- 22 minutes ago
The Trades (2024) Season 3 Episode 6
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:17Hey, Chelsea.
00:18Hey.
00:19Happy birthday.
00:20How'd you know it was my birthday?
00:22Oh, Jen Cook told me about your party.
00:23Are you fucking kidding me?
00:26Oh, from Jen Cook.
00:28Wow.
00:28Chelsea surprised Very Special Milestone 40th.
00:32Shh.
00:33It's tonight.
00:34Don't say anything to her.
00:36I guess she CC'd you by accident.
00:38Another one incoming.
00:39This time it's a reply all.
00:41Oopsies, teehee.
00:42How do you take someone off an email?
00:44If she had two brains, she'd be twice as stupid.
00:46Oh, oh, oh, oh, there's more.
00:47This time she forwarded it to the IT department.
00:50How do I scrub my entire email history from the beginning of time?
00:55Here comes the brainiac now.
00:56Hey, Chelsea.
00:59So, casual question.
01:01Uh, what are you up to tonight?
01:02Uh, attending the surprise party I'm not supposed to know about?
01:05Who told you?
01:07You did.
01:08A bunch of times.
01:09Okay, my laptop has too many buttons, so it's like a trap.
01:12Hey, I just wanted to let you know I can't make your surprise party.
01:16It's my first annual meet and sauna night.
01:18Yeah.
01:18We meet for six, we meet at six.
01:20Sorry, Jen, a bunch of us already RSVP'd to Taser's Meat Fest.
01:23It's gonna be awesome.
01:24What, can I come?
01:25Oh, my girl, yes.
01:26Uh, Chelsea, you have to attend your own surprise party.
01:30No.
01:30I'm just not really a surprise person.
01:32Well, everybody secretly wants a surprise party.
01:35Oh.
01:36Well, just cancel your party.
01:38What?
01:39Why?
01:39Feels very cancelable, right?
01:40Just got that click.
01:41Maybe I'm attending, but I'm probably gonna bail energy.
01:44No way.
01:45I already dropped the girls at their mom's, and I've had rib smoking for a day now, so they've
01:49got to be in tonight.
01:50Nice.
01:52Well, it's just that, uh, you know, I put a big deposit down at the pipe.
02:02All right, I'll come.
02:06Sorry.
02:07It's gonna be really fun.
02:09It's just gonna be us conk gals, you know?
02:11Girls night!
02:12Meet night!
02:13Girls night!
02:14Meet night!
02:14Girls night!
02:15Meet night!
02:16Girls night!
02:16Girls night!
02:17Meet night!
02:18Gotcha.
02:19Good one.
02:19Meet smash!
02:21Meet night!
02:22Have fun tonight, girls.
02:23Sad I'm gonna miss.
02:24Fuck you, Todd.
02:29Who keeps stealing my lasagna?
02:31Do I look like Garfield's bitch?
02:33That's exactly what you look like.
02:35A hundred fucking percent.
02:36Luckily, I brought my backup spaget.
02:38Four minutes!
02:43Ice fucking cold.
02:45Here, out of the way.
02:46What the fuck?
02:47You take this butt in line?
02:49Oh, what?
02:49All of a sudden, you're an electrician?
02:50Yeah.
02:51Oh, that's the good duct tape.
02:52Why is a car fixing the microwave?
02:54I can do whatever I want.
02:56Just help yourself.
02:57No, no, no.
02:57Oh, it's cool.
02:58Whoa!
02:58Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
03:00Guys, lots of backseat workers here.
03:02Don't see any of you lifting a finger to fix it.
03:04Who the hell microwaves egg salad?
03:05You eat your Cheetos with milk.
03:07Milk, too.
03:08Okay, here's one.
03:10Oh, hey, Audrey.
03:12There you are.
03:13Uh, kind of busy.
03:14Microwave exploded.
03:15I'm not stealing it.
03:16So, I need you to help me with Chelsea's surprise party.
03:19She's not really a surprise person, so...
03:21I know.
03:22All the more reason to double the fuck down, you know?
03:27So, I need you to pick her up and take her to the venue.
03:30Hey, Ms. Pong.
03:31Um, you cc'd Chelsea on the surprise party email.
03:35I know that, Janet.
03:36Don't hinder me.
03:38Help me.
