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Taskmaster - S20E07 - Drier Than You Think Chalk [Full Movie] [Trending Drama]Full EP - Full
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00:01Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:12Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:33Hello there. I'm Greg Davies. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:37They say it's not the winning that counts, it's the taking part.
00:41And if you're a child watching the pre-Watershed version of this show,
00:44I'm here to tell you an uncomfortable truth.
00:47You're being told that because you're not good enough.
00:50That's the kit sorted. Now...
00:55Let's see if we can break some adults.
00:57Please welcome...
01:13And next to me, a man who secretly told me,
01:16and I really must distance myself from comments like this,
01:19that he thinks that women are like electric vehicles.
01:23Really good, as long as they're not in charge.
01:27He did a lot of times!
01:32Hello, everyone.
01:34How are you feeling?
01:35I'm feeling good, unfortunately. Lurgy!
01:37You've got the lurgy now. No returns. No returns.
01:40I've had that for two months.
01:42You've now got it? You can't get me.
01:44Oh, cheese touch, bad luck.
01:46Can't get me.
01:47You're now a social outcast.
01:50Cheese touch? Yeah, yeah.
01:52Oh, no, you've got loads of up-dog on your waistcoat.
01:55What's up-dog?
01:56Norm Marks, what about you?
02:02That has killed the atmosphere.
02:07What's the prize task?
02:08You've been very specific, yet incredibly vague with this one, Greg,
02:12as they've been asked to bring in the best thing you can either ride
02:16or rip.
02:18Yes.
02:19Ride or rip.
02:20Or is it both?
02:21That's up to Greg, my favourite host ever.
02:24The winner of the episode will take home all five things you can either ride
02:27or rip, or both maybe, which is pretty sick and gnarly,
02:30but that's quite enough for me.
02:31I'll see you all later.
02:32OK, Sanjeev.
02:33Hello.
02:34What have you brought me that I might like to ride?
02:36Or rip!
02:38I figured the most fun thing to ride would be Alex Horne.
02:46According to the internet, I agree.
02:48Yeah.
02:49I have brought something which will allow you to be able to manoeuvre him.
02:54Oh!
02:58Perfectly fits Alex Horne's head.
03:01Lovely.
03:02And obviously you've got rear-view mirrors so you can see
03:04what's coming up behind you.
03:05Yeah.
03:06And you've got a bell to warn people that your Alex Horne's coming.
03:15And I mean that in a pre-Watershed way.
03:18So anyone can ride me, can they, with this device?
03:21You could be on all fours and somebody can be sitting on your back
03:23and they've got your head.
03:25Oh, yeah.
03:26Also sitting on your shoulders like that.
03:28Oh, and leaning down.
03:29Yeah.
03:29Oh, like a penny farthing, I think.
03:31Like a penny farthing.
03:34Phil.
03:35Right, so this is something that you are ripping and riding
03:41at the same time.
03:42Hello.
03:43If you'd like to show.
03:43Here it is.
03:44Check this out.
03:47So you're ripping off a very famous Monty Python joke.
03:51And you're riding an imaginary, could be a pony, could be a horse.
03:55Could be a camel.
03:56Could be.
03:56Depends what mood you're in.
03:57And I've put a nice little ribbon on it so you can wear it round
04:00like mittens through your coat.
04:04Because if you lose one, you're just a madman waving around
04:08half a coconut.
04:09Yeah.
04:09On the M1.
04:10When you're on the M1, you've got two.
04:12Yeah, yeah.
04:12Great.
04:13They go, oh, don't beat the horn here.
04:15It'll startle her.
04:17I like it.
04:18Maisie.
04:19I've gone all ride on this one.
04:21I'm hoping it will please you, Greg.
04:24It's even been mentioned so far.
04:26It's a personalised Greg Davies...
04:30Oh, yeah.
04:32..honey-four thing.
04:34APPLAUSE
04:36It's pretty good.
04:37Yeah.
04:37It's pretty amazing.
04:39It is going to be a struggle for you to get in that seat,
04:42but, my God, it will feel brilliant.
04:45Once you're in, you're in, aren't you?
04:46Once you're in, you're in.
04:47Famously.
04:48I always say.
04:49Yeah.
04:50Oh, these are all good.
04:51Someone's going to mess up, aren't they?
04:53Rhys?
04:56Well, I've gone ride and rip,
04:59and in the 70s, we used to have daredevils.
05:02You don't get them anymore,
05:03but there was one very famous daredevil,
05:05Evil Knievel.
05:05Evil Knievel.
05:06And I had the Evil Knievel toy.
05:09Can I say it's my favourite ever toy?
05:11Amazing.
05:12Well, it's that, because you get the opportunity
05:14to sort of ride like evil,
05:17and the rip cord is the rip of the ride.
05:20There's a picture here of it.
05:22There we go.
05:22There he is.
05:23There he is.
05:23Rip cord racer.
05:25I remembered the rip.
