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The King Of Queens S03E01 Ctrl Episode 1 Engsub
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Short filmTranscript
00:04hey there hey sweetie how was work well let's just say that a lot of packages are in different
00:10places than they were this morning it's what I do I got there CD apparently Bon Jovi is back
00:20oh he looks cute I'd still do him put it on you got it coming up
00:49just pull the tab I don't see a tab well there's a tab that red plastic thing okay that's not
00:54on
00:54this that's on gum here we go here we go here we go yeah Jovi coming up all right you
01:12know give me
01:12something sharp now I just got some new scissors my eyes are getting weary my back is getting tight
01:27I'm sitting here in traffic on the Queensborough Bridge tonight but I don't care cause all I want to
01:35do is catch my check and drive right home to you cause maybe all my life I will be driving
01:47home to
02:06here you go darling I finished the book you loaned me Tuesdays with Maury dad I didn't loan this to
02:14you I bought this for someone as a gift that might explain why it was in your drawer in a
02:20bag oh well
02:22there it is good as new wrap it up there are pages ripped out well I'm sorry I was aggravated
02:28Maury's
02:28dying and this young man visits him brings him full tucks a blanket under his legs writes down all his
02:34insights insights made my stomach turn why I've mentored many young men in my time not a single one has
02:43come by to chronicle my wisdom not one who have you mentored many young men hey gotta take a step
02:51back
02:51okay thank you thank you darling I had an idea how would you like to jot down my musings on
02:58life
02:58any interest uh sounds more like a Doug thing
03:08hello Douglas how would you like to chronicle my life
03:14what chronicle my life come on haven't I mentored you taken you under my wing taught you a few things
03:21about the world and its peoples
03:26no not really I see well obviously I've been casting my pearls before swine oh good day and I'll see
03:35you both in hell
03:40so how was work good today at lunch I nailed down the difference between pastrami and corned beef
03:46one makes me go like this the other one like this
03:57once again question was how was work it's busy busy Q Gardens branch was down so they routed everything
04:02through us oh that's no big deal though that new kid Rico I'm working with really came through he was
04:08like hey that's no problem we just double it up Jack push it baby is that the way he talks
04:14yeah he's got
04:15that that accent you know hey Jack how you doing he calls everybody Jack I wish I had a little
04:20thing
04:21a little signature way of talking I do really yeah you know like when you you extend words for no
04:29reason like like this would be an onion yeah I guess I do have that it's not cool though you
04:41know
04:41um hey what's for dinner Jack we're looking at spaghetti oh yeah give me a taste baby okay coming
04:49at ya yeah feed me the pasta feed me come on come on give it give it to me oh
04:53my god hey what you doing
05:02paying our bills online you think with all the technology we have they can come up with a better
05:14sound then come on why don't you leave your bills behind and get reacquainted with my underduggy come
05:30on I gotta do this I gotta do this hey come on hey didn't you vow to obey me in
05:35our wedding obey me
05:37obey me wife obey me Doug stop it come on we cut that obey stuff out when we wrote our
05:43own vows
05:44actually I snuck it back in quietly I was I was like obey me like if I don't get these
05:51paid by
05:51tomorrow the para company is gonna turn our lights off that's okay baby we just make love in the dark
05:57you know that's the way it's supposed to be you know you like doing it in the dark Rico oh
06:03yeah baby
06:04so why don't you say goodnight to the world wide web and let the Rico connect you huh
06:11you think you got it in you do you know I do show me what you got
06:23horrible beeping noise must be stopped must snuggle with bear-like husband
06:35pretty wiped out huh yeah I tend to have that effect on the late ass
06:50oh hello I didn't hear you come in mr. morning sex
07:00yeah do we go what
07:08the voice do we go
07:15uh okay so you want to dance the samba in the a.m. hey baby
07:22yeah that's the early bird special that's gonna cost you
07:29Frankie Johnson Arthur Spooner remember me I filled in for your archery instructor at Camp Wigwam
07:39oh for god's sakes I meant it you
07:44fine see you in hell
07:49who is it a taste of Bombay oh terrific
07:56hi there hello you have the magnetica chicken palak paneer and a lemonade that's 1482 sir
08:05let me get some cash
08:10come in come in
08:18son how far do you and I go back what is it two three years I don't know remember that
08:25time I ordered the
08:26tandoori lamb from you oh that was fun
08:31what what was your name again Sanjib Sinbad Sanjib Sanjob Sanjib look I have a lot of other orders in
