- 1 hour ago
American Boy
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TVTranscript
00:00:05Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:08You said I can't stop
00:00:12If you knew I was a fire
00:00:15Tell me that you play and I play it
00:00:19Don't let it go for later, no
00:00:22The fight went and the night arrived
00:00:26Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:28Hey, I want to know if you
00:00:30Do you want the same as me?
00:00:32Tell me where we are
00:00:34After the beach, if I don't know where we are
00:00:37I bring the bag and we don't move again
00:00:41But in my bed
00:00:42I'll give you a table of surfing
00:00:45Tell me where we are
00:00:52Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
00:00:55My son, Marcelo Hernandez
00:01:27Miami
00:01:35Feels like a family party in this place right now
00:01:38That's how our family parties were, dog
00:01:40You have to dance
00:01:41You have to dance or you have to find a new family
00:01:44That's the rule
00:01:45I had to dance
00:01:46Ever since I was a kid I had to dance
00:01:48That's how I had to enter my house
00:01:50If people came to my house
00:01:51My mom would be like, Marcelo
00:01:53And I'm six years old
00:01:55And I have to leave my room like this
00:01:59And I'm like, mommy, I don't want to dance
00:02:02And my mom is like, yeah
00:02:03And I didn't want to escape Cuba
00:02:05So dance
00:02:07Okay, I'm sorry
00:02:08I don't know what that's like
00:02:09I'm sorry
00:02:10And I would think that I'm doing a good job
00:02:13And then out of nowhere
00:02:14My mom would be like, no Marcelo
00:02:15Not like that
00:02:16Do what I taught you
00:02:17And I'm like, mommy, please
00:02:20Don't make me get nasty
00:02:23In front of my family
00:02:27And I had to memorize every single dance
00:02:29I was always jealous of the American kids
00:02:31Because American kids don't have to memorize any dance
00:02:35American kids on Christmas, New Year's, Thanksgiving
00:02:38They get to rest
00:02:40They don't have to memorize anything at all
00:02:43American kids live a very free life
00:02:45American kids go, oh my god, I love that song
00:02:48And then they jump
00:02:56And their mom is like, look, Tyler's dancing
00:03:01I'm like, Tyler's not doing anything, dude
00:03:04I had to shake my ass specifically
00:03:08And that's how I grew up
00:03:09You show up at your family party
00:03:10And you dance
00:03:11And then your mom says the most beautiful words
00:03:13That you can hear
00:03:14What's the most beautiful part about being at a family party?
00:03:17It's hanging out with your cousins, right?
00:03:19Isn't that the most beautiful part?
00:03:21Oh my god
00:03:23Something about being with your cousins
00:03:25It makes you just
00:03:29You lose your mind
00:03:30You end up in a part of your house
00:03:33That you have never been to before
00:03:36You and your cousins end up in the AC unit of your house
00:03:40And you're in there
00:03:41And it's weird in there
00:03:42And one of your cousins is like
00:03:44I have hair, bro
00:03:45I swear to god
00:03:46I have hair, I don't know where it came from
00:03:48I have hair
00:03:49Your other cousin, he's weird
00:03:51And he's like, bro, eat the cockroach, bro
00:03:53Please
00:03:55I'm like, what?
00:03:56He's like, eat it, just eat it right now
00:03:57Nothing's gonna happen to you
00:03:58Just eat it, I've done it before
00:03:59Just eat the cockroach
00:04:00Just hurry up
00:04:02The parents are getting drunk
00:04:03And the kids are kinda lit too
00:04:04Because we have been drinking Coca-Cola unsupervised
00:04:09We're drinking it out of the bottle tonight, okay?
00:04:11And your cousin's mouth is brown
00:04:13And he's lit up
00:04:15And you guys are in there going crazy
00:04:17And then out of nowhere
00:04:18One of your uncles comes into the AC unit
00:04:20And he goes, hey Marcelo
00:04:21Just a little bit of whiskey
00:04:22Nothing's gonna happen to you
00:04:23A little bit of whiskey
00:04:26Come on, a little bit of whiskey
00:04:28Nothing's gonna happen to you
00:04:29A little bit of whiskey, come on
00:04:30Eat the cockroach
00:04:31And then drink the whiskey
00:04:32A little bit of whiskey
00:04:32And then somehow
00:04:37It's 2 in the morning for some reason
00:04:39It's 2 AM
00:04:40And at 2 AM
00:04:42That's when the parents realize
00:04:43Damn
00:04:44I have not seen my kid in 9 hours
00:04:48And they want the kid back to the dam
00:04:51Back to the dance floor
00:04:53And now it's 2 in the morning
00:04:55And I'm still 6 years old
00:04:56But now
00:04:56I want to dance
00:04:58You understand?
00:05:00Because I've been drinking whiskey, dog
00:05:02Okay?
00:05:04I want to dance
00:05:05What are American kids doing
00:05:07At 2 in the morning?
00:05:08By the way
00:05:08It's Christmas, okay?
00:05:10Where is Santa Claus?
00:05:12Nobody cares, dog
00:05:15Santa Claus is gonna come
00:05:17When the party is over
00:05:192 in the morning on Christmas
00:05:21What are American kids doing
00:05:23At 2 in the morning on Christmas?
00:05:24Watching Elf?
00:05:25You nerds
00:05:27I am grinding with my aunt
00:05:30I am grinding with my aunt
00:05:30You understand?
00:05:43And she is throwing it back violently, dog
00:05:46Violent
00:05:48And I'm like, mommy, why?
00:05:50And she's like, because your aunt
00:05:52Is going through a divorce right now
00:05:59And that is not being inappropriate
00:06:02That is supporting your family
00:06:13And that's what I did
00:06:14I did whatever my mom told me to do
00:06:16If she tells me to grind on my aunt
00:06:17I grind on my aunt
00:06:18My mom has been through so much
00:06:19That whatever she tells me to do
00:06:21That's what I'm gonna do
00:06:22For example
00:06:23I have severe ADD
00:06:25Everybody told me I have ADD
00:06:27And I told my mom I have ADD
00:06:28And she said no
00:06:29So I don't have ADD
00:06:35I don't have it
00:06:36I don't have it
00:06:36And I feel bad
00:06:37I feel bad that I don't have it
00:06:39Because I wanted it
00:06:40And everybody
00:06:40And it's easy to get
00:06:42By the way
00:06:43If you want ADD
00:06:44You can have it
00:06:45You go to a doctor
00:06:46And you go, nah
00:06:47And then they give it to you
00:06:51It takes 2 seconds
00:06:55Everybody knew that I had ADD
00:06:57I had teachers in Miami
00:06:59That didn't believe in ADD
00:07:01And they were like
00:07:01Marcelo made me a believer
00:07:06I have it like that
00:07:07I have it for real
00:07:08Everybody knew I had it
00:07:09And the problem is
00:07:10I had to tell my mom
00:07:12That I have ADD
00:07:13And when I told my mom
00:07:14That I have ADD
00:07:15She threatened to give it to me
00:07:19I said, mommy, I have ADD
00:07:21And she goes, ah, you want ADD?
00:07:23I can give you ADD right now
00:07:28And in that moment
00:07:31I decided to focus
00:07:43And it's sad because I wanted the pills
00:07:47I really wanted the pills
00:07:48Because I know that the pills do something
00:07:50I know that they do something
00:07:52Because I had a friend in high school
00:07:54And his mom let him have ADD
00:07:58And he would come up to me on Tuesdays
00:08:01And he would be like, hey Marcelo
00:08:02I didn't take the pill today
00:08:03It's no pill Tuesday
00:08:05And I was like, wow
00:08:12Is that how I'm living my life?
00:08:15Every day is no pill Tuesday for me?
00:08:19It was horrible
00:08:20And that's what my life was
00:08:22When I was younger
00:08:22My ADD was a big problem in school
00:08:25You know?
00:08:26And now that I'm older
00:08:27My problem with ADD is in relationships
00:08:29You know?
00:08:30With women
00:08:31Because I have severe ADD
00:08:34And I never got the pills
00:08:35And women
00:08:40They love it when you listen to them
00:08:43You know?
00:08:50It's their favorite thing
00:08:52And it's my biggest weakness
00:08:56Women are nice
00:08:57Women do not need you to be 7 feet
00:08:59And have abs
00:09:00All women want is for you to listen to her
00:09:02And be there for her
00:09:04And memorize the names of her friends
00:09:06That's all they want
00:09:09You have to know the names of the friends
00:09:11And you have to be ahead of her sometimes
00:09:13You know?
