drag'n'roll
00:13:28Dangerous!
00:13:30My bad!
00:13:31Unfortunately, this gorgeous curse
00:13:33Is the best you've ever had
00:13:35But before she goes down on you
00:13:37You better sign that waiver
00:13:39And never let her go on time
00:13:42She'll say...
00:13:43Don't worry, I got this.
00:13:45But she absolutely does now
00:13:48I better get used to this life
00:13:52Cause I'm only gonna make this clumsy girl
00:13:57My wife
00:14:17We've arrived
00:14:20What is this place, Doctor?
00:14:22I had a feeling you might like it
00:14:25Welcome to Trexelor 5
00:14:27Home of the great time library
00:14:29Incredible
00:14:31We're not in my relatable northern town anymore
00:14:35I've been looking for this for 16 lifetimes
00:14:38This is the home of the tree of knowledge
00:14:41A tree?
00:14:43In a spaceship?
00:14:44It's the only place that can keep it safe
00:14:46This tree fruits once every trillion years
00:14:49One taste of the tree's fruit
00:14:51Gives you the answer to any question you desire
00:14:53It's the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience
00:14:56Incredible
00:15:03What the fuck is that?
00:15:05What the fuck is that?
00:15:09What the fuck is that?
00:15:13That's the tree?
00:15:16I'm gonna throw up in my mouth
00:15:17I mean, I mean, it may not be conventionally attractive, but...
00:15:22No, I mean, why is it dripping? That's not a tree.
00:15:24The name is allegorical.
00:15:26This is an ancient creature of infinite wisdom.
00:15:29A repository of a trillion years of kindness, empathy and intelligence.
00:15:33Well, it looks like my HPV flare-up.
00:15:38You're being really disrespectful here, Ellen.
00:15:40Do not offend the tree of knowledge.
00:15:42No, I think we should kill it.
00:15:44Do not threaten the tree.
00:15:45Look, nobody's threatening the tree.
00:15:47The doctor does not kill.
00:15:50Oh, great. Now it's farting.
00:15:52No, no, no. It's not farting.
00:15:53It's talking. It welcomes us.
00:15:55Oh, my God.
00:15:58Sounds like me after bottomless brunch.
00:16:00I'm allergic to champagne, so it comes out of me like fizzy gravy.
00:16:04Ellen.
00:16:05Ellen.
00:16:06Come on.
00:16:08This is amazing.
00:16:09You're having a genuinely incredible experience.
00:16:12You always do this.
00:16:13Why can't you just take me somewhere nice?
00:16:15I took you to Jane Austen's house.
00:16:17Yeah, and she's stank.
00:16:19She's stank of old.
00:16:21Well, everyone did before they invented Lynx Africa.
00:16:24Yeah, look, why can't we just go to, like, Thorpe Park before the accidents made it woke?
00:16:31Or the Arndale Centre for a bubble tea?
00:16:35Right, what's it say now?
00:16:37It wants you to greet it. Go on.
00:16:39It's Mingy.
00:16:40No.
00:16:44Hi.
00:16:44No, no, you need to shake its hand.
00:16:49I really don't want to do that.
00:16:51You get the answer to all your biggest questions.
00:16:54Don't you want to know where your dad is?
00:16:56The secret to happiness?
00:16:57Or what bra size you really are?
00:16:59Oh, yeah, I do want to know that.
00:17:01All of that, especially the bra thing.
00:17:02Yes.
00:17:03Um, OK.
00:17:04Hello, blob.
00:17:06No, that's not his hand.
00:17:07That's his tit.
00:17:08Oh!
00:17:09Oh!
00:17:10His tit came off in my hand!
00:17:11No, I am so sorry she pulled off your tit.
00:17:13Oh, my God.
00:17:15Silence!
00:17:16The tree is fruiting.
00:17:18It is ready for you to suck its nectar and receive its knowledge.
00:17:22No, no, no.
00:17:23If that's the fruit, I'm about to kick off.
00:17:26Well, it is the fruit.
00:17:28And if you want the answers, you must eat it.
00:17:30Oh, my God.
00:17:31No way!
00:17:32I've seen Alien.
00:17:33I'm not swallowing that and then having it burst out my fanny when I get home.
00:17:37Look, it doesn't work like that.
00:17:40Right, see, I'm going to go and watch some reels in the TARDIS.
00:17:43Fine.
00:17:44Fine.
00:17:44But don't vape in there.
00:17:46I hate the smell of triple mango.
00:17:48Triple mango?
00:17:49That's three mangoes.
00:17:51Fine, I'll vape outside.
00:17:52No!
00:17:54What have you done?
00:17:56A single mango is poison enough to our people.
00:17:59Oh, God.
00:18:00The tree!
00:18:01It has lived three trillion millennia and now it's dying!
00:18:05Shit!
00:18:06Shit!
00:18:07Ellen, you killed them!
00:18:08I can't be found here!
00:18:09Oh, my God.
00:18:10Get in the car, quick, quick!
00:18:11Stop!
00:18:13Murderers!
00:18:13Don't worry.
00:18:15Don't worry.
00:18:15The sonic screwdriver will wipe his memory and just...
00:18:20Oh, Ellen, I'm going to go.
