- 3 hours ago
Taskmaster - S17E05 - Snooker Cue Umbrella Chin [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02Oh
00:38If my social media communications are anything to go by attracts sociopathic nerds who mistakenly believe they have the right
00:46to reply
00:49Titans please welcome Joanne McNally
01:02I'm next to me a man who on a night out recently confided in me about his theory that strength
01:09of regional accent is directly related to lack of intelligence
01:16Don't shoot the messenger shoot
01:27I want to talk about something quite her grown-up a bit of adult stuff
01:33So sorry, but what what's that under there Greg what's that under there? Well, what's that under there?
01:49See you at the price does
01:51Price task and things are gonna get hot in here because we're gonna get to see their most
01:56Extraordinary pictures five points for the picture Greg thinks is the most extraordinary and one lucky winner will take home
02:01five extraordinary pictures
02:02Hello, Sophie. Oh, I love what?
02:05Extraordinary picture have you bought me? I set up a little studio in the dressing room and I made you
02:10this
02:10Oh
02:13It's the dancing bowl from episode one. Oh, that's great. Really? Well, let me give you a different take on
02:19it, Nick
02:21Why is it extraordinary though? I mean it's extraordinary to discover that you've got some level of ability art
02:31GCSE
02:33I think why it's extraordinary is look at the fur at the ends that's flight flinging off that was purposeful
02:39Could it be evolved that's very recently died I
02:45Thought it was running into a fire
02:49It's neither bad nor extraordinary
02:52Well done Sophie
02:55Nick what have you brought in well art so this is a picture that I have taken and it's a
03:01picture of a sign outside of a
03:03Church quite near where I live and I just find it extraordinary that teases is so big
03:16There's a slight raise of voice on till and Sunday as well
03:21homemade cream
03:22Tease 3 p.m. till 5 p.m. Sunday
03:26Scoot the shit out of me that
03:29It is extraordinary
03:31Thanks Greg
03:32John
03:32Hi Greg
03:33Can you beat a shouty sign?
03:34We all work in entertainment in various forms and people watching us might think it's a very glamorous industry
03:41However, my picture was taken of a comedian called Paul McCaffrey and captures the true bleakness of being a traveling
03:49comedian better than any image in the history of civilization
03:54Jesus Christ that's a builder
04:03Oh my god, I have been in that chair
04:07I love that he's being packed in a restaurant
04:10He's being recognized from a TV show and the guy taking the picture is sort of unaware of the moment
04:18of complete
04:20Sort of it's a mixture of self-hatred
04:24Yeah
04:26It's bafflement at how life turned out this way
04:29Do you know what?
04:29When I first saw it I didn't even realize that someone had taken that picture and posted it
04:33I thought it was someone Paul knew
04:35No
04:35No, it's a member of the public
04:39Wow, that's going to take some beating
04:40Joanne
04:41You said an extraordinary picture and I was like mine's more experiential
04:45Mine's a thought and movement and experience
04:48Ready?
04:49Yeah
04:49Ready for the experience
04:50I'm going to turn away and then I'm going to experience it
04:52No, you have to look at it to experience it
04:54LAUGHTER
05:01There, look, oh, Shea, yeah
05:05LAUGHTER
05:07But that's Shea Guevara
05:09I know who it is
05:11LAUGHTER
05:11On a balloon?
05:12Yeah
05:14I thought it was important to just raise awareness
05:17Oh, Shea Guevara
05:18Of Shea on a balloon
05:19Yeah
05:20And if I, if you give me the five points I will donate my fee to the Cuban revolution
05:25LAUGHTER
05:25They do have a GoFundMe, I've just found out
05:27The Cuban revolution
05:29LAUGHTER
05:31What is the political statement you were making?
05:33I'm making the statement that
05:35Balloons are, balloons are pricey
05:37That's it, inflation
05:38LAUGHTER
05:44Actually, you did say it would be extraordinarily good
05:46You just said extraordinary
05:47Mine's extraordinarily shite
05:49LAUGHTER
05:51Very great, very great
05:54Hello, Steve
05:55Hello, are you all right?
05:56What I've brought in is a photograph of two friends
05:58Here it is
05:59LAUGHTER
06:04The gentleman on the right, whose name is Glug Gravy's
06:10He was a geography teacher who took early retirement
06:13And then his friend, Alan Horns, runs a pub quiz
06:17It is sinister, isn't it?
06:19I mean, we're not, we're not great looking guys with our own faces
06:24LAUGHTER
06:26But, Jesus Christ
06:28You must have thought about it though
06:30I must have thought about swapping our faces
06:33On a long flight, all I think about is your torso
06:36And one of my eyes, one of yours, your legs, my arms
06:39And just see what, you know, see how that works
06:41LAUGHTER
06:41LAUGHTER
06:42That's funny, isn't it?
06:43It's a relatively short thing he said to me
06:45And yet I still tuned out halfway
06:48LAUGHTER
06:50Sometimes I just mark on instinct
06:51Hmm
06:52OK?
