- 14 minutes ago
The Miniature Wife S01E07-8 (2026)
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TVTranscript
00:03Les, you're stuck in a bad dream.
00:06We both are.
00:08Les, wake up.
00:13Lindy, you're you.
00:16I'm me.
00:17Is it over?
00:18It is for me.
00:19What happened?
00:20I lost my Pulitzer.
00:22I was outed as a plagiarist by our daughter.
00:25She's so clever and bright.
00:29It loathes me, but not you.
00:31I'm sorry.
00:32I would be devastated if she loathed me.
00:35It's all right, really.
00:36I am a fraud.
00:37One book.
00:39I'm relieved.
00:40That was your prize.
00:42Now that I've solved the formula, I'm going to get mine.
00:44Oh, you're confused.
00:46You didn't solve anything.
00:47You're never going to get your prize.
00:49You're a fraud, too.
00:51I need you to respect me, Lindy.
00:52I can't be alone.
00:54You are alone.
00:55But you're here.
00:57Am I?
01:08I'm still here, Les.
01:12No, you're not.
01:13I'm dreaming.
01:15No.
01:17This is real.
01:19I'm right here.
01:24Boom!
01:48Gil won't let you sleep.
01:50You're the one who should be feeling guilty!
01:51Me!
01:53Yes!
01:54Which?
01:56Dolores!
01:57I can't tell you, sir.
02:00Found you.
02:02You?
02:03Seat us.
02:05Ha ha ha!
02:10Shit.
02:14Dr. Carmichael says.
02:15Oh, fuck that bitch!
02:16Fuck you!
02:17Last time, this is red light reactor.
02:19You're in my head!
02:20You're in my head!
02:20You're in my head!
02:21You're in my head!
02:21Oh!
02:22Oh, God!
02:22Dr. Carmichael says, we can't be afraid to expose our naked selves, even if it makes us
02:26feel vulnerable and scared.
02:38We're going God mode.
02:42Connect, connect, connect, connect, connect, connect, connect, connect.
02:45I have no power!
02:46If you have no power!
02:47Don't you dare touch that circuit breaker, Les.
02:49I will crush you.
02:52I touch what I want to touch!
02:54I exist without restraint!
02:56You live in darkness.
02:57Full fucking throttle.
03:00You will tremble to think of all the things I can do while you sleep.
03:05Sun's out, bun's out!
03:07Oh.
03:12Fuck this!
03:13I'm checking into the courtyard Marriott!
03:15If you don't come home, I will report myself a missing person.
03:18You wish?
03:19I would.
03:20I will gone girl myself.
03:22How are you going to explain your actions to the police?
03:24You monster!
03:25I'm your monster, Dr. Franken-fuck.
03:33Oh, my bad.
03:41Enough to wipe your ass for 192 days.
03:44Trust me.
03:47You're my prisoner now.
03:55Hello?
03:57Hello.
03:57Hi, Martin.
03:58Yes.
03:59Are you sleeping?
04:00Your eyes are open.
04:01No, I was resting.
04:02It's been a long, um, long life.
04:04Are you able to receive information?
04:06Because we've got a problem.
04:07What is a problem?
04:08A problem is that Hilton has moved up the investor presentation to tomorrow.
04:13He was so impressed with your little party tricks.
04:15So is Dr. Schuhausen.
04:17I'm going to get the Nobel Prize in Sweden.
04:19I'm the king.
04:20Listen, buddy.
04:22Unless you can figure out the formula.
04:24There is no Nobel.
04:25No, there is no lab.
04:27There is no you.
04:28There is no me.
04:29There is fraud.
04:31There is a lawsuit.
04:33There is maximum security prison.
04:37And Hilton's smug face.
04:39I can sleep in prison.
04:40Why are you like this?
04:41Lindy.
04:42Is this about the scandal?
04:44Because I have a lot of conflicting Lindy information.
04:46She is conflict.
04:48She's, yeah.
04:48I need him.
04:49I need him.
04:50Take 20.
04:50Take 30.
04:51I'll make it fast.
04:52Because if you can't figure this out, we are dead.
04:56Dead in the holy water.
05:07You've elected to try something new.
05:09You've decided to take control of your anger and rage.
05:13Surprise yourself and those around you by finding an alternative to lashing out and emotionally
05:18bathing your loved ones.
05:19By channeling inner peace and reconnecting with your better self.
05:24You're in there somewhere.
05:27Oh, yeah.
05:29Oh, yes.
05:29Is that?
05:30Hello?
05:30Hi.
05:30Hi.
05:31I thought you hated me.
05:31I do.
05:32Turn on the Today Show.
05:33Oh, fuck.
05:34Why?
05:34What this fucking nightmare?
05:35She's going to put both of us on the fucking ground.
05:37What the fuck now?
05:38Jackie.
05:39No.
05:40Jenna.
05:40No!
05:40I have to go.
05:41No, no, no.
05:43Any idea what she's going to say?
05:44Nope.
05:46Her move.
05:55I know you hate me.
05:57But I hate me more.
05:58Get up.
05:59Let me die.
05:59I totally want to, but the Today Show.
06:02What the fuck now?
06:03Jackie.
06:05Yeah?
06:06Jenna.
06:07Joining us today via satellite as a student, rumored to a Brit in the show's story.
06:10Oh, fuck yeah!
06:11Jackie, welcome.
06:12What a whirlwind.
06:13Jenna, what an honor to be here.
06:16I mean, I'm so grand.
06:17I love how you love books as much as I do.
06:20Jenna, let me begin by saying Professor Littlejohn is my hero.
06:23My rainbow source of black changed my life.
06:25It's as if she saw into my soul.
06:29Well, now there are questions about the authenticity of that novel, too.
06:31Which is some bullshit!
06:33And I cannot believe that anything is happening.
06:34No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
06:35Professor Littlejohn is the reason I wanted to become a writer.
06:37She's a paragon of inspiration.
06:39To think that Professor Littlejohn would be capable of plagiarism is heartbreaking.
06:46I mean, being in this position is my worst nightmare realized.
06:51Jesus.
06:52She's dead.
06:53Untitled on Purpose is a captivating and entertaining read.
