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Family Guy - Season 24 - Episode 03: Man-Fest Destiny
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00:01It seems today that all you see
00:04Is violence in movies and sex on TV
00:07But where are those good old-fashioned values
00:11On which we used to rely?
00:14Lucky is a family guy
00:18Lucky is a man who finds what he can do
00:21All the things that make us laugh and cry
00:25He's a family guy
00:37Ha! What is this? It's incredible!
00:41It's like, I mean, one must presume the car was on the way to eat at home
00:44But you know, because restaurants have a reputation of convenience and deliciousness
00:48The driver was forced to veer away, putting other drivers at risk
00:51But that just underscores how much better restaurants are than home
00:54That's what makes it funny
00:56That's why we're all laughing
00:57Have you never seen a meme?
00:59A meme? What the devil is that?
01:00People take an image and put some stupid little text on it and think they're funny
01:04Memes are basically Mad Libs for personality
01:07Take it easy, they're free
01:09No, they take zero thought or effort, like movies for Kevin Costner
01:12Okay, so your character's in a cowboy hat looking way off in the distance
01:16What if it's just kind of off in the distance?
01:19Uh, sure, and you're having a really hard time
01:22What if it's just kind of a hard time?
01:24That should work
01:25Oh, and the leading lady is young, but I'm guessing you prefer kind of young?
01:29Nah, I won't push back on that one
01:38Ah, never gonna have a better opportunity
01:40Excuse me, sir
01:41Okay, you're out on the water, settle a bet between me and Cleveland
01:44Is the Little Mermaid black?
01:46I don't know about that, but I'm a Navy SEAL
01:48So I'm legally required to inform you that I killed Bin Laden
01:51If that's true, what's his first name?
01:55Osama
01:56This guy's the real deal
01:57Do you think whales ate him by now?
01:59Actually, based on where we dumped him and the way the ocean historically moves, he could be near Quahog
02:05Wait a minute, guys, if we got a boat and found Bin Laden, we could charge people five bucks to
02:10kick him in the balls
02:11Or the butt
02:12Yeah, sure, balls or butt, who's in?
02:14In
02:14In
02:15In
02:16Thank you for your service
02:17Oh, I'm not a sailor, I'm just a Brazilian guy in my everyday clothes
02:20Oh, then thank you for your outside dancing
02:23It's nothing, I'll see you outside
02:25Samba, samba, samba
02:32Hey, Bri, are vegans known for, like, always talking about being vegans?
02:36Uh, yeah, I guess
02:38Ha ha ha ha
02:38Click on that
02:42This makes zero sense
02:44No, because vegans are always, like, telling you they're vegan, right?
02:47Okay
02:47And see, it says, nobody, because, like, nobody asked, right?
02:51But this guy, our protagonist, he doesn't care
02:54Oh, no, he doesn't care about the nobody
02:56He's just gonna jump on in there and give you his two bits
02:58But, like, nobody asked, right?
03:00That's why it says nobody up top
03:01Isn't that hilarious?
03:03Yeah, I'm trying to work
03:04Yeah, I should get back to work, too
03:06Forwarding memes isn't work
03:07Well, the internet begs to differ
03:09I'm getting a lot of likes on my posts
03:11They're not your posts, you're not doing anything original
03:13Says the guy writing a script called Barbie 3
03:16Yeah, because somebody's probably already doing Barbie 2
03:19Yeah, I think we're doing the same level of original
03:22Look at this one
03:27It's based on the game Rock Paper Scissors
03:30That's why it's funny
03:30But this baby?
03:31Like, I'm already laughing
03:32Can you even?
03:35So this was your idea?
03:36No
03:36But you found the pictures?
03:38No
03:38You must have come up with the text
03:40No, but I knew the perfect time to hit send
03:42That's what it's all about
03:43You didn't do anything
03:44No, no, Brian
03:45It's like this
03:46The meme is the plane
03:47And I'm the pilot
03:48Right, so sometimes the plane goes on autopilot
03:50But I'm still at the controls drinking Diet Cokes
03:52So you're the autopilot of comedy?
03:55I get you from not laughing Rhode Island to laughing Rhode Island
03:59It takes one hour to drive diagonally across the entire state
04:02Oh, I should have said Texas
04:06You know, Lois said it's stupid to look for Bin Laden's corpse
04:09Because a drunk guy at a bar said to
04:11But look at us
04:12I'm getting kinda hungry
04:13What'd you bring for eats, Peter?
