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Taskmaster - S16E06 - Brother Alex [Full Movie] [Long Version]Full EP - Full
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00:37I'm Greg Davis and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41We are the Olympic-level testers of professional jesters.
00:45We're the World Cup for those who do stand-up.
00:48We're the summit of Everest for folks whose mouths never rest.
00:51We're the final of Wimbledon's for the trying-to-be-funny ones.
00:59We're the Henley regatta for those making laughter.
01:03The US Open Golf Tournament for people working in merriment.
01:07We're the World Championships of Sumo for individuals committed to making you go ho-ho.
01:17That's my point.
01:18Please welcome Julian Clary!
01:22Lucy Momoa!
01:24Sam Combo!
01:26Sue Perkins!
01:29And Susan Wakoma!
01:33And next to me, a man whose hair has gone so grey during the time we've been making this show
01:38that his wife told me, in confidence, that she no longer desires him
01:42and, in fact, wonders if she ever really did.
01:46LAUGHTER
01:46It's so...
01:49My little Alex had!
01:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:57All right, chat time.
01:58Er, I'm not going to have a chat tonight, actually.
02:00OK.
02:01I just...
02:01I have prepared something, but I've, er...
02:03It's on a QR code, so just scan that.
02:08That's a... Is that a real QR code?
02:09Yeah.
02:10It does lead to something.
02:10Something really good.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:12What's the prize task category for today's episode, please, Alex?
02:15Well, listen up, guys, and listen up good,
02:18because it's the greatest thing that makes quite a loud noise
02:20when you shake it.
02:22LAUGHTER
02:23There are five points for the greatest thing
02:24that makes quite a loud noise when shaken,
02:26and the winner of the episode will win the lot,
02:28which will be the first time in television history
02:29that these very specific prizes have ever been won, Greg.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:33Hello, Susan.
02:34What is the thing that you've brought in
02:36that makes quite a loud noise when you shake it?
02:38It is...
02:40a waterbed!
02:43LAUGHTER
02:45When I was a child, me and my siblings,
02:47we'd bring all our mattresses into the front room,
02:50and we'd all, like, have a little sleepover.
02:52For Christmas one year, my mum got a waterbed,
02:55and then we started playing with it,
02:56and it made a really shaky sound.
02:59LAUGHTER
03:01Sorry, I got distracted cos I thought I could hear a bird in the studio.
03:03LAUGHTER
03:05One point!
03:07LAUGHTER
03:08Do you want to hear the quite loud noise when you...
03:10Yeah, this might save it.
03:11Yeah.
03:16All right, Susan, thanks!
03:19LAUGHTER
03:19Thanks for opening the batting!
03:22Sue?
03:23The magnificent thing that I bought
03:24that makes quite a loud noise when you shake it
03:26is my great, great, great Aunt Margaret's
03:29glass swan collection.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32These actually have a history in that she was a survivor of the Titanic,
03:37and those swans were also saved in the lifeboat that she got into,
03:41and they were passed down the generations.
03:42And it does make quite a loud noise when you shake it.
03:45OK, here go the swans.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:51That's what someone's going to win.
03:53She...
03:53She didn't really survive the Titanic, did she?
03:56I mean, she was...
03:57Towards the end of her life, she was...
03:59She was a fantasist, so we don't know.
04:00OK.
04:03Lucy?
04:03Do you know what a cream horn is?
04:07Hmm.
04:10Here's Lucy's cream horn.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:12Oh, it's got cream attached to it.
04:14Yeah.
04:15When you shake the cream, the noise comes out of the horn.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:19My God, this is a new low.
04:23LAUGHTER
04:25Can I just have some pints, please?
04:27Yeah.
04:28I'll tell you now, you're doing the best so far.
04:31LAUGHTER
04:31And that's incredible,
04:33bearing in mind you stuck an air horn onto a can of cream.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37Sam.
04:38I've got that bucket.
04:41Lined with sandpaper.
04:43OK.
04:44Full to the brim of matches and fire alarms.
04:50LAUGHTER
04:53I mean, that is full to the brim.
04:57This is going to be a hell of a noise, right?
04:59Here we go.
04:59LAUGHTER
05:14The worst round.
05:19Taskmaster kiss.
05:20Hey, listen, my grandad gave me this and he was in the Hindenburg.
