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00:06He is the king of underground comedy, Dr. Cam Williams!
00:46First of all, let me say thank you so much for this, I appreciate this, my whole motherfucking journey.
00:54My whole journey started South Florida, 1995.
01:01So the fact that this is where we are, full circle, I appreciate this.
01:08This how I know I'm the greatest comic living, because I got the best audience everywhere.
01:18Some people, some people have a couple stars come.
01:22We have all the stars come out.
01:25And tonight is no exception.
01:28It's dark in here, y'all can't even see who in here.
01:33You gonna be shocked.
01:35Where's all the white people in the building make some noise, white people?
01:40What?
01:42In this administration, still hanging with niggas.
01:47We appreciate that, white friends.
01:49You knew it was gonna be diverse and equal and inclusive, you came anyway.
01:57Some of y'all gonna go to heaven just for that.
02:00When you get up there, it's gonna be on the checklist.
02:02Did you hang with niggas?
02:04Yup.
02:07Where's all the Hispanics in the building?
02:09Where's me, familia?
02:12Buenos noches!
02:15I want y'all to know y'all are safe in this building tonight.
02:22There will be no ice in this building of any kind.
02:26Just the ice I'm wearing, that is it.
02:30I told them, don't even put ice in the drinks.
02:34I want everybody to feel comfortable.
02:37Last but not least, the core of my very existence.
02:42Where's all the black people in the building make some noise, black people?
02:54Battery in the back.
02:58And the most important creation in all the known universe.
03:03Where's the ladies in the building make some noise?
03:12Yeah.
03:13Y'all are the reason Florida is Florida.
03:17Florida is known for orange juice and great pussy.
03:21And orange juice gave up a long time ago.
03:25Cause the pussy's that good.
03:29Yeah.
03:30My new shit.
03:32Giving credit.
03:35Not making people wait.
03:36If you doing a great job.
03:38Going into 2026.
03:40We gonna announce you doing a great job.
03:42So that you know it.
03:44And you can keep up the good work.
03:46Cause some of y'all doing great.
03:48You don't even know you doing great.
03:50You don't even know.
03:52Ladies have been kicking ass.
03:54All across the motherfucking globe.
03:57And people ain't saying shit.
03:59Women have flipped.
04:01The script.
04:04Let her cook.
04:06Let her cook.
04:08Let me cook.
04:10Never gave a damn.
04:11I ain't never gave no.
04:12That's the good pussy dance.
04:16Women have been doing a great job all across the globe.
04:19Not some women.
04:20All women.
04:22They handle certain shit.
04:24There's no such thing as a woman saying I don't have no eyelashes.
04:30Let her cook.
04:31I don't give a fuck if she starving to death.
04:33She got lashes.
04:36They might not even be the right species.
04:39She got a mountain alpaca and a desert llama together.
04:42They don't even go together in nature.
04:46Women did that shit.
04:48No group chats.
04:49No emails.
04:50Just one woman helping another woman.
04:53Did you know that stinky pussy
04:57is a thing of the past?
05:00Let her cook.
05:03Let me cook.
05:06Never gave a damn.
05:07I ain't never gave no.
05:08You can waft it when it smells nice.
05:1125 years ago, stinky pussy was everywhere.
05:16You couldn't walk down the street without smelling tuna fish.
05:22Not today.
05:24Women are fresh.
05:28No more stinky pussy.
05:32It's a man in here right now.
05:35Sitting with the last stinky pussy in Florida.
05:39He trying to get my attention.
05:41I won't look at him.
05:43Let her cook.
05:45Oh.
05:46Let me cook too.
05:49Never gave a damn.
05:50I ain't never...
05:54No, I'm just saying.
05:56A lot of people doing a great job.
05:58They don't even know it.
06:00Watch this.
06:02Where's everybody 35 and over?
06:04Make some noise.
06:0535 and over.
06:10Y'all don't know how special y'all are.
06:14100 years from now, they gonna be writing books about you motherfuckers.
06:18How the fuck did y'all do this shit?
06:22Did you know if you 35 and over, did you know that you look better than anybody who has ever
06:29been your age in the history of humankind?
06:33The book?
06:36Y'all look good.
06:40You know you look good.
06:41Some of y'all grandmothers at 29, bitch.
06:45You know the fuck you look good.
06:47Your grandmama still got her baby hair?
06:54You 35 and over, you have done it.
06:56You have already lived one life.
06:59If it was a good life, put it in the books.
07:02If it was fucked up, put it behind you and start all over again.
07:07At 63, bitch.
07:10You can do it.
07:12Here's the future.
07:14Where's 35 and under? Make some noise.
07:16It's 35 and under.
07:18Yes, we love y'all.
07:22We are counting on y'all.
07:25All y'all gotta do is don't fuck up like we just fucked up in front of you.
07:29That's it.
07:32Certain simple shit, you don't even have to try.
07:35Like if you under 35, you can't afford to do no drugs at all.
07:41Just smoke weed.
07:42It's the only thing you can trust.
