- 2시간 전
Taskmaster - S19E01 - Sometimes Spit [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
카테고리
🎥
짧은 영상트랜스크립트
00:02이 시각 세계였습니다.
00:04이 시각 세계였습니다.
00:05이 시각 세계였습니다.
00:14이 시각 세계였습니다.
00:31이 시각 세계였습니다.
00:35이 시각 세계였습니다.
00:36Thank you.
00:36I'm Greg Davies.
00:37이제 여러분께의 새로운 책을 받게 될 것입니다.
00:42고맙습니다!
00:44I have never felt so full of hope.
00:48The tasks are new, the contestants are new,
00:51and whilst I was enjoying my single-origin espresso this morning,
00:54they were being shaved down and put through our 12-point hygiene programme,
00:58ready for battle, so they all smell just great...
01:01...for now.
01:02So let's meet the new recruits, ready to risk it all to take home Daddy's golden head.
01:10Daddy's golden head of destiny, is a sentence I forgot I wrote.
01:16Please welcome Fatia Al Gorey, Jason Mandzuka, Matthew Baiter, Rosie Ramsey, and Stevie Martin.
01:33And next to me, a man who is a life-long supporter of Liverpool Football Club
01:38and tells me that the only downside to that is meeting the other fans,
01:42who he finds to be universally stupid and physically disgusting.
01:49It's been Alex Hall!
01:52Nice to be here.
01:54Hello, everyone.
01:57I've designed for episode one a brand-new magic trick,
02:00and I know you love magic, Greg.
02:01I love magic.
02:02Well, you're going to love this magic trick.
02:03It's called the magic pen.
02:04It looks like an ordinary pen.
02:06Mm-hm.
02:07But I've signed it using the pen.
02:11How?
02:13I'll tell you how.
02:15Magic.
02:16Magic.
02:18Magic.
02:19Magic pen.
02:20How's it done?
02:21I know you're thinking maybe I've used a second pen.
02:24Well, look, here is another pen.
02:25Also signed.
02:27How?
02:27I'll tell you how.
02:28Magic.
02:30Magic.
02:32Could there be another pen?
02:33Yes, but also signed.
02:35Magic.
02:36Yeah.
02:37I know the man well, and I wouldn't be surprised if there's a fourth pen.
02:43Magic.
02:45Yeah, I don't think you'd go to fifth, though.
02:47I did, actually, and I couldn't work out how to get it on this one.
02:49I could...
02:50Anyway, that's the magic trick.
02:52An auspicious beginning to a new season.
02:55Series, Jason.
02:59I'm with him, you're a guest in this country.
03:02You'll learn our ways by hook or crook, young man.
03:07OK, let's have our first prize task category, please.
03:10OK, and we're starting the series with the object
03:13that reminds you of school the most in a good way.
03:16Mm.
03:16We all know Greg used to be a teacher.
03:18Mm.
03:19We also know Greg has played teachers on TV.
03:21And as the taskmaster, he's sort of like a head teacher.
03:24So, yes, Greg's got range.
03:26Five points...
03:27I've not got range!
03:30I'm amazed you're in showbiz!
03:33You should be, at most, an assistant bank manager.
03:39So, five points will be gifted to the bringer of the item Greg likes best,
03:43and the winner of the episode will take home all five prizes
03:46in a great big school satchel.
03:48Peace out, man.
03:48OK, Fatio, welcome to Taskmaster.
03:50What have you brought me?
03:52So, I brought in a golf club.
03:54Here it is.
03:55That reminds her of school the most in a good way.
03:58As a kid, I used to be really naughty, and my mum had enough,
04:01so she came up the school, and she goes to the teacher,
04:03if Fertiha keeps on playing up, hit her, and then he got this thing,
04:08and he put it as if he's going to do a golf move, and then...
04:11And he would hit you with a golf club?
04:12No, he would pretend to.
04:13Are you mad?
04:14Am I mad?
04:17No, he would pretend to, so he'd, like, try to scare me into being a good girl.
04:21So, the thing that you brought in that reminds you of school in a good way
04:25is a golf club that your teacher used to threaten you with.
04:27Yeah, cos I never got hit, so that's a good thing.
04:30Ah!
04:31The glass is half full.
04:34Jason, what thing did you bring in to represent the good times?
04:38Well, this, for me, was something that was ubiquitous in my high school.
04:41It is a map, but it's the kind of map that was mounted on the blackboard
04:45that you pulled down like this.
04:47Oh, sweet.
04:48Right?
04:48See, I thought you might like that.
04:50Here it is.
04:51Oh, yeah.
04:51Oh, yeah, nice.
04:52I mean, how satisfying is that?
04:54That's nice.
04:55If I could just imagine myself in the world...
04:58So, your childhood imagination just soared?
05:00Just wishing that I could get out and get here onto this stage.
05:05Wow.
05:05It's both heartwarming and tragic.
05:08Who's next?
