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Stephen Colbert 2026 04 23 Elizabeth Warren JOAN
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00:00The longer the Strait of Rameau remains closed, the more red flags are waving that
00:05prices here at home could go up. The boss of the world's biggest condom maker
00:10Carex says the firm will raise prices by up to 30 percent or possibly more if the
00:16war continues to disrupt supplies of the raw materials and its products. The
00:22following is a message from the White House. With the price of condoms
00:27skyrocketing, President Trump is stepping up to offer affordable
00:31alternatives for preventing unintended pregnancies. Introducing... Operation Pupic
00:36Fury. The President has signed an executive order encouraging Americans to
00:41take a shot to the Nards.
00:44It's The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
00:49Tonight, wine and dad. Hi, Stephen welcome.
00:56Senator Elizabeth Warren. And musical guest, Michael Stetton. With a special appearance
01:04by John C. O'Reilly. Featuring Louis Cato and the great big joy machine. And now, live on tape from
01:15the Ed Sullivan Theatre in New York City, it's Stephen Colbert!
01:39Welcome, friends and neighbors to The Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.
01:43Ladies and gentlemen. How are you? You guys good?
01:46Doing good. Good to see you.
01:48Good to see you. Good to see you.
01:50I try to remember not to be in Washington, D.C. as often as possible, but there is certainly no
01:57time I am there less than the weekend of the White
01:59House Correspondents' Dinner, which is why this Saturday I will again not be.
02:07But...
02:10But...
02:11And it's a big but.
02:12But for reasons that are not clear to me, many others will.
02:17If you're not familiar with the White House Correspondents' Dinner, it is traditionally a lighthearted night when the press and
02:24politicians get together
02:25and, in my personal experience, stare in dead-eyed silence at the performer while the president mentally orders a hit
02:33by SEAL Team 6.
02:35And, uh, this Saturday's dinner will be historic because, for the first time as president, Donald Trump is attending, and
02:44reportedly, in his remarks, he's planning to attack the press and target publications he is accused of writing negatively about
02:52his administration.
02:54No.
02:56All you reporters are enemies of the people.
02:59I hate you all.
03:02And if you call me, I will pick up every time.
03:06Seriously.
03:07Anytime.
03:08Niner day.
03:09I'm telling you, I will do that.
03:11I will, if I'm anywhere, if I'm on the toilet, if I'm having dinner, if I'm having dinner on the
03:18toilet, okay?
03:19That's a real time-saver, folks.
03:23The word is, after he rips the press corps a new one, Trump is going to immediately leave so he
03:30will miss the annual presentation of the press awards.
03:34I'm not going to understand why he's going to dip, because one of these awards, and this is true, is
03:38going to the Wall Street Journal for its scoop about a certain birthday pube-doodle for Jeffrey Epstein.
03:48As well as another award for the photojournalist who took this picture of that time a man had a medical
03:57emergency right there in the Oval Office, and Trump just stood there like he was waiting for a bus.
04:04It's so crazy that he didn't help, especially now that we know that he is a doctor.
04:12He's right there.
04:14He was right there.
04:17Nice.
04:18So nice.
04:18So generous.
04:20Contrary to tradition, this year no one will be roasting Trump, because instead of a comedian, the White House Correspondents
04:28Association hired mentalist Ose Perlman,
04:33seen here foreseeing that you are not going to like it when he honks your boob.
04:50Today, Perlman hinted that Trump won't just be watching but participating in his act, saying,
04:58Reading Donald Trump's mind is arguably the most impressive thing you could ever do.
05:05Really?
05:07Really?
05:08Reading his mind?
05:09When has he not immediately just blurted out whatever is rattling around in his skull?
05:14I bet you can't read my mind.
05:16What number am I thinking of, three?
05:21Turning...
05:23Reading his mind.
05:25Okay.
05:26Okay.
05:27Turning to the war with Iran, we have breaking news.
05:32That there is no breaking news.
05:38In fact, there's nothing going...
05:40There are no negotiations currently ongoing, and Iran says it is impossible to reopen the Strait of Hormuz,
05:46amid flagrant ceasefire breaches, and Trump has doubled down by also closing the Strait of Hormuz, posting,
05:53We have total control over the state of Hormuz.
05:57No ship can enter or leave without the approval of the United States Navy.
06:02It is sealed up tight until such time as Iran is able to make a deal.
06:09He's saying the exact thing that they are.
06:12They're both saying the same thing.
06:14I'm rubber and you're rubber.
06:17You've got two rubbers.
06:18Whatever bounces off me, then bounces off you, then bounces off me again.
06:22And it goes back and forth like that for a while.
06:24And I'm sure you're asking, shouldn't there also be glue in this metaphor?
06:28No.
06:29Because I sniffed it all.
06:33Eyes are tight.
06:36Eyes are...
06:41Despite closing the Strait himself, Trump is trying to clear out Iranian mines that are out there.
06:48And also, the Iranians are putting boats out there to lay some more mines, and Trump has said,
06:52I have ordered the United States Navy to shoot and kill any boats.
06:58Yes.
07:00He said kill.