05:26Here we go.
05:26There he is.
05:27And then, yep, he goes, he's off.
05:29And there is a...
05:33There is also another rip,
05:35because evil never made it.
05:39And he didn't actually die.
05:41It's a lovely double rip.
05:43Oh, that saved him.
05:45Up to that point, he just bought in a toy.
05:47That little joke saved him.
05:49Anya?
05:50I've brought in something that I've designed.
05:53It's based on my feeling that when I travel,
05:57have quite a weak bladder.
05:59Yeah.
05:59So I've designed something that should smoothen that situation.
06:03Smoothen.
06:03Smoothen me.
06:05LAUGHTER
06:11This is Anya demonstrating it.
06:14LAUGHTER
06:16And she is using it in both functions during that clip.
06:21Yeah.
06:21Let's say if on Monday I wanted to go to the Chelsea Flower Show.
06:25LAUGHTER
06:26You don't...
06:27You think they'd be fine with me riding this road?
06:30Yeah, 100%.
06:30Just dropping turds on the floor.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:33I think so.
06:34That's good for the soil, isn't it?
06:36They'd be welcoming you inside.
06:38They'd be going,
06:39Over here, our garden.
06:40The peace garden.
06:41The peace garden.
06:43The peace garden.
06:44LAUGHTER
06:45Quit.
06:46Feed him.
06:47LAUGHTER
06:49Can I say one more thing?
06:51It cost me four figures.
06:53LAUGHTER
06:53You had to pay over £1,000 for it?
06:57Yeah.
06:58Oh, my God, it'd be so funny if I gave you just one point.
07:02Greg, please, I'm begging you.
07:03If you do that, I will break.
07:05OK, you've seen all five?
07:06Yeah.
07:07It's hard to separate.
07:08I think they're all pretty good.
07:09I mean, Reece's is the worst,
07:11but then he saved it with that joke.
07:13Well, I'm not going to give you one.
07:14Oh.
07:15OK.
07:15Cos I liked it.
07:17I'm going to give him two points.
07:18But you are last, Reece.
07:19Yeah, apparently.
07:21Two lovely points, followed by three lovely points.
07:25Coconuts.
07:26Four points.
07:27The Penny Farthing.
07:28But third place.
07:29The third place?
07:30Yeah.
07:30No.
07:31Yeah.
07:31Second place.
07:32Joint first place.
07:33Are you kidding me?
07:34No offence, Sanjeev.
07:35This is a hat!
07:37Yeah, I loved it.
07:38So, it's four points to maybe, five points to Sanjeev and Anya.
07:41There you go.
07:42There we go.
07:43Well done.
07:44APPLAUSE
07:47I've got to be honest, I don't think I scored that very well.
07:50Right.
07:51Let's start with a team joke.
07:53OK, OK, OK.
07:54Yes, of course.
07:55But be warned, I have word from security that there's trouble going down at the Taskmaster Museum.
08:00Oh!
08:09Start from...
08:11Check.
08:16Pressure pad.
08:18Check.
08:19Statue in place.
08:22Hot room clear.
08:29Oh, God.
08:30Rhys.
08:31What's this?
08:32Are we safe?
08:32Don't know.
08:35Oh, there's a lot to take in here.
08:38What's this?
08:39Oh, God.
08:40Floor plans.
08:41Are we doing a heist?
08:42Oh, God.
08:44Where's Alex?
08:45Where is Alex?
08:46Oh, this is horrible.
08:48Look.
08:48It's the house.
08:49Steal the statue of Archimedes.
08:53Steal the statue of Archimedes.
08:55You have 15 minutes of observation and preparation in the van.
09:00Then 15 minutes to carry out your heist.
09:03Most sophisticated, successful heist wins.
09:06Your time starts now.
09:09So, we are going to have to steal that.
09:13Right.
09:14Where is that?
09:19Is that Alex?
09:20Oh, look.
09:21He's a policeman.
09:22He's got important codes.
09:23He's got important codes.
09:24Okay.
09:24Let's check out his roots.
09:25So, his root is he comes out of the house.
09:30We don't have that long, guys.
09:33Staff room.
09:34Tour alarm check.
09:35There was three beeps of two after alarm check.
09:38Shed.
09:38Check.
09:39Clear.
09:40Right, we need to get to the tour shed.
09:42Statue room.
09:44Pressure mat alarm check.
09:46Good.
09:47Good to know.
09:48Pressure pad.
09:49Yeah.
09:49Don't step on that.
09:52Functioning.
09:53Statue in place.
09:55301022, it said.
09:57301022.
09:58Excellent work.
10:04All right, he's taking his jacket off to go to the toilet.
10:06If he does a routine wee, that's the time to get the jacket and the keys.
10:10Yeah.
10:10With it round his neck.
10:12Ooh.
10:12Ooh.
10:14Oh, my God.
10:15He's not well.
10:22So, now he's in the lung.