07:46You don't believe me?
07:47Easter and 420 was on the same day that you hear this.
07:51That's Jesus inviting me personally.
07:58Weed is the only thing you can trust.
08:00Back in the day, they used to say drugs was fun and dangerous.
08:03Now they done took the fun the fuck out.
08:06It's just and dangerous.
08:09Can't do meth or molly and make your gums long and your teeth short.
08:13What the fuck you gonna do with that?
08:15You can't even take selfies, bitch.
08:19Can't do the fentanyl, you'll die.
08:22Can't drink the lean.
08:24It eat up your liver and your spleen and your esophagus.
08:29Look at my white friends.
08:31That is not your esophagus.
08:33You are doing so good.
08:36Just saying they know these drugs is too strong.
08:39They just too strong.
08:43They got a rapper that's a thousand pounds.
08:45He addicted to lean.
08:47I can't put it down the cup.
08:48I can't put it down the cup.
08:54He can't put down the cup or the plate.
08:57Put a spoon or the fork.
09:00They too strong.
09:02Speaking of too strong.
09:03Look at that stool.
09:08The stool is like, you got to be shitting me.
09:11You gonna do the whole song on me, baby?
09:15Take it down before he made me pay for his weight loss street, let's say.
09:22Just making a point.
09:26This next question I'm gonna ask y'all is the most important question in the whole universe.
09:34I've been broke and I've been rich.
09:36This is the only thing that matters.
09:39Make some noise if you are relatively healthy right now.
09:43If you got your health, if you got a God, you should thank him.
09:49That's all that matters.
09:50It's your motherfucking health.
09:52I don't give a fuck if you got a billion dollars.
09:55If you are throwing up and shitting at the same time, you are broke, bitch.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Your health is what motherfucking matters.
10:06And it don't take nothing for that motherfucker to leave.
10:10I thought I was strong, then a motherfucker, I found out I'm not even a little bit strong.
10:18I got hit by two kidney stones.
10:23You know about a kidney stone?
10:26That motherfucker is a crippler.
10:28I didn't know what the fuck happened to me.
10:31I was asleep and woke up to two kidney stones.
10:35Both my legs shut off.
10:38I was just at the end of the bed, shaped like a pretzel.
10:41Saying, not in my pajamas, Jesus.
10:46I didn't know what to tell the doctor.
10:48I think I peed two firecrackers.
10:53Take care of your motherfucking health.
10:56Speaking of health,
10:58whoever been naming these new medications,
11:02you are kicking ass.
11:05Keep up.
11:05All of these new medications sound like some shit you want to take.
11:10My commercial, I heard Ren Vulcan.
11:14I don't even know what that cure of is, but I don't mind ordering that at Walgreens.
11:19Where's my Ren Vulcan?
11:22Sound like something you named your penis.
11:24You ready for the Ren Vulcan?
11:26Hit it with the R-R-U, kid.
11:31All the names is cool.
11:33The next one was Sky Rizzy.
11:36Bitch, that's flying shit.
11:38That was my nickname in middle school, Sky Rizzy.
11:43Because I would do a skyhook and look at girls.
11:48The best one is Trim Fire.
11:51That was my nickname for hot pussy.
11:54I love Trim Fire.
11:56She got that Trim Fire!
11:57Yeah!
12:00But even they drugs is too strong.
12:03I told y'all three years ago,
12:05Old Zimpik had Hollywood in a chokehold.
12:11I ain't lie.
12:13Y'all seen Oprah, she got the body of a 12-year-old boy.
12:18She ain't never even been a 12-year-old boy.
12:22That shit is strong.
12:26Gail looked like she ain't had a bowel movement since she came back from space.
12:31Her and the wig looked confused.
12:41Lil' Ren said he didn't even take Old Zimpik.
12:43He just heard about it.
12:45He went down to his baby weight.
12:49You are nine pounds, six pounds?
12:53Niggas built like a cricket now.
12:57How did you lose weight in your head, knees?
13:02Shoulders and toes, shoulders and toes.
13:09Five years ago, we talked about the side effect being worse than the shit they were curing.
13:16This month, I heard this.
13:19The medication for eczema said the side effect is severe skin reactions.
13:30Bitch, that's what the fuck I came to you for!
13:34You took away my eczema and gave me shingles, spit, shot, and still itching.
13:39Shit!
13:45It's gonna get worse.
13:49I'm gonna say everything I'm not supposed to say tonight.
13:53Just so you know.
13:56The world has changed.
14:00The world has motherfuckin' changed.
14:02Used to be you told a story, people be like, is that true?
14:07Now they don't give a fuck if it's true.
14:10If it's, is it derogatory?
14:14Yes, bitch, it probably is derogatory.
14:17But it's true, though.
14:20I just had to tell my people what the fuck is really going on.
14:23And we are living in a special time.
14:26I mean a special fuckin' time.
14:28Like, you can really do anything right about now.
14:31I don't give a fuck what's wrong with you.
14:33You can fuckin' make it.
