#tvseries #gemibix
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:21Okay, kids, thank you for joining me here on the walk-in.
00:23Thank you all.
00:24You said we had to, so...
00:25Shush.
00:26I should have brought my cardigan.
00:28I have an announcement about the restaurant.
00:30Here in this box is the beef that will make our...
00:33Gene, drumroll, please.
00:36Okay, enough.
00:42Gene.
00:44Here in this box is the beef that will make our 100,000th burger.
00:49Wow.
00:50Can I touch it?
00:50I want to touch it, too.
00:52I want to feel it between my toes.
00:54I want to put a stick of dynamite in it and blow it up!
00:57No, what is wrong with all of you?
00:58No one's touching this meat but me.
01:00I have an announcement, too.
01:01My bra's chafing me.
01:03That's not a real announcement.
01:04Oh, I have one.
01:05I love house music.
01:08There, I said it.
01:11And I'm going to get my gun license.
01:13Finally.
01:14Oh, congratulations.
01:15Can't believe they're making you wait three days.
01:18Stop stealing my thunder!
01:19I found the banner!
01:22It's from our old printer.
01:24You just have to tear up the holes on the side.
01:26We were supposed to hit 100,000 ages ago.
01:29We were way off.
01:30Yeah.
01:31Big time.
01:32Aw.
01:32Can I...
01:33Let me just...
01:33No, stop it.
01:36There it is.
01:37Get it!
01:38Die!
01:38Oh, my God.
01:39Ah.
01:42Are you number 100,000?
01:45No.
01:46Are you mad at me?
01:48No.
01:49Oh, Burger.
01:50You're cute.
01:51You're cute, too.
01:53I'm not.
01:54Whoa, whoa.
01:55Linda!
01:56I think the news is here.
01:57I wonder if they heard about our 100,000th Burger.
02:00What?
02:01Hi.
02:02How are you?
02:03What can I do for you?
02:04Are you Bob?
02:05Yeah, I am.
02:06I'm Randy Watkins.
02:08The Documentary Filmmaker.
02:10Okay, um...
02:11We're making a film about the beef industry.
02:13I heard you were about to hit your 100,000th Burger,
02:17and I wanted to shake your hand.
02:20Oh, yeah, um...
02:21Because you, sir, have blood on your hands!
02:25Ew, is this ketchup?
02:27It's the blood of 100,000 slaughtered cows!
02:29You ketchuped me.
02:30We're here to force you to face your victims.
02:33Meet your meat.
02:37What the hell?
02:38Her name is Melissa.
02:40She's due to be processed in five days, Bob.
02:43Unless you choose to spare her life.
02:45Why?
02:46That's right!
02:47You will decide her fate.
02:49It's a countdown.
02:53We'll see what your conscience tells you
02:55when you're looking your burger right in the eye.
02:58Ow.
02:59This is ridiculous.
03:00It's not a crime to make burgers.
03:02There's no blood on our hands.
03:04What's all the yelling about?
03:07Turns out Dad's been putting murdered cows in our hamburgers.
03:11And you made us a part of it!
03:13You make me sick.
03:15Kids, please!
03:16Oh, look, a cow!
03:19Hello, Blondie!
03:20Oh, oops!
03:21I got some meat on you!
03:23Dead cow on live cow.
03:24Gross.
03:25Oh, my God!
03:27Uh, not a good time, Linda.
03:29Oh!
03:30Oh!
03:32Randy, stop. Stop filming.
03:34You know, we're not going to be in your cow documentary anymore.
03:36Well, you don't really have a choice, Bob.
03:38Because I'm stopping nothing to expose injustice to animals.
03:41Is that wig glued on?
03:43Yeah, it's the only way it would stay put.
03:45It's to, uh, humanize her.
03:47It's cute!
03:47Hmm, I've seen cuter.
03:49Honestly, she's a four.
03:50Randy, I don't know where to begin.
03:52You know, this isn't even a female cow.
03:54Beef happens to come from steers, which are male cows.
03:57Then, uh, how do you explain that udder?
04:00Wow, what an udder.
04:01Get away from there, Tina.
04:02That's, um, not an udder.
04:04Oh, it's not?
04:05Don't listen to him, Randy.
04:07You go ahead and milk that cow.
04:09Milk it good.
04:10Oh, we did.
04:11You shouldn't have.
04:12Milk doesn't come out of that.
04:13Something came out of it.
04:14In that bucket over there.
04:15You mean this bucket of urine?
04:16I know urine, and that's urine.
04:18Jean, put that down.
04:20No!
04:20Well, it certainly smells like urine,
04:22but that's probably because she's sick.