05:09Oh, I've got some facts about America, if you want.
05:12No, thanks.
05:14Matthew.
05:14Thank you.
05:15I have brought the TV trolley.
05:19Oh, the TV trolley.
05:20Another blinding move.
05:23Just a sweet nostalgia.
05:25When this bad boy came out, you knew you were in for 45 minutes
05:29of watching a probably late 70s, early 80s old episode
05:34of Equinox.
05:38Science documentary.
05:39And you would ignore the educational content
05:41and you would just be sort of laughing at the fashion.
05:43Well, having been a teacher, I can give you a bit of a glance
05:47behind the magician's curtain here.
05:49Because normally you would see the film or the documentary
05:52on a Friday, and the reason for that is the teachers all
05:54went to the pub.
05:55And I'm proud to tell you, I did a five-pint lunch.
05:59LAUGHTER
06:03Every Friday?
06:04And it was Guinness too, so I was.
06:06That's heavy.
06:09Thank you.
06:10I like your trolley.
06:11I mean, I've got to say, the golf club's looking less
06:13and less appealing.
06:17Rosie, welcome.
06:18Thank you.
06:18What have you brought in?
06:19I brought me school dinner.
06:21Oh.
06:22So that's chicken with gravy.
06:25Is it?
06:26The gravy should not stand up.
06:29It's all the way to the left, next to the brown turd.
06:32Oh, that's stuffing.
06:34The dessert is on the same thing as the main, so you could go in your...
06:38That's all right, it all goes in the same stomach.
06:40That's bold.
06:41LAUGHTER
06:42This is good.
06:43Stevie!
06:44School, good times?
06:45No, but I found, like, a sort of cultural cachet in my school,
06:50which involves the prize task.
06:52Right, cultural cachet.
06:53Yes.
06:54Is it, hold it down to get the E acute?
06:57LAUGHTER
06:59Stay with me.
07:01LAUGHTER
07:02It is.
07:09So, scented gel pens, so what people would do is draw their name
07:14for the person they were going out with, and then everyone would just
07:17walk around smelling the back of their hand all day.
07:20Yeah.
07:20But the cultural cachet was that my name begins with S,
07:23so I could do the Superman S thing, which was...
07:26Do you know the Superman S thing?
07:27Yeah.
07:27Yes, of course.
07:28OK.
07:29You said that you were in your 70s or something.
07:31I don't know.
07:32They had Superman, didn't they?
07:33Yes.
07:33Yeah, they did.
07:35LAUGHTER
07:36I'm not Victorian.
07:38Sorry.
07:39Sorry, yes, yes.
07:40Five objects there, Greg.
07:42What reminds you of school in the least good way?
07:44Well, obviously, being hit with a golf club.
07:47One point to Fatty.
07:48Well done, we're off the mark.
07:49I mean, I guess I have to judge it on the things that made me go,
07:51ah, the most, so I have to give Stevie two points,
07:53because gel pens are a little bit new for me.
07:55Two to Stevie.
07:56Three to the school dinner.
07:58OK.
07:59For no other reason than we need to move on.
08:01OK.
08:01And now...
08:02LAUGHTER
08:03I love the VHS trolley, but it also slightly reminds me
08:06of my own teaching days.
08:08I love the romance of the map.
08:09So, five points to Jason.
08:11Four points to the map.
08:11Well done, Jason.
08:12APPLAUSE
08:16Right, let's get going.
08:18OK.
08:18Well, hands down and heads up as we kick off proceedings
08:21in the lab.
08:36Hello, hello, hello.
08:38Fancy seeing you here.
08:41Jason.
08:43Alex.
08:47Hi.
08:48Excellent entrance.
08:49Thank you.
08:52LAUGHTER
08:55Is this the lab?
08:59Wait, am I in the wrong room?
09:01This is the lab.
09:01It's a lab, isn't it?
09:05Bit weird.
09:05I'm going to read this.
09:07Not wasting any time.
09:08Right.
09:09Hello.
09:10Stevie?
09:11Yes.
09:11Did you get lost?
09:12I went to the wrong room.
09:14Let's go.
09:18Put your hands on the hands.
09:20Shut your eyes and keep them shut until you hear the whistle.
09:24Time starts now.
09:25Put your hands on the hands.
09:26Yes, please.
09:27Oh, I'm scared.
09:29OK.
09:33Are they shut?
09:34Yeah, they're shut.
09:36Marvellous.
09:37Oh, God.
09:40Oi, don't make me look silly, innit?
09:42I wouldn't dream of it.
09:44Wow.
09:49Can I open my eyes now?
09:50Yes, if you've heard the whistle.
09:54Ah!
09:57What?
09:58What is it?
10:00Yeah, that's what I thought.
10:02Two jars of piss.
10:05You've got your glasses on again if you want.
10:07Son of a bitch.
10:09OK, you can read the next part of the task now.
10:11Are you taking a mick?
10:12How am I going to do that?
