- 7 hours ago
Evil Lives Here My Child the Killer S01E03
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00:02check how many times I've been arrested in the last eight years but nobody tried to kill me
00:07because all the tried to kill me they were all trying to kill me and I was shooting at anything
00:14I said no one's gonna help me I'm gonna have to take care of this myself
00:20and this is I still feel guilty about this part and I'm pretty glad my son never sees this but
00:28I was gonna shoot him in the back of the head I had in my mind this is the only
00:34way to stop him
00:38I was gonna take him out to the woods and I was just gonna put one in his head and
00:43leave and I was
00:45going to be okay with going to jail I knew it was wrong but I had to do it
01:07Cleveland Heights police officer Jason West was shot and killed while responding to a street
01:12fight police say the shooter is 27-year-old Timothy Halton
01:28oh my god
01:36oh my goodness
01:59oh my god oh my god why why why
02:10that's what I tried to prevent
02:30oh my god
02:33oh my god
02:33oh my god
02:51Timmy was my big, sweet teddy bear that morphed into a monster.
02:58I love my son dearly, but if I would have killed him, Jason West would still be alive.
03:14I don't know how bad this is going to sound, but if it were Timmy that was killed, I would
03:24have preferred that.
03:28You did what I thought you were going to do, and I couldn't stop it.
03:34And it's hard.
03:36It's hard to wrap your head around it because he's still my baby.
03:39He's still my baby, and now he's a murderer.
03:44As a parent, you always blame yourself.
03:46You always question, did I do enough?
03:48What could I have done different?
03:50I mean, he was just so adorable, and those cheeks that he had, you know, growing up,
03:56the cheeks that everybody would just squeeze.
03:59I have a lot of happy memories.
04:01I just have a lot of sad ones, too.
04:30I had no desire to have children.
04:34None whatsoever.
04:35It was not in my plans.
04:38I just wanted to go to school.
04:42I didn't tell anybody at first that I was pregnant.
04:46My mom wanted to know by who, and I told her, the organ is at the church.
04:52And so I had to get married to save the church embarrassment, to save me embarrassment.
04:57There was nothing to be happy about.
05:02The way I looked at my unborn child is, how am I going to love this baby when I don't
05:06want kids?
05:07I'm a kid myself.
05:09But then they put that baby on my chest, and it just, I felt the joy of motherhood then.
05:18I did.
05:19I just instantly loved him.
05:22And I told him, I want to protect you.
05:25I want to protect you with everything I can.
05:29Nobody's going to hurt you.
05:30You're my baby.
05:38Oh, my God.
05:41Oh, my God.
05:43Oh, look at me.
05:4516.
05:46My little baby.
05:47I felt this love, and I had never felt before, and I was so happy with this part of my
05:57life.
05:59I devoted all my time to him.
06:17I was married at 16, two kids by 17, divorced at 18.
06:22I didn't know how to do this thing.
06:23I didn't know how to raise children.
06:27They were being raised along with me.
06:32I just knew I had to love them.
06:34I knew I had to protect them.
06:49I go upstairs, you know, and check on them, and he's not in the bed.
06:55I was scared.
06:56I was like, what happened?
06:58And I ran all over the house looking for him.
07:02I ran everywhere, checking the bathrooms.
07:04I had never been so scared in my life, because I'm thinking the worst.
07:08And then, I don't know, in a voice, they look in the closet.
07:15And I looked, and I see my clothes are pulled down.
07:23And then, I see his hand sticking out.
07:27He was all curled up, but the clothes, he had pulled my clothes down to make a blanket, so he
07:33was covered up.
07:36And I felt such a relief.
07:40I wake him up, make sure he's okay, and I'm trying to talk to him, and it's like he's looking
07:46past me.
07:48And I'm like, what is wrong with him?
07:51I don't know how to explain it, but I had the weirdest feeling.
08:00Eventually, it just became an every-night thing.
08:03I would see him walking down the hallway, and I would follow him, and I would talk to him.
08:08He wouldn't say anything, and his face, it was just a blank stare, just a blank stare.
08:16And it made me question, is there a demon in there?
08:20You know, I know there's God, and I know there's the devil as well.
