- 1 hour ago
I’ll Be Home for Christmas (1988) [Full Movie] [Trending Drama]Full EP - Full
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:07From Coney Island to the Sunset Strip, somebody's gonna make a happy trip tonight, while the
00:00:16moon is bright.
00:00:20He's gonna have a bag of crazy toys, to give the goniest of the girls and boys so did.
00:00:28Santa comes on big.
00:00:32He'll come a-callin' when the snow's the most, when all you cats are sleepin' warm as toast.
00:00:38Dad, you're gonna flip when old Santa Nick plays a lick on a peppermint stick.
00:00:45He'll come a-flyin' from a higher place, and fill the stockings by the fireplace.
00:00:50So you'll have your lips cool.
00:00:57So ya'll be back.
00:00:58No.
00:00:59No.
00:01:01No.
00:01:02No.
00:01:04No.
00:01:06No.
00:01:06No.
00:01:26I don't know.
00:01:53Yeah, he's gonna have a bag of crazy toys
00:01:57To give the ponies to the boys and boys
00:02:00So, Dick, Santa comes on the bed
00:02:06He'll come a-callin' when the snow's the most
00:02:09When all the cats are sleepin' warm as toast
00:02:12And you're gonna flip when, oh, say, me
00:02:15Blaze a lick on the bevelman's dig
00:02:19He'll come a-fly it from a high place
00:02:22And feel the stockets by the fireplace
00:02:25So, you, have a Yulet's cool
00:02:32Have a Yulet's cool
00:02:41Hey, Dom
00:02:42Hey, Jake
00:02:43Hi
00:02:43Hi, Z
00:02:4512.32.14
00:02:4712.32.14
00:02:50I'd have hike
00:02:51Jake, thank God, let me out
00:02:53Did you get my mail?
00:02:55Math test
00:02:59Hey, minus
00:03:00Yes, all right, you made it look just good enough
00:03:03You score me those backstage passes to Dave Matthews at the Coliseum?
00:03:06Oh, that's my man
00:03:09All right
00:03:10Uh, 12.32
00:03:12Uh, what was that last number again, Ian?
00:03:15168
00:03:1514, Jake
00:03:1614
00:03:17All right, all right
00:03:18Calm down, I got you
00:03:22Thanks, Jake
00:03:22You're welcome
00:03:23Now, Ian, what is the deal with you being sardined into your locker again?
00:03:27It was Eddie Taffet and his troglodyte trio
00:03:29They're bugged about the phony IDs we sold them
00:03:32All right, I'll take care of them later
00:03:33Right now, I need you to get on the net
00:03:34Change that ticket my dad got me to New York
00:03:37And the two seats to Cabo San Lucas
00:03:38Okay
00:03:39Will you be taking Ollie?
00:03:41Working on that now
00:03:45Morning, ladies
00:03:46Hi, Jake
00:03:48Do those things really work?
00:03:49Yeah, I want to see
00:03:50No, no, no, it's okay
00:03:57Hi
00:04:02Ah, zone defense, huh?
00:04:05Guess I'm not going to be able to get in
00:04:07Unless
00:04:08What's this?
00:04:10Cherry crunch
00:04:10Would I bring you anything else?
00:04:19Sierra
00:04:20I'm sure that tastes good here
00:04:21But I bet it would taste even better someplace else
00:04:23Shoo-shoo
00:04:50I bet it would be like to wake up next to me
00:04:53Oh, good line
00:04:56Premeditated or spontaneous
00:04:57Oh, totally off the cuff
00:04:59I was inspired by the lovely side of you drooling on your French book
00:05:03I wasn't drooling
00:05:04I was sleeping
00:05:07I was sleeping
00:05:08Sleeping!
00:05:08S-s-s-I-I can't sleep
00:05:09I've got to study
00:05:10You were studying
00:05:11Uh, subliminally in your sleep
00:05:12You were absorbing it off the page through osmosis
00:05:14Not funny
00:05:15Gimme that
00:05:16Look, Jake
00:05:17Jake, my final is in three hours
00:05:19And you're here just distracting me
00:05:20So would you please get out of here
00:05:22Okay, okay
00:05:23Suit yourself
00:05:23I just wanted to let you know
00:05:24There's a freak storm outside
00:05:26Looks like it's snowing
00:05:28Snowing?
00:05:28We're in the middle of Southern California
00:05:30It's not snow
00:05:32My God
00:05:36It's snowing
00:05:39Jake, you lunatic
00:05:41Where did you get a snow machine?
00:05:45Oh, hey, Ian
00:05:46Hi, Ollie
00:05:51It's a white Christmas, just like home
00:05:53And here's a little Christmas cheer
00:05:56Eggnog
00:05:57My mother makes this from scratch
00:05:59And one more thing
00:06:02More?
00:06:02Do I detect an overage of niceness going on here?
00:06:05Just read it
00:06:07Two tickets to Cabo San Lucas
00:06:09Christmas on the beach
00:06:12Amazing
00:06:12Well, I knew you'd be
00:06:15Pissed
00:06:17This is the most inconsiderate thing I've ever heard
00:06:20I have plans that are important to me, Jake
00:06:22Allie, it's not like I'm asking you to sleep in a port-a-potty
00:06:24This is a three-bedroom condo overlooking the ocean
00:06:27Forget it, Jake
00:06:28You know I'm driving home with Sierra to visit my family
00:06:30So tell him what I told my dad last year
00:06:32You're going to be stuck in the gym eight hours a day
00:06:33For the next two weeks
00:06:34In preparation for your appearance
00:06:36In the Ultimate Fighting Championship
00:06:38That's what you told him?
00:06:39Well, sure
00:06:40And then when he found out I really wanted to stay here and surf
00:06:43He was so relieved he didn't argue
00:06:44But I want to go home
00:06:46I want a traditional Christmas with snow and stockings and eggnog and carolers
00:06:51I just thought we could have some fun this Christmas
00:06:54No, you just thought that you could have some fun
00:06:56But what about everybody else?
00:06:58My mom and dad would be crushed if I didn't come home
00:07:01And what about your dad?
00:07:02And your sister and Carolyn?
00:07:05You know, bringing up my dad's new wife just drains me of all my Christmas spirit
00:07:09Look, all I'm saying is
00:07:10Don't you think it's about time you went home?
00:07:14Hey there, looking good today
00:07:17Thanks, Eddie
00:07:18You're looking nice today, too
00:07:20I'm not talking to you, Wilkinson
00:07:23Hey, Allie
00:07:23What kind of perfume are you wearing today?
00:07:25Excuse me?
00:07:26I guess I got three words for you
00:07:28New, car, smell
00:07:30And it would smell so good on you
00:07:31Why don't you come in here and check it out, baby?
00:07:33Eddie
00:07:34I got one word for you
00:07:36Beamer
00:07:39Stand away from the vehicle
00:07:41You gotta be kidding me
00:07:44Stand away from the vehicle
00:07:46Stand away from the vehicle
00:07:47You are too close to the vehicle
00:07:49Stand away from the vehicle
00:07:52So it's Disco Inferno night at the Viper Room, right?
00:07:55And it's me and the Murph Man
00:07:57And the Ed Man
00:07:58And the Ken Man, right?
00:07:59And we were waiting in line for like half the night, right?
00:08:02And the bouncer, he finally gives us the nod
00:08:04So we go over there and debut our brand new IDs
00:08:08And the dude goes
00:08:09Bye-bye
00:08:11And no one
00:08:12No one says
00:08:13Bye-bye
00:08:14To the Brant Man
00:08:15Fellas, fellas, fellas
00:08:17What can I say?
00:08:18My subcontractor's been slacking off
00:08:20But I want to make this up to you
00:08:22I have a foolproof method that'll guarantee you ace your history finally
00:08:26But if you'd rather see your grades crash and burn
00:08:29It's up to you
00:08:34No cost, right?
00:08:36Of course there's no cost for the answers
00:08:38I couldn't do that to you guys
00:08:39You guys are my buds
00:08:41However, there is a nominal fee for the Viper rental
00:08:51Wilkinson residence
00:08:53Oh, I'm sorry
00:08:54He can't come to the phone right now
00:08:55He's busy accessorizing
00:08:58Oh, okay
00:08:59Jake, it's your dad
00:09:03See ya
00:09:11Dad, hey
00:09:12How are things at the office?
00:09:14Fine
00:09:14We're all off for the holidays
00:09:16I sent everybody home at noon today
00:09:17Great
00:09:18Getting ready for ski season?
00:09:20Yeah, I just got my bindings fixed
00:09:22Look, Jake
00:09:23I'm calling to find out about you
00:09:24Are you, uh
00:09:25Still planning on coming home for Christmas?
00:09:28Gosh, you know
00:09:29I'd like to
00:09:29But I gotta stick around campus
00:09:31And finish up that extra credit lab work
00:09:33Because I got a call from my
00:09:34My travel agent
00:09:35He says that the ticket I sent you
00:09:37Was cashed in for two tickets to Cabo San Lucas
00:09:39He says somebody sabotaged his computer file
00:09:43What kind of a world are we living in?
