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Taskmaster - S17E01 - Grappling with My Life [Full Movie] [Full Series]Full EP - Full
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00:02Oh
00:35Oh
00:42Welcome to a brand-new series of taskmaster
00:49It's great to be back since we were last on air
00:52I've met so many of you on my travels and just to start the new series as I mean to
00:57go on
00:57Can I just say genuinely if you're one of the many people that came up to me in the street
01:00over the last couple of months
01:01And had a photograph with me on your phone
01:03I want you to know this despite my smiles and what I said I did resent being asked
01:09And you did ruin my night
01:13Stop it
01:16Let's crack on and see what the new five look like huddled together on their chairs
01:21They're eyes on this prize a trophy of a man who doesn't have a beard or glasses
01:27It's not me
01:30Please welcome
01:31Joanne McNally
01:47I'm sitting next to me is the Harry to my Meghan Markle
01:52Little ginger who started to realize that he's paired up with one sassy queen
02:06Oh
02:07Hello, Greg. How you doing? Dangerous as always good. Just a bad boy
02:13I'll do anything honestly. I'll do absolutely anything. I don't care. Yeah
02:18See this right there we go can of worms
02:23I'll open that
02:26I'll open that
02:26Go on, open it
02:30It's actually worms
02:31Yes, it's worms
02:33I'll tell you now
02:35Without looking at him, that's the end of what he's prepared
02:37Are you saying there should be more stuff now?
02:40There should be some sort of punchline, yeah
02:42So this bit now is the punchline
02:45But everyone was in a great mood and really looking forward to it
02:48That's what happens
02:49And now look at this
02:49That's what happens when you open it
02:50Because there's a room for it
02:56Okay, alright
02:57I mean you've got a round of applause out of it
03:01I've
03:02Quite in quite manipulative fashion I think
03:04Let's get the first of our prize tasks underway then shall we
03:07Underway right away
03:09And for this episode you've asked them to bring in something pretty important
03:11It's this
03:12The most glorious thing that sounds a bit like Greg Davis if you mumble it
03:18The most glorious thing will get five points
03:20And the winner of this first episode will take home five things which all sound a bit like Greg Davis
03:24if mumbled
03:25Over to you
03:26Yeah
03:27Right, Joanne
03:28Yeah
03:28What have you brought in?
03:30I brought in a jug
03:34It sounds like Greg Davis when mumbled
03:36Yeah
03:38Glug
03:38Glug
03:38Glug
03:39Glug gravies
03:42A jug of gravy?
03:43Yes
03:43Thank you Steve
03:44She has brought in a glug jug of gravy
03:47Yeah, a glug jug
03:47It looks like this
03:48It's called a glug
03:48There you go, look
03:50That's called a glug jug
03:51It's called a gravy
03:52What do you mean it's called a glug jug?
03:53When you pour it out it makes a glug sound
03:55It makes, that's it, it makes a glug sound
03:57It has glug acoustics
03:58It goes glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, Greg Davies
04:00Yes, I know
04:03So what rhymes with Davies?
04:05Graves
04:05Thank you
04:05I think we've established everything I need to establish
04:08Before I give you one point
04:11John, what have you brought in?
04:12I've brought in
04:14Greek diaries
04:16It sounds like you said Greg Davis
04:18You've actually brought me in, John
04:19I've brought in
04:21Grieg's diaries
04:22The diaries of Edvard Grieg
04:24The Norwegian composer
04:25Here they are
04:26Here they are
04:31Wow, that's good
04:32Is it a glorious thing?
04:34It is meant to be the most glorious thing
04:36Have you heard his concertos?
04:38I had to read the book
04:40And it's mainly about his desperate unhappiness at school
04:44His glorious and happiness at school
04:46I like Greek's diaries
04:53Hi Greg
04:54We are contrasting physical characters
04:57We are
04:57In what regard?
05:04I'll leave it as a mistake
05:08What have you brought in?
05:09I went for Eggs Benedict
05:12Can you say it again?
05:14Eggs Benedict
05:15Are you saying Eggs Benedict?
05:16I am
05:19Who would have thought Joanne would be back in the game?