08:24I was terrified.
08:35One day, I smell something really foul, and I'm looking around, looking around.
08:39Finally, I check under the bed, and it's just a shoe box, and the smell is stronger.
08:45And I open up the shoe box,
08:49and there's a bird inside, dead, cut open.
08:55And it disgusted me.
08:57That disgusted me.
08:59It really freaked me out, because it's like,
09:02why is there a dead bird in a box with a knife under my son's bed?
09:05What is he doing?
09:12And so finally, I called him in, and I asked him, what is this?
09:17And he didn't answer me at first.
09:20And I said, Timmy, this bird is dead and cut open.
09:25I said, did you do this?
09:28And he said, yes, I did it.
09:30I was just putting it out of its misery.
09:34I just did not want to think that my son could be cruel.
09:39I was totally freaked out, because this is not normal.
09:44I don't know what it is, but it's not normal.
09:51It kept happening.
09:52It kept happening.
09:57So, of course, I'm like, oh, this is bigger than I thought.
10:01And I did not have a clue of what to do, and I was frightened.
10:08I just knew something was wrong with my son.
10:14Because I had heard that, like, psychopaths, they start off by killing animals.
10:21I never asked if he regretted it or felt bad.
10:26I was really scared to talk about it with him.
10:29I was afraid.
10:32I didn't want to hear what the answer was really going to be.
10:38I didn't want him to say, oh, I have fun doing this.
10:41I like doing it.
10:42I like the blood sorting out.
10:43I didn't know what was going to be said.
10:45So I just didn't ask.
10:49I knew something was wrong with my son, but I didn't know what.
10:53And it was like, well, maybe it is a demon.
10:56I made every excuse up you can.
10:58That's what parents do.
10:59That's a mother's, especially, that's what we do.
11:02We will make up an excuse and stick with it.
11:05We love our babies so much, and we want the best for them.
11:11We don't want to think the worst.
11:13But I didn't know what was coming next.
11:24Halton is accused of shooting and killing Cleveland Heights police officer Jason West.
11:28Officer West never pulled a gun on Halton.
11:31He did not have the chance.
11:33Halton shot Officer West as he arrived on scene.
11:43I do still cry about it because it wasn't the life I had planned for my child.
11:49I mean, no one wants their child to be a killer.
11:53It's kind of shocking to the system and something I'll never get over.
11:58You see, the light we're approaching is right after the next light.
12:04There's a sign in memory of investigator Jason D. West.
12:12I drive past it going to work and coming from work.
12:19Because he lived in one of these houses here.
12:23You know, that sign may not mean anything to a lot of people, and it means a lot.
12:30That sign is there because my son killed him.
12:34And I say a quick prayer and drive right past it.
12:58More babies.
13:01Oh, my God.
13:03So adorable.
13:06And this little suit, her and her little dress.
13:08I used to love dressing them up.
13:13He was such a happy kid.
13:15So happy, so polite, so loving.
13:21He and his sister were so close.
13:25I mean, she loved her brother.
13:27They were best friends.
13:29They were.
13:29But then he changed.
13:48I'm getting her ready for her bath.
13:50And she has a bunch of marks on her thighs.
13:56I asked her, what is this?
13:57Did you get bitten by something?
14:00And she's just like, no, no, no, no.
14:02And she tried to cover her up real quick.
14:04And after a long pause, she said, Timmy made this shocking toy, and he shocks me.
14:12I'm like, what do you mean shock you?
14:14I'm like, what do you mean shock you?
14:14He burns me.
14:15And he told me, if I tell you, he was going to get me.
14:20He had tied her to the chair, and I don't know how he did it, but he would take wires
14:26out of
14:27a radio, and he would shock her.
14:32It became real in that moment, because now you're hurting your sister, physically abusing
14:41her.
14:45I didn't want to whoop my children, but there was no stopping me.
14:49You've been whooped.
14:51Even whooping him, he had no emotion.
14:55He had no emotion.
14:57You spank him, and it's not one of those things where I'm going to keep spanking you harder
15:01just to make you break.
15:03But, no, he was very emotionalist.
15:10After I whooped him, I just went to my room and cried.
