- 14 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02Are you sure you can get him?
00:04Remember, you're on your own out there. Hasbro can have no connection to this.
00:08Oh, I'll get him.
00:10And when I have him, I'll call you with a code phrase.
00:13Do you remember what it is?
00:16Yes, I remember it.
00:17Should we say it just for safety?
00:18That's not necessary. Say it. Say it.
00:20I don't want to say it. I don't have to say it.
00:21Just say it. Say it.
00:22Fresh cakes.
00:23Fresh cakes.
00:33No, this isn't fucking fair.
00:35Teddy's a good man.
00:37Why is he being treated differently than everybody else?
00:41It's what this country does best.
00:43Putting different people into little groups and making them watch Tyler Perry.
00:47It's wrong.
00:49I'm so sorry, baby.
00:51No, I'm sorry. I thought I built a better case.
00:54It's just the reality is you have a really shitty lawyer.
00:57Hey, come on. Nobody's blaming you for this. You did everything you could.
01:02I just... I'm sitting here and I... I can't believe it's official.
01:07Oh, so what are we gonna do now?
01:08I mean, we can't take this lying down, right? We gotta do something.
01:12You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna call Patrick Megan.
01:15Who's that?
01:16He is the top civil rights attorney in America.
01:19Wait, is he the one who got that female midget into the Marines?
01:21Yeah.
01:22Yeah, that had a sad ending, though.
01:24You remember she was at a Veterans Day parade and somebody handed her a bunch of balloons and she's gone.
01:28It's very sad. Very sad for the family.
01:30You know what? If anyone can get this verdict overturned, it's him.
01:33He's not cheap, but we've become such a high-profile case, I feel like he might take it pro bono.
01:38He's a sucker for media.
01:43Hey, Johnny, how about a beer, huh?
01:45Yeah, it's a good idea.
01:48Hi, I'm calling for Patrick Megan. This is Samantha Jackson. I defended Ted Kluberlang in Ted vs. Massachusetts.
01:55Hey!
01:56Hi, Mr. Megan. Thank you so much for taking my call.
02:02Oh, you've been following the case. That's great.
02:05Yeah, that's actually why I'm calling.
02:08Yeah, I was wondering if maybe you would consider helping us try to overturn the verdict.
02:16Well, yeah, I mean, it would have to be a pro bono situation because we're not really working with much
02:21money.
02:22But I think you'll be impressed with my client.
02:24Ha-ha, motherfucker!
02:26Sure.
02:28Yeah, great.
02:29Okay, thank you so much.
02:31Okay, I'll see you then.
02:32Bye.
02:34My God.
02:35He said he'll meet with us on Friday at 9 a.m. at his office in New York.
02:38Is he gonna take the case?
02:40I don't wanna jinx it, but I think so.
02:42Oh, my God! You hear that, Johnny?
02:44Ha-ha!
02:44I still get a shot!
02:45Yes! Oh, my God! We gotta celebrate!
02:47Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
02:48Let's go down to the improv and yell sad suggestions.
02:51Fuck yeah!
02:52So, first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?
02:559-11!
02:56Uh, uh, okay, okay, uh, maybe something else.
02:59Uh, alright, let's start with a person.
03:01Robin Williams!
03:02Okay, alright, for real, guys, for real.
03:04Who's got a person?
03:05Robin Williams on 9-11!
03:07Alright, we've heard from these guys.
03:09Let's maybe give somebody else over here a chance.
03:11Um, how about a location? Let's go with a location.
03:14The offices of Charlie Hebdo.
03:16Okay, seriously, sir, uh, I just need a location.
03:19Ferguson, Missouri!
03:20German wings cockpit!
03:22Okay, I heard Starbucks!
03:23No, you didn't.
03:24Nobody said Starbucks!
03:25Alright, Starbucks!
03:26Okay, now, who's in the Starbucks?
03:29Bill Cosby!
03:30You people are monsters.
03:31Oh, we're giving you the tools, buddy.
03:32Come on, make some fuckin' comedy!
03:45Alright, we'll be back tomorrow afternoon.
03:48I love you so much, Teddy.
03:50You go kick some ass, because I am not taking off this wedding ring.
03:53I love you too, baby.
03:55I'll see you soon.
03:56You go team, though.
04:02I love you!
04:05Yeah, I love you too!