10:16Oh, I hate this.
10:18Pour all the vinegar into the fish tank.
10:21Fastest winds.
10:23For every millimetre spilled.
10:25One second will be added to your time.
10:27Your time starts when you heard the whistle.
10:29OK.
10:30Alex, where's the fish tank?
10:31Let me guess, it's underneath me?
10:34Is that a fish tank?
10:36Is this a fish tank?
10:43Good.
10:44Fatia said, oi, don't make me look stupid, innit?
10:47And all I've written is, you have come to the wrong show, my friend.
10:51LAUGHTER
10:54She was furious from the moment we said, shut your eyes.
10:56Oh, for goodness.
10:57Yeah.
10:58That's how I am, honestly.
11:00Once I went to the shop and they ran out of the chocolate I wanted
11:02and I called the police.
11:04LAUGHTER
11:05You reported him that he hadn't kept up to speed with his chocolate supply.
11:08Yeah.
11:08Wow.
11:10Well, we begin with Fatia and Chase.
11:14And Matt.
11:16And Stevie.
11:18And that's it.
11:20Sorry, Rosie.
11:21Here we go.
11:25Laughing doesn't help.
11:29Oh, I can't...
11:32What happens if it's a smash?
11:38Oh.
11:39It's going to take some time.
11:42And I haven't thought through what happens when I get to the edge.
11:46Can all your fingers bend the wrong way.
11:48Why are you laughing, bro?
11:53It's all science-y in here.
11:55This season's theme, science.
11:57Oh, God.
12:03It's probably in the shed.
12:04Fish tank, fish tank, fish tank.
12:06Pile of vinegar in the fish tank.
12:09If I don't find it soon, I'm going to drink it.
12:11OK.
12:11I'm either going to hate you or I'm going to hate myself.
12:14OK.
12:14Well, I hope it's you in a way.
12:16This is a tank.
12:18No, it's not a tank.
12:19Well, that's a...
12:20It's a submarine.
12:21Mmm.
12:21All right.
12:23Have I lost my mind?
12:27Oh, you're taking the piss, bruv.
12:30What's this?
12:31What's it look like?
12:32You fucking assholes.
12:36Wait.
12:37Oh!
12:38Fish tank!
12:48Oh, fuck.
12:50I just spilled some.
12:52This is popping everywhere.
12:56Ooh.
12:57OK.
12:58OK.
12:58I don't like that.
12:59Son of a bitch.
13:05Yes.
13:05Thank you.
13:06Oh!
13:07This is good.
13:09OK.
13:09All the winning is in the fish tank?
13:11Yeah, yeah.
13:11I've told the clock.
13:12Done.
13:13Whoo!
13:13That was exciting.
13:15Yeah, for you.
13:15You're not the one that smells like a chip shop now, innit?
13:18Have I gone past it and just not seen it?
13:21I genuinely don't know.
13:22I can't imagine so.
13:23You genuinely don't know.
13:26Bullshit.
13:31He's doing laps now.
13:35I'm going back in here.
13:41Yeah.
13:42Fuck off!
13:43Hey Matthew.
13:45You found a fish tank?
13:46Yeah.
13:47Found a fish tank?
13:48Yeah.
13:48Do you remember I said I'd either hate myself or you?
13:51Yeah.
13:53It's you.
14:01It seems that we have a very angry cohort already this year.
14:06Matthew ran around a garden.
14:07What were you thinking when you were just running around the garden?
14:11Looking for a fish tank, yeah.
14:13And then when you did find it, you were very angry.
14:16Yes.
14:17Were you angry at the pun?
14:19Yeah.
14:20Yeah.
14:21I think that's what we all got.
14:23I think we were fairly angry.
14:25Yeah, yeah.
14:25I mean, it was irritating.
14:27So irritating.
14:28Stevie, I was quite fascinated by you suddenly shouting
14:32that if you didn't find the tank soon, you were going to drink the liquid.
14:35Especially as in the early part, you'd identified it as piss.
14:39It was quite dehydrating, the process.
14:42And also, as well, I just completely ignored the two jar lids.
14:47It messes with your brain, doesn't it?
14:48Yeah.
14:48And this is the stuff that he loves.
14:50Yeah.
14:50He sits at home when going...
14:55I can tell you that, so far, the person who's doing the best
14:59in the task is Stevie.
15:00You did seven minutes, 42, and you didn't spill anything.
15:03Matt didn't spill anything either.
15:04Took 12 minutes, three seconds.
15:06Looked worse than that.
15:07But because of the lack of spillage, you were fine.
15:08Jason, you were much quicker, but your millilitres, or spill-a-litres,
15:12you could call them spill-a-litres...
15:13Let's not do that.
15:16Tipped you over to 17 minutes 29.
15:18I'm so sorry.
15:19Because I was penalised for spilling.
15:20Penalised.
15:21And Fatia, you were...
15:24And Fatia, 10 minutes 12.