05:24LAUGHTER
05:27Julian, it's all for the take-in.
05:29Ah, yes.
05:30This is a drawer full of cutlery.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:36Looks like someone's back in the game.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:39I mean, just generally from my home
05:41and the cutlery is from the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:46LAUGHTER
05:48OK, here's a drawer full of cutlery from the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:50From the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:51Yep.
05:52There we go.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:55APPLAUSE
05:56It's the worst ever.
05:58It's the worst round in 16 series.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:03So who's getting the solitary point, Greg?
06:05Well, Susan, of course she is.
06:08LAUGHTER
06:08Next up.
06:09Yeah.
06:09I don't care if they were from the Isle of Wight.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:12Two points to Julian.
06:15At least something got destroyed with Suze.
06:18Three points.
06:19I'm going to give Lucy four points for her cream horn.
06:22Lovely.
06:23And Sam Campbell takes home the big five.
06:25Really?
06:26Well done.
06:27APPLAUSE
06:28APPLAUSE
06:31OK, what have you got for me, Alex?
06:33Mm-hm.
06:33Well, now, on Channel 4, it's Robot Wars.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:42APPLAUSE
06:56This is the most impressed I've been.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:04I've got knee pads on.
07:06Thank the Lord.
07:08Promising.
07:08Yeah.
07:10It's fallen over, that dog.
07:11Yeah, if you want to ride the dog, that'd be great.
07:15Thank you, Sue.
07:15What even is that?
07:17That's a weasel.
07:18Busy little shit, isn't it?
07:20LAUGHTER
07:22Is this part of it?
07:23Don't worry about the dog, he's happy.
07:27Avoid the rubbish robots.
07:30You may not remove your blindfold at any point.
07:33And at least one of your knees must be touching the floor throughout.
07:44Longest time untouched by a rubbish robot wins.
07:48Your time...
07:51Your time starts when the rubbish robot starts.
07:56These are the rubbish robots.
07:57The rest are just animals.
07:59Oh, so they're not my enemies?
08:00No, they're your friends.
08:03You're going to ask me to kneel down in a masterful voice?
08:07Neil, Julian.
08:11Right, that's what...
08:12Is that your starting position?
08:14It is.
08:14At times I've been asked that.
08:18APPLAUSE
08:24Well, quite formal to be asked.
08:28Is that your starting position?
08:31Then I'll begin.
08:33Sam hated everything about this task, correct?
08:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:37I've loved some of the others, but this one I thought was a dud.
08:40LAUGHTER
08:43How do you feel?
08:43Well, I think we're all looking forward to watching it now.
08:47First one.
08:48He came with hope.
08:49Will he leave with glory?
08:50It's Julian Clary.
08:53Right, Julian.
08:54Here we go.
08:59Ah, no, it just hit you back for it.
09:01That's the end of the task.
09:02LAUGHTER
09:03Is it over now?
09:04It's over.
09:05Well, I...
09:06Did you enjoy it?
09:07It didn't last long, did it?
09:09That sometimes happens.
09:11LAUGHTER
09:11Thank you, Julian.
09:14APPLAUSE
09:18Sam is quite right.
09:19It's not one of your best.
09:23That was, for me, two and a half seconds of gold.
09:27Who's next?
09:28OK, will they be jammy dodgers?
09:30It's Lucy and Susan to the rescue.
09:32I'm quite close to them here.
09:34Right.
09:35Right.
09:37That's where you're going to go, is it?
09:39OK.
09:41OK, well, your time starts when the robots start.
09:43Here we go.
09:44All right.
09:48I don't know what's going on.
09:51I don't like it.
09:55LAUGHTER
09:59Can I feel?
10:01Can I feel?
10:01You want to avoid the robots?
10:04AHHHHH!
10:10I trained at RADA.
10:13AHHHHH!
10:17AHHHHH!
10:18AHHHHH!
10:20AHHHHH!
10:21AHHHHH!
10:23This is the future.
10:25This is what it's going to be like, isn't it?
10:27Everyone's trying to hide from robots.
10:30The whole point of, like, blindfold play is that you keep...
10:38Oh!
10:39You came with me.
10:40What?
10:40You've just been struck by a rubbish robot.
10:42Have I?
