- 9 hours ago
Taskmaster - S19E04 - Midnight Picnic [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
Category
š„
Short filmTranscript
00:02This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:36Hello!
00:37I am Greg Davies.
00:40Welcome once more to Taskmaster.
00:42We all know the score, five trophy-hungry comedians,
00:45rip open some medieval envelopes
00:47and then run around having a breakdown,
00:50which I mark out of five.
00:51I'm a dreamer, and one day those cowards at Channel 4
00:55will take my Squid Games crossover proposal seriously.
00:58But for now, regrettably,
01:00it's only their careers that are in danger.
01:03Their names?
01:04Fatih Al Ghori!
01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:08Jason Manzuka!
01:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:11Matthew Bainter!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Rosie Ramsey!
01:15And Stevie Martin!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19And next to me, a man who wrote under a pseudonym
01:23to his local paper saying that he thinks
01:25disabled access regulations in shops
01:28are political correctness gone mad.
01:30LAUGHTER
01:31In the Cheshire Gazette, he's Dr Stephen Morris,
01:34but we know him...
01:35LAUGHTER
01:37..and little Alex Hall!
01:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44Hi, Greg.
01:46I've created something just for you.
01:47OK.
01:48I've been working with the National Highways.
01:50I know you love driving.
01:53LAUGHTER
01:53He's good at it.
01:55I've come up with some new road signs.
01:57I used to help everyone, really.
01:58This is, um...
01:59You know, sometimes there's quite a lot of flies.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:02So you'll drive more carefully.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:05Oh, gosh.
02:06OK, there's one.
02:07I've got a lot of these.
02:07This is, um...
02:09Quiet Zone on the road.
02:11Just...
02:11How many...
02:12How many of these are there?
02:13We're halfway.
02:15LAUGHTER
02:15OK, this is a little section of the road.
02:17Well, it's back to the flies, really.
02:18Don't open your windows,
02:19open your mouth because of the fly.
02:20Same fly.
02:21LAUGHTER
02:22OK, this one's for outside our house.
02:23Just try it more carefully.
02:26LAUGHTER
02:28LAUGHTER
02:28A little smile.
02:29There's a little smile.
02:31LAUGHTER
02:31LAUGHTER
02:32That's a good one, eh?
02:33Careful.
02:33Yes, it's a very clever technique of lowering the comedic bar so low.
02:38But just the slightest hint of a joke...
02:40Yeah.
02:41..gets something.
02:42I know what I'm doing.
02:43LAUGHTER
02:44Right, let's crack on with the prize task.
02:46Oh, boring.
02:47Not really, of course.
02:48I love the prize task.
02:50And this time, the category is...
02:51The thing that least suits its name if you shout it loudly
02:55while we're all looking at it on the screen.
02:57Whoa!
02:58Oh, my...
02:59Oh, Greg.
03:00We're not running out of ideas.
03:01And yes, Greg.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:03You will give five points to the thing you think least suits its name
03:07when shouted loudly while we're all looking at it on the screen.
03:10And that is horn over and out.
03:12Right.
03:12Jason.
03:14What thing have you brought in that doesn't suit its name
03:16when it's shouted?
03:17So, will we show it and have the audience shout it
03:20immediately upon its arrival on screen?
03:22If that's what you'd like.
03:23This is your moment.
03:24That's what we're going to do.
03:25So, this is an album that I brought you by a great, wonderful band.
03:29Could we throw it up now, Alex?
03:32Fanny!
03:33LAUGHTER
03:35Now, where I come from, Fanny is a tush.
03:38It's a bum.
03:38Yeah.
03:39Right?
03:39But here I've been told it's not.
03:41And it's quite rude.
03:43What have you been told it is here?
03:45Yeah.
03:45It's a front bum.
03:46Oh.
03:47That's what I call mine.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:50I've never heard anyone call it a front bum except my mum.
03:52Oh, I call it that because your mum calls it that.
03:55LAUGHTER
04:01I'm just happy she's getting laid.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04Great start.
04:05OK.
04:06Who's next?
04:07Certainly Stevie.
04:08I suppose the same.
04:09We just put it up and everyone shouts it.
04:11Show it!
04:12Show it!
04:14Shuttlecock!
04:15It's got cock in it.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:19Should we discuss this or should we just move on to whoever's got tits?
04:23LAUGHTER
04:24We call this a birdie.
04:25That's just as weird as shuttlecock.
04:27Agreed.
04:28Well, let's find out.
04:29Just shout birdie at it for me.
04:31Birdie!
04:32I think that's better than a shuttlecock.
04:33I think it is.
04:34This is strong.
04:35It does not look like a shuttlecock.
04:37Matthew.
04:38I'm going to shout this because people might mistake it.
04:41So what have you brought in, Matthew?
04:44Mummy!
04:46LAUGHTER
04:48APPLAUSE
04:52You've been raiding the old tombs again, haven't you?
04:55Like our forefathers before us.
04:58Grab it, bring it back to Britain.
05:00Why not?
05:02Elgin Mark II.
05:03Rosie.
05:04I have brought with me...
05:06A LIAR!
05:08LAUGHTER
05:10L-Y-R-E.
05:13LIAR!
05:14And I feel like that's not the first time you've shouted that at some point.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18I'm a bit thrown by these because normally they all bring such terrible ones in.
05:23And it's quite good.
05:24It's quite strong, isn't it?
05:26Oh, Fatia.
05:27Is it OK if we do the thing where...?
