- 13 hours ago
Taskmaster - S16E07 - I'm Off to Find a Robin [Full Movie] [High Quality]Full EP - Full
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00:34Hello!
00:36Thank you. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies and I'm a smorgasbord of tasks for you from a wondrous gang of loons.
00:43And if that's not enough, I've also got a second camera trained on me at all times.
00:47Felt cute. Might delete later.
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01:18Your motor skills are not suited to the job.
01:21LAUGHTER
01:23In Lydia Alex Ford!
01:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28Hi there. Thank you for my introduction.
01:29You're welcome.
01:30Well, I do worry about these bits, Greg.
01:32I worry that sometimes they create an atmosphere
01:34that isn't entirely pleasant or useful for the show.
01:37They do.
01:37I'm worried that I've created a rod for my own back.
01:40Oh.
01:40Would you like to see it?
01:41Yeah.
01:44I've created a rod for my...
01:46I've created a rod for my own back
01:48and then I talked about the rod and the set-up.
01:51LAUGHTER
01:51So what's the punchline?
01:53Something about hook.
01:54Yeah, I was going...
01:55Oh, I think I've got a bite.
01:57Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:58I think I've got a bite's fine.
02:00Yeah?
02:02LAUGHTER
02:02Have you had Botox?
02:04LAUGHTER
02:04Well, first...
02:07It's a straight yes or no?
02:08It's definitely no.
02:10But why would you ask...?
02:11Cos I just...
02:12In the light, I can see how smooth it all is.
02:15I mean, I'm...
02:16It never used to be smooth.
02:17I'm a lot...
02:18Like, two decades younger.
02:21You had some fillers or something?
02:22No!
02:24On we go with the price tag.
02:27Well, Greg, they've been asked to bring in
02:29the thing that is most guaranteed to make you groan.
02:33Oh.
02:35Oh, dear.
02:37The potential for some awful things is high.
02:39The thing most guaranteed to make you groan,
02:41in Greg's opinion, gets the big five,
02:42and the winner's going to groan their way home
02:44with five groan-worthy things.
02:46Oh.
02:47Oh.
02:48Oh, God.
02:49OK.
02:49I mean, the chances of these not being sexual,
02:51based on what I've seen from these people so far,
02:54are zero.
02:55I'll be less surprised than I was
02:57when I found out Alex's dad...
02:59Cosmetic surgery.
03:02Oh, Sam.
03:04What thing have you brought in that makes you groan?
03:06Oh, this thing is disgusting.
03:08Let's have a look at it.
03:09It's a toothbrush.
03:10Oh!
03:11Oh!
03:12Oh!
03:13Oh, that's against God!
03:14Oh!
03:16There's a lot going on there, isn't there?
03:18I mean, I can barely look at this thing.
03:19It's just...
03:20Don't you find that just really grotty?
03:22I think I'm groaning because I'm so bemused by you.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27Thanks, Sam.
03:27Next.
03:28All right, Lucy.
03:29It's a serious thing.
03:30OK.
03:31It's a lesson in the importance of cartilage.
03:35LAUGHTER
03:37I'm taking the form of this skeleton.
03:40So it's pointing, obviously, to the areas that have cartilage.
03:46Why is this supposed to make me groan?
03:47If you don't have cartilage, you'll groan when you bend and lift.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:53I'm giving a gift to whoever wins to say,
03:58look after cartilage.
03:58Look after your cartilage.
04:00And how do we look after our cartilage?
04:02We don't know.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:06I mean, both of them have made me groan.
04:08So I suppose, yeah, successful so far.
04:11OK.
04:12Hello, Julian.
04:13Hello.
04:13What have you brought in that might make one groan?
04:16Oh, it's so awful, this.
04:18Every year for my birthday, my husband goes into a shop
04:21and asks them for the most hideous thing they've got on sale.
04:26Right.
04:26And this is what he got me a couple of years ago
04:28and every time I look at it, I groan.
04:31LAUGHTER
04:35It's so awful.
04:37Someone said it looks like Alex without his beard.
04:40LAUGHTER
04:40I don't know, he's got a normal width neck.
04:43LAUGHTER
04:43And it does make me groan every time I see it, which is quite often.
04:46But you can't bring yourself to throw it away because you're...
04:49This is the golden opportunity to pass it on.
04:53Good.
04:54Hello, Sue.
04:55Hello.
04:55What have you brought in that might make a man or a woman groan?
04:58I thought, what would be the best way to make everyone groan?
05:00And I thought, well, maybe if I asked an authority figure.
05:03And so I asked the king of the birdmen and he said yes.
05:07I've got a voice that could stun a goat from over a mile away.
05:12And when I ask for a loud noise, it gets done.
05:16Just ask the winged birdman, Brian Blessed, you groan.
05:21Like your life depends on it.
