- 53 minutes ago
Katt Williams: The Last Report
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00:06He is the king of underground comedy, Dr. Cam Williams.
00:46First of all, let me say thank you so much for this.
00:49I appreciate this, my whole motherfucking journey.
00:54My whole journey started South Florida, 1995.
01:01So the fact that this is where we are, full circle, I appreciate this.
01:08This how I know I'm the greatest comic living.
01:14Because I got the best audience everywhere.
01:18Some people, some people have a couple stars come.
01:21We have all the stars come out.
01:25And tonight is no exception.
01:28It's dark in here, y'all can't even see who in here.
01:33You gonna be shocked.
01:36Where's all the white people in the building make some noise, white people?
01:40What?
01:42In this administration, still hanging with niggas.
01:47We appreciate that, white friends.
01:50You knew it was gonna be diverse and equal and inclusive.
01:54You came anyway.
01:56Mm-hmm.
01:57Some of y'all gonna go to heaven just for that.
02:00When you get up there, it's gonna be on the checklist.
02:02Did you hang with niggas?
02:04Yep.
02:07Where's all the Hispanics in the building?
02:09Where's me, familia?
02:12Buenos noches.
02:15I want y'all to know y'all are safe.
02:19In this building tonight.
02:22There will be no ice in this building of any kind.
02:26Just the ice I'm wearing, that is it.
02:30I told them, don't even put ice in the drinks.
02:34I want everybody to feel comfortable.
02:37Last but not least, the core of my very existence.
02:42Where's all the black people in the building make some noise, black people?
02:51Whoo!
02:54Battery in the back.
02:57And the most important creation in all the known universe.
03:03Where's the ladies in the building make some noise?
03:07Oh!
03:11Yeah.
03:13Y'all are the reason Florida is Florida.
03:17Florida is known for orange juice and great pussy.
03:21And orange juice gave up a long time ago.
03:25Cause the pussy's that good.
03:29Yeah.
03:31My new shit.
03:32Giving credit.
03:34Not making people wait.
03:36If you doing a great job going into 2026,
03:39we gonna announce you doing a great job.
03:42So that you know it.
03:44And you can keep up the good work.
03:46Cause some of y'all doing great.
03:48You don't even know you doing great.
03:50You don't even know.
03:52Ladies have been kicking ass all across the motherfucking globe.
03:57And people ain't saying shit.
04:00Women have flipped the script.
04:04Let her cook.
04:06Let her cook.
04:07Let me cook to her.
04:10Never gave a damn.
04:11I ain't never gave no-
04:12That's the good pussy dance.
04:16Women have been doing a great job all across the globe.
04:19Not some women.
04:20All women.
04:22They handle certain shit.
04:24There's no such thing as a woman saying,
04:26I don't have no eyelashes.
04:30Let her cook.
04:31I don't give a fuck if she's starving to death.
04:33She got lashes.
04:36They might not even be the right species.
04:39She got a mountain alpaca and a desert llama together.
04:42They don't even go together in nature.
04:46Women did that shit.
04:47No group chats.
04:49No emails.
04:50Just one woman helping another woman.
04:53Did you know that stinking pussy
04:57is a thing of the past?
05:00Let her cook.
05:02Let me cook to her.
05:06Never gave a damn.
05:07I ain't never gave no-
05:08You can waft it when it smells nice.
05:1125 years ago, stinking pussy was everywhere.
05:16You couldn't walk down the street without smelling tuna fish.
05:22Not today.
05:24Women are fresh.
05:28No more stanky pussy.
05:32There's a man in here right now,
05:35sitting with the last stanky pussy in Florida.
05:39He trying to get my attention.
05:41I won't look at him.
05:43Let her cook.
05:45Oh.
05:46Let her cook to her.
05:49Never gave a damn.
05:50I ain't never-
05:54No, I'm just saying.
05:56A lot of people doing a great job.
05:58They don't even know it.
06:00Watch this.
06:01Where's everybody 35 and over?
06:04Make some noise.
06:0535 and over.
06:10Y'all don't know how special y'all are.
06:14100 years from now, they gonna be writing books about you motherfuckers.
06:18How the fuck did y'all do this shit?
06:22Did you know if you 35 and over, did you know that you look better than anybody who has ever
06:29been your age in the history of humankind?
06:33What the fuck?
06:36Y'all look good.
06:40You know you look good.
06:41Some of y'all grandmothers at 29, bitch.
06:44You know the fuck you look good.
06:47Your grandmama still got her baby hair?
06:54You 35 and over, you have done it.
06:56You have already lived one life.
06:59If it was a good life, put it in the books.
07:02If it was fucked up, put it behind you and start all over again.
07:07At 63, bitch.
07:09You can do it.
07:12Here's the future.
07:14Where's 35 and under?
07:16Make some noise.
07:1635 and under.
07:18Yes, we love y'all.
07:21Mmm.
07:22We are counting on y'all.
07:25All y'all gotta do is don't fuck up like we just fucked up in front of you.
