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The King Of Queens S03E08 Ctrl Episode 8 Engsub
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00:16What the?
00:27No, I mean it.
00:38Hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:39What are you doing with that?
00:41Just watching the sunlight hit it.
00:44That is for tomorrow.
00:47But I'm hungry. I'm just gonna take a leg.
00:49Doug, we are having guests for Thanksgiving,
00:51and I am not serving them a one-legged turkey.
00:55Well, what, turkey can't be handicapped?
00:57Well, you got some kind of problem.
00:59Come on, I will find you something in there that is good, okay?
01:03Here we go. Let's see.
01:06Okay, you can't have that.
01:08Mashed potatoes, no.
01:09Yams, no.
01:10Pie, no.
01:11Okay, you know what? You name one more thing I can have, and I'm gonna...
01:13Ah, yeah!
01:18I'm sorry. I don't think there's anything in here that you can have.
01:21How about stuffing? A little stuffing. Come on, I love you.
01:27No.
01:27It's stuffing. You can't tell if stuffing's missing.
01:32I'll remold it. I'll even it out. Hey, look at me. No one has to know.
01:39Oh, oh, oh. Look, looky here. I found something that you can have.
01:44Oh, Lunchables. Oh, this is it.
01:47It's great. You know why? Because this is like lunch, only a lot smaller.
01:51This is, this is gonna be perfect. Thank you very much.
01:54There we go.
02:04I'm stuffed!
02:07My eyes are getting weary.
02:10My back is getting tight.
02:13I'm sitting here in traffic
02:15On the Queensborough Bridge tonight.
02:18But I don't care
02:19Cause all I wanna do
02:23Is cash my check and drive
02:25Right home to you
02:28Cause maybe all my life
02:31I will be driving home to you
02:50Oh, I, for one, am stuffed.
02:56Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
03:02There aren't a lot of real good days.
03:06That's nice. Very nice. After we just fed you.
03:08Well, the carrot of food was unbelievable.
03:11Oh, excellent.
03:11Yes, honey. It was delicious. Thank you.
03:13Oh, don't thank me. Thank the good folks at Holiday in a Box.
03:17Yeah, but who went and picked it up?
03:19Actually, they, they dropped it off.
03:21Well, come on, girl. Who reheated it?
03:24That's true. I did.
03:25Okay. Okay. Pride is back.
03:30You know the food is good
03:32When it knocks a man out cold.
03:35Hey, you wanna stick his hand in warm water?
03:36See if we can make him pee?
03:38Yeah.
03:39It'll be nice to be on the other end of that for once.
03:43But even if it does work,
03:45Aren't you just gonna be ruining your own couch?
03:47Oh, good point. Good point.
03:48Let's see here.
03:50Oh, this is perfect.
03:52This is great.
03:57Oh, man.
03:59Shh, shh.
04:00Sorry.
04:07It's funny, right?
04:11Actually, my kid could look exactly like that.
04:17Doug, what the hell are you doing to him?
04:19We're just dressing him up like a big baby. Relax.
04:21Stop it.
04:22We're just killing time till dessert.
04:24Doug, it's Thanksgiving. Could you be nice?
04:26I think I have a right to mess with him on Thanksgiving.
04:29Dessert's up.
04:30What are you talking about?
04:31Are you kidding me?
04:32You remember how he tortured me the first Thanksgiving I met him?
04:35My God, it was hell.
04:36I remember Thanksgiving very well.
04:38It was a great day.
04:38It was the first time I,
04:40I got the nerve up to tell you I love you.
04:42Got the nerve up?
04:43It wasn't so hard after I told you.
04:45What?
04:46You think you told me first?
04:48Si, senorita.
04:49Uh, I think I told you first, senor.
04:52Okay, you know what?
04:53Don't go Spanish.
04:54I went Spanish.
04:56Spanish?
05:02Dad got you up?
05:03You know what?
05:04Dad will know.