14:34Like, even if you cross-eyed, you can make it.
14:39Did you understand that even if you cross-eyed?
14:45Take that down before I get a knock on my door.
14:53That man is the director of the FBI.
15:00He can do that.
15:01He can do that, you can do anything like that.
15:04Cross-eyed and the director of the FBI.
15:08You can't even be an eyewitness.
15:20He workin' on everybody's case.
15:23He gonna work on my case.
15:25I'll be right in front of the judge.
15:26Your Honor, he looks distracted.
15:33I was talkin' about health.
15:37The most important health is your motherfuckin' mental health.
15:41How the fuck is you doin' up here?
15:43Make some noise if you doin' good up here.
15:46That's what the fuck matters.
15:48You gotta protect your motherfuckin' mental health.
15:52That shit is fragile.
15:55Once it go, it's gone.
15:57And they don't give a fuck who you are.
16:00Once it go, it's gone.
16:04You need your fuckin' mental health.
16:05And I found out some shit they did not tell us.
16:08And I can't wait to tell y'all so y'all can treat yourself better.
16:14Some of y'all be way too mean to yourself in the fuckin' brain.
16:19You say some really fucked up things to yourself.
16:23This is what they found out.
16:25They found out your brain don't know when you bullshittin'.
16:31Let me say it again.
16:33Your brain don't know when you bullshittin'.
16:37So if you tell your brain, I'm sick.
16:40Your brain don't do no research at all.
16:43It just say, I guess we sick.
16:48You gotta be nicer to your motherfuckin' self.
16:52Cause this shit go like that.
16:54And I found out when it come to mental health,
16:56I can't speak on nobody's mental health but my own.
17:00Cause every time I done spoke on somebody else's mental health,
17:03I've been wrong, wrong, wrong.
17:07I was the first person in the streets screaming,
17:12Free Britney Spears!
17:14Free Britney Spears!
17:16Free Britney Spears!
17:19Free Britney Spears!
17:22I've been mad at all of us.
17:24That baby need a conservatorship.
17:27She okay?
17:30It can happen to anybody.
17:32I fucked around and said Wendy Williams was Bigfoot.
17:37And they believed me and left that bitch in the woods for real!
17:40Go get her!
17:43She out there, how you doin'?
17:45She is talkin' to a squirrel!
17:50Mental health.
17:52Don't play with it.
17:54It even got Lil Nas X.
17:57He went down the wrong old town road.
18:01And he had all the distress signals for a black man.
18:05He had on a cowboy hat, cowboy boots,
18:10white underwear.
18:13Look at my white friends, so what?
18:17I'll tell you a negro secret.
18:20A nigga ain't wore tighty-whities since slavery, bitch.
18:26That is her cry for help.
18:29We don't even know where you buy those.
18:32He got a pulled all high show in his whole vagina.
18:39Stop it.
18:40Don't do that.
18:41Don't encourage me.
18:45I'm just sayin', don't forget to love your motherfuckers self.
18:49Don't forget that.
18:51Be nicer to your motherfuckers self.
18:54That's why I'm always so confident in all situations.
18:57Cause if I see a mirror, I lie to the mirror.
19:02Every time I see me, I go,
19:05Nigga, did you get a growth spurt today?
19:13You lookin' 5'11 today?
19:19It's important.
19:20We'll go on in your brain.
19:22And I just hope for 19 of you.
19:27That you are just one change away from your shit shifting motherfuckin' gears.
19:33And that's how quick it can happen.
19:35Just one last change, bam, you shift gears.
19:40Yeah, and you, I don't give a fuck what the change is, just do it.
19:43You might have to change your name.
19:46You been Shaquita for 33 years, bitch.
19:50Shit is not working for you.
19:53Go back to the drawing board.
19:54Start at the age.
19:56You could be Amber, Amy, Abigail.
20:01Sometimes it's just a name.
20:03I'm gonna give you an example.
20:04We got people from all the different races, colors, and creeds in the building.
20:10Make some noise if you know all the seasonings.
20:13That means you know all the herbs and spices.
20:16From oregano and thyme all the way to rosemary and saffron.
20:21Make some noise if you know all the...
20:26Look at my white friends. We know them.
20:31Okay, since we got everybody in here.
20:35Has anybody ever seen paprika growing in the wild?
20:40You ever seen wild paprika?
20:45Nobody?
20:47Cause there ain't no paprika.
20:50Look at the black people.
20:51What?
20:53Well, what the fuck we been putting on deviled eggs then, nigga?
20:57You can't just say this shit.
21:01There is no paprika.
21:03Ain't no paprika plant, no paprika bush, no paprika tree.
21:10Paprika is dried up, ground up bell peppers.
21:17Look at white people.
21:18I don't even like bell peppers.
21:20Yes, you do.
21:22They just had to change the name.
21:24Walked in bell peppers.
21:27Walked out paprika Jenkins.
21:32Couldn't keep it on this shelf.
21:34She sounds exotic.