05:29But you'd like the audience to shout your ones?
05:31Please, yeah.
05:31OK, so Fatia's brought in this.
05:34Broom!
05:35I brought in a broom because what is a broom?
05:38Like, that's a sweeper, isn't it?
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41The name doesn't do what it says.
05:43Like, a cooker cooks.
05:44What would you call a car?
05:45Are you saying a car should be called a broom because it goes broom?
05:48Broom, broom.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50It's actually called an automobile, but we call it car because it's...
05:55And after Alan Carr.
05:59LAUGHTER
06:02She had faith in that sentence all the way up.
06:04LAUGHTER
06:06A car should be called an automobile.
06:07It is called an automobile.
06:09Because it...?
06:10It's mobile, but it's automatically mobile.
06:13That's why it's called that.
06:14What do you call a chair?
06:16What do you call a chair?
06:16Listen, brav!
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19I don't know if she's got a point.
06:21Or...
06:22Absolute madness.
06:23I don't...
06:24I'm going to give Fanny one point because I don't mind it.
06:27I don't mind it.
06:27OK, one point to chase.
06:28I mean, Matt's very clever because you could shout Mummy in such a way
06:31that it does suit it, but he shouted it in a sort of
06:34I've wet my pants way.
06:36LAUGHTER
06:36What's the matter to you?
06:37Broom, three points, and you can thank me for it.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:40Liar.
06:41What a beautiful instrument that is.
06:43So, four points to Liar.
06:44Five points to Shuttlecock.
06:46APPLAUSE
06:49I would very much like a task proper, please, young man.
06:53OK, well, what are your two favourite things, Greg?
06:56Mannequins and wetsuits.
06:58Oh, bingo!
06:59LAUGHTER
07:14Jason.
07:16Alex.
07:17You've got lovely wrists.
07:18Do you mind giving me your wrist?
07:20Which one?
07:24Let's just finish the afternoon.
07:29All right.
07:30Ready?
07:31Yes.
07:31Put the most wetsuits on mannequins.
07:36The mannequins must be wearing their wetsuits properly.
07:40Also, you must tiptoe throughout.
07:42And put your finger on your lips and say shh at least once every 20 seconds.
07:48You have 15 minutes.
07:50And you're going to give me the buzz for that...
07:52Yeah.
07:5320 seconds?
07:54A very small electric shock.
07:55OK.
07:56It seems cruel, but OK.
08:00That'll buzz every 20 seconds to remind you to shh.
08:04Too much...
08:07Shhh.
08:08OK.
08:08Your time starts now.
08:10Tiptoe, please.
08:11Oh!
08:16Pretty straightforward game, I would say.
08:18But before we start, who would like to see Matthew adopt his tiptoe position?
08:23LAUGHTER
08:24LAUGHTER
08:28APPLAUSE
08:29LAUGHTER
08:29AND APPLAUSE
08:31AND APPLAUSE
08:32AND APPLAUSE
08:34AND APPLAUSE
08:34Wonderful.
08:35The toxic masculinity coming off you is disgusting.
08:40Right.
08:41I'm going to start by showing you three people, including Matthew,
08:43trying to put wetsuits on mannequins whilst shushing.
08:47And those people are Manzoukas, El Ghori and, of course, Payton.
08:51Where are the mannequins?
08:52Tiptoe, please.
08:52Tiptoe, please.
08:54SHHH!
08:55Where are the mannequins?
09:01SHHH!
09:03SHHH!
09:04SHHH!
09:04SHHH!
09:07SHHH!
09:09SHHH!
09:09SHHH!
09:09Have you found a wetsuit?
09:11SHHH!
09:13None in there!
09:15I can see another one in there.
09:17SHHH!
09:18Why is this locked?
09:20Now, Alex, do you know where the key to this is?
09:22Yeah.
09:23Can you tell me?
09:24Uh, normal place.
09:27SHHH!
09:28SHHH!
09:29SHHH!
09:30Well, here we go with the nonsense.
09:32Here we go.
09:33There's a lot of keys there.
09:34SHHH!
09:35Is there a key in there?
09:37Is there a lollipop?
09:38SHHH!
09:42Oh!
09:43Under-door man.
09:46Oh, my God!
09:47I'm not going to get anything done.
09:49This has got something to do with it.
09:52I'm...
09:53I fucking hate you.
09:56Oh, my God!
09:57Sorry, it's dead!
10:00SHHH!
10:01SHHH!
10:02SHHH!
10:02SHHH!
10:03SHHH!
10:03SHHH!
10:04SHHH!
10:04SHHH!
10:04Where are the wetsuits?
10:11That's crafting materials.
10:13Where are all the fucking wetsuits?
10:16I see my wetsuits.
10:22I've located several mannequins.
10:25I'm not certain I should be whispering.
10:27And I can't find any wetsuits.
10:30You've got ten minutes to go.
10:31SHHH!
10:35SHHH!
10:37SHHH!
10:37SHHH!
10:40You can get a wetsuit!
10:42Oh!
10:43How much time do we have left?
10:45Five minutes twenty.
10:47SHHH!
10:51SHHH!
10:56SHHH!
10:57SHHH!
10:58SHHH!
10:58SHHH!
11:01SHHH!
11:02SHHH!
11:02SHHH!
11:06SHHH!
11:07SHHH!
11:08SHHH!
11:10SHHH!
11:11SHHH!
11:11SHHH!
11:12SHHH!
11:13SHHH!
11:16Maybe there's like baby mannequins somewhere.