07:29That's it.
07:32Certain simple shit, you don't even have to try.
07:35Like if you under 35, you can't afford to do no drugs at all.
07:41Just smoke weed.
07:42It's the only thing you can trust.
07:46You don't believe me?
07:47Easter and 420 was on the same day that you hear this.
07:51That's Jesus inviting me personally.
07:58Weed is the only thing you can trust.
08:00Back in the day they used to say drugs was fun and dangerous.
08:03Now they done took the fun the fuck out.
08:06It's just and dangerous.
08:09Can't do meth or molly and make your gums long and your teeth short.
08:13What the fuck you gonna do with that?
08:15You can't even take selfies, bitch.
08:19Can't do the fentanyl, you'll die.
08:22Can't drink the lean.
08:24It eat up your liver and your spleen.
08:27And your esophagus.
08:29Look at my white friends.
08:31That is not your esophagus, Kat.
08:33You are doing so good.
08:36Just saying they know these drugs is too strong.
08:40They just too strong.
08:43They got a rapper that's a thousand pounds.
08:45He addicted to lean.
08:47I can't put it down the cup.
08:48I can't put it down the cup.
08:52I can't put it down the cup.
08:54He can't put down the cup.
08:56Or the plate.
08:57Or the spoon or the fork.
09:00They too strong.
09:02Speaking of too strong.
09:03Look at that stool.
09:08The stool is like, you got to be shitting me.
09:11You gonna do the whole song on me, baby?
09:15Take it down before he made me pay for his weight loss street, let's say.
09:22Just making a point.
09:26This next question I'm gonna ask y'all is the most important question in the whole universe.
09:34I've been broke and I've been rich.
09:36This is the only thing that matters.
09:39Make some noise if you are relatively healthy right now.
09:43If you got your health.
09:45If you got a God, you should thank him.
09:49That's all that matters.
09:50It's your motherfucking health.
09:52I don't give a fuck if you got a billion dollars.
09:55If you are throwing up and shitting at the same time.
09:58You are broke, bitch.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Your health is what motherfucking matters.
10:06And it don't take nothing for that motherfucker to leave.
10:10I thought I was strong than a motherfucker.
10:13I found out I'm not even a little bit strong.
10:18I got hit by two kidney stones.
10:23You know about a kidney stone?
10:26That motherfucker is a crippler.
10:28I didn't know what the fuck happened to me.
10:31I was asleep and woke up to two kidney stones.
10:35Both my legs shut off.
10:38I was just at the end of the bed, shaped like a pretzel.
10:41Saying, not in my pajamas, Jesus.
10:46I didn't know what to tell the doctor.
10:47I think I peed two firecrackers.
10:53Take care of your motherfucking health.
10:56Speaking of health.
10:58Whoever been naming these new medications.
11:02You are kicking ass.
11:04Keep up the good work.
11:06It's good for white people and niggas.
11:09All of these new medications sound like some shit you want to take.
11:14My commercial, I heard, Ren Vulcan.
11:18I don't even know what that cure, bitch, but I don't mind ordering that at Walgreens.
11:23Where's my Ren Vulcan?
11:26Sound like something you named your penis.
11:27You ready for the Ren Vulcan?
11:30Hit it with the R-R-U, kid.
11:35All the names is cool.
11:37The next one was Sky Rizzy.
11:40Bitch, that's flying shit.
11:42That was my nickname in middle school, Sky Rizzy.
11:46Because I would do a skyhook and look at girls.
11:52The best one is Trim Fire.
11:55That was my nickname for hot pussy.
11:57I love Trim Fire.
11:59She got that Trim Fire!
12:03But even they drugs is too strong.
12:07I told y'all three years ago, Ozempic had Hollywood in a chokehold.
12:15I ain't lie.
12:17Y'all seen Oprah?
12:19She got the body of a 12-year-old boy.
12:22She ain't never even been a 12-year-old boy.
12:26That shit is strong.
12:30Gail looked like she ain't had a bowel movement since she came back from space.
12:35Her and the wig looked confused.
12:44Lil' Ren said he didn't even take Ozempic. He just heard about it.
12:49He went down to his baby weight.
12:53You a nine pound, six ounce?
12:57Nigga's built like a cricket now.
13:01How did you lose weight in your head, knees?
13:06Shoulders and toes, shoulders and toes.
13:13Five years ago, we talked about the side effect being worse than the shit they were curing.
13:19This month, I heard this.
13:22The medication for eczema said the side effect is severe skin reactions.
13:34Bitch, that's what the fuck I came to you for!
13:38You took away my eczema and gave me shingles, spit, shot, and still itching.
13:49It's gonna get worse.
13:53I'm gonna say everything I'm not supposed to say tonight.
13:57Just so you know.
14:00The world has changed.
14:04The world has motherfucking changed.
14:06Used to be...
14:07Used to be you told a story, people would be like, is that true?
14:11Now they don't give a fuck if it's true.
14:14Is it derogatory?
14:18Yes, bitch, it probably is derogatory.