05:25Here's the Eggs Benedict
05:27It's difficult to mumble Benedict into Davis
05:31Not if you breathe out
05:32I think if you breathe out
05:33Hey
05:34Well, let me give it a go
05:35Yeah
05:35Benedict
05:39Sophie
05:40I've met your aunt and uncle
05:43Pam and Willie
05:44She was Miss Wem
05:46In 1962
05:47And she was saying
05:48Oh, I've got this
05:49He's on telly
05:50He's my nephew
05:51Yeah
05:52He's tall
05:52It took us ages
05:54But we got that
05:56Do you know what's
05:57Genuinely fascinating about this?
05:59Yeah?
05:59Is I know very well who my aunties and uncles are
06:01And they are not Pam and Willie
06:03I can't believe that they've been telling a lot of fibs
06:09Yeah, yeah, they're lying all right
06:11What have you brought in?
06:13Egg Babies
06:15Egg Davies
06:16Will you mumble it for me?
06:18Egg Babies
06:20Yes?
06:21Egg Babies
06:21Oh, that's good
06:26Man, that is good
06:28Thank you
06:29Egg Babies do exist
06:30People trained to be a parent by holding an Egg Baby
06:32Yeah
06:32For up to two months
06:33Who are these people?
06:34Well, me and my wife
06:35Right
06:37That's very good, Sophie
06:39Thank you, I'm quite proud of them
06:40Steve, what have you brought in that rhymes with Greg Davis?
06:43So I was mumbling your name and I came up with Peg Mavies
06:47What was that?
06:49Peg Mavies
06:50Oh
06:51Peg Mavies
06:53Peg Mavies
06:54It's Mavies from Coronation Street as a Peg doll
06:56Oh, God
06:57And here she comes
07:02This is tough, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not bad
07:04At least Shearsmith did the picture
07:06Did he?
07:07Yeah, Mavies Riley, Mavies Wilton, played by Selma Barlow
07:10So I actually sent Peg Mavies to Selma Barlow
07:14To see if I could get her endorsement of Peg Mavies
07:18And she sent me a lovely signed card
07:20There she is, that's Selma
07:22To Steve Goodluck from Selma
07:24After I got Peg Mavies back from Selma Barlow
07:27I sent Peg Mavies to the actual Coronation Street
07:31And I think it was a very windy day, as you can see
07:34If anything, it's a bit too bum-licky, isn't it, the whole thing?
07:37It wasn't bad, it's not as bad as a little
07:40Right, you've seen all five
07:41I mean, it's not hard to give Joanne one point, obviously
07:44Nick, two points and you can thank me for them
07:47I will, thank you
07:49I'm going to give Egg Babies three points
07:51Fabulous, thank you
07:52I think I have to reward Steve
07:54Because it's the beginning of a new series
07:55And I'm trying to be more upbeat about life
07:58For all of his efforts
07:59But I want you to know that Greek Diaries is a very close second
08:02Thank you
08:05Well done, well done, well done
08:08Right, we're off, let's task
08:10And we begin with a task involving my two middle names, Danger and Eggs
08:33Oh, an egg
08:37Welcome Sophie
08:38Hello
08:39Oh
08:46Egg is it?
08:50Hello my G
08:51Hello Steve
08:53Hmm
08:54He's cute
08:56Who do you think it looks like?
08:58Mr Blobby
08:59Best physical comedian of our generation
09:02We should crack on
09:04Lovely
09:04Yeah
09:05Do the riskiest thing involving this egg
09:08Without breaking this egg
09:10Love that
09:11The egg in the greatest danger that doesn't break wins
09:14You have 20 minutes, your time starts now
09:19Can you swallow an egg whole?
09:21And get it out again?
09:23And get it out again
09:24Not sure that's going to happen in 20 minutes
09:2720 minutes?
09:28So I'm going to take a minute to think before I plough in
09:31Because that's always good, isn't it?
09:33Yeah
09:34When you say, oh hang on, when you say crack
09:36Do you mean the, um, shell?
09:38Or do you mean the egg comes out?
09:43So this is spoken to me
09:44There's a little thing, number nine on there
09:47Now I do a show called Inside Number Nine
09:49Oh yeah?
