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00:00Thanks Chas. Well, I'll come and pick her up in a bit. Yeah. All right. Thank you
00:07She's staying for a tea. Oh, she's right
00:09We're a parents. We should have been able to sort this. Yeah. Well, I was on my way to sorting
00:13it before you
00:14I was gonna say it wasn't me, but I think it absolutely wasn't it
00:41I
00:42Welcome to more catastrophes from your favorite faces
00:46Bradley Walsh almost falls on his blankety-blank
00:54Jimmy Carr goes too far. I didn't say a goddamn word
00:59Yeah
01:02And James Martin is nearly eaten alive
01:08So let's commence the cock-ups
01:16We start with Ant and Dec's Saturday night takeaway where it's nice to see I made the right decision to
01:23be
01:24Unavailable for this particular episode with my sense of timing. I'd never pull off this trick
01:30Now he's a man in a big intro, so we've lined up something special for him. It's Stephen Mulholland
01:35Oh
01:45Didn't go quite as well as planned that did it?
01:47Not like in rehearsals, was it rehearsals?
01:50Not like in rehearsals?
01:50Oh, welcome back guys, welcome back
01:53After this, someone's definitely getting fired
01:59Just not Stephen
02:02Welcome to my Cotswold kitchen
02:05Oh Prue, I love what you've done with the place
02:09We're joining Prue in the Cotswolds as she's about to demonstrate a very complicated and advanced cooking technique to her
02:17husband John
02:19Can you whisk the whites, darling?
02:22Ooh, here we go
02:25I'm just going to test it fast
02:27Put it in the...
02:29I don't do that
02:31That's the eject button
02:32That's it
02:32You just hit the eject button
02:36Whoops
02:39Should have married Mary Barry
02:41She'd been much kinder
02:43She'd been kinder
02:44She'd been kinder
02:44No Prue, John made the right choice
02:47I always say, marry the one who puts the most booze in your trifle
02:50Okay, put it in
02:53Now I'll start
02:57Alan Carr's sitcom Changing Ends is a labour of love for all involved
03:02But cast and crew have so much fun making it, they've forgotten the first rule of filming
03:08Action
03:11Oh, it's you
03:12Give these to your mum, will you?
03:14Some lovely pieces in there
03:15Make sure she doesn't lump it
03:19Guys, remember to close the road
03:27Love Island and in the show the Islanders may come across as physically perfect
03:32But it's a different story in the scenes that get cut out
03:36They're so muscly, they're all, well, top heavy
03:43They're meant to be falling in love, not falling over
03:49Time for school
03:51And for all you Waterloo Road fans like me, we're bringing the character of Chloe back from the dead
03:57Yay!
03:58Sadly, she was killed off for breaking the number one school rule
04:02Right, okay, erm, so, Izzy's brother Tommy, sorry I looked straight down the camera just then
04:09Coming to you live
04:11That's a fail, Chloe
04:17Hello
04:17It's the classy crime drama McDonald and Dodds
04:21Where the real mystery for Jason Watkins is
04:24Why are they filming this on a flight path?
04:27You knew this man was following you
04:30He's Greek Mafia, isn't he?
04:31And he knew that he was following
04:34Let's just wait for this
04:37You knew this man was following you?
04:41Any minute now
04:52Is there more than one plane?
04:59Where is this? The car park at Stansted Airport?
05:05Oh, give it up and go for a tea break
05:12The 9.06 to the Maldives
05:16Oh, I think I need a week in the Maldives myself after that stressful wait
05:24Oh, no, it's wonderful
05:25Ricky and Ralph's road trip has brought them to the Lake District
05:29And after a hard day on camera, it's time to relax
05:35Shall we hover for a few minutes and have a brew?
05:37That's a perfect idea
05:40It's always handy to bring a film crew with you on holiday
05:43So they can provide you with everything you need for the perfect cuppa
05:46I never go anywhere without mine
05:48Unbelievable
05:50Now you see
05:52Do you see this?
05:53You don't throw that in the water
05:55No
05:55Because
05:57We don't want to pollute the water
05:59Correct
06:01Oh, that milk's off!
06:07It's got huge lumps in it
06:09It's what?
06:10It's got huge lumps in it
06:13You know that bottle of milk you gave us?
06:15It was off
06:20Thank you
06:24Thank you
06:25Thank you
06:26Live TV cock-ups now
06:29Lorraine is off work today
06:30So sadly she's not going to get any of Andy Peter's birthday cake
06:34Happiest of birthday
06:35But with Andy's serving skills, maybe that's for the best
06:38He's coming, I knew he was
06:41He'll catch up with us in a second
06:43Oh no, he's got cake!
