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Ghosts US S05E07-9 [Full Movie] [Full Storyline]Full EP - Full
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00:03it's just so sad what's going on sass has been posting up on that bench for three days
00:08pathetically waiting for joan she said she'd be back november 28th that's the day the love
00:11is in a steamboat rom-com finally kissed but unlike the plucky heroine and chubby waters
00:15this woman clearly has no intention of returning someone needs to just set him straight we can't
00:19have him sitting out on that bench all day i know poor guy no i mean he's in direct view
00:22of my pondering window i don't want to be looking at that sad sack while i ponder agreed we should
00:26say something oh hey guys hey sass there's our slugger i'm starting to worry that joan's not
00:32coming back that maybe she doesn't like me anymore uh is that crazy no he's obsessed with you right
00:39so should i go back out there and wait or absolutely although maybe you should try waiting at the bench
00:45at the back of the house if memory serves i believe last time she arrived from the south
00:49yeah good call okay thanks guys poor schmuck somebody should really say something oh man
00:55last night was rough well the dishwasher broke at my age and then sass came into my dreams to whine
00:59about joan again sass is in here oh boy oh sorry for bending your ear jay oh also natalie portman
01:05was in his dream last night again you know sass now that jay has so callously brought it up it
01:09does
01:10seem like joan might not be coming back yes it's obvious i'm sorry i know that's difficult here
01:15oh you guys are right i'm such an idiot and why is love so hard guess who's getting married oh
01:20my god
01:20eric proposed no but he's going to imminently get this he called me asked me if my nails were done
01:24and said he's coming to visit tomorrow and last week he asked me for my ring size i'm so happy
01:29for you oh let me also note that there are no employee or family discounts for weddings at the
01:32mansion jay taylor i'm so excited for you it is kind of a bummer i know what's coming though
01:36i guess i just always imagined that my proposal would be a surprise
01:38well your proposals don't always go the way you expect them to go when i proposed to sam it was
01:42a
01:42bit of a mess but ultimately it didn't matter because it's not about the proposal
01:46uh-huh
01:46oof that hotel's a center
01:48so have you given any thought to a maid of honor you know what's crazy i've never even been one
01:53seriously sam so thirsty yeah i don't actually know if we're going to do wedding parties
01:57incredible that question was so uncomfortable it caused barely to abandon wedding parties
02:00completely oh i would be so born to be a ghost in the house of a socially adept living
02:04we are lucky
02:06i've started in the basement peter those freaks sleep standing up well no one's forcing you to
02:10live down there i have to establish residency i lost the upstairs primary now my only chance
02:15of winning the ghost representative election lies am i securing the nomination of the basement ghost
02:18how do you sleep standing up i don't i haven't and the only thing worse than the nights are the
02:23days
02:23with the wall-to-wall water heater talk you heard that gurgle oh that's a pretty good gurgle
02:28isaac why are you doing this to yourself even if you win the position doesn't even mean that much
02:32it means everything peter i'm an elected official who's never won an election
02:36maybe you can get sam to move a cot down there for you
02:38no no no no no if i'm to win their vote i need to show that i'm one of them
02:42a man of the people you see peter
02:48isaac
02:50isaac yes gurgles heard the gurgle
02:53and the order for the new dishwasher has been placed which is the least exciting thing i've ever
02:58spent money on my dishwasher slept with my husband wait you're complaining
03:00i'm such an idiot what happened eric's not coming there's no engagement i got completely
03:06sassopiest what was that sassopiest some people are using it as a sort of catch-all for experiencing
03:11profound romantic disappointment what's going on eric just called and said he's canceling his trip
03:14he said he had an architecture emergency this term made the leap to the livings when something's
03:19catchy bro you should be flattered and get this the reason he asked my ring size is because he's
03:24getting us his and hers bowling balls well you know oh no jay's terrible at silver linens it's
03:28almost the weekend that ain't even connected what is wrong with him i can't believe i thought he
03:32was gonna propose i just paid a woman a hundred dollars to put snail mucus all over my face snail
03:36mucus jay in my day we powdered our faces with lead and arsenic we didn't know we didn't care we
03:40looked
03:40incredible i'm gonna go watch some bowling tutorials because that's my life now just a sad bowling lady
03:46with great skin and a well-fit ball tgif just stop she's gonna be so surprised what are you talking
03:52about eric didn't cancel he just pretended to cancel so he could surprise her i called him and gave him
03:56the idea babe i don't think this is something you should be getting involved in oh come on i just
03:59want
03:59bailiff to love her proposal it's something that only happens once it's a big deal does this have
04:03something to do with our proposal no that's a yes okay first of all obviously i wasn't planning on
04:07doing it on the tarmac at jfk after a baby puked in your lap what the hell i was gonna
04:11do it in the
04:11bahamas but then i pulled out a napkin from my pocket and also accidentally the ring and then
04:15you saw the ring and then you said a bunch of swear words and you said i guess you know
04:19i want to
04:19marry you and i love that that's our story jay i really do but we have a chance to give
04:23baila one
04:24that makes her really happy so why not try okay you know what i had planned was pretty cool by
04:29the way
04:29mark the contractor he proposed in a rite aid so now he's just listing worse proposals this is not where
04:34you
04:34want to be bro well well well the gal goes out for an evening cheese sniff and what does she
04:58find
04:58a stinker i can explain oh you're not one of us you're a laid down cushion boy and you're never
05:04going to be our ghost representative no i'm a man of the people oh you're a man of the couch
05:07oh
05:08nancy wait i was just resting my eyes i love being prone nancy
05:22oh it's so beautiful and it fits the bowling ball fits hey there baila um i'm sass sass what are
05:31you
05:31doing here i can go into people's dreams it's not a big deal but it is a dear one power
05:35anyway i just
05:36came to check on you i heard about the whole engagement disappointment that's really nice of
05:40you look i get it i've been going through kind of a tough time myself
05:47tomorrow is gonna be so fun i can't wait to see the look on baila's face yeah i just i
05:51hated seeing
05:51her so upset jay it's one night then she'll have the rest of her life to be happy nothing bad
05:55is gonna
05:56happen because one night of disappointment i mean maybe he'll never propose well he'd be an idiot
05:59because you're awesome oh you're awesome i'm so lonely me too
06:11good morning babe anybody get engaged yet all eric would say on the phone is that it's definitely
06:15happening today and it's gonna be incredible hey uh sam can i talk to you absolutely sass is in here
06:19um okay don't really know how to say it so i'm gonna come out with it i hooked up with
06:23jay's
06:23sister what how what's happening in her dream i went in there to commiserate and you know one
06:29thing led to another sass and baila hooked up in her dream oh god that crazy bitch did it she
06:33finally
06:34hooked up with the ghost this is bad this is very bad well hold on nothing really happened it was
06:39just
06:39a dream interesting okay i want to go on this journey with you because it makes my sister less crazy
06:43and
06:43mitigates his Natalie Portman problem but i also have to point out that none of this would have happened
06:46if you hadn't meddled in her engagement what's he talking about what engagement really said that
06:49eric's not proposing baila was mistaken because our friend sam engineered a delay in the proposal
06:53for the purpose of setting up a surprise oh my god i'm a homewrecker conversion to homewrecker in