07:02Sounds strange, but it was the plot every week on the hit mystery series, Murder She Boat.
07:10So good.
07:11Lansbury, amazing.
07:14In a phone call with...
07:16Was it Fox News?
07:16In a phone call with Fox News, Trump said about the war,
07:20People say I want to get it over because of the midterms.
07:23Not true.
07:24No time frame.
07:25No rush.
07:26Yeah.
07:27What's the rush?
07:28It's like General Sherman famously said,
07:30War is chill.
07:33Yeah, just...
07:38Take your time.
07:39Take your time.
07:43You know who would like some kind of time frame for the end of the war?
07:47Everyone else.
07:49Because thanks to Trump's blunder, the world's biggest airlines are canceling flights as they face jet fuel shortages and rising
07:57prices.
07:58One carrier really, really affected by high fuel costs is Spirit Airlines.
08:03You know their slogan.
08:04Spirit Airlines, you are allowed one carry-on to use as the bathroom.
08:10Yeah.
08:11Because you're not going to want to go in there.
08:17Spirit...
08:17Spirit is on the verge of liquidation, but reportedly they're in talks with the White House for a bailout.
08:23And if it goes through, the U.S. could end up owning 90% of the struggling budget airline,
08:30which led one analyst to say,
08:33I guess it would be the Amtrak of the skies.
08:36Someone say Amtrak?
08:38Hey.
08:44Hey.
08:45What's up, Barack?
08:51He's a good guy.
08:53Good guy.
08:54Somebody say Amtrak?
08:56Because I am back, Amjack.
08:59There's already an Amtrak in the sky.
09:01It's called Heaven.
09:02I'll be in the dining car with Jesus Christ, Jimmy Carter, and one of the Captain Jammer kids.
09:06Other ones in hell.
09:07He killed a guy.
09:08Come on, train.
09:10Jill.
09:11Oh, no.
09:13Jill.
09:13Oh, no.
09:16Jill.
09:18Barack.
09:28There's an update.
09:32There it is.
09:34There's an update.
09:43There's an update about Health Secretary RFK Jr.
09:46This week, Bobby has been testifying before Congress about slashing HHS's new budget.
09:52But before I talk about that, I gotta tell you that according to a new book about him,
09:56he once sliced off a dead raccoon's penis while his wife and kids waited in the minivan.
10:03He took the genitals so he could, quote, study them later.
10:09Hmm.
10:12Ah, yes.
10:13Day 20 of observing the raccoon penis.
10:16It appears, it appears that it is still impossible to understand why I did this.
10:33Anyway, old Secretary Weenie Slicer is in charge of your health.
10:40And yesterday, the Senate Finance Committee grilled him about his role in recent measles
10:45outbreaks.
10:46I'm not anti-vax.
10:47I've never been anti-vax.
10:49I've always said for 20 years I'm not anti-vaccine.
10:51Now that statement right there is what scientists call a lie.
10:56Because in the past, you can check the record.
11:00Did we check?
11:01We did.
11:01In the past, he's falsely claimed that the measles vaccine does not appear to provide
11:06maternal immunity, includes aborted fetus debris, and that protection from the vaccine
11:12wanes very quickly.
11:13So he's claiming he's pro-vaccine is a major U-turn, which is also what Bobby does
11:19whenever he sees a raccoon penis in the road.
11:23Get that minivan.
11:26Jackknifes that minivan.
11:34Right here!
11:39Somebody beat me to it.
11:42Obviously, he's trying to appear reasonable in front of Congress just there, which is
11:47a big ask for a man who looks like he has a disease called the teriyaki madness.
11:52But the weirdest part of RFK Jr.'s hearing wasn't what he said.
11:55It's what he breathed.
11:57Listen to the health secretary on the mic while being questioned.
12:03The most significant things that you have done among the many that you've described
12:07in your testimony.
12:09In that context, uh...
12:19Is that a good sign when your health secretary breathes like a walrus snorting lobster bisp?
12:28If he sounds like a bear getting autoerotic asphyxiated?
12:33Like he's the first person in history to need a CPAP while awake?
12:41Woo!
12:42Yeah!
12:44Longtime viewers of The Late Show know that sound means we have news about fish doing drugs,
12:49because in a new study, salmon exposed to cocaine traveled almost two times farther per week
12:57than the control group, and they were three times more likely to start a band.
13:05Here's the scientific way they got the fish cranked on the powder.
13:10Researchers took 105 wild Atlantic salmon, exposed them to cocaine, then tracked their movements.
13:17And I believe I'm told we have a statement from the leading scientist.
13:23Say hello to my little fish!
13:27We got a great show for you tonight.
13:30My guests are Senator Elizabeth Warren and musician Michael Stipe.
13:37And when we come back, I reveal my big post-lake show plans.
13:41Join us.
14:10Come back, say hello to Lewis Cato and the Great Big Joy Machine.
14:14We always love to hear from you.
14:16You don't call enough.
14:19Lewis.
14:19Steve!
14:23Lewis, tonight, stick around, my friends,
14:27because in just a few moments, we've got a powerhouse show.
14:30Senator Elizabeth Warren will be out here in just a little while.
