- 5 hours ago
The Boys Season 5 Episode 5
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00:06I'll fucking kill you.
00:00:11I got you something.
00:00:12Tear.
00:00:13Does he still hump everything?
00:00:14He does his best.
00:00:15My grandma was diagnosed with leukemia.
00:00:17I discovered a cure.
00:00:19They laughed at me.
00:00:20Fuck.
00:00:20Them.
00:00:21Oh.
00:00:22What's that smell?
00:00:24That soldier boy.
00:00:25I can smell him all over here.
00:00:26Where's some arms?
00:00:27He just disappears every afternoon.
00:00:28Won't say where he's going.
00:00:30Won't say shit.
00:00:30I trusted you.
00:00:31Are you still buttered about me bringing in Stan Edgar?
00:00:33I thought we were friends.
00:00:34I needed a win from Homelander.
00:00:36Edgar was that.
00:00:37We get the V1 first.
00:00:38We save Annie.
00:00:38We save Kimiko.
00:00:39Homelander gets it.
00:00:40He's immortal.
00:00:41Punch luck at bleeding.
00:00:42Sledgehammer.
00:00:42A lot of dice for fucking smack.
00:00:44Bombside.
00:00:45It's enriched your radio.
00:00:46Good luck getting out of a soup proof cell while you're bleeding out of your ass.
00:00:50The V1 wasn't here.
00:00:52Just fucking do it already.
00:00:54I was visited by an angel.
00:00:56Today, we commit ourselves to a divine rebranding.
00:01:01I am the Messiah.
00:01:02The Democratic Church of America.
00:01:05Let's go.
00:01:06Let's go.
00:01:14Let's go.
00:01:17Let's go.
00:01:32So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans, with American grit and American values, founded by the greatest American
00:01:42of us all, a true American prophet?
00:01:45Come home to the Democratic Church of America. Come home to Homelander.
00:01:51Already, the campaign's aided awareness outpaces the norm by plus 22 points, led by white men and women ages 36
00:02:00to 54 and 55 to 72.
00:02:03We are also seeing massive growth on the ground level.
00:02:07Yeah, I'm seeing massive growth myself.
00:02:14Church attendance is up, and our online donation CTR is at 44%. That's a new record. Amen.
00:02:21Amen. Next up is a 500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print, and digital.
00:02:30Ain't nobody won't know about the Democratic Church of America and its chosen prophet.
00:02:41Prophets are servants.
00:02:44Of course. Sir, great point. We're just trying to ease people into it.
00:02:49No, no, no. We need to prepare America for my ascension.
00:02:55We must be honest. We must be direct.
00:02:58I like Savior.
00:02:59Or, or...
00:03:01Lord.
00:03:02Yes, I couldn't agree more, sir.
00:03:04Hmm.
00:03:05Religion is not about being meek.
00:03:07We should dominate the seven mountains of society.
00:03:11Bring the kingdom of heaven to earth. Amen.
00:03:13Amen.
00:03:14Amen. I love all that.
00:03:16So fucking dope.
00:03:17Easter is just around the corner.
00:03:19How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
00:03:24Hmm.
00:03:26Second coming?
00:03:27Let's be clear.
00:03:28I am not the son of God.
00:03:32Well, of course, many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
00:03:38Well, that's just confusing.
00:03:40I don't want my church getting involved in all that.
00:03:43Exactly.
00:03:44Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have...
00:03:48Yes.
00:04:01We're gonna drag our feet because of a book.
00:04:03Not a book.
00:04:05The book.
00:04:07The Homelander Bible.
00:04:14Heavy.
00:04:17It's got the Old Testament.
00:04:19The New Testament and the brand new American Testament, written by AI, trained on the works, Pat Robertson.
00:04:27See, we need to pass the torch, sir.
00:04:30From Jesus to you, sir.
00:04:33And we don't get more than one chance at a first impression.
00:04:38Are we really gonna rush something this important?
00:04:42We ain't Arby's, after all.
00:04:45No.
00:04:47We're the Cheesecake Factory.
00:04:53Okay.
00:04:55We'll do it your way.
00:05:01You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest.
00:05:08Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
00:05:13Oh, just recall all soups stationed overseas.
00:05:16American heroes should be protecting America, not who gives a fuck a stand.
00:05:20Great idea.
00:05:28Something wrong.
00:05:31Everything's beachy.
00:05:40Well, I can see why they call this the city that never sleeps.
00:05:43How could you with all that racket?
00:05:46You're getting used to it.
00:05:48You seem to if city life seems to suit you.
00:05:51I guess.
00:05:54I was surprised you called, Reverend.
00:05:57Well, I was surprised you answered.
00:05:59It's been a while, and I said things I regret.
00:06:02You both did.
00:06:06You remember when you used to stop by the church after school?
00:06:10Use your powers to light our candles?
00:06:12I remember staying for supper.
00:06:15Oh, man.
00:06:16Those fish fry Fridays.
00:06:18I never liked eating alone.
00:06:20Well, were you making sure I got at least one hot square a day?
00:06:27Reverend, is something the matter?
00:06:29I'm embarrassed to bug you with all of this, but the last couple of weeks have been rough.
00:06:35We've been bleeding congregants to the Democratic Church of America, and what folks are sticking around?
00:06:41They're scared.
00:06:42Why?
00:06:43Because last Sunday, somebody melted our stained glass window of Mary.
00:06:48Melted it?
00:06:49Mm-hmm.
00:06:51It was their local soup.
00:06:52Prey and mantis.
00:06:54He sprayed acid out of his butt.
00:06:57His glands, his whatever.
00:06:59Yeah, I know him.
00:07:00It was a message.
00:07:02I called the sheriff.
00:07:03I called the mayor.
00:07:04I've called half of Florida.
00:07:06You're all I got left.
00:07:09Reverend, I don't know what I could do.
00:07:11Well, you gotta be able to do something.
00:07:13Your Homelander's right hand.
00:07:17Homelander's not too keen on being challenged.
00:07:23Why not just pay the franchise fee and join?
00:07:25Honey, we can barely afford to pay our water bill.
00:07:29Besides, the Democratic Church of America?
00:07:33God does not favor one nation over another.
00:07:36Doesn't he, though?
00:07:37No.
00:07:38Name one way God's ever blessed Canada.
00:07:44Just because Homelander tells you that the sky is red does not make it so.
00:07:52You still have that, uh, that Jesus action figure.
00:07:56I'm surprised you remember that.
00:07:58How could I forget it?
00:07:59You carried it with you everywhere you went.
00:08:00You almost wore the face off the thing.
00:08:03You still carry him?
00:08:09It's complicated.
00:08:11No, it's...
00:08:12I don't think it is.
00:08:15Homelander's, uh...
00:08:16He's a great American.
00:08:17He can stop bullets.
00:08:18He can fly.
00:08:19Do amazing things.
00:08:21Those aren't miracles.
00:08:23And he is not God.
00:08:27If you're the same Misty Tucker Gray that I taught the Bible to over, Fish,
00:08:31I think you know it, too.
00:08:49We ain't doing that again.