06:57a matter of months what a journey i'm sorry jay and sass but i do believe we have a bit
07:02of a loophole some
07:02moral wiggle room if you will with the whole hooking up with a ghost in a dream thing okay i
07:07can't
07:07believe i wasn't the first ghost i'll cover the living it was my destiny but what if baila feels guilty
07:10and tells eric that'll blow up the whole proposal so let's get ahead of it we'll talk with baila and
07:15reassure
07:16that she's done nothing wrong wrong no weird yes and then everything will be back on track and baila
07:20and eric will be engaged and i'll be the maid of honor and i'll push for a fall wedding because
07:24i'm an autumn her eyes went black when she said that it was terrifying all right isaac we discussed
07:29your situation and came to a decision there was a large contingent that wanted to kick you out of
07:33the basement but we think you deserve a chance to prove yourself of course anything name it okay
07:37if you want to stay in the basement then you got to participate in one of our most cherished rituals
07:42fight club fight club you don't know about fight club it's the best i'm sorry you've been peter yeah
07:48i'll never miss it finish him god i love bloodsport so are you in i yeah sure i am in
08:02i will watch
08:02fight club and cheer with great fervor oh you're not watching buddy you're fighting what
08:08hmm so this is a new dishwasher yeah apparently it has wi-fi ah i don't know uh baila we
08:15wanted to talk
08:16with you about something we know about what happened with you and sass and we don't think
08:20you should feel bad about it but it's fine to feel bad that the hookup was with your backup ghost
08:23i
08:23actually don't feel that bad i mean the way eric canceled on me yesterday he clearly doesn't care
08:27yeah about that eric didn't actually cancel on you he just pretended to cancel why would he do that
08:31because sam is a psychopath because he wanted to surprise you i can't believe this so i cheated on
08:36eric with my backup ghost oh yeah second sass here's the thing we think what happened between
08:41you and sass falls in this dreamy ghosty gray area so wait eric's still coming to propose yes and you
08:47don't think i need to tell eric about this whole hooking up with sass thing we just feel like it's
08:50gonna hurt him it does it hurts eric i'm in the box surprised wait where's the dishwasher oh uh i
09:03installed it for you oh damn it he's a good guy i just got an email from the dishwasher said
09:07it's
09:07starting the rinse cycle yeah programmed it
09:14i can't believe you hooked up with a ghost and i prefer to ask you to marry me past tense
09:18not
09:18looking good samantha i was upset i was expecting a proposal and then it seemed like you weren't
09:22coming eric please i don't even care about sass i felt like we shared something but i understand
09:26you're making a point babe the dishwasher's asking if we have any rinse aid i'm sorry baila but your
09:30attraction to ghost is really triggering for me i need some space to think
09:37hmm so what am i telling the dishwasher
09:39it's the night we've all been waiting for this fight club
09:46is this corner it's isaac boo we love the booze because they fuel your inner rage demon
09:53you know what if you don't have one and in this corner it's there's a
10:00i thought he was a support column now fight
10:06yeah i can't do this i can't do it what i can't do it isaac clark isaac clark isaac clark
10:13uh-huh but if these people are gonna follow you then you need to be a leader and i know
10:15there's
10:15a leader in you you've got this thank you peter i guess it's true what they say huh the bigger
10:20they
10:21are the harder they fall oh it's so much better as a spectator
10:35there we go mr tree and we'll give you a happy little friend there that's nice that's very nice
10:41i love what you're doing there well great it says well you know what now these are all sad little
10:47trees i don't know what that means but what do you want sass you're interrupting my bob ross
10:49dream i want you to forgive bela okay so she had a meaningless hookup in a dream is that really
10:53so threatening very much so some women are into pool boys and personal trainers well mine's got
10:57it bad for ghosts eric don't throw away something just because of a misunderstanding okay you can
11:01still save this why do you care so much because i'm in love with this roman ghost named joan
11:06and all i want to do is tell her how i feel but i can't because i'm stuck here
11:10i'm sorry man that's stuff it is but you can go for what you want and that is such a
11:14gift
11:14so if you want to marry baila go for it oh honey it's beautiful you show real promise oh this
11:21is
11:21my mom a mom this is a ghost you hooked up with my girlfriend oh nice to meet you pleasure
11:26how you feeling humiliated defeated embarrassed a failed politician that rejected a group so reviled
11:33they were locked away and left to die that's us little tip if a man's opening a door for you
11:39but
11:39holding a hammer and shouting get in the pest house that is not chivalry what are you doing
11:42here nancy look isaac obviously you didn't win but you showed guts literally at one point you ripped
11:48out your spleen and held it up like a trophy that was so cool the trunk's a showman did you
11:52just come
11:52here to glory in my defeat i came up here to tell you you earned my respect you earned everyone's
11:57respect in the basement i did sure the trunk wiped the floor with you but you took him on and
12:01you never
12:01gave up which is what being a basement ghost is all about how so i don't know man do you
12:07want to keep
12:07living down there or not i do well then enough laying around on this poofy princess pad let's
12:12get down to the basement your public awaits did you hear that peter i have a public i'm happy for
12:17you
12:19so what did i miss today oh there was a big gurgle earlier we think it may have been sam
12:23shaving your legs in the shower about time right yeah winter months are lean girl wise
12:30ayla what are you doing here so early i couldn't sleep so i thought i'd just start work diving into
12:34labor
12:35to avoid emotional pain this is why our best workers were orphans i'm so sorry bayla i just
12:38can't believe i have to start all over again even if i met someone tomorrow then what it's a year
12:42before we move in together and then another year before we get engaged then we have to play on the
12:45wedding and then it's like three more years before we have kids i just don't want to be back at
12:50the
12:50starting line i hear you but in all that i didn't hear you mention eric's name once what do you
12:55mean
12:55i get that it's scary to start over but if avoiding that is the reason you want to marry eric
12:59maybe
13:00you're settling maybe what's that in dispute what if i was settling is that so bad yes it is bayla
13:05because you're the best and you deserve the best oh jay oh it's too bad these two siblings if they
13:13were cousins i'd really be rude i guess i have to officially break up with eric oh that's not
13:17going to be a fun conversation i'm here again oh hell no yes again
13:24oh i'm not produce i'm so sorry eric eric what do we do did we just stay in here are
13:30your parents here yeah i flew them out for the proposal surprise hey guys good to see you out
13:37and about steve so sweetie what do you want me to do about the hot air balloon we should probably
13:41let
13:41the company know i've seen bodies get cut to tiny pieces and dumped in the east river this is more
13:46painful to watch jay what is all this it's a do-over we're in the bahamas and we're drinking
13:55this okay i miss drinking right a cocktail and some of my roommate's adhd pills pretty nice little
14:02tuesday okay i think this is going to take too long um we finish it and there's a ring at
14:06the bottom
14:06and you're like oh my god what should be like that or what should be passed out on the floor
14:11okay so i had to dig deep into my old yahoo account to find my original proposal come on
14:16buddy we're rooting for you we may not have found a charmander in pokemon go but i found something even
14:21better in real life a sam mander and unlike tom brady's football in the afc championship game
14:28my love for you will never deflate okay i forgot how referencey this was let me just skip to the
14:33end