03:39Just pitch me some fun party ideas.
03:41Penis straws.
03:42Yeah.
03:43Um, I went to a party once, and there were penis straws there.
03:47And they were a lot of fun.
03:50Penis straws.
03:51Well, now you have my attention.
03:52Of course you do.
03:53Okay.
03:54Bendy or rigid?
03:56Rigid.
03:58Rigid and, um, hot pink.
04:00And kind of, uh, curved at the end.
04:03Like, I think it's like a question mark.
04:05Like it was asking, do you want another spicy margarita?
04:08Yes, I do, Mr. Straw.
04:10Yes.
04:11Um, well, Chelsea's gay, so maybe don't hand her a drink with a tiny plastic dick on it.
04:17Good point.
04:18I will drink them.
04:19I will drink them all.
04:20All right?
04:21Expedite those now, Janet.
04:22Come on.
04:23I will see you and Chelsea tonight at the party.
04:26Okay, pick her up.
04:27Oh, my God.
04:30Fuck my life.
04:31Shit.
04:32Where the fuck are you taking us, Taze?
04:34Ooh.
04:34Wait till you see what I got you for tonight, boys.
04:36Let's put the fucking hat.
04:38It's a banyan.
04:38It's a banyan.
04:38It's a banyan.
04:39It comes in the bathtub.
04:40Jesus Christ.
04:40Look it up.
04:42There she is.
04:44There's no fucking way that's up to code.
04:46Yeah.
04:47My code.
04:47I'm just kind of doing my own thing.
04:49Come on.
04:49Does it even have a carbon monoxide detector?
04:52Loser detectors, I call them.
04:54Smells good.
04:54You know, we could just call 911 now and save them a trip later.
04:57It's already so sweaty in here.
04:59Yeah, can you pre-book an ambulance?
05:00Come on, man.
05:01The heat's good for you.
05:02Oh, nice touch, Taze.
05:04Where the hell did you get these?
05:06Not bad.
05:07Imperial Valley Hotel Express.
05:09Nothing but the best for my butts, right?
05:11Steam, sweat, and heat ribs.
05:14Yeah, buddy.
05:15Yeah.
05:16Hey, turn up the music.
05:17Get in there.
05:18Oh, yeah.
05:19Eat it, boys.
05:21I'll throw some more locks on the fire.
05:27Can we get some frozen margs, please?
05:29Make it three.
05:30Sorry, senorita.
05:31No ice.
05:33Machine.
05:33Es muerta.
05:34Machine no work.
05:35Machine no work?
05:36This is a bar.
05:37And yet this is where we find ourselves.
05:40Sunglass.
05:40They're here.
05:41They're here.
05:42They're here.
05:43Everyone hide.
05:43Everyone hide.
05:45Hide, hide, hide, hide, hide.
05:46I cannot stress this enough.
05:47She knows about this.
05:49We're here.
05:50Surprise, surprise, surprise.
05:52Just what I wanted.
05:53Don't you love it?
05:54So, everyone, come out, come out wherever you are.
05:57Surprise.
05:59Surprise.
06:00Happy fucking birthday.
06:02Oh, surprise.
06:04Surprise.
06:05Oh, penis stress.
06:06Oh, ah.
06:08Ah, so thoughtful.
06:09Oh, thanks, senorita.
06:12Holy shit, my bag is sweating now.
06:15Oh, God, I got the meat sweats.
06:17God, pass me a beer, would you?
06:19You go, bro.
06:20Get her in you.
06:22Oh.
06:22Oh?
06:23Oh.
06:23That'll work, too.
06:24Oh.
06:26That'll cool you off.
06:27That is a good idea.
06:29Do it, Dewey.
06:30My turn.
06:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:32Yeah, so could do.
06:34Come on, Dewey.
06:35This is the best hour.
06:36Yes, dude.
06:38Hey, boys.
06:39Where's the meat?
06:40Get in here.
06:41Close it up.
06:42Keep the heat in.
06:42Oh, oh, oh.
06:43Sorry, I'm late.
06:44I'm ready to get crazy, boys.
06:45Where the fuck were you?
06:46Oh, is that my duck blind?
06:48Two bricks already started eating without another bear.
06:50Immediately.
06:51Get all rumbling and chumper.
06:52Oh, he is.
