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Taskmaster - S15E05 - Old Honkfoot [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello!
00:36Yeah!
00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Craig Davis and I have a secret to tell you.
00:43People often say to me,
00:45if you're the Taskmaster, how come you're so old and out of shape?
00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson, I whisper the secret in their ear.
00:51It's a fat suit, you fool.
00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.
00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,
00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.
01:02My real name?
01:03Juan Monroe III.
01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,
01:13drunk on my judgement.
01:15Please welcome...
01:16Frankie Boyle!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me
01:33he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer
01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.
01:38And I quote,
01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,
01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.
01:45LAUGHTER
01:45LAUGHTER
01:46And that was a great time!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54I don't remember...
01:55I don't remember saying that.
01:56You were adamant.
01:58Hello!
01:59Hi, everyone.
02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?
02:03No, no, I don't think we should.
02:03I think we'll just crack on with that.
02:04I've got the agenda for the show,
02:05so we all know what's happening.
02:06Same as normal.
02:08Prize task, task, task, task.
02:10Stretching task.
02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:13I thought let's get on with it.
02:15Let's do the prize task, shall we?
02:16Let's.
02:16As you say, do the prize task.
02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in
02:20the luckiest thing.
02:22Ooh.
02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.
02:25You're a lucky boy.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,
02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.
02:34Finished.
02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?
02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,
02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.
02:45Look at him!
02:46He's mine!
02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,
02:52because my vagina's quite old.
02:54No, this is my grandson, and he's the luckiest lad,
02:58because I'm his nana,
02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?
03:02Well, the more you shout at me...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.
03:08What's the prize that's being offered up, because...
03:10That photo, me and the lad.
03:12Yeah.
03:12I'll put it in a frame.
03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?
03:18Well...
03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, my God.
03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog
03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Have you got a crow friend?
03:50I do.
03:50Oh, OK.
03:55He enjoys ham.
03:57OK.
03:58But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.
04:00You carry it with you, is that right?
04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,
04:02because the running gigs I was doing,
04:04when they gave me that bag, were really good.
04:07So you're a superstitious man?
04:09I'm very superstitious.
04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.
04:14Kael, this is a scratch card
04:17bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.
04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.
04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26OK, what's going on?
04:28What have you actually brought in?
04:30The scratch card.
04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.
04:34Yeah.
04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes
04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.
04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.
04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.
04:47It's added something to the episode
04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.
04:53I'm very happy with this prize.
04:55You've done well.
04:56Hello, May.
04:56What have you brought in?
04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.
05:01A wry comment?
05:02Yeah.
05:03I'd better get my wry face ready.
05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:06Um...
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09These are my lucky lenses.
05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.
05:12OK.
05:14OK, so...
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.
05:23They're £15 each.
05:25And those are, uh, rabbits' feet...
05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?
05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.
05:31That's correct.
05:32It, er...
05:32The rabbit needs...
05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...
05:36Where was it captured or killed?
05:37You know...
05:38A...
05:39A...
05:39A cemetery.
05:41A cemetery, yes, good.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43And what day of the week was it cuss-off on?
05:45Very important.
05:46Monday.
05:47What?
05:48Second day.
05:49No.
05:49Friday.
05:50Friday, yes.
05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55I mean, I...
05:57LAUGHTER
06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?
06:09Yes.
06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?
06:15No, because they've been fused together.
06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:21LAUGHTER
06:24That's outrageous.
06:26One left.
06:27Ivo.
06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points
06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39So, a few key items here.
06:41The Maneke Neko Japanese bobtail cap,
06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,
06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.
06:49How so?
06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels
06:54in the late 90s,
06:55and I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:02When I played a lot of poker,
07:057-2 off was our lucky hand,
07:07and finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with
07:11in my mouth.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:13Is that one thing, Frankie?
07:16No.
07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.
07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,
07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30I would say...
07:32..the hat is the luckiest thing of all.
07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's the much of a muchness,
07:37is the way I see it.
07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.
07:40Oh.
07:40Two points I'm going to give to...
07:43..a picture of a baby.
07:45LAUGHTER
07:47Oh, God.
07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.
07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.
07:54No, you can't.
07:55I think I'm going to.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59Literally livid.
08:01Toe to the hat.
08:02Right.