06:55The question everyone is asking is, who wrote it?
06:58Professor Littlejohn, if you're watching, and I sure hope you are,
07:02I have no choice but to tell the truth.
07:05Huh?
07:08Professor Littlejohn is the true author of Untitled on Purpose.
07:11Why, what?
07:12Yes, God, thank you!
07:14I'm merely a humble graduate student who won't anger.
07:17Oh, God.
07:19Your publisher better have deep fucking pockets.
07:21Well played, Hal.
07:23Well fucking played.
07:24A nice touch is on you to Montana, too.
07:26Keeps a folksy.
07:26I am no Professor Littlejohn.
07:28Teach me everything you know.
07:29It's saddened for me.
07:30She's lying!
07:32You don't know me, Jackie Baldwin!
07:36I am not lying!
07:38She is lying about the lying!
07:40Your mom's fans are fucking toxic.
07:42Yeah, everybody hates me!
07:44The chiclet hashtagers are strapping on their heels for battle.
07:46But they loved me yesterday.
07:55Richard, do I have thoughts today?
07:57Um, Richard's not here.
07:59Oh, yes, you're right.
08:00He's dead.
08:01No, I think he's just in Collinsville.
08:03Is that Shakespearean for heaven?
08:05It's a suburb.
08:06Oh, lovely.
08:09Bob, explain what I should implement.
08:12Um, you're not Bob.
08:16I'm Bob.
08:16There's something different about you.
08:18I'm Bob the New Explainer.
08:20Chill it.
08:20What's happening?
08:21What's happening?
08:21Where's Bob, Bob?
08:22Bob is not here.
08:23No explanation.
08:24What's going on?
08:25Um, he seems off.
08:27Les.
08:28Come.
08:34Some new Bob.
08:35That's right.
08:35The other Bob spoke to a journalist.
08:37You did not do that.
08:37You know the protocol.
08:38Let's reset.
08:39Tell me what you see.
08:42Better yet, tell me what you don't see.
08:49Oh, curve.
08:52Follow the curve.
08:55Continue the curve.
09:04We need a curve.
09:06Oh, I don't know what kind of curve, but not a straight line.
09:11A curve.
09:14To infinity.
09:16The cord stabilizes for three minutes.
09:18We'll have reached limitless stabilization.
09:23And the math?
09:25Dr. Littlejohn?
09:29The equation.
09:30The curve.
09:32Um.
09:38We have 24 hours.
09:39You can do this.
09:40You need to sleep.
09:42You're welcome to stay at my place.
09:44In my guest room.
09:45The batter's just in perpetic.
09:47Medium firm.
09:49I'm here for you, Les.
09:50I am wherever you need me to be.
09:52For work.
09:53Or anything.
09:55Other than work.
09:56Two.
10:00I can't.
10:01My wife is expecting me.
10:02I see.
10:03I understand.
10:06Then go home.
10:07Do whatever you have to do.
10:09To rest.
10:10And think.
10:12Defend your mental space.
10:14Defend my mental space.
10:16Get creative.
10:22So is that it?
10:23Is it over?
10:24You're welcome.
10:25What happened?
10:26Hell.
10:27I have been through hell.
10:28You have no idea.
10:29No, you have no idea.
10:31So my Pulitzer?
10:32You got to keep it.
10:34And my editor?
10:35Still on the roster.
10:39I'm my best friend.
10:43Waitlisted.
10:44Ish.
10:45Fair.
10:45I deserve an ish.
10:47I'm just relieved not to be dropped.
10:49So everybody wins.
10:51Right?
10:51You?
10:52Me?
10:53Jackie Baldwin, I'm assuming.
10:54Rate of the money calls, yes.
10:56But worth it, I think.
10:57Oh, you're welcome.
10:58Too soon.
10:59Fair.
11:00Fair.
11:00Yes.
11:00Um, listen, there is one casualty.
11:04Someone's got to take the fall.
11:06Oh, fuck.
11:09Lulu.
11:10Hashtag Saint Lulu de Lulu.
11:13Is it bad, man?
11:14She's tough.
11:15And it's the internet, so tomorrow it'll be someone else's something else.
11:20Jackie's on and not the foxy one.
11:22I've got to run.
11:23Congrats, I think.
11:24They-
11:51You're old.
11:52Text me.
11:53Of course.
12:08It's your mom.
12:09She says, Lulu, please come home.
12:11Delete it.
12:11No.
12:12Yes!
12:13No!
12:13You should go home.
12:15Talk to her.
12:17She had her student lie so that I could be crushed on social media and she could keep her
12:22precious fucking award.
12:23That is all she cares about.
12:24You don't know she actually did that.
12:25I have proof that she stole that story.
12:27I will not let her get away with this.
12:28What are you going to do?
12:29Make another TikTok?
12:30Maybe I should.
12:31Or go on the Today Show.
12:32I'm just looking for more drama.
12:33You're like a drama junkie.
12:35So she, finally, now you see my point?
12:39She reached out.
12:40She wants to see you.
12:42She is breaking a pattern and so should you.
12:51And we will be talking about Shirtless Mike later.
12:57You fellows have traveled a great distance following a northern star, gifts in hand, and
13:02your faith was rewarded, right?
13:03And in my own way, I have traveled a great distance following my heart's north star only to be
13:09rejected and tortured and traumatized and I'm losing my faith.
13:14I'm losing my faith.
13:17In faith?
13:19I'm in dire need of some kind of sign.
13:22A reason, a present, direction.
13:35Your existence is complicated, but I thank you anyway.
13:41Well, you've restored my faith.
13:43In what?
13:44In life.
13:45Hi.
13:46Hi.
13:47I know you're on a mini science sabbatical caring for a loved one right now, and I hate
13:52to bother you, but...
13:53Shannon, you were never a bother.
13:55I'm glad.
13:57What's going on?
13:58Um, less is not good.
14:01Oh, I know.
14:02You know?
14:03I, well, we work together so closely that it's like a twin flame thing.
14:07I can feel it even if I can't see it in person.
14:11Uh, thing is, we need him good.
14:14Like, great.
14:15He's too exhausted to string a coherent sentence together, and the investor presentation
14:19is tomorrow.