06:53I didn't find Shake of Ara's balloon going down
06:55Remotely extraordinary
06:57I'm giving it one point
06:57I don't like looking at our faces
06:59Even if they're chopped off and put on the other face
07:02I'm giving that two points
07:03I think you're perfectly good at art
07:04All right, thank you, I'll take that
07:06I'll give you three points
07:07Shouty Tees, four points
07:09The Paul McCaffrey Scream of Despair
07:12LAUGHTER
07:12Five points
07:13Well done, Paul Moria
07:14APPLAUSE
07:16Right, let's get on with the task proper, shall we?
07:19OK, then, Greg
07:19And get a load of this one, if you can bear it
07:35Alex?
07:35Nick Mohammed?
07:37Hi, yes
07:37Present
07:38Thank you
07:43Ah!
07:44What are you wearing?
07:45My special belt
07:48Hello
07:48I was hiding
07:49You were hiding?
07:50You look like a sort of action hero
07:52Or as close to an action hero as you're ever going to look
07:57Sophie?
07:58Yes?
07:58Are you all right?
07:59Just taking precautions
08:00Right, oh, God, OK
08:03Hello?
08:04Are you wearing a girdle?
08:07LAUGHTER
08:08Be the most impressive load-bearer
08:12Be the most impressive load-bearer
08:15Hmm
08:16In 15 minutes' time
08:17You would stand at the doormat
08:18Wave with one hand above your head
08:20And give a nice big thumbs up with the other
08:22Whilst bearing the most impressive load
08:27Right
08:29Your load must not be touching anything other than you
08:32Your time starts when Alex interrupts-
08:48You
08:54You
08:56I missed my opportunity
08:58I'm going to try again
09:02You have to say something
09:06I'll have to interrupt you physically
09:13I'll have to interrupt you physically
09:14Because I can
09:16Fair enough for you
09:16I'm wearing a weightlifters belt
09:23There's no reason for him to wear it
09:27He's just going
09:28Everyone look at me
09:29Everyone goes
09:29Oh, he's such a nice guy
09:30No, the guy's a prick
09:33Um
09:34OK
09:35It's all about load-bearing, right?
09:37Yeah
09:37We start with a bit of Joe
09:38And a bit of sow
09:40OK
09:40Well, I suppose I'll take that
09:41Yeah, yeah
09:43What's this for, to balance it out?
09:45It's for strong men
09:45Oh, so can I stick stuff in there?
09:47Do whatever you want, Joanne
09:50Hmm
09:51What's impressive as a load?
09:54What's an impressive load?
09:56Like, could I wear that around my neck?
09:59No
10:07Brought the bucket of balls
10:08I mean, let's build a lot of this
10:10It's just looking in that shed
10:11And sort of having a panic attack, isn't it really?
10:17Well, well, well
10:18Look at this
10:20I think it's all about
10:23Utilising different structures, isn't it?
10:25Within
10:26Your own body
10:28Are you in pain?
10:30Not at all
10:31I've never felt better
10:35So I've maximised the load
10:36By using the pegging system
10:39Yeah
10:40That's a load in itself
10:41And then I've loaded the loader
10:43And then there's some steering wheels
10:44And hula hoops around the neck for balance
10:46Oh, and a plunger in there somewhere
10:48Yeah, look at that
10:49Lovely
10:50This is good, cos then what I can do
10:52Is put the balls
10:53In the skirt
10:55Shall I pour them in?
10:57Yeah
11:02Right
11:03It's quite wet
11:04Yeah
11:05It's just quite wet
11:06So I wasn't expecting that
11:07No
11:12Release
11:14Oh no
11:16Oh no
11:21Do anyone know and saw that today?
11:22Thank you
11:29Thank you
11:30Thank you
11:30Well, interesting
11:31I thought both ladies did what we call on this show
11:34A shed panic
11:37Joanne
11:38Yeah?
11:38Did you think it was impressive?
11:39Did you think it was impressive?
11:40I mean, yeah
11:41I clipped all the cotlery individually onto that pagan thing
11:43I mean, that's the one thing I would say you did quite well
11:46Yeah
11:47Aside from that, what I wrote down is
11:49You look like an old lady who had to fall into a room of her own tat
11:55This is Sophie and Joanne
11:57They're in their impressive loads
12:01If I didn't know what this task was, I wouldn't say that woman's got an impressive load
12:09Yeah
12:09I look deranged
12:10Oh
12:11Oh
12:12I mean, you look like you've done a lot of shouting in a high street
12:18You...Sophie looks like she's turned up to a beach party that everyone has desperately tried to stop her finding out
12:24about
12:26I mean, it's hard to know which one of these two you want to turn up less
12:33Both of them are saying, I didn't get any of the Whatsapps
12:37Have you got some new statistics?
12:39Yeah, so we did weigh the amount of load they were bearing
12:43Sophie, 13.2 kilograms versus 5.4 for Joanne
12:47Half of which was the traffic cone
12:50Right, who are we going to see next?