05:24Come on, come on.
05:27Groan!
05:28You feckless bastard!
05:31Come on!
05:32Groan!
05:33The full recording is on this memory stick.
05:35You've really outdone yourself there, Perkins.
05:37That's awful.
05:37That is stupendous.
05:39Susan.
05:39Oh!
05:41Traditionally, this is not your strongest round.
05:44No.
05:44And you're following a recording of Brian Blessed.
05:47I...
05:47Good luck.
05:48As Greg so kindly said, I have been performing quite poorly
05:54when it comes to the prizes.
05:55And here are a few of the shit prizes.
06:00That's actually very great.
06:01One big present to make you groan.
06:05So have you collected these from the previous winners of the show?
06:07Yes, I have.
06:08They're all so shit that all these guys actually gave them back to me.
06:13That's very good.
06:15Right, I'm going to give out some quick points.
06:17All right, then.
06:17Who is the least likely to make you groan?
06:19Well, I'm not going to give anyone one point, because I liked all of them.
06:21So that's good, isn't it?
06:22That's surprising.
06:23And I'm going to give Sam and Lucy two points.
06:25And I'll tell you why.
06:26It's because it was their explanation that made me groan, not the item.
06:29Right.
06:29Two points each.
06:30Well done.
06:30Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
06:32That's right.
06:33Um, I'm going to give...
06:33LAUGHTER
06:36I'm going to give Julian three points.
06:38Ask me why.
06:39Why are you going to give Julian three points?
06:40Because that thing's awful.
06:41It does make me groan.
06:42But the sentiment behind it is rather lovely, I think.
06:44Oh.
06:45And so I'm sort of not giving him too many points to celebrate his wonderful marriage.
06:49Oh.
06:49There's a logic there somewhere.
06:50OK.
06:51I'm going to give Susan, because my God, she's had a nightmare in this series.
06:55I'm going to give her four points for her very clever idea of getting her shit prizes back and putting
06:59them all together.
07:00And of course, Brian Blessed will get the five points.
07:03There we go.
07:04It's five points to Sue Peckin.
07:05Yeah!
07:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:08Right.
07:09Let's stop talking about cosmetic surgery.
07:12LAUGHTER
07:13And let the task in commence.
07:15But be warned, it's a minefield out there, Greg.
07:18MUSIC PLAYS
07:24MUSIC PLAYS
07:25MUSIC PLAYS
07:29Hello?
07:31Can I come in?
07:33Please do.
07:34This looks fiendish.
07:35Look at all these bells.
07:37Oh!
07:39That says don't on it.
07:41But I do.
07:42I want to.
07:42I won't.
07:43OK.
07:44Oh!
07:45Piss it!
07:47I know.
07:48Right.
07:49I found some little bits of paper that say vibration danger.
07:53Big light.
07:56Leaves.
07:57Sound.
07:58UV light.
07:59Smoke.
08:01Vibration.
08:02I was going to have summer's party.
08:05Do whatever you like with these switches for five minutes.
08:07OK.
08:08You will then do a task in the lab for five minutes.
08:11All right.
08:12The conditions in the lab will change according to when you switch the switches in here.
08:17So there's a cause and effect situation.
08:20The annoying thing is I don't know what the switches do.
08:23I have told you what the switches do.
08:25It's all on those labels.
08:25Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task.
08:32Confident and Alex are two words one doesn't associate.
08:37I wonder what the task is.
08:38What do we put in there?
08:40Leaves.
08:40Leaves.
08:41Surely that's the main switch.
08:42I expect danger is that one.
08:45I don't know.
08:46I don't think I trust you.
08:48What's that one?
08:49I don't know what that one is.
08:50So like with this, what's the point of like trying to like...
08:54What will people be?
08:57APPLAUSE
08:58I really think that piss it is an underrated exclamation.
09:02I really enjoy piss it.
09:04It's lovely, isn't it?
09:05It's nice.
09:05It's harmless.
09:06It's warm.
09:09The task, as far as I can work out, before we get on a bit,
09:12is largely arbitrary.
09:14They don't know which label goes with which switch.
09:16Bit like giving a toy to a child and saying,
09:18don't play with that for five minutes.
09:19Yeah.
09:19And probably they all did.
09:20Let's crack on.
09:21Yeah.
09:22OK, get ready, Greg.
09:23Here they all are, flicking themselves silly.
09:26Oh, God.
09:28I'm confident you understand the task.
09:30Your time starts now.
09:33I'll start with little leaves.
09:35If I leave it under, leaves keep coming.
09:37Well, it depends if it is leaves, of course.
09:38Of course.
09:39Yeah.
09:40I turn it off again.
09:41Right.
09:42That one's already on, so I'll turn that one off.
09:49I mean, that's danger, right there.
09:51That nearly took my hand off.
