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Temptation Island - Season 4 - Episode 03: Taste of Independence
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00:02Previously on Temptation Island.
00:04I like you and only you.
00:05I know you have a lot to offer.
00:06You know, I have been picking up on, you know, small player vibes.
00:10You're what I need, you know, in whatever capacity that is.
00:13I am making connection with you.
00:15I feel it too.
00:16It's scary to think that I could vibe so well with someone other than Luke.
00:20She's not stoked about the idea of an open relationship.
00:24How do you feel about that?
00:25Historically, my dating has been pretty casual.
00:27I'm very physically attracted to Taylor.
00:31I enjoy making contact.
00:34This one actually is my promise ring with Edgar.
00:39Okay.
00:39I don't know if I will continue wearing the promise ring.
00:43Like, what do I do?
00:44It sounds like the ring doesn't mean anything to her anymore.
00:48It feels like I don't know her.
00:57You'll never forget me.
01:00You're not gonna tempt me.
01:07You're not gonna tempt me.
01:10You'll never forget me.
01:14You're not gonna tempt me.
01:27It feels like she says one thing to me and there's something else going on inside her head.
01:31It feels like she's not being honest with me anymore.
01:33Because, I mean, through all those months, I was trying to work towards our relationship.
01:38And I remember what I had done.
01:45And, you know, she says it didn't take away from our relationship and the love that we had.
01:49But I just don't understand how you can do that and balance those two lies and still look me in
01:53the eye and tell me that you love me.
01:58Believe it.
02:03Edgar, that's raw, it's difficult, but it is absolutely clear and an honest feeling.
02:12And I'm sorry you're feeling pain right now.
02:18All right, bud.
02:19Thanks, man.
02:24Lascelles?
02:27You ready?
02:29Let's do it.
02:31I'm trying to figure out why there was a connection.
02:35Instantly.
02:36Not a connection after four days.
02:38It's a connection within, like, three minutes.
02:39It's almost like I feel like I've seen you before or something.
02:42It's one of those things for me.
02:43Okay.
02:44And I said that last night.
02:45I don't know if you heard me.
02:46No.
02:47I didn't hear you say that.
02:47I was like, I think I've seen you in my dreams.
02:49I said that as I walked by.
02:55Okay.
02:55Laughter's a response.
02:57Yeah.
02:58What did you see?
02:59That's, I see her make an emotional connection early on with someone that she's done to develop
03:04trust and possibly feelings for.
03:07But I allowed her, and she's allowing me to, like, feel those emotions.
03:10Um, so that's, that was kind of what I was expecting coming to this.
03:15What I'm asking is because you know Ashley better than I do, so you saw that clip and
03:19you actually feel that there's a legitimate emotional connection.
03:23I believe so.
03:24Okay.
03:24But if this is the girl that you think you love, why doesn't that kind of concern you?
03:31Um, it doesn't concern me because we told ourselves we're lacking something.
03:37I think because of my role in our relationship of just being there and kind of, like, stunting
03:41her growth in certain ways, then, you know, I'm doing her a disservice.
03:46So I, I would like for her to, like, take a step back from our relationship, which we
03:49have, talk to someone else, dig deep, and see what she can learn about herself.
03:55Because I messed, I believe I messed her up.
03:57I see.
03:58So wean herself off of dependence on you.
04:01So when you see her giggly and flirty and that doesn't scare you, you, it actually
04:07encourages you.
04:08Is that right?
04:09Yeah.
04:10It does.
04:10I mean, that's how I feel now.
04:12Um, yeah.
04:13I'm not judging your feelings.
04:14I'm just trying to understand you more.
04:15I'm getting to know you, too.
04:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:17The only thing I'll leave you with, though, LaSelles, is one of the things I'll push you
04:21to explore is the, the difference between your head and your heart.
04:25Right?
04:25Don't be too much in your head is what I'm encouraging you specifically to do.
04:30All right.
04:30Thanks, Mark.
04:31All right.
04:32Anya.
04:34Okay.
04:34Ready?
04:36We're a team, pal.
04:37We got you.
04:38Yeah.
04:38Okay?
04:39Let's take a look.
