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Taskmaster - S19E09 - Getaway Sticks [Full Movie] [Vertical Drama]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:02This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:35Hello!
00:37Welcome!
00:38Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Greg Davies, and for a man my age, I'm as fly as they come.
00:49We're at the penultimate stage of a competition
00:51that will go down in history as being so unimportant
00:54that I doubt any of us that are involved
00:57will even have marked graves.
00:59That said...
01:00LAUGHTER
01:02We're here now, so let's make an effort.
01:06Battling hard for Britain's hollowest prize
01:09are...
01:23And next to me, a man that went to private school
01:27and genuinely doesn't like people knowing that.
01:30LAUGHTER
01:31It's little Alex Horne!
01:33It wasn't my choice.
01:35It wasn't my choice.
01:36It wasn't my choice.
01:37Hi.
01:38Hello, Greg.
01:39Hi there.
01:40Feeling good?
01:41Yep.
01:41Penultimate show, so I imagine you've prepared something
01:44pretty special for our chat section.
01:45Well, I just thought...
01:46I'll tell you about my latest routine.
01:48I've been going to the gym three times a week.
01:53What is it?
01:54Let me guess.
01:55You know a man called Jim?
01:56Yeah, exactly.
01:57LAUGHTER
01:59Well, as soon as I said to the gym, you knew I was going to have
02:01to say gym, so that's...
02:02I did, but...
02:02We all did.
02:03Yeah?
02:04Yeah.
02:04We know you don't go to the gym.
02:05Look at your body.
02:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:08It's horrible.
02:08It's in active collapse.
02:11Yeah.
02:12It's horrible.
02:13Floppy.
02:13It's so white as well.
02:15It's so pale.
02:15Very pale, very pale, yeah.
02:16Yeah.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20OK, let's prize task, shall we?
02:23Yes, time to crack on and see what they've brought in
02:25for the category I'm about to think out loud, which is...
02:30The most satisfying thing you could use as a jelly mould.
02:35Yes.
02:36Greggy likes his jelly.
02:38Alex likes his jelly and Alex likes his Greggy
02:40and his Greggy jelly belly.
02:41That's right.
02:43At the end of this episode, one lucky winner will genuinely
02:48walk away with five prospective jelly moulds.
02:50Can I get a whoop-whoop?
02:53Well done.
02:54The first poem to ever make me feel physically sick.
02:58Jason!
02:59I think it's pretty self-explanatory.
03:00The best mould would be this.
03:05Does that remind you of anything...
03:06You know, it occurs to me it might be hard to figure out
03:09what it is based on that, so I had them make a jelly.
03:12The jelly from the mould.
03:13Can we look at that?
03:14Yes.
03:15That's...
03:17That is the real jelly.
03:18Italian boobs?
03:19It's not Italian boobs in the end.
03:21Those are Irish.
03:22Irish boobs.
03:23When Irish boobs are smiling.
03:25Now, my question for you, Greg, is whose boobs are those?
03:29Your mums.
03:32Are you saying that these boobs belong to someone we might know?
03:35Huh?
03:36Oh.
03:37So it's an Irish person.
03:38The cause?
03:39The cause.
03:41I don't even know who that is.
03:44Aisling B.
03:45Show me Aisling B!
03:47Yeah.
03:47There we go.
03:48It's her.
03:51Wow!
03:55I texted her, I said, this is the task prize.
03:58Would you be willing to get a plaster mould of your boobs done?
04:01She said, absolutely, when and where?
04:04No question.
04:05Straight in.
04:05Zero questions.
04:06Good.
04:07Thanks for bringing Aisling B's jelly tits.
04:09Who's next?
04:13Stevie?
04:14Very different approach.
04:16So I'm going to set the scene.
04:18I'm having a party.
04:19It's my party, you're there.
04:21And we've had the savoury bits, the nibbles, and then I'm like,
04:25do you want some jelly?
04:25And you're like, yeah, but I don't know what sort of flavour.
04:28I, quick as a flash, spoon from behind the ear, hand you a spoon,
04:31hand goes back to just an unobtrusive chest of drawers,
04:34open the top drawer full of jelly.
04:36Here it is.
04:37Three different flavours.
04:38Yeah.
04:39It's a chest of drawers.
04:40Right.
04:41You wouldn't expect it.
04:46What, a drawer full of jelly?
04:50That's a great party.
04:51You'd be talking about that for ages after you'd been to that party.
04:54Yeah, I'd be talking about your mental health.
04:57Yeah.
04:58Matthew.
04:59What have you brought?
05:00It's a paddling pool.
05:01Yes, it is.
05:02There it is.
05:03I just thought...
05:05Pop that next to drawers in the list.
05:07You'd always put your 255 cubic litres of jelly, so volume-wise.
05:11You'd be pretty satisfied if you made that much jelly.