08:02Three points.
08:03Both get three points.
08:04Frankie and Ivor, got it.
08:05Yes.
08:06OK.
08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points,
08:09because I think Kyle's made the real effort for the first time ever.
08:12Four to my point.
08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.
08:19Of course, Greg.
08:20Here we go.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:22MUSIC
08:36Watcher.
08:37Watcher.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:41Just keep looking.
08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?
08:44Oh, God, yeah.
08:45How do we get that?
08:47I think it's practise.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:53too sticky oh my heart oh oh my heart oh oh oh god oh god oh god I think I'm
09:04dying
09:08perfect perfect
09:18a fake to death okay another one do whatever you still got 18 minutes another one seven minutes
09:28could boil an egg in this time and then use the showers nails we'd like me to bring you an
09:32egg
09:33yes please oh I don't know I'm a nosebleed on it really really bad nosebleed for you an egg oh
09:42thanks
09:42right what's in there egg my mom I like this bit your mom I like it no it's just how
09:52I'm messing up the
09:53people's house I think I was stopping now stop all right then I've had a bit of a trauma would
10:00you
10:00like some chocolates I don't like chocolate no I like cheese and cash well I'll bring you some
10:05cheese and cash thank you very much you seem to have perked up yes I feel fine now
10:14happy you wouldn't be able to slip into a room of notice for the hum but the nails lovely attention
10:37to
10:39Jenny, I like cash and cheese. I'm with you on that.
10:42And during the death, when she immediately went,
10:44ah-ah-ah, started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.
10:47And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going, just die!
10:51LAUGHTER
10:53Really good.
10:54Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat with a trick.
10:57This time, it's Ivo.
11:01Are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?
11:05Of course I am.
11:06Great.
11:07You've not got long, Ivo.
11:09OK.
11:15Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?
11:18As ready as I'll ever be.
11:20Welcome to ancient Egypt.
11:32Hello.
11:34What's your name?
11:36Ooh.
11:37Oh, we did.
11:39Ah.
11:44Right.
11:46Um...
11:46Not even going to woo any more.
11:49WHISTLE
11:51WHISTLE
11:51WHISTLE
11:52WHISTLE
11:52Is your time up, Ivo?
11:53What do you think?
11:55Oh!
11:57Cool.
11:58I've had a lovely time being involved in this cast.
12:09WHISTLE
12:10WHISTLE
12:11I actually out loud whispered to myself...
12:14Heartbreaking.
12:16The greatest privilege of my life to sit here and watch your heart be put back together by my twist.
12:20WHISTLE
12:21WHISTLE
12:25I do feel complete.
12:27Right.
12:28It's time for us to part with part one.
12:31What can I say?
12:32We were young.
12:32We were naive.
12:33We were stupid.
12:34It was never going to work.
12:35Fun though, wasn't it?
12:37Goodbye.
12:37I still love you.
12:38OK.
12:47Hello!
12:49Welcome back to...
12:51Yes, Greg, I'm afraid so, because the current task sees them trying to fake something.
12:55Best fake wins.
12:57Next, and pitching a TV show at the same time, it's May Martin.
13:02OK.
13:08So I'm getting, it's not a grandparent or a father figure, it's like a teacher figure.
13:13Is that ringing any bells?
13:14I did have teachers.
13:16I want to say you've travelled away with?
13:18No, I went on a school trip with Mr. Arnold.
13:21So I'm getting Adrian.
13:22Well, genuinely, his real name was Adrian R.
13:24Haven't been in touch with him.
13:25I'm going to send him an email.
13:26Oh, really?
13:27Yeah.
13:30I'm getting kind of a lot of noise, I can't.
13:33Everyone can't.
13:34And they've passed.
13:35Oh, a long time ago.
13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:37And Horace in particular is frustrated.
13:41He's very frustrated with you.
13:42Oh.
13:43Yeah.
13:44He's like telling me something about George Clooney.
13:46My cat?
13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:49I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.
13:52My dad was a GP.
13:53Clooney was in the AR.
13:55No.
13:55No, no, no.
13:56Fantastic Mr. Fox is what I'm getting.
13:59Ah, well I've seen that and I used to have a toy fox.
14:01This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.
14:03What, that I love the fox more than the cat?
14:05Yeah.