14:21But it's true, though.
14:24I just had to tell my people what the fuck is really going on.
14:27And we are living in a special time.
14:30I mean, a special fucking time.
14:32Like, you can really do anything right about now.
14:35I don't give a fuck what's wrong with you.
14:37You can fucking make it.
14:38Like, even if you cross-eyed, you can make it.
14:43Did you understand that even if you cross-eyed?
14:49Take that down before I get a knock on my door.
14:57That man is the director of the FBI.
15:04He can do that, you can do any of that.
15:08Cross-eyed and the director of the FBI?
15:12You can't even be an eyewitness.
15:24He working on everybody's case.
15:27He could work on my case.
15:29I'd be right in front of the judge.
15:30Your Honor, he looks distracted.
15:37I was talking about health.
15:41The most important health is your motherfucking mental health.
15:45How the fuck is you doing up here?
15:47Make some noise if you're doing good up here.
15:50That's what the fuck matters.
15:52You gotta protect your motherfucking mental health.
15:56That shit is fragile.
15:59Once it go, it's gone.
16:01And they don't give a fuck who you are.
16:04Once it go, it's gone.
16:07You need your fucking mental health.
16:09And I found out some shit they did not tell us.
16:13And I can't wait to tell y'all so y'all can treat yourself better.
16:18Some of y'all be way too mean to yourself in the fucking brain.
16:22You say some really fucked up things to yourself.
16:27This is what they found out.
16:29They found out your brain don't know when you bullshitting.
16:35Let me say it again.
16:37Your brain don't know when you bullshitting.
16:41So if you tell your brain, I'm sick.
16:44Your brain don't do no research at all.
16:47It just say, I guess we sick.
16:52You gotta be nicer to your motherfucker self.
16:56Cause this shit go like that.
16:58And I found out when it come to mental health, I can't speak on nobody's mental health but my own.
17:04Cause every time I done spoke on somebody else's mental health, I've been wrong, wrong, wrong.
17:11I was the first person in the streets screaming, free Britney Spears.
17:18Free Britney Spears.
17:20Free Britney Spears.
17:24Then they freed Britney and scared all of us.
17:28That baby need a conservatory shit.
17:31Is she okay?
17:34It can happen to anybody.
17:36I fucked around and said Wendy Williams was Bigfoot.
17:41And they believed me and left that bitch in the woods for real.
17:45Go get her.
17:47She out there, how you doing?
17:49She is talking to a squirrel.
17:54Mental health.
17:56Don't play with it.
17:58It even got Lil Nas X.
18:01He went down the wrong old town road.
18:05And he had all the distress signals for a black man.
18:09He had on a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, white underwear.
18:17Look at my white friends.
18:19So what?
18:21I'll tell you a negro secret.
18:24A nigga ain't wore tighty-whities since slavery, bitch.
18:30That is her cry for help.
18:33We don't even know where you buy those.
18:36He got a pulled all high show in his whole vagina.
18:43Stop it. Don't do that.
18:45Don't encourage me.
18:49I'm just saying, don't forget to love your motherfucker self.
18:53Don't forget that.
18:55Be nicer to your motherfucker self.
18:58That's why I'm always so confident in all situations.
19:01Because if I see a mirror, I lie to the mirror.
19:06Every time I see me, I go, nigga, did you get a growth spurt today?
19:17You looking 5'11 a day?
19:19You looking 5'11 a day?
19:19I know my dad.
19:21I know my dad.
19:35shifting motherfucking gears and that's how quick it can happen just one last change bam you shift
19:42gears yeah and you i don't give a fuck what the change is just do it you might have to
19:48change your
19:49name you've been chaqueta for 33 years bitch shit is not working for you
19:56go back to the drawing board start at the age you could be amber amy abigail
20:05sometimes it's just a name i'm gonna give you an example we got people from all the different
20:10races colors and creeds in the building make some noise if you know all the seasonings that means
20:18you know all the herbs and spices from oregano and thyme all the way to rosemary and saffron make
20:25some noise if you know all the uh look at my white friends we know them
20:36okay since we got everybody in here has anybody ever seen paprika growing in the wild
20:44you ever seen wild paprika
20:50nobody because there ain't no paprika look at the black people what
20:57well what the fuck we been putting on devil eggs then nigga you can't just say this shit
21:05there is no paprika ain't no paprika plant no paprika bush no paprika tree
21:14paprika is dried up ground up bell peppers
21:21look at white people i don't even like bell peppers
21:24yes you do they just had to change the name walked in bell peppers walked out paprika jenkins
21:34you know i couldn't couldn't keep it on this shelf she sounds exotic
21:42now some of y'all may know i do not travel the globe talking about no motherfucking seasonings