14:34i love you sam i want to spend the rest of my life with you will you marry me yes
14:42and this is the
14:43proposal that i had always dreamed of what really matters is i get to spend my life with the most
14:47wonderful man in the world jay you got fireworks yep they were able to cancel anything for you babe
15:04i didn't want to have to be this way but it's either you or me oh don't do it
15:15i'm sorry but this town ain't big enough for the both of us
15:20what's going on sam's getting an update on the sales of our book well her book since the news is
15:24bad
15:25so what does that mean sharon well it means we won't do a second printing unless things pick up
15:29significantly but i have a thought to drum up some publicity here comes the playboy ask
15:32i think you just do it honestly while you're still asking you did a podcast with todd perlman right
15:37no but i did what's too acid with a todd run grip i'm sorry do you think you're on the
15:41zoom she's
15:41talking about creepy todd uh yeah the alberta haynes murder pod it was number 93 on spotify on jazz
15:46related murder pods not to brag was that bragging well as you're probably aware pot has become a huge
15:50deal in the podcast space and if you were able to book an appearance on the todd pod it could
15:54be a
15:54game changer dear god the thing is the last time i saw him we didn't exactly leave off on a
15:58great note
15:58stand card block i'm going to try to put movies on alberta's descendant the last author he had on
16:02the todd pod tripled her book sales in one pump interesting let's hold on our end we'll circle
16:06back but like what if he won't put me on the pod sharon well then i think perhaps we've reached
16:10the
16:10end of the line for your book okay i'll let you know what he says thanks for hopping on we
16:14appreciate
16:14your time and we look forward to next steps she can't hear you woman we appreciate your time and we
16:18look forward to next steps what the hell happened to todd his skin glow like belly of trout oh i'll
16:24tell you what happened to this man money it is the great cure all todd i just want to start
16:28by
16:29apologizing i know we didn't leave things on the best of terms please i didn't come all the way
16:32from altoona to tell you that i was still mad it's water under the bridge in fact you guys were
16:36right
16:36to call me out i was becoming way too obsessed with alberta he's not the first and he won't be
16:39the
16:39last currently afflicted i was spiraling truth is i hit a wall with my research so strange there's
16:44nothing in the historical record about alberta haynes prior to 1923 i know from interviews a
16:49bit about her early years but there's no paper trail no record of her arriving in new york i mean
16:53she had to live and work in the city what was she doing who was she with where did she
16:57go yeah he
16:58seemed over you but none of that matters now because i've redirected that energy and i put it all into
17:03the tod pod well it's paying off for you i mean these guests are getting lebron chalamet that economist
17:08whose episode i also totally listened to enough with the chit chat inquire if that's a hair transplant
17:13then get to the book so uh like i mentioned on the phone i would love for you to consider
17:17having me
17:17on how about we grab lunch i need to know more about your process your inspiration i mean sure
17:22there's a pod in you but is there a todd pod in you maybe it's the girl dad and me
17:27talking but i
17:28would not go to a second location alone with this man um why don't we have lunch at jay's restaurant
17:31the food's amazing and jay will be nearby with access to a lot of knives alberta you have a moment
17:38sure we're shaking thor oh yeah creepy todd bring up that he unable to find information about you
17:42prior to certain date well that get thor to remember something because thor brain good okay you once
17:49mentioned that your butter not your real name was throwaway comment but thor can't help but think
17:54that maybe two facts related so what if they are so tell thor a secret why because thor put together
18:01pieces like clumbo or steve from blue schools why ain't telling you nothing thor then thor will just
18:06remind other ghosts in the house that our butts are not your real name and how that line up with
18:10what taunt say don't you even think about getting everyone riled up i don't want everyone hounding
18:13me well then you know what you must do tell for everything okay fine the reason i changed my name
18:21is
18:21because i killed a man and you're ashamed because it's just one person you killed just give it to yourself
18:29okay okay fine you got it alice ah i ain't telling you the real name you get one secret that's
18:35all you're
18:35getting you have my word stop wow you had vince vaughn on the todd pod great guy i'm actually using
18:43his decorator at my house nice you moved out of your mom's house no i bought the house from her
18:47but
18:47now i live in my basement why won't this man live above ground jay these samosas are incredible am i
18:52tasting a hint of macadamia actually i fry them in macadamia nut oil what a palette todd but let's talk
18:58colonial vampire i am biased but honestly it was my favorite book of the year well he's only read two
19:03that
19:03the unauthorized biography of chewbacca difficult childhood but chewbacca command on top so sam why
19:08was this the story you were dying to tell well uh i like historical fiction the vampire thing was
19:14just sort of a gimmick to please the publisher oh i was actually responding to the vampire stuff
19:18that's not surprising for someone who lives in a cave smith may i talk to you for a second excuse
19:22me
19:22i'll be right back um speaking of books have you read the new chewbacca biography wookie of the year
19:29yeah i loved it hey ola i'm gonna stand near you to talk to a ghost no problem smith what
19:33is going
19:34on over there that man wants passion he wants pizzazz i know it's hard to wow in that outfit but
19:37that
19:37is what the moment demands wait is that todd perlman yeah oh that creep passed me out in college oh
19:42right you went to penn state altoona campus it was a townie who lived with his mom well now he's
19:46a
19:46wildly successful podcaster his mom lives with him have you ever heard of the todd pod that's him
19:50he must be loaded is he single should have gone to medieval times if they want to have the chance
19:54and
19:54that's why i named the restaurant after my father maesh that's incredible every step of the way he
19:58fought you following your passion but it was his risk-taking and moving here that inspired your own
20:03bold gamble that is a great way of putting that these two are really connecting it's nice when men can
20:07talk about their feelings except for gordon lightfoot who never shut up about them sorry about that now
20:12where were we oh that's right a tale about bats and blood tea and taxation razzle let me stop you
20:17right
20:18there i am gonna do my next todd pod here yes that's amazing but not about you or your book
20:23what this
20:24next todd pod is gonna dive deep into jay the razzle came too late too late
20:34what the hell was that jay i'm so sorry sam there's no way i could have seen that coming
20:37what's happening jay charmed the pants off of creepy todd and now it's about he whom todd wants to pod
20:41there's a simple solution here babe i'm just gonna tell him i don't want to do his podcast he came
20:44here
20:45to feature you and that's what's gonna happen there you go jay jumps on the grenade sam gets her pity
20:49pod everyone's happy well i don't want a pity pod yes we do need i remind you that without this
20:53podcast
20:53appearance our book is finished and with it my story and with that any chance of an eventual garish
20:58broadway musical based on my story sticks could be high you know who'd be really good for the
21:02musical version hugh jackman no we're not so gusting up with movie stars i have integrity now let's
21:07suck up to that creepy tonial collector and secure that pity pod hello there pete brought out some
21:12interesting news that he just learned but he promised sableta he not say oh okay i respect that on
21:18other hand last promise her button into thor she'd break i speak of course of the saga of the revenge
21:24bale sorry is this going to take a while because the queen bee just left the colony and the worker
21:28bees are going nuts peter young girlfriend alberta is mara sort of of just one man what also her real