00:09:46Is the convenience of technology
00:09:47Worth the loss of our privacy?
00:09:49Who would do such a thing?
00:09:50Where will it end, Dad?
00:09:51Look, I agreed to let you go off to school in California
00:09:54But you haven't been home for the holidays since Mom died
00:09:58I think it's time that we become a family again
00:10:02Dad, Dad, Dad
00:10:03If you were 18 years old
00:10:05Where would you rather be for Christmas?
00:10:06At home with your family
00:10:08Or in Cabo on the beach with a beautiful girl
00:10:11Allie's parents say she's coming home just like always
00:10:15I just really want you home, son
00:10:18Me too
00:10:19Ask this Carolyn
00:10:19Yeah
00:10:21And Tracy
00:10:22We all want you home
00:10:24Well, I just don't think I can get there
00:10:28Not even if I, uh
00:10:31Give you the Porsche
00:10:34Excuse me?
00:10:36The Porsche?
00:10:38The 1957 Porsche?
00:10:40The same 1957 Porsche
00:10:42That we rebuilt by hand together
00:10:43With the Kid Glove interiors
00:10:44And the original paint
00:10:45The 1957 Porsche?
00:10:48I'll tell you what
00:10:48If you're home by the time we sit down to dinner
00:10:51Six o'clock, Christmas Eve
00:10:53The car's yours
00:10:54Six o'clock, not one minute past
00:10:56You understand?
00:10:57Yes, sir
00:10:58We'll see you then
00:10:59Great, bye
00:11:03You are mine
00:11:05All mine
00:11:09Okay
00:11:10He cashes in the tickets
00:11:12And you offer him a bribe
00:11:14Do you see anything wrong with this picture?
00:11:17Yeah
00:11:17Yeah, I do
00:11:18But
00:11:19But what?
00:11:21Jake's coming home for Christmas
00:11:29Okay, I gotta go back
00:11:30You guys
00:11:30I'll see you in an hour
00:11:32Okay
00:11:32Okay
00:11:32Bye
00:11:37Nice try, but no chance
00:11:38Hmm
00:11:39Must be defective
00:11:41You know, I estimated it'd be another five hours
00:11:44Till you tried to make up
00:11:45Huh
00:11:45That's funny
00:11:46Because I estimate that it takes five hours
00:11:49To fly to Larchmont, New York
00:11:51I thought you cashed your ticket in for Cabo
00:11:53I cashed it back in for two tickets to New York
00:11:56Will you please accept my apology
00:11:58And come home with me for Christmas?
00:12:04You're unbelievable
00:12:05Tell me about it
00:12:06Ripley's doing a special on me
00:12:08So
00:12:08Why the sudden change of heart?
00:12:11Well, I guess you kind of got to me
00:12:12With all that sentimental family stuff
00:12:14Oh, well, I'm glad to see you're coming around
00:12:16Hey
00:12:16If you don't have family
00:12:18What do you have, right?
00:12:20So you want to come over
00:12:21And help me pack?
00:12:25No, I can't
00:12:26I gotta go tutor some jocks
00:12:28Oh, you're such a compassionate man
00:12:30I am a giver
00:12:32Pick you up tomorrow morning, eight o'clock
00:12:34Okay
00:12:41This better work
00:12:47Run
00:12:56Look out, look out
00:12:57Hey
00:12:58Hey
00:13:04What's taking him so long?
00:13:11Sorry, Ms. Peterson
00:13:12Coach likes to stay in touch
00:13:15Shouldn't we go tecn London?
00:13:21Well, let's see you all
00:14:01and when you're driving a Porsche it's like you have a relationship with it like it knows you
00:14:05and it's listening and just responding that is so true and downshifting you don't know what
00:14:10downshifting you did you downshifted in a Porsche you are a lucky man Wilkinson that is so true
00:14:18so uh Jake are you feeling lucky I'm instantly well I think that's all about to change
00:14:27something wrong fellas you think you're some kind of wise guy right think it's real funny to make us
00:14:32look like morons right what are you talking about the beepers dipstick Ian where's Ian
00:14:3812 32 14 oh man look I'm sure there's some explanation for this let me make a couple
00:14:48phone calls I think we're done explaining
00:14:53boys come on guys fellas fellas
00:15:02all right see you guys later have a good break
00:15:08all right Jake where are you
00:15:19yeah yeah yeah yeah dreaming of a white Christmas with every Christmas card I cry
00:15:44oh god wish I were dead
00:15:47I said I wished I were dead
00:15:58what the
00:16:05let's see you sweet talk your way out of this one Eddie and the boys
00:16:09the last time I do business with those guys go on get out of here
00:16:19ow you glued it on didn't you you jerks
00:16:25the head too this is not acceptable
00:16:42sit roll over
00:16:45die
00:16:53hey it's Jake you found me
00:16:56idiot
00:16:57who's an idiot
00:16:59I am
00:17:00Jake flaked huh
00:17:02what a surprise
00:17:04well lucky for you the end man's here to the rescue so
00:17:07what do you say we blow this popsicle stand because I got butt warmers in the seats
00:17:11you're loving this aren't you pretty much yeah
00:17:17okay let's go all right oh no no no no allow me I got it I got it
00:17:23the ultimate in irony 17 academy kids are driving back east this winter and I get a ride with you
00:17:29just the two of us riding the crest of destiny's rainbow sharing caring pair for the ages
00:17:39okay hold on first the ground rules if you say too many stupid things like that I'll have to slug
00:17:45you if you say anything nasty about Jake I'll have to slug you if you try to feel me up
00:17:50I'll have to slug you if you make me listen to any sexist racist or homophobic jokes I'm gonna have
00:17:57to slug you and finally I might just have to slug you from time to time simply because I find
00:18:02the prospect of driving across the country with you incredibly stressful
00:18:06all right sounds like a party to me
00:18:11so uh what should we listen to Jewel Sarah Fiona I'm in a sensitive mood aren't you
00:18:17cut the crap Eddie I'm already in the car
00:18:19all right let's burn this baby
00:18:21New York
00:18:31they'll be singing
00:18:33gonna be singing
00:18:36Christmas carols
00:18:39by the old
00:18:40carol
00:18:42celebrating
00:18:45hungry
00:18:45and exchanging
00:18:49greetings by the old
00:18:51carol
00:18:52there'll be lots of little
00:18:55children and how big
00:18:57their eyes will be
00:18:58they love birds
00:18:59see what Santa left around the tree
00:19:03they'll be merry
00:19:05singing those merry
00:19:08Christmas carol
00:19:11by the old
00:19:12carol
00:19:15hey it's Ali
00:19:17you got the machine
00:19:18you know the
00:19:18Ali it's me
00:19:20listen I am so
00:19:33you got a mean disposition for a Santa
00:19:39I need to make another phone call
00:19:42long distance
00:19:43what from here
00:19:46is not long distance
00:19:58hello
00:19:59Tracy it's Jake
00:20:00oh hi
00:20:01where are you
00:20:03I'm in the middle of nowhere
00:20:04dressed like Santa Claus
00:20:06being attacked by a killer tumbleweed
00:20:07cool
00:20:08get me dad
00:20:09when did I become your slave
00:20:11the day you were born
00:20:14oh right
00:20:16oh dad
00:20:18it's the prodigal son
00:20:21hello
00:20:23hello father
00:20:23dad
00:20:25Jake you sound funny
00:20:26are you at the airport
00:20:28well
00:20:28I've had some setbacks
00:20:30but if you wire me some money
00:20:31I'll make it home for Christmas
00:20:33just what kind of a bind
00:20:34are you in Jake
00:20:35he's in the middle of nowhere
00:20:37dressed as Santa Claus
00:20:38being attacked by a killer bumblebee
00:20:39that's tumbleweed
00:20:41otherwise it's just like she said
00:20:43that is the worst alibi
00:20:45and a long line of bad alibis
00:20:47Jake
00:20:47but it's all true
00:20:48that's what you always say
00:20:50I know but I really need your help
00:20:52if I'm gonna make it home on time
00:20:53now look
00:20:54we had a deal
00:20:55it is up to you to get yourself home
00:20:57on Christmas Eve
00:20:58or you can forget about the Porsche
00:21:00dad
00:21:05excuse me
00:21:06I couldn't help overhearing
00:21:08you're trying to get home for Christmas
00:21:10and your father won't help you
00:21:12oh it's not that
00:21:14it's just
00:21:19he's so worried about the operation
00:21:21he's not thinking clearly
00:21:24operation?
00:21:26yeah
00:21:26the whole family chipped in
00:21:29and got him a triple bypass
00:21:30for Christmas
00:21:31I sent home every last dollar
00:21:33I earned working
00:21:34as a shopping mall Santa
00:21:36the operation's on Christmas Eve
00:21:39and now I won't be home
00:21:40until after the anesthesia wears off
00:21:44oh dear
00:21:47you know
00:21:48me and the girls
00:21:50are driving to Vegas
00:21:51to see Tom Jones
00:21:52we're Tom Tom girls
00:21:54you wanna ride with us?