00:18:25You know what the Space Clops will do if they find a black doctor at a crime scene?
00:18:29It's not a good look, I'm telling you.
00:18:31I'll see you later.
00:18:32Yeah, it was nice to meet you.
00:18:33I need to start picking up white girls.
00:18:34Get in the car, quick!
00:19:17Princess! Princess!
00:19:24Princess, it's to me, Mario!
00:19:28I'm home!
00:19:35Real nice, Mario. Three o'clock in the afternoon and you're already getting loaded.
00:19:41Oh, here we go again. I'm a mommy.
00:19:43Why didn't you at work? The city run out of pipes to fix?
00:19:47I lost another job to the friggin' Petrov brothers.
00:19:52Lost Bulgarian sons of bitches. They always undercut me.
00:19:57Yeah, enough with the Petrov brothers, okay? It's you. You're lazy.
00:20:01You're always off go-kartin' with that monkey who wears a tie and nothing else.
00:20:05You, you leave him alone. He's a decent guy.
00:20:09Whatever, Mario. I asked you to fix the garbage disposal three weeks ago
00:20:13and you still haven't got off your fat Italian ass and done it yet.
00:20:17I'm the fat ass. I'm the fat ass.
00:20:20Look at this place, princess.
00:20:22Why don't we have to you little fruity mushroom a seven?
00:20:26Why don't I run around that for you to do everything? You live like a pea.
00:20:30Oh, yeah. Well, how can I make this place nice when your freakin' dog comes in here and wrecks it
00:20:36every five seconds?
00:20:37He's not a dog. He's a dinosaur.
00:20:39Okay, he's a pain in my ass is what he is. A pain in my ass.
00:20:42Oh, what'd I tell you? You cannot lock him in this room.
00:20:46He needs a 20-mile exercise a day. That's why I buy him a little red sneakers.
00:20:52I can't. I can't. I can't.
00:20:53I can't. I can't. I can't.
00:20:55I can't. I can't. I can't.
00:20:57For God's sake. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.
00:21:01Mario. Mario. Mario. Don't you see? This is what I'm talking about. I can't live like this no more.
00:21:06Oh, well, maybe you should marry Luigi.
00:21:09Oh.
00:21:09I know you want to talk. Oh, Luigi us at all.
00:21:13Oh, Luigi live in a mansion. Yeah, a mansion full of ghosts.
00:21:19Oh, okay. Yeah, well, at least the ghosts would chase me.
00:21:23What's that supposed to mean?
00:21:26Now you don't gotta rescue me from no castles no more.
00:21:30Ha! You ain't interested.
00:21:32Why you gotta do this? Why, why you gonna make everything so hard?
00:21:36That's the problem, Mario.
00:21:39I don't make nothing hard no more.
00:21:44Please, Peach. I'ma take the mushroom to make me big.
00:21:51Oh. Oh, you're a big guy now. You're the big man. Uh-huh. Right. Okay.
00:21:56Well, you know, I spoke to Zelda the other day at the salon. Yeah?
00:22:00Link cannot get enough of her. Okay? They did it five times on Saturday.
00:22:08Zelda. That's the Pilates.
00:22:10Oh. Listen to me, Mario. Just face it. You never wanted me, okay?
00:22:16You just wanted to be the guy that saved me from Big Bad Bowser. Stop it!
00:22:20I tell you, you never mentioned any Scalice and a bitch in them out of my house!
00:22:27What? Ma? Ma? What? Oh, sweet.
00:22:31What? There's some bull there in there.
00:22:33Oh. Oh, who is there, Peach? A Luigi? What?
00:22:37Oh, why is there, Wario? Oh, why you screw a Wario now?
00:22:41Mario, you're drunk! Stop it, you're crazy!
00:22:44There's some bull there in there.
00:22:46I'm gonna pull him the Champa-Petra down on his head!
00:22:51Mario, stop it!
00:22:52Mario, stop it!
00:22:52Come out of here! Stop it!
00:22:53Come out of here, Finkerybuta! Light cigar!
00:22:56Oh, God.
00:23:01No!
00:23:04Ma-na-tod!
00:23:06Ma-na-tod!
00:23:08Ma-na-tod!
00:23:09Sorry, Mario.
00:23:11The Petrov brothers say hello.
00:23:13No!
00:23:17AAAAAH!
00:23:18AAAAAH!
00:23:20AAAAAH!
00:23:21AAAAAH!
00:23:22AAAAAH!
00:23:22AAAAAH!
00:23:22AAAAAH!
00:23:23AAAAAH!
00:23:23AAAAAH!
00:23:24AAAAAH!
00:23:28AAAAAH!
00:23:30Based on Enid Blyton's timeless children's stories, The Famous Five-
00:23:35I say, we are very adventurous-
00:23:39...comes a bold new Gen Z reboot.