00:08:51That's what you said the last six times.
00:08:53Well, I really mean it this time.
00:08:58You seem a little out of it.
00:09:00Did you nut?
00:09:02As usual, you nut.
00:09:07Were you baptized?
00:09:13Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill.
00:09:15Governor Sproul did the honors.
00:09:17My family kept up appearances, of course.
00:09:21Then we never set foot in church again.
00:09:23I had lunch today with the Reverend who baptized me.
00:09:25He's been getting heat to switch over to our church.
00:09:30You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him?
00:09:33Just give him a little more time.
00:09:36I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.
00:09:42So you didn't nut.
00:09:46You know, this whole Homelander is God shit.
00:09:49It's fucking ridiculous.
00:09:53Really?
00:09:53You think so?
00:09:54If he's a second coming, then what does that make me?
00:09:57Joseph?
00:09:58I mean, talk about the biggest cuck in history.
00:10:00Man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin.
00:10:04And then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet.
00:10:09Fuck that.
00:10:11I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
00:10:19Okay.
00:10:21Of course I worship Homelander.
00:10:23I mean, he's always been a god to me.
00:10:26Look, I'll tell you this.
00:10:27If there is a god, sure as hell didn't come out of my balls.
00:10:33I gotta go.
00:10:34Where are you off to?
00:10:36L.A.
00:10:38I fucking hate L.A.
00:10:44Homelander?
00:10:47Homelander?
00:10:51Hello?
00:10:55Does Homelander know you're here?
00:10:58Yeah, of course.
00:11:00Some of our church's followers generously donated their milk for our savior's sustenance.
00:11:04I mean, he gotta get his liquid gold from somewhere, am I right?
00:11:09You need something.
00:11:11Where's Homelander?
00:11:12Oh, well, he didn't tell you.
00:11:14Yeah, he had to fly off to L.A.
00:11:16Strange he didn't mention anything.
00:11:18Well, I've been real busy working for his glory, so not much time for chit-chat.
00:11:22Of course.
00:11:23Look at us.
00:11:24The regular Peter and John, just bearing witness and spreading the gospel.
00:11:28A real blessing.
00:11:29Amen.
00:11:30Amen.
00:11:30A real blessing.
00:11:32Oh, uh, by the way, after our meeting, I checked in on the timeline of that Homelander Bible,
00:11:40and, uh, the printers were happy to rush it to make Easter.
00:11:44Well, ain't you full of get up and go?
00:11:47Thing is, they said it wasn't a problem.
00:11:49Um, so I wondered why you were so bent on holding it up.
00:11:55I wasn't.
00:11:57See, I just wanted to make sure everything was just right.
00:12:01Listen, if you are ever feeling any doubts, come to me.
00:12:07I could be a warm shoulder and a friendly ear.
00:12:11Well, bless your heart.
00:12:15I'll do that.
00:12:19What'd you want to talk to Homelander about?
00:12:22Maybe I could help.
00:12:24That is so kind of you.
00:12:27But it wasn't important.
00:12:39What's up?
00:12:41Um, got a tip from our southeast stringer.
00:12:45Praying Mantis raided half a dozen churches in Daytona.
00:12:49Was one of them Holy Baptist?
00:12:53The man upstairs wants us, you, to run with it top of show.
00:12:58He thinks with it being your home church and all, it'll make a strong statement.
00:13:02So I'll have Chris load the new graphics.
00:13:05I gotta finish getting ready.
00:13:17Welcome to Truth Bomb.
00:13:19Our top story tonight's a personal one.
00:13:22It's the story of my hometown church.
00:13:25Holy Baptist of Daytona.
00:13:27He was the church I grew up in.
00:13:29Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday.
00:13:31But that church, that church, that church, that church has become a hotbed of starlighter infestation.
00:13:55And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by starlight's seditious propaganda.
00:14:05And, uh, now, I never told a soul of this, but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly
00:14:17had me over for supper alone.
00:14:21Um, you know, nothing ever happened to me, but I heard stories about his fish fry Fridays.
00:14:33And if that ain't code for child grooming, I don't know what is.
00:14:41How much longer are we going to let these institutional, pedo churches diddle our babies?
00:14:52Americans deserve better.
00:14:57They deserve Homelander.
00:15:03They deserve the Democratic Church of America.
00:15:24Something wrong?
00:15:26Everything's beachy.
00:15:31Would you like some knee pads?
00:15:32I'm sorry?
00:15:33You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.
00:15:37So I'm asking if you would like some knee pads.
00:15:41Take it easy on the little guy.
00:15:43You brought me Stan Edgar.
00:15:47Thank you, sir.
00:16:10Gary Gibb, B.G.
00:16:12There's no B.G.'s without me.
00:16:14B.G. means the brother's Gibb.
00:16:16What, you think that falsetto makes you boss?
00:16:18I think Saturday Night Fever going platinum 16 times makes me boss.
00:16:22We made that album together.
00:16:24Nothing without me and Maurice.
00:16:26Don't you dare bring Maurice into this.
00:16:29I don't know.
00:16:30It feels inauthentic for Barry to move like this.
00:16:33Oh, yeah?
00:16:36In what way?
00:16:38Egomaniacs like Barry are really just insecure.
00:16:41I think he's threatened by Robin's talent.
00:16:43So maybe he expresses that by doing a barrel roll instead.
00:16:52Never mind.
00:16:52Sorry.
00:16:53I broke character.
00:16:53I didn't mean to.
00:16:55You need to apologize, all right?
00:16:58For being a fucking genius.
00:17:01Are you fucking kidding me?
00:17:03A barrel roll?
00:17:05Holy shit.
00:17:07It's brilliant.
00:17:09Justin, I don't know who you are
00:17:11or where you came from
00:17:13or anything about you,
00:17:14but my God,
00:17:15if you are not a fucking talent...
00:17:18Well, thank you.
00:17:19No.
00:17:22Let's take ten, everybody.
00:17:27All right.
00:17:30Lay down on me, Justin.
00:17:32What do you mean?
00:17:33You're acting up there.
00:17:35Stop acting.
00:17:36Stop acting.
00:17:38Don't...
00:17:39act.
00:17:40Don't.
00:17:41Because I don't need an actor.
00:17:45I need Barry Gibb.
00:17:46You're right, boss.
00:17:47I'm sorry.
00:17:48My process has been all over the map.
00:17:50I just...
00:17:51This scene is a little close to home.
00:17:54All right, let me guess.
00:17:55The egomaniac we're talking about,
00:17:57that's someone in your life?
00:17:58Someone I work with
00:18:00in my day job.
00:18:02All right, what are you doing?
00:18:02So quit.
00:18:03There's no way this gig is more important
00:18:04than the fucking theater.
00:18:06I thought this guy was my brother,
00:18:07but he straight up hijacked something I did
00:18:09and took all the credit for it.
00:18:11All right.
00:18:14I've been trying to keep this on the DL,
00:18:16but...
00:18:18in addition to my theater work,
00:18:19I also happen to be a massive feature director.
00:18:22Forced Saturn Wars to prove it.