21:50in my spare time i infiltrate the illuminati find out what the fuck they got going on
21:58get the information run back to y'all tell y'all everything i know that's my motherfucking job
22:10and y'all treat me wonderfully but i don't know
22:17how many more times i'm gonna be able to
22:22sneak in there thanks to shannon sharp and 90 million views
22:31i can't sneak very often
22:35so i while i was in there this last time
22:40knowing that my last report might be my last report
22:46i went in there and i got information for everybody
22:51information i got
22:54for everybody
22:55look at my white friends
22:58us two
23:00that's right white secrets
23:04okay so because of the climate and the temperature of um
23:10god damn it shoelaces
23:13that's the only thing about being short
23:18they made these shoelaces for a seven foot naked
23:24all right back to my illuminati information
23:30all right i'm gonna do it quick and i'm gonna be moving around for my own safety
23:38white friends here come y'alls first
23:41for 50 years y'all been wondering what the fuck happened to jfk
23:46i went in there and watched the vcr tape myself
23:52i can't tell you what i saw white friends
23:55but i'll show you the part you missed
24:10moving right along
24:13okay
24:17every time i go in there i'd be thinking
24:20they hate some of us more than others
24:23but when i find out the information i find out they hate all of us
24:27they just lie to all of us
24:29they don't see no difference just lie to all of us
24:34here's a perfect example
24:36did you know that for 35 years they've been telling us we are at war
24:42with cholesterol that cholesterol is the silent killer
24:48all our doctors told us our cholesterol was too motherfucking high
24:52and we needed to get it down low
24:55guess what they found out and didn't tell us
24:58did you know
25:04did you know your brain is 100% cholesterol
25:10cholesterol your whole brain is cholesterol
25:13bitch
25:15so congratulations
25:18some of y'all cholesterol loading a bitch
25:22you did it
25:25they don't be giving a fuck they just be making money
25:29they put motherfucking fluoride in our water
25:32and then i found out
25:34you know it was never not one study that ever said that fluoride was good for our teeth and our
25:40motherfucking bones
25:41because it's a toxic fucking chemical and could never be good for teeth or fucking bones
25:49bitch
25:53but the truth is
25:56because of the shit i'm likely to say
26:00i done really stepped in at this time
26:03i can tell because everybody turned against me
26:07them streets is dangerous for me
26:10so many motherfuckers came at me i had to check myself
26:14and see what the fuck i had done
26:17i went back and watched it for myself
26:19i went and saw the shannon sharp interview
26:23i was flabbergasted
26:26this nigga's vicious
26:29he didn't have to say all that
26:33all they want me to do is shut the fuck up
26:37that's it
26:38but i was just mistaken
26:41i thought they was just gonna laugh it off
26:44they did not
26:48laugh it off
26:50i can't even go to sea world because i said one guy look like a walrus
26:55now they won't even let me in there
26:59i said another guy couldn't read i didn't have to say that
27:02i could have said he don't read well
27:06i had on a fuck you shirt he didn't acknowledge it i assumed he couldn't read
27:13i was only talking about a couple people but i should have shut the fuck up because i didn't know
27:18how many people it applied to
27:20i was talking about a couple men in dresses
27:22now every man that ever wore a dress can't stand my guts
27:28as soon as they see me coming they just grab their purse and walk the other
27:38this shit cost me
27:41everybody turned against me
27:43even 50 cent turned against me
27:46you don't want him as the enemy
27:49but i couldn't be shook
27:52because i remember i never done nothing to him in my life
27:56then i got offended wait a minute motherfucker
28:03you got a head like a square you would cross me
28:09only two square-headed men that made it in hollywood you and herman monster
28:14nigga i will not be bullied
28:23but they came after you boy
28:27i thought they misunderstood my job
28:29my job is see something say something that's my motherfucking job
28:35they always taking my shit out of context
28:39a lot of the times i be concerned
28:41they act like i was talking shit about a comedy legend of ours
28:46i wasn't talking shit i was fucking concerned
28:49the man said he did not have a stroke
28:53and then that should have been the end of it
28:55instead they made this nigga do 32 interviews
28:59in every interview he is showing every symptom of a stroke
29:05ain't nobody saying shit
29:07they just come on out
29:22and i'm at the house like this is wrong
29:25the fuck is we talking about did he have a stroke did he
29:29look like he had several strokes up stroke down stroke back stroke
29:35everything but a stroke of luck
29:40i was concerned i'm not allowed to say shit even if i see shit