11:18Yeah, maybe.
11:19Come on, you little fucker.
11:21One minute forty left.
11:23Shut up!
11:23How long do I have?
11:24Three seconds left.
11:25Okay.
11:28That's a wetsuit.
11:30SHHH!
11:33SHHH!
11:34Please?
11:35Why would I be pleased?
11:37I definitely took my finger off my lips.
11:39So I...
11:40I was...
11:40You took your finger off your lips?
11:43That was part of the task, wasn't it?
12:00I mean, he was so upset he thought he'd been disqualified because he took it off at one point.
12:05Yeah, I've thought about that more than once a day, every day since.
12:10I mean, the devastation at the end of both of your scenes was quite similar.
12:15And yet, you increasingly are coming across as a serial killer, you know that.
12:20You found the child mannequin and within seconds you said,
12:23come on, you little fucker.
12:25Yeah.
12:26I don't have time to waste.
12:28Now, the question is, am I going to allow wetsuits?
12:30You bloody better.
12:33I will allow wetsuit.
12:35It was thinking...
12:36Because it was a bit of lateral thinking and we got to reward that.
12:38Habibi, thank you.
12:40Oh, Habibi.
12:43This place is going to be called Mosque Master from...
12:46LAUGHTER
12:51Right.
12:52Time for the first ad break of the episode
12:54and a chance for you to take a few moments away
12:57from the intensity of this competition.
12:59I'm not going to tell you how to relax.
13:01You do you.
13:02Alex?
13:05LAUGHTER
13:17Hello! Welcome back!
13:19It's the start of part two.
13:21Mannequins, wetsuits and shushing are the name of the game
13:23and the names of the people playing the game right now
13:25are Stevie and Rosie.
13:30Ah, yes!
13:32Found a kid!
13:36Lovely.
13:37Come on.
13:38Under the doormat.
13:40Yeah, you always keep them under the doormat.
13:44Right, OK.
13:47Wet suit.
13:50Oh.
13:50The suit's wet.
13:52Is it?
13:52Yeah.
13:53I thought these things were, like, illegal.
13:56Not on people, weirdly.
13:58Just on dogs.
14:00Come on.
14:01I imagine this is what marrying all the man's like.
14:06Yeah.
14:10Come on, mate!
14:18That's fun.
14:19I need some more wetsuits.
14:21Can I have that one that you've got on?
14:22If you don't mind.
14:24I don't want to be awkward or weird.
14:26I, I...
14:26Oh.
14:28Oh!
14:29A child!
14:31Who's the horn?
14:35That's another one.
14:36Have you got any underwear on?
14:37That's fine.
14:38Yeah.
14:38Sorry.
14:39No, that's all right.
14:45Right, I'm going in.
14:46OK.
14:48Oh!
14:49Jackpot!
14:55The strawberry...
14:57Moor's back!
14:59This is weird.
15:01I think I'm getting paid enough for this.
15:04Hmm.
15:08Oh, you...
15:09Can you get me your other suits that you've got?
15:11You could do with putting one on later on.
15:15Oh, yeah.
15:16I'm getting ready.
15:22Yeah, the time's up.
15:24Thank you, Stevie.
15:26Bye-bye.
15:27Bye-bye.
15:37Steve, I thoroughly enjoyed you repeatedly punching a mannequin in the gooch.
15:44Apparently the mannequins that I found in the bushes were not part of the task.
15:49Well, it was like a mannequin graveyard, wasn't it?
15:51Yeah, we used mannequins over the years and the ones that had been too, I guess, punched over the years,
15:56we'd just chuck under a tree and we weren't expecting someone to go foraging for mannequin under the tree.
16:03Rosie, talk me through the narrative of the way that you look after this old man.
16:07Oh.
16:08Quite a bit attached to him, actually.
16:09I'm trying to name them.
16:10Yeah, he gave him names, yeah.
16:11Yeah, I named quite a lot of them.
16:12Yeah, it was Eric, Eric's brother and their son, Shearer.
16:15Yes!
16:16So, Eric was the old man...
16:18The older guy.
16:18..that you were in a relationship with.
16:19And you put his trousers on so violently his arm fell off.
16:22Yeah.
16:23He gets right on me fucking nerves.
16:26LAUGHTER
16:27Um...
16:28Did they do well?
16:29Yes.
16:30Matt, nearly sort of three quarters of one wetsuit onto one mannequin.
16:35Fatty's got a total of one.
16:37Jason really went for it and got a total of two and a quarter wetsuits.
16:41Stevie, you got three and a half.
16:42Rosie, because she used the suits and made them wet, four in total,
16:46so she gets a full five points.
16:48There it is!
16:51APPLAUSE
16:53Let's see the scoreboard.
16:55All right.
16:56Well, it's interesting.
16:57Our winner of the first three episodes is in last place on three points,
17:00whereas Rosie and Stevie are three times as many.
17:02They've got nine points each and are joined first.
17:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:07Yes!
17:09Yes!
17:11Right, ten of the task, please.
17:12Hmm.
17:13There is no task.
17:15Ooh.
17:16No, there is one, really.
17:17I was lying.
17:18Here we go.
17:18LAUGHTER
17:28Hello, Rosie.
17:29Hello, Alex.
17:30Hello.
17:31Alex, how are you?
17:32I'm great.
17:33Would you like to?
17:34Yeah.
17:35After you, please.
17:35OK.
17:36OK.
17:38Ahem.
17:39Convince the other team that the following things are the opposite of what they are.