14:07Well, I hope you've got what you came for.
14:10I'm just trying to be a vessel and give you the tools that you need moving forward to live in
14:15a more authentic way.
14:18Well, thank you for the tools.
14:20Thanks, mate.
14:21Um, do you have any money?
14:23Ah, um, yeah, I've got some money.
14:25I charge £60.
14:27£60.
14:27I'll take £40.
14:33It was actually quite good.
14:35It was good because they were faking it, I discovered afterwards.
14:40What, you mean May's not a real medium?
14:43In the lab I was freaked out because everything they said was true.
14:46Yes.
14:47And I didn't know how they did it.
14:48I, um, I've been a...
14:50I rang his wife.
14:54And my wife rang my mum.
14:56And I've kept in touch with, with your wife.
14:59Like, when we text.
15:02Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Very clever.
15:06It was horrible to be on that.
15:09Very enjoyable.
15:10And then you've got a new friendship out of it.
15:12Yeah.
15:12And £40.
15:13Good.
15:16Who's last?
15:16There's only one more.
15:17The final faker is Frankie Foyle.
15:20Here we go.
15:27In a sense, no one is to blame for this.
15:33In another, realer sense, the British security services
15:37and the creative team behind the antique roadshow are to blame.
15:44Farewell, Frankie.
16:05I empathise, Frankie, because, like me, your body is so much more shocking than your suicide
16:10I could ever do.
16:12LAUGHTER
16:13We surprised a few joggers.
16:15LAUGHTER
16:16Oh, man, that was very good.
16:18This is tough.
16:19Are they all good, do you think?
16:20I feel like you're working against me, Alex.
16:23I'm not.
16:23Can we have a look at it again, the hand?
16:25Yes, I can isolate just the hand.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30I really want to justify it being higher than it is, Kyle, but with the best will in the world.
16:36LAUGHTER
16:38But, you know, we're Jenny's fakes really good.
16:41No!
16:42LAUGHTER
16:45What if I give them both two points down the bottom?
16:48So, Jenny and Kyle both get two points.
16:49They do.
16:50Right.
16:51I'm going to give I both four points.
16:53Ooh, right.
16:54I'm going to give May four points as well.
16:56Right.
16:57Just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's demise
17:01deserves on this occasion five points.
17:03Two, two, four, four, five points, Frankie Boyle.
17:08Scoreboard time.
17:09Frankie and May are at the top with eight points each.
17:13APPLAUSE
17:15APPLAUSE
17:16Right.
17:17Right.
17:18On we go.
17:19Yes.
17:19Next up is this.
17:46Hello, Alex.
17:47Hi, Jenny.
17:48Hello, Alex.
17:53BUZZER
17:54BUZZER
17:57BUZZER
17:58BUZZER
17:59BUZZER
18:02BUZZER
18:02The things have fallen off my feet quite early doors.
18:05I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...
18:09BUZZER
18:10Hello, Kyle. Hello. I'm going to bring you your task.
18:15Play the instrument indicated by the light.
18:19BUZZER
18:21Each time you play an instrument correctly,
18:23another will be added to the sequence until you make a mistake.
18:27Longest sequence wins.
18:28There is a bonus point for the person who sounds the least worst.
18:33The least worst.
18:35Sort of the best.
18:38Your time starts when the first light goes on.
18:42OK.
18:45So, up there there's drums.
18:47Where?
18:47Drum's there.
18:48Drum?
18:49What is it?
18:49Oh, it's very badly drawn.
18:55What the fuck is that?
18:56Obviously a harmonica.
18:57It looks like a sofa.
18:59I thought it was a sofa.
19:00Yes.
19:02APPLAUSE
19:05I just want to pack up.
19:06OK.
19:06When it comes to musical ability, you don't often hear these two names,
19:09and for good reason.
19:11It's Jenny and Ivo first.
19:13Are you ready?
19:15Yes, I am.
19:16Let's go.
19:21And that was a lovely chord.
19:22It was a lovely chord.
19:23I think it's my only chord.
19:26You've made it successfully through round one.
19:28I'm glad.
19:29Round two.
19:35Good.
19:36It's now time for round three.
19:53And that's a chord again.
19:55Sounding good.
19:56Is this like an Alzheimer's test?
20:08Great performance.