06:45Is that for me?
06:47How nice
06:48There we go
06:49Thank you so much
06:52He just fell
06:56It's all happening today
06:58Yeah, Christine, don't worry about checking up on him
07:00You carry on
07:02How are you there?
07:03Look, we're partying here
07:05It's just the stage he's going through
07:06Just the stage he's going through
07:08Absolutely
07:09Poor Andy
07:10The only man in TV who can give himself the birthday bars
07:19How far does it go to five?
07:21Nine or ten
07:21I'll go right up
07:24It's brave of Alison and Dermot to give this a go
07:27But I'm not sure live TV is the most suitable environment for learning how to cook
07:31This little thing here
07:32And I'm not saying that as a layman
07:34I've actually got a GCSE in food technology
07:36A star
07:39Palm sugar
07:40Palm sugar goes in with your lime juice
07:42So you're balancing that acid and sweetness there
07:45I don't think it's acid and sweetness Alison should be worried about here
07:48The acidity of the lime
07:49Why palm sugar particularly?
07:51Because it has a more caramelised flavour
07:53Oh, Alison's is a bit more than caramelised
07:56Do you want to turn it off now, Al?
07:57Yes, turn it off
07:58Yes, turn it off
08:00Before the whole place burns down
08:02Smoked paprika
08:03A little bit black
08:03Is that okay?
08:05It is okay if you like eating charcoal
08:08A little water
08:09No, not
08:09Oh, I've made a gravy
08:12Freshwater prawns
08:13And gravy
08:14Yum
08:15A little bit of smoked paprika
08:16Oh, yeah
08:17It's definitely smoked
08:19So be very careful
08:21Live TV news in Germany
08:24Where they're always willing to let the kids on work experience have a go in the control room
08:33It's like a magic show
08:34Now you see her
08:36Now you don't
08:38Morning everyone, how you doing?
08:40Tell us a bit about this, this is Australia's first self-service butcher
08:43How did you come up with an idea like this?
08:45Self-service and meat
08:49It's not a subject you'd think suitable for live morning television
08:52But I suppose we are in Australia
08:55I'll give you a unique code
08:56You can let yourself in 24-7 and there's cameras under surveillance
08:59And in two years we've had zero shrinkage
09:02Zero, zero shrinkage, that's handy
09:07Jacob, I want to know how many members you've got there
09:10Oh, come on guys, stop it
09:12No talking about his members whilst your audience are trying to tuck into their breakfast sausage
09:18Bi-monthly or seasonally, that sort of thing when they're travelling
09:21Well I'm getting there as soon as I can
09:25Sounds delicious
09:26Thank you big fella
09:29Live on Good Morning Britain
09:30Lovely Ben is about to receive a crash course in emojis
09:34Although for Ben, it's more of a car crash course
09:37An emoji speaks a thousand words
09:40So you must use them carefully
09:42Because I have dumped guys in the past for the use of the wrong emoji
09:45No you haven't
09:46Aren't you picky Nadia?
09:48What the thumbs up?
09:51No, like anything sort of vegetable-esque
09:53Like the aubergine
09:56It's one of my friend's favourites
09:57She sends me an aubergine all the time
09:59Just a friend
10:01Are you serious?
10:03Yes
10:03Oh my goodness, now I'm with Nadia on this
10:06Thank you
10:07That doesn't require very much
10:09No, no, no
10:11Because it's such a stupid emoji
10:12So she'll say
10:13Oh, she's using it ironically
10:15Yeah, yeah, it's an aubergine for heaven's sake
10:17What's the important?
10:19You can't be sending aubergines
10:21Exactly
10:22Bless you, sweet, sweet Ben
10:24So innocent
10:25What's being implied by sending the aubergine?
10:28Well, it's...
10:30Genuinely, it's because it's a nonsense emoji
10:32Yeah
10:32Oh, Ben, so trusting
10:34I almost don't want them to tell you what it means now
10:38No, I'm sorry, but the aubergine
10:39I know
10:41Exactly
10:42You're never going to win
10:44The aubergine is a no
10:46Look at it, come on
10:48Yeah
10:49Right, let's save us, Alex
10:50Apparently it's the weather next
10:517.35
10:52I forecast a red face
10:54Once Ben finds out what it really means
10:56I'm definitely not sending you an aubergine
10:59Not again
11:01Not again
11:10Coming up, cock-ups on your favourite quiz shows
11:13And of course
11:14No look at quiz shows
11:15Would be complete
11:16Without an appearance
11:17From Stephen Mulhern
11:19Now would it?