12:52It's time to get a load of Nick and Steve
12:55They're an impressive load
12:57Bear
12:58Bear
12:59Bear
13:00Bear
13:01Got a rare tiger, don't know why
13:02But it's quite impressive
13:04Also, it's got a sort of natural
13:08How heavy is the caravan?
13:11I'm only kidding
13:13It's just some dress-up clothes
13:14If you go into the secret room
13:17The secret room?
13:18Yeah, it's in the caravan
13:19Ah
13:20It's like
13:20This is a way of sort of
13:22Being higher
13:24Have you done this whole thing before?
13:25No
13:25Right
13:26Have you found the secret room?
13:28Um
13:28This?
13:29Yep
13:29Oh my god
13:30You're kidding
13:32Oh my god
13:33This is amazing
13:35Come on Linda
13:37Nick
13:38Oh yeah
13:41Um
13:41Um
13:42Right
13:45What I'm going to do is create somebody who's riding the tiger and the tiger and the person are on
13:50my back
13:55We could do this
13:57We could do this
13:58We could do this
13:59We could do this
13:59We could do this
13:59Another six inches, Steve
14:00It's easy for you to say
14:03How to do it
14:04Still maintain some dignity
14:08That is the question
14:28How long have you got, Alex?
14:30You've got two minutes, Nick
14:32We are attempting something that's not been attempted before on UK TV.
14:46You've kept your dignity. Thank you.
14:48MUSIC
15:00Well, Steve, what a showman.
15:03You know what, when I found out there was a secret dressing-up room,
15:07I was that little five-year-old boy again.
15:09And to see you acting like a five-year-old boy was very creepy.
15:14One of my favourite moments on the series so far
15:17is the question and answer, have you ever done this before? No.
15:24The way you picked that chair up, I thought,
15:26oh, well, he's obviously done street performance or something.
15:29The confidence with which you... Oh, yeah, I can pick up a chair.
15:34You didn't have to wave and do the thumbs-up for any certain length of time.
15:37Oh, you just had to be able to do it. Very, very briefly, you did it.
15:40Oh, the load was on his chin. Yeah.
15:41Gah!
15:42LAUGHTER
15:45Right, I'm suspending all joy for a few minutes.
15:48Why? With these adverts.
15:52APPLAUSE
16:01Hello, everybody!
16:03Welcome back to the second part of today's Taskmaster Hour.
16:06Yes, and as Darwin said,
16:08a man who dares to waste one hour of time
16:10has not discovered the value of life.
16:13Whoopsie!
16:15Our contestants are trying to become the most impressive load-bearers.
16:18We only have one man left to see, and his John is Robbins.
16:24Oh, I don't mind that.
16:27Have we got any model Greggs around?
16:29Because it would be quite impressive to have Greg on the old shoulders.
16:33Yeah, I can get you some Greggs.
16:35Yeah, can you get me some Greggs, please?
16:41I've got some little Greggs. I've got one more big Gregg coming.
16:44So, what I'm thinking is...
16:46Well, it's a classic case of a gutter of Greggs.
16:52John?
16:52Yes, Alex?
16:54I've got a Gregg for you.
16:54Oh, this is good stuff.
16:56The Gregg for your gutter.
16:57This is great.
16:59Gregg.
16:59This is Gregg, sorry.
17:02Ladies and gentlemen,
17:03I'm proud to present the most impressive load ever carried by man or woman.
17:08Feast your eyes
17:11on the one and only
17:13Gutter of the Greggs!
17:19Yes.
17:32Ladies and gentlemen,
17:35there is nothing we can't do
17:38with a gutter of Greggs!
17:42That's your time up, John.
17:44Thank you, Alex.
17:45Bye-bye.
17:50You think appealing to my ego is going to get you points on the show, do you?
17:55Yep.
17:55Very wise.
17:58Well, you just have to work out how impressed you are.
18:01So, first of all, Sophie and Joanne, who look like this.
18:04Yeah.
18:07And then the three gentlemen did these things.
18:10Oh, that's... yeah.
18:11We have Nick.
18:12Come on, that looks good.
18:13Why have they blurred the cow's face?
18:16We have Steve.
18:17That doesn't look as good as I remember, Steve.
18:20And then we have John's.
18:23It's a bit much, though, isn't it?
18:24It is.
18:25Sorry, Joanne,
18:26yours is the least impressive final load.
18:30One to John.
18:31Five.
18:32Two points for Sophie.
18:34Three for Steve.
18:35The narrative was impressive.
18:36I'm showing humility by giving four points to John.
18:38And I'm sorry, the final image that I found the most impressive
18:42was old snooker cube umbrella chin.
18:45And I stand by it.
18:46Five points for now.
18:47You've always thought of them.
18:47Well done.
18:50Can you tell me the skills?
18:52Yes.
18:52Sophie and Steve, both on five.
18:54John and Nick, both on nine.
18:57And Joanne was well.
18:59APPLAUSE
19:02What is next, young fellow, my lad?
19:04Ooh, well, let's just sit back and have a right laugh,
19:07watching the Fresh Prince of Mid-Air.
19:24What on earth is going on in here, then?
19:27Ooh!