05:14Maybe too satisfied.
05:15Yeah, yeah.
05:15It'd be a...
05:15Yeah, I mean, it'd be a big jelly.
05:17Rosie.
05:18I brought me air fryer drawers.
05:21Yes, she has.
05:22Yes.
05:23Yeah, there you go.
05:24Perfect size.
05:25Still drawers, isn't it?
05:26Yeah, but...
05:31Smaller drawers.
05:33Yeah, because that's too much and you're never going to set it.
05:35I can take them from the utility room, take them out, put them in the fridge, wibble-wobble-wibble,
05:39they'll come out lush and smooth because it's, like, great, like, non-stick metal.
05:44What are you looking at us out for?
05:47Absolutely shit.
05:51Patia.
05:52So, the thing that I brought...
05:54Can we just show it?
05:55Yes.
05:55All right, and then I'll...
05:56You don't want to give me some sort of build-up?
05:57Nah, because when you see it, you're going to be, like, wicked.
05:59She has brought...
06:00this.
06:02It's...
06:05Like, people like feets, innit?
06:07No.
06:08Not really.
06:08No-one wants to eat a jelly in the shape of a foot.
06:10Yeah, they do.
06:11Do you know how much someone would pay for me to make a real one of those?
06:15I could buy a house.
06:17We're currently witnessing a Reddit forum being creative.
06:22I've made my decision.
06:23You've made your decision?
06:24Mine can do three meals.
06:26I do?
06:30Mine can do, like, the starter, the main, and then the dessert.
06:33Yes.
06:33Oh, my God, I'm so sustainable.
06:35Yeah, you are.
06:36If only the task had been, bring something in that you can cook a three-course meal.
06:42Satisfying, though, innit?
06:43No, it isn't, Rosie.
06:45And you'll thank me for your one point.
06:50Fuck!
06:55One point to Rosie Ramsey. Well done, Rosie.
06:57Foot two.
06:57Two points to Fatia, correct?
06:59I like the scale of the draws.
07:00You can have three points.
07:01Three to students.
07:02You know, I'd like to see a jelly that big.
07:03I'd like to see an even bigger jelly, the size of a paddling pool,
07:06but obviously, if someone's going to bare their breasts on television,
07:08of course I have to give them five points.
07:10Five points to Jason McClick!
07:14Right, what's the first proper task, please?
07:17Well, let me show you...
07:20That's strange.
07:21It's, uh...
07:22Hmm.
07:23I don't know how...
07:24Fine.
07:25Right, well, here we go.
07:26It's this.
07:42Yoo-hoo!
07:45You all right? What are you saying?
07:50Something missing.
07:51Where is it?
07:53Come on.
07:54It's nearby.
07:57You've got one job, Alex.
07:59To give out the task.
08:00I've given you the task.
08:05Could I sit on it?
08:10Hello?
08:16Have you put something on my back?
08:22Warm.
08:23Warm.
08:25Ah, warm.
08:26Oh, OK.
08:27Warm.
08:28You're very warm.
08:29But you said I was very warm over there.
08:31Yeah, you were.
08:32Very warm.
08:33But not warmer than I was there.
08:35No, exactly the size.
08:36I can see it, if that helps.
08:41I cannot believe that.
08:44Liberties.
08:45If this stains my hijab, oh, bro.
08:51Congratulations.
08:52You've discovered the magic moustache
08:54and must wear it until the end of this task.
08:56Does it matter where?
08:58Let me see things through your eyes.
09:00Shall I have a look?
09:01Yeah.
09:02Staring right at it.
09:03Yeah.
09:04OK.
09:05Colder.
09:06Warmer.
09:07Warmer.
09:08Colder.
09:10Warmer.
09:11Colder.
09:12Warmer.
09:15Is it on me?
09:16Damn it.
09:18Colder.
09:19Warmer.
09:20Colder.
09:21Warmer.
09:23Warmer.
09:26Warmer.
09:28Warmer, warmer.
09:31Pretty hot now.
09:35What a laugh.
09:40Oh, yeah.
09:41Place something somewhere surprising.
09:44The thing that makes the taskmaster ask,
09:46how did that get there, the loudest wins.
09:49There is a bonus point for the most surprising answer
09:52to that question.
09:53You have a maximum of 30 minutes.
09:56Your time starts now.
09:58All right?
09:59I cannot help you.
10:01Have you been helping me?
10:04No.
10:05Oh!
10:06Ooh!
10:07Ooh, how did I get there?
10:08Mm.
10:09It's a little bit different, isn't it?
10:11It is a bit.
10:12So you are going to see something somewhere.
10:14Yeah.
10:15And you are going to respond with a,
10:16how did that get there,
10:17at varying levels,
10:18depending on how surprised you are.
10:20Quite exciting, isn't it?
10:22It is exciting.