14:20Wait.
14:21Tomorrow?
14:22Yeah, Hilton Swim.
14:23Oh.
14:24So, how can I be helpful?
14:25Oh, I wish you could talk to him.
14:28Get him back on track.
14:29I mean, he thinks you're in, like, heaven?
14:33I'm nearby.
14:53Great choice.
14:54It's my favorite.
14:56Would it get through a bedroom door easily?
14:59Like a hot knife through butter.
15:01Yes, please.
15:03Question.
15:04Chuck, if you had a very clever, determined, angry mouse that was keeping you up all night,
15:09driving you fucking insane, what would you use to slow her down?
15:13Let me ask you this.
15:14Let me ask you this.
15:14Are you looking for something main or indomain?
15:21Let me show you both the options, please.
15:25I'll wait to hear from you with, um, the bells on.
15:28Sure, if you will.
15:33Oh, um, um, I was on a personal call.
15:38I apologize.
15:39I cannot lie.
15:41Why do you look like that?
15:42Nervous.
15:43Glowing.
15:44When you hung up with whoever you were speaking to, you smiled and glowed.
15:47Am I in trouble?
15:48Not yet.
15:49I'm curious.
15:50I was talking to, um, someone special.
15:54You're in a relationship.
15:55No, no, no.
15:55The someone special already has a someone special.
16:00Am I fired?
16:01Isn't it anti-feminist to be considered the other woman?
16:03I'm sorry?
16:03Your Instagram account.
16:04Janet Colgate.
16:06Physicist.
16:07Feminist.
16:09Celiac.
16:09You're on Instagram?
16:10In a way.
16:11I lurk.
16:11I research.
16:13Everyone.
16:14Janet.
16:17You're the other woman.
16:18Oh, I don't think I have that status yet.
16:22Same.
16:26Mom, I'm here.
16:27Let's talk.
16:29Mom?
16:30I'm in here.
16:32Where?
16:33In the kitchen.
16:36Mom, where?
16:38On the island.
16:40The what?
16:42Okay, this is fucking stupid.
16:43By the salt and pepper.
16:51It's me.
16:52Uh, I'm tiny.
16:54And I know it's a shock.
16:55Just try not to-
16:55You're tiny?
16:58Scream.
16:59Okay, before we continue, let's crash course in volume control.
17:03You're going to lean into a whisper.
17:04I'll lean into a shout.
17:05We'll meet in the middle.
17:06Are you real?
17:09Yeah, I am real.
17:11Holy fuck.
17:13Holy fuck, dad did this.
17:15The dollhouse.
17:16The crying.
17:17The Today Show.
17:19Grandma!
17:19Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
17:21Quieter.
17:22Sorry.
17:23It's okay.
17:25How did this happen?
17:28It was an accident.
17:30An accident.
17:31Your dad and I are working through some issues.
17:34I am working through some issues.
17:36It's why I reached out.
17:38Lulu,
17:40those comments online just broke my heart.
17:43You don't deserve-
17:44It's-
17:45It's-
17:45I'm-
17:46No, God.
17:46I fucked up.
17:49Why are you crying?
17:50I don't know.
17:51I don't know.
17:52Because I'm so fucking mad at you.
17:55I hated you.
17:57You lied.
17:58That Jackie Baldwin bitch lied.
17:59Okay.
18:00I'm sorry.
18:00I don't know how to whisper cry.
18:01And I can't even fucking yell.
18:03No, it's okay.
18:03You should yell.
18:04You should be mad.
18:06Don't tell me that I should be mad when I should be mad.
18:08And now, I can't be mad.
18:12Because you're just-
18:13You're so small.
18:15And I feel so bad.
18:18Come here.
18:21Come here.
18:24Closer.
18:26Closer.
18:29Don't look up my nose.
18:31I won't.
18:33This is so weird.
18:38I know.
18:40Our family's weird now.
18:45So, um,
18:47are you okay?
18:49Well, I'm branded dog shit,
18:51but I'm okay.
18:52This is all my fault.
18:54I'm not a great mom.
18:56I want to be.
18:57I need to try harder.
18:59I can start right now.
19:00Where to start?
19:01Okay.
19:02Um,
19:03I wrote a book.
19:04Whoa.
19:04We're going back 20 years?
19:06How long is the story?
19:07Short.
19:07And with a point.
19:08We'll see.
19:09I wrote a book.
19:10I got rewarded.
19:11I felt like a fraud.
19:13That's my first book.
19:14But then I had this prize.
19:15And that
19:16basically became my identity.
19:18So,
19:18bullshit on bullshit.
19:19Bullshit on bullshit.
19:21And, uh,
19:22well, then,
19:23then you came along.
19:24And I could focus
19:26on you,
19:27not me.
19:28So,
19:28bullshit me.
19:29She kind of
19:30got left behind.
19:32Which I loved.
19:33And then you grew up.
19:35And we grew apart.
19:36And bullshit me
19:37kind of
19:38showed back up.
19:40I think
19:41I resented you
19:42resenting me.
19:43But that is not
19:44being a good parent.
19:45That is being
19:46a petulant child.
19:48Yeah.
19:48You were hurting.
19:50I didn't know why,
19:51but
19:52I should have asked.
19:54I should have listened.
19:58Okay.
19:59Well,
20:00a few edits maybe,
20:01but
20:01your story did have a point.
20:03So,
20:03I'm listening now.
20:05And I have
20:06really good hearing.
20:06It's a benefit
20:07of being this tiny.
20:10I hate science.
20:12You do?
20:13Dad's gonna lose
20:13his fucking brain.
20:14I mean...
20:15I flunked out of school.
20:16So,
20:17go ahead.
20:18Freak out.
20:18You did?
20:19Yeah.
20:19By design.
20:20I mean,
20:21okay, how?
20:22It was harder
20:23than I expected.
20:24I bet.
20:26I misappropriated
20:27my student's story
20:28and didn't correct it.
20:30I dropped a TikTok
20:31outing my mom
20:31as a plagiarist.
20:33I burned down
20:34your dollhouse.
20:35What?
20:36Yeah.
20:37It felt great.