15:25But we're not going to find out how Rosie's done until after the break.
15:27Oh!
15:28Ooh, that builds the tension.
15:29It must be really shit.
15:33Go on then, off you pop.
15:35I said it's break time, go!
15:47Hey!
15:48Welcome back to Trust Master.
15:50Our first task is underway and the new contestants have been trying
15:53to pour all of their vinegar into a fish tank.
15:55A fish tank which turned out to be a tank driven by a fish.
15:59It's clever, it's funny, and it winds Greg up.
16:02Tick, tick, tick.
16:03For every millilitre spilt, one second will be added to their time.
16:07Rosie has watched all of her rivals' attempts,
16:09and now she has to watch herself back,
16:11knowing what's happened before her.
16:13So, good luck, Rosie.
16:21Mmm.
16:23Well done.
16:25Can I go in here?
16:26OK.
16:27Fish tank.
16:31How's it going, Rosie?
16:33Erm, it's...
16:34No, I haven't found anything yet.
16:36This is a bath.
16:39That's a good...
16:39That's not a fish tank.
16:41I don't think...
16:42I've not seen a fish tank anywhere.
16:46No.
16:47I'm just looking for a fish tank.
16:50Anything could be a fish tank, really, couldn't it?
16:52OK.
16:58Is that a fish tank or a jar?
17:01It's a jar, isn't it?
17:07Do you want me to stop the car, Rosie?
17:08Yeah, I'll stop the car.
17:09OK, bye.
17:10OK, bye.
17:11Watch them fish.
17:16I mean, should I disqualify you or not?
17:18No.
17:19What?
17:22It's not a fish tank.
17:23Do you want me to tell you the definition of a fish tank?
17:24I do want you to tell me.
17:25Well, it's a tank driven by a fish.
17:28LAUGHTER
17:30Or a transparent container of water in which live fish
17:33and other water creatures and plants are kept.
17:35I thought outside the box.
17:37You did think outside the box.
17:38I did think outside the box.
17:39Shall I tell you the times and you can decide what to do?
17:41Stevie was the quickest, was 7.42.
17:43Then Fatia, 10 minutes.
17:45Matt, 12 minutes.
17:46Rosie was 15 and a half minutes.
17:48OK.
17:49Didn't spill a drop.
17:50Jason, because of his spillage, was 17 minutes 29.
17:53If it had been a normal fish tank, then I would be penalising Rosie,
17:56but because it was a stupid play on words, I'm going to allow her fish tank.
18:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:02Well done.
18:04Yes.
18:04OK.
18:05So you're saying that Jason comes last.
18:07One point.
18:08Two points to Rosie.
18:09Three to Matt.
18:10Four to Fatia.
18:10But Stevie gets the full five points.
18:12Very nice.
18:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:16Let's have our first scoreboard, please.
18:19Joint leaders with seven points are Matt and Stevie.
18:22Lovely.
18:23APPLAUSE
18:26What's next, my cylindrical little piglet?
18:29LAUGHTER
18:30Don't mind that.
18:32Backwards and forwards thing cool are doing involves task.
18:35Next, this, Greg.
18:36Well...
18:36Oh, God.
18:50You look very cool.
18:51I know.
18:54You look nice.
18:55I look...
18:57Cool.
18:59Cool guy.
19:01Yeah.
19:02Thank you.
19:03If you could use one word to describe me, what would it be?
19:06Ridiculous.
19:07LAUGHTER
19:09That's not what that's happening for.
19:11Do something really cool.
19:13You have a maximum of ten minutes.
19:16Your time starts now.
19:21Is there a bed?
19:23Cool's sort of not caring.
19:25Yeah, I don't care.
19:26Or is it actually cool to be passionate?
19:30Now, super quick question.
19:32Can I get on the roof?
19:33I would say you definitely can't do that.
19:37Really?
19:38I can't go out into traffic.
19:40No.
19:41Can't get on the roof.
19:42Can't go on the road.
19:43You know what?
19:44Comedy thrives on yes and, not no but.
19:48It wasn't even no but.
19:49It was, you definitely can't.
19:50Ooh, that's anti-cool.
19:53Ugh, okay.
19:54What cool things can you do?
19:56Let's think of cool things I can't do.
19:59Right.
19:59And then we try to find something that I can do.
20:02What's cool?
20:03What is cool?
20:05Lemonade?
20:06Yeah, lemonade is cool.
20:08What do you do that's cool?
20:10Sometimes spit.
20:14What?
20:15Yuck.
20:15I'm going to go and get a guitar.
20:19It's time, Horne.
20:25Yeah?
20:26Happy with that?
20:27Yeah, see you later, mate.
20:28Move.
20:28Oh, we're actually going to have to go down.
20:30I'm so sorry.
20:31It's actually rude rather than cool.
20:33I know.
20:33Um, sorry, sorry, sorry.
20:35There is one more thing.
20:39Great.
