- 6 hours ago
The King Of Queens S03E08 Ctrl Episode 8 Engsub
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Short filmTranscript
00:17What the?
00:27No, I mean it. Thank you.
00:38Hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:39What are you doing with that?
00:41Just watching the sunlight hit it.
00:44That is for tomorrow.
00:47But I'm hungry. I'm just gonna take a leg.
00:49Doug, we are having guests for Thanksgiving,
00:51and I am not serving them a one-legged turkey.
00:55Well, what, turkey can't be handicapped?
00:57Well, you got some kind of problem.
00:59Come on, I will find you something in there that is good, okay?
01:03Here we go. Let's see.
01:06Okay, you can't have that.
01:08Mashed potatoes, no.
01:09Yams, no.
01:10Pie, no.
01:11Okay, you know what?
01:11You name one more thing I can have,
01:13and I'm gonna...
01:16Come on.
01:18I'm sorry, I don't think there's anything in here that you can have.
01:21How about stuffing? A little stuffing.
01:22Come on, I love you.
01:27No.
01:27It's stuffing.
01:28You can't tell if stuffing's missing.
01:32I'll remold it.
01:33I'll even it out.
01:34Hey, look at me.
01:35No one has to know.
01:39Oh, oh, oh.
01:40Look, looky here.
01:41I found something that you can have.
01:44Oh, Lunchables.
01:45Oh, this is it.
01:47It's great.
01:48You know why?
01:48Because this is like lunch,
01:49only a lot smaller.
01:51This is gonna be perfect.
01:52Thank you very much.
01:54There we go.
02:04I'm stuffed.
02:07My eyes are getting weary
02:09My back is getting tight
02:12I'm sitting here in traffic
02:15On the Queensborough Bridge tonight
02:17But I don't care
02:19Cause all I wanna do
02:23Is cash my check
02:25And drive right home to you
02:28Cause maybe all my life
02:31I will be driving home to you
02:51I, for one, am stuffed
02:56Thanksgiving, man
02:58Not a good day to be my pants
03:02There aren't a lot of real good days
03:06That's nice, very nice
03:07After we just fed you
03:08Yeah
03:09The carrot of food was unbelievable
03:10Oh, excellent
03:11Yes, honey, it was delicious
03:12Thank you
03:13Oh, don't thank me
03:14Thank the good folks
03:15At Holiday in a Box
03:16Yeah, but who went and picked it up?
03:18Actually, they, they dropped it off
03:21Well, come on, girl
03:22Who reheated it?
03:24That's true
03:25I did
03:25Okay, okay
03:26Pride is back
03:30You know the food is good
03:32When it knocks a man out cold
03:35Hey, you wanna stick his hand
03:36In warm water
03:36See if we can make him pee?
03:38Yeah
03:39It'll be nice to be
03:41On the other end of that
03:42For once
03:43But even if it does work
03:44Aren't you just gonna be
03:45Ruining your own couch?
03:47Oh, good point
03:47Good point
03:49Let's see here
03:50Oh, this is perfect
03:52This is great
03:57Oh, man
03:58Shh, shh
04:07It's funny, right?
04:11Actually, my kid could look exactly like that
04:13Oh
04:16Doug, what the hell are you doing to him?
04:19I'm just dressing him up like a big baby
04:20Relax
04:21Stop it
04:22It's killing time till dessert
04:24Doug, it's Thanksgiving
04:25Could you be nice?
04:26I think I have a right to mess with him on Thanksgiving
04:29Dessert's up
04:29What are you talking about?
04:31Kidding me?
04:32You remember how he tortured me
04:33The first Thanksgiving I met him?
04:35My God, it was hell
04:36I remember Thanksgiving very well
04:37It was a great day
04:38It was the first time I
04:40I got the nerve up to tell you I love you
04:42Got the nerve up?
04:43It wasn't so hard after I told you
04:45What?
04:46You think you told me first?
04:48Si, senorita
04:49Uh, I think I told you first, senor
04:52Okay, you know what?
04:53Don't go Spanish
04:53I went Spanish
04:56Spanish?
05:02That got you up?
05:03You know what?
05:04Dad will know
05:05Dad, do you remember meeting, uh, Doug for the first time on Thanksgiving?