10:27Oh, look, he's not weeing again.
10:29Two minutes.
10:30He wees every two minutes.
10:32This is such good info.
10:33Yeah, there's the key.
10:34Look, there's the key.
10:35So, they're in his top left pocket.
10:37Is there a way of keeping him in the toilet?
10:39But is there something we can wedge against it?
10:41Yeah.
10:42Let's kill him.
10:50I mean, I was genuinely drawn into the drama of it up until that point.
10:54I'm quite excited about this.
10:56Yeah.
10:56It's very dramatic.
10:57Who are we going to see first?
10:59Well, first to plot and then partake in a heist are your stereotypical gangsters,
11:03Anya, Philip and Sanjeev.
11:05The plan is go to the tool shed.
11:08Or should two of us just run in and grab as much stuff as we think is useful?
11:11Mm-hmm.
11:14Where is he?
11:15Where is he?
11:15He's there.
11:16301.
11:17Go, guys.
11:18Go.
11:18See what you can find.
11:24Hey, how's it going?
11:25Yeah.
11:25Huge wire cutter.
11:27Getting a net.
11:29Oh, yeah.
11:30Getting a net.
11:31Let's just trap him and kill him.
11:32I keep telling you.
11:34What?
11:35Where's Sanjeev?
11:37Oh, shit.
11:38Sanjeev.
11:38Oh, shit.
11:39Oh, shit.
11:40Oh, shit.
11:41Oh, shit.
11:41Right, right, right.
11:46Okay.
11:51What's this?
11:52You bet it wasn't there.
11:54That's what it was!
11:55Okay.
11:56The statue has a weight sensor.
11:57Maybe that could replace it.
11:59Right.
12:00I'm just going to have a quick look in the shed.
12:03statue in place is he about to go to the news soon
12:20we've got keys
12:38Sanjeev are you there he's out of the loop interesting he's heading to the camera
12:42feed room you need to hide from the cameras now hide from the cameras who's that you're
12:48too big on the camera he's in the camera room did you say I'm gonna go and
12:52investigate he's heading out the front door all the cameras have gone off what's
13:23there gone hi hello sir no you shouldn't be here after the museum is shut what is your
13:27name pip yeah you said I have a single out where you from the nineties right
13:31go to the car park thank you yeah no I do apologize about that
13:45I've got it I've got it I've got it
13:51oh what is that I need someone to figure out where he is that I can get back I've got
13:58the
13:58statue oh yeah I'm going to distract him because he can only send you back here hello just sent
14:04Phil to distract him so we've got no cameras at all sorry me again what time do you open tomorrow
14:11you should be open at half eight oh if you wouldn't mind leaving the premises
14:17how is a pleasure it's been great so we are shot at the moment thank you
14:21no I do apologize no all right thanks mate I've only got seven minutes left
14:24that's a shame statue room pressure pad check
14:36that was an acting I hadn't seen any of the footage because he tore the wires out of the security
14:58which means we didn't even record the security footage after that because we
15:01weren't expecting anyone to rip the wires so all that footage is gone and I couldn't believe the
15:06statue'd gone yeah you sort of came good at the end up until that point I don't think it's
15:10unfair to say you might be the weak link you remember the code well done I loved finding an object
15:20to
15:20replace the weight of the statue it was all going to plan and then we had a northern
15:25man dressed dressed as the 70s pimp attempt to lock him in the toilet and then you became a
15:35maintenance man called Pip you gave a fake name Pip which is short for your name Phil I think every
15:43time we've done a team task and I say this was so much love oh thanks but we've been doing
15:49one the
15:50actual task and then the second task of wrangling Phil we've reached the end of the first part of
15:58our first heist another lesson for you youngsters out there if you haven't got the things you like
16:03steal them see you in a bit
16:13Hello welcome back to Taskmaster it's part two and our cast are planning and participating in heists at Taskmaster Museum
16:21fortunately for them the security guard is this goon
16:27yes they're trying to steal the statue of Archimedes and there's just one crime duo left to go chill out
16:33Cray twins it's time for Reese Fearsmith and Maisie doesn't give a damn
16:40important codes we need to get that off him then he needs a way he puts it down he puts
16:45it down good
16:46right should I just go in now and he's in the loop go now can you if you can hear
16:53me I think he's coming
16:54out oh Jesus he's got it quickly get in he had this code 301 022 great well now it makes
17:04me think that
17:05it's it's it's not a key it's it's not okay it's codes that are on that
17:09checking security cameras is he going in the lab yeah he'll be in the lab shall I go now 301
17:16022
17:18any trouble good oh hang on a minute someone out there there's an umbrella oh God Reese
17:39excuse me sir hi we're shut I'm afraid I'm sorry about that I went wrong that's the car which way
17:46around is it this way sir Jesus Christ it's not a code it's a lock with a number four on
17:54it
17:57I'm going to have a lock now shall I hang on there's someone on this camera right off we go