20:40Do your cool thing backwards.
20:42The cool thing backwards played backwards
20:44that looks most like the forwards cool thing played forwards wins.
20:52You have 15 minutes.
20:55APPLAUSE
20:58Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say I'm looking forward to
21:02Matthew playing a song backwards.
21:06It's time, Horne.
21:13Yes, I'm drawing.
21:18LAUGHTER
21:26So that was the footage reversed, obviously.
21:29Oh, was it?
21:30Yes.
21:30Oh.
21:32Stevie, I'm not one for platitudes.
21:33It might be the single coolest thing I've ever seen.
21:36I enjoyed the addition of the little man popping out of the bin.
21:41I've got no notes.
21:43Fine.
21:44It will go downhill, right?
21:45Well, there's Matt playing guitar next.
21:47Here we go.
21:47LAUGHTER
21:51I'm Matthew Bainton, and this is Cool.
21:57Turn that big frown upside down, you'd be a fool.
22:02If you thought that not caring was cool.
22:11Yes, yes, yes.
22:14It's good, you've got a fool.
22:20She's in the dance every night.
22:25You'd be happy.
22:30If you thought that not caring
22:351 depceks
22:5670s eurovision
22:57It straddles the genres. It does!
23:00I mean, if this is the last thing you achieve in your life,
23:03you've done well.
23:05I think it's powerful.
23:06Thank you. Can I get a rewind?
23:08You can, because it's time for Rosie Ramsey.
23:11Can you give me a six-six beat? OK.
23:14grocery go, $15,000 OR $15,000 OR $15,000 OR $'s,000,000?
23:42It's good.
23:43.
23:44.
23:44.
23:44.
23:44.
23:50.
23:51.
23:51.
23:53.
23:55.
23:58.
23:59.
23:59.
24:04I've got kids.
24:06I felt like we were watching CCTV from a secure unit.
24:11.
24:14Really bad.
24:16.
24:19.
24:19And now, as I always say, partway through Alex and my playful wrestling sessions,
24:24it's time for a break.
24:26.
24:35Hello.
24:36Welcome back to the third part of the show,
24:38where our cool new contestants have to be cool and then do that cool thing backwards.
24:43Oh, yeah, this guy knows his shiz.
24:45Next up, good luck guessing what's happening here, Greg.
24:48.
24:48It's Fatia's attempt.
24:51.
24:52.
24:52.
24:52.
24:54.
24:54.
24:54.
24:55.
24:57.
24:57.
24:58.
24:58미니메이요
25:10미니메이요
25:29What the fuck's going on?
25:32Do you want to see it going forward?
25:34Well, I need to, because at the moment I just feel angry.
25:39OK, well, this is a cool thing she did forward,
25:41then let's see if you understand it after that.
25:43If we get some sweets and then you eat one,
25:47and I can tell which one it is, by the way, you're chewing.
25:50For real, man, for real, I'm not even playing with you.
25:53Well, that's quite cool.
25:54I'm so good at that game.
25:56Yeah, let go.
26:02It's in.
26:05Right, start chewing it.
26:11Is it this?
26:15Is it this?
26:19Is it this?
26:21This is not going to plan.
26:29Yeah!
26:30I only had seven goes, and I got it on the eighth.
26:34Wow.
26:34Placed?
26:35Yeah.
26:35If we were holding hands, I would have got it on the first one.
26:37Hmm.
26:44OK, Fatsy, what's going on here?
26:47Because that's not a known game.
26:49It is.
26:50Me and my friend play all the time, and I always win.
26:52Oh, play?
26:53Yeah.
26:53Well, present tense.
26:55Only with him, because you have to have a connection.
26:57Do you know why it didn't work?
26:59Because Muppet features over there had glasses on.
27:01Oh, wow.
27:02It was Alex's one.
27:03It was.
27:04Why didn't you tell me to take the glasses off?
27:06Because I thought...
27:16Who buys the sweet soup?
27:17Any of us.
27:18That's what I mean.
27:19If he doesn't bring them, do you call the police on him?
27:22LAUGHTER
27:27OK.
27:28One left to see, Greg.
27:28One left to see, Greg.
27:29Yeah.
27:29It's Jason Mandzukin.
27:33MUSIC PLAYS
27:34MUSIC PLAYS
27:40Lock the door.
27:44Lock the door.
27:46Lock the door.
27:47Lock pick set.
27:49Lock pick set.
27:58You've got 30 seconds.
28:03Lock pick set.
28:08좋아요.
28:28루이크!
28:29좋아요.
28:31루이크!
28:31루이크!
28:37It's pretty cool. Yeah! I mean, what am I, Magnet P.I.?
28:43Where's that come from? My bag.
28:52UNDENIIVELY IMPRESSIVE.
28:53I've been sidetracked, though, by when you were asked where you got the lockpicking set.
28:58Yes. You replied, from my bag.
29:00Correct. OK.
29:01OK.