20:10So you know the first four now?
20:11Yes.
20:13Ah, right.
20:14OK.
20:15Now, then.
20:22Correct.
20:24Congratulations.
20:25Really?
20:26Mm-hm.
20:28That's all for round six.
20:29Round six?
20:31Yeah.
20:31OK.
20:43That's correct, Jenny.
20:51Yeah, I've got a horrible feeling that I got that wrong.
20:56Do you know what you did wrong?
20:58Nope.
20:59I've put all this clobber on and I've become overwhelmed by the occasion.
21:04Off we go again.
21:20You missed one.
21:21I didn't!
21:22You sort of did.
21:23What?
21:24You didn't play the harmonica.
21:26Only because it looks like a sofa.
21:29I think you should go now.
21:31I think you should go now.
21:32BUZZ
21:32BUZZ
21:34BUZZ
21:34BUZZ
21:35BUZZ
21:36BUZZ
21:36BUZZ
21:37BUZZ
21:37BUZZ
21:40That's a sad little walk away from old honk-footer-clare.
21:45Tragic.
21:46Tragic, but still better than Ivor.
21:48Oh, really?
21:49Don't say it like that.
21:51I'm sorry, I thought we'd been grouped together as equal failures,
21:54but it turns out I'd found still a new depth.
21:58Ivor was very disappointing.
22:00Just five, that's all.
22:01You only remembered five things in a row.
22:02How many did I get?
22:04Six.
22:05Frankie Boyle and May Martin also did this task,
22:08and they did it like this.
22:10I feel like Dick Van Dyke.
22:12You look like Dick Van Dyke.
22:15In...
22:17Young...
22:17Are you ready?
22:20Yeah.
22:21I'm going to give it a go.
22:24BUZZ
22:25BUZZ
22:26BUZZ
22:26BUZZ
22:28BUZZ
22:30BUZZ
22:30BUZZ
22:32BUZZ
22:34BUZZ
22:35BUZZ
22:36Congratulations.
22:37BUZZ
22:40BUZZ
22:42BUZZ
22:43BUZZ
22:44BUZZ
22:44BUZZ
22:45BUZZ
22:46BUZZ
22:46It's sounding lovely.
22:47I'm seeing now how it's going to get stressful.
22:50BUZZ
22:51BUZZ
22:52BUZZ
22:52BUZZ
22:53BUZZ
22:54BUZZ
22:55BUZZ
22:55BUZZ
22:56BUZZ
23:01BUZZ
23:02BUZZ
23:05BUZZ
23:06BUZZ
23:06BUZZ
23:07BUZZ
23:07BUZZ
23:07BUZZ
23:08BUZZ
23:08BUZZ
23:08BUZZ
23:09BUZZ
23:09BUZZ
23:09BUZZ
23:10BUZZ
23:10BUZZ
23:17BUZZ
23:19What was the fucking last one?
23:38Correct.
23:57Frankie?
23:58Yeah?
23:59You did very well.
24:01I'm surprised.
24:02I'm also surprised.
24:03LAUGHTER
24:22Oh, no.
24:24Well, mate, I thought it was a childlike naivety.
24:31Yeah, I had a great time.
24:32Open your eyes.
24:33Frankie, you look quite at home in that clobber.
24:35I enjoyed being in a warehouse,
24:38being in a one-man band for no apparent reason.
24:41A lot of them.
24:42Very impressive.
24:43They both scored nine.
24:44Well done.
24:46Yeah, sometimes it's just good to say well done, isn't it?
24:49LAUGHTER
24:50Right, we're stopping for a break so Alex can do his push-ups.
24:53Underneath that cheap suit, the boy is RIPPED!
24:56APPLAUSE
25:05Yes, hello again.
25:07We're back.
25:09Let's just get on with the show.
25:11As opposed to...to what?
25:13Oh, quick update.
25:15LAUGHTER
25:16They're currently trying to copy a sequence of lights.
25:19Longest sequence wins, and there's only one player left.
25:22He's currently in last place in the series.
25:24It's Kyle.
