- 4 hours ago
Watch Terri Joe Missionary in Miami Free full movie online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Doobie, doobie.
00:00:30Even though it's inside, it's a lonely road.
00:00:37That was a lie.
00:00:47Oh, my God.
00:00:52Jesus?
00:00:56Were you watching me sleep again?
00:00:58You naughty boy.
00:01:01Play your cards right.
00:01:03He just might catch me on my knees a little bit later.
00:01:07Bye.
00:01:28Don't sleep.
00:01:32Yeah.
00:01:36I love you.
00:01:41I think so.
00:01:46If I could not know, too.
00:01:51Bye.
00:02:00Hey, man.
00:02:01For God's help, man, this only becomes...
00:02:04Aah!
00:02:06Aah!
00:02:08Dang it, Mama!
00:02:10Did you leave your earl laying around again?
00:02:14Ow!
00:02:16Mama!
00:02:17Hi, child.
00:02:18I'm watching my soaps.
00:02:20Well, I'm off to work.
00:02:22The pokes ain't gonna run themselves.
00:02:23I beg you, Terry Jo.
00:02:26Please, take some pride in your appearance.
00:02:29You're basically popping out of that dress
00:02:31looking like a can of biscuits.
00:02:35Mama, you make this dress for me, you know?
00:02:37I think it fits mighty fine.
00:02:39Bad enough, you got a face that looks like
00:02:41it's been chewed up and spit out.
00:02:44And they're not obese into that,
00:02:46and it's just downright criminal.
00:02:48I ain't that tobacco on the kettle black.
00:02:50I beg your pardon.
00:02:52Don't you backsass me, girl.
00:02:54Get back here and bring me my meat.
00:03:00Best bring me back my Debbie cakes.
00:03:03My wells run dry.
00:03:05Yes, ma'am.
00:03:11Bring me my meat.
00:03:13Bring me cake.
00:03:15Ain't your arteries clogged enough as it is?
00:03:18Fat bitch.
00:03:20I'm so tired of her.
00:03:23I'm just hotter than a whore in church out here.
00:03:26So tired of going to work.
00:03:28I need a man.
00:03:30Take care of me.
00:03:32Kiss me on the mouth.
00:03:35Pay all my bills.
00:03:37Oh.
00:03:38That sounds like the life to me.
00:03:41Woo!
00:03:43That's how I am.
00:03:44Hello there, pretty lady.
00:03:46Now, I ain't no bull or nothing, but you sure do got my heart a bucking.
00:03:51Name's Bo.
00:03:53Bo Taylor.
00:03:55Oh, come on now.
00:03:56I know those feet must be howling like a pack of feral hounds.
00:03:59Why don't you come on in and let Bo take you for a ride?
00:04:02I enjoy walking.
00:04:04Move right along.
00:04:06Oh, come on.
00:04:07No lady is sweet and pretty as you should be subjected to walking.
00:04:12I said I...
00:04:23Oh, um, my mama says it's good for me to walk.
00:04:28It's good for my figure.
00:04:29Well, I think your figure's just fine.
00:04:32More than fine.
00:04:35Where you headed?
00:04:37Uh, the Chitlin corner.
00:04:39My shift starts in 10.
00:04:42I'll have you there in 5.
00:04:45Okay.
00:04:52So, you said you work over at the Chitlin corner, huh?
00:04:56Oh, yeah.
00:04:58What's that like?
00:05:00Same shit, different Chitlin.
00:05:02Co-workers that ain't worth the damn, and a boss that ain't done any actual work in a month of
00:05:06Sunday.
00:05:08Like, we've been meaning to hang up these new cameras, you know, real high-tech stuff.
00:05:12But the boss can't seem to take his thump out his ass long enough to put the buggers up.
00:05:17Well, that's a damn shame.
00:05:19Don't I know it?
00:05:24Oh, my God, I love this song!
00:05:30And he had the most majestic blue eyes.
00:05:33That boy was finer than frog hair.
00:05:38Oh, sorry.
00:05:42How you doing today?
00:05:44Thank you, holy shit.
00:05:45Oh, roaches.
00:05:49Oh, valpire pellet.
00:05:51Now, this is a really good brand.
00:05:52I got some myself.
00:05:55That'll be 19 even, ma'am.
00:05:59Make sure this is real.
00:06:00Next in line.
00:06:02So, like I was saying, Mike, I think I found my future suitor.
00:06:06How many times have you said that, Terry Jo? And how many times has it worked out?
00:06:12Look, maybe you should stop messing with those boys and find someone more distinguished with brown eyes.
00:06:19Maybe someone posted you, like, like in proximity.
00:06:25But this time it's different.
00:06:28God sent me my husband, Terry Taylor.
00:06:32Has an ass right to it, don't you think?
00:06:34Next in line.
00:06:38We do not accept the ABT.
00:06:40Everybody out!
00:06:47All right, everyone on the ground, this is a robber hunt!
00:06:49Come on, come on!
00:06:54Jackpot, baby!
00:06:55Woo!
00:06:55Where the fuck is everybody?
00:06:59Oh, I forgot to block that thing.
00:07:01Oh, goddammit!
00:07:02Bopper!
00:07:03I told you not to use light packs, numbnuts!
00:07:06Oh, my god.
00:07:07It's Bo.
00:07:08Yeah, I thought it'd be scary, but the truth is, ain't nobody in here.
00:07:11You thought.
00:07:12Oh, dang Bo, can we hurry this up?
00:07:14Mama's making tuna weenie beenie castle.
00:07:24I want the biggest weenie before Obadiah's badass shows up and grabs her.
00:07:28Oh, I hope she puts them little baby carrots in, like, last time.
00:07:31Hey, shut up, both of you guys.
00:07:33Focus up, put your mask on.
00:07:40How come it is you get to take your dang mask off?
00:07:43See my face, Bobby?
00:07:44Face too proud of you covered up.
00:07:46Woo!
00:07:47He's got a point.
00:07:48Say, look it, Bo.
00:07:49We aren't focused, all right?
00:07:51It's Bob-Man.
00:07:52Huh?
00:07:53You, huh?
00:07:54What you got to say to that?
00:07:55Who got the gun?
00:07:56I don't punch.
00:07:57Huh?
00:07:58Yeah.
00:07:59I never got to tell you this, but I'mma tell you now.
00:08:02Here, Joe.
00:08:03I love you.
00:08:05Bob-Man!
00:08:05Huh?
00:08:07Ah!
00:08:09Dear Lord, forgive me for what I'm about to do!
00:08:16No, we gotta go, go!
00:08:17Come on, come on!
00:08:24Oh, my God.
00:08:25Oh, my God.
00:08:27Oh, my God.
00:08:27Oh, my God.
00:08:27Oh, my God.
00:08:29Oh, my God.
00:08:30Hello.
00:08:31This is Tamara.
00:08:32Mama.
00:08:34Mama.
00:08:34Mama, I need help.
00:08:35They're trying to kill me.
00:08:36Gotcha.
00:08:38Can't believe you, dumbass.
00:08:40What the fuck?
00:08:41Don't come back to Joe.
00:08:42Leave a message at me.
00:08:44What the fuck, Mama?
00:08:45You stupid, fat bitch.
00:08:47I hate you.
00:08:48Oh, my God.
00:08:48I'm gonna go now.
00:08:50What am I gonna go home?
00:08:51Oh, poor Mac.
00:08:53You didn't deserve to die.
00:08:56What the fuck?
00:08:57In here, I thought you were a good Christian girl.
00:09:01I am a Christian girl.
00:09:03You're a fucking murderer.
00:09:05Stay out of my head, Mama Lane!
00:09:09Then he said, tase me.
00:09:12Look me right in the eyes.
00:09:13Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:09:15So I did.
00:09:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:09:17Sheriff Kelly.
00:09:19What complaint do you have for us today, Terry Joe?
00:09:22Wait, wait.
00:09:23Ha, ha.
00:09:23Boom!
00:09:24Man, let me guess.
00:09:26The child is selling lemonade without a permit.
00:09:31Which is illegal and should be taken very seriously.
00:09:35But no, I'm here to report something much more heinous.
00:09:40Um, I've witnessed a robbery murder at the Chitlin Corner.
00:09:45And I almost lost my life and come to think of it,
00:09:49neither you nor your deputies were there.
00:09:53Well, we weren't there.
00:09:54But we already gotta line up.
00:09:57Poor Mike.
00:09:58Cut down in the prime of his life.
00:10:00Not nothing.
00:10:01Did you know him?
00:10:02Yep.
00:10:03I worked with him for three years.
00:10:04Of course, I knew them.
