- 5 hours ago
The Miniature Wife S01E01-2 [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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00:00:05this is a love story love it's supposed to be patient and kind but let's be honest it's
00:00:16irrational it can make us crazy and sometimes downright insane I should know my husband made
00:00:25me small no it's not a metaphor he made me six inches tall I'm literally the size of a dry
00:00:42martini shaken stirred and nursing the burn of every sip even at our ugliest I still believe
00:00:53our loves worth fighting for but fair warning it's going to get worse before it gets better
00:01:04to us to us
00:01:13to recapturing magic to the journey not the destination it's a dr. Carmichael couples
00:01:20therapist extraordinaire to her words of wisdom it's speaking of the journey it was so bumpy
00:01:29yeah a few potholes yeah yeah checked into separate rooms um but I am working through my narcissistic
00:01:37tendencies and I am working on my accountability issues and here we are we made it got to the next
00:01:45stop dr. Carmichael's new year new us colon a grand gesture I'd like to go first okay great
00:02:01I've arranged to get the vermont gang back together at the gray house on new year's eve for our
00:02:06anniversary so we can renew our vows new year new us I'm speechless we were so happy there
00:02:20really really are Gary and Meg gonna be there they're giving up Cabo Lulu our daughter has
00:02:26not returned my call oh she's 18 she will they don't do phones always send a text okay okay my
00:02:31turn
00:02:31okay this will be the last Christmas that we spend in St. Louis because I have listed our house
00:02:40with the contingency to run it back from the bio through next December I am going to land this big
00:02:45fish and tomorrow I'm going to get Elvis Smith to bankroll the final stage of my life's work so
00:02:50that in one year Lindy we can move back to the gray house permanently like I promised years ago
00:02:57clean slate and a fresh start I supported you and you got your prize and all I ask is that
00:03:06for one
00:03:06more year you support me so I can get mine are you serious the listing went up today
00:03:19is this real very
00:03:25less
00:03:29I love you
00:03:42thank you thank you for inviting me back into our bed
00:04:09how does one solve the problem
00:04:11of feeding the world only less little John knows now what if we could take say an ear of corn
00:04:20and shrink it to a fraction of its original size just imagine a farmer could grow 10 a hundred a
00:04:28thousand ears of corn in the space it takes to grow one but how does cellular reduction work
00:04:36my revolutionary molecular transformation process fundamentally changes the distance between
00:04:41atoms oh the real question is can you restore the corn cob to regular size after it's been
00:04:47miniaturized not only can we do it we will do it together Hilton Smith we can make more with less
00:04:55and that's l e s I'll take it from here less okay
00:05:05now it's time to blow your minds
00:05:12call this the mini barn card no one calls it that okay it's just me see I grew up on
00:05:18a farm
00:05:19right
00:05:19I
00:05:20I
00:05:20I
00:05:20I
00:05:27I
00:05:46We call this the future.
00:06:03I am fucking amazed.
00:06:08It's a corn in the truck.
00:06:10Look how tiny it is.
00:06:11It's being tiny.
00:06:12It's incredible.
00:06:13I got you.
00:06:14You did.
00:06:14You really did.
00:06:15You really did.
00:06:16That's crazy.
00:06:18Amaze me again.
00:06:19Make it big.
00:06:20I want to taste it.
00:06:23Oh, a big corn takes a big investment.
00:06:25Oh, there he is.
00:06:26Money man chiming in.
00:06:28Well, go on.
00:06:29You know, Flavor Saver was a huge step forward.
00:06:33It was the first and the best GMO tomato on the market.
00:06:37But it was a failure.
00:06:38Well, no, it wasn't.
00:06:41It was a breakthrough, but it tasted like old band-aids.
00:06:44Admit it.
00:06:45No, I don't think I will.
00:06:48Admit it or I walk.
00:06:50No.
00:06:55Fuck yeah!
00:06:56You should never admit failure.
00:06:58I got you.
00:06:59Yes, you did, Hilton.
00:07:01But this agrotech is going to change the world.
00:07:05Jinx?
00:07:06And just think, this is only the beginning.
00:07:08Sorry, who are you?
00:07:09Vivian.
00:07:10Hilton's chief scientist.
00:07:11I'm the guts.
00:07:12I just write the checks.
00:07:13She's...
00:07:14The brains.
00:07:14And my guts never make mistakes.
00:07:17I mean, I would write you a check right now.
00:07:21But for some reason, I'm just not feeling yummy in my tummy.
00:07:29You.
00:07:30Mini.
00:07:31Who are you?
00:07:33Is this a trick question?
00:07:34I don't know.
00:07:35Is it?
00:07:36Well, who are you?
00:07:38I'm awesome.
00:07:39I'm Hilton.
00:07:40Well, I'm awesome.
00:07:41I'm less.
00:07:44Yeah, I'm going to need more.
00:07:52You liked it?
00:07:55Yeah, I'm going to lose my house.
00:07:56I'm going to lose my house.
00:08:13Hey.
00:08:14Hey.
00:08:16Uh, something quietly revealed itself to me.
00:08:20Oh?
00:08:21What's that?
00:08:21Maria's staff pick.
00:08:23My rainbow starts with black.
00:08:25It's a Pulitzer Prize winning novel.
00:08:27By the one, the only, Lindy McMichael Littlejohn.
00:08:32That's a lifetime ago.
00:08:34Uh-uh.
00:08:3518 years and still a fan fave?
00:08:37Listen, Richie.
00:08:39Um, we need to talk.
00:08:42Uh-oh.
00:08:43No.
00:08:44Yeah.
00:08:45No, we've just begun.
00:08:47Richie.
00:08:47Hold on.
00:08:48This is just the first act.
00:08:50Do not turn this into a tragedy.
00:08:52Tragedy's a better story.
00:08:54Oh, I wish they had a section on how to repair an emotional affair.
00:08:59Listen, you really saw me when I needed it the most.
00:09:03I do.
00:09:04Yeah, and you really gave me that emotional intimacy that I craved, you know?
00:09:10Mm-hmm.
00:09:11You were a great shoulder, an ear.
00:09:14Mm-hmm.
00:09:14You're so handsome, young, smart.
00:09:18No, stop it.
00:09:19And maybe in another life, but...
00:09:21But I fell in love.
00:09:24And you?
00:09:26I fell in Les.
00:09:27Hell yes.
00:09:28Yeah.
00:09:28Why?
00:09:30Les knows the real me, the worst of me, and he still loves me.
00:09:35I could love the worst of you.
00:09:37No.
00:09:38Yeah?
00:09:38He has 20 years on you, and you've known me, like, a few months.
00:09:41Six and a half.
00:09:43Les?
00:09:44What?
00:09:45He made a grand gesture, and he promised me a fresh start, and I believe him.
00:09:50But why?
00:09:52No, no, no, actually, don't say.
00:09:54Love should remain a mystery.
00:09:57My mom told me that.
00:09:59Okay.
00:10:01I'm gonna go.
00:10:01Just, just, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:03This...
00:10:03Oh, God, no, no.
00:10:04I got you this Christmas present.
00:10:06Absolutely cannot accept this.
00:10:07You must, or it means our love was in vain.
00:10:10Shh, shh, not love.
00:10:10Okay, okay, okay.
00:10:11Okay, just open the card first.
00:10:13There is no need to thank me.
00:10:16Okay?
00:10:31Merry Christmas, my love.
00:10:33In anticipation of the new you, new you, and the new us, I thought this would be a great start.
00:10:39Open the present.
00:10:41I'll wait.
00:10:52I hate this rag.
00:10:53I know you hate this rag, but I knew you'd never send it in yourself.
00:10:58Give it a quick read.
00:10:59See if you recognize it.
00:11:02Oh, Richie.