09:52Well, it does say don't.
09:53I mean, lights are not going to bother me, are they?
09:56I'm going to give myself a bit of time once I'm in there,
09:58just to muck around.
10:07Blimey, it's all happening.
10:09This one?
10:10That one?
10:12All right.
10:13Now we're going to...
10:14Oh, no.
10:14Wait a second, would you?
10:21It wasn't a very long rest.
10:23No.
10:24I'm going to have a bit of this one.
10:25I don't what, though?
10:27I don't like going upside down.
10:30Spiders.
10:31Hot dogs.
10:32You know, the ones in tins.
10:39I don't like...
10:39You know, if you pull cotton wool apart...
10:44Fuck music.
10:47I don't like ice cubes.
10:50What if that's leaves?
10:51I've been denied the pleasure of leaves.
10:5330 seconds.
11:01Almost done there?
11:02Three seconds.
11:08OK.
11:08I'll see you in the lab, Sam.
11:10Well...
11:10Yeah.
11:10Great.
11:12What have I done?
11:15Oh, dear.
11:16What have I done?
11:22What have you done, Julian, do you think?
11:24Well, we just didn't know.
11:26You know, it was quite a long time.
11:27No, and yet, across the series,
11:28you seem a very intelligent man to me,
11:30and yet you spent a long time
11:32flicking those switches on and off.
11:33Well, there was nothing else to do.
11:36There was no cheery chat from Alex.
11:38No.
11:39There never is.
11:41Well, Sam said,
11:42I want to buy myself some time
11:43once I'm in there to muck around.
11:47Yeah.
11:48It is about that, in a way.
11:50Mm.
11:51You know, when two samurai encounter...
11:54This is real.
11:55Yeah.
11:56When they encounter each other,
11:58they're like, do you know what I mean?
11:59And the first one to move will often be slain.
12:04And also, a samurai can tell if he will defeat another samurai
12:07just by watching them make a cup of tea,
12:10because they're like, they see how effective they are.
12:14I've moved.
12:15I'm happy to be slain just to get out of this chat.
12:19What's next, Alex?
12:20Here are Sam and Susan and the results of their switching.
12:25Oh, my God.
12:34So you've decided...
12:35Oh, my God.
12:36Yeah.
12:37You've decided the conditions for this task.
12:38Yeah.
12:39I'm scared.
12:41I'm scared.
12:41What happens in here is all your fault.
12:43OK.
12:46Feet close together, please.
12:48Why?
12:48It's important.
12:51That's not good for balance.
12:52No.
12:53Balance the most teas on the shelves.
12:55So these are the teas.
12:56Uh-huh.
12:57OK.
12:57Oh, you must stay on the platform throughout the task.
13:01You have five minutes.
13:02Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task.
13:06Where are the golf tees?
13:07Here.
13:08Where are the shelves?
13:09Here.
13:11I'm going to start the clock now.
13:14I'm absolutely terrified.
13:24Do you like it?
13:30My method was kind of doing everything at once.
13:33So I guess everything wild will happen.
13:41Same time.
13:43Same time little.
13:45Same time little.
13:46Same time little.
13:47Same time little.
13:48Why does it say my name?
13:49Well, you switched the sound button on.
13:50Same time little.
13:51I can't work under these conditions.
13:55Oh, my God.
14:00Same time little.
14:03Bye.
14:04This isn't it
14:08Now what a time we have to you've got two minutes 50 left no tease yet
14:17Can you remember what you did now and then oh this is when I have a break yes, right fine
14:21Well, then this is the most that I'm gonna get odd. Oh, yeah, it was only our 30 seconds wasn't
14:26it 20
14:26I mean how is that falling off even through that when you turned on the vibration switch
14:34Now I know I shouldn't touch any of the bloody switches. That's gonna ruin it
14:51Some trouble
15:00That was really tough
15:05I
15:06Think that's pretty bloody good
15:11I think that being juggled around on a vibrating platform it sort of suits you. Yes
15:19You're not the first person
15:23Well, we saw just two but she didn't realize halfway through if she hadn't pressed any of the switches at
15:28all
15:28The conditions would have been perfect and that's sort of key to this really if they'd not flicked any switches
15:33Just chilled out Sam actually did pretty well, right?
15:36Well, he created all of his flicking in a short period of time
15:39He did well despite that I'd say so he created a method of balancing the teas within a task which
15:44is balancing on it
15:45And he also balanced a bowl on the bottom of the shell so that that counts I thought that creation
15:50was legit
15:51Oh, okay. Well, then he got thought sort of 87. I suppose
15:54Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, really? Wow. I know. Yeah, I guess I'll take 87. Yeah
16:00What's join us after the break if I were you I'd leave that guff soaked sofa and get some fresh
16:04air for a few minutes fart outside
16:20I'm afraid to say you've woken me from my power nap, and I'm not a happy boy chill out, dude
16:26The cast represented with some switches fully aware that how and when and if they were switched would directly affect
16:33the conditions of the next task
16:34Here is everyone else
16:37Your time starts now
16:40I'll start with a bit of leaves
16:50Immediately with the leaves
16:52Oh, let's see. Oh, it was leaves. It was leaves. It was leaves
16:56I need to oops
16:59What do I say?
