- 2 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:11For centuries, humanity has searched.
00:18Humanity, humanity has searched with great desperation seeking answers.
00:25Desperately seeking answers.
00:28To the world's greatest and most confounding questions.
00:43For the greatest and most confounding questions that plague us.
00:48The limitations of our physical selves.
00:53Well, ladies and gentlemen.
00:59Today, we say no more.
01:03Say it with me.
01:04No more.
01:08No more limits.
01:11No more weakness.
01:14No more illness.
01:15No more age.
01:17No more sickness.
01:19No more ugly.
01:21No fucking more!
01:23No more.
01:24Today, I present you.
01:27The answer.
01:29The solution.
01:32The savior.
01:34The proof.
01:36Me.
01:44The new.
01:47An improved.
01:49Firing force.
01:52Once.
01:54An old man.
01:56Staring mortality in the face.
01:59Riddled with cancer.
02:01Cholesterol.
02:03Decay.
02:05Age.
02:07Now.
02:08Now.
02:10With one.
02:12Simple.
02:13Injection.
02:15I met.
02:16The new and improved version.
02:18Of myself.
02:23It is time.
02:25To meet the new and improved versions of your cells.
02:30It is time.
02:32To become.
02:35A beauty.
02:41Obesity and advanced diabetes were threatening my life and my legs.
02:46I was told amputation was in my future.
02:49But not anymore.
02:51Thanks to the beauty, I'm living my best life.
02:58After a life filled with antidepressants and crummy therapists, I became a cop to help
03:02me cope with my big bone huskiness.
03:05Cursed by my family genes.
03:07Until now.
03:22Long ago, we were forced to leave our best selves behind.
03:26Aging, illness and nursing home food lie ahead.
03:30I can't even remember my own name.
03:33Alzheimer's is staring me in the face.
03:34As is another round of breast cancer.
03:38Life's not fair.
03:46No need to consult a doctor.
03:49The beauty and its aesthetic protector booster are approved for everyone.
03:52Need help cleaning up your gooey sock?
03:54Or a soothing voice to hold you through those beautiful sweats?
03:57Visit thebeauty.com to find a package that's right for you.
04:00But don't wait.
04:02You've arrived at the intersection of life.
04:04Don't make the wrong turn.
04:06Get jabbed and feel fab today.
04:08Side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, analicid, vaginal secretions, penile drip,
04:12tals, blood blood tubes, heart palpitations, blindness fever, secretive fever, and combustion
04:15ignition hypnosis.
04:16If you find yourself inside a transition side for more than six hours, call an ambulance.
04:18The corporation is not responsible for any side effects death bodily harm caused by this
04:21treatment.
04:21By adjusting your forfeit class action rights and agreeing to a lifetime secret arbitration
04:25at the discretion of the corporation.
04:42In this industry, don't wait.
04:44While waiting there is no care, nothing in the proportion of the pureuates in the
04:44You're always standing there...
04:45Lowed once…
04:50Do or tea.
04:53Apple is you having ahealthy webcam.
04:54Do or tea.
04:55OK, Yuba
05:39You need to eat something.
05:42In here? Are you fucking insane?
05:46Why are they doing this to us?
05:48Maybe they don't know what to do with us.
05:50Maybe we're a danger to society because we're contagious.
05:55Maybe some twisted social experiment.
05:58Yeah, maybe a little bit.
06:00Here, take this.
06:01You're only one day out of the sack and the food's going to be out any second.
06:04I don't care. I'd rather starve to death than rot in here forever.
06:09When that girl exploded, a piece of her got into my mouth.
06:18I tasted her.
06:23I think that's how I caught it.
06:26Whatever this is.
06:30I can't see my face, but it feels different.
06:36You're very good looking.
06:38I don't know.
06:43So are you.
06:47You're beautiful.
06:50I always wanted to be that.
06:53Have someone call me that?
06:55I never was.
07:00I'm not killed.
07:04Move!
07:13Come on!
07:15Come on!
07:16Come on!
07:17Come on!
07:18Come on!
07:19No!
07:20Here, take my hand.
07:22You're fine.
07:22You're fine.
07:23I'll just run.
07:24Fuck this!
07:25I want out!
07:27You hear me?
07:28Satisfaction.