20:38I deleted
20:39Darling Daughter.
20:40Wait,
20:41that was you?
20:42Yeah,
20:42I was 11.
20:43You should really
20:43change your password.
20:46Wait.
20:49Oh my god.
20:52You read that?
20:54Yeah,
20:54it's okay.
20:55I know you didn't want me.
20:56I get it.
20:58Lulu,
20:59I was channeling
21:00Grandma Diane,
21:01my mom,
21:02thinking about me.
21:05Really?
21:06Of course.
21:06Oh my god.
21:07I've never
21:07regretted
21:08having you.
21:10But the resentment.
21:11No,
21:11that was later
21:12and different.
21:13God,
21:13no.
21:15Makes sense.
21:17Does it?
21:19Yeah,
21:19actually,
21:19I read your book.
21:21I can definitely
21:22see the Grandma
21:22Diane connection.
21:24God,
21:24it breaks my heart
21:25that you thought
21:25I didn't...
21:27That you grew up
21:28thinking that
21:29I didn't want you?
21:30Oh my god,
21:31I'm so sorry.
21:33Oh,
21:33sweet girl.
21:35I'm so sorry.
21:36I suck.
21:37Oh,
21:38I suck.
21:38I fucking suck.
21:40I suck too.
21:41That's also my fault.
21:42And Dad's.
21:43We all suck.
21:44Which sucks.
21:51You read my book.
21:53You want me to tell you
21:54it's good?
21:56No.
21:57It's okay.
21:59I'll take it.
22:00So,
22:01do you have to tell Dad
22:01I flunked out?
22:02Like a UFP
22:04or United Family,
22:06whatever it is?
22:06UPF.
22:07United Parental Front.
22:08No,
22:09fuck it.
22:18I have to go in front
22:19of the review board tomorrow,
22:20like,
22:21make a case or whatever.
22:22Tell them why they shouldn't
22:23kick me out of school.
22:24What are you going to say?
22:26We could,
22:27we could practice it.
22:28No.
22:29Don't get all mom about it.
22:31Okay.
22:35Hey,
22:36what's going on?
22:38Dad.
22:44I can explain.
22:45Les,
22:46don't worry.
22:47I already explained.
22:49What did she tell you?
22:50A lot.
22:52She's a liar.
22:53You're the liar,
22:53Dad.
22:54Uh,
22:55what?
22:55The dollhouse?
22:56Grandma?
22:57Mom left us?
22:59You let me think
22:59she was having
23:00an emotional breakdown.
23:01No.
23:01What the fuck?
23:02No, no, no.
23:03You've never lied to me before.
23:06What did you tell her?
23:07Whatever I want.
23:08I'm her mother.
23:09She needed me.
23:09Since when?
23:10You, you, you had no right
23:11to talk to her.
23:12Dad.
23:12No, no, no.
23:13We discussed this.
23:14U-P-F.
23:15U-P-F.
23:15We said that
23:16telling you would traumatize you
23:17when we were going to tell you together.
23:18That's the U in U-P-F.
23:20Someone had to be the P.
23:21Well, here's the F.
23:22Fuck you.
23:23Fuck you.
23:23Fuck you.
23:24Fuck you.
23:25Fuck you.
23:26Fuck you.
23:26Why?
23:31Shit.
23:33We are horrible.
23:35The worst.
23:36It makes me sick
23:37to make her sick.
23:38Yeah, be true.
23:40We need to get our shit together.
23:42Jesus.
23:42Jesus, look at us.
23:45Look at me.
23:46I know, I know.
23:47Okay, okay.
23:54I'm so sorry, Lulu.
23:55This is us, not you.
23:57Never you.
23:58Never you.
23:58I think I'm empty.
24:05This is so fucked.
24:07Our family is fucked.
24:11You're standing on the sink.
24:13Yeah.
24:14But, uh, this is our new reality.
24:16We're fucked up family like everybody else, you know?
24:19Sort of.
24:20Until we're not, I can fix this.
24:22Can you, Dad?
24:24Yes.
24:25Do you believe me?
24:29I believe you, you know, and you're, you're brilliant, frustratingly so.
24:33I've always believed in you.
24:35Always.
24:38Okay, so like, what do we do now?
24:40We live.
24:41Uh, Dad and I are gonna work things out.
24:44You're gonna go back to school tonight.
24:46And, um, then we'll all go skiing over President's Day weekend or something.
24:50I don't know.
24:50But we're gonna be okay.
24:51We're going to be okay, right?
24:54Yes.
24:55Absolutely.
24:56Yes.
25:00Is it bad that I kind of want to see Mom on tiny skis?
25:07Hey, you know I love you, kiddo.
25:11Yeah, I know.
25:20She didn't tell me that she loved me back.
25:22I think she did.
25:23She did not.
25:24You know she did not.
25:25Okay, this is a lot for her to process.
25:27I've lost her love.
25:30Now you're being dramatic.
25:31Dramatic?
25:34She fucking adored me, and now she can barely look at me.
25:36Yeah, it stings, but...
25:38No, no, no, it's fine.
25:38It's okay.
25:39I understand.
25:40I know.
25:40I know that you love this.
25:41You love it.
25:42Love what?
25:42You want me to be Hurricane Les, don't you?
25:46Well, bravo.
25:47This is your fucking guilt talking.
25:50That's what this is.
25:50You just, you took my daughter away from me.
25:54Your daughter?
25:54That was your plan.
25:55This was my plan.
25:56I was her hero, and now she thinks I'm a fucking liar.
25:59I told her it was an accident.
26:01You want me to play her the voice note, huh?
26:03Oh, I'm sure you painted a very pretty picture of yours.
26:06Did you tell her about Richard?
26:07Did you tell her about Richard?
26:08His blood is on your hands, Slendy.
26:10Really?
26:11My tiny, innocent, shrunken on purpose hands?
26:15Maybe you deserve to be her mad scientist, shithead dad, who shrunk her mom.
26:19Every dad disappoints eventually.
26:20It's finally your fucking turn.
26:27You run, Lord.
26:29And you make me sick.
26:33What the fuck are you doing?
26:38It would be so easy just to let go.