15:14It was really hard for me to handle that I gave birth to someone that could be so cruel
15:28as to do this, and I just couldn't understand it.
15:34It's not exactly what I was dreaming of as a parent.
15:49A couple weeks later, I come home early from work, and she's in a chair.
15:56I said, is he shocking you?
15:57Is he doing it again?
15:59And she said, yeah, mommy, yeah, mommy.
16:02And then Chrissy told me, as he was shocking her, the louder she yelled or screeched, the
16:12more he laughed about it.
16:18There was a range of emotions, from fear to hurt that she's going through this, to anger.
16:28So I tried to talk to him, but I was trying to get down to the bottom of it.
16:32Why do you like hurting things?
16:35Why?
16:35Why do you like inflicting pain?
16:38What kind of joy are you getting here?
16:40And he would just look at me.
16:43I don't know why.
16:44I don't know why.
16:46I would never get an answer.
16:48I was like, this is not normal.
16:53What is wrong with my son?
16:57I was terrified because no parent, first of all, wants their child to be bad, but to
17:04be violent, and for no reason other than the reason that's in his head.
17:12There was a time where the family could say, oh, we have to pray it away.
17:17We have to pray it away.
17:18We've got to pray that demon away.
17:20You know, but they wanted to do literally an exorcism, you know, in the church.
17:27I know there's a God, and I believe there's hell also.
17:32There was something evil inside of him.
17:45There's my baby.
17:47Okay.
17:50Hello?
17:51Hello.
17:52This is a free call from...
17:54Debbie.
17:55...an inmate for the Allen Correctional Institution.
17:59Hey, baby.
18:01Hey, ma.
18:02How you doing?
18:02I'm doing good.
18:03What's up?
18:05Nothing much.
18:05I miss you.
18:06I miss you, too.
18:07I miss you, too.
18:08I have to get your food box for you.
18:10I haven't forgotten.
18:11Oh, okay.
18:12I love you.
18:13I love you, too.
18:14I miss my hugs.
18:16Yeah, I need one right now.
18:18You're gonna need one right now?
18:20Okay, thank you.
18:21Yeah.
18:21What you been up to?
18:23I haven't been up to nothing.
18:24How you been?
18:25Uh, I've been okay.
18:27Just, I've been good.
18:28Um, just doing little projects, you know, around the house and everything.
18:35Oh, okay.
18:36All right, baby.
18:37I'm gonna get back to work now, okay?
18:39All right.
18:40I love you, too.
18:41Bye-bye.
18:42Talk to you soon.
18:44Go ahead and sleep.
18:45So he knows...
18:46All right, this is take two.
18:47ABC Mark.
18:48He knows what you're doing, right?
18:50No.
18:51He doesn't know what you're doing?
18:53So you're gonna tell him now?
18:54Mm-mm.
18:56You're not telling him that you're doing this interview.
19:00Why?
19:06Well...
19:06Hmm.
19:08My son is very sensitive,
19:10and I know for a fact he's ashamed and embarrassed of the things he did.
19:19I know it hurts him, and this will hurt him.
19:22So once again, you're a mother protecting him.
19:25I have to.
19:27I have to protect my baby.
19:28He's gonna be 45 on March 30th.
19:31He's still my baby, though.
19:34You never stop loving them.
19:38You do a lot of forgiving,
19:40and hope they forgive you for the things,
19:42you know, as a parent that you might have done wrong,
19:46or that they didn't agree with.
19:48But, no, you never stop loving them.
19:52It just makes my heart that he's in there,
19:53and he's never coming home.
20:12I received a call at work.
20:15It was the principal of the school,
20:18and they requested that I come up immediately.
20:22And I was like, well, what's wrong?
20:23What's going on?
20:24We'll talk to you when you get here.
20:27By the time I got there,
20:29he's sitting in a straitjacket
20:31in a chair
20:33that's locked down to the floor.
20:37I just saw a little baby in a straitjacket.
20:40Aren't you serious?
20:42But I'm scared, because I'm like,
20:43what did he do?
20:49So, apparently,
20:52one of the teachers
20:54asked him about his father,
20:57which was a sore subject with him,
21:01and he just tackled her.