17:06Oh
17:07Fucking hell sorry
17:08Please
17:12Oh for God's sake
17:14Sue Perkins
17:16Sue Perkins
17:17Oh, I don't want to listen to that
17:18Sue Perkins
17:19No, I don't want to listen to that
17:20Sue Perkins
17:21Sue Perkins
17:22What?
17:24Sue Perkins
17:25I just farted off
17:27Sue Perkins
17:28Sue Perkins
17:31Sue Perkins
17:31Don't make me fart in the darkness into my own name
17:35Sue Perkins
17:37Don't like UV light very much
17:40My mum thinks it was because I was in an incubator to help me grow
17:48Sue Perkins
17:49Yeah
17:49Sue Perkins
17:51Yeah
17:51Sue Perkins
17:52Yeah
17:54WHISTLE
17:55WHISTLE
17:55WHISTLE
17:55WHISTLE
17:56WHISTLE
17:57And we're done
18:00Can you stop me vibrating?
18:01Yeah
18:04Thank you, Julian
18:05Thank you
18:06Goodbye, Sue
18:07That sounded very final
18:09And after what I've done in this room
18:10I don't play me
18:11So sorry for everyone
18:20Did you enjoy that task, Julian?
18:22I did quite
18:23And it was very sensory, wasn't it?
18:25With all the lights and the movement
18:26Yeah
18:27It was better than some I've sat through, anyway
18:29There was a slight issue with Julian's
18:31Which we didn't really show there
18:32But the vibration machine, it wouldn't turn off afterwards
18:34So he was...
18:35Remember, you were on it for another minute after
18:38Get your thrills where you can at my age
18:41Sue, you said, in my opinion
18:43The greatest thing that's ever been said on this show
18:47Please don't make me fart in the dark listening to my own name
18:54Can I ask you about Sue's technique of balance?
18:57They're not balanced
18:57You poke them through the shell
18:59I was really desperate at that point
19:01Yeah, I know, cos the...
19:05Is it more balanced than me just putting a bowl on the table?
19:09Yeah, you did allow 87 from Sam
19:11Yeah
19:11In that bottle plunk on the bottom shelf
19:13Oh!
19:15No, I wasn't allowing that
19:16I was allowing...
19:16Sorry, there's been some confusion
19:18Ah
19:18I was allowing his system of hanging things
19:22Ah
19:22Sorry
19:23Now I feel really bad
19:24No
19:25Yeah, you've really fucked Sam over there
19:27Yeah, you're pretty good at sticking things into other places
19:30Yeah
19:30No one's into bags
19:31Balanced!
19:32It's balanced, man
19:33It's balanced, man
19:34So we're saying that Sue didn't balance any teas
19:36I'm afraid we are
19:37Because they were quite clearly pushed through the shelf
19:39That is very harsh
19:41But I accept it always
19:42I should also tell you then that Julian did manage to balance nine teas on his shelves
19:47WHISTLE BLOWS
19:48Lucy, 19
19:50APPLAUSE
19:53What we haven't seen yet is the don't switch
19:56Danger did go with don't
19:57Shall we see what the danger switch did?
19:59Yes, please
20:00OK, good luck, everyone
20:01Here we go
20:03I've spent however long just trying to avoid that button
20:06That's all I've thought about the moment I've walked in
20:09I mean, I've been brought up well
20:11If something tells me not to touch it, I'm not going to touch it
20:15Right, I'm going to start the task now
20:20I can't say I wasn't warned
20:23Still got one minute 45
20:26Oh
20:27I'm going to go for this one
20:30How much danger can I endure?
20:31What, ten seconds worth?
20:32Well, you have now
20:33Ten seconds left
20:36Five seconds left, Lucy
20:41Do you want me to press the button?
20:43You can't now, unfortunately
20:45Bush is getting
20:48But I'm going to go for this one
20:53Do you know what? I was ten seconds away from avoiding my baser instincts
20:59And I failed
21:05Oh
21:06I really like it when you're disappointed in us
21:09Is that something there's something wrong with me?
21:12Well, we weren't to know that was going to happen
21:14We did say don't
21:15Yeah
21:17Heartbreaking, but good news to old Lucy
21:19Yes, yeah, I think she only didn't press it because she ran out of time
21:22She wanted to
21:23No, I wasn't going to
21:24No, no
21:25Were you a well behaved child?