14:35And Michael Stipe will go out here to talk and original music.
14:39That's right.
14:40Original music from Michael Stipe.
14:43Folks, before we get started, I have a quick but exciting announcement.
14:47Tuesday, May 5th, here on The Late Show,
14:49in his first interview from the Obama Presidential Center in Chicago,
14:53I will be sitting down with former President Barack Obama.
14:59And as we get close to the end, a lot of people are asking me,
15:02what's next for Stephen T. Colbert?
15:05Well, Internet rumors continue to run wild.
15:08I've heard a lot of theories.
15:09I've heard everything from I'm moving to CNN to I'm announcing
15:12a massive wildlife rescue program to I'm running for President
15:16of the United States.
15:18Now, here's the thing.
15:23CNN!
15:24CNN!
15:25CNN!
15:26CNN!
15:27CNN!
15:27CNN!
15:27CNN!
15:28CNN!
15:28CNN!
15:29CNN!
15:34CNN!
15:36CNN!
15:45CNN!
15:48CNN!
15:49tell him. But tonight, I want to put all these rumors to rest and officially announce my next
15:55big TV project. It's an hour-long network procedural drama torn straight from today's
16:01headlines. It's the gripping tale of two detectives who are also uncles. How can they be both?
16:08It ain't easy, folks. Now enjoy this exclusive First Look trailer.
16:19Not so fast, Rico. Hold it right there, Chester.
16:31The city owes you boys a debt. Thank God there's nothing that distracts you from your jobs.
16:37Congrats, buddy.
16:41That's great! Oh, my God! I'm gonna be an uncle!
16:46You're kidding me. I'm gonna be an uncle, too!
16:48Dude! This might be the best day of my week. I guess my sister had a kid or something.
16:56That's it. We're making the drop. We gotta go.
16:59Damn it!
17:00What?
17:01It's my nephew Jacob's piano recital today.
17:04Oh, my God. You've gotta go?
17:06Nah, she's gonna send me a link, but I just gotta remember to watch it sometime in the next week,
17:09so when I see him, I can honestly say he did a good job.
17:12There's just never enough time.
17:20Get out of here! It's time for you to be an uncle!
17:24I can't leave you!
17:29It's more important than a job! Your niece needs you!
17:32Hey, hold on. It's a diaper thing! I don't do diaper stuff!
17:36Yeah, that's not your job. You didn't sign up for that. Come on.
17:39That's it, scumbag! I have had it with you!
17:42Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing? Look at his eyes! That's somebody's little nephew!
17:50Come on.
17:52Well, actually, both my parents were only children, so technically I'm not.
18:04What are you trying to pull here?
18:06Sorry!
18:08You're a nobody's nephew! You're just a piece of trash!
18:12I'm here!
18:14Try to hang on, Mitch! The ambulance is on its way!
18:16If I don't make it...
18:17Hey! That's crazy talk!
18:19Just listen!
18:21I told my nephew Jason, I'm sorry, I gave him a book he already had.
18:26He should be able to...
18:29Return it!
18:31Wait, I thought you said his name was Jacob.
18:34Yeah, that sounds right.
18:36Yeah.
18:37Jacob.
18:38Yeah.
18:38Yeah.
18:45You got any pictures?
18:48Oh, no, wait, sorry, that's my buddy's kid.
18:50They're babies, they all look the same, you know?
18:55Thank you to my co-star, John C. Reilly.
18:58You can see John now on his national tour as Mr. Romantic.
19:03We'll be right back with Senator Elizabeth Warren.
19:14We'll be right back with Senator Elizabeth Warren.
19:16We'll be right back with you, Peter.
19:21Me, my friend.
19:27Welcome back friends!
19:30Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is the senior senator from Massachusetts.
19:35PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN.
19:43PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, SENATOR, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU
20:07AGAIN.
20:08GOOD TO SEE YOU.
20:09WE'VE HAD SOME REALLY GOOD CONVERSATIONS OVER THE LAST 20 YEARS.
20:14YOU CAME ON THE OLD SHOW A COUPLE TIMES, TOO.
20:18LISTEN, IT'S NO SECRET THAT TRUMP RAN FOR PRESIDENT.
20:22ONE OF HIS PROMISES WAS NO FOREIGN WARS, CERTAINLY NO REGIME CHANGE
20:28WARS, AND HERE WE ARE IN ONE THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE AN EXIT
20:33STRATEGY AND NOT MUCH OF AN ENTRANCE STRATEGY EITHER.
20:38LAST YEAR WHEN YOU WERE HERE, YOU SAID THAT YOUR GOP COLLEAGUES IN THE
20:41HALLWAYS OF THE SENATE, QUOTE, DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT ANYMORE.
20:45BECAUSE THEY KNOW HE'S WRONG.
20:47HOW'S THE EYE CONTACT THESE DAYS?
20:49OH, MAN.
20:51THOSE GUYS, THEIR EYES ARE JUST GLUED TO THE FLOOR ALL THE TIME.
20:55YES.
20:56BECAUSE THEY TRULY DO UNDERSTAND.
