- 17 hours ago
No Doubt (2019) [Full Movie] [Watch Free Online]Full EP - Full
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00:00:28You
00:00:31All right
00:00:32So
00:00:34Mano y Mano
00:00:35How many girls ask you if Picasso is your real name?
00:00:39One I'd like to talk about
00:00:41Especially since a lot of them argue with me when I tell them it is my real name
00:00:44Like how are you going to tell me what my name is?
00:00:46I think I know more about it than you do
00:00:50She's cute
00:00:52Got you 20 bones she has a kid
00:00:54How can you tell that from one inconspicuous photo?
00:00:57Always trust the bubbling stomach
00:00:59Why is your stomach bubbling?
00:01:01Just scroll
00:01:06Ew, Maddie, you're right
00:01:09Of all the photos you're going to post of your kid
00:01:11Why would you post the one directly after you gave birth?
00:01:14She looks hideous
00:01:15I guess she was going for the natural beauty thing
00:01:17Nothing beautiful about that
00:01:19Is that her placenta?
00:01:21Gladly swiping left
00:01:23Wait, wait, wait, wait
00:01:24Okay, which one is she?
00:01:26Every photo is her with the same four girls
00:01:29I'm trying to find this right now
00:01:31And she wants to play Where's Fucking Waldo?
00:01:33I detest that shit
00:01:34You know when girls do that?
00:01:35It's usually because they're the ugliest one out of their group of friends
00:01:38Then it must be this one
00:01:41Duff, you have been spotted
00:01:43Ooh, she looks like fucking Beetlejuice
00:01:47She does
00:01:47To the left
00:01:50To the left
00:01:51Oh yeah, you're 25
00:01:5325 times 2
00:01:57Oh, here we go
00:01:58Officially head over heels
00:02:00Check it out
00:02:00Close up of her eye
00:02:02And
00:02:02Yep, that's her only photo
00:02:04Who wouldn't want to swipe right?
00:02:07Beats me
00:02:10Oh, hold on
00:02:10Let me see something
00:02:13You've got quite a few messages
00:02:16Master Picasso
00:02:16A lot more than I thought you'd have
00:02:18Well, if you open up the conversation
00:02:19You'll see that they're mostly just lonely hey's
00:02:21That no one ever responded to
00:02:23You can't just say hey to these girls
00:02:25The second you match with them
00:02:27You gotta do something to show them
00:02:29That you're not just one of the millions of guys
00:02:30That want to make bacon with them
00:02:31But I do want to make bacon with them
00:02:33Well, you're not gonna put anything in the pan
00:02:34With a dry fucking DM like hey
00:02:37Every hot girl's DM
00:02:38Is 50% lewd messages
00:02:4050% haze
00:02:41You gotta find the middle ground
00:02:43You gotta do something unique
00:02:44Well, my haze did work on someone
00:02:47Oh, this girl
00:02:48Sissany
00:02:49Yeah
00:02:50We've been talking for like two weeks
00:02:51And I can actually keep a conversation going with her
00:02:54No lags
00:02:55No
00:02:55Pretending to be interested
00:02:56And it's a good deal
00:02:58And we text like every day
00:03:00You guys met in person yet?
00:03:02No
00:03:03Is a face-to-face meeting in the works?
00:03:06Nope
00:03:14Dude, what are you stop
00:03:15What is that for?
00:03:16That's for preferring to talk to an attractive young woman
00:03:18On your phone
00:03:19Than talking to her pussy lips in real time
00:03:21I've seen catfish
00:03:23And if I've learned anything from Neve and Max
00:03:25Is that anything that seems too good
00:03:26Really is too good
00:03:27Right now this girl's on a pillar, you know
00:03:30She's cool, she's chill
00:03:31And I don't want to ruin what we have by meeting her in person
00:03:34Like what if she's a guy?
00:03:36Or what if she is who she says she is
00:03:38But her real-life personality pales in comparison to her online personality
00:03:42When I'm not looking for girls to fuck
00:03:44I can just sit back, unwind, and shoot the shit with Sissany
00:03:50What the-what-stop!
00:03:51Stop!
00:03:52What the fuck kind of logic is that?
00:03:53This girl responded to your boring-ass hay
00:03:56And has sustained conversation with you for weeks
00:03:58She's pretty
00:03:59She clearly likes the same things as you
00:04:01Look, she's gotten a courage in the cowardly dog shirt for crying out loud
00:04:04This girl will fuck the potatoes out of you
00:04:06Yeah, but what if she's a catfish?
00:04:08What if she's not a catfish?
00:04:09Picasso
00:04:11Listen to me with both ears, alright?
00:04:14If you haven't at least discussed the possibility of meeting this girl in person
00:04:18By the next time I see you
00:04:19I will personally give you a vasectomy with a rusty safety pin
00:04:24Capisce?
00:04:26Her vagina is calling your name, dude
00:04:30Oh, Picasso
00:04:33Oh, Picasso
00:04:34Just give me that salami
00:04:36Just give me that sausage
00:04:38I can take it
00:04:40Come on, shove it in there, big boy
00:04:42Come on, shove it in there, big boy
00:04:43Come on, shove it in there
00:04:44Please, stop it
00:04:45Please, stop it
00:04:45Please, stop it
00:04:46You're a sex body
00:04:46Stop it
00:04:47Oh, my God
00:04:47Oh, my God
00:05:03Look, I graduated
00:05:05Get through anything
00:05:06If magic made it
00:05:07That's magic, ain't it
00:05:09Graduated from public school
00:05:10That's special
00:05:11And
00:05:11That's football teams
00:05:13Since 13
00:05:14They're football dreams
00:05:15Most people waiting
00:05:17On the sideline
00:05:18Waiting for one time
00:05:19In the limelight
00:05:20But tonight
00:05:21I'ma shine in the moonlight
00:05:23Made moves like Michael Jackson
00:05:25So it's time for action
00:05:26I go
00:05:27Graduated to a party bus
00:05:29I'm going to college
00:05:30I had enough
00:05:31Gonna live it up
00:05:32Pour a drink in the red cup
00:05:33Trunk white
00:05:34Gonna throw it up
00:05:34We're gonna celebrate
00:05:36We're gonna celebrate
00:05:40We're gonna celebrate
00:05:44All night
00:05:47All night
00:05:49We're gonna celebrate
00:05:52We're gonna celebrate
00:05:56Ugh, so many stairs.