21:27I had to be
21:28Yeah
21:28Oh, even me too
21:29My mum was incredibly violent
21:32LAUGHTER
21:35How does one not leave us?
21:37Well, it means that no one gets any points
21:39They were all disqualified except for Lucy Byamon who gets five points
21:41CHEERING
21:44Let's have a look at the scoreboard, can we?
21:46We can
21:46And unsurprisingly, Lucy's in the lead with seven points
21:49Well done, Lucy
21:50APPLAUSE
21:53Let's have another one, please
21:54Yes
21:54In your face, Greg
22:09Sorry, I didn't mean to kick the door, sorry
22:12What larks
22:13Already this is my favourite
22:15Yeah, me too
22:16I've always wanted to be a clown
22:18Mixed emotions
22:20Mainly joy
22:22Oh, that's not edible
22:26Now, fear
22:28Any sign of that secret task yet?
22:33Pie Wayne in the face
22:35Don't know who Wayne is
22:37Do you know many Waynes?
22:39Rooney
22:41Not him
22:41Wayne is outside the front door
22:44You may not touch Wayne, nor step on the red green
22:49The red green?
22:51Now what the hell is that?
22:53Well, you know a green?
22:54Yeah
22:54I read one of them
22:55I read one of them
22:56If you miss Wayne with a pie
22:57You must copy Wayne's dance moves for ten seconds
23:01You must not touch Wayne
23:03Fastest wins
23:04Your time starts when you open the front door
23:07Who is Wayne?
23:08Do you know him?
23:09I don't know him well
23:10You can't touch any part of Wayne
23:12You can't touch any part of Wayne
23:12I need to make that clear
23:13I understand boundaries
23:15OK
23:15Are these top-ups?
23:17Yeah
23:17OK
23:19Not a lot of faith in me then, is there?
23:21Do I take more than one pie?
23:23I'm not likely to miss him, am I?
23:30I'll start the clock as soon as you open the door
23:36Oh, I see
23:40Oh, I see
23:41Are you Wayne?
23:47That's Wayne
23:49Oh, yeah
23:50There he is
23:53In the face
23:55In the face
23:55In the face
24:33Not a great incentive to come back, is it, Alex?
24:40No, but I could...
24:41I could sing my favourite hymn
24:43Yes?
24:44Yeah, all right
24:45That'll do
24:46Thank you
24:56APPLAUSE
24:57Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
25:02Nought be all else to me, save that thou art
25:13Welcome back to Taskmaster
25:14It's part three
25:15And I want to see wavy man Wayne get pies in the face
25:17Oh, I agree too, Greg
25:22Remember, as is common practice on Taskmaster
25:24They can't stand on the red-green
25:25So let's begin with Susie and Susanna
25:30So, Wayne's going to be operated by a switch
25:32I've got to try and find the switch
25:34That's part of him, that's his umbilical cord
25:37Oh, so I can't...
25:43Right
25:47That's not his face
25:51You must dance
26:03AHHHHH
26:04That's ten seconds
26:05That's ten seconds
26:06Be careful
26:08Lovely
26:09Thank you, Sue
26:14Thank you, Sue
26:16I mean...
26:18Oh!
26:18Oh!
26:19Oh!
26:23Sue?
26:31Thank you, Sue
26:33Wayne's my favourite
26:36Come on, you little shit
27:01Come on, you little shit
27:04Sir!
27:04Sir!
27:04Sir!
27:04Sir!
27:04Sue?
27:04Oh, Christ
27:04One more after lunch
27:05Come on
27:10Oh, shit
27:12I'll stop the clock
27:14Can I get it?
27:15Yeah
27:22Where is his umbilicus?
27:32The naughty flamingo's going to touch him!
27:35Naughty flamingo!
27:42Little fucker
27:43Don't touch him
27:46Come on, naughty flamingo
27:47You've won my touch
27:49Stop the fill
27:53Pen him!
27:57Take it!
27:59Let's go of the clock tree!
28:05It felt like it was a bit of a grudge for you in the end
28:07Yeah, I mean...
28:09Take it, you little fucker
28:12Yeah
28:12There's only so much expressive dance I can do
28:14And I don't have the training
28:15Susan's got training
28:16She's got, you know, the depth of experience
28:18She understands the biomechanics of the human form and art in general
28:21I was just very, very frustrated
28:23And then blind
28:24And then the naughty flamingo spared my blood
28:27I like to see that sort of lateral flinking
28:29That the naughty flamingo was allowed to touch Wayne
28:31Yes, yes, the flamingo could touch Wayne
28:33Yep, and did
28:35And did
28:35Now, Susan's told us repeatedly that she trained for three years at Radha
28:40And I put it to you, Susan, that you weren't even attempting to pie Wayne for most of it
28:44You were just enjoying the interpretive dance
28:47Yeah, yeah, and that's... I just was so...