04:42I'm very, very much in love with Anya.
04:46I'm happy for you.
04:47But I am a very physical person.
04:49Very.
04:54I'm not the one with the open relationship idea, but, like, maybe, you know what?
04:58No.
04:59I'm done.
05:00You want to go get a drink?
05:01We should drink.
05:26I'm a little confused.
05:30Maybe even angry, you know, to hear her say that she's done and then see that she's sharing
05:37a bed, even if it wasn't the whole night, you know?
05:40She and I went into this with the, you know, the one rule of respect, you know?
05:56And I hear what she's saying about, you know, the open relationship.
06:04That is my idea, you know?
06:07She's never suggested that.
06:09Open relationship meaning other people?
06:10Yeah.
06:11Okay.
06:11Being open to sleeping with other people.
06:15You're justifiably upset and a little shook.
06:20Yeah.
06:21And yet she's done nothing other than what you have said is perfectly okay.
06:27Yeah.
06:28I just haven't been clear with her about what I want.
06:39And I think I've maybe waited too long, you know?
06:43Ash is someone who knows what she wants.
06:47I'm going to suggest that you know exactly what you want, but you're afraid to stand up
06:51and say, this is what I want.
06:55Something to look at?
06:57Definitely.
06:59Thank you for your honesty.
07:01Be there for one another, and you guys can head back to your villa right now, okay?
07:05Thanks, Mark.
07:05Thanks, Mark.
07:05Run or not?
07:14I'm feeling a little afraid, you know?
07:18I'm coming to terms with this idea of an open relationship maybe being something I don't want.
07:46I know the side of Edgar that's, like, really good, really loyal, but there's also another side of Edgar.
07:52Like the side that cheated on me.
07:54That's how I feel.
07:55Like, I feel like I'm constantly preparing myself for heartbreak.
07:59Me too.
08:00Constantly.
08:00And it's not a good thing.
08:01It's like I'm walking on eggshells.
08:13I'm walking into the first bonfire, my stomach is hurting, and I have butterflies, and my heart is racing.
08:20I'm preparing myself for the worst.
08:24Good evening.
08:26Hi.
08:26Hey, Mark.
08:27I mean, I know it's only been a couple of days, but the last time he cheated on me, I
08:32feel like I wasn't expecting that either.
08:37Ladies, welcome to your first bonfire.
08:41This is where we meet to talk about what's going on with you and your experience while you're here on
08:46the island.
08:47It's also where you're going to get a glimpse of how your boyfriends are adapting to single life on the
08:52island as well.
08:53And this is the only time you're going to get any insight into that.
08:57So, I'd love to hear more about your experience so far, so tell me what's going on.
09:01How are you feeling?
09:05Jillian, what's going on with you right now?
09:07I'm okay.
09:09I'm trying to stay calm and centered.
09:12I really don't know what I'm about to see.
09:15I'm very, very curious.
09:17Okay.
09:18So, here's how this works.
09:21Each time you're at a bonfire, you're going to watch a clip from your boyfriend's experience here on the island.
09:26Look, I understand that this is often difficult to watch, but hopefully, it's going to provide you the perspective that
09:33you say you're searching for in your relationship.
09:37You ready to go?
09:39Jillian, we're going to start with you.
09:40Okay.
09:41Okay?
09:42Sure.
09:43All right.
09:43Let's take a look right here.
09:47Like, I want to work on myself, but more than anything, I want her to answer her questions.
09:51Like, do you want to do this with me or not?
09:54Like, I don't want to express it, but I guess it just feels like she's been, like, dragging me along,
09:59you know?
10:05Tell me what you saw and what you're feeling.
10:09I really do love Edgar, but I have been very vocal about my concerns.
10:14Ever since he cheated on me, I feel like nothing's really ever been the same.
10:18And hearing the other girls' stories, I'm realizing that that was actually a really big turning point in our relationship.
10:25So it's, I go back and forth on whether I want a future with him or not.
10:30I'm so young, so sometimes I feel like it's, you know, kind of my time to explore what other chemistry
10:38I could have with somebody else.
10:39I don't want to blink and then realize I, you know, never really did that.