00:10:06God rest his soul.
00:10:08Man, I plum forgot you work at Chitlin Corner.
00:10:11What a lucky break.
00:10:14Do you have time to look over the delinquents?
00:10:17What kind of proud member of the neighborhood watch would I be if I didn't?
00:10:22I'd love to.
00:10:23Now, when the light comes up, don't worry, cause they can't see you.
00:10:26This here's a two-way mirror.
00:10:28Just take your time.
00:10:30I'll be back here enjoying my banana and mayo sandwich.
00:10:34Okay.
00:10:37I think I'm ready.
00:10:40Double twenty-four!
00:10:42Head up!
00:10:48Double twenty-four!
00:10:50Any of these opens look familiar, do you?
00:10:57Twenty-eight!
00:10:58Come forward!
00:11:02Is that him?
00:11:03Uh, I surely wish it was, but, um, as much as I hate to do this, I think it was
00:11:14twenty-four? Bo Taylor?
00:11:18Well, if it's Bo Taylor, it must be the Bob's too.
00:11:23Those pesky crime-nappers have been terrorizing this county for months.
00:11:26We should've known!
00:11:28Oh, um, I think he can see me.
00:11:31No, you're fine.
00:11:32But, what is he doing?
00:11:42I see you.
00:11:45Oh, Jesus!
00:11:45He can't see me!
00:11:47I'm gonna die a virgin!
00:11:48What am I doing?
00:11:49My apologies, ma'am.
00:11:51Damn budget cuts must've gotten the glass.
00:11:54Oh, my God.
00:11:56What is he doing?
00:11:58He's gonna kill me!
00:11:59What am I supposed to do now?
00:12:02Maybe you should think about leaving town for a while.
00:12:06If you're not safe here, damn Bob's are still on the loose.
00:12:11You know what?
00:12:12No.
00:12:13As long as the birds are chirping, and the Lord is shining his holy light on me, I'm protected.
00:12:20And I'm gonna put my trust in him.
00:12:22I ain't going nowhere.
00:12:24I'm gonna stay right here.
00:12:25I belong.
00:12:27Goodbye!
00:12:28It's your life.
00:12:31Hey!
00:12:35You get one phone call, boy.
00:12:37Five minutes.
00:12:40Tops.
00:12:47Hello?
00:12:48What is this, Bobford?
00:12:50Bobford, put Bobby on my phone, dumbass.
00:12:52There you go, boy.
00:12:54Snake guys.
00:12:55Hey, so what happened?
00:12:56I go right to jail.
00:12:58What do you mean, no?
00:12:59Why is this man over like I told you to?
00:13:01No free parking for you, pal.
00:13:03Go to her house, then.
00:13:15I sure have followed through with the plan this time.
00:13:19All right.
00:13:20Whose turn is it?
00:13:21Let's go.
00:13:27God!
00:13:28God!
00:13:28Dirty!
00:13:28Park Place Avenue.
00:13:30Let's go!
00:13:31Feel the smoke, pepper, loisiness, fires.
00:13:39Come on down.
00:13:45Where is she?
00:13:47Huh?
00:13:48Person, where the fuck is he, huh?
00:13:51Huh?
00:13:56Get the fuck out of my house.
00:13:58I said where the fuck is he, Billy?
00:14:01Hey!
00:14:02Get out of here, you piece of shit.
00:14:04By the way, Bobbin.
00:14:05One, two, three.
00:14:07On my TV!
00:14:09Oh, he's at church, down at church.
00:14:16Come on.
00:14:16Oh, damn.
00:14:18Get the fuck out, and if you find her, tell her not to play.
00:14:22While they're coming home.
00:14:23Oh, yeah?
00:14:24We'll be taking your meats, too, you dumb fucking cunt.
00:14:26Oh, my goodness.
00:14:27Just have my TV.
00:14:36Mama, I'm home.
00:14:39Mama?
00:14:40I'm home.
00:14:42What happened?
00:14:44You happened, Terry Jo.
00:14:46Group of men came in here looking for you.
00:14:48Oh, no, Mama, I'm trying to...
00:14:50I don't know what kind of trouble you brought into my house, girl.
00:14:54I want you out today.
00:14:56Mama, you don't mean that.
00:14:58I mean every damn word I said.
00:15:01I want you gone.
00:15:03Now.
00:15:03Well, where else am I supposed to go?
00:15:05I ain't never even been out of Louisiana.
00:15:07Ain't nobody gonna take me in here.
00:15:09That's a you problem.
00:15:11Get the fuck out of my house.
00:15:14You ain't never loved me.
00:15:32What's going on?
00:15:46Pam?
00:15:50Me?
00:16:07Hello?
00:16:08Georgia?
00:16:10Georgia, my mama don't kick me out.
00:16:13She's such a fucking cunt.
00:16:15Hey, you watch her now.
00:16:16That's your aunt you're talking about.
00:16:18You may be my cousin, but that bitch is not my aunt.
00:16:23So rude.
00:16:25Where are you?
00:16:26It's so loud.
00:16:27Oh, I'm sorry.
00:16:28I'm in Miami for some week.
00:16:31Georgia, what am I gonna do?
00:16:33I ain't never seen her that mad before.
00:16:36Are we still on that?
00:16:38Yeah.
00:16:41There.
00:16:42I just bought you a pathetic acid ticket to Miami.
00:16:44Did you get it?
00:16:45What?
00:16:46Hold on.
00:16:47Let me see.
00:16:48This phone is...
00:16:50a lot.
00:16:51What?
00:16:51Sorry.
00:16:53Ever since Barrick left office,
00:16:55this damn old bomb,
00:16:56the phone's been on the fridge.
00:16:58Okay.
00:16:59I'm packing up now.
00:17:00Hey, no, wait.
00:17:01Wait.
00:17:02You actually want me to come to Miami?
00:17:05Want you to come?
00:17:06No.
00:17:07What I want is a fat blunt
00:17:09and a dick-me-down sesh with T-Sham.
00:17:11Oh, and you off my phone.
00:17:13Goodbye.
00:17:14Oh, wait.
00:17:15The Adios 555 Hillcrest Drive, Miami Beach.
00:17:19Now, bye.
00:17:24I asked for Reposado, not Blanco,
00:17:27you fucking tard bard.
00:17:28Guess I'm going to Miami.
00:17:38Hey.
00:17:39Hey.
00:17:39Hey.
00:17:40I just seen Terri Cho.
00:17:41Damn.
00:17:42She's a big bitch.
00:17:44Guess up the truck, boys.
00:17:45Get the booger sugar ready.
00:17:47We're going to Miami.
00:17:48Miami.
00:17:49Miami lights.
00:17:51Kальpink.
00:17:52Num.
00:17:54Fallsup.
00:17:56We at Basel.
00:17:57Everybody move.
00:17:58Can't go York.
00:18:00Dover.
00:18:01Can I not have a night?
00:18:02See the blue, by the way
00:18:05To the beat, and my corazon
00:18:07One, two, one
00:18:09I can't help myself
00:18:16I just know that I feel good
00:18:19I feel good
00:18:20And I wanna talk about
00:18:23I feel good
00:18:24I feel good
00:18:25I feel good
00:18:25I feel good
00:18:27I feel good
00:18:31Lord, it is human out there
00:18:37Georgia
00:18:41I'll be back
00:18:42It's me, I'm here
00:18:50What are you doing here?
00:18:52You invited me
00:18:52What are you wearing?
00:18:54What's wrong with your hair?
00:18:57Fuck
00:18:58Another reason for mama to be pissed
00:19:01What are you wearing?
00:19:02Where are the rest of your clothes?
00:19:05Are you drunk?
00:19:06Bitch, not only am I drunk
00:19:08But I'm high as a bug
00:19:10Oh wait, you should come meet my friend Emma
00:19:13She's cool
00:19:16Emma, this is my very distant relative
00:19:20I think she's homeless
00:19:22And like terminally ill
00:19:25What's your name again?
00:19:27It's Jerry Jo
00:19:28It's Jerry Jo
00:19:29This is my bitch Emma
00:19:30We met last year
00:19:31Yachting at Connie's
00:19:33Oh yeah, and our dad
00:19:34She's the buttfuck
00:19:35But that's a long story
00:19:37Anyways
00:19:38You should drink something
00:19:39Cause you look kinda thirsty
00:19:42And so does your hair
00:19:44As the night is still young
00:19:46Okay
00:19:46And so
00:19:50You're crazy
00:19:51Is this the devil's nectar?
00:19:55Are you out of your cotton picking mine?
00:19:58Do you want me to go to hell like you?