21:07So security got him off her.
21:10He's kicking, screaming, throwing things,
21:12tearing up the desk and everything,
21:14and they ended up putting him
21:16in a straitjacket.
21:18Mind you,
21:19it's a school for children
21:20with behavioral issues,
21:22so they're used to seeing things.
21:25But they said this was extreme.
21:27My son was fighting him.
21:43Oh, this one.
21:46I think he's about 15 on this picture.
21:53And all of a sudden,
21:54he was happier.
21:56He had finished all his high school courses,
21:59and the teacher submitted an application
22:01for college, and he was accepted.
22:03Timmy said,
22:04don't tell my mom.
22:04I want to tell her.
22:05So he came home and told me.
22:08He was so excited.
22:10He was on cloud nine.
22:11He was on cloud nine.
22:13He said,
22:14finally, I did something right.
22:16I was so proud of him.
22:18And he was so happy
22:20that I was proud of him
22:21because he had caused me
22:22so much heartache and pain.
22:26It gave me so much hope.
22:29It was like,
22:30finally,
22:31it was the time
22:32where I was like,
22:33okay, he's getting it together.
22:49He started getting violent,
22:51and with each episode,
22:54the violence was worse
22:57than the last time.
23:00And it just kept escalating
23:02and escalating.
23:10Well, you're really trying
23:11to make me cry, aren't you?
23:17The slow, violent descent.
23:23Okay.
23:25They have here his run-ins
23:27with the law.
23:31Bare-chested Timothy Halton Jr.
23:33punches and kicks
23:34a 60-year-old man
23:36who walks past his home.
23:37The man is hit
23:38on the side of the head,
23:40his jaw, and side.
23:42Halton yells at the bloodied man
23:44to get out of here.
23:47At this time,
23:48he's 20 years old,
23:51and they would hang out
23:53at the mall,
23:54and he'd just start
23:56punching people in the head
23:58for no reason.
24:01This is an incident
24:02just the next day,
24:04July 9, 2000.
24:07Police get a call
24:08from Halton's screaming sister
24:10who has locked her brother
24:11out of the house.
24:12This orally conduct charge
24:15is later dismissed.
24:20That was part of the problem.
24:24No matter what he did,
24:26no matter who he hurt,
24:28they dismissed him.
24:30He just got one slap
24:32on the wrist after another.
24:48And so I'm sitting there.
24:49They bring him in,
24:50and he's in a straitjacket.
24:54And I thought,
24:55what did he do
24:57to get back
24:58in the straitjacket?
25:00They told me
25:01he had been attacking
25:02the nurses.
25:04And I'm trying to act like,
25:05okay, this is normal.
25:07Okay, I'm just happy
25:08to see him.
25:11They kept it
25:12at a short visit.
25:13It was time to go,
25:15and they said
25:17I had to leave first.
25:18So I started walking away,
25:21and all of a sudden,
25:23I hear all this commotion.
25:24And Timmy's straitjacket
25:26and all this,
25:26knocking people out.
25:28He was just like
25:29using his shoulders
25:30and his head
25:31and kicking
25:31and literally attacking
25:33everyone.
25:39And I asked the doctor.
25:41He just said,
25:42we suspect
25:44your child
25:45has schizophrenia.
25:47We're not 100% sure,
25:50but we believe
25:50he might be suffering
25:52from schizophrenia.
25:54But I will never forget
25:56that face
25:57and the way
25:57he looked back.
25:58it was not my son.
26:01I swear to God,
26:03and it's so hard
26:04to make anyone believe,
26:05but I was looking
26:06at a devil.
26:19I look at pictures
26:21of Timmy
26:22all the time,
26:24especially when he was younger.
26:28I love looking
26:29at his baby pictures
26:30because he was so
26:31fat and chubby
26:32and adorable,
26:34of course.
26:39Mothers,
26:39we don't think
26:40our kids ever grow up.
26:42We still keep them
26:43as a baby.
26:44I'm still thinking
26:44this is my sweet,
26:45Timmy.
26:47My son was morphing
26:48into something
26:49I did not recognize.