00:05:59Well, technically, I can get shot anywhere.
00:06:01The fact that this is Inglewood should make a difference.
00:06:05It's actually not that sketch.
00:06:07Looks pretty nice inside.
00:06:10Asshole.
00:06:12No, but are you sure you know the plan?
00:06:14Because you tend to have selective memory,
00:06:15and I want to make sure my plan is foolproof.
00:06:18Okay, sad face means call me so I can make an exit elegantly,
00:06:23and happy face means I can stay.
00:06:27Okay, thank you very much.
00:06:30Bye, bitch.
00:06:41It'll be fine.
00:06:44It'll be fine.
00:06:47It'll be fine.
00:06:51Yeah.
00:06:53I think it'll be fine.
00:07:09Hi.
00:07:09Hey.
00:07:14You're welcome.
00:07:14You're welcome.
00:07:14Okay, right, welcome.
00:07:18I'm from the house.
00:07:19I'm from the house.
00:07:20I'm from the house.
00:07:24I'm from the house.
00:07:28I'm from the house.
00:07:31I'm from the house.
00:07:34Hey, Вторon.
00:07:36Get off your seat.
00:07:38Have your seat.
00:07:44this is a fucking maze
00:07:46yeah there's a side entrance that's closer to my apartment but i thought for the sake of
00:07:50presentation i might as well meet you in front
00:07:52well you should know that i hate walking if i could ride around in one of those electric
00:07:57shopping carts for the rest of my life i would
00:08:00well we don't have any electric shopping carts but there's a few janky ones lying around that
00:08:04could push you in one i might just take you up on that but only if the cart's missing a
00:08:08wheel
00:08:08and it smells like this well i'll see if i can muster up
00:08:14how long have you been walking uh less than a minute my feet hurt already
00:08:19you really do hate walking i did warn you this hallway is kind of sketch
00:08:24yeah i thought the same thing sometimes when i'm by myself i turn around just to make sure i'm not
00:08:29being followed oh my god imagine if you were like leatherface was just posted up at the end of the
00:08:34hallway like what's up bro uh i think i turn into usain bolt
00:08:42see not me i am one of those people that would royally piss off the horror movie audience
00:08:47i just wait to be killed i mean what is the point in wasting leatherface's time
00:08:53giving this illusion that i'm capable of engaging in foot chase
00:08:56nope just cut me open i can handle it sure about that nope this hallway so reminds me of the
00:09:05shining
00:09:05though yeah well if they ever do another remake they could do it right here isn't that infuriating
00:09:10another remake the shining is one of those films that should never be remade no one will ever come
00:09:16close to what jack nicholson was able to achieve you were supposed to agree with me i'm not really
00:09:23crazy about the shining well date's over oh well i just think it's overrated and before you draw
00:09:29your sword i'm not saying it's a bad movie it definitely had its effective moments but to say
00:09:34it was the greatest horror movie of all
00:09:36over genuine horror plus cooper put his team through hell if a director can't destroy the mental health
00:09:46of their cast and crew they shouldn't call themselves the director um that's a problematic
00:09:52statement so here's what i think remakes give filmmakers this opportunity to resurrect
00:09:58previously awful movies i mean i can think of so many shitty horror films that could be remade
00:10:04and enriched but instead people choose to remake the classics the films that should have a do not
00:10:10touch sign on them you can say that again do i have to
00:10:19oh not too shabby not too shabby at all this is the abode i live in a shoebox compared to
00:10:26this
00:10:27and you have a staircase see staircases and apartments to me are just like
00:10:31a fuck you to the rest of us studio apartment folk like not one but two of my floors are
00:10:38bigger
00:10:38than your entire living space oh there's just a bedroom up there it's not that great
00:10:42but here's the test how many bathrooms do you have two oh that is exceptional so no one can blow
00:10:50up
00:10:50your bathroom because you have one down here for all your visiting bowel unloads huh you don't even
00:10:55use the bathroom down here do you not really you young guy have got it made
00:11:02the apartment's not that great i get that you're trying to be unpresuming but
00:11:07this is a pretty sick pad i do not see one blemish
00:11:12well then you haven't looked hard enough bring your eyes this away oh hi uh destruction what
00:11:19happened here bronx bronx as in the borough of new york city
00:11:24no bronx is in my friend's dog bronx god damn gertrude
00:11:29my friend hutt got himself a husky a very unwise decision
00:11:33why is that huskies are cuteness overload like i need to stop whatever i'm doing and hug your face
00:11:40no the cuteness of a husky hampers people's ability to make sound decisions
00:11:44my friend hutt got himself a husky purely on the basis that it was his little wolfie pie
00:11:50his words not mine hutt got this dog and didn't read up on it huskies are balls of energy
00:11:57they get bored easily and when they're not stimulated it's chewing time
00:12:01but huskies are little wolfie pies oh i'd love to have a husky they're always so happy and
00:12:08the fur is like they're like little hairy marshmallows
00:12:11well bronx the hairy little marshmallow he'd be left alone in hutt's apartment and in no time he
00:12:18was tearing the place apart and hutt didn't want to get mad at the dog because it was his
00:12:22little pup pup hutt had to get a new couch new curtains new shoes all thanks to bronx
00:12:28you get off bronx's back all right also if you knew what he was capable of why did you let
00:12:35him
00:12:35stay at your apartment especially since you don't seem like a dog person i'm not a dog person but
00:12:41i was doing a friend a favor hutt had to go on a business trip plus hutt had told me
00:12:47that bronx was
00:12:48taking puppy training classes so i thought i didn't have anything to worry about i left bronx
00:12:54downstairs while i went upstairs to bed and the next morning i saw that the little wolfie pie had
00:12:59snapped on my apartment and the shedding these guys shed like nobody's business just white hair clumps
00:13:06everywhere turned my living room into an alaskan winter so are you gonna fix the wreckage