06:53Get in here.
06:54He's ready.
06:55No, no.
06:56Doc was going to sing when he's scarfing down ribs.
07:00Eat up, brother.
07:00There's more meat where that came from.
07:02Holy shit, dude.
07:03Peace yourself.
07:04There's meat woods.
07:09Here we go.
07:10Ready?
07:11Oh, we are a dick girl.
07:14Boss of the birthday girl.
07:17And Janet.
07:18Don't post that.
07:19Janet.
07:20Too late.
07:20No, no.
07:21Janet.
07:22Our entertainment is 30 seconds away.
07:24Who's 30 seconds away?
07:26What did you do?
07:27Brace yourselves, ladies.
07:28No, I don't like the sound of that.
07:30Okay, close your eyes.
07:31No, thanks.
07:32Come on, close your eyes.
07:32Come on, the surprise is almost here.
07:34I'm off duty.
07:35Okay.
07:37Ooh, high tech.
07:41Yeah.
07:42It is like we're at a rock concert.
07:45Ladies and ladies, happy Chelsea night.
07:50Open your eyes.
07:51Oh, he's hot.
07:53Good to go.
07:54Take it away.
07:56Oh, God.
07:58No, no.
07:59Oh, look at that part.
08:01Surprise, Chelsea.
08:04Billy?
08:05What the fuck?
08:08I can't help myself around meat.
08:10Yeah, boy.
08:10It does look good.
08:11It makes me crazy.
08:12Is it the five pounds of meat or the 12 beer you just drank?
08:14Small sips.
08:15I think you're making it worse.
08:17This will pass.
08:18I once had an uncle who ate two rotisserie chickens in one sitting.
08:22Bones and all.
08:23He crushed a colopoid, burped for 30 seconds, and then rolled along like nothing fucking
08:28happened.
08:30See?
08:31Get it out.
08:32Progress.
08:32Get it out.
08:33I still feel like shit.
08:34The food bill that must have reached his lower stomach by now.
08:37We need to exercise it out of him gently, like a baby.
08:40You better back up, buddy.
08:42You better back up.
08:42Work with me.
08:43Come on.
08:44Okay.
08:45Cool, cool.
08:47Everyone's looking loosey-goosey.
08:49Yeah?
08:50Good times.
08:50Hey, quick ask.
08:51What now?
08:52You fellas help me move a small fridge?
08:59Absolutely not.
09:00It's in my basement.
09:01We can move up the back of my steps to my garage real quick.
09:04Fuck you, dude.
09:05If we got the momentum, then maybe we can get to the L-shaped couch, too.
09:07Not fucking happening.
09:08Fuck you.
09:09That's fair.
09:10That's fair.
09:10You do your thing.
09:11You digest.
09:11But enjoy the freshly scented room.
09:14See you in five minutes.
09:15Fuck off.
09:20Where'd you find him?
09:21A parking lot?
09:22A dude dash.
09:23It's like a food delivery app, but for erotic dancers.
09:26Gotcha.
09:29Sorry, Chels.
09:30I tried to tell them.
09:31Couldn't get a lady stripper?
09:32Well, I could have, yeah, but they were way more expensive.
09:35And besides, he's like a local talent.
09:38Oh, and ladies, if you could give me a nice review, you know, it doesn't have to be nothing
09:43wrong, just like, you know, showed up on time, easy on the ice, you know, five stars.
09:48No stars.
09:49This is not happening.
09:50Do you think she's having fun?
09:52Hey, Chels.
09:53Happy birthday, girlfriend.
09:56Living the dream.
09:59Call her the beast.
10:00Half appliance, half curse.
10:03She's been down here 14 years, boys.
10:06Nobody's moved her.
10:08Not because they didn't try, because she didn't want to be moved.
10:12She survived the flood, a blackout, and a bear attack.
10:17Fuck.
10:18What kind of bear?
10:18Big.
10:20She may give off some chemical smell, but she still makes ice.
10:25And that noise.
10:26Chemical smegma.
10:27That's how she talks.
10:29If you listen close, she'll speak to you.
10:37Some mother's bucket!
10:39Oh, my gosh.
10:40Hey, Eddie.
10:41Hey, fuck with you.
10:42How's Sarnia?
10:43On Namibia, actually, uranium conference was a total cockstretch, but happy to be home.