29:47because hollywood is too motherfucking strong
29:51they want you to make it you gonna make it they don't give a
29:54look even if you was allegedly riddled with herpes
30:00they'll still have you in vegas feeding bitches fruit and shit
30:04i didn't say it too much
30:18ain't nobody been to say shit
30:21all our women coming back from vegas with two folks on their lips don't wanna fuck
30:28fuck it
30:33fellas your woman does not love fruit like that
30:37you don't believe me when y'all get back home just pop up from behind the couch
30:45stop playing with the fruit jerald that's the kid's lunch fruit
30:52but i just gotta shut the fuck up
30:55because hollywood is too strong
30:58they pay by their own rules
31:01they don't play by my rules
31:04p diddy just got four years for taking 37 asses
31:12let me do the math
31:15took 37 asses
31:18four years
31:21meanwhile they tried to give me the same four years for two blunts i had no intention of smoking in
31:28the
31:28first place
31:29they were purely ornamental
31:33same four years
31:35because they played by different rules
31:38that man was facing ass trafficking charges
31:45for trafficking ass
31:49why they only gave him four years
31:53because liking dick
31:54and being a devil worshipper ain't against the law
32:00they heard prostitution
32:03and thought there was some vaginas
32:06that needed to be saved
32:10the judge said bring out
32:13the nine prostitutes
32:15and nine big dick niggas walked out
32:20just
32:22order he's fine give him four years
32:26it's not a crime he just likes penis
32:33he liked penis so much
32:35they sent him to the place with the most penis
32:42right now he is happily paying for his crime
32:52i'm not gonna be scared for four years
32:57p diddy got his lawyers lying
33:00he's gonna be a changed man when he come out
33:03is he
33:05yes he started good boy records and everything
33:09he's not saying take that he's saying give back give back
33:15that's the last thing i'm gonna say
33:20i ain't talking about shit else
33:22just know sometimes
33:25my heart be in the right place
33:28and i just get tricked
33:30sometimes i believe
33:31shit that ain't right
33:33like i thought mike tyson was gonna whoop the
33:36shit out that young white gentleman
33:38i believe that
33:40i had a party invited my ancestors over and everything
33:46had chips and dip and unnecessary regalia
33:50i just want to see mike tyson the beast
33:53the monster in the
33:55motherfucker ring again
33:58i knew early in the evening
34:00something was wrong
34:03i had to put my blunt out for only the fourth time
34:07without the police's presence
34:10i looked up mike had his whole ass out
34:17i said pay-per-view not only fans
34:20you don't have my consent to show me this
34:29the fight hadn't even started
34:32i had put my money on this
34:34nigga
34:37i had to rationalize for him i said some stupid
34:40shit i said i know he ain't finna lose
34:44with his ass out
34:47boy was i wrong
34:50they called mike tyson out
34:52mike tyson came to the ring like joe biden on his way to a helicopter
34:57the bed
34:57i said what the fuck is that
35:10it was like it's mike tyson no the fuck it ain't
35:18look like he was fighting gravity
35:24but that's the new thing about the world we live in
35:27you can take the pressure off yourself just do the best job you can possibly do
35:33because you either gonna win spectacular or you gonna lose spectacular
35:38your job is just make sure it's spectacular
35:43and you can take a spectacular L Kamala Harris showed us that shit
35:50she took her L like a champ we ain't never seen no shit like that
35:56they tried to act like nobody voted for Kamala
35:59they put up the map the whole map was red
36:03even the people that voted for her was red
36:07they showed her house it was 50-50
36:10it ain't but two of y'all in there
36:14they tried to blame everybody they blamed black men
36:17it was not our fault
36:19blame anybody else
36:21no Indians voted for her at all
36:25even women that wanted an abortion said
36:28I guess I'll just have to figure something out
36:32they said she didn't have enough electoral college votes to graduate
36:39at one point in the election Kat Williams had more votes
36:48that's where we were as a country
36:51everybody asking the same question
36:53is she black
36:53is she black
36:55is she black
36:56at the end she showed you exactly
37:00what she was
37:02it was time for her concession speech
37:05she ain't even show up
37:09that's a nigga right there
37:10we should have never doubted it
37:12she just rolled by with her pinky finger in the hair
37:27but that's the best part about America
37:30in America it don't matter who you choose
37:33because we all gonna pay the price
37:37together
37:39that's what make it gambling
37:41we're gonna pay the price together
37:43no matter what it is
37:45you don't want this one
37:47fine
37:48well who's up next
37:51that's right
37:52don't be complaining about who up next
37:55just cause it happened to be
37:57Donald J. Darth Vader Trump