00:13:13i got a guy coming next week and hutt gave me money to pay for the damages but this looks
00:13:19terrible
00:13:19doesn't it yeah but doesn't take away from how bitchin this pad is i'd still take your place over
00:13:27mine any day of the week for a second though i thought those scratches were the result of the
00:13:32victim trying to escape you're welcome i tried to go along with the last girl who made that joke
00:13:41but apparently i was too convincing because her whole demeanor changed and she called the uber
00:13:47with the quickness well this is kind of american cycle we you know young guy living in a nice place
00:13:55by himself nonetheless right yeah you could so be a serial killer the same could be said about you
00:14:02people always think it's the guy who invites the girl over to kill her but what about the girl that
00:14:07comes over the guy's house to kill him you're right femme fatales they are out there online dating
00:14:13requires so much trust my biggest fear is that i'm gonna meet justine only to find out that she's
00:14:21really justin but the fact that i could be meeting someone that could possibly end my life or cause
00:14:29me great harm something i don't think about as much as i should well that's a reality of experience set
00:14:36on seriously yeah it's a little over three years ago i met this guy on this app it was on
00:14:48a different
00:14:48one i used to use i don't use it anymore um but we've been talking for a couple months and
00:14:56i thought
00:14:58he was i was trying to think of another word for mr perfect but whatever he was mr perfect i
00:15:08should
00:15:08have known that mr perfect is never mr perfect he was mr perfect at pretending to be mr perfect but
00:15:17anyway we decided to meet up and i had the bright idea of inviting him over to my place
00:15:25as soon as he got there i knew that he didn't actually want to spend time with me just
00:15:30he wanted to do the deed everything he said had something to do with sex and i immediately knew
00:15:38this was gonna suck so i wanted to watch a movie on my shitty little couch but he insisted that
00:15:47we
00:15:47watch it on my bed another trap i fell into but i just i felt uncomfortable and i thought be
00:15:57nice
00:15:57watch the movie and maybe he'll go home and not five minutes into the movie he's kissing me and just
00:16:06being really rough and i tried pushing him off but then he just got stronger and he made this
00:16:13really awkward eye contact and he said you want me to leave right well i will right after this
00:16:23and here's the kicker i i didn't fight back i didn't scream i i could have done
00:16:35anything in my power to get him off i could have done all these things i always told myself i
00:16:40do if
00:16:41something like this would ever happen to me but then i thought i could be the next headline on one
00:16:50of
00:16:50those facebook articles woman raped and murdered by online date so i just lied there and i cried
00:17:04and i guess that turned him off because he got off of me and left
00:17:11and then he blocked me and i never heard from him again
00:17:19i'm sorry things just got really fucking dark note to self don't tell almost getting rape stories
00:17:26and now i'm trying to make light of it oh my god there's no coming back from this is there
00:17:33thanks for sharing that with me and now you're thanking me i don't even know what to say oh my
00:17:39god
00:17:39this is like something you share on the 15th date no it's you're right i don't know what i should
00:17:46be
00:17:46saying but that guy's the hideous fucking guy yeah it wasn't a great time for me i mean i almost
00:17:54stopped online dating altogether but it's like if you get attacked at a grocery store you can stop
00:17:59food shopping no no i'm really not trying to make light of this i just no you're fine
00:18:09so i thought i'd give it another chance and i know most people in my position wouldn't do that but
00:18:15you're strong
00:18:19yeah if you say so
00:18:23took me a long ass time to get back here but
00:18:26here i stand and thankfully since then all i've had to deal with is harmless losers
00:18:33i hope i don't become one of those harmless losers oh only the night will come okay i know
00:18:39it'll get us back on track you got any outpeak yes what do you want bud light no bud weiser
00:18:47no sam adams no okay what do you have i have apple ale anything else
00:18:57no so you asked me what i wanted when you already knew you only had one selection of alki
00:19:03i was hoping you'd ask for apple ale that's not even a real beer that that's like promising me a
00:19:09ticket to a destin's child reunion concert only to find out beyonce won't be there
00:19:14michelle and kelly are talented in their own right in their own right that was such a backhanded
00:19:19compliment that's not what i meant they are talented the only thing they did was elevate
00:19:24beyonce's eminence they'd sing and dance circles around you well of course they would i'm not
00:19:28musically or rhythmically inclined i think michelle has a great voice and so does kelly you cannot
00:19:34underplay their journey their journey on beyonce's back technical foul okay but who's the first person
00:19:41you think of when you hear the words destiny's child beyonce no i actually think of michelle have
00:19:47you ever been thrown out of your own apartment picasso the only reason destiny's child exists
00:19:52was to prepare beyonce for the phenomenal solo career that she was destined for that's all any
00:19:58boy or girl group is they're meant to showcase how great the lead singer is so they can go solo
00:20:02and
00:20:03become megastars look at in sync who's the first person you think of justin timberland no jc i always
00:20:09thought he had a better voice than jay tims jay tims what is he your fucking golf buddy okay fine
00:20:16forget in sync what about backstreet boys who do you think of brian no actually aj okay now you're
00:20:23deliberately disagreeing with me you know i'm right okay here we go b2k who drove that group
00:20:30homarion yes imx marcus houston h-town dino can you imagine what that feels like to know the group
00:20:40you're in wouldn't be shit without the lead singer you know you're millions of fans probably just fans
00:20:45of the lead singer wait so did you still want that apalaya i mean since there's nothing else
00:20:52fine
00:21:05thank you thank you