17:43The liquid in the cup is very hot.
17:46Or very cold.
17:47The bag is really heavy.
17:49Or really light.
17:50The paste in the tube is delicious.
17:53Or disgusting.
17:54Alex is or isn't behind the curtain.
17:58Two of you have or haven't met the same really famous person.
18:02Most deceptive team wins.
18:04You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
18:07Your time starts now.
18:10OK, I get this.
18:12And you're an actor, so you'll be really good at this.
18:14So we have to...
18:14Oh, what about me?
18:15Oh, yeah.
18:16You'll be fine.
18:17Are they inclined to believe us?
18:19I mean, A, we're phenomenal actors.
18:22So if I go like this...
18:25Pretend it's hot.
18:26That was very rubbish, bruv.
18:29The paste in the tube is deliciously disgusting.
18:31OK, it's so hard.
18:32The paste in the tube is...
18:33And it's empty.
18:34Who's the most famous person you've met?
18:36Well, weirdly, you were just talking about Anne or Ed Sheeran and you...
18:40Yeah.
18:40You've both met Ed Sheeran.
18:42Have you not?
18:43Not yet.
18:45Bruv, they let anyone on this show swear down.
18:47Bruv.
18:51OK.
18:52Good luck, team.
18:53Thank you, Alex.
18:57Let's go.
18:58OK.
18:59So one team is going to try to convince the other team that things are not what they are.
19:03We're going to see, first of all, the team of three trying to convince the team of two that the
19:07liquid in the cup is very hot or very cold, the bag is really heavy or really light and the
19:11paste in the tube is delicious or disgusting.
19:43Well, that was nice, that.
19:51OK.
19:51This is so soothing, lovely and hot.
19:57OK.
19:58Interesting.
19:58Did you go to RADA?
20:03If I don't get a BAFTA for this, I swear, guys.
20:08Well, there you go.
20:09We've never done a live guessing.
20:11No, this is interesting stuff.
20:12This is interesting.
20:13OK.
20:13Have a little check.
20:13I'm going to go over there.
20:14Oh, right.
20:15Oh, this is nice.
20:16Stevie, you could go over there.
20:17Yeah, all right.
20:17Yeah.
20:23This is nice.
20:25I like this.
20:26But also, let's do this.
20:28Yeah.
20:28OK.
20:29I'm so sorry to interrupt the children's midnight picnic.
20:34Is there any reason why they can't confer out loud?
20:36No, no, no.
20:37It would be much easier all round.
20:38But you do whatever you want.
20:39That is as cold.
20:41Are you whispering?
20:41I was going to.
20:43I was going to.
20:47It would be nice if we could hear this.
20:48Because it's a telly show.
20:54It's your fault for giving us this opportunity to do something we've never done before.
20:58Look at the ceiling.
21:00What's going to happen when we graduate?
21:10So you think you've been Matthew's double bluffing and that it is, in fact, heavy?
21:14Matthew's is the only one I think I'm not sure about.
21:17I feel like it was disgusting for Rosie.
21:19I feel like it was cold for Fatih.
21:22I might have something up.
21:23Can you sit down?
21:24It suspects me really.
21:26Sit down.
21:27Stop making your own rules up.
21:30We've got rules already.
21:32OK.
21:32Erm.
21:33What are your answers?
21:35Cold.
21:36Disgusting.
21:37Heavy.
21:38OK.
21:38Well, let's see.
21:39Here's the truth.
21:51What is it?
21:53It's vegan mayonnaise.
21:54Vegan mayonnaise.
21:56Delicious?
21:57No.
21:57All right.
21:58Three of the three.
22:00Nailed it.
22:00Very good.
22:06Really good.
22:07We're now going to see Jason and Stevie either lying or not lying.
22:12So watch closely.
22:14OK.
22:16Heavy.
22:17Heavy.
22:18Heavy.
22:18We want it as heavy as possible.
22:21OK.
22:22OK.
22:23OK.
22:33I made you some tea.
22:34Thank you so much.
22:35You're so relevant to the task.
22:36Oh.
22:42All right.
22:43OK.
22:44Cheers.
22:45Bottoms up.
22:51That's absolutely delicious.
22:53Oh.
22:54Really?
22:55Sure.
22:58That's quite good.
22:59That's quite good.
22:59That's quite good.
23:00That's quite good.
23:12That's not bad enough.
23:14Right.
23:14Team of three, what do you think?
23:15I think it's light and they thought the sound of the pebbles would make us think that they'd
23:20kept them in.
23:21I think it was really hot.
23:22I think it might be a talent that she's got where she's like, I can drink really hot stuff.
23:26And I think it was hot.
23:27I agree.
23:28I think it was cold like ours because the steam disappeared immediately.
23:31No, it still kept a little bit.
23:33I think they just did a better job of not having...
23:35LAUGHTER
23:37LAUGHTER
23:40APPLAUSE
23:42What?
23:43It was so sad.
23:45Yeah, I think...
23:46Like a thorn that had been scared.
23:48You did the thing as well.
23:49The little...
23:50LAUGHTER
23:53Sorry, the audible ice cubes, I think that's what...
23:57That's not your acting.
23:59LAUGHTER
24:00And I think it was delicious, but it hit the back of his throat and made him gag.
24:04Do you think?
24:05I think it was disgusting.
24:06I'd back yous whatever you said.
24:07I promise I won't kick off.
24:09LAUGHTER
24:10So we're going light, hot, delicious.
24:15If you fucking get this wrong.