20:58THE PRESIDENT AND HIS TEAM CANNOT EXPLAIN WHY WE WENT TO WAR, WHAT THE
21:03STRATEGY IS IN THIS WAR, WHAT WILL CONSTITUTE WINNING THIS WAR, HOW TO GET
21:08OUT OF THIS WAR.
21:10AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THEY CANNOT EXPLAIN IS HOW THIS WAR IS HELPING ONE
21:15SINGLE PERSON IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, IT IS TIME FOR THOSE REPUBLICANS TO HELP THE
21:21DEMOCRATS AND PUT AN END TO THIS WAR RIGHT NOW.
21:24RIGHT NOW.
21:26SO WHAT?
21:28OKAY.
21:29IT'S TRUE.
21:30YEP.
21:33THAT'S TRUE.
21:35YEAH.
21:36AT THE VERY LEAST, THE TROOPS WHO ACTUALLY GO PROSECUTE THIS WAR ON BEHALF OF A COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF
21:41DESERVE THE RATIONALE, THEY UNDERSTAND WHY THEY'RE DOING WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
21:47HOW CAN CONGRESS DO ANYTHING?
21:49HOW CAN THE REPUBLICANS HELP THE DEMOCRATS IN THE CENTER OF THE HOUSE DO ANYTHING RIGHT
21:52NOW?
21:53BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ASKING FOR ANY APPROVAL, WHAT COULD YOU DO?
21:57IT DOESN'T MATTER.
21:58WE ACTUALLY ALREADY HAVE LAWS IN PLACE CALLED THE WAR POWERS ACT WHERE CONGRESS CAN SIMPLY
22:04SAY YOU HAVE TO PUT A STOP TO THIS UNTIL CONGRESS HAS A CHANCE TO COME IN AND VOTE.
22:09CONGRESS, ACCORDING TO THE CONSTITUTION, IS THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN DECLARE WAR.
22:15BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO?
22:17I MEAN, HASN'T HE ALREADY, HASN'T HE ALREADY BROKEN THAT RULE?
22:20WELL, YES, THERE IS THAT.
22:24YEAH?
22:24BUT CONGRESS DOES HAVE THE POWER TO SAY STOP.
22:28AND WE HAVE NOW, THE DEMOCRATS, HAVE NOW PUT ON THE TABLE, THERE'S A LAW THAT'S, I THINK OF
22:35KIND OF LIKE, IN CASE YOU HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO HAS VIOLATED THE CONSTITUTION, IT'S LIKE
22:39THE EMERGENCY BREAK IN A CAR THAT HAS LOST ITS BREAKS OTHERWISE.
22:44AND THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE VOTED ON TO GET THE REPUBLICANS TO COME IN AND SAY, CUT IT OFF.
22:49CUT OFF THEIR FUNDING, TELL THEM TO SHUT THE WHOLE THING DOWN.
22:51AND THE REPUBLICANS HAVE VOTED AGAINST THAT.
22:55THAT IS, THEY HAVE VOTED TO CONTINUE THIS WAR ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE TIMES SO FAR.
23:03OKAY.
23:04AND WE'RE JUST GOING TO STAY AFTER THEM.
23:05WE'RE JUST GOING TO KEEP PUTTING THIS BILL FORWARD AND MAKING THEM VOTE ON IT UNTIL
23:10FINALLY SOMEBODY ON THAT SIDE GROWS A SKY AND DOES IT.
23:15I READ YOU SENT A LETTER TO SECRETARY HEGSETH ABOUT THE WAR IN IRAN AND SAYING, QUOTE,
23:22HIS CHAOS AND INCOMPETENCE ARE A DANGER TO BOTH CIVILIANS AND OUR TROOPS.
23:26YOU ASKED HIM A SERIES OF QUESTIONS.
23:27HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING BACK?
23:28NO.
23:29NO.
23:29JUST SILENCE.
23:30JUST SILENCE FROM HIM.
23:32HAVE YOU TALKED TO HIM BEFORE?
23:34NO.
23:35YOU'VE NEVER SPOKEN TO THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE?
23:37ONLY IN THE HEARING.
23:38OH, IN THE HEARING, OKAY.
23:38IN THE HEARING, BECAUSE I SAID ON THE SENATE ARMS SERVICES COMMITTEE.
23:41SURE.
23:41SO, HE'S ONLY LIED TO ME IN THAT CONTEXT.
23:44I MEAN, AT LEAST DIRECTLY.
23:46NOT PERSONALLY, JUST PROFESSIONALLY.
23:47THAT'S RIGHT.
23:48IT'S ALWAYS BEEN PROFESSIONAL.
23:49OKAY.
23:49ON THAT.
23:50BUT THAT REALLY IS THE POINT THAT OUR WHOLE COUNTRY, DONALD TRUMP AND PETE HEGSETH ARE
23:58OUT THERE BOMBING HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD IN OUR NAMES.
24:04IT'S NOT ONLY THAT WE'VE LOST 13 AMERICAN SERVICE MEMBERS.
24:08WE'RE SPENDING A BILLION DOLLARS A DAY OVERSEAS.