00:11:04No, no, no, no.
00:11:05What have you done?
00:11:06I presented to be your book agent.
00:11:08Your story is gonna be in the New Yorker.
00:11:12No.
00:11:13I didn't write this.
00:11:15I'm fucked.
00:11:16I know it's overwhelming, and I'm sure you don't.
00:11:19Holy fuck, Richie.
00:11:22No, no, no.
00:11:23Oh, my fuck.
00:11:25Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.
00:11:26Oh, bitch, pick up, pick up.
00:11:28Hi, this is Terry.
00:11:29Leave a message.
00:11:30Terry.
00:11:31Oh, fuck.
00:11:32Okay.
00:11:32There is a story.
00:11:34There's a story in the New Yorker with my name on it, and I need you to call me back.
00:11:38This is an emergency.
00:11:39For serious this time, call me back.
00:11:42Oh, fuck.
00:11:44Fuck.
00:11:53Shut the door.
00:11:54Why?
00:11:55Because I want to raise my voice.
00:11:58Jesus, jumping crackers.
00:11:59Why would you invite Hilton to your charity event at your home tonight?
00:12:05Because he wants to know who I am.
00:12:06But Lindy will be there.
00:12:08And?
00:12:08I'm sorry.
00:12:09Am I the only one that remembers last year?
00:12:11The silent auction, the pool incident, and you're still serving alcohol this year, right?
00:12:16Count me out.
00:12:17I'm sorry.
00:12:18I cannot watch.
00:12:21I don't think that my heart or my stomach can tolerate another interaction with him.
00:12:27But we are broke.
00:12:29And here's all we have.
00:12:31There are no more interested investors less with Hilton's kind of cash.
00:12:36You know what?
00:12:37Lindy and I are fine now.
00:12:38We're good, even.
00:12:39And we're renewing our vows.
00:12:41New year.
00:12:42New us.
00:12:42Yes.
00:12:43You said that last year.
00:12:44This year, it's going to stick.
00:12:45You sleeping in the same bed?
00:12:46Yes.
00:12:47Just sleeping?
00:12:48Sleeping plus.
00:12:50Big plus?
00:12:51Small plus.
00:12:52It felt so much better if it was big.
00:12:54We're on the road to big.
00:12:55I promise you.
00:12:56Um, okay.
00:12:58Lindy, it's me.
00:12:59It's me calling you.
00:13:01Um, I'm not panicking, but just call me back before the party, okay?
00:13:03It's not an emergency, but it's an emergency.
00:13:06Oh, so sorry, sir.
00:13:07Um, my, uh, my polypid.
00:13:09It's gone.
00:13:10Yeah, but there's a hole in my heart now.
00:13:12Sounds like a case for the Bard's Guard.
00:13:14So I'll be unable to attend your party this evening.
00:13:17Our loss.
00:13:17Good luck, Richard.
00:13:41You're not Jackie.
00:13:43I'm hell.
00:13:44Don't make me raise it.
00:13:45Who are you?
00:13:46I'm Professor Littlejohn.
00:13:47Jackie's professor.
00:13:48Did she leave for break already?
00:13:49Have I missed her?
00:13:50I hope not, because I'm her fucking ride.
00:13:52Jackie!
00:13:54Professor Littlejohn.
00:13:55Yeah, Lindy.
00:13:55You should call me Lindy.
00:13:57Oh, uh, hell, uh, Professor Littlejohn is the reason that I'm here.
00:14:02Oh, you wrote that book she loves.
00:14:04I didn't read it.
00:14:05No offense.
00:14:06None taken.
00:14:07Jackie, I'm so glad I caught you.
00:14:09Can we talk?
00:14:10Yeah.
00:14:11Just real quick.
00:14:12Oh, you mean without me?
00:14:13I do.
00:14:14Oh.
00:14:14Is it okay?
00:14:15Oh, yeah.
00:14:15A bit rude.
00:14:16No offense, but sure.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:18Let's just have her.
00:14:19Okay.
00:14:20Um.
00:14:23Have I done something wrong, Professor Littlejohn?
00:14:25Oh, no, no.
00:14:26Oh, gosh, no.
00:14:27No, I have.
00:14:28I have.
00:14:30I, um, I need to tell you something.
00:14:33Uh.
00:14:37I loved your short story.
00:14:41Untitled on Purpose.
00:14:42Yeah, that's the one.
00:14:42Yeah, I loved it.
00:14:43It was brilliant.
00:14:45And the prose was incisive.
00:14:47Oh, just the voice.
00:14:48Fresh.
00:14:49Distinguished.
00:14:50Rare.
00:14:51One that deserves the attention of the New York literati.
00:14:55I mean, that means the world to me, Professor Littlejohn.
00:15:01It's almost Christmas, and you're at my door complimenting my work.
00:15:03I, oh, my gosh, I couldn't ask for a better guess.
00:15:05Okay, listen to me.
00:15:06Listen to me.
00:15:07Yes?
00:15:07You need to turn it into a novel right now.
00:15:12Now?
00:15:13Really?
00:15:14Really now.
00:15:15Mm-hmm.
00:15:15Um, I guess I could get started over the break.
00:15:19No, you need to take next semester off and just write.
00:15:21The whole semester.
00:15:24The whole semester.
00:15:24You just want to isolate and write while it's fresh, while it's here, while Untitled on Purpose
00:15:30is coursing through you, right?
00:15:32Yes, yes, I feel it.
00:15:33Okay, so you need to isolate and write.
00:15:35No distractions, no internet, no novels, no magazines, no, uh, nothing.
00:15:40No, nothing.
00:15:41Right?
00:15:41Nothing.
00:15:42And just all winter long, a very room of one's own.
00:15:45Right.
00:15:45Wolf it.
00:15:46Right, wolf it.
00:15:47Could you do that?
00:15:48Yes.
00:15:48Well, how's dad?
00:15:49My Uncle Flip, he has a cabin back in Montana that's super isolated.
00:15:53Like Walden Pond, isolated.
00:15:55That's perfect.
00:15:56Right?
00:15:56Yes, Jackie.
00:15:57Yeah.
00:15:58This has the potential to be your...
00:16:02My Rainbow Stars with Black?
00:16:04No, Professor Little John, it, it couldn't.
00:16:07Jackie?
00:16:08I...
00:16:08I should know.
00:16:10My goal in life is to just write one, one great novel like you.
00:16:16So we're agreed.
00:16:18You're gonna isolate and write.
00:16:20Yes.
00:16:20All semester?
00:16:21All semester.
00:16:22You're going to Montana.
00:16:23Yes!
00:16:24Remember, no magazines, right?
00:16:25None.
00:16:26You don't want any?
00:16:26Uh-uh.
00:16:27Just turn off the internet, okay?
00:16:29I will unplug completely.
00:16:31Yes!
00:16:32Okay, hey, Merry Christmas!
00:16:34Merry Christmas to you too!
00:16:40Okay.
00:16:41Thanks for that.
00:16:44Thanks.
00:16:45Here.
00:16:59Oh!
00:17:00Terry!
00:17:01Thank Christ!
00:17:02Okay, listen, I...
00:17:03You've got ten minutes.
00:17:05Blindsiding me with one short story published in the New Yorker over the last two decades gets you one.
00:17:09The fact that we've been friends for more than 20 years gets you another.
00:17:12And the other eight belong to Gillian Flynn.
00:17:14He continues to publish bestsellers, which bought me a classic six off the park.
00:17:19I didn't write the story.
00:17:20It's my students' work.
00:17:24My ex-emotional lover, long story.
00:17:27I found the fucking story in my bag and thought it was mine, and I...
00:17:31Why would I correct him, you know?
00:17:33He sent it in without my knowledge on my behalf because he, long story, adored me and...