10:23OK, I'm going to show you Fatia's thing
10:25placed somewhere incredibly surprising.
10:27Here we go.
10:28It's...
10:28a croissant on a roof.
10:38Let's just see the natural reaction.
10:43How did that get there?
10:46How do you think it got there?
10:48I think that Fatia went straight outside
10:50and threw it on the roof.
10:52OK.
10:52Don't say anything Fatia.
10:54We are going to see one more
10:55before we see how she's done it.
10:57This is Rosie's thing.
10:59There it is.
11:00It's bra and a thong on a clock.
11:07How did that get there?
11:10You still don't seem that intrigued.
11:11How do you think it got there?
11:12I think she climbed up a ladder
11:13and put a bra and a thong on the clock.
11:16Interesting.
11:16Well, let's see how these things
11:18got where they got.
11:18Here we go.
11:36Maybe that was too forceful, innit?
11:39Maybe.
11:42Hello.
11:43Hi.
11:45Excuse me.
11:46Yep.
11:52That's a lot higher than I thought it was.
11:55Yeah.
11:55And you're only little.
12:02Woo!
12:04Oh, God!
12:05You're doing really well.
12:06Oh, why have I done this?
12:08Oh, my God.
12:11This is how I'm going to die.
12:12Right.
12:13This silly program.
12:26Oh, my God.
12:28Oh, my God.
12:30Yes!
12:31Yes!
12:32This is terrifying.
12:35All right.
12:36Oh, God.
12:37I'm going.
12:38You finished?
12:38Yep.
12:39Done.
12:44As I suspected.
12:47You lobbed it up.
12:48How many goes did it take her?
12:49It took you seven goes.
12:51It wasn't my fault.
12:52It was the croissant's fault.
12:53It kept on rolling.
12:54Yeah.
12:55The croissant did have something to do with it.
12:56Yeah.
12:57Hello.
12:58What's written on the pants?
12:59I did write, Greg, if this wins, I will give you £50.
13:03But I have...
13:04Have you got the cash?
13:05Yeah.
13:06And so, just to let you know as well, it's a new one.
13:10Ooh, lovely.
13:11Ooh, Charles is on it.
13:12Charles.
13:12Nice.
13:14Lovely.
13:15Why have you given it to him before the judgement?
13:18Yeah.
13:27So, OK, you did what I said.
13:30You climbed up a ladder and you thought,
13:32I'll bribe my way out of this.
13:33Yeah.
13:33Interesting.
13:33Well, I've got the £50.
13:34We'll see how we feel at the end.
13:36Right.
13:36Time for a break now.
13:38But as my auntie said when she accidentally threw a stick
13:40for her dog into an open quarry, come back.
13:43Please, come back!
13:45Tintin, please!
13:47Come back!
13:58Well, well, well.
14:01It's the start of part two and time for me to continue to shout,
14:04how did that get there?
14:06Or not?
14:07Yes, and right now that will depend on how Stevie did.
14:10I'm going to show you a photo, Greg.
14:12How do you think this got here?
14:18A little, a little, a little wooden basket with...
14:22With eggs in?
14:23No, breads.
14:23Breadsticks.
14:23Tiny, tiny French breads.
14:25Tiny French breads.
14:26Yeah.
14:27How did that get there?
14:28How did that get there?
14:29Ooh!
14:30Wow.
14:30Someone's interested.
14:31That's good.
14:32I think it probably got there in a weird way.
14:36OK, before I show you, I'm going to show you Matt's object.
14:39How do you think this got there?
14:54How did that get there?
14:56How did that get there?
14:57How do you think it got there?
14:58Well, Matthew, using the manic energy that he's been storing up for a whole series, violently dragged us out of
15:06the door.
15:07OK.
15:08Well, let's see how those things got there.
15:20Temple.
15:25Alex!
15:26Would you like a small basket of breads?
15:29Oh, yes, please, Stevie.
15:50It's just a sofa in a garden.
15:54Or is it?
15:58Wow.
15:59How did that get there?
16:02Yeah.
16:07Yeah.
16:09Yeah.
16:10Yeah.
16:10Yeah.
16:10It wasn't the sofa, it was a cushion that was the subject.
16:12It was me.
16:13Yeah.
16:13I'm supposed to be surprised by how the thing got there, aren't I?
16:17Whatever you think is a good thing, if it's the sofa, if it's me...
16:23Look, we've got our base.
16:25It's not a croissant lobbed on a roof, so things are looking good.
16:30Now, here's the weird thing.
16:31If you'd have asked me to guess Stevie's, I was genuinely going to say I imagine that she lowered it
16:36into his mouth with a fishing rod.
16:38God.
16:39But I wasn't expecting her to have created an upside-down house.
16:42It's a surprising answer.
16:43It's surprising.
16:44Galore.
16:45It's surprising galore.