25:26HE SINGS
25:28THEY WHISTLE
25:30BUZZLE
25:31BUZZLE
25:32BUZZLE
25:33BUZZLE
25:37BUZZLE
25:38BUZZLE
25:39BUZZLE
25:41BUZZLE
25:42BUZZLE
25:42BUZZLE
25:43BUZZLE
25:43BUZZLE
25:43BUZZLE
25:44BUZZLE
25:44Are you going to play your instruments?
25:47Hang on!
25:50BUZZLE
25:51BUZZLE
25:51BUZZLE
25:52BUZZER
25:55BUZZER
25:56BUZZER
25:58BUZZER
26:02BUZZER
26:03Correct, so we go on.
26:05On drum, guitar drum bell.
26:08BUZZER
26:09BUZZER
26:10What?
26:12BUZZER
26:14Hello?
26:16BUZZER
26:17BUZZER
26:18BUZZER
26:22BUZZER
26:26BUZZER
26:29BUZZER
26:37BUZZER
26:38BUZZER
26:40BUZZER
26:41BUZZER
26:42BUZZER
26:43BUZZER
26:43BUZZER
26:44BUZZER
26:44BUZZER
26:46BUZZER
26:46BUZZER
26:49Have you finished no, okay?
27:02Thank you
27:15I'm a music boy 15. I mean
27:24The only negative thing I can think to say is that in a previous task you had problem blowing a
27:28marble into a tube
27:30And then you had another blow issue. Do you have a blow problem? I'm an asthmatic boy
27:41I'm really sorry. There are two Kyle clips and I think I'm gonna fucking kick off Alex
27:47I've played the Kyle clips in the wrong order. Oh, sorry. Can I play the other one? Yeah?
28:04Oh
28:05Well, you have finished the one-man-band task go on give us another go
28:12You gave him quite a few other goes
28:15We were in there for 45 minutes
28:19This seems that music boys are cheeky boys
28:23Okay, okay, right right, but eventually I got 15
28:30Well in that case Kyle wins the series. Let's all go home
28:37Good Ivo and Kyle can joint force. Yeah, they both get to Jenny comes third to get three points may
28:43and Frankie joint first five
28:45There is of course one bonus point for the person who plays it the least worst
28:54Just for the cheeky head wiggle alone and the nerve of music boy, and I think you know give the
29:00guy a break
29:01We'll give him the point
29:01Bonus points for Kelly!
29:03APPLAUSE
29:06Time for another task please
29:08Okay, and this one's a team one. Here we go
29:10Tom and I'm gonna make it the blank
29:13SCREAMING
29:14TITLE
29:14TITLE
29:14TITLE
29:15TITLE
29:15TITLE
29:16TITLE
29:16TITLE
29:20TITLE
29:21TITLE
29:22TITLE
29:23TITLE
29:32TITLE
29:33Yes, you do. Go ahead. Go ahead.
29:36Salvage the most spoons.
29:39Salvage the most spoons.
29:41You may not leave the lab,
29:43and all spoons must be salvaged with a magnet.
29:46Your salvager must not remove their headwear.
29:51Most salvaged spoons brought to the lab wins.
29:54Also, from now on, you must speak in a very high-pitched voice.
29:58You have 16 minutes!
30:00Your time starts...
30:02Or should I say...
30:04You have 16 minutes!
30:05Your time starts now!
30:08Do we open the laptop?
30:11Open the laptop.
30:12Hello, Alex!
30:14Hello.
30:15I have your salvager here.
30:16He has a magnet.
30:18Good luck.
30:21Where am I?
30:28May and Jenny, I think you instantly became the weird children from The Shining.
30:34It horrified me the moment you started speaking.
30:38Right, let's just get on with it.
30:39OK, and we begin with the team of three.
30:42It's Kael, Jenny, and with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse,
30:45it's Mae Martin.
30:47Kyle!
30:48Kyle!
30:49Hello!
30:50Yes.
30:50Are you blindfolded?
30:51Am I?
30:52Blindfolded, yes.
30:53Big style.
30:55OK, look around for spoons.
30:57I can't look.
30:59Can you move the camera around so we can see what you're looking at?
31:05We're presuming there's spoons.
31:07There's a spoon on top of the blue bin.
31:09I don't know where the blue bin is.
31:11Stretch your hands out, Kyle.
31:14Now, inch forward.
31:16Can you tell the barrel?
31:17Oh, I've heard about it.
31:19OK.
31:20On the top, there is a spoon.