05:09Of course I remember meeting Doug
05:11I believe it was Thanksgiving
05:17Daddy, we're going to the Thanksgiving party now
05:20Have fun, sweetheart
05:22Hey, you touch one hair on her head
05:25I'll gut you like a fish
05:27I'll scram
05:31Dad, that was Donnie Peacock
05:34And we were eight years old
05:35And he ran out of the house crying
05:37I am talking about meeting Doug
05:40On Thanksgiving
05:41You don't remember?
05:50I'll take the Thanksgiving special, Kimiko
05:52Oh, yes, I'll sign
05:56No, that couldn't be the one
06:05Dad, 1993
06:06I had been dating Doug
06:07A few months
06:08You were still married to Lily
06:09You remember?
06:19There you go
06:20A little taste of what's coming
06:23Delicious
06:23As are you, m'lady
06:25Oh, mm, mm
06:28Guys, guys, guys
06:30Guys, my boyfriend's going to be here any minute
06:32And we're not close to ready
06:33Any chance we can get dinner going
06:35Before you guys get to third base?
06:38You heard her
06:39Get off
06:41So, uh
06:41Who is this, uh
06:43Heffernan fellow?
06:45Heffernan, Dad
06:45Doug Heffernan
06:46He's a guy I've been dating for six months
06:49Any relation to Lou Heffernan?
06:50I don't know
06:51Uh, where's the ladle?
06:52Oh, wouldn't that be funny
06:54If they were related, huh?
06:55Yes, that would be very, very funny, Lily
06:57Listen, um
06:58By the way, you guys
06:59I took down your naked poster
07:00Of John and Yoko
07:02Please don't fight me on that
07:04So
07:04What is this young man's line of work, anyway?
07:07Uh, he's training to be a driver at IPS
07:10Oh, boy
07:11Oh, Dad, it's a good job
07:14Yeah, it's a swell job
07:15Until they invent a machine to do it
07:17I don't want you to talk
07:19You polish bowling balls for a living
07:21I polish and engrave them
07:23Show me the machine that can do that
07:26Leave her alone, Arthur
07:28I'm glad she finally found a boy she's serious about
07:32Has he told you he loves you yet?
07:34Uh, not yet
07:35He's not the, uh, say I love you out loud type of guy
07:38Hmm
07:39Well, I know I'm not your mother, dear
07:41But may I still offer you a word of advice?
07:44Uh, sure
07:46If you want to make a sale
07:48You gotta let the customer sample the merchandise
07:53Absolutely
07:54I will do him in his car tonight
07:59Leave her alone, Lily
08:00Just because you gave it away
08:01Doesn't mean she should
08:02Well, I wouldn't have
08:03If you hadn't been so damn good at the mambo
08:06Come in
08:13Okay, okay
08:14Let me explain something here, okay
08:16I, I really, really like this guy
08:19And I have put off having him meet you for six months
08:21But at this point I am running out of excuses
08:24So if you two could, I don't know
08:26Maybe imitate normal people just for today
08:29I would really appreciate it
08:31Because Doug is very, very special
08:36I gotcha
08:37Damn
08:38Oh, it's worth the mini puke to be the best
08:41See, that's where we're different
08:42I'm not that committed
08:45Hello, Douglas
08:47Oh, hey, man
08:48Hey, this is the guy I was telling you about from work
08:50Uh, Deacon Palmer, Spence Olchen
08:52At your service
08:53Word up, Spence
08:54Uh, most people call me the Spenceinator
08:58So, Doug, uh, you nervous about meeting Carrie's family?
09:00Yeah, I kinda am, you know
09:01I thought I would have met him sooner
09:02But, uh, apparently they spend a lot of time in the Orient
09:06So you guys are starting to get serious
09:08I think so
09:09I think so
09:11Olive, have you said the L word yet?
09:15Not yet
09:16It's cocked and loaded, though
09:18Today could be the day
09:19Gonna tell you lover
09:20Wow
09:21Only time I heard you use that word was talking about
09:24Pork snacks and Mookie Wilson
09:28Well, Carrie's about to join that exclusive club
09:30Oh, doo-doo-doo-doo
09:32Doug and Carrie can't touch them
09:41Okay, this baby is ready for action
09:44Good heavens, we've got a lot of food here
09:46I hope your dog fellow likes to eat
09:48I think we're good
09:51Oh, Arthur, I told you two hours ago
09:53To clean up all these boat brochures
09:55Well, I'm sorry, but I'm right on the verge of a decision
09:59Stop it, Arthur
10:00We're not buying a boat
10:01Oh, come on, Lily Darling
10:03I even have a name all picked out for her
10:05The Lily Darling
10:17Arthur, you are such a dreamer
10:19I am not
10:19All I have to do is go to the bank
10:21Get a loan
10:21And five minutes later
10:22I'm Captain Artie of the Lily Darling
10:25It is not that simple to get a loan, Arthur
10:27Boats are very expensive
10:29Oh, I see
10:30So, is this your way of rubbing the bankruptcy in my face?