19:29Well, that's clever, isn't it?
19:32Ooh, yeah.
19:34Wow!
19:36It took me a while to get it just right.
19:38Yeah.
19:40Magic.
19:41Lovely.
19:42Love it.
19:44Hi, Nick.
19:45Hi, Alex.
19:46Could you turn the hairdryer off?
19:47It's a bit noisy.
19:48Yeah, sure.
19:49Ooh!
19:52That is very good.
19:54Yeah?
19:56Oh, I saw that.
19:57Pardon?
19:57Cheeky.
19:58What do you mean?
19:59The string and this, there was a lot going on there.
20:03Oh, I did it too early.
20:08LAUGHTER
20:10Take the most dramatic photo of yourself in mid-air.
20:14You have 15 minutes and may take five photos.
20:17In mid-air?
20:18I've never been a good jumper.
20:20Your time starts now.
20:23This is going to be a health and safety ball ache, isn't it?
20:26The most dramatic photo of yourself.
20:30So what I'd love is to get the hair bands that they wear, the really bad knives to your head.
20:35Do you have to be actually mid-air or could you be pretending to levitate?
20:40We've got a hairdryer.
20:42We have got a hairdryer.
20:45Whoa!
20:46Um, yes.
20:48OK.
20:49I've been doing a selfie on the top of a very tall building.
20:52I've fallen and I'm plunging as I'm taking the selfie.
20:57I'll have a wander.
20:58Yeah, see what strikes you.
20:58I'll have a wander and a think.
21:01Photos of yourself in the air.
21:03I'm going to have a wander round.
21:04Yeah.
21:07Yeah.
21:08That hasn't been very helpful.
21:14Have you got a history of jumping, Sophie?
21:17No, I'm not a great jumper.
21:18I'm more of a slut dropper.
21:21I'm very floor-based with my moves.
21:23OK.
21:24Joanne?
21:24I do all my own stunts.
21:26Oh, wow.
21:27Always have, always will.
21:30I enjoy the adrenaline.
21:32Highest you've ever jumped?
21:33You know, I'm not great on measurements now.
21:35I'd say, like, a metre.
21:38Shall we all have a little jump?
21:40Yeah, why not?
21:41Shall we all have a little jump?
21:42Nick, you may as well sit down.
21:43No, I'm quite good.
21:45LAUGHTER
21:47Three, two, one, jump!
21:49It wasn't it?
21:50It wasn't it?
21:51APPLAUSE
21:54I apologise.
21:56You can see them in the air.
21:57Well, we're going to see the montaging, first of all,
21:59and then we'll see the photos.
22:00So, enjoy this, Greg.
22:02Right, well, we need to light a fire.
22:04We can light a fire.
22:05Good.
22:05Let's light a fire.
22:08Right.
22:09Now, Alex, I might need a bit of help.
22:11OK.
22:11Anybody come with you?
22:12Yeah, please.
22:14Now, I've been experimenting with how to get some G-force into my face.
22:19Of course you have.
22:20I thought this would be quite a nice...
22:23Eh?
22:24Do you feel G-force in my face?
22:27Horrible.
22:27Ah, yeah.
22:29Wow.
22:31It's my big day.
22:32How's the day gone?
22:33It started out OK.
22:35Things took a turn.
22:36Yeah.
22:37One, two, three, go!
22:56I got my parachute.
22:59You what?
23:00My parachute.
23:02Ready?
23:05Good luck, thank you.
23:10Oh, no.
23:11You're gonna need to take anything higher up, Alex.
23:18Go!
23:23I'm gonna give you some G-force.
23:28Oh, my God!
23:29No!
23:33You ready?
23:34Any marks?
23:35Any marks?
23:35Yeah.
23:36Go!
23:44Yeah, not bad.
23:49Can you justify to me that you were in mid-air, Nick?
23:53You know when you put just a few things in a washing machine and it's going around quite slow, they
23:56sort of...
23:57There is a moment where they sort of suspend as it's kind of...
23:59Yes, of course, they are technically in mid-air, so that's what you were hoping for.
24:02The way I interpreted it...
24:04..was I was watching a father of three rammed into some tyres...
24:08LAUGHTER
24:09..being pushed into some baked bean cans.
24:11LAUGHTER
24:12I was very tired.
24:14LAUGHTER
24:14OK, here is Nick, dramatically in mid-air.
24:18LAUGHTER
24:23I mean, you arguably couldn't be less mid-air.
24:28Who's can we see next?
24:30Jilted Joanne.
24:32LAUGHTER
24:33I think you might be back in the game.
24:35Taskmaster is proving to me that I have the creativity of a wheelie bin.
24:39LAUGHTER
24:41So, this is a jilted bride.
24:43On her wedding day, she's just found out her husband's riding the nanny...
24:47Did you say why she's wearing an iPad?
24:49She's just had laser.
24:50She's just had laser eyes.
24:53On the way to the wedding.
24:55God, she's had a bad day, hasn't she?
24:57LAUGHTER
24:57That's a hell of an image.