00:23:44it's those same quaint 1950s adventures you vaguely remember from childhood
00:23:49with gen z stuff shoehorned in would anyone care for a quampet no thank you i'm full of vapes
00:23:58starring amy lou wood as ann and millie bobby blueby blown as george and in this one she's
00:24:05openly queer the doctor diagnosed me with lgbt type 1 lesbian and dicks played by jaden smith i'm here
00:24:13doing pr for my whole family except one of the actors contracts was watertight so julian is
00:24:19unfortunately exactly the same as in the book jolly watsits a treasure map even timmy the dog
00:24:27is non-binary come on timmy come on and they're played by tom holland
00:24:35the telegraph calls it overstimulating and underwritten i'm addicted to my phone
00:24:41personally i can't stop scrolling and the commissioner says look we know it's a low
00:24:47point it's based on pre-existing ip and we're really scraping the barrel now
00:24:51and they talk about world war ii like you talk about covid it's relatable world war ii was so
00:24:57mid so true thween my return from world war ii with adhd can we please paddle to shore i love
00:25:06paddle
00:25:11the stories your granny loved but now the characters are f***ing exhausting
00:25:17turn the big light off i hate the big light it's a toy i feel like i'm an a and
00:25:21e
00:25:21hmm vibes why are you letting them say this stuff oh little fleabag moment i live with brand new
00:25:30missions this tunnel should lead directly to old nonce manor that they suffer can't i just tunnel
00:25:37from home so there isn't really any plot guys complete with a brand new gen c villain a landlord
00:25:46hands off i'm here to paint over your black mole stand back or we'll unalive you
00:25:53no one's saying words but everyone's saying it's out soon i'm laughing i'm laughing right now
00:26:00i'm literally dead
00:26:06i didn't like today coming soon to tick tock in their second chance
00:26:19hi hank yeah i think i left my suitcase here yesterday okay can you describe it yeah it's a black
00:26:26rectangle on wheels this one oh thank god yes okay before i hand it over for security reasons i do
00:26:35have
00:26:35to ask you what's inside okay okay this is gonna sound bad right and i promise it's not for here
00:26:43but it is
00:26:51you crazy bitch okay so obviously inquiring minds need to know do you plan to harm someone with this
00:27:00because if so i'm gonna have to fill out an incident form and girl you know i don't have a
00:27:03pen yeah
00:27:03no obviously i'm not trying to kill anyone i'm not a man
00:27:08i'm crying laughing
00:27:12okay but seriously what is it for okay you're never gonna guess
00:27:17the zara changing rooms
00:27:20it's mirrors
00:27:22yes stop it stop it stop it no no i'm gonna wait i'm gonna wait i'm gonna wait oh my
00:27:29god
00:27:29i love you i love you i love you okay tell me why i'm going into those changing rooms with
00:27:34my arms
00:27:35full of jeans and i'm leaving with my eyes full of tears yes tell me why i'm going in there
00:27:39with my
00:27:39arms full of crop tops and leaving with plans to vomit in the dead of the night those things are
00:27:44similar
00:27:44yes okay three words you me hanging out after this yeah oh my god obviously okay i'm just gonna grab
00:27:52that case oh oh yeah so on that i'm so sorry not to be a fun sponge okay but now
00:27:57i know there's a bomb
00:27:58in there i can't give it to you okay i'm on such thin ice with my boss because i've been
00:28:02eating his lunch
00:28:02every day yeah but can i be a bitch for a second okay my favorite sentence in the whole world
00:28:08i'm just
00:28:14oh my god excuse me do you work here no i'm dressed like this because i like it
00:28:25turn on your brain turn on your brain it's like
00:28:30i'll just go ask someone else you guys seem like really good friends
00:28:35oh thank you okay i have something to tell you all right this cardigan it's zara oh god
00:28:46and i also have something to confess yeah i've never told anyone this but i'm gay
00:28:56wait wait wait wait hang on oh my god girl girl girl what this isn't a bomb it's a george
00:29:07foreman grill
00:29:07oh my god i am never using facebook marketplace again
00:29:15god i can't believe i said that joke earlier about me being gay
00:29:25so we still hanging out later well it's it's just oh god this is so awkward um but
00:29:32no uh i already have loads of friends uh like for example i've got my uni girls my camp america
00:29:38girls my national youth theatre girls okay yeah so we just had a near-death experience together but i
00:29:43guess that means nothing go i lowkey think you should just take the grill and go because you're
00:29:47actually pissed me off yeah sure fine
00:29:55the guy at lost property is gay
00:29:57no
00:29:59no
00:30:00no
00:30:14ladies and gentlemen it's me
00:30:24i just got my heart broken but i look way too fabulous yeah i'm back in therapy i look way
00:30:31too
00:30:31fabulous touch my money but i'm feeling way too fabulous i ain't sad i'm just feeling way too fabulous
00:30:40the bigger my eyes the bigger my eyes the bigger my hair the bigger my hair the harder i feel
00:30:47the less than i care
00:30:49the deeper it hurts my baby i wish when i'm feeling yourself if you know you know
00:30:55i just got my heart broken but i'm feeling way too fabulous yeah i'm back in therapy but i'm feeling
00:31:05way too fabulous
00:31:09i ain't sad i'm just feeling way too fabulous
00:31:14libirachi tragedy and versace i'm like mother are we keep secrets of embody oh ain't it the way
00:31:23it's always the fear
00:31:25it's always the fear should fight the hardest
00:31:27what a shame
00:31:29slay to be slay to
00:31:31promise you'll dance
00:31:33in those two letters
00:31:35of my grave
00:31:37may say
00:31:39beauty is pain
00:31:41but when i feel beautiful
00:31:43i
00:31:44let me feel the way
00:31:48i just got my heart broken but
00:31:51i'm feeling way too fabulous
00:31:52yes i'm back in therapy but
00:31:55i'm way too fabulous
00:31:58i'm a way too fabulous
00:32:00i said i'm just
00:32:03feel way too fabulous
00:32:10i'm a way too fabulous
00:32:14i'm a way too fabulous
00:32:18i'm feeling way too fabulous
00:32:20i'm feeling way too fabulous
00:32:21i just got my heart broken but
00:32:22i'm a way too fabulous
00:32:24i guess i'm back in therapy but
00:32:27i'm a way too fabulous
00:32:28tax man take my money but i'm
00:32:31yes i'm way too fabulous
00:32:33i ain't sad i'm just feeling way too fabulous
00:32:36the bigger my teeth
00:32:38the bigger my lashes the
00:32:40the bigger my lashes the
00:32:41the bigger the hair
00:32:42the bigger the hair
00:32:43the harder i look and
00:32:43the less that i can
00:32:44deeper it hurts
00:32:46i'm living much
00:32:47what i feel i deserve
00:32:49yeah
00:32:50cause i feel way too fabulous
00:32:53年生命
00:32:55i guess i feel like
00:33:11you
00:33:11i guess i feel like
00:33:23i feel like
00:33:25It's Weekend Update with Anja Magliano and Paddy Young.