38:04yeah
38:04I don't give a fuck what you think about him
38:06that motherfucker is excited
38:11that motherfucking Trump
38:12you do not know what he finna do tomorrow
38:16you know the fuck you don't
38:18all you know is he gon' do somethin'
38:23he'd been president before
38:25this time he was not bullshit
38:27he'd been office 200 days
38:30he done done 200 things
38:36good things, bad things
38:38who gives a fuck
38:40things
38:42he'd do his shit today
38:44and figure out what the fuck he just did
38:47tomorrow
38:50yeah
38:52he found out
38:53all you gotta do is think about it
38:55research it
38:56make it happen
38:57and this term he said
38:58get research the fuck out of here
39:00we will not be needing your services
39:05he don't give a fuck
39:06if it makes sense to him
39:08it makes sense
39:10first thing he did is come in
39:12and fired all the wrong people
39:16fired a thousand people
39:17at the nuclear
39:20security
39:21administration
39:23the next day he said
39:25well what did they do
39:28they took care of the bombs
39:30mr. president
39:31well get them the fuck back in here
39:33you know I didn't mean them
39:35I meant PSA
39:36the one with the shoes
39:42Trump don't give a fuck
39:43he do it today
39:44figure it out tomorrow
39:47he fired thousands of people
39:49at the FAA
39:51and then 14 planes
39:53landed upside down
39:55in 14 days
39:56y'all didn't say shit
39:58sometimes they land like that
40:00no they don't
40:06if it makes sense to him
40:07it makes sense
40:09he don't think like everybody else
40:12they told him
40:14only 28%
40:16of our 8th graders
40:18can read
40:21he said
40:22who gave the test
40:32the department of education
40:34well get them the fuck out of here
40:37take them book sweater
40:40how the fuck we gonna fail a test
40:42we don't take bitch
40:48ain't nobody funnier than this guy
40:52it might look like he don't know what he doing
40:55he be knowing what the fuck he doing
40:57he got us in five wars
41:00at one time
41:02we all had five wars
41:05one time
41:07here's the brilliant part
41:10none of the nations
41:12that we are at war with
41:15none of them
41:16got an army
41:21we just over there bully
41:23shut the fuck up
41:24y'all ain't got no guy
41:25give a fuck about your maple syrup
41:27Canada
41:33if you're a comedian
41:35you ain't never seen nobody funnier than this
41:39and he don't give a fuck
41:41if he already said one thing
41:43he don't mind changing it
41:46when he needs to change
41:49Trump said
41:50I will absolutely
41:52show you the Epstein file
41:55then they showed him the files
41:57he said
41:57bitch is that my name
42:00you got me fucked up
42:02you better
42:13ever since
42:14ever since grab her
42:16by the pussy
42:19I thought he could never say anything else
42:24make me put my blunt out
42:28this month
42:31a legend
42:33he said
42:34he spoke with the president
42:37of Puerto Rico
42:39and the Virgin Islands
42:43my whole brain scrambled
42:56sir you are the president
42:58of Puerto Rico
43:02and the Virgin Islands
43:06so the question is
43:08who the fuck was you talking to
43:13J.D. Vance was in a corner
43:15this is Puerto Rico
43:22Trump is just funny
43:25he didn't even know who
43:27Bad Bunny was
43:30he said
43:31I don't think a Hispanic rabbit
43:35should be at the Super Bowl
43:47from the outside looking in
43:49from the outside looking in
43:51it would seem like
43:52this country should be
43:54at its most divided
43:56but I promise you
43:58but I promise you
43:59the reason this is the greatest
44:01country in the world
44:03is because we are the United States
44:05of America
44:06heavy on the United
44:08regardless of what we believe
44:14and the whole thing is
44:16as a family of different colors
44:20we gonna need each other coming up
44:22they not telling you that shit
44:25you gonna have to depend on somebody
44:28that don't look like you
44:31yeah
44:31see we are scheduled
44:34to starve to death
44:37lest we work together
44:39for the first time in 400 years
44:42it's gonna be no Hispanics
44:45in the field
44:48to pick the fruits
44:49and the vegetables
44:51and the crops
44:52that we all eat
44:54and enjoy
44:57so that means
44:59the next group
45:01got to step up
45:04get in the field
45:08pick these crops
45:12look at black people
45:22I don't speak for all black people
45:23but I do speak for all niggas
45:26niggas ain't never
45:27going back to the field
45:30if Jesus come back
45:31we'll have to explain it to him
45:33get out of there
45:33Lord and Savior
45:35we got 400 years
45:37of credit out there
45:39we don't even pick
45:40fruit grown ups
45:43so that means
45:44for the first time
45:46in 400 years
45:49there's not gonna be
45:50no Hispanics
45:52and no blacks
45:54in the field
45:55to pick the fruits
45:58and vegetables
45:59that we all enjoy
46:02that means
46:03the next group
46:05got to step up
46:08get in them fields
46:11look at my white friends
46:14that's right
46:16white friends
46:19it's your turn
46:21we need you now
46:24oh come on