24:58If you want to see the rest of their mid-air pictures,
25:01you're going to have to come back promptly.
25:03And if you're off for a poo, do factor in the wipe.
25:06You never factor in wipe time.
25:08LAUGHTER
25:13APPLAUSE
25:18Hello and welcome back to another life-affirming episode of Taskmaster.
25:22We're part way through seeing some dramatic mid-air pictures, aren't we, Alex?
25:25Oh, we sure are.
25:26And Nick rolled around in some tyres.
25:28The next picture is the one taken by Sophie in mid-air.
25:32I mean, I cannot wait.
25:35LAUGHTER
25:37APPLAUSE
25:42Was it another Shed Panic?
25:43No, no, I planned this.
25:45I've been wanting to get him in that pigeon head from the moment I saw him.
25:48People do, people do.
25:52And how nice, for once, that it's the pigeons themselves that are covered in shit.
25:57LAUGHTER
25:59All right, who's next?
26:00Do you want to see Robins in flight?
26:02Please.
26:03Blood?
26:03Ooh, that's great.
26:05That's good.
26:06He's been shot out of the cannon.
26:08He's going towards the little bucket of fire.
26:10No eye patch, though.
26:12LAUGHTER
26:13Did you get in a cannon?
26:15Yeah.
26:17You really want this, don't you?
26:19LAUGHTER
26:21Look at the air.
26:22Look at the air I've got.
26:23I'm pleased with that.
26:24You've got nice air, you've got a bucket of fire,
26:26you've got a pretend cannon, and you've got that prick.
26:28There's a lot there.
26:29LAUGHTER
26:30Who's next?
26:31The final one.
26:32Have a look at Steve Pemberton in mid-air.
26:36LAUGHTER
26:38APPLAUSE
26:43Oh, it's a failed parachute.
26:45It's a failed parachute.
26:46I like the cut rope.
26:47That's drama.
26:48Yes.
26:49This captures the moment of realisation that he's going to splat.
26:54LAUGHTER
26:54Can you see the G-force?
26:56I hope that they would have painted out the elastic band.
26:59LAUGHTER
27:00You would hope they would have made it look like you were in mid-air as well.
27:06I'll put all five up for you, Greg,
27:07and then you can work out which is the most dramatic mid-air.
27:10Oh, Christ.
27:11There they are.
27:11OK, well, let's deal with Nick, first of all.
27:13Right.
27:14OK.
27:16It looks like a completely different task.
27:18Well, I'm going to give you one point for that.
27:20You're welcome.
27:22And then there's got to be a jump up.
27:24I'm going to give John, Joanne and Steve four points,
27:27but I'm going to give that insane pigeon madness five.
27:32I don't know why, I just think it's the most dramatic,
27:35possibly because I'm worried about her state of mind.
27:37Well, that's the way I'm scoring.
27:39APPLAUSE
27:42Let's try and squeeze another one in, shall we?
27:45Ooh, a vicar, isn't it?
27:47LAUGHTER
27:48One more, then.
27:49And it's a tie.
27:52LAUGHTER
28:04Oh, Jesus.
28:05Hey, Joanne.
28:06Hi, Alex.
28:07I'm going to have a little lie down.
28:12Ooh.
28:13Hello.
28:14Hello.
28:15Oh, hello.
28:16Make yourself comfortable.
28:17I shall.
28:19Oh, lovely.
28:20It's nice to have a lay down, isn't it?
28:21Ah!
28:23OK.
28:24I'm quite...
28:27tired.
28:29There goes the task.
28:30Shall I get it now?
28:31Can you reach?
28:32Yeah.
28:35Oh, and I've got a tie as a bonus.
28:38Oh, this is nice.
28:40Tie yourself to the bed.
28:42Most tired of person wins.
28:44You must be horizontal whilst in the lab.
28:47If you pull down the terrible tie, you are disqualified.
28:51Oh, how do I know which is the terrible tie?
28:53Oh, you'll know.
28:55Your time starts now.
28:58Is...
28:59Is going up like that horizontal?
29:02Going up like what?
29:02Like that.
29:03Oh, no, that's not horizontal.
29:04Is that horizontal?
29:05No!
29:05So this is horizontal?
29:07That's horizontal.
29:08So I need something to help me access.
29:10I'm just out of reach, Alex.
29:13How the fuck do I take them down?
29:17APPLAUSE
29:21I sometimes wonder whether you knew what the show was that you were signing up to.
29:27They said the last you watched it, the better.
29:29That's what they said.
29:32You do fairly regularly seem incredulous about being asked to do things.
29:37Let's just have a look at it.
29:38OK, well, we're going to start with Jay and Jay.
29:40No, not the American Multinational Pharmacutical and Medical Technologies Corporation.
29:45It's Joanne and John.
29:47Can I levitate?
29:48I can't...
29:48I'd have to levitate myself up.
29:50If you could levitate horizontally, that would be perfect.
29:52This is a bad idea.
29:55That's not a good idea.
29:56Don't hit yourself in the face with a buckle.
30:00What do you need?
30:01I need the ties.
30:02Yeah.