21:36name not alberta or alice or bath so don't bother trying against those i can't believe this she told you
21:41this yeah then she told her not to tell anyone but four have other plans revenge bale revenge
21:51so this is where it happens this is the geniuses later that dude's gonna bang this kitchen can i help
21:57you oh hi todd perlman i'm gonna be featuring jay on an upcoming episode of my todd pod no way
22:02that's
22:02you you had colin farrell on recently colin farrell i'd put that penguin on a leash hi hey we need
22:07to
22:07talk oh hi mark great news on the project yeah about that while i am deeply flattered i don't
22:12think i'm gonna be able to do it what seriously sounds like a huge opportunity oh hey i didn't know
22:16there'd be anyone in here wait a second todd from altoona bayla arendaker that's my maiden name which
22:23i still have single oh she's good oh yeah bayla's my sister and she also works here anyway i really
22:29appreciate the offer but i think you should stick with the original plan to interview sam okay there was
22:34no promise they interview sam i came here with an open mind but i wasn't moved you moved me jay
22:39he'll do the pot what what is there anything to think about this could be huge for the restaurant
22:43and that's good for sam too it's actually good for all of us oh mark is making some really strong
22:46points i mean yeah i guess that's true great then it's settled awesome i'll have my guys come in
22:51and set up the equipment bayla it was nice to see you on this side of the horseshoe curve
22:56oh my god todd that was a hilarious altoona reference you should be a stand-up comedian the way she
23:01debases herself to land a rich husband i respect the hell out of it so i had a sort of
23:06interesting
23:07conversation with thor i don't know how else to say this he said that you killed a man damn it
23:12thor
23:12revenge bear revenge petty bitch yeah what's going on i don't want to talk about this beat look i know
23:20you lived a colorful life and that you hung around with some no-good nicks but you're not a murderer
23:24are you pete you're missing a lot of context so then share it i don't want to can't we just
23:29move on
23:29alberta look my my marriage was riddled with secrets i was a cuckold i was an unknowing front
23:35for the mob i can't be in another relationship where someone's keeping secrets from me if i tell
23:39you it won't change the way you see me forever i just want the truth fine i'll tell you the
23:44story
23:45about how i became alberta haynes i'm a little nervous but i love the dramatic pause what's all this
23:53todd's guys set this stuff up to record the pod jay's talk with todd must have worked you know
23:57i'm coming around on jackman the greatest showman maybe not but he's solid and he puts butts in
24:00seats hey didn't love the sound of that hey how'd it go with todd well i told him i didn't
24:06want to be
24:06on the show but he wouldn't take no for an answer seriously jay i was trapped mark was there and
24:10he
24:10insisted that i do it because of the publicity i can't believe this it's all slipping away this rate
24:14will be lucky to get kevin quiet do you think i want to spend four hours recording with creepy todd
24:19he was centrally stroking my kitchen counter it was unnerving ugh todd is the worst i hate that we need
24:25this freak's hell hello hey todd uh i was just talking about my favorite kind of ice cream which
24:30is vanilla okay so this is why i wrote and she typed save it i heard everything hot mike todd
24:36we can
24:37explain no need you think i'm creepy obviously the podcast is off furthermore i will be instructing
24:41the todd mob that's what he calls his fans to take you down with an avalanche of one-star reviews
24:46oh an avalanche once but the snow they'll destroy your book your restaurant your b&b your hopes your dreams
24:51and your uber rating todd please can we just talk you had your chance to talk on the pod but
24:56now
24:56that chance is gone and don't even think about using my code to get a discount on the mattress he's
25:00going full scorched earth does anyone want to sweat this out tuna style pizza with me oh oh my god
25:05todd
25:05i didn't even know you were here
25:12complete debasement to live in his basement
25:19all right here we go hold on to your arrow pete as you know i came to new york to
25:23pursue my dream
25:23of being a famous jazz singer but i wasn't an overnight success and i still had to pay the bills
25:28so you cleaned houses you waited tables no pete my real name is esther green and i was
25:36a ventriloquist what you have to understand at that time ventriloquism was all the rage every day
25:42buses from all over the country arrived in new york full of people with a dummy and a dream
25:46did you have to book a second seat for the dummy or was it like a lap child sorry travel
25:49leisure brain continue so when singing wasn't panning out i gave ventriloquism a shot turns out
25:54i was a natural okay murray if you're so smart tell me what you see in the future
26:01wow in about 15 minutes i see a bunch of people asking for a refund
26:07murray you're terrible ah says the woman with her hand i like touch but the more successful esther
26:12green and the magnificent murray got the further away i was from getting my dream i tried to pivot
26:17but the public doesn't like a pivot all right i think it's time for murray to have a time out
26:21okay for something a little different i esther green will be singing my rendition of a good man is hard
26:26to find my heart is sad because i'm all alone i knew if i didn't do something drastic i'd be
26:34known
26:35as one half of esther and the magnificent murray for the rest of my life i never get to sing
26:38i never
26:39get to live my dream i knew i had to make a clean break i didn't want to have to
26:42be this way but it's
26:44either you or me no don't do it from that day on i left murray and esther behind i took
26:51on the name
26:52alberta haynes and i never looked back alberta you have nothing to be ashamed of you threw away
26:57a successful career to go after what you really wanted that takes guts i appreciate that but promise
27:01me you'll take this to your grave well you know what i mean i'm proud of alberta haynes and i
27:06never
27:07want anything to jeopardize her legacy okay i promise so last question on this um are you open
27:13to any ventriloquist dummy role play i don't think so cheerfully withdrawn todd please can we just
27:18discuss this why would you want to discuss anything with a creepy freak i mean if you don't want to
27:21be
27:21painted with that brush maybe don't collect toenails todd you thought those were insults
27:25creep and freak no those are just terms of endearment yeah like hey let's eat brunch you creepy freak yeah
27:30yeah meet you there at noon you terrifying psycho just stop it the podcast is off and my followers are
27:34going to ruin all that you two hold sacred what's going on here they called todd creepy and now he
27:38vowed
27:38to exert revenge todd please there has to be something we can do there's nothing you two have that i
27:42want
27:42oh samantha and jay their business is ruined their dreams shattered sam tell me not my real name
27:47are you sure no but if we'll help sam and jay i'll do it also sorted out basic
27:51don't talk me out of it i'm out of here todd wait i know alberta's real name what are you
27:55talking
27:56about that's why he can't find any record of me before 1923 i'll change my name the reason you
27:59can't find any record of her before 1923 is because she changed her name why why would she do such
28:03a
28:04thing oh we will be happy to tell you if you call off the todd mob and you do the
28:08podcast about sam no
28:10about both of us that's right the couple that bribes together thrives together no after jayda and will
28:15i promised i would never do another couple's episode besides i'm over alberta i'm no longer obsessed with
28:20learning every juicy detail of her fascinating life and legacy are you sure because it's a doozy
28:24i don't like how he's twitching like that okay tell me i gotta know oh there's that creepy alberta
28:30obsessive we all know and love i'm a powerful drug and that's how ester green became alberta haynes
28:36but where's alberta haynes now that's the real mystery what a brave choice by alberta giving up the