29:02Who are you?
29:04Well, you might have also heard me say, who am I, Magnum P.I.?
29:07Because that is where I learned those skills.
29:10Then I became obsessed with picking locks, so I bought a lockpick set.
29:13OK.
29:13And you can also buy practice locks that you can practice.
29:16OK, don't use this tone, I'm the fool, here.
29:19LAUGHTER
29:19Listen up, dummy.
29:22Yes, and if you're wondering, the lockpick set is in my dressing room right now.
29:26Who do you let on this show, bruv?
29:27LAUGHTER
29:29Says fucking guess the sweets.
29:32LAUGHTER
29:34Well, who's only going to get one point, then?
29:37Well, Fattier. Correct.
29:38One!
29:39LAUGHTER
29:42I feel like I've dissed Rosie really badly, but it's probably the least accurate.
29:46Two points for Rosie.
29:47Oh, God, everybody else was pretty good.
29:49Maybe Jason gets three.
29:51I'm going to make a rogue decision and say that because I think that he moved
29:54the hearts of the nation with his beautiful son...
29:56LAUGHTER
29:57..and give Matthew the five points for me.
30:00LAUGHTER
30:00Four to three to five to Matthew.
30:02LAUGHTER
30:02Incredible.
30:03Caring his tools.
30:06I'd like another task, please, little Alex Herr.
30:08OK, yes, and roll up, roll up.
30:11No, I don't mean reefers, Greg.
30:13I mean it's time...
30:15LAUGHTER
30:15..for the greatest sporting event of all time.
30:33MUSIC PLAYS
30:37Well...
30:38What have you been?
30:39Just been for a little hike round the forest, clearly.
30:42Mm.
30:43Shall we do it?
30:45By we, I mean me, and you just...
30:49..stand around.
30:52LAUGHTER
30:52Win the P-Olympics.
30:55Win the P-Olympics.
30:58P-Olympics.
30:59Well, P-E-A-L-Y.
31:02P-E-A-L-Y.
31:03P-E-A-L-Y.
31:04M-P-I-C-S.
31:05P-Olympics.
31:06P-Olympics.
31:08P-Olympics.
31:09The top two performers in each event get a medal.
31:13Most medals wins.
31:16Mm-hm.
31:17So it doesn't matter if you come first or second,
31:18as long as you come first or second.
31:20All right.
31:20Yeah?
31:21Yeah.
31:21Ready for the P-Olympics?
31:23I...
31:24Do I have a choice?
31:25LAUGHTER
31:26Yeah, exactly.
31:32OK.
31:33Straight in.
31:34Straight in.
31:34Well, first up, it is Fatia and Mattia.
31:39Five events.
31:40This is event number one.
31:42Work out which pillow the P is under.
31:45In the fewest guesses, you have three minutes.
31:49Well, it could be any of them, couldn't it?
31:51Could be.
31:52I think it's that yellow one.
31:53Right.
31:54Chop, chop.
31:54Not under there.
31:55The green one next to it, please.
31:57Right.
31:57No.
31:58The order of colours changes around here.
32:01Oh, that's interesting.
32:02Is that arbitrary?
32:03Either is or isn't.
32:07How many are there?
32:0926.
32:09That's a nice number.
32:10Whatever.
32:11I don't feel like it makes a difference.
32:1320 seconds to find the P.
32:17That green one over there?
32:19Uh, no.
32:20Two seconds.
32:24Nice sign of the P.
32:25Well, that was a waste of time.
32:26Yep, I agree.
32:27Ready for the second event?
32:29Wow!
32:29I don't mind going back to your spot.
32:31If you don't mind, I'd like to just dwell on the regret.
32:34Yep.
32:34No, that's fine.
32:36Balance your P on the highest tower of carrots.
32:39You have three minutes.
32:40I don't have the P.
32:41Can I get you the P?
32:42Here we go.
32:44Oh, you're out of order.
32:45I'm taking my mind here.
32:46I think it counts, doesn't it?
32:5012 seconds left.
32:56Not long now.
32:57Two seconds, really.
32:59Fuck off!
33:00No!
33:02Event number two is over.
33:06It's a lovely tower.
33:08No P.
33:10Right, event number three.
33:11OK.
33:12Catch a P fired from the P catapult.
33:15If you catch a P in one hand, your time is divided by two.
33:19If you catch a P in your mouth, your time is divided by five.
33:24Good luck, Matthew.
33:26Here they come.
33:28Literally can't see it.
33:30Couldn't see it.
33:31Quick.
33:32I can't even see it.
33:35I can't see it.
33:39Can you do more than one?
33:41Yeah.
33:44Do it again.
34:00Why couldn't you get, like, the big Bs?
34:03The haricot, or whatever they're called.
34:04Why you get these?
34:05Who's catching these?
34:07I'm not a bird.
34:08Oh, if it gets in my hijab, does that count?
34:11Yeah, that counts.
34:11I've got loads.