46:26white friends
46:26you can do this
46:30I want you to get
46:32as much sunscreen
46:33as you can legally
46:36buy
46:40we're gonna need you
46:40to be out there
46:41for 45 minutes
46:42to an hour
46:43at a time
46:47we need you
46:48white friends
46:50and don't worry
46:51it ain't gonna be
46:52fucked up
46:52like black slavery
46:55you ain't gonna have
46:56to do it by yourself
46:59we're gonna be
46:59out there
47:00supporting you
47:01white friends
47:02giving you words
47:03of affirmation
47:05and positive
47:07messages
47:08we gonna be
47:08playing
47:09white negro
47:10spirituals
47:12doing a great job
47:18Rebecca
47:20put your back
47:21into it
47:22hey
47:25can I get some
47:26oranges on
47:27aisle 26 please
47:29god damn
47:33just saying
47:34we all gonna need
47:35each other
47:38yeah
47:41life is too hard
47:43for us to be
47:44divided
47:46I found out
47:47from traveling
47:48all across
47:48this great nation
47:50a lot of people
47:51do some great
47:52motherfucking work
47:53they don't get
47:53no credit
47:55this whole country
47:56is built on the
47:57backs of farmers
47:59farmers is our
48:00motherfucking
48:01lifeblood
48:01the people
48:02that got a farm
48:03that you run
48:04the fucking
48:05country
48:06feeding everybody
48:09that's a hard
48:10job
48:11that shit
48:11is not easy
48:12I don't give a fuck
48:14how much money
48:15you got
48:16you ain't ready
48:17for that motherfucking
48:18farm life
48:18and when I say
48:19you
48:20I mean
48:21me
48:23I did not know
48:24that shit was
48:25gangster like that
48:27it's hard as fuck
48:28I hurry up
48:30bought a hundred
48:30acre farm
48:31got off the grid
48:33then found out
48:35what the fuck
48:35the grid was
48:38what the fuck
48:39did I get off
48:39the grid for
48:40bitch
48:41I need the grid
48:43I found out
48:44I'm not cut out
48:44for this
48:46motherfucking
48:46farm life
48:47I bought all
48:48the animals
48:49that was delicious
48:51a hundred chickens
48:53a hundred turkeys
48:54a hundred ducks
48:55a hundred rabbits
48:56hunted cows
48:58a hundred sheep
48:59a hundred pigs
49:01everything that made
49:02a crackling
49:03I bought it
49:06I done had this farm
49:07for four years
49:08we ain't killed
49:10a motherfucking
49:11animal yet
49:13I don't know
49:14how you do this shit
49:16I'm supposed to
49:17eat these
49:18these my friends
49:20bitch
49:22I done named them
49:24I talked to them
49:25you want me to eat
49:26Kesel Kaya
49:27bitch
49:31then had this farm
49:33four years
49:33we still door dashing
49:35Popeyes and shit
49:37the chickens
49:38cutting off
49:39the door dasher
49:46might as well
49:46call it
49:47Puss Ass Farms
49:49I don't care
49:50how delicious
49:51they are
49:52they are
49:52as cute
49:53as they are
49:54delicious
49:55if you can kill
49:56a baby goat
49:57your ass
49:57is a monster
49:59that motherfucker
50:00don't do nothing
50:01but be happy
50:01to be alive
50:02all day long
50:07I'm crying
50:08with mint jelly
50:09in my hands
50:13yeah
50:15be easy
50:16on yourself
50:17that was
50:18my motherfucking point
50:19some shit be easier
50:21than you think
50:22I'm lucky
50:23cause I don't have
50:24to fight
50:24by myself
50:25I got a God
50:27that love me
50:29like he
50:29he take care of me
50:32cause he know
50:33I'm slow
50:36so he treat me
50:37like I'm slow
50:39yeah
50:39that works
50:40for me
50:41he just be
50:42blessing me
50:42out of nowhere
50:44I don't know
50:45where it's gonna
50:45come from
50:46or nothing
50:47and it be
50:48real miracles
50:50like
50:51like last year
50:53I was doing
50:54this thing
50:55where I was
50:55drinking these
50:56exotic teas
50:57every day
50:58before a show
50:59and after a show
51:00drinking these
51:01motherfucking
51:02hundred dollar
51:02cups
51:03cups of tea
51:04and shit
51:05and put the
51:06honey in it
51:07and my friend
51:08was like
51:08I got some
51:09special honey
51:09I'm gonna send you
51:10and I was like
51:11yes
51:12and I got the
51:13special honey
51:13I start putting it
51:14in the tea
51:15every day
51:16and I'm feeling
51:17stronger and stronger
51:18and shit
51:19I'm not knowing
51:20what the fuck
51:21is happening
51:21and I found out
51:23this nigga done
51:23sent me
51:24dick hard honey
51:34I didn't know
51:35I thought the
51:35lord was really
51:36answering my
51:37prayers
51:38he has
51:39rejuvenated
51:40and restored
51:41me
51:47cause here's
51:48the whole thing
51:49this final group
51:51of people
51:52in here
51:52nobody
51:54never say
51:54nothing good
51:55about them
51:56but they've
51:57been doing
51:57a great job
51:58too
51:58and I'm
51:59part of them
52:00where's all
52:01the men
52:01in the building
52:02make some noise
52:03if you're a man
52:05keep up the good work
52:07we know
52:08how hard it is
52:09you're doing
52:10a great
52:10motherfucking job
52:11not 19 of you
52:12but the rest of you
52:13doing a great job
52:15keep up the good work
52:16for the men
52:18in the audience
52:18I'm gonna say
52:20something
52:21that'll uplift you
52:22cause that rarely