00:09:14And women
00:09:15That's a beautiful thing
00:09:16Because that means that women
00:09:17Are not superficial
00:09:18You know?
00:09:19It means that they're looking for someone
00:09:20That's a partner
00:09:21They're not exactly looking for a physical thing
00:09:23Men are more superficial
00:09:25I have friends that are very superficial
00:09:27I have friends that I show them a picture
00:09:28Of a girl that I like
00:09:29And they'll be like
00:09:30No, bro
00:09:32Nah, you have to break up with her, Don
00:09:34And I'm like, why?
00:09:36And they're like, because, Don
00:09:37Her forehead is crazy
00:09:41I'm like, what?
00:09:42What are you talking about?
00:09:43She's nice
00:09:44And she's smart
00:09:44She's a good person
00:09:45And my boys are like, no
00:09:46We could tell that she was smart, Don
00:09:48That's not the...
00:09:50That's not the problem, Don
00:09:53This guy is going on and on about her forehead
00:09:55And I'm like, dude
00:09:56You're bald
00:09:57Like, how...
00:09:59How could you say that
00:10:00When your forehead doesn't end?
00:10:03But that's how men are
00:10:04Men are like that
00:10:05Women are not like that
00:10:07Women can bring anything to their friends
00:10:09A woman can bring a frog
00:10:11A real frog
00:10:12To her friends
00:10:13And be like, hey guys
00:10:14This is my boyfriend
00:10:17And I love him
00:10:18And he loves me
00:10:19And we hang out
00:10:20By the swamp
00:10:23And we get along great
00:10:24And we love each other
00:10:25And her friends
00:10:26Her friends will be like, okay
00:10:29In that case
00:10:32Ribbit
00:10:39They don't care
00:10:40The women are down
00:10:41And I think that's beautiful
00:10:42You know, because
00:10:42It is rare
00:10:44It is more rare
00:10:45To see like a man
00:10:46Like a good looking man
00:10:47With a woman
00:10:48That is not at his level
00:10:49Of attractiveness
00:10:50You know?
00:10:51But
00:10:53Quite often
00:10:55You will see a beautiful woman
00:10:57And she's nice
00:10:58And she's hard working
00:10:59And she loves her family
00:11:01And she's perfect
00:11:03And then you see her husband
00:11:07And you're like, hey, congratulations
00:11:10And he's like
00:11:12Ribbit
00:11:18Every time I see this couple
00:11:20I go, oh my God
00:11:23That guy probably listens
00:11:25Like crazy
00:11:26That guy probably says stuff like
00:11:44Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
00:11:44Start again
00:11:47My boy's like, no, bro
00:11:49I bet you that guy's rich
00:11:50I'm like, no, dawg
00:11:52That guy probably has
00:11:55Follow-up questions
00:12:07And that's the problem, you know
00:12:09I don't listen good
00:12:10So I'm scared
00:12:11And on top of that
00:12:13Women are scary to me in general
00:12:15In general
00:12:16Because I grew up with women
00:12:17In my house
00:12:18I grew up with only women
00:12:19In my house
00:12:19It was me, my mom, and my sister
00:12:21And in high school
00:12:22My mom's best friend
00:12:23And her daughter
00:12:23Moved into my house
00:12:24I have seen too much
00:12:27When I was little
00:12:28I would go to school
00:12:29And a little boy would be like, hey
00:12:30You know that girls don't poop?
00:12:32And I would be like
00:12:32Ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:12:37I know very well how they poop
00:12:41And I think it's worse than ours
00:12:45No man, I saw it all
00:12:47Women are very scary
00:12:48They are
00:12:49And they live a violent life
00:12:50Behind the scenes
00:12:51I have seen what you hide
00:12:53Okay?
00:12:54Every woman has a mustache
00:12:55Did you know that?
00:12:59They all have a mustache
00:13:00And they get it taken care of
00:13:02In the most violent way possible
00:13:04Everything they do is violent
00:13:06They go to a salon
00:13:07And they go
00:13:08I have a mustache
00:13:09And the lady goes
00:13:10Ah, how would you like me
00:13:11To take care of that?
00:13:12And the woman goes
00:13:13Oh, I would like it
00:13:14If you could maybe
00:13:15Rip it off my face
00:13:17And they pay a little woman
00:13:25With big forearms
00:13:27To go up to her face
00:13:28And go
00:13:33Everything that they do is violent
00:13:35And I'm scared of women
00:13:37And I'm scared of women for that reason
00:13:37I'm scared that everything that they do is violent
00:13:39Everything that they go
00:13:41They do their hair
00:13:41The hair is violent
00:13:42They get their eyebrows
00:13:44Yanked out
00:13:45One at a time
00:13:48Ripped out
00:13:49And they like it
00:13:50They go, thank you!
00:13:51Like that
00:13:53Everything they do is violent
00:13:54Their hair
00:13:55They go to a salon
00:13:56And they light their hair on fire
00:13:57And they put chemicals in their hair
00:14:00And all types of stuff
00:14:02They put their hair in aluminum foil
00:14:04Like their hair is food now
00:14:06And then they go
00:14:08Now put your head in the microwave
00:14:11And then the woman sits in the microwave
00:14:14And lets her head get cooked in the microwave
00:14:16And it's hot under there
00:14:18And they go
00:14:18Is it too hot for you Melissa?
00:14:20And she goes
00:14:20No, I like it!
00:14:24And imagine, imagine
00:14:25They get their head cooked
00:14:26They're getting their head cooked
00:14:27Imagine the radiation that gets into their head
00:14:30You have no idea
00:14:30And that's why women are a little bit different, you know?
00:14:35They're a little bit different
00:14:41When a man wants to know if you love him
00:14:44He goes, baby, do you love me?
00:14:45And that makes sense
00:14:46When a woman wants to know if you love her
00:14:48She goes, if I was a donkey
00:14:50And you
00:14:53And you were a lizard
00:14:54Do you think we could still be together?
00:14:57And the man is like, what?
00:15:00And she's like
00:15:01If I was a donkey
00:15:03And you were a lizard
00:15:06Did I stutter when I asked the question?
00:15:10Like your hair looks fantastic, babe
00:15:12I'm so sorry
00:15:14Everything they do is violent
00:15:16The Brazilian wax
00:15:17Let me tell you
00:15:18There's nothing Brazilian about that
00:15:21They put the word Brazilian there
00:15:23So that you think it's a tropical experience
00:15:26But it is not a tropical experience
00:15:28I have been there
00:15:30I have been to every appointment
00:15:31Because I had a single mom
00:15:33And I didn't behave good
00:15:34I know what I'm talking about
00:15:37I've been in there with my soccer cleats
00:15:41You go to the Brazilian wax place
00:15:43And they grab your mom
00:15:44And they throw her on a surgical table
00:15:46And then a little goblin comes through some curtains
00:15:50Hello!
00:15:50Hello!
00:15:52And she
00:15:53I haven't seen what they do
00:15:54But it looks like they do honey and duct tape
00:15:59On your mom
00:16:01And then they look at your mom and they go
00:16:02I'm gonna count to three
00:16:03Okay?
00:16:04One
00:16:05Two!
00:16:08And then they hold it up like the head of a soldier that she killed
00:16:19And then she looks at your mom and she goes
00:16:21It has been a long time
00:16:26And I'm sure that it hurts when they rip that off
00:16:28I'm sure that it hurts
00:16:29But my mom never screamed and she never cried
00:16:31Women are too abnormal to scream or to cry
00:16:33They rip it off and she talks
00:16:36When it hurts they talk
00:16:37They go
00:16:37And your mom goes
00:16:39My son is in the third grade
00:16:40Did you know that?