00:20:02Lord forgive me for I have taints in your sacred blood
00:20:08Oh God
00:20:08I think I'm gonna have an heart attack
00:20:11See?
00:20:12I told you she had a terminal illness
00:20:15Hey Georgia
00:20:16Come do a line
00:20:17Off my dick
00:20:20Oh
00:20:21Gotta go
00:20:223D calls
00:20:23Why don't you give Jerry something
00:20:25To ease her mind?
00:20:27Bye
00:20:30It's Jerry right?
00:20:32It's Terry
00:20:33It's Terry
00:20:34Well Georgia's told me
00:20:35Nothing about you
00:20:37But she ain't told me nothing about you either
00:20:39Or herself for that matter
00:20:42Cool
00:20:43Emma
00:20:47AHHHHH
00:20:48Think I'm off the doorstep?
00:20:51Hey Em
00:20:52You wouldn't have a type of aspirin would you?
00:20:54My head is killing me
00:20:55It's
00:20:56Emma
00:20:58Here
00:20:59Here
00:21:00Thank you
00:21:00Thank you
00:21:11Okay I'm gonna go find Georgia now
00:21:17You know it was an Aspen that was great
00:21:19Oh duh
00:21:21Georgia said she needed to loosen up
00:21:23You're such an evil bitch
00:21:25You love me
00:21:26You love me
00:21:28You love me
00:21:29Up here
00:21:29What?
00:21:31What's that?
00:21:32What?
00:21:47Oh my God
00:21:48Oh my God
00:21:49I love everything
00:21:49No luck
00:21:50You love me
00:21:50No luck
00:21:51I love you
00:21:51I love you
00:21:53Oh, my God.
00:22:24Are you new to Miami?
00:22:32No, I'm just visiting
00:22:35I'm Marcus
00:22:36And you are?
00:22:39I'm not into Negro
00:22:50About tickles
00:22:54Good
00:22:56You're such a fucking whore
00:23:00I am not
00:23:02Are you okay?
00:23:04Yeah, I'm good
00:23:05Just stick on
00:23:09Oh, he's pretty hung, tear bear
00:23:12Do you think you can fit all of that inside of you?
00:23:15I can't do this
00:23:16Sorry
00:23:17I'm saving myself for marriage
00:23:21Darling, that shit sailed a long time ago
00:23:29Are you sure you're okay?
00:23:37I'm okay
00:23:39I just can't have you deflower me
00:23:42Goes against everything I believe
00:24:08Relax baby, get comfortable with me, alright?
00:24:11Okay
00:24:12I got you
00:24:14Okay
00:24:18Damn, you got nigger feet
00:24:33Hop on time
00:24:35Okay
00:24:36Show me what them big ass feet can do
00:24:38These families are first
00:24:40Alright
00:24:43Wait
00:24:44Come on
00:24:45I've turned up
00:24:46Come here32
00:24:46You
00:24:47have him, child of color Don't
00:24:48let me You have
00:24:51him You have
00:24:51him You have
00:24:52me to go You have
00:24:53me to go Give it
00:24:54up, child of color You have
00:24:56me to go You have
00:24:57to go You have
00:24:57You have
00:24:58to go You have
00:24:59to go Come on
00:24:59Help You
00:25:00to go Oh Code
00:25:01God
00:25:01Go
00:25:02Boy
00:25:06Marcus?
00:25:09Marcus?
00:25:12Marcus, get up!
00:25:14Hello, hello? Anybody in there?
00:25:17I've got a baby phone!
00:25:18This ain't no damn bathroom!
00:25:20Marcus, get up!
00:25:22I don't... Marcus...
00:25:27Marcus!
00:25:30Marcus!
00:25:31Marcus!
00:25:33Okay, Lord Jesus, help me!
00:25:35Where do you gotta go?
00:25:39Help me, fuck!
00:25:41Georgia!
00:25:48Georgia, help me!
00:25:50Georgia!
00:25:51You okay?
00:25:53Back away from me, Marty Cone!
00:25:55You really should sit down, and you don't look so good.
00:25:58Can you take one more step closer to me?
00:26:01You're on stream!
00:26:02Everything's gonna be okay.
00:26:05How do you find my cousin's purse?
00:26:08Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:26:22Oh, looks...
00:26:28I'm...
00:26:28Oh, my God!
00:26:34I'm gonna...
00:26:37I'm gonna...
00:26:38What's the phone?
00:26:42Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:26:45Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:26:48Why didn't you just call me?
00:26:50Twerk to me.
00:26:51By the way, you were throwing that ass last night.
00:26:53Bitch, you earned it.
00:26:59What are you talking about?
00:27:01Look.
00:27:06Mom, it worked!
00:27:09No, no, no.
00:27:10No, I just need to repent.
00:27:12That's what it is.
00:27:13I just repent.
00:27:15You're going to need to do a lot of repenting
00:27:16from all that hunching you were doing last night.
00:27:18The what?
00:27:19You know, I knew Marcus like big girls
00:27:21because they call him drinking no BBL,
00:27:23but I didn't know you had a little taste for the jungle.
00:27:28Oh, nigga!
00:27:31Oh, sorry.
00:27:33No, Beck just liked my post.
00:27:35My bad.
00:27:36Keep going.
00:27:37Oh, no, I've got to get out of here.
00:27:41I've got to get to the house.
00:27:42What?
00:27:42You came out here to party, and that's what you're doing.
00:27:45No, that's what you're doing.
00:27:47None of this is me.
00:27:49I've got to go.
00:27:54You're such a fucking loser.
00:28:00Such a big mistake.
00:28:02You should have stayed in Louisiana.
00:28:06I need to repent.
00:28:10Stupid fucking bitch.
00:28:12Fucking whore.
00:28:13I can't believe how I let that whore let me kiss you like that
00:28:15with love of black men.
00:28:17It makes no sense.
00:28:19I can't believe I let that negro take advantage of me.
00:28:22Still takes the unicy on my mouth.
00:28:25Disgusting.
00:28:27As I live and breathe.
00:28:30Well, if this ain't divine intervention, I don't know what is.
00:28:34This is where I'm meant to be.
00:28:38Excuse me?
00:28:40Excuse me?
00:28:42You wouldn't happen to know where that is, would you?
00:28:48Oh, sorry.
00:28:49I forgot you blacks were illiterate.
00:28:51I am looking for church.
00:28:54I speak English, you fat bitch.
00:28:58I don't have time for this, Morgan Friedman.
00:29:00Are you going to help me, or are you going to keep pulling my leg?
00:29:04No offense.
00:29:05What's in it for me?
00:29:06Ain't nothing for free.
00:29:08Well, you get to help a young Christian woman find her way to God again.
00:29:13Girl, I got one leg and two mouths to feed.
00:29:16Two mouths?
00:29:17I only see you.
00:29:18This here is Sheila.
00:29:20Oh.
00:29:20Usually, her mouth is full.
00:29:22But right now, she's starving.
00:29:24I'm hungry, bitch!
00:29:25My stars?
00:29:26Okay, well, um, here.
00:29:31Now we talking.
00:29:33I've been there a few Thanksgiving's ago.
00:29:35They had greens, beans, tomatoes, potatoes, and chicken and turkey.
00:29:39You name it!
00:29:40Okay, well, where is it?
00:29:42Well, you go about ten blocks up and four blocks to the left.
00:29:46Ten blocks?
00:29:47Oh, no.
00:29:48I'm going to sit right here and wait for the bus.
00:29:50Like hell you will.
00:29:51Ain't no bus been around here since the Bush administration.
00:29:55My God, it's one thing after another in this town.
00:29:58Thank you, I guess.
00:30:00Come on, Sheila.
00:30:03We're going to go get our freak on.
00:30:05No, it's at five after six or before seven.
00:30:08You know, having a redneck teach you math is like having an Asian teach you on a drive.
00:30:13Just stay right.
00:30:18Motherfucker.
00:30:19Damn it!
00:30:21You know I shouldn't trust no colored man.
00:30:23Who wants you to lead me to a damn chicken shack?
00:30:36Tender's up.
00:30:37Next.
00:30:39Me first.
00:30:41Oh, my God!
00:30:41Hey, Duncan.
00:30:43Oh, I'm looking for the love and dress your church.
00:30:44You're happy to know that it is.
00:30:46What?
00:30:47Um, quiet!
00:30:49Sounds like a bunch of monkeys in here.
00:30:51I can hardly hear myself think.
00:30:52I think you better get the fuck from in front of me in this line.
00:30:55I know you saw me standing here.
00:30:57Hot down, Scarf.
00:30:58You know, if I was built like a 12-year-old boy as a 50-year-old man, I would
00:31:01be pissed, too.
