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Rooster - Season 1 - Episode 07: All the Dogs' Names
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00:06okay the minute a scene doesn't feel real readers are going to check out so you have to do your
00:11research if any of you've read my book blade of the glades i've never read any of your books
00:16thank you for interrupting to let me know that um the story involves rooster chasing a one-legged
00:23assassin through the swamp on a fan boat in order to write that scene i went to the everglades and
00:28i learned how to pilot a fan boat how did you research what it's like to be disabled for victor
00:32the assassin i kind of winged that part of it in my defense victor loses his leg to an alligator
00:39and
00:39then on the very next page rooster blows up victor's boat so he really only lives the life of a
00:44one-legged
00:45assassin for 90 seconds tops okay your first drafts are due before thanksgiving break so please get
00:56them in tommy really sorry about the other night and if you want to talk about it not ever
01:03yeah me neither but i still would like to help you get your grades up look i have a rule
01:07if i see a
01:08dude over 50's penis i need at least a week before we hang out why would you have had to
01:12make that a
01:12rule you know i only wore these so you wouldn't see me scrunch my eyes every time i look at
01:16you
01:16because all i can see is a snake slithering between two gatorade trees that is actually a
01:21beautifully crafted sentence really you fucked my mom oh nice no no thanks ava okay
01:32he is still pretty upset about the whole thing yeah he's big but he's a sensitive boy
01:38it doesn't help that his father left me for his high school math teacher
01:42tommy's had to deal with a lot of his favorite teachers having sex with his parents
01:46that can be really tricky yeah i don't want to do this what's going on just i mean you're
01:55leaving soon anyway i feel like we should end it
02:01i yeah i understand i uh okay good say goodbye okay goodbye bye bye one more time okay bye
02:25okay all right all right okay i've enjoyed our time together greg russo
02:33as have i crystal butera
02:44ah professor rousseau moment of your time um i'm gonna meet you in there will you get them ready
02:50to talk about jasper johns please how just tell them we're gonna talk about jasper johns in a minute
02:55see that is why you're the teacher no guys who's ready to hear about jasper johns except not right
03:03now because we're not ready at all gosh she's quite the character lily is amazing oh you should put a
03:08baby in her what do you want actually um okay so since you and i are no longer seeing each
03:15other
03:16carnally i really just wanted you to know that i'm hoping that you still choose us
03:21i mean the prospect of you not being in my life is frankly uh well it's unbearable
03:33thoughts suck my dick it's not a no i can work with that i'm gonna come back here every single
03:39morning till you make a decision can you take your time 100 days thousand days doesn't matter to me
03:43i'll be here i'll walk 500 miles i'll walk 500 don't do that
03:48oh and i brought you a favorite question
03:52did you get the jam i like yes yeah i have to dash but um i'll see you tomorrow
04:08and you know the worst part i didn't even want the dana faculty gig in the first place
04:12and now i miss it i miss being heard you know what are you babbling about over there
04:22i'm sorry i thought that would make you laugh
04:26look i think you should stop seeing this dean thing as something that you lost and start seeing
04:31it as a gift that you actually know what you want pretty shitty gift
04:37greg why is there a lock on our special door well walt there's a lock on your door i'm the
04:41president greg he has a point oh he's dealing here i couldn't see you before hello hey okay let me
04:47okay walt hey i have to unlock this okay i need to close the door walt let me do it
04:55here we go easy peasy lemon squeezy what's up chrysal has gotten our hockey coach into the same
05:04rehab facility that her ex-husband used to frequent while he's away i'd like you to fill in as our
05:10head
05:10hockey coach well yeah i'd love that oh terrific perhaps you could come by the hothouse later on
05:15and we could discuss details um well maybe not today maybe some other okay then dylan would you
05:23go on a coffee walk with me and a few love to see that that's how you say yes to
05:27somebody oh
05:31are you trying to poke the bear he barged in last week and i was sitting there looking at my
05:37belly
05:37button and i couldn't explain why how about now well it's just something i do
05:42okay
05:47i can hear that greg okay
05:50oh i oh i i played before i laugh at me i'm trying trying falling sometimes sometimes flying
06:06cry me and i'll shine up white liners cruel cruel cruel
06:16well please stop anonymously submitting sonnets to the review they're all about ireland and teddy
06:22roosevelt i know is he not sure what you're talking about but i do have exciting news professor
06:26einright is going to retire at the end of the semester he wants to really focus on hating his wife
06:32and
06:32his family so i uh i'd like to make you the head of the english department