00:17:40I thought I was capable of writing something great again.
00:17:42I'm taking a sabbatical from Wash U.
00:17:44I'm headed to the Grey House.
00:17:46Les and I are going to renew our vows.
00:17:48Long story.
00:17:49You're invited.
00:17:50I know you hate him.
00:17:51I did too.
00:17:52But he has a good dad.
00:17:54And I'm committed to committing to my marriage.
00:17:57So, I cannot handle this shitstorm right now, which is sure, by the way, to tarnish your reputation as well.
00:18:05So if you want to keep that classic six, then can you please, please fix this fucking mess so I
00:18:12can focus on my vows and my marriage like I promised?
00:18:15I hate you.
00:18:17I know.
00:18:18I hate me too.
00:18:21No, no, you're not allowed to thank me.
00:18:28Oliver!
00:18:47Les has been calling.
00:18:48I've been texting.
00:18:49And I have been busy.
00:18:50Les needs you on best behavior tonight.
00:18:53Hilton Smith is attending.
00:18:55Condescending as always, Starla.
00:18:57And who?
00:18:58Necessary.
00:18:59And he is a big investor.
00:19:00You know.
00:19:01I thought the cover was on the pool last year.
00:19:03Right?
00:19:03You know that.
00:19:04Great!
00:19:05You already picked up the first frame to me.
00:19:06I did.
00:19:06Yep.
00:19:07It's locked.
00:19:08I know.
00:19:10Is this another party protest?
00:19:11No.
00:19:12Hilton is here in five.
00:19:13Starla?
00:19:14Your dress is upstairs.
00:19:15I need you inside.
00:19:15Now.
00:19:16What dress?
00:19:17Les had me assess your wardrobe situation.
00:19:18And we both agreed that the only option was to outsource an upgrade.
00:19:22Insulting?
00:19:24And what if I hate it?
00:19:25Your futures are on the line.
00:19:27He said to me, quote,
00:19:29No new year knew us without new money.
00:19:31Unquote.
00:19:32So please, just move.
00:19:34Get out of the car.
00:19:36Now!
00:19:37Goodbye, Starla.
00:19:39I will have the valet physically remove you.
00:19:43I need a minute!
00:19:46One minute!
00:19:49You need a Hulk out front?
00:19:51Stat.
00:20:19Come on!
00:20:20Come on, tell me what Les is working on.
00:20:21This is the cover of Scientific American.
00:20:24He tells me nothing else.
00:20:26Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And you never ask.
00:20:28Bullshit, Luffy.
00:20:30I've printed that same quote from you ten times over the years.
00:20:32All I'll say is First World Fight Club.
00:20:35Blame.
00:20:36And outdated.
00:20:37Just like Scientific American.
00:20:50Vodka dry.
00:20:58Oh, thank you.
00:21:07Big Red has landed.
00:21:10Where's Lindy?
00:21:11I need eyes on Lady Tornado.
00:21:12Helton?
00:21:13Give me a 20 on Deep Pockets.
00:21:16Double negative.
00:21:17Big Red is not happy.
00:21:18I know amazing style when I see it.
00:21:21Ugh.
00:21:22This is a facade.
00:21:24Oh, well, the facade is working.
00:21:27I'm teetering on the precipice of being outed as a fraud.
00:21:31Which I probably deserve.
00:21:34I'm supposed to be the supportive wife.
00:21:38But my career going up in flames is banging around my brain.
00:21:42That's all I can hear.
00:21:43What does your husband think about that?
00:21:45Oh, he has no clue.
00:21:47He's a fraud, too.
00:21:48He's a fraud, too.
00:21:49Is that so?
00:21:52Welcome, everyone.
00:21:55Every year, I say I'm going to keep it short and that this night is not about me.
00:22:00It's about the children.
00:22:02And tonight, I'm actually going to keep that promise.
00:22:04But, you know, let's be honest, it has to be about me first.
00:22:08Because you're all here to bid on my stuff.
00:22:11Well, he's just playing the role of a charitable philanthropist.
00:22:17But all he really cares about is his life's work.
00:22:20First, himself second, our daughter third, me last.
00:22:24Which I probably deserve.
00:22:26Well, just curious, what do you think about his life's work?
00:22:30And a very personal little ditty about Jack and Diane.
00:22:34My John Cougar Mellencamp Velcro wallet with my high school ID still inside.
00:22:40Huh?
00:22:41Where else are you going to get one of those?
00:22:43I can't tell you that.
00:22:46It's so top secret, actually.
00:22:48I have no idea what it is.
00:22:50Hold on a second.
00:22:50How come my top elf is really trying to tell me something?
00:22:53Lady Tomato and the Brando at Deepak is two drinks and third on deck.
00:22:57You're fucking joking or you're fucking fired.
00:22:59I'll turn on my headset.
00:23:02But I can tell you, he's brilliant.
00:23:08Don't tell him I said that.
00:23:10Yeah.
00:23:11I mean, I'm already last.
00:23:12You know, what's after last?
00:23:16Not much.
00:23:17So, yeah.
00:23:18Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
00:23:21And hopefully that covers it all.
00:23:24Okay.
00:23:26Less five minutes.
00:23:27No.
00:23:28Two.
00:23:28One.
00:23:28Later, maybe.
00:23:29Done.
00:23:30Everybody was up.
00:23:31No, no.
00:23:32I'm just explaining to this gentleman why there's no outdoor access this holiday season.
00:23:36So, as a joke, last year I put into the silent auction.
00:23:39As a joke, watch Almighty Les walk on water.
00:23:44I thought the cover was on the pool.
00:23:46Oh.
00:23:46Hilton's out.
00:23:47I'm so sorry.
00:23:48You get it.
00:23:48Hilton, I'm so sorry.
00:23:50I just want to say I'm so sorry.
00:23:51Well, I pay right now to see that.
00:23:53Awesome.
00:23:54Less.
00:23:55If you can walk on water, you got my money.
00:23:58Are you being serious?
00:24:00No.
00:24:00No.
00:24:01Oh, great.
00:24:02So, I can still get the money?
00:24:04After the conversation with your wife, I don't know.
00:24:09Hi, Hilton.
00:24:10I didn't know.
00:24:10Okay, Lady, why don't you just not say anything and maybe go and get us a lot of drinks?
00:24:16Okay, so, Hilton, I don't know what she said.
00:24:18Well, she said that you put work first, family third, and her dead last.
00:24:22That's out of context.
00:24:24What kind of man are you?
00:24:25I know.
00:24:26I just, I can't explain.
00:24:27I can't explain.
00:24:30You never explain anything.
00:24:33I got you.
00:24:34Again.
00:24:35Again.
00:24:36You suck at this.
00:24:37I do, I do, I do.
00:24:38So, just to be clear, Lindy didn't tank the deal.
00:24:41She closed it.
00:24:42Now she's awesome.
00:24:44Workaholics, they changed the world.
00:24:46I'm a workaholic.
00:24:47I should know.
00:24:49Thank you so much.
00:24:50Thank you so much.
00:24:51I want to go to work right away.
00:24:52Like, fuck the holidays.
00:24:53Yeah.
00:24:54Put on my Christmas card every year.
00:24:55Yeah.
00:24:56You really see me.
00:24:57We both do.
00:24:58Oh, it's you again.
00:24:59Hilton's chief scientist.
00:25:01Oh, the brains.
00:25:02And the boots.
00:25:03The boots?
00:25:03The boots on the ground.
00:25:04What do the boots do?
00:25:05The boots ensure that my guts are never wrong.
00:25:09The boots are part of the deal.
00:25:11I'm all in.
00:25:13Are you?
00:25:14Awesome.
00:25:14Bless.
00:25:21Fine.
00:25:21Just, just tell me.
