- 26 minutes ago
Half.Man.S01E01.540p.X265.AAC [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:53I'm not speaking about this.
00:58You don't have to speak.
01:00You have to listen.
01:03Really?
01:06You picked today.
01:09My fucking wedding.
01:16Come on, Truman, stop messing.
01:21Put your top back on.
01:34Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:45Oh, Niall.
01:53Come here.
01:55Come here.
02:02I'm proud of you, yeah?
02:05You know that?
02:13You look gorgeous, so you do.
02:15I tell you, if I wasn't family, I'd get up and underneath that kilt right away.
02:20No, Ruben, don't.
02:21What?
02:22I tell you, you look gorgeous.
02:24Come on, show me.
02:24There's nothing to show, Ruben.
02:25I've got boxes on underneath, for Christ's sake.
02:27Oh, boxers.
02:28Stop teasing me, you little mate.
02:33Hey.
02:34Yeah.
02:35Come here, look at me.
02:36Look at me.
02:38That's it.
02:41Look at me.
02:44We may not flow through each other's veins, but we flow through each other's brains, you
02:49get me?
02:50Please, I don't think that...
02:50One more time, eh?
02:52For all time's sake.
02:54I just need to hear it.
02:57Before I lose you forever.
02:58You're not serious.
03:01Go on.
03:02Say it.
03:03What am I?
03:08Your brother from...
03:16You're not a lover.
03:21You're not a lover.
03:22Beautiful.
03:36No!
03:51Come on, give us your best, you little fike.
04:04What is this now?
04:06Oh, fucking Snickers, Indiana Jones, that film is gay as fuck, I'm gonna have these, no, please,
04:17Gus, you can keep one, okay, I'm not a monster, pick one.
04:29Second to last.
04:30Good.
04:52Open up.
05:00Okay, degenerate, settle down, settle down.
05:05Right, as we know, the prelim exams start this week, are we aware of how important they are?
05:15Well, the prelims are your safety net, for whatever reason you missed your finals.
05:20You get hit by a bus, you come down with a bubonic plague.
05:24These exams are your get out of jail with an appeals card.
05:27Have I emphasized their importance enough?
05:34Positively spellbinding.
05:37Right, moving on.
05:38Well done.
05:38I should probably make you aware that a new student will be joining the class from tomorrow.
05:43One Reuben Pallister.
05:46What?
05:49Some of them are, Kennedy.
05:52No, it's just...
05:54Did you just say Reuben Pallister?
05:58That's right.
05:59A new pupil you can show off your sparkling personality to.
06:04Reuben will be transferring from Pullman Young Offenders Institute, and will be resitting
06:09two years, which means he'll be a little more feral than the rest of you.
06:13Any questions?
06:17Nobody.
06:18Good.
06:18Open your jars, we'll pick up where we left off you after day.
06:22Page 16.
06:25Kennedy.
06:27Did you listen to what I just said?
06:30What?
06:30Yeah.
06:31Of course.
06:33What did I just say then?
06:37Reuben's back.
06:39Reuben's back.
06:41Reuben.
06:42Reuben.
06:42Reuben.
06:51Reuben.
06:53Reuben.
06:53Reuben.
06:54Reuben.
06:54Reuben.
06:54Reuben.
06:55Now's not the time, all right?
06:57For me?
06:57He's not staying with us, is he?
06:58We can talk about this when I pick you up.
07:00But, Mum.
07:21You should have said about her then.
07:22Don't piss yourself.
07:24You're a 15-year-old boy.
07:26Given your life, I don't need to give you respect.
07:32Look, I'm sorry.
07:34Okay?
07:35I should have told you.
07:37I'm keeping with the theme of surprises.
07:39He's moved into your room.
07:42What?
07:42No way.
07:43What did you think that second bed was for?
07:44We were almost begging you to ask.
07:46I thought it was for guests.
07:47He is a guest.
07:48No, he's not.
07:49He's a psycho.