18:05again
18:09oh yeah he's seen it spotted it
18:15hello yeah I just saw you on the camera you did I didn't know which way around I'm meant to
18:19be going
18:20I'll send you back to the car park sorry all right what's your name uh Lindsey start for an alarm
18:26check oh come on you know he said he saw me on the camera do you know what we do
18:31what we run in
18:32and we just grab that whole box and run out with it you reckon when he's in the loo now
18:37yeah yeah
18:59we need to make it at least appear sophisticated to leave him a little note yeah thank you for the
19:05free gift
19:09we're going we're going we're going well first things first successful yep sophisticated yeah tell
19:26me about the see-through umbrella disguise I tell you what happened we didn't our walkie-talkies didn't work
19:32they didn't work which is why I had to resort to other modes of communication what a warning
19:39well it needed to attract Reese's attention but but blend in with the atmosphere I know in a sophisticated way
20:00both successful yes I think the team of three were more sophisticated five points to the team of three
20:09feels like three is fair I've written off what you have in your mind is fair you did
20:22both very entertaining the scoreboard please yes well Sanjeev we know has not won an episode yet
20:27but he's joint in the lead with Anya on 10 points oh yes please and it's that time in the
20:39series when we
20:57get grim good evening Alex I know they'll never have let me out of here while I'm alive quick pro
21:03quo I tell
21:04your things yourself you'll tell me things hi Chris Eubank sorry Chris Eubank yeah who was it supposed to be
21:12it was Hannibal Lecter oh was it oh lovely lovely you look ready glad it looks that way this is
21:19wet yeah
21:20that's my fault dribble a technicolor picture of your hero your technical a picture must only be made
21:30from things that have traveled directly from your mouth to the tray through the air and cannot be
21:36tampered with post dribble best technicolor dribble picture wins you have 15 minutes your time starts
21:44now are the colors available so may leave the room okay may not be coming back right
21:53just so you know
21:59you looking forward to it Chris Eubank
22:05can you do a Chris Eubank just for record yes of course I can
22:13let's back on okay first to demonstrate their committal to spittle are Anya Sanjeev and Reese
22:19Shearspit so we've got some items here it's not many different colors it's hard to find colors
22:26anyway do you want should I tell you afterwards who it is up to you I have some supplies yes
22:32it must
22:32be technicolor so this is good an artist prepares sorry I forgot the rules
22:45excellent I'm gonna draw dribble dribble William Shakespeare in that in there then what's the liquid is coffee okay
23:18I had a question I need to go to the loo does that come out of my time would you
23:24pause it it comes out of your time Sanjeev
23:27it's not right it's not right
23:37welcome back thank you very much seven minutes now
23:52very accurate thank you you've got to be bold
23:59thank you
24:04thank you
24:27thank you
24:27thank you
24:27thank you
24:37whoever else play
24:38and we couldn't sometimes you don't know when to stop I think I'm gonna stop yeah okay that's it done
24:49APPLAUSE
24:49What I initially wrote down was that Anya was quite sort of
24:54traditionally ladylike in the way that she dribbled the picture
24:57until suddenly you turned into the exorcist.
25:02You achieved a 30-second dribble.
25:04A constant half-minute stream.
25:07I'm not sure that's something to be proud of.
25:09I thought Sanji was nicely controlled.
25:12He was in the toilet for most of the attempt.
25:14I mean, honestly, though, Rhys, you...
25:17For most of it, you look like someone in Watford High Street
25:20on a Saturday night.
25:22Honking up.
25:23I expected you to go,
25:24Get my brother!
25:28I think it's because of what the colour was.
25:31The choice of colour did not help the overall image.
25:34OK, let's start with Shakespeare.
25:36Let's.
25:37Everyone's hero, really.
25:38This is Anya's take on William Shakespeare.
25:42LAUGHTER
25:46So let's focus on the rough.
25:48Yeah, the rough is excellent.
25:49The rough is there.
25:50I did actually make a note.
25:51I was surprised by how much the squirty cream looked like a rough
25:54when it was going on.
25:55It's good, isn't it?
25:56And then, so that's his pen, his quill, the red at the bottom.
26:00I mean, honest to God, it's rubbish.
26:03And then the orange is like, because it was in medieval times,
26:07that's like the air looked like that.
26:11Pollution, because they didn't have air conditioning.
26:13Because of the smog.
26:14Oh, yeah.
26:15Oh, no, it is good.
26:18Sorry, sorry.
26:19Because this is bugging me slightly.
26:22Yeah.
26:22It was in the late 1600s.
26:25Yeah.
26:25It was pre-smog.
26:27They didn't have factories.
26:30LAUGHTER
26:31Ooh.
26:33Someone doesn't know about the Industrial Revolution.
26:36Yeah, who's next?
26:37Well, see if you can work out who Sanjeev's hero is.
26:40Oh, my God.
26:42Who?
26:42You're back in the game.