09:50If I put the egg in there
09:52And we'll take this egg on a hell of a ride
09:55I'm so disgusting
09:56But I'm not going to do what I immediately thought of doing
09:59LAUGHTER
10:02Both of your instincts, yours and John's
10:05Was to eat the egg
10:06And then, er, defecate it out
10:10No, mine was, mine wasn't to do
10:12Sorry!
10:13Excuse me!
10:14What sort of animal do you think I am?
10:16I wasn't going to defecate
10:17I was going to add it to the rest of my eggs for safety
10:20In there!
10:25I was planning to defecate the egg
10:28Let's have a look
10:29OK, well our first two risk-takers are
10:31Nick Muhammad and Joe McNally
10:35Do we have, erm...
10:37Pour for wrap?
10:38Bubble wrap?
10:39Yes!
10:40Is it hard-boiled?
10:42I don't know
10:43Let's go and boil it
10:44I've got 20 minutes
10:45Round one
10:49See how that egg's doing
10:52OK
10:54Let's take an egg fried
10:58I'm going to try and throw bricks
11:00And get as close as I can
11:02It's a bit risky
11:03It sounds really risky, right?
11:05You ready?
11:07Yes, I'm ready
11:10Not risky
11:16That was quite close
11:18Yeah
11:19You ready?
11:20Uh-huh
11:34Oh
11:34Oh
11:36It jumped over at
11:37That's risky
11:38It's really risky
11:41This is fun, isn't it?
11:42It's quite fun
11:43Go on
11:45Go on
11:55Right
11:57Are you finished?
11:58Yeah, I think so
12:04Are you finished?
12:10Yeah, I think so
12:11I'd say it's cracked
12:13Oh, I'm sorry
12:19Thank you
12:20Thank you
12:21Thank you, Nick
12:44You murdered it
12:46Um, Joanne
12:47Probably the bricks would have bounced off that bubble wrap
12:48But no one gasped at my task
12:51They were gasping at Nick's
12:52Which means it's more risky
12:53Well, that's the second comment I'm coming onto
12:55Which is
12:56You then did the least risky thing I've ever seen
13:00She did say
13:00Right, I'm going to fuck it against a brick wall like a mad bastard
13:04I did say that
13:06That was the plan
13:07It was riskier in my head
13:09Do you want to find out if the egg survived?
13:10Yeah
13:10It did
13:13Who found out the point?
13:15To keep the egg alive
13:16Yeah, it means you've definitely got points
13:18Yeah
13:18Because the egg had to survive
13:19Yeah, the egg had to survive
13:21Oh, I know if I didn't get anything
13:22No, not if the egg didn't survive
13:24You always got eaten by a crook
13:26No
13:26No
13:27And there's something quite cannibalistic about
13:29Another bird eating an egg
13:31Of course
13:31Oh, God
13:32OK, do you want to see another one?
13:34Yes, please
13:34OK, it's now time for Old Risky Robins
13:37Ooh
13:37Here we go
13:45Thank you so much for taking me out for a ride
13:47I know your husband's at his cow riding lesson
13:51Look out!
14:06Look out!
14:07Look out!
14:11Oh, my God, are you OK?
14:14You saved my life
14:17That...
14:17That...
14:17That was incredible
14:22Very nice
14:23Shall we drill down into the narrative a little bit there?
14:26So the egg is giving me a lift home
14:29Unbeknownst to the egg
14:30The egg's husband's cow riding lesson
14:32Is nearby
14:34Yeah
14:35Yeah
14:35The egg wife was heading towards the very cow
14:38The egg's husband was learning to ride
14:40Oh, my God, the irony
14:41So, er, she swerves
14:43Hits a brick wall
14:45Yeah
14:45We both survive intact
14:47Yes
14:47Yes
14:47And if you have any doubt
14:49As to the riskiness of that procedure
14:52Please speak to the production staff
14:54About the two-hour meeting we had
14:56About...
14:58LAUGHTER
15:00APPLAUSE
15:03All right, time for the first break of the series
15:06Show the adverts the respect they deserve
15:09Alex, arms up
15:11Legs wide
15:12Big smile
15:13Tongue out
15:14And wiggle
15:16Everywhere
15:18Wiggle your tongue
15:27APPLAUSE
15:28Hello!