06:42wow i know i'm grateful
06:47but i want dean of faculty
06:49huh i know you and riggs are old buddies but he is problematic on a good day
06:55i'm a better fit for the school greg made me realize that i owe it to myself to say that
07:01to you
07:01well greg strikes again outstanding
07:15you're gonna love sonny's dad my favorite thing about him personally is how much he's gonna hate you
07:20well you never know mo i might charm him what are you high on
07:24hi fire relate dad wanted to drive around and look at the leaves dying they're so red
07:30now back in appleton you get the one big rain boom it's stick season oh mo how's it hanging
07:36better now that you're here freddie you're looking good
07:39uh you know it is an honor to finally meet you sir
07:43get in here
07:46you're bringing a baby into my life god bless you
07:49all right all right this is not what i paid to see
08:01oh boy
08:14how you doing
08:19i thought you'd fight for me
08:23what would you have done if i had
08:27i'd turn you down
08:30do you want me to go
08:33yeah
08:35okay
08:37thanks
08:47crystal
08:48i don't see my daily schedule is there a chance that'll show up eventually
08:56no
08:57fair enough
09:05oh
09:07hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on oh my croissant thank you
09:10some jam on the inside and i got you a cortado
09:14oh full disclosure this was for me but they didn't quite get the phone right
09:18you know this is really the kind of thing you should have done when we were together
09:20but now i am this is how this works i bring you a delicious breakfast treat i ask you if
09:25you decided to be with me or not you say you haven't quite made your decision yet but
09:29still kind of flirty can you give me this this cute little smile oh buffering it's buffering
09:34there it is okay beautiful it's like classical music you should go
09:39okay well i can't stay i don't want you to be here but i can't i can't stay go okay
09:44maybe
09:44it's a latte tomorrow and less talking tomorrow it is
09:54hey roscoe
09:55you mangy money this dog is nothing but trouble
09:59oh i tell you we have wandered around so much i doubt that i can find my way back to
10:03my daughter
10:03sonny's place who sonny
10:08you look familiar i don't think i do oh well how do you know roscoe
10:15i'm a good dog guy i like dogs i like to know all the dogs on campus by name
10:22if i can you know try to learn them
10:26back there see that's fergus oh and that's uh lisa ann it's a good girl boy lisa ann's got a
10:34big set of balls on her yeah she's very self-conscious about that all right well have a good day
10:47oh hey greg oh hey walt i didn't see you lurking over there if you were looking for
10:52crystal she decided to take her thanksgiving break a bit early oh okay why well i asked her and she
11:00just said to ask greg
11:04well i had a cough last week little cough and maybe she caught it from being in the same room
11:10that i had previously been in you know funny story i didn't get my schedule from her the other day
11:18and i subsequently missed the head of the board of trustees birthday dinner now my five-year contract
11:23is up at the end of this school year and i snubbed him that is bad timing
11:30that sure was but we persevere yes we yes don't we we persevere yes we do oh say greg quick
11:38question before you shove off what are we greg what what is this what are we what are we doing
11:50am i supposed to come in i don't know greg okay
11:57you know it feels like only yesterday that you were right here in my office asking me to save your
12:03daughter's job out of who was it do you remember what it was i don't friendship ah greg ever since
12:13that day i have been making a list of your transgressions in my mind would you like to hear
12:18not especially you broke crystal you encouraged dylan to think big you lied about hockey you put
12:24a lock on our special door you have not been back in the hothouse since day one and you may
12:30or may
12:30not be helping your ex-wife to take my job okay i would like to be accountable so i will
12:37respond to
12:37those in order i'm sorry thinking big is not a bad thing sorry sorry it's just too hot for me
12:46and the
12:46last one is crazy fine great help me brainstorm a couple of birthday present ideas to mitigate my
12:55absence i actually i really have to go through the galleys of my new book so you know what's curious
13:03the morning after my bar night i came into the office and my sphinxes were facing the wrong
13:09direction almost like someone had removed them and then put them back you don't know anything about
13:17that do you you know what makes a great present oh it's great keep in mind the guy's 80 you
13:26think
13:26this will be okay for him uh i i'd get him a helmet maybe a bell done i need a
13:33favor from you dylan
13:35seems to listen to you and i can't give her that dean of faculty gig so i need you to
13:40convince her
13:40that being the head of a department is not a consolation uh yeah i will if it comes up
13:50so you want me to make it come up thank you say if i got one of these bad boys
13:58maybe uh maybe you and i could go out and do some riding yeah maybe you ruined it
14:10my dad likes this place so be prepared to eat every meal here while he's in town