00:18:24So I was working on this little film,
00:18:26I don't know, you may have heard of it,
00:18:27called Dawn of the Seven.
00:18:28Billion Dollar Gross,
00:18:29but who's counting?
00:18:31There was this fucking guy,
00:18:34The Deep.
00:18:35He just kept upstaging everyone
00:18:37with his trite, shitty improvs.
00:18:40I heard he's a real baby.
00:18:42He's a Jared Leto-level baby bitch.
00:18:45But you gotta put people like that
00:18:47in their place, right?
00:18:48So whoever's upstaging you,
00:18:50you fucking upstage them right back.
00:18:53Okay?
00:18:53Yeah.
00:18:54All right.
00:18:55You got this, Pubula.
00:19:01So great you're here, bro.
00:19:03Yes.
00:19:04Well, we need to meet young men
00:19:06where they are
00:19:07if we plan to usher them
00:19:08into the fold of our Lord.
00:19:10Totes my goats.
00:19:11So listen, you know,
00:19:12I've got some ideas
00:19:13about how to take this whole
00:19:14church thing to the next level.
00:19:16Oh, yeah?
00:19:17So you know how
00:19:18communion wafers taste like dried shit?
00:19:21What if they were
00:19:22Nilla wafers instead?
00:19:24Huh?
00:19:26Oh, yeah.
00:19:27And if you could
00:19:27throw in a commandment
00:19:29about how it's not cool
00:19:30to try and moan
00:19:30another bro's girl?
00:19:33We have that.
00:19:34That already exists.
00:19:36Great minds then, eh?
00:19:38Point is,
00:19:39me and homeowner,
00:19:39we go way back.
00:19:40I know what he likes,
00:19:41doesn't like,
00:19:42so you ever want
00:19:43to bounce some ideas back?
00:19:44Don't listen to him, bro.
00:19:46Oh, shit.
00:19:48He talks.
00:19:49No, he does not.
00:19:50He's not trying to help you.
00:19:51He's like those fish
00:19:52who suck on whales.
00:19:53Talking about a sucker fish?
00:19:54He latches on to every new soup.
00:19:57Starlight, me, sage.
00:19:59He pretends he's a guy,
00:20:00but he's not the guy.
00:20:01He's a joke.
00:20:02That smell in his breath?
00:20:03It's because he's been clam diving.
00:20:05On clams.
00:20:06What?
00:20:07I have not done that.
00:20:08I have definitely never done that.
00:20:10Look,
00:20:10if you really want to impress Homelander,
00:20:12bring me on stage for Easter.
00:20:14Homelander can heal me,
00:20:15I'll get my voice back,
00:20:16and then I'll fly.
00:20:18You know I can fly, right?
00:20:20That's so fucking stupid, bro.
00:20:22Well, now,
00:20:22I'm going to have to run this
00:20:23by Homelander,
00:20:23but, uh,
00:20:25an honest-to-God faith healing.
00:20:26That's like a nine-point bump
00:20:28with Pentecostals right there.
00:20:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:20:31God damn.
00:20:48There's my guy.
00:20:50Little pep in the step, huh?
00:20:53Sir,
00:20:54I did what you said,
00:20:55and I upstaged that fuckhead at work.
00:20:58I'm proud of you.
00:20:59You know,
00:21:00that's exactly how I handled
00:21:01that motherfucker Paul Rudd?
00:21:03He's not who you think he is.
00:21:04I appreciate the help, boss.
00:21:06You bring...
00:21:07Oh, my God, kid.
00:21:08You know what?
00:21:09Keep this between us, bud.
00:21:10You know Vought Studios
00:21:11hung me out to dry
00:21:12after they shelved training A-train?
00:21:14Yeah.
00:21:15Oh, yeah.
00:21:15And at first,
00:21:16I drowned my sorrows in crack.
00:21:19Nitrous, huff and glue,
00:21:20huff and paint,
00:21:21paint thinners,
00:21:21cough medicine,
00:21:22guns,
00:21:22high-risk sex,
00:21:24codeine.
00:21:24Did you ever fuck on codeine?
00:21:28But that's not the answer.
00:21:32This play.
00:21:35It saved me.
00:21:36You saved me.
00:21:38Wow.
00:21:40No.
00:21:41Kid, thank you.
00:21:43Because I got some big news.
00:21:46We're going to Broadway.
00:21:47Yes, no more mindless studio bullshit.
00:21:50I can finally be the artist
00:21:51I always dreamed of,
00:21:52and you.
00:21:52Kid, you have no idea,
00:21:54but you're going to be
00:21:54a fucking star.
00:21:56So you ditch that office, kid,
00:21:58because you and I,
00:21:59we are going to save the world
00:22:02with our talent.
00:22:03Oh, my God.
00:22:04You have no idea
00:22:05how much this means to me.
00:22:06Oh.
00:22:08I love you, kid.
00:22:12You start
00:22:13your vocal warm-ups.
00:22:14Yeah.
00:22:15I'm going to drop a juice.
00:22:17Okay.
00:22:22Fuckin' Tony Gilroy.
00:22:34Fuckin' Tony Gilroy.
00:22:37Adam?
00:22:39Oh, my God.
00:22:41Holy shit.
00:22:42Get it up.
00:22:43Get it up.
00:22:48God.
00:22:51Come here.
00:22:55Closer.
00:23:01My ass hurts
00:23:02so fucking much.
00:23:28Hey, bro.
00:23:29Don't you fucking hate bro me?
00:23:31What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:23:34Nothing.
00:23:34Why?
00:23:35What's wrong with you?
00:23:35I call you a clam diver,
00:23:37and you send an eel
00:23:38to ass-murder Adam Bork?
00:23:39Did something terrible happen
00:23:40at your play rehearsal today?
00:23:42Which is definitely not your job.
00:23:43The lead producer's stepping away.
00:23:45They're shuttering the production.
00:23:47Get it coming.
00:23:49Fucker didn't use my improvs
00:23:50in Dawn of the Seven.
00:23:51He believed in me,
00:23:52you fuckwit.
00:23:53And for what?
00:23:54Because I fucking upstaged you
00:23:55with Oh Father?
00:23:57Here's what's going to happen now.
00:23:59You are going to fucking do
00:24:01whatever I say
00:24:02whenever I say it.
00:24:03I'm going to kill Homeland
00:24:04you were in some pussy play.
00:24:07Which is a definite conflict
00:24:08of interest since
00:24:09Homeland outlawed
00:24:10the National Endowment
00:24:11for the Arts.
00:24:14You have nothing to say?
00:24:16Nice.
00:24:18You were getting the hang
00:24:19of that Meisner technique, huh?
00:24:26Hey.
00:24:28Hey, buddy.
00:24:30Good boy.
00:24:32Good boy.
00:24:34Hey.
00:24:37You want to fuck me?
00:24:39You want to fuck me
00:24:41like a good boy?
00:24:43Americans.
00:24:44God.
00:24:45We have our own church
00:24:48for Americans.
00:24:59Hold on.
00:25:01What are you doing?
00:25:02Frenchie won't cook
00:25:03my steak past
00:25:03medium rare
00:25:04and I like mine burnt
00:25:05with ketchup.