28:41safety and stability of ventriloquism to test the unknown waters of jazz singing see i told you it was
28:46brave look i found an old picture of ester green hey that's alberta i know from the tattoo on todd's
28:51back which is not creepy wow incredible wait alberta is that your current hat on the dummy yeah i took
28:57it from murray's slintered corpse after the attack even though i want to bury my past i couldn't totally
29:01let go the truth is murray will always be a part of me that's really sweet alberta so wait here
29:06hat
29:07literal hat for dummy okay this is best here for afterlife okay get out your system what drama the
29:15tiny dumb hat literal hat for dummy thank you for absolutely one night only i present ester green
29:28and her little pal pine cone pete hey why do i get sick and dilly ah because you're the dummy
29:34dummy this is
29:35deeply weird wait people sound different yeah that's because alberta's doing the boy but her
29:40lips not moving looks like we got a second dummy here tonight watch your words plank on pete
29:44meet me i will cut at me i dare you alberta what are you doing and now thor is chopping
29:51pete in
29:51half repeatedly ouch oh that sounds like a tough watch not so funny now plank on pete
29:57ah stop it's not me oh what's going on oh sam and j are on high alert for another christmas
30:02possession so they're playing it safe and not going near any electronics this year which i'm
30:05trying not to take personally i'm the reason your mother-in-law likes you now you ingrate
30:09so you just want me to plug this christmas village in uh-huh that's right better safe than sorry this
30:13puppy draws a lot of current you know i'm gonna have to charge you my regular rate plus the holiday
30:16surcharge yes we are aware of that alberta what are you doing i'm getting behind mark in case
30:21he gets shot them for mac you're trying to possess him but this is our first christmas together as a
30:24couple i'll be together i'll just be a mock man it would be so cool to possess someone i've had
30:29the
30:29munchies for like half a century i'm a pacifist but i'd murder somebody for a pringle okay there
30:34goes nothing huh damn it mama wanted a sazerak okay so i'll send you guys a bill
30:42merry christmas mark look trevor way in the back the orthodontist has a little menorah in the window
30:46i want to say that's an offensive stereotype but he looks a lot like dr rosenblatt this dope
30:51seriously buying gifts on december 23rd that can be here by tomorrow it's like this every year when's
30:55he gonna learn okay you are not gonna believe this i just got off the phone with a publisher
30:59and apparently a booker on all day usa listened to my todd pod interview and he wants to include
31:03my book in a segment on last minute gift ideas it's crazy how long some people wait he didn't
31:08get you the jenny king sweater because it was already sold out hope you enjoy your best buy gift
31:11card this is huge for our book me a stocking suffer bizarre this is incredible babe i'm so proud
31:17of you and we go she'll be able to witness the interview in person for it she'll take place here
31:20in the mansion that i built i mean you didn't actually do any of the labor i married the man
31:24that signed the checks that paid for the gruel that fueled those young child workers sort of a sad
31:28little nursery rhyme so nervous and so excited i mean national television what am i gonna wear maybe
31:33see what they have at the women's department at best buy it's so cozy everyone has hot cocoa in
31:40christmastown even that baby that don't seem safe we all have questions about gifts for flower
31:47what the hell can i do that step back for a second thor i want to see something
31:52okay now come closer again this is wild thor your ghost power must be interacting with the
31:58electrical grid in christmastown yes though feel power surging you buddy
32:05ow okay let's get you away from this thing before you burn down the whole house
32:09wait what were you asking something about a christmas gift for flower yeah i really want
32:13to wow her but not know what to get well what you gonna last here coupon for intercourse
32:16and candle so yeah all set pretty high okay has flower mentioned anything particular that she
32:20wants um world peace and also food she often mentioned how she have munchies for many years
32:26well unfortunately there's no way to enjoy food or sazerac short of possessing a living
32:30interesting so you're saying thor should help flower possess living for christmas i mean if you could
32:34pull that off that'd be a pretty amazing gift yes then it is decided thor will get flower and living
32:38for
32:39christmas and sex coupon because traditional hello all the time you have got to learn how to enter a
32:46room woman oh i see it's not just the downstairs this room also reeks of christmas what are you so
32:51upset about uh the tree the decorations the general merriment that is so clearly afoot wait the merriment
32:57is a foot huh so stephen stills had a merriment fetish i'm confused don't puritans love christmas
33:03puritans love christmas oh i would laugh were that not the trick the devil uses to enter thine body
33:08no there is only one proper way to celebrate christmas which is not at all you see puritans
33:13believed that to revel was a gateway to sin up a lap it's time for another depressing history lesson
33:17so on christmas there was no mirth in sight shops remained open work continued unabated and you would
33:23be fined if we're doing anything even close to celebrating ah it was wonderful well you've given
33:28us all a lot to think about and then came the tinsel oh it's still going fun
33:33how are you feeling babe you ready today's a big day i'm freaking out jay you should be nervous
33:37this interview is huge for both of us national television thousands of people could be watching
33:41it could be millions my god the 13 colonies must be bursting at the seams hey you got this babe
33:46you
33:46can put the toothbrush down the mayor's car is clean why do you think he drives such a fancy car
33:50you
33:51think he's taking bribes for permits peppermints is this helping sam no i'm sorry jay i just really
33:56need to collect my thoughts all right but you're gonna do great babe you think i know it
34:02oh i have permits that's that's good yeah i get it sam you got a moment she's kind of in
34:07a mood
34:08i'm a little busy thor just need a little help with flower gift wanted to ask your opinion i'm
34:12sure whatever you have in mind is perfect okay but thor wants to tell you and then have extensive
34:15conversation where you tell thor how you feel about the idea you know what thor why don't you just let
34:19us all be surprised so we can experience the gift whatever it is along with flower yes great idea
34:23isaac surprise flowers surprise me and have a merry christmas okay and uh flower come in here oh it's
34:29happening right now hey flower what's up stand there by samantha okay what's going on
34:38four
34:38merry christmas flower oh dear
34:46whoa am i wearing a bra hey who shaped my pits man
34:53okay something very weird is going on is it less pink in here does it smell less like patchouli flower
34:59you are inside of sam this giant animal used his ghost power to channel electricity from the christmas
35:03village and hurl sam's body through you thus resulting in yet another christmas possession thor you did that
35:09for me oh no not all samantha has a very important interview about her book and we need you out
35:14of her body
35:14post haste until you uh thor not know about it thor what did you do yeah it's me and you're
35:21in big
35:21trouble but you tell thor to surprise you yes because i didn't think you meant this okay so you
35:26were surprised sort of seemed like commission accomplished now that that misunderstanding is
35:29cleared up we can take care of this right okay flower i'm gonna drive you over the boundary and get
35:33you out of my body wait i'll have munchies for many years please just let her eat one thing
35:37make those christmas gift complete fine flower you can have one thing but then i want my body back
35:43and i can't keep saying this every christmas okay flower it's your time to shine
35:50did it used to be more pink in here well take a bite of cookie and satisfy munchies okay
35:58wow that is so good what's going on well possess and bought a very generous christmas gift from four