00:31:02But you're just going to have to wait your turn.
00:31:04Bitch, you must be out of your rabbit-ass mind.
00:31:07I've got this.
00:31:07I'm looking for the love and friendship church.
00:31:09Girl, you almost got cut.
00:31:11And I'm not talking about in line.
00:31:13Now order or get out!
00:31:15Fine, if you insist.
00:31:18This again?
00:31:19This again?
00:31:23Okay, you know what?
00:31:25I'm going to have your four-piece, extra crispy, all thighs, and a large sweet tea.
00:31:30Don't skip me on my sugar.
00:31:31I like it sweet.
00:31:35Oh, oh, and two drumsticks on that, too.
00:31:41Sorry, hon.
00:31:42She just ordered the last crispy thighs.
00:31:45Oh, hell no.
00:31:46What am I right around?
00:31:47What a strophover crispy really is.
00:31:49Uh-uh.
00:31:50She ain't worth it.
00:31:51Is it really worth catching another case over some chicken?
00:31:57Oh, Lord.
00:31:58Smiling mind helped me now.
00:32:03Now breathe into your smiling mind with me.
00:32:07And one.
00:32:09And two.
00:32:10And three.
00:32:12You know what?
00:32:13Oh, man, what the hell are you doing?
00:32:14I ain't trying to be out here until a cow's come home.
00:32:16Yeah, but my cooter hurts from riding in that truck all night, Bo.
00:32:19I can't walk right.
00:32:20What the hell do you mean you can't?
00:32:21Can't never could.
00:32:23Mm-hmm.
00:32:23Turkey.
00:32:24You know, if Bo didn't drive like me, Mom, well...
00:32:27What?
00:32:27Nothing.
00:32:29That's what I thought.
00:32:31Dang.
00:32:34You sure that's the right address?
00:32:37Ain't no way in hell Aretha Franklin can pull this off.
00:32:39Yeah, sure as shit.
00:32:41Yeah.
00:32:42All right, listen up.
00:32:43Y'all gonna follow my lead.
00:32:44I'm gonna do the talking.
00:32:45Y'all shut your nuts.
00:32:47Just follow a Bo.
00:32:49Oh.
00:32:54The green juice, babe.
00:32:56That's the key.
00:32:57If you want your body half as T as mine, pair that with the gym.
00:33:01And I promise your body will be looking right.
00:33:04Well, not as good as mine, but something, you know?
00:33:08But cheers.
00:33:11Georgia, didn't you get a BBL?
00:33:15We're coming.
00:33:18Coming!
00:33:20Oh.
00:33:26Hey there, ma'am.
00:33:28Oh, sorry.
00:33:30Did somebody say train?
00:33:32Because I'm trying to take a ride on the Cowboy Express.
00:33:36Choo-choo.
00:33:39No, we're actually, we're looking for our dear old friend, Terry Jo.
00:33:44And she sent us this address to come and have dinner.
00:33:48And we just wonder if she's here.
00:33:50Or if the owner of this place is here.
00:33:54Um, you're talking to her?
00:33:56Um.
00:33:57Shit.
00:33:58Are you guys undercover cops?
00:34:00Because we're doing a shitload of coke in here.
00:34:02Okay.
00:34:03No, damn it.
00:34:04I'm just kidding.
00:34:05Just kidding.
00:34:05We're actually part of her prayer meet-up group.
00:34:10That fake book thing?
00:34:11Um.
00:34:12Look, I have no clue where she is.
00:34:15The bitch stormed out earlier and I haven't seen her since, so.
00:34:18Georgia, I think I got coochie lice!
00:34:22Not again.
00:34:24Sorry I couldn't be much help, but a bitch's got stuff to do.
00:34:28But if you want to come back later, the door will be unlocked.
00:34:32Just leave the uggles at home.
00:34:34Bye.
00:34:36Georgia!
00:34:37Coming!
00:34:39Well, I'll be damned.
00:34:40She got a fake book account.
00:34:42Check it, Bobford.
00:34:43What the hell are you doing?
00:34:47Hmm.
00:34:49I can't find her.
00:34:50She ain't got no account.
00:34:51Let me see that damn thing.
00:34:54This ain't fake book, you hillbilly hobbit.
00:34:56This is your grinder page.
00:35:08Home-style chicken, huh?
00:35:10All right, come on, boys.
00:35:11We got her.
00:35:13Girl, Lord have mercy.
00:35:17Now that was some good eat.
00:35:21Oh, were you raised in a barnyard?
00:35:24Did your mama teach you no mannerisms?
00:35:27Excuse me?
00:35:29Pollicles by Nicole.
00:35:31I do hair on the side.
00:35:32And, bitch, you most definitely need to come see me.
00:35:35Your weave looking a hot-ass nest.
00:35:37Sweetheart, this is not a weave.
00:35:39This is all my natural hair.
00:35:41Well, bitch, if that's your natural hair, then I'm Megan Thee Stallion.
00:35:46You need a fresh install.
00:35:47Pronto.
00:35:48I'm not even going to pretend like I know who Megan Thee Pony is or what an install is.
00:35:52Can you move right along?
00:35:53Well, look, we located on Lincoln in Aventura, if you change your mind.
00:35:57I won't.
00:35:57I actually have an appointment with Love and Friendship Church.
00:36:00Do you know where that is?
00:36:02Girl, just use your phone.
00:36:03Oh, this Obama phone don't get nothing but a fake book and the weather.
00:36:07All I know is that all the churches is to the south.
00:36:10I gotta go take my break now.
00:36:13Good luck.
00:36:14Bye.
00:36:20Oh, I don't know.
00:36:28Hey.
00:36:31That chicken smells so good.
00:36:32Bobby, focus up, damn it.
00:36:34Now, y'all shut up.
00:36:36Pay attention.
00:36:37Follow old Bo.
00:36:38Hey!
00:36:40No loitering.
00:36:44If you ain't ordering or eating chicken, you gots to go.
00:36:52Bopper, Bobby, follow me.
00:36:54Bye, man.
00:36:55Stay here.
00:36:56You're kind of welcome.
00:36:59Ooh.
00:37:01I ain't a fucking lesbian.
00:37:03Pardon me, ma'am.
00:37:04I gotta apologize for my brothers there.
00:37:08I just get a little overexcited, is all.
00:37:17Is there something wrong with your face?
00:37:21You gotta take a shit or something?
00:37:24No.
00:37:26Shut up!
00:37:27Shut up!
00:37:28Well, good afternoon.
00:37:29It's a lovely day.
00:37:31I'm sorry.
00:37:31I don't want to bother you, but we got this friend.
00:37:33She's in our fake book, message group, Bible study, and we just got, well, we just got
00:37:38an important Jesus message for her, and I just, I'm wondering if you've seen her?
00:37:47I don't know nothing, but she was just in here going in on some chicken.
00:37:52So you saw her?
00:37:56I ain't no snitch, but if I was, I told you her hair looked a hot-ass mess.
00:38:02I told her to come see me.
00:38:04I do here on the side.
00:38:07Uh, you should come see me, too.
00:38:10I do all textures.
00:38:12I don't know nothing else.
00:38:20Bo, please, please, can't we get some chicken?
00:38:23I'm so hungry I could eat Martha June.
00:38:26Who is that?
00:38:27Bo's ex-girlfriend from middle school.
00:38:29Big boobs, itty-bitty waist.
00:38:31What are you talking about, Bobby?
00:38:33Hey, are you huffing whippets again?
00:38:35Lord.
00:38:37Oh, honey, I am run ragged.
00:38:41She can hang these feet up like Sunday laundry.
00:38:45Oh, God, tell me.
00:38:52Excuse me, La Nino.
00:38:54Excuse me.
00:38:55Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where the love and friendship church is, would you?
00:39:00Oh, no need to be scared, ain't immigration?
00:39:03But I do have them on speed dials, so you do best to mind me, boy.
00:39:09Hey, what's going on over there?
00:39:12It's a electron.
00:39:14English, primo.
00:39:16A puerco asado?
00:39:18Man, a cookout.
00:39:20Fish fry?
00:39:20Barbecue?
00:39:21Oh, why did you say that first?
00:39:24Why ain't you gonna introduce me?
00:39:26Anybody tell you no manners?
00:39:27Mama wants it just better.
00:39:28Come on.
00:39:31Come on.
00:39:34Come on.
00:39:35Come on.
00:39:36Come on.
00:39:46Jesus.
00:39:47Jesus.
00:39:54This gorilla is asking for food, please, don't let me eat.
00:40:00Thank you. I'll take it from here.