04:15Wheat thins and Costco muffins
04:17That's all guys need
04:18Peter, that is a home run
04:20Out of the park
04:21I was smiling as soon as you said it
04:23Lois looked sad when she saw the food
04:25That was good food
04:26You did really good
04:27Wives just want us to do what they want
04:29Say less, King
04:30You know, it's so easy and fun with you guys out here
04:33Sometimes I wish the world was just guys
04:39Oh my god, we've been struck by lightning
04:42I think I possibly took the brunt of it
04:56Oh my god, the boat!
04:58Yeah, we might be out here for a while
05:00So someone needs to carry the conversation
05:02Did you guys know that Triscuit is short for electric biscuit?
05:07Also, there are no raccoons in Alaska
05:10Let's just all drown quietly to ourselves
05:33I'll start
05:34Joe was a true friend
05:35I'm gonna miss him so much
05:37And we should probably start sorting out who's going after Bonnet
05:40Nice try, Weisenheimers
05:42Joe, how'd you make it in?
05:44My chair floats, how about you guys?
05:46We clung to old graduation balloons and one turtle who was caught in the ribbon
05:50A little help with the ribbon?
05:52We're not supposed to touch you because then your mom won't take you back
05:55My mom died before America was formed
05:58Oh yeah, you guys live a long time, huh?
06:00Yeah, I was in the Turtle Brigade in the Civil War
06:03Which side?
06:03Don't ask which side
06:07Does anybody's phone work?
06:09No
06:09Nope
06:09Negative
06:10We need to find shelter for the night
06:15Oh my god, a house!
06:23Whoa!
06:25It looks like a villain's lair
06:27Yeah, it's like Robocop's beach house from the 80's future
06:31Word of caution, if you run around in socks in this place, you are definitely slipping, my friends
06:36I'm zonked, I'm in a crash
06:37Yeah, me too
06:38I call the master bedroom
06:39It's called a primary bedroom now
06:42Oh, I'm so sorry
06:43I'll be in the bedroom primary-baiting
06:49Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker
06:50Coming up, one side of a local news station falling into a sinkhole
06:54But first, wreckage from a Quahog boat was just spotted a few miles off the coast of famous gay party
07:00spot Fire Island
07:01I wonder if that's Peter's boat
07:04Damn, right to voicemail
07:06Hey, this is Pete, single and ready to mingle
07:13There we go, that oughta break someone's ankle this summer
07:16Dogs and holes, name a more iconic duo
07:19I'll wait
07:20What?
07:21No, I'm just saying, this is a mood
07:22How is this a mood?
07:24Elaborate
07:25No, I'm just saying, I was today years old when I learned dogs are vindictive
07:29Why are you talking like that?
07:30I'm in my meme phase, Bri
07:32When I can't see them, I talk like them
07:33My man talks like a internet now
07:36Well stop it, it's stupid
07:37Cranky writer upset at friends fun
07:40Didn't have that on my 2026 bingo card
07:43Bingo card is so good
07:46What, what, what bingo card? Show me the card
07:48Well, it's more about what's not on the bingo card, so
07:51Yeah, it's what's not on there, Brian
07:53Also, don't bingo cards just have numbers and not entire phrases?
07:57Yeah, you kinda, you kinda have to be funny to get it
08:00Alright, I'm going in, you're making no sense
08:01I think what you mean to say is, the math ain't mathin', period, full stop
08:06Yeah, you don't, you don't have to say full stop
08:08That's, that's what a period is
08:10Yo, we talking about periods?
08:16Let me let you in on a little tooth brushing secret
08:19Crest
08:20How is crest a secret?
08:23Shhhh
08:24This was all there was in the closet
08:26Yeah, same here
08:27Do we look chic? What's chic?
08:29OMG, look at all the chic-ass boys
08:31I'll check on our phones
08:37Still nothin', I can't believe this
08:39Wait, do you hear that?
08:46These must be the island natives
08:48They clearly have a proud culture of music, dance, and flavored vodka
08:52Wow, everybody's just doing what they like
08:54Those hefty bearded guys are watching the Mets game
08:57And those shiny little jack guys are playing underwear volleyball
09:00Yeah, and everybody else is drinking, dancing, and horsing off in the pool
09:04Is it possible this is Kokomo? It's checking too many boxes
09:08Wait, don't you see? On the boat, I wished for a world that was just guys
09:12And then we got struck by lightning
09:14I manifested this place into existence
09:17Come on, we gotta fit in with the locals
09:21Hi, I'm Peter
09:22Our boat crashed here, and we slept in a future house with black toilets and white couches
09:27Julian, we all get to the island in our own way, but you're here and you belong
09:32Are there any women on the island?