00:21:10so what's the deal with your name i gotta get to the bottom of this
00:21:13what do you mean what's the deal with it is picasso your real name i'm sure you've answered
00:21:17that a million times but you've never answered me my real name is picasso it's spelled like picasso but
00:21:23it's pronounced pick a so and who decided picasso is the name for you the legend goes that my mom
00:21:30had a
00:21:31list of names and she didn't know which one to pick and my dad was very very impatient annoyingly so
00:21:39pick pick pick a fucking name you trick-ass bitch my dad would never talk to my mom like that
00:21:46i was
00:21:46taking some creative liberties okay i think i know how this ends your dad kept telling your mom to pick
00:21:51she got fed up and named you picasso as a former rebellion no picasso was actually one of the names
00:21:58on her list 24 years later and i still don't know where she got it from she swears it had
00:22:04nothing to
00:22:04do with pablo picasso and she gets really upset when people say well isn't his name picasso she's
00:22:11adamant that i was named picasso and i shouldn't let anyone call me picasso well wouldn't she be proud
00:22:16i've been calling you picasso all night and you haven't corrected me i don't correct anyone
00:22:20wish my name was picasso that's why i answered to it picasso sounds like the villain in an episode
00:22:25of courage the cowardly dog i could so see that for some reason i'm envisioning a spider-like
00:22:32scarecrow that comes to life and eats your happiness oh i'd watch that episode bet your ass you'd watch
00:22:38that episode so i have something why online dating because it's there i feel like that's so generation
00:22:48why we're too school for cool we refuse to find romance the way our parents did we have to do
00:22:55it
00:22:55technologically isn't that so ironic though that we're connecting with someone on a device that
00:23:01isolates us from any and everyone i was so jaden smith just then wait i have a jaden smithism i
00:23:09wish
00:23:09i had a giant toilet to flush away the world's problems
00:23:14thank you thank you
00:23:16if baby goats are called kids can kids be called baby goats
00:23:23haircuts are cranial abortions
00:23:28are we reading books are books reading us
00:23:34what about you why was online dating the way to go phone's a safety net online you can be anyone
00:23:41you
00:23:41can say anything if you get rejected by a girl you can just block her but if you get shut
00:23:46down in real
00:23:46life you gotta wallow in that defeat you can't just act like nothing happened like you can online
00:23:51yeah but in the same respect when you meet someone in person even if they're not interested
00:23:57they still have to acknowledge you i mean at least the manly person will acknowledge you
00:24:02you're there in the flesh making your interest known whereas online you get so many messages that
00:24:08people don't respond to you know there's nothing that compels people to give you a chance you know
00:24:13there's thousands of options online you'll get it in eventually i didn't mean that i was just like
00:24:20removes foot for mouth
00:24:28hello nurse
00:24:32are you afraid of the dark
00:24:33the complete series
00:24:37that sounded unenthusiastic
00:24:39are you afraid of the dark is such a whatever show
00:24:41when it comes to children's horror anthology goosebumps takes the cake
00:24:45you think goosebumps was a better show than are you afraid of the dark
00:24:48sissony i'm worried about you
00:24:50it was light years better than are you afraid of the dark ask anyone
00:24:54clearly you need a mental evaluation if you're gonna put goosebumps over are you afraid of the dark
00:24:59i mean on a crappy acting scale sure are you afraid of the dark had less crappy performances but come
00:25:07on if we're talking about the nostalgia factor nothing will trump goosebumps this is a series that won the kiddies
00:25:14over in television and literature mad props to rl stein all right
00:25:19no there's just something so accessible about are you afraid of the dark here you have a diverse group of
00:25:25kids well as diverse as you can get for a canadian based program set in the 90s but these kids
00:25:31had their own little click the midnight society and they sit around and tell campfire tales what kid can't relate
00:25:38to telling ghost stories with their friends the concept alone stole my heart
00:25:43but goosebumps was just so goddamn fun see there it is fun i will agree that goosebumps was funner or
00:25:51more fun why isn't funner a real word it sounds like a real word i think it sounds like a
00:25:59real word
00:25:59so please focus goosebumps was fun but are you afraid of the dark was scary that's why it will always
00:26:07fart on goosebumps the goosebumps episodes for the most part were watered down you could tell they were made for
00:26:15kids but are you afraid of the dark has zero chill the villains were scary the storylines were dark
00:26:22and they had no problem ending a tail on a down note they went there i always appreciate kid content
00:26:29that doesn't censor itself because kids are basically pint-sized adults right we can handle the bleak shit
00:26:38i'm just saying if i had the choice to binge watch goosebumps or are you afraid of the dark i'm
00:26:45always gonna go with goosebumps even if my preference is solely based on the fond memories i have of
00:26:52buying as many goosebumps stories as i could at the school book fair or watching the show on saturday mornings
00:26:58the happiness that goosebumps brought me ranks it leaps and bounds above are you afraid of the dark
00:27:09you know what i wanted to ask you how much is rent here uh like 200 something fall off a
00:27:14cliff you pay 200 and something to live here
00:27:16uh well i own it that's why you're a homeowner yeah you own a home
00:27:23that is what homeowner means are you like low-key millionaire or something no my grandfather built
00:27:30cars for ford he worked there for almost 30 years he made some very nice money and when he passed
00:27:37he
00:27:38left me a little dough a little dough to buy a fucking condo how much did this place cost
00:27:44now you don't have to answer that wait yes you do how much it was not cheap that's what i
00:27:50will say
00:27:52so what kind of car do you drive beamer no a prius a prius what's wrong with priuses do you