26:51It just wasn't Timmy.
26:53There's two people there.
26:56He was always sweet.
26:57He was always polite.
26:58He was always kind.
27:00He would morph
27:01into a whole
27:03different being.
27:06I mean,
27:06the way he walked,
27:07the way he talked,
27:08the way he looked at you.
27:11It was scary.
27:22You are always on edge
27:23because you know
27:24something's going to happen.
27:25You can never
27:26let your guard down.
27:28At this time,
27:29there were many episodes.
27:32He would walk around
27:33the house just screaming,
27:34and it was an awful,
27:35awful, awful sound.
27:38It was so scary.
27:41He punched holes
27:42throughout my entire house.
27:46My daughter was terrified
27:48of him at the time.
27:48and she had the new baby.
27:51And at this point,
27:52she was scared
27:53to sleep alone.
27:54So her and the baby
27:55would sleep with me.
27:57That's when we started
27:58going to the bathroom together.
27:59Me, her, and the baby.
28:00We get in that bathroom.
28:03It was nice
28:04that we slept
28:04in that bathroom.
28:07Because each episode
28:09was worse than the last.
28:15My daughter couldn't stand
28:17living with him
28:17out of fear.
28:19She's like,
28:19Mommy,
28:19he's going to get us
28:20if we kick him out.
28:23The situation
28:24was so hopeless.
28:26I was like,
28:27my daughter can't
28:28live like this.
28:29I have a granddaughter now.
28:32She's not going to go through
28:33what my daughter went through.
28:35And I bought a gun
28:37because I needed to protect
28:39my daughter.
28:43It was going to be
28:44Timmy or Chrissy.
28:55I just rushed home
28:57and when I got there
28:59and I see blood
29:01on the wall.
29:02And I got my gun
29:04out my purse
29:06and I was listening
29:07at the same time
29:08as I was walking
29:09up the steps.
29:11I didn't know
29:11if he was still
29:12in the house.
29:12I just knew
29:13there was blood
29:13on my wall.
29:16And so I go
29:16to the bedroom
29:19and I'm at the door
29:21and I don't want
29:22to twist this door knob
29:23but I know I have to
29:24because I didn't know
29:25what I was going to see
29:26behind that door.
29:30So my hand was
29:31on the door
29:31for what I'd seen
29:32before eternity
29:35and I just twisted
29:36and opened it.
29:41I didn't see anything.
29:43And I'm like,
29:43Chrissy, Chrissy.
29:47She's like,
29:48Mommy, I'm in here.
29:49I'm in the cubbyhole.
29:50We made a cubbyhole.
29:57And so I slid
29:59the fake wall
30:01away.
30:02And she's like,
30:03I don't know
30:03where Timmy is, Mommy.
30:04I don't know.
30:05He was howling.
30:06He was acting strange.
30:08He kept saying
30:08he was coming after me.
30:10And so I had me
30:11and the baby hid in here.
30:12At that time,
30:13she had already
30:14called 911.
30:15When the police got there,
30:17they searched the house.
30:18They searched around
30:19the house.
30:19They couldn't find Timmy.
30:20But they found
30:21the cut-up cat.
30:22And that's where
30:23the blood came from.
30:27I was beyond words.
30:29It's not getting better.
30:30It's worse.
30:31And you have no
30:32conscience about it.
30:34That scared me
30:35in itself.
30:55It got to the point
30:56where I was so powerless,
30:59I felt like
31:00I am losing my mind.
31:02And I said,
31:03no one's going to help me.
31:04I'm going to have to
31:05take care of this myself.
31:09Tell them,
31:09come on,
31:09let's go for a ride.
31:11And we're driving
31:12and we're talking
31:13and everything.
31:14And my plan
31:16was to just go sit.
31:18It's a park
31:19called Forest Hills.
31:21And we were just
31:22going to go sit there
31:23as we did often.
31:26and I was going to,
31:28Timmy, look over there.
31:29Look over there.
31:32I couldn't face him
31:34and do it.
31:35Not that it made it
31:36any better.
31:40I was going to shoot him
31:41in the back of the head.
31:50This isn't something
31:51I wanted to do.