08:44the car so if you could please pay me I would appreciate it oh yes I'll get to that but
08:49first
08:49I have a few things I'd like to tell you about the way things work in this crazy place we
08:55call planet earth hit record and play at the same time
09:07dead-end package you know if your owner really wanted you he might have been home one of the
09:11three times I tried to deliver you it's a crime the way people don't wait at home for their packages
09:16anymore it really is so uh you're a little late this morning what was up nothing
09:23Carrie and I just got into a little morning action
09:27morning action nice work yes no big deal no big deal but didn't you once call morning sex the uh
09:34the best thing in the world that doesn't have cheese on it
09:39I mean it was good it was just that uh I don't know do you uh you think this is
09:45weird last night I was trying to get Carrie in the mood so I uh I did a voice
09:54a voice yeah what like Bugs Bunny
10:04no I did the voice of the new guy oh Rico yeah it sort of turned her on a little
10:10too then this morning she asked me to do Rico again you think that's a bad sign
10:19you did the voice for me
10:23I'm not doing the voice I'm just asking you do you think it's bad that Carrie's kind of like
10:26I don't know into Rico you know does it mean that I'm slipping that
10:29maybe me alone doesn't turn her on anymore well I mean has she ever even met Rico
10:33no but I think she's rolling the dice that
10:35young Latino stud might be a little bit more of a turn-on
10:38than big ass who's always there always
10:43yeah I see your points
10:44I knew it
10:45look come on man I think it's fine look you've been married for a while these things happen
10:49you get creative don't worry about it
10:52do you uh
10:53do you do voices
10:54no
10:57I do wear a bandana
10:59really
11:00now are you playing a character when you wear that bandana
11:02mmm I guess not
11:03oh so then it's still you
11:05well it's
11:06it's bad me
11:09see that wasn't me at all in bed
11:10yeah just do the voice for me
11:12I'm not doing the voice
11:12I just wanna feel the magic
11:14but you know what he sounds like
11:15yeah but not talking sexy come on do the voice
11:17put on the bandana
11:20hey Rico
11:21come here for a second
11:23hey
11:23what's up Jack
11:25not too much man
11:26listen um
11:27Doug and I were just trying to remember the words to that uh
11:29uh George Michael song um
11:30I want your sex
11:32um
11:33remember how that goes
11:34yeah I think it's something like um
11:37sex is a natural
11:38sex is a fun
11:40yeah
11:40sex is the best when it's one on one
11:46that's right
11:48that's right
11:51okay
11:53I got me a little hot
12:11what have you brought me today
12:13son
12:15what you ordered
12:19it was very kind of you
12:23could you tuck this blanket under my feet
12:35thank you
12:37so that's a 1328
12:39right right
12:41sit for a moment
12:42would you
12:51Sanjeeb
12:52do you see this glass as half empty
12:55or half full
12:58half full
12:59half full
12:59okay so you know that one
13:04dad would you just pay the guy and let him leave
13:06in a minute
13:07and stop ordering Indian food
13:10it's stinking up the fridge
13:13no offense
13:18hey sweetie
13:19hi
13:20oh
13:21NYPD Blue
13:23i miss jimmy smiths but good for rick schroeder you know what i'm saying
13:27yeah yeah good for him
13:35have i told you how much i love you today
13:38oh honey that's sweet i love you too
13:44so you uh
13:45you wanna
13:48yeah yeah yeah let's just finish watching the show first
13:57come on baby let's do it now
14:02oh
14:02oh
14:02rico
14:04you want me to turn the tv off
14:06yes
14:09well okay
14:11here i am you big latin stud
14:14all right that's it
14:17what
14:18you wouldn't turn off the tv for me but you sure turned it off for rico didn't you
14:21what are you talking about
14:23what are you talking about
14:23oh nothing just that you're more attracted to him than you are to me
14:25doug i don't know rico i've never even met him
14:28oh you know him
14:31what does that mean
14:32i don't know all i know is doug plays with your hair nothing
14:35rico does bingo or should i say el bingo
14:40let me get this straight
14:41you are jealous of a guy that i've never met
14:45that is actually you
14:47no i'm jealous of rico
14:48you are rico you idiot no i don't go around calling people jack i'm the only only own guy
14:54and that to my recollection has never gotten your middle third singing sweet virginia
15:00admit it carrie another man's voice is turning you on
15:04maybe i am turned on by the fact that you are such a talented mimic you ever think of that
15:09is that it well then let's get rich little in here we'll have an orgy
15:15is this what i'm like when i get my period because if it is i am very very sorry
15:22you know what it's fine it's fine it really is it really is you know i just i guess we've
15:27reached that phase in our relationship where i need to do other people's voices to turn you on
15:33what what so what are you saying you're saying that you have never thought of anyone else when we're in