26:40I've seen your balls last.
26:42They aren't big enough.
26:43Oh, it's been a while.
26:48Maybe you've forgotten how big they are.
26:50Put me down.
26:57You motherfucker.
27:00You're dead.
27:02Sure, why not?
27:09What the fuck?
27:10What the fuck?
27:11What the fuck?
27:22What the fuck?
27:35What the fuck?
27:36What the fuck?
27:40What the fuck?
27:51You were a good and loyal friend.
27:54I'm going to miss you, Dolores.
27:57I'm sorry you've ended this way.
28:01I'm sorry too, Dolores.
28:05Your eyes do not deceive you.
28:07I am not a ghost.
28:08I am very much alive.
28:11Richard!
28:12I'm so relieved.
28:14You are no more a murderer than I am an adulterer.
28:17I was hoodwinked into an uncompromising position, but I want to put your mind at ease.
28:23Nothing happened below the belt.
28:24Well, the belt was off, Richard.
28:26All part of the charade.
28:30I never meant to hurt you.
28:31Yes, you did.
28:32However, I know you never meant to vanquish me.
28:35Which you did not.
28:37Call it even?
28:39Even Steven.
28:44I have a science thought, if I may be so bold.
28:46Please.
28:47So, given my recent firsthand experiences, I've been thinking about the quantum harmonic oscillator.
28:52What if its potential energy is akin to the mass on a spring?
28:55As in, uh, V of X equals one and a half KX squared, where K is the spring constant, and
28:59X is the displacement.
29:01I mean, that's a, that's, that's a parabolic curve.
29:05Ah, I mean, that could work.
29:09I've missed this.
29:10Me too.
29:11I will say, Janet's been good.
29:12Very good.
29:13Um, but I haven't, I missed, uh, I missed the, uh, you don't need to say it.
29:16I know.
29:17Richard, I, you, missed you.
29:19I do owe you an apology.
29:22I was a fool for love.
29:25I keep wondering, was I driven by love, or the tragedy of love?
29:31You know, I can't believe you miniaturized yourself for her.
29:34Oh, you would have done the same if you weren't needed to solve the formula.
29:38Oh no, Richard, never crossed my mind.
29:41No, we've reached a new low.
29:44May I ask why?
29:46Because I know her.
29:48I really fucking know her.
29:52Not worth it.
29:54Then you know she's coming for you.
29:56Oh, I do.
29:58But I can't fucking wait.
30:06Oh, god damn.
30:08Oh, Uncle Sam can get me on that, huh?
30:10My Pentagon pals are gonna love this tiny shit.
30:12I guess I'm cute.
30:13Yes, let's even cuter.
30:14Shipped across the world for the price of a first-class stamp,
30:17and then restored to regular size on the battlefield.
30:20From bang to boom.
30:22And with your connections,
30:23bang to boom to big fucking bucks.
30:32It's a close one.
30:33It's a close one.
30:34General, this changes.
30:53I'm coming for you.
30:55I'm coming for you.
30:56You crossed the line.
30:59You made me tiny and tried to flush me down the toilet.
31:04You wanted to drown me.
31:07It's my turn now.
31:10Death?
31:11It's too easy.
31:12But I can make you suffer.
31:14Your swimming pool?
31:15Moat?
31:17Cannot stop me.
31:18I may be small forever,
31:20but I've never been
31:22more powerful.
31:31I must destroy your greatest prize.
31:33I must break you.
31:35Try out Rocky IV.
31:42Martina.
31:44Martina.
31:45It.
31:46Martina.
31:49Let's reset.
32:14Well, well, well.
32:16Am I to assume you're blocking my path to protect less?
32:19I'm protecting science.
32:21You're protecting the man who tried to kill you.
32:23Drawn to wrath by you.
32:24It was a kiss.
32:25A naked kiss.
32:26Fine.
32:27A naked kiss.
32:30Now move.
32:33Richie.
32:34Please don't make me hurt you.
32:36Hurt me?
32:37You destroyed me.
32:39Richie.
32:42I am sorry.
32:44Truly.
32:46Sincerely, sorry.
32:49You're a good man.
32:50I really like a man.
32:52Now please.
32:54Move.
32:55I am too relieved to think about what you're doing.
32:58I'll tell us some of the demonstrations of this morning.
33:01This is that his last chance to fix the formula.
33:03And so we just, we both need him to succeed.
33:06So regardless of what's happened,
33:07just think about your future.
33:09Mine.
33:13Your generosity of spirit will be instrumental in our restoration and a scientific discovery
33:18for the ages.
33:20One worthy of the recognition of the highest order.
33:23The Nobel.
33:27Richie.
33:28Richie.
33:28Richie.
33:30You almost haven't convinced.
33:33Get the fuck out of my way.
33:36I would rather die a six-inch death
33:39than see less little John win a fucking Nobel.
33:50The curve.
33:52The flaw of the curve.
33:54The curve to infinity.
33:59I need to reset.
34:01I need to rest.
34:03I'm so close.
34:04What's the map?
34:05What is it that we don't see?
34:07Hey, hey, hey, hey.
34:14What?
34:16No.
34:20See?
34:26What?
34:44I don't know.
35:09I don't know.
35:11Wake up.
35:22Where the fuck are you?
35:25You evil tiny bitch!
35:27Look!
35:28You made a fucking canoe!
35:30I'm bigger than you!
35:32I will crush you!
35:33I will win!
35:39Oh, come on!
35:46Help, lad!
35:48Lindy!
35:50Lindy!
35:52If you're hurt, answer me!
35:53We can call a timeout!
35:56I don't know what to do!
35:57I don't know what to do!
36:00I'm coming, Lindy!
36:01I'm coming!
36:01I'm coming!
36:03I'm coming!
36:03I'm trusting!
36:04This is the timeout, Lindy!
36:06We're free!
36:08I'm here now!
36:15My pathetic hero.
36:16I called a timeout.
36:18I didn't agree!
36:19You're a poor smart and monster.
36:21You deserved it.
36:22You're a sore loser.
36:23You preyed upon the last shred of my compassion.
36:26Good!
36:26Now we're even!
36:27Time in!
