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00:12I don't know what to do.
00:57Oh, ah, wolf.
01:00Have you been playing this whole time?
01:03Well, what'd you think it was?
01:04Some kind of sentimental montage in your head?
01:06We're doing the show again, Frog.
01:08Oh, that's right.
01:09Scooter, it's time.
01:11You got it, boss.
01:15Sabrina Carpenter, 30 seconds to curtain, Miss Carpenter.
01:18Miss Carpenter?
01:20Thank you, Scooter.
01:21Oh, my God.
01:23It's you.
01:24I love your outfit.
01:25So do I.
01:26You're going to have to change.
01:28Yes, ma'am.
01:30Is that my wig?
01:31I don't wear wigs.
01:33This is my real hair.
01:34No, yeah, same.
01:36No, and I know that.
01:38No, I know you know.
01:38Great.
01:39Okay.
01:43It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Sabrina Carpenter.
01:48Yay!
01:49Yay!
02:01It's time to play the music.
02:04It's time to light the lights.
02:06It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.
02:10It's time to put on makeup.
02:12It's time to dress up right.
02:14It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.
02:18Why do we always come here?
02:20I guess we'll never know.
02:22It's like a kind of torture to have to watch the show.
02:31Why now let's get things started.
02:34Why don't you get things started?
02:36It's time to get things started.
02:38We're sensational, inspirational, celebrational, gravitational.
02:42This is what we call the Muppet Show.
02:55Thank you, thank you.
03:00Hi-ho, and welcome to the Muppet Show, everybody.
03:04You know, we are so excited to be back on the very stage where it all started and then ended
03:10and then is maybe starting again, depending on how tonight goes.
03:14I can't believe they're doing the old show again.
03:17Well, if it ain't broke.
03:18No, they are broke.
03:20That's why they're doing it.
03:23Okay, now to kick us off.
03:25It's our very special guest, a sensational singer, songwriter, and global superstar,
03:30the one and only Sabrina Carpenter.
03:37Quiet!
03:40Hooligans.
03:41Do it, do it, do it, do it!
03:46Stop, or you'll be removed!
03:49Don't worry, Sam, I got it.
03:58You said your phone was broken, just forgot to charge it.
04:02Hold off what you're wearing, God, I hope it's ironic.
04:06Did you just say you're finished?
04:09Didn't know how we started.
04:10It's all just so familiar, baby, what do you call it?
04:14Stop, or is it slow?
04:21Well, maybe it's useless.
04:25But there's a cuter word for it.
04:27Stop!
04:28I know.
04:29Man child, why you always come running to me?
04:37That's my life.
04:41Won't you let an innocent won't be?
04:45Never heard of self-care.
04:48Half your brain just ain't there.
04:52Man child, why you always come running to me get on my mind?
05:01Oh, I like my voice, playing hard to get.
05:05And I like my man, all incompetent.
05:09And I swear they choose me, I'm not choosing them, amen.
05:14Amen!
05:16Man child, why you always come running to me?
05:24That's my life.
05:27Oh, you let an innocent won't be?
05:32Oh, I like my man, all incompetent.
05:44Amen!
05:46Amen!
06:03Whoa, what an exciting opening, Uncle Kermit.
06:06Great job, chickens.
06:07I'm sorry about the fan.
06:11Scooter, come here.
06:13Why is it so crowded back here?
06:15Well, these are all the acts in the show, boss.
06:18Are you sure I approved all of that?
06:20And more.
06:24Yeah, remember how excited everyone was to be at our first show back?
06:27And you kept telling them that their acts sounded fun.
06:31Scooter, everybody knows that that sounds fun is just a polite way of saying no.
06:36Yeah, that feels pretty indirect, boss.
06:38You know, this could be a problem.
06:39Okay, well, an ex-person who talks to me is definitely getting cut.
06:44Oh, Kermie!
06:48Excuse-moi, talent walking.
06:50Oh, where are the talent?
06:52Me, me, I'm the talent.
06:54Oh, Kermit, isn't it wonderful being back in the theater again, giving the people what
07:01they truly want?
07:03What?
07:05Good luck.
07:07Scooter, uh, uh, yeah, uh, Piggy, uh, you know, uh, the show is, uh, it's running kind of long,
07:14and, uh, you know, it looks like you're doing two acts.