07:50He bit someone's nose off.
07:51I've seen the guy too.
07:52It's horrible.
07:53His wife left him and everything.
07:57I don't know.
08:03Look, you're not to talk about this, okay?
08:05Nobody in this town knows about that.
08:07The last thing that boy needs is folk whispering.
08:09Don't bite people's noses often.
08:11No, shh.
08:11You're not to speak this way in front of Maura.
08:13All right?
08:13Oh, you always put her first.
08:15She was only supposed to be living with us for six months, and now her kid is moving in.
08:18Come on, Mum.
08:19He's a psycho.
08:21Her son getting out is a big deal.
08:22He's been away for two years.
08:24For Christ's sake.
08:25This is happening, Niall, so get used to it.
08:57He's been away for two years.
09:22Remember me, Bambi?
09:24Last time I saw you, you were about yay high.
09:33Grown at least two feet since then.
09:35Maybe more.
09:36You've got the exact same size head, though.
09:39Creeping me out a bit.
09:46You helping or what?
09:48We can't have this shit up.
09:50No more for bringing Bud's home.
09:52Yeah.
09:56Get to it then, Bambi.
09:58Grab a bag.
09:58Get stuff in.
10:07Yeah.
10:08Take that poster down and put this up.
10:13Put this up.
10:26Put it up then, you dick.
10:54What the fuck are you staring at?
10:58What?
11:00Nothing.
11:24Ah!
11:26Looks like Palace there's a no-show.
11:28Off to a great start.
11:31All right, everyone.
11:32Open your jotters.
11:33We'll pick up from yesterday.
11:44Right, what's going on here?
11:50Kennedy.
11:52Open your jotter.
11:55No.
11:57Open, boy.
12:06Who did this?
12:08Oh, no.
12:09Come on.
12:12Uh, me, sir.
12:15You?
12:16You called your own mum a dyke?
12:18No, I called someone else's mum a dyke.
12:21Really?
12:22I know firsthand from your essays.
12:24Your grasp of irony isn't that strong.
12:28So, come on.
12:29Who did this?
12:34My mum is not a lesbian.
12:36I beg your pardon?
12:37I said, my mum is not a fucking lesbian.
12:43Look.
12:44Come with me.
12:45Go off me, you nods.
12:47What did you say?
12:48Like to touch young boys, do you?
12:50You fucking old poof.
12:53I'm just wondering if there's something else we should be worrying about.
12:56What are you insinuating?
12:57All I'm saying is I've seen a change in Niall recently.
13:00And what change is that, then?
13:01Look, he's gone from being a committed, gifted student to one that acts out in most lessons.
13:05Sir, go on.
13:06I know you want to.
13:07Look, we have to call into question Niall's rather unusual state of affairs at home.
13:10You don't know anything about my damn home.
13:29You fucking fucking bastard there!
13:35Oi, Ruth.
13:37I know you're up there.
13:38What?
13:40I've been sitting about by a muck all day, waiting.
13:45Is that your dad?
13:46What the fuck?
13:47I'll wait, no cunts.
13:49Hear me!
13:53You're not a muck.
13:55I'm not these fucking muck.
13:57You get down here and explain why you stay with that dain.
14:03It's not me!
14:05You've been, son.
14:07Who's that again, eh?
14:09I think I'll get you all mine up and hug it.
14:15I don't think I can't see you, boy.
14:18Please hear me the fucking color.
14:20We've got to move on.
14:22I'll get, I'll get more.
14:23I'll move to the bridge.
14:25We need to move on.
14:26Don't shoot her.
14:27Fucking deal.
14:31Not a word, okay?
14:33Not a fucking word.
14:38I can't believe the rest of you.
14:39Don't you shut your mouth.
14:41Fuck.
14:42You don't tell anyone about this.
14:44Do you understand?
14:45This never happened.
14:46I can't believe the rest of you.
14:56Just a friend who's alive.
14:58No.
14:58You don't know.
15:00No.