00:25:06Okay,
00:25:07then why don't you
00:25:07tell him that?
00:25:08I have.
00:25:10Maybe we just don't
00:25:11like the same
00:25:13steak.
00:25:14You know?
00:25:18Jesus Christ.
00:25:19Has Butcher ever
00:25:21washed this thing?
00:25:22That thing is like
00:25:23glazed in dog semen.
00:25:25Like a cum donut.
00:25:26Cum nut?
00:25:27Did I just invent
00:25:28a new word?
00:25:29You know what?
00:25:29I'm going to do
00:25:30a solid favor
00:25:30and wash this.
00:25:32Tara,
00:25:32your boyfriend
00:25:33is about to become
00:25:33a virgin all over again.
00:25:36Good boy.
00:25:56What the fuck is that?
00:25:57You finally building
00:25:58yourself a fuckbot?
00:25:59Something me and
00:26:00Frenchie working on.
00:26:02Proper preparation
00:26:03and planning,
00:26:04my son.
00:26:05None of my fucking
00:26:05business got it.
00:26:07Yeah,
00:26:07that's the one.
00:26:08And he leaves on
00:26:09bombsite.
00:26:09Not a damn thing.
00:26:10He's an unbreakable
00:26:11cunt that flies through
00:26:12the air.
00:26:12How hard can it be?
00:26:13Well,
00:26:14if it's so easy,
00:26:15why don't you
00:26:16look for him?
00:26:17I've hit every single
00:26:17dead end and then some.
00:26:19How about legend?
00:26:20That old bastard
00:26:21knows everyone.
00:26:22He's in the wind.
00:26:23If I had as much
00:26:24shit on Vod as he did,
00:26:25I'd fuck off too.
00:26:27Oh, shit.
00:26:28Wait, wait, wait.
00:26:29Wait, Tara, no.
00:26:31Hey, get down.
00:26:32Good boy.
00:26:32Good boy.
00:26:33Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:26:34No.
00:26:35You can't have
00:26:35no chocolate, mate.
00:26:36Yeah, get your own
00:26:37chocolate.
00:26:42Mmm.
00:26:43Mmm.
00:26:44What?
00:26:45Free Mississippi rule.
00:26:47Bloody hell.
00:26:48I never thought
00:26:48I'd see the day.
00:26:49It's got a fucking
00:26:50pubic ear on it,
00:26:51and no.
00:26:51Tasty, too.
00:26:53Hmm?
00:26:56You know what's funny?
00:26:59Here we are,
00:27:00parked in the middle
00:27:01of hell,
00:27:03and I've never slept
00:27:04or shit so good
00:27:05my entire life.
00:27:06What's different?
00:27:07Well, like you,
00:27:09I just finally realized
00:27:11that I'm already dead.
00:27:13And once I just
00:27:15gave up that stress
00:27:16of needing to stay alive,
00:27:18it's like
00:27:20shit got easier.
00:27:22You know,
00:27:22I spent my whole life
00:27:24going after Soldier Boy
00:27:25for what he did
00:27:26to my family.
00:27:27Yet,
00:27:28he's immortal?
00:27:30He's immune.
00:27:33What kind of fucking
00:27:34cosmic joke is that?
00:27:36So you tell me,
00:27:37Butcher,
00:27:39why should I keep going?
00:27:41Well,
00:27:42you keep going
00:27:43from Monique
00:27:44to Janine.
00:27:46They're better off
00:27:46without me.
00:27:47How can a man
00:27:48so smart
00:27:48be so fucking daft?
00:27:50They are.
00:27:51And I'm better off
00:27:53without them.
00:27:54Because if I thought
00:27:55that there was
00:27:56a snowball's chance
00:27:57in hell,
00:27:58that I might
00:27:59see him again,
00:28:02then I might
00:28:03be too scared
00:28:03to do
00:28:04what you
00:28:05and me both
00:28:06need me to do.
00:28:30You wonder
00:28:31what am I doing?
00:28:33Well,
00:28:34first,
00:28:34I made Kimiko
00:28:36the perfect
00:28:37French rebuy.
00:28:39You know,
00:28:40she loves my steak.
00:28:42And for dessert,
00:28:44my soufflé
00:28:44en chocolate.
00:28:46It's a thing
00:28:47of legend.
00:28:55You know,
00:28:56she wants
00:28:57one of you
00:28:57to...
00:28:59I don't know.
00:29:00What is it
00:29:01that you do?
00:29:03Eat,
00:29:04sleep,
00:29:05or fetch
00:29:05the fish.
00:29:06Ha-ha.
00:29:07I stir the wall.
00:29:08You bring it back.
00:29:10I stir the wall.
00:29:11You bring it back.
00:29:13It's a nightmare
00:29:14of futility.
00:29:16What would I do
00:29:17with one of you?
00:29:18I've killed
00:29:19every plant
00:29:20I've owned.
00:29:21I'll surely
00:29:22kill you too.
00:29:24Oh.
00:29:28She deserves peace.
00:29:32A normal life.
00:29:36but I...
00:29:41I don't know
00:29:42how to give her this.
00:29:46If I even can.
00:29:52Oh,
00:29:53la la la la.
00:29:58No,
00:29:59no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
00:30:03no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
00:30:03no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
00:30:03no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
00:30:04no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
00:30:12no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
00:30:19if you and mm still think oh for fuck's sakes you knock it off with this v1 shite you're
00:30:24doing me fucking head in oi terror cut it out come on now listen if we do find that stuff
00:30:32we're not making any fucking vaccines out of it all right we're not the department of fucking
00:30:36health we burn that shit before home lender gets his paws on it and that's it well if you want
00:30:40to
00:30:40chill yourself knock yourself out but why do you have to decide for the rest of us oh because i'm
00:30:44fucking right because i've always been right i've been telling you lot from the fucking start the
00:30:49sky has fallen and guess what the sky fucking fell well you kind of helped bring it oh don't give
00:30:55me that bollocks listen homelander thinks he's a fucking god once he becomes immortal he's gonna
00:31:01start killing like one and we are talking millions of people now you're telling me you're honestly
00:31:07happy to risk all of that for a life on the run with your girl knowing that you could have
00:31:14stopped
00:31:15it you can live with that can you what if it was becca you just let her die
00:31:32i did never die look i know that homelander comes first i really do all i'm asking is that we
00:31:43try
00:31:45annie and kimiko deserve that much
00:31:50boy terror no boy get out of there oh bloody hell is that chocolate isn't chocolate bad for dogs for
00:31:58a
00:31:58dog the soda is fucking lethal oy francy a cunt get me some hydrogen peroxide would you okay we have
00:32:03some in the first aid kit give me one second what happened you poisoned me fucking dog no no no
00:32:10no no
00:32:10no all you need is charcoal we should call a vet they're gonna tell you you need charcoal guys we
00:32:14got this just give us some room i'll hold his mouth open you pour right on the count of three
00:32:18one two three sorry buddy
00:32:28oh that's a good boy all right you're gonna be all right boy
00:32:35fucking hell
00:32:41hey you want some turkey well first you gotta fuck me
00:32:48then i'll give you the turkey
00:32:58hey there he is hey hey were you having a dream were you was it a goodie
00:33:08how's he doing yeah he's all right thank you for uh yeah it's all good
00:33:17that being too rude
00:33:27oi
00:33:28you-ey
00:33:32listen uh
00:33:35if we do find that big one and if it don't
00:33:39Fuck us, you can have some for Annie and Camino.