05:06Dad, do you remember meeting, uh,
05:07Doug for the first time on Thanksgiving?
05:09Of course I remember meeting Doug.
05:11I believe it was Thanksgiving.
05:17Daddy, we're going to the Thanksgiving party now.
05:19Oh, have fun, sweetheart.
05:23Hey, you touch one hair on her head,
05:25I'll gut you like a fish.
05:27I'll scram.
05:32Dad, that was Donnie Peacock,
05:34and we were eight years old.
05:36And he ran out of the house crying.
05:38I am talking about meeting Doug on Thanksgiving.
05:42You don't remember?
05:50I'll take the Thanksgiving special, Kimiko.
05:57No, that couldn't be the one.
06:05Dad, 1993.
06:06I had been dating Doug a few months.
06:08You were still married to Lily.
06:10You remember?
06:19Here you go.
06:20A little taste of what's coming.
06:23Delicious.
06:24As are you, my lady.
06:26Oh.
06:26Mmm.
06:28Oh, guys, guys, guys.
06:30Guys, my boyfriend's going to be here any minute,
06:32and we're not close to ready.
06:33Any chance we can get dinner going
06:35before you guys get to third base?
06:38You heard her.
06:39Get off.
06:41So, uh,
06:42who is this, uh,
06:43Heffernan fellow?
06:45Heffernan, Dad.
06:46Doug Heffernan.
06:47He's a guy I've been dating for six months.
06:49Any relation to Lou Heffernan?
06:51I don't know.
06:51Uh, where's the ladle?
06:52Oh, wouldn't that be funny
06:54if they were related, huh?
06:55Yes, that would be very, very funny, Lily.
06:58Listen, um, by the way, you guys,
06:59I took down your naked poster
07:00of John and Yoko.
07:02Please don't fight me on that.
07:04So, what is this young man's line of work, anyway?
07:07Uh, he's training to be a driver at IP.
07:09Yes.
07:10Oh, boy.
07:11Oh, boy.
07:13Oh, Dad, it's a good job.
07:14Yeah, it's a swell job
07:15until they invent a machine to do it.
07:18I don't want you to talk.
07:19You polish bowling balls for a living.
07:21I polish and engrave them.
07:23Show me the machine that can do that.
07:26Leave her alone, Arthur.
07:28I'm glad she finally found a boy
07:30she's serious about.
07:32Now, has he told you he loves you yet?
07:34Uh, not yet.
07:35He's not the, uh,
07:36say-I-love-you-out-loud type of guy.
07:38Hmm.
07:39Well, I know I'm not your mother, dear,
07:42but may I still offer you a word of advice?
07:44Uh, sure.
07:46If you want to make a sale,
07:48you gotta let the customer sample the merchandise.
07:53Absolutely.
07:54I will do him in his car tonight.
07:59Leave her alone, Lily.
08:00Just because you gave it away
08:01doesn't mean she should.
08:02Well, I wouldn't have
08:03if you hadn't been so damn good at the mombo.
08:07Come in!
08:08Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!
08:12Stop that! Stop that! Stop that!
08:13Okay, okay.
08:14Let me explain something here, okay?
08:16I-I really, really like this guy,
08:19and I have put off having him meet you for six months,
08:22but at this point, I am running out of excuses.
08:24So if you two could, I don't know,
08:26maybe imitate normal people just for today,
08:29I would really appreciate it
08:31because Doug is very, very special.
08:36Gotcha.
08:37Damn.
08:38It's worth the mini-puke to be the best.
08:41See, that's where we're different.
08:42I'm not that committed.
08:45Hello, Douglas.
08:48Hey, man.
08:49Hey, this is the guy I was telling you about from work.
08:50Deacon Palmer, Spence Olchen.
08:52At your service.
08:53Word up, Spence.
08:55Most people call me the Spenceinator.
08:58So, Doug, you nervous about meeting Carrie's family?
09:00Yeah, I kind of am, you know?
09:01I thought I would have met him sooner,
09:02but apparently they spend a lot of time in the Orient.
