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مسلسل One Day at a Time مترجم - Episode 4
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00:10Ah, this is my third coat, Jerry.
00:12What do we think?
00:13Over the top or just Cuban?
00:18Lady, you look great.
00:20You're on the top 30 with me, Jerry.
00:22People don't hook up with their Uber driver
00:24unless they want to be part of a very unfortunate story in the news.
00:27But you're not going to murder me and throw me in the trunk, right, Jerry?
00:31Well, not now.
00:33I needed that joke.
00:36I'm a little hyped up if you can't tell.
00:38But take it easy. It's just a first date.
00:41Just have fun. No pressure.
00:43No pressure, Jerry?
00:45Mira, a first date is two hearts parched in the desert,
00:50quenching forever their thirst for amor.
00:55Wait, what?
00:57Hold on.
01:03Dígame.
01:05Mami, the story of when you and Papi first met.
01:07Cuba, 1958.
01:10You might want to circle the block, Jerry.
01:12It was a hot, steamy night.
01:14And I had borrowed my sister Marucci's red dress
01:17and I had snuck into the Havana club
01:20and the passion fell like raindrops.
01:23And I was about to enter the heart
01:26of the hurricane.
01:29And I'm circling the block.
01:34I am Berto.
01:38I was Lidia, but now I'm yours.
01:53You're the most beautiful woman in the world.
01:57And as you know,
01:58you've never left Cuba.
02:00And now I'll never leave me.
02:18¿Cómo es ser tan amada?
02:21¿Y tú?
02:34i don't speak spanish but i know your day's not gonna be that good
02:38i know jerry thanks mommy claro but i have to go a snyder's a wreck
02:46tell it again
02:49this is it this is life the one you get to go and have a ball this is it
02:58trade ahead and rest assured you can't be sure at all
03:03so while you're here enjoy the view keep on doing what you do
03:08hold on tight we'll muddle through one day at a time
03:12so up on your feet somewhere that music like this
03:17don't you worry no we'll just take it like a gun
03:22one day at a time
03:38and then my mom says niña your papi and i have a love that goes beyond death you know she
03:45still talks to him out loud
03:47he's dead jerry
03:50kind of jealous of him
03:53oh jerry i'm sorry
03:56okay i am out
03:57you have a good night
03:59and i'm gonna give you five stars
04:00thank you
04:03but i should give myself five stars for making it out of the house tonight
04:06i can't tell you what it took just to get to this moment
04:09but you're gonna huh
04:12yesterday i was in my office i'm a nurse i used to be in the army but i don't want
04:15to get off track i'll tell you about that later
04:17anyway
04:18they start all this stuff about me being too
04:20so what's everybody got going on tonight any fun plans
04:25i was thinking of walking the aisles at target to see if i can make any new friends
04:32you want to make new friends you ought to come to the bowling alley watch me crush some pins
04:39oh you're serious
04:41what about you penelope
04:42oh you know mama got a big pile of bills with her name on it
04:46no literally my name is on every bill
04:49anyway i'm just you know flying solo
04:52penelope
04:55you are so brave
04:59what's happening
05:01i mean casting your man aside and striking out on your own
05:05at your age
05:06i would literally kill myself
05:10i get why you'd want to kill you
05:14it's not so bad out there for older singles like penelope and me
05:19oof i felt that one in the gut
05:23for starters there are so many microwave meals now and i dig them
05:31sometimes when i want to splurge i get the betty crocker omelet for two
05:34for one
05:40doc you're forgetting about the best part about being single
05:43dating apps oh they're great
05:45there's guys like me out there
05:47oh i didn't know there was an app called disappointment
05:54you've got to start dating again penelope
05:56right now while there's still barely time
05:59i'm 38
06:00i know
06:01okay okay
06:03everybody i really appreciate all the advice but
06:07i'm good
06:08i don't need a date
06:09i was married to victor for 17 years
06:10and i am loving not having a dude around
06:14excuse me
06:16i guess there's some things i miss
06:20i have a package for penelope alvarez