28:50Like, as you say, when I saw him, it was so glorious
28:52And I'd sort of forgot the point of it
28:55Yeah
28:56But I had a good time
28:56But the final pie-ing was...
28:58Well, it called us by surprise
28:59It called me by surprise
29:01Yeah
29:01Three awful throws, got nowhere near
29:03The fourth, right in the face, only took her a minute 39
29:06Wow!
29:07Yeah
29:09And what a great old grudge match over there
29:11Naughty flamingo lady
29:12Yeah
29:12Uh, seven minutes 25
29:14Wow
29:15A little bit longer
29:16Who's next?
29:17OK, we've seen the Seuss, now for Julian, Sam, Lucy and Wayne again
29:26Julian, that's not his face
29:28Now you have to dance on the dancing mat
29:37That's lovely, Julian
29:43Are you OK?
29:45Oh, what are you looking for?
29:46Something to get wearing down
29:53Is that on his face?
29:55No, afraid not
30:03That's lovely, Julian
30:04I'll go get another pie
30:06OK
30:11I bought this for him
30:12Can I try and mazoo him?
30:19Now you have to dance, Julian
30:25My enthusiasm for the dancing...
30:27Yeah
30:28Has rained, doesn't it?
30:29It has rained
30:30Nah
30:34It's not going to be good
30:36Oh, wait
30:38There's a few days
30:40Oh
30:41Really, wow
30:41Ooh
30:41Oh, oh, no
30:45Oh, my god
30:50Oh, my god
30:50Oh, my god
30:50Oh, my god
30:51Pretty close
31:01Can you hold the other end of that to trap him?
31:03To trap what? I'll do what I'm told.
31:07Oh, no, no, no, stop!
31:09Get this way!
31:13I got him, surely!
31:15Surely!
31:16Surely I got him!
31:17I got him!
31:18I got him!
31:20Big time!
31:20Yep.
31:22LAUGHTER
31:33That's not my problem, is it?
31:38There you are.
31:39I've stopped the thought.
31:40APPLAUSE
31:51Wait, don't touch me, Wayne!
31:56I've stopped the clock!
32:00Wow!
32:01Got him! I got Wayne!
32:04APPLAUSE
32:07Julian, your pie technique was dreadful, but I thought you were a very graceful dancer.
32:13Oh, thank you.
32:14You're welcome.
32:15Anything else to say?
32:16Nope.
32:18I thought the most dramatic thing we were going to see in those attempts was some shouting,
32:25I got him big time.
32:26LAUGHTER
32:27He had it too good for too long.
32:30LAUGHTER
32:30What turned out to be the most dramatic thing was Julian Clary taking Wayne down with a swing ball.
32:35Yeah.
32:36That was the most dramatic thing.
32:37Lucy, did you think the task was touch Wayne as much as you can?
32:42LAUGHTER
32:42The swing ball touched him.
32:43As well, yeah.
32:45LAUGHTER
32:45Oh, you touched him big time.
32:46How?
32:47With your hands.
32:48LAUGHTER
32:49He touched me.
32:51LAUGHTER
32:52You did touch Wayne, and even if you didn't, there was one other rule which you may have broken as
32:56well.
32:57Wow.
32:57You weren't allowed to touch the red-green, of course, we always know that.
33:00This is what happened.
33:02MUSIC
33:05MUSIC
33:12Well over.
33:13Oh, no.
33:14Why are you zooming in on people's feet, you sucker?
33:18LAUGHTER
33:18That's such fetish, that is.
33:21I mean, I am going to disqualify them, but I also agree with them.
33:24You are sick.
33:27The three of them, very similar times.
33:29Lucy, actually, 3 minutes 25.
33:31Right.
33:31As relevant as that is.
33:32Yeah.
33:33Julian, 3.32.
33:34Sam, 3 minutes 40.
33:36So what that means is that Sue and Lucy don't get any points.
33:40Oh, fuck you.
33:41LAUGHTER
33:45You know what?
33:46He's smiling.
33:47He's hurting.
33:48The reason you can't see, he's hurting.
33:51LAUGHTER
33:57You do look like you have had to.
34:00He does.
34:00You look as smooth as fiberglass.
34:03LAUGHTER
34:04He's right.
34:05You look like a canoe.
34:06Right.
34:07LAUGHTER
34:08So, Sam, you get three points, Julian, four, but five points goes to Susan Wakoma.
34:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:32There's a bee out there.
34:34Is there?
34:35Yeah.
34:36OK.
34:38Sorry.
34:39Shouldn't have come in too big, should I?
34:43Perkins.
34:44Hold on.
34:49Oh, God.
34:52Oh, look, it's me.
34:56Oh, I do all my pictures like this.
35:17I should have...
35:17I never told you, did I?