24:18LAUGHTER
24:18This is what I was afraid of.
24:20Well, let's see how many of the three you got right.
24:22Oh, no.
24:23Here we go, guys.
24:25OK.
24:28Now, we've got to empty it.
24:30So, I just want to make sure there will be a cut here, right?
24:33LAUGHTER
24:34Yeah, yeah, OK.
24:35Please tell us, what was in the cup?
24:37Cold water.
24:39What was in the tube?
24:41Marmite.
24:42Peanut butter.
24:43Um, water.
24:45And...
24:45gravy pellets?
24:47Bisto.
24:48Oh.
24:48Bisto.
24:50LAUGHTER
24:51Really nice.
24:52It was fine.
24:53LAUGHTER
24:54Two out of three.
24:55Not for halfway.
24:57APPLAUSE
24:59Whoo!
25:01Well, has another part break come along quickly?
25:03Same drill.
25:04You do what you want.
25:05Me and Alex will do our thing.
25:08What?
25:09LAUGHTER
25:19Hello.
25:21Welcome back to Taskmaster Part Three.
25:23Good morning, darling.
25:24Now, we're going to see all of them lying or not lying about whether they've met the same famous person
25:30and whether I'm behind a shower curtain. Weird, isn't it? Good luck. Here we go.
25:35LAUGHTER
25:37LAUGHTER
25:38Welcome.
25:39Alex Horne is behind the curtain.
25:41LAUGHTER
25:41Please show them.
25:47Disgusting clipboard.
25:48Tadah!
25:53So, I met James B. My husband Chris is a comedian and he was doing the comedy...
25:59LAUGHTER
26:00LAUGHTER
26:02Where did you meet James B.?
26:04I met James B. at Old Trafford.
26:07That's a charity football match.
26:10LAUGHTER
26:10Yeah, I haven't met him.
26:11I'm not famous enough, sorry.
26:13She hasn't met James B.
26:13We've met James B.
26:14We've met James B.
26:15Nice guy.
26:16I've met some famous people...
26:17You've met loads of famous...
26:18Oh!
26:19I've met Tom Cruise.
26:20Oh, I've met Tom Cruise.
26:21No, you haven't.
26:21I tested for a Mission Impossible movie.
26:23LAUGHTER
26:23For, like, one of the computer guys.
26:25He was leaving as I was coming in and he was like, hello.
26:28I used to be a journalist, but he walked right past me,
26:30but he did go, how you doing?
26:31Yes!
26:32That's enough, isn't it?
26:33Tom Cruise.
26:33Tom Cruise!
26:34Mm-hmm.
26:36Interesting.
26:37I think maybe the team of three should do the guessing.
26:39Mm-hmm.
26:39And I don't want to influence you, but if you're behind the curtain
26:42for Jason and Stevie's attempt, I will pull my trousers and pants down.
26:47LAUGHTER
26:50That was very good.
26:51You make your own decision.
26:52I thought he might be behind the dummy that they were punching.
26:55That's what I thought.
26:56And that, I will come to regret that.
26:57Which is technically behind.
26:58LAUGHTER
27:00OK.
27:00And the famous person?
27:02I doubt it.
27:03I doubt it.
27:03Yeah, I doubt it.
27:04I've seen all of Mission's Impossibles.
27:06He ain't in it.
27:07OK.
27:08That's a lie.
27:09So, it's a lie.
27:09One or both of them.
27:11So, we're saying no to the famous person, yes to me
27:13being behind the shower.
27:14Yes.
27:15All right.
27:15Team of two, what do you think?
27:17Now, who is it that you guys are saying you've met?
27:19I don't know him either.
27:21The singer James Bale.
27:22Oh, James Bale.
27:22Possibly they've met him because he seems very accessible.
27:25He's not Tom Cruise, is he?
27:26He's not Tom Cruise, is he?
27:26No offence to James Bale.
27:28Oh, I'm sorry.
27:29He's really...
27:29He's really famous.
27:31He's genuinely really famous.
27:32He's from Hitchin.
27:33Oh, in that case, I mean, in that case, they're definitely not bluffing
27:37because that's huge.
27:38LAUGHTER
27:40Let's say it.
27:40I think they met him.
27:41And then, is Alex behind the thing?
27:43Oh.
27:43They took the clipboard out?
27:44Well, I think they balanced the clipboard on a mannequin.
27:47And then did that.
27:48All right.
27:49So, let's find out if they were telling the truth.
27:51Oh.
27:52Hello, team.
27:52Hello.
27:53Please raise your hands if you've met James Bale.
28:00Have you met Tom Cruise?
28:02No.
28:04APPLAUSE
28:12Ho-ho!
28:14Yes!
28:19So, do some summaries.
28:21Well, not before you take your trousers and pants down.
28:24LAUGHTER
28:29I am a man of my word, and I told you you would all get an
28:34opportunity to see me take my trousers and pants down,
28:36but I didn't say when or where.
28:38LAUGHTER
28:39I'm going to meet you all individually.
28:42Individually?
28:43That's the time and place of my choosing.
28:45LAUGHTER
28:45We're all looking forward to that.
28:46But that final round really changed things.
28:48It turned out that the team of three ended up getting four
28:50out of the five right.
28:51The team of two only got three out of the five right.
28:53So, the team of three get five points.
28:55It's up to you.
28:56How many do the team of two get?
28:57We should give them three points.
28:58Three to the team of two.
28:59Five to the team of three!
29:00APPLAUSE
29:04Very good. What's next, please?