10:45Listen, this is what this is about and there are questions that you didn't know you had, like I said
10:50at dinner, that are showing up.
10:52And I just will encourage you to keep looking at what is it that you really need as opposed to
10:58what Edgar's giving you.
11:00Yeah.
11:01Jillian, that's all for now.
11:03Uh, but you're on the right track.
11:05Yeah.
11:07Iris, your turn.
11:09Okay?
11:10Okay.
11:11Here we go.
11:12Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
11:18Whoa, whoa.
11:20Okay?
11:21Oh, shit.
11:22Whoa!
11:24Wow!
11:26Oh my god.
11:28Hanya, help me, buddy.
11:30Oh, another one.
11:31Oh!
11:38I am surprised actually.
11:40I thought things would be a lot worse for my clip that I was about to see.
11:45But I also feel a sense of guilt, I guess.
11:48You feel a sense of guilt?
11:50Yeah.
11:51Because you think the clip that he would see is...
11:53It's me building an actual strong emotional connection with someone, probably.
11:58And I think that that hurts more than what I just saw.
12:04And who are you connecting with?
12:06I'm connecting with George.
12:07George, I think George is checking off a lot of boxes that I feel like I'm missing in my relationship.
12:14And...
12:15What's the biggest box?
12:16His thoughtfulness.
12:18He's extremely thoughtful.
12:20It's something you're missing.
12:22And I'm not coming down on Luke, but what I'm really trying to point out is what I'm hearing you
12:26say you need.
12:26And you're not selfish to want that kind of attention.
12:31Yeah.
12:33Appreciation is a better word, I think.
12:34Mm-hmm.
12:36Okay, Ashley.
12:39Here we go.
12:42It's like, I feel like every time I'm talking to you, I've learned something new about myself.
12:46And it's just the beginning.
12:48So I feel like that makes me feel...
12:49No, seriously, you're what I needed.
12:53You know what I'm saying?
12:54You're what I need.
12:55And whatever capacity that is, it's real.
12:57Wow.
13:03I see that he's forming this kind of emotional connection with this girl.
13:08And I want to know, like, why.
13:11And I kind of feel like he could be emotionally open towards her that we haven't really done before out
13:21of the seven years we've been together.
13:23Like, we never had that emotional, deep conversation before that I think I felt like I was missing.
13:29And he said, um, you're what I needed.
13:32He just met her.
13:33Like, how do you know she's exactly what you need?
13:35You know what I mean?
13:37When I think I should be the one that you need.
13:40How would that feel for you if you saw LaSalle's open up to her in the way that you've been
13:45begging him to do for you?
13:47It would feel devastating, actually.
13:49But, you know, I'm kind of realizing it's my journey to focus on.
13:53I shouldn't...
13:54I should worry about LaSalle, but not really.
13:56It's all about me.
13:57I always put people first, and I'm tired of that, so...
14:03Um...
14:05When you say you always put people first, you got emotional.
14:12What do you need?
14:14I don't know.
14:21I guess I need, like, clarification more, like...
14:27I know there's love, but, like, more action to show the love that we have, like, thought we have.
14:35You got a lot of emotion that I don't even think you knew you had.
14:41Yeah.
14:42Thanks.
14:43Okay, Ash.
14:44We're gonna go to you next.
14:46Okay.
14:47Okay.
14:48I'm sort of, like, out of sight, out of mind kind of person, and, like, I want to be in
14:53the here and now, and if you're not here and now, then I have a hard time giving you the
14:57attention.
14:57And you don't want to be all right.
14:58Yeah.
14:58Someone look it up.
14:59Oh.
15:00Oh, yeah.
15:03Oh, no.
15:04Oh.
15:04One!
15:05One!
15:07One!
15:08One!
15:08One!
15:09One!
15:20One!
15:27I'm completely unsurprised.
15:30Unsurprised?
15:30Yeah.
15:31I saw Hanya being Hanya.
15:33Okay.
15:34In what sense?
15:34He's doing the exact same thing.
15:36He's always done.
15:38And how does that make you feel?
15:40All I have wanted in this is for him to be considerate of me.
15:45So what's the history?