31:51This is something
31:52I felt I had to do.
31:55I got a picture
31:56of my daughter
31:57and a picture
31:57of my daughter.
32:01But I literally
32:02had it pointed at him
32:03and I was a good shot.
32:06My hands were trembling
32:07and I just dropped it.
32:12Fell to my knees
32:17and we were letting out
32:18this horrible, horrible,
32:20horrible scream.
32:21I mean,
32:23it just came out of me.
32:25And he runs back
32:26and he's like,
32:27Mommy, what's wrong?
32:27What's wrong?
32:28What's wrong?
32:31He didn't understand
32:33why I was crying.
32:35I never told him.
32:37But at that point,
32:39I couldn't,
32:39I just couldn't do it.
32:41I couldn't do it.
32:54Even in the best circumstances,
32:56parents always question,
32:57did I do the right thing?
32:59Did I make a mistake
33:00by doing this?
33:01Why couldn't you stop him?
33:05You don't know
33:06what you're going to do
33:07until you're in that position,
33:10until you have to address
33:13something and at times
33:14you still don't know
33:15what you're going to do,
33:16but you try to make
33:16the best decision.
33:19It seemed like
33:20no matter what I did,
33:21I was wrong.
33:23It's not getting better.
33:25It's worse.
33:27I could have stopped it.
33:29If I would have
33:32killed him,
33:33then Jason West
33:34would still be alive.
33:48That's when the judge
33:50put him on probation,
33:52a four-year probation,
33:53where he had to stay
33:55medicated, monitored,
33:58stay off drugs,
33:59alcohol,
34:00see his psychiatrist,
34:02social worker,
34:04counselor, whoever,
34:05you know,
34:05take a drug test.
34:07And if he didn't do that,
34:09he was going to jail.
34:10That would be
34:11a violation of his probation,
34:13and he would go
34:13straight to jail.
34:17And that was a miracle.
34:22And I noticed
34:23the big difference.
34:25He worked six days a week.
34:27He was so proud of himself.
34:28He bought a brand-new car.
34:31He finally moved
34:32out of my house,
34:34bought clothes,
34:35had a girlfriend,
34:37and it just made me
34:38feel so good.
34:39I was like,
34:40finally.
34:41After one year,
34:43he came home.
34:47He's like,
34:48they took me
34:49off probation.
34:50And I said,
34:51well,
34:52what does that mean?
34:54So I called
34:54the probation officer,
34:57and I said,
34:58what do you mean
34:59he's off probation?
35:00He's thriving
35:00on probation.
35:02He's finally got
35:03somewhat of a life.
35:05And she said,
35:05well,
35:05that's why.
35:06He's doing so good.
35:07He doesn't need
35:08to be on probation anymore.
35:09And I said,
35:10well,
35:10what about his medication?
35:12What about his shots?
35:13Oh,
35:13that ends too.
35:16I was like,
35:16are you serious?
35:17Don't you?
35:18You have his records.
35:19If you don't get
35:20his records.
35:21I said,
35:22look,
35:22get over.
35:22Reconsider,
35:23please.
35:24Reconsider.
35:26You're going to keep
35:26letting my son go
35:27until he kills somebody.
35:29And that's exactly
35:30what's going to happen.
35:30He's going to kill somebody.
35:41His childhood friend
35:44called me,
35:44I think it was
35:45around 8.30,
35:47that Saturday morning.
35:49And he's like,
35:50Timmy shot a cop
35:51last night.
35:51Timmy shot,
35:52I'm like,
35:52what?
35:53Timmy shot a cop.
35:54We don't know
35:55where he is.
35:56We don't know
35:56where he is.
35:57He ran off.
35:57We don't know.
35:59And I,
36:01I let out
36:02this scream.
36:05The news
36:06said that
36:07he was still
36:08at large.
36:10And so,
36:11I called
36:11Cleveland Heights
36:12police.
36:12police.
36:15And I told them
36:17who he was.
36:18You know,
36:18I said,
36:19that's my son,
36:20Timothy Halton.
36:25I called the police
36:26station to turn
36:28my son in
36:29because it's murder.
36:32I mean,
36:32he killed someone,
36:34and it may not
36:37have stopped there.