06:25what why why is everybody laughing
06:29that's me
06:31yeah
06:31okay
06:35penelope
06:36that's my name
06:37i'll remember now
06:38thank you
06:44oh my god you saw that right
06:45you saw that
06:47i still got it
06:48i still got it
06:50yes
06:50and there are hot men out there with big packages
06:53and you know whose name is on those big packages
06:55mine
06:58so yeah i still got it michelle but for how long
07:01because let's face it laurie's right
07:03when it comes to dating 38 is basically
07:0660 in lady years
07:10i'm the dr berkowitz of women
07:13i don't know what that means
07:15but it sounds sad
07:18dr berkowitz is my boss remember michelle
07:21i'm about to have my first date in 20 years
07:23and right now you're my therapist so i need you to keep up
07:25can i get a beer
07:26no she's busy
07:28let me explain what you're looking at
07:32i'm a snowman
07:37i don't want to be racist
07:39but does that mean
07:41coke dealer
07:45snowman means
07:46right now i look good
07:48because it's still winter
07:49and everything is where it's supposed to be
07:51but spring is a coming girl
07:53and all of this
07:57is about to melt
08:00that's silly you look amazing
08:01right now but not for long
08:03i have one side advantage
08:04because i got that latina patina
08:06because it's something about our skin
08:08you know a white girl like yourself
08:09has got to start wearing around 30
08:10how old are you
08:1133
08:13i'm sorry honey
08:15but this is why i have to force myself out there
08:17to meet adam bennett
08:20give me your vibe
08:21oh hello
08:24he's cute right
08:26maybe he's too cute
08:27maybe he won't think i'm cute
08:29maybe i'm not even a snowman anymore
08:31maybe i've melted michelle
08:32am i just a puddle
08:34a carrot
08:34and a magic hat
08:37oh no i can't
08:38it's not for you
08:42i don't know why i'm so freaked out
08:45i was fine yesterday
08:47how the hell do i do this
08:48do i like
08:49do i swipe
08:49do i put someone in my cart
08:52it's like watching a baby bird learn to fly
08:55everybody i know is either married
08:56or i'm too embarrassed to ask them
08:58so you were my only option
09:00i hear you
09:01and i'm honored
09:03help
09:04all right
09:05all right
09:06are you sure you want to do the online thing
09:09for you
09:10i'd recommend a more old-fashioned approach
09:12go to a coffee shop
09:14make eye contact with an appealing stranger
09:16then follow them home
09:20follow them home
09:21yeah order their car
09:23you could try a bathroom stall
09:24but that's a little sketch
09:26i mean listen you do you
09:28but you're a mother now
09:29i'm not looking to have sex with someone
09:31yeah let's not put that in your profile
09:35i get it you mean a real date
09:37yes it's been 20 years
09:40back then online dating meant hooking up while waiting in line to buy boys to men tickets
09:49i helped turn a couple boys to men
09:53okay
09:55okay
09:55oh oh use this picture for my profile
09:57i look cute there
09:58so do your kids
09:59no one wants to see your kids
10:02that's like a second day reveal
10:03or if you're good
10:04a never reveal
10:07right right lie about everything
10:08this is good
10:09do you have some paper so i could write this down
10:11i'm just gonna do a little photoshop
10:13replace the kids with a bicycle
10:14so he thinks you exercise
10:17and
10:18we're live
10:20okay what about this guy
10:21he went to brown
10:22yeah but he's posing with a tiger
10:24yeah but he's holding nunchucks
10:25so he's awesome
10:28but not for you
10:29okay
10:31you might also want to avoid guys who post their abs
10:33but not their face
10:34and anyone who says they're an entrepreneur
10:36what does your profile say
10:37i am an entrepreneur
10:42okay what about this guy
10:43he's a cop
10:45okay
10:46guy in uniform
10:47i'm not uninterested
10:49he has nice eyes
10:52adam bennett
10:54and you have a date tonight
10:55no wait what that was too fast
10:57no you're too slow
10:58he's probably already forgotten about your date
10:59and moved on to someone whose bicycle isn't wearing sneakers
11:03i am really bad at photoshop
11:07come on pen
11:08you doing this or not
11:10okay
11:11you know what
11:14i realize i