36:28So there was a timeout!
36:30In your mind!
36:31I'm dumbing down the play along!
36:32Oh, yeah.
36:32You didn't mean to dumb down.
36:33You've been dying on the dumb luck for the last 20 fucking years.
36:35Dumb luck!
36:36That's what jealous, resentful people call talent.
36:39Talent!
36:40It's the battle crime on housewives on a mid-day chart day.
36:43I teach!
36:44Yeah!
36:44Those who can't do!
36:46What's the saying?
36:47You want to see a woman's future look at a mother?
36:48Well, you are your mother.
36:49That's not even the saying, idiot!
36:51I'm no idiot.
36:52I'm a literal genius.
36:53Who's out of ideas?
36:54A science has-been who will be so close for the rest of his life.
36:59At least I started something.
37:00And finished it.
37:01And won!
37:01That Nobel you want to fuck so bad?
37:03I will kill us both before letting you win it.
37:07Start and finish.
37:08I win again.
37:09What do you think there's just one thing I'd love to finish?
37:12You.
37:13Ow!
37:13I'm confused!
37:16Ow!
37:20Ow!
37:20All right, I'm ready!
37:23Ow!
37:24Ow!
37:25Ow!
37:25Ow!
37:26Ow!
37:26Fuck!
37:28What?
37:28What happened to you?
37:30Your eye?
37:31Ew.
37:32Nothing.
37:32Why are you here?
37:33You're late.
37:34What time's it?
37:35Presentation time.
37:36You're not answering your phone.
37:37Hey!
37:38Down here!
37:39Just a minute.
37:43Fuck me.
37:46Five minutes, I'll be right behind you.
38:05Hi, Lulu.
38:06Hi, Tiny Mom.
38:08Oh, funny.
38:09I'm back at school.
38:11How did it go with the review board?
38:13It hasn't happened yet.
38:15I'm thinking about bailing.
38:18Oh, yeah, I get that instinct.
38:20What would you do?
38:22Uh...
38:23Okay, let me think.
38:25Um...
38:26Well...
38:26I know you're excited I called.
38:28Don't make it a thing.
38:28I will hang up.
38:30Got it.
38:30I would want to bail, too.
38:33But...
38:34Older, tiny me...
38:36Might come to regret that.
38:38Like, regret what?
38:40It's self-destructive.
38:41And they control the narrative.
38:47Lulu?
38:49That's...
38:50Pretty good parenting.
38:52What the fuck?
38:54I might know a thing or two about a thing or two.
38:56There she is.
38:57I can only be me.
38:59Hey, so, you know, um...
39:00I was thinking...
39:02You get to hold this my-husband-trunk-me shit over dad for, like, forever.
39:06Like...
39:07You could be tiny for forever.
39:09Which...
39:10That's kinda cool, but...
39:12Is it cool forever?
39:13You know, I'm just saying, you know...
39:15Forever leverage.
39:16Yeah, I'm not thrilled with the idea of forever.
39:18Uh, but I currently...
39:19Don't have a choice, so I am making peace with it.
39:22Are you stamping your tiny foot right now?
39:25If a tiny person stamps their foot, does it make a sound?
39:27Once again.
39:28Funny.
39:28Just thoughts.
39:30Okay.
39:31I think I know what I'm gonna do.
39:33But I want it to be a cliffhanger.
39:35Bye, tiny mom.
39:53So you're gonna hate me.
39:54But then you're gonna love me.
39:55I need a third option.
39:56Sid called.
39:57Oh.
39:58Ultimatum.
39:59Lindy's second book, or your imprint is dead.
40:01Like her patience.
40:02Lindy doesn't have a second book.
40:03Or does she?
40:04No, she does not.
40:05Hell yes, she does.
40:07Ultimatum!
40:08Jackie finished her novel, Untitled On Purpose.
40:10That was quick.
40:11Well, she's prolific, and driven, and willing.
40:13But I have a strict moral code.
40:14Huh.
40:15So let's wheel and deal.
40:16You get the book, slap Lindy's name on it, save your imprint, or...
40:20My dad.
40:22He doesn't know anything about this, yet.
40:24Yeah, so I did a little research, and it's true.
40:26Jackie finished her novel, and, uh, your cowboy has a daughter, and it's hell.
40:31This is the hate part, but, like, let's just focus on the love part.
40:34Which is what, exactly?
40:36Whatever you choose.
40:38It's an ethics test.
40:39Your imprint, or my dad.
40:41Lies, or love.
40:51Me.
40:53I choose me.
40:54I choose me.
40:54Which means I choose him, whatever his name may be.
40:56Love the me choice.
40:57Hate the rhyme.
40:59Is this gonna be a problem?
41:01First thing you've said that I respected.
41:03Phillip.
41:04Dad's name's Phillip.
41:05Goes by Flip.
41:06Flip.
41:08I flipped for Flip.
41:10Oh god.
41:11That's a good thing, right?
41:12Very.
41:14How does one solve the problem of feeding the world?
41:18Only, less little John knows.
41:20Now what if we could take, say, an ear of corn and shrink it to a fraction of the original
41:24size.
41:24Where is this jackass?
41:26I can assure you, he'll be here.
41:29A hundred.
41:29A thousand.
41:30Ears of corn.
41:38I know I'm late.
41:39I know, I just, I just need a minute.
41:43I fell down.
41:45Oh.
41:45Really?
41:45Mount Kilimanjaro?
41:46Yes.
41:46Practically, yes.
41:48Hilton is going to sell the tank to the military.
41:51Bang the boom, I said.
41:53What, after we solve the hunger?
41:54No, instead of tiny soldiers, tiny missiles.
41:58Big surprise.
41:59But I am so close.
42:00For real.
42:01For real.
42:02I know.
42:02I believe you.
42:03Now, Hilton owns the tank.
42:04He's going to do with it whatever he wants anyway, but we can't be party to that.
42:09So, walk.
42:10No.
42:10Run.
42:10You.
42:11Run.
42:11Away.
42:13I...
42:14I don't think I can.
42:15Give them what they want.
42:16You out, the tech and government hands, but not the restoration.
42:20Okay?
42:21What about my Nobel?