15:46If there is a finer woman willing to f*** him harder, this is my friend Ash.
15:53Has he called you a friend in front of other women?
15:55Yeah.
15:56Every time.
15:57Every time.
16:00How do you feel about the concept of open relationship?
16:04I'm not into it.
16:09I do believe that I can share a partner if I'm also there, but...
16:15Obviously, I have to be there, because out of sight, out of mind,
16:21it must be so freeing to be able to discard people like that.
16:26If what you're saying is the truth, it is a very chilly compartmentalizing of emotion
16:36to be able to do that.
16:39Ash, thank you so much.
16:43So with that, I thank you for being honest and brave, and you can head back to your villa
16:49right now.
16:49And I'll see you soon.
16:52His behavior was disgusting.
16:55I don't feel desired by him.
16:58I don't get picked up like that.
17:06This is what I wanted to know.
17:08I am getting the answers I'm seeking incredibly fast.
17:24I am getting the answers I want to know, but I don't know if anything was real.
17:27It's a little bit crazy, you're suddenly glaring on.
17:33I wonder if anything was real.
17:39Are we in too deep to you?
17:43The first bonfire.
17:46How was a lot?
17:47How are you guys feeling?
17:48It's just the things that you don't expect that just, you know, just get, yeah.
17:54I just feel like she gave me a complete 180.
17:57It's something so small, like a ring, but like, I just thought we were 100% honest with
18:03each other.
18:07And we weren't.
18:10I'm feeling all kinds of things, man, you know?
18:13I mean, you guys saw what I saw.
18:16Yeah, it's tough to watch.
18:17Watching her speak to him like that, that just, like, breaks my heart right open.
18:24I can't imagine a world without Ash.
18:28She has been such a force in my life.
18:31I do not want to lose that.
18:35I just have to be honest with myself about how I feel.
18:53I feel Hania is more committed to his own pleasure as he has been through the entirety
18:59of our relationship than actually improving himself.
19:04I shouldn't have built the wall.
19:06My biggest takeaway from the first bonfire is I should probably stop thinking about
19:14him and completely think about myself.
19:16It was just like one awful thing right after the other.
19:20Back to back to back.
19:24I know it's a lot to have to deal with and have just thrown in front of your eyes, which
19:30is extremely disrespectful on his end.
19:36Sorry, like I said, I laugh at uncomfortability out here for yourself.
19:40I mean, it's okay.
19:41You can also say that you're laughing because you think he's a joke.
19:47I don't ever want to see you sad.
19:48I don't ever want to see you, you know, hurt.
19:51Growth comes from moments of pain.
19:54That's all I can control.
19:56You've been wonderful so far.
19:58I feel comfortable.
19:59I did not think I'd be this comfortable.
20:01When I'm around you, I genuinely feel emotions that I haven't felt since like a teenage fever.
20:14So that's big to me.
20:16You are definitely the type of person that should get what you want out of a relationship
20:21or at least find somebody that is willing to do their best.
20:25Right, without me asking.
20:27Yeah.
20:29That's a lot to deal with and like get thrown at you.
20:32That's crazy.
20:32He was talking about how he just doesn't really want to be like dragged around anymore
20:38because I feel like the last year I've had a lot of doubts.
20:42I like definitely feel like we came here to like save our relationship
20:45and like work on a relationship.
20:47But now I'm feeling like I don't really know what I want.
20:54It's good that you're having that clarity a little bit, a little bit for right now.
20:58For right now?
20:59Yeah.
21:00I guess I'm afraid of being alone and independent.
21:03But then now that I'm here, I'm kind of enjoying this little taste of like independence.
21:09Yeah, that's good.
21:27Oh my gosh, George.
21:36That's really good.
21:39It got more real last night though.
21:42Like that did get a little more real.
21:44I kind of slept well last night.
21:46I wasn't replaying the clip that I saw of LaSalle.
21:49Like I wasn't dwelling on it.
21:50I slept well, but then this morning I was like, what the f***?
21:54Like I feel bad.
21:56Every one of our friends and family thinks that we're going to like get married, live happily ever after.