11:20Okay, fingers ready
11:21Here's your next one
11:23Take your time with this one
11:25Wait for the clue
11:26But what will leave everyone clueless?
11:29Take off! Take off!
11:30Take off!
11:31Find out after the break
11:46Welcome back
11:47Quiz show cock-ups now
11:49My favourite
11:50Before the break we were on the set of Catchphrase
11:53And your question was
11:54What's about to leave everyone clueless?
11:56Did you guess the answer?
11:58Here's your next one
12:00Take your time with this one
12:01Wait for the clue
12:04Literally the priorities have gone through the roof
12:09Sorry, what? Was that the answer?
12:12Oh Stephen, you didn't
12:14I have never in my life done that
12:21In ten years
12:22I was like
12:24This is a very tricky one
12:27If it's not that
12:29That's so funny
12:30But it was Jeremy going
12:31Was that the answer?
12:34And Stephen my hands on 200 pounds now
12:37Let's have a look at the board
12:38Oh my god
12:40I am so sorry
12:41Oh, brilliant
12:42Oh, so sorry
12:44Look at the hours on the animation they've worked
12:45Wow
12:46Have you honestly never done that?
12:48Stephen, you've let yourself down
12:50You've let down the contestants
12:51But most of all
12:52You've let down poor Mr. Chips
12:55Three billion no didn't
12:56Seriously
12:59That's fantastic
13:01Can I have a guess?
13:04A league of their own
13:06Where the questions are ludicrously hard
13:09Why on earth did they think I'd know anything about sport?
13:13Thankfully Jill Scott has discovered the perfect excuse for me to try next time I'm on
13:18Blue team, I am going to need an answer from you
13:23Who blends their roast dinners?
13:24Who eats their meals backwards?
13:26And who talks to their water before drinking it?
13:28Let's see what you've got
13:30What do you think guys?
13:32Nothing's happening
13:33Nothing's happening
13:34Jill Scott MBE
13:35Her screen has gone down
13:37Can you bring me the
13:38Who's responsible?
13:39And I'll do it in immediate
13:40I'm so sorry this has happened Jill
13:42I know
13:42You're a national treasure
13:44And people are f***ing up
13:46You told us this was like
13:47Not really joking
13:49Jill's screen's not working
13:49We saw that
13:53Alan Carr's epic game show
13:55And is that Yuletide joy I can smell?
13:58No, it's just members of the audience who've had too many Christmas spirits
14:03But isn't it good for the celebrities to give up their valuable time at such a busy time of year?
14:08Yes
14:09Clearly they're very big-hearted
14:11And also clearly didn't get offered a lucrative panto roll this year
14:17No, seriously they didn't they didn't
14:28To say it once you moron
14:36Have you got these are they just got into a weather spoons with a net
14:41Somehow I don't think the audience will be making Alan's Christmas card list
14:45And celebrities to
14:46Now a serious question about mammals on tenable. I'm not sure why Warwick's audience think it's so funny
14:56Okay, they carry your ten clues
15:00Screaming hairy greater horseshoe grizzly European row German Shepherd hazel fennec Clydesdale brown-throated three-toed and sperm
15:16They're so childish honestly every year we have this
15:21The producers are reminding Warwick in his earpiece what he now needs to say
15:26Okay
15:27He can't make me go to that sentence next
15:37Okay, and sperm. How do you feel about that dick?
15:50I've no idea why she's laughing either
15:57Countdown my favorite game involving words and numbers that isn't the one where I try to remember my online banking
16:03password
16:03Laura
16:04Budgies
16:05Budgies she smuggled seven points Brendan
16:08Budgie
16:08Ah, at least you didn't smuggle them, eh?
16:11I just said
16:15Brendan, maybe you should have smuggled in a hearing aid
16:18Budgies seven points
16:22Blankety-blank now and if there's a catchier theme tune on television I can't think of it
16:27In this clip Brad Walsh proves. It's not just Brad Pitt who can do all his own stunts
16:33Right-o troops everyone on my street loves me everyone on my street loves me in fact
16:39Whenever I walk down the road. I hear people say there goes
16:46Barney Walsh's dad
16:48Is it a massive blank?
16:49Everyone on my street loves me in fact whenever I walk down the road. I hear people say there goes
16:55Brad
16:55Is it a massive blank?