00:16:46Of course I'm scared
00:16:48And I have seen it all
00:16:49I have seen it all
00:16:50I have seen a woman getting ready to leave the house
00:16:54A woman getting ready to leave the house
00:16:56Is one of the most violent scenes I have ever seen in my entire life
00:16:59They are able to turn their bathroom into Dexter's laboratory
00:17:03There are potions and serums and creams
00:17:06And electricity and water
00:17:09What a horrible combination
00:17:10And everything is all at once
00:17:12Everything's on fire in there
00:17:14There's a cream that if you touch it
00:17:16And you touch your face
00:17:17All the hair falls off your body
00:17:20It is violent in there
00:17:22And her makeup
00:17:22She's not doing her makeup like
00:17:25No, she has a pencil and she's putting it in her eye
00:17:29And her eye starts to cry
00:17:31And she's a savage
00:17:32She goes
00:17:33And goes deeper with the pencil
00:17:36The eye is rejecting the pencil
00:17:40If the eye could talk
00:17:41The eye would say
00:17:42Please mama no more pencil
00:17:45Please no more with the pencil
00:17:47Please
00:17:48And she doesn't care
00:17:49She goes deeper with the pencil
00:17:50And if she makes a mistake
00:17:52She goes
00:17:52I have to start again
00:17:53Like that
00:17:56Tell me that's not scary
00:17:59The clothes that women wear to leave the house
00:18:02Is insane
00:18:03Men are shirt, pants, shoes maybe high
00:18:05Shirt, pants, shoes maybe high
00:18:07Women
00:18:07There is stuff that you have no idea
00:18:10That they have to wear
00:18:11And the way that they have to contort their body
00:18:14You don't even know
00:18:15I was the wardrobe guy at my house
00:18:16My mom would be like
00:18:18Marcelo
00:18:18And I walk in and she is
00:18:23She's contort
00:18:24She's a contortion
00:18:25I'm like what's going on?
00:18:26She goes
00:18:26I'm gonna put my elbow in my ass
00:18:29Okay?
00:18:31And I'm like what?
00:18:32She goes
00:18:32I'm gonna put my elbow in my
00:18:33When my elbow reaches my ass
00:18:35I need you to zip
00:18:36You understand?
00:18:39I'm like that sounds dangerous mommy
00:18:40I don't know if that sounds like it's safe
00:18:42It's not safe
00:18:43It's what you have to do
00:18:45Okay, elbow to the ass
00:18:47Yes, elbow to the ass
00:18:47I go okay
00:18:48It's not zipping
00:18:49I said wait
00:18:50Until my elbow reaches my ass
00:18:54I had to be in there for all of that stuff man
00:18:56It's spooky
00:18:57Women are not the delicate creature
00:18:58That you think that they are
00:19:00They're living a violent life behind the scenes
00:19:02And then they go out and they go
00:19:03Hi, how are you?
00:19:06Hell no dog
00:19:07All of it is violent
00:19:08You go to a club
00:19:09And you see a woman
00:19:10And she's beautiful
00:19:11And you're like wow
00:19:12I like your outfit
00:19:13That's a nice shirt
00:19:14That's not a shirt papa
00:19:17That thing clips
00:19:19Okay?
00:19:28You had no idea that thing clips huh?
00:19:32You thought that she put her shirt on like this
00:19:34No
00:19:35She put it on like this dog
00:19:39She had to make it clip dog
00:19:42That's a lot of work that she has to do
00:19:45And that's tight dog
00:19:46By the end of the night
00:19:47That thing is in her neck
00:19:49So
00:19:50Be gentle with her
00:19:52It's scary
00:19:53All of it is scary dog
00:19:54And the blood
00:19:55I saw the blood first hand
00:19:56People don't even think about the blood
00:19:58Women don't want to talk about the blood
00:19:59The blood is very real
00:20:00So I was a happy little boy
00:20:02And I had a happy little sister
00:20:05And one day out of nowhere
00:20:08For no reason
00:20:10Blood
00:20:13And she's like mommy blood
00:20:15And my mom is like welcome to the club
00:20:19And she's like blood only for today
00:20:21And my mom is like blood forever
00:20:25And now my happy little sister is counting the days of the blood
00:20:29Like it's jail
00:20:31She starts to say scary stuff to me
00:20:33The blood is coming
00:20:38There's three days until the blood
00:20:41I'm like what?
00:20:42She's like the blood wants ice cream
00:20:45I'm like the blood can talk
00:20:48She's like I speak for the blood
00:20:51The blood speaks through me
00:20:54Like oh my god
00:20:55And the blood has bluetooth
00:20:57Did you know that?
00:20:59Because if three of you get together
00:21:00You pair device
00:21:12It's scary dog
00:21:13And then imagine then we have to take them out on a date
00:21:16You know?
00:21:17Imagine that
00:21:18Imagine like you ask a girl out on a date
00:21:21And she hasn't been on a date in a while
00:21:23Think about it
00:21:23Now she has to go through a week of torture
00:21:25She has to pay all these different people
00:21:27To do all these horrible things to her body
00:21:29Rip it, rip it out
00:21:30Nyagada, nyagada
00:21:31Ragada, bragada
00:21:32Ragada, bragada
00:21:33Shagada
00:21:34Rah, rah, rah
00:21:35And it costs money
00:21:36They pay, they pay, they pay
00:21:37Put their head in the microwave
00:21:39Money, money, money, money
00:21:40Everything they pay
00:21:42And then they get to the date
00:21:43And they're like
00:21:44So what do you do?
00:21:45And the guy's like
00:21:45I'm still figuring that out
00:21:50She's like
00:21:50Then I'm gonna kill myself
00:21:54It's not worth it
00:22:03And that's why men have to pay on the date
00:22:06Because by the time she gets to the date
00:22:08She's in debt
00:22:12There's no money left
00:22:14And you don't know where the blood is
00:22:15So just pay and say
00:22:17I'm sorry
00:22:18Is what you say
00:22:20I'm sorry for what you go through
00:22:21And if you want to take a girl on a date
00:22:24But you don't want to pay
00:22:25If you don't want to pay
00:22:27Tell her before the date
00:22:29That you don't want to pay
00:22:31So you can both show up with a mustache
00:22:36And then you can split it like men
00:22:49And that's how I grew up
00:22:51I grew up in Miami
00:22:52In salons and Brazilian waxes
00:22:54And then I went to college in Ohio
00:23:02Yes, yes
00:23:03I guess you could say that I studied abroad
00:23:16And I was shocked when I got to Ohio
00:23:18Because I thought that I was white
00:23:22And then I got to Ohio
00:23:23And they were like
00:23:24Whoa, whoa, whoa there Chikorito
00:23:28It was a tough time
00:23:29And I am going to talk about white people
00:23:31A little bit tonight
00:23:32And I want to say something before I get into it
00:23:35I want to say that I know that right now
00:23:36It's a tough time
00:23:38To be white
00:23:41And I want to say
00:23:43Don't be sad
00:23:44You guys had a fantastic run
00:23:52It's okay
00:23:55You know
00:23:56And I know that today
00:23:58A lot of people say white people this
00:24:00And white people that
00:24:01And it's always something negative
00:24:03And I'm sure that that can affect your mental health
00:24:11But
00:24:13I want you to know that when people say white people this
00:24:15And white people that
00:24:16We're not talking about all of you
00:24:19No
00:24:20There's a group
00:24:22And I'm sure some of you are here
00:24:24And you're like, Marcelo, am I in the group?
00:24:28I want to know if I'm in the group
00:24:30I don't want to be in the group
00:24:33I have a bunch of Latino friends
00:24:34I'm not in the group, right?
00:24:40I mean really, am I in the group?
00:24:41Just tell me
00:24:42Because I want to know
00:24:44And I'm going to help you
00:24:45To find out if you're in the group, okay?
00:24:47If you are white
00:24:49And when you were little
00:24:50Your mom hit you
00:24:53You're Hispanic
00:25:01We accept you
00:25:03We appreciate you
00:25:04And sweet Caroline
00:25:08Bum, bum, bum
00:25:09You see?
00:25:10We're cool, guys
00:25:12We're cool
00:25:13Now
00:25:14If you are white
00:25:16And you find that
00:25:17A lot of times in your life
00:25:19Someone will say something
00:25:20And you go
00:25:25Then you are who we are talking about
00:25:30So let's try to enjoy this together
00:25:32How about that?
00:25:34I'll tell you this
00:25:35When I went to Ohio
00:25:36My biggest surprise were the parties
00:25:37The way that white guys party
00:25:40Did shock me a bit
00:25:41Because in Miami
00:25:42When we party
00:25:43It's all about the girls
00:25:44How many girls
00:25:45Are going to be there?