29:05We're going to have a glorious yet infuriating lightbulb moment.
29:21Hello.
29:23Lovely smile.
29:25You too.
29:26Oh!
29:28Oh!
29:28Oh!
29:29Oh!
29:30Oh!
29:32Oh!
29:34Oh!
29:37Tell Alex why the lightbulb turns on.
29:42LAUGHTER
29:43You may not touch or tamper with the lightbulb.
29:48Fastest correct answer wins.
29:51Your time starts now.
29:53I don't understand what that means.
29:57So, I need to...
30:00APPLAUSE
30:06I don't know how the lightbulb turns on, but Rosie was certainly having a good time.
30:10LAUGHTER
30:11Let's see some stuff.
30:12Yes, it's not how it turns on, it's why it turns on.
30:14And first to go, it's Rosie Ramsey and Matty Batty.
30:18LAUGHTER
30:19LAUGHTER
30:23No.
30:27Ooh.
30:30How did this turn on?
30:34The speed of light.
30:37Is it when I talk?
30:39No.
30:40When I...
30:41Smile?
30:42No.
30:42No.
30:45When I look at it, do you turn it on when I...
30:50I don't...
30:50Oh!
30:54Oh, there's another...
31:00Fastest wins, remember.
31:02Right.
31:03Oh, my...
31:04Oh, my word.
31:04Right.
31:05Read this out loud and in full.
31:06If you fail to read this out loud and in full, you will fail the current task.
31:12Cough.
31:14Dear Rosie, congratulations.
31:16You have looked under the table and found this.
31:18A letter just for you.
31:19This is bullshit.
31:20This is gonna be bullshit.
31:21You didn't have such curious instincts.
31:23You wouldn't now be reading this personal note.
31:26No, this is bullshit.
31:27I think you are funny.
31:28I like your hair.
31:30In almost every drawer, on almost every shelf, beneath almost every stone...
31:34I've always thought you're the sort of person who would look under the table.
31:38The truth is our taskmaster is not just about the taskmaster.
31:41You're a humble person.
31:43They don't have too powerful.
31:44Like, you discover there's a little box inside your mouth.
31:47It's about opening that box.
31:50OK, then.
31:51I'd better go now.
31:52Well done again on finding this valuable paper.
31:55OK, carry on.
31:56Yours, Greg.
31:57That's...
31:58That's...
31:59That's not anything, is it?
32:00I don't think that means anything.
32:01Right, yeah, you've got to tell me why the lightbulb turned off.
32:05What's this?
32:05Plus two, plus two, plus two.
32:09It's facial expressions.
32:15It's extraordinary.
32:21I've got to cry.
32:22Can you cry on cue?
32:23Probably.
32:24It's worth a try.
32:27LAUGHTER
32:30I did.
32:31Yeah?
32:32Oh, dear.
32:37Oh, yeah.
32:41It's not crying, is it?
32:43No.
32:43Oh, my God.
32:44You want to smile?
32:46You mentioned my smile when I came in.
32:48Something to do with facial expressions.
32:51Two times.
32:53Is it smiling?
32:54And then being sad.
32:56And then smile.
32:57And then being sad.
33:01Two seconds after I smile.
33:03I've stopped the clock.
33:04When I smile, and then I go sad,
33:06two seconds later, it goes on.
33:09I'm going to stop the clock.
33:12APPLAUSE
33:18This should be a jolly task,
33:19but there were moments of great sadness there, won't there?
33:22Rosie crying.
33:23Matthew appeared to have some sort of existential crisis.
33:26LAUGHTER
33:26It's nice to have a task that fractures your relationship
33:29with the concept of smiling.
33:32LAUGHTER
33:34Exactly what we hoped for.
33:35Rosie thought it might be smiling very early on
33:37and then moved on very quickly,
33:38but you got it in the end in 16 minutes 54.
33:40Matthew, 13 minutes 54.
33:4213?
33:4313, yeah.
33:44Wow, it felt like a lot longer.
33:48Right.
33:48Soon, someone will be taking home a liar and a fanny,
33:53which reminds me of a date with my ex.
33:55LAUGHTER
33:56As in...
33:57..she was dishonest and her name was Fungita.
34:06APPLAUSE
34:08APPLAUSE
34:11Hello!
34:12Here we go.
34:13It's the final part of the show
34:14and there's a really annoying tusk in play.
34:17They're the best ones.
34:18And now it's Jason and Stevie's turn to work out
34:21what's turning the lightbulb on.
34:23All right.
34:24Let's see.
34:25I'm going to try...
34:30It's when I tip to the right.
34:32It's not.
34:34I've got raisins in this little hole.
34:37Can't imagine this is what I'm meant to do,
34:38but there is something oddly satisfying about it.
34:41No, you look happy.
34:42I appreciate it.
34:44LAUGHTER
34:45You're looking at me as a red herring.
34:49LAUGHTER
34:50Plus two.
34:51Plus two.
34:52Hmm.
34:53I'll do two raisins.
34:55I...
34:55Oh, boy.
34:57That only tells me I'm on the right path.
35:03Is it every time I look at the ball?
35:10LAUGHTER
35:14Oh, I hate it.
35:20You haven't put the ball on for eight...
35:22What?!
35:26LAUGHTER
35:33If you've turned that ball on...
35:36LAUGHTER
35:40Is that you?
35:41No.
35:42OK.
35:43Looks like you.
35:44Is it when I make this space?
35:49Nope.