21:38Now some of y'all may know,
21:40I do not travel the globe
21:42talking about no motherfucking seasonings.
21:46In my spare time,
21:48I infiltrate the Illuminati.
21:51Find out what the fuck they got going on.
21:55Get the information.
21:57Run back to y'all.
21:59Tell y'all everything I know.
22:02That's my motherfucking job.
22:06And...
22:06Y'all treat me wonderfully.
22:10But I don't know...
22:13how many more times I'm gonna be able to...
22:18sneak in there.
22:21Thanks to Shannon Sharpe and 90 million views.
22:27I can't sneak very often.
22:31So I...
22:32While I was in there this last time.
22:36Knowing that my last report might be my last report.
22:42I went in there and I got information for everybody.
22:47Information I got...
22:50for everybody.
22:52Look at my white friends.
22:54Us too?
22:57That's right.
22:58White secrets.
23:01Okay, so...
23:02Because of the climate and the temperature of, um...
23:06God damn it, shoelaces.
23:09That's the only thing about being short.
23:14They made these shoelaces for a seven-foot nigga.
23:20All right.
23:21Back to my Illuminati information.
23:26All right, I'm gonna do it quick.
23:27And I'm gonna be moving around...
23:30for my own safety.
23:34White friends, here come y'alls first.
23:37For 50 years, y'all been wondering...
23:39what the fuck happened to JFK?
23:43I went in there and watched the VCR tape myself.
23:48I can't tell you what I saw, white friends.
23:51But I'll show you the part you missed.
24:06Moving right along.
24:09Okay.
24:13Every time I go in there, I be thinking...
24:16They hate some of us more than others.
24:19But when I find out the information, I find out they hate all of us.
24:23They just lie to all of us.
24:25They don't see no difference.
24:27Just lie to all of us.
24:30Here's a perfect example.
24:32Did you know that for 35 years they've been telling us we are at war with cholesterol?
24:40That cholesterol is the silent killer?
24:44All our doctors told us our cholesterol was too motherfucking high.
24:48And we needed to get it down low.
24:51Guess what they found out and didn't tell us?
24:54Did you know...
25:01Did you know your brain is 100% cholesterol?
25:06Your whole brain is cholesterol, bitch.
25:11So, congratulations.
25:14Some of y'all cholesterol loading a bitch.
25:18You did it.
25:21They don't be giving a fuck.
25:23They just be making money.
25:25They put motherfucking fluoride in our water.
25:28And then I found out.
25:30You know it was never not one study that ever said that fluoride was good for our teeth and our
25:36motherfucking bones.
25:37Because it's a toxic fucking chemical and could never be good for teeth or fucking bones.
25:45Bitch.
25:49But the truth is, because of the shit I'm likely to say, I done really stepped in it this time.
25:59I can tell because everybody turned against me.
26:03Them streets is dangerous for me.
26:06So many motherfuckers came at me, I had to check myself and see what the fuck I had done.
26:13I went back and watched shit for myself.
26:16I went and saw the Shannon Sharp interview.
26:19I was flabbergasted.
26:23This nigga's vicious.
26:26He didn't have to say all that.
26:29All they want me to do is shut the fuck up.
26:33That's it.
26:34But I was just mistaken.
26:37I thought they was just gonna laugh it off.
26:40They did not laugh it off.
26:46I can't even go to Sea World because I said one guy looked like a walrus.
26:52I said another guy couldn't read.
26:54I didn't have to say that.
26:56I could have said he don't read well.
27:00I had on a fuck you shirt.
27:02He didn't acknowledge it.
27:03I assumed he couldn't read.
27:07I was only talking about a couple people.
27:09But I should have shut the fuck up because I didn't know how many people it applied to.
27:14I was talking about a couple men in dresses.
27:17Now every man that ever wore a dress can't stand my guts.
27:21As soon as they see me coming they just grab their purse and walk the other way.
27:32This shit cost me.
27:35Everybody turned against me.
27:37Even 50 Cent turned against me.
27:40You don't want him as an enemy.
27:43But I couldn't be shook.
27:45Because I remember I never done nothing to him in my life.
27:50Then I got offended.
27:53Wait a minute, motherfucker.
27:56You got a head like a square.
27:59You would cross me?
28:03Only two square headed men have made it in Hollywood.
28:06You and Herman Monster, nigga.
28:08I will not be bullied.
28:17But they came after you, boy.
28:21I thought they misunderstood my job.
28:24My job is see something, say something.
28:26That's my motherfucking job.
28:29They always taking my shit out of context.
28:32A lot of the times I be concerned.
28:35They act like I was talking shit about a comedy legend of ours.
28:40I wasn't talking shit.
28:41I was fucking concerned.
28:43The man said he did not have a stroke.
28:46And then that should have been the end of it.
28:49And instead they made this nigga do 32 interviews.
28:53And every interview he is showing every symptom of a stroke.
28:59Ain't nobody saying shit.
29:01They just come on out.
29:16And I'm at the house like, this is wrong.
29:19The fuck is we talking about, did he have a stroke?