09:34Just one
09:34Her name is Molly and she sits in your mouth
09:37Say hello, Molly
09:39Hello, Molly
09:44My god, it feels like Christmas morning
09:46On Fire Island, every day is Christmas
09:51Spike the drinks with pills of Molly
09:54Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-bo-and-yang
09:56Midler bet and cotton dolly
09:59Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-bo-and-yang
10:01Don we now our gay apparel
10:04Fa-la-la-la-la-la-bo-and-yang
10:06My just roofie callin' furrow
10:09Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-bo-and-yang
10:12With the ladies we don't bother
10:14Fa-la-la-la-la-la-bo-and-yang
10:17Give us dually push for the fa-la-la-la-la-la-bo-and-yang
10:22Bravo is our only cable
10:24Fa-la-la-la-la-la-bo-and-yang
10:27Eight mimosas for the table
10:29Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-bo-and-yang
10:34And Pete Buttigieg
10:40Hey Stewie, what is all this?
10:42My memes have been getting so much attention that I got a book deal
10:45What? You just forward other people's pictures and words
10:48Yes, the biggest reward for winning new media is getting to do old media
10:52Drake meme here
10:54Boston cop slide meme here
10:56Willy Wonka here
10:57Kermit sipping tea here
10:59This is ridiculous! You're not an author!
11:01Yeah, that's not what Harper Collins thinks
11:03Either Harper or Collins just sent a clip from my audio book
11:06We used Morgan
11:07Don't you just love Morgan?
11:09Chapter 2
11:11We see Will Ferrell with a mustache
11:13The caption reads
11:15Me shopping with my wife
11:17It looks to me like he'd rather be anywhere else
11:23What a day!
11:25Riding bikes in town
11:26Being so loud at restaurants that people leave
11:29Sending food back before we even saw it
11:31Thanks for taking us in
11:32Of course!
11:33We're a community here
11:35Everyone pulls weight and helps in their own way
11:38A lot of us don't feel supported in our regular lives
11:41That's exactly how I feel
11:46My phone works!
11:48Peter!
11:48You're alive!
11:50Not only alive
11:51I'm thriving on a magic island I wished for
11:53It's just guys who are nice
11:54I want you to meet Timothy, Michael and Robert
11:57Hi Tim, Mike and Rob
11:59No!
12:00For some reason we only use full names here
12:02It's like the only thing we get mad about
12:03You're on Fire Island, Peter
12:05It's just a place for Wall Street guys and regional weathermen to be gay
12:09Lois, you're embarrassing me
12:10None of these guys' wives are calling them
12:12Peter, enough!
12:13You need to come home
12:14No, it's too fun here
12:16When dessert comes out
12:17We say we'll only have a bite
12:19But we have more than a bite
12:20Then we call Chef Mario a devil
12:22You know what happens when you tell our secrets, Peter
12:25Don't do it, don't do it, Timothy
12:27I'm gonna tickle you
12:32I'm starting to think Chef Mario's not the devil
12:34You are, Timothy
12:36Peter's having a great time
12:38He's definitely not being tickled too much
12:41I'm alive, I'm fine, and I'm staying
12:43Gotta go, Lois, I'm driving
12:45Bye
12:47Dad's safe
12:48He's on Fire Island
12:56We haven't paid for anything yet
12:58Can we chip in for brunch?
12:59Robert is tallying the weekend costs
13:01So you can settle up all at once
13:03Oh, okay
13:05Five thousand each should do it
13:07I'm sorry, five thousand dollars?
13:10I didn't even have a bid
13:11Yeah, slobs sleep on couches
13:15You guys owe five thousand too?
13:17No, I'm hot, so I don't have to pay
13:20I thought this was a community
13:21Where everyone takes care of each other
13:23Yeah, Argos pay for hotties
13:24Why should hot people pay?
13:26That's gross
13:27Do you not have five thousand dollars?
13:29No
13:30Why?
13:31Because I have a wife
13:32Ew
13:34Perhaps there's another way we can pay
13:37Well, my house does need a new roof
13:40Perhaps something else?
13:43Okay, I cut our dead in half
13:44But we gotta get the hell off this island
13:53I hope you have an escape plan, Peter
13:55Don't worry, we just gotta think outside the box
13:57That's how those guys came up with the log flume ride
14:00All right, Madsen
14:01I need a new idea for a ride or you're fired
14:04Got it
14:05Have you ever taken a bath
14:06And wished you were going slowly uphill?
14:08I think everyone has
14:10And you know how people love to get soaking wet
14:12And then not be able to go home for five hours?
14:14Yeah
14:15And don't you think the second word in a ride
14:17Should be a word you've never heard before in any other context?