00:33:37Good evening and welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Paddy Young.
00:33:41And I'm Anja Magliano.
00:33:46This week, King Charles and Queen Camilla made their first official state visit to Washington, D.C.
00:33:51As part of the trip, Charles presented the president with an engraved bell.
00:33:57Ideally, Trump will wear the bell on a collar like a cat to warn young women that he's approaching.
00:34:05During the trip, the couples used coordinated fashion to project unity between the two nations.
00:34:12Camilla, seen here wearing Diana's Horcrux...
00:34:22...attended the state dinner in a bespoke fuchsia gown.
00:34:26The colour of her dress complemented both Melania's strapless pastel gown and King Charles' iconic hot pink fingers.
00:34:36As she welcomed the royal party to the White House, Melania greeted the king with a kiss,
00:34:41clicking her jaw against his to spell out, save me, in Moor's Cove.
00:34:46In Virginia, the king and queen watched a clog dancing performance from a group of Appalachian mountain folk.
00:34:53Inbred over generations to the point of physical deformity, Charles and Camilla enjoyed the clog dance.
00:35:02Throughout the state visit, press coverage of the conversations between the leaders has been extremely guarded.
00:35:08So, to give us the inside scoop on what exactly was said, here's a professional lip reader.
00:35:21Thanks for having me, Anya.
00:35:23So, you're a professional lip reader.
00:35:26Sure.
00:35:30Okay, so can you take us through what they're saying in this clip?
00:35:33Absolutely.
00:35:34Okay, so...
00:35:37Okay, here's a question.
00:35:39Would you rather prone growing out of your neck or no neck at all?
00:35:43Can I eat the prawn?
00:35:44No way.
00:35:45Sorry to interrupt.
00:35:48Is that definitely what they were saying?
00:35:50Yeah.
00:35:51I lip-readed it.
00:35:54I'm a professional lip reader.
00:35:59Oh, okay.
00:36:00I can see in your eyes you're not convinced, Anya.
00:36:02It's okay.
00:36:03Play another clip.
00:36:05Okay, so we've got two ladies here.
00:36:06I'm not familiar with their work, but...
00:36:10But they're saying...
00:36:11Our hats are mad, right?
00:36:14Tell me about it.
00:36:16What's your favourite crisps?
00:36:18For me, squares all day.
00:36:21Squares all day.
00:36:22You're mad, girl.
00:36:24I like McCoy's because they're rigid.
00:36:26You get more flavour because of the ridges.
00:36:28Okay, okay, I think I have to stop.
00:36:30You've come on saying you're a professional lip reader,
00:36:33but you are clearly making it up.
00:36:34Anya, please, I need this!
00:36:37Please, please, one more chance.
00:36:39One more chance.
00:36:41One more chance.
00:36:42One more chance.
00:36:45Yes, fine, fine, but this is your last chance.
00:36:49I haven't done this before.
00:36:50I haven't...
00:37:00Okay, here we go.
00:37:02Have you seen Euphoria Series 3?
00:37:06It's shit.
00:37:07Okay, that's it.
00:37:08You're out of here.
00:37:09Guy who I swear told me he was a professional lip reader,
00:37:11Thank you, everyone!
00:37:20On Saturday, a gunman stormed the White House
00:37:23correspondence dinner in Washington.
00:37:25For all those in attendance,
00:37:27it was an undeniably terrifying event.
00:37:29President Donald Trump shat himself.
00:37:31Then, minutes later, the shots rang out.
00:37:39The host for the evening's event
00:37:41was magician and mind reader Oz Perlman,
00:37:44who you can see here,
00:37:45using the power of his mind
00:37:47to clamp my vagina shut.
00:37:51In the aftermath of the shooting,
00:37:53First Lady Melania Trump
00:37:55was quick to admonish people
00:37:56for making light of the situation.