15:01No.
15:02No.
15:03No.
15:04No.
15:04No.
15:04No.
15:06No.
15:09No.
15:18I don't know.
16:05I don't know.
16:15I don't know.
16:16So, boys, I am not sure whether you heard all that commotion last night.
16:28Now we were asleep, both of us.
16:34Oh, right. Well, that's okay then. Ignore me.
16:37I don't know.
16:59What the fuck are you staring at?
17:02Just seeing if you're all right.
17:04Why wouldn't I be?
17:05It's just last night.
17:06Fuck last night.
17:08Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Fuck last night.
17:18So are you nervous, or...?
17:20How the fuck would I be nervous?
17:21Well, first day of school.
17:23This is Dal Kenny. It's where the fairies go.
17:25Hey, soft cock.
17:27Are you a boyfriend?
17:30Ignore them.
17:32Are these guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:33Nah, it's just banter.
17:35Big after your mum, do you, you little faggot?
17:38Great banter.
17:42These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:46I'll ask you again.
17:48Are these guys bothering you?
18:00Is that a knife?
18:01Go to school.
18:02What?
18:02Go to school. You're not a witness if you don't see what happens.
18:04It's all right.
18:05Just fucking go.
18:08Go.
18:40And at the heart of this relentless conflict...
18:43Lies a love story.
18:47Ah, Mr. Pallister.
18:49Nice of you to fit us into your busy schedule.
18:52Boys and girls, this is Reuben.
18:54Reuben will be joining us from now on.
18:59Where's your school uniform?
19:00On your mother's floor.
19:02That's enough, everyone.
19:06Disc at the back.
19:10And for the record, my mum's dead.
19:12So extra points for nihilism.
19:20Right.
19:21As I was saying,
19:22two households like families.
19:25Both in a bit of a feud.
19:27Cuts.
19:31Goodislant.
19:32Good.
20:00You've been working out, Niall?
20:02It certainly has.
20:04There's only an inch of space when I cut my hand around his bicep.
20:07Used to be at least two, three maybe.
20:09I'm going to my room.
20:10No, don't!
20:13Sit down, you little killjoy.
20:24We need you to persuade Rabin to go to the exam tomorrow.
20:27What? No way.
20:28Niall, please, do this for us.
20:31What are you doing?
20:34Stop that, I'm not a kid.
20:35That's exactly what you're doing.
20:37Oh, come on, do this for me.
20:39Go on, go on.
20:40Niall, I need you to do this, come on.
20:43Please.
20:43Go off me, go on.
20:45Come on, just this one thing.
20:46Oh, please!
20:47I said go off me!
20:57I'll take it from here.
21:08Okay.
21:11That's...
21:12You left fairly sizeable nice fire in the airport.
21:16She's making all the effort in the world.
21:18I don't care.
21:20We're not friends.
21:21We never will be.
21:22Come on, fancy the pants off of her when you were a wee in.
21:27Remember the love letters we'd send to her house on Valentine's Day?
21:34Fine.
21:35Playtime's over.
21:39Look, will you speak to him at least?
21:41No!
21:42No, he's terrifying.
21:44Oh, come on, Niall.
21:45You wouldn't believe how hard Maura had to work to get Ruben into Dalkenny.
21:49She changed her postcodes and everything.
21:52He's on probation too, so he needs to show up and pass this prelim,
21:55for the school.
21:56Kick him out.
22:25I said no, I'm not even gonna say no, never, never, never, ever.
22:34Things got a bit lead to what I never said
22:36till me mouth becomes dead, which ain't not all that clever.
22:44And he's got not saying one thing, no, not another, rather,
22:47neither is it anything I haven't said, whatever.
22:54What's your thing?
22:55What, what do you mean?
22:56Am I speaking foreign?
22:57That's what he does.
22:58You tell anyone about this I will put you to sleep.
23:01Do you understand?
23:01I won't.
23:02I mean, I thought I was great.
23:04Thought I was great.