00:33:50What about you?
00:33:54Oi, but as soon as Frenchy's got that shite sorted, we're using it, alright?
00:33:58Ready or not?
00:34:12What you looking at?
00:34:16Nothing.
00:34:21And as for you, don't you ever fucking do that to me again, alright?
00:34:26Good boy.
00:34:29Now, I caught Blondie trying to give you wet plus the boil wash.
00:34:33But I know how you love the crunchy bits.
00:34:36Yes, I do, I know how you love those crunchy bits.
00:34:39Yeah.
00:34:52You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
00:34:59Local law can handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
00:35:02Alright, well, recall all the soups stationed overseas.
00:35:04American heroes should be protecting America, not who gives a fuck a stand.
00:35:10Great idea.
00:35:22Where to?
00:35:24Crime analytics.
00:35:30That was thrilling, wasn't it?
00:35:34What a bright future we have ahead of us.
00:35:37It was a real Gucci-oni piss party.
00:35:40Imagine how much more exciting it'll be when Homelander becomes immortal.
00:35:46Who?
00:35:47Have you found Livy Ward?
00:35:51No.
00:35:53Homelander hasn't gotten anything out of Stan Edgar.
00:35:56No.
00:35:57But I haven't had a crack at him yet.
00:36:10Jesus, give me a little personal space, will you, Garth?
00:36:13Oh, 24-7 agents must be hard for someone so into scat play.
00:36:17You realize I do actually work?
00:36:19I was this close to convincing the FCC to pull every broadcast license but VNN.
00:36:24Homelander feels this is more important.
00:36:28What now?
00:36:29The President and I stand by this decision.
00:36:32We need our American soups here in America.
00:36:35Well, isn't it kinda sorta your fault for being invaded?
00:36:38You might as well have been wearing a short skirt.
00:36:41Man, those Ukrainians sure have a fucking mouth on them.
00:36:45Remember, you're doing the Lord's work.
00:36:47Words out.
00:36:48Vod's stock is tanking.
00:36:49The international markets are in free fall and you're not the least bit concerned.
00:36:53It's not about what I think.
00:36:55It's what the man wants.
00:36:58It's always what the man wants.
00:37:05You want a drink?
00:37:07So we're at the Climate Change Summit in Reykjavik
00:37:09when the Swiss Chancellor says we should all race our Gulf Streams.
00:37:13The amount of CO2 we splooched out.
00:37:15The air was chewy the next day.
00:37:17Lolz.
00:37:22Come on.
00:37:23What do you want from me, Sage?
00:37:25What makes you think I want anything from you?
00:37:26You haven't called me the poster child for late-term abortion once today.
00:37:30Truth be told, you're not the one I want.
00:37:33I know you know what Homelander's doing.
00:37:36He's going after the V1.
00:37:37Wait, what?
00:37:39And if he gets any?
00:37:40He lives forever.
00:37:41What is V1?
00:37:42And what do you mean Homelander lives forever?
00:37:45I've done what I can to make sure he doesn't find any.
00:37:47How do you know about this and I don't?
00:37:50Have you two been talking without me?
00:37:53Homelander is an open baby book, but Soldier Boy is tricky.
00:37:56I need you to read his mind.
00:37:57What he knows, where they're headed next, and most importantly,
00:38:00if Soldier Boy is warming up to his sadistic regret.
00:38:05Okay, I'm in.
00:38:07The fuck you are?
00:38:08We are not conspiring against Homelander.
00:38:10Hey, don't forget the Aung San Suu Kyi quote tramp stamped on our ass.
00:38:14The only real prison is fear.
00:38:16No, the only real prison is prison.
00:38:18Ashley, what do you think happens to you if I die?
00:38:22I'm not about to risk my neck because I let an overgrown Boyle do my thinking for me.
00:38:27Okay, fine. Just stay.
00:38:29Why? So you can play more mind games?
00:38:31You gave me your answer. I heard you.
00:38:33Now, don't make me drink alone.
00:38:39I'm starving.
00:38:40Are you starving?
00:38:41I'd kill for a chalupa right now.
00:38:43I'd kill for a big juicy dick.
00:38:45Ooh, we should call Gavin. His girth was amazing.
00:38:48And oh man, the amount of spunk he shot back here, we looked like Pepe Le Pew.
00:38:51We are not booty calling my high school boyfriend.
00:38:54But he was so sweet, and mom loved him, remember?
00:38:56Yeah, well mom's dead, so she doesn't get a say.
00:38:59And neither do you.
00:39:00What happened to her?
00:39:02Cancer.
00:39:03My grandmother too.
00:39:04What was she like?
00:39:06Your mother.
00:39:08Tiny.
00:39:10And terrifying.
00:39:12This one bitch, Harper Hewitt, used to make fun of my nose.
00:39:15So my mom tells Mr. Hewitt that Mrs. Hewitt has been railing the UPS guy.
00:39:20Which she was.
00:39:21That was mom.
00:39:22Bringing a nuke to a knife fight.
00:39:27So they moved.
00:39:29And the rest of kindergarten was no sweat.
00:39:32My folks shot me out with V, thinking I'd be a meal ticket.
00:39:36And then my power turned out to be smarts.
00:39:39Which is the worst fucking one.
00:39:41Try knowing what everyone really thinks of you all day.
00:39:43Ooh, trust me.
00:39:44The thing people hate more than just about anything is feeling stupid.
00:39:49So, when a three-year-old corrects your grammar, or, oh, tells them their life dream yogurt shop is doomed
00:39:56to fail, they start to hate you too.
00:39:59At least my parents did.
00:40:00Until they dumped me at my grandmas.
00:40:02But...
00:40:03Grandma.
00:40:03You know, she was the only one who ever thought it was a gift.
00:40:08I would quote Othello to her.
00:40:11Word for word.
00:40:11And...
00:40:13She'd clap.
00:40:15And laugh her big laugh.
00:40:19I'm still so pissed she is gone.
00:40:24I used to want to be like my mom.
00:40:27Strong.
00:40:28Pushy as fuck.
00:40:30Didn't take shit from anyone.
00:40:31You still can.
00:40:34If you help me.
00:40:38Fuck you.
00:40:40You knew about my mom the whole time.
00:40:41You drew it out of me just to soften me up.
00:40:44Did it work?
00:40:44No.
00:40:45This is my fucking problem with you.
00:40:47I know you've been working some big plan all year.
00:40:49How am I supposed to trust you if I'm just a pawn in your fucked up chess game?
00:40:53Alright.
00:40:55If I tell you?
00:40:56Will you help me?
00:40:58I would heavily consider it.
00:41:00Helping Homelander take control of the country is phase one.