07:28Let me let the fuck out of here!
07:30I want to go home!
07:31Please.
07:32You need to listen to me.
07:33I don't belong any.
07:34You've got to calm down.
07:35None of us belong any.
07:45Stand back.
07:47Relax.
07:48They're here to save us.
07:49We're in position.
07:52Copy that.
07:55Execute.
08:04Take care.
08:13Take care.
08:15Oh, my God.
09:11Hey, now what the fuck wrong with you, huh?
09:13I'm twitching and glitching and shit.
09:15Come on, Jane. You gotta be smarter. Please try it. Dear God, these two are blinking like idiots.
09:21Communicating. Morse code. They think they're so fucking smart.
09:24Who the fuck is Morse and what's the goddamn code?
09:26This is what I'm saying, young grasshopper. It's about awareness. Surroundings. Entrances. Exits. Eyes. Threats.
09:34I'm only a threat if you make me one.
09:36You're just itching to finish while we started in there, huh?
09:39Wow. Sassy. Defensive.
09:44Your one-eyed friend that's profiling like a very nervous pup right now.
09:47That's just how my man is.
09:48You know, these two lovebirds, they're flustered, you know,
09:51because they're stuck in the land of heavy petting and dry humping.
09:54Look at you. Probably got calluses all over that thing waiting for this pussy to pass safety inspection.
09:59I mean, if he loved you, he'd just go for it, right?
10:03He'd just be going in dick first, ask questions later.
10:06You should be deep-diving, backstroking, and super-soaking in that poop.
10:09Not you, man. Super-soaking.
10:10The best thing that ever happened to me was getting infected.
10:12Just saying.
10:12100%.
10:15Come on, Cooper.
10:19You know, you got a face like a catch, isn't it?
10:22I mean, you're the only one here who hasn't turned pretty yet, so water's warm.
10:26Come on in.
10:27About to get real fucking warm from what I hear.
10:31Did he tell you how this thing works?
10:34I bet he left out a few details.
10:36All right, here they go. Here they go with the routine.
10:38Play one against the other, and all that blinking was them hatching a plan.
10:42They pinned you as the weak one, mocking you, Jay.
10:47You gonna let them disrespect you like that?
10:49You gonna let them treat you like an idiot?
10:51This thing's a death sentence.
10:53Even if it wasn't, you really think there's a version of any of this where you just walk out alive.
10:58Oh.
11:00Oh, he really doesn't know, does he?
11:02I guess they're just gonna let him pop.
11:04Like all the others.
11:06Hey!
11:08No more eyes.
11:10No more lips.
11:11No more motherfucking bullshit.
11:13You hear me?
11:14You understand?
11:15Hmm?
11:15You hear me?
11:25All I know is y'all better stop fucking around with me.
11:35Hey.
11:36What was you talking about?
11:37Am I really gonna pop?
11:38Just listen to me.
11:40Okay?
11:41Fucking listen to these two.
12:03No time.
12:05Oh.
12:06They're all yours, gentlemen and joy.
12:09I'm kinda bummed.
12:11I wanted those two to myself.
12:12But I do love a good edge in denial session.
12:19You fellas mind if I watch?
12:22Remember what we told you?
12:24Flattery?
12:25But no sign of desperation.
12:28Desperation triggers disdain.
12:29And you'll never recall that.
12:33Dad.
12:41Byron.
12:42Aren't you going to say happy birthday to our dear Gunther?
12:47I'm sorry.
12:49You two have been institutionalized for so long I can't tell you apart.
12:53Who's the birthday boy?
12:54Is it bald and fat?
12:56Or is it the one that looks like a 7-Eleven bag filled with bones?
13:00You know, it doesn't matter.
13:01None of this matters.
13:01Oh.
13:02No, no, no.
13:03Uh, steak.
13:04Well done.
13:05Thousand Island on the side.
13:06Please.
13:08Is she new?
13:08She's new.
13:09Must be.
13:11The fuck is that?
13:13Oh.
13:14Well, uh, the boys, they want to tell you something important.
13:18Please.
13:23We, uh, we really love and appreciate what you've done for us.
13:28Yeah, yeah.
13:28We want to cut the cord.
13:30Stand on our own.
13:32By starting our own company.
13:34Based on a big idea.