36:39And there was
36:40no way I could
36:41deny that
36:43at that point,
36:45I'm the mother
36:47of a cop killer.
36:49that my son
36:50killed someone.
36:52I just started
36:53crying on the phone,
36:54and I said,
36:57sir,
36:57I'm sorry
36:58for your loss.
37:01He said,
37:02I'm sorry
37:02for yours,
37:03too.
37:05It was chilling.
37:06It was,
37:07I can still feel
37:07the chills now.
37:08It was,
37:08it was very chilling,
37:10and that was it.
37:11He just hung up.
37:13I'm sorry
37:14for yours,
37:14too.
37:22But y'all said
37:23that I tried
37:23to kill a cop
37:24who just ran into my,
37:25tried to run into my truck,
37:26pulled me in the driveway,
37:28blocked me off,
37:28jumped out,
37:29and pulled his gun on me.
37:30All crazy
37:30for no reason.
37:31Halton at times
37:32saying he didn't do anything,
37:34other times saying
37:35he acted in self-defense,
37:36then admitting his crime.
37:38I let all three
37:39in the mother face.
37:40Is that what you want to hear?
37:41Hell yeah.
37:53What do you see
37:55when you look
37:55at that picture?
37:57How am I looking
37:58at this picture
37:59of this grown man
38:01and I just see my baby,
38:03still see my little baby
38:05in his eyes?
38:08I lost life.
38:13I know people
38:14are going to hate me
38:14when I say this,
38:15but I see a victim as well.
38:18I do,
38:19and I don't care
38:20who gets mad,
38:21but
38:24I shouldn't have had
38:25to have begged
38:27and pleaded
38:28and ran all around
38:30the city
38:30to try to get a shot
38:32to prevent him
38:33from hurting people.
38:35How is that
38:36acceptable in society?
38:51after the incident,
38:54I was fearful
38:54of retaliation
38:58for my whole family.
39:00I mean,
39:00he's behind bars
39:01and we're still out here.
39:05and I would be
39:08so ashamed.
39:09I would walk
39:09with my head down
39:10hoping they didn't
39:11recognize me
39:12because my face
39:13was plastered everywhere,
39:15you know,
39:16and
39:18I couldn't sleep
39:19at night.
39:19I was terrified.
39:20I was,
39:21and I was scared
39:21for him
39:23as well.
39:25He's the monster.
39:26I'm the monster's mother.
39:33It's an awful feeling.
39:37It's something
39:39that
39:39you never get over,
39:42you know,
39:42for the family,
39:44for Jason's family.
39:46You know,
39:46I remember his birthday,
39:47February 10th.
39:49I grieved for his mother
39:50on Mother's Day.
39:52His sister,
39:53he had one sister
39:54just like my daughter.
39:55I feel for them
39:57because there's nothing
39:58I can say or do
39:59to bring Jason back.
40:02It's just
40:05an awful feeling.
40:06It's not a day
40:07that goes by
40:08that I don't think
40:09about it,
40:10them,
40:11what happened,
40:11my son,
40:13and his situation.
40:14I'll always question
40:15what was in his mind
40:17because I've never
40:18gotten a clear answer.
40:21Is my son evil
40:23or is he mentally
40:24ill?
40:26And can you explain
40:28the difference?
40:30No one wants
40:31their child
40:31to murder anyone.
40:33You never think
40:34of that
40:35as part of the
40:36possibilities
40:36when they grow up
40:37and become a teenager,
40:38get a girlfriend,
40:39get married,
40:40have children themselves.
40:43As awful
40:44as it sounds,
40:46I wish
40:47that Timmy
40:50had died
40:51that night
40:52instead of Jason.
40:58That would have been
40:58a better outcome.
41:00That would have been
41:01a better outcome
41:03for everybody.
41:07And I'm not proud
41:08to say that,
41:08but it's the truth.
41:19I used my hands
41:20to suffocate my kids.
41:22Who did you use
41:23the belt on?
41:25Babies.
41:27I can understand
41:28why people look at me
41:29the way they do.
41:30That I raised
41:31the monster.
41:31the monster.
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