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The King Of Queens S03E19 Ctrl Episode 19 Engsub
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00:09Oh, my God!
00:11Oh, my God.
00:13Doug, what are you doing?
00:14It's 5.30 in the morning.
00:16They closed down Union Turnpike.
00:18I gotta leave for work now if I'm gonna beat the traffic.
00:20Just go to sleep. Go to sleep.
00:21Shh. Curl up like a baby bear.
00:23There you go.
00:36I'm OK. Shh, it's out there.
00:39Shh, I'm OK.
00:51Shh.
01:06Without waking up.
01:08Do you have any idea what my work shirt would be?
01:11Check the floor.
01:14I got it. I got it.
01:16Go back to sleep.
01:17You're dreaming. You're dreaming.
01:21You're rollerblading naked with Tony Danza.
01:27Then you're ironing his shirt.
01:30My eyes are getting weary.
01:33My back is getting tight.
01:36I'm sitting here in traffic on the Queensborough Bridge tonight.
01:41But I don't care, because all I want to do
01:46Is cash my check and drive right home to you.
01:52Because maybe all my life I will be driving home to you.
02:21I don't care, because I'm like...
02:35I finally decided to spring for an air conditioner between my dad and Doug that living room can get
02:40pretty ripe in August you know what I'm saying any hope oh no I think I can actually you're
02:48strong for a living right where do you want all right there's fine it's just gonna go in that
03:03window I can put it in for you I'm free all day tomorrow oh no no that's way too nice
03:09please
03:09it's no problem you are such a sweetheart and listen if there's ever anything I could do for
03:15you can you get your husband to stop making Hulk jokes I don't think so although there is one
03:25thing you know what I shouldn't bother you what is it well my wife usually does it for me but
03:32she's
03:33out of town okay well nothing like that it's just that I have to do a posing at a gym
03:42opening next
03:42week and to last minute thing and um and come on what is it would you spread tanning cream on
03:48my body
04:01attention IPS driver in the house but don't worry I come in peace hey I'm looking for Chip Diggins thanks
04:11Chip hey man I got a package for you oh great how's it feel to be on the other side
04:18hmm you and I were we're used to giving packages but now you're getting one
04:23uh it feels pretty much like you'd expect what you never get a package just making conversation guy
04:34dog Mitch hey man I haven't seen you since IPS I know I know clean up nice yeah well I'm
04:40in
04:40personnel now gotta look my best what brings you by no I just had a delivery really out here in
04:46the
04:46boonies I can't believe they still got you working zone 12 yeah why well it's just you were working zone
04:5312 when I left two years ago just you took some time off you were you injured no no I
04:59mean it's a
04:59tough route but hey they only give the tough routes to the tough drivers am I right why you think
05:03I
05:03should have a better route I don't know but I tell you one thing if you worked here hell you'd
05:07write
05:07your own ticket my friend really are you kidding me with all your experience hell you'd be working
05:11Q Gardens by now you Gardens they got trees anyway just one man's opinion oh Doug loved to stay in
05:21chat but uh Rodriguez ain't gonna fire himself hey it's good to see you have a mug
05:36this is very sweet of you hey it's what neighbors do don't forget my obliques okay kitten
05:50hey
06:01so what's for dinner I don't know but whatever it is it's gonna have a gorgeous town what's the
06:08matter what's the matter all these years at IPS I'm still delivering in zone 12 so 12 12 12
06:21I'm familiar with the number but why is it bad because it's the crap zone it's far away it's full
06:28of potholes there's hookers on every corner and P.S. most of them are pretty skanky honey you've had
06:35the same route for years what's the deal today the deal is you know I ran into an old friend
06:39of mine
06:39who works in personnel at FedEx and you know he told me if I was over there I could write
06:43my own
06:44ticket my own ticket I never had my own ticket really that's that's great it's just unfair you
06:50know I'm I'm at IPS eight years and they still treat me like a pack mule you know I'm at
06:55FedEx five
06:55minutes they treat me like a valuable person and they give me a beautiful mug where is it handle
07:01snapped off driving over a zone 12 pothole maybe it's time to think about making a move what do you