22:01But I've always been like emotionally dependent on Luke and pretty much like a lot of my boyfriends in the
22:06past just clicked in me last night.
22:10Like, wow.
22:10I never really got the independence that I need to discover myself.
22:14Take it just one day at a time.
22:16Yeah.
22:16Yeah, for sure.
22:19I've never learned how to be happy on my own and that's a problem.
22:24It's up to me to love myself and feel confident.
22:28I'm going to get away, yeah, I'm going to get away from all of this.
22:33I'm going to get away, yeah, I'm going to get away from everything.
22:37Oh my God, the flowers.
22:39The queen, we're being knighted.
22:40Here you go.
22:42So you should put it in your left ear.
22:44My left ear?
22:45Yeah.
22:46What does left mean?
22:47It means unavailable.
22:50Because you're going on a date.
22:51I'm going on a date.
22:53So?
22:55I am conscious of the fact that I'm trying to avoid the level of comfort that I feel with Taylor.
23:01So I'm hoping to get a little bit of mental clarity out of this date from a third person point
23:07of view.
23:08Let's do this.
23:11Put that in there.
23:13Watching Ash ask Tommy on a date, I literally felt my heart drop to my stomach.
23:18If I, you know, was really following my heart, I would ask Tommy on a second date.
23:23But for now, just trying to stay calm.
23:27Who's Ashley?
23:29That I'm still trying to find out, actually.
23:31I don't know if I told you, but my boyfriend and I have been together for seven years.
23:33Yeah.
23:34Like seven years, I'm not going to just throw that away.
23:36Like, oh, seven years, whatever.
23:38You know what I mean?
23:39I got to have a conversation with Ashley.
23:42She's a kid just from B.
23:44Like, honestly, I felt, like, deep and silly.
23:47I hope to, you know, maybe continue talking to her.
23:50Like, you learn a lot from love.
23:52What you learn from, it makes you who you are, like, right now.
23:55Yeah.
24:04I have never worn my hair this long before.
24:09Well, I wasn't attracted to you before, but, like, now I am, so.
24:12I'm getting nervous now.
24:13Everything is riding on this one shot.
24:18I was just overthinking everything last night.
24:20I just give a lot.
24:22I just need to give more to myself.
24:25You have to figure out kind of what you want and what kind of connections you want.
24:28If you want them to be platonic, if you want them to be more, like.
24:31And I also want you to not put all your eggs in one basket right away.
24:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:35Because there's so many of us.
24:37Yeah.
24:38We all offer different things.
24:40You're my number one guy that I have my eyes on.
24:41So I want to make that clear, too.
24:44No, I remember.
24:45I'm having a great time with Alexa, but I want to, you know, get to know Trace a little more
24:50and kind of explore why, like, why I'm feeling these emotions so quickly.
24:54You are a catch.
24:55You have everything that I'm looking for.
24:58I just don't want to jump too fast without knowing all sides.
25:03I feel like I'm doing a lot.
25:05I'm really trying.
25:05I'm trying to be the glue of the family, build a business, maintain a relationship.
25:09You have a lot on your plate.
25:11Yeah.
25:11Yeah.
25:12But.
25:12You must be exhausted.
25:15Pretty much.
25:17Yeah.
25:17I have massive family issues in the mental health department.
25:21It's just devastating.
25:24I feel like I've been dealt a really crappy deck of cards in the emotion department.
25:29I can't get through and project how I'm feeling with my family.
25:34And the same with Iris.
25:35I can't get through to my emotional side with her either.
25:39I feel like the first time we got to speaking together, you were asking some really cool questions.
25:44And I was like, that's, that's someone I want to get to know a little bit more.
25:49So that's why I kind of wanted to see if you wanted to go on my second date.
25:55Like, it's out of nowhere, but.
25:58Yeah.
25:58Luke and I had a really good conversation.
26:01I'm just ready for the date tomorrow.
26:04I'm super happy.
26:05I'm excited.
26:06I think you're really someone I want to learn a lot from.
26:09Absolutely.
26:12What's up?
26:13Hello, stranger.
26:15How you feeling?
26:16I'm looking at this beautiful rainbow.
26:18That is amazing.