30:02Oh, no, thank you.
30:05Ah, for God's sake!
30:13Here we go.
30:14Doesn't look terrible to me.
30:16This is real 80s dad vibes, isn't it?
30:19Is that tied to the bed?
30:20Yeah.
30:20Oh, no.
30:24Some of the ties seem to have prayers on them, Alex.
30:27Is it a prayer?
30:28Why do you think it's a prayer, John?
30:30What else are you going to write on a tie?
30:32That is Welsh.
30:33Heard of which we'll o'clock.
30:35Gwan Beth Man.
30:36Gwan out.
30:37Cario in line.
30:42This is something for, like, a really low-end brothel, isn't it?
30:46I hate the low-end ones.
30:47At what point are you going to start tying yourself together?
30:50Maybe I'll make a start.
30:52It's kind of like a survival course, but I'd actually rather drink a jar of piss than do this.
30:57Right.
30:57Oh, God damn.
31:08Ah.
31:09This is good.
31:12I don't know why I stayed the one way round for so long.
31:19Well, you have still got one minute.
31:21Is that the terrible tie?
31:28You've got 20 seconds.
31:30This better not be some snuff movie now.
31:35Two on the head and one on the wrist, is it?
31:38OK, I'm just going to check on the ties.
31:45You're so mean.
31:47Yes, it's tied.
31:48The rest are good, Joanne.
31:50Thanks, John.
31:50You seem pretty tied up.
31:51Oh.
31:52Oh.
31:59I'll be in my draft for any minute.
32:01Thanks.
32:02APPLAUSE
32:06I'm so sorry that I can't give extra points for your exit.
32:10Because it was really impressive.
32:12They didn't stop me.
32:13No-one said they don't tie me.
32:15At one point, you announced that the experience was like a low-end brothel.
32:18Yeah.
32:19At the time, you were a woman tied to a camp bed with one tie.
32:23LAUGHTER
32:24The lazy brothel of middle-aged men, yeah.
32:27But she did well.
32:28She's got a lot of ties on.
32:29Yeah, she tied herself up with 15 ties.
32:32Now, John was two on the hands, one on the wrists,
32:33and then ten ties all tied together to make one long tie rope,
32:36which went round his middle and his chest.
32:38Good.
32:39Who's next?
32:41OK, now it's for a tie between Bolton and Leeds.
32:44It's Sophie and Nick.
32:46I'm just going to strategise here first.
32:48OK.
32:48How long are you going to strategise for?
32:51Um...
32:51Just...
32:51Just a second.
32:54I think...
32:55I'm done.
32:57You must be horizontal.
32:59Sophie, does that mean that my sort of back has to be parallel to the floor?
33:02Exactly.
33:02I could be on all fours, couldn't I?
33:04That's loud, isn't it?
33:06That's horizontal.
33:08There's something I've missed, isn't there?
33:09Because this is what you kind of...
33:12You know, there's usually how it works, isn't it?
33:15There's something I've missed in the room.
33:17He didn't say I need to use a tie to tie myself to the bed.
33:21That was the trick.
33:23Whilst in this room, I've got it, but I know what I'm doing.
33:26Make sure you're horizontal.
33:27I am.
33:28Quite a...quite a fall there, so be careful.
33:30Ooh, yeah.
33:31Horizontal.
33:32But then as soon as I've left, I can actually be any...
33:37How long have we got, Greg?
33:38Pardon?
33:41No-one's ever called me Greg before.
33:42Ever in the whole show?
33:43Ever in the whole show.
33:44I've been waiting.
33:46Right.
33:49Hello.
33:52Right.
33:52Ooh.
34:00I've got a lot of rub and no way of doing it.
34:03I feel like there's something I've not got right here.
34:07Tie yourself to the bed.
34:09Could it be horizontal whilst in the lab?
34:12Whilst in the lab?
34:13I can't get out now.
34:15You've got three and a half minutes.
34:23But I don't know what this is gaining me.
34:31I don't think I've done this one right.
34:37One minute there.
34:39Yeah.
34:41Thread it through.
34:42Thread it through.
34:43Are you threading through?
34:44Yeah.
34:44Through the bed on over me.
34:45There's no way I'm not roped in here.
34:49It's quite well, actually.
34:50One minute there.
34:51Right.
34:51Oh, God.
34:52Quick.
34:52Yeah.
34:57No.
35:02Oh, so close.
35:05So you're still tied to the bed?
35:06Very much.
35:07I mean, it's a very efficient tie.
35:09Yeah, too efficient, really.
35:12There we go.
35:14By the neck.
35:15See you later, Alex.
35:17I'll get the door, don't worry.
35:18Yeah.
35:21No, I am stuck now, I think.
35:29My favourite moment of both of those is just hearing Nick's little voice say,
35:33I don't think I've done this one well.
35:35I can't actually see my face at that point, but I was crying.
35:39It taught me through the strategy.
35:41It was quite good, I thought.
35:42I don't think I had one, really.
35:44You went and got a rope.
35:45I did.
35:45Just crawled about and got a rope and tied myself up.