00:41:04It was only ever the beginning.
00:41:06Phase two is the end.
00:41:07The end of what?
00:41:08The world.
00:41:10After this soup killing virus is released.
00:41:13Wait, you want it released?
00:41:14Oh, you bet I do.
00:41:16After soups you realize humans are behind it,
00:41:20all hell will break loose.
00:41:22Soups butchering humans.
00:41:23Virus butchering soups.
00:41:25Fucking world war soup.
00:41:27I don't believe you.
00:41:28Swear on my grandma's soul.
00:41:30Why would you possibly want that?
00:41:32Because I'll be watching from my cozy bunker outside Colorado Springs.
00:41:36And when it's all over, I can read all day every day.
00:41:41No one bothering me.
00:41:44Nothing.
00:41:45But peace and quiet forever.
00:41:49Which is why Homelander can't survive.
00:41:52That needy asshole would never give me a moment's rest.
00:41:55And defeats the whole purpose.
00:41:58Don't worry.
00:41:59You're invited to my bunker.
00:42:02You too, Ashlyn.
00:42:06Fuck.
00:42:10Would you like some knee pads?
00:42:12Sorry.
00:42:12What?
00:42:13You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.
00:42:18So I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads.
00:42:21Go easy on the little guy.
00:42:23You brought me Stan Edgar.
00:42:24Thank you, sir.
00:42:26You may leave.
00:42:38What crawled up your shithole?
00:42:39No idea what you mean.
00:42:40When you're pissy, you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too.
00:42:47Stan Edgar.
00:42:48Still stonewalling you.
00:42:50I've talked to him three times now.
00:42:51Says he has no idea where the V1 is.
00:42:53Heart rate steady as a rock.
00:42:55I'm starting to believe him.
00:42:57That slippery fuck used to fetch my cocaine.
00:43:03You know what?
00:43:04I have an idea.
00:43:08Why don't I take a crack at him?
00:43:12What, you don't trust me?
00:43:13Well, you did lock me in a room with nuclear material
00:43:17and tried to stop me getting the V1,
00:43:20so I'm sure you can understand my hesitance.
00:43:25You could have killed me at Fort Harmony, but you didn't.
00:43:28Maybe I feel like I owe you.
00:43:29Or maybe you're lying.
00:43:31Maybe.
00:43:37Give me an hour.
00:43:39I'll meet you at Edgar's cell.
00:43:51My, my.
00:43:52Now the mighty have fucked themselves square in the ass.
00:43:57Don't shit where you eat, Stan.
00:43:59So you've called in reinforcements?
00:44:00I wanted to see the prick that sold me out to the Reds.
00:44:03It wasn't personal. It was a business decision.
00:44:06We had your replacement model on the way.
00:44:08Even as a toddler, Homelander showed more promise than you ever did.
00:44:13Not that it amounted to much.
00:44:16When have you ever done anything remotely interesting or original?
00:44:23My power is absolute, Stan.
00:44:27At heights no one's even dreamed of.
00:44:30I'd call that pretty fucking original.
00:44:32Nothing that the lowest speck of this pointless species couldn't have thought of
00:44:37were they to be granted your level of power.
00:44:40Why am I still alive?
00:44:44Because you're useful, Stan.
00:44:47And I always wanted a pet, perhaps.
00:44:50Or is it because you are so desperate for daddy figures
00:44:53that you can't even bring yourself to kill the ones who hate you?
00:44:57At least that's something he and I have in common.
00:45:01Do you want to die, Stan?
00:45:09Jesus.
00:45:10You'd get pregnant with all the eye-fucking...
00:45:14Tempe, Arizona.
00:45:15Is that supposed to mean something?
00:45:17Well, I had the eggheads and crime analytics
00:45:19track down your granddaughter, Zoe,
00:45:23and her dad.
00:45:24They're in Tempe, Arizona.
00:45:30So...
00:45:30Where is the V1?
00:45:35As I told you, I genuinely don't know.
00:45:45But...
00:45:47I may know someone who does.
00:45:49You should go and see Mr. Marathon in L.A.
00:45:52He's always had an intense interest in Vaught's history.
00:45:57It should be a delightful reunion.
00:46:04Hooray for Hollywood.
00:46:06That screwy-bally hooey Hollywood.
00:46:09Go out and try your luck.
00:46:11You might be Donald Duck.
00:46:13Hooray for Hollywood.
00:46:16Homelander.
00:46:16It's really, uh, really good to see you.
00:46:18Um, why?
00:46:19But, uh, you know, what brings you by?
00:46:20Relax.
00:46:21We're just here to talk.
00:46:22Yeah, great.
00:46:23Awesome.
00:46:23Soldier Boy.
00:46:24Wow.
00:46:25Big fan, sir.
00:46:25I actually, uh, popped my cherry in your underoos.
00:46:29Nice.
00:46:30So you were part of the Seven?
00:46:31I was, I was.
00:46:33You know, until this one replaced me with A-Train.
00:46:35Check it out, come on.
00:46:37Well, you're only the world's fastest man as long as you're the world's fastest man, champ.
00:46:41And you got slow.
00:46:42It was one race.
00:46:43You never gave me the chance to win it back, boss.
00:46:50Hey, check this one out.
00:46:52Gross 35 mil.
00:46:53On a 200 million dollar budget.
00:46:55These aren't even VOD films.
00:46:56What's the difference?
00:46:57These were made where washed up soups go to die.
00:47:00Sony Pictures TV.
00:47:02It's a legit studio.
00:47:04And I save half on their TVs.
00:47:06And maybe we're not part of the official VCU, and maybe we can't mention VOD or, you know, any licensed
00:47:11VOD hero.
00:47:12But, hey.
00:47:14Still making magic.
00:47:15That and I, uh, I sling a little bit.
00:47:17On the side.
00:47:18Low. Pills.
00:47:18Ozembeck. Whatever you need.
00:47:19Fastest dealer in town.
00:47:21Alright, come on.
00:47:22The gang will be psyched to meet you.
00:47:28Did you guys hear?
00:47:29They rounded up Aziz, Macaulay, Joaquin, Kiefer, Merrill.
00:47:34I also heard they got Benedict.
00:47:35Wong or Cumberbatch?
00:47:36Oh, fuck!
00:47:37I know, dude.
00:47:38What the fuck, Mel Chemical?
00:47:39Get your boys in check, huh?
00:47:40Just because I'm a soup doesn't mean I truck in that fascist shit.
00:47:43We need to do something.
00:47:44Counterpoint.
00:47:45Why?
00:47:45Because we're storytellers, dude.
00:47:47Our superpower is we inspire hearts and minds.
00:47:50Look at the characters we create.
00:47:51Luke Skywalker, Katniss, Condi.
00:47:54Oh, bitch, please.
00:47:55Come on.
00:47:55Like Mark Hamill, J-Law, and Sir Ben Kingsley do anything but collect their fucking residuals.
00:48:00They're very engaged.
00:48:01Look, here's what we do.
00:48:03We all post about this simultaneously on Instagram.
00:48:07Yes.
00:48:07Black squares on the main feed.