07:11mean
07:11going to work for FedEx oh no why not no that'd be it's like a big deal I'd have to
07:17empty out my
07:19locker and bring home my George Foreman grill all right you know what fine do whatever you want
07:28carry excuse me I have to go finish off Lou come on carry I wasn't saying I wanted to change
07:37jobs I
07:37was just blowing off steam you know I'm pretty happy where I am now you're happy five seconds ago you
07:42were ranting about how they treat you like an animal well the beers kicked in all right you know what
07:47I
07:48don't want to get involved because when I do you just drive me crazy so you drink your beer and
07:52I'll
07:53spread my tanning cream fine besides I just don't think I'd fit in over at FedEx what are you talking
08:04about it's the same exact job you do now only in a blue uniform there you go I can't wear
08:10blue you
08:10said it yourself I'm an autumn all right maybe you don't have to actually take the job at FedEx but
08:18could
08:18you at least forget it what no never mind forget it Doug I think I was saying that you can
08:25use the
08:25heat from FedEx to put the squeeze on IPS thank you you're hot you're in play use it it worked
08:34I
08:34got a nice rage on the hook when they wanted me on the bionic woman hey hey man
08:51so new boy seems okay huh yeah good-looking guy yes it seems to me if you're securing your manhood
09:01you don't need to look all attractive zone one all right
09:12it's been here a week you get zone one it took me four years to get zone one I never
09:16had it I tell
09:17you man I am so fed up with the way I get treated around here don't tell me tell a
09:24boil maybe I will
09:25go ahead oh I'm gonna go I'm going okay go oh it's on baby do it it's done just give
09:32me a little
09:32push cool sorry how about dinner and drink before you get that close huh chief supervisor of oil yeah
09:46Doug what up uh it just happened to come to my attention that you assign the new guy to zone
09:52one
09:52yeah well it's just that that's the best zone I mean is that like a welcome to the company kind
09:57of thing instead of a basket or no no that's his zone oh he did get the basket too plus
10:03I think some
10:03coupons for lowe's theaters yes I just don't understand why the new guy lucks out with the zone
10:09that's all light packages for suburban housewives well look at the guy Doug come on he's gorgeous
10:18listen I I gotta jump on the horn somehow a hundred pints of plasma wound up a tavern on the
10:23green I got
10:23a very angry made a dita deal with you I'm in play pardon yeah you know I I didn't want
10:30to say
10:31anything but I I got a lot of heat on me a lot of heat what are you saying you're
10:36saying there's
10:36another company interested in you uh yes there is oh well I'm really not at liberty to disclose
10:42that information let's just say it ends in X gas X FedEx oh FedEx wow now if we could uh
10:52come to some
10:53kind of agreement you know regarding my route I'd be happy to tell FedEx to overnight their offer to
10:59where the sun don't shine putting a squeeze on the old boss huh maybe just touch well you're a good
11:06worker Doug and I'd hate to lose you so what's it gonna take to make you happy zone one no
11:10can do
11:11anything else zone two two that's right next to one zone three or four it doesn't matter anything with
11:17single digits no no no way tell you what if you can wait a year I can get you 13th
11:22I'm in 12 now
11:23well listen dog I'm proud of work with you what do you want from me I want that respect that
11:27I deserve
11:28you know I've been here eight years and I'm a good driver I should have zone one and if I
11:33don't get it
11:34you'll what you know I'm gonna quit okay Doug you win boy I I'm gonna catch hell for this but
11:45here's
11:46what I'm gonna do from now on zone 12 renamed zone one and vice versa it's the same zone that
11:53doesn't
11:54help at all well then I'm all out of ideas Doug listen you gotta do what you gotta do okay
11:59so good
12:00luck over there at gas x FedEx hey there Lewis is it a good time for me to put in
12:27the air conditioner yeah you
12:28bet come on in oh by the way how you like my tan hmm I don't like it really I
12:38love it no kidding
12:41Lou you look fantastic a dark rich even tan and March that stuff is amazing the best you can buy
12:49God look at me compared to you I look so pale and pasty you look fine uh white as a