10:47Where are all the kids?
10:48Kids?
10:49What kids?
10:50I wouldn't miss Mary Frances' birthday.
10:53About that, Mehdi.
10:54I just needed help moving this fridge.
10:56What?
10:57He lured everyone here and love-bombed us with sauna ribs.
11:01Yeah.
11:01You always ask why I don't trust?
11:02This is why I don't trust.
11:04Oh, come on.
11:04I've helped you all move some sort of shit at some point or other.
11:07Don't even pretend like I haven't.
11:08You helped me move a small ottoman once, and you kept the fucking thing.
11:12Oh, that's where that came from.
11:13Fuck it.
11:14Enough talk.
11:15These hernias aren't going to bulge themselves.
11:17The sooner we do this, the sooner we can get back to drinking.
11:20Yes.
11:23It's a lie.
11:24You should know what's been coming for.
11:28Fossil, kid.
11:30Oh, sweet.
11:32I need more meat.
11:33Is that a sausage?
11:36He's at stage eight.
11:37Hallucinations.
11:39Okay, ladies.
11:40Break's almost over.
11:41Don't forget to tip.
11:42Oh, five stars from me, Billy.
11:45What?
11:46What do you say?
11:47My mother's been around the heart for old time's sake?
11:49Hard pass.
11:51No.
11:51How hard?
11:52What, in, like, a relationship or, like, in love or something?
11:56Oh, is it with that dude down at the marina with the pet bald eagle?
11:59Who are you talking about?
12:00You know, the guy with, like, tattoos on his wing.
12:03How do you know that, Billy?
12:06Everybody knows.
12:08Are you okay, buddy?
12:11I've never been happier.
12:13Oh, okay.
12:13Um.
12:16Okay, I think I got it.
12:18What do you think?
12:20Come on, get your fucking shit together.
12:21Post it.
12:23Anyway, are you, like, sticking around?
12:25Because, like, you've got this new number.
12:27Hey, dude.
12:28Real showstopper.
12:29I could really use some assistance.
12:33Fuck off, Billy.
12:34Your agent's on the phone.
12:35Oh, shit.
12:37That must be the right commercial.
12:38Oh, my God.
12:39I have been with some fucking losers.
12:41Yeah, I know.
12:42You got a type.
12:43Except for Chelsea.
12:45I already got one.
12:46Hello?
12:49Is this your wedding cake?
12:51Yeah, my third one.
12:53Got some from the second one in here somewhere.
12:55My lasagna.
12:56That's my Tupperware.
12:57What?
12:58My name's on it.
12:59No, it's not.
13:00Dewey, snap to it.
13:01Come on.
13:02Dewey, right there.
13:02Gotta move the beast across the floor, around the corner, and up those back stairs.
13:05Oh.
13:05Yes.
13:06Those look far away.
13:07Oh, Christ.
13:08Are you serious?
13:09They're just right there.
13:10Grab a corner and own the avenue.
13:11Oh, why the fuck do you get to navigate?
13:14That's the easiest part.
13:15Four guys, four corners.
13:16Oh, shit.
13:17Look, none of you assholes helped when I had to move.
13:19All right?
13:20I had to drag a futon up three flights of stairs.
13:22Taser said he wasn't built for staircases.
13:25Oh.
13:25What the fuck are you actually built for?
13:27Alimony, apparently.
13:28Come on.
13:30Oh, fuck, all right, come on.
13:31It's not that bad.
13:32All right, I'll take that fire corner.
13:33It's not as heavy.
13:34My back's fucking...
13:34Damn, I want that corner.
13:36Look.
13:36Back off.
13:37I'm going to count us at one, two, three.
13:41Left.
13:43Dewey, fuck.
13:44You've got to lift when you say lift.
13:46Okay, all right.
13:47For fuck's sake.
13:48Come on.
13:49Heave.
13:52Duck walk.
13:53Oh, duck walk.
13:54What is a duck walk?
13:55Shut the fuck up about the duck walk.
13:56That's the right.
13:57That is not the worst, Dewey.
13:58All right?
14:00No, no, no.
14:01You're stuck.
14:02Damn.
14:03Jim, if you're not stuck, take me.
14:04Careful.
14:06Are you okay?
14:08Are you all right?