23:29What do you want?
23:32Just a quick something that's come to me just now, in the moment.
23:39I was thinking about the exam tomorrow.
23:41Fuck off.
23:42Right, you are.
24:10Your dad.
24:18What about him?
24:21How old were you again?
24:26When I was eight.
24:28When I died.
24:32What did he do again?
24:39He was a writer.
24:41Oh yeah?
24:43I don't remember that.
24:45Well, he worked in a pub mainly, but he wanted to be a writer.
24:49So, and what did he write about?
24:55Working in a pub.
25:04He was really good though.
25:06I've read all his stuff.
25:08He was so close to getting published in the end.
25:11What stopped him?
25:15Well, death.
25:16Death.
25:29That's why I want to give it a shot myself, you know.
25:32You're right too.
25:34I keep a diary.
25:36That doesn't count.
25:37Try sending that to Anne Frank.
25:39Who?
25:41No, she was just...
25:45It doesn't matter.
25:56What happened to Gus?
26:02He'll survive.
26:07I just thought with the knife you'd done something, you know, really bad.
26:15Almost did.
26:17And I'm up against the wall with it, guppy and like mad.
26:22Whispered, it'll be over soon.
26:25So he thought for a second I was going to stick it in him proper.
26:29It'll be over soon.
26:34Yeah, I love seeing that.
26:37You really get a sense of what a cunt looks like when they think they're going to die.
26:42You sort of infant, like...
26:44It's all innocent and shit's weird.
26:48It'll be over soon.
27:00Night, Bumpers.
27:04Night.
27:04Night.
27:04Night.
27:07Night.
27:17Where's your bulldog now, eh?
27:18A guff.
27:19Not the way you tell us where Gus is.
27:20I don't know.
27:21We know you live with a unbred prick.
27:22You're bound to see something.
27:23We don't talk.
27:27Oi!
27:42Leave me alone.
27:57Leave me alone.
28:40Let's smoke this, son of a bitch!
28:44Come on, come on!
28:45Pallister, nice of you to join.
28:48Please refrain from shouting out.
28:49It's only prelims.
28:50Where am I sitting?
28:51There's an empty chair there, two rows along.
28:54Please move quietly.
29:03Please move quietly.
29:39All right, guys.
29:40We have ten minutes left.
29:42Ten minutes?
29:42Get fucked.
29:43Language, Pallister.
29:45I started later than everyone.
29:46Well, I'm afraid the onus is on you there.
29:48Piss off, Jenkins.
29:49I shagged your mum in a row.
29:53Pallister, get back here.
29:56Pallister, don't you walk away from me, son.
29:59Oi, I'm speaking to you.
30:01I'm speaking to you.
30:05I don't know.
30:13I don't know.
30:31All right, guys, not long now.
31:08All right, guys.
31:17The school fund.
31:18Oh, Jesus.
31:20What now?
31:21Reuben passed.
31:23He passed the prelim.
31:26He can stay in school now.
31:29Oh, really?
31:31Yeah.
31:34You helped him, didn't you?
31:36Oh, no, I...
31:38Last night, I heard you talking.
31:45I mean that.
31:49I know we haven't always seen it eye to eye.
31:52Mainly because you're a little brat who blames me for everything.
31:56I do think you could be a positive influence on my boy.
32:04Thanks.
32:07I think.
32:15Now, that feels weird.
32:18Let's never do that again.
32:20Oh, God.
32:48Let's never do that again.
32:50I've got to keep it down. Bambi's sleeping.
33:03Isn't it a bit weird doing this with a wee Nile in the room?
33:06I don't care. I passed the prelims today and I did it in a speck at the time every other
33:10fucker.
33:11Stop it, Ruben. If I swear anymore, I'm going to put my back out.
33:14Shh! I don't know.
33:16I thought you said you didn't care about him hearing.
33:18What are you doing? I just don't want my mum rubbing one out all week.