00:27:59know how much
00:27:59gas you save with a prius priuses are such anti-climactic cars you know they're also fugly and they're in
00:28:06abundance i see like 40 priuses a day and they always make me upset why prius drivers are so smug
00:28:13like
00:28:14oh look at me i drive the most fuel efficient gasoline powered car in the country and that's
00:28:19not a good thing no it is then why so hostile i don't know i'll get back to you on
00:28:26that
00:28:27also why are you driving a toyota car when your grandfather put his blood sweat and tears into
00:28:34proudly serving the ford motor company you can probably get discounts on ford products
00:28:39not at all well you're still lucky not that your grandpa died i'm sorry about that but leaving you
00:28:46the inheritance i wish my grandpa would die and leave me some money actually i don't need the money
00:28:52i just wish my grandpa would die i don't like my grandpa he can't say anything without yelling
00:28:58he always spits when he talks he can't say thank you and he always smells like olives when he doesn't
00:29:05even eat olives isn't it interesting how in our old age we revert back to infancy we shit on
00:29:10ourselves freely we drool when we're excited soft foods are marvelous and we can say whatever we want
00:29:17without any backlash i remember i was at the mall with my grandpa and this really obese lady walked by
00:29:25and my grandfather said very loudly she got the nod of neck syndrome grandpa what
00:29:34what is not of neck and he said no damn neck the lady heard him she turned around looked at
00:29:45him
00:29:46and then walked away now if i had said that she would have beaten the ambition out of it exactly
00:29:53and that wasn't the first or the last time my grandfather said something crazy like that
00:29:57now my mom isn't the best cook but she tries every sunday she would make us breakfast pancakes eggs fruit
00:30:07you name it now her eggs weren't so bad but her pancakes were a calamity now my father and i
00:30:16we
00:30:16we never say anything about it we just eat the pancakes and pretend they were the best flapjacks that we
00:30:22ever
00:30:22had my grandfather came over one sunday and he ate the food no problem but after breakfast my mom asked
00:30:31him how he liked the pancakes and he said he would like them better if they didn't taste like hot
00:30:37shit
00:30:38god damn gertrude my mom didn't even get offended she just looked at him laughed and walked away i look
00:30:47forward to that just being an old dude who doesn't know how to censor himself you and me both i'm
00:30:53going
00:30:53to mow kids down in my electric shopping cart
00:30:58thought of our generation being grandparents though is a little scary we don't have the same
00:31:03sensibilities our grandparents had sock hops having to wait a whole week just to see a new episode of a
00:31:11tv show using landlines respecting our elders actually working to get what you want actually
00:31:17having talent to find success in the film music industry having to meet your boyfriend or girlfriend's
00:31:23parents before you could actually call yourselves a couple i think our biggest downfall are the pop
00:31:28culture figures our parents and grandparents grew up with legit legends who are we supposed to brag
00:31:34about to our kids or grandkids fetty wap lil yachty bieber the boy wonder we have j cole bryson tiller
00:31:42and your girl beyonce we got a few icons among us but you're right it's nowhere near as special as
00:31:49it
00:31:49used to be this is making me sad now wait random realization you grilled me about my name but
00:31:57i've never met anybody named sissini your name's pretty out there too well it's a pretty uninspired
00:32:04story i was conceived in sissini that's pretty much it where's sissini it's in greece my parents
00:32:11were vacationing there things got a little frisky and then nine months later i was plunged into
00:32:17consciousness the only difference is my name is spelled with an e at the end isn't that unpleasant
00:32:21that your name brings to mind your parents having sex no if my parents named me after the place
00:32:27where they got it on i could never hear my name without thinking of my parents doing
00:32:33unspeakable things you may have some things you need to work out then
00:32:39you are such a guy i feel like i should be offended by that no that's not a bad thing
00:32:45it's just
00:32:45your apartment is a guy's apartment minimal furniture tv larger than necessary and i'm getting a vision that
00:32:53in one of your cabinets you have a family size bag of chips in it sour cream and onion how
00:33:00do you do
00:33:01it as good so what do you do for fun around here
00:33:16is it luck to win seven times in a row this is scale chica no reset that shit why are
00:33:23you doing
00:33:23this to yourself three two one ray allen with the shot booyah where's the sportsmanship it is up my ass
00:33:40and down the street you don't have to do that i'll pick it up can you get me another ale
00:33:46though you sure
00:33:47can loser oh goodness everywhere
00:34:10look what i found this is actually impressive you could easily get your rocks off of you the internet
00:34:17but you are taking it back to the old school with the hard copy porn that deserves a slow clap
00:34:25i actually forgot i had that so you're taking ownership then no cockamamie excuses
00:34:31what could i say your friend hot left it nope tell me
00:34:36you got a lot of these not a lot but there there are others more honesty good for you
00:34:43one thing i will say is i don't always look through that for gratification i also do it
00:34:49because i find something feministic about porn stars you're doing so well now you're flinging
00:34:54shit in my face i mean doing porn isn't a glamorous line of work despite the way it's advertised
00:35:00but i still find something feministic about women in the porn industry yeah come in my face
00:35:07mr postman what freedom fighters they are well well on a cursory level it seems very demeaning but
00:35:15these women are loaded loaded with semen no well yeah but they're also loaded with cash they get paid
00:35:24to screw so if you had a daughter and she ended up being a porn star you'd support her i
00:35:32wouldn't want
00:35:32that but if she's of age she can make a living however she'd like as long as it's legal you