14:09It's okay.
14:10I'll get it, okay?
14:11It's all right.
14:12It's all right.
14:12Let's keep it right this side.
14:13Careful.
14:14Ah, my hand.
14:15Fuck.
14:16Motherfucker.
14:18This beast's curse, it should be left to die like the animal that it is.
14:22You're taking this piece of shit to the dump right now.
14:25All right.
14:26Regroup.
14:27Come on, guys.
14:30One, two, three, and...
14:33If you say left and don't lift one more time, I swear, I'm going to fold you in half and
14:37stuff you in this fucking fridge.
14:38Okay, I will lift and lift.
14:41Holy fuck, this is hell.
14:42Out of my hands.
14:44A pinch, a pinch.
14:47Come on, guys.
14:49Watch out, watch out, watch out.
14:53This thing got me in the hiding spot.
14:58Hey, great work, Dewey.
15:00Hey, take a breather.
15:01You'll be fine.
15:02Okay, enough.
15:04Why are we even trying to move this piece of shit?
15:06Piece of shit?
15:07Because this is all I got left from my dad.
15:10What?
15:10Yeah, that's right.
15:12Before he got sick, my dad loved pickling.
15:14Pickling?
15:15He started all here in the beast.
15:17You know, I kept him busy during some trying times.
15:21He loved it.
15:22He pickled everything.
15:23Eggs, peppers.
15:25Pig's feet?
15:26Okay, you lost me a pig's feet.
15:27Sauerbroughten?
15:28Sauerbroughten.
15:29It's good.
15:30Yeah.
15:31And after he passed, everything else got sold.
15:34His clothes.
15:35Terrible.
15:36Stereo.
15:37His prosthetic leg.
15:38Oh, Jesus.
15:39Except for this beauty.
15:40She stayed.
15:41The fuck?
15:43Yeah.
15:43Oh, oh, oh.
15:46Oh, no.
15:46You don't have people invited him to his house.
15:48Oh, no.
15:49Billy, you reason.
15:51Audrey, where are you letting this happen?
15:52Please.
15:53I just brought people together with his pickling.
15:56I'm sorry, man.
15:57Yeah.
15:58Thanks, guys.
16:00This is fucked.
16:01No, thanks for breaking the mood backwards.
16:03They could finally decide to show up to the moving party.
16:05You guys said you wanted some fucking help?
16:07Have at it.
16:08Let's fucking get it.
16:10Good luck.
16:12All right.
16:13Thanks for helping.
16:14We're going to take a break.
16:15Good luck.
16:16We got some ribs and beers upstairs.
16:17Oh, God.
16:21At least I left the shithole and made something out of my life in the big show.
16:27Is that you?
16:30Absolutely, birthday girl.
16:31And what's with all the fucking dicks?
16:34God.
16:34Look, I got one here.
16:35Let me sign up for you.
16:36For your birthday special.
16:37For me.
16:38You know...
16:39So, uh, what's your deal?
16:40Like, uh, accounting?
16:42Uh, office clerk?
16:44Uh...
16:44Nope.
16:44Oh.
16:45Big boss lady.
16:47No.
16:47I work for her.
16:50Like, look at that.
16:51Oh, my God.
16:53You work for that train wreck?
16:54Send it.
16:55Yep.
16:56It'll be on my tombstone.
16:58Babyside a Nepo baby all day at work and made her a ton of money.
17:02And died lonely.
17:06I'm gonna go get aggressively fucked up now.
17:10This is 40?
17:11This is 40?
17:11Oh, no.
17:13Oh, you have to take one of these.
17:14Please.
17:18Fuck!
17:20Sorry.
17:26Video message?
17:27Really?
17:28Hey, Chelsea.
17:29It's Donnie again from Corn Pulse.
17:31You didn't return any of my other calls, so I'll get right to it.
17:34Our VP of operations just stepped down.
17:37You free for a chat?
17:46Ah, shit.
17:47Fuck, that thing's stuck.
17:49It's not going anywhere.
17:50I guess I can't use my back door anymore.
17:55Dewey, what the fuck?
17:57Ah, mild free on exposure.
17:59Probably under 400 OEL.
18:01He'll be fine.
18:01You know, Taser, I'm so sorry.
18:04I didn't know your father passed.