14:14well you'll hear no complaints from me fred you have to consider me a fellow creature of habit
14:19you should see with my cortados they have to be uh uh just the right temperature the froth has to
14:24be just so it's a bug tell him about my cortados
14:30he likes his cortados oh yeah i'm trying a little hard aren't i yeah sorry
14:37but i appreciate it what's with the accent by the way my dad doesn't think accents are real
14:44are you pumping that up for us
14:47uh no king's english that's yeah sorry i gotta go to my morning seminar and then the
14:53ob appointment okay darling all right see ya yeah see you later
14:57well no one leaves without a smooch yes well love you yeah bye get my dad home oh you bet
15:08she the best what's wrong with you you should be going to that appointment
15:14it it's just a routine checkup okay norah and i we couldn't have a kid on our own
15:19i would have killed to go to a routine checkup this baby is a gift give yourself over to it
15:26i promise
15:27it'll grab your heart
15:30now go catch her and tell her
15:34yes sir
15:38no one leaves without a smooch
15:41okay what are you doing what are you doing come on i'm joking it's a joke
15:45i didn't know i didn't know but now i do so that's good okay i really put myself out there
15:50with walt and he still hasn't given me an answer total radio silence ah fuck that guy
15:57hey zoe are you still looking for a cause to sink your teeth into so badly i want something
16:02important enough to justify a new tattoo but it can't be a cult oh my god you guys have no
16:06idea how many people are doing cool things just to get you to join their cult i've been in three
16:10okay let's not get off track um zoe what about the fact that there are not enough women in
16:16positions of power here at ludlow here here well i love that but i don't know if it would fit
16:20on a
16:20t-shirt what about uh more women on top i'd wear that t-shirt
16:26ew what give him a second what are you almost oh no no no no i would not wear that
16:34that that's
16:34gross that's not the position is not gross it's fun and not we're not talking about it anyway hey
16:41speaking of powerful women i heard that you were offered the head of the english department
16:45pretty cool did walt tell you to come and talk to me to get me more psyched about it
16:52yes he did i'm sorry i know i got roped into it i'm sorry i'm trying to run interference i'm
17:01trying to help everybody okay let's not get hysterical ladies
17:12dad i know as the words came out of my mouth i felt a chill running down my spine
17:17walt means well he just can't offer you the job that you want it's his decision what the hell are
17:22you talking about i don't know i never know i don't know why i came over here excuse me sorry
17:30oh that's walt he wants to know how this is going oh all is forgiven if you send him a
17:36pic
17:36of what we look like right now can i make it a selfie sure all right here we go
17:47well now that's going on the transgression list
17:55mr russo i didn't recognize you earlier because of the helmet and my wife will never
18:00believe that i got to meet my favorite author if i don't get you to sign this yes of course
18:06sure sure fred celuski greg russo hey uh just so you know my daughter clued me in on our
18:13personal connection i don't know all the dog's names it's kind of that i figured yeah this is
18:18stupid uh so i'll just make this out to the man whose daughter is impregnated by my daughter's
18:24husband or fred let's do fred women are underrepresented on the ludlow faculty by 6.27
18:33percent and are most noticeably absent from the higher levels holding only 28 of administrative
18:39positions my girl's got mad research skills president man i love ludlow but we can do better
18:45and i'm going to keep pushing for that speaking truth to power is kind of my kink he doesn't need
18:50to know that sorry uh thank you for your time sir of course and please know that my door is
18:55always
18:55open uh especially when my gatekeeper is out having a nervous breakdown thank you thank you
19:03she's so cool right also she's really bright and has a nose ring i'm sorry i'm just talking you make
19:11me nervous i'm glad unfortunately i have other pressing issues apparently the school mascot costume
19:18has been stolen and is out engaged in malfeasance right i actually think i might have seen him peeing in
19:25the fountain last night well thank you for not telling anyone until now thank you
19:37also uh dylan shepherd should be dean of faculty i'm biased because i love her but everybody loves her
19:44so seems like kind of an easy call okay anyway peace out sorry i don't i didn't know how to
19:51leave
19:57i've been in the crosshairs before what is it you always say leave it alone it'll blow over
20:02riggsie i did a deep dive into your file yeah you really told a student that they couldn't reschedule an
20:08exam after their grandmother died because it was the natural order of things ah she was 88 and a fatty
20:15you told our new classics professor that she was top heavy in a good way you put me in a
20:22room with 10
20:22women four of them take that as a compliment four is not enough i am these are not the times
20:28that we
20:28came up in pal a few years back i felt this place leaving me behind so i ran as fast