00:25:23I'm melting down.
00:25:24Because I fucked the deal.
00:25:26No.
00:25:26I closed the deal.
00:25:27I closed the deal.
00:25:28Fantastic.
00:25:29No.
00:25:30What do you mean no?
00:25:30That's so great.
00:25:31Oh my god.
00:25:32I was so worried.
00:25:34No.
00:25:34Now, I am saddled with one of Hilton's network of bio spies.
00:25:37His chief scientist is going to come in, and she's going to take credit for my work,
00:25:42and all of this will have been for nothing.
00:25:44I will be nothing.
00:25:45My legacy will be nothing.
00:25:47I shall go to the grave without a Nobel.
00:25:49You know, this was my last chance at greatness.
00:25:53God.
00:25:54Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:25:57Hey.
00:26:00Come on, you remember Joan Ryan?
00:26:03Huh?
00:26:04Yeah.
00:26:05My nemesis at MIT.
00:26:06That's right.
00:26:07You were convinced that the PhD board was going to pick her over you, and you were going
00:26:13to be relegated to just a footnote in the science community, or some other science bad
00:26:17thing, right?
00:26:17But what actually happened, Les?
00:26:21They chose me.
00:26:23They chose you.
00:26:25And where's Joan Ryan?
00:26:27Teaching at Berkeley.
00:26:30And where are you?
00:26:32In St. Louis.
00:26:33But why?
00:26:34Oh, uh, to give the finger to those ungrateful pricks at Monsanto, and to build the Menlo Park
00:26:41of the Midwest.
00:26:42And how?
00:26:42How?
00:26:43Because I am a partner in my own company creating the bio-agrotech that will change the world.
00:26:48That's right.
00:26:48Yeah.
00:26:49You're going to change the world.
00:26:52And you are.
00:26:54I've always believed that.
00:26:56Even when you hated me?
00:26:57Oh.
00:27:00Especially when I hated you.
00:27:02So what do I do?
00:27:04You do what you always do.
00:27:06You get back in the workshop, and you figure it out.
00:27:11That's what Les Littlejohn does.
00:27:13Yeah.
00:27:14Right?
00:27:15Yeah.
00:27:16Right.
00:27:17Okay.
00:27:18Oh.
00:27:18Okay.
00:27:20Oh.
00:27:20That's it.
00:27:22That's it.
00:27:23Thank you, Lydia.
00:27:24Thank you for being so understanding.
00:27:27Oh, God.
00:27:29So now I've got to get back in the workshop.
00:27:31And let's move our renewing our vows to next year.
00:27:34That's a fantastic idea.
00:27:35Les.
00:27:36No, I didn't.
00:27:36What?
00:27:37Huh?
00:27:37That's what you said, right?
00:27:39Huh?
00:27:40Did I?
00:27:41Yeah.
00:27:42Gary and Meg.
00:27:43Oh, Gary and Meg would much prefer to go to Cabo.
00:27:45Let's send them something.
00:27:46Sign my name.
00:27:46No, no, no.
00:27:47That will be so humiliating.
00:27:48Don't worry.
00:27:49Don't worry.
00:27:49I'll tell Lulu that she can just go skiing with her friends like she wanted.
00:27:51So I'll see you when I see you.
00:27:53I'll be back when I'm back.
00:27:53And I love you.
00:27:55And I can't wait for new year.
00:27:57New us.
00:27:57Next year.
00:27:58Mwah.
00:28:08Is he fucking kidding me?
00:28:27Lindsay?
00:28:29Richie?
00:28:31Um.
00:28:32I made a mistake, and I'm leaving Les tonight.
00:28:37I hear the emotion in your voice, and it's beautiful.
00:28:40I've been hoping for a Christmas miracle.
00:28:42Yeah, I'm going to go to Vermont.
00:28:43I'm going to go to the Grey House.
00:28:45And I, um, could you come with me?
00:28:48Where you finished your masterpiece.
00:28:50I'd be honored to be invited.
00:28:52A gift beyond measure.
00:28:53I have ten vacation days and one personal day bag.
00:28:57Heart emoji.
00:28:59Let's meet at Mandy's Diner at midnight.
00:29:02Heart emoji bag.
00:29:03I'll arrive with joy in my step and a light in my heart.
00:29:06Did you love my present?
00:29:08The fuck?
00:29:09Pardon?
00:29:10Yeah, I didn't have the heart to open it.
00:29:15So, um, I'll just bring it with me, okay?
00:29:18New year, new you, new us.
00:29:20Oh, is Vermont cold?
00:29:22I get...
00:29:43Everybody out in 30 minutes, or Hulk is going to see me smash.
00:29:49Iceberg ahead, 30 clicks.
00:29:51Abandoned ship.
00:29:52Lady Tomato about to burst.
00:29:53Hey, hey, hey!
00:29:55Les promised me a minute.
00:29:59I'll give you 20.
00:30:17Excuse me?
00:30:19I thought the boots up my ass might start after the holidays.
00:30:23Martin signed the LOI ASAP, and Hilton turned on the money hose in good faith.
00:30:27I didn't sign.
00:30:28I'm a partner.
00:30:29Apparently not the important one.
00:30:32Oh.
00:30:33Well, now I'm inspired, and I would like you to leave.
00:30:37A genius needs his space.
00:30:39Exactly.
00:30:41And I plan on being inspired throughout the holidays.
00:30:44I know this is a difficult transition period.
00:30:46I'll give you tonight.
00:30:48But I will be back tomorrow.
00:30:52Boots on the ground, Dr. Littlejohn.
00:30:58Fuck me.
00:31:35Bills, I don't have time.
00:31:40She what?
00:32:02You're old.
00:32:03Text me.
00:32:09Fuck you, too.
00:32:14Starla?
00:32:25Les?
00:32:25Freezers, off limits.
00:32:26From now on, till I say.
00:32:28I need to regroup.
00:32:29Where are you going?
00:32:31I'm leaving you.
00:32:33If anyone should be leaving anyone, I should be leaving you.
00:32:35How's that?
00:32:36For trying to sabotage my career?
00:32:38Think I don't know?
00:32:38You don't think Nils will call me for comment, Lindy?
00:32:41Scientific American, not TMZ.
00:32:44I'm a hoax.
00:32:45You know what?
00:32:45I'm threatened by a female scientist taking credit for my work.
00:32:48You mentioned Joan.
00:32:50I'm not a misogynist.
00:32:52I'm not intentionally.
00:32:53Oh?
00:32:54If anything, I'm an accidental misogynist.
00:32:55And I, too, blame the patriarchy for that.
00:32:57I never said misogynist.
00:32:59Why would you do this?
00:32:59Why?
00:33:00You don't know.
00:33:01Why?
00:33:02Is it about Gary and Meg?
00:33:05This is about you.
00:33:06And our marriage.
00:33:08And breaking the promise of step three, colon, a grand gesture.
00:33:11And our daughter who hates me.
00:33:13Sucking the life out of me and my promising writing career.
00:33:17Career?
00:33:18Stop!
00:33:19It was one book in the early aughts.
00:33:22This is what you did.
00:33:22You basically, you turned in a book report on your fucked up family.
00:33:26You changed the names.
00:33:27You added a little bit of wry sarcasm.
00:33:29And then you called it fiction.
00:33:30And you got lucky.
00:33:32My rainbow starts with black.
00:33:34No shit.
00:33:34My book report and the subsequent Oscar-nominated film it's based on bought and paid for this
00:33:43extravagantly sad McMansion in this podunk red state town you forced us to move to so
00:33:49that you could try to be something other than Mr. Fucking Tomato Head.
00:33:53This is the last thing I need right now.
00:33:55Oh, my God.
00:33:56I'm so sorry.
00:33:57What is it you need right now?