13:35I can't miss big idea.
13:37I mean, today might be my birthday, but really we wanted to take this moment and give our greatest gift
13:42to you, Dad.
13:44Cut the shit.
13:45Okay, how much is this gonna cost me?
13:48Come on, come on, continue. We continue.
13:51You're in on this.
13:53You're in on this.
13:54You're in on this.
13:54Ah, uh, presenting...
13:59A bro-ha.
14:01The world's first streaming service for bro-hah.
14:05What exactly does such a service provide?
14:08Speedboats.
14:09Golf stuff.
14:10Boobs.
14:10Cigar content.
14:11Wow.
14:13I mean, wow.
14:15I have to tell you, I am relieved.
14:19I was terrified this was gonna be some kind of insane idea, like going to the backyard and lighting 20
14:25billion dollars on fire.
14:27But this...
14:31This...
14:32Is so much more sensible.
14:35How long have you two been clean?
14:44Forget it.
14:46I...
14:46You know, I met a progeria case the other day.
14:49Delightful young girl.
14:51On death's door.
14:52And she had a more promising trajectory in life than you two.
14:57Byron, stop it!
14:58Please, stop it!
15:00Do you know what I really want?
15:01What I really want?
15:03Yes.
15:04Science that I don't have to deny exists.
15:08You could feed a large country with the amount of money I have spent trying to produce a DNA test
15:14that proves that I am not related to either of you.
15:19I'm at wit's end here, fellas!
15:23Now get the fuck out!
15:29Flawed as they might be, I loved them with my whole heart.
15:34I want to love them.
15:37We gave them...
15:40The world.
15:45And they flunked.
15:47No, Byron.
15:48Your love was conditioned.
15:51Oh!
15:51Like any transaction in your life.
15:55Yes.
15:58My work has always been my true offspring.
16:03I knew that.
16:04And my favorite child is allowed to be all grown up.
16:07We're gonna be beaming down on every streamable device on the planet.
16:12A full two hour takeover.
16:14Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok.
16:21We're going with our wall, babe.
16:27Wake up, fuckhead.
16:30Welcome to hell.
16:38These are the people from the Condé Nast situation.
16:42There's supposed to be a quarantine zone.
16:44Yeah, it doesn't look like one.
16:46Unless we want to end up like these guys, we need to start thinking.
16:48Fast.
16:49Hey.
16:50They fucked you.
16:51Whoever had you doing their dirty work, didn't give a shit about you in the end.
16:55We gotta move.
16:55I trusted him.
16:57There's never your enemies you have to worry about.
16:59Oh, what a fucking true man.
17:00We're about to die.
17:03Why don't they get Moby over here?
17:05Fuck you!
17:06Wow.
17:07Look who's finally grown a set of balls.
17:09You know, you two?
17:10Such a good team.
17:10No idea how you got discarded into this shit suit.
17:13Fucking reality check, dumbass.
17:14You're in here cause they want you dead.
17:16Same as us.
17:17This whole shit's been fucked from the jump, hasn't it?
17:22Hasn't it?
17:26Fuck, man.
17:28Oh, what a fucking trip.
17:33I trusted you with everything.
17:36You never gave a shit about me, huh?
17:39Be honest!
17:41For fucking once, you never gave a shit about me.
17:44God, I trusted you with everything.
17:47Hey, you know what's fucking hilarious?
17:49Why are you stringing me along with this?
17:51With this father, son, take the lead, bullshit.
17:53Even when I got fucked with your bitch ass.
17:57If you want my help, I suggest a speedy change in total.
18:07Hey!
18:08Hey!
18:09I fucking trusted you!
18:10I fucking trusted you!
18:13You fucking idiots wanna look around!
18:15Unless you wanna be littered with bullets, I suggest you calm the fuck down and think!
18:19We gotta find a way out of here!
18:33Wait, wait, wait, wait!
18:35No, no, no, no, no!
18:37Agent Madison.
18:43Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't fucking touch him.
18:46No, no, no, don't take his grace.
18:48Get over there.
18:49It's okay.
18:50Now put me back for you.
19:03It's okay.
19:04It's okay.
19:05It's okay.
19:06It's okay.
19:11What now, huh?
19:20But space colonization is critical to the survival of the human race.