16:46OK.
16:47There is one more to see.
16:48I know.
16:49It's Jason Mantoukas.
16:51A banana skin in the cupboard.
16:53LAUGHTER
16:59Now, should my how did that get there be based on what I see or my knowledge of Jason?
17:05That's up to you, Greg.
17:07OK.
17:07Well, I'll give you both.
17:09How did that get there?
17:11How did that get there?
17:14OK.
17:16LAUGHTER
17:17Here we go.
17:18This is what happened.
17:23LAUGHTER
17:30LAUGHTER
17:33LAUGHTER
17:36LAUGHTER
17:56I mean, fair play.
17:57Yeah.
17:59They did an incredible job making him greyer, I will say.
18:02He's not nearly as grey as I am.
18:04You're very different characters as well.
18:06Oh, yes.
18:06He's been on this show and he was great.
18:08It's a great show.
18:08I mean, the...
18:08He was pathetic.
18:09Yeah.
18:12Right.
18:13Let's go.
18:14Fatia.
18:14I'm very fond of you, but I knew you'd lob that croissant on that roof.
18:18LAUGHTER
18:19One point to Fatia.
18:20One point.
18:21I was mildly more intrigued by Rosie.
18:23Rosie would be right at the top if I were allowed to accept bribes, but I can't.
18:27OK, two for you.
18:28Mmm.
18:28There's a bit of ambiguity about Matthews, I think.
18:31I knew how that sofa and those cushions got there.
18:34Mmm.
18:35But I didn't expect him to be hiding in the cushions.
18:37So, he did put something somewhere surprising.
18:38So, I must reward that to some extent.
18:40So, I'll give him three points.
18:41Three to you, Matthew.
18:42And we bounce up.
18:43Obviously, Stevie's was a masterpiece.
18:46So much going on there.
18:47But I was so genuinely shocked by Kumar's arrival.
18:51I have to reward our American friend with five points.
18:54There we go.
18:54Four points.
18:54Five points to Jason.
18:55That's really good.
18:59OK.
19:00I mean, there is a bonus point for the most surprising answer, I guess.
19:03Was it Jason's or Stevie's?
19:05Um, obviously Jason.
19:06Jason gets another.
19:07He gets six points.
19:08OK.
19:08Another point.
19:09Six points.
19:12OK.
19:12Press your button and show me some scores.
19:14Jason's in the lead with 11 points.
19:16Lovely.
19:16APPLAUSE
19:22Next.
19:23Yes, it's finally time for me to try out some new partners.
19:46Jason.
19:47Hello, Alex.
19:48Get those legs out.
19:49Wow.
19:50That's very white.
19:51Yeah, if you've got them.
19:52Yeah.
19:53Those getaway sticks.
19:56Oh.
19:58Got your legs out.
20:00What in the pasty hell is this?
20:02What is going on?
20:03Who's pasty?
20:04You, bruv.
20:05Look.
20:06You know what?
20:07Let's do this.
20:08Look at your getaway sticks.
20:09Yeah.
20:10All right.
20:11Create the most exciting new bodies so that you and Alex become a dynamic duo.
20:18What a sentence.
20:20You must then do something dynamic together for no more than a minute.
20:26Most dynamic duo wins.
20:28You have 30 minutes.
20:30Your time starts now.
20:32Most exciting bodies.
20:33Do I have to touch you?
20:34What the hell is going on?
20:36Most exciting new bodies.
20:38Oh, OK.
20:39So we can add appendages to ourselves.
20:44Just waiting for an idea to pop into the old noggin.
20:47That's not really how it works.
20:48Yeah.
20:49No.
20:49Oh, well, shall I just...
20:50OK.
20:51Yeah.
20:52Your time starts now.
20:58Well, looks like Matthew may have overheard Stevie and decided to offer his appendage there.
21:08OK.
21:09Here we go with Fatia and Stevie's oh-so-dynamic bodies.
21:25Ah, my old friend, Sir Alex of Horn.
21:29Ah, Sir Stevie of Martin.
21:41Hey, hijab.
21:42I don't think you've ever grappled with a raging horn before.
21:45The raging horn never subsides.
21:47I'm gonna crack your horn and feed it to the pigeons.
21:52We have fought side by side for decades.
21:56But then you killed my son.
21:58It was an accident.
22:01But you will never believe me.
22:04Dismount, lad.
22:09Now arm yourself for the last dance.
22:20Are you ready?
22:21Ready.
22:23Raging horn, ready.
22:25Hijab.
22:27Ready.
22:29And...
22:29En garde!
22:30Ha!
22:36You've got no rhythm.
22:39One push and you're done.
22:41Oh!
22:42Here he goes.
22:43I have defeated him.
22:46Raging horn, more like raging delusional.
22:50He's still here.
22:51Oh, hello.