29:22Did he?
29:23Looked like he had several strokes.
29:25Up stroke, down stroke, back stroke.
29:29Everything but a stroke of luck.
29:34I was concerned I'm not allowed to say shit even if I see shit
29:41Because Hollywood is too motherfucking strong
29:45They want you to make it you gonna make it they don't give up. Oh
29:49Even if you was allegedly
29:52riddled with herpes
29:54They'll still have you in Vegas feeding bitches fruit and shit
30:08And I said too much
30:27Fellas your woman does not love fruit like that
30:31You don't believe me when y'all get back home. Just pop up from behind the couch
30:35Stop playing with the fruit Gerald that's the kids lunch fruit
30:46But I just gotta shut the fuck up
30:49Because Hollywood is too strong
30:52They pay by their own rules
30:55They don't play by my rules
30:58P diddy just got four years for taking 37 asses
31:06Let me do the math
31:09Took 37 asses
31:12Four years
31:15Meanwhile, they tried to give me the same four years for two blunts
31:18I had no intention of smoking in the first place
31:23They were purely ornamental
31:26Same four years
31:28Because they played by different rules
31:32That man was
31:33Facing ass trafficking charges
31:38For trafficking ass
31:43Why they only gave him four years?
31:46Because liking dick
31:48And being a devil worshipper ain't against the law
31:53They heard prostitution
31:56And thought there was some vaginas
31:59That needed to be saved
32:03The judge said bring out
32:06The nine prostitutes
32:09And nine big dick niggas walked out
32:13Just said
32:16Order
32:17He's fine
32:17Give him four years
32:19It's not a crime
32:21He just likes penis
32:26He liked penis so much
32:28They sent him to the place
32:31He's with the most penis
32:36Right now he is happily paying for his crime
32:45I'm not going to be scared for four years
32:51P diddy got his lawyers lying
32:53He's going to be a changed man when he come out
32:57Is he?
32:59Yes he started good boy records
33:01And everything
33:03He's not saying take that
33:05He's saying give back
33:06Give back
33:09That's the last thing I'm going to say
33:14I ain't talking about shit else
33:16Just know sometimes
33:19My heart be in the motherfucker right place
33:21And I just get tricked
33:24Sometimes I believe shit that ain't right
33:26Like I thought Mike Tyson
33:28Was going to whoop the shit
33:30Out that young white gentleman
33:32I believe that shit
33:34I had a party
33:36Invited my ancestors over
33:38And everything
33:40Had chips and dip
33:41And unnecessary regalia
33:43I just want to see Mike Tyson
33:46The beast
33:46The monster
33:48In the motherfucking ring again
33:51I knew early in the evening
33:54Something was wrong
33:57I had to put my blunt out
33:58For only the fourth time
34:01Without the police's presence
34:04I looked up
34:05Mike had his whole ass out
34:11I said pay-per-view
34:12Not only fans
34:14Bitch
34:14You don't have my consent
34:16To show me this
34:23Fight hadn't even started
34:26I had to put my money on this nigga
34:31I had to rationalize for him
34:33I said some stupid shit
34:34I said
34:34I know he ain't finna lose
34:37With his ass out
34:40Boy was I wrong
34:43They called Mike Tyson out
34:46Mike Tyson came to the ring
34:48Like Joe Biden
34:49On his way to a helicopter
34:51Bitch
35:02I said what the fuck is that?
35:05They was like
35:06It's Mike Tyson
35:12Looked like he was fighting gravity
35:17But that's the new thing
35:18About the world we live in
35:20You can take the pressure off yourself
35:23Just do the best job
35:24You can possibly do
35:26Cause you either gonna win spectacular
35:29Or you gonna lose spectacular
35:32Your job is just
35:33Make sure it's spectacular
35:36And you can take a spectacular L
35:39Kamala Harris showed us that shit
35:42She took her L like a champ
35:45We ain't never seen no shit like that
35:49They tried to act like
35:50Nobody voted for Kamala
35:52They put up the map
35:53The whole map was red
35:56Even the people that voted for her was red
36:00They showed her house
36:01It was 50-50
36:03It ain't but two of y'all in there
36:07They tried to blame everybody
36:08They blamed black men
36:09It was not our fault
36:12Blame anybody else
36:14No Indians voted for her at all
36:18Even women that wanted an abortion
36:20Said I guess I'll just have to figure something out
36:24They said she didn't have enough
36:26Electoral college votes to graduate
36:32At one point in the election
36:33Cat Williams had more votes
36:41That's where we were as a country
36:43Everybody asking the same question
36:45Is she black?
36:47Is she black?
36:48Is she black?
36:50At the end she showed you exactly
36:52What she was
36:55It was time for her concession speech
36:58She ain't even show up
37:02That's a nigga right there
37:03We should have never doubted it
37:05She just rolled by with her pinky finger in the hair
37:20But that's the best part about America
37:23In America it don't matter who you choose
37:26Because we all gonna pay the price
37:29Together
37:32That's what make it gambling
37:34We're gonna pay the price together
37:36No matter what it is
37:38You don't want this one?