42:21What if I'm, what if I'm out of ideas?
42:24Um, it's time.
42:27Listen, you have the fate of the planet in your hands.
42:33Me?
42:33Don't fuck it up.
42:39I see you.
42:40Looking at me.
42:42Judging me.
42:43Like, smug dicks.
42:45But, you will never judge me as harsh as I judge myself.
42:50I've realized that I've been trying to live up to others' expectations of me.
42:54I don't know what I want for myself.
42:57And I thought that was a problem.
43:00But it's not.
43:02It's just the process.
43:04And I can figure that out here.
43:07Or somewhere else.
43:10Honestly,
43:12I'm okay either way.
43:25Any chance you might be swinging by the airport tonight?
43:30I can't see it.
43:42It looks fuckin' nuts.
43:45Yes, quite.
43:46Science is not magic.
43:48No.
43:50There is no ta-da!
43:51There is not.
43:53It is work.
43:54Hard work.
43:56Evidently.
43:58It's frustration.
43:59It's passion.
44:01It's misery and joy.
44:02And it's fear.
44:03You can spend years lost, wandering among the trees.
44:06Wishing, hoping, maybe even praying.
44:08Which goes against all established scientific understanding that maybe one day you will finally see the forest.
44:14Well, today's that day.
44:20Let's finish what we started.
44:28Here are my final thoughts.
44:32h hat equals h bar omega times a dagger a plus one half.
44:38Plus...
44:39Must be hat squared over two m plus two.
44:44Over m omega squared, uh, x squared.
44:46Which...
44:51Which...
44:54Which...
45:07Subsidale.
45:10It's inverted.
45:13Janet, invert.
45:17M omega squared, x squared, over two.
45:21Bob's, invert.
45:22Invert!
45:25Inverted.
45:27M omega squared, x squared, over two.
45:31Carl?
45:32Internet.
45:56Let's make a stream.
45:57Brilliant.
45:57Ladies and gentlemen, come here.
45:58Oh, gross.
46:06Oh.
46:18Invert.
46:23Gentle people, three minutes until the curve reaches limitless stabilization.
46:28Translation, ta-na!
46:38I fucking hate tape measures.
46:44Okay, it is time you knew the truth about Dr. Les Littlejohn.
47:04I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it!
47:10I did it!
47:11We made a scream! Limitless stabilization! Yes!
47:15Translation?
47:16Hilton, the corn ma-
47:17Let me! Let me!
47:27Delicious. Sweet and crisp.
47:30You did it. Okay.
47:40You did it. Okay.
47:41You do it. Wait, wait.
47:48I'm okay.
47:50Oh my god.
47:54You okay?
47:59Ow.
47:59It's got nothing on you, huh?
48:07That's dark numbers.
48:08What the fuck?
48:09That's dark numbers.
48:10Yeah.
48:19Oh, no, you didn't.
48:23Okay.
48:24I fucking hate tape measures.
48:26It is time you knew the truth about Dr. Les' little dog.
48:30All right, Nils.
48:31You want to know more about Les' secret project?
48:34Here I am, okay?
48:37Les.
48:39Is it the corn?
48:40Are you sick?
48:41No, it's not the corn.
48:41Somebody emailed something.
48:42Something not good to a journalist, and something's going to destroy me just one.
48:46Nils.
48:47Is that the journalist?
48:48Yes, how did you know?
48:49You mentioned him before.
48:50Yes, well, imagine what he could do if he had something on me.
48:52Something big, small, but very big.
48:54What do I do?
48:55You sit.
48:57Relax.
48:59Today is your day.
49:02No.
49:03It's our day.
49:05We did it.
49:07Partners.
49:09Don't worry about Nils.
49:10Vivian's taken care of it.
49:12Nils has retired permanently.
49:15Nils is not a problem.
49:18It's not.
49:18Who sent you the email?
49:20Tell Vivian.
49:22Who is your problem?
49:24Are you going third person?
49:25I find it effective in situations such as this.
49:27Now.
49:28Tell Vivian.
49:31Fine.
49:32Doesn't matter who.
49:35No.
49:35Sometimes, when someone threatens the most important thing in the world to you, you have no choice but to eliminate
49:42them.
49:43Because the someone who would do something like that is never going to stop.
49:49You are going to have to stop them.
49:53Does that scare you?
49:54No.
49:55Yes.
49:56No.
49:56A little.
49:57I'm not suggesting you physically murder someone.
49:59Did you think that?
50:00No.
50:00Yes.
50:02No.
50:02A little.
50:02No.
50:03I'm only suggesting.
50:04Get creative.
50:06Why yes.
50:07Get creative.
50:09And then.
50:10Leave the rest to fate.
50:12Fate.
50:13Makes its own choices.
50:16Fate.
50:19Yes, that is creative.
50:21Come on Nils.
50:23Woo!
50:29Write me back.
50:30Write me back.
50:30Write me back Nils.
50:31Jesus.
50:33Come on Nils then.
50:36Wow.
50:37Lindy.
50:39Lindy, I have a surprise for you.
50:43I'm unarmed.
50:44There's no tricks up these sleeves.
50:45I come bringing tidings to great joy.
50:48I solved the restoration formula.
50:50I can make you big again.
50:52If that's something you're interested in.
51:03I've decided.
51:04We're keeping him.
51:05Yeah.
51:06He won't play ball.
51:07You don't know that.
51:09I do actually.
51:10That's kind of my thing.
51:11Just fire him.
51:12I can get him to play.
51:14Les's brain is a valuable asset to us.
51:16More valuable than mine?
51:17Or yours?
51:18You're making me choose.
51:19You're making me choose.
51:20Well, then we should both choose wisely.
51:29What?
51:29I'm not even blocking you.
51:30Just go around.
51:37You better not be fucking with me.
51:39Oh no.
51:40It's true.
51:40I did it.
51:41I remain a literal genius.
51:42Look.
51:43I miniaturized and restored Mr. Magoo.
51:47How's that proof I never saw him tiny?
51:48I hate that cat.
51:49That's funny.
51:50He told me he hates you too.
51:52What's that Magoo?
51:53Huh?
51:55You're hungry?