26:20That is a beautiful rainbow.
26:21I think it was a perfect time.
26:23The perfect time.
26:24Perfect time.
26:25I feel like we have a lot more great times ahead of us.
26:27Um, and I wanted to ask if you wanted to come on the second date with me.
26:32Don't be shy now.
26:34Yes.
26:35Yeah.
26:37Yeah, I'm excited.
26:39I feel like I've obviously made like a really good connection with LaSalle's, but I don't
26:44want to get my hopes up, you know, especially if he is shopping around a little bit more and
26:49he kind of just is picking, you know, me for today and then next time it's going to be
26:54whoever, so I'm kind of just making sure I stay aware.
26:58Man, so like, I don't know how to feel.
27:01I'm just getting caught in my feelings.
27:02Yeah, I know.
27:03Yeah.
27:04I just can't tell if he's like a little player or not because he's really nice to everybody,
27:09you know, and I can see him being 40 with a lot of people.
27:12He, I just think that he's just really nice.
27:14As of now, I'm going after Edgar.
27:16So Eddie, I'm coming for you.
27:18Definitely feeling him.
27:20And I know that him and Marissa have a cute little thing going, but that doesn't mean
27:25anything for me.
27:26I can still go for it.
27:28We're all here for a reason and I'm here to, you know, make my mark.
27:32And that's what I'm going to do.
27:34Maybe you better get a little cozy at this party tonight.
27:37Bring it on.
27:49Yeah, I do what I want.
27:51I got no regrets.
27:52I'll take the one on the right and the left.
27:54Paint us however you feel is necessary.
27:57Just be careful when you touch my touch back.
27:58What are these colors?
28:00So are we going to paint each other's bodies tonight?
28:02Hoya!
28:03Hoya!
28:04See the flamin'.
28:21This is the most fun I've had in my life.
28:26Shots!
28:27Everybody's shots!
28:29Oh, what's up?
28:32Field day!
28:33We're playing flag football.
28:36We're going to turn them up because they deserve better.
28:39And what better way than the finest gentlemen and the finest abs?
28:43Woo!
28:44Get his mic!
28:46Let's go, let's go!
28:50Oh, shit!
28:52Let's go!
28:53Let's go, Tempsey!
28:55Let's go!
28:56Oh!
28:57Oh!
28:59Oh!
28:59Yeah!
29:00Yeah!
29:00The guys are super hot playing football.
29:03Oh, yeah!
29:03We all got a little hot and spicy.
29:06All those touchdowns, those dances.
29:09And I feel like I can, like, relive this film again.
29:12Same.
29:12Party in the pool!
29:14Party in the pool!
29:15Party in the pool!
29:15Let it go!
29:17Hey!
29:18Let it go!
29:19Let it go!
29:20Let it go!
29:22Let it go!
29:22Let it go!
29:27Oh, she's boyfriend.
29:28I hope you see those clips, and I hope it hurts.
29:31I hope it does, Mr. Sir.
29:32You don't deserve her.
29:35I do kind of wish that we were going on the second day.
29:37Oh, that's what the third day is for.
29:39Maybe.
29:39I guess I need to talk about the whole Tommy situation, which I was very excited about our connection,
29:45and I hope it doesn't go away.
29:46I'm still feeling just as interested as when I met him.
29:49Do you think it's a red flag that I just, like, formed a connection with you right
29:53off the bat, even when I have a boyfriend?
29:56We've only been here for a few days.
29:58We're getting to know each other, and a connection is a connection.
30:01We enjoy each other, and we get each other.
30:04That's not a problem.
30:12Should we play truth or dare?
30:14Whatever you want.
30:16I want to see Ashley give a lap dance to Iris.
30:39Good night.
30:42No pillow all, baby girl.
30:50Taylor has been really gentle with everything, and he's still being really respectful of
30:58me.
30:58He's chaotic, but he has a softness and gentleness in him that I can respond to.
31:12I don't know what's going to happen, and I'm not trying to plan it.
31:16I just hope we kind of keep exploring what we can while we're here.
31:28The question is, how do we get some one-on-one time with Chrislyn and Edgar?