37:40Fine
37:41Well who's up next?
37:44That's right
37:45Don't be complaining about who up next
37:48Just cause it happened to be
37:50Donald J. Darth Vader Trump
37:57Yeah
37:57I don't give a fuck what you think about him
37:59That motherfucker is excited
38:03That motherfucker Trump
38:05You do not know what he finna do tomorrow
38:09No the fuck you don't
38:11All you know is he gonna do something
38:15He'd been president before
38:18This time he was not bullshit
38:20He'd been office 200 days
38:23He done done 200 things
38:29Good things, bad things, who gives a fuck
38:33Things
38:35He'd do his shit today
38:37And figure out what the fuck he just did
38:40Tomorrow
38:43Yeah
38:45He found out
38:46All you gotta do is think about it
38:48Research this term
38:49He said get research the fuck out of here
38:52We will not be needing your services
38:56He don't give a fuck
38:57If it makes sense to him
38:59It makes sense
39:02First thing he did is come in and fired all the wrong people
39:07Fired a thousand people at the nuclear security administration
39:15The next day he said well what did they do?
39:19They took care of the bombs Mr. President
39:22Well get them the fuck back in here
39:24You know I didn't mean them
39:26I meant T.S.A.
39:27The one with the shoes
39:33Y'all don't give a fuck
39:34Did he do it today?
39:36Figured out tomorrow
39:38He fired thousands of people at the FAA
39:42And then 14 planes landed upside down in 14 days
39:48Y'all didn't say shit
39:49Sometimes they land like that
39:51No they don't
39:57If it makes sense to him
39:59It makes sense
40:00He don't think like everybody else
40:03They told him only 28% of our 8th graders can read
40:12He said who gave the test?
40:23The Department of Education
40:25Well get them the fuck out of here
40:27Take them book sweater
40:31How the fuck we gonna fail a test we don't take bitch
40:40Ain't nobody funnier than this guy
40:43It might look like he don't know what he doing
40:46He be knowing what the fuck he doing
40:49He got us in five wars
40:51At one time
40:53We all had five wars
40:56One time
40:58Here's the brilliant part
41:01None of the nations
41:03That we are at war with
41:05None of them
41:07Got an army
41:12We just over there bullied
41:14Shut the fuck up
41:15Y'all ain't got no guy
41:16Give a fuck about your maple syrup
41:18Canada
41:25If you're a comedian
41:26You ain't never seen nobody funnier than this
41:30And he don't give a fuck
41:32If he already said one thing
41:34He don't mind changing it
41:37When he needs to change it
41:40Trump said I will absolutely
41:43Show you the Epstein files
41:46Then they showed him the files
41:48He said bitch is that my name
41:51You got me fucked up
41:53You better
42:04Ever since
42:06Ever since grab her
42:07By the pussy
42:11I thought he could never say anything else
42:15Make me put my blunt out
42:19This month
42:22Allegedly
42:23He said
42:25He spoke with the president
42:28Of Puerto Rico
42:31And the Virgin Islands
42:34My whole brain scrambled
42:47Sir you are the president
42:50Of Puerto Rico
42:53And the Virgin Islands
42:57So the question is
42:59Who the fuck was you talking to?
43:04J.D. Vance was in a corner
43:06This is Puerto Rico
43:13Trump is just funny
43:16He didn't even know who
43:18Bad Bunny was
43:21He said
43:22I don't think a Hispanic rabbit
43:26Should be at the Super Bowl
43:38From the outside looking in
43:42It would seem like
43:43This country should be
43:45At its most divided
43:48But I promise you
43:50The reason this is the greatest country
43:53In the world
43:54Is because we are the United States
43:57Of America
43:58Heavy on the United
43:59Regardless of what we believe
44:05And the whole thing is
44:07As a family of different colors
44:11We gonna need each other coming up
44:13They not telling you that shit
44:16You gonna have to depend on somebody
44:19That don't look like you
44:22Yeah
44:23See we are scheduled
44:25To starve to death
44:28Lest we work together
44:31For the first time in 400 years
44:33There's gonna be no Hispanics
44:36In the field
44:39To pick the fruits
44:41And the vegetables
44:42And the crops
44:44That we all eat and enjoy
44:49So that means
44:50The next group
44:52Got to step up
44:56Get in the field
44:59Put these crops
45:03Look at black people
45:12I don't speak for all black people
45:14But I do speak for all niggas
45:17Niggas ain't never going back to the field
45:21If Jesus come back
45:22We'll have to explain it to him
45:24Get out of there Lord and Savior
45:26We got 400 years of credit out there
45:30We don't even pick fruit grownups
45:34So that means
45:35For the first time
45:37In 400 years
45:40It's not gonna be
45:41No Hispanics
45:43And no blacks
45:45In the field
45:47To pick the fruits and vegetables
45:50That we all enjoy
45:53That means the next group
45:56Got to step up
45:59Get in them fields
46:01Look at my white friends
46:06That's right white friends
46:10It's your turn
46:12We need you now
46:16Come on white friends
46:18You can do this
46:22I want you to get as much sunscreen
46:25As you can needle it by
46:30We gonna need you to be out there
46:32For 45 minutes
46:34To an hour at a time