00:40:04Hey everybody, this is my friend Terry Jo.
00:40:07We met last night. Please make her feel welcome.
00:40:11Hi.
00:40:12Hi.
00:40:13Hi.
00:40:15Hi.
00:40:16I remember you from last night. You took care of me. I never got a chance to say thank you.
00:40:21You were in pretty bad shape, but I'm happy to see you're feeling better.
00:40:24I'm gonna be in the worst shape in hell for the things I was doing last night.
00:40:28I can't believe I let myself get consumed by temptation like that.
00:40:32I need to find my way back to God.
00:40:34Give yourself some grace. We all fall short of His glory.
00:40:38Well, bless your heart. You know, I really needed to hear that.
00:40:41It's all a part of His plan.
00:40:44Now, let's get you some food.
00:40:46Gotta tell me twice.
00:41:00What is it?
00:41:01Oh shit, she posted.
00:41:03She's a picture of this bitch eating again.
00:41:05No, Bo, there's a street sign. Look, she's at the corner of...
00:41:09Cone me and mea...
00:41:13My...myeda...
00:41:14My...myeda...
00:41:15Put in the maps.
00:41:19Oh, baby She's across town! Let's go!
00:41:23Oh!
00:41:23Woo!
00:41:25Woo!
00:41:27Woo!
00:41:29My child, baby, can I have a bit?
00:41:31Hey, baby, I got a bit of a...
00:41:34Oh shit, my baby.
00:42:48I'm so sorry, miss.
00:42:51Come help me.
00:42:58I'm so sorry, miss.
00:43:04This Tracy turned black, white back of Notre Dame came and hit me on my good legs.
00:43:12Oh, hell no, bitch.
00:43:13You got some kind of nerve.
00:43:15Pardon me?
00:43:16Homestyle chicken.
00:43:19I never forget when a bitch plays with my food.
00:43:22Sorry, you must have been confusing someone else.
00:43:24You cut me in line.
00:43:25Then you ordered the last extra crispy chicken thigh dinner, and now you won over one of my
00:43:30queens.
00:43:30I ought to whoop your ass right now.
00:43:32Well, hold on.
00:43:33Now, that chicken thing wasn't my fault.
00:43:34It's not my fault that black-owned businesses are negligent.
00:43:38I ain't got time for this.
00:43:40You are going to fix this now, or a doctor's going to have to fix your face after I'm done
00:43:45rearranging the motherfucker.
00:43:57Get off of me.
00:44:00You're a homosexual.
00:44:03A what?
00:44:05You're all homosexual.
00:44:08Um, sure, aren't you?
00:44:11I'm a Christian woman, and I will not have my faith compromised.
00:44:15Getting the hell out of you.
00:44:17Girl, my back is killing me.
00:44:19That will be the last shablam that I'm doing this week.
00:44:21And I'm going to need some wings.
00:44:24This is disgusting.
00:44:25A bunch of men playing dress-up.
00:44:28Honey, we don't play.
00:44:29We do.
00:44:30No, what you're doing is sinful.
00:44:32Thinking you can wear womanhood like a damn Halloween costume.
00:44:36Honey, a sin is thinking that you can squeeze those size 16 hooks into those size 6 flats.
00:44:45Oh, no, I don't touch homosexions.
00:44:48Unlike you all, I'm a real woman.
00:44:51No, you're a bitch.
00:44:54I'm leaving now.
00:44:55No, you're not going anywhere.
00:44:57You took out our closing act.
00:44:59You are going to perform tonight.
00:45:02I'm not doing it.
00:45:03Trust me, girl.
00:45:04You don't want to cross her name.
00:45:06I've seen her do worse for less.
00:45:08Oh.
00:45:11Okay, then what performance would y'all have me do?
00:45:14Sing.
00:45:15Dance.
00:45:16Shove a pogo stick up your ass while reciting the alphabet backwards.
00:45:18I don't give a shit.
00:45:21Well, I used to sing in the church choir back home.
00:45:24Works for me.
00:45:26Okay.
00:45:28But don't get up there hooting and hollering and praise dancing.
00:45:34Sorry, God.
00:45:42Sorry.
00:46:00After all the busy beast
00:46:04Stop us in
00:46:08Tower bells
00:46:09Know it's too late to chime
00:46:14You can wish on wishes
00:46:17But it doesn't
00:46:22Dream time
00:46:24Huh, we're going to know the bitch hairpides.
00:46:26Well, honey, look at her.
00:46:28It's a known fact that all big bitches can sing.
00:46:31Dream time
00:46:34Close your eyes and let the moon shine
00:46:41There will always be a next time
00:46:51Waiting for you
00:47:00So until the morning when you're waking
00:47:06Try to leave the memories behind
00:47:14There'll be second chances for the taking
00:47:21Dream time
00:47:25Dream time
00:47:27Dream time
00:47:54Damn, girl, you may look like a beluga whale, but I didn't know you could blow down like
00:47:57that.
00:47:58Beluga?
00:48:00So, who taught you how to sing like that?
00:48:02Let me guess.
00:48:03You get it from your mama?
00:48:05No, she wishes.
00:48:06That woman sounds like two alley cats fighting over last week's tuna punch pie.
00:48:11Tuna punch pie?
00:48:12That's just vile.
00:48:14Where the hell are you from?
00:48:15Louisiana.
00:48:16Born and raised.
00:48:17We ain't never had tuna punch pie.
00:48:19Well, if you ain't swamp water podunk backwoods, I don't know what is.
00:48:23Yeah.
00:48:27So, Dorothy, what you doing all the way out here?
00:48:32Oh, well, it's a long story, but my mama kicked me out.
00:48:36I'm on the count of Autumn.
00:48:37Pissed her off one too many times.
00:48:41I don't know what's wrong with me.
00:48:42I was getting myself into some kind of trouble.
00:48:45I'm such an idiot.
00:48:46Oh, don't be too hard on yourself, child.
00:48:50I was kicked out of my house, too.
00:48:52My daddy came home and caught me playing in my mama's lipstick and dress and sent me right
00:48:57on out the door, stripped me naked, and beat me to the white meat.
00:49:03That sounds just awful.
00:49:04What even a homo deserves that kind of treatment?
00:49:09Yeah.
00:49:10Well, took a few pots pissed in and a few doors slammed in my face, but I finally found my
00:49:16new family right here in this very club.
00:49:20I wish I had such luck.
00:49:22You know, I've been trying to find this church all day, and it's so annoying because I...
00:49:30Hey, maybe you can come with me and we can have somebody pray those demons out of you.
00:49:35Oh, no, honey.
00:49:37I gave up my church on days a long time ago.
00:49:39But why?
00:49:40Everybody loves church.
00:49:42Where was the church when my daddy was whooping me all up and down the streets?
00:49:46This here is my church, and my religion is holding a safe space for me, my girls, gays,
00:49:56theys, and whatever the hell else is out there to just be.
00:50:00And, honey, God ain't in the church.
00:50:04He's in the heart.
00:50:05You're right about that.
00:50:09Oh.
00:50:10Okay.
00:50:21Wait, you don't have AIDS, do you?
00:50:24Oh.
00:50:30My damn cigarette.
00:50:31What?
00:50:32You gotta ask sometimes.
00:50:33You never know.
00:50:34Now, where are you staying at tonight?
00:50:36Because the bitch is about to get out of here and untuck and unwind.
00:50:39Well, I don't really know about that, to be honest with you.
00:50:43Well, come on.
00:50:43You can stay with me.
00:50:44And we can wash this dirty-ass dress, too.
00:50:47I couldn't.
00:50:48I don't want to put you out like that.
00:50:49Oh, hush up, girl.
00:50:51Now, let's get out of here before I change my mind.
00:50:54Just don't go trying to touch me in my sleep.
00:50:58I like my candy on a stick.
00:51:00Not in a box.
00:51:01Well, honey, you don't have to worry about that with me.
00:51:03Well, good, honey.
00:51:04But you do have to worry about me taking one of these red books.
00:51:06Well, that's what they're for.
00:51:24Wake up!
00:51:25Sorry, sons of bitches.
00:51:26Somebody check the fake boob.
00:51:32Okay.
00:51:33Nope.
00:51:35Nothing.
00:51:37Hey, boys.
00:51:39About time to train the old craps or snake.
00:51:42I gotta take a dunk.
00:51:43I'm hungry.
00:51:44Shut up!
00:51:45We're running out of time.
00:51:47We are running out of food.
00:51:48We're running out of money.
00:51:52Bo's gonna figure something out.
00:51:54Jesus Christ, Bo.
00:51:55Look what those crazy Cubans did to your truck.