22:58I've had enough of this.
23:00Here comes the hijabi slobby.
23:11I'm the best.
23:13Come here!
23:13Gah!
23:15Gah!
23:15Gah!
23:16Gah!
23:19My friend.
23:21It's been an honour.
23:23Urgh!
23:26APPLAUSE
23:31It takes a lot to impress me these days.
23:33I'm old and cynical.
23:35But you conjured up the majesty of medieval times.
23:40Oh, yeah.
23:40Thought it was funny.
23:42Well acted.
23:43It was a very touching moment.
23:45You killed my son.
23:47Loved it.
23:48See?
23:49When I'm nice, no-one likes it.
23:55Now then.
23:57I don't know what the hell was going on.
24:00The dynamism was where?
24:02I mean, it just looked like two people dressed as eggs banging into each other.
24:06I used my whole body, you know.
24:08And Alex really did fall over.
24:10And I ended up banging my chin.
24:12Slowly.
24:12Yeah, I banged my chin.
24:13I'm sorry you banged your chin.
24:15Yeah.
24:15And I'm sorry that your video was rubbish.
24:19Who's next?
24:20OK.
24:21Well, here are Jason and I, and me, and Rosie.
24:33Skelly?
24:34Mm-hm?
24:35We've been rattling around these streets for far too long.
24:38I think it's time that we get up to that city in the sky.
24:43After one last dance.
24:46Oh.
24:47Are you ready?
24:48Yeah.
24:49Five, six, seven, eight.
25:12That's right.
25:14We are the dynamic duo known as Captain Drum and Pipe Beast.
25:19Show them what you got, Pipe Beast.
25:24These are not our original bodies!
25:34Quieter now.
25:36Dynamics.
25:53This is rock and roll from the future.
25:57My left hand has run out of batteries.
25:59OK.
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26:29Jason, what did I write down for you?
26:31Oh, yeah, you're a fucking maniac.
26:34LAUGHTER
26:36Sounds about right.
26:38So you were playing on dynamics, musical dynamics,
26:40when you were louder and quieter.
26:41Quieter and louder, musical dynamics.
26:43Yeah, and of course you were shouting classic catchphrases like,
26:46these are not our original bodies.
26:48LAUGHTER
26:50Let's have a break, shall we?
26:52This one needs to go and have a wee.
26:53Get it in the litter tray this time.
26:55Ooh!
26:55Oh, great! Now he's got a furball!
26:58Ooh!
27:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:10Hello!
27:11Welcome back to the penultimate episode of the series,
27:14in which I am currently judging the most exciting new bodies
27:17combined to create the most dynamic duo.
27:19Yes, and what a body we have next.
27:22What a taut, svelte, lithe body.
27:25Of course, it's Matt Bainton's body.
27:30LAUGHTER
27:34LAUGHTER
27:45Music
27:46What a taut, svelte...
27:49What a taut, svelte...
27:53No, this is Matt Bainton's body.
27:55It's Matt Bainton's body.
28:01Oh, can we enter the world?
28:04No, this is Matt Bainton,
28:04Oh, I'm just...
28:35LAUGHTER
28:40APPLAUSE
28:45Oh, man.
28:46What a beautiful take on the word dynamic.
28:50And it's the first time, I'm new to this phrase,
28:53the first time I've had a camel toe.
28:59Oh, my God. I know.
29:02I don't know what happened.
29:04Oh, no!
29:07I don't know what it is.
29:09I don't know what it is.
29:11You look like you've got a big chubby fanny.
29:14LAUGHTER
29:17I'm just glad we're talking about somebody else's ball.
29:21LAUGHTER
29:23Right, you need to judge this now. Yep.
29:25Most dynamic duo wins. I do have to judge it.
29:28LAUGHTER
29:31Well...
29:31LAUGHTER
29:32It's bad, isn't it?
29:33It's clean.
29:35But I tell you what, though, I so like the character,
29:38I'm not going to give you one point, I'm going to give you two points.
29:40OK.
29:41I thought everything else was excellent,
29:44so I'm giving Rosie three and Jason three.
29:47Then I'm jumping up to the night story.
29:49The narrative was so complex, four points to Stevie Martin.
29:52OK.
29:53And, of course, how could I not give five points
29:56to Matthew's beautiful butterfly?
29:58Well done, Matthew.
29:59APPLAUSE
30:04Right, let's have another.
30:05Yes, we're going to have another now.
30:07And another.
30:08And another.
30:09And another.
30:10And another.
30:12And another.
30:13All the information's on the task.
30:18Oh, all the information on the task.
30:25As-salamu alaykum, habibi.
30:28Ooh.
30:29Not a simple one.
30:30Ooh.
30:31OK, good.
30:31These are the ones I like.
30:33Let's get into a good hearty task.
30:36Immediately.
30:37Disaster.