00:33:59I need you.
00:34:00Yeah.
00:34:00I need your support.
00:34:02This is my last chance.
00:34:03You already got your prize.
00:34:06And in case you forgot, I was by your side for every fucking sentence.
00:34:12Every book signing.
00:34:13Every interview.
00:34:14I held your purse.
00:34:15I held my tongue.
00:34:17You know, I was there for the ride.
00:34:18And it wasn't always pleasant.
00:34:20You know, the roller coaster of insecurity and emotion was frankly fucking exhausting.
00:34:24I have paid that debt.
00:34:26I have been by your side for 15 years.
00:34:29You had flavor saver.
00:34:32And it was insufferable.
00:34:36Still is.
00:34:37But I didn't get my moment in the spotlight like you did.
00:34:40I didn't get my prize.
00:34:42Swing and a miss.
00:34:43How is it my fault?
00:34:46How?
00:34:47My apologies.
00:34:48Forgive me for being ambitious.
00:34:50Coasting by on a one-hit wonder isn't enough for me.
00:34:54Maybe you don't have another hit in you.
00:34:56Huh?
00:34:56Maybe you're one and done.
00:34:58Maybe your ego just won't let you read the room.
00:35:00I would rather be blinded by my ego than paralyzed by fear.
00:35:04That's me?
00:35:04That's what you think of me?
00:35:05Yeah, because you haven't produced one goddamn sentence in 15 years.
00:35:09What kind of magic do you think you're suddenly going to find in your beloved gray house?
00:35:12Huh?
00:35:13With me by your side like an emotional support animal encouraging you, keeping you calm because
00:35:18quote, I promise we'd return there one day, unquote.
00:35:21I mean, I am through being held emotionally hostage for your creative paralysis.
00:35:28And there it is, everyone.
00:35:30That's our show.
00:35:32Same line every time.
00:35:40This is the top secret thing you've been working on?
00:35:44Give me that.
00:35:45A Tonka truck is not going to change the world, let alone agriculture as we know it.
00:35:51You have no idea what you're talking about.
00:35:52This is what you said to every female scientist that's ever had a better idea.
00:35:55You know, most men overcompensate with a big truck.
00:35:58It's nice to see yours to scale.
00:36:07What a gentleman!
00:36:08Oh, fuck.
00:36:10What?
00:36:11Oh, no, Lindy.
00:36:12What?
00:36:15What are you doing?
00:36:27Oh, God.
00:36:31Is she dead?
00:36:40Lindy, say something.
00:36:42Are you alive?
00:36:44Oh, you're alive!
00:36:48Fuck you!
00:36:50Fuck you!
00:37:07Merry Christmas, I don't want to bow to now.
00:37:28Last...
00:37:30Oh, fuck.
00:37:36What's inside of me, is that...
00:37:40Oh, shit.
00:37:45Oh, boy.
00:37:47I don't know.
00:37:59How much did I drink last night?
00:38:03Plus...
00:38:06Why would you put the plaid back up?
00:38:10God, it's my eyes.
00:38:14And my head.
00:38:18Oh, I'll try January starts today.
00:38:24Oh, wow, that really cleaned up.
00:38:33Last...
00:38:38Who's at the door?
00:38:51What is this nonsense?
00:38:59No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:39:03Lindy?
00:39:04Oh, my God.
00:39:05Everything is fine.
00:39:06Don't reach out.
00:39:08Help me.
00:39:11Oh
00:39:20Okay, I'm opening up the dollhouse
00:39:47There you are!
00:39:49You're okay!
00:39:53I am not
00:39:56okay!
00:39:57Can you hear me? I am not okay!
00:40:05I am not okay!
00:40:07It works! I can hear you!
00:40:10You're too loud!
00:40:12Sorry!
00:40:13Well now I can't hear you!
00:40:15How about now? Nope, too loud!
00:40:18Now? Softer
00:40:19Now? Better
00:40:22I hate this fucking thing
00:40:27Can you hear me now?
00:40:29Can you hear me now?
00:40:31Yes!
00:40:33I'm so sorry! Are you okay?
00:40:36I'm fine!
00:40:37I heard that!
00:40:38God, I think we got it!
00:40:41Hi!
00:40:42What the fuck, Les?!
00:40:44Heard that too! Loud and clear!
00:40:46Okay?
00:40:47Wendy, I'm so sorry!
00:40:49It was an accident!
00:40:50And uh...
00:40:51I can't believe it even happened!
00:40:53But you're incredible!
00:40:55I mean...
00:40:56You're beautiful!
00:41:01Are you smiling right now?!
00:41:04Are you smiling right now?!
00:41:04Are you smiling right now?!
00:41:04No! No, no! No, of course not!
00:41:06I just... I...
00:41:09Just like, wow!
00:41:11Wow!
00:41:13Wow!
00:41:13Wow!
00:41:14No, I apologize!
00:41:16You're my wife and you're not experimentally!
00:41:18I should hope so!
00:41:20Jesus! Oh my god!
00:41:22This is your job?!
00:41:24This how you're gonna solve world hunger?!
00:41:26You're gonna make everybody tiny so...
00:41:29So they don't, what, eat more?!
00:41:30I don't...
00:41:31Do you...
00:41:31Do you want me to answer that, or...?
00:41:34Explain it to me!
00:41:36Well, um...
00:41:38It's called...
00:41:39Cellular reduction.
00:41:40And um...
00:41:41It's the process of miniaturization and restoration...
00:41:43Of...
00:41:44Organic fruit and vegetables.
00:41:46And that's how...
00:41:47I plan...
00:41:48To solve world hunger!
00:41:50Explain how you're gonna make me big again!
00:41:52Jesus!
00:41:53I don't give a shit how it works!
00:41:55Oh right, well...
00:41:55I just reversed the process.
00:41:57That's the restoration part.
00:41:59Great!
00:42:01Restore me!
00:42:03Now, please!
00:42:04I can do that!
00:42:06Um...
00:42:06Uh...
00:42:06But first...
00:42:07Uh...
00:42:07A surprise!
00:42:09Meet me in the dining room!
00:42:14Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:42:16Les!
00:42:16Do I look...
00:42:17Merry...
00:42:18Or hungry?
00:42:19Well, it's kinda hard to tell from this distance...
00:42:22Um...
00:42:22I'm not!
00:42:23Make me big again...
00:42:25Now!
00:42:25Heard that?
00:42:26Loud and clear?
00:42:28Um...
00:42:28The thing is...
00:42:29Tell me you can make me big again, Les!
00:42:32I can.
00:42:32And I will.
00:42:34The thing is...
00:42:35That it's just...
00:42:35I think it's just gonna take a day...
00:42:37Uh...
00:42:38Or two.
00:42:39Tops.
00:42:39But...
00:42:40You'll be fine.
00:42:41Everything's gonna be okay.
00:42:42You're healthy.
00:42:42Uh...
00:42:43I checked your vitals.
00:42:44Wait!
00:42:44I could die?!
00:42:46Tiny?!
00:42:46No!
00:42:47You...
00:42:47You're not gonna die...
00:42:48Tiny!
00:42:50You'll be safe in the dollhouse!
00:42:52Because it's...
00:42:53It's almost exactly the same as our house house!
00:42:56Um...
00:42:57The stove works!
00:42:58The refrigerator works!
00:42:59There's food!
00:43:00The water runs!
00:43:02And...
00:43:02I shrunk a few of your favorite things to really make you feel at home home!
00:43:06Your clothes!
00:43:08From your closet!
00:43:09Toilet!
00:43:10Um...
00:43:11And...
00:43:12Uh...
00:43:13This...
00:43:13Curling thing!
00:43:16And...
00:43:17Your hairbrush!
00:43:18Uh...