36:07okay flower you've had your fun but it's time to go how long has you been in there
36:11what that's not long enough samantha has a very important interview in an hour and she needs to
36:14focus an hour that's plenty of time flower listen to me run to the light and shut the door behind
36:19you no no there's not time whoa hey nancy how's it going please excuse my hairless pits okay nancy
36:26you're not being helpful right now i'm just looking after my girl when you possessed that workman back
36:30in the 1800s you were in that dude for days i do sign of a dude is none of your
36:35business everyone stop
36:36this is not problem flower can have a fun then before interview she leaves sam's body right flower
36:42wait where's she go flower's absconded with sam's body hell yeah drop it like you stole it flower
36:50you disgust me fat man oh hey patience oh you left just in time they're upstairs singing the 12 days
36:56of christmas i had to get out of there trevor also have disdain for the vile celebration of this holiday
37:00i don't want to say anything in front of the others i prefer to let you corner the wet blanket
37:03market
37:03oh thank you just kind of my thing but if i'm being honest i'm not the biggest fan of christmas
37:07either really i was like the only jewish kid in my town growing up and so when the holidays were
37:10around i was sort of a little like i didn't belong and in elementary school every christmas pageant
37:14they made me stand up alone and sing dreidel dreidel dreidel well patience understands it's like
37:19that winter when i was spared from the great pox but all of my siblings perished why not me yeah
37:25um
37:26not exactly the same thank you for talking with me trevor patience is enjoying herself yeah but not
37:34too much right val gets it so yeah flowers running around in a brand new sam suit oh that lucky
37:41son of
37:41a bitch mark that could have been us hi mark hey david is that woodstone that looks amazing i hope
37:47built it we've been working on it for the last few weeks mikey wants to be a contractor so we
37:51started with
37:51gingerbread house what do we say after we're done we'll send you an invoice oh that is so cute
37:55you're not really charging me right oh it's a gift merry christmas hi gary from all day usa we're
38:01here to introduce sam arndaker that's gonna be difficult great well i'm jay sam's husband uh
38:05yeah she was around here sam sam i'll just go look for her follow this mellow burning bras you'll find
38:11her
38:13amanda you're an amazing person and the love that you put out into the universe is going to come back
38:17to
38:17you tenfold well thank you i had no idea you were so spiritual yeah i once slept with the dalai
38:23lana's brother what is happening right now i'd say samantha got into my laudanum but i don't think
38:27it has that kind of shelf life oh hey gabe how's it going man good say listen do you know
38:33anywhere
38:33that someone could score around here oh i just cook oh come on gabe i'm cool i heard pots a
38:38lot
38:38stronger these days i haven't smoked any since the 60s how old are you oh my god crazy bastard did
38:43it
38:44flower is that you yeah it's me hey guys what oh sorry i was just talking to my friend who
38:48used
38:49to be a virgin but he's invisible to you okay i want what you have why is the virgin thing
38:53jermaine
38:53what is going on the lord wanted to help flower possess someone for christmas and i guess he did oh
38:58so can you hook it up or not look i have something but it might be a little intense dude
39:03i used to party
39:04with bobby and jerry i hugged a bear after woodstock and lived to talk about it no no you didn't
39:08the point
39:09is i can handle it okay it's called mistletoe wow you just put this under your tongue and when
39:15you see god tell him gabe said what's up flower here comes jay oh god our heavenly father there you
39:22are we got to get you back to the house then what are you doing back here oh i was
39:24just getting drugs
39:25from gabe it's hilarious come on let's go we should probably watch this oh hell yeah so then i said
39:33to
39:33goody mather that i could finish the quilt by sunrise oh my candle did burn low that night i love
39:38it
39:38you've got that grind mentality you know it i gotta say patience even though this is not my
39:42favorite season i'm having a pretty good time i guess it's true what they say misery loves company
39:46oh indeed she also loved making little corn husk dolls and saying the lord's prayer misery was a
39:51woman of many hobbies what's that oh it's a yiddish word yiddish is sort of like hebrew i've always
39:58had an interest in hebrew you know the language he spoke well i don't really know that much hebrew i
40:03can
40:03count to ten oh i would very much like to hear that sometime it's cool that you're so
40:07interested in jewish stuff i know a little about puritan stuff i went on a field trip to colonial
40:11village in the fifth grade my favorite part the butter churning but i can never quite get it
40:17oh you're not gonna get butter like that no it's less of a circular motion more like this one two
40:23three
40:23it is important to keep a rhythm one two three perhaps count with me in the language of your people
40:34i think this butter is for me
40:38you know makeup is just a tool the patriarch uses to keep women down man are you okay babe oh
40:47wow your
40:49beard is so soft okay oh very happy you like christmas present but time to let sam do interview
40:54no flower and she's asleep hey ready for you sam sam you ready yeah man groovy
41:05this is gonna be a train wreck all right here we are walter this is sam hey walter storm all
41:10day
41:10usa very nice to meet you i had them set us up here in front of this gingerbread house pretty
41:13cool huh
41:14oh okay babe you got this can someone get him out of the shot okay flowers inside me do something
41:21oh
41:22uh hey actually can we just have five more minutes nope we're live in five four three
41:28and we're live here with author samantha arndegar to talk to her about her historical fiction book
41:32about vampires oh no not vampires they're scary
41:37what kind of historical research did you do for the novel um seven what team 17 i'm sorry tell him
41:46you unearthed previously undiscovered primary source documents i found something in the earth was that
41:52good uh moving on to theme what was it about vampires that uh piqued your interest whoa is that a
41:59giant
42:04cookie house what is she doing to the gingerbread house i i don't know the word the jimmy tastes
42:08amazing okay sweetie i think that's enough hey get your own cookie house man
42:14it's like watching godzilla trample candyland okay the book is isaac higging tooth colonial vampire
42:20available online in a bookstore's mail pick up yours today impressive composure under a difficult
42:24circumstances he's a pro you made out with patience there's hebrew and churning
42:29things got out of hands we just could stop ourselves this is a wild turn of events and
42:33now i'm freaking out because you know it's patience purgans don't do casual hookups
42:37she probably thinks we're engaged now trevor we need to speak i wanted to talk about what happened
42:41earlier about our sensual union i should go please stay i have prayed on it and i have come to
42:48the
42:49conclusion that we cannot be together oh i mean oh no why not i do not want to hurt you
42:55but we come
42:56from two different worlds i do not think it could ever work out oh i was hoping for something
43:01serious but if that's how you feel i wish there was some other way for i am sad as well
43:06goodbye trevor
43:10no harm no foul yeah except you just got dumped by patients any chance that stays between us well
43:15would it be embarrassing for you if it got out a little i know okay sam i mean flower here
43:21we go
43:27yay they're back i said i was sorry sam i don't want to hear it flower and you i can't
43:33believe
43:33you thor that was not cool big guy oh very sorry but maybe somehow this helped book sales maybe now
43:39some sort of hot tour girl books you guys knew today was a big deal for me why didn't anyone
43:45do
43:45anything to help oh but savannah what could we do we're ghosts you know we love you sam we screwed
43:49up
43:49but can't we just get to the part where you forgive us and we can all have a merry christmas
43:52no not
43:53this time because that interview aired and just like you guys it'll be around forever don't know why