26:45Well, I mean, obviously I'm not going to be able to guess it.
26:47You'll kick yourself.
26:48It's Gene Wilder.
26:50LAUGHTER
26:55It's the smile.
26:56The smile gives it away.
26:58You can see it now.
26:59The smile knows.
26:59Oh, God.
26:59Once you start looking at it, you see Gene Wilder.
27:01There's Wonka.
27:02Yeah.
27:03And he's got that trademark factory smog around the edge.
27:07Who's next?
27:08Well, we have a recognised artist here.
27:11Rhys Shearsmith has done this person.
27:13Can you work out who this is?
27:13Here we go.
27:14Wow.
27:15Oh.
27:16That's great.
27:17Who's the old actor Rhys keeps mentioning?
27:21Matt Boris Karloff?
27:22You're in the ballpark.
27:23You're in the right world.
27:24Is it Dracula?
27:25It is Dracula!
27:26It's Dracula!
27:27Whoa!
27:28It's Dracula.
27:30You're right, you only did need those two colours.
27:33That's in the corner.
27:34Yeah.
27:34The widow's peak, the moon as well is up there.
27:36Dark, foreboding atmosphere.
27:39Oh, the eyes.
27:40The eyes.
27:41The red burning eyes.
27:42That's so haunting.
27:43OK.
27:43It's time to pause and reflect on the horrors we've just seen.
27:46Make Grandad a cup of tea and wake him up.
27:49We've got dribbling covered.
27:57APPLAUSE
27:59Hello.
28:00Welcome to the start of part three.
28:03I'm afraid there's a drool-based art task which still needs completing.
28:07Yes, it's a horrible thing and I really, really enjoy it.
28:10We have double dribble to end with.
28:11It's Maisie and Phil.
28:14Wonderful.
28:14Right, well, you'll be surprised to know I'm not going to leave this room.
28:17I'm going to do it all from everything we've got right here.
28:20I'm only joking, that would be genuinely insane.
28:29Right.
28:39How do we feel about crayons?
28:41Oh.
28:41We're off.
28:46There he is!
28:48Oh, blue eyes himself!
28:52Drying his ink took.
29:03Drying his ink took.
29:05Oh!
29:09Can't be tampered with once it's fallen.
29:21Oh, you tit!
29:24Well, you've got two minutes now.
29:28Recognisable?
29:29Yeah.
29:30Spitting image.
29:31That's good.
29:34Spitting image.
29:35Yeah, I'll write that down.
29:39Now, that is pretty good.
29:46You're welcome.
29:50Thanks for your time.
29:51You well.
29:51I felt sick.
29:57Well, I quote Phil,
29:59I'm going to stay in the lab and just chew up the task.
30:01I'm only joking, that would be genuinely insane.
30:04LAUGHTER
30:04Were you all told you could leave the room?
30:07No.
30:08I did leave off my own accord, if I'm honest.
30:11Sounds like we had to go to the loo.
30:12Yeah.
30:14And that time wasn't taken off.
30:15I'm still kind of shocked at that.
30:17It means if I'd had a heart attack,
30:19at some point,
30:20when the paramedics were working on me,
30:22you would have said,
30:22Time's up!
30:24LAUGHTER
30:30So, yes, I guess,
30:32I presume people would think,
30:33well, I have to leave the room,
30:34because there was nothing in the room.
30:35Well, because I looked around
30:36at what I had available
30:38and thought, well, it must be the envelope.
30:40Did you eat the word technicolour first, you think?
30:43Shut up!
30:44LAUGHTER
30:46APPLAUSE
30:49Have a look at what this lady's done with her mouth.
30:51This is...
30:51LAUGHTER
30:52This is a technicolour picture of her hero.
30:55LAUGHTER
30:56Look at the tie.
30:57Yeah, there's a tie.
30:58Flash microphones.
30:59It's not as bad as I was expecting, to be fair.
31:01It's very much a face.
31:03And I've met Rod Stewart,
31:04and he looks almost exactly the same as that.
31:07LAUGHTER
31:07It's Rod Stewart.
31:08You're all right.
31:09APPLAUSE
31:12So, I haven't seen the picture yet.
31:14From the angle we've seen it at,
31:16it looks like madness.
31:19It's quite accurate.
31:20OK.
31:20There it is.
31:22LAUGHTER
31:23I remember it as a lot better than that.
31:26It's like scanners when the head blows up.
31:28LAUGHTER
31:29Is it Elvis?
31:30No.
31:31That's his gorgeous red hair.
31:33Hucknall.
31:34You know.
31:35Hucknall it is.
31:35It's Hucknall.
31:37It's Hucknall!
31:38APPLAUSE
31:42Let's put all five up, then.
31:44What a line-up that would be for Taskmaster Series 21, though.
31:48LAUGHTER
31:49Some of them have only got two colours,
31:51but I won't penalise that,
31:52because the main thing is the likeness.
31:55And on this occasion, I'm going to give Anya one point.