00:25:46There can be no guys
00:25:48There can only be girls
00:25:49The party tonight
00:25:50Is going to be 700 girls
00:25:52And us four
00:25:56That's how we like to party
00:25:57And in Ohio
00:25:58It's not about the girls at all
00:26:00It's about the beers
00:26:01How many beers are going to be there?
00:26:02If I sell my car
00:26:04How many beers do you think?
00:26:06And I'm like
00:26:07I want to go home
00:26:09You know, I didn't feel right
00:26:11Because in Miami
00:26:12You dance
00:26:13And you have to dance
00:26:15In Miami
00:26:16The music is making you dance
00:26:18You don't have a choice in the matter
00:26:20In Miami
00:26:20It doesn't matter what status you are socially
00:26:23The quarterback of the football team
00:26:24And the guy that likes chess
00:26:25Are both getting disgusting
00:26:28On the dance floor
00:26:29No matter what
00:26:30No matter where you are
00:26:31You have to
00:26:33And it's not because you want to
00:26:35It's because the music makes you dance
00:26:36We cannot stop
00:26:38The music is too crazy for you not to dance
00:26:40You're sitting there standing still
00:26:42And then you hear
00:26:51Look at you
00:26:53You can't stop
00:26:55You're like
00:26:57You have to
00:26:58You just have to
00:26:59And that's what it is
00:27:00The music is playing
00:27:01The guys are dancing
00:27:02And the women are everywhere
00:27:04And they don't want to dance
00:27:05By the way
00:27:06Latina women do not want to dance
00:27:07They are strong
00:27:08Feminist women
00:27:09They're not interested in dancing
00:27:10With any man
00:27:11I don't need any man to talk to me tonight
00:27:12I'm not interested in talking to any man
00:27:13I don't need you to tell me
00:27:14I don't need a man to come up to me
00:27:16And be like
00:27:16You look pretty
00:27:17I know I look pretty papi
00:27:18I don't need you to tell me
00:27:20I don't need you to tell me
00:27:21What I do and who I am
00:27:22And what I need to look like
00:27:22Or anything like that
00:27:23I
00:27:25Oh you look beautiful
00:27:26You look beautiful
00:27:27I don't care what you say papi
00:27:28I work very hard to look beautiful
00:27:29I put a pencil in my eye
00:27:30And I made a clip
00:27:31So don't even talk to me
00:27:35I went through a lot
00:27:36To be here already
00:27:38So no man
00:27:39They're dancing
00:27:41And they have
00:27:42And they don't want to dance
00:27:43They're very strong
00:27:44Feminist women
00:27:45They're not interested in dancing
00:27:46And it's funny
00:27:47Because they have this strong
00:27:48Feminist energy
00:27:49But the music
00:27:50The lyrics of the music
00:27:51In Miami
00:27:51Are not feminist at all
00:27:53Are they?
00:27:55They are not feminist at all
00:27:56This strong feminist Latina woman
00:27:58Is at this party
00:27:59And then the guy in the song
00:28:01Is like
00:28:02And out of nowhere
00:28:03He goes
00:28:04I grab you
00:28:04I take you to my house
00:28:06You don't have a choice
00:28:07And the women are like
00:28:11I don't have a choice
00:28:25She does all that
00:28:26And then the next day
00:28:27She goes back to her non-profit
00:28:35That's 2 in the morning in Miami
00:28:362 in the morning in Cleveland, Ohio
00:28:38It's a totally different story
00:28:41All you hear is
00:28:42Jealousy
00:28:43Turn it on my daddy black
00:28:46Turn it on my...
00:28:49The girls are nowhere to be found
00:28:52These guys are destroying the house
00:28:55I have never felt like more of an immigrant
00:28:57In my entire life
00:29:03And they're singing sad songs
00:29:06It's the price I pay
00:29:09Like why are you paying a price?
00:29:13It doesn't make any sense
00:29:14And we don't do that
00:29:15We don't do Latinos
00:29:16We don't have sad songs like that
00:29:17The saddest song we have
00:29:19Has a happy beat
00:29:20You know?
00:29:21The beat is always happy
00:29:24My wife
00:29:24She left me
00:29:25She took the kids
00:29:30I'm homeless
00:29:31I don't have money
00:29:36The beat is so happy
00:29:37You don't even know what's happening
00:29:39This guy's like
00:29:40I'm gonna die in 3 months
00:29:41And you're like
00:29:42Not even thinking about it
00:29:49But that's how it is
00:29:50We don't do sad
00:29:50We don't do depression
00:29:52You know?
00:29:52It's hard for us to do depression
00:29:54The Latinos
00:29:54We don't really have it like that
00:29:56You know?
00:29:56Me and my sister
00:29:57We tried to get depression
00:30:01When we were little
00:30:02We tried to get it
00:30:03We were like
00:30:04Mommy, I'm depressed
00:30:06And then she did like a rap
00:30:09She did like a performance
00:30:12We were like
00:30:13Mommy, we're depressed
00:30:14And she was like
00:30:15Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:30:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:30:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:30:22Woooo
00:30:27Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:30:29You're depressed
00:30:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:30:32Ay, Dios, mÃa
00:30:33Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:30:37Allow me to reintroduce myself
00:30:39I am your mother
00:30:44and when I was 12 years old, I had to leave my country
00:30:47because the government took my house.
00:30:50And I had to go to the United States by myself
00:30:51and I had to work 27 different jobs
00:30:53and I had to go to sleep in a washing machine
00:30:54and wake up in a dryer.
00:30:59And I didn't have any friends and I didn't have any money
00:31:00and I didn't have any toys and I didn't have any YouTube
00:31:02and I didn't have any Netflix and I didn't have any Amazon
00:31:03and I didn't have any Hulu and I didn't have any YouTube TV
00:31:05and I didn't have any Toys R Us and I didn't have any Best Buy
00:31:07and I didn't have any Target and I didn't have anything.
00:31:11And then I had to learn to speak English
00:31:13and I had to pay my way through college
00:31:15and while I was doing that, I got pregnant with you.
00:31:20And you didn't ruin my life, but you did it didn't ruin my life.
00:31:25And when you were born, you were so stupid
00:31:26you didn't even know how to walk.
00:31:27I had to teach you how to walk
00:31:29because you didn't even know how to walk.
00:31:31And then you got a little bit older
00:31:33and you wanted to do activities
00:31:34and I had to pick you up and drop you off,
00:31:35pick you up and drop you off,
00:31:36pick you up and drop you off and drop you off
00:31:38and pick you up, pick you up and drop you off,
00:31:39pick you up and drop you off, drop you off and pick you up
00:31:41and pick you up and drop you off,
00:31:49Sometimes I have to drop you off, and then I have to wait
00:31:53And then I pick you up and drop you off
00:32:00So if anybody in this house is gonna have depression, it's gonna be me
00:32:17And that is when I learned that depression
00:32:20is something that you earn.
00:32:38You have to deserve it.
00:32:42And listen, I know that mental health is real.
00:32:45You know, I'm just telling you my experience,
00:32:47which is that I was not allowed to have it.
00:32:51Okay?
00:32:52And I tried to have it.
00:32:54I don't know what my life would have been like
00:32:56if I got to have it.
00:32:57But I know that not having it kind of helped me
00:33:00in a lot of ways.
00:33:00It helped me push through a lot of dark situations.
00:33:03You know, it wasn't always this nice for me.
00:33:05This is a beautiful moment.
00:33:06I'm very grateful for you guys
00:33:07and everything that you've done to support me.
00:33:10It means the world.
00:33:15People sometimes ask me, they go,
00:33:17Marcelo, do you like it?
00:33:19Do you like to be on Saturday Live night?
00:33:26And they always go, when does it film?
00:33:28I'm like, it's okay.
00:33:34People ask me, they go, do you like it?
00:33:35Do you like to tour?
00:33:36Do you like to do these shows?
00:33:37Do you like what you're doing?
00:33:38And I'm like, do I like it?
00:33:40I used to be the guy at the top of the slide
00:33:42at a water park.
00:33:44I love it.
00:33:46It is insane what has happened to me.
00:33:54My job used to be to look at a little kid
00:33:56and say, wait.
00:33:59And a little kid would be like,
00:34:01I want to go right now.
00:34:05You have to wait.
00:34:06I'm so sorry.
00:34:07That was my job.
00:34:09I had little kids coming up to me
00:34:11and screaming at me, you know.