31:33That's the hard part.
31:34But his connection with Marissa just seems so intense.
31:38Like, is he even looking my way at all?
31:40No, like, it's fair game.
31:41Anyone can come in at any moment and offer something better than the person before.
31:45I am in a little tiffy.
31:47It's like, I'm definitely feeling Edgar.
31:48But, you know, I've just stayed on a friendship level with all the guys here.
31:52You are so clear about what you want, but you are not getting it.
31:56You're not going to get it.
31:58I know, that's my problem.
32:00Don't get it.
32:01I feel like physically, we have an attraction, and I don't want you to forget that if you're
32:08on a date with someone else.
32:10Honestly, no, I am by far, I feel like, the most attracted to you in the whole house.
32:16You.
32:17I've done myself a disservice by kind of like, close myself up a little bit, because I want
32:22to make the right decision.
32:25I don't know what the right decision is.
32:26No matter what happens, it's going to hurt.
32:29It's going to hurt.
32:30It's going to hurt.
32:30And would you rather continue to sacrifice yourself to please other people, or do what's
32:38going to ultimately make you happy and fulfilled?
32:41No, and yeah, you're absolutely right.
32:44I realize what I'm risking now I'm doing this experience, and I'm starting to, like, make
32:50connections that are stronger than I would have imagined.
32:54So it's given me an uneasy feeling, and I don't want Ash to see this and think, hey,
33:01he just threw away something for nothing.
33:03She said, I'm afraid of you making an emotional connection because I feel like I'm going to
33:06lose you.
33:09And I said, I don't think I will.
33:10Like, I said, I will.
33:12I don't think I'll be strong enough for me to pull me away.
33:16But I feel it.
33:18I feel it tugging at me.
33:20Like I promised or something that I knew I couldn't keep.
33:33Right now, I'm at a crossroads between keeping what I already have and going for what I want.
33:43I just don't want to hurt anybody.
33:44That's it.
33:45I don't want to hurt anybody, but in this predicament, someone's going to get hurt.
33:50My girlfriend Ashley or Trace.
33:53It's not easy.
33:56It's tough to make everybody happy.
34:17It's tough to make everybody happy.
34:28Are you nervous?
34:29No, I ain't nervous.
34:30Today is really fun.
34:31I'm enjoying my date with Tevin.
34:33He's super, super sweet.
34:34Nice.
34:36I do have Tommy in the back of my mind the whole time, but I'm definitely still having a great
34:41time.
34:42Oh my God, guys!
34:45Woo!
34:49Woo!
34:50Woo!
34:53Woo!
34:53Woo!
34:53Woo!
34:54Woo!
34:54Woo!
34:58Woo!
34:59Ho!
35:01I'm having the best time!
35:04That's what I'm talking about!
35:12Hey there.
35:14Karina and I have really been connecting over the last few days.
35:17She's so smart.
35:18But I'm also thinking about Ash at every moment, at every turn.
35:22and I am all over the place right now, to be honest.
35:29How's your time been on the island so far as a whole?
35:34Yeah, take a big chug for that one.
35:37I didn't really expect the other night the bonfire to go.
35:42No, it did.
35:43Which probably speaks to me thinking too highly
35:47of people I care about.
35:49I've just felt like a second thought.
35:51For so long, sorry, I don't want to cry.
35:55OK, OK.
35:58It's been really scary because I keep
36:00like flopping back and forth between like,
36:02do I actually love this person?
36:05Am I pouring into him because I'm too scared to pour into myself?
36:09Yeah.
36:10And I just keep getting more and more scared
36:12that like, I've neglected myself this long.
36:15Like how much love is left in my cup?
36:19Sorry for crying.
36:20The relationship that's going to change the most out of this is my relationship with myself.
36:26And I'm excited to be in love with me.
36:30I know I'm going to come out of this bigger and better than I am.
36:34And my relationships are going to change with it.
36:48You know, I hear you when you're speaking and I pick up on the fact that you want your
37:01friends to do this.
37:06You want to be in love with you.
37:16I'm not going to be in love with you.
37:20I'm not going to be in love with you.
37:22I'm not going to be in love with you.