17:00Jill Scott's ready to tackle that she can do it without even leaving a seat
17:04I'll see it you
17:15Leave the physical stuff to the gladiators Brad
17:35Be kind you lot
17:38Always Bradley always
17:50TV presenter cock-ups now. Oh, yeah, it's not as easy as it looks and on this morning. It's Friday
17:56the 13th
17:57I'm lucky for some but specifically I'm lucky for Alison
18:02Good morning and welcome to your Friday's this morning everyone know something. It's the last Friday of the week. Yeah
18:12The last Friday of the week
18:15It's the last Friday of the week
18:18It's the last Friday of the week
18:19Congratulations for that
18:20But guess what?
18:21It's only
18:22It's only
18:24It's only Friday the 13th
18:25I love you so much
18:26Oh, she's gonna be embarrassed about that tomorrow
18:29Which to be clear will be Saturday, Alison. That's Saturday
18:35The one show where Alex Jones proves that TV presenting is as easy as A B
18:42What comes next?
18:44Well, it's difficult to know where to start, isn't it?
18:47Because you've all got so much to talk about
18:48But we're gonna start with you, Bill
18:50We're gonna go alphabetical order
18:51Thank you
18:52Now, I'm very excited
18:53Andy?
18:54Oh, no, Andy
18:55Actually, I'll be me
18:57See you later
18:58Whoops
19:00We'll go down the sofa
19:03There we go
19:03Logical line
19:04I mean
19:09I was gonna be kind and say maybe Alex was thinking of the Welsh alphabet
19:12But I looked up and it starts in exactly the same way
19:16No
19:19Over to BBC breakfast where it's not just the weather that's unpredictable
19:23It's the weather presenters, too
19:25Um, it's approaching a quarter past six
19:27Let's check in on what the weather is doing
19:29Carol has all those details
19:30Good morning to you, Carol
19:31Oh
19:31Oh, it's Sarah, indeed
19:32Carol, you changed
19:33I'm sorry
19:34A surprise Carol
19:35Good morning
19:36Carol, you've regenerated
19:40That's embarrassing for you, Ben
19:41But look on the bright side
19:42There's a rainbow
19:44It's been very wet
19:45I'm so sorry, Sarah
19:47Um, I hadn't turned to look at the screen
19:49And there you are, of course
19:50Uh, nice to have you with us this morning
19:51I'm sorry to call you Carol
19:53Oh, dear
19:53I forecast a cold front sweeping across the next team drinks
19:59Of course, the most important thing a TV presenter needs to remember is
20:04Turn up for work
20:07And also, just in breaking news
20:09Uh, normally we do have a third person who is with us, Alan Hughes
20:14He's been here for a while
20:15He sure has
20:16Where is he?
20:20He'll get you
20:20He's fine
20:21He's on the way into work
20:2325 minutes later
20:24And there is still no sign
20:26But I'm sure presenter Alan can rely on his colleagues to cover for him and not throw him under the
20:31bus
20:31Plus myself and Alan Hughes
20:34Any sign of Alan?
20:35Any sign of Alan?
20:36The traffic is very bad this morning
20:37Traffic is very bad this morning
20:39It's 8 o'clock
20:40With friends like these, who needs enemies?
20:43If he decides to arrive
20:45He'll get you
20:47TV presenting can flummox even the iconic Lorraine
20:51Here, in a discussion about Taylor Swift's romance with Mattie Healey
20:55She accidentally makes a bit of a boob
20:58Now, the romance of the year
21:00Yeah
21:01Now, have we got to a point, Lorraine, where they have that, the joint name?
21:05Because I was just trying to think
21:06I mean, you can't really have Swift Heel or a Tay Mat
21:09But I quite like Mattie Tay
21:12Oh, okay
21:13Should we make it a thing?
21:15Mattie Tay
21:15Let's make it a thing
21:15Mattie Tay
21:16Let's go with Mattie Tay
21:17You and I will always call them Mattie Tay
21:19Lorraine, honestly, what do you like?
21:24I think you just about got away with it
21:26But whatever you do, resist the urge
21:28And don't say it again
21:31Who knows what's going to happen with Mattie Tay?
21:35Mattie, I'm going to make Mattie Tay
21:36It sounds like Mattie
21:39That's the only thing when I say it
21:40Oh, hello
21:41We don't want that
21:42We really, really do not
21:45Well, I don't know
21:45I think a lot of people do want that
21:47They do
21:48The ratings have just gone through the roof
21:53Back on Ireland AM
21:55The show has been on air for one hour and 36 minutes
21:58And there's still no sign of their presenter Alan
22:01Roger, Roger
22:02We're looking for Alan Hughes
22:03I'm talking to Alan Hughes
22:06I think the M50 is that way
22:07He's heading towards Wales
22:09Oh my God
22:10Guys, how are you?