19:25In like a thousand years.
19:27Right now, it's a hellscape of hazards up there for humans.
19:31No, for years, we've been launching rockets, prepping vehicles, habitats.
19:36No, our first Mars Explorer to relaunches in six weeks.
19:40Okay, well, feel free to launch your fat ass up there.
19:42Take Katie with you.
19:44You guys can take up some space.
19:45Look, it's expensive.
19:46It's messy.
19:48It's loud.
19:48It's complicated.
19:49It's time-consuming.
19:50And I realized it's stupid.
19:54But you are so passionate about this.
19:57About protecting mankind.
19:59Yes.
20:00And then I realized it's going to benefit future generations.
20:04And not me.
20:06Not me at all.
20:09Look, I am pouring copious amounts of capital into something that will benefit humanity.
20:16Perfected, even.
20:18Today.
20:20So...
20:21So...
20:21So...
20:32You're not seriously pulling the plug on me, too, are you?
20:37You can't tell me you didn't receive this coming.
20:39I mean, you had to have noticed my interest in your project waiting for months.
20:43I never know what you're interested in these days.
20:45Yeah, you know why.
20:46Because you spend all day playing with robots.
20:49You have the emotional IQ of a stockpot.
20:57This is not just a job to me, Byron.
21:00This is my life.
21:02What we are working on together in my division can help humanity.
21:06It can help global warming.
21:09It's a business.
21:10A competition.
21:13It was a bake-off.
21:15And you lost.
21:16You're seriously choosing Ray and his fountain of youth bullshit?
21:19And he's better.
21:20He's faster.
21:20He's willing to break things.
21:23He's a bit milquetoast, for my taste.
21:25But the guy gets results.
21:27I gave up everything for this.
21:28Why?
21:29I gave up my husband.
21:31Any chance for having children?
21:33I have given you everything I have.
21:35We have a good story on paper.
21:38This titan of industry develops internet weirdo who sees humanity and machines.
21:46Some stories have a shit ending.
21:52I know you.
21:55And I know you know how deeply flawed Ray's work is.
22:02He's reckless.
22:03He doesn't account for variables.
22:06Organics is wild.
22:08It's imprecise.
22:11It's impossible to tame.
22:13He lost.
22:14He won.
22:17It's over.
22:22You know, the biggest surprise here is how much I fell for your bullshit.
22:28Wow.
22:33We still have several deacons out in the wild.
22:35Learning, collecting data.
22:37Repurpose them.
22:39No, you know what?
22:41Actually, leave them out there.
22:44I want to see how long it takes for people to find them.
22:48Dollar Dog Donut says some sad sack fuck is already engaged to one.
22:54Uh-oh.
22:55That is a knockless entry.
22:58Time to go, robot lady.
23:01All the lawyers button things up.
23:07My work has power that you haven't even bothered to understand.
23:11And we are closer than you think.
23:12You pull the plug, and I will take my talents elsewhere.
23:14And you will regret it.
23:18Okay.
23:20Conveniently, I have this non-compete agreement that you signed right here
23:26that dictates that all patents and physical products revert to me.
23:39You walk out the door, you start from scratch.
23:48You know what, Pat?
23:50That's a bit Dratomian, even for me.
23:53I'll give you another shot.
23:55Throw your best Hail Mary.
23:59Um...
24:0010% on the budget.
24:02And when you fail, you're done.
24:10Nice suit.
24:20You need to do as you're told.
24:30What am I being told?
24:32Do as you're told.
24:35What the fuck am I being told?
24:37Calm down.
24:38You need to do as you're told.
24:40You need to let me the fuck out of here!
24:55Who are you?
24:58Someone who also did what he was told.
25:01I have a sick child.
25:05I did what I was told, and...
25:08I got what I wanted.
25:09A sick child.
25:10Sick how?
25:12I don't understand.
25:15You understand my daughter's situation?
25:22I don't understand.
25:26Mayor.
25:30You motherfucker.
25:32Do as you're told.
25:33You fucking sold us out.
25:35Do as you're told.
25:36Fuck you!
25:37Mayor!
25:39Mayor, let us out of here!
25:40As you're told.
25:41Mayor, you piece of shit!
25:42Mayor, let us out of here, Mayor!