24:13BUT WE ARE ALSO KILLING PEOPLE FOR NOTHING THAT WE CAN EXPLAIN ABOUT WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH.
24:24AND I KNOW THAT THEY DON'T HAVE A GOOD RATIONALE HERE, AND HERE'S HOW I KNOW IT.
24:28BECAUSE WHAT YOU HEAR IN THE MORNING FROM DONALD TRUMP IS NOT WHAT YOU HEAR FROM DONALD TRUMP IN
24:33THE AFTERNOON.
24:34AND WHAT YOU HEAR FROM DONALD TRUMP IN THE MORNING DOESN'T MATCH WHAT YOU HEAR FROM PETE HEGSETH
24:38IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MORNING WHO THEN TRIES TO READJUST TO GET IN LINE WITH DONALD TRUMP.
24:44IT IS CHAOS, BUT IT'S WORSE THAN CHAOS.
24:49BECAUSE IT IS COSTLY TO US, AND IT IS COSTLY NOT JUST IN MONEY, NOT JUST IN LIVES.
24:56IT IS COSTLY TO THE REPUTATION OF THE UNITED STATES ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
25:02WE HAVE TO HAVE A QUICK BREAK.
25:04RIGHT BACK WITH MORE.
25:05ELIZABETH WARREN, EVERYBODY, STICK AROUND.
25:14HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN FROM THE GREAT STATE OF MASSACHUSETTS.
25:21I'M GOING TO TURN TO THE FED FOR A SECOND HERE.
25:23YOU GOT SOME ATTENTION THIS WEEK FOR AN EXCHANGE YOU HAD WITH THE FED CHAIR NOMINEE.
25:28WHAT IS HIS NAME?
25:29KEVIN WARSCH IS HIS NAME.
25:32OKAY.
25:32TRUMP SAID THAT INTEREST RATES WILL DROP.
25:36YES.
25:36IF WARSCH IS IN THERE, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE THE FIX IS IN.
25:40THE FED NEEDS TO BE AN INDEPENDENT AGENCY.
25:42SO...
25:42WHAT IS THAT?
25:43HOW IS IT AN INDEPENDENT AGENCY?
25:44IT'S BOTH GOVERNMENTAL AND IT'S FREELANCE?
25:47NO.
25:47SO HERE'S THE POINT.
25:50WE SET UP THE FED, I MEAN, LONG AGO.
25:52PEOPLE SET UP THE FED, AND THE IDEA WAS YOU'D HIRE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO WILL MAKE DECISIONS
25:59BASED ON THE NUMBERS.
26:00THEY'LL LOOK AT HOW MUCH EMPLOYMENT THERE IS.
26:02THEY'LL LOOK AT THE DIRECTION INFLATION IS GOING.
26:04THEY'LL LOOK AT THE IMPACT OF TARIFFS ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
26:07AND THEN THEY'LL DO THEIR BEST TO SET MONETARY POLICY IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
26:12LIKE WHAT THE INTEREST RATE IS GOING TO BE.
26:15THAT'S WHAT'S CALLED AN INDEPENDENT FED.
26:17AND WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?
26:19BECAUSE IT MEANS THEY'RE MAKING THE DECISIONS ON THE NUMBERS.
26:22YOU MIGHT AGREE, YOU MIGHT DISAGREE.
26:23BUT THEY'RE NOT DOING CRAZY THINGS.
26:26WHAT DONALD TRUMP WANTS TO DO IS MAKE IT A POLITICAL FED COMPLETELY CONTROLLED BY DONALD TRUMP.
26:32AND THE RISK HERE IS WE'RE RUNNING SIX MONTHS INTO AN ELECTION IN WHICH DONALD TRUMP IS IN REAL TROUBLE
26:39ON THE ECONOMY.
26:40AND SO HIS LAST CARD TO TRY TO PLAY IS CAN HE GET THE FED IN HERE, GET HIM TO
26:46DO SOMETHING CRAZY,
26:47GET HIM TO BLOW THINGS UP AND THEN SAY THE PROBLEM IS OVER THERE AND HOPE HE CAN SKATE ON
26:53THROUGH THE ELECTION.
26:55BUT WOULDN'T HE HAVE TO SAY THE PROBLEM IS OVER THERE WITH THE GUY I JUST APPOINTED?
26:58OH, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
27:00THE POINT FOR DONALD TRUMP IS TO GET CONTROL OVER THE FED.
27:07THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
27:09AND WHAT I'M CONCERNED ABOUT IS THAT THE GUY HE HAS NOMINATED, HE HAS SAID,
27:14I WILL ONLY NAME SOMEBODY WHO WILL DO EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.
27:16IN OTHER WORDS, HE WILL ONLY NAME A SOCK PUPPET TO RUN THE FED.
27:22SO WE HAD THIS HEARING ON TUESDAY AND I ASKED THIS GUY, SHOW ME THAT YOU ARE INDEPENDENT.
27:30BECAUSE HE SAID, THIS IS WHAT HE SAID TO ME.
27:32HE SAID IN A MEETING WITH ME, I SAID, HOW AM I GOING TO KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE INDEPENDENT?