11:15i didn't think this through at all
11:17i can't
11:18i mean my mom still thinks i'm married
11:20so you know she's gonna lose her mind
11:21and
11:23elena might be okay
11:24but alex he's still so young
11:26and this could definitely mess with him
11:30i don't think i should do it
11:33my family finds out it'll be a disaster
11:36maybe just don't tell him
11:37genius let's do this thing
11:41set it up for tomorrow 7 30 both kids are busy
11:44and schneider
11:45yeah
11:45schneider
11:46hey look at me in the eye here
11:49hey
11:50my mom
11:52elena
11:53alex
11:54nobody can know
11:56hey don't worry
11:58i'll be way too busy to tell them
12:00just texted nunchucks guy
12:02and i think we're gonna hang
12:04so then i was like
12:05let's do this thing
12:07i went to sephora
12:08and bought a tube of mascara
12:09so i could get a free makeover
12:11hey did you know that mascara
12:12is like 14 bucks now
12:14mine was 36
12:17shut your face
12:17my new best friend abby
12:19hey can i get that toilet paper
12:21i asked for five minutes ago
12:22oh yeah
12:23i'm sorry
12:29found a jumpsuit for 40 bucks
12:31that shows off the girls
12:33talking about my boobs abby
12:38anyway
12:42curled sprayed plucked abby
12:45i am hairless
12:47and i am here
12:49oh man
12:51i even shaved my lady stash
12:53wait you can do that
12:55yes
12:55it doesn't grow back thicker
12:57that's a myth started by big wax
13:02look at me
13:04uh
13:05when i met my ex
13:07i was wearing sneaks jeans
13:08a tit tank and a flannel
13:11i know it was a better time
13:17wait are you okay
13:18i'm sorry
13:19i thought my boyfriend benji
13:21was going to propose to me
13:22tonight and he didn't
13:23all right
13:24come on abby
13:25open up
13:26we gotta hook this out
13:37are you kidding me
13:40what
13:42sweetheart
13:43look at you
13:46don't take this the wrong way
13:47but your problems are nothing
13:53wow
13:57i'm sorry
13:58i'm sorry
13:59i'm sorry
13:59i just mean
14:02that benji
14:03is just a bump
14:04in what is obviously
14:05going to be a very smooth
14:07and luxurious road
14:09whoever you marry
14:10he'll be rich
14:11and you'll probably end up
14:12being one of those
14:13real housewife ladies
14:14and anyway
14:14this is like 20 years from now
14:16because you're a child
14:17a tall
14:19hot
14:20child
14:22do you really think
14:23that i can be one of the real housewives
14:26i know you can
14:29and now i'm gonna say to you
14:30what i wish my mother would have said to me
14:32before my date
14:33good luck
14:34thanks
14:36wait
14:36i thought your family didn't know
14:39well i didn't tell you what my mother said
14:43red lipstick is for putas
14:50what
14:51i'm just saying
14:53you should wear red lipstick
14:55for your
14:56encounter
14:57tonight
14:59damn it schneider
15:01no schneider didn't say anything
15:03i know because
15:04you obviously
15:06shaved your mustache
15:09is it that bad
15:10i ninja
15:11i felt like braiding it
15:15anyway
15:16i'm just
15:17having dinner
15:18okay
15:19and i'm not being a puta
15:21no
15:21you're a married woman
15:22who's going out on a date
15:24with a man
15:24who is not your husband
15:26what is the right word
15:27let me see
15:28uh
15:29sucia
15:30trump
15:31ah
15:32of course
15:34hoochie
15:37i am separated
15:38and i'm not having this conversation
15:40and keep your voice down
15:41because the kids can't know
15:43hey
15:43you shaved your mustache
15:47what's going on
15:48do you have a date
15:50how is everybody figuring this out so fast
15:54i didn't want you to worry
15:55so i didn't want to tell you
15:56it's just dinner
15:57mom i'm fine
15:58i mean i thought it was cool
16:00that you were blurring gender lines
16:01with your upper lip
16:03but this is great
16:08okay mostly what i'm hearing
16:09is i have to up my grooming game
16:14but you're
16:14you're really okay
16:16of course
16:16i mean it's well documented
16:19that women in their late 30s
16:20are in their sexual pride
16:22i mean i know
16:23please
16:24you're too okay with it
16:25and don't tell alex
16:26i mean it
16:27please
16:28first of all
16:29i'm not a gossip
16:30and if i were
16:31it wouldn't be to my little brother
16:32about my mom's love life
16:34shh
16:49am i in trouble?