35:51Fuck off!
35:55Speed of light, question mark miles, divided by two seconds.
35:59What do you want me to do with that information?
36:01Like, what?
36:02Speed of light?
36:04So that is relevant.
36:05Oh, is it?
36:06This clue is relevant to the goddamn task?
36:10Shocking.
36:11It's almost like he's asking me how many miles...
36:16smiles...
36:16smiles per two seconds.
36:19So I go off two seconds after I put raisins in the little hole?
36:22Here we go!
36:24I mean...
36:25No.
36:26No.
36:27Oh, wait a minute!
36:29Oh, no!
36:30Oh, no!
36:31Oh, no!
36:33Oh, no!
36:34Oh, no!
36:34Oh, no!
36:36Does it go after?
36:37Two seconds after I'm angry.
36:38Two seconds after I've laughed.
36:40After I say, OK.
36:41Two seconds after I'm thinking.
36:44It's everything in my power right now to not flip this table.
36:48You're honest.
36:48Is it two seconds after I stop smiling?
36:52Can you try it out?
36:56Ah!
36:57Ah!
36:58Yes!
37:02The light goes on two seconds after I stop smiling.
37:06I've stopped the clock, but I need you to go now because I need to take that box apart because
37:09it's full of raisins.
37:10You know what?
37:11Put some water in.
37:12You'll have grapes.
37:15APPLAUSE
37:20I don't think so far we've seen you quite as crazed during a task.
37:24I think it really got to you, right?
37:26Yeah, that was the angriest I was.
37:27But what a celebration.
37:30Jason?
37:31Yes, Greg?
37:31I thought it was quite clever.
37:33On the first attempt of popping raisins into the little hole...
37:36Yeah.
37:36I was less convinced of your intelligence by the third time you started.
37:41I'm not going to lie.
37:42They cut many times out.
37:44Yeah, yeah.
37:45Do you want to tell us how they did?
37:47Yes, Stevie.
37:47You were 28 minutes.
37:49Oh, my God.
37:49Jesus Christ.
37:51That's why I was so upset.
37:52What about old raisin popper?
37:5552.
37:5652 minutes.
38:03We had a six-minute debate about whether it's math or maths.
38:06Can you cut it?
38:08We had to cut it, Jason.
38:11Now, this'll be interesting.
38:12Can the angriest Taskmaster contestant of all time...
38:16Can she even smile?
38:18We don't know.
38:20We don't know.
38:22You're quite right, Greg.
38:23It's time for fabulous fattier final.
38:26What's this?
38:27Can I use these?
38:28Ooh.
38:31What happened?
38:36Is it when I smile?
38:44Do you remember we used to do that in school?
38:46That's a fake smile.
38:47Do you remember that?
38:48We didn't go to the same school.
38:49No!
38:51Oh, hell no.
38:53OK, wait.
38:54This says, yeah.
38:55Two plus smiles.
38:57Oh, is it got to do with time?
38:59I got it!
39:00I got it, honey!
39:02OK.
39:02I smile.
39:03Two-second break, and then it comes on.
39:05Don't see.
39:06OK.
39:08Smile.
39:09One, two, light comes on.
39:11Got it?
39:12You got it.
39:15Somebody call the vet, because these swans are sick.
39:18They're sick.
39:19APPLAUSE
39:23Did you make someone call a vet because these swans are sick?
39:26No, ma.
39:26The swans aren't actually sick.
39:28And if they were...
39:28Well, they're not really swans, are they?
39:29But also, it's not the vet you call for.
39:31They've got this domestic stuff.
39:33Yeah.
39:33What you actually should say, someone call whoever's responsible for the swan community.
39:39LAUGHTER
39:40That's directly linked to the royal family, because these swans are sick.
39:43And not many people are qualified to deal with it.
39:47Give me some times.
39:48Well, obviously, Jason gets one point for his nearly an hour.
39:51Stevie, two points, nearly half an hour.
39:53Rosie, three points for your 16 minutes.
39:55Matt, four points for 13 minutes.
39:57Fatia, seven minutes, five points.
39:59There we go.
39:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:06You've seen some scores.
40:08Fatia, you are now in second place, just two points behind Rosie,
40:11who's on 17 points.
40:13Wow.
40:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:19OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
40:31Hi there, baby boy.
40:33Hello.
40:37Who's going to read the task out?
40:38Fatia.
40:40Win a game of...
40:44..front ham.
40:45LAUGHTER
40:46One at a time, each person must discard three socks from the washing line
40:51and add one.
40:52If all your coloured socks are removed, you are eliminated.
40:57Last player standing wins the game of front ham.
41:01We all know front ham, so it's a traditional game.
41:04You may not be aware of it, Jason, but the others will be.
41:08LAUGHTER
41:09In your black socks, you've got a secret sock.
41:11That is your colour.
41:13Don't let anyone else see the colour of your sock.
41:15The aim of front ham, as we all know, is to leave your coloured sock
41:18standing on the washing line.
41:21So, on your go, you're going to go first, Fatia.
41:22You can remove three socks, any socks,
41:24and then you've got to put one sock on from your bucket.
41:28As soon as your colour disappears, you're out.
41:29It's front ham. I mean, I don't know why I'm...
41:32LAUGHTER
41:33This is sock chest. This is... Yeah.
41:35This is cerebral.
41:36So, why don't you all have a look, secretly,
41:38inside your secret sock.
41:40Remember your colour, don't reveal it,
41:41cos there's a lot of tactics involved in this.