04:24No, she's not sick.
04:25Sick of your practices, Bob!
04:26Okay, you know, we're going to go inside
04:28and call Animal Control,
04:29and then you'll have to leave.
04:30Aww.
04:32Okay, so you've got all your permits,
04:33and you're renting this storefront?
04:35Yes.
04:35Oh, yeah.
04:35And, uh, this cow has had all its shots?
04:38Yes.
04:38Sure, sure, sure, sure.
04:39All right, well, uh, great.
04:40My job is done.
04:40I'll see you guys later.
04:41Bye!
04:42Bye, Animal Man.
04:43What?
04:43Oh, will you sign a release to be in the movie?
04:45Uh, yeah.
04:46A movie?
04:46Yes.
04:47You're going to be a star!
04:48Excuse me.
04:49Hello, the person who called you.
04:51You can't have a cow on a sidewalk.
04:53It's dangerous.
04:53Sir, sir, the only thing dangerous about this cow
04:56is how adorable it is.
04:58Moo.
04:59Put your hand on this cow and touch it.
05:01What?
05:01I just know that that's going to help you.
05:03Touch the cow.
05:04Touch the cow.
05:05Touch the cow.
05:06I'm walking away.
05:07Touch it.
05:07Touch it.
05:07All right, run away, tough guy.
05:10Yeah, go take a meat bath,
05:12or whatever it is you people do.
05:15Dial M for mooter.
05:17Interview one, take one.
05:19Ma, ma, ma, ma, me, me, me, me.
05:21Perfect.
05:21Do you think cows should be ground up for food?
05:24Personally, I don't really care.
05:25But my father, he loves grinding them up.
05:28Gives them a rush.
05:29Makes them feel alive.
05:31Daddy's a bad, bad man.
05:34Is this movie going to have a score?
05:36You know, some music to tug at the heartstrings.
05:39I haven't thought about it yet.
05:40Well, check this out.
05:47Think about it.
05:48Louise, what does that look like to you?
05:50Cow poop.
05:51Good eye, Tina.
05:52Good eye.
05:53No, I mean it's in the shape of a smiley face,
05:55like an emoticon.
05:57Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
05:58You think the cow is texting you an emoticon with its butt.
06:02Very interesting.
06:04Maybe this cow is trying to communicate with us
06:06the only way it knows how, with its feces.
06:09Like Gram-Gram used to do.
06:11Mom, let's say you had a brilliant plan,
06:14but to execute it,
06:15you needed to write something using cow poop.
06:17How would you do it?
06:19Oh, is this a brain teaser?
06:21Hmm, I would use a frosting bag.
06:25Do we have one?
06:26Yeah, in the pantry.
06:27Am I right?
06:28Is it a frosting bag?
06:29We'll see, Mom.
06:30Bye.
06:32Bye.
06:44Yeah.
06:45Okie dokie.
06:49Bye, kids.
06:50Have a good day.
06:52Murderer!
06:52Oh, hi, Randy.
06:55Whoa.
06:56Wink with open smile.
06:58Is this for me?
06:59It has to be.
07:00What should I do?
07:01Should I text back?
07:02Coming through.
07:03Oh, no.
07:04Ugh.
07:06Hmm.
07:07Aw, look at him.
07:09So cute.
07:10Makes me hungry.
07:11Honey, I want a burger right now.
07:13What's wrong with you people?
07:15Yeah, what's wrong with you people?
07:17Now, let's talk about your music budget.
07:19Is it a million?
07:22We only need one megaphone out here.
07:23You know what you need?
07:25You need this.
07:31Think about it.
07:33Wow, we're mobbed.
07:35Thank you, documentary.
07:37Linda, the documentary is about me being an evil cow killer.
07:41Murderer!
07:41Oh, come on, Bob.
07:43There's no such thing as bad publicity.
07:45This could be huge for us.
07:46Like a sex tape.
07:48Like a sex tape.
07:49Ugh.
07:49It's the best free advertising we ever had.
07:51I know.
07:52It's almost sad.
07:53For who?
07:53I don't know.
07:54The cow?
07:54The cow's going out in a blaze of glory.
07:57Everybody wins, Bob.
07:58I guess you're right.
07:59I mean, looks kind of sweet out there.
08:02Enjoying the day.
08:03Meeting people.
08:04Hi, cow.
08:05I'm gonna eat you.
08:07Whoa.
08:07Can it hear us?
08:08Gah.
08:09Gah.
08:10Gah.
08:10Easy.
08:11Like sands through the hourglass.
08:13There goes my teeth right into your back.
08:15That's my wife.