10:43Why don't you go back to the street corner where I found you?
10:47I was waiting for the bus
10:48Whatever helps you sleep at night
10:53Dad, get out of the bathroom now
10:56Now
10:56She's fired
10:58He's a moron
11:00She shaves her lip
11:02His nipples don't match
11:10You're insane
11:11I heard that
11:16Crap, he's here
11:18I'll get it
11:19Don't get it
11:20I have to get it
11:22The poor schmo is standing right on the porch
11:26Hi, you must be Doug
11:28One sec, hon
11:32He's here
11:33Now get out of the freaking crapper
11:38Dad, will you just come out?
11:40Not until she apologizes
11:42Lily, just apologize
11:43You don't have to mean it
11:44Just say the words
11:48All right
11:49I'm sorry
11:51Did you hear that, Daddy?
11:52She said she's sorry
11:52That's so sweet of her
11:53Now, come on out
11:55Are we getting a boat?
11:56Just say yes
11:57The second lie is always easier
12:06Yes, we can get a boat
12:08Ah, do you hear that, Dad?
12:09You're gonna get your boat
12:11And the jet ski
12:12A jet ski?
12:14Oh, God
12:14You're insane
12:15You're not gonna get anything
12:17You little pain in the ass
12:18I hope you stay in that bathroom forever
12:21Maybe I will
12:22And by the way
12:23I'm currently making a loon gesture
12:28Are you miserable old people?
12:30I can't believe you're doing this to me
12:48Carrie?
12:52Doug
12:52It's so nice to finally meet you
12:55Come in, please
12:56Come in
13:25Come in
13:31So
13:32Yeah
13:33How are you enjoying the food, dear?
13:36Oh, it's great, thanks
13:37Oh, thank you so much
13:38For bringing these buffalo wings
13:40They look delicious
13:42No problem
13:44They're from Cooper's
13:45They're famous for their wings
13:49Half of these are hot
13:51They're half or mild
13:52I didn't know what you guys liked
14:01I like hot
14:03I like mild
14:04Hey, that's
14:05That's what makes world go around, huh?
14:07I have a question for you
14:08Is Carrie coming back
14:09At any point in time?
14:09Oh, of course she is
14:11I think she's having a visit
14:13From her Aunt Flo
14:16So, how would you like a nice warm biscuit?
14:19Okay, yeah, sure
14:20Be back in the chair
14:29Is the bitch gone?
14:36Did some
14:37Some
14:37Hello?
14:38Is she gone?
14:40Uh, yeah, she's in the kitchen
14:44Arthur Spooner
14:45I'm Carrie's father
14:47Oh, hi, Doug Heffernan
14:48So, you're with IPS, huh?
14:51Yeah, IPS
14:52Yep
14:54Aren't you concerned about losing your job to a machine?
14:59Not really, no
15:00I, uh, see, I drive to a lot of people's houses
15:03And deliver packages to them
15:07I, uh, don't know really how a machine would do that
15:11It's gonna happen, my friend
15:13Yeah
15:13They're working on it, even as we speak
15:17They're ready
15:18I was never here
15:24Here you go
15:25Piping hot
15:26Ooh, let me freshen up that orangina
15:33Give me a drumstick
15:37Thank you
15:42There you go, sweetheart
15:45Where's the other drumstick?
15:47I, I don't, uh, I, uh
15:48I think this one started out with one
15:52Arthur, give me back that drumstick
15:55You'll have to pry it out of my dead cold hand
15:59Excuse me, where, where's the bathroom?
16:01The psycho is in it
16:03Arthur, Doug has to go to the bathroom
16:04Now get out!
16:06No
16:06He can come in if he wants
16:08But I'm staying
16:10Son, what do you have?
16:12Number one or number two?
16:21So, you've been dating my daughter for quite a while now
16:23Huh?
16:24Uh, yes, about, uh, six months now, sir
16:27So, pretty serious
16:29Oh, yes
16:30She, she's a, she's a great girl
16:34And, uh, you are planning to get the weight off?
16:40Absolutely, I'm on it
16:45Problem with the plumbing, son?