00:35:37don't
00:35:38mean that look women are sexualized every day against their will porn stars are totally and
00:35:44completely in control of what goes in or out of their bodies they're not doing anything that they
00:35:49don't want to do yeah but what about those videos where the dudes take it too far they go way
00:35:54past the
00:35:55co-star's comfort level without an ounce of compassion those guys are dick shits but for the most part
00:36:00the porn industry has stipulations that are respected i'm not saying that women should set
00:36:04their sights on doing porn of course not i am saying those women that for whatever reason find
00:36:10themselves in that world the ones with tough skin the ones who know that they're more than just fat
00:36:15titty bimbo number two they deserve recognition for paying the bills with the assets that they've been
00:36:21blessed with the assets they were blessed with um like 90 percent of porn stars have
00:36:27fake asses fake boobs fake hair fake lips fake eyes well they were blessed with the money to adorn
00:36:34themselves yeah but why are they doing that they're doing that to follow some beauty chart that was
00:36:39created by some fucking vermin who thinks he has the authority to decide what makes a woman attractive
00:36:44yeah but they're doing what they have to do to stay in the game yeah but in the end it's
00:36:49the men
00:36:49who call the shots hardly feministic but the face of porn the ones that are keeping this industry as
00:36:56popular as it is are the women yeah but look at the side effects you got those guys out there
00:37:01that only
00:37:02know how to relate to women by what they see on their computer screens did you forget what happened
00:37:06to me you're you're totally right i'm just saying that porn stars are just doing their jobs you can't
00:37:12blame them for the dummies out there that don't know the difference between reality and fantasy
00:37:16that's like watching man of steel and saying oh superman can fly so can i people have tried and
00:37:25they're dummies like i said but porn can be a means to better oneself like look at that girl who
00:37:30did
00:37:30porn to pay her tuition she used what she had to get what she needed and that's awesome i know
00:37:36a guy
00:37:36that has sex with grannies to keep himself financially satiated he's hailed for it female porn stars
00:37:42deserve praise too you have a friend that has sex with old ladies for money that is revolting
00:37:50gotta eat no pun intended that pun was so intended how old is this guy 24 of course he is
00:37:59yet another
00:38:00generation-wide distinction only a 90s baby would mitigate his probity by investing in his dick
00:38:06you act like prostitution and being a sugar baby are new professions they've been around for
00:38:12centuries i know that but back then people had to sell their bodies because they had no other way
00:38:18to provide for themselves they also weren't proud of what they were doing does this guy enjoy having
00:38:24sex with grannies oh yeah oh sex is for pleasure not profit i've always thought that any work that
00:38:31was legal was good work and porn is legal prostitution isn't legal it is in nevada being a sugar baby
00:38:38isn't
00:38:39legal either it actually is the guy i told you about he actually explained how it works he hangs out
00:38:44with
00:38:44the grannies but there's never an explicit deal to exchange money for sex this guy he's he's pretty
00:38:51vulgar he talks about sex a lot but it's more than that his sugar mamas take care of him and
00:38:57he provides
00:38:58them with companionship sex is just a bonus doesn't matter which way you frame it prostitution
00:39:04sugar babying porn none of that's reputable what is reputable a job that requires you to keep your
00:39:12clothes on you're in finance right yeah that's a real job but it's not a job that i enjoy then
00:39:20why do
00:39:20you do it because it pays well look a person like my grandpa he worked to take care of his
00:39:26family i don't
00:39:27even know if he liked working for ford but he did it that's the old school mentality work to provide
00:39:32not work to enjoy that's something our generation does get right though we don't do shit unless it
00:39:38makes us happy i missed the memo apparently so how did you get into finance if you don't like it
00:39:48you're probably gonna think i'm flinging more shit in your face but
00:39:51senior year of high school i saw everyone around me latch onto a field of study
00:39:56i saw everyone find something that they really connected with i didn't know what i wanted to do
00:40:03and i didn't want anyone to know that i didn't know what i wanted to do so literally i looked
00:40:09up the top
00:40:0910 most popular professions i wrote them all down on separate pieces of paper i put them in a hat
00:40:17and i picked one and started counting so you spent four years studying something you have no interest
00:40:26in yeah i thought by the time i turned 18 i should have found my calling and when i hadn't
00:40:31i was worried
00:40:32even now i don't really know where i'd be if i hadn't done that college major raffle
00:40:38i live my days as a chameleon i go to work because that's what people my age do i drink
00:40:45coffee
00:40:46because that's what people my age do the only time i don't feel out of place is when i'm sitting
00:40:51on my futon watching tv that's why i salute porn stars and the people that you may call degenerates
00:40:58because at least they're doing what they enjoy and speaking of doing things you enjoy you're a
00:41:05dramaturg i've never even heard of that before you but it's something that you're keen on you
00:41:12contextualize the world of a play you're the bridge that connects the text the actors and the audience
00:41:20do you know what any of that means are you just snowballing the shit i told you before
00:41:24uh a little bit of both but i'm mostly snowballing we're theatrical gurus basically
00:41:33we're critical thinkers to the highest degree we take literary info cultural info artistic info and
00:41:41symbolic info though that's pretty much in line with artistic info and we provide all of that to
00:41:47our team before and during the show and then sometimes after depending on how much of a mind
00:41:53fuck the play was and you're working on ecological piece now right the the shakespeare one yeah we're