10:43I didn't know they didn't strike me. Look!
10:46I saw it hit you.
10:47It didn't hit me!
10:48Look!
10:49That's nowhere near me, mate.
10:51It struck your left...
10:52Take your turn.
10:54Do they know I'm here?
10:57Oh, yeah.
11:03Ah!
11:04Did you just get grazed on it?
11:05Oh, yeah.
11:06And again.
11:06I think...
11:07Yeah, I think that one...
11:08Yeah.
11:09I'm gonna stop the clock there.
11:10Does it mean it's over now?
11:11Well, you say it didn't...
11:12We'll carry on if you say it didn't hit you.
11:14I don't think it hit me.
11:15I didn't feel it.
11:17Who's controlling the rubbish robot?
11:19God.
11:20LAUGHTER
11:23Now...
11:23Now it hit me.
11:24I felt that.
11:25OK.
11:25Well, I'll stop the clock then.
11:27Shall I go now?
11:28Yeah.
11:28Watch out for the robots.
11:29Ooh.
11:37Do you think this is what the future's gonna be like?
11:40Yeah.
11:40That is sort of like what my day-to-day life is like.
11:44That's my favourite task.
11:46LAUGHTER
11:48To be fair, there were some genuine moments of jeopardy there.
11:51Mm-hm.
11:51Her tactic was, I'm using my ears.
11:53Which is quite clever.
11:54She was listening for where the robots were, which is quite...
11:57It worked.
11:57She avoided the robots for three minutes and 42 seconds.
12:00God, that's good.
12:00That's good.
12:01APPLAUSE
12:03Susan had an interesting technique to avoid the robots
12:07and that was to go into complete denial.
12:10Complete denial that the robots had got anywhere near her.
12:12I thought that was something furry, so I was like, that wasn't the robot.
12:15Yeah, I know, but the weird thing is there was someone who was looking
12:17who...
12:19..confirmed that the robot did strike.
12:20No, by that point, I don't trust that guy.
12:22You were too deep in character, right?
12:23Too deep in character.
12:24As some nutter.
12:26LAUGHTER
12:26Well, the first robot may or may not have struck her at 1 minute 56,
12:30and then we finally stopped at 3 minutes 03.
12:32Are we taking the first one as a strike?
12:35Obviously.
12:35The one that did...
12:37Maybe there was more jeopardy than you thought there, Sam.
12:41OK, if you are having a nice time, please stop having a nice time.
12:44Because I present to you...
12:46..some adverts.
12:48LAUGHTER
12:58Hello!
12:59Welcome back to the second part of Taskmaster.
13:02Yes, it's great to have you back, but I'm afraid there are still
13:04some rubbish robots causing absolute mayhem.
13:07We're down to the last two.
13:08It's Sam and Sue.
13:10Sue, can I touch the robot with something else?
13:13All the information on the task, please put it on your blindfold.
13:16Come on, Milo.
13:17Ooh, they're absolutely creepy AF to touch.
13:22Can you see anything?
13:23No.
13:26Can you see anything, Sue?
13:27No.
13:29Oh, OK.
13:30Right.
13:31OK, good luck.
13:32Your time starts when the robots start.
13:39MUSIC PLAYS
13:56Fuck off!
13:57Fuck off!
14:09LAUGHTER
14:10Am I still on there, Matt?
14:11Yeah.
14:12Oh!
14:12Did you just get struck by rubbish robots?
14:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:17Go away!
14:21Ooh!
14:25Horrid!
14:26I'm afraid that one of the rubbish robots just caught your left
14:29and right foot.
14:33Not finished?
14:33It's nice that you let your nephew come up with tasks once every while.
14:39It makes me appreciate the really good ones.
14:48You've really got it in for this task.
14:50As soon as we saw shots from the rubbish robots' perspectives,
14:54wow!
14:56And there should be a spin-off!
14:57We're talking merchandise!
14:59Calendars!
15:01LAUGHTER
15:02Sue, your ferret swiping technique was...
15:05pretty sweet.
15:07I just needed to grab them by the tail
15:10and let them work for a living.
15:12LAUGHTER
15:13They both did good tactics by starting behind the robots
15:15instead of immediately in front of them.
15:18But they're times.
15:19It's such an exciting task, this one.