04:10I love you too!
04:41If you want to set the way to fire me, just fuck your own brother in the front seat.
04:45Oh, why can't you just say it, please? Hey, must be the money. Hey, Sam, why do you have a
04:52duffel bag that says Arizona State?
04:54Because that's where I went to school. What, you went to Arizona State? Yeah, why? Oh, man, that's why we
05:00lost the case.
05:01Hello. You're dicks. Arizona State. Hey, how many times you've been fucked on a houseboat?
05:08Did you write your dissertation on the collected works of Red Bull? Yeah. Yeah, I did. I got an A
05:14on it.
05:14So do you say Arizona State University or do you just say HPVU?
05:24This is perfect. We're going to get to the city before 10.
05:27Hey, Sam, how's your boring salad? Oh, it's actually delicious.
05:30Everybody always says that about the salad. They're all a bunch of fucking liars.
05:34No, I love it. It's really good. Have some cookie crisp. You need something nutritional.
05:38Why do you think I want your cookie crisp? Because you've been staring at it and you won't.
05:41Hey, what's the deal here? You guys ever going to make out or what?
05:45Teddy, come on, dude.
05:46No, I'm just saying. You look like you're hitting it off, you know?
05:49I mean, Sam, Sam, you dig him, right?
05:53Hey, where the hell's my coffee? I've been waiting for 10 minutes.
05:56I'm so sorry, sir. I forgot. I'll get it right away.
05:59Jesus, you're a waitress. You're not building rockets. Figure it out.
06:02What a prick.
06:04Hey, 20 bucks, I can toss a cookie crisp into his ass crack.
06:06Wait, let me drive. I used to pitch for the softball team in Arizona State.
06:10Oh, yeah? Was your mascot a broken condom?
06:13Shut up.
06:15Oh, shit!
06:16Oh, my God!
06:17Who did that?
06:18Oh, Jesus Christ. You've got to be kidding me.
06:21Now, we're assholes. Look what you did.
06:23I swear to God, I'll kick your goddamn ass. Who was it?
06:26Uh, sir, I apologize for my five-year-old son.
06:29I'm sorry, sir. Cookie crisp in your bum-bumsies. I'm sorry.
06:35Well, under the circumstances, I guess it's okay.
06:38Oh, my God. Now we're even bigger assholes.
06:41Go get my cookie crisp out of his ass.
06:42You guys making trouble over here?
06:44Uh, no, ma'am. We're just minding our business.
06:46Let's try to keep your boyfriend under control here, yeah?
06:49Oh, he's not my boyfriend.
06:51Oh. Good.
06:53I would just get the check. Thanks.
06:55Of course.
06:59Oh, my God. John, did you see that?
07:01She was totally giving you the fuck-me-eyes.
07:03No, she wasn't.
07:04She was giving you the fuck-me-eyes.
07:05What are the fuck-me-eyes?
07:07Yeah, it's... Some women just have fuck-me-eyes.
07:10Do I have fuck-me-eyes?
07:11You have give-us-the-ring-my-precious-eyes.
07:14Look, we better get going.
07:15I've already got two hours of driving left, and I'm kind of beat.
07:17Yeah, we've got to be well-rested for tomorrow.
07:19Well, hey, I'll drive. You can take a nap.
07:21You don't have a license.
07:22Well, who cares? Johnny lets me drive every once in a while when he's too hammered.
07:26I'm a fucking pro.
07:26Oh, besides, you know, I've been kicked around a lot this week.
07:30I just... I want to feel useful, you know?
07:3420 minutes behind the wheel.
07:35Yay!
07:43Ah, you can talk about the pit
07:46Barbecue
07:47The band was jumping
07:48The people, too
07:50Ah, mess around
07:53They're doing the mess around
07:56They're doing the mess around
07:59Everybody's doing the mess around
08:01Now, let me have it now, boy
08:10Now, this band's gonna play from nine to one
08:22Everybody here's gonna have some fun doing the mess around
08:28They're doing the mess around
08:30Everybody do the mess around
08:39Ah, shit, shit, shit
08:43I'm gonna have it now
08:45Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
08:48Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
08:51hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
08:51hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
08:51hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
08:51hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
09:12What the fuck?
09:13Well, Sam, it's been 20 minutes. You want to take over?