14:21Maybe
14:21What's the word?
14:22Flume
14:23Madsen, we're gonna be rich
14:30Thank you all for coming
14:31Sorry you had to watch me whisper fight my publicist for getting the wrong tea
14:35Too late, Tiffany
14:36All right, chapter one
14:38So women take a long time to get ready
14:40But this guy takes it way further
14:42This skeleton, who starts presumably as a regular human guy, thinks his wife is almost ready
14:47Cut to him being a skeleton
14:49And all of us laughing
14:51I love how he called the guy a human guy
14:53Very quirky, very funny
14:58This isn't clever and it's not comedy
15:00Brian, this is comedy now
15:02Oh, it's a shortcut for people who aren't actually funny to seem funny
15:06Well, I like to think I'm capturing a relatable feeling and sharing it with
15:09You forward reheated sound bite leftovers to idiots doing the same thing
15:13You're all idiots
15:14Congrats on your stolen comedy valor
15:16Uh, sir, this is a Wendy's
15:21That's from online
15:27And this guy's done adulting
15:31So good, so good
15:39Okay, so the plan is, when they use the blender, we move
15:54Put on these roller blades
15:56Next blender, we're through the gate
16:03Those freeloaders are getting away
16:18Beach Gaze, activate
16:31My blades
16:47Let's try to catch that ferry
16:49Weren't you trying to get away from us?
16:51Ha ha ha ha, Julian
16:53I meant the boat
16:54Sorry, I'm twisted
16:57YMCA Occupation Gaze, activate
17:03Oh, shit
17:13Theta, the deer
17:18I already got bit by tits
17:26That's the last ferry of the day
17:28It's too far
17:29Wait, Peter
17:30Do you still have that cocaine locket that Julian gave you?
17:33Yeah, but I wanted to save it for a special night with my family
17:36Peter
17:51Oh my god, we made it!
17:54Bye, have a fun trip
17:56Aren't you mad at us?
17:58We're guys, we get over stuff fast
18:00Come back next summer for our PJ party
18:02We'll bring our families
18:04We'll bring our families
18:05No, don't
18:06Don't bring them
18:10Morning, Stewie
18:14What is this? What are you doing?
18:16Well, I can't get you to stop doing memes
18:18So this exorcism will rid you of them
18:21I won't recycle images from the office and add my own text to it
18:25I won't recycle
18:26Oh, Bri, you sweet summer child
18:29This isn't going to work
18:30We have other ways
18:33Chris, but I thought you were on my side
18:35Well, I'm Gen Z and loyal to no one
18:38Bet you didn't have that on your bingo card
18:40What is that?
18:42You're getting a lobotomem
18:44When I flip the switch
18:45All memes will rush into your brain and explode out of you
18:48No, please!
18:53It's working
18:55First world problems
18:58Cringe
18:58Weird flex but okay
19:09Stewie, can you talk as yourself?
19:11Am I...
19:12Am I doing it?
19:13Oh, thank god
19:14You're back
19:15I wonder where all those memes went
19:22And this is why we can't have nice things
19:26Where do you come up with this stuff?
19:30Home again, home again, giggity gig
19:33Peter, I'm so happy you're home
19:35Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry
19:37I guess I learned that both men and women are pretty bitchy
19:41When money is involved
19:42That's what you learned?
19:43And that I'd rather get yelled at by a woman
19:45Than get yelled at by a guy
19:47Oh, a thousand percent, it's safer
19:49I love you, Lois
19:51Oh, Peter, I love you too
19:54I'm glad you're home
19:59I thought you'd be more mad at me
20:00Oh, I could be mad and have a dozen unopened jars
20:04Or I'll forgive you, have you open the jars and start my soup
20:08Start with the big Rayo's one
20:09I will, Lois, even though that one always hurts my hand
20:13I'm just so happy to be back in a world with women
20:16Good, because I had the craziest dream last night
20:20And I'm gonna tell you all about it
20:22Okay, so follow me here, it's complicated
20:25Here's five thousand dollars, I want back in
20:35Sorry, Stewie, I just need to make sure all that meme nonsense is done
20:42See, he's smirking because he's so proud of himself for ordering a pizza
20:46Funny, right?
20:47No, not funny or clever
20:48Good to have you back, buddy
20:52Said no one
20:55It's funny because it's just like ordering a pizza
20:58That expression is certainly too big for just ordering food to a place you usually wouldn't
21:34I really don't know what the crap you were doing
21:37He's so happy to be in a place
21:37He's so happy to be in a Tapicator
21:37Can't wait, but you know, where to purchase
21:37You know, I'm trying to buy something
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