00:21:57do you have
00:21:58what's new pussycat?
00:21:59do we have
00:22:00what's new pussycat?
00:22:03what's new pussycat?
00:22:04whoa whoa whoa whoa
00:22:07what's new pussycat?
00:22:09whoa whoa whoa whoa
00:22:14could we crack open a window?
00:22:16do you think it's funny
00:22:17how easily old people
00:22:19can catch pneumonia?
00:22:20do you think that's a joke?
00:22:22ha ha ha
00:22:22no
00:22:23it's just
00:22:24I had a hard night
00:22:25and I'm not feeling so well
00:22:27hey
00:22:28get out of there
00:22:29aw
00:22:31Darlene
00:22:32Mama's teeth
00:22:33have fallen out of her mouth again
00:22:35just wedge them back in dear
00:22:37okay Santa Claus
00:22:39make yourself useful
00:22:41and just put those
00:22:42right back in her mouth
00:22:43a Gertens anyone?
00:22:46oh
00:22:47oh for Pete's sake
00:22:50oh well that's lovely
00:22:52what happened?
00:22:54Santa just yammied
00:22:56in your handbag
00:22:57there he goes again
00:22:59well stop him
00:23:01okay
00:23:01here Santa
00:23:02Santa get up
00:23:07did I hurt you Santa?
00:23:10good
00:23:10all right Buster
00:23:12out you get
00:23:14out you get out
00:23:16get out of here
00:23:17get out of here
00:23:19you
00:23:19and take your beard with you
00:23:22never hurt us
00:23:24imagine yammy-ing
00:23:26in my sister's handbag
00:23:36there you go
00:23:37there's five
00:23:37thank you
00:23:39desert Santa
00:23:40buzzard tumbleweed
00:23:42desert Santa
00:23:44buzzard tumbleweed
00:23:45oh I love this game
00:23:46pick which word is not like the others
00:23:48uh Santa
00:23:49no idiot
00:23:50it's a message Jake left on my machine
00:23:53wow
00:23:54bizarre huh
00:23:56yeah
00:24:00thanks
00:24:10Ali?
00:24:15Eddie?
00:24:17Eddie
00:24:26oh my god
00:24:30Ali!
00:24:31what's wrong with you?
00:24:33uh we gotta go
00:24:34we're just
00:24:34way behind schedule
00:24:35Ali wait!
00:24:39Ali!
00:24:41stop!
00:24:43wait!
00:24:53I'll have a blue
00:24:57Christmas
00:24:59without you
00:25:03I'll be so blue
00:25:06just thinking
00:25:09about you
00:25:15decoration
00:25:17a red
00:25:19on a green
00:25:23Christmas tree
00:25:24it won't
00:25:28mean a thing
00:25:30if you're not here
00:25:32would mean
00:25:35this is the worst day of my life
00:25:40and it just got worse
00:25:42and it just got worse
00:25:45that's when those blue
00:25:49memories
00:25:50start calling
00:25:56you'll be doing
00:25:58you'll be doing
00:25:59alright
00:26:00with your Christmas
00:26:03for white
00:26:07but I'll have
00:26:08a blue
00:26:10blue blue
00:26:13Christmas
00:26:22oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:26:23but I'll have
00:26:24a blue
00:26:26blue blue
00:26:28Christmas
00:26:32oh-oh-oh
00:26:33tubby
00:26:34secret fat man
00:26:35handshake
00:26:36alright
00:26:38you know
00:26:39confidentially speaking
00:26:40just between us
00:26:41Santas
00:26:42don't you ever get tired
00:26:43of wearing this suit
00:26:44I mean every year
00:26:45it's the same suit
00:26:45red red red red red
00:26:47I mean does any guy
00:26:48really look good in red
00:26:49I don't think so
00:26:53got room on the sled
00:26:54for two
00:26:56thanks
00:26:57I really appreciate it
00:26:58you're a pal
00:27:06I don't think so
00:27:33Whoa, you're not so cute in the morning.
00:27:35I'm kind of glad nothing happened.
00:27:38Ow, you just slugged me.
00:27:40As per our agreement.
00:27:47Wake up, Chief.
00:27:48Time to feed the reindeer.
00:27:54All right, I'm going, I'm going.
00:27:56Oh.
00:28:16Hi there.
00:28:28Yeah, Merry Christmas, you too.
00:28:31Come inside the clouds, right?
00:28:33Downside the clouds, lane.
00:28:34Come inside the clouds, lane.
00:28:35He's got a bag of shell.
00:28:37We'll talk for boys and girls again.
00:28:40Come inside the clouds.
00:28:41Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle.
00:28:44What a beautiful sound.
00:28:47Come inside the clouds.
00:28:49Come inside the clouds.
00:28:50Come inside the clouds.
00:28:52Come inside the clouds.
00:28:56Come inside the clouds, lane.
00:28:59Come inside the clouds.
00:29:01It's time to bring out.
00:29:02It's Christmas morning again.
00:29:11It's Christmas morning.
00:29:13Go, darling.
00:29:14Come inside the clouds.
00:29:17That's not a jal 느� valu.
00:29:32It's Christmas morning again.
00:29:33Oh no. Santa!
00:29:38Santa!
00:29:40Oh! Thank God!
00:29:52Hang on, Santa! I'm coming!
00:29:55I'm coming! I'm coming! I'm coming! Hold on! Hold on!
00:30:01Ow, ow, ow, ow!
00:30:04Am I alive?
00:30:05Sir, I have never been happy to answer that question in my life.
00:30:09Yes, you are alive!
00:30:12You've been asked that question before?
00:30:14Oh, maybe 10, 12 times.
00:30:18No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:30:23Come on.
00:30:24Going to the Jones, Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones, wake up now.
00:30:28A-yup-yay-a-yay, a-yup-yay-ay-aw.
00:30:33Aha!
00:30:34Can I ask you something?
00:30:37Shoot.
00:30:38Look, I'm a millennial type of guy, you know.
00:30:41I dig world music, I think Freon should be banned, you know.
00:30:44I'm all about yoga and macrobiotic food.
00:30:46I mean, I'm in touch with my inner child, for God's sake.
00:30:49Is the question coming before Ohio?
00:30:51Yeah, well, what I'm getting at is,
00:30:54what does Jake have that I haven't gotten?
00:30:58It's the stuff he comes up with.
00:31:01Funny things.
00:31:03Amazing things.
00:31:04Things that just give me the chills.
00:31:07Yeah, give me an example of one of these chills things, huh?
00:31:10Okay.
00:31:12Okay, there was this one time I was feeling really bad.
00:31:15It was just a really down day.
00:31:19Jake took my hand in his, and being really sweet, he said,
00:31:23not even the rain has such small hands.
00:31:27Not even the rain has such small hands?
00:31:31What a nerd!
00:31:32It's E.E. Cummings.
00:31:34Huh?
00:31:36Poetry, Eddie?
00:31:38And that gave you chills?
00:31:41You wouldn't understand.
00:31:45Allie?
00:31:46What?
00:31:49Not even the corn had such big ears.
00:31:53Oh, that's beautiful.
00:31:54I'm really moved, Eddie.
00:31:55Oh, look, because if it's poetry you want,
00:31:57I got it, baby.
00:31:59There once was a man from Nantucket.
00:32:01Just drive the car, Eddie.
00:32:02Wake up now.
00:32:03Wake up now.
00:32:09Man, oh, man.
00:32:10I was sure you were a goner.
00:32:12Nolan, it's been two hours.
00:32:14I can't have this conversation with you anymore.
00:32:16What conversation?
00:32:18The one where you go, you were sure I was a goner,
00:32:20and I go, yeah, that was really a close one.
00:32:22Oh, okay.
00:32:28Hey, that's a Pathfinder.
00:32:29Catch up with them.
00:32:31Who's them?
00:32:31My girlfriend.
00:32:33No kidding?
00:32:33All the way out here?
00:32:36Wait a minute.
00:32:37Are you saying that's Mrs. Claus in that car?
00:32:40With another guy?
00:32:41Mrs. Claus stepping out on Santa
00:32:43and letting some other guy down the chimney?
00:32:46Why, that two-time and hoe?
00:32:48Uh, Nolan reality check?
00:32:51You say no more, Santa.
00:32:52I'm after them.
00:33:02Nolan, I said catch them.
00:33:04Try not to kill us.
00:33:05All right, all right.
00:33:08Nolan, there's a cop behind us with his lights on.
00:33:10Slow down.
00:33:12Oh, man.
00:33:13Cops make me nervous.
00:33:15I'm going to make a run for it.
00:33:16What are you, nuts?
00:33:17Look, my daddy always said
00:33:18it's better to go out in a blaze of glory
00:33:20than to rot in a state correctional facility.