15:22Sam avoided them for one minute and four seconds.
15:25Sue, one minute and seven seconds.
15:28Wow!
15:29Wow!
15:29Wow!
15:30So, the final score, Susan actually came second
15:32with her one minute and 56.
15:33Gets four points.
15:34Sue, three points for one minute and seven.
15:36Sam, two points.
15:37One minute and four.
15:38Julian, one point for two and a half seconds.
15:41Lucy, three minutes and 42 seconds.
15:44So, it's a full five points to Lucy Burgess!
15:51Hey, I'd love to see a scoreboard, please, Alex.
15:53Wow, she's actually in first place.
15:55Lucy's got nine points in the lead.
15:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:01And what is next?
16:03Pray tell.
16:04OK, next we have a team task in two places at once.
16:24What do you suppose?
16:26Pull it, do you think?
16:28Oh, it's under, it's in here.
16:30Oh, cool.
16:31Is it a guinea pig?
16:33LAUGHTER
16:36Recreate your teammate's garage scene.
16:39You have 15 minutes.
16:41Your time starts when your teammate calls.
16:43Can I touch this?
16:46Oh, shit.
16:47Oh, Christ.
16:49Zero, Oscar, are you receiving?
16:51Over.
16:52Hello, are you receiving me?
16:54Roger.
16:55Sue, are you all right?
16:56I'm all right, sweet.
16:57Listen, you're going to have to do some things for me, if that's all right.
16:59Always.
17:00Instruct your teammates to recreate your garage scene.
17:11You may not say any of the words on any of the labels.
17:16You may not leave your location.
17:18The most accurate recreation wins.
17:21You had 15 minutes.
17:24Your time has already started.
17:29Also, Lucy, you've got an extra instruction there.
17:32You can read it as long as you don't press a button on the walkie-talkie.
17:36Also, you must try on all the outfits in the basket, one at a time,
17:41and not mention anything about it to your teammates.
17:45Yeah.
17:45Just to make life a bit more fun.
17:48I'll just get them out the box one at a time.
17:51Sure.
17:52Awaiting instructions.
17:58She's gone home.
17:59She's done.
18:08Get instinctively.
18:09Everyone's going to be terrible at this.
18:11Let's find out.
18:12We're going to see all of them at it, all at once, in a montage.
18:15OK, Roger.
18:16Let's start.
18:17The thing that goes on the floor that keeps your feet warm,
18:21can you put down first?
18:22Over.
18:23It's a rug or a carpet or something.
18:25Oh, I thought it was socks.
18:27In the centre of the room, I would like you to place...
18:30a floor covering.
18:32If in the middle of that, you could also position a piece of furniture
18:35used for sitting in.
18:36Right.
18:37If you're looking at your rug, can you put them on the right-hand side
18:41at the front?
18:43Over.
18:43Just by the way, Lucy.
18:44Those are the words that you're not allowed to say.
18:46Oh, for fuck's sake.
18:48No, Lucy.
18:49Sorry.
18:49Please.
18:52Take a column of some description and put on the top of the column
18:55some statuary.
18:57OK, over and out.
19:01Is there anything else?
19:03Yeah, there's loads of things.
19:05Something that you have in your house that's green
19:08and that you have to water.
19:11Something that looks like someone I once went out with.
19:14Can you remember which hand I write with?
19:16Oh, left hand.
19:17That might be where you want to put the plinth.
19:20That was it.
19:21The thing that they have in shops.
19:23The thing...
19:27Are you OK?
19:29Is there smoke?
19:29Is there gas in the shed?
19:31You know, what hand do you write with?
19:33So that side.
19:35I'd like another plinth.
19:36And what I would like on that is something that goes quack.
19:40Is that making sense?
19:42Erm...
19:42You know those two things that they have in zooms?
19:45They're very brightly coloured.
19:47Flamingos.
19:48I want to.
19:49Yeah.
19:50So many dots.
19:51Tell us where to put the things that we've got.
19:54OK, brilliant.
19:55Right.
19:56OK.
19:57So...
19:59You...
20:01Towards...
20:02So...
20:03Looking...
20:05And I'm facing the back wall of the garage...
20:08Waiting for you to respond.
20:10Roger.
20:13Right.
20:14A rubbish receptacle...