31:59I'm so sorry.
32:01I like the character, but he doesn't look like Gene Wilder.
32:05I'm going to give two points to Sanjeev.
32:07OK.
32:07Against all odds, I'm giving Rod Stewart three points.
32:10Even more against the odds, I'm giving Mick Hucknall,
32:12because there's an element of animation to it.
32:15Four points.
32:15And clearly, even though there are only two colours,
32:18Dracula is the superior painting.
32:20Five points to this.
32:21Five points to this, isn't it?
32:23APPLAUSE
32:24Yeah, it's cool, all right.
32:25Should we have another task?
32:26We shall.
32:27And just like Greg in his teaching days,
32:29this one involves me getting hammered at work.
32:31LAUGHTER
32:48Ooh, nice head tattoo.
32:50Thank you, Anya. In you go.
32:52Do I look about for the task, maybe?
32:54Yeah, if you want, sure.
32:56Nice.
32:57Is it in a thing?
33:00No.
33:01What is the task and where is it?
33:06Someone's rustling. Oh.
33:11Oh!
33:13Oh, it's there. God.
33:15Oh, hello.
33:16Oh.
33:17Do you like pantomimes?
33:18Why?
33:19So, er...
33:21Oh, yes, I do.
33:22Oh, yes, I do.
33:23Oh, no, you don't.
33:24Oh, yes, I do.
33:25Do you?
33:26Yes.
33:27This is like a really low-budget kids' show.
33:30Not low-budget.
33:31No, this is like a really high-budget kids' show.
33:33Sometimes it's behind you.
33:34It's behind you!
33:37That's the...
33:43Get exactly 63 points by bopping Alex on the head.
33:47You must shout a different type of food on each bop to register the bop.
33:52If you bop anyone other than Alex, five bops will be deducted from your total score.
33:57You must stay in the hutch.
33:59And the fastest wins.
34:00Your time starts on the whistle.
34:03Is one bop one point?
34:0563 points are on my head.
34:07There'll be other heads.
34:09So, if you get me one, that'll do it.
34:11Oh!
34:11Seems easy, then.
34:17Well, looks like we're off.
34:18This is pretty straightforward.
34:19Bop this, er...
34:20This clown on the head.
34:21Yep, bit of fun.
34:22Bit of fun.
34:23Let's go.
34:24Let's go.
34:24Let's see a marauding Maisie, a savage Sanjeev,
34:27and a rampaging Rhys bop till they drop.
34:30OK, so, I've got to try and bop your head and save foodstuffs.
34:34Oh, no, what are these?
34:36Oh, I see.
34:39Bread.
34:40Five points, that one.
34:41OK.
34:43Apples.
34:44One.
34:45Oh, right, OK.
34:49That's Greg.
34:50So, you've got minus ten.
34:51What?
34:52Oh, rice.
34:53Oh, ten points.
34:55Bread.
34:56Still minus ten.
34:57I got him!
34:59Minus ten.
35:00I got him.
35:01I can't register the bop.
35:02Minus ten.
35:04Now, listen, I can't register any of these bops.
35:06Why?
35:07All the information's on the task.
35:11Fuck!
35:12Chocolate sauce!
35:14Right.
35:15Pears.
35:17Pasta.
35:18Apples.
35:20Couscous.
35:20Lovely.
35:22An orange.
35:24Peanuts!
35:25Need a food.
35:27A...
35:28A...
35:29A...
35:30A...
35:31Lamb stew!
35:33Fishes!
35:34Fishes!
35:35Fishes!
35:36This is going to take great forever.
35:38Yeah, you're on 21 points.
35:39Oh, I've got my sauce!
35:41Er...
35:44You're using the guitar now.
35:46Lettuce.
35:48I thought there was something by your waist.
35:50What?
35:50Poo!
35:53That was a very creepy one.
35:55Oh.
35:57Can I bob that?
35:58That was a bob.
35:59Yeah, we didn't say a food.
36:00Oh!
36:02This is just annoying now.
36:03Ah!
36:04I've got my sauce!
36:06Broccoli!
36:07Carrot!
36:08Cotton-up squash!
36:09Big Mac!
36:11Chicken supreme wrap!
36:13Well, what's happened to his head?
36:15Oh!
36:16Erm...
36:17Lollipop.
36:20Pistachios!
36:21Oh!
36:21Oh!
36:22Oh!
36:22Oh!
36:24Yes, you got me.
36:25So now you're on plus 72.
36:27Yeah, you've gone over now.
36:28Ah!
36:29I see.
36:32Ah!
36:33Beef.
36:3449.
36:34Pork.
36:3559.
36:35Bacon.
36:3669.
36:37You've gone too many now.
36:37Now you need a few greggs.
36:39Er...
36:40Mashed potato.
36:41Er...
36:42Ziggy toffee pudding.
36:43Guts.
36:44Cheese tart.
36:4552.