30:39Conquer the multitask.
30:42You must complete every task in every room you enter.
30:46Oh.
30:51Fastest wins.
30:52Your time starts now.
30:54Now, either have a snack in the kitchen
30:56or a lie down in the hutch.
30:58Where's the hutch?
31:00Good.
31:04I think I understand it.
31:05Mm-hm.
31:05Not much to say.
31:06We just need to see them in action, don't we, on this occasion?
31:08That's right.
31:09It's choose-your-own-tasking time.
31:10And we're going to begin with Fatia and Jason.
31:13I'll do a snack in the kitchen, if you don't mind.
31:15Shall we?
31:15Shall we?
31:16Yes, please.
31:17Oh, habibi, you think you are clever?
31:20I am cleverer than you.
31:232-8-5-1-8.
31:24You've written down your snack.
31:26What?
31:27Clean up this mess.
31:29What the hell, man?
31:30Oi, this is disgusting.
31:34Then either have a lie down in the hutch
31:36or finish a drink in the caravan.
31:38Drink in the caravan, please.
31:42I want the elixir, but I'm scared it's going to taste like nonsense.
31:45Blue drink, is it?
31:47Mm-hm.
31:50Done.
31:51Become this person.
31:52If you have eaten a snack, you must wear the snack sign for the rest of the task.
31:56Become this person.
31:57Oh, I see.
31:58This person.
31:58Got it.
31:59Sorry, sorry.
31:59Yes, please.
32:00Wonder in the living room or a rummage in the shed, please.
32:02I'll have a rummage in the shed.
32:03Okay.
32:04Come.
32:07Can I have this coat?
32:08I think it's nice, you know.
32:10Give patatas the elixir.
32:13Patatas?
32:14You must use the baby bottle to administer the elixir.
32:18Then you have conquered the multitask.
32:20Baby bottle is what I'm looking for.
32:24Baby bottle!
32:32Oh, oh, I found it, I found it, I found it.
32:35There's a safe, and I wrote down the combination.
32:382-8-5-1.
32:43Oh, Kat!
32:48Remember, if you go into a room, you've got to do the task.
32:51Damn it!
32:53Become this person.
32:54If you've eaten a snack, you must wear the snack sign for the rest of the task.
32:57Boy, is this hard to figure out.
33:01Wait, wait, wait.
33:08Patatas be cool.
33:11That was pretty smooth.
33:13Thank you, Fatia.
33:16I'll stop the clock.
33:20Bye!
33:28I was genuinely, genuinely just thinking,
33:31oh, this is nice, Jason hasn't smashed anything up.
33:36What an unnecessary cat murder at the end.
33:38And I dismantled the shed entirely.
33:40He did do that.
33:41Good, as long as you cost us money.
33:44Well, they were both quite good, weren't they?
33:46They were really good.
33:46They both sussed out the cookie code was significant early doors.
33:50And every time you went into a room, you had to do the task that was in there,
33:52so Fatia cleverly at the end didn't go into the room,
33:54but reached through and got the elixir.
33:56Real good!
33:56Very clever.
33:56And that's why she is five minutes quicker than Jason at the end,
34:00six minutes 14 and 11 minutes 55.
34:02Wow.
34:03Top speed so far.
34:04Want to see two more?
34:06Er, yeah.
34:07OK, well, it's two women called Stevie and Rosie next.
34:09Yes, it's Stevie and Rosie.
34:10Here we go.
34:12Either have a snack in the kitchen or a lie down in the hutch.
34:15Ooh.
34:16Ooh, a lie down.
34:20All right, done that.
34:22Reconstruct the Taskmaster house.
34:24Yes, please.
34:27What is that?
34:282851.
34:29That's it.
34:30Now either brush your teeth in the lab or have a snack in the kitchen.
34:32I'm going to have a little snacky snack.
34:34Snacks for me, please!
34:37It's a number again.
34:38It's not sand.
34:39Greg was here earlier.
34:41What?
34:41Is it in sand?
34:43Yeah.
34:449951 for having a drink.
34:45Come on.
34:46Yep.
34:47Yeah.
34:48Don't either wander into the living room.
34:49We'll have a rummage in the shed.
34:51I've been in the shed already.
34:53I'll go back to the shed as soon as I'm here.
34:55OK.
34:59Give Patatus the elixir.
35:01Who's Patatus?
35:02Well, if you need more information, you know where to go.
35:04Yeah, I do.
35:05I don't have to do this again, do I?
35:08Brush your teeth in the lab.
35:09I haven't brushed my teeth.
35:11Oh, my God.
35:14Fold up the map.
35:17Behind some oars.
35:18I'm just going to remember, behind some oars.
35:21What map?
35:23I don't have a map yet.
35:24Do you not have a map yet?
35:25Where's the map?
35:26The map's going to be somewhere else.