15:30Welcome back to this box-fresh series of Taskmaster
15:33Where we've started big with a task about risk
15:35Yes, Greg
15:36They're doing the riskiest thing with an egg
15:38Right now
15:39On TV
15:40Next up, it's Steve Pemberton
15:43I want to tell you a story about risk
15:45We're in the mining town of Yolkston
15:48Population half a dozen
15:50It's a Friday
15:50Beautiful day
15:51Sunny side up
15:53Into town
15:53Rides the intrepid explorer
15:56Egbert No Bacon
15:57And the trusty goat Shelly
16:01And they're trundling through here
16:03As you can see there's lots of CCTV
16:05And this alerts the local poachers
16:09And they are chasing Egbert
16:11And there's huge risks
16:12So Shelly has to go quickly
16:16But there's the Omelette Express
16:18LAUGHTER
16:20Shelley's rearing up
16:23The poachers run out of breath
16:24But here's the greatest danger
16:26And the greatest risk of all
16:28Egbert has to run over
16:30The Krakatoa falls
16:35And there he goes through
16:36The Cape of Good Horn
16:39And off into the sunset
16:41Having a late
16:42All risk
16:43His brain was scrambled
16:45But Egbert and Shelly
16:47Go on
16:51Oh!
16:54You made it
16:55Thank you
16:57He's happy, is he?
16:58He's happy, yeah
16:59Yeah
17:00Happy as Larry
17:01Sweaty
17:01Yeah, he's really sweaty
17:03But you would be
17:04But you would be
17:05Just had all that risk
17:08But I was really torn between thinking
17:11Oh, God
17:11There's quite complex puppetry skills going on here
17:15And the thought that I was watching a very lonely boy in his bedroom
17:20So...
17:20Yeah, I had Alex with me
17:22I did as many different risks as I could
17:25Which brings us to our controversy of this particular piece of film
17:32Did Egbert crack when he fell from the stagecoach?
17:36Oh, you mean after the task had been completed?
17:38Oh!
17:41There may have been some albumin
17:43And you were so enjoying yourself, weren't you?
17:45I really was
17:46Were you having a lovely time?
17:48I did have a lovely time
17:49Good
17:49Shame you failed
17:52Shall we have a look at Sophie?
17:53Sure, yes, it's our final risk-taker
17:55It's Sophie Willen
17:59It would be risky to get it on your head, wouldn't it?
18:02My grandma used to do it
18:03You know, the posture test with an apple on her head
18:06Did she?
18:07Yeah, or a book
18:11If you keep your back straight, she says like this
18:15Do you know what? I'm going to try with just this for a start
18:17Just to kind of edge in
18:22Right
18:23Your head's a little bit like a nest
18:26Yeah, well that helps don't
18:27But it's not
18:28It's still risky though
18:29Yeah
18:31Right
18:34Risky
18:40Right, hang on
18:42Oh no
18:45I'm going to
18:45I'm
18:48He's gone
18:52He's gone
18:54He's gone
18:55Oh no
18:57I felt so confident
18:59I was going to
19:00Do a lunge and everything
19:02I looked so sad, didn't I?
19:05Thanks
19:06No, thank you Sophie
19:08And I still get a point for trying, don't I?
19:12Yeah
19:14I don't want to do an offensive caricature of your accent
19:18Yes, do though, go on, carry on
19:20I put it to you
19:21That your version of creating risk in a situation like this
19:26Is to occasionally look at the camera and go
19:28Risky
19:32I'm not Johnny fucking Vegas
19:38I said it would be offensive
19:40What's a very risky thing to do?
19:42To put an egg on your head?
19:43Yeah
19:49With an egg?
19:50Come on
19:52No
19:53I think you're going to be a delight for this series
19:56So three people broke their egg
19:58Do they get any points, Greg?
20:00Well, no
20:00OK, in which case only John and Joanne's eggs survived
20:04I thought that the bubble wrap was very clever
20:06But I don't think there was a lot of risk
20:07So I can't give you five points
20:09OK
20:10But I can give you four, which is a miracle
20:12Oh!