08:16Oh, Bobby, I'm friggin' starving.
08:18Who could eat that beautiful creature?
08:21Shame on you!
08:22Are you going to be eating a burger today?
08:24We wouldn't dream of eating an animal.
08:27We run a petting zoo.
08:28By the interstate, it's called Mother Goose's Discount Petting Zoo.
08:33Petting horses, goats, and sheep.
08:35Precious memories on the cheap.
08:36It's basically an animal sanctuary that we make money off of.
08:40Exactly.
08:47Oh, hey, Randy.
08:48Thanks for the business.
08:49Oh, hey, Bob.
08:50You're welcome.
08:50Well, I'm gonna go to bed soon.
08:52What are you gonna do?
08:53Oh, I'll probably go to bed too,
08:54because I'm a person.
08:55Bye.
09:02Melissa, watch out!
09:05No!
09:07Bring in the accused.
09:11Yeah, yeah.
09:14Luis, you're defending me?
09:16This so-called man stands accused of murdering nearly 100,000 hamburgers worth of cows.
09:24I call to the stand, Melissa!
09:28Objection!
09:29That cow's faking his injuries!
09:32And I can prove it.
09:34Think fast!
09:37Overruled.
09:38Melissa, is the man who killed you in the courtroom today?
09:43It's me!
09:45It's me!
09:46I just make hamburgers.
09:48I never wanted to be a cow killer!
09:51I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
09:57Whoa.
09:58Heavy sleeper?
09:59Why?
09:59What happened?
10:00What's that?
10:00What's that?
10:01Go back to bed.
10:02I'm sorry.
10:03Go back to bed.
10:13Hey!
10:14Randy!
10:15Your cow's gonna freeze to death out here!
10:18Randy!
10:23Shh!
10:24Easy.
10:25Easy.
10:25Back up.
10:26Back up.
10:26Back up.
10:28Oh my god!
10:29Ha!
10:30I know.
10:30It's a cow!
10:32You know what?
10:32You won't even know it's here.
10:35Uh, that was like that already.
10:39Definitely clean that.
10:41Oh!
10:41Step back.
10:41This is the best dream I've ever had!
10:45Everybody, pee on the floor!
10:47Who's with me?
10:52Okay.
10:53Eat while it's hot.
10:54Well, well, well.
10:55Look who's too good for cereal now.
10:57He's trying to impress the cow.
10:59Don't be ridiculous.
11:01Someone knows how to treat a lady slash male steer.
11:04Bob, I am not comfortable with this situation.
11:07Lynn, what was I supposed to do?
11:08I had that crazy dream.
11:09It was raining.
11:10Well, I had a crazy dream that there wouldn't be a cow's A-S-S in my face when I'm
11:15eating
11:15my breakfast.
11:16I know what that spells.
11:18Ass.
11:19Ass.
11:20Mom.
11:21Ass.
11:22Stop it.
11:22Say goodbye, everybody.
11:24It's going out.
11:25On the street where it belongs.
11:26Of course.
11:27Okay, of course.
11:28Right after breakfast.
11:29Cows can't go downstairs.
11:32What?
11:33What's that?
11:34Cows can't go downstairs.
11:35That's like a thing.
11:37I've heard that.
11:37It's like a fun fact.
11:40Bobby!
11:41Hmm.
11:41Cows can't go downstairs?
11:43That better not be true.
11:44Cows can't go.
11:45Huh.
11:45Oh.
11:47Oh.
11:48Oh.
11:49Huh.
11:49What do you know?
11:50We know you'll push on a cow's butt for half an hour without asking for help.
11:54Gotta have that butt all to yourself.
11:57Hey, Bob!
11:58What's the deal, man?
11:59What did you do to Melissa?
12:02It's up here!
12:03Come get it out!
12:04Linda!
12:04Uh, it's not up here, Randy.
12:06My wife's crazy.
12:07Shh.
12:08If he knows I brought the cow in, he'll think he won.
12:10So what if he won?
12:11Get the cow out of the house now.
12:13Sorry.
12:14You get it out of there.
12:15Linda, please.
12:15Come get it!
12:16Oh.
12:17Uh, this cow.
12:18This cow, yeah.
12:19Is here.
12:20Ha ha!
12:21Dad, I ran that bubble bath for you and Melissa like you wanted.
12:25Bubbles!
12:26I'm not taking a bath with Melissa, Randy.
12:29Two days left!
12:30Two days to decide to send that cow to slaughter or admit you're a hypocrite and a murderer!
12:38Wow.
12:38What a movie.
12:40Bob!
12:41What a movie!
12:42It's not my movie, Teddy.