35:28I guess so.
35:30OK.
35:31Then she was going to shed a dance for the second one.
35:33I'm going to dance.
35:36I'm going to go and have a drink in the caravan.
35:40Become this person.
35:41Oh!
35:42Wander to the living room.
35:44Oh, hello.
35:44Hello.
35:45Pop this balloon.
35:48Ow!
35:49Ow!
35:51I'm so sorry.
35:53That was horrible.
35:54What is doing in that?
35:56You found me.
35:57Go immediately to the shed.
36:01Oh, the shed.
36:03This is the shed.
36:04That's the hutch.
36:05Give potatoes the elixir.
36:07Who's potatoes?
36:08Right, I need the elixir anyway.
36:10Right.
36:10Oh, a lollipop lady.
36:12OK, I'm going to go into the shed.
36:14Oh!
36:14Maybe it's a map of where potatoes is, do you think?
36:19Shut...
36:21Was that there before?
36:23I mean, it's huge.
36:24You can't have been, can you?
36:26It's got...
36:27It was behind the oars!
36:29Right.
36:302851.
36:32Hello, baby.
36:33I don't think he wants it.
36:35He wants it.
36:37WHISTLE
36:37I saw the pot.
36:39Lovely.
36:40Lovely.
36:42Lovely.
36:44Good.
36:46The thing that fascinates me is the difference in your energies.
36:49And I felt like I was watching one mad teenager who'd eaten three Easter
36:53eggs.
36:54And then a mum who was just pottering around the shop.
36:57Ooh, well, I guess I'll pop in here then.
37:01See what we've got in here.
37:02Follow her like, yeah!
37:05I've got two kids, I think that's the difference.
37:07I ate quite a lot of the biscuits.
37:10Were they similar times?
37:11Tell me some stats.
37:12They were similar number of rooms they went into.
37:14They each went into 13 rooms.
37:17Stevie, 23 minutes and 29 seconds.
37:20Still much quicker than Rosie, who was half an hour.
37:23Of course she was.
37:24She went and had her nails done halfway through.
37:28Right, well, that's the end of part three.
37:30Soon, you'll see one of the cast up on stage,
37:32waving behind a chest of drawers, an air fryer, some boobs,
37:35a foot and a paddling pool.
37:37And you'd be forgiven for thinking perhaps humans should be extinct.
37:41We'll see you in a minute.
37:49APPLAUSE
37:53Welcome back to the very last part of the show.
37:56There was a busy old task going on before the break, wasn't there, Alex?
37:59Mm-mm. Yes, there was.
38:01The cast are trying to conquer the multitask
38:03and there's only one person left to go,
38:05presumably because he's been so brilliant.
38:07It's Matt.
38:11Is this a nice snack for me?
38:15Pardon?
38:16Clean up this mess.
38:18We're going to the caravan, are we?
38:21Oh, Elixir, why not?
38:23You deserve it.
38:25To the living room.
38:28Oh, I've never seen it done like that before.
38:30Then shimmy to the shed.
38:34Give Patatas the Elixir.
38:36Where's the Elixir?
38:37In me.
38:39Is there more Elixir?
38:42Who is Patatas?
38:44Oh, if you need more information,
38:45either have a snack in the kitchen or a lie-down in the hutch.
38:51While I'm here, I really am keen to have gathered a clue.
38:56Then either brush your teeth in the lab
38:58or have a snack in the kitchen.
38:59Right.
39:04Mistake.
39:07What's the code?
39:10There must be more clues in here.
39:14I guess we move.
39:15The things I'm...
39:15I know I'm going to be back here.
39:20That's enough.
39:21That's enough for me.
39:22That sounds good enough.
39:24Brush your teeth and then have a rummage in the kitchen.
39:26Pop this balloon and have a snack in the kitchen.
39:28It says have a lie-down.
39:30It makes me think that it must be a clue.
39:34Up above.
39:36There's probably a clue in here.
39:37You would have thought.
39:42There's a clue.
39:432851.
39:442851.
39:44Hop into the lab.
39:45OK.
39:48I've got the number of cases.
39:522561.
39:552571.
39:57It's not accepting any, well, buttons any more.
40:01You might have to give it a couple of minutes.
40:02Just popping off to the hutch for a little lie-down.
40:072851.
40:082851.
40:102851.
40:112851.
40:122851.
40:122851.
40:14I've broken the safe.
40:15You've been locked out for four minutes.
40:17We have to wait.
40:21Amazing how many regrets you can have, isn't it?
40:23LAUGHTER
40:31PETATAS!
40:34I've done the clock, Matthew.
40:45It was bad luck, though, do you not think?
40:47That's what I felt throughout.
40:49Bad luck?
40:49I just thought he was really unlucky, that he missed things.
40:52Well, I mean, you say that, he went into...