22:12Alan is lucky
22:13If this show was on ITV
22:14He'd already have been replaced by Stephen Mulhern
22:17It worked!
22:18Derek
22:19It worked!
22:20It worked!
22:21It worked!
22:21It worked!
22:21Roger, Roger
22:22Look who has arrived into studio
22:24Stop!
22:25Hello
22:25Stop!
22:27I'm not the better of it
22:29Oh Alan
22:29And you're still wearing your pyjama top
22:31So first of all your alarm doesn't go off
22:34Your producer phones you
22:36Where are you?
22:37And then you go
22:38I'll be there in 10 minutes
22:39It's fine
22:40I'll be there in 10 minutes
22:41An hour and 10 minutes
22:42Chaos is it?
22:42It's chaos on the M50
22:55That sound you can hear
22:56It's the school bell
22:58Ringing for the break
22:59But before that
23:00I just want to say to the teachers in bad education
23:02It's your own time you're wasting
23:05I miss you babes
23:07I miss you too much
23:07Sorry
23:10That was so awkward anyway
23:12Try again
23:14Well I miss you babes
23:15I'm so sorry
23:17You've got
23:17I've got to stop you there
23:18No but then I'm going to come back
23:19Onto my
23:20So sorry
23:20Sorry
23:22One more time
23:23Well I miss you babes
23:24I miss you too mate
23:25Good luck with the job
23:26Or trips
23:27That's so funny
23:28For them, detention
23:29But for us, it's break time
23:42Welcome back
23:43Still to come
23:44For sex
23:45News bulletin bloopers
23:46It actually says for sex
23:48Sex in there
23:51All creatures not so great
23:56And some dodgy daytime TV
23:58That's what's known as the Freudian slip
24:03Stay with us as the cock-ups keep coming
24:09Ghosts
24:10And how hard can it be
24:11To do a simple scene
24:12Of dropping a phone in the bath
24:14Well, it turns out
24:16Very hard indeed
24:19Wonderful
24:20Yes, Messi
24:21Yes
24:21The name for the book
24:23Oh no
24:24Oh no
24:29Oh no
24:29Not the Cabernet Sauvignon
24:33I can see your voice
24:35A BBC show for the whole family
24:37You hear that Jimmy?
24:39I said
24:39It's a family show
24:41What's the thing now
24:42I see with the bros
24:43They sort of call mum
24:44They're all stuck up like that
24:46Aren't they?
24:46Dead straight
24:47What is that?
24:48It's laminating
24:49Yeah, laminating
24:49I do laminate a floor
24:51Not a bro
24:52Yeah
24:53You can laminate your brows now
24:55Laminating a lady's face meant something very different when I was allowed
25:00Oh, Jimmy
25:01Now you've lowered the tone
25:03Everyone is at it
25:05What the hell?
25:07I spend my life on Tik Tok
25:09Right
25:10And I've never come across his face
25:11Whether that's just a coincidence
25:13A heat
25:14But it's true
25:15I didn't say a god damn word
25:17Yeah
25:20I knew what you were thinking
25:22I knew what you were thinking
25:22All the cameras just went to me
25:24I knew what you were thinking
25:25That was really
25:25I've never come across his face
25:27Whoa
25:28I can't even realise
25:29I didn't even realise why I said that
25:30No!
25:33Yeah
25:33When in Rome
25:35When in Rome
25:36Do what the Romans do
25:37For me
25:38That means
25:39Have a limoncello spritz
25:40And drive badly
25:42Of course
25:43You could always have a sing song
25:44We're going to a village
25:46We'll have a little village
25:48I need to find some
25:50Oh, fucked it
25:51Sorry lads
25:52Hmm
25:52Interesting use of Latin
25:54Sorry
25:55Sorry
25:58To Coronation Street
25:59Where it's all drama
26:01All the time
26:02Even before the cameras start rolling
26:06Thanks
26:07We are at speed
26:10OK
26:11And...
26:13Whee!
26:14Aw, you've set the alarm up
26:17Someone's hot part was a little too hot
26:22Over to Love Island
26:24And nothing says
26:25Romantic ambience
26:26More than a liaison
26:27Conducted from two sweaty beanbags
26:29On AstroTurf
26:32I mean, this witty repartee
26:34Between Whitney and Lockham
26:35Isn't exactly Noel Coward
26:37Is it?
26:38The more I speak to you
26:39Like initially I was like
26:40What the fuck?
26:41Oh really?