51:57Poor thing.
51:58He's been through a lot.
52:00What am I saying?
52:01You know.
52:01Sorta.
52:02Well.
52:03Gotta feed him.
52:04Be inhumane not to right?
52:06You know.
52:07Dr. Carmichael said that I can't force change on you.
52:11So.
52:11I'm having second thoughts about making you big.
52:13I think I've learned that I have to accept you for who you are.
52:17The way you are.
52:18And that you're never gonna stop.
52:21I gotta eat myself.
52:22Worked out quite the appetite.
52:23Think I deserve a good meal.
52:26And so I bid you farewell.
52:27And I wish you the best of luck.
52:32I'll leave it up to fate.
52:44Good kitty.
52:46Easy Magoo.
52:48Easy.
52:49Easy.
52:51Come.
52:58Stop!
52:59Stop!
53:01Oh shit.
53:02Stop!
53:04So be honest, when I took a bite of sweet corn, did you think I was going to explode?
53:07Did you?
53:08You didn't?
53:08Did I? I don't know. I mean, not really.
53:10But, you know, I was thinking, trust the math.
53:12Trust the math. Oh, did you see Hilton?
53:14Did you see his face? Was he scared? I didn't see... Let's not focus on Hilton.
53:16Yeah, fuck that guy. Let's focus on me instead.
53:18Let's focus on us.
53:20Yeah, I'm the fucking golden boy. Cheers to me.
53:22Cheers to us. And everything
53:24we want to accomplish. Together.
53:27You know, I can't believe it. I mean, I can't
53:28believe it, but I can't believe it because, you know, I did make fucking history.
53:30If all the way Lindy can see me now,
53:32right? Lindy? Yeah, you know, I saw
53:34her in my science thoughts at the podium.
53:36Um, that cocktail napkin, when she turned it
53:38right side up, bang! That was it. I got it.
53:41Invert. Lindy.
53:43Helped you.
53:44With science. Yeah, I guess.
53:47You know, cheers to me. Again.
53:49You're not really eating.
53:51I feel ill. Yeah, so do I a little bit.
53:52In my stomach. I think it's excitement.
53:54Les, we shared.
53:57We got personal.
53:59We have
54:01secrets.
54:02I thought we were partners. A scientist
54:04standing in front of another scientist.
54:05Yeah, of course. You helped.
54:08Helped? Yeah.
54:10Like Lindy helped.
54:12You both helped. But, I plan
54:14on thanking you in my acceptance
54:16speech on when I win the Nobel and not
54:18Lindy. And then everyone will know that you
54:20contributed and not Lindy. And that's very
54:22important to me. Not Lindy
54:24is more important to you
54:26than us.
54:28Not really following. Exactly.
54:31Exactly.
54:36I think you should collect your things.
54:37Uh, from what? From here?
54:39From the office.
54:39Oh yes. Good idea. We need more space.
54:41We do.
54:42In a way.
54:43Excuse me a moment.
54:46I, uh, where are you at?
54:47Anything else?
54:49I'm done.
55:00Is that...
55:00Is she leaving?
55:12What the fuck?
55:15What's my thought?
55:17Hey!
55:18I know you can see me.
55:19Open the fucking door!
55:22My ID's not working.
55:27Where's Mr. Magoo?
55:28Is he gonna let me in?
55:30Where is Mr. Magoo?
55:33Is this about a cat?
55:35I want my tiny
55:37cat back.
55:38I restored him!
55:39I took him home!
55:40It's fucking Lindy's cat!
55:41I hate that cat!
55:42I don't know who you are.
55:46Are you gonna let me in?
55:49Oh, fuck this!
55:56You think you can lock me out, motherfuckers?
55:59It's my fucking world!
56:01Fine!
56:06What?
56:13What was the plan here?
56:16My ID didn't work.
56:18And you were gonna drive
56:20through the lobby?
56:22Yeah.
56:25You didn't listen.
56:27I tried.
56:28I was passionate about it.
56:30I cursed.
56:31I warned you about these people.
56:33You did.
56:34You dummy.
56:36Now it's over.
56:38Hilton has everything.
56:42We have nothing.
56:45Well, I couldn't help it.
56:47It's my life's work.
56:48I had to do it.
56:50Les.
56:51The Nobel was never on the table.
56:54They were always going to steal your tack.
56:57Martin.
56:58Without the Nobel,
57:00I'm not worthy.
57:03Worthy of what?
57:14I needed Lindy to be proud of me.
57:16I needed Lindy to be proud of me.
57:19Lindy's the only person who's ever really got me.
57:22See me.
57:25Lindy.
57:27She didn't get her out of my head.
57:29She's everywhere.
57:34Oh, God.
57:36Oh, fuck.
57:37Oh, fuck.
57:38Oh.
57:39What?
57:39I can't keep up.
57:40Can you get back in there?
57:41What did I just say?
57:43I have to get the formula.
57:43Oh, fuck, fuck.
57:44I can't go home without it.
57:45I need a ride.
57:46No, you're gonna have to take an Uber
57:47because I got Dana.
57:47No, you're gonna fucking drive me home.
57:49What?
57:49I'm acting now.
57:49This is life or death mark.
57:50For real this time.
57:51For really, really, real.
57:52But who can eat her?
57:53The cat?
57:54Yeah.
57:54I'll explain.
57:55What do you mean?
57:55I'll explain to you and Dana later.
57:56You're gonna drive me.
57:57Come on.
57:57Why?
57:58What are you?
57:59Oh, fuck.
58:14Where is she?
58:18Come on.
58:19Oh, oh, oh.
58:20Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
58:21The fat lady has a son, man, okay?
58:23I appreciate you.
58:23You're alive.
58:24You're alive.
58:25Wrong one, but I just, I'm trying to reconcile him
58:26as a husband and less the scientist.
58:28What drives a man?
58:29There's a generation of compassion towards science
58:31and yet has a selfish helplessness towards his wife.
58:33I just, how, why?
58:35I'm asking you again, why less?
58:37Richie.
58:38What?
58:38No, no, no.
58:38This is not the time for this.
58:40Why marry a man?
58:43Richie!
58:45Over here!
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