00:37:58We're real people, she said,
00:38:00blinking sideways.
00:38:05Newly elected Green MP Hannah Spencer
00:38:07has said it is shocking that,
00:38:10you can smell the alcohol
00:38:11when people are in between votes in Parliament.
00:38:13In response,
00:38:14Speaker of the House Sir Lindsay Hoyle said,
00:38:16I bloody love you, you mad bastard.
00:38:20Oi, oi, Hannah, Hannah, Hannah.
00:38:23Is that my knob I've in a piss?
00:38:32In a new attempt to keep Angela Rayner
00:38:35out of number 10,
00:38:36a group of Labour MPs
00:38:37have launched a campaign entitled
00:38:39Anyone But Ange.
00:38:41And if you don't know,
00:38:42Anyone But Ange is also
00:38:43who you ask for at the bar
00:38:45if your date is going amazing.
00:38:52Reform leader and your dad's favourite cam girl,
00:38:55Nigel Farage,
00:38:57is in hot water
00:38:58over failing to declare
00:39:00a £5 million donation
00:39:01from Christopher Harbourn,
00:39:02a Thai-based crypto billionaire.
00:39:04If found negligent
00:39:05by the Electoral Commission,
00:39:06Farage could face an email
00:39:08of up to 400 words.
00:39:12Reformers said that
00:39:13the £5 million donation
00:39:14from Harbourn
00:39:15wasn't political
00:39:16and didn't have to be declared
00:39:18because it was a purely personal gift.
00:39:20Now, we can't say for certain
00:39:22what the payment was for,
00:39:23but for £5 million,
00:39:25Nigel must have been providing
00:39:26some sort of valuable service.
00:39:28And that's why Nigel Farage
00:39:30is my Power Bottom of the Week.
00:39:38A postal worker in Somerset
00:39:40has found a nest of pigeons
00:39:42living under his van.
00:39:43It's mad.
00:39:45Pigeons used to carry the post
00:39:46and now the post carries the pigeons.
00:39:49What a crazy, mixed-up world
00:39:51we live in, folks.
00:39:53What was that?
00:39:55Sorry, I need to speak to my writers.
00:40:00Oi!
00:40:00You call that a joke?
00:40:02Do you want me to throw the dogs back in?
00:40:04Do you?
00:40:05No!
00:40:09Sorry about that.
00:40:12Local elections will take place
00:40:14on May the 7th.
00:40:17Here to discuss them,
00:40:18it's Larry Dean!
00:40:26Larry, how do you see these local elections going?
00:40:29Well, Paddy, I don't know anything about politics,
00:40:31but what I do know is people, right?
00:40:33So I've travelled all around the world
00:40:35and I've found that you can tell
00:40:37how a person votes by how they talk.
00:40:39For example, in America,
00:40:41you can tell how someone votes from their mouth, right?
00:40:44So if they're from, like, a blue democratic state,
00:40:46they will show you exactly what they're saying.
00:40:51But as soon as you hit those red Republican areas,
00:40:54they'll start moving the mail forward again.
00:40:59I think the reason why
00:41:00is they're usually saying something horrendously racist
00:41:02or homophobic
00:41:04and they don't want anybody lip-reading them,
00:41:06nor they're the one that just said it.
00:41:13And how can you tell
00:41:14how British people are going to vote?
00:41:16Well, in London, right,
00:41:17usually, Paddy, it's like a posture thing, right?
00:41:20So if you're a Labour working-class voter,
00:41:22you're going to be a lot more limp.
00:41:24Even the jaw muscles loose,
00:41:25probably from all the ketamine they've been having.
00:41:29And if you're a London Tory voter,
00:41:32your posture will be stiffer, right?
00:41:34And probably from all the Pilates
00:41:36and flinching whenever their father walks in the room.
00:41:41The number one rule, though,
00:41:42is if you're a posh Londoner,
00:41:44you're not allowed to show any emotion
00:41:45until you're finished your sentence.
00:41:49LAUGHTER
00:41:50APPLAUSE
00:41:55Who am I voting for?
00:41:57Well, I do like the idea of tax cuts,
00:41:58but I don't want to seem selfish, so...
00:42:00Liberal Democrat?
00:42:01Ooh.
00:42:03LAUGHTER
00:42:03And, er, how can you tell if someone votes Green?
00:42:06Oh, don't worry, Paddy, they'll tell you.
00:42:08LAUGHTER
00:42:10And, er...
00:42:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:42:14What about Scotland?
00:42:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:42:16Well, in Scotland, you know how, when you get older,
00:42:18you become more right-wing, right?
00:42:20That's why I think the Tories and Reform will never win in Scotland,
00:42:23because we don't live long enough.
00:42:24LAUGHTER
00:42:26Fascinating.
00:42:26And tell me, Larry, how do they vote in China?
00:42:30LAUGHTER
00:42:31That's all from me, mate.
00:42:32Thanks very much.
00:42:33Tell us.
00:42:33Let us in, everyone!
00:42:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:42:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:42:44In big TV news, the line-up for the next series
00:42:47of Celebrity Traitors was announced this morning.