00:48:09Black Lives Matter did black squares.
00:48:10Fuck.
00:48:11You're right.
00:48:11We do blue squares on the grid.
00:48:13Because blue lives matter.
00:48:14I wouldn't post that.
00:48:16Is there any color that hasn't been taken by some fucking group?
00:48:19What about white?
00:48:20Oh, ooh, ooh.
00:48:22I'll get Lena Dunham to write an editorial for The Atlantic.
00:48:25Oh, yeah, she's a great writer.
00:48:26That has great readership.
00:48:28She's a great writer.
00:48:28She's very persuasive.
00:48:29Whatever fuck sticks.
00:48:31Look, best day of my life was when they executed Hater.
00:48:34Right?
00:48:34More offer onlys for the forte.
00:48:37Hey, do we think Michael Cera's a starlighter?
00:48:38Because we're up for the same part right now.
00:48:40It'd be pretty good if he got Vanish.
00:48:41We've been friends with him for 20 years, Chris.
00:48:43Yeah, but I really need this part, man.
00:48:46Oh, no.
00:48:46Oh, no.
00:48:47What's up?
00:48:49Homelander.
00:48:49Soldier Boy.
00:48:50Wow.
00:48:50I'm Will.
00:48:51Remember me?
00:48:52I'm the one who turned in Channing Tatum.
00:48:57Seth Rogen.
00:48:58We actually met once before with Black Noir, the premiere for Silent Vengeance 3, Vengeance Reloaded.
00:49:05Big fan.
00:49:06I'm actually testifying in front of Congress for you, you know, outing suspected starlighters.
00:49:10Spoiler alert.
00:49:11Post Malone.
00:49:13You need to get the fuck away from me right now.
00:49:15You bet, yeah.
00:49:17We came here looking for something.
00:49:19What do you know about V1?
00:49:24Come to the right place.
00:49:33Here you go.
00:49:37Oh, yeah.
00:49:38Vought yanked that one from newsstands after Kent State.
00:49:43Good times.
00:49:44How'd you end up with it?
00:49:45Some old bitch on eBay.
00:49:46I paid 20 bucks.
00:49:48I mean, it'll go for half a mil at auction.
00:49:50Easy.
00:49:59Yeah, Dr. Vought was a titan.
00:50:01A visionary.
00:50:03He was a pansy.
00:50:04With a German accent and sweaty palms.
00:50:06He was a complicated guy.
00:50:16Do you or do you not have V1?
00:50:21I don't.
00:50:23But Bombside does.
00:50:24He does.
00:50:26That piece of shit's still alive.
00:50:28Yeah.
00:50:28He was my best customer for a long time.
00:50:30What makes you think he has it?
00:50:32One night he was tweaked out of his gourd and he told me he has some and I believe him.
00:50:36Where is he?
00:50:36Me and Bombside are still cool.
00:50:37Why don't we all just hang out for a sec and I'll call him.
00:50:40He'll fly right over.
00:50:49Let's get this up in Bogota where you were taking a pass.
00:50:52You mean for the soldier boy?
00:50:54Nothing but the best.
00:51:00Seth?
00:51:02Oh, no.
00:51:03I actually hate weed.
00:51:04I just pretend to like it from my brand so I can sell ashtrays to suckers.
00:51:10Um...
00:51:11Yo, Homelander!
00:51:13Uh, you wanna hit this?
00:51:15It is my life goal to smoke you out, homie.
00:51:21Don't call me that.
00:51:24Homelander.
00:51:25It's good to see you again.
00:51:30Do I know you?
00:51:31Yeah, uh, we met like six times.
00:51:33Malchemical.
00:51:34Make deadly gases.
00:51:36Did that whole campaign with Gasex.
00:51:39You...
00:51:42That's embarrassing.
00:51:44Homelander is still as weird as he was when I was there.
00:51:47Well, I wasn't there back then, but...
00:51:49Yes.
00:51:50Let's get this one.
00:51:51One time, at Ledoux, Misha Barton wanted to suck him off, right?
00:51:54He spent two hours talking to her about Nietzsche, then left when she stepped on his cape.
00:51:58Ugh.
00:51:59That fucking cape.
00:52:00Like a baby with a blanket.
00:52:02Pretty sure he jerks off into it.
00:52:03Probably why it's so stiff.
00:52:05Say that again.
00:52:10Oh, can't you take a fucking joke?
00:52:15Say it again.
00:52:18I thought as much.
00:52:19If Bonsai's not coming, I'm leaving.
00:52:21He's on his way.
00:52:22Be here any minute.
00:52:23I swear.
00:52:27Nah, I'm done.
00:52:31Oh, shit.
00:52:32By the way...
00:52:33Hey!
00:52:34I heard you all.
00:52:35And I want you all to know that very soon, gentlemen, you are going to pay for your sick posts
00:52:41and your hateful memes.
00:52:44Especially the memes.
00:52:48No, no, no, no, no.
00:52:49It was Camille and Seth's idea.
00:52:51What?
00:52:51Fuck you, Forte.
00:52:52It was fucking his idea, man.
00:52:54He is just sucking your dick so you can help his shitty fucking career.
00:52:57Take them, okay?
00:52:58Shit, I'll take them out for you right now.
00:52:59Oh, really? Yeah?
00:53:00You wanna take me, bitch?
00:53:01I'm fucking yoked.
00:53:02Shut up, Forte.
00:53:03You're making this worse.
00:53:04Everybody stop!
00:53:07We really should round up Michael Cera.
00:53:11Home letter.
00:53:13Sorry, quick question.
00:53:14What?
00:53:15Oh, for fuck's sake.
00:53:23Who's memorable now?
00:53:24What the fuck?
00:53:25Easy, easy, easy.
00:53:26Can we fuck off, please?
00:53:28Sure, MacGruber.
00:53:28Everything is cool.
00:53:29Hey, man.
00:53:30We don't have a problem with you.
00:53:31Honest.
00:53:31But, but, but, but fuck this fucking guy.
00:53:33You know?
00:53:33He fucked my life.
00:53:35If you help us get rid of him, then we all win.
00:53:37And you, you can have the seven.
00:53:40And I don't even, like, really care if you bring me back or whatever.
00:53:42I don't need to kill him to get the seven.
00:53:44No, yeah, of course not.
00:53:45But what about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church?
00:53:47I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool.
00:53:49All the hookers, the drug dealers.
00:53:51They want to ban porn.
00:53:53I mean, they want to ban fucking abortions.
00:53:55Okay, well, banning abortion would be a big problem for me personally.
00:53:58Exactly.
00:53:59For all of us.
00:54:00So, so if we kill him, we can stop worrying about being cops or, or, or gods or, or asexual
00:54:05weirdos.
00:54:06You know, we can go back to fucking and, and being fucking awesome.
00:54:10Look, we know you've got that fucked up chest blast thing.
00:54:13I mean, I was at hero gas and I saw it.
00:54:15Just finish him.
00:54:16Now, take away his powers so we can curb stomp him while we have the chance.
00:54:27He is a fucking asexual weirdo.
00:54:30Yeah.