27:36BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT SAID HE'S NOT GOING TO NAME ANYONE WHO WILL BE INDEPENDENT.
27:39HE SAID, I'M A TOUGH GUY.
27:41THAT'S LITERALLY HIS WORDS.
27:43I'M A TOUGH GUY.
27:45I CAN STAND UP TO DONALD TRUMP.
27:47SO I SAID, OKAY, LET'S TEST THAT.
27:54AND SO I SAID TO HIM IN THE HEARING, YOU SAID YOU COULD STAND UP TO DONALD TRUMP.
27:59JUST LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.
28:02DID DONALD TRUMP LOSE THE 2020 ELECTION?
28:12AND WHAT DID HE SAY?
28:13MR. TOUGH GUY DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.
28:15WOW.
28:16SO I WENT TO ANOTHER ONE.
28:18I SAID, TELL ME JUST ONE LITTLE TIME THAT YOU DISAGREED WITH DONALD TRUMP.
28:24TELL ME JUST A LITTLE THING MAYBE THAT HE WAS WRONG ON.
28:28LIKE, YOU KNOW, WHETHER OR NOT TARIFFS ARE NEVER PAID FOR BY AMERICAN CONSUMERS.
28:33JUST TELL ME ONE LITTLE THING.
28:35AND AGAIN, CAN'T SAY ANYTHING.
28:37SO I GOT TO SAY, I HAD SAID GOING INTO THIS, I'M VERY CONCERNED THAT HE'S GOING TO BE A
28:41SOCK PUPPET.
28:42I LISTENED TO HIS ANSWERS, AND IF THE SOCK FITS.
28:48SENATOR.
28:49YOU BACK.
28:51LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
28:53SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN, EVERYBODY.
28:55WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL STYLE.
29:09HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
29:11LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAMER WHO IS THE
29:19LEAD SINGER OF R.A.M.
29:20PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, MICHAEL STYPE.
29:28.
29:44THERE YOU GO.
29:45MICHAEL, NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
29:46THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON.
29:47I LOVE THE BEARD.
29:49NICELY DONE.
29:51IT JUST HAPPENED.
29:52REALLY?
29:53YOU JUST WOKE UP ONE MORNING?
29:54THERE IT WAS.
29:55YEAH.
29:56YOU LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE A SEA CAPTAIN.
29:57YOU EVER THOUGHT OF PUTTING ON, LIKE, A CAPTAIN'S HAT AND GETTING A LITTLE MORE RESPECT?
30:01I USED TO...
30:04YOU KNOW?
30:05I DID, THOUGH.
30:07I'M WRITING THE FINAL LYRICS FOR MY FIRST-EVER SOLO ALBUM.
30:14AND...
30:15BIG NEWS.
30:16THAT'S BIG NEWS.
30:17BURIED THE LEAD.
30:19ONE OF THE SONGS IS THE SOUND OF A TREE HEARING ITSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME THROUGH MIDI.
30:27IT'S THIS CONFUSING SITUATION.
30:29A TREE HEARING ITSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME.
30:31MY FRIEND RECORDED A TREE IN MY BACKYARD IN GEORGIA AND PLAYED IT BACK TO ITSELF.
30:36AND SO IT SOUNDS LIKE DAFT PUNK, BUT I'M PUTTING A SEA SHANTY.
30:42AND I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE SEA SHANTY.
30:43I LOVE SEA SHANTY.
30:44WHAT SHANTY ARE WE TALKING HERE?
30:45IT'S THE MOST FAMILIAR THAT EVERYONE KNOWS, YOU KNOW.
30:49WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE DRUNKIN SAILOR?
30:52WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE DRUNKIN SAILOR?
30:53WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE DRUNKIN SAILOR?
30:55HER EYE IN THE MORNING.
30:56I DID WRITE A VERY SPECIAL LYRIC, BECAUSE I MISHEARD WHAT I THOUGHT WAS PART OF THE ORIGINAL SONG.
31:05TIE HIM TO THE MASK AND SHAVE HIS BELLY.
31:08TIE HIM TO THE MASK AND SHAVE HIS BELLY.
31:10AND THEN MY PART COMES IN, WHICH IS,
31:14DUCK TAPE, DONKEY EARS, JELLY WELLYS, EARLY IN THE MORNING.
31:19YOU HEARD DUCK TAPE, DONKEY EARS, JELLY WELLYS.
31:25UH-HUH.
31:26I REALLY DO.
31:28DO YOU NOT HAVE GOOGLE?
31:33AND THOSE AREN'T THE LYRICS ONE ASSUMES.
31:35THOSE ARE THE LYRICS THAT ARE GOING TO WIN.
31:36IF IT ACTUALLY MAKES IT INTO THE TREE SONG, THOSE ARE THE LYRICS THAT ARE GOING TO WIN.
31:39I LIKE IT.
31:40THANK YOU.
31:41THANK YOU.
31:41YOU AND IT'S BEEN SINCE 2020 YOU WERE ON HERE, AND SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON HERE,
31:45YOU AND YOUR BANDMATES WERE INDUCTED IN THE SONGWRITER'S HALL OF FAME IN 2024.