00:42:49It features plenty of exciting castings,
00:42:52including Maya Jammer, James Acaster,
00:42:54and fan-favourite Supreme Leader Ayatollah Hominy.
00:42:58LAUGHTER
00:43:00I'll be honest, I didn't really like the Celebrity Traitors.
00:43:03That's what I call all those pigs
00:43:05who turn their back on Greg Wallace.
00:43:08LAUGHTER
00:43:11Scientists are trialling a new scanning technique
00:43:14that could help diagnose endometriosis.
00:43:17This completely non-invasive procedure
00:43:19will be available to women nationwide
00:43:20just as soon as doctors work out how to make it incredibly painful.
00:43:25LAUGHTER
00:43:25In Pompeii, archaeologists have discovered the remains
00:43:29of a Roman who fled the eruption of Mount Vesuvius
00:43:32holding a bowl over his head.
00:43:33If there's anything worse than a volcanic eruption,
00:43:36it's a volcanic eruption while getting a haircut from your mum.
00:43:40LAUGHTER
00:43:40New data shows that breast reduction surgery
00:43:43has become more common than breast implant surgery.
00:43:47And both options are far more popular than what I went for.
00:43:50One of each.
00:43:51LAUGHTER
00:43:52Business?
00:43:53Pleasure.
00:43:54LAUGHTER
00:43:55In the last few weeks,
00:43:57at least five people in Southport
00:43:59have overdosed on contaminated heroin.
00:44:02So, if you're in Southport and taking heroin...
00:44:04Sorry, what do I mean, if?
00:44:07LAUGHTER
00:44:09A new survey...
00:44:14A new survey...
00:44:15A new survey has found that 39% of young Brits
00:44:17who still live with their parents
00:44:19say it affects how often they have sex.
00:44:21So, if you want to keep having sex with your parents, move out!
00:44:25LAUGHTER
00:44:25You'll get the spark back, trust me.
00:44:28LAUGHTER
00:44:30A West Ham supporter shocked other train passengers
00:44:33travelling to the game after preparing a steak dinner
00:44:35in the carriage with a pair of hair straighteners.
00:44:38LAUGHTER
00:44:38When asked by his friends if he ran into any trouble
00:44:40on the way to the game, he told them,
00:44:42there was a bit of beef, but I straightened it out.
00:44:47LAUGHTER
00:44:48I told you, I told you!
00:44:51LAUGHTER
00:44:55Ryanair boss, Michael O'Leary,
00:44:57has warned that European airlines could go bust
00:44:59as the Iran war causes a surge in jet fuel prices.
00:45:02Here to comment on the increased cost of flying,
00:45:05a woman who's been invited
00:45:07to her fourth destination wedding this year,
00:45:08Aya Wadi Ban Boi!
00:45:10CHEERING
00:45:12CHEERING
00:45:15I can't live like this.
00:45:18War rages on, famine, floods.
00:45:21You mean to tell me that with all these goings on,
00:45:24your best foot forward is a wedding in Sardinia?
00:45:26LAUGHTER
00:45:27The hen do's in Ibiza, that's another £900.
00:45:30I've dipped into my pension so we can make some TikToks.
00:45:34LAUGHTER
00:45:34These faces aren't cheap!
00:45:36You can't just not go.
00:45:38You can't just not go. Shut up!
00:45:41LAUGHTER
00:45:41Shut up!
00:45:42How do you think that's going to pay out?
00:45:43I'm the villain if I say I don't want to watch
00:45:45your 98-year-old grandma get a plane, a ferry and a bus.
00:45:49I don't!
00:45:49She's not going to make it!
00:45:51LAUGHTER
00:45:51What if you just treat it like a holiday?
00:45:53What do you think?
00:45:55LAUGHTER
00:45:56I don't want to go to Marrakesh!
00:45:57It's not on my list!
00:46:00What ever happened to just getting married down the road?
00:46:03What ever happened to white feminism?
00:46:04Marriage is actually an outdated institution
00:46:06that upholds patriarchal structure!
00:46:08LAUGHTER
00:46:09Emma Watson!
00:46:10Emma Watson!
00:46:11Where are you?
00:46:12LAUGHTER
00:46:13Help!
00:46:15Are you saying you shouldn't get married at all?
00:46:18When did I say, let a woman speak!
00:46:20LAUGHTER
00:46:21Marriage is essential, especially as it pertains to the transference
00:46:24of assets, probate and inheritance tax.
00:46:26Not my words, but the words of Martin Lewis, money saving expert.
00:46:30LAUGHTER
00:46:30The greatest man I like today!
00:46:33LAUGHTER
00:46:33Is this still about destination weddings?
00:46:35Martin Lewis, please!
00:46:36I'm saving myself for you!
00:46:38LAUGHTER
00:46:38Hi, Waddy, my boy, everybody!
00:46:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:46:42For Weekend Update, I'm Paddy Young!
00:46:44And I'll hand you back to Leona!
00:46:45Good night!
00:47:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:47:05APPLAUSE
00:47:20Hello, Archie. Hey, Bugbee.
00:47:21Hello, Chris. You all right, Bacon?
00:47:21Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:47:24Oh, my God.
00:47:25Oh, my God.
00:47:27Hello, Archie. Hey, Bugbee.