00:51:57Now listen here, you handsome motherfucker.
00:52:03I ain't eat nothing since them weenie dogs at 7-Eleven yesterday.
00:52:06And if I don't get something in my stomach right now, I'm gonna start eating these leather seats off your
00:52:10precious tarot.
00:52:10You so much as think about touching my leather seats, I will tie your ass to the back and I'll
00:52:15drag you home.
00:52:19Was I snoring last night?
00:52:20Well, you know, I was actually gonna ask you if you were part Wookiee.
00:52:23Oh, part Wookiee is crazy.
00:52:25Yeah.
00:52:25I know you want to get to your church, but you're one of my girls now.
00:52:28Oh.
00:52:29And I can't have you out here looking like this.
00:52:30So you're coming with me to get this rat's nest tamed.
00:52:33Oh, my God.
00:52:33I'm sure my cousin has an open seat.
00:52:35I don't have time for this.
00:52:37I'm on a mission.
00:52:38And plus, I'm nothing wrong with my hair.
00:52:40And God says come as you are.
00:52:42Well, honey, sorry to break it to you, but I can name at least 10 things while I'm with you.
00:52:45Hey, hey.
00:52:46Get your ass in here.
00:52:47I don't know what you mean.
00:52:51Girl, and then he tells me to get all dressed up and look nice because he won't stick me out.
00:52:55You're late again.
00:52:57Sorry.
00:52:59And I asked him where.
00:53:01He said where to cook food in front of you.
00:53:04Shani, this is my new friend Terry Jo.
00:53:06You think you could hook her up?
00:53:07She needs a new style for church.
00:53:09Mm-mm.
00:53:09Ain't enough time or deep condition to treat that scout.
00:53:12Nikki can do it.
00:53:14She ain't got shit no better to do.
00:53:17Mm-mm.
00:53:18Clearly.
00:53:20That bitch went to Benihana?
00:53:22Worse.
00:53:22He took my ass to fucking Subway, girl.
00:53:24Well, I know you fucking lying.
00:53:26The worst part is, I told him I would go on a second date with him.
00:53:29And I still let him put his foot long in my mouth.
00:53:32Bitch, get out of my chill.
00:53:33Wait a minute.
00:53:34Don't I know you from somewhere?
00:53:36I'm sorry.
00:53:37Who are you?
00:53:37Oh, don't you play dumb with me.
00:53:39You're that colored girl who gave me her business card after insulting me at that ghetto chicken shack.
00:53:44Yeah, I don't remember that, but that sounds like me.
00:53:48I hand them hoes out to everybody that comes in.
00:53:50Come sit down.
00:53:51Wait, wait, wait.
00:53:52Are you sure you can handle hair like this?
00:53:55Because I'm sure you're used to dealing with texture like yours.
00:53:59What do you mean by that?
00:54:01Oh, just, you know, nappy, unkempt, and coarse.
00:54:07And what the hell is that thing on top of your head?
00:54:09Coming in here looking like James Brown with a toupee on.
00:54:11Honey, this is homegrown blonde dresses of silky smooth hair and a healthy bounce to it.
00:54:18The only thing bouncing on you was that fupa when you walked up in here.
00:54:22Now, do you want me to do something with this mess?
00:54:24You know, not really.
00:54:26But seeing as how that scary black man over there is going to go all Shawshank on me if I
00:54:29don't,
00:54:30I'm going to let you do it.
00:54:31Whatever.
00:54:32Like I said, follow me.
00:54:35Come sit down.
00:54:37Sure.
00:54:37Whatever you say, Moesha.
00:54:40Come on.
00:54:40Let's go, Moesha.
00:54:41I'm hungry.
00:54:42I can't wait to get my Vietnamese food.
00:54:48Uh, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why did you choose that hairstyle?
00:54:55Because I like it like this.
00:54:56When was the last time you did anything with your hair?
00:55:00Oh, I actually don't do my hair.
00:55:02My mama doesn't.
00:55:05Now, is this raccoon or horse hair?
00:55:09Neither.
00:55:10This is Brazilian, baby.
00:55:12Ugh.
00:55:14I just got a Brazilian.
00:55:15So, we want to try any kinks and curls today?
00:55:19Embrace the natural side?
00:55:21Kinks and curls?
00:55:21Are you visually impaired?
00:55:23This is wavy hair.
00:55:25And plus, even if I wanted to try something new with my hair, my mama would kill me.
00:55:30Well, Tara, you're a grown woman and your mama's not here.
00:55:34So, do you want to try anything new and exciting?
00:55:37New and exciting.
00:55:41No.
00:55:46You're a piece of work.
00:55:47You know that, right?
00:55:48Anything worth having requires work.
00:55:59Why ain't she pulsing yet?
00:56:01Come on.
00:56:02Come on, T.
00:56:05Hey, let me get that when you're done.
00:56:07Come on.
00:56:07Huh?
00:56:08Let me get that when you're done.
00:56:09Yeah, that.
00:56:11Thanks.
00:56:16What is it?
00:56:20Maybe she's here.
00:56:21Put in the GPS.
00:56:23Put it in.
00:56:23Put it in.
00:56:25Come on.
00:56:26Alright, alright.
00:56:29Hell, it's all the way across town.
00:56:31You said we ain't got no gas.
00:56:33We don't even know she's there.
00:56:35Huh?
00:56:35This is a wild goose chase with her.
00:56:37It's a wild goose chase.
00:56:39You got a better idea?
00:56:50Oh, don't cry.
00:56:54I just...
00:56:55I ain't never felt this beautiful before.
00:56:59Girl, you've always been beautiful.
00:57:01Sometimes you just gotta dig through the rocks to get to the diamonds.
00:57:06And bitch, you shining.
00:57:09You think so?
00:57:10I know so.
00:57:15Well, I think this stuff calls for a selfie, don't you think?
00:57:19Eat your heart out, Martha Dixon.
00:57:22Fuck you, Martha.
00:57:27Are you okay?
00:57:29You need a tissue or something?
00:57:31It's Chinese.
00:57:35Anyone hungry?
00:57:36I know she is.
00:57:40She posted.
00:57:41I told you she was out, baby!
00:57:44I wasn't feeding, baby!
00:57:46I knew her!
00:57:48I knew her!
00:57:52Now this is my kind of soul food.
00:57:54Girl!
00:57:57Um, pass me those egg rolls before Terry eats them all.
00:58:02My apologies.
00:58:03I just love me some Chinese food.
00:58:05So exalted.
00:58:07You mean Vietnamese?
00:58:08Nigga, please.
00:58:09A poodle is a poodle no matter what part of the world you pluck it from.
00:58:15What did you just say?
00:58:17What?
00:58:19We don't know what they be cooking in their kitchen!
00:58:21It ain't no secret!
00:58:24It was Fox News said it.
00:58:27Bitch, what?
00:58:29I'm 15% Vietnamese on my daddy's side!
00:58:32That's right, my blazing sister.
00:58:35You know your dad?
00:58:39Stupid fucking bitches!
00:58:41Chinese girls!
00:58:43Ew.
00:58:49Hey!
00:58:52Hey!
00:58:53Hey, why didn't you send me to that chicken place yesterday when I told you I was looking for a
00:58:56church?
00:58:57I ain't never met you, girl.
00:58:59I remember if I met Shamu.
00:59:03Shamu?
00:59:04I told you I was looking for the Love and Friendship church.
00:59:07Love and Friendship?
00:59:09Ooh-wee!
00:59:10They really know how to feed a man.
00:59:12You see?
00:59:13That's the same bullshit you were spouting out yesterday.
00:59:16Bitch!
00:59:16You gonna give me some money, or you gonna keep on talking.
00:59:19And why on God's green earth would I do that?
00:59:22Because you wanna find that church.
00:59:25You think I'm falling for that?
00:59:26If it's the church, you see, it's the money that I reap.
00:59:31Ooh.
00:59:33Well, I don't have any cash.
00:59:37Pay or plan?
00:59:38Fine.
00:59:40But if you send me on a wild goose chase again, I'm gonna find you.
00:59:43And not only will you be homeless and legless, but I'm gonna make sure you're dickless, too.
00:59:48You're welcome, Sheila.
00:59:52Bitch!
00:59:53There. It's done.
00:59:57That's what I'm talking about.
00:59:59Bitch, you put me back in the game.
01:00:01See there, Sheila?
01:00:02I always provide for you.
01:00:05Um, hello?
01:00:08Okay, okay.
01:00:09So you go down, three blocks to the left, then you turn to the right, and you turn to the
01:00:15left.
01:00:15And you back it up, and you turn...