16:49No, no, you know, I'm just having a hard time going with you in here
16:52Oh, why didn't you say so?
16:54By all means, I'll give you some privacy
16:57Oh, well, thank you
17:05So, where are you from?
17:13Rego Park
17:14Oh, wonderful area
17:16You must know my friend Stan
17:19Runs the shoeshine joint down by the Dunkin' Donuts
17:22Uh, you know what?
17:23Nope, don't know him
17:24Sure you do
17:25I'm sorry
17:26Don't know him, Mrs. Spooner
17:28For God's sake, son
17:29Stan
17:30Stan
17:33Shoeshine Stan
17:35Oh, shoe
17:37Shoeshine Stan
17:37Yes
17:37Oh, yeah
17:38He did
17:38Go with my shoes
17:39Yup, yeah
17:41There you go
17:42Okay, you know what?
17:43I'm not having any luck with this
17:45I'm just gonna go up to the mobile station on the corner
17:48They're gonna make you buy something
17:51You out, Doug?
17:53Want some pie?
18:02Oh, sweet freedom
18:07You're here?
18:09Were you here the whole time?
18:11No
18:11I drove down to the 7-Eleven to get a pack of Capris
18:15Oh, did you?
18:16Oh, that's nice
18:16Do you mind if I?
18:18I don't smoke
18:19That's right
18:20I don't smoke
18:23Why did you leave?
18:25Because I
18:26I didn't want to be there for the moment when you realized I come from a crazy farm
18:31You know what?
18:32I would love to hear this, but I gotta pee
18:33Yeah, okay
18:34You gotta pee
18:34You know what?
18:35Why don't you call me in six months when you're done peeing?
18:37Okay?
18:38We'll have a cup of coffee
18:39Six months?
18:39What are you talking about?
18:40Six months?
18:41I gotta pee
18:41I'm serious
18:42Look, if you wanna just go
18:43Go
18:44My whole life's been a freak show
18:45I don't even blame you
18:46What are you doing?
18:48Bye
18:48I was gonna tell you I loved you today
18:50Hey, dumbass
18:52I'm gonna purge you
19:02Douglas!
19:03Oh, God, now I'm locked up
19:05Douglas, over here
19:07Yeah, I'm Mr. Spooner
19:09Listen, I couldn't help but overhear your little argument
19:12Uh, yeah
19:13Do you think it's possible that you could send Carrie out?
19:16She's too upset
19:18You can't talk to her when she's like this
19:20Listen, you seem like a good kid
19:22Wait here, and I'll go talk to her
19:24Try to patch things up
19:26No promises
19:27But I'll see what I can do
19:40She...
20:01Sorry, son, no go
20:03Really?
20:04Really?
20:04I tried
20:05But she didn't wanna hear a word of it
20:07Anyway, it was a pleasure to meet you
20:09Maybe someday when this blows over
20:11We'll sit on my boat and have a good laugh
20:13If you still have to pee
20:15Feel free to go on the azaleas
20:17Their hearts
20:29Doug?
20:30Yes?
20:32Did you just say you were gonna tell me you love me?
20:35Yes
20:35Yes, I did
20:38Did you just pee in our bushes?
20:39Yes
20:40Yes, I did
20:45I love you
20:46I love you too
20:52Where you going?
20:54Carrie, come back
20:55He's got no future
20:57I'm telling you
20:58The two of you will be living in my house
21:00Within five years
21:03Carrie!
21:04Then we drum off
21:05End of story
21:06I said I love you first
21:08Right after you peed
21:10Whoa
21:10Whoa, whoa, whoa
21:11Are you even listening to your own story?
21:13Way before that
21:14I said I love you dumbass
21:15No, no
21:17You said
21:17I was gonna say
21:19I love you dumbass
21:21But you didn't actually say it
21:22And by the way
21:23Dumbass kinda killed it anyway
21:25Now you're punching wild
21:26You know it's the same thing
21:27It's not the same thing
21:28If you say you're gonna take the garbage out
21:30But you don't actually take the garbage out
21:32Is the garbage out?
21:35Look, I don't know where the garbage is
21:36Look, the point is
21:38The words I love you were never said until I said them
21:45Well, I said I wanna have sex first
21:49That was all you
22:12What's that?
22:13It's a new engraving and buffing machine
22:28What's that?
22:59The words I you
23:28I'm not giving you
23:28That $2,000
23:28IAN
23:28You
23:28What's that?
23:28You
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