00:33:25Let me guess, you're about to tell me
00:33:27the stuff in the back's stolen, right?
00:33:30I won't if you don't want me to.
00:33:33Stop the car, Nolan.
00:33:35Stop the...
00:33:36Stop the car.
00:33:41Woo-hoo!
00:33:43All right, come on, Jake.
00:33:44Think, think, think, think, think.
00:33:46I know.
00:33:47Put this on.
00:33:48Act like my elf.
00:33:49Uh, all right, all right.
00:33:51How do elves act?
00:33:52I don't know.
00:33:54Happy.
00:33:55Happy.
00:33:56Happy.
00:34:06Merry Christmas, officer.
00:34:08Problem?
00:34:10You in a bit of a hurry, aren't you?
00:34:12Well, that's my fault.
00:34:13Busy time of year for me.
00:34:15Ho, ho, ho.
00:34:16I'm an elf.
00:34:18So it seems.
00:34:19Do you realize you were going 79
00:34:21in a 65-mile-per-hour zone?
00:34:23You should try catching me in my sleigh.
00:34:26Ho, ho, ho.
00:34:28You see, officer,
00:34:29my elf Snowpuff and I
00:34:31are heading to the children's hospital
00:34:32in the next town.
00:34:33You mean Redcliffe?
00:34:35Yeah, Redcliffe, exactly.
00:34:36To distribute toys to the youngsters.
00:34:39You know, I'm sorry if in my haste
00:34:40I sped up a bit,
00:34:41but every second counts
00:34:43to a bedridden child.
00:34:46All right.
00:34:47I'll tell you what.
00:34:48No more speeding.
00:34:50Okay, Santa?
00:34:5165, stay alive.
00:34:53Merry Christmas.
00:34:55Thank you, officer.
00:34:57And that is how the big boys do it.
00:35:00You know what?
00:35:02My shift ends in a few minutes.
00:35:04Why don't you follow me?
00:35:05I'll get you there in no time.
00:35:06No.
00:35:09So that's how the big boys do it?
00:35:12Shut up, Nolan.
00:35:22So close,
00:35:24yet so far.
00:35:33Please stay in the car.
00:35:34Please stay in the car.
00:35:35Please stay in the car.
00:35:36Oh, man.
00:35:38I guess he couldn't hear you.
00:35:46Hey, thank you, officer.
00:35:47Say, do you all mind
00:35:48if I go in there with you?
00:35:49I kind of like to see
00:35:50the kids' faces, you know,
00:35:51when you give them their gifts.
00:35:54The more, the merrier.
00:35:58And I want a pony
00:35:59and a Barbie dream house
00:36:00and a light bright deluxe fan.
00:36:02Now, that's all great stuff,
00:36:03but Santa's going to give you
00:36:04something even better.
00:36:06A KitchenAid Classic Plus toaster
00:36:08with exclusive AcuToast sensor
00:36:10for consistent toasting
00:36:11time after time.
00:36:13Now, sweetie,
00:36:14this toaster is extra wide
00:36:15so you can get four bagels
00:36:17in there instead of the usual two.
00:36:19Okay, thank you, Santa.
00:36:20You're welcome.
00:36:21But, Santa,
00:36:22this toaster was already promised
00:36:23to a little cowpoke
00:36:24named Nolan.
00:36:29Hand it over to the kids' snowpuff.
00:36:35All right, let's get this line moving.
00:36:37Who's next?
00:36:39All righty.
00:36:40And what do you want for Christmas?
00:36:44And finally...
00:36:45Ho, ho, ho!
00:36:47Merry Christmas.
00:36:48And what's your name, little boy?
00:36:50Esteban.
00:36:51Esteban.
00:36:52All right, let's see
00:36:53what we have here today for Esteban.
00:36:58Look at this.
00:36:59A Eureka Boss
00:37:01cordless rechargeable vacuum cleaner.
00:37:03No, thank you.
00:37:06Well, uh,
00:37:08I don't know what else
00:37:09I have here for you, buddy.
00:37:11What do you want for Christmas?
00:37:13To go home.
00:37:18I want to be with
00:37:20mi mamá,
00:37:21mi papá,
00:37:22mi hermana Maribel,
00:37:24mi hermano Mario,
00:37:26tío Carlos,
00:37:27y mi tío Ramón,
00:37:28tío Cristina,
00:37:29tío María,
00:37:32grandmothers
00:37:33and grandfathers
00:37:34and my dog,
00:37:35Sorito,
00:37:37and half Christmas tree
00:37:38and lights
00:37:39and angels
00:37:40and Christmas cookies.
00:37:42With little red
00:37:43and green sprinkles on top
00:37:45and plum pudding
00:37:46and Christmas carols
00:37:47and...
00:37:48Oh, sugar doll,
00:37:50I miss you so much.
00:37:51I don't want to offend
00:37:52stolen goods no more.
00:37:53I just want to beg you
00:37:54to come home for Christmas.
00:37:56Please, Marjorie,
00:37:57you know I didn't mean
00:37:57to hurt you.
00:37:58I don't know how I'm gonna
00:37:59get through the holidays
00:38:00without you.
00:38:01I just need to talk
00:38:02to my dad or Tracy.
00:38:04Are either of them there?
00:38:06Oh, gee, your dad and Tracy
00:38:08went to the mall.
00:38:09It's just me
00:38:10holding down the fort.
00:38:12Uh-huh.
00:38:13We are all so excited
00:38:15you're coming home.
00:38:16We've got the tree
00:38:16all set up.
00:38:18It looks great.
00:38:19And I've just been
00:38:20shopping and cooking
00:38:21and cooking and shopping.
00:38:23Speaking of which,
00:38:24your sweater size.
00:38:26Are you a...
00:38:27you're a 38, right?
00:38:30Yeah, I guess.
00:38:32Where are you now?
00:38:33Are you on your way home?
00:38:35Yeah, look,
00:38:35I gotta run,
00:38:36so, uh,
00:38:37you take care now, okay?
00:38:39Okay.
00:38:40Bye.
00:38:41Bye.
00:38:54I gotta tell you,
00:38:56Santa, sir,
00:38:56although I've only
00:38:57been your elf
00:38:58for a very short time,
00:38:59I feel like a new man.
00:39:00Changed.
00:39:01Do I look changed to you?
00:39:06Well,
00:39:06maybe you've changed
00:39:07on the inside
00:39:08where it counts.
00:39:09Yeah, that's it.
00:39:10I've changed on the inside
00:39:11and I'm going home
00:39:13for Christmas.
00:39:14Home?
00:39:15I thought you were
00:39:16going east.
00:39:17Nope, back the other way.
00:39:18But, Nolan,
00:39:19I saved your buck
00:39:20back down the road.
00:39:21Don't you think
00:39:21you owe me something?
00:39:23Uh, yes, I do.
00:39:28Didn't mean to leave you
00:39:29hanging, buddy.
00:39:30Oh!
00:39:32Merry Christmas!
00:39:36What?
00:39:36Can I have a word with you?
00:39:38What is it?
00:39:38Well, that's my wife,
00:39:40Marjorie.
00:39:41She left me last month
00:39:42and, well,
00:39:43if I could just get her
00:39:43back home for Christmas,
00:39:45I know we could start again.
00:39:47Why are you telling me this?
00:39:48She won't listen to me,
00:39:49but I got a hunch
00:39:50she might listen to Santa.
00:39:52See,
00:39:52if you walked into the restaurant
00:39:53where she works
00:39:54and asked her to forgive me,
00:39:55I know she'd come home.
00:39:57She left you, right?
00:39:58Yeah.
00:39:59So where's your dignity?
00:40:01Don't go crawling back to her.
00:40:02Let her come groveling
00:40:03back to you.
00:40:04Yeah, maybe you're right.
00:40:05Why drive all the way
00:40:06to Nebraska
00:40:07just to get slammed again?
00:40:10Wait, Nebraska?
00:40:11Hasn't he used to hear?
00:40:12It's about a six-hour trip.
00:40:14What's the matter
00:40:15with you, man?
00:40:15You love her enough
00:40:16to marry her,
00:40:16but you won't take
00:40:17a little drive?
00:40:20So, Max,
00:40:21what'd you do
00:40:21that made your wife
00:40:22so mad
00:40:22she'd take a job
00:40:23300 miles away?
00:40:24I stayed out
00:40:26at Smitty's
00:40:26till three one morning.
00:40:28Doesn't seem so bad.
00:40:30With an old girlfriend.
00:40:33All right,
00:40:33here's the deal.
00:40:34If I get Marjorie
00:40:35to come home for Christmas,
00:40:36you buy me a bus ticket
00:40:37to New York.
00:40:38If you can get Marjorie
00:40:40to come home for Christmas,
00:40:41I'll buy you
00:40:42a bus ticket to the moon.
00:40:44All right.
00:40:48Hey.
00:40:48Hey.
00:40:49Looking good.