00:43:19Cold cream!
00:43:21Looked important!
00:43:22Oh!
00:43:23And I remembered your coffee!
00:43:24And the coffee maker!
00:43:25Worked!
00:43:26Perfectly!
00:43:26Right?
00:43:27Oh!
00:43:27One crucial thing!
00:43:28Um...
00:43:28The toilet!
00:43:29Uh...
00:43:30It works!
00:43:30I figured it out!
00:43:31Just don't ever look in the hall closet!
00:43:33Downstairs!
00:43:34Ever!
00:43:35You will be restored to regular size!
00:43:37I...
00:43:37I promise it!
00:43:38This is just temporary, Lindy!
00:43:39I am so close!
00:43:41Truly!
00:43:42Now it's so close?!
00:43:45Not a day!
00:43:46Or two!
00:43:47Tops!
00:43:48Less!
00:43:49You motherfucker!
00:43:50F**KEY!
00:43:52AHHHH!
00:43:53Hey!
00:43:53Calm, calm down.
00:43:55ahhhh!
00:43:57AHHHH!
00:43:58CALL programming!
00:43:58Calm fucking...
00:43:59down.
00:44:01AHHHH!
00:44:04AHHHH!
00:44:08AHH!
00:44:12AHH!
00:44:13AHHH!
00:44:14AHHHH!
00:44:14AHHHH!
00:44:15AHHHH!
00:44:15SHE, its weird song now?!
00:44:17AHHHH!
00:44:19Hey Lindy.
00:44:21I'm gonna need a minute!
00:44:25I don't want to be a little.
00:44:41You can...
00:44:44You can refilm the Lady's Cup, too.
00:44:47She's on her way, Bob.
00:44:48She's gone back to her husband.
00:44:50No.
00:44:51They always do.
00:44:52Not this time.
00:44:53Because we've got plans.
00:44:55Yep.
00:44:56We've got concrete plans.
00:45:01How about a ten-day getaway to Vermont for two?
00:45:07Uber romantic.
00:45:15There are multiple reasons she could be late.
00:45:17No, I know Lindy's coming.
00:45:19Why, you may ask?
00:45:21Because our love story is woven into the fabric of time.
00:45:26Destined to be written.
00:45:28Immortalized for generations to come.
00:45:32Oh.
00:45:33Quiet, everybody, please.
00:45:34Quiet, please!
00:45:36Sorry.
00:45:37Oh.
00:45:38It's work.
00:45:42Hey, Martin.
00:45:44Well, I was gonna head out of town, so...
00:45:48No, no, no, no, no.
00:45:49Of course, of course.
00:45:50I'll just head into the lab.
00:45:55No, I've not heard from us.
00:45:58Wait, what do you mean you can't get a hold of him?
00:46:01Yeah, okay, bye.
00:46:03Does this mean your romantic getaway is canceled?
00:46:07Bart, can I be honest?
00:46:08I love your service, but I don't love the negative energy.
00:46:13Oh.
00:46:15He's suffering?
00:46:21Take those off.
00:46:22I feel like a specimen.
00:46:24And come closer.
00:46:25I don't want to keep yelling.
00:46:30Jesus, the 96?
00:46:32If there was ever a time.
00:46:34I know why you didn't tell me about your work.
00:46:37Well, I couldn't.
00:46:38It was top secret.
00:46:39I signed an ironclad NDA.
00:46:41It's bullshit.
00:46:43You didn't trust me.
00:46:45Which makes me so...
00:46:47Sad.
00:46:49Makes me so sad.
00:46:52Fuck you.
00:46:54But...
00:46:55Yeah.
00:46:59Well, I didn't exactly hide it from you, either.
00:47:02What?
00:47:04Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:08They are so cute!
00:47:11Wait.
00:47:12And legible?
00:47:14Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:17They're so cute.
00:47:19Oh, and functional.
00:47:21Happy birthday, Lindy.
00:47:24How cute.
00:47:26And accurate.
00:47:28The dent from when I sideswiped the mailbox.
00:47:33Never put it together.
00:47:35You also said you didn't want to know.
00:47:39Well, you're not leaving me.
00:47:41Well, I have to go so I can fix you.
00:47:43No, no, no. No, Les.
00:47:45Take me with you. I'm portable.
00:47:47You will be safer here in the dollhouse.
00:47:48I feel very not safe.
00:47:50I feel very small and like something bad could happen.
00:47:54I won't let something happen.
00:47:55Something did.
00:47:56Something else beyond the accident.
00:47:59But I have to go to the lab so I can fix you.
00:48:01Please, Les, I do not want to be alone.
00:48:03Please, I'm scared.
00:48:04Well, what if I can show you that, um, being small isn't scary?
00:48:09Oh, God.
00:48:10I've always wondered what the world would look like if I were six inches tall.
00:48:13Not me.
00:48:15I can show you.
00:48:16No, I, I don't.
00:48:18Aren't you just a little bit curious?
00:48:20I will be restored to regular size soon.
00:48:24I promise.
00:48:25Trust me.
00:48:29Okay.
00:48:31This is crazy.
00:48:33Huh.
00:48:34Oh, my.
00:48:37Huh.
00:48:44Huh.
00:48:45Uh.
00:48:45Huh.
00:48:46Huh.
00:48:46Huh.
00:48:46Huh.
00:48:46Huh.
00:48:56Huh.
00:49:09Yeah, I mean, everything's really big, really.
00:49:28Wow, I can only imagine how different everything looks, right?
00:49:33You see this dust ball?
00:49:36Do you think I could choke on this?
00:49:40Oh, yeah, put that down.
00:49:44Hello, Dolores. Look who it is.
00:49:47See? She's not that scary.
00:49:49Why is she looking at me like that?
00:49:51Oh, oh, it's puffing. Do you see what it's doing?
00:49:55No, no, no! It's trying to eat me!
00:49:57No, this is not interesting to me.
00:49:59Can you put me down, please? Put me down.
00:50:14It's fun, right? We all love a train ride.
00:50:18Merry Christmas, Lindy.
00:50:21Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:50:28Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:50:33Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:50:38Merry Christmas to me!
00:50:45Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:50:48Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:50:50Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:50:50Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:50:51Merry Christmas, Lindy!
00:50:51I want to get out!
00:50:53I don't like it!
00:50:55Oh, I'm gonna be sick!
00:50:59Oh, God.
00:51:01Oh, my God.
00:51:05Hey.
00:51:07It's gonna be okay.
00:51:09I'm so sorry this happened.
00:51:12I'm so incredibly sorry.
00:51:14Oh.
00:51:16Oh.
00:51:24Water truck ran out of shrinking gas. I'm gonna go to the lab to refuel.
00:51:28What am I supposed to do with this?
00:51:29I thought I could crush it up and you could maybe snort it, but I don't know.
00:51:34Um, Scarface? I'll just... gnaw on it or something.
00:51:41How are you feeling?
00:51:43Really?
00:51:44I mean...
00:51:45I know what you mean.
00:51:47Better.
00:51:50I did always love this couch.
00:52:05When you're ready.
00:52:07Uh, pour away.
00:52:13Don't be shy.
00:52:16So, this is my, uh, tiny little life now?
00:52:22Temporary tiny life.
00:52:23How long again?
00:52:24A day. Two at the most. I'm so close.
00:52:27So close. Yeah. Yeah.
00:52:34Did you microwave this off the floor?
00:52:36Floor is clean. You're the first person to ever walk on it.
00:52:39Six inch tall Neil fucking Armstrong?
00:52:42Kind of.
00:52:51Less you put parmesan in the potatoes.
00:52:54Potatoes a la Diane.
00:52:57With a twist.
00:52:59Who?
00:53:00Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde.
00:53:02She's gonna play me in the movie.