12:55sheet I look like
12:56I'm touring with Moomin shunts you want me to get you a couple bottles really yeah thank you hey hey
13:05honey hello Doug uh honey could I talk to you in the kitchen alone or something oh you don't have
13:12to go
13:12anywhere you know I'm hard of hearing and I won't read your lips I promise all right fine I lost
13:19my job
13:19today what sorry you lost your job what happened well I tried to bluff a boil with the FedEx thing
13:32and
13:32he didn't bite he just let me walk out well why the hell were you talking to a boil because
13:37you kept
13:37saying how much heat I had on me and that I was in play I thought you wanted me to
13:40talk to him not
13:41without preparation some rehearsal some index cards for the love of God I didn't want you to just wing
13:46it well too late it's already long you know what I mean so you just go back and tell a
13:53boil it was a
13:53mistake you know what you tell him that you were dehydrated and exhausted oh better yet tell me you
13:58mixed pills and booze and you had a bad reaction you do understand my job is driving all right but
14:09you know
14:09what maybe this is not so bad I mean they still love you at FedEx
14:21hey Mitch Doug hey you got another delivery for us yep a 250 pound package of Doug Heffernan
14:27what I left IPS really why well let's just say they pushed and I pushed back shall we talk come
14:35on sure
14:35come on in my office gonna be great if I can get around Rego Park that way I could stop
14:40home for lunch
14:41you know but hey not a deal breaker so why should the FedEx company hire Doug Heffernan what what would
14:54a Doug Heffernan bring to FedEx well I'd bring myself and my lunch if I don't get Rego Park
15:02no I think I'd uh hey cast away whoa
15:12you know I'd bring a lot of things I'm uh I'm a real good dependable driver you know I'm got
15:19a
15:20pleasant personality I'm relatively hygienic and I've been told I'm quite the cut-up
15:25cut-up uh-huh and uh where do you see yourself in the future uh you got a five-year
15:30plan five
15:31years uh yeah I hope to be still delivering packages only in a hovercraft huh hey package
15:37for Mr. Space Lee you are quite the cut-up here's the thing though we're really not hiring at the
15:44moment what yeah we're a little lean and mean right now so well you just told me how great it
15:49was how if I was here I could write my own ticket that was just friends talking what am I
15:52gonna say
15:52you're the heaviest I've ever seen you I quit my job Doug look tell you what I'm gonna do I'll
15:58leave your application on file okay I don't want my application on file man that's a death warrant look
16:03Mitch I can do this job I want this job look at this see hey FedEx calling come on Mitchell
16:10Mitchell
16:10Mitch Mitch listen to me I am not leaving this building until you hire me now we both know I'm
16:15the man for the job look in my eyes see the passion I know you're thinking deep down inside I'm
16:20gonna
16:20roll the dice on this kid security good morning baby what you doing looking through the want ads
16:36Doug I'm looking through the want ads leave me alone would you just call a boil he's dead to me
16:44you are just so damn stubborn just just crawl back and and and take your crap I do it for
16:50God's
16:51sakes my boss he throws his shoes at me I just duck and get on with my life it's you
16:57okay I want more
16:57out of my job okay I want happiness I want respect I'm gonna get it even if that means slaughtering
17:02pigs for six bucks an hour all right you know what if you want to find a new job then
17:12then I support
17:13you thank you honey didn't Lou tell you to go easy on that tanning cream yeah so so how many
17:21coats is
17:21that one okay maybe three you don't understand people have been telling me I've never looked
17:29better this stuff is magic yeah well Dougie ain't got no job now and that magic cost 18 bucks a
17:34bottle so slap on a coat of sealant and call it a day besides and live without the smeared brown
17:41handprints all over the house it's starting to look like a crime scene I said fine look at this right
17:50uh-uh-uh Metro courier service in midtown Manhattan experience delivery personnel needed immediately
17:56good pay flexible hours well looks like daddy landed back on his feet
18:12it's not your signal dude
18:14good
18:14good
18:17good
18:18good
18:18good
18:18good
18:18Oh, my God.