31:50I'VE BEEN A COUPLE OF TIMES.
31:51IT'S A GREAT NIGHT.
31:52IT'S A WONDERFUL EVENT.
31:54AND HERE YOU ARE.
31:55HERE YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT.
31:56CHA.
31:57THERE YOU ARE.
31:58REUNITED ON STAGE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 15 YEARS.
32:01HOW DID IT FEEL TO BE UP THERE MAKING MUSIC TOGETHER?
32:04IT WAS ACTUALLY MORE THAN 15 YEARS, BUT WE, YOU KNOW, BILL BERRY CAME FOR IT, AND WE PERFORMED
32:08LOSING MY RELIGION ACOUSTIC.
32:12AND, YOU KNOW, I LOVE, I MEAN, I'M JUST VERY LUCKY THAT WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.
32:18YOU KNOW, WE SPLIT THE BAND UP IN 2011.
32:21WE REMAIN BEST FRIENDS.
32:22WE HAVE DINNERS WITH EACH OTHER.
32:23WE TEXT EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME.
32:25WHEN WE'RE WORKING ON PROJECTS, WE INVITE EACH OTHER TO PARTICIPATE.
32:29THEY'RE FRIENDS FOR LIFE AND MY BEST FRIENDS.
32:31AND SO IT'S I'M REALLY HONORED TO HAVE THAT, YOU KNOW.
32:36MICHAEL SHANNON.
32:40MICHAEL SHANNON AND MUSICIAN JASON NARDUCI HAVE AN R.E.M. TRIBUTE BAND.
32:44I'VE TALKED TO MICHAEL ABOUT IT ON THE SHOW BEFORE.
32:46AND I KNOW YOU'VE GONE TO A SHOW BECAUSE HERE YOU ARE ON STAGE.
32:52WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE THERE IN THE AUDIENCE WHILE YOUR SONGS ARE BEING COVERED ON STAGE?
33:01I'M LIKE THE BIGGEST FAN OF THOSE GUYS DOING THAT BECAUSE I'VE NEVER GOTTEN TO HEAR THOSE SONGS PERFORMED
33:07LIVE.
33:08BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.
33:10I WAS SINGING.
33:12YOU KNOW, THE SONGS ARE LIKE, THEY'RE LIKE IN MY DNA.
33:16SO I'M HEARING A PART OF ME THROWN BACK BUT INTERPRETED BY SOMEONE WHO I REALLY ADMIRE AND LOVE.
33:22MICHAEL SHANNON AND JASON.
33:24THEY'RE INCREDIBLE GUYS.
33:24THEY WERE PLAYING IN ATHENS AND ALL OF Y'ALL SHOWED UP.
33:27DID THAT FREAK THEM OUT?
33:28TOTALLY.
33:29I MEAN, IT FREAKED ME OUT.
33:30SO I HAD TOLD MICHAEL THAT I WANTED TO JUMP UP FOR THE SONG PRETTY PERSUASION WHICH I WROTE WHEN
33:37I WAS 22.
33:38AND IT WAS ABOUT, BASICALLY ABOUT TRANS RIGHTS, WHAT WE WOULD NOW CALL TRANS RIGHTS.
33:43BUT I WANTED TO DO IT FOR THAT.
33:48AND SO I WAS BACKSTAGE AND I KIND OF GOT, LIKE, A LITTLE FREAKED OUT.
33:51AND PETER BUCK HAD BEEN JUMPING UP WITH THEM FROM, HE LOVES TO PLAY GUITAR.
33:55SO HE WAS UP FOR SEVERAL SONGS.
33:56AND HE SAID, JUST GET UP THERE.
33:59JUST DO IT.
33:59SO I WAS LIKE, OKAY, PETER.
34:01SO I JUMPED UP.
34:02AND THEN MIKE MILLS WAS SIDE OF STAGE AND HE JUMPED UP TO SING BACKGROUND.
34:06AND ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE SONG, I HEARD A TAMBORINE OVER MY RIGHT SHOULDER.
34:10AND I TURNED AROUND AND BILL BARRY WAS STANDING THERE.
34:14SO WE REUNITED FOR HALF A SONG.
34:16THAT MOMENT RIGHT THERE.
34:18THAT'S FANTASTIC.
34:21THERE ARE A LOT OF BIOPICS OUT THERE OF MUSICIANS.
34:24WOULD YOU WANT A BIOPIC ABOUT YOU GUYS?
34:28IS THERE ONE?
34:29THERE ISN'T.
34:30NO.
34:31WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO PLAY YOU?
34:33THAT'S SUCH A GOOD QUESTION.
34:34YEAH.
34:35SOMEONE REALLY HOT.
34:39WHO WOULD IT BE?
34:41WHO WOULD IT BE?
34:42WITH OR WITHOUT THE BEARD?
34:43WITH THE BEARD, IT'S GOT TO BE DAVID CROSS.
34:45WITHOUT THE BEARD, WE COULD GO A LITTLE HOTTER.
34:48DAVID CROSS?
34:49HE'S GOT A BEARD VERY MUCH LIKE YOURS.
34:52OKAY.