20:16With the face of...
20:18A red-nosed...
20:19Entertainer.
20:20I could just think of Father Christmas, but I don't think he's a red-nosed entertainer.
20:23He's just a red-nosed man.
20:25Chugger.
20:27Where was the mannequin?
20:28I'm going to go through all the positions.
20:31In front of you.
20:32Clint.
20:33On the other.
20:34Clint.
20:35Ohhhh!
20:36Column!
20:37Column!
20:38Column!
20:39If the door on the back, you put the thing at the circus that kids are afraid of.
20:45Opposite ends, so the thing that goes in the back, you put the thing that they have on churches.
20:50That's evil.
20:51Crucifix.
20:52It's evil.
20:53All good as hell, I reckon.
20:5620 seconds.
20:57How long have we got?
21:00Tens!
21:01You've got ten seconds.
21:02We've got ten minutes, Julian.
21:04No, ten seconds.
21:05Ten minutes?
21:05Ten seconds, Roger.
21:07Over.
21:08Right, our task is complete.
21:09I think you'll be very pleased.
21:11WHISTLE BLOWS
21:12Over!
21:14Sorry about your cough.
21:15You want to suck a fisherman's friend.
21:18Oh, Julian.
21:20APPLAUSE
21:27Lucy, I sometimes think that you're doing some of these tasks deliberately badly.
21:33For a large section of it, you didn't even press the walkie-talkies on you.
21:39So that people could hear you.
21:40But, you did press the walkie-talkie when you had a coughing fit.
21:45LAUGHTER
21:46Sam, I don't know how the hell you got to flamingos, given the description you were given.
21:51Which was, those two brightly coloured things they have in zoos.
21:55And you went, flamingos?
21:57LAUGHTER
21:59That is, yeah, the mind is so, like, fascinating.
22:02Isn't it?
22:06OK, thank you.
22:08I do think that when Sue goes into action mode, she sounds like a Second World War fighter pilot.
22:15It's pickles. It's pure pickles.
22:16Yes, it's so in control.
22:18Except, there was one moment that I just loved where panic set in and caused Susan to go,
22:25Oh, don't panic.
22:28It's funny, when I'm making notes watching these, sometimes I forget why I've written them.
22:31And I've, I've written down, erm, can I have a clip of Susan shouting tits?
22:37How long have we got?
22:39WHISTLE BLOWS TITS!
22:42LAUGHTER
22:47It was definitely worth hearing again.
22:50LAUGHTER
22:54So, how many words did they get wrong?
22:56Yes, there's a team of two, nine words wrong, the team of three, 27.
23:00Why? Why? No.
23:02Yes, you said left once, front four times, back three times, duck once, right twice.
23:07Right, again, eight more times, back five times, middle once, rug twice.
23:10They were on the board.
23:12They were all on the board.
23:14Those left and right, they were instructions I was giving them.
23:17Yes, exactly.
23:18LAUGHTER
23:24This is a list of things you weren't allowed to say, Lucy.
23:28LAUGHTER
23:32Look at it.
23:35Oh, look at it.
23:36So just bear that in mind, Greg.
23:37I'm bearing it in mind.
23:40So, we're going to see what they did.
23:42The real Gary's in the middle.
23:43You can see the mannequin represented in the bottom left.
23:46All right.
23:48I think they genuinely did pretty well.
23:50Pretty good.
23:51I've got a team of two, six things pretty much right.
23:53The team of three getting seven things pretty much right.
23:56But they did keep saying all the words they weren't supposed to tell.
23:58So, if I penalise Lucy for saying all of those words, if I took a point off them, it would
24:02make that this was a tie.
24:04So, let's say three points each.
24:05Three points each!
24:07APPLAUSE
24:11Break time.
24:12Quick, hop onto Twitter and tell your followers that you're watching something on television.
24:16Feels like a good use of life, right?
24:18Wrong!
24:19Do something else.
24:20Live!
24:26APPLAUSE
24:31Oh, yeah!
24:33Hello again.
24:34It's part three of Taskmaster, and there's a bozo next to me who's just desperate to say something trite before
24:40introducing the next task.
24:43Right.
24:43And now on to the next task, which really is head and shoulders above the rest.
25:03MUSIC PLAYS
25:06Susan!