34:13Huh.
34:13Congratulations.
34:14OK, this is the last one.
34:16Please.
34:21Is there a P in your hand?
34:25No.
34:26That's the end of event number three.
34:30Throw a P the furthest.
34:32Towards the river, please.
34:34So into the wind?
34:35Yep.
34:38Throw a P that way.
34:39That right, yeah, must be in that direction, yeah.
34:41I know you're deranged, right?
34:43So I know I'm going to throw this,
34:44and then you're going to make me go and get it.
34:49That's not coming up.
34:51A few practices.
34:54Are you going to actually throw the...
34:56Yeah, I'm going to throw the real one now.
34:5710 seconds.
35:02What's that?
35:07What's that?
35:07Find your thrown P the fastest.
35:10Love a maximum of three minutes.
35:12Time starts.
35:13See when you open the top.
35:14Be careful.
35:15Why did I do practices?
35:18There's my P, can you see it?
35:19That was my one.
35:20You found your P?
35:21Yeah, I did.
35:22Is that it?
35:23Yeah, that's it.
35:24You've got two minutes 10.
35:28You're going to be finding peas, not carrots.
35:35I've scored the clock.
35:36Yes!
35:43Lucky, we've not even won full episodes into this series,
35:46and I think you might be close to the edge.
35:50That is not even close to my lowest ed.
35:52I remember that fondly, if anything.
35:56Fabulous.
35:57Fatia, I'm sure you find this show an inconvenience.
36:01How dare you?
36:03How dare...
36:03I call fucking five Ps, brother, you mad.
36:07Yes, brother.
36:10So, that's the end of part three.
36:12Who will win the episode and then have to drag home a TV trolley?
36:16Not me.
36:16And that's all that matters.
36:17Thank you.
36:38Thank you.
36:46APPLAUSE
36:47To figure out which pillow the P is under.
36:49You may not tamper with a pillow before guessing.
36:52So, it's just guess?
36:53Maybe.
36:54I'm going to guess this one.
36:55Nope.
36:56No.
36:57No.
36:58No.
36:59Do you know where the P is?
37:00No.
37:01No.
37:01The P's don't talk.
37:03I don't think P's can talk.
37:04I've lost my mind.
37:05No, they're vegetables.
37:06I'm just going to guess this guy and this guy.
37:09I'm going to guess this guy.
37:10There's no way it has to be guessed.
37:12Oh, really?
37:13So, I'm just going to do them all.
37:16Are they?
37:16Look.
37:16This guy.
37:18This guy.
37:18There it is.
37:19I like your system.
37:21Yeah.
37:21I just chose different guys to flip over.
37:24Mmm.
37:28That one.
37:30Ah!
37:31There's two P's under there.
37:33Weirdly, you put a P under the right pillow.
37:36It was clever but unnecessary.
37:38Yeah, and I was tampered with it, so I've lost.
37:40Okay, cool.
37:42Jesus Christ.
37:42Nice.
37:43Alright.
37:45Balance your P on the highest tower of carrots.
37:48I'm not good at building stuff, you know.
37:50Right.
37:50I wouldn't have said that a carrot was a rolly veg, but yeah.
37:54Alright.
37:59Yeah.
38:03Have you washed these carrots?
38:05We will.
38:14I'm so proud of myself.
38:1712 seconds.
38:20That's as good as I'm going to get, I think.
38:2410 seconds.
38:25Where's the P?
38:28This is the P?
38:30This is the P?
38:31Two seconds.
38:32No!
38:37I mean, this is irrelevant.
38:41That's a lovely tower.
38:43Will you do any better in event number three?
38:46Catch a P fired from the P catapult.
38:49If you catch a P in your mouth, your time is divided by five.
38:52Good luck.
38:53Okay, go.
38:54Ah!
38:55What?
38:56How?
38:57Can you do one test, please?
39:02Ooh.
39:11Got it.
39:13Let's see.
39:16Okay.
39:17What about if you fire it right into my face?
39:2055 seconds.
39:23Can you catch one?
39:24No!
39:27Yes!
39:28Good P.
39:29Here we go.
39:32Let's see.
39:33Congratulations.
39:38Throw a P the furthest.
39:40Now, I'll be honest.
39:42I'm going to tuck this in there.
39:43Nobody's ever going to find it.
39:49P is inside.
39:53The P has been thrown.
40:01I think it got down to here.
40:03Did it?
40:06Oh.
40:08Have you found the P yet?
40:09No.
40:10Oh!
40:13Got it.
40:14I've stopped the clock.
40:15I will need to check the P's in it.
40:18Any sign of the P?
40:2220 seconds.
40:23We're hurrying up.
40:24Okay.
40:25I'll try another bit.
40:27You found the P?
40:28I found the P.
40:30Come on.
40:31No.
40:32If I'd have got that carrot tower...
40:35It all rested on that carrot tower.
40:40Ah!