00:34:12And I learned a lot at that job.
00:34:14I learned about hard work
00:34:16and about, you know,
00:34:18struggle and about being in the wrong place
00:34:20but having to continue.
00:34:21And I also learned that I don't like skinny kids.
00:34:25I don't like them.
00:34:26I'm sorry.
00:34:27I don't like them.
00:34:28Have you seen them?
00:34:28Have you seen a skinny kid?
00:34:30They're possessed.
00:34:31They're like.
00:34:39And the blood is pumping too fast in their body.
00:34:42And they're crazy.
00:34:43Skinny kids used to come up to the top of the slide
00:34:44and look me in my eye
00:34:45and be like, push me!
00:34:49And I'll tell you the truth.
00:34:50I wanted to.
00:34:52I wasn't allowed, but I wanted to.
00:34:54I don't like them.
00:34:55Skinny kids, and they'll say random stuff.
00:34:56Skinny kids will just lie to your face.
00:34:58They'll just say a lie.
00:34:59A skinny kid will be like,
00:35:00I can run faster than a car.
00:35:02I'm like, no, you can't.
00:35:03You can't do that.
00:35:04Nobody can do that.
00:35:05That's so stupid.
00:35:05Why would you even say that?
00:35:07Skinny kids are insane.
00:35:08Skinny kids will reveal a family secret.
00:35:10Don't tell a skinny kid anything.
00:35:11A skinny kid will tell everyone a family secret.
00:35:13A skinny kid will come up to you and be like,
00:35:14my mom takes pills to go to sleep.
00:35:22My mom hits my dad and he cries.
00:35:27Like, shut up.
00:35:29And I can talk about skinny kids because I was one.
00:35:33I might have been one of the skinniest kids of all time.
00:35:36And I did some skinny stuff.
00:35:40I did.
00:35:41The skinniest thing I ever did.
00:35:46When I was 10 years old,
00:35:47I used to take the bus to school and home from school
00:35:49because my mom worked a lot.
00:35:51And I wasn't getting a lot of respect on the bus
00:35:54because I was new on the bus.
00:35:56And the bus is like jail.
00:35:58Whoever is there the longest,
00:36:00they have the most respect.
00:36:02And I was new on the bus,
00:36:04so I didn't get any respect.
00:36:06So I decided one day to convince everyone on the bus
00:36:10that my mom lets me smoke cigarettes.
00:36:14And they believed me.
00:36:16And then when they were like,
00:36:18oh, that's cool.
00:36:18I was like, yeah.
00:36:19And my dad lets me drink alcohol.
00:36:22And they were like, whoa, that's cool.
00:36:24And I'm like, yeah.
00:36:25And they were like, all right,
00:36:26well, we better enjoy Marcelo
00:36:27because he's going to die very soon.
00:36:31And I was a legend on the bus.
00:36:33A legend.
00:36:33They thought that I was getting drunk
00:36:34and just smoking cigarettes at 10 years old.
00:36:37I was a legend.
00:36:38Every time I would get on the bus,
00:36:39the girls would be like,
00:36:40Marcelo!
00:36:41And I would be like, chill, mommy.
00:36:43I'm wasted.
00:36:47I was a badass on the bus.
00:36:49And then after like two or three weeks
00:36:52of being a legend on the bus,
00:36:53I got home one day,
00:36:55and my home phone rang.
00:36:57And I picked up the phone,
00:36:59and I swear this lady on the phone goes,
00:37:02hi, this is Anna from Child Protective Services.
00:37:07And I was like, what?
00:37:09And she was like,
00:37:09I'm calling due to a report by your bus driver
00:37:11that your mom lets you smoke cigarettes
00:37:13and your dad lets you drink alcohol.
00:37:16We just wanted to let you know
00:37:18that we are in the process
00:37:19of finding you a foster home.
00:37:25She goes, I understand you're scared,
00:37:33but just please let me talk to your mom.
00:37:36And I'm like, no!
00:37:39Find the foster home first!
00:37:50So she obviously was like,
00:37:51this is very serious.
00:37:52Let me talk to your mom.
00:37:53I'm like, okay.
00:37:54And so I talked to God for a moment.
00:37:58And then I gave the phone to my mom.
00:38:01And my mom is like, who is it?
00:38:02And I'm like, she's going to take me!
00:38:05She's like, who?
00:38:06I'm like, the one on the phone.
00:38:08And then my mom's like, what?
00:38:09She grabs the phone.
00:38:10She starts talking to this lady.
00:38:12She gets emotional.
00:38:13She goes, wow.
00:38:14Okay.
00:38:15All right, I will.
00:38:16Okay, I will.
00:38:18When she hangs up the phone,
00:38:19she tells me that now, by law,
00:38:21her and my father need to report
00:38:23to Child Protective Services.
00:38:26My mom needs to check her nails and her lungs
00:38:29to see if she's an active smoker.
00:38:31And my dad has to pee in little cups
00:38:34to see if he's an active drinker.
00:38:37Yeah.
00:38:38Yeah.
00:38:41That's how skinny I was.
00:38:45Yeah.
00:38:49Maybe one of the skinniest of all time.
00:38:52And so imagine the guilt that my mom put on me
00:38:55for those two weeks she had to report
00:38:57to Child Protective Services.
00:38:58Imagine, every day.
00:38:59Have a great day at school, Marcelo.
00:39:03I'm going to go to Child Protective Services
00:39:06to see if I can still be your mom.
00:39:13I felt so bad.
00:39:15I felt so guilty.
00:39:16I was paranoid, super paranoid.
00:39:18I told everyone at school,
00:39:19even the teachers,
00:39:20that they cannot say anything
00:39:21in front of the bus driver
00:39:23because he is undercover
00:39:24for Child Protective Services.
00:39:28I was freaking out.
00:39:29I have never been so freaked out in my life.
00:39:31And those two weeks felt like an eternity.
00:39:34And after those two weeks,
00:39:35my parents sat me down.
00:39:37We had a conversation.
00:39:38And they were like,
00:39:39Marcelo, your father quit drinking a long time ago.
00:39:42I quit smoking 15 years ago.
00:39:44So obviously we tested negative
00:39:47and you get to stay with us.
00:39:49And I was like,
00:39:51good job, guys.
00:39:57And it was one of those that was so bad
00:39:59that they don't have to punish me.
00:40:02I punish myself.
00:40:03You know,
00:40:04they look at me like this
00:40:06and I'm like,
00:40:07no, yeah, I know, I know.
00:40:08I threw away my TV.
00:40:10I threw away my Xbox.
00:40:11And I called Disney World
00:40:12and I told them
00:40:13that we're never going to go back there again.
00:40:16And we never talked about it again
00:40:19after it happened.
00:40:20It was something that was so bad
00:40:22that we never talked about it again.
00:40:24It was that bad.
00:40:25It was one of those things
00:40:26that you just,
00:40:27you let it go.
00:40:28The kid learned the lesson.
00:40:30You let it go.
00:40:31That's how bad it is.
00:40:32And we never communicated about it again.
00:40:34I never apologized.
00:40:35I never asked her what it was like.
00:40:37Nothing.
00:40:37And that was when I was 10.
00:40:39When I was 21 years old,
00:40:42I was in Ohio
00:40:44and I saw a sign
00:40:46for Child Protective Services
00:40:48inside of a CVS.
00:40:50I'll never forget it.
00:40:51And I saw the sign
00:40:52and I went,
00:40:53wow,
00:40:53I have not talked to my mom
00:40:56about our experience.
00:40:57I have never asked her
00:40:59what it was like
00:41:00to have such a skinny kid.
00:41:01So I decided to call her
00:41:05and apologize.
00:41:06So I called my mom
00:41:07and I go,
00:41:08mommy,
00:41:08do you remember
00:41:11when Child Protective Services
00:41:14almost took me
00:41:15because the bus driver
00:41:17was a double agent?
00:41:22And my mom goes,
00:41:24I see.
00:41:24Yes,
00:41:25Marcelo,
00:41:25I remember.
00:41:26And I forgot to tell you
00:41:28that that was my friend Maria
00:41:29that called you that day.
00:41:50And I'm glad it's funny
00:41:52to you guys.
00:41:54I was so confused.
00:41:56I was like,
00:41:57what?
00:41:58And she was like,
00:41:59your sister told me
00:42:00what you said on the bus.