00:41:58doing an interactive adaptation of a midsummer night's dream there's no actual set takes place
00:42:03all outside we're really playing with nature's role in this world that shakespeare created whether
00:42:10he knew it or not he really gave a voice to nature in the form of fairies the forest is
00:42:15their home
00:42:16the forest is what they know the fairies creatures that embody nature they're the strongest characters in
00:42:22the entire play and the fact that they're proficient in enchantment conveys just how dominant nature is
00:42:30so we're really trying to bring all that out i'd really like to see that i can get your ticket
00:42:37but here's my thing about ecological theater i saw this play once i don't know what it was called but
00:42:43it was about these two polar bears that were struggling to survive in a changing climate
00:42:47one thing i could not get over was why these polar bears spoke like people and not just any people
00:42:53they spoke like characters in a mammoth play like f words and all i think i know what you're talking
00:42:59about uh ben and bart sure but if you really want to create an ecological theater piece wouldn't it be
00:43:04best to show animals and nature as they really are i mean i understand what you and your team are
00:43:10doing
00:43:10but that's different because you're working with material that already exists but this ben and bart stuff
00:43:16polar bears don't talk this little buddy comedy approach it diminished how serious climate change
00:43:23is and it humanized a very non-human narrative it would have been much more compelling to let actors
00:43:30that actually look like bears move around the space and react to what's going on without talking i'd be
00:43:36all for that but most audiences won't pay to see something like that that's why you see talking trees or
00:43:42talking polar bears we try to wrap an ecological message into the play without the audience knowing
00:43:48then don't advertise them as ecological plays just call them plays
00:43:53you got any food i think some chips would make you happy i think you're right
00:44:00okay here's one kill fuck mary meg princess jasmine and princess dian that is quite the roster
00:44:10i would
00:44:14it's not giving it to her right i would marry princess tiana because i really think she'd
00:44:19make me feel invincible sorry meg of course you'd kill the most underrated disney princess
00:44:25in the world what other princess gives you cynicism beauty and background still gotta kill her
00:44:31you're such an ass dragon okay this is getting serious hmm prince charming lee shang and the
00:44:40beast in human form um geez okay kill prince charming he's too much of a square for me
00:44:45marry lee shang because i think you make a man out of me and fuck the beast because he's a
00:44:52beast
00:44:52ah that's a noble selection oh yes ursula corella de vil and lady tremaine oh i'd kill corella
00:45:02immediately she's too skinny for me i would marry lady tremaine and i would fuck ursula i'm swimming
00:45:09all up in that octopussy just oh my god you really just said that okay i get very involved in
00:45:16my
00:45:16playscans okay all right jafar hades and gaston now you think i'd fuck the muscle-bound gaston right
00:45:26hell no he'd rather fuck himself so i'm gonna kill him marry hades because he's the ruler of the
00:45:33underworld can someone say sovereignty and fuck javar because underneath that rough exterior i think
00:45:40he'd be a generous lover now that deserves a slow clap wait i have to do it with you
00:45:54you sure you want to do this did you not hear me when i said i'm the riddler okay last
00:45:59chance to tap
00:46:00i don't need to tap out i'm the riddler are you really yes as an only child you have a
00:46:05lot of
00:46:06downtime i read riddle books all day that's not something i'd brag about whatever i'm ready like
00:46:13spongebob all right okay you know what happens if you get one wrong i do know but that's not something
00:46:18i need to worry about because i'm gonna ace this shit okay coming at you five of the hardest riddles
00:46:25five of the easiest riddles number one it's more powerful than god it's more evil than the devil
00:46:32the poor have it the rich need it if you eat it you'll die what is it nothing i have
00:46:37two arms but
00:46:38fingers none i have two feet but cannot run i carry well but i found i carry best with my
00:46:42feet off the
00:46:43ground what am i on wheelbarrow the more you take the more you leave behind what am i fingerprints you
00:46:49can't handle me what disappears as soon as you say its name silence last one come on what type of
00:46:57dress cannot be worn that was your last one really you could have done better much much better an
00:47:04address okay now i have a bonus one for you that wasn't a part of the deal i thought you
00:47:13were the
00:47:13riddle fine riddle my boots okay went to a football game right the quarterback threw a pass to the
00:47:21wide receiver the wide receiver caught it in the end zone but no guys scored a touchdown how can that
00:47:26be what this has to be a trick question was there a penalty or something no it was a very
00:47:32clean
00:47:33touchdown they're just wearing any guys on the field that can't be you can't score a touchdown
00:47:37without any guys on the field i'm telling you no guys were playing was it an imaginary game or
00:47:43something no it was a very real game you gotta be pulling my leg you can't score a touchdown without
00:47:51any guys what are you talking about it was an all-girls football game god damn gertrude
00:48:00gonna do some relish
00:48:04i think we'll top it off with some chocolate sauce
00:48:16one disaster on the rocks for the overconfident young bloke
00:48:20can i tap out now thought you didn't need to tap out you're the riddle i remember
00:48:26drink up and if you're gonna bark
00:48:28try it that way
00:48:29i feel free
00:48:35need to take him for 3
00:48:45any most repairs
00:48:47yours
00:48:47mine
00:48:55mine
00:48:56mine
00:49:02We won't be doing that anymore now, will we?
00:49:05You fucking dummy.
00:49:33You okay?
00:49:34I am now.
00:49:36Nice barf fest.
00:49:38Oh yeah.
00:49:39Yeah, I know all about that.
00:49:41At my old apartment, I accidentally ate a roach.
00:49:44How do you accidentally eat a roach?