46:38We need you white friends
46:41And don't worry
46:42It ain't gonna be fucked up
46:43Like black slavery
46:47You ain't gonna have to do it by yourself
46:50We gonna be out there
46:51Supporting you white friends
46:53Giving you words of affirmation
46:56And positive messages
46:58Messages
46:59We gonna be playing
47:00White negro spirituals
47:08Doing a great job Rebecca
47:11Put your back into it
47:13There you go
47:16Can I get some oranges on our 26 please
47:20God damn
47:24Just saying
47:25We all gonna need each other
47:29Yeah
47:32Life is too hard
47:34For us to be divided
47:37I found out
47:38From traveling all across
47:40This great nation
47:41A lot of people do
47:43Some great motherfucking work
47:44They don't get no credit
47:46This whole country
47:48Is built on the backs
47:49Of farmers
47:50Farmers is our motherfucking
47:52Lifeblood
47:53The people that got a farm
47:54That you run the fucking country
47:57Feeding everybody
48:00That's a hard job
48:02That shit is not easy
48:04I don't give a fuck
48:05How much money you got
48:07You ain't ready for that motherfucking farm life
48:09And when I say you
48:11I mean me
48:14I did not know that shit
48:16Was gangster like that
48:18It's hard as fuck
48:19I hurry up
48:21Bought a hundred acre farm
48:22Got off the grid
48:24Then found out
48:26What the fuck
48:26The grid was
48:29What the fuck
48:30Did I get off the grid for
48:31Bitch
48:32I need the grid
48:34I found out
48:35I'm not cut out
48:36For this motherfucking farm life
48:38I bought all the animals
48:40That was delicious
48:43A hundred chickens
48:44A hundred turkeys
48:45A hundred ducks
48:46A hundred rabbits
48:48A hundred cows
48:49A hundred sheep
48:51A hundred pigs
48:52Everything that made a crackling
48:54I bought it
48:57I done had this farm
48:58For four years
49:00We ain't killed
49:01A motherfucking animal yet
49:05I don't know
49:05How you do this shit
49:08I'm supposed to eat these
49:09These my friends
49:11Bitch
49:13I done named them
49:15I talked to them
49:16You want me to eat
49:17Hezekiah bitch
49:23Then had this farm
49:24Four years
49:25We still door dashing
49:26Popeyes and shit
49:28The chickens
49:29Cutting off
49:30The door dasher
49:37Might as well call it
49:38Puss ass farms
49:41I don't care
49:41How delicious they are
49:43They are as cute
49:44As they are delicious
49:46If you can kill
49:47A baby goat
49:48Your ass is a monster
49:50That motherfucker
49:51Don't do nothing
49:52But be happy
49:52To be alive
49:53All day long
49:58I'm crying
49:59With mint jelly
50:00In my hands
50:04Yeah
50:06Be easy
50:07On yourself
50:09That was
50:09My motherfucking point
50:11Some shit be easier
50:12Than you think
50:13I'm lucky
50:14Because I don't have
50:15To fight
50:15By myself
50:17I got a God
50:18That love me
50:20Like he
50:21He take care of me
50:23Because he know
50:24I'm slow
50:27So he treat me
50:28Like I'm slow
50:30Yeah
50:30That works for me
50:32He just be blessing me
50:34Out of nowhere
50:35I don't know
50:36I don't know
50:36Where it's gonna
50:37Come from
50:37Or nothing
50:38And it'd be
50:39Real miracles
50:41Like
50:43Like last year
50:44I was doing this thing
50:46Where I was drinking
50:47These exotic teas
50:49Every day before a show
50:50And after a show
50:51Drinking these motherfucking
50:53Hundred dollar a cup
50:54Cups of tea
50:55And shit
50:56And put the honey in it
50:58And my friend was like
50:59I got some special honey
51:01I'm gonna send you
51:01And I was like
51:03Yes
51:03And I got the special honey
51:05I start putting it in the tea
51:06Every day
51:07And I'm feeling stronger
51:09And stronger
51:10And shit
51:10I'm not knowing
51:11What the fuck is happening
51:12And I found out
51:14This nigga done sent me
51:15Dick hard honey
51:25I didn't know
51:26I thought the Lord
51:27Was really answering
51:28My prayers
51:29He has rejuvenated
51:32And restored me
51:38Cause here's the whole thing
51:41This final group
51:42Of people in here
51:44Nobody never say
51:45Nothing good
51:46About them
51:47But they've been
51:48Doing a great job too
51:49And I'm part of them
51:52Where's all the men
51:53In the building
51:53Make some noise
51:54If you're a man
51:56Keep up the good work
51:59We know how hard it is
52:00You're doing a great
52:01Motherfucking job
52:02Not 19 of you
52:03But the rest of you
52:04Doing a great job
52:06Keep up the good work
52:07For the men in the audience
52:10I'm gonna say something
52:12That'll uplift you
52:14Cause that rarely happens
52:17They found out something
52:19Medically
52:19And they don't wanna
52:21Fucking tell y'all
52:22But I'm gonna fucking
52:23Tell y'all
52:25They found out
52:26That all the evil men
52:27In the world
52:28Throughout history
52:30All got one thing
52:32In common
52:34They all got a micro penis
52:38All of them
52:40R. Kelly P. Diddy
52:42Jeffrey Dahmer
52:43Hitler Hitler
52:44All of them
52:46Mmmmmmmmmmm'
52:47Yep
52:49And a micro penis
52:51Is any penis
52:53Three inches or less
52:55When it's hard
52:58We wondering
52:59Why'd these men be so evil
53:03You'd be evil too
53:04And you'd add a dick
53:05the size of an hour later, bitch.