00:40:50Yeah.
00:40:51I got kind of a weird call
00:40:53from Jake
00:40:53while you were out.
00:40:54He didn't say
00:40:54where he was calling from,
00:40:56but I'm pretty sure
00:40:57he's on the road.
00:40:58I hope he's gonna
00:40:59make it okay.
00:41:00There is not an obstacle
00:41:01in this world
00:41:02that will keep my son
00:41:03from this car.
00:41:05Oh, my God!
00:41:06There's a scratch!
00:41:06There's a scratch!
00:41:07Where?
00:41:07Where?
00:41:08Get a wife, Dad.
00:41:14See ya.
00:41:14See ya.
00:41:20Well,
00:41:22she's ready for you, son.
00:41:25Wherever you are.
00:41:35There she is,
00:41:36right there.
00:41:38Isn't she the most beautiful
00:41:39thing you've ever seen?
00:41:41Yeah, no doubt.
00:41:42So what do you want me to tell her?
00:41:43That if she doesn't come home,
00:41:46I'll die.
00:41:48Good.
00:41:48Die!
00:41:49Now, don't you think
00:41:50you're being a little bit harsh
00:41:51now, Marjorie?
00:41:52Harsh?
00:41:53After he kissed that tramp
00:41:54in front of everybody
00:41:55at Smitty's?
00:41:57Well, you know,
00:41:57I'm sure it was a friendly kiss,
00:41:59right?
00:41:59Like brother, sister.
00:42:00There was tongue.
00:42:02There was not!
00:42:04There was too,
00:42:05you big pig!
00:42:06Everybody saw it!
00:42:07Marjorie,
00:42:08it wasn't me kissing her.
00:42:10It was the eggermeister!
00:42:12We made a commitment, Max,
00:42:14to honor and obey
00:42:15for better or for worse.
00:42:17Okay, this is worse.
00:42:19Ugh!
00:42:19He really burns my biscuits.
00:42:21Let me handle this one,
00:42:22okay, Max?
00:42:25Don't you think
00:42:26you should give Max
00:42:27another chance?
00:42:27I mean,
00:42:28maybe this is all
00:42:28just a misunderstanding.
00:42:30He kissed her.
00:42:30How do you misunderstand that?
00:42:32Well, I'm sure
00:42:33he didn't mean to hurt you.
00:42:34You know,
00:42:35it's just like
00:42:35this other couple I know.
00:42:37We're all upset
00:42:37about a misunderstanding.
00:42:39Oh, yeah?
00:42:39What's wrong with them?
00:42:40Well, they had a trip
00:42:41planned to go back east
00:42:42and he canceled last minute
00:42:43because he wanted
00:42:44to take her to Cabo San Lucas
00:42:45for Christmas instead.
00:42:46But she thought
00:42:47he was being selfish,
00:42:48which was a misunderstanding.
00:42:50No, it wasn't.
00:42:50He sounds like a jerk.
00:42:51No, he's not.
00:42:53I mean,
00:42:53if she had understood,
00:42:54she would have realized
00:42:55that the guy's got a stepmother
00:42:56that he doesn't like very much.
00:42:57Well, what's wrong
00:42:58with the stepmother?
00:42:59Well, the dad married her
00:43:00only ten months
00:43:01after his wife died.
00:43:02She must be a babe.
00:43:04Why is this guy
00:43:05mad at the stepmother?
00:43:06It's not her fault.
00:43:07Don't you think
00:43:07ten months is a little soon?
00:43:09No, she's a babe.
00:43:11Look,
00:43:12what does any of this
00:43:14have to do with me and Max?
00:43:16Misunderstandings
00:43:16can be overcome
00:43:17if both people just try.
00:43:20Look,
00:43:21right now Max
00:43:22is sitting out there
00:43:22with a broken heart
00:43:23and all he's asking for
00:43:25is a second chance.
00:43:26Just give him another shot.
00:43:30Hey, Marge.
00:43:32Sounds about a tougher
00:43:33on this coffee.
00:43:35You know what?
00:43:36I've got a job to do.
00:43:44How'd it go?
00:43:45Well, you know
00:43:46what a swirly is?
00:43:47You mean when somebody
00:43:48jams your head
00:43:48in a toilet bowl
00:43:49and flushes it?
00:43:50Yeah, it was pretty much
00:43:51like that.
00:43:51Oh, man.
00:43:52Now get in there.
00:43:53Say something romantic.
00:43:55Huh?
00:43:55Something apologetic?
00:43:59Something in English.
00:44:01Use us.
00:44:03All right already.
00:44:04Come here.
00:44:15I've got an idea.
00:44:17I've got an idea.
00:44:28Oh, Marjorie.
00:44:31Oh, Marjorie.
00:44:33I need to have you home.
00:44:40Oh, Marjorie.
00:44:44Oh, Marjorie.
00:44:46I need to have you home.
00:44:52I'm sorry I was such an insensitive jerk
00:44:58that night.
00:45:00I hope that singing this song
00:45:05will make everything all right.
00:45:09You're not the only one.
00:45:11Oh, Marjorie.
00:45:16Oh, baby.
00:45:18Oh, baby.
00:45:20Oh, baby.
00:45:23I'll make it up to you
00:45:26on the velvet skirt
00:45:29of the Christmas tree.
00:45:32Oh, boy.
00:45:35Oh, boy.
00:45:36Oh, boy.
00:45:37Oh, boy.
00:45:38Oh, boy.
00:45:39Oh, boy.
00:45:39Oh, boy.
00:45:40Oh, boy.
00:45:40Oh, boy.
00:45:42Oh, boy.
00:45:46Oh, boy.
00:45:57Oh, boy.
00:45:58Oh, boy.
00:45:58Oh, boy.
00:46:00Oh, boy.
00:46:03Oh, boy.
00:46:09Oh, boy.
00:46:11Oh, boy.
00:46:12Oh, boy.
00:46:13Oh, boy.
00:46:15Oh, boy.
00:46:16Oh, boy.
00:46:17Oh, boy.
00:46:18Oh, boy.
00:46:18Oh, boy.
00:46:18Oh, boy.
00:46:19Oh, boy.
00:46:20Oh, boy.
00:46:20Oh, boy.
00:46:20Oh, boy.
00:46:20Oh, boy.
00:46:20Oh, boy.
00:46:29Here's your ticket.
00:46:30Your bus will be here in ten minutes.
00:46:33Thanks.
00:46:40Well, see ya.
00:46:43Hey, Santa.
00:46:44Yeah?
00:46:45I, uh, I hope that other couple you know works through their misunderstandings.
00:46:51Me, too.
00:46:55Well, they're a couple.
00:46:58No, it doesn't matter.
00:46:59It's just you and me, baby.
00:47:08You know what I've always wondered?
00:47:11What?
00:47:12Out of all the planets in the universe,
00:47:14how is it that this is the only one that spawned intelligent life?
00:47:20Yeah.
00:47:22You know what I always wonder about?
00:47:24What's that?
00:47:25How come more breakfast joints don't serve your food right in the skillet?
00:47:29Like Denny's.
00:47:30I mean, think about it.
00:47:30They give you your meat, your eggs, your spuds right in the pan.
00:47:33Man, that rocks.
00:47:34Or like when a homeless guy, he comes up to you and he says he's the messiah.
00:47:37And then he asks you for money and you're just like, pfft.
00:47:39You know, you just want to walk away.
00:47:40But then you think to yourself, what happens if he is the messiah and I'm just blowing the dude off?
00:47:47Think about it.
00:47:49I take back what I said about intelligent life on Earth.
00:47:56Hey, look at that!
00:47:58Ugh.
00:48:00Velveeta.
00:48:00Come on, now.
00:48:02That's why we have to stay there.
00:48:04Come on, where would you rather go?
00:48:06Another dumpy motel or a fake Bavarian village in the middle of nowhere?
00:48:11I don't think it's very Eddie.
00:48:13Well, I think it's totally Eddie.
00:48:15It's completely cheesy and trying to be cool.
00:48:19When are you going to stop being mean to the Ed Man, huh?
00:48:22When do you stop referring to yourself in the third person?
00:48:39Maybe I should just go.
00:48:40I don't want to stop with it.
00:48:50Hey.
00:48:51Hey.
00:48:53Check this out.
00:48:54Tell me what's better.
00:48:56Ho, ho, ho.
00:48:57Merry Christmas.
00:48:59Ho, ho, ho.
00:49:00Merry Christmas.
00:49:02Ho, ho, ho.
00:49:03Merry Christmas.
00:49:06Well, the first one's good for really little kids.
00:49:09Like my sister, who's three.
00:49:12And the second one's good for big kids, like my friends and me.
00:49:15And the third one's good if you want to scare people.
00:49:18And watch them run away screaming.
00:49:21Okay.
00:49:22Cool.
00:49:23Thanks.
00:49:23Whatever.
00:49:42Whoa.
00:49:49Oh my!
00:49:53Well, look at that.