00:49:46I was making food in my kitchen.
00:49:48I turned my back for like two seconds,
00:49:50and the little dirt bag made a break for my sandwich.
00:49:53Of course, I didn't notice,
00:49:54so I put the other piece of bread on top of the roach,
00:49:57and didn't realize I was sharing my sandwich till it was too late.
00:50:01I would have needed a tongue transplant after that.
00:50:03Oh yeah, I was in the bathroom for the rest of the night.
00:50:06Was there at least a small roach?
00:50:08Oh, no.
00:50:09Small roaches were not welcome in my old apartment, only the big ones.
00:50:13These were the kind of roaches that could go to the bank and take out a loan.
00:50:16That's how big they were.
00:50:18As much as I loathe roaches,
00:50:21I'd rather eat one than drink that nasty shit again.
00:50:23I didn't think you were actually going to drink it.
00:50:26I thought you would have been like,
00:50:27I'm not drinking that shit, are you nocking futz?
00:50:29And I would have been like,
00:50:31okay, I wouldn't have drank it either.
00:50:33But you went above and beyond.
00:50:35You could have stopped me.
00:50:37I could have, but there's no entertainment value in that.
00:50:52What's this?
00:50:53It's a poke war.
00:50:54I'm at my wits end.
00:50:56Make my day twat scratch.
00:51:00Trench.
00:51:00Trench.
00:51:00Trench.
00:51:01Trench.
00:51:01Yeah, you are.
00:51:01Yeah, you are.
00:51:02I'm on the phone.
00:51:03Yeah, yeah.
00:51:06Oh, you got one.
00:51:07You got one.
00:51:08Oh, you're a question.
00:51:09You got one.
00:51:09I got you.
00:51:20Do you?
00:51:22Um, do you want,
00:51:24do you want,
00:51:25do you want some more chips?
00:51:27Um, yeah, chip me.
00:51:46now as much as i'd like to relive my childhood there are some perks to being an adult
00:51:51like soiling the things that made being a kid so great i'm a huge children's show conspiracist
00:51:57me too let me hear one of your theories let me hear one of yours i asked you first i
00:52:02asked you second
00:52:04okay i have one for out of the box you remember that show of course okay well get ready to
00:52:10hate
00:52:10me because you're beloved out of the box glorified pedophilia what look at the premise a bunch of
00:52:18kids go and play in a box with a grown-ass man and a grown-ass woman tony and vivian
00:52:22were saints
00:52:23were they did you ever ask yourself what do they really want and more importantly did these kids
00:52:30parents give tony and vivian permission to play with their kids for hours on end in a box
00:52:37unsupervised i think not i would have never gotten pedophilia from out of the box of course not but
00:52:45who were tony and vivian what did they do for a living and why did they have so much free
00:52:50time
00:52:50to play with these kids alone in a fucking box the whole come play with us ploy was just a
00:52:56way to
00:52:57lure these innocent children away so tony and vivian these so-called saints could have their way with
00:53:03them that sounds like a defamation lawsuit in the works what these are just theories fictitious
00:53:08notions tell people like me who wish they could live in the 90s forever cope with the lost early
00:53:14years if i ruin the images of my favorite childhood shows cuts back on the sense of longing just having
00:53:21a little fun with you i'm in the same boat i know so tell me one of your theories i
00:53:27have a johnny bravo
00:53:28theory let's hear it okay so i always found myself asking after watching johnny bravo why he never gets
00:53:40any girls yes he's an asshole yes he's arrogant yes he lacks subtlety but in the real world how many
00:53:48girls go after jerks a lot so every girl that johnny has any type of interaction with always hates him
00:53:55i don't buy it well he did live at home with his mom these girls don't know that how could
00:54:02they know
00:54:02that they're just meeting him for the first time but that's something else here's my theory on why he's
00:54:08so unlucky with the ladies the johnny bravo that we as audience members see isn't the real johnny bravo
00:54:14the real johnny bravo is short bald possibly smelly rotund see in his distorted mind he created an
00:54:24idealized projection of his inner self the person he aspired to be so on the inside he's tall good
00:54:31looking strapping the quintessential manly man in the johnny bravo universe the women that interact
00:54:38with johnny bravo aren't seeing the johnny bravo that we see they're seeing a loser his true self
00:54:45i'll never look at johnny bravo the same way that's all i wanted so tell me something is it true
00:54:54that girls hated when guys send hey is the first message i'm indifferent to the whole creative first
00:55:00message thing but i do have some friends that get pretty flustered hmm is it also true that girls dms
00:55:07are 50 graphically perverted and 50 percent bland as hell no it's more like 80 graphically perverted
00:55:15and 20 percent bland as hell so what's the weirdest thing a guy said to you oh i have a
00:55:21hall of fame of
00:55:22weird messages most of them i don't like to repeat but i did have this one guy ask if he
00:55:28could lick the
00:55:28back of my neck what yep he didn't lead into it didn't prepare me for his creepazoidery he just
00:55:35went for it and usually i'd block eyes like that immediately but i was kind of curious so i asked
00:55:42why do you want to lick the back of my neck and he said he wanted to know what a
00:55:46champion
00:55:50oh i hate people sometimes sometimes oh and i can't tell you how many dick pics i get i get
00:55:57one
00:55:57like every fucking day i got one this morning shit have you ever sent a dick pic nope that's not
00:56:03even
00:56:04a consideration that shit travels online like an oil spill i'm not gonna lose my job because there's
00:56:10pictures of me and mr pink floating around why is your penis called mr pink because he goes in
00:56:17vaginas and vaginas are pink not all of them ew so what's the weirdest thing a girl's ever said to
00:56:27you i once had this girl ask me if she could borrow