33:24Yeah, TV's off. I want it for you, Scal, Scal.
33:27Oh, baby.
33:47Okay, here, here.
34:09Caught you, Nile Kennedy.
34:10What? No, I was sleeping. Fuck off. We saw you.
34:14I wasn't. I was sleeping.
34:15Liar. At least admit it, you little scrote. You were perving.
34:19Pervy little Nile Kennedy, eh?
34:23So, tell me, did you see anything that you liked?
34:33Quite something, huh?
34:35Is this the first time you've seen a naked woman?
34:40In the flesh.
34:44And what do you think?
34:48She, she, she, she, she looks...
34:50What would you do to her, Nile, if you could have your way?
34:56Go on.
34:59I would, I would, I'd, I'd ask her for her permission.
35:03Obviously.
35:04Fucking loser, aren't you, Bambi?
35:06Touch my breath, Nile.
35:08What?
35:23Here, let's see how he's getting on, shall we?
35:26What?
35:26No, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no.
35:28That's fine, Bambi.
35:30Just relax, okay?
35:31Let her do her thing.
35:47Wow. Nothing. What's going on? You got something against Mona?
35:52Is it my boobs?
35:53What? No, it's just that this isn't how I pictured it.
35:57How did you picture it then? More than one woman.
36:01That's it, isn't it? Niall here loves grip sex.
36:05No, no, I don't.
36:06Little Niall Kennedy loves a bit of group sex.
36:10Well, I could assume different characters if you like.
36:14I could be Candy, a blonde bombshell who lives next door.
36:19Or I could be Svetlana, Russian warrior of the North.
36:27She's incredible, isn't she now?
36:29There's something to keep her.
36:31Uh-uh. Svetlana is kept by no one.
36:34How's he getting on now, then?
36:37Come on, son.
36:38I got Phil Marks on my Santa grades back in the day, Niall.
36:41I know you love a nerd.
36:45Here.
36:47Just focus on how things feel.
36:49Give me your finger.
37:01Oh, hello.
37:03Here we go, my man.
37:06You ready?
37:08Okay.
37:34Easy, boy.
37:36Steady.
37:37Steady.
37:46Oh, wow.
37:47He's a grower, young Niall.
37:53Oh.
37:57Sorry.
37:58Back you go, mister.
37:59No, no, no, no, no.
38:00Just do it.
38:01Fighting.
38:02Let her do her thing.
38:04Here.
38:05I'll hold it up, Ray.
38:06What?
38:16Hold it, son.
38:18Hold.
38:21Hold on my rhythm.
38:41Wow.
38:42He's really going for a night.
38:44He's really going for a night.
39:09For fuck's sake, did you just call me me?
39:13You fucking did, you mink!
39:15Oh, no.
39:15For her feet are old.
39:17Now, son.
39:17You need to pull out.
39:18For fuck's sake, I better not be pregnant.
39:20I'm sorry.
39:21I didn't mean to.
39:21It just came out of nowhere.
39:23Relax, son.
39:24It's fine.
39:25But, I mean, like, what happens now?
39:28Will I get the virus?
39:32What?
39:36Do you mean AIDS?
39:50Oh, my God.
39:52Lie back, you daft cunt.
40:01So, is that it, then?
40:05That's it, Bambi.
40:09Oh.
40:27I don't know.
40:30I don't know.
40:54I was just thinking, do you have any hash?
41:06We can bake Niall Kennedy, dark horse, my man.
41:18Niall Kennedy, eh?
41:21Sex God, drug fiend.
41:35Sigh.
41:36Sigh.
41:47Sigh.
42:01Sigh.
42:02Sigh.
42:05Sigh.
42:11Sigh.
42:16Sigh.
42:18Oh, I feel like an idiot.
42:22Nah, you're good.
42:26I know what you did.
42:29As in?
42:31You got him.
42:33Oh.
42:38I've never seen her look at me like that before.
42:42I've seen her cry.
42:44Loads.
42:47You know, but...