20:13Because you have this
20:15One second
20:16And obviously you will give John Robbins' effort
20:19Five points
20:20There we go, five points
20:21Is it time for the first scoreboard of series 17, Alex?
20:26Yes, I can show you the scores at the bottom of the table
20:28It's Nick with just two
20:29Two at the top
20:29It's John with nine
20:31Wow
20:35More, please
20:36OK, Greg
20:37And it's time
20:38To meet the teams
20:51There we go
20:54Aha
20:55Hi, Alex
20:55What am I looking at?
20:57Oh
20:58Oh
20:58That's where you stand
20:59Behind the line?
21:00No
21:01Here?
21:02Yes, please
21:04Oh, yeah
21:05Facing you
21:05Not yet
21:06Hello
21:08Sophie
21:08Hello
21:09In the red bit, please
21:11Righto
21:17Ah
21:21I'm going to open it
21:24Create the best single picture of an animal doing something surprising
21:28All six blinds must be fully and equally involved in your picture
21:32You may not see each other's work
21:36What?
21:37Is there someone else here?
21:38I don't know
21:41I don't know
21:41Hello
21:42Hello
21:42Hello
21:43Is it Steve?
21:43It is
21:44Hi Steve, I literally recognise your voice, it's Nick
21:46What's your name and where do you come from?
21:49I'm John and I come from Bristol
21:51Hello
21:51Hello John
21:52Sophie from Bolton
21:54Oh, lovely stuff
21:55Oh, hello
21:56Who's that?
21:57There's more of us
21:58Hello
21:59Hello
22:00Hello
22:01I'm Joanne
22:02Hello, Joanne
22:03Hello, Steve
22:03Hello
22:05Come here, Alex
22:06Oh, okay
22:07Create the best single picture of an animal doing something surprising
22:12All six blinds must be fully and equally involved in your picture
22:16You may not see each other's work and you may only say two words at a time
22:21You may only say two words at a time, right?
22:25After the task your pieces will be lined up next to each other in this order
22:29One, shortest Wikipedia entry
22:32Two, best show at the Edinburgh Fringe winner
22:35Smallest shoe size
22:37I think that's me
22:38The person whom Alex said hello to first
22:42Five, most Twitter followers, sixth, lowest scoring full name in Scrabble
22:48You may not move outside of your segment, you have 15 minutes
22:52Your time starts when Alex blows through his whistle
22:57Hi Nick
22:58Hi Steve
23:00Pulling blinds
23:02Me too
23:02Thank you
23:06Well, it's funny, at this stage in the game you're all being so sickeningly friendly and polite to each other
23:13I'd love to see how that will change over time, shall we?
23:17Yes, so they had to paint one picture per team and their six segments were going to be lined up
23:23in a certain order
23:24But the main problem is they could only use two words at a time each
23:26So here's how they all got on at painting on blind and talking in two words at a time and
23:30that sort of thing
23:30Colour?
23:33Green
23:34Lovely
23:38Animal
23:41Giraffe
23:43Lying down
23:45Giving birth
23:47Dog car
23:50What?
23:52Dog car
23:53Oh
23:53Okay
23:54Dog driving
23:55Front car
23:57Giraffe
23:58Lying
23:59Giraffe
23:59Lying
24:01Long picture
24:02Yes
24:04Portrait
24:05Yes
24:06Which
24:08You paint
24:09Which blind
24:11First was
24:12Vol
24:13Artist
24:13Wiki
24:14What?
24:15I don't have a fucking clue what's going on
24:18I do
24:18Oh
24:19Up there
24:20Up where?
24:22Above door
24:23Ah
24:23Fuck
24:25Sophie wiki
24:26Vol
24:29Bold
24:30Bold
24:30Bold
24:30Dancing
24:31Sophie wiki
24:34What?