07:17Exactly.
07:18Now, about the musical number.
07:19When I emerge from the giant seashell dressed as Aphrodite, let's make sure our 300 dancing
07:25Spartans know to exit the Trojan horse precisely on my high B-flat!
07:33Right.
07:33Uh, you're just thinking out loud here, but, uh, you think maybe all that historical accuracy
07:39might upstage you?
07:42No.
07:45Kermit, Kermit, I couldn't help but over here because I was spying on you guys.
07:49If you need, I can help you trim some of the show.
07:51Oh, really?
07:52Uh, thanks.
07:52What were you thinking?
07:53How about a little off the top?
07:57Uh, I don't know if prop comedy is going to help us right now, Fozzie.
08:00Uh, guess I'll have to put on my thinking cap then.
08:05Uh, like it?
08:07Uh, sure, if I can help you think of how to cut some acts from the show.
08:11You got it, pal.
08:12Got an idea already.
08:14Oh.
08:15Hey, Seth Rogen!
08:17Oh, hey, Fozzie, this is incredible.
08:20It's always been a dream of mine to be here.
08:22Ooh, got any other dreams?
08:25What does that mean?
08:27You're cut.
08:29Cut?
08:29I'm the executive producer.
08:31Then you can let yourself know we're going in a different direction.
08:37Our next act is the world's most fearless daredevil-slash-performance artist who's been shocking audiences and insurance companies for
08:46years.
08:47Let's hear it for the Great Gonzo!
08:53Thank you so much.
08:55Behold, it is I, the Great Gonzo.
08:58And tonight, I will attempt this deadly obstacle course on self-driving runnerskates.
09:04All the while reciting every Academy Award winner in the category of Best Supporting Actress.
09:12Ha-ha-ha!
09:14Woo-hoo!
09:15Ignite the rings!
09:19Release the blades!
09:21Ha-ha-ha!
09:22And it starts right now!
09:26Goldie Hawn!
09:27The pin in the on-go!
09:28Sally Winters!
09:32Oh, that was painful.
09:35For him or for us?
09:36Both!
09:37Oh!
09:40And now, pigs in wigs.
09:54Duchess Pigotton of County Mayo upon Sandwich.
10:01Lord Scrappleton and...
10:05It's plus one.
10:07What?
10:08Darling.
10:12What a dazzling soiree, mon cherie.
10:15Oh, hello!
10:17How are you?
10:17Lovely to see you!
10:19She has some nerve showing her face around here.
10:22What a chic ensemble!
10:24Love whatever that is!
10:27Apparently, the dress code was optional tonight.
10:29Oh, darling.
10:31You're so...
10:32devilish.
10:33Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:35Say, could you be a dear and fetch us a...
10:38Beverage-er?
10:39Pretty please!
10:40Oh, of course, my crumpet.
10:43Now I'll be right back.
10:45Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:47Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:48Ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:49Ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:49Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:52Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:52Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:53Oh, lover!
10:55Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:57Ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:57Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
10:58I forgot to tell you, we had to recast your lover.
11:01Wh-what?
11:02Wh-with who?
11:04Hola!
11:06You've gotta be kidding me!
11:09Hey, I'm just as confused as you are, okay?
11:11All right, let's just get on with it.
11:15Oh, lover!
11:16How a mystic head of...
11:18raven hair and your...
11:20big, strong arms!
11:23You talking to me?
11:24Yep!
11:25There you are, my darling!
11:27I...
11:28And who are you, kind sir?
11:31I don't know.
11:32I was back there schmoozing when someone put me in this weird jacket and threw me on the stage, okay?
11:37Oh, no!
11:39I've been caught!
11:40And now my public lover and my secret lover, whomst I am tornt betweenst, must do to the death,
11:47because they are so madly in love with moi!
11:51Uh, yes, uh, about that, I...
11:53I should tell you, I...
11:54I've...
11:54I've met someone.
11:56What?
11:57When?
11:57Just now, by the carving station.
12:00Oh, I know it's only been a few seconds, but it's true love.
12:04What is happening here?
12:06You heard him, our guy.
12:07It's love.
12:08Good for you, my friend.
12:10Oh, thank you.
12:11We're so happy.
12:13Oh, forget it!
12:14I'm getting out of here while I still have my dignity.
12:28You're projectiles, sir.
12:29Not too late.