09:07So you guys are starting to get serious.
09:09I think so.
09:10I think so.
09:11Olive, have you said the L word yet?
09:15Not yet.
09:16It's cocked and loaded, though.
09:18Today could be the day.
09:20Gonna tell you love her.
09:21Wow.
09:22Only time I heard you use that word
09:23was talking about pork snacks and Mookie Wilson.
09:28Oh, Carrie's about to join that exclusive club.
09:31Oh, do, do, do, do.
09:33Doug and Carrie can't touch them.
09:41Okay, this baby is ready for action.
09:44Good heavens, we've got a lot of food here.
09:47I hope your dog fellow likes to eat.
09:48I think we're good.
09:51Oh, Arthur, I told you two hours ago
09:53to clean up all these boat brochures.
09:56Well, I'm sorry,
09:57but I'm right on the verge of a decision.
09:59Stop it, Arthur.
10:00We're not buying a boat.
10:02Oh, come on, Lily Darling.
10:03I even have a name all picked out for her.
10:05The Lily Darling.
10:17Arthur, you are such a dreamer.
10:19I am not.
10:20All I have to do is go to the bank,
10:21get a loan,
10:21and five minutes later,
10:22I'm Captain Artie of the Lily Darling.
10:25It is not that simple to get a loan, Arthur.
10:27Boats are very expensive.
10:29Oh, I see.
10:30So, is this your way of rubbing
10:32the bankruptcy in my face?
10:42Why don't you go back
10:45to the street corner
10:46where I found you?
10:47I was waiting for the bus!
10:48Whatever helps you sleep at night?
10:53Dad, get out of the bathroom now!
10:56Now!
10:57She's fired!
10:58He's a moron!
11:00She shaves her lip!
11:02His nipples don't match!
11:10You're insane!
11:12I heard that!
11:16Crap!
11:16He's here!
11:18I'll get it!
11:19Don't get it!
11:20I have to get it!
11:22The poor schmo is standing right on the porch!
11:27Ah, you must be Doug.
11:29One sec, hon.
11:32He's here!
11:33Now get out of the freaking crapper!
11:38Dad, will you just come out?
11:40Not until she apologizes.
11:42Lily, just apologize.
11:43You don't have to mean it.
11:44Just say the words.
11:48All right.
11:49I'm sorry.
11:51Did you hear that, Daddy?
11:52She said she's sorry.
11:53That's so sweet of her.
11:53Now, come on out.
11:55Are we getting a boat?
11:56Just say yes.
11:57The second lie is always easier.
12:06Yes, we can get a boat.
12:08Ah, do you hear that, Dad?
12:09You're gonna get your boat.
12:11And the jet ski.
12:12A jet ski?
12:14You're insane!
12:16You're not gonna get anything, you little pain in the ass!
12:18I hope you stay in that bathroom forever!
12:21Maybe I will.
12:22And by the way, I'm currently making a loon gesture!
12:28Oh, you miserable old people!
12:30I can't believe you're doing this to me!
12:48Carrie?
12:52Doug!
12:52It's so nice to finally meet you!
12:55Come in, please!
12:56Come in!
12:56Come on!
12:57Come on!
12:59Come on!
13:00Okay!
13:01All right!
13:0310?
13:13All right.
13:15All right!