40:58What?
40:59What?
41:00Sorry, I take it back.
41:01The man's an idiot.
41:06Yeah.
41:07Don't say it like that, though, because it seemed to...
41:09the most likely...
41:18...mimdi...
41:20Blackie
41:21..baccueil gets to five points.
41:22The fastest one, Miles.
41:23Five points.
41:24Well done, baccueil!
41:25Six minutes, Jason...
41:29...points.
41:3023 minutes, Rosie, half an hour, but still you get...
41:33..wins. I will explain.
41:35There's a chess clock here. Both teams have got 30 seconds.
41:38So the quicker you think, the quicker you press the button,
41:41the better you'll do. The team of three is going first.
41:43OK. As soon as I press the button, your clock starts.
41:45Round one. The category is...
41:47It's five-letter words. Good luck.
41:49Penis.
41:51Apple. Ankle.
41:52Apple. Chips. Chips. Good.
41:56Agree. Agree is good.
42:00Flags. Lovely.
42:01Shoes. Death. Metal.
42:03Death metal? That's nice. Light.
42:08Found. Knife.
42:10Forks. Forks. Angel.
42:12Not you!
42:14After you just did one. I'm sorry.
42:16No, it's all right, but no, stay there. I said forks.
42:18I know, but then she said...
42:20I've got to a second. It looks like the supply teacher's lost control.
42:25It's your team.
42:28Don't press the button until they've done it.
42:30OK, I'm sorry.
42:30Piles.
42:33Angels.
42:34Brick.
42:36Tasks.
42:37Lovely, cos that's the show, isn't it?
42:38Boobs.
42:39Crisp.
42:40Charm.
42:41Carrie.
42:42Queen.
42:44Kings.
42:45Flits.
42:46Hands.
42:47Rosie.
42:48Rosie.
42:48Not you!
42:49LAUGHTER
42:54Fox.
42:55Rosie.
42:57Jason.
42:59It's all over. This team wins round one.
43:04APPLAUSE
43:06Well, if that was tricky, you'd better strut yourselves in.
43:10It's round two, everyone. It's 1-0 to the team of three.
43:14Words that start and end with the letter T.
43:20They start and end with the letter T. We're starting with a team of two.
43:22Good luck.
43:23TWAT.
43:26TEAT.
43:27TWIST.
43:28THRIST.
43:29TENANT.
43:30TIT.
43:32TROT.
43:34TENANT.
43:35TORT.
43:36TWIT.
43:37TINT.
43:39TWIT.
43:40TOPPEL UP A TOP TOP.
43:41TWIT.
43:42TIP.
43:42Don't touch that button until you say a word that starts and end with T.
43:46T.
43:46We've had trot...
43:48TWIT.
43:51T...
43:51TINT.
43:52TINT.
43:52No helping, Fatia.
43:53TINT.
43:54No. Has that been...?
43:55We've had tint.
43:56It's up.
43:57TORRENT.
43:58TORRENT.
43:59SHH.
43:59What was the word?
44:00TORRENT.
44:01TORRENT!
44:01Oh, it's team of two.
44:04Round two.
44:05APPLAUSE
44:06Thank you. OK. Are you all right?
44:09It's very nice. She's just checking I'm OK. Not really, no, not really.
44:13You're doing well. You've not been a teacher long.
44:17OK, it is round three, the final round. It's won all.
44:20This is it. Good luck. Here we go, Stevie.
44:22This is absolutely horrific.
44:25Words one letter longer than the previous words.
44:29Starting with you, Rosie, go.
44:31I. In.
44:34We're looking for a three-letter word.
44:37The. Brat. Fudge.
44:41Fudges.
44:43We're looking for a seven-letter word.
44:47Beatles.
44:50Yes.
44:53Erm... So I'm eight? Yes.
44:58Chainsaw. Correct.
45:01A nine-letter word.
45:05Meat freeze.
45:06No, I can't. I can't.
45:09No, you get... You get brain freeze, you don't get meat freeze.
45:14Erm... I...
45:15You could have had chainsaws, but the team of two wins!
45:19There we go. Come down, we'll have back to your final scores!
45:22Oh, God.
45:23Oh, God.
45:26Hello again.
45:30Surprising the text.
45:31Yes, I just enjoyed being in full control of a task.
45:34LAUGHTER
45:35So, the team of three gets three points, the team of two get five points!
45:39Score one!
45:40Jason and Stevie.
45:43Yeah.
45:45Which means that the team of two have dominated today's scoreboard.
45:48Stevie is in second place with 19 points, but Jason Mantzoukas wins the episode.
45:51His vote is second for 23 points!
45:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:56Please go up and celebrate on the table.
45:59Isn't it your things in the deli?
46:02It's the final next, but for now, there's just one winner, and it's Jason Mantzoukas!
46:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:37you
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