35:25Put yourself somewhere within...
35:28Put yourself somewhere within the...
35:30She's putting me off.
35:32LAUGHTER
35:33Put yourself...
35:34LAUGHTER
35:40Put yourself somewhere within the boundary.
35:44Put yourself somewhere within the boundary.
35:47That's what my therapist says.
35:49The person furthest from everyone else wins.
35:52The people closest together both lose two points.
35:55Also, throughout the task, you must behave really weirdly.
36:00You must behave really weirdly.
36:04You must behave really weirdly.
36:04Really weirdly.
36:05Weirdly.
36:06Weirdly.
36:08You have to tell me twice.
36:10You've got a maximum of ten minutes.
36:12Your time starts now.
36:15So, you've just got to think, where would Sue Perkins put Sue Perkins?
36:19Well, there's no way of knowing, is there?
36:21No.
36:22No, there isn't.
36:26I think that some tasks are unfairly stacked in the favour of some contestants.
36:30I mean, I don't want to pick on people, but I have written down that throughout this,
36:34sometimes, Lucy and Sam have come across as,
36:37well, I've written absolutely deranged.
36:40LAUGHTER
36:46That's another part complete.
36:48If you want to see someone forced to take home Susan's prizes for a second time,
36:53then by all means, please join us again for part four by...
36:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:07Hello! Welcome back to the final part of the show.
37:12Yes, and welcome to those who aren't watching Taskmaster 2.
37:14That's absolutely fine.
37:16It's about time we found out where the five competitors placed the cut-outs of themselves.
37:20The person furthest from everyone else wins,
37:22but the two people closest together each lose two points.
37:25Yowch!
37:26Here's what they did.
37:28Behave weirdly.
37:29Would you like to behave like you?
37:31Yes, please!
37:34Ooh!
37:35That would help!
37:39No!
37:41There!
37:44No...
37:47O-lee!
37:48O-lee!
37:49O-lee!
37:50Oh-lee!
37:51O-lee!
37:51O-lee!
37:52O-lee!
37:52O-lee!
37:58O-lee!
38:00I don't think anyone would be as obvious as I don't think anyone would be as obvious as this
38:10There's an argument for just popping myself
38:15Just there
38:23Where do you think Sue Perkins is gonna put herself?
38:27Erm, there. Sam Campbell. Erm, there. Susan Wacoma. Erm, there.
38:35And Julian Clary.
38:37That's quite near your one. Yeah.
38:40Why have you put it so close to Julian Clary?
38:42I didn't know at the time.
38:45Can I move it again? Well, you've still got eight minutes.
38:49OK.
38:57Ole, ole, ole.
39:00So, say I'll tear his head off.
39:03Is that me, then? Like, what makes you, you?
39:06Well, this...
39:07Is it where your head is, or your heart, or your...
39:09It'll be a discussion.
39:10Mm-hmm.
39:12To be honest, for some people, this isn't weird. This is exercise.
39:15To me, it's about the weird it gets.
39:20Oh!
39:24I'm off fishing now.
39:27So, is it me that likes fishing in this scenario?
39:29Don't you like fishing?
39:31I don't think so. Or bird watching?
39:32Yes, please.
39:33There is something boring.
39:34Right.
39:36We'll have to find a robin.
39:38So, where do you think Julian Clary's going to put himself?
39:41Oh, you've got bad hair, isn't it?
39:43Sam Campbell?
39:44They're going to be doing this. They're going to be like, whoo!
39:48Oh!
39:49Ole, ole, ole!
39:50Ooh!
39:52I think it's now not near anybody.
39:56Oh!
39:58Could do that.
39:59But will that be far enough away?
40:05Okay.
40:07Something about the boundary line.
40:09Right.
40:10On the horns.
40:11By the boundary line.
40:13Throw a coin on you.
40:14And the coin toss it.
40:19Thanks, Sam.
40:21Heads for that deer's head.
40:22Tails for on the boundary line.
40:31Julian displays a continual and, to me, delightful contempt for Alex.
40:37And this is the Zenith, I think, doing an insulting impression of him.
40:42Can I see it again?
40:42Yes.
40:45I've nothing I can do to help you.
40:48Is that enough?
40:49Yeah.
40:49That was, um, before his surgery.
40:56It's a really creditable impression.
40:58Thank you, it just came over me.
41:00He's irritating, isn't he?
41:02What we need to know is what the coin decided for Sue, of course.
41:05Yeah.
41:06Before we do, I'll appraise you for a very creditable Chewbacca impression.
41:12Okay, so we're going to find out if Sue is near the tossed head on the deer.
41:15This is it.
41:16This is the cliffhanger.
41:18Yeah.
41:18It's all about the toss.
41:19Here we go.
41:21Heads for that deer's head.
41:23Tails for on the boundary line.
41:30Thank you, Sue.