25:44Mayor!
25:45Do as you're told!
26:02Oh, no.
26:04Out of season crab again?
26:05No.
26:07It's the boys.
26:08What about them?
26:09The stress of building a bra.
26:12Addiction got hold of them, and they got a bad batch.
26:15Oh, my.
26:16Vantanol has them in a ventilator at the hospital.
26:20I have the plane being refueled as we speak, so we can be by their side.
26:25Well, sure.
26:26A lifetime of Cheetos and pharma cocktails as I'm prepped and ready for this fight.
26:31Byron.
26:33These might be the last time we ever see them.
26:37How many times have you said that?
26:39Wait, please, take a moment.
26:41Cal.
26:43Cal, relax.
26:46I knew you'd want to see them.
26:48Of course I wanted to see them.
26:49So I brought them here instead.
26:51What a matter of fact, how?
26:53My way.
27:04You didn't.
27:06I did.
27:09Mom.
27:11It's Tig.
27:12Tiger.
27:13Mama.
27:15Gothel?
27:18But you're black.
27:21How is that possible?
27:22I was wondering the same thing.
27:24Turns out I'm 5% Nigerian.
27:28The beauty is an unpredictable and fascinating disruptor.
27:33What a matter of fact.
27:34What a matter of fact.
27:35How?
27:36Okay.
27:36So you were busy taking your sound bath.
27:40And despite my repeated attempts to be removed from their emergency contact forms, they managed
27:45to get a hold of me.
27:47Oh no.
27:47So I saved them.
27:48Yeah, Mom.
27:49We're like, cured.
27:52I mean, I have abs.
27:54It's really incredible.
27:55I'm like, I'm kind of like Drake.
27:56I've never felt better.
27:58Believe it or not, I'm 6 martinis deep right now and you can't even tell.
28:00Impressive.
28:01They're like gorgeous, high efficiency, garbage machines.
28:07Far better suited to withstand a lifestyle they could not divorce themselves from.
28:11I mean, they're metabolically perfect.
28:14I'm excited.
28:15Honestly.
28:16I've been wondering how much a human body can tolerate post-transformation.
28:20Who better to redline test these things than our boys?
28:26I am so grateful to have you back in whatever form.
28:31I love you as a day you were born.
28:35I might even be open to a Christmas card this year.
28:41But the cow will look.
28:43A Benetton campaign!
28:45No.
28:46Your acts of malice were tolerated as long as you left the boys alone.
28:50A line has been crossed.
28:55I'm sorry.
28:58I'm struggling to hear the thank you in there.
29:03I saved them.
29:05We should be celebrating.
29:07I'm changing the world.
29:09Let's pop a cork or two.
29:12And go upstairs.
29:13Let me bring you over to the other side.
29:16We can be one big, beautiful family.
29:20Mom, he's right.
29:21It really works.
29:23You should try it.
29:24Oh, no.
29:26Come on.
29:27Oh, we got her.
29:29Oh, my love.
29:32The natural order will have a say.
29:37You forced my hand like never before.
29:42I will ensure that vengeance grieves you until my last dying breath will have been warned.
30:06I'm okay.
30:06I'm okay.
30:07You okay?
30:07I'm okay.
30:08Yo, 5-0, what's the deal?
30:11They asking me in there?
30:15I think Mary's trying to save us.
30:20Matt Williams, our boss?
30:21Yes.
30:22That was him.
30:23He's been affected.
30:25Not terribly.
30:28Oh, my God.
30:29Hey, what are they saying?
30:30Are they going to kill us?
30:31They're like, what?
30:32Shut the fuck up!
30:33This fuck's more fucked than I thought.
30:36Listen, I think something crazy is about to happen.
30:38And I need y'all to trust me.
30:43Of course I trust you.
30:45I love you.
30:51I love you, too.
31:18Come with me.
31:21Jump on.
31:26Do as we're told.
31:30Let's go.
31:32All of you, let's go.
31:37I know what that's insane.
31:39Hey.
31:40Trust me.
31:48What do we do?
31:53Don't let you tell.
32:00All packages secured.
32:02Ready for extraction.
32:04Let's go.
32:05Let's go.
32:13To be continued...
32:46To be continued...
33:19To be continued...
33:35To be continued...
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