53:09Every time you pull your pants down, somebody laugh.
53:13Even when you alone.
53:18So, fellas, thank God you didn't have to walk that.
53:25Be grateful you ain't got no motherfucking micropens.
53:33So now, for the fellas, I hope you are just one truth away from your life shifting.
53:42And it can happen, it happened to me.
53:44I heard one thing, it changed my life forever.
53:47I heard one truth, and it changed everything.
53:51And I'm going to share it with the men in here, so you know it don't just relate to me,
53:56it
53:56relate to all of us.
53:58Two women told me that my dick was bigger than Shaq's.
54:06Let me say that again for the people in the back.
54:14Don't look at it right now, that's embarrassing.
54:18Two women told me my dick was bigger than Shaq's.
54:24Now, it don't matter if it's true or not.
54:30Soon as I heard it, my life changed.
54:35Like, I mean, instantly, my spine got strong.
54:40My walk was different.
54:41I walked like I had Shaq's dick.
54:44Hold up, why don't you be different, be different, yeah.
54:48Hold up, why don't you be different, be different, yeah.
54:51Hold up, why don't you be different, be different, be different, yeah.
54:56Because now I know my dick is bigger than Shaq's.
55:01Now, fellas, what does that have to do with you?
55:04You know your penis is allegedly, probably, maybe bigger than mine.
55:11So what does that mean?
55:13That means all our dick.
55:20Bigger than Shaq's.
55:23And now you gotta act like it.
55:25Because you heard it.
55:28That's right.
55:30Fellas, if God done bless you with a vagina in your life,
55:34don't you bring out no regular dick tonight.
55:37She gonna be looking.
55:40Tonight, when you come out that bathroom,
55:42you come out with Shaq's dick.
55:46Don't even do no foreplay, just slam dunk on the pussy.
55:50She like the way that I move.
55:52She like the way that I rock.
55:53She like the way that I move.
55:55She like the way that I move.
55:56She like the way that I move.
55:58Lock in.
56:01Give her that Shaq dick.
56:04And ladies, we can't do nothing without y'all.
56:06Y'all, y'all are the center of our universe.
56:10We are visual, and you are our only visual.
56:16So tonight, ladies,
56:19when you see him come out that bathroom,
56:22you know him.
56:25If he come out with Shaq's dick,
56:28ladies, we gonna need you to be an actress tonight.
56:33I need you to act.
56:36I don't give a fuck how many times
56:37you done seen this by eating a sausage.
56:43When he present that glizzy tonight.
56:47When he show you that hot dog tonight.
56:51When he bring out that frankfurter.
56:56Women, I want you to look at it
56:58like it's exactly what you asked God for.
57:03Lock eyes with the penis and say,
57:09thank y'all so much.
57:10My name is Cat Williams.
57:12I appreciate y'all.
57:14Since 1995, it's been an honor.
57:16Thank y'all.
57:36I'm in a city with a flag.
57:37We getting thrown like it was past interference.
57:39Padlock around the building.
57:40Crash pulling up in a marked truck
57:42just to play freeze tag.
57:43With a boner pick like it was C-Bass.
57:45So when I made it out, I made about 50K from a show.
57:47Trying to show the ropes before they hung from a rope.
57:50I'm prophetic.
57:51They only talk about it how I get it.
57:53Only good for saving face.
57:54Seeing the cosmetics.
57:55How many heads I got to take to level my aesthetics?
57:57Hurry up and get your muscle up.
57:59We up to plyometric.
58:00Ran up by the Luxon.
58:01That's up to highest metric.
58:02The city just made it sweet.
58:03You could die better.
58:04They mouth feel full of deceit.
58:06Let these cowards tell it.
58:07Walking New Orleans with the etiquette of LA yelling.
58:09Mustard!
58:12Oh, man.
58:14It's acting bad, but somebody got to do it.
58:16Got my foot up on the gas, but somebody got to do it.
58:18Turn this TV off.
58:19Turn this TV off.
58:21Turn this TV off.
58:22Turn this TV off.
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