25:07Hi!
25:09Ah, there you are.
25:11Radiating your usual charisma.
25:13LAUGHTER
25:19Present a piece called Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.
25:24Knees and Toes.
25:26Hmm?
25:28Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
25:31Knees and toes.
25:32What do I say?
25:33Do you think you said that?
25:36Head, shoulders, knees and toes.
25:38Knees and toes.
25:39Knees and toes.
25:40Knees and toes.
25:41Knees and toes.
25:42LAUGHTER
25:44Most powerful piece wins.
25:47You have 20 minutes.
25:48Time starts now.
25:49You could do a very powerful piece.
25:52That's all we're hoping.
25:52If someone could.
25:54Probably not me.
25:55But, er, no.
25:57I could.
25:58Don't tell yourself that.
26:00When I was in Vietnam, I had to do an English class.
26:03The only thing I could think of was to teach them, like, a nursery rhyme.
26:06Heads and shoulders, knees and toes.
26:08Knees and toes.
26:08What I didn't realise is, there were two kids at the back, and every time they bent down to do
26:13knees and toes, when they got up against your heads, they slammed their heads really hard on the desk.
26:18So, part of me wants to do a powerful piece around how nursery rhymes can go very badly wrong.
26:24Erm, I would like A4 sheet of paper, A5 sheet of paper.
26:30Do you know which one A5 is?
26:31It's bigger than A4, isn't it?
26:34No.
26:35I think that we can incorporate some drama.
26:39I went to drama school, so I should make use of that money that I spent.
26:43She doesn't have any shoulders.
26:45No.
26:46She's got a head there.
26:48Is it going to be a script?
26:50We'll play it the faster most.
26:52Michael East, oh hell.
26:53LAUGHTER
26:58So, I just need a knee and a shoulder and some toes.
27:02Yeah.
27:05So, some great inspirational material that's going to lead to these performances.
27:15Three years in Radha?
27:16Whole three.
27:17How much did Radha cost you for three years?
27:1930 grand's worth, yeah.
27:2030 grand for what we're about to see, yeah?
27:23Just you wait.
27:25LAUGHTER
27:26Lovely that you've got the experience and you're going to put on the best show.
27:29Lovely that Sue's show is going to be based on having hurt some children in Vietnam.
27:34Literally unwittingly, but yeah.
27:35It's cultural that you don't confront your senior, so they just kept doing it and hurting themselves
27:40because it would have been too rude to say,
27:43I'm walloping my head really badly with your weird English nursery rhyme.
27:47LAUGHTER
27:49So, the first piece we're going to see is presented by Sam Campbell.
28:01Inspector.
28:04A ghastly business.
28:06I can't believe it.
28:09Some kind of insane maniac has killed my parents.
28:14They've decapitated them and hacked them apart.
28:18They've chopped off their heads.
28:23LAUGHTER
28:27They've...
28:28Really good, but somehow they've some maniac some fruitcake has come in and my beloved parents
28:35They've chopped off their hands
28:38Shoulders
28:39Their knees
28:41And toes
28:42Knees and toes?
28:44Will you cut that out?
28:47Can't you see?
28:48That I am in the throes of despair
28:51Look, look at what they've done
28:53They've chopped off their hands
28:56Their shoulders
28:57Their knees
28:59Toast
28:59Knees and toes
29:07Where'd you get that?
29:10Bit late for a banana
29:12It's midnight
29:23I didn't think that would be the punchline
29:26It's great because if you saw someone eating a banana at midnight
29:30Yeah
29:31You'd ring the police, but he is the police
29:34I'm off to a strong style
29:36Right, next up, two presentations in one
29:39It's Julian and Susan
29:42Heads
29:43Heads
29:44Shoulders
29:44Knees and toes
29:57Head
30:01Head
30:20Shoulders
30:21Knees and toes
30:23Silence
30:28So do you do comedy?
30:31I've tried, yeah
30:33Yeah
30:34Sometimes sing in a band Julian
30:35Do you?
30:36Hmm
30:37What sort of music?
30:39Sometimes it's jazz
30:40Jazz brings me out in hives
30:42I know, me too
30:54Heads
30:57Shoulders
30:59Shoulders
31:03Knees
31:10Heads
31:15Heads
31:17Heads
31:19Heads
31:29Heads
31:31Right, I'm thrilled
31:32Me too
31:33Good luck with your career
31:36Such as it is
31:37Such as it is
31:47It was 30 grand, yeah?