00:53:04She's gonna play the sister character.
00:53:06I still don't know who that is.
00:53:07Walt?
00:53:08She's blonde, wears pink, goes to Harvard.
00:53:11That's a stretch.
00:53:12What? I am blonde.
00:53:14Less said that we could be twins.
00:53:16I'm sure he's just being kind.
00:53:18No, no, I think with the bright hair and makeup, you know Hollywood, I mean.
00:53:21It's beyond me why they're even adapting a book into a film.
00:53:24Because it sold a million copies.
00:53:26Because it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:28Hollywood must be out of ideas.
00:53:31You're not excited? Uh, Laura Dern.
00:53:33She's playing the mother.
00:53:34I adore Laura Dern.
00:53:36But I question her judgment.
00:53:38The book wasn't well received.
00:53:39I repeat, it won the Pulitzer.
00:53:41The Guardian dupted literary popcorn and added,
00:53:44That does not a Pulitzer make.
00:53:45Their words.
00:53:46Which she memorized and repeat constantly.
00:53:49I can barely show my face at Wine Club Wednesday
00:53:52without Carol turning her nose up at me as if I were the devil incarnate.
00:53:56Walt?
00:53:57Your mother needs your Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:53:59That's not a stretch.
00:54:01Mom.
00:54:02It's fiction.
00:54:03Carol didn't see a character.
00:54:05Carol saw me.
00:54:07And the me in your book is a monster.
00:54:09It's a comedy.
00:54:10It's a dark comedy.
00:54:11A coming of age story
00:54:13about a woman who felt abandoned and silenced by a monster of a mother character.
00:54:20You try being a single mother of two young girls whose husband walked out one day without a word.
00:54:28Walked out or was driven away?
00:54:29Jim abandoned me.
00:54:31No.
00:54:31He stopped being married to you.
00:54:33He abandoned me.
00:54:35Me too.
00:54:37And he's still the hero.
00:54:39I tried my best.
00:54:41Walt?
00:54:42If I may.
00:54:43Walt?
00:54:44Diane, have you tried the potatoes?
00:54:46I call them potatoes a la Diane.
00:54:49With a twist.
00:54:50Is the twist a turn of the knife?
00:54:51It's parmesan cheese.
00:54:53Try it.
00:55:00It's too rich.
00:55:01But absolutely divine.
00:55:03Just like you.
00:55:09Walt.
00:55:11I think we should visit the arch tomorrow.
00:55:13I hear it's dreadful.
00:55:16Yes.
00:55:16Yes.
00:55:17No, I don't get the arch.
00:55:19It's like an arch for what?
00:55:20It's the gateway to the west.
00:55:23Huh?
00:55:24I think it's great.
00:55:25I can barely show my face at wine club Wednesdays.
00:55:30Hollywood has run out of ideas.
00:55:32I think Laura Dern is a very generous casting.
00:55:34I have to say hello.
00:55:40What's going on?
00:55:41Do you want to have sex?
00:55:42Oh, yes.
00:55:43Yes, please.
00:55:43What are you here?
00:55:45We'll be quiet.
00:55:46We'll be fine.
00:55:47Alright, you're set to high volume.
00:55:50Watch.
00:55:51Watch.
00:55:51Watch.
00:55:53Okay.
00:55:54Alright.
00:55:55Okay.
00:55:55Good.
00:55:56Come on.
00:56:08Thank you for defending me.
00:56:12Always defend yourself.
00:56:20Come on.
00:56:21Come on.
00:56:21Come on.
00:56:21Come on.
00:56:22Come on.
00:56:22Come on.
00:56:24Come on.
00:56:24Come on.
00:56:24Oh, fuck.
00:56:25Oh, fuck.
00:56:25Oh, fuck.
00:56:26Jesus.
00:56:26Whoa.
00:56:27Can we help you?
00:56:29Obviously, this isn't the washroom.
00:56:31It's down the hall with the light on.
00:56:32The one with the toilet.
00:56:34I can see the light.
00:56:41He's trying to escape.
00:56:45We're too young.
00:56:48Oh, my God.
00:56:50Oh, fuck.
00:56:51Okay, okay.
00:56:53Maybe I can't be quiet.
00:56:55I don't think you can.
00:56:58Hey.
00:57:03I'm not really like her though, right?
00:57:05My mother.
00:57:06I'm...
00:57:07I'm not like Diane, am I?
00:57:09Does that make me Walt?
00:57:12Seriously, no.
00:57:12Seriously?
00:57:13Seriously?
00:57:14Seriously?
00:57:15Seriously.
00:57:16No.
00:57:17Fuck no.
00:57:18Because she's...
00:57:19No, she's unbelievable.
00:57:20And not in a good way.
00:57:24It's gonna be okay.
00:57:26It's another few days.
00:57:31Only a few days.
00:57:37It's only a few days.
00:58:08Yeah.
00:58:10What?
00:58:11What?
00:58:12What?
00:58:13What?
00:58:14It can't be right.
00:58:18Okay, I'm coming in.
00:58:19For now.
00:58:20Oh.
00:58:21Now-ish.
00:58:45Let go.
00:58:49Stay.
00:58:51Stay.
00:58:54Go.
00:58:55Go.
00:58:56Go.
00:58:56Go.
00:58:57Go.
00:59:00Go.
00:59:01Go.
00:59:02Come here.
00:59:05Ow, fuck.
00:59:07You fuzzy fucker.
00:59:20Stop.
00:59:22Stop it, you're fine.
00:59:24You feel bad enough already.
00:59:29I mean, she's safe, right?
00:59:44I mean, she's safe, right?
00:59:47Yes, Richard?
00:59:48What is it?
00:59:49Oh, you seem upset.
00:59:51No, Richard, I'm fine, I'm fine.
00:59:53You know, I sometimes come in my car to cry too
00:59:56when I need a release, so I get where you're at.
00:59:59Okay, right, is that all?
01:00:01Now you've got me worried.
01:00:03Is everything all right at home?
01:00:04You know, with your wife, Lindy, Lindy's her name, right?
01:00:06Yes, Richard, she's fine.
01:00:07Everything okay?
01:00:08Good, good.
01:00:09Yeah.
01:00:10She's just keeping busy over the holidays.
01:00:13Yes, Richard, she's at home writing.
01:00:15She's keeping busy.
01:00:16She's writing, writing.
01:00:18That's wonderful.
01:00:19That's wonderful.
01:00:20Richard, get your butt inside.
01:00:22I'm sorry you used profanity.
01:00:24I'm upset.
01:00:27I'll see you later.
01:00:38Les?
01:00:41Les?
01:00:42Les?
01:00:46Oh, that is a toy.
01:00:52Oh, he left me?
01:00:55Right.
01:01:00I have to trust him.
01:01:02I cannot spiral.
01:01:06Oh, yeah.
01:01:09Why not?
01:01:11Okay, that's it.
01:01:13That's good, space colon.
01:01:15Colon?
01:01:16Colonial.
01:01:18Colonel.
01:01:20Space colonel.
01:01:22Next stop, Uranus.
01:01:24I couldn't.
01:01:25Fuck, I'm already spiraling.
01:01:28You made me believe you were so close, so I believed you.
01:01:32Yes, and you should believe me.
01:01:33That's our deal.
01:01:33There is mathematical truth in stating I am so close.
01:01:36So what does so close mean to you in this context today?
01:01:42I can't put an actual number on it.
01:01:44I don't know.
01:01:46What?
01:01:48What have you done?
01:01:49What have I done?
01:01:50Martin, I didn't want to say you have one job.
01:01:53Contract is for 30 days.
01:01:56That's insane!
01:01:57Well, you said that you were close!
01:01:5930 days?
01:02:02Well, it will work.
01:02:03I mean, the math says it will, and math is never wrong, so...