36:46Beetroot.
36:4647.
36:47Portbelly.
36:49Right.
36:50Carrot cake.
36:51Apple turnovers.
36:52Right.
36:53Right.
36:53We're now on 59.
36:56Bananas.
36:58One of me that's worth one.
37:01Bindi.
37:02Onion barges.
37:03Tikka masala.
37:04Jalfrezi.
37:05Now stop the clock.
37:07Er...
37:08Cheese!
37:09Stop the clock.
37:12Aubergine!
37:13Got it.
37:14Woo!
37:14I've stopped the clock.
37:17Oh, God.
37:24Have you ever worked at a supermarket?
37:26I wrote down that run.
37:28Broccoli.
37:28Can I eat?
37:28Carrot.
37:29What a nut squash.
37:30Big Mac.
37:30Chicken supreme wrap.
37:33Chicken supreme wrap.
37:34It's really hard!
37:35It's...
37:36This task was so infuriating.
37:38Rhys was far more specialist.
37:40You were like a deli.
37:41There were only three things and they were shouted with such passion.
37:46FISHES!
37:49PISTACHIO.
37:49Aubergine.
37:50Yes.
37:50I mean, the others were just as classy.
37:52Sugar snap peas or something.
37:55Fascinating little runs from you.
37:57Lovely little concentrated runs.
37:59Not much action.
38:00Then all of a sudden, beef, pork, chicken.
38:02And then there was that lovely curry run at the end.
38:07Absolute poetry.
38:08I mean, runs and curry do go together.
38:12APPLAUSE
38:12It's good.
38:14All right, then.
38:15We're nearly there.
38:16In the final part of the show, someone will triumph and then travel home on a toilet,
38:20courtesy of Anya Magliano.
38:31Funeral.
38:31Welcome back to part four of Fastmaster.
38:33Yes, hello.
38:34And a special shout-out to any funeral directors watching today.
38:39Before the break, they were trying to get exactly 63 points by bopping Alex on the head.
38:44Let's see Anya and Phil and Mallets and me.
38:47I don't know what...
38:48I don't...
38:49I don't want to just bop you on the head.
38:51What?
38:51I don't think that is you.
38:53Bop...
38:53Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, kumquat.
38:55No, it's too sorry.
38:57Fish finger.
38:59Apple crumble.
39:01Pear crumble.
39:02Lovely.
39:03Chicken.
39:04No, you missed that.
39:05Chicken.
39:06Frangipan tart.
39:08If you get my head, that will give you a lot of points.
39:11But that's not your head.
39:12You're tricking me.
39:13That's Greg's head.
39:13That's correct.
39:15Chips.
39:15Oh.
39:17Macaroon.
39:18Why am I struggling?
39:20Wait a minute.
39:20There's another way.
39:21Dunno.
39:24Oh, look!
39:25Yes!
39:25Yes!
39:26Right.
39:29Ooh!
39:31Profit-a-roll.
39:32Lovely.
39:34Tiramisu!
39:3542.
39:36Never had it.
39:38Moussaka.
39:39Moussaka.
39:40Christmas pudding.
39:41Well, you've knocked the head off that now.
39:43I got it!
39:44You're on 62.
39:45You need one more point.
39:46One more.
39:47Then you're now on 58 points.
39:48OK.
39:50Poke bowl.
39:5163.
39:53Panic!
39:55And that's your time over.
39:56Yes!
39:58Ooh!
39:59There's a corner in this.
40:08Was it either of those shopping baskets that's more middle class than the other?
40:14Frangipan tart!
40:16Is that your go-to?
40:18I don't know what that is.
40:20Egg.
40:21Potatoes.
40:23Loved it.
40:23Although...
40:24Oh, man.
40:25The thing that got me is your first guess.
40:27There's a...
40:27I'm sure now a fairly offensive character called Porky Pig.
40:30Do you remember Porky Pig?
40:32Yeah.
40:32He had a bit of a speech impediment.
40:34And you did that at the beginning.
40:35You went...
40:36Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
40:37Kungquats!
40:41I've never had to say under pressure before.
40:43Well, should I do the timings?
40:44I do it, yeah.
40:45Do the timings.
40:46The quickest in 2 minutes 29 was Anya.
40:49Well done.
40:49That's five points for Anya.
40:51Lovely.
40:51Yeah.
40:53Then we go Phil, 4 minutes 44.
40:55Sanjee, 5.51.
40:56Maisie, 6.39.
40:58And far slower than everyone else.
40:59Rhys, 1 point.
41:008 minutes 45.
41:03Yeah.
41:04Let's have a look at some scores.
41:06Yes.
41:06Well, in the series, it's still tight.
41:0811 points separating all five of them.
41:10Ooh.
41:11I know.
41:11Like anyone could win the series?
41:13Anyone could win the series.
41:14Ah.
41:14In this particular episode, tight.
41:17Sanjeev, you're on 15.