12:30Sketch is over.
12:31Actually, why don't you leave him?
12:33There's a lot more of this show left.
12:35Unfortunately.
12:36Oh!
12:37He-he-he-he!
12:39Okay, feathers glued.
12:40Don't hug anyone till it is dry.
12:42Next.
12:43Okay, everybody.
12:45All of your names are on this run of show in a highly specific order.
12:50Ooh.
12:51And as long as I have this list in my hands, the show will go off without a hint.
12:56Oh, I'm into Dukakis.
12:58Monique!
13:02Feels like you kind of tempted Faye with that one.
13:07Okay, thank you very much.
13:09Now for our next musical number,
13:12let's take it to the streets.
13:14The Rat Infested Streets.
13:16Ooh.
13:25I've been trying to call.
13:28I've been on my own for long enough.
13:31Maybe you can show me how to love.
13:34Maybe.
13:36I'm going through withdrawals.
13:39You don't even have to do too much.
13:42You can turn me on with just a touch.
13:45Baby.
13:47I look around and
13:48Sin City's cold and empty.
13:51No one's around to judge me.
13:54I can't see clearly when you're gone.
13:57Ah, ah.
13:59I said, ooh.
14:02I'm blinded by the lights.
14:05No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch.
14:09I said, ooh.
14:13I'm drowning in the night.
14:15Oh, when I'm like this, you're the one I trust.
14:20Hey, hey, hey.
14:27I said, ooh.
14:30I'm blinded by the lights.
14:33No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch.
14:37Hey, hey, hey.
14:48Get the bird, get the bird.
14:50I got the bird.
14:51We're going to be there.
15:00Scooter, what is going on here?
15:03Am I on next or what?
15:04Oh, uh, Kermit had to cut your number, Miss Piggy.
15:07Didn't he tell you?
15:08What?
15:09Does it look like he told me?
15:11You think I'm wearing these gladiator sandals for my freaking health?
15:15Uh, probably not.
15:18Ah, Kermit!
15:20Whoa!
15:22Yep, good to be back.
15:26I'm so sorry about the mishap earlier.
15:28We're still working out a few kinks.
15:30Oh, that's all right.
15:31I love a kink.
15:32Uh-huh.
15:34Well, uh, I just wanted to say we're really honored to have you here with us tonight.
15:39Are you kidding me?
15:40Being here is a dream come true.
15:41I mean, I could have been anywhere else in the world tonight.
15:44I turned down a Pulitzer Prize and getting my face on the new quarter.
15:48And a second date with...
15:51Really?
15:53He's single?
15:54No.
15:56But this is the only place I want to be right now.
15:58And nothing could...
16:00Open the door, frog!
16:02She knows, boss!
16:03I think someone's at the door.
16:05Uh, who's that?
16:08Uh, no, no, no.
16:09That's, uh, that's just an old theater, you know.
16:12These pipes can be pretty noisy.
16:16Where is he?
16:18Wow, the door wasn't even locked.
16:20I know you're here, frog!
16:23Miss Piggy, I'm sure you get this all the time.
16:26I actually meant to tell you earlier, but you're my idol.
16:29Aw!
16:30Yeah, I basically, like, modeled my whole look and style after you.
16:33Oh, trust me.
16:34My attorneys and I have taken notice, and we will be in touch.
16:38Aw.
16:38Aw, and I'll make sure my attorneys respond to your attorneys.
16:43Aw, aw, aw, aw, aw.
16:44Did you hear that?
16:46Oh, Kermit said the theater is really old and the pipes are a little noisy.
16:49Oh, really?
16:51What else did Kermit say?
16:52Did he mention he got my big number from the show?
16:55What?
16:56No, that's crazy.
16:57There's no Muppet Show without a Miss Piggy number.
17:00Exactly!
17:00If only he were around to hear that door.
17:04I am so sorry.
17:06You don't deserve to lose one second of screen time.
17:08You are an icon.
17:09Oh, stop it.
17:10You're too sweet.
17:12Go on.
17:13Oh, I mean, I grew up watching you.
17:15My parents grew up watching you.
17:17Their parents grew up watching...
17:18Okay, meet and greet over.
17:20If Kermit ever shows his face, you let him know.
17:23I am going to sing in this show!
17:27Oh, no, that's right.
17:31Are you okay?