37:25I'm not going to be in love with you.
37:33I'm not going to be in love with you.
37:44I'm not going to be in love with you.
37:54Yeah.
37:55Exploring this deep emotional connection that we have
37:58might not be what's best for me right now.
38:01I've always had boyfriends since high school,
38:03and I don't think I ever got a break.
38:05All of these relationships either brought me
38:08heartbreak or toxicity.
38:09It's not healthy for me to just hop from one relationship
38:13to the next, you know?
38:15Definitely understand that.
38:17There is a gut punch to some things
38:20when you're definitely connecting with somebody,
38:21and then they wanna just put the brakes on some things
38:24and, you know, you have to respect it, you know,
38:27especially when you care about them.
38:28And honestly, I truly care about it.
38:30I want you to feel like this is something that you want.
38:32You deserve that level of understanding,
38:34and I'm totally here for it.
38:37Thank you so much.
38:39I appreciate that.
38:40Definitely.
38:48First and foremost, I would like to thank you
38:50for choosing me to go on this date.
38:52Of course.
38:53I am so happy that I chose Evan as my date.
38:57I felt like he is that guy who is just confident.
39:00We have that cool connection as a friend,
39:04maybe something more, but, like, for now,
39:06I like how it's going.
39:07Well, you're going through a very unique experience.
39:10Unique experience.
39:11Very unique.
39:12How are you handling it so far?
39:14Um, I'm taking it day by day, honestly, you know?
39:17I don't want to worry too much about what my boyfriend is doing,
39:21because I feel like that's going to hinder my growth.
39:23So what changes do you expect him to make?
39:26So the romantic days weren't really there.
39:28I felt like our relationship is now stagnant.
39:36I think you're on a stage.
39:36And I'm going to keep letting her know how I feel.
39:38And I'm just going to keep teaching her more
39:40about myself every day.
39:41And all you can do in this life is just be yourself
39:44and see where the cards fall.
39:45You know, I feel like I'm in a pretty good spot with her.
39:54How are you feeling about everything?
40:00I mean, I'm trying to be patient.
40:01Like, I really am.
40:02But it's hard, like, trying to get to know someone.
40:05And they're, like, I'm not saying you're feeding me all
40:07this, like, amazingness, because it's genuine,
40:09and I know you care about me.
40:11But at the same time, it's like, I'm
40:12having to dim my light or mask my feelings
40:15to justify everyone else.
40:18It's tough, because I've never had this many people tug at me.
40:23And then I'm feeling all the pressure
40:24from the other ladies in the house who, you know,
40:26I want to get to know.
40:27But, you know, they feel like I'm giving you
40:29a lot of face time.
40:32I feel like I'm fighting for something
40:36that I don't have a chance at winning.
40:40I feel like you're not standing up for this connection.
40:44And it sucks.
40:48Seeing her, you know, get emotional, you know,
40:51makes me feel sad, because I do have a part of this,
40:53because I'm not being clear in my intention.
40:56I don't want to be stuck in the past or be afraid of change.
41:01I'm trying to figure out what I need in my life.
41:04I don't want to go balls to the wall
41:07and get so emotionally invested in you,
41:09and then I see Ashley, and then I go back,
41:12and then imagine how you'd feel at that point.
41:13You'd break down. You'd never want to see me again.
41:15So, like, I'm trying to avoid...
41:16I'm trying to avoid that.
41:18But at the same time, I can't say,
41:20let's just be friends in this house,
41:23because I know that I'm not going to be able to control how I feel.
41:25Because I want you to be able to, like, have your thoughts, have your emotions.
41:29But I don't want to keep feeling ashamed,
41:31because I have a connection with you.
41:34I just feel like everything is about everyone else but us.
41:37And it's kind of hard to be excited and be in the moment
41:40if you feel like they feel guilty for even being there.
41:44It sucks that I feel bad about being happy.
41:47I'm sorry that the tears come out and now it's like a flood.
41:52I just think that maybe we just need some, like, breathing room.
42:02This place we don't know.
42:07This place we don't know.
42:09This place we don't know.
42:09This place we go to the world.
42:09This place we go to 。
42:11You
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