34:52HE'S SHAVED HIS HEAD AS WELL RIGHT NOW.
34:53THEY CAN DO BEARDS.
34:54THEY CAN DO BEARDS.
34:55WHAT WOULD YOU WANT?
34:56WOULD YOU LIKE JUST TRY TO HAVE CHALAMETE TAKE ANOTHER STAB AT IT?
34:59NO.
35:00YEAH?
35:00I DON'T KNOW WHO.
35:02I REALLY.
35:03J.K.
35:04SIMMONS.
35:05BUT YOUNG.
35:06YOUNG STIPE.
35:07WE'RE TALKING YOUNG STIPE.
35:08LIKE WITH THE BLACK MAKEUP ACROSS THE FACE AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
35:10THAT BLUE BAND.
35:12THAT STIPE.
35:12MAYBE BILLIE EILISH COULD DO IT.
35:16SHE'D BE GOOD.
35:17GUY GOT SIMILAR EYES.
35:18YOU GUYS GOT SIMILAR BLUE EYES THERE.
35:20YEAH.
35:20YEAH.
35:21HAVE YOU SPENT MUCH TIME TALKING TO HER?
35:22SHE HELD A DOOR OPEN FOR ME ONCE AT A RESTAURANT IN MANHATTAN.
35:26AND I DON'T KNOW IF SHE KNEW WHO I WAS.
35:27SHE'S A VERY, SHE'S INCREDIBLY POLITE AND SWEET.
35:30BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHO SHE WAS UNTIL SHE WAS DOWN THE STREET.
35:32YEAH.
35:34WANT ME TO INTRODUCE YOU GUYS?
35:36YEAH, I WOULD LOVE TO MEET HER AND HER BROTHER FINNEAS.
35:38BILLIE?
35:39THAT'S MICHAEL STIPE.
35:42THAT'S WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.
35:44IT'S NOT DAVID CROSS.
35:48I DO WANT TO TELL YOU THAT AS A GIFT TO YOU AND TO THE SHOW,
35:54THE SONG THAT WE'RE PERFORMING TONIGHT IS THE FIRST TIME IT'S EVER BEEN PLAYED.
35:59AND I'M SO PLEASED TO DO IT WITH, THAT'S IT, YEAH.
36:03YEAH, WITH THE BAND.
36:04WITH THE BAND.
36:04AND THEN, IS THIS THE ALBUM COVER?
36:08HERE IT SAYS, IT SAYS, FROM THE UPCOMING INCREDIBLE ALBUM, MICHAEL STIPE, SONG TITLE, REST OF EVER, AS SEEN ON
36:16THE LAKE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT,
36:18AFRIL 23, 2026.
36:22BEAUTIFUL.
36:24MY RECORD IS COMING OUT AT THE END OF THE YEAR, AND THAT'S AN EXCLUSION.
36:27NOBODY KNOWS THAT YET.
36:28SO I'M ANNOUNCING IT NOW.
36:29MY RECORD IS COMING OUT, MY FIRST EVER SOLO RECORD, AND I'M REALLY PLEASED ABOUT THAT.
36:32BUT I MADE A T-SHIRT FOR YOU.
36:34YOU MADE THAT THING INTO A T-SHIRT.
36:40AND IT'S NOT JUST FOR ME.
36:43IT'S NOT JUST FOR YOU.
36:44I WANTED TO HONOR THE ENTIRE STAFF AND CREW OF THE LATE SHOW, AND SO I MADE 215 T-SHIRTS.
37:16THANK YOU, MICHAEL.
37:17THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME.
37:17THAT'S SO GENEROUS.
37:18THANK YOU.
37:18STICK AROUND FOR A PERFORMANCE BY MICHAEL STIPE, EVERYBODY.
37:21WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
37:28AND NOW PERFORMING HIS NEW UNRELEASED SONG, THE REST OF EVER, WITH LEWIS CATO AND THE GREAT BIG
37:34JOY MACHINE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MICHAEL STIPE.
37:45I LOVE YOU, OH, I LOVE YOU MADLY.
37:55I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I CAN SAY.
38:04I NEED YOU, OH, I NEED YOU BADLY.
38:15I NEED YOU MORE AND MORE EACH DAY.
38:23TELL ME THAT YOU WILL LOVE ME ETERNALLY.
38:31OH, I WANT YOU FOR THE REST OF EVER.
38:43IF I COULD ONLY TALK TO TIME.
38:53WE'D SPEAK OF ALL ETERNAL FUTURES.
39:02I WOULD ASK IF YOU ARE FOREVER MINE.
39:11TELL ME THAT YOU WILL LOVE ME ETERNALLY.
39:17OH, OH, OH, OH, OH.
39:25OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH.
39:41Please be ever with me through eternity
39:45Forever mine, forever mine
39:50Just be ever with me through eternity
39:54Forever mine, forever mine
40:04Ever mine, ever mine
40:13Ever mine, ever mine
40:17Ever mine, ever mine
40:24Michael Sype, everybody. Good night.
40:27What's up?
40:33Hello?
40:34Hello?
40:35Hello?
40:36Hello?
40:38Hello?
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