43:58we need to drag our immortality into this hey let's just go to sleep and calm down and tomorrow's
44:02another day exactly it's another day of living with this curse another chance for a ghost to ruin
44:07something that's important to me god i wish i had never gotten this power i wish i had never been
44:11able to see ghosts did flower least like christmas gift what'd you get me you don't remember
44:21possessing sound what no oh but that would have been amazing i have had the munchies for like 50 years
44:40jay hey guys oh okay i see giving me the silent treatment
44:49don't mind don't fall not sitting there
44:53what the hell
44:57what the hell was that
45:03hello jay
45:09surprise carol what are you doing here you got sucked off right and i've been having a blast up
45:14there i can't say too much but they have pickleball that's it that's all i'll say carol what is
45:19happening i'm your little christmas carol you see around christmas we carols are given special powers
45:23including the ability to grant wishes oh also give out candy canes i think there's been some sort of
45:30misunderstanding i didn't make a wish oh yes you did you said and i quote i wish i had never
45:35been able
45:36to see ghosts okay so why are you here i'm here to show you what your life would be like
45:42if you'd never
45:43tripped on that face if you had never fallen down the stairs if you had never gained the ability to
45:47see ghosts wow so let's get this started sam you're coming with me well that's supposed to whoosh us away
45:54but it's my first time hey i need to get some steps in anyway let's go you know carol i'm
45:59actually
46:00feeling a little silly about this whole wishing not to see ghosts thing holy crap am i day drinking
46:04with sasha and libby sam this eggnog is delicious and these gingerbread men you made so cute not to
46:09brag but i think this one is flirting with me look at you just enjoying a little christmas eve tipple
46:13with two of your closest gal pals but i don't get it sasha thinks i'm crazy no sasha thought you
46:17were
46:18crazy because she called you performing a seance for the ghosts and she thought you and jay were murderers
46:21but that was because of the ghosts in this world none of that happened so she thinks i'm sane yep
46:26and not just saying funny short bald and covered in crumbs i'm sorry is this a gingerbread man or the
46:32guy i dated before jay sam you are hilarious without the ghosts interrupting you all the time you're
46:37actually a much better conversationalist man i love to see these ladies in bikinis how is this
46:41place out of a hot tub oh disgusting right but you can't hear him so you don't hear i hate
46:46to say it
46:46but we've got to run next time at my place uh do you have mine of course then yeah i
46:50think i'll be
46:51there so what am i doing now oh just sitting there since you're not always taking care of the
46:58ghosts you actually have time to yourself oh i can't remember the last time i just sat and read
47:03a book and look at me i don't even mind that trevor's reading over my shoulder i'm pretty sure
47:06he's trying to look down your dress but hey you don't know so who cares stupid camisole i'm getting
47:10nothing so if i have all this free time i guess that means the b&b still isn't doing very
47:15well
47:15are you kidding without the ghost to worry about you've really been able to throw yourself into making
47:19this place a success the b&b is thriving oh come with stone b&b how may i help you
47:26freddie he used
47:28to work here he was incredible but he quit he quit because the ghosts but now he's all in on
47:32woodstone i'm so sorry we don't have any availability until january 17th hold on the b&b is sold out
47:37great we'll see you then who keeps searching girls gone wild on this thing should have gone to arizona state
47:43i'm home hey freddie jay i missed you i missed you too uh-oh mistletoe
47:52she could do so much better i gotta admit this life looks pretty great trevor seems pretty much
47:56the same how are the other ghosts doing well why don't we find out huh it's still not working
48:01looks like we're huffing it again and that concludes my lecture on different kinds of knots
48:05tomorrow thorfinn will be giving a talk on trout we'll be similar to hang next but more
48:08trap focused i'm in hell okay so this all seems pretty standard i guess the ghosts are just doing
48:13the same kind of stuff they did before i met them so alberta you're excited for upcoming wedding oh
48:17alberta and peter getting married that's sweet yeah i mean i could sing which would be a nice little
48:20treat for everybody although i may be a little surprised they're finally going through with it
48:24oh so it's not pete and alberta you know what if they're happy i'm happy well one of them is
48:28definitely happy carol who are they talking about hello oh we look forward to seeing you with our
48:34naturals this afternoon yeah huzzah isaac and hetty but that is impossible and yet in this world
48:39it's happening your wish we just wanted to remind you that the ceremony is to begin promptly at two
48:43o'clock weather permitting of course the wedding is into a seminar right right right there'll be a
48:48tornado no no the only tornado should be tonight they'll marry a tornado oh wait wait wait carol what is
48:59going on isaac can't marry heady he's gay why did you whisper that i don't know it seemed like a
49:04weird
49:04thing to shout here's the thing isaac only came out because you were there to support him without you
49:09he still hasn't figured out who he truly is oh i guess i didn't have kind of a big effect
49:13on him
49:13you've had a big effect on all of them without you alberta never found out who killed her though
49:17we're still having his night terrors and pete never learned he could leave the property he never
49:20even tried he was told he couldn't and the man loves rules he won a goldfish at the state fair
49:25once and reported it on our taxes let me guess he also tried to report a free sample from the
49:29grocery store it's actually the other sam that's funny come on christmas is always one of the
49:35toughest times to be dead wondering about my family are they doing okay do they even think about me
49:39they do your daughter laura named her son after you he doesn't know that in this world you never
49:44invited me here to dedicate that weird bench never watched laura get married he doesn't even know
49:48little pete we'll also miss his family leave behind young son we'll never get to know what he likes
49:54his man no four your son is like 100 yards away tragic i hope he grew up to be great
49:59warrior kill
50:00many danes never eat best friend what nothing random example not taken from those life the nice thing
50:06about the holidays is that the girls on the dating apps are lonely as hell i'm talking like six separate
50:11livings right now one may fly in from miami tell me though what do you hope happens when she gets
50:15here
50:15i don't know maybe she'll choke on something and die it happens i get it sex with women yeah
50:18nothing like it which i know because of the 43 times oh that's right sas is still hiding the fact
50:23that he's a virgin this is painful has anyone found love what about thor and flower not even close
50:28flower fell into the well two years ago flowers in the well well she was till you filled it with
50:32cement
50:33so now she's lost in the dirt a fact she keeps forgetting and then quickly rediscovers in an endless
50:37cycle of horror okay so is that it or do you have more bad news to show me more bad
50:41news the basement ghosts
50:43are really upset about your shiny new water heater wait everyone shut up i think i heard a gurgle
50:50oh there it is again sorry that was my tummy oh damn it steward you got our hopes up for
50:55nothing
50:56you toads ass this newfangled water heater hasn't made a peep since that blonde witch put it in god i
51:00hate her she's very rude last week i saw her drop a piece of pizza on the ground and pick
51:05it up and eat it
51:05and it fell cheese side down i think we can move on what's going on here hedy i need to
51:12talk to you about the
51:12wedding are you still waffling on a best man i do agree slim pickings but says zombies probably
51:17presents the most handsome stage picture no it's it's more than that oh my gosh is he gonna tell
51:23her could you just watch you'd be a very annoying person to go see a movie with maybe we push