01:00:17Where the fuck is it?
01:00:19All right, all right, go down, two blocks to the right, you turn to the left, you get on the
01:00:24bus, and you get off at Jefferson.
01:00:26The bus? You said there weren't any buses around here.
01:00:29That was over there. We over here, you dumbass.
01:00:33You know what? I don't have time for this.
01:00:35Get your life together, sir.
01:00:36And here's a helpful tip. You won't find God at the bottom of that bottle.
01:00:40Says who?
01:00:41You dumb bitch.
01:00:46I'm afraid to take your penis on my leg in it.
01:00:48My hair!
01:00:54I see Terry Jo. She's sitting right there. Who's got the gun?
01:00:57I don't see her.
01:00:59She's sitting in that chair right fucking there.
01:01:02That ain't her, you inbred. That's the girl that gave us the card.
01:01:05Terry Jo is about 200 pounds heavier and four shades darker!
01:01:07You boys lost or something?
01:01:13Who you calling boy?
01:01:16Boy!
01:01:17We're looking for this woman. You seen her?
01:01:19Yeah.
01:01:20I've seen her.
01:01:21And there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna tell her Pecklewood where she is.
01:01:27Hey, ding-a-boo. You're gonna tell me exactly where she is, or I'm gonna feed it out of you.
01:01:31I ain't scared of you, punk.
01:01:35That's all you got?
01:01:36Hey, do you think he fucking even needs that chair of dog, or is he just lazy, cause you're black?
01:01:42Only one way to find out.
01:01:43Hey, the picture is on my Sheila!
01:01:46What you want? Anything! Man, anything! What you need?
01:01:50Tell me where the bitch is, or Sheila gets it.
01:01:53Yeah! I'm a penetrator!
01:01:56Alright, alright, alright, alright.
01:01:58She went to the Love and Friendship Church. Come on, man.
01:02:03Was that so hard?
01:02:06Give it back!
01:02:07Come on, boys. Let's get out of here.
01:02:10Fucking girls!
01:02:14Oh, damn!
01:02:16There's your reparations, Saboomafoo!
01:02:23Bet that cotton picker lying to me!
01:02:26He's lying to me!
01:02:28I'm a gutter like catfish on Good Friday.
01:02:30Just like Meemaw, baby! Just like Meemaw!
01:02:33We ain't got time to turn around now, Beau.
01:02:35Besides, Bobby took that trash out. I watched it.
01:02:39Whoo! Meemaw made a mean catfish, didn't she, brother?
01:02:42She did. I miss her. Rest yourself.
01:02:44Oh, shit! This Japanese food is running straight through me!
01:02:48Oh, Lord Jesus! I'm from the bathroom!
01:02:53Oh, Jesus, please don't forsake me!
01:02:57Oh, shit! Well, that's her!
01:02:58Oh, shit! Well, that's her!
01:02:59Oh, shit, boys!
01:03:01Oh, oh, oh, oh!
01:03:01She didn't get out of here too!
01:03:06Don't eat her ass, Bob, man!
01:03:07You got this!
01:03:08Yeah, I'll bring her out dead or alive, boys!
01:03:11Yeah!
01:03:12Come get her, Bob, man!
01:03:14Let's go!
01:03:17Oh!
01:03:18Feels like I'm burning babies off my ass off!
01:03:22Oh!
01:03:25Terry Jo!
01:03:30Oh, Tear Bear!
01:03:33Oh, no, Marmalade!
01:03:35Oh, come play with me!
01:03:37Oh, shit!
01:03:38Terry!
01:03:40Get out! Get out!
01:03:41I know you won't, too!
01:03:43Oh, I know!
01:03:43Terry!
01:03:45Oh, I know!
01:03:59I'm back here!
01:04:03Hey there, cousin!
01:04:04What are you doing?
01:04:08Miss me?
01:04:10Oh, what's the matter?
01:04:13You look like you've seen a ghost!
01:04:15Boo!
01:04:18Marmalade?
01:04:22In the flesh!
01:04:25You know I can't stay away from you for too long, Terry Bear.
01:04:30Oh, and it's Amethyst now.
01:04:32Oh, Marmalade, please.
01:04:36It's Amethyst!
01:04:40Amethyst, Marmalade, bats straight out of hell.
01:04:43I don't really give a fuck.
01:04:45In fact, I stopped giving a fuck about you that day you showed up on my doorstep all bloody and
01:04:50dirty.
01:04:51Turned into this... this thing.
01:05:04This thing?
01:05:05You say that like it was my choice.
01:05:08I didn't choose to be kidnapped.
01:05:10I didn't choose to be raped and turn into a vampire.
01:05:16Sweetheart, this is all your fault.
01:05:19Maybe if you weren't sneaking out of the dead of nine to do God knows what with God knows who,
01:05:24you wouldn't be in this predicament now.
01:05:26In what predicament is that?
01:05:31Hmm, I don't know, let me see.
01:05:33A soulless sack of animated flesh that feeds on the blood of the innocent?
01:05:37Who will more than likely spend all eternity in hell?
01:05:40Whenever that glorious day that somebody decides to shove a wooden stake through your cold, dead...
01:05:46I'm gonna make you shit your teeth.
01:05:49You fucking republicans.
01:05:54Bite me.
01:05:55Oh, I intend to.
01:06:10Holy shit.
01:06:25I did it.
01:06:35I did it.
01:06:39I did it.
01:06:54You sure been hard to find
01:07:03Oh, I like a strong bitch, too
01:07:16Stop all that moving
01:07:21Keep your hands off me, you filthy lesbian
01:07:25Don't say another motherfucking word
01:07:28Or I swear to God, I'll kill you
01:07:30Okay, okay
01:07:32Just don't hurt me
01:07:34Please
01:07:35Bo, Bo, you're here to save me
01:07:38These two men are gonna have their way with me
01:07:40I ain't a fucking man
01:07:42You should've fooled me
01:07:44All over
01:07:45Please, please, don't do this to me
01:07:48Oh, it's too late for all that begging and pleading
01:07:50You and some deep doggy shit, Terry Jo
01:07:53I heard every word that you told the cops
01:07:57How dumb do you think I am?
01:08:05Fuck it, doesn't matter, because I am a man of good faith
01:08:12Now
01:08:14I was gonna kill you
01:08:16But after seeing your cousin's house
01:08:18I think
01:08:18I think ransom just might be a whole lot better idea
01:08:23But first
01:08:24Some fun
01:08:24Go tighten the ropes and I'm gonna get the belt
01:08:29No, no, please, please
01:08:31Hey, I'll call the sheriff and
01:08:33I'll make it right, I will
01:08:35No, no, no, no, no
01:08:36I think you're gonna call someone else
01:08:39Where's your phone?
01:08:42Um
01:08:44Huh?
01:08:47Where?
01:08:50Oh, hell no, bye, Van, get that
01:08:52Uh...
01:08:53Come on
01:08:53Me?
01:08:54Oh, I guess
01:08:55No
01:08:56Oh, no, anybody for her, please
01:08:58Huh?
01:08:59No
01:09:00That ain't my bag
01:09:01Mm-mm
01:09:04Let's do everything
01:09:09It's right on in there
01:09:11Ooh
01:09:11I ain't getting there nice and deep life, brother
01:09:13Oh, well
01:09:14I ain't gonna bite you
01:09:16Oh, that ain't right
01:09:17Oh
01:09:17My God, it's right there
01:09:18Your hands got there
01:09:19Oh
01:09:22Now who am I calling?
01:09:24What the hell
01:09:24kind of phone is this?
01:09:27Obama
01:09:31Figures
01:09:32Now, you're gonna call up that black lady
01:09:34who owns that mansion
01:09:35You're gonna ask her for one trillion dollars
01:09:37And don't try no funny shit or we'll cut your fingers off
01:09:41Okay
01:09:42Dial it
01:09:43Come on
01:09:45Okay, it's calling
01:09:46Hello?
01:09:48What the fuck?
01:09:49Why is it so dark?
01:09:50It's yours, I need help
01:09:51They're trying to kill me
01:09:52They're trying to kill me
01:09:56Oh my God
01:09:58You're on one of those seedy sex loves downtown, aren't you?