12:43Wait, that's following you around with a camera?
12:45You're in it.
12:46You're the star, but it's not your movie.
12:48Good luck, guys.
12:49Will you sign a release?
12:50Sure.
12:51You want my junk hand, Clark?
12:53Yeah.
12:53Anyway?
12:54No, I'm not lying here.
12:55Better get used to this, huh?
12:57Gonna be in the movies.
12:59Just on the line where it says signature.
13:01Just on the line, right?
13:01Just anywhere?
13:02Yeah.
13:03No, no!
13:03Where it says signature!
13:05Okay.
13:05What's your name?
13:06Do you want it to you?
13:07No, I...
13:07Teddy, what are you doing?
13:08I'm signing your autograph, Bob!
13:19One big happy family.
13:21Isn't this nice?
13:22All of us here together?
13:24Now?
13:24Are you going to give me a poop tonight?
13:26Talk to me.
13:27Hmm?
13:28Bob?
13:29Hmm?
13:30Well, it's nice.
13:31They like each other.
13:32It's good for Tina.
13:34Come on.
13:34Just relax and...
13:36It's all about the communication.
13:39Pfft.
13:44Uh-oh.
13:47Hi, Melissa.
13:49Huh?
13:49Brownie face?
13:50All I've been is super nice to you, and this is the thanks I get?
13:54I loved you.
13:55I loved you like a horse, which is my favorite animal.
13:58You know what?
13:59Let's just stop before we both say something we'll regret.
14:02Like the horses are better than cows.
14:04I regret that.
14:06That is true.
14:08I regret that.
14:09I regret that.
14:10I regret that.
14:12Where's the cow?
14:13I believe you mean, where's the steer?
14:16Yeah, don't forget about that penis.
14:17Yeah.
14:19Melissa?
14:20Melissa?
14:21Ha!
14:21Cows can go downstairs.
14:23All you need is four wool socks, a mattress, and the will to make it happen.
14:29You didn't.
14:30Your girlfriend is tied up outside.
14:34Wow.
14:36No!
14:38What's wrong with Dad?
14:39I think he hates leashes.
14:47It's not my fault, Randy.
14:48She was stolen.
14:49I mean, it's no one's fault.
14:50Except for Linda's.
14:51I did what I had to do to protect my family and my carpet.
14:54Yeah, whatever.
14:55So, who do we know that would steal a cow and a blonde wig?
14:59Maybe some perverts?
15:01Heh heh.
15:01We had a fight last night.
15:03Me and Melissa.
15:04I just wish I had a chance to make things right again.
15:06You wouldn't if you heard some of the things she was pooping about you.
15:10Hey, guys!
15:11Take a look at this!
15:12That looks like a sheep pictures to me.
15:13She's on the cheap.
15:15You fellas just leave her tied up here at night all alone?
15:18Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:19She doesn't mind.
15:20We could just back a trailer right up here, honey, huh?
15:23We sure could.
15:24Get ourselves a cow.
15:26Yeah, get ourselves a cow.
15:28Yeah, get ourselves a cow.
15:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
15:34ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
15:40What a dump.
15:42Yikes.
15:42Hey, there she is.
15:44Oh, dear God.
15:45Oh, the cow that jumped over the moon.
15:48See, that's nice.
15:50Come on, let's go get her.
15:51We should come back after dark.
15:53Why?
15:53It's more dramatic.
15:54That is stupid.
15:55No, no, no, no.
15:56I can see it now.
15:57The big rescue will shoot the whole thing in infrared.
16:01Oh, Randy, in infrared?
16:06This is nuts.
16:07The kids should be in bed, Bob.
16:09It's infrared, Lynn.
16:11Show her.
16:12Oh.
16:13Yeah.
16:13Coo, coo.
16:15Why are you doing that?
16:16I'm signaling.
16:17Everybody, serpentine.
16:19Yes.
16:20We're a unit.
16:22Dad, you should know.
16:23If anything happens, I am in full attack mode right now.
16:27Me too.
16:28I'm hungry for blood.
16:29And also candy.
16:31Uh, thanks, kids.
16:33Damn it.
16:34I missed the signal to stand up.
16:36Sorry, everybody.
16:37You let down the unit.
16:38I said I'm sorry.
16:39Bob, we're here.
16:40What do we do now?
16:42We, um, uh, open the gate.
16:45That was easy.
16:47What do you think you're doing?
16:48Gene, attack!
16:50Ah!
16:52Your children are biting my legs!
16:54Randy, Captain Melissa, let's move!
16:59High five, Bob.
17:00We did it.
17:01High five, Randy.
17:02Nice job.