00:42:02I was like,
00:42:03wow,
00:42:03I had no idea
00:42:04she was such an evil little witch.
00:42:07My mom was like,
00:42:08yeah,
00:42:08your sister told me
00:42:09what you said.
00:42:10So I was like,
00:42:10oh,
00:42:10he wants to lie.
00:42:12Let's see who can lie the best.
00:42:17And to this day,
00:42:18every year on my birthday,
00:42:20this evil woman posts
00:42:22on my Facebook page,
00:42:23happy birthday
00:42:24from Anna
00:42:25at Child Protective Services.
00:42:36People sometimes,
00:42:37they wonder,
00:42:38you know,
00:42:39they go,
00:42:39how Latino is Marcelo?
00:42:40He looks like he plays lacrosse.
00:42:44And I'm going to tell you
00:42:45exactly how Latino I am.
00:42:48My mom used to hit me
00:42:49in the women's bathroom
00:42:51at the mall.
00:43:00I'm a real veteran, dog.
00:43:03To a lot of people,
00:43:04that was just a bathroom.
00:43:05To us,
00:43:07it was the Coliseum.
00:43:10We lost a lot of great men in there.
00:43:14And I never did anything crazy
00:43:15to deserve to go to the Coliseum,
00:43:17you know?
00:43:17Sometimes you'll be at the mall
00:43:18and you see a little kid
00:43:19talking to his mom
00:43:20and he's like,
00:43:21I hate you
00:43:22and I want to go home!
00:43:27You know?
00:43:27And I'll let you guys
00:43:28decide the race of that child.
00:43:33Anytime I will see
00:43:34a little kid
00:43:35talking to his mom like that,
00:43:36like,
00:43:36I hate you
00:43:37and I want to go home!
00:43:38I will go up to my mom
00:43:39and be like,
00:43:39you know I would never
00:43:40do that to you, right?
00:43:45That little boy
00:43:46has crossed the line.
00:43:49And I pray
00:43:50that he pays the price.
00:43:53That is all,
00:43:54Your Highness.
00:43:59But I would never
00:43:59do something like that
00:44:00to my mom.
00:44:00The reason that I would
00:44:01get in trouble
00:44:01is because my mom
00:44:03would notice
00:44:03that I would do
00:44:04like a personality trait
00:44:06that she didn't like,
00:44:08you know?
00:44:09We get in trouble
00:44:10not for saying
00:44:10something crazy to our mom.
00:44:11We don't have the balls
00:44:12to say something crazy
00:44:13to our mom.
00:44:13Our mom is too scary
00:44:14for us to say
00:44:15something crazy to her.
00:44:16We say it in our room
00:44:17behind her back,
00:44:18you know?
00:44:18In your room,
00:44:19you talk to her
00:44:20in an imaginary.
00:44:21You go,
00:44:21you better not talk
00:44:22to me like that,
00:44:22I'll kill you.
00:44:23You know?
00:44:24And then she goes,
00:44:25what was that?
00:44:25And you go,
00:44:26nothing!
00:44:29Talking to myself!
00:44:32No,
00:44:33we get in trouble
00:44:33for going like this
00:44:34where she tells you
00:44:35to do something
00:44:35and you go,
00:44:39and sometimes
00:44:40you realize
00:44:40in the moment,
00:44:41have you ever done that?
00:44:42Have you ever realized
00:44:43in the moment
00:44:43what you just did
00:44:44and what your future holds?
00:44:48Have you ever done that?
00:44:49Your mom's like,
00:44:49take out the trash
00:44:50and you're like,
00:44:50oh,
00:44:51oh,
00:44:52oh,
00:44:56no,
00:44:57no,
00:44:57no,
00:44:57please,
00:44:58please,
00:44:58mommy,
00:44:58no,
00:44:58please,
00:44:59I don't even know
00:44:59that guy,
00:45:00I don't even know
00:45:00who did that.
00:45:02I would never do that
00:45:02to you after everything
00:45:03that you do for me
00:45:04and all the sacrifices
00:45:05that you make
00:45:05and everything that you do
00:45:06to give me a good life,
00:45:07I would never do that to you.
00:45:09I've been there.
00:45:12Well,
00:45:13what happened to me is
00:45:14is right before we leave the mall,
00:45:15we'd be about to leave the mall
00:45:16and right before we leave the mall,
00:45:18we'd be at the door of the mall
00:45:19and I can feel the air of the outside
00:45:22and I can't wait to leave the mall
00:45:24because we have been at the mall
00:45:25for 10 hours
00:45:27and we have not bought anything for anybody
00:45:31and I am so ready to leave the mall.
00:45:33Right when I get to the door,
00:45:34my mom goes,
00:45:35Marcelo,
00:45:36I forgot to go to DSW.
00:45:37Let's go.
00:45:39And I go like this.
00:45:41I go.
00:45:45And that's it.
00:45:49Time to go to the Coliseum.
00:45:52And now I'm in the women's bathroom
00:45:54in Miami in the early 2000s
00:45:56because I breathed incorrectly.
00:46:07I am in there
00:46:08and my mom is twisting my ear
00:46:10in a way that is teaching me about anatomy.
00:46:15I'm learning about cartilage
00:46:17and how it cannot be destroyed.
00:46:21She's twisting my ear.
00:46:23I'm like,
00:46:23and it's a very Latina environment
00:46:26because the music in the bathroom
00:46:27because the music in the bathroom is
00:46:28come on baby mama baby
00:46:29do that conga
00:46:30come on baby mama baby
00:46:31any longer
00:46:34I'm getting my ass beat
00:46:35and I look across the bathroom
00:46:42and there's another little Latino kid
00:46:43getting his ass beat.
00:46:45And I'm like,
00:46:45what'd you do?
00:46:46And he's like,
00:46:46I didn't do anything.
00:46:53And I'm like,
00:46:54I don't understand you, Papa.
00:46:55You're going to have to slow down.
00:46:57He's like,
00:46:58nothing.
00:46:59My mom got me some sneakers
00:47:01and I didn't like them.
00:47:09I'm like,
00:47:10what did you do
00:47:10when you didn't like the sneakers?
00:47:12He's like,
00:47:13nothing.
00:47:13She showed me the sneakers
00:47:15and I didn't like them
00:47:16and then very quietly
00:47:18to myself.
00:47:19I just,
00:47:20I went like this,
00:47:20like,
00:47:26that's suicide.
00:47:29You deserve that,
00:47:30my boy.
00:47:33My mom never hit me hard.
00:47:35My mom hit me a lot.
00:47:42Very different.
00:47:44She hit me a lot
00:47:45and she had,
00:47:46she had talks with me.
00:47:48She would tell me
00:47:48these little speeches
00:47:49out of nowhere
00:47:50that would make me grateful
00:47:51for what's going on,
00:47:52you know?
00:47:53Out of nowhere,
00:47:53on a random day,
00:47:54my mom would be like,
00:47:55Marcelo,
00:47:56what if I told you
00:47:57that everything that you think
00:47:58is yours is mine?
00:48:02I'm like,
00:48:03what?
00:48:03She's like,
00:48:04what if I told you
00:48:04that you don't have anything
00:48:05because you don't have a job
00:48:06and you don't have money?
00:48:08I'm like,
00:48:09what?
00:48:09You don't have a job
00:48:10and you don't have money
00:48:10so you have not bought anything.
00:48:11I have bought everything for you
00:48:12so you don't have anything.
00:48:13Nothing that you think
00:48:14is yours is yours.
00:48:15Everything is mine.
00:48:15That's my TV,
00:48:16that's my Xbox,
00:48:17that's my bed,
00:48:17that's my sheets,
00:48:18that's my underwear,
00:48:18that's my clothes.
00:48:19The door is mine,
00:48:20the air is mine.
00:48:21Don't touch the air,
00:48:21that's my air.
00:48:22Don't touch the refrigerator,
00:48:23that's my refrigerator.
00:48:24Nothing is yours
00:48:24and everything is mine.
00:48:25Do you understand that?
00:48:32And I'll be like,
00:48:33what?
00:48:34She'll be like,
00:48:34you don't have anything.
00:48:36You don't have anything.
00:48:36I have everything.
00:48:38You don't have anything.
00:48:38You don't work.
00:48:39I work.
00:48:39I have everything.