26:42Yeah, but the more I speak to you
26:43It's like
26:43It does get better
26:45What's like red flags for you?
26:47Yeah Whitney
26:48What are your red flags?
26:50Giant insects perhaps?
26:51Ah, ah, ah, ah
26:54Don't move
26:55Ha, ah, ah, ah
26:55Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
26:58It's gone, it's gone
27:02That was good though
27:04I was actually trying to make it cool
27:06Like
27:07I lost it though
27:08You did well and then it sat on you
27:10I didn't like it
27:10I'll have what she's having
27:12I hope Meg Ryan impressions aren't Lockham's red flag
27:18emmerdale with a rather intense scene from noah's stalker storyline although this first take did
27:24miss a vital twist in the tale what so you're dumping me when you're the dirty slapper who's
27:30like with my mate nowhere nowhere i barely met her just wow i'm sorry chloe
27:43i'll just shut up you
27:47i forgot to turn well you won't win a tv quick award without the twist
27:54over to britain's got talent and i'm afraid you'll need your opera glasses for this one
27:59what do you mean you don't have any opera glasses watch what happens when ant decides to join
28:05diversity pay close attention to the left-hand side of the stage
28:25wow if if you didn't catch that on telly that was quite a heavy fall
28:32well it might be hard to see but ant has an honest face so i'm happy to accept his word
28:40are you okay i don't know if i am okay
28:47i'll admit doing both of those things at the same time is a clever trick and
28:51but i'm afraid it is not an act suitable for the royal variety show i can't confirm he did fall
28:57oh my god and i can confirm he did fall the bgt producers found a better angle
29:05no no you don't want to see it
29:07oh my god and they were more than happy to share it
29:15i'm claiming i tell you where there's players are clear now it's a very slippery stage
29:19you better you better lawyer up son
29:21yeah son i'm coming after you now
29:28yeah bruno no need to rub it in that's my job
29:41news cock-ups now although the news can be so depressing nowadays which is why i love it
29:47when it goes wrong polity i know you parrot the government's propaganda on what happens around
29:52europe this is a bit richer you pass labour at morning noon and night one of the european trade union
29:57leaders that's who are late what you what you see about minimum standards is bollocks
30:11because we can't get past off com regulations just because you're quoting yeah you tell him
30:17susannah an apology for people who are offended by that if i said all right you said something that
30:23rhymes with rollox how's that are we all right there well i think we all know what word you were
30:29you're still talking and if you've been offended by anything i've said this evening please bear in
30:34mind that i've said it all using air quotes well it is minus 13 tonight which is why most people
30:42are
30:42off the streets there are a few people out here tonight but one stv reporter david marsland he's been
30:48sent out into the freezing cold to chat to local business owners and is now cursing his colleagues back
30:54in the warm studio don't worry david by the end of this report you'll be burning with embarrassment
31:01people get on with it you know you can't just stop just because of the weather so and people
31:06have been talking about the community being kind of locked in here unable to to get out of dude have
31:10you seen new faces or maybe old faces coming back certainly i'm afraid you can't see any faces
31:16we're blurring them for reasons that will become obvious but i've had a couple of newcomers coming in
31:21because of uh people just getting stuck in their cars like public melding and stuff called maddening
31:26just coming and just couldn't get in here you know in certain nights yeah it's a cold and clear night
31:31we may even see a full moon
31:38bbc news known for its objectivity and impartiality i think my favorite thing about bbc presenters is that
31:45you never ever know what they're really thinking the average age of a u.s senator is 64 and by
31:52way
31:53of comparison president joe biden is 80 years old donald trump donald trump on me is 77. i don't know
32:00you might have been right the first time yeah a school collapsed itv news and an interview with
32:07jillian keegan an education secretary who perhaps needed re-educating about what it means to be on camera
32:13but you're saying that the government is not responsible ultimately for the safety of children
32:18in school the the school building's responsibility is with local authorities okay thank you very much
32:24thank you jillian knows the crew are still rolling but unfortunately so is she does anyone ever say
32:31you know what you've done a good job because everyone else has sat on their ass and done nothing no
32:36no no
32:37signs of that no no jillian i don't think many tv reporters do say that especially not on the tea
32:43time
32:44news from our perth headquarters this is seven news with susanna carr and rick arden in australia
32:52there is breaking news about an emergency at perth airport as a plane is forced to return due to a
32:57fault it's all very dramatic as they go live to their reporter rory rory what happened
33:09rory looks like they'll have to send someone else down to report on what's happened to rory during