35:48Well, don't talk yourself down.
35:49You saw what Nick was doing.
35:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:51Nick, what was going through your mind when you were crawling around on the floor of the camp bed structure?
35:56I felt like a wood louse that had inverted itself and just couldn't get back.
36:00Once I flipped, I just couldn't, there was nothing I could do.
36:06Yeah.
36:06But what I'm interested in is why did you flip?
36:09Yeah, well, it's a good question.
36:11Yeah, yeah.
36:13That's another part done.
36:14Join us for part four, when one lucky winner has to look happy on stage with a deflated Che Guevara
36:20balloon.
36:20This is prime time, baby! They can't take the BAFTA off us now!
36:34Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster.
36:36It's the last part of the show and there is a tricky tie task which needs completing.
36:40That's right, Greg.
36:41They're trying to tie themselves up as best as possible while lying horizontally.
36:45But if during the process they pull down the terrible tie, it's all over.
36:50Finally, a man perhaps best known for his role as Mattis in Free Jimmy, the 2006 animation,
36:55which also starred Woody Harrelson.
36:57It's Steve Pemberton.
36:59Oh, now you're talking.
37:01I want to hire the bed, so if I come off here...
37:05I thought there'd be a way to screw...
37:08Oh, docks.
37:13Is this the horrible one?
37:15Oh, it's something in Welsh.
37:17Oh, my God.
37:19Gah!
37:22This is, like, sort of hook-a-dup, but...
37:26With ties and lying down.
37:29I want different body parts involved.
37:31Oh, thank you, God.
37:33The tie gods are shining down on me.
37:36Oh!
37:39Yeah, oh!
37:43Ah!
37:45Look, I can't keep up with the number of ties the tie gods are giving me.
37:49It's a whole tie-raid!
37:51Oh!
37:5320 seconds.
37:54OK.
37:54I think I'm done to enjoy it now.
37:56Five seconds left.
37:58OK.
37:59But if you could leave the lab now, that'd be great.
38:03LAUGHTER
38:04Do you reckon that?
38:06APPLAUSE
38:08He was so violent with the mechanism.
38:10He whacked it and he put it off at an angle so they couldn't...
38:13They had nowhere to go but fall on top of Steve.
38:14And he tied 28 ties.
38:16Oh.
38:17Attached himself to the bed.
38:18Each of his fingers was tied up.
38:20Individual fingers, mouth, head, pelvis.
38:22Not through the pelvic bone, but...
38:24No.
38:25I mean, do you want to win or not?
38:29Let's talk about this Welsh tie business.
38:31They weren't prayers.
38:32No, they were my family mottos.
38:33There's the green one.
38:34That's the one that Joanne got.
38:35Obviously, that says, er...
38:37Know what you want and have the confidence to go after it.
38:39That's what I wore on my stag night.
38:40No.
38:42Joanne and John both got the yellow one down.
38:45Don't wash the clock.
38:46Do what it does.
38:47Keep going.
38:47I wore that on my wedding day.
38:49Purple.
38:49Of course, Steve got the purple one, which says,
38:51whoever is happy will make others happy too.
38:54And then the red tie, of course.
38:55My dad's tie, which says,
38:58this is a terrible tie,
38:59and that was brought down by Mr Steve Pepperton.
39:04Of all the ties to rain down on me.
39:07Poor Steve is out.
39:09I liked Sophie's attempt,
39:10and I thought the rope was impressive,
39:11so I'm going to reward it.
39:12Woo!
39:13Most tied-up person wins.
39:14She was the most tied-up person.
39:16Yes!
39:16And then we'll do it according to the amount of ties.
39:18That were you.
39:18So, OK, well, it's two points to Nick,
39:20three to John, four to Joanne,
39:21five points to Sophie Willen!
39:23All right.
39:28Do you want me to hit the scores?
39:29Yes, Sophie's got a chance of winning.
39:30She's on 15.
39:31John is on the top with 16 points.
39:33Ah, still ahead.
39:34Oh!
39:39All right.
39:40Well, here we are.
39:41Make your way to the stage.
39:42Final task of the show!
39:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:49What's cooking good looking?
39:51Who's reading the task out?
39:53Er, I think Steve Pemberton's going to read this one out.
39:55Is he?
39:56Oh, yes.
39:58Park a vehicle in the parking bay.
40:00Your vehicle must be rolled whilst standing on the spot,
40:04and the worst parker each round is eliminated.
40:07It's a parking challenge.
40:08We have four parking bays there.
40:11So, in round one,
40:11you've got to try to park one of these vehicles
40:13in parking space number one.
40:15So, you can now write down what order
40:16you want to park your vehicles.
40:19As always happens in this show, Greg,
40:21the person in the lead goes first.
40:22On this occasion, it's John.
40:24So, John, you have selected the car.
40:26Yep.
40:26You must stay on the gold circle.
40:28You're aiming for parking bay number one.
40:30John, park that car.
40:38It's not a bad start.
40:40It's popped into two.
40:43Right, it's Sophie next.