00:48:40Everything is mine.
00:48:40Nothing is yours.
00:48:41And I'm like,
00:48:42okay, mama,
00:48:42I understand.
00:48:43And she's like,
00:48:43okay,
00:48:45happy birthday.
00:48:50Happy birthday.
00:48:55And when you grow up like that,
00:48:58you know,
00:48:58when you grow up
00:48:59with that type of upbringing,
00:49:01you know,
00:49:02American TV
00:49:03and American movies
00:49:05start to become
00:49:06very unbelievable.
00:49:09I never understood
00:49:10any of the TV shows.
00:49:11I would go home,
00:49:12my mom would twist my ear
00:49:13in the bathroom
00:49:14and then I would go home
00:49:14and watch Full House.
00:49:16And if you don't know Full House,
00:49:18Full House is a show
00:49:19about a white guy
00:49:20that his wife dies
00:49:21and then him
00:49:22and his two friends
00:49:23need to raise
00:49:24three little girls.
00:49:25And they call it Full House
00:49:27because that's a lot of people
00:49:29in one house
00:49:30for the whites.
00:49:39Let's be honest.
00:49:41If that was a black,
00:49:42Latino,
00:49:43or Asian show,
00:49:44it would be called
00:49:45House.
00:49:56Every episode of that show
00:49:57used to blow my mind
00:49:58because the daughter
00:49:59would do something crazy.
00:50:01The daughter,
00:50:01the oldest daughter
00:50:02would do something insane
00:50:03out of nowhere.
00:50:04She'd be like,
00:50:04I'm going to smoke cigarettes.
00:50:05I'd be at my house like,
00:50:06don't do that, DJ.
00:50:10That could be very,
00:50:11oh, come on, DJ.
00:50:12Don't do that.
00:50:13Please don't do that.
00:50:14I was like my grandma
00:50:15watching a novella.
00:50:15Please, DJ.
00:50:17You're going to die.
00:50:21Then, of course,
00:50:22she wouldn't listen to me.
00:50:22She would go smoke cigarettes
00:50:24with the girl
00:50:24with the long neck.
00:50:28You remember, Kimmy.
00:50:29And listen,
00:50:30I love Kimmy,
00:50:31but, and she grew into it,
00:50:33but back then,
00:50:33it was crazy.
00:50:36And so,
00:50:37they would go smoke cigarettes
00:50:38and then DJ would come home
00:50:39smelling like cigarettes.
00:50:41And then Uncle Joey
00:50:42would be in the kitchen
00:50:42and he would smell the cigarettes
00:50:44and he would be like,
00:50:45oh my God,
00:50:45I have to go tell Bob Saget
00:50:47about this.
00:50:48And he would go tell Bob Saget,
00:50:50that's the dad.
00:50:51And then Bob Saget
00:50:52would come into the kitchen
00:50:53and be like,
00:50:53DJ,
00:50:56why does it smell like cigarettes?
00:50:59And where were you?
00:51:01And I'm not,
00:51:02I'm already a little bit pissed off.
00:51:03I'm like,
00:51:04speak up, Bob Saget.
00:51:06You know exactly
00:51:07why it smells like cigarettes.
00:51:09That little girl
00:51:10disrespected you in your house.
00:51:12After everything that you do for her
00:51:13and all the sacrifices that you make
00:51:15and all the money that you spend
00:51:16to give her a good life,
00:51:17she has the balls
00:51:17to go behind your back
00:51:18and smoke cigarettes,
00:51:19Bob Saget.
00:51:24That little girl
00:51:24has crossed the line
00:51:25and today is the day
00:51:26that she pays the price.
00:51:29And of course,
00:51:30Bob Saget,
00:51:32she's just looking at her
00:51:33and she's looking at the camera
00:51:35and the camera goes to DJ
00:51:37and she goes,
00:51:39and I'm like,
00:51:41don't be scared now.
00:51:43You were a big girl
00:51:45when you wanted to smoke cigarettes.
00:51:47Be a big girl now.
00:51:50And then it will go to commercial
00:51:52and I'll be like,
00:51:57Bob Saget,
00:51:58when we come back from commercial,
00:52:00Bob Saget is about to
00:52:01beat the brakes
00:52:01off of this little bitch.
00:52:04Or at the very least,
00:52:05make her smoke
00:52:06the whole pack of cigarettes.
00:52:10At least show me something,
00:52:12Bob Saget.
00:52:14We come back from commercial
00:52:15and DJ's like,
00:52:19and then she runs up the stairs
00:52:21and I'm like,
00:52:22running makes it worse.
00:52:27If you know, you know.
00:52:30She runs up the stairs
00:52:32and she gets to her door
00:52:33and she goes,
00:52:34and she slams the door
00:52:36and I'm like,
00:52:43strike two, mama.
00:52:46Now you're really gonna get it.
00:52:48And then Bob Saget
00:52:49runs up the stairs
00:52:50and I'm screaming at Bob Saget.
00:52:52I'm like,
00:52:52take your belt off
00:52:53on the way, Bob Saget.
00:52:58Bob Saget runs up there,
00:53:00he gets to the door
00:53:01and she goes,
00:53:02and she locks the door.
00:53:06Exactly.
00:53:09I'm not even upset,
00:53:11I'm confused.
00:53:11I'm like,
00:53:12where did this little girl
00:53:14get a lock?
00:53:19She must be paying rent
00:53:20in this house.
00:53:24And then Bob Saget
00:53:25gets to the door
00:53:26and he blows my mind.
00:53:28Bob Saget gets to the door
00:53:29and he goes,
00:53:32and that's when I freak out.
00:53:34I'm like,
00:53:34you don't have to knock
00:53:35on the door,
00:53:35that's your door!
00:53:40Take the door
00:53:41off the door
00:53:42and hit it with the door!
00:53:50And I know that
00:53:51that's not the right thing
00:53:52to do,
00:53:52but I was hungry
00:53:53for blood at the time.
00:53:57He knocks on the door,
00:54:00the little girl goes,
00:54:01unlocks the door,
00:54:03what a lovely young lady.
00:54:05And then Bob Saget
00:54:06walks into that room
00:54:07and again,
00:54:08does something
00:54:10that my brain
00:54:10cannot even comprehend.
00:54:12I gave him
00:54:12very simple instructions.
00:54:15I'm like,
00:54:15Bob,
00:54:16you don't have to hit her
00:54:16if you don't want to,
00:54:17but at least find something
00:54:18that she loves
00:54:19and destroy it.
00:54:22That guy walks
00:54:23into this girl's room
00:54:24and he goes,
00:54:25DJ,
00:54:40why would you go
00:54:41smoke cigarettes?
00:54:45Why would you do that, DJ?
00:54:48You know,
00:54:49not only are you hurting me,
00:54:50but you're hurting yourself.
00:54:54And she's like,
00:54:55I'm sorry, Dad.
00:54:57He's like,
00:54:59it's okay, DJ.
00:55:02I love you very much,
00:55:05but today,
00:55:06I'm really disappointed.
00:55:10And I throw up.
00:55:17And then DJ goes,
00:55:19so,
00:55:20safe to say
00:55:21I can't go to the party
00:55:22on Friday?
00:55:24And I'm like,
00:55:25this bitch.
00:55:29And Bob Saget goes,
00:55:32safe to say.
00:55:46when I saw that,
00:55:47I wanted to record it
00:55:48and present it to my mom.
00:55:51I wanted to put a TV on wheels
00:55:53and go up to my mom
00:55:54and be like,
00:55:55hello, sharks.
00:55:56Thank you for having me today.
00:56:01I would like to present to you
00:56:02a different method, mama.
00:56:05And then my mom will be like,
00:56:07ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:56:10In my experience,
00:56:11the only way that you learn
00:56:12is when I twist your ear
00:56:13or destroy something
00:56:15that you love.
00:56:16And for that reason,
00:56:18I'm out.
00:56:32And I'll be honest,
00:56:33when I was watching
00:56:34those shows
00:56:35when I was younger,
00:56:36I did want that life.
00:56:37I did.
00:56:38I wanted that life.
00:56:39It seemed nice.
00:56:40It seemed safe.
00:56:42And I was jealous,
00:56:44you know.
00:56:45And now that I've gotten older,
00:56:46I have grown,
00:56:47you know,
00:56:47really proud
00:56:48of the way I grew up.