42:53I like this.
42:55It works.
43:02What did you make of Mona, then?
43:05Yeah, I liked her.
43:06Yeah, you fucking did.
43:09You can thank me when you're ready.
43:13Someone had to lose your virginity for you, didn't they?
43:17Oh, come on.
43:18You didn't think that was chance, did you?
43:22There's no way a lassie would take time out from sleeping with me to sleep with you.
43:27I set it up.
43:29My way of saying thanks.
43:37So, come on.
43:38Tell me you loved it.
43:43I loved it.
43:45Yeah, you did.
43:49I should run a brothel or something.
43:51I'm like the Pied Piper of pussy.
43:55Yeah, you did.
43:59I love it.
44:09See you.
44:11Yeah.
44:18I know what you said.
44:21Like...
44:22I love it.
44:24I love it.
44:24I love it.
44:34The pine paper are busy.
44:39I'm imagining these massive vaginas with legs falling through the roots.
44:51You're a minger, papi.
45:16Can I see something?
45:18See that?
45:22Around mums, you know.
45:26Fuck him.
45:31Yeah.
45:32Afraid so.
45:36Does it bother you or something?
45:40No.
45:40No, not really.
45:43As long as they're happy, I guess.
45:47Although they don't seem all that happy.
45:55There's a lot you don't know about.
46:09Yeah.
46:11Got you something.
46:20I'm gonna train you.
46:22Just in case something happens to me, I need to know you'll look after yourself.
46:28Why do you care?
46:32We're family now.
46:35It's the most important thing.
46:39My brother.
46:41If I'm another lover.
46:48Come on, boys.
46:49School.
46:51Bring those thin bags down while you're at it.
46:56This is gonna be some morning.
46:58We'll be floating to school after all that.
47:05Hey.
47:09You've got nothing to worry about with our mums.
47:12Ten years time, you'll be at a party somewhere and realise it makes you more interesting.
47:23Oh, yeah, Bambas.
48:02Just cause I ain't never had no nothing worth having, never, ever, never, ever.
48:13You ain't got no call not to think of what I'm falling to.
48:15You're thinking I ain't too clever.
48:23And it ain't not having one thing or not another, rather, neither is it anything, whatever.
48:33And it's not, not knowing that there ain't nothing showing in the eyes or to the name of Trevor, however.
48:46Knocked me down with a feather.
48:50Clever Trevor.
48:56Why browse wonder whether clever Trevor's clever.
49:05No, neither, haven't not got no right to make a clock out of Trevor.
49:12No, neither, haven't not got no right to make a clock out of Trevor.
49:32No.
49:33No.
49:34No.
49:36No.
49:37No.
49:57No.
50:00No.
50:02No.
50:02No.
50:04No.
50:05No.
50:08No.
50:10No.
50:15Hey. Easy. Sip. Don't chug. Come on. That's it.
50:32Jesus. You're dripping.
50:37Let's sort this out.
50:40We're going to stay here.
50:42All right.
50:44Hey. It's going to be okay.
50:48You're going to be fine.
50:51Hey. Hey, it's going to be all right.
50:54Don't. Hey. Come on.
50:56Nile. Please. No.
50:58Hey. Hey. Settle. Settle. Settle.
51:01Don't do this. All right. Settle.
51:02No, no, no, no. Settle. Settle. Just breathe.
51:05Hey. Hey. It's fine.
51:08No, it's fine. Just settle a bit. Settle.
51:12Here.
51:13Follow my breath.
51:19There's no following my breath.
51:21I can't.
51:22Follow it.
51:22I can't.
51:23Try. Yes, you can. You fucking can.
51:25Come on. Come on. Follow it.
51:34He can't.
51:40I can't.
51:50Hey.
51:50Yes.
51:56Hey.
51:57go with it go with it in and out that's it that's a boy just pray
52:04okay i'm here for you just keep breathing that's it that's a boy
52:15don't worry it'll be over soon
52:27so
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