51:27it
51:27what why rush a wedding in the dead of winter when spring is just around the corner we were supposed
51:31to get married in spring last spring and you wanted to push till summer citing the april racket of the
51:35birth but then summer was too hot and then fall came around and you started whining about how it's the
51:39season when you're most sleepy i've always been very sleepy in the fall everyone knows that isaac what's
51:42wrong if there is something else going on just tell me well actually come on isaac tell her
51:50she's your dearest friend you can trust her wedding prank i'm sorry what you've been
51:57wedding pranked it's christmas eve you can't go back into the city already you just got home i don't
52:12know what you want me to tell you i have to work these two back at it classic santa jay
52:16fight is
52:17like tips between whoopie and megan but they can't get the commercial we get to see everything wait why
52:21is jay working in the city jay never wanted to move out here remember he only stayed because of your
52:25accident but in this world you were just pulling him away from his cooking and his friends and his
52:30career didn't he open his own restaurant at the b&b without the ghosts the idea from haitian never
52:34came up so jay's resentment built until he finally took a job back in the city oh sam's mad there
52:38go
52:39the vein can't you just call in sick or something i don't want to call in sick i love my
52:42job yeah but
52:42you're never here i never wanted to be here you dragged me here oh nice drag people places skin on
52:50back ahead where way quicker than you think this one time i don't want to hear with the wall
52:54we seemed so happy together this morning a performance for your assistant freddie
52:58he's seen so many of your fights so now you guys overcompensate in front of him okay let's give
53:02this one more shot isaac higantut and henrietta woodstone holy crap it worked so lovely to be gathered
53:08here today with you and all the closest friends fun my sincere hope is that the two of you enjoy
53:12a
53:12marriage as loving and as loyal that's what i had with carol whoopsie now if anyone here sees any
53:17reason why these two should not wed and that would be a great time to pipe up nothing really
53:24captain higantut lieutenant colonel jessom you've come yes i know we've had our differences but i
53:30couldn't let you get married without saying come on nigel you got this congratulations okay
53:38well i guess there's nothing left to do except continue uh unless go on once anyone look at me i'm
53:4515
53:45feet away from this train wreck and there's nothing i can do why do i look so happy jay and
53:50i just had
53:50a huge fight well you're not going to want to hear this one but with you and jane growing apart
53:53you
53:54started an emotional affair with someone you met online what who no no no no no
54:06no okay i'll call you when i get to the city no jane don't go okay hedy do you take
54:11this man to be
54:11your lawfully wedded husband oh no you've got to stop this none of this is right i'm sorry sam it's
54:16too late what do you mean isaac do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife you made
54:19a
54:20wish and i was sent here to grant it i do but this isn't what i want hedy and isaac
54:25i now pronounce
54:25you husband and wife isaac you may kiss the bride
54:31that's it the chore's over this is now your life merry christmas sam
54:40no oh great i want some objects i mean i love you oh carol carol come back what's wrong with
54:49sam
54:49i want things to go back to the way they were i want pete and alberta to be dating again
54:53me and pete
54:53how does she know our names sass shouldn't be hiding the fact that he's a virgin virgin okay
54:57that's all my satisfied customers and i want to live in a world where isaac is proud to be gay
55:01gay
55:02a red-blooded billy goat like me you just most of all i i want jay back i don't care
55:09if things
55:09aren't perfect or if our life is complicated sometimes i just want to face it all with him
55:14i wish things could go back to how they were i wish i could see ghosts again
55:20that's my girl welcome back sian
55:27i can see you hedy can you hear me alberta can you see me what's with sam she sounds like
55:33yendel
55:33oh thank god i made a terrible wish that i couldn't see ghosts and then carol granted it my carol
55:38yes but
55:38she was christmas carol and everything was messed up you were there isaac but you were marrying hedy and
55:44you were there thor but you didn't know your son was i there i don't really remember the point is
55:48i
55:48regret what he said i'm sorry i'm so happy i could see you guys i was just upset hey uh
55:53i was just
55:54talking to that guy and i know whoa what was that for for everything i love you jay
56:03whoa i think i fell asleep for a few minutes but then the smooching woke me up
56:06hey man it's flower what what's happening jake it's me flower possessed me thor did it as a gift
56:15to her next year we'll only give sex coupon it's enough what okay well we got to get flower out
56:19of you before this interview what interview i thought i blew the interview what are you talking
56:22about the interview hasn't happened yet you were just getting your makeup done there she is it's show
56:27time hey man aren't you that guy from tv you know i was on tv once i flashed the second
56:33basement of
56:33san francisco diamonds game cool maybe we don't mention stuff like that on the air huh this way
56:38please flower sam okay he said right over here cool oh guys you know what um actually i i think
56:45sam
56:46needs to go outside for just a minute sorry we're about to go live we need to buy sam some
56:49time to
56:49regain control and get to the boundary i got this uh walter just a minute i'm picking up a weird
56:57room
56:57tone guys can we fix this now tiny camera oh we lost picture unbelievable all right we need a battery
57:05change our camera one this is incredible teamwork and if it were safe i'd be jumping in with a
57:09contribution of my own whoa what the hey hold the world let's get this cleaned up all right we're
57:16taking a type two and we're going live take control sam this is your moment and back now go get
57:22to the
57:34boundary sorry about all that possession stuff sam all good she's back all right we're good to go
57:40cameras ready we're live in three that's right jill i'm here in new york thudson valley with author of
57:49isaac higgintooth colonial vampire hey sam thanks for being here thank you so much for having me and
57:54so this is a book where you can have a laugh maybe you cry and hopefully learn something about the
57:58origins of our nation well i certainly enjoyed when george washington turned into a bag did that
58:02really happen i'm getting of course oh anyhow thanks sam jill back to you oh you crushed it sam and
58:08if i had money and the ability to turn pages i would buy a book for sure babe you were
58:12amazing thanks
58:13j i couldn't have done it without you without any of you i just feel so lucky to have all
58:18of you in my
58:18life even though yes thor even you and not to relate to gabe but you did sort of say to
58:23surprise
58:24you believe that i know the possession wasn't ideal but it was a really groovy gift i mean i got
58:30to take
58:30drugs for the first time in 60 years i'm sorry what do you mean you took drugs the mistletoe the
58:33drug
58:34i got from gabe i took it well we took it on my way back from the restaurant well look
58:38at that you were
58:39high as a kite i suppose that explains this whole visit from carol nonsense i guess it does okay i
58:44can't
58:45help it i gotta watch it again i'm so proud of you babe
58:51trevor help me out with the scratch and sniff sam got me for christmas
59:01wow a piece of paper with cartoon eyes and a pepperoni bow tie that's pretty good
59:04greetings every time patience what's up i come with good news your disappointment at our parting
59:11gave me pause what what are you saying i'm saying that i now believe that we should be together
59:17yeah but different worlds oh sometimes that first thought is the best thought oh but that can be
59:23remedied i have met your friends and you can meet my people where's this going trevor lefkowitz
59:28fellow of the overground son of abraham holder of my heart allow me to introduce you to the others
59:36oh holy night
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