52:24happens
52:26they found out
52:27something medically
52:28and they don't
52:29wanna fucking
52:30tell y'all
52:30but I'm gonna
52:32fucking tell y'all
52:33they found out
52:35that all the
52:35evil men
52:36in the world
52:37throughout history
52:39all got
52:40one thing
52:41in common
52:43they all
52:44got a
52:44micro penis
52:47all of them
52:49R. Kelly P. Diddy
52:51Jeffrey Dahmer
52:52Hitler
52:53all of them
52:55mmm
52:57yep
52:58and a micro penis
53:00is any penis
53:01three inches
53:03or less
53:04when it's hard
53:07we wondering
53:08why these men
53:09be so evil
53:11you'd be evil
53:13too
53:13if you had a dick
53:14the size of a
53:15an hour later
53:16bitch
53:17every time you pull
53:19your pants down
53:19somebody laugh
53:21even when you alone
53:27so fellas
53:28thank god
53:31you didn't have
53:32to walk that
53:34be grateful
53:35you ain't got
53:36no motherfucking
53:37micro penis
53:41so now
53:42for the fellas
53:44I hope
53:45you are just
53:46one truth away
53:48from your life
53:49shifting
53:50and it can happen
53:52it happened to me
53:52I heard one thing
53:54it changed my life
53:56forever
53:56I heard one truth
53:58and it changed
53:59everything
54:00and I'm gonna share it
54:01with the men in here
54:02so you know
54:03it don't just relate
54:04to me
54:05it relate to all
54:06of us
54:07two women
54:08told me
54:10that my dick
54:12was bigger
54:13than shacks
54:15let me say that
54:16again for the people
54:17in the back
54:23don't look at it
54:24right now
54:24that's embarrassing
54:26two women
54:27told me
54:29my dick
54:30was bigger
54:32than shacks
54:32now it don't matter
54:34if it's true
54:36or not
54:38soon as I heard it
54:40my life changed
54:44like I mean
54:45instantly
54:46my spine got strong
54:49my walk was different
54:50I walked like I had
54:51shacks
54:52dick
54:52dick
54:53dick
54:53hold up
54:54won't you be different
54:55be different
54:56yeah
54:56hold up
54:57won't you be different
54:58be different
54:59yeah
54:59hold up
55:00won't you be different
55:05because now I know
55:06my dick
55:06is bigger than shacks
55:09now fellas
55:10what does that have
55:11to do with you
55:13you know your penis
55:15is allegedly
55:16probably maybe
55:17bigger than mine
55:20so what does that mean
55:22that means
55:23all I think
55:29bigger than shacks
55:32and now you gotta
55:33act like it
55:34cause you heard it
55:37that's right
55:39fellas if god
55:40done bless you
55:40with a vagina
55:41in your life
55:43don't you bring out
55:44no regular dick
55:45tonight
55:46she gonna be
55:47looking
55:49tonight when you
55:50come out that
55:50bathroom
55:51you come out
55:52with shacks
55:52dick
55:55don't even do
55:56no foreplay
55:57just slam dunk
55:58on the pussy
55:58she like the way
56:00that I move
56:00she like the way
56:01that I rock
56:02she like the way
56:03that I move
56:04she like the way
56:05that I move
56:05lock in
56:09give me that shack
56:11dick
56:13and ladies
56:13we can't do nothing
56:14without y'all
56:16y'all are the center
56:17of our universe
56:19we are visual
56:21and you are
56:22our only
56:23visual
56:25so tonight
56:26ladies
56:28when you see him
56:29come out that
56:30bathroom
56:31you know him
56:34if he come out
56:35with shacks
56:36dick
56:37ladies we gonna
56:38need you to be
56:39an actress
56:40tonight
56:41I need you
56:42to act
56:44I don't give a fuck
56:45how many times
56:46you done seen
56:47this bayina sausage
56:52when he present
56:53that glizzy
56:54tonight
56:56when he show
56:57you that hot dog
56:58tonight
57:00when he bring
57:01out that
57:01frankfurter
57:05women I want
57:06you to look
57:07at it
57:07like it's
57:08exactly
57:08what you
57:09asked God
57:10for
57:12lock eyes
57:13with the
57:13penis
57:14and say
57:14mustard
57:18thank y'all
57:19so much
57:19my name
57:20is
57:20cat
57:20williams
57:20I appreciate
57:21y'all
57:22since 1995
57:24it's been an honor
57:25thank y'all
57:43I'm in a city where the flag be getting thrown like it was pass interference padlock around the building crash
57:49pulling up in a marked truck just to play freeze tag with a bone to pick like it was sea
57:53bass so when I made it out I made it out I made about 50
57:55k from the k from a show trying to show the ropes before they hunt for the ropes I'm prophetic
57:59they only talk about it I get it only good for saving face seeing the cosmetics how many heads I
58:05got to take to level my aesthetics hurry up and get your muscle up
58:07We have to ply metric, ran up by the Lux and Nessa up the highest metric.
58:11The city just made it sweet, you could die, bet it.
58:13They mouth you full of deceit, let these cowards tell it.
58:15Walking New Orleans with the etiquette of LA yelling.
58:19Mustard!
58:21Oh, man.
58:23Second bad, but somebody got to do it.
58:25Got my foot up on the gas, but somebody got to do it.
58:27Turn this TV off, turn this TV off.
58:29Turn this TV off, turn this TV off.
58:38Turn this TV off.
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