00:49:55The clock man is sexually harassing the clock lady.
00:49:58How typical.
00:50:00Uh, don't witness it.
00:50:01You might have to testify.
00:50:04Wow, Eddie, that was actually clever.
00:50:07Hey, I'm a witty guy.
00:50:08I mean, you think this astonishing physique
00:50:11is all the Ed man has to offer, huh?
00:50:13Well, take this, Ed man.
00:50:17Oh, my God, you're dead.
00:50:18You're so dead.
00:50:19I'm gonna get it so bad.
00:50:20Oh, my God.
00:50:25This is Wendy Richards reporting live from Adelbrook, Iowa,
00:50:28site of the Strudelstrasen and world-famous human clock.
00:50:32Now, the temperature outside stands at 31 degrees,
00:50:34but, of course, the temperature's always a little bit warmer
00:50:37underneath the mistletoe arch, and, uh, here's a couple now.
00:50:40I hope you kids know where you're standing.
00:50:48I'll kill him.
00:50:49Your attention, please.
00:50:50Bus 33 to New York is now boarding.
00:50:53All passengers with tickets, please proceed to Kerr.
00:50:59I think you just stopped being mean to me.
00:51:17Excuse me, Conway?
00:51:18Get behind the yellow line.
00:51:20Hey, just a second.
00:51:20I need to ask you a favor.
00:51:21Just get behind the yellow line.
00:51:23I realize you're on a schedule, but it being the holidays and all.
00:51:26I wonder if you wouldn't mind taking a small detour to Adelbrook.
00:51:28I think everyone would really enjoy it.
00:51:30But I wouldn't.
00:51:32What if we...
00:51:33No.
00:51:33How about we...
00:51:34No.
00:51:34But...
00:51:35No.
00:51:36Got it.
00:51:41That is very good.
00:51:43Look at that.
00:51:45Here.
00:51:46Why don't you try using your wire?
00:51:51Okay.
00:52:02Sorry we only had one room left tonight.
00:52:04It being Christmas and all.
00:52:05but I think you'll find that it's very special.
00:52:11Feel coming to your honeymoon suite.
00:52:35Is this yours?
00:52:37Hmm? No.
00:52:39Not yours either.
00:52:41Whose is it?
00:52:45Human liver?
00:52:46Organ donation.
00:52:48Oh, my God, we've got a live liver here.
00:52:51It says, deliver to Ali Henderson and Adelbrook, ASAP.
00:52:54Think it's real?
00:52:55Let's take a look.
00:52:57Oh, we moved.
00:52:58We need to get to Adelbrook.
00:53:01Okay, everybody, sit down!
00:53:04What the hell is wrong with you, man?
00:53:06Get behind the yellow line!
00:53:07Don't give me your lip.
00:53:08I don't believe you, man.
00:53:10There's a little girl in Adelbrook that needs a liver transplant.
00:53:14We got a schedule to keep.
00:53:15Schedule, shmedule.
00:53:16Shame on you.
00:53:17This isn't about schedules, man.
00:53:19It's the gift of life.
00:53:21The greatest Christmas gift ever.
00:53:23And we've even got Santa to bring it to her.
00:53:25This is a nonstop bus to New York.
00:53:27This is happening for a reason.
00:53:28We were put on this bus to take this organ to Adelbrook!
00:53:33Adelbrook!
00:53:35Adelbrook!
00:53:36Adelbrook!
00:53:36Adelbrook!
00:53:36Okay, okay, okay!
00:53:38You think I don't care about that little girl?
00:53:41Well, you're wrong.
00:53:42We're going to Adelbrook, all right, but because I say we are.
00:53:46Hey, hey, hey, now, everybody behind the yellow line and sit down!
00:53:57It's funny, Adelbrook, I never thought I'd end up sleeping in the same bed with you,
00:54:01and yet, somehow, with you here, I feel safe.
00:54:06You want me to put on any more clothes?
00:54:08Nah, that should be fine.
00:54:10Good night, Adelbrook.
00:54:11Good night.
00:54:23I'm giving you ten minutes!
00:54:25You fired that girl, Santa!
00:54:27Go, Santa!
00:54:28Go, Santa!
00:54:29Go, Santa!
00:54:31Everybody shut up!
00:54:47Hi. Can you tell me if there's an Ali Henderson or an Eddie Taffet checked in here?
00:54:50I'm sorry, Santa. I'm not allowed to give out information on our guests.
00:54:54Listen, ma'am, I have a full plate of activities tonight.
00:54:56Not to mention a pesky Grinch who has kidnapped Mrs. Claus in an attempt to make my life miserable.
00:55:00I'm sorry, Santa, but that's policy.
00:55:04Policy? Policy does not apply to me. I override policy. I want to know where my girlfriend is.
00:55:30Pat�에e
00:55:57Cocos
00:56:02Where is he?
00:56:04Jake? What are you doing here?
00:56:07Why are you dressed like Santa Claus?
00:56:09I had to hijack a bus.
00:56:10Eddie and his buddies left me in the desert like this the other night.
00:56:14Desert Santa buzzard tumbleweed.
00:56:16So what gives with you kissing that slimy moron?
00:56:19It's not what you think.
00:56:21Jake, what are you doing here, bud? This love nest is full.
00:56:24Calm down, Jake. Nothing happened.
00:56:26Where's the trust, man?
00:56:27I saw you kissing her on TV, you dirtbag.
00:56:30He got me under the mistletoe for two seconds. Big deal.
00:56:33It was more like five seconds.
00:56:36And they were good.
00:56:40Foul. Fighting foul.
00:56:45How could you let that idiot give you a ride?
00:56:47I thought you left me high and dry.
00:56:49What was I supposed to do, beam myself home?
00:56:51Allie, I was stuck in the desert. I couldn't get to you.
00:56:54I had no choice.
00:56:59Okay, forgive you.
00:57:08So, you still mad at me?
00:57:10Yo, if anyone should be mad here, it's me.
00:57:12Okay, because I've had to listen to non-stop Natalie Merchant, E.Z. Cummings.
00:57:16That's E.E. Cummings.
00:57:18I have been stuck in a Santa suit for two days, fighting off buzzards, dentures, and thugs in lederhosen.
00:57:23I'm tired, I'm hungry, I stink, and because of you, I'm not going to be home by six o'clock
00:57:27tonight.
00:57:29Why do you have to be home by six o'clock?
00:57:32What's that?
00:57:34You heard the question, why do you have to be home by six?
00:57:39Because that's when dinner will be ready?
00:57:41Ow!
00:57:42If you have even one decent chromosome in your DNA, you will not lie to me right now, Jake.
00:57:48All right.
00:57:51It's just that, if I get home by then, my dad's going to give me the Porsche.
00:57:58The Porsche.
00:57:59Allie, let me...
00:58:00Wait.
00:58:01So you didn't trade Cabo for me, you traded it for a car.
00:58:04It's not like that.
00:58:05You two deserve each other.
00:58:10Woo!
00:58:11Allie, wait.
00:58:13Will you just stop and listen to me?
00:58:15Look, if I had to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't mention the stupid car.
00:58:19Ugh!
00:58:20What?
00:58:21I was kidding!
00:58:22You don't care about anybody but yourself.
00:58:24You're a manipulator and a liar.
00:58:26I am not a liar.
00:58:27Hey, wait a minute.
00:58:28You're the girl who needs the transplant?
00:58:30Is that what Santa told you?
00:58:33Uh-huh.
00:58:35Right.
00:58:36I'm taking his place on the bus.
00:58:38No, wait.
00:58:38Allie, give me another chance.
00:58:40Why?
00:58:41Because I care about you.
00:58:43You gotta believe me.
00:58:45Santa, if you showed up on my doorstep in a one-horse open sleigh, I wouldn't believe you.
00:58:50Allie, I'm sorry.
00:58:52You know, I can't take fake remorse from a fake Santa making fake apologies.
00:58:56You might be a fake boyfriend, Jake, but I'll tell you one thing.
00:59:00You're a genuine butthole.
00:59:05Bye, Santa.
00:59:26I got rolled.
00:59:28The one I love is gone.
00:59:31I got rolled.
00:59:34Oh, man.
00:59:35I've seen guys get dumped before, but that was nuclear.
00:59:37I mean, she wasn't even aiming at me, and I'm gonna be walking funny for like a week.
00:59:41How do girls do that?
00:59:42I don't know.
00:59:43It's like that whole chick verbal skills thing.
00:59:45It's deadly.
00:59:47Oh, man.
00:59:48You know what?
00:59:48I gotta tell you, bro.
00:59:49I would have never thought I'd ever help you out.
00:59:52After that massacre, man, I just wouldn't be human.
00:59:55God, I never thought I'd be driving home with you either.
00:59:57It's pretty wild.
00:59:58Oh, it sure is.
01:00:00All right.
01:00:00Now, I get home in time to get the Porsche.
01:00:01I'll drive it back to school in January, figure out how to get Allie back.