20:34as i could to
20:35catch up now i don't always get there but i damn sure make the effort you you don't even try
20:42look
20:44do i enjoy the occasional off color remark yes they're fun but blah blah the world is changing
20:53i need to change with it fine so give me a chance
21:00you know lying in that hospital bed i realized i never want to leave this place
21:07this school is my life well i'm your friend i have never asked you for anything i'm asking you for
21:18this don't cut me loose i'll even stop smoking inside if that helps it's the law
21:28come on you can't give someone a wake-up call and not give them a chance to wake up
21:35please i gotta go i'm late for class all right
21:51okay he's got a chuck
21:55hmm nope that's not jelly that is actual blood i'm bleeding okay great
22:02oh that's far enough right there you know it is super illegal to have two people riding that at the
22:09same time what oh my gosh when did you jump on i'm sorry i had no idea she was there
22:16yeah right well i heard that uh you're the new head coach temporary head coach
22:23well either the three of us are taking a ride down to the station oh i'm not going nowhere or
22:29you give me a written guarantee that my son starts next week and instead of his last name on the
22:33back of the jersey it just says the man i cannot do that but you know dj is a good
22:38player so he's
22:39gonna get plenty of ice time deal god i love being a cop
22:49oh message from walt regarding the dean of faculty position i feel it would be most prudent
22:55for me to entrust the board with this important decision for the future of ludlow it sounds like
23:00a bit of a cop-out yeah they'll probably keep rigs you know they don't love to shake things up
23:08yeah see ya glad you came no it's been great i learned a load about prenatal vitamins and heart
23:17rate increases and mucus plugs yeah admittedly that last one did make my tumbly feel a little bit rumbly
23:23but um no it's great i do wish that your ob wasn't quite so enamored with puns though i know
23:29right
23:32okay before you go do you want to see your baby we could do a quick ultrasound
23:41okay let's take a look
23:49oh my god mark look he has my chin
23:57he's beautiful
24:02you're sorry
24:08you two should really get a womb oh all right stop it seriously i'll switch doctors
24:19hey
24:20well look who's returned to the hothouse could you come out to talk for a sec in the middle of
24:26a
24:26session door door door door all right well that's fine i'm sweaty already hockey practice
24:35sweet cut to the chase i know you're here to talk about going
24:40i don't want you to do anything you're going to regret and i don't want to suffer a lecture from
24:45somebody to show me nothing but disrespect disrespect when did i had sex on my desk
24:52i yes i did i did i disrespected you one time
24:57i disrespected you and your desk i'm sorry i'm a painfully lonely man great
25:03and that rigs the first week i started here we just clicked i have a wife who travels the planet
25:12six months a year and i have an endless parade of work acquaintances so friends are in short supply
25:22and i know i'm a lot there you are
25:30it's a lot here i thought you're going to disagree with me on that one look at you you're half
25:34naked
25:36i am not as body confident as you nobody is
25:41here's the thing
25:45i had led myself to believe that you and i were going to be thick as thieves
25:55walt i can't tell you
25:59how or why anyone ever connects with each other i mean you can meet someone and be overwhelmed by their
26:05lack of boundaries yeah i didn't necessarily mean you sorry i have to get out of here before i pass
26:10out
26:14okay the bottom line is this dylan is your friend too whatever decision you make it has to be your
26:34choice
26:34hey everybody's ready to go i'm going to be in one minute um why don't you get them talking about
26:40robert rousheimer and how his personal relationship with jasper johns created a dialogue that incorporated
26:48modern media into art yes on it thank you so dorks roushemberg he and jasper j guys they were
26:55shacking up what's up with that it's not really
27:17okay pablo neruda is most famous for his love poems but nothing but death may be the saddest poem
27:25ever written there are cemeteries that are lonely graves full of bones that do not make a sound
27:33i hate to interrupt the fun but uh quick what's up the first thing i need from you as my
27:43new dean of
27:43faculty is a list of suggestions new chair of the english department you do that for me of course
27:49what's on your desk tomorrow forward all right where were we
28:03the heart moving through a tunnel in it darkness darkness darkness
28:27there we are but it will try to knock from now on seems fair
28:35well what are you doing right now oh we should set a time to do this every day
28:43maybe maybe we'll be formed a gang the little no swingers i don't know about that as a gang name
29:00when you hear the music you make a dip if there's someone else talking then make a slip
29:06i'm still a thought of over las vegas oh
29:22i'm
29:24i'm
29:24i'm
29:24i'm
29:28i'm
29:31i'm
29:33Say your friends, say your friends, say your friends.
29:50Bye-bye.
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