40:41LAUGHTER
40:44LAUGHTER
40:46I've stopped the clock.
40:51Oh, my God!
40:53Well, that's the most joyous moment so far.
40:57Unbelievably, she found a P in a field quicker than these two found carrots in a field.
41:03LAUGHTER
41:04Well, you found loads of other carrots before your one.
41:06I had lots of done that.
41:06You took over two minutes.
41:07She found hers in a minute and a half.
41:09Now, on to the tragic story of this particular P-lympics.
41:14But there was a victory within your attempt, wasn't there?
41:16I mean, no-one's made a better carrot tower than that ever.
41:19Thank you.
41:19But I then lost because the P rolled off.
41:22Yes.
41:22No, no, I mean, it's all for nothing.
41:24It's all right, yeah.
41:26Well, the medal ceremony will happen on the screen behind me
41:28and I can tell you that, Stevie, as you can see,
41:30you did get one medal for your catch in your mouth.
41:32Matt, you also got one medal, so you come joint fourth.
41:34You get two points.
41:35Fatia, you got two golds in your tower and your find.
41:38You are third.
41:39Two people in first place.
41:40Jason, with your two golds and your silver.
41:43Rosie, you got one gold and two silvers, so you both get five points.
41:46Well done.
41:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:50Have we ever put the scores?
41:51Yes.
41:52Fatia, you are in last place with nine points.
41:56Jason and Matt in the lead on 14.
41:59APPLAUSE
42:02Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
42:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:13Hello there, sweet cheeks.
42:14Hi, Greg.
42:16Who will be reading the task?
42:17I would like Rosie Ramsey to read it, please.
42:20Rosie.
42:20Pleasure.
42:22Get the most raisins in your wine glass.
42:25You may only touch raisins with your mouth.
42:29You must not bend at the waist
42:31and your hands must be behind your back at all times.
42:35Also, every time you drop a raisin into your wine glass,
42:39you must shout the name of one of your competitors.
42:41That competitor must immediately shout their name too.
42:45If they don't, Alex will empty their wine glass.
42:49Oof.
42:50You have 100 seconds.
42:52Wow.
42:53So, Greg is going to be watching the waist work.
42:55Greg, if you think someone's bending, I'll come over.
42:57Oh, my God, I'll be on them like a puma.
42:59Yes.
43:01LAUGHTER
43:01But also I will empty their wine glass.
43:03OK, good luck, everyone.
43:04Your time starts on the whistle.
43:06WHISTLE BLOWS
43:07Don't bend that waist.
43:10WHISTLE BLOWS
43:11Ha!
43:12Ha!
43:14Ha!
43:14Ha!
43:15Ha! Ha!
43:15Ha! Ha!
43:15You must shout someone's name if you...
43:17Jason!
43:19Jason!
43:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:29Rosie, shout!
43:30Stevie!
43:31Rosie!
43:32No.
43:33No.
43:34Matthew!
43:35Matthew!
43:36You must shout your own name.
43:37Oh, fuck!
43:38Rosie!
43:40Boo-boo!
43:44Rosie!
43:45Rosie!
43:46Rosie!
43:48Rosie!
43:50Matthew!
43:51Matthew!
43:53Fatia!
43:55Fatia!
43:56Fatia!
43:57Fatia!
43:57Fatia!
43:58Well, I would empty it, but there's nothing in there.
44:00Rosie!
44:00Rosie!
44:00Whoa!
44:01Matthew!
44:0630 seconds left.
44:08Stevie!
44:08Stevie!
44:09Rosie!
44:11Rosie!
44:11Jason!
44:13Jason!
44:15Matthew!
44:17Matthew!
44:17Matthew!
44:18Fatia!
44:19Fatia!
44:20Rosie!
44:25Rosie!
44:27Rosie!
44:29Rosie!
44:29Rosie!
44:37Fabulous.
44:37Listen.
44:38We'll work the scores out.
44:40We'll add them to your final scores.
44:41Please come down and join me!
44:42Thank you.
44:45Thank you.
44:50Well, well, well.
44:52That was insane.
44:55I guess we start with Fatia.
44:56You didn't get any raisins in your glass in the end.
44:58And there's a very good reason for that, isn't there, Fatia?
45:00Yeah.
45:00Yeah.
45:01My shoes in you.
45:01I'm not getting on the floor, right?
45:03LAUGHTER
45:05She gets one point, really, which is more than the amount of raisins she got in the
45:09class.
45:10So it's one to Fatia.
45:11Jason ended up with just three raisins in his glass.
45:13Two points to Jason.
45:15Incredibly, Stevie and Rosie both got 70 raisins in their glass.
45:19Oh, my God!
45:19They share second place and four points each, but Matthew with 315 raisins gets five points!
45:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:29So, I'll put the extra scores.
45:31In first place, it's Matt with 19 points!
45:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:36Matthew wins!
45:38Please sail up to the stage and snap up your school day star!
45:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
댓글