01:00:05Everything's gonna be great.
01:00:07Thanks, Ed, man.
01:00:10Sure.
01:00:17Get out.
01:00:17What?
01:00:19All that stuff you just said.
01:00:21I'm sorry, man.
01:00:22I just can't do that much good stuff for another person, you know?
01:00:26It'd be way bad for my rep.
01:00:27What are you talking about?
01:00:28I mean, what about that stuff you just said about being human, helping out another guy and me?
01:00:32Dude, I just took you to Wisconsin.
01:00:35Besides, what am I doing helping you out so you can get a Porsche and be cooler than me?
01:00:40He's not very smart.
01:00:42Not very Eddie.
01:00:48Uh, you're, uh, gonna have to take that off first.
01:00:51I know that.
01:01:05Father Christmas, just tell me what you want from me.
01:01:19Better hurry!
01:01:49It's called carbo loading.
01:01:51Best thing you can do before a race like this.
01:01:55Hi.
01:01:56I'd like a number, please.
01:01:57Okay.
01:01:57That'll be a $10 entrance fee.
01:01:59You know I nailed that in.
01:02:01Oh, okay.
01:02:02So we sent you a receipt.
01:02:04Yes.
01:02:05Yes, you did.
01:02:06But you see, here's the dilly.
01:02:08There was a house fire and everything got torched.
01:02:10You know, personal papers, family photos.
01:02:12There was that little clay handprint ashtray I made when I was three.
01:02:16Oh, tragic tale.
01:02:18I'll cover the kid.
01:02:20Hey, thanks.
01:02:21Jake Wilkinson.
01:02:22Jeff Wilson.
01:02:24Here's your hat and beard.
01:02:26You've got to have them on when you cross the finish line or you'll be disqualified.
01:02:28Here we go again.
01:02:34Can anyone in this race actually run?
01:02:36Well, Sparky Fanaloni won the state marathon ten years ago.
01:02:40That was before the two-pack-a-day habit and subsequent lung removal.
01:02:45Look at this guy who gave us a run for our money.
01:02:48Denyan?
01:02:50Yes.
01:02:50All Santas to the starting line.
01:02:53All Santas to the starting line.
01:02:57See you at the finish line.
01:02:59All right.
01:03:00All Santas go!
01:03:02Yahoo!
01:03:04Go Santas!
01:03:07Santas!
01:03:08To your mark!
01:03:12On your mark!
01:03:15Get set!
01:03:40Go Santas!
01:03:42Shanna's got to make a town
01:03:47Shanna make a little you can take the free ride down
01:03:53Run run Rudolph cause I really like a merry-go-round
01:03:59Hey jingle balls, move your candy canes
01:04:05All I want for Christmas is a rock and roll electric guitar
01:04:09Let's go!
01:04:13Let's go!
01:04:17Let's go!
01:04:18Come on, guys!
01:04:20Keep going!
01:04:22Want a cookie?
01:04:25Let's go!
01:04:28Look!
01:04:45Get up!
01:04:47Get up!
01:04:48Get up!
01:04:49Get up!
01:04:50Get up!
01:04:50Get up!
01:04:50Get up!
01:04:51Get up!
01:04:56Well, that's the end of that.
01:05:02Or not.
01:05:04Here you go. Easy.
01:05:05You okay?
01:05:06Looks like it's just you and me now.
01:05:08Ready to make a run for it?
01:05:10I was born ready.
01:05:13Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:20Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:24Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:25Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:30Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:37Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:40Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:42Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:43Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:46Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:47Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:48Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:50Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:51Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:52Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:53Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:54Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:05:55Santa Claus is coming to town!
01:06:14Thank you very much, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas.
01:06:27Jake, Jake, thank God, dude, they're gonna try to arrest me, they're gonna try to arrest
01:06:31me.
01:06:31Come down and meet me at the station, please, man, I'm second.
01:06:35Taxi!
01:06:38Santa says take me to the airport.
01:06:48One, one hundred, two, one hundred, three, one hundred.
01:06:56Hey there, all right.
01:06:58Hey, you're the kid who beat Mayor Wilson in the Santa 5K.
01:07:01Yep, that's me.
01:07:03Wait a minute, Mayor Wilson?
01:07:05Oh, you didn't know?
01:07:06Well, he wins every year.
01:07:07A lot of us folks wish he'd won this year, too.
01:07:10Yeah, he seemed like a good guy.
01:07:11Keeps the potholes filled, huh?
01:07:13Yeah, he keeps the potholes filled.
01:07:14He also donates his entire winnings every year to buy turkeys for people who can't afford
01:07:18them.
01:07:22He had to be the man.
01:07:28Can you turn around, please?
01:07:37I'll be right back.
01:08:01Hey.
01:08:04When did Santa start using the mailbox?
01:08:06Oh, didn't you hear about the new work exchange?
01:08:10Postman should be coming down your chimney a little later.
01:08:13You got some place to go?
01:08:15Yeah, it's Christmas Eve.
01:08:17Who doesn't?
01:08:20I could set a place for you.
01:08:23No, thanks.
01:08:24I'll be fine.
01:08:27Jake.
01:08:29Merry Christmas.
01:08:31You too.
01:08:51Yes, operator, it's collect from Jake.
01:08:55Tracy, accept the...
01:08:58My, my dear brother, you are sounding slightly stressed.
01:09:01Is it the bumblebees again?
01:09:02Look, Tracy, I'm not gonna make it home and I want you to tell Dad, okay?
01:09:06What do you mean you're not gonna make it home?
01:09:08Is this about Carolyn?
01:09:10No.
01:09:10It's about being stuck out here in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no money.
01:09:14The rate I'm going, I'll show up sometime in January, so Merry Christmas, Happy New Year,
01:09:18and I'll see you around.
01:09:20Wait.
01:09:20What about the Porsche?
01:09:22What about it?
01:09:24Wow.
01:09:25You really must be in trouble.
01:09:27Would you fly home right now if you could?
01:09:30Uh, like, yeah.
01:09:31I've got at least four years of birthday money stashed upstairs in my ballerina bag.
01:09:35If I went to a ticket agent right now and bought you a plane ticket home, you'd make
01:09:39it in time for Christmas, right?
01:09:41You'd do that for me?
01:09:43No.
01:09:44I'd do it for Dad.
01:09:46Plus, think of the incredible pleasure I'll have holding this over your head for the rest
01:09:49of our lives.
01:09:51Okay, fine.
01:09:52Whatever you want.
01:09:52I'm near Madison, Wisconsin.
01:09:54I'll hitch a ride to the airport.
01:09:55I'll see you soon.
01:09:56Wait.
01:09:57Uh, I don't have any idea.
01:09:58How am I gonna pick up the ticket?
01:10:00Hmm.
01:10:00I know.
01:10:01I'll make up a secret password to go with your reservation that only you would know.
01:10:05Great.
01:10:05What's it gonna be?
01:10:06I am a smelly and revolting jerk who doesn't deserve to live and my sister is a mad cool
01:10:10goddess.
01:10:11Bingo.
01:10:12Wilkinson, comma, Jake.
01:10:14Hm.
01:10:14It's an unusual password.
01:10:16Unusual everything.
01:10:17So, what time's the flight leave?
01:10:18In twenty minutes.
01:10:20I'll need to see a picture ID.
01:10:21Well, I just gave you my password.
01:10:23That's right, sir, but I can't let you on the plane without proper identification.
01:10:26Then what was the point of my password?
01:10:28I don't make the rules, sir.
01:10:30It's just...
01:10:30Policy.
01:10:31I know.
01:10:35Text.
01:10:42Hi.
01:11:03Good Ringo!
01:11:05Merry Christmas to you too, Ringo.
01:11:07Good Ringo!
01:11:11Fat Ringo!
01:11:12Fat Ringo!
01:11:21Hey, hey Billy!enmenthirskjett!
01:11:23Get him! Run! Hmm.
01:11:26Come here!
01:11:27Get away!
01:11:28Over!
01:11:49Excuse me.
01:11:50Excuse me.
01:11:56I love you.
01:12:01Merry Christmas, Santa.
01:12:03Got a ticket?
01:12:04No.
01:12:08The station is parallel.
01:12:10Next stop, New Rochelle, followed by Larchmont.
01:12:12Larchmont.
01:12:23Even a bribe couldn't get him home.
01:12:27He still has 15 minutes.
01:12:34Hey!
01:12:35Hey, hey, hey!
01:12:38Hey, lady!
01:12:39Can you give me a ride?
01:12:40Please?
01:12:44Hey, give Santa a ride?
01:12:46No.
01:12:48Will anybody take me to Larchmont?
01:12:55No!
01:13:04No!
01:13:05No!
01:13:06No!
01:13:08No!
01:13:11No!
01:13:13No!
01:13:15No!
01:13:16No!
01:13:16No!
01:13:21No!
01:13:21No!
01:13:21No!
01:13:22No!
01:13:23No!
01:13:24What are you doing?
01:13:25Don't turn!