01:02:07Now you have 30 days!
01:02:08No, no, no.
01:02:09We have 30 days.
01:02:10Oh, now it's we.
01:02:11What does it say exactly?
01:02:12What does the small print say exactly?
01:02:14It says that we have 30 days to prove that the restoration formula works,
01:02:19or the patent on our tech...
01:02:22On my tech, thank you.
01:02:23...reverts to Hilton, and Hilton sues you.
01:02:26Sues us.
01:02:28For fraud.
01:02:29And you go to jail.
01:02:31To jail?
01:02:32Well, can he do that?
01:02:33He can.
01:02:34And after 30 days, it goes.
01:02:36The tech, the lab, the bobs, gone.
01:02:40But, but, okay, so how do I make, uh, how do I, how do I make things big again?
01:02:49Because I, I have to make things big again.
01:02:51Well, after 30 days, you can't.
01:02:56This is really true.
01:02:58So, I mean, can he actually do this?
01:03:00Yes, he can.
01:03:02And it says it right here.
01:03:06Less.
01:03:08How bad is this?
01:03:12Okay.
01:03:17I'm not even going to ask about the cat.
01:03:36Hey, I, I, I got you something for Christmas.
01:03:40Oh, I, I, I didn't get you anything.
01:03:43Oh, that's, that's okay.
01:03:45Oh, I didn't want you.
01:03:48Like what Shakespeare used to write with.
01:03:50You know I like Shakespeare?
01:03:52Oh, everybody knows you like Shakespeare.
01:03:54Barsgard.
01:03:56Well, you talk about it a lot.
01:03:58Um, you, you seem a little bit down.
01:04:02No, I'm, um, just tired.
01:04:04Yeah.
01:04:05I was waiting up last night for someone, someone special.
01:04:10You know, and it's just, you know.
01:04:14Well, Merry, Merry Christmas, Richard.
01:04:16Oh, thank you, Janet.
01:04:17This is a very thoughtful gift, so.
01:04:25Thy returneth to thine grind.
01:04:36Okay.
01:04:38Buddy?
01:04:39Thank you for moving her.
01:04:53Oh, that's good.
01:04:57Okay.
01:05:02Oh, come on.
01:05:07Okay.
01:05:08Oh, my God.
01:05:14Oh, there we go.
01:05:17Guide.
01:05:22Oh, a classic.
01:05:25Gamma!
01:05:29Volume.
01:05:33We're never turning this off.
01:05:34Okay, sacks.
01:05:38So.
01:05:39We've got popcorn.
01:05:43But no candy.
01:05:47Oh, less.
01:05:49That's just for me.
01:05:59Richard, I need everyone at the top of their game today.
01:06:01It's a big day.
01:06:02It could be the day.
01:06:03Needs to be the day.
01:06:04Or two.
01:06:06At the most.
01:06:11Here are my thoughts.
01:06:15Thoughts.
01:06:16Adjust the last line on the Maxwell stress tensor to B sub J.
01:06:19Minus one half times the quantity of epsilon naught.
01:06:23Times E squared plus B squared over mu naught.
01:06:27Thoughts complete.
01:06:28Bob.
01:06:30Implement his thoughts.
01:06:36B sub J minus one half times the quantity of epsilon naught.
01:06:41Times E squared plus B squared over mu naught.
01:06:45Complete.
01:06:46Carl, implement his thoughts.
01:06:49Okay.
01:06:51Okay.
01:06:52Okay.
01:06:55Okay.
01:06:55Okay.
01:06:57Okay.
01:06:57Okay.
01:06:58Okay.
01:07:29Let's make history.
01:07:59Let's make history.
01:08:16A great attempt in the name of science.
01:08:19Richard.
01:08:20Bob the explainer.
01:08:23Nominal success.
01:08:24Subject expanded to regular size for 2.1 seconds.
01:08:28Same as previous attempt.
01:08:30Result.
01:08:30Molecular disequilibrium.
01:08:33Eraser Bob.
01:08:33See medic.
01:08:34Bring in Fred.
01:08:35Clean up an aisle everywhere.
01:08:38Richard.
01:08:39Waiting on analysis to proceed.
01:08:41We'll adjust based on your thoughts.
01:08:43Go again.
01:08:45No, you won't.
01:08:46If this is your definition of close, we have a big problem.
01:08:50You working in a bubble with your staff and your secrets ends today.
01:08:55Moving forward, everything that happens in this lab will be authorized by me.
01:08:59No.
01:09:00No, no, no, no.
01:09:02Um, this is not how we work here.
01:09:05We are making history.
01:09:06Okay.
01:09:07That corn was regular size.
01:09:10It's incredible.
01:09:11As a scientist, how can you not see that?
01:09:13Reports, equipment, results, any spending whatsoever, everything you use must be logged up to
01:09:19and including packets of instant oatmeal in the break room.
01:09:22Can I explain my fiber deficiencies?
01:09:24Okay, everybody, everybody.
01:09:25This is Virginia.
01:09:26Vivian.
01:09:27Vivian.
01:09:27I don't know her last name, but she's new here, and she doesn't know how things work.
01:09:31And, Bob, you don't need to worry about your oatmeal, okay?
01:09:33Can we just talk about this?
01:09:36Martin, you know exactly how much money this science circus is hemorrhaging.
01:09:40I don't care about the money.
01:09:41Of course you don't.
01:09:42You spent seven years and several hundred thousand dollars designing your logo.
01:09:48I had to open the books.
01:09:49Well, it had to be perfect.
01:09:51What?
01:09:52Irresponsible and deeply sad.
01:09:54Dr. Littlejohn, it's no longer your money.
01:09:56It's Hilton Smith's money.
01:09:57This is his lab now, and I run Hilton's lab.
01:10:00Ergo, I run this lab.
01:10:02This is unacceptable, and it's ridiculous, and do something.
01:10:08Okay, no we, no we, just me.
01:10:10I want to talk to Hilton right now.
01:10:13Well, good luck reaching him.
01:10:15He's spending the holidays piloting an experimental submersible off the coast of Guam.
01:10:20Guam.
01:10:21Guam?
01:10:22What?
01:10:23Shut it down.
01:10:24We'll try again tomorrow.
01:10:26Together.
01:10:27These ladders are an OSHA violation.
01:10:30You're an OSHA violation!
01:10:33Dear hairy Jesus!
01:10:35I hope Hilton gets crushed into ketchup by 400 atmospheres of pressure!
01:10:4029 days.
01:10:41Not helpful.
01:10:42Not the point!
01:10:51What have I done?
01:10:59Midnight for the stars and you
01:11:06Midnight and a rendezvous
01:11:11Your eyes held a message tender
01:11:17Saying I surrender
01:11:20All my life
01:11:22No, it's my phone.
01:11:25My phone!
01:11:26Oh!
01:11:27Oh!
01:11:30Come here, come here, come here!
01:11:32What?
01:11:33What?
01:11:43No!
01:11:45No!
01:11:48No!
01:11:51No!
01:11:53No!
01:12:04Fuck, did you just say something?
01:12:12Am I losing my mind?
01:12:19I can see me in you.
01:12:25What do you do?
01:12:27What?
01:12:28Ah, what is that?
01:12:30Oh, fuck.
01:12:37I gotta get out of here!
01:12:45Oh, fuck!
01:12:52Jesus.
01:12:54Fuck!
01:12:54God damn it, let!
01:12:58For fuck's sake.
01:13:03God dang it!
01:13:05God damn it!
01:13:16Ah, ah, ah!
01:13:20Ah, ah!
01:13:22Ah!
01:13:24Ah!
01:13:28Ah!
01:13:48Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:17What the oh.
01:14:22Oh, God, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:35I'll save you!
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