00:54:30Yeah.
00:54:32But as much as it pains me to say this, he's my fucking asexual weirdo.
00:54:40Nobody fucks my son but me.
00:54:43What?
00:54:44That came out wrong.
00:54:57Oh, fuck!
00:54:59Fuck it.
00:55:01Fuck it.
00:55:01Fuck it.
00:55:02Fuck it.
00:55:03Fuck it.
00:55:03Get away!
00:55:05Fuck it.
00:55:08Damn it, Trey, I don't need to stick to acting up top of those fuck my shit up.
00:55:13Soldier boy!
00:55:179-1-1.
00:55:18What's your emergency?
00:55:19Yeah, please send police right now.
00:55:20Wait, what is the address?
00:55:21I don't know the address.
00:55:23Do you know the address?
00:55:23I don't know the address.
00:55:24Oh, fuck.
00:55:25Fuck.
00:55:26It's okay.
00:55:26Shut up.
00:55:26Shut up.
00:55:27I'm not gonna kill you.
00:55:28I'm gonna get you out of here, but you need to do exactly as I say.
00:55:37Go.
00:55:38Go.
00:55:39Go.
00:55:43Fuck.
00:55:54No!
00:55:55No!
00:55:56No!
00:56:03What'd you do to me, man?
00:56:05Seth!
00:56:07Fuck!
00:56:08Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:56:09Is it bad?
00:56:11Well, uh, I didn't mean to.
00:56:13I don't wanna die, man.
00:56:15It's gonna be okay.
00:56:17I'll remember you every time I watch An American Pickle.
00:56:21What?
00:57:02Fuck!
00:57:04Fuck!
00:57:05Fuck!
00:57:06Fuck!
00:57:07Fuck you!
00:57:09I'm gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.
00:57:11That'd be like trying to shove two grapefruits through a garden hose.
00:57:14I don't know.
00:57:15Does Bobcite have the V1s?
00:57:19Oh, God!
00:57:21Yes, yes, okay, yes.
00:57:22That part was true.
00:57:23I swear to fucking God, man.
00:57:24He's got it.
00:57:25Where is he?
00:57:26I don't know.
00:57:26Where the fuck is he?
00:57:27I don't know.
00:57:28I haven't talked to him in like five years.
00:57:29I swear to God.
00:57:30Please.
00:57:31Oh, my God.
00:57:43What happened?
00:57:46I took care of it.
00:57:50Why?
00:57:52Because fuck them.
00:57:55That's why.
00:57:57I don't think this micro prick was lying.
00:58:00Bobcite has to be one.
00:58:01You just gotta find him.
00:58:05Also, um...
00:58:08I've been fucking Firecracker.
00:58:12But...
00:58:12Out of respect for you, that's, uh...
00:58:15That's done.
00:58:18Plus, her pillow talk was...
00:58:20getting to be a real drag.
00:58:24Pillow talk?
00:58:56Oh, Lander.
00:59:00How was L.A.?
00:59:04Did you catch Annette's truth bomb?
00:59:06I did, indeed.
00:59:07And it was a real barn burner.
00:59:10Well done.
00:59:10Thank you, sir.
00:59:12That means the world.
00:59:14How's sex with my father?
00:59:19Is he good at it?
00:59:21Are you thinking about me...
00:59:24when you're making love to him?
00:59:28I never meant to cross a line or offend you.
00:59:32Oh, no.
00:59:32No, no, no, no.
00:59:33Don't fret, little one.
00:59:34I don't care about the sex.
00:59:36Really.
00:59:38But I do care about your little chats after sex.
00:59:41Sir, whatever Soldier Boy told you, I can assure you that I...
00:59:44You mean, uh, your inner turmoil?
00:59:47When it comes to me and, uh...
00:59:52Jesus.
00:59:53Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
00:59:56No, you are my one and only savior.
01:00:00You say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird.
01:00:09You're supposed to worship me.
01:00:12Love me.
01:00:13And me alone.
01:00:15I do.
01:00:16I believed in you.
01:00:18Turns out...
01:00:20You don't believe in me.
01:00:25I need you to collect your things.
01:00:28And leave.
01:00:32But I do believe in you.
01:00:34I love you.
01:00:36I am the only one here who ever has.
01:00:39I gave you everything.
01:00:41I gave you my soul.
01:00:43And everybody else here, they're just...
01:00:45They're just scared of you.
01:00:47Or they want something from you.
01:00:49But I...
01:00:50Have always loved you...
01:00:53For you.
01:00:54Just the strongest...
01:00:58Smartest...
01:00:58Best man on earth.
01:01:01Hmm.
01:01:01Man.
01:01:02No, no, no, no, no.
01:01:03God, no.
01:01:05The...
01:01:05God.
01:01:07My Lord.
01:01:08That look you used to get when you'd suck on me.
01:01:12I felt like Mother Mary herself.
01:01:15I felt blessed...
01:01:17To nourish someone as...
01:01:20Important as you.
01:01:26But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it?
01:01:29You cast me out into the cold.
01:01:32Which was so much worse than never feeling your warmth in the first place.
01:01:37So all I have been trying to do...
01:01:39Is to get you to see me the way that you used to.
01:01:44Hell, the only reason I was with Soldier Boy was because your...
01:01:47Reflected light...
01:01:50Is better than no light at all.
01:01:53Please, sir.
01:01:56I love you.
01:01:58We all need love, don't we?
01:02:04Even God...
01:02:07I'm not super...
01:02:11But...
01:02:24He never felt like I could be a dog.
01:02:25We all need a knife...
01:02:25Have a long time.
01:02:26We all need to tend to catch dressed up...
01:02:26No need to see you.
01:02:27I won't wait for younger man.
01:02:28Third place...
01:02:46Hooray for Hollywood
01:02:49That screwy ballyhooey Hollywood
01:02:52Where any office for your young mechanic
01:02:55Can be a panic with just a good-looking aunt
01:03:00And any barmaid can be a star maid
01:03:04If she dances with or without a fan
01:03:07Hooray for Hollywood
01:03:08Where you're terrific if you're even good
01:03:11Where anyone at all from Shirley Temple
01:03:15To Amy Semple is equally understood
01:03:19Go out and try your luck
01:03:21You might be Donald Duck
01:03:23Hooray for Hollywood
01:03:25Go aus
01:03:25Go aus
01:03:26Go aus
01:03:27Go aus
01:03:29Hooray for Hollywood
01:03:30A ho bad company
01:03:31Go aus
01:04:03Hooray for Hollywood, that phony super coney Hollywood.
01:04:08They come from Chillicotties and Padukas with their bazookas to get their names up in lights.
01:04:16All armed with photos from local rotos with their hair and ribbon and legs and tights.
01:04:22Hooray for Hollywood, you may be homely in your neighborhood.
01:04:27But if you think that you can be an actor, see Mr. Factor, you'll make a monkey look good.
01:04:34Within a half an hour, you'll look like Tyrone Bauer.
01:04:39Hooray for Hollywood.
01:04:46Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:15Hooray for Hollywood.
01:06:11Hooray for Hollywood.
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