31:49Yeah
31:52No, come on
31:53It was avant-garde
31:54It was French cinema
31:56It was
31:57It was, you know
31:58It was imagery galore
32:00Loads
32:00It was a comment on the death penalty
32:02Was it?
32:03Yeah
32:03And you thought the most powerful way of representing that would be with a duck
32:07We're not going literal
32:09And what is the comment on the death penalty?
32:12Er, that it's bad
32:15Thank you
32:19So Julian, as far as I can work out
32:21Sat making withering comments toward you about your lack of talent
32:25And then drew something, but I didn't see what he drew
32:27So this is Julian's powerful piece
32:29Heads, shoulders, knees and toes
32:36Um
32:38What is it, Julian?
32:39I just bothered with the bits in question
32:42Head, shoulders, knees and toes
32:43So
32:43You bothered with them in what sense?
32:45I mean
32:46In that you labelled them
32:48And I
32:48Well, I didn't bother with arms
32:50Because they weren't in the
32:53Brief
32:53Task brief
32:54No, it wasn't head, shoulders, knees, arms and toes
32:56Yeah
32:57We've all known someone who looks like that
32:59Yeah, who's the person that you know that looks like that?
33:02Um, my nana
33:05When she didn't have a teeth in
33:07When she didn't have a teeth in
33:33No
33:33Oh, at last
33:34Good
33:34Well, here's one
33:35Let's go
33:35Via Sue Perkins
33:39Nursery rhymes are a dangerous source of head trauma
33:41Just ask Jack and Jill
33:42Humpty Dumpty
33:44And the old man who went to bed and bumped his head and couldn't get up in the morning
33:47This, this guy
33:49That's what happens when you recklessly attempt a nursery rhyme
33:53But
33:54There's another way
33:55Here at Perkins and Perkins
33:57We supply ready prepared safety equipment for all eventualities
34:01Like
34:02This guy
34:06Be less this guy
34:07And more this guy
34:09Be better
34:10Be Perkins and Perkins
34:12And don't let a rhyme stop you in your prime
34:23Confirmation as if we dated you were born in the wrong era
34:27It's so 50 isn't it?
34:29I really liked it
34:30It sort of belonged in the cinema when we were kids
34:32Remember the guy dressed as death
34:33It was terrifying
34:34Donald Pleasant's going
34:35Don't swim here
34:37You'll drown
34:38Oh no
34:39And there were just children falling to their death
34:42Absolutely traumatising
34:43You kids don't know how lucky you've got it these days with adverts
34:46Oh, buy a train
34:52Right, join us after the break for today's final chapter
34:56Where the winner will stand alone on the stage
34:58Celebrating their victory with some squirty cream and a horn
35:01And some broken glass
35:03Woohoo! It's prime time!
35:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:14Now again
35:15It's part four of four
35:17And we're in the thick of a task
35:19Based on heads, shoulders, knees and toes
35:21Knees and toes
35:22We've had a painting
35:23Two theatrical pieces
35:24And a health and safety demonstration
35:25Finally, here is something macabre
35:28From Lucy Beaumont
35:29WHISTLE BLOWS
35:36WHISTLE BLOWS
35:37BROTHER ALEX
35:38I am bored
35:43Can we play a little game?
35:48Hair
35:51Shoulder
35:53Oh, little lizard
35:55Oh, this is a funny tattoo
35:58These tattoos from the 1990s
36:07Shoulders
36:09Knees
36:10Knees
36:10Knees
36:11Knees
36:11Knees
36:13Knees
36:14A plaster on that
36:15Knees
36:16And
36:19Toes
36:20Toes
36:23Aaaaaaah
36:25Mummy
36:25Oh
36:26Oh
36:27Oh
36:27Oh
36:27Oh
36:27Oh
36:39Oh
36:39Oh
36:39Oh
36:39Oh
36:39Oh
36:39Oh
36:40Oh
36:40Oh
36:40Oh
36:40Oh
36:40Oh
36:40Oh
36:40Oh
36:40Oh
36:40Oh
36:42Oh
36:43Oh
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