18:49Doug?
18:51Harry?
18:52Hey, honey.
18:53Oh, my God.
18:54How much of that tanning stuff are you using?
18:56None.
18:57None?
18:58You look like Seal.
19:01For your information, I had lunch outside today.
19:05Well, unless you had it eight feet from the sun, I'd say you got a roaring tanning cream addiction.
19:09Please forget about me, please.
19:11What are you doing?
19:11Whose bike is this?
19:13Metro Couriers.
19:15You're a bike messenger?
19:17A bike courier, and I happen to enjoy it.
19:21Oh, come on.
19:22You can't be enjoying this.
19:23Yeah, well, I do.
19:24Doug, I am begging you.
19:26Let's cut you out of those pants and get you back to IPS.
19:30Please.
19:32Doug, you know what?
19:33If they can live without me, I can live without them.
19:36All right?
19:37Now, if you will excuse me, I need to figure out a way to pedal through the Midtown Tunnel.
19:45No seat!
19:47No seat!
19:57Hey there.
19:58Hey, Doug.
19:59What brings you by?
20:00I just wanted to drop off all my uniforms.
20:03I had them martinized for you.
20:05I don't know what that means, but it cost me a buck extra.
20:08Thanks.
20:10So, how's your job there with FedEx?
20:12Ah, actually, you know what?
20:14I passed on them.
20:15Yeah.
20:16You know what it is?
20:17Didn't quite work into my five-year plan.
20:19Didn't see it happen.
20:20Went over to Metro Courier.
20:21Good outfit.
20:22Oh, those are guys who deliver on skates?
20:25No, no, no, no, no.
20:26They stopped doing that years ago when they lost a few guys.
20:29It's all scooters and bikes.
20:30I'm on a bike.
20:31It's very pleasant, actually.
20:32Very pleasant.
20:33You want your job back, don't you?
20:34Certainly do, yes.
20:36Now, what about this respect thing?
20:38Are you still into that?
20:39Not so much.
20:40No, no.
20:43I think once you've been violated by a 10-speed,
20:45your priorities kind of change.
20:48I heard that.
20:49All right.
20:50You can come back, Doug.
20:51Oh, see you in the morning.
20:53Well, thank you.
20:53Thank you so much.
20:56And so, you know that thing you said about,
20:58you know, calling Zone 12, Zone 1?
21:00I think I might be willing to go for that after all.
21:04No, you see, Doug, if I let you do it,
21:07then everybody's going to want to rename their Zone, Zone 1.
21:09You know, it's a slippery slope, my friend.
21:12Okay.
21:13What if you and I just called Zone 1 when we're alone?
21:16Alone?
21:17What are you getting at?
21:18All right, forget it.
21:19How about giving me a welcome basket?
21:21Doug, again, with the slippery, you know?
21:23Wait, look, man, I've been here eight years.
21:25You've got to give me something.
21:28Movie passes?
21:31All right, what the hell.
21:33All right.
21:35Welcome back, Doug.
21:36Well, thank you.
21:37It's nice to be back, sir.
21:38And good to be appreciated.
21:40Woo.
21:41Ah, great.
21:45Wait a second.
21:46These passes have expired.
21:49It's cold, it's cold, it's cold, it's cold.
21:50It's cold.
21:58It's cold.
22:02You know what?
22:03If they can live without me, I can live without them.
22:06Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a way to...
22:11No, no, no.
22:12If they can live without me, I can live without them.
22:14Okay?
22:15Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out a way to...
22:20You know what?
22:21If they can't live without me, then I can't live without them.
22:25I can't live without them.
23:10I can't live without them.
23:25What?
23:26What?
23:31I can live without the idol.
23:31Come on.
23:31You
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