17:32Sorry.
17:33I forgot you were down there.
17:34Oh, hey, I'm fine, Sabrina.
17:36You know, it happens a lot more than you'd think.
17:38All right, Scooter, you know the drill.
17:41Let's get another door in here.
17:42Already on it, boss.
17:46You know, I've actually met Kermit a few times.
17:48He's actually really lovely.
17:50I mean, I've met a ton of celebrities.
17:52A lot of jerks.
17:55But not Kermit.
17:57I mean, yes, but not that big.
18:02Oh, I'm Maya, by the way.
18:05Hmm.
18:10Hmm.
18:18Welcome to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.
18:22I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew,
18:24and this is my fearless assistant beaker.
18:30Hmm.
18:32Today, we tackle a modern epidemic.
18:34It's like distraction.
18:36These days, everything is competing for your eyeballs.
18:39Mobile devices, televisions, and the day-to-day terrors
18:43that consume our brains when we aren't looking at the first two.
18:47Well, now you can focus effortlessly, thanks to my latest invention, Focus Pocus.
18:53One drop of this serum per eye, and your attention span will multiply exponentially.
19:00Come back, come back.
19:02Sit on the stool.
19:04That's it. Good.
19:05Now, I'm going to just lower the stool gently.
19:09Okay, there we go.
19:10A little teardrop.
19:11This won't hurt me at all.
19:13There we go.
19:15There, there, there.
19:17Oh, dear.
19:19That might have been just a teensy bit too strong.
19:22Well...
19:28Hmm, maybe I neglected to dilute it properly.
19:31Now, let's see, where did I write that down?
19:38Oh, this is interesting.
19:40This one's marked urgent.
19:41Hmm, I'm sure that's fine.
19:52It's inspiring.
19:54I feel alive.
19:56You know?
19:57I mean, as a performer.
20:00Byron?
20:02Byron?
20:03Byron?
20:04I don't know what you mean.
20:07I don't know what you mean.
20:08I don't know what you mean.
20:10I don't know what you mean.
20:11I don't know what you mean.
20:12You mean out of work?
20:13Oh, wow.
20:14Like, are you okay, Kermit?
20:17Uh, yeah.
20:18Because you seem a little wound up.
20:20Like, like, your chakras are, like,
20:22totally out of whack.
20:24You're right.
20:24I guess I am a little stressed.
20:27Thanks for checking in.
20:28Oh, for sure.
20:30Because, you know, like, I can read auras
20:32and yours is, like, bad.
20:36It is?
20:37Oh, totally.
20:38And we're breathing in.
20:40Oh, is that what we're doing?
20:46Uh...
20:46Janice?
20:48Can I breathe out yet?
20:52Janice?
20:55Actually, that did make me feel a bit better.
20:58Almost like things are gonna be okay.
21:03I saw the light.
21:05And there was a river of souls.
21:07And a wall of flames.
21:10And I was doing awards show powder for a man in red.
21:14That sounds like heaven.
21:15Right?
21:18Correction!
21:18Emmy Award-winning comedy icon Maya Rudolph is alive!
21:22A thing fell on her and made her be alive again!
21:25Stay tuned for more hard-hitting news!
21:28Whoopi Goldberg gets over to Houston!
21:30Of course he's waiting!
21:32Show's not half bad.
21:34Yeah.
21:34It's all bad.
21:35God!
21:37He he he he he!
21:38Ho!
21:42La!
21:43La!
21:47La!
21:49Baby when I met you, there was peace unknown.
21:53I set out to get you with a fine-tooth comb
21:58I was soft inside
22:00There was something going on
22:08You do something to me that I can't explain
22:13Hold me closer and I feel no pain
22:18Every beat of my heart
22:21We got something going on
22:27Islands in the stream
22:29That is what we are
22:32No one in between
22:35How can we be wrong?
22:37Sail away with me
22:39To another world
22:42And we will hide
22:44You're not cutting me from the show!
22:47From one sailor to another
22:50I'm gone
22:52I can't even without you if this boat was gone
22:57Everything is nothing if you've got no pain
23:02You'll just run the night
23:04Slowly losing sight of the real thing
23:19But that won't happen to us and we got no doubt
23:24Now you're in this boat and I am freaking out
23:29And the message is clear
23:31Be there for the real thing
23:36Islands in the stream
23:38That is what we are
23:41No one in between
23:44How can we be wrong?