00:47:29LAUGHTER
00:47:30Hello, Chris. You all right, Bacon?
00:47:33Archie. Bugbee.
00:47:35This is awkward.
00:47:37This is awkward.
00:47:37Yo, this is awkward.
00:47:38I heard Sprinkly pulled you for a chat, Cripsy.
00:47:41Oh, really? Not gonna lie.
00:47:43I kind of awks.
00:47:44Yeah, it was awkward.
00:47:46Archie, Bacon, do you mind if Bugbee and I have a moment?
00:47:49We'll leave you to it.
00:47:52LAUGHTER
00:47:54It's good to see you.
00:47:56Yeah, it's good to see you too.
00:47:58This is awkward.
00:47:59Yeah.
00:48:00I love you too.
00:48:03Sprinkly.
00:48:06Nice one, mate.
00:48:09Sprinkly.
00:48:10Cripsy.
00:48:11Bugbee.
00:48:12Well, this is awkward.
00:48:15Sprinkly, mate, don't take the pus.
00:48:17Have you guys hooked up, yes or no?
00:48:21We have.
00:48:22It was, like, one time.
00:48:24Mate, no.
00:48:24You must be taking the actual pus.
00:48:29Friggers.
00:48:29Mippy Moo.
00:48:30Bacon again.
00:48:31Hello, you lot.
00:48:34Less is awkward.
00:48:38You okay, Bugbee?
00:48:39Yeah, to be fair with you, Friggers, Sprinkling Crips has ruined my life.
00:48:44Can I have a moment with Sprinkly, please?
00:48:46We'll leave you guys too up.
00:48:49Nice one, Sprinkly, you fucking rodent.
00:48:52LAUGHTER
00:48:56You look butters today.
00:48:59Cheers.
00:49:00This is awkward.
00:49:02How was Hong Kong?
00:49:04Never been, mate.
00:49:05Fass.
00:49:07Did you sleep with bacon?
00:49:08Yeah, probably.
00:49:11Oh, hello, buttcheeks.
00:49:14Bacon again.
00:49:17Buttcheeks.
00:49:18This is awkward.
00:49:20Movie Moo, Sprinkly.
00:49:25Bacon, I heard you got a job.
00:49:29Take that back.
00:49:31Fair.
00:49:33Bacon, Sprinkly, could I have a movie, please, mate?
00:49:36Of course, mate.
00:49:37We'll leave you to her.
00:49:41Oh, God.
00:49:44This is awkward.
00:49:46All right, Friggers.
00:49:47Landona.
00:49:48Crepes again.
00:49:49Bacon again.
00:49:50Wait, they're bacon.
00:49:51You okay, buttcheeks?
00:49:53Hello, buttcheeks.
00:49:54Shut up.
00:49:55Shut up, buttcheeks, you bloody liar.
00:49:57You must be taking the actual place.
00:50:01Did you or didn't you Frigg Friggers and Sprinkly up the backside?
00:50:04Mate, this is awkward.
00:50:07Me, Friggers and Cripsy are just, mate.
00:50:09Did you or did you?
00:50:10Yes or no?
00:50:14Oh, you must be taking the actual place, sir.
00:50:18I'm really upset.
00:50:20I'll leave you to her.
00:50:23Mippy mate, Crapsey, Landona, buttcheeks, I'm bacon.
00:50:27Buttcheeks, bacon again.
00:50:29Bacon, we'll leave you to her.
00:50:34You're taking the actual pass, Landon.
00:50:37Mippy Moo is really upset.
00:50:39I'll leave you to her.
00:50:41Frigger.
00:50:43Frigger.
00:50:44Frigger.
00:50:45Frigger.
00:50:46Quark.
00:50:46Bruffling.
00:50:47Bruffling.
00:50:48Bruffling.
00:50:49Bruffling.
00:50:50Bruffling.
00:50:51Bruffling.
00:50:51Bruffling.
00:50:52Bruffling.
00:50:53Bruffling.
00:50:53Bruffling.
00:51:04Bruffling.
00:51:04Brought cops into that ambulance for the past five minutes.
00:51:08Could you please move her side?
00:51:10Yeah, fair mate.
00:51:14We'll leave you guys to it.
00:51:21Cushkit.
00:51:28This is awkward
00:51:41Fancy another one
00:52:01I like a drink and I still smoke cigarettes
00:52:06I'm so uncool and I don't have many friends
00:52:11I'm what they call a lost cause but then again
00:52:14I was born for a different audience
00:52:19We glorious freeze
00:52:22Beautiful nightmares and feathers and beads
00:52:27I live to be queens
00:52:33World full of windows and sinners like me
00:52:39Na, na, na, na, na
00:52:42Na, na, na, na, na
00:52:46Na, na, na, na, na
00:52:47We're beautiful freeze
00:52:51Na, na, na, na, na, na
00:52:55Na, na, na, na, na
00:52:56Na, na, na, na, na
00:52:58We're beautiful, yes
00:53:00Yes, yes, yes
00:53:02I'm well aware everybody's gonna judge me
00:53:05I guess I'm well aware all the truth
00:53:08I guess I might as well make the world more ugly
00:53:10Yes, it's coming through and it won't beと quietly
00:53:15Oh, oh, oh
00:53:17Since I was born to be a little水
00:53:21Looking at the peaks
00:53:22Wow, you've been confident
00:53:31Looking at the peaks
00:53:33Oh, I've been like this
00:53:48We're beautiful, we're free
00:53:51We're beautiful, we're free
00:54:03More love, we're beautiful, we're free
00:54:09We're beautiful free
00:54:11And we're tired
00:54:13We're beautiful, we're beautiful, we're beautiful
00:54:18We're beautiful, free
00:54:23Thank you
00:55:03Great value for money.