16:52no
16:53we're
16:54we're just thinking
17:01well when you're done thinking
17:02can i have a hundred dollars?
17:04what?
17:05i don't know
17:06i need money for tonight
17:07because me and my friends
17:08are going bowling
17:09or miniature golfing
17:10or to the arcade
17:11i don't know
17:12just give me a hundred dollars
17:14uh okay
17:15first of all
17:16you need a plan
17:17second of all
17:17i need to approve the plan
17:18and third of all
17:19a hundred bucks
17:21that was funny
17:23no
17:26stupid thing
17:27keeps changing his mind
17:29first he invites joaquin
17:30then he has to invite jade
17:31because he invited joaquin
17:33then she wants to bring juju
17:34and casey and maddie
17:35i don't know any of these people
17:37we need to talk more
17:39don't talk to him
17:41he cannot know about this date
17:43oh okay okay
17:45yo meo
17:46it's so weird
17:47i was dying to tell him
17:49i'm like buzzing
17:50is this what gossip is?
17:53who way am i?
17:56que vamos a hacer con tu niña?
17:59abuelita's talking to ghost abuelito again
18:03imagínate si nosotros nos divorciamos
18:07i'm not talking to you
18:13so does papi think i'm a puta too?
18:15ay no seas ridículo
18:16yo papi would never say those things about you
18:18only i think that
18:21also just sitting on him
18:24i'm doing this
18:25come on mommy
18:26it would be nice to have your support
18:31i suppose
18:32there is nothing wrong with
18:35having dinner with a friend
18:38who is a man
18:45i don't know if you want to have a second dinner
18:49wear the red lipstick
18:52i actually don't own one
18:55you can borrow mine
19:00so i finally forced myself out of the house
19:02and overcame an expected yet still surprisingly strong anxiety attack
19:08now i'm here
19:11your waiter will be with you in a minute
19:13thanks kristin
19:14we didn't get a chance to talk much but
19:16you seem cool
19:33hi i'm tyler
19:34i'll be taking care of you tonight
19:35i know you're waiting for one more
19:37but can i start you off with an appetizer?
19:39no you can start me off with a drink
19:42because tyler i went through hell to get here tonight
19:45every aspect of this date
19:46has been dissected by all the people in my life
19:48my mom
19:49my daughter
19:49my landlord
19:50some giant hot baby in the bathroom
19:54have you seen her by the way?
19:55please tell me she's eating something
19:57the point is
19:58everybody had an opinion about this
20:01okay
20:03so uh do you know what you want?
20:12of course
20:13why wouldn't you two be waiting for me
20:16i thought you had a thing with carmen
20:18i came home early so we could all dish
20:23cuéntanos de todo
20:25did he have soulful eyes
20:27were his teeth white
20:29but not too white
20:31now the teeth are too white
20:33what is that?
20:36he was very nice
20:37and i'm glad i did it
20:38but uh
20:39wasn't two hearts in the desert
20:41like you and papi
20:42aww
20:48yeah i'm not gonna see him again
20:50see who?
20:52you don't want to give me the heads up
20:53that he was here?
20:54heads up
20:55alex is here
20:59wait why are you wearing abuelita's lipstick?
21:02why do you know that?
21:04scarlet sunrise
21:05duh
21:09and why are you all dressed up?
21:11all right everybody get out of here
21:12so i can talk to alex
21:16sit down papito
21:20what happened to your face?
21:22what happened to your face?
21:27i'm sorry
21:28i was hanging out with my friends
21:29it's hard to turn it off
21:39anyway stupid finn pushed me into a bush
21:42and i got scratched
21:43why do you like that kid again?