40:45Bring your little version of yourself with you.
40:48That's lovely.
40:52No!
40:53No, it's come too far!
40:55Fuck!
40:58It's not a disaster.
41:00It's just a bit, let's be honest.
41:01It's not great.
41:03Nick, you're up next.
41:05Third.
41:05And you've selected the buggy.
41:07Yes.
41:08You can just slot your little legs.
41:10My own?
41:11Well, either side.
41:16That would be clever.
41:20He's definitely made it through to round two.
41:22I can tell you that.
41:24Oh, yeah.
41:25OK, Joanne McNally, you're up next.
41:27OK.
41:27You have chosen the horse.
41:28Yeah.
41:30Oh.
41:31Woo!
41:33It's safe.
41:33She is safely through.
41:34Well done.
41:35Well done.
41:37Right.
41:38Finally, it's Steve Pemberton.
41:39What have you selected, first of all?
41:40I've selected the trolley.
41:43OK.
41:47Yeah.
41:49Is it enough?
41:50Let's have a look.
41:52Arguably, Sophie's only chance at winning an episode
41:55has just been dashed against the rocks.
41:58God.
41:58Unfortunately, Sophie, you've been eliminated in round one.
42:01And I must take small Sophie away from you.
42:04No.
42:04Yeah.
42:06Sit on this bench of shame.
42:10Sit on the wall?
42:11The bench of shame.
42:12It is that.
42:13Right, round two.
42:13But, John, you're up first.
42:14You've picked the trolley.
42:15So, if you want to mount the trolley.
42:24This isn't enough.
42:25Aiming for number two, of course.
42:27Oh!
42:27Oh, gosh, yeah.
42:30It's hard to get the balance right with that trolley.
42:33Yep.
42:35It's parking bay two.
42:36Nick, also with a trolley.
42:41Oh, God.
42:42Confident.
42:42Oh, God.
42:43Oh, God.
42:43Oh, God.
42:45Oh, God.
42:51That was electric.
42:53Joanne, you've selected the car.
42:55Do you remember what happened the first time the car was used?
42:58You went too far.
42:59So, what are you going to do?
43:01I'm going to win, Alex.
43:12I've got to say, despite being in the drop zone, I didn't want to see that.
43:18Steve, you're up.
43:19What have you chosen?
43:20I've chosen the buggy.
43:23You step on that board.
43:24I'm going to come up there like a windmill.
43:25LAUGHTER
43:30Oh, that's lovely.
43:31This is looking good.
43:32That is lovely.
43:33Yeah.
43:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:38That is how you park a child.
43:41Joanne's acting.
43:43OK, it's the penultimate round.
43:49So, John, you're aiming for parking bay number three, of course.
43:52OK.
43:56You've seen how to do it.
43:56It's very level.
43:57It's very level.
43:59It's very level.
44:00That looks helpful.
44:02OK, you've seen how to do it.
44:04Good luck, Maggie.
44:07Oh!
44:14I think I'm out.
44:15Well, still, Steve, he just needs to not do that.
44:19The smartest chef will do it, Steve.
44:21What have you picked?
44:21I've got a horse as well.
44:23John, any advice on the horse?
44:24Just whack it right off the end.
44:26LAUGHTER
44:29Ooh.
44:31Good stuff.
44:32He's made it through your answer.
44:34Well done.
44:36Greg, I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to Nick Muhammad.
44:40APPLAUSE
44:43OK, so it's Pemberton versus Robins,
44:46and it's been a theme of the series so far.
44:48In the final round, you both push at the same time.
44:52Oh!
44:53A twist?
44:54Yes.
44:55Oh, my God.
44:56This to the glue factory now?
44:59Get in your vehicles, guys.
45:01Clear the nappet.
45:03Oh, that's lovely to see.
45:06APPLAUSE
45:08You must roll on the whistle.
45:10I am genuinely excited.
45:12LAUGHTER
45:13Three, two, one.
45:16WHISTLE BLOWS
45:16Ooh.
45:17Oh, my God.
45:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:21Pemberton!
45:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:23Pemberton takes it!
45:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:34That is classic Pemberton!
45:38Well done.
45:38We'll add that to your final scores.
45:40Come down and join me.
45:40Well done.
45:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:48I wonder what Pemberton can cock.
45:49It's not me, it's the little guy.
45:52LAUGHTER
45:52I have totted up the scores now, Greg,
45:55and those five points for Pemberton
45:57have very little bearing on the final scores
45:59because the third episode in a row
46:01has been won by Mr John Robbins!
46:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:04Oh, my God!
46:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:08John Robbins wins!
46:10Please pick up your extraordinary pictures!
46:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:15So, what have we learnt from today,
46:19show?
46:20Well, we all know that life has its ups and its downs.
46:23Everybody has their struggles,
46:25but whatever you've been through,
46:26whatever you're going through,
46:27always be worse.
46:29LAUGHTER
46:31That's us halfway through the series
46:33and this is your champion of the night,
46:36Mr John Robbins!
46:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:57MUSIC
46:58AND APPLAUSE
Comments