18:07It's, uh...
18:08But, you know, the way you spoke about him, it was so vivid.
18:11It was like he was still alive.
18:13But he is.
18:14I lied.
18:15What?
18:16I made up all the stuff about the fridge and all the stuff about my dad.
18:19I wanted the fridge to seem more meaningful so you guys would help.
18:22Even the sauerbraten part?
18:24Yep.
18:25Dick moves, man.
18:26You conned us.
18:29He's coming back real hard.
18:34Hug your knees!
18:38The beast is toast.
18:42Sorry, Chase.
18:43I really needed that.
18:45Glad I could help.
18:46You did shit.
18:47Useless.
18:47Taser, your dad would have been proud of you.
18:51I just know him.
18:52Were you not here for his dad's alive part, or what?
18:55Maybe.
18:57Well, time to move that L-shaped couch, boys.
19:00Come on.
19:00No way!
19:01Fuck yourself up!
19:03Fuck!
19:04Fuck!
19:07Make it happen!
19:08Bye!
19:09Take it well in a loving place!
19:11What is happening now?
19:13Fire!
19:13What are you doing?
19:15I love you, Max.
19:16You know that?
19:17Oh, he's hitting on her.
19:19I can't keep my...
19:20Safe.
19:20Oh, my God, you need to watch that, man.
19:22Hit him in a little thunder!
19:26Okay, get back a little bit.
19:28And I'm feeling I'm up now!
19:31Hey!
19:32Get that down for me!
19:34That's all I see!
19:36Take a load in your loving place!
19:39I saw your guns at once at...
19:42That's all I see!
19:45I see!
19:45I got a true nature job!
19:48Oh, my God!
19:48Oh, my God!
19:48Oh, my God!
19:49Oh, my God!
19:49Oh, my God!
20:13I'm going out tonight, I'm feeling all right!
20:18And I'm going to let it all hang out!
20:22Okay, so let me get this straight.
20:24You were in the game.
20:25You did erotic dance?
20:26Yeah, I did.
20:27For a bit.
20:28I did the swinging cage.
20:30Wow.
20:31And advanced pole.
20:32Yeah, those are my two specialties.
20:34You did pole.
20:34No, man, I'm self-tied.
20:36That's impressive.
20:38Yeah.
20:38I ran as pheromone rush.
20:41You know, that's ringing a bell.
20:42Yeah, I'm not surprised.
20:43You know, back then, I was cut.
20:45I was ripped.
20:46I had a nice kind of physique going, but now, you know what?
20:49Come on.
20:50I can see it.
20:54Well, I hate to leave you for the ladies, bud, but, yep, good.
20:57Yeah.
20:59Yeah, you guys ready?
21:01Oh, I fucking love this song.
21:03I can't do it.
21:04I can't do it.
21:05Uh-oh.
21:06You want to be free?
21:08The way I feel...
21:11Man!
21:12That's how I feel.
21:14That's why I feel.
21:17Woo!
21:20Go back.
21:21Woo!
21:23Oh, whoa!
21:25Hey, who wants tequila?
21:26You want it, huh?
21:27Chelsea, get over here.
21:29I feel so, Chelsea.
21:31No.
21:31Think about being a woman
21:34It's a prerogative to have a little fun
21:38Fun! Fun!
21:39Yeah, fun!
21:40Oh, oh, oh, totally crazy
21:43Forget how we're laden
21:45Men's shirts, short skirts
21:47Oh, oh, oh, really go wild, yeah
21:51Then when it is time
21:53Oh, oh, oh, get in the action
21:56Feel the attraction
21:58Color my hair, do what I dare
22:01Oh, oh, oh, wanna be free
22:04And I feel the way I feel
22:07The way I feel
22:09Oh, oh, oh, man
22:10I feel like a woman
22:12I so do
22:14We got a couple more beers
22:16For the ladies
22:17We're fixing tequila
22:19Let's do that
22:20Come on, girls
22:22Oh, yeah
22:22Oh, baby
22:24Oh, baby
22:26Holy shit, we're good
22:32Thank you
22:32Thank you
22:32Thank you
22:33Thank you
22:34Thank you
22:34Thank you
22:34Thank you
22:34Thank you
22:34Thank you
22:35Thank you
22:35Thank you
22:35Thank you
Comments