21:45because he seems like
21:46like a dick?
21:48yes
21:50but that's not okay that you said that
21:55anyway i want to be straight with you
21:59tonight i had a date
22:01wait
22:01wait
22:02just listen
22:05so do you know what you want?
22:09let me give you a second
22:10thank you
22:41you walked out?
22:42shh i don't want those gossiping hens to hear
22:45but yes
22:48no one has asked me what i wanted in a long time
22:51and i realized what i wanted wasn't a date
22:55then what did you want?
22:58a crappy chick flick by myself
23:01and a fro-yo with three too many toppings
23:03the kind that i make you and elena split
23:05oh man
23:07anyway i sent the guy a text apologizing
23:09but i want abuelita to think that i went out with him
23:12so that next time i don't get the third degree
23:14next time?
23:16yeah
23:18because i'm pretty sure there's gonna be a next time
23:20at some point
23:22are you okay with that?
23:25yeah
23:25i mean
23:26i figured he would
23:29after all women in their late thirties are in their sexual prime
23:32oh god
23:35stop talking to your sister
23:37tell her to stop talking to me
23:44anyway
23:46dating is super weird
23:47i know
23:48i know
23:50why do you know?
23:52my dumb friends have been trying to get me and this girl anna together
23:56oh
23:57i see
23:58so what happened tonight was finn made a plan
24:01then everybody built on purpose so anna and i could be alone
24:05okay
24:06i mean i like anna but i don't really want a girlfriend
24:09it was like everyone had something to say about it but me
24:13that's exactly how i felt
24:16and you're right dating is super weird
24:18until it's not
24:24there's something else you want to talk to me about?
24:28well i kinda lied to you
24:30oh god what is it?
24:32did you steal something?
24:34did you damage something?
24:35did you pee on something because you were mad and then later you were like
24:37i shouldn't have done that?
24:39no who does that?
24:43these are just general examples
24:47what did you do?
24:49this isn't because finn pushed me into a bush
24:52i tried a shave
24:54i tried a shave
24:57oh my god
24:58it's all happening
25:01so
25:03you don't want a girlfriend
25:05but you did want to look nice
25:07i guess
25:08i used one of your razors and cut myself
25:13i have no idea what i'm doing
25:17i think i know someone who can help you out
25:23i am a latina
25:25you are a 12 year old boy
25:26so we have the same amount of facial fuzz
25:29okay
25:30watch and learn
25:33you want to go
25:35with
25:37the hair
25:40uh-huh
25:41now that i'm shaving
25:42it's gonna grow back thick right?
25:44no
25:44that's a myth
25:45come on
25:59man
25:59hola mi vida
26:02Alberto, you look guapissimo in that suit.
26:06Which is why you buried me in it.
26:11So, Lupe did not go on that date.
26:15¿Qué?
26:15Mm-hmm.
26:16You told me she was going.
26:17Oh, she lied. Mentirosa.
26:19She said she went, but when she got home,
26:21she wasn't super happy, she wasn't super sad,
26:25and I know our Lupe.
26:27There was no date.
26:29What are we going to do about our niña?
26:32Dichoso, too. You don't have to do anything.
26:36Lo siento, mi amor.
26:38You don't look that sorry.
26:40¿Qué puedo hacer?
26:43Perdito.
26:44They broke the mold when they made you.
26:48Now you're just being nice.
26:51I'm not that nice.
26:54That's why I married you.
27:18Little aloe vera on your upper lip and you're good to go.
27:21I can't wait until I have more hair than you.
27:24Me neither.
27:27Ay, Berto, como me haces reír.
27:30What's Abuelita doing?
27:32She's on a date.
27:33She's on a date.
27:51I'm not that good.
27:56I'm not that good.
27:59I'm not that good.
28:00And nothing more.
28:08Once, nothing more in my heart,
28:14the hope shines.
28:19The hope that alums the path
28:25of my loneliness.
28:30Once, nothing more.
28:33Once, nothing more.
28:37The soul gives me.
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