00:56:49I'm proud to have
00:56:50immigrant parents
00:56:51and to be raised by them.
00:56:55You know.
00:56:58They made me strong,
00:57:00you know.
00:57:00They made me strong
00:57:01and they made me powerful.
00:57:02And I feel like,
00:57:05you know,
00:57:05one day I want to have kids
00:57:07and I do feel like
00:57:08I kind of want to have a kid
00:57:09that grew up like me,
00:57:10you know.
00:57:10And I think sometimes
00:57:12when people grow up
00:57:12like I did,
00:57:13you know,
00:57:14with the fake phone calls
00:57:15and the Coliseum,
00:57:18they say stuff like,
00:57:19I'm going to stop the cycle.
00:57:21I'm going to stop
00:57:22the cycle of violence.
00:57:23And I want to say
00:57:24to you tonight,
00:57:25Miami,
00:57:25I am going to continue
00:57:27the cycle.
00:57:36And, you know,
00:57:37I think that
00:57:39it's very interesting
00:57:40to grow up
00:57:40the way that we did,
00:57:41you know,
00:57:41with immigrant parents.
00:57:42It is very interesting.
00:57:43You know,
00:57:44we are not allowed
00:57:45to have mental health issues
00:57:46and I think that
00:57:48that's why we steal the jobs.
00:57:52You know,
00:57:52who would you rather hire?
00:57:54You know,
00:57:55Antonio,
00:57:56who has no idea
00:57:56that he has any kind
00:57:58of mental health issue
00:57:59or Jake,
00:58:00who's going to take
00:58:01a personal day.
00:58:12I don't know.
00:58:13I don't know.
00:58:13I just,
00:58:14I've been watching
00:58:15the news now
00:58:15for the first time
00:58:16in my life
00:58:17because they're talking
00:58:18about us
00:58:19and it's crazy.
00:58:21Every time I turn on the news,
00:58:22there's a white lady
00:58:23and she's like,
00:58:24the immigrants
00:58:24are coming in here
00:58:25and they're doing crime
00:58:26and I'm like,
00:58:30because I grew up
00:58:31around immigrants.
00:58:32Everybody I grew up with
00:58:32was an immigrant.
00:58:33My parents,
00:58:34my parents' friends,
00:58:35my teachers,
00:58:35everybody was an immigrant.
00:58:36My soccer coach,
00:58:37everyone I ever grew up
00:58:38with was an immigrant
00:58:39and maybe we are doing crime
00:58:41but the biggest crime
00:58:42that we're doing
00:58:43is working illegally
00:58:44which is a pretty solid crime.
00:58:54There are a lot of Americans
00:58:55that don't want to work
00:58:56illegally,
00:58:57you know,
00:58:57so we are filling a void there.
00:59:00We're helping out,
00:59:01you know,
00:59:01and I just don't like the idea
00:59:04that the immigrants,
00:59:06especially the Latino immigrants
00:59:07are scary
00:59:08because I really know
00:59:09about Latino immigrants.
00:59:10That's something I know about.
00:59:11I don't know about politics.
00:59:12I don't know about laws.
00:59:13I don't know anything.
00:59:13I do know about Latino immigrants
00:59:15because that's who raised me.
00:59:16That's who I know
00:59:16and when they get on the news
00:59:18and they go,
00:59:18the immigrants are scary.
00:59:20White people being like,
00:59:21the immigrants are scary.
00:59:22I'm like, no,
00:59:23and don't say that.
00:59:24We're not scary
00:59:24and white people
00:59:25are not scared of us.
00:59:27Have you seen a white person
00:59:28at a resort?
00:59:31Do they look scared of us
00:59:32when they're like,
00:59:34hola?
00:59:39Como estas?
00:59:40They love us.
00:59:41They go to a bar.
00:59:42They make a joke
00:59:43with a Latino bartender.
00:59:44They laugh
00:59:44and then they go,
00:59:45that's it, Santiago.
00:59:46You're coming home with us.
00:59:50You love us.
00:59:52We're fun.
00:59:53You know,
00:59:54and I know that there's some people
00:59:55that want the immigrants out of here
00:59:56and there's some people
00:59:56that are sad about the immigrants.
00:59:58They're sad about what's happening
00:59:59to the immigrants.
00:59:59They're like,
01:00:00it's so sad what's happening
01:00:01to the immigrants.
01:00:02They're throwing them over the wall
01:00:03and I want to say something right now.
01:00:07We'll be back, okay?
01:00:10We always come back.
01:00:14We're smart.
01:00:16We're smart.
01:00:18What are you going to do
01:00:19when I get to the border
01:00:20and I say bonjour?
01:00:24We'll be fine.
01:00:25We're genius.
01:00:26We'll be fine.
01:00:30It just does bother me
01:00:31a little bit to hear,
01:00:32you know,
01:00:33white people talking about the Latinos
01:00:34like we're scary.
01:00:35We're all scary.
01:00:36Everybody has scary people.
01:00:38But I want to say something
01:00:39to the white people
01:00:39that think that Latino immigrants
01:00:41are scary.
01:00:41I want to say that
01:00:42if you're white
01:00:44and you think
01:00:45that Latino immigrants
01:00:46are coming to America
01:00:48to grab a bunch of little kids
01:00:50and put them in a basement,
01:00:53no.
01:00:55That's your thing.
01:01:08We don't do that type of crime.
01:01:11We don't like our own kids.
01:01:13Why would we grab random kids?
01:01:15That's not interesting to us.
01:01:17We don't do that type of crime.
01:01:19And I know,
01:01:20I know I'm getting really aggressive
01:01:21with white people right now,
01:01:22but I can say it, okay?
01:01:24Because I have a lot of white friends.
01:01:30And they love me.
01:01:32They're cool with it.
01:01:34So be cool, okay?
01:01:35We're all flawed people.
01:01:36And my big message
01:01:37is to remember this,
01:01:39white people,
01:01:40when you are judging
01:01:40the Latino immigrants,
01:01:42remember this.
01:01:43Remember that Latinos
01:01:44do fun, exciting crimes.
01:01:46What's a Latino crime?
01:01:48Be racist for a moment.
01:01:49What's a Latino crime?
01:01:50I'm driving the plane
01:01:51and it has a little bit of cocaine.
01:01:53That's a fun crime.
01:01:55That's a fun, exciting crime.
01:01:58We're in the air.
01:01:59Ah, ah, ah, ah.
01:02:00It's fun.
01:02:01So let's remember this
01:02:03when we judge
01:02:04and when we put blanket statements
01:02:07on the Latino immigrants.
01:02:08Remember that.
01:02:09Remember that Latino immigrants
01:02:11do fun, exciting crimes
01:02:13that belong in movies.
01:02:17and white people
01:02:18do creepy crimes
01:02:21from documentaries.
01:02:26Miami!
01:02:33Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
01:02:37I'm so happy to be home.
01:02:39Thank you for coming out tonight.
01:02:41Thank you for supporting me always.
01:02:43This is where it started.
01:02:44And I love you.
01:02:46And I love you.
01:02:48And I love you.
01:02:48Thank you for supporting me.
01:02:50I love you a lot.
01:02:51Good night, gentlemen.
01:03:14Hoy vamos a beber este amanecer, hoy me doy de party.
01:03:19Háblame de Miami, ¿dónde está la mami?
01:03:23Hoy vamos a beber este amanecer, hoy me doy de party.
01:03:28Gente de zona, lo mejor que suena ahora, lo mejor que suenará.
01:03:33Rampio, Reggie, el auténtico.
01:03:37Y el Candy, anda con él y con Randy.
01:03:42¿Cómo es?
01:04:11Randy Naco.
01:04:13Mami, pa' que rompa el swing, este party no tiene fin.
01:04:16Tu cintura cortando veneno, bajando hasta el suelo.
01:04:20Háblame de Miami, ¿dónde está la mami?
01:04:23Háblame de Miami, ¿dÃselo?
01:04:24Hoy vamos a beber este amanecer, hoy vamos a beber este amanecer, hoy vamos a beber este amanecer, hoy vamos
01:04:28a beber este amanecer.
01:04:28Háblame de Miami, ¿dónde está la mami?
01:04:30Háblame de Miami, ¿dónde está la mami?
01:04:31No, no, no, no.
01:04:31Y en Arts Internacional.
01:04:31Chá
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