41:18But Anya and Phil are in the lead with 16.
41:20Ooh!
41:22OK, everyone, will you please head to the stage
41:27for the final task of the show!
41:35Oh!
41:36Oh!
41:37Oh, did you see that?
41:38I did!
41:40Who will be reading the task?
41:42That one.
41:43Maisie Adam.
41:45Avoid the taskmaster's big ball.
41:48You must stand on the circle, but you must not step on any gold.
41:53You must be facing and staring at the taskmaster sign at all times.
41:58And after the taskmaster releases his big ball,
42:01you may each take one step.
42:03The first person touched by the taskmaster's big ball
42:07each round is eliminated.
42:10Last player standing wins.
42:12So, after he releases his ball, we're allowed one step.
42:15Yeah, one step each round.
42:18Can we get undressed?
42:19Is that you?
42:20No!
42:21A little, a little bit.
42:22Why do you want to get undressed?
42:24So that there's less, like, stuff to be touched.
42:26Oh, you think this is a game of millimetres, do you?
42:31Sure.
42:32Alex, please take the contestants to the ball zone.
42:37This way, please.
42:39This way.
42:46You can take any spot, you must be facing that way.
42:50Where is he swinging it from?
42:51Swinging it from here.
42:52Well, yeah.
42:53You've got to be over here then, don't you?
42:54You must be facing that taskmaster's sign.
42:56OK, clothes off.
43:06Yeah, can we face it like this?
43:08You can't face it.
43:09Side on, that's side on.
43:11You can't take your eyes off the taskmaster's sign.
43:13Well, that's fine then.
43:21Here we go.
43:21Good luck.
43:23Oh!
43:24Yeah!
43:31Oh!
43:33Oh!
43:34Oh!
43:35Oh!
43:36Oh!
43:37Oh!
43:37Oh!
43:37This ain't grow!
43:38Anya!
43:39Standing!
43:41LAUGHTER
43:41HE CLEAR
43:42HE CLEAR
43:45HE CLEAR
43:47Come on, mate.
43:53HE CLEAR
43:54HE CLEAR
43:58HE CLEAR
43:59HE CLEAR
43:59HE CLEAR
44:01HE CLEAR
44:04Please go and sit on the elimination.
44:05Come on, I'm in.
44:06That is heroic.
44:09So, Phil is eliminated.
44:12Right.
44:14Remember, you're looking at the Taskmaster sign, please.
44:16Yeah, you can dodge and weave, but you must be standing up.
44:19Good luck, everyone. Round two.
44:21Ready? Yeah.
44:22Yeah!
44:24Oh, that's a step from Anya.
44:27Ooh!
44:28Ooh!
44:30Oh, lovely.
44:31Ooh!
44:32HE CLEAR
44:33Oh, my God!
44:35Reece Shepard is on.
44:38APPLAUSE
44:40Reece is eliminated.
44:41Hand me back the golden ball.
44:44OK.
44:45Yeah, yeah.
44:46I'm about to unleash the ball.
44:49Oh, my word.
44:51Behold my ungodly strength!
44:53Oh, my God!
44:54Oh, my God!
44:55Oh, my God!
44:58Oh, my God!
44:59One step.
44:59OK, that's a step from everyone except for Mya.
45:02Lovely.
45:04Oh!
45:05APPLAUSE
45:07Sanjeev is out and pleased.
45:09Bring me back my ball!
45:13Terrible, isn't it?
45:14This is it.
45:20The strength is unholy!
45:22Argh!
45:25Oh, what an angle.
45:27One step.
45:28Ooh, lovely.
45:29Maisie still has hers.
45:30CHEERING
45:32It's another step!
45:33We've lost Anya!
45:35We've lost Anya!
45:35Maisie is the winner!
45:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:43Let's all go down and we'll work out the final score!
45:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:50Oh, that was electric!
45:51Oh!
45:52Obviously, we saw the finalists were Anya and Maisie,
45:55but the five points went to Maisie in the end!
45:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:00For standing still.
46:02Well, it means that, with 20 points today,
46:05our winner is, at that end of the seats,
46:08it's Anya Magliano!
46:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:11And your wins!
46:12Please go up to relish in your things to ride or rip!
46:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:21So, what have we learnt today?
46:24Well, this is a stressful world, guys.
46:26It's full of technology, industry and noise.
46:29It's important to get away from it all,
46:31head to the glorious English countryside,
46:34be at one with nature and just let the wildlife speak to you.
46:40Oh!
46:41Oh!
46:42LAUGHTER
46:47But now, let's applaud our winner on the loo.
46:51It's Anya Magliano!
46:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:11You were quite an early, and you were ready to actually do it!
47:15Yeah, you were great to run through.
47:17I was watching you!
47:22I got to have a ghost.
47:22I am a ghost!
47:23I'm your best!
47:23I'm your best!
47:23I was like...
47:23You and my boy!
47:24You are a top guy!
47:24You made me happy!
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