15:38bed together is that what you're saying
15:39just the fact that you're asking me that means you thought about rico
15:42just answer my question have you ever thought of anyone else
15:47i've shuffled through a few images but then retreated out of guilt
15:51uh-huh uh-huh so other people have crossed your mind
15:55maybe but the only person i thought of for more than a few seconds was don zimmer and that was
15:59just a pull in the reins a little
16:04whatever this is so crazy it's just a stupid little accent you started doing and now for some reason you're
16:09mad at me i am begging you can we let this go
16:12fine you know what i'm going to grab a beer why don't you give me a jingle when you're ready
16:15to have sex with doug heffernan again
16:17oh yeah why don't you give me a jingle when you stop fantasizing about don zimmer
16:25i'm sorry but i really just have to be going
16:27oh yes we're all coming and going
16:31only the man who makes peace with that can truly be free
16:35more curry
16:41coming
16:48leave my son alone
16:51what
16:52he does not wish to chronicle your wisdom
16:56but thank you for your business here's your food
16:58that's 11.95
17:01all right
17:03here's your money
17:03you know
17:05people often ask me
17:06why is there so much anger all around us
17:09and i said
17:10ba-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
17:19-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
17:2010-8
17:2110-8
17:22hey by the way
17:23thanks for the tip
17:25what do you mean
17:25i tried riko's voice last night
17:27kelly liked it so much that after we were done
17:29she got out of bed
17:30made me a grilled cheese
17:34hey
17:35carry's here
17:36really
17:37hey big guy
17:38can i talk to you for a minute
17:40this is perfect just when he's glistening
17:44so
17:46hey how'd you know i was here
17:48your dispatcher told me you guys were playing some ball listen i i felt really bad about our fight last
17:52night
17:52yeah you know what no big deal okay just uh see you later okay bye-bye buckle up for safety
17:56it is a big deal okay if your feelings were hurt and you're still thinking about it this morning that's
18:02bad
18:03now i don't want to get into who's right or who's wrong the point is this has nothing to do
18:07with riko
18:08i love you and that's it
18:10you love me got it okay
18:10all right honey i love you all right
18:12bye-bye
18:15thank you
18:17hey where you going jack
18:21you liked his voice
18:23now welcome to his face
18:26is that what you're all worked up about
18:29i gotta tell you honey
18:30if i passed him on the street
18:32nothing
18:33then why haven't you blinked
18:35i'm going
18:37hey
18:37you're not leafing are you jack
18:39uh no no no uh
18:42riko this is uh my wife carrie
18:45hello how are you doing
18:47she's doing good you're doing really good right you're good
18:51this is my girlfriend francesca
18:54very nice to meet you
18:55i love your sweater
18:57yeah well carrie's just leaving now
18:58yeah right
18:59uh
19:02drive away honey
19:03drive away
19:15come on
19:16doug can't we get past this
19:17don't you wanna
19:20degercise me
19:23something
19:23i can't
19:24you'll just think about rico
19:26and
19:27i can't imitate that body
19:32why does this have to be a bad thing
19:35i mean maybe this is like a new phase for us
19:37you know we role play
19:38it could be fun
19:39what do you mean
19:43doug
19:43i'm francesca
19:46rico's adorable girlfriend
19:48i'm very sexy and very italian
19:52and very hopeful that you will come out to play
19:57what the hell have you been drinking
20:02well i think you might like a little accent too
20:06and not don zimmers
20:10so doug
20:12you like it come on
20:13say you like it dougie
20:16hmm
20:17i'm not hating it
20:21you would uh do francesca during
20:23hmm
20:26of course i'll do anything for you doug
20:28i love you
20:29so doug
20:30you wanna uh
20:31a little italian gelato
20:33what flavor
20:35spumoni
20:35what's that
20:38it's got
20:39fruit
20:40and nuts
20:43and candy
20:45okay now i actually want gelato
20:52but i can get that later
20:54here
20:54huh
20:56so francesca
20:57are you ready for some hot latin love eh baby
21:00i'm ready rico
21:02mmm
21:03mmm
21:04you are a big sexy latino star
21:07oh that's all right jack
21:14what was that
21:16the toilet won't stop flushing again
21:20you know it kind of smells
21:22you know it kind of smells
21:24i'll get the plon shirt
21:31whoo
21:33man it is great to be them
21:50and so that is why i look at this glass as half full
21:56write that down
21:58i'm not gonna write it down
22:00you're supposed to be chronicling my wisdom
22:03i'm not going to chronicle your wisdom
22:07you chronicle my wisdom
22:10your wisdom is stupid
22:13oh
22:13but the glass is half full
22:16oh that's genius
22:19so that's how it's gonna be
22:20well chronicle this
22:22i'll see you in hell
23:21i'll see you in the next one
23:21i'll see you in the next one
23:21you
23:29you
23:30you
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