33:14his report sorry about that we hope to go back to that story later bbc news look north where distinguished
33:23broadcaster peter levy illustrates the age-old saying when you're in a hole keep giggling now it's estimated
33:31that the bill to repair lincoln's glory hole will be anything between 60 000 and 100 000 pounds
33:41the footpath has been closed since february and lincolnshire county council have blamed difficulties
33:47in accessing the site and the extent peter what are you laughing at i don't understand
34:01we asked you and it's another news clip to take us to the break the doctor will see you now
34:06discuss
34:07let's bring in emergency doctor kim hansen and dr maureen williams a patient advocate thank you so much
34:12for your time ladies appreciate it kim out to you but what is about to have everyone's heart rate
34:16jumping through the roof find out when we return
34:34welcome back before the break we were down under for a medical discussion which is absolutely not the
34:40same thing as having a medical discussion about down under but did you guess what would have
34:47everyone's heart rate jumping through the roof okay sorry to interrupt we're just we're running out of
34:53time the emergency medicine um medicine foundation is pledging 1.3 million dollars towards tackling this
34:59crisis um how will that help sorry there's something very big behind you can you see that magpie
35:09it looks like you're going to need an emergency department after that
35:12it might be okay all right try and proceed with caution um if you can thank you yes proceed with
35:23caution
35:24under no circumstances start waving around a pasty and do not wander around with a big bag of chips
35:31how to fix this really complex problem has anyone got a big gun well that's not very humane these
35:39medical professionals have vowed to do no harm hey ladies i'm just riveted to this shot i mean if we
35:45can
35:45just take one more clean shot of it um there we go um ladies thank you for bearing um with
35:50all sorts of
35:51problems this morning especially a giant sized magpie in the background
35:59some more animal cock-ups now and james has gone outside to show off his strictly moves to his guests
36:05and pet dog not sure what this has got to do with cooking really it's all a bit of a
36:10dog's dinner
36:11what's happened to my kids i i'm not sure about this cape it's a bit of a disaster the cape
36:17actually
36:18okay so one two oh no james what's happened
36:30now it really is a dog's dinner james don't let him eat your beautiful face
36:37this is the most stupid program that's why we love it james my weekend just wouldn't be the same
36:43without it should we go down by the river the real housewives of cheshire they look a lot hairier
36:51than i remember oh my mistake there they are
36:55don't make eye contact do they bite you can help it
37:00oh my god
37:12well good luck because i think in all the commotion one of the other monkeys nicked your passport
37:22and for these young orphaned elephants this charitable foundation is what they call home
37:28this reporter is at the sheldrick wildlife trust in kenya a haven for elephants and rhinos but what
37:36about a haven for harassed reporters where's their haven human actions are destroying habitats decimating
37:42our entire ecosystem and disrupting the circle of life and with the rise in drought cases it is
37:48up to us to be guardians of our own natural world save our wild species and provide a home
37:55pledge now to save endangered reporters
37:59you ready pete natural world are telling the story of a wildlife hospital near alice springs
38:06pete the wombat is much better but before his medication he still gets nervous
38:12want a treat
38:16wasn't me
38:18wow geez yummy boy
38:22this is your favorite i'm the same before an injection sorry doctor if you're watching but
38:28thanks for letting me sit on your knee
38:30in the moment he's going to have his medication david mitchell's outsiders and judy love and guz
38:37his kaan can handle a crowd but can they handle a llama don't move don't move don't move don't move
38:45don't move don't move don't move don't move don't
38:59but judy needn't worry carmela seems a lot more interested in david's film crew
39:04Oh. She can carry items.
39:08All right. Where the fuck are you going to pull this one?
39:11Je me me me. Everyone's shitting themselves here. Good. Lovely.
39:15Don't fight her. I think this would be a great time for a recording pause.
39:20Gars, let go, or she'll drag you back to South America.
39:25The brave Steve Backshaw is in Argentina looking for anaconda.
39:31Oh, Steve, why can't you present something nice involving antiques?
39:36I don't remember anyone being choked by a snake on Bargain Hunt.
39:40Careful, Steve, you're looking for anaconda, not your car keys.
39:46That was a caiman.
39:48And I've just been given a really nasty bite.
39:51Are you all right? Yes.
39:52Honestly, I'd be running screaming, but stalwart Steve just carries on.
39:58I've just had one of my first nasty bites from an animal.
40:02Just trodden on a caiman here.
40:04And it's whipped round and taken a good chunk out of my leg.
40:12So, unfortunately, anaconda hunting is off for the rest of the day.
40:16It's an extreme way to pull a sickie.
40:19I don't think I'll be trying it any time soon.