13:31so yeah how are you enjoying the food dear oh it's uh it's great thanks oh thank you so much
13:38for bringing these buffalo wings they look delicious no problem uh they're from uh
13:45coopers they're they're famous for their wings half of these are hot they're half mild i didn't know
13:53what you guys liked i like hot i like mild hey that's what makes world go around huh question
14:08for you is carrie coming back at any point of course she is i think she's having a visit from
14:13her aunt flo so how would you like a nice warm biscuit okay yeah sure be back in the chair
14:29is the bitch gone
14:35did some someone hello is she gone uh yeah she's in the kitchen
14:45arthur spooner i'm carrie's father oh hi doug heffernan so you're with ips huh yeah ips yep
14:54aren't you concerned about losing your job to a machine
14:59not really no i uh see i drive to a lot of people's houses and and deliver packages to them
15:07i uh don't know really how a machine would do that
15:12it's going to happen my friend yeah they're working on it even as we speak
15:16they're ready i was never here
15:24here you go piping hot oh let me freshen up that orangina
15:33give me a drumstick
15:37thank you
15:42there you go sweetheart where's the other drumstick i i don't uh i think this one started out with one
15:52arthur give me back that drumstick you'll have to pry it out of my dead cold hand
16:00where's the bathroom the psycho is in it
16:03arthur duck has to go to the bathroom now get out no he can come in if he wants but
16:08i'm staying
16:10son what do you have number one or number two
16:20so you've been dating my daughter for quite a while now huh uh yes about uh six months now sir
16:27so pretty serious oh yes she's a she's a great girl
16:34and uh you are planning to get the weight off
16:40absolutely i'm on it
16:45problem with the plumbing son
16:49no no you know i'm just having a hard time going with you in here
16:53oh why didn't you say so by all means i'll give you some privacy oh well thank you
17:09so where are you from
17:13rego park oh wonderful area you must know my friend stan
17:19runs the shoeshine joint down by the dunkin donuts uh you know what nope don't know him
17:23sure you do i'm sorry don't know mrs spooner for god's sake son stand stand
17:32shoe shine stand oh shoot shoe shine yes oh yeah he did my shoes yup yeah there you go
17:42okay you know what i'm not having any luck on this i'm just going to go to the mobile station
17:46on the
17:46corner they're gonna make you buy something you out duck want some pie
18:02sweet freedom
18:07you're here were you here the whole time no i drove down to the 7-eleven to get a pack
18:14of capris
18:15oh did you oh that's nice do you mind if i i don't smoke that's right i don't smoke
18:23why did you leave because i i didn't want to be there for the moment when you realize i come
18:29from a
18:29crazy farm all right you know what i would love to hear this but i gotta pee yeah okay you
18:34gotta
18:34pee you know what why don't you call me in six months when you're done peeing okay we'll have a
18:38cup of coffee what are you talking about six i gotta pee i'm serious look if you want to just
18:43go
18:43go my whole life's been a freak show i don't even believe what are you doing bye i was gonna
18:49tell you
18:49i loved you today dumb ass i'm gonna park
19:02douglas oh god now i'm locked up douglas i'm in here yeah mr spooner listen i couldn't help but
19:11overhear your little argument uh yeah do you think it's possible that you could send carrie out she's
19:17too upset you can't talk to her when she's like this listen you seem like a good kid wait here
19:23and
19:23i'll go talk to her try to patch things up no promises but i'll see what i can do
20:01sorry son no go really i tried but she didn't want to hear a word of it anyway it was
20:08a pleasure to
20:08meet you maybe someday when this blows over we'll sit on my boat and have a good laugh
20:13if you still have to pee feel free to go on the azaleas their hearts
20:30doug yes did you just say you were gonna tell me you love me yes yes i did
20:38did you just pee in our bushes yes yes i did
20:45i love you i love you too
20:52where you going carrie come back he's got no future i'm telling you the two of you will be
20:59living in my house within five years
21:04then we drop off end of story i said i love you first right after you peed whoa whoa are
21:11you even
21:12listening to your own story way before that i said i love you dumb ass no no you said i
21:18was gonna say
21:19i love you dumb ass but you didn't actually say it and by the way dumb ass kind of killed
21:24it anyway
21:25now you're punching wild you know it's the same it's not the same thing if you say you're gonna
21:29take the garbage out but you don't actually take the garbage out is the garbage out look i don't know
21:36where the garbage is but the point is the words i love you were never said until i said them
21:47well i said i want to have sex first that was all you
22:12what's that it's a new engraving and buffing machine
22:47i want to have sex first
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