41:43As always, we go right to left.
41:45That's you first, Fatia, so you can remove three socks.
41:48I'm going to be tactical here.
41:50I have to be. I'm so sorry.
41:54Oh, my God. If you... Yeah.
41:57And now what? Pick one and put it on.
41:59Absolutely. Just bring it back to its folk, Mr Friends.
42:02Yeah.
42:03I wonder what your secret sock colour is.
42:06You don't know, it could be a double bluff.
42:08That's front ham.
42:10Jason's up now.
42:10He could eliminate orange from the game.
42:12I mean, he'd be a fucking psycho if he did, let's see.
42:17Ooh. Ooh.
42:18Oh, wow. Oh, my God, he's mixing his colours.
42:20These Americans are so flash.
42:22So, green is back to normal now.
42:24OK.
42:25Perilous for orange, but he's still got to put one back on.
42:27Oh, my God.
42:29Matthew, that's front ham.
42:31Oh, my gosh.
42:32Oh, Jesus.
42:33Oh, my God.
42:34Don't reveal your orange yet.
42:35Don't reveal your orange yet.
42:36You pig.
42:37Again, don't reveal if you're orange yet.
42:41Not even a clue, Rosie, if possible.
42:43Mmm.
42:44OK.
42:44Oh.
42:45Back to the half dozen yellows.
42:47So, would you like the orange to reveal themselves?
42:49Do I need to?
42:51Ask them?
42:52It's me.
42:52Oh.
42:54Oh.
42:54So cute.
42:58Rosie, a master of deception.
43:00Let's front ham.
43:01OK.
43:02This is tricky.
43:03OK.
43:03It's a full board at the moment.
43:07Oh.
43:08Lovely.
43:10I'm in red.
43:11Yeah.
43:12Oh, I've got to put one up, don't I?
43:14She takes a blue off.
43:15She puts a blue back on.
43:18Psychological.
43:19LAUGHTER
43:24For a second, I thought it was a masterful game of psychological warfare,
43:29but she just forgot she took the blue off.
43:32Fatia, back to you, I believe.
43:34Oh, one.
43:35There's an aggression here.
43:36Two.
43:36Oh.
43:38Oh, Christ.
43:41Red's back up to full strength, Greg.
43:43I've not seen that for a few years.
43:44LAUGHTER
43:47Lovely.
43:49Oh, my God.
43:50That's great.
43:52Oh.
43:54Cautious.
43:55So, Matthew, the door is open on blues.
43:57If you want to eliminate blues, that means you do go up on the leaderboard.
44:02Greg, remind me, why wouldn't he go for blue at this stage?
44:06Matthew's his own man.
44:07We've seen this in previous tournaments.
44:09Interesting.
44:12And then one back on.
44:13Is it another blue back on?
44:15No.
44:15Oh, it is.
44:17LAUGHTER
44:18Wow.
44:19Works for Rosie.
44:21Is it the end?
44:23Yes!
44:24APPLAUSE
44:29We've lost Green, but let's see who she puts up.
44:32Even Stephens.
44:33She's taken two people to a full complement.
44:36Yeah.
44:36We've lost someone.
44:37Green?
44:38It's me.
44:39Oh!
44:40Jason Mantouka gets two points.
44:42Join the team, honey.
44:44Yeah, yeah.
44:46I know I'm going to have to do this, like, come on.
44:48Of course.
44:49You do a double blue, now I'm going to lose my goddamn mind.
44:52Oh, I've gone.
44:54So, this is it too.
44:55We might find out what colour she is.
44:58Mmm.
44:58Ooh.
44:59Might be checkmate.
45:01Oh.
45:02Oh.
45:04Oh, she's set up the ultimate head-to-head.
45:06Oh.
45:07Unbelievable.
45:08We've lost blue, finally.
45:09They clung on for a while.
45:10Blue step forward.
45:13LAUGHTER
45:15APPLAUSE
45:15And now we're winning.
45:18Rosie, it is your turn.
45:19You can't eliminate your opposition yet.
45:22Please step up to the line.
45:23North-South divide.
45:24LAUGHTER
45:28So, she's...
45:29And a rip.
45:30What would you do?
45:30She might be a rip.
45:32She might be a rip.
45:33If she was ripped.
45:34Yeah, but they both know who the other one is.
45:38LAUGHTER
45:40The numbers will go down.
45:42It will dwindle.
45:43It has to dwindle.
45:45LAUGHTER
45:47It's the only move.
45:48It's the only move.
45:48Oh, God.
45:49Sorry.
45:51Tricky for you now, Rose.
45:58She's lost three yellows.
46:00It's a desperate bit, though, because there's not a lot she can do.
46:03LAUGHTER
46:07She's staying brave.
46:08We've got a real situation.
46:10Yeah.
46:10At this stage, it's really whether or not Fatty remembers what colour her sock is.
46:14LAUGHTER
46:15All right, let's have it, Ralph.
46:17LAUGHTER
46:18And Will will last go.
46:20OK.
46:20She's won front-hand!
46:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:25Oh, listen, I'll update your final scores.
46:26Come down and join me!
46:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:34One of the greatest games of front-hand I've ever witnessed.
46:37I know.
46:37It has changed the scores.
46:39Very tight at the top, but with 21 points, the winner of this episode is Rosie Ramsey!
46:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:51Rosie Ramsey has won Fiend Starwood Ogle, your Oglin' End on the page!
46:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:19APPLAUSE
47:27And I'll see you next time.
Comments