17:03I mean, we couldn't have done it without the kids biting that woman.
17:07She tasted like sawdust and goats!
17:09Three, two, one, eat.
17:13Uh-oh.
17:15Bob, the counting down's over.
17:18It's time to decide Melissa's fate.
17:21Seriously?
17:21Right now?
17:22We just rescued her.
17:23She's due at the slaughterhouse, Bob.
17:25What's it gonna be?
17:26Murderer!
17:27Louise, shush!
17:29Randy, can you stop making your stupid movie for one minute and just be a human being?
17:32I don't know, Bob.
17:33Can you stop making your stupid burgers for one minute and be a human being?
17:37So now you're gonna guilt trip me?
17:38That's what the whole movie is about!
17:40I thought we were friends now, Randy, because we saved the cow together!
17:43Maybe activists slash documentarians can't have friends no matter how many cows they save!
17:48Well, that's just sad, Randy!
17:49Oh, no!
17:52Oh, my God, that was close.
17:54I don't know what I would do if anything happened to Mo-
17:58Oh!
17:59I didn't hit her!
18:00I didn't hit her!
18:00I-I stopped!
18:01She's probably fine!
18:02She's dead.
18:03She must have had a cow heart attack.
18:05No.
18:06You know what?
18:06Let me get something out of my van real quick.
18:08I'll be right back.
18:12Melissa!
18:13Oh, my God, no.
18:15Don't you die on me.
18:16Don't you die!
18:18Say something!
18:19Louise, look!
18:21It's a heart!
18:22A heart-shaped poop!
18:23What the hell?
18:24I didn't do that.
18:26I'm keeping it.
18:28Bob, you all right?
18:30You look a little pale.
18:31Uh-uh.
18:35Uh, are we dead?
18:36I'm dead, Bob.
18:37You just fainted.
18:38I fainted?
18:39Wow, that's embarrassing.
18:41Okay.
18:41I'm a-I'm not a fainter.
18:42Yeah, I'm-I'm dead, though.
18:44Right, yeah.
18:45But listen, there's something I want you to do for me.
18:48Make burgers out of me.
18:49What?
18:50No.
18:50No way.
18:51Yes way, Bob.
18:52Look, ever since I met you, making burgers makes me feel like a horrible person.
18:56Bob, I'm a castrated steer.
18:58Yeah, I'm a married man.
19:02I'm kidding.
19:03Same thing, right?
19:04Yeah.
19:05Think about it, though.
19:06I'm a cow, you know?
19:07We're not wild stallions or humpback whales.
19:10But we want to feel special, too.
19:12I do, anyway.
19:13You turned me into something amazing.
19:15Wait, isn't this my subconscious telling me what I want to hear?
19:19Hey, no.
19:20You know what?
19:21Yes, it is, actually.
19:22Well, it's working.
19:22Keep talking.
19:23Kiss me.
19:24No.
19:25I can't do that.
19:27You can, and you want to.
19:30Okay, one quick one.
19:32Because I owe you.
19:34Maybe not.
19:35Maybe we shouldn't.
19:36Oh, we should, absolutely.
19:37Oh, my God.
19:38What am I doing?
19:40What are you doing?
19:41I'm about to kiss a cow.
19:43Yeah.
19:47Bobby, are you okay?
19:48What's that doing with his mouth?
19:50Looks like he's kissing.
19:52Ugh.
19:54Well, this is awkward.
19:56Somebody put a blanket over it.
19:58Tastes so good.
20:00Okay, all right, kids, inside.
20:02Now.
20:02Aw.
20:06Before Melissa, I used to say, it's just beef.
20:10I couldn't have been more wrong.
20:12Ow!
20:13Ow!
20:13Cows are living creatures with beautiful hair and soft brown eyes.
20:17Soft mouths.
20:19Woo!
20:20And also, they are beef.
20:23They're the full package.
20:25Does that make me a hypocrite to say that?
20:28Yes.
20:28No, it doesn't, Randy.
20:29Or if it does, I can live with that.
20:33I present our hundred thousandth burger.
20:38One hundred thousand burger!
20:40All right!
20:42Right.
20:43Do the banner.
20:44Bob's burger!
20:45One hundred thousand!
20:47All right!
20:48Hooray!
20:49Do the banner.
20:50Here's the banner.
20:51Here comes the banner.
20:52I humbly call this the rest in peas burger.
20:56Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
20:59Because it comes with snap peas and carrots.
21:01Thank you!
21:02All right, funeral people.
21:03It's time to party!
21:11DEMONSOR
21:12In the house
21:14Get ready
21:16To get out
21:35For more information, visit www.fema.org
Comments