09:29Hey, listen, Sam, I'm real sorry. That bond just came out of nowhere.
09:33No, no, it's my fault. I, uh, I should never have let you drive.
09:37Yeah, well, you were wrong. You were wrong to do that.
09:40But, you know, that and the trial are the only two things you fucked up, so, uh...
09:45Hey, I can't see shit in there. We're gonna have to wait till tomorrow to get the car out.
09:49Uh, wait, are we gonna spend the night here?
09:52Yeah, I'll be fine. We just gotta find some firewood.
10:05What the hell?
10:13Holy shit. Hey, Ted!
10:16You know what this is? It's super lemon haze.
10:19It's a really rare strain. It's a cross between lemon skunk and super silver haze.
10:23They're totally potent. I mean, I've only had it once in my life, and it was one of the best
10:26highs I ever had.
10:27What the hell is a leaf for this stuff doing out in the middle of a...
10:56is a SAID
10:59They're God in heaven.
11:02It's so beautiful.
11:05It's so beautiful.
11:08No words.
11:10No words.
11:12We should have sinned for it.
11:22They're moving in herds.
11:24They do move in herds.
11:31Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on this trip.
11:34Yeah, Sam, this puts us in kind of an awkward position here.
11:37I mean, we want to get high, too.
11:38I don't have any papers on that.
11:39Is this hilarious?
11:40I got at a bachelorette party.
11:44So stupid. Here, try it.
11:46I know.
11:47Why?
11:47I don't want to put a big glass cock in my mouth.
11:51Oh, you think this is big?
11:53Johnny, you walk right into that one, pal.
11:55This is all I brought.
11:56How about this?
11:57I'm gonna go check out the barn,
11:58and I'm gonna see if I can find, like, a soda can or something
12:00for us to make an actual bong.
12:01Yeah, see if you can make a non-dick bong.
12:03Yeah.
12:04Hey, you know, that's the name of the South Korean president.
12:06Right?
12:07She gets it.
12:08You get it.
12:09Right? Nah.
12:10What?
12:11Okay, I'll be back.
12:13Sorry.
12:15No, I...
12:16This is nice.
12:17You know?
12:18I mean, I always wanted my ex-wife to get stolen,
12:20and she never would, so...
12:21Really?
12:22Wow.
12:23That's the cornerstone of any great marriage.
12:25I agree.
12:31So you think this Megan guy is gonna help us?
12:33I mean, honestly, I don't know.
12:37Um...
12:37But we're going to the right place.
12:40Listen, I just really want to thank you for all you've done,
12:43all you're doing for us.
12:44I know it's not making you rich.
12:46Please.
12:47There are more important things in life than money.
12:51Look...
12:52I don't know what kind of mojo was in that wish you made when you were a child,
12:57but this bear is alive.
12:59And it seems to me that once the law devalues one kind of life,
13:04how soon before it devalues another?
13:06Who gets subjugated after the bear?
13:10You're really smart, you know that?
13:13How come you don't have a guy?
13:15Dude, have you seen the guys in Boston?
13:17I'm supposed to date some pale blotchy guy with a wife beater under his Bruins jacket
13:21and a shamrock tattoo on his calf?
13:24Nope.
13:24Yeah.
13:25That's so dumb.
13:26I...
13:28Well, I couldn't find any cans, but I gotta tell you,
13:30there's some awesome shit in that barn.
13:32Take a look at this.
13:33I found a cowboy hat and a rifle and a guitar.
13:35Hey, be careful with that, huh?
13:37No, no, it's okay.
13:37It's not a long time.
13:40And my fucking nose came off.
13:43Geez, I wonder who this place belongs to.
13:46I mean, maybe we should find someplace else.
13:47Well, we're in the middle of nowhere.
13:49I mean, if we get out of here by dawn, we should be fine, right?
13:54You play the guitar?
13:56A little bit.
13:57I learned when I was a kid.
14:07I mean, oh, moon.
14:11I mean, oh, moon.
14:11It must be fun to shine upon me as I come undone.
14:20Till I'm all alone beneath the sun.
14:26You mean, oh, moon.
14:33You mean, oh, moon.
14:34With your being, you led the way.
14:40And found me love I thought was here to stay.
14:46Then you went and took my love away.
14:52You mean, oh, moon.
14:58Oh, you mean, oh, moon.
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