00:55:05Fred's got plenty and Arthur's got plenty.
00:55:08We've all got plenty.
00:55:10Plenty to go around.
00:55:11My wife's got what it takes.
00:55:13British pork.
00:55:14What's it got?
00:55:15It's got the lot.
00:55:17Got pork for lunch on Sunday?
00:55:19OK, cuts.
00:55:21Great work, Tony.
00:55:23Thank you very much.
00:55:25Really good.
00:55:25Guys, if we get this right, 1984 will be a landmark year for British pork.
00:55:30Small thing, though.
00:55:31The British pork ball is now under new management.
00:55:34Big change at the top.
00:55:36And the new team are keen to go in a more frightening direction with the advert.
00:55:41What, frightening?
00:55:42Yes, they're hoping to frighten people into eating more British pork.
00:55:46Seems like a risky strategy.
00:55:48Yeah, well, a few of the board members are in today.
00:55:50Do you want to give them a wave?
00:55:52Oh, oh, hello, hello, everyone.
00:55:55So let's run it again from the top.
00:55:58Tony, I hate to give you a line read.
00:56:00I think your first line is more like, um,
00:56:03Got what it takes, my wife.
00:56:05What, like a dark rage?
00:56:08Like, got what it takes, my wife.
00:56:10Got friends round, got roast pork for lunch.
00:56:12That's it, I think.
00:56:13That seems extreme.
00:56:15Well, the pork ball are loving it.
00:56:24Just an idea.
00:56:26Feel free to shoot me down.
00:56:28But why doesn't Tony do all the lines I don't know about that it might come across like a monologue
00:56:34full of hatred and menace
00:56:36Well, that's what we're going for. I think yeah, what would you be doing then sorry?
00:56:40Well, well, I thought that maybe I could pull the gravy and sort of look at him like this
00:56:44Oh, geez. Oh, yeah, that's brilliant. I got chills from that
00:56:53An author. Can you match that energy do you reckon? Oh, yeah, maybe something along the lanes of
00:57:01Perfect, perfect. What question about the music in the background?
00:57:05Yeah, I was gonna say maybe we lose the music. Okay. Yeah, and instead of us talking we mind the
00:57:10conversation
00:57:11So we can hear Tony's horrible monologue
00:57:14Yeah, but then when everyone's just eating in silence
00:57:16Mmm, what if we am clattered our cutlery on the plates really loudly then it wouldn't be silent, you know,
00:57:22like this
00:57:24Yeah, and move your mouth as well, sir. Yeah, that's nasty. I love it really
00:57:28I think that's the reaction we're looking for really so great great suggestions everyone. Let's go for a take shall
00:57:45we okay? Everybody ready?
00:57:46And action
00:57:48Got what it takes my wife
00:57:50Got friends around
00:57:58Plenty of tea, British pork
00:58:00Real value for money
00:58:02Bread's got plenty
00:58:04It's got plenty with all got plenty. I'm sorry. That's just it. That seems insane
00:58:10Really mad take two minutes everyone. I'm sorry everyone. I don't mean to be a bother
00:58:17So Tony
00:58:19The way I'm seeing it as far as I'm concerned right the pork's in the oven. Okay, the crackling is
00:58:25crisping up real nice
00:58:26All it needs just a little bit of seasoning and that's where you come in. All right
00:58:40What are you talking about?
00:58:42I am talking about pork Tony
00:58:45It's always been about the pork
00:58:47It's time to join the conversation
00:58:49Okay, now you're gonna join the conversation
00:58:52Right or we have to go elsewhere and start talking to someone else because there's thousands of scary looking old
00:58:57blokes out there who would give
00:58:59They're left nuts to be standing where you're standing right now
00:59:01Okay, I can do it. I can do it
00:59:03Okay, I can do it
00:59:18All right place everyone Tony head of the table ready to carve in three two one action
00:59:23Got what it takes my wife
00:59:25Got friends round
00:59:27Got roast pork for lunch
00:59:31Real value for money
00:59:34Friends got plenty?
00:59:36Martha's got plenty
00:59:37We've all got plenty
00:59:39Thank you to go round my wife
00:59:41Got what it takes
00:59:43It's British pork
00:59:45What's it got?
00:59:46It's got a lot
00:59:48Don't go for lunch on Tony
00:59:56My biggest thanks to me
00:59:58And a huge thank you to the cast writers
01:00:01Bonnie the dog
01:00:01Happy birthday Danny
01:00:03And everyone working on the show
01:00:05For making this such a great week
01:00:07It's been so amazing to host SNL you guys
01:00:11Good night
01:00:15This has been very big
01:00:17Beautiful
01:00:17And there's only one
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