01:10:02Thanks for the invite
01:10:04Bitch
01:10:05No, no, no, you idiot
01:10:06I need help
01:10:08Ooh
01:10:10A little CNC play
01:10:13Wow, Miami's really done a number on you
01:10:15I couldn't be more proud
01:10:21Oh
01:10:22Stupid bitch
01:10:22Bop her the gun
01:10:24Tired of this shit
01:10:25This country ass bitch has seen her last days
01:10:27No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
01:10:30Okay, we got money saved up at home
01:10:32From daddy's life insurance
01:10:40We need to
01:10:42Put her on speaker
01:10:44Okay
01:10:48Hello, this is Tamar
01:10:50Mama, Mama, they're trying to kill me out of here
01:10:52Ah, gotcha
01:10:53No
01:10:54You dumbass
01:10:56Fell for that tooth, yo
01:10:58I'm not able to break
01:10:58I'm not able to break
01:11:00I'm over this shit
01:11:02Hey
01:11:03Somebody shoot her, make it quick
01:11:03No, wait
01:11:04Why, you said I'm not able to break
01:11:06You always get to have all the fun
01:11:07And won't
01:11:08It won't
01:11:08No, it won't
01:11:09It won't
01:11:09No, you always get to have all the fun
01:11:11No, you always get to have all the fun
01:11:11You always get to have all the fun
01:11:12No, you're not able to look in the black car, you twin
01:11:14Oh
01:11:15Shit
01:11:21What the hell is that?
01:11:29I'm here! I'm here!
01:12:11Where are we?
01:12:14Exactly where you need to be.
01:12:23Well, what are we writing for? Let's get in there.
01:12:29And just like the Lord, I am the shepherd. Seek the lost, bind the broken, and lead the willing.
01:12:38Oh. Well, we'll ever see you again?
01:12:47I'm always on the main line.
01:12:49Okay. Well, thank you.
01:13:05Finally, my home away from home.
01:13:11Are you sure you don't want to come?
01:13:19Jesus Christ, oh.
01:13:23Jesus Christ?
01:13:27Jesus Christ.
01:13:30Help me.
01:13:31And the Lord said, I will pour you out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive
01:13:37it.
01:13:38Malachi, chapter 3, verse 10.
01:13:40Amen.
01:13:41Amen.
01:13:42Brothers and sisters, I am here to reassure you that you, in fact, deserve every blessing God bestows on you.
01:13:50Because you are God's child.
01:13:53Hallelujah.
01:13:55Hallelujah.
01:13:55Speaking of blessings, today is my tenth wedding anniversary.
01:14:00If you know anything about marriage, you know it is miracle just to get past that first year.
01:14:08But by the grace of God, we are still going strong and long.
01:14:18Now, many of you already know my better half.
01:14:21But for those of you who don't, I would like to share my blessing with you.
01:14:26Can I share my blessing with each of you today?
01:14:28Yes!
01:14:29Yes!
01:14:30Get on up here, Aubrey.
01:14:31I ate that just soon just pie.
01:14:40This is my lovely husband, Aubrey.
01:14:46What the fuck?
01:14:50Excuse me?
01:14:51The love of your life is a man?
01:14:53And a black one at that?
01:14:54What?
01:14:55Now, that's just wrong on so many levels, I can't even count.
01:14:58I mean, how can a man of God lay down with another man?
01:15:02That's disgusting.
01:15:04You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
01:15:06How dare you!
01:15:11Here at Love and Friendship, we believe in being inclusive and having respect for everyone.
01:15:18Well, are you including God in that respect for everyone?
01:15:21Because he, for sure as hellfire, would not be blessed in this union.
01:15:26I can't believe this church is run by a bunch of back-bottom, hudge-packing, twinkle-toed, skirt-wearing, tongue
01:15:32-popping, fairy saggots!
01:15:35What?
01:15:37You guys can't seriously be condoning this kind of behavior in the house of the Lord.
01:15:41I rebuke it in the name of Jesus!
01:15:44Why don't you reveal the fact that your body is 80% back fat?
01:15:51What are you even doing here?
01:15:53The same thing you're doing here.
01:15:54Didn't you tell me to find someone to pray the demon out of me?
01:15:57Or am I too much of a fairy faggot now?
01:16:00Well, I didn't mean in this church.
01:16:02This church may very well be run by homosexuals, but it ain't for colored people.
01:16:07Bitch, are you dead ass?
01:16:10Do you even own a merm?
01:16:12What's that supposed to mean?
01:16:14Oh.
01:16:15I hate an Uncle Runkus, Auntie Tom Oreo, reverse Rachel Dolezal, wannabe white asshole.
01:16:23Bitch, your elbows is as black as cold.
01:16:29You watch your mouth in the house of the Lord, girl.
01:16:32I think your little dookie brains are too tight because it's messing with your eyesight.
01:16:36You're no child of God.
01:16:37You're just a holier-than-thou fraud.
01:16:39I am a true Christian.
01:16:42Would a Christian woman push an innocent man in front of a bullet for her own personal well-being?
01:16:49Mike, I thought you were-
01:16:51You know, it wasn't Mike that is.
01:16:53Then how was it, Terry Jo?
01:16:54Threw me to the gate is like a pack of marshmallows.
01:16:58I loved you.
01:16:59I would have done anything for you.
01:17:03Oh.
01:17:08What is going on here?
01:17:12Y que pasa con mi pobre abuela?
01:17:14English.
01:17:15We're in America.
01:17:16We speak English.
01:17:18You almost killed my grandma, Torta Negrita.
01:17:20Killed is a stretch.
01:17:21She's almost dead anyways.
01:17:24Oh.
01:17:24My bad.
01:17:25Speaking of the dead.
01:17:30Marmalade.
01:17:31You did this.
01:17:33Oh no, Tera Bear.
01:17:34You did this.
01:17:36You did all of this.
01:17:38How could I have done this?
01:17:40All I wanted to do is go to a church and praise the good Lord.
01:17:43And instead, along the way, all you've done is take advantage of the kindness that these people have shown you.
01:17:49You used God and religion to shame and ridicule everyone for being exactly who God made them.
01:17:56Well, that ends today, Tera Bear.
01:17:59Because we're going to make immense meat out of you.
01:18:04No weapon stormed against me shall prosper.
01:18:08And every tongue that rocks against me in judgment, I shall condemn.
01:18:17I said, take your seat, Terry Jo.
01:18:20No.
01:18:31See?
01:18:32I told you she wasn't dead.
01:18:34Unfortunately.
01:18:35Thank God.
01:18:37You know, one more hour and I was going to have to have 911, I'll open my 411.
01:18:43I need his Annie.
01:18:46Oh, wait, wait, wait.
01:18:48Please don't answer that.
01:18:49They're trying to kill me.
01:18:50What the fuck are you talking about?
01:18:53Ew, you're never coming to one of my parties ever again.
01:18:57And speaking of parties, a bitch is out to get her glam on because...
01:19:02Ain't no party like a Georgia Yacht party because a Georgia Yacht party has drugs!
01:19:07Oh my God, this is so greasy.
01:19:09Damn, Heffa, you ain't here else ringing this fuck-ass doorbell.
01:19:12Oh, my bad.
01:19:18What are you doing here?
01:19:21And you, you did my hair.
01:19:24Bitch, please.
01:19:25Ain't no way in hell I did that.
01:19:27No, no, I'm not crazy, I promise.
01:19:30There was the homosexuals and drag queens and demons and vampires and...
01:19:38little Mexican kids playing in the street.
01:19:41My bitch, is she okay?
01:19:43Don't mind her, she's just a little turtle's theme.
01:19:47Let's get out of here.
01:19:49Didn't I tell you to pre-wash your hair?
01:19:51Oh.
01:19:52I can smell the ejaculate from here.
01:19:54I'm sorry.
01:19:56Wait, wait, wait.
01:19:57Don't leave me here by myself.
01:20:00Please don't leave me.
01:20:03I think I'm losing my marbles.
01:20:06Where's my holy oil?
01:20:09This is worse than Juneteenth.
01:20:15What?
01:20:17Jesus, the tits on cracks.
01:20:27What the fuck?
01:20:29Look!
01:20:32Because I'm on this long, long road.
01:20:35And I don't know where to go.
01:20:38Feels like I'm going to lose my mind.
01:20:40But I ain't going back, no.
01:20:43I'm going to follow my dreams.
01:20:46Even though it seems like it's a lonely road.
01:20:51Whoa.
01:20:55Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
01:20:59Because I'm on this long, long road.
01:21:02And I don't know where to go.
01:21:04Feels like I'm going to lose my mind.
01:21:07But I ain't going back, no.
01:21:09I'm going to follow my dreams.
01:21:12Even though it seems like it's a lonely road.
01:21:18Whoa.
01:21:21Whoo-hoo-hoo.
01:21:24Whoo-hoo-hoo.
01:21:27Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
01:21:28Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
01:21:29Whoo-hoo-hoo.
01:21:30Whoo-hoo.
01:21:32đấy
Comments