41:45Eight centimetres.
41:47Eight centimetres away.
41:50That's so good.
41:51I mean, I knew what had happened and even I was swept along by the narrative.
41:56The coin was so cruel.
41:58Unfortunately, the people closest to each other lost two points.
42:01Listen, I'm just grateful.
42:02I don't think I was disqualified in that round.
42:03You weren't, but you don't get any points.
42:06Because the distances from one another, we can see it here.
42:09Sam was 14.24 metres away from everyone.
42:12Lucy, second, 13.
42:14Julian, third.
42:15Sue, fourth.
42:15Susan, fifth.
42:17But Julian and Susan both lose two points.
42:19So it ends up being one point to Susan, none to Sue, one to Julian,
42:21four to Lucy and five points to Sam Campbell.
42:27I think that's a very satisfactory outcome.
42:29And it's progress, Sue, in a way, because you've been disqualified for two.
42:32But at least you've got no points this time.
42:35Let's have a glance at the scores.
42:37It's tight, except for Sue.
42:38Lucy, you're still in the lead with 11 points.
42:56Who will be reading the task?
42:58Sue Perkins.
42:59Catch three balls on your head.
43:02After you've caught a ball, you must shout, ball.
43:06You may not step off your circles, move your circles, adjust your arms,
43:12or touch the balls with your hands.
43:15The fastest wins.
43:16Can we co-operate?
43:19I guess we'll find out.
43:22Good luck.
43:23On your marks.
43:24Get set.
43:25And they're off.
43:29Ball!
43:30Ball!
43:35Ball!
43:37Ball!
43:38Ball!
43:39Ball!
43:39Ball!
43:40Ball!
43:41Ball!
43:46Ball!
43:47Ball!
43:48Ball!
43:49Oh, we have a winner over here.
43:50Oh!
43:53Ball!
43:56Ball!
43:58Ball!
44:00Ball!
44:01Ball!
44:01Ball!
44:03Ball!
44:04Ball!
44:05Susan, you're done.
44:06Oh, my God!
44:07Oh, my God!
44:07It's just useless.
44:09Ball!
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:15It's never a very good sport.
44:17Come on. There's one... Hang on.
44:19There's one coming... Incoming.
44:20This is a... This is a... This is a baseball!
44:23Say ball! Say ball against ball!
44:25And then say it one more time.
44:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:29Come down, we're now back to the final straws.
44:31Come and join me.
44:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:35That was exciting.
44:37Mm.
44:37Not for the first time, the group confounded us by working together.
44:41They did.
44:41One to Sue, two to Susan, three to Lucy,
44:44four to Sam, five to Julian Clary!
44:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:49So, that's perfect for things in many ways.
44:51We have three people in the 90s now in terms of the series.
44:53Susan, you are in last place on 92.
44:56Lovely.
44:56Sue, 95, Lucy, 99.
44:58Then jump up to Julian on 108.
45:00Sam's in the lead on 120.
45:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:06Incredible.
45:06Yes.
45:07What's the final scoreboard for today?
45:08Well, it's a tight one.
45:10Sue, stranded on six.
45:12The rest, it goes 12, 13, 14, 14.
45:14Lucy and Sam, joint winners!
45:16Yay!
45:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:19So, we have a tie-break situation.
45:21Yes, tie-break for very serious matters
45:23and we're going to settle this one right here on the studio floor.
45:26Ooh!
45:27In my drawer, I have two party poppers.
45:30Oh, I don't like them.
45:32What are you going to do?
45:33Sam and Lucy will fire their party poppers
45:35from their seated positions
45:36and the person who fires the contents of their party popper
45:38furthest wins.
45:39Simple as that.
45:39We're all out of budget.
45:41LAUGHTER
45:42Lucy, you ready?
45:44Three, two, one.
45:47Pop.
45:47That's it.
45:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:49I believe this is yours for taking.
45:52Wow.
45:54You're going to have to measure this.
45:57LAUGHTER
45:59Thank you, sir.
46:01Any further spin?
46:05108 centimetres.
46:07123 centimetres!
46:08123 centimetres!
46:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:13123 centimetres!
46:13Lucy Beaumont rules!
46:15Please go and gather your dips and grown!
46:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:20I hope that.
46:23So, what have we learnt today?
46:26We've learnt that in a thousand years
46:27when the people of the future look back
46:29and somehow try to understand how our society worked.
46:33What were we all about?
46:34There is one thing alone that they will be sure of.
46:36Show them a picture of Sue Perkins
46:38and they'll all go,
46:39oh, yeah, that's the lady who didn't like farting in the dark
46:42to the sound of her own name.
46:44LAUGHTER
46:45Only three episodes to go,
46:46so let's appreciate tonight's winner once more.
46:49It's Lucy Beaumont!
46:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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