01:13:26Go straight!
01:13:27Hey!
01:13:27Me!
01:13:32Hey!
01:13:50All right, everybody, go on to the boat for the day to go.
01:13:57Package people, do not unwrap yourselves.
01:14:00I repeat, do not unwrap yourselves.
01:14:03You unwrap yourself, you are out of my parade.
01:14:06Do I make myself clear?
01:14:15Hey.
01:14:16Hey.
01:14:17All right.
01:14:18What do you think you're doing?
01:14:20Hey.
01:14:21Buddy.
01:14:27I could have swore I parked that sleigh right here.
01:14:29Silent night, all is night, all is calm, all is bright, round yon virgin mother and child.
01:14:52What the hell is that I want?
01:14:55Sorry.
01:15:04Come on, Jake.
01:15:06We can make it.
01:15:12Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:15:15Whoa.
01:15:48Nice ride.
01:15:50Thanks.
01:15:51Just got him back from the shop.
01:15:53Alves upgraded his shoes to the new Firestone radials.
01:15:58Not bad.
01:15:59Maybe you should have thought about snow tires.
01:16:04You know, you said even if Santa showed up on your doorstep in a one-horse open sleigh,
01:16:09you still wouldn't believe that I cared about you.
01:16:13So I don't expect this to work.
01:16:16But I gotta give it a shot.
01:16:18I mean, you know, I'm not the real Santa, and contrary to all appearances, this is not a real sleigh.
01:16:28But, Allie, for all the times I've been a genuine jerk,
01:16:33this is a real apology.
01:16:36If you'll accept it.
01:16:40I might.
01:16:45And this is a real kiss.
01:17:10Come with me to my house.
01:17:11I have to be there in two minutes.
01:17:12Is this still about the worst?
01:17:13Just come with me.
01:17:14But I don't want you.
01:17:16Don't trust me.
01:17:19Help!
01:17:24Help!
01:17:36Okay, let's eat.
01:17:54What time is it?
01:17:57It's 5 59.
01:17:58You made it.
01:18:01Yeah, I guess I did.
01:18:03Tell me when it's after six, okay?
01:18:06What do you mean? Aren't you going in?
01:18:07No, not yet.
01:18:11But I thought...
01:18:12Shh, shh, shh.
01:18:13Just watch.
01:18:15Watch what?
01:18:18My family.
01:18:42Well, guess it's about time I went home for Christmas.
01:18:46Care to join me?
01:18:47You bet.
01:18:49All right.
01:18:58Hey, everybody.
01:18:59Merry Christmas.
01:19:02You made it.
01:19:06Hey, you made it.
01:19:10I'm glad you're here.
01:19:11Me too.
01:19:13Did you have a hard time getting here?
01:19:14Oh, piece of cake.
01:19:16What's, uh, what's with this Santa suit?
01:19:19Long story, Dad.
01:19:21Hey.
01:19:21Hey, uh, hi.
01:19:22Oh, you stink.
01:19:25Farting dog cargo hold longer story.
01:19:28Well, son, she's yours.
01:19:32But, Dad, I didn't make it home on time.
01:19:34Don't be silly.
01:19:34You were just a few seconds left here.
01:19:36No, no.
01:19:36Deal's a deal.
01:19:38Besides, she isn't ready yet.
01:19:40What do you mean?
01:19:41Well, we're not really finished fixing her up yet, are we?
01:19:44I mean, I'm sure it's going to take us a bunch more Christmases together to get all the work done.
01:19:49Don't you think?
01:19:51Yeah, 30 or 40 at least.
01:19:5636.
01:19:58Excuse me?
01:19:59My sweater says I'm a 36 or a medium.
01:20:02Either will work.
01:20:05What's yours?
01:20:07Mine?
01:20:09Yeah, you know, for future information.
01:20:14Eight.
01:20:16Eight.
01:20:18I'll remember that.
01:20:21What the heck is that?
01:20:23That would be my parade.
01:20:25Excuse me?
01:20:26Excuse me?
01:20:36Red!
01:20:37Wait a minute!
01:20:38That's our sled!
01:20:41That's the guy!
01:20:43Come on!
01:20:49Hey buddy, you stole our sleigh.
01:20:52You're just so lucky you're wearing that suit.
01:20:56You know, a few days ago I might not have agreed with you.
01:20:59Nice wings.
01:21:01Thanks.
01:21:02Took a sewing class.
01:21:04It shows.
01:21:06Peace.
01:21:07Okay.
01:21:09Come on Santa, give me a ride home.
01:21:10Let's all go for a ride.
01:21:11Come on!
01:21:13Oh, I love it.
01:21:14I've never been in a sleigh before.
01:21:15Oh, you better be careful.
01:21:16We're in full.
01:21:21Let this buggy rip, bro.
01:21:23We are going to the wall!
01:21:26Merry Christmas!
01:21:47Merry Christmas
01:21:49Happy Holidays
01:21:52Merry Christmas
01:21:55Merry Christmas
01:21:57Merry Christmas
01:21:58Happy Holidays
01:22:05We've been waiting
01:22:08all here for this ride
01:22:12When the snow is glistening on the trees
01:22:15outside and all the stockings
01:22:17I'm hung by the
01:22:19fireside
01:22:22Waiting for
01:22:23Santa to arrive
01:22:26And all the
01:22:27love will show
01:22:29Cause everybody knows
01:22:31It's Christmas time
01:22:33And all the kids will see
01:22:35The gifts under the tree
01:22:37It's the best time of year
01:22:39For the family
01:22:42It's a wonderful feeling
01:22:44And the love in the room
01:22:46And the floor to the ceiling
01:22:47It's that time of year
01:22:50Christmas time is here
01:22:52And with the blessings from above
01:22:55God sent you His love
01:22:57And everything's okay
01:22:59Merry Christmas
01:23:00Happy Holidays
01:23:02Merry Christmas
01:23:05Merry Christmas
01:23:07Happy Holidays
01:23:13Let's go
01:23:14For the스타 Trying
01:23:16It's Christmas
01:23:18Happy Holidays
01:23:20And every
01:23:22Verse3
01:23:23Cause schools are celebrating
01:23:25Special times we share
01:23:30Happiness cause love is in the air
01:23:35And all the love will show
01:23:37Cause everybody knows
01:23:39It's Christmas time and
01:23:42All the kids will see
01:23:44Kids under the tree
01:23:46It's the best time of year for the family
01:23:50It's a wonderful feeling
01:23:53With the love in the room
01:23:54From the floor to the ceiling
01:23:56It's that time of year
01:23:59Christmas time is here
01:24:01And the blessings from above
01:24:03God sent you his love
01:24:06And everything's okay
01:24:07Merry Christmas, happy holiday
01:24:12Merry Christmas
01:24:13Merry Christmas
01:24:16And happy holiday
01:24:21Merry Christmas
01:24:23Oh yeah
01:24:24Merry Christmas
01:24:25And happy holiday
01:24:28No matter what your holiday
01:24:31It's a time to celebrate
01:24:35Put your worries aside
01:24:38And open up your mind
01:24:41Cause you do all right
01:24:43Find your time
01:24:44It's Christmas time
01:24:47Merry Christmas
01:24:48Merry Christmas
01:24:50Oh yeah
01:24:50Merry Christmas
01:24:51Merry Christmas
01:24:52Happy holiday
01:24:54Sing it everybody
01:24:55Merry Christmas
01:24:57Come on up
01:24:58Merry Christmas
01:24:59Let me hear you
01:25:00Merry Christmas
01:25:01And happy holiday
01:25:04It's a wonderful feeling
01:25:06Feel the love in the room
01:25:08From the floor to the ceiling
01:25:09It's that time of year
01:25:11That time of year
01:25:12Christmas time is here
01:25:14God sent you his love
01:25:19Everything's okay
01:25:20Merry Christmas
01:25:22Happy holiday
01:25:23Come on now
01:25:25Merry Christmas
01:25:26Let me hear you
01:25:27Merry Christmas
01:25:29And happy holiday
01:25:32Merry Christmas
01:25:33Merry Christmas
01:25:36Oh yeah
01:25:36Merry Christmas
01:25:38Yeah
01:25:38And happy holiday
01:25:41Merry Christmas
01:25:43Merry Christmas
01:25:45Merry Christmas
01:25:47Merry Christmas
01:25:47Merry Christmas
01:25:48Happy holidays
01:25:51Happy holidays
01:25:52Happy holidays
01:25:53Happy holidays
01:25:53Happy holidays
01:25:55Happy holidays
01:25:55Happy holidays
01:25:56Happy holidays
01:25:56Happy holidays
01:25:56Happy holidays
01:25:57Happy holidays
01:26:00Happy holidays
01:26:02Happy holidays
01:26:04Happy holidays
01:26:04Happy holidays
01:26:04Happy holidays
01:26:05Happy holidays
01:26:06Happy holidays
01:26:06Happy holidays
01:26:06Happy holidays
01:26:06You
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