24:35One
24:35Nick
24:36Head
24:36Nick
24:37Yes
24:37To Steve
24:38Neck
24:40Yes
24:41Yes
24:42Yes
24:42Wiki length
24:43Eh
24:44Small
24:45Joanne length
24:47Mine's longer
24:48Okay
24:49Rope myself
24:50Sophie first
24:53You are
24:54Bonnet profile
24:56Bonnet profile
24:58Side on
24:59You are
25:00Side on
25:02Head height
25:03Mine
25:05Nipple
25:08Confused
25:09Steve
25:10Sophie
25:11Banner
25:11Side on
25:13What the fuck
25:14Two words
25:15What
25:16What
25:17Private parts
25:18Big ones
25:19Legs akimbo
25:20Yes
25:21Please
25:22Car
25:22Color
25:23Car red
25:24Thank you
25:25Paint fence
25:26Fence paint
25:27Two words
25:28Using roller
25:29Shit
25:30Catching up
25:36Ten seconds
25:37Left
25:41That's really
25:42Yeah
25:43You can't look at each other's work so if you just head towards the front door
25:46Both of us?
25:46Mm-hmm
25:47We get to say hello to each other
25:49Hello!
25:50Hello!
25:51How are you?
25:52I'm very good
25:53Who are you?
25:53Look at your hands
25:54I know I got a bit carried away actually because I got very confused
26:06Did you feel you understood what was happening?
26:09Yeah, yeah
26:10Well your teammates did
26:10In fact one of my favourite moments was when you announced for the third time you didn't know what the
26:15fuck was going on and Joanne went I do
26:24Why were you shouting vogue dancing?
26:26Oh, she was shouting vole, that was vole, she was vole dancing
26:30Yeah, they agreed to do a dog driving but she had other ideas
26:35Yeah, I thought I can draw a vole
26:37All right
26:37You two, however, seemed like a absolute dream team
26:42We had some chuckle brothers energy going on I think between us
26:45There was a little confusion about nipple height
26:49Yes
26:50Correct me if I'm wrong, the giraffe will specifically have big genitals
26:53Yes
26:54That exchange went
26:55Legs akimbo, yes please
26:56Private parts, big ones
27:01Right, break time
27:03I know you want to see their pictures but you're just impatient these days, aren't you?
27:07So you'll have to wait
27:07I said you'll have to wait
27:20Yes
27:22Welcome back to Taskmaster, is it finally time Alex?
27:25It's time Greg
27:26The teams have painted their best pictures of animals doing something surprising on their roller blinds
27:31And we're going to see their creations
27:32The order they had to be put in was very specific
27:35Which is why it's so impressive that Steve and Nick's giraffe giving birth looks like this
27:41Oh!
27:42Oh wow!
27:45Not bad, is it? Not bad
27:49Sorry, that's sort of what it looks like
27:51Unfortunately, one of them did do landscape, one of them did do portraits
27:54So it actually looks like this when you line them up
28:04I mean that certainly helps with the big genitals part of it
28:09It certainly does
28:10It's not a bad start
28:12OK
28:12Dare I ask for the next one?
28:14Sure
28:14Here is their picture of a dog driving and a cow dancing and a bird smoking
28:21LAUGHTER
28:24Good!
28:26I like that
28:27APPLAUSE
28:30I mean, it's accidental but I kind of like it as a bit of art
28:32Yeah, yeah, yeah
28:33Well, we'll put the two of them next to each other and you can judge them, Greg
28:36Yeah
28:37There we go
28:38I will give the giraffe five points, which is over generous
28:41OK
28:41The other one is absolute madness
28:45But there's some enjoyable individual effort
28:46So I'm going to give them three points, which is again, hugely generous
28:50OK, the winners are Nick and Steve
28:52Five points, well done
28:53APPLAUSE
28:54Right, can we please have another one, Alex?
28:57Yes
28:58Yes, we can, Greg
28:59And for this series, we've gone down to the Taskmaster farm
29:03Ooh
29:16MUSIC PLAYS
29:19Hey, Alex
29:20This is really exciting
29:22I've never seen anything like it, that run
29:24I don't know
29:25Bert
29:26Here we are
29:27Right
29:27The Nile
29:28The Nile
29:30Not really, no
29:31Look at that water
29:33I cannot wait
29:34No
29:36Hoopla Gary
29:37Before he crosses the finish line
29:39Your time is doubled every time one of your limbs gets wet
29:43Fastest wins
29:44Your time starts now
29:46Is this Gary?
29:49I don't know
29:49Is something coming down there?
29:51Down the river?
29:54Both!
29:55APPLAUSE
29:59I really love to watch it
30:00.
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