23:46Sail away with me
23:49To another world
23:51And we rely on each other
23:54A-ha
23:55From one deal to another
23:59A-ha
24:10To another world
24:11I just have to say
24:14Singing a duet with you has always been a dream of mine
24:16And now I've done it
24:18And I'm still so young
24:20Yes, just like me
24:21I'm young
24:23Very
24:24Look at us
24:25Two young ingenues at the top of their game
24:35Well, does this mean we're good then?
24:37You're not going to try to sue me for stealing your look?
24:40It's called copyright infringement, sweetie
24:42And of course not!
24:45That's really for the lawyers to decide
24:49I'm trying to do the best I can
24:52Back up, back up just a little bit
24:54I'm trying to be fair
24:55I'm trying to be fair to Harry
24:58Okay, everybody, stop!
25:01There is only time for one more act
25:05What?
25:06One more?
25:07But which one, boss?
25:08How are you going to choose?
25:19Look
25:21Do you trust me?
25:23Well, of course we do, Kermit
25:25I mean, maybe not this guy
25:29I've been burned before
25:33Okay, uh
25:34Hey, give me a minute, okay?
25:36Alright, goodbye
25:37Excuse me
25:38First of all
25:38First of all
25:39First of all
25:39First of all
25:45Hey there, folks
25:45Uh
25:47How you all doing so far?
25:49Ooh
25:49Um
25:51I can't say that the show has gone exactly the way we planned
25:55Jamie Lee Curtis!
25:57Regina King!
26:00The point is, uh
26:02Maybe we're a little rusty
26:04But, uh
26:05But we promised to do a great show for you
26:08And, uh
26:09I hope that you at least enjoyed some of it
26:17Well, now we're at the end
26:19And you're all probably wondering what the final number is
26:23In fact, I was supposed to come out here
26:25And announce one of the acts waiting backstage
26:29But, um
26:32I'm sorry
26:34I'm not gonna do that
26:38See?
26:39I can't trust anyone
26:41See?
26:54I can't trust anyone
27:05Turn it inside out
27:08Yeah
27:08I'm floating around
27:11In ecstasy
27:13So
27:14Don't
27:14Stop me
27:15Now
27:18Don't
27:19Stop me
27:20Cause we're having a good time
27:22Having a good time
27:23I'm a shooting star
27:24Leaping through the sky
27:25Like a tiger
27:27Defying the laws of gravity
27:30I'm a racing car
27:32Passing by
27:32I need a good diver
27:33I'm gonna go
27:35Go
27:35Go
27:36Cause I don't wanna stop at all
27:40Don't stop me
27:41Don't stop me
27:42Ha ha ha
27:43Don't stop me
27:44Don't stop me
27:45Boo
27:46Don't stop me
27:47Don't stop me
27:48Blah blah blah
27:49Don't stop me
27:50Don't stop me
27:51Have a good time
27:52Good time
27:56Don't stop
27:57Stop, stop, stop
27:59Stop
28:00Don't stop me
28:01Cause I'm having a good time
28:03Don't stop me
28:05Cause I'm having a good time
28:06I've been having a good time
28:06I don't wanna stop at all
28:11All
28:15All
28:16That was great
28:20We did it
28:21Yeah
28:22I'm being honest
28:23I'm a little insulted
28:24They were gonna cut me
28:25But they kept this armadillo
28:26And the tutu in there
28:28Never even seen that guy
28:30That guy's not canon
28:33Well that's about all the time we have
28:35But before we go
28:36Let's give a great big thank you
28:39To our incredible guest star
28:40Sabrina Carpenter
28:42Yay!
28:43Thanks to Kermit
28:44You know
28:45You fit right in with us Sabrina
28:47Well it helps her with the same height
28:48Good point
28:50Diane Wiest
28:54Good night everybody
28:55We'll see you next time on the Mugment Show!
28:58Good job
28:59Good job
29:00Good job
29:00Good job
29:01Zoe Saldana
29:03Good job
29:04Good job
29:05Good job
29:05Good job
29:21Good job
29:37Good job
29:40Good job
29:42Good job
29:43Good job
29:46Good job
29:47No
29:47I'll win
29:48I will win
29:48Good job
29:58You
29:58Love
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