31:22That's some iron.
31:24Take it!
31:25Oh, God.
31:27You're so close.
31:34One spoon.
31:35Did you get it?
31:36I did.
31:37We're going to have to work out a better system than this.
31:39I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl.
31:42I wouldn't do that.
31:43Turn around.
31:44To the left.
31:45Walk forward.
31:48What can you see?
31:49Nothing.
31:50Nothing.
31:50What about now?
31:52No.
31:53Oh, yeah.
31:54By the bathtub.
31:55I don't know where the bathtub is.
31:58Do I have to do this?
31:58I don't know if you inch forward very slowly until you feel the grass under your feet.
32:02The grass under my...
32:03And then this slightly to your right.
32:06To my right.
32:06Kyle, there's two spoons in front of you.
32:08OK.
32:09So get on all fours.
32:10Forward, forward.
32:13Rope.
32:13Rope in the grass.
32:15Rope the grass.
32:16As close to the bath as you can.
32:17I don't know where the bath is.
32:18Is it to my right or my left?
32:20What's that?
32:21To your right.
32:21There's a spoon right in front of you.
32:23I've got one.
32:25OK.
32:25Try by the shed.
32:26What direction is that?
32:28Yeah, you're doing it.
32:29You're doing it now.
32:30Oh!
32:31Double spoon!
32:32Kyle, Kyle!
32:33Double spoon!
32:34Where?
32:35You need to sort of be in the middle of the grass.
32:38If you can imagine it.
32:40OK.
32:41So, direct my finger.
32:42You want to be facing to your right.
32:44To my right?
32:45Like this?
32:47Yeah!
32:48Kyle!
32:48Yeah.
32:49Down!
32:50Down.
32:51And sweep!
32:52Sweet!
32:53Yeah!
32:54You have five minutes.
32:55I think you should come back to the house.
32:57We're running out of time.
32:58Yeah!
32:59Kyle!
32:59You have to come and find us in the lab.
33:02You guys have got to chat about this blindfolded word.
33:05Kyle!
33:05You have to come back to the house.
33:07If you told me where the house was, yeah.
33:09Terry to the right!
33:11Take five big steps!
33:12One.
33:13Two.
33:15Stop!
33:16Three.
33:16Don't you write!
33:17Take three big steps!
33:19Well, take one big step.
33:20One.
33:21Wait!
33:21You've got to go around that!
33:23Around which way?
33:24To the right!
33:25To the left!
33:26To the left!
33:27To the left!
33:27To the left!
33:29Feel your way!
33:32Along the house to the front door!
33:35Place out!
33:36Stretch!
33:38You seem to be at the door!
33:41I've stopped listening to both of you!
33:43Just plunder along the corridor!
33:46Straight there!
33:47You're almost here!
33:48Well done!
33:49Yes, Kyle!
33:51Yes!
33:52Yes!
33:53Yay!
33:54Yay!
33:54Good job, Kyle!
34:00The narrative to me was Kyle playing an older brother who's been through this nonsense a thousand
34:05times.
34:07He was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other.
34:11I found that voice so annoying.
34:14So annoying.
34:15And often, May was leading the way with an attempt at instruction and Jenny was just going,
34:19Yes!
34:20That's right!
34:23I always think a lot of the work is, well, he stumbled upon quite a few of the spoons.
34:26They got a total of nine.
34:28Yeah.
34:28And he got back to the lab with a minute to spare.
34:30He'd had enough, I think.
34:31Oh, yeah.
34:33Right.
34:33That's the end of part three.
34:35Soon, someone will win a spoon and a scratch card.
34:37And that's how we're going to end a prime-time TV show, whether Channel 4 like it or not.
34:46APPLAUSE
34:51Hello!
34:52Welcome back to the final part of the show and a team task involving the salvaging of spoons.
34:58Don't mind if I do.
34:59It's the team of two's turn now, with Frankie directing and Ivo hunting.
35:05Ivo, can you see some spoons, my friend?
35:08I can't see anything, Frankie. I'm wearing some elaborate headwear.
35:11Are you blind, Ivo?
35:13They've blinded me, Frankie.
35:15Only you can lead me to the spoons.
35:17Turn to your left.
35:19Well, we see the caravan there.
35:21Walk forward, Ivo.
35:23Anyway, how have you?
35:25I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath.
35:28You're about to walk into the bath at knee height and hurt your shins.
35:33Stop! Stop!
35:35Don't find it!
35:36I'm at the bath!
35:37There's a spoon that I can tell you.
35:39On this ledge of the bath.
35:41On the left edge or the right ledge?
35:42Both edges.
35:46Oh!
35:47Frankie, I've got a spoon!
35:48Put it in your spoon, Parch Ivo!
35:51Oh, it's a strong magnet, Frankie!
35:53You know you don't need to speak in this voice.
35:56Oh, no, no.
35:57I've picked up the previous spoons by Mr...
36:00Put your spoons in your Parch Ivo!
36:02Now, can you have a good look around, Ivo, so that I can check?
36:05There's no more spoons.
36:06Look down.
36:07Down, and then...
36:08Do a 360.
36:13No, come in, I'm going off somewhere else.
36:18You're dangling it too fast, Ivo!
36:21There you are!
36:22That was quite cross.
36:23Get them!
36:24No!
36:26Oh, there's one.
36:27Oh, there's another.
36:28You've had six minutes out of the 16.
36:30Let's case the droid one more time.
36:32There is it.
36:33I've got a foot in front of you.
36:35You're right over there.
36:36Yes!
36:37Can we go again?
36:38Now, Ivo, I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.
36:41Stop there!
36:42In front of you there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high.
36:46You don't want to walk into it.
36:47Fall over and smash your face.
36:51Forward!
36:52Forward!
36:54Good, right in front of me.
36:56There you are.
36:57A treasure trove of three spoons!
37:00This is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined.
37:03Any spoons on Greg?
37:04No.
37:05You've got three and a half minutes.
37:07Ooh!
37:08Frankie!
37:09Lead me to the kitchen.
37:10Where they'll be the most spoons.
37:12Keep going forward then.
37:13Keep going forward.
37:15Have a look in the door and you don't have spoons in it.
37:23Yes!
37:24And you've dragged it into another spoon.
37:27Into two?
37:27Well done!
37:28Excellent work, Ivo.
37:30Get out of there!
37:31How much time have we got?
37:33We've got to get to that kitchen.
37:34Ivo, you've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:36Of how many?
37:36All the information's on the task.
37:39How many minutes have we got in the whole task?
37:41We've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:43Really?
37:43I think we're nearly done.
37:44Come into the lab then.
37:46But, but, but, Frankie, what about the kitchen spoons?
37:50Straight forwards!
37:51Keep going desperately, quickly!
37:54Run!
37:54It doesn't matter if you hurt yourself, Ivo!
37:56What?
37:57No, not in there, Ivo!
37:59What did I tell you not to do?
38:00You greedy bastard!
38:03You've got 30 seconds!
38:04Well, you don't...
38:06What's wrong, Ivo?
38:09Oh...
38:10That's the spoon hob.
38:12Frankie, we've had an absolute shocker.
38:17APPLAUSE
38:23Where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy?
38:28It's worth pointing out
38:29that Ivo didn't have to do the high pitch voice.
38:32You'll notice it disappeared immediately
38:34as I started to panic about the time pressure.
38:37Did you start to panic about the time pressure, Ivo,
38:40or did you go into the kitchen?
38:42LAUGHTER
38:44When I'd expressly told you not to.
38:48I mean, it's a game of quotes for me, from Frankie as well.
38:51My favourite...
38:51I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.
38:55LAUGHTER
38:58They did gather 22 spoons.
39:00They were a great team.
39:02And do you know what's going to happen here, Ivo?
39:04We're both going to lose this episode
39:06and somebody's going to go up there
39:07and win 70 grand on a fucking scratch.
39:10LAUGHTER
39:16You may well be right.
39:17Frankie was in the lead.
39:18He's not won a show, Ivo.
39:19You've won two.
39:21So, points-wise, Greg,
39:23only one team completed the task.
39:24So, they're the only ones who can get any points.
39:26Oh, I see.
39:26Five.
39:27Er, Jenny, Kyle and May all get five points each.
39:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:32There we go.
39:34Is it the first course?
39:35Yes.
39:36Well, I can tell you that Kyle is now in second place,
39:38but May is in the lead with 18 points.
39:40Lovely.
39:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:43All right.
39:43Everybody, it's time to stand up
39:45and get ready for the final task of the show!
40:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:08Two lovely bearded boys.
40:08Two lovely bearded boys.
40:11LAUGHTER
40:12Stuff all these things in your team-mate's outfit.
40:15If you're wearing a special outfit,
40:17you must stay on your spot with your hands on your head
40:20at all times.
40:22Fastest wins.
40:24Straightforward stuff.
40:25What I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley.
40:28Everything but the trolley.
40:29LAUGHTER
40:30OK.
40:31On your marks.
40:32Get set.
40:33WHISTLE BLOWS
40:34STUFF!
40:34I've got a pocket in the pocket.
40:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:37It won't go in there, right?
40:39LAUGHTER
40:41Is it not allowed to wiggle like that?
40:43I think so.
40:44It seems provocative.
40:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:50It's all going to go in.
40:51It's all going to go in.
40:52That's a sharp frying pan.
40:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:06I love it.
41:09you're going to go in.
41:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:11Oh, no.
41:12Ooh, close.
41:13Frankie's at the late first.
41:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:1700001 on the floor.
41:17Oh!
41:19OK.
41:20Oh, yeah.
41:24I'm going to put the plunder?
41:26No, not half plunder.
41:34Well, it's actually really exhausted me.
41:37It made me clench my bottom up.
41:39Yes.
41:39And, Greg, that's not the end.
41:41What?
41:43Frankie, would you mind reading out the second...?
41:45LAUGHTER
41:47This is a first for Taskmaster.
41:49This is a second part for just one of the teams.
41:52Say how many things you stuffed in your team-mate's outfit.
41:55If you're correct, your points are doubled.
41:57If you're wrong, the other team gets your points.
42:00Yes, so the winning team, which is a team of three,
42:02have one minute to tell me how many things they stuffed
42:05inside Kyle's outfit.
42:07If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each.
42:10If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each.
42:13That's crazy.
42:14Can we take things out of his...?
42:15You've got one minute to do whatever you want.
42:17One minute, Doug.
42:19You hand to me.
42:20You hand to me.
42:20Can I take my hands off my hands?
42:22I'm counting.
42:23Three, four, six, seven...
42:26Wait a minute.
42:27Wait a minute.
42:28Don't put it.
42:29How many back?
42:30Ten.
42:31Eleven.
42:32Twelve.
42:32Oh, God!
42:34Twenty.
42:35Five seconds.
42:35Five seconds.
42:37Twenty-eight.
42:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:39Twenty-nine.
42:40Twenty-nine.
42:41Sorry.
42:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:48This is the most excited I've been for ten years.
42:51I'm going to need an answer, team of three.
42:52I can't say it out loud.
42:55Go with your instinct.
42:56OK.
42:57We're going to go with 29.
43:00Please show them the birthday card.
43:02Oh!
43:03Oh!
43:05It's just there on your left.
43:07Oh!
43:12You love to see it.
43:14It's 29!
43:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:17That's it!
43:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:22Well, that's all that happens here.
43:23It's affecting the final scores.
43:24Come and join me.
43:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:34One of the most exciting final tasks we've had, in my opinion.
43:37Oh.
43:37Yes, by miles, probably.
43:39It's not been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two, scoring-wise.
43:43No.
43:4415 points to these in the last two tasks and zero to these.
43:48Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63, Frankie on 69.
43:53Kael on 76.
43:55May 87.
43:56Jenny 88.
43:58Oh!
43:59That's our halfway point of the series.
44:01That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt.
44:05LAUGHTER
44:05And in this episode, May Martin wins it with 28 points!
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:11May Martin wins!
44:12Please leave the stage for luxuriating your luckiest thing!
44:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:17So, what have we learnt today?
44:20In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest,
44:25a show like this should provide much-needed light relief.
44:28What none of us needed to hear tonight was,
44:30No, Ivo!
44:31There's no time to go to the kitchen!
44:33LAUGHTER
44:34We're halfway.
44:35See you next time.
44:36But for now, let's hear it for the person at the top of their game today,
44:40May Martin!
44:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:54MUSIC
44:55MUSIC
44:55MUSIC
44:56MUSIC
44:57MUSIC
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