40:21Bye, Steve. That's it. Off you go.
40:24Don't worry about your crew,
40:25stranded in this swamp full of anaconda and caiman.
40:38Daytime TV disasters now.
40:40And, of course, the worst thing that can happen on daytime TV
40:43is when it all goes a little bit...
40:45Nighttime TV.
40:47It opens to people in England only,
40:48and if you sign up by going to our website
40:50and pledging 180 minutes a week for sex...
40:53For six...
40:54It actually says for sex... sex in there.
40:57It does say.
40:58Can you...
40:59Can you...
41:00Can you show...
41:01I just want someone...
41:03Can we show them the prompts?
41:04Show them the prompts on three.
41:05There you go.
41:06That wasn't me.
41:08That wasn't me.
41:09It's in the prompt.
41:10Just because it's in the prompt,
41:12it doesn't mean you have to read it out, though, does it?
41:15Three hours.
41:16In one go.
41:17In one go, yeah.
41:20Ireland AM,
41:22where the presenters are often in trouble with their producers
41:24for using cheeky innuendos.
41:27Still, that doesn't stop them trying to slip something in.
41:30Oh, very nice.
41:31This is a delicious dessert that explodes in your mouth, Alan.
41:36Don't, Alan Hughes.
41:38Don't, Alan.
41:40Stop it.
41:42Stop.
41:43Are you laughing at me?
41:44Are you laughing at me?
41:45No.
41:46No, Katherine.
41:47I don't think it's you he's laughing at.
41:50But they're really chocolate fondant cakes.
41:53Do you know where you get the chocolate?
41:54Alan, pull yourself together.
41:57The melted chocolate comes out.
41:59Have you got that?
42:00Right.
42:01Now, timing is important for this.
42:03Anyway, we'll get to it.
42:05Oh, dear.
42:06Oh, dear.
42:09Save us.
42:10Is it wet out there?
42:11Is it wet?
42:13Honestly, a double entendre was enough.
42:15There was no need to go for the triple.
42:16There's one, Katherine.
42:17That looks delicious.
42:18Can't wait to taste it later on.
42:22Loose women, and I've heard of makeup being piled on, but not like this.
42:27Hemorrhoid cream.
42:28Right.
42:29Now, we all know where we normally put that.
42:32But a makeup artist told me...
42:33What?
42:42That's what's known as the Freudian slip.
42:44A makeup artist told me that the old Hollywood sirens, you know, the Greta Garbo's, whatever, put it on their
42:53face.
42:54Because it tightens up the skin and makes it...
42:58And I was going to show you, but sadly, we've run out of time.
43:01Out of time.
43:02Talk about hitting rock bottom.
43:07It's Ben's final week on Good Morning Britain before his move to this morning.
43:12And he's going out with his head held high.
43:15He's never put a foot wrong.
43:17Talking about interacting, I think this was just made for you, Ben Shepard.
43:22Do you recognise this?
43:24It is from one of TV's most iconic moments.
43:27Oh!
43:28That gorgeous shot!
43:29Oh, yes!
43:30It's Colin Firth's white shirt that he wore as Mr Darcy.
43:33Ben, that was made for you.
43:35I thought it was Wee Willy Wankie's...
43:37Wee Willy Winkie's nightgown.
43:39Wee Willy Wankie?
43:40Yeah.
43:42Not such a golden boy now, are you, Ben?
43:44But it makes us love you even more.
43:46This Colin's feeling really good right now.
43:52And we love it, don't we, Lorraine?
43:54We do.
43:54Or we still do.
43:55We're going to have such fun.
43:56Don't you worry, sweet Ben.
43:58We've got no prejudice.
43:59And now you've got no pride.
44:12Thanks to all the talented production teams and stars for their cock-ups.
44:16We've just time for one more from Richard Osman's House of Games.
44:20Tom Rosenthal is about to draw a famous historical figure.
44:25I hope.
44:26You'll have 30 seconds to draw that figure.
44:28Cindy, you've got 30 seconds to guess.
44:29And your time starts now.
44:37Planet, telescope.
44:39I mean, goodness me.
44:42Planet, telescope.
44:43Oh dear.
44:47Galileo.
44:48Yes.
44:49Galileo.
44:52Galileo.
44:52I never thought he'd look like that.
44:55I can't draw.
44:56It's not the best drawing I've ever seen.
44:58The good news is you're going to get 250 quid every time that's shown on it.
45:00It'll be all right in the night for a long time to come.
45:04Maybe he can invest that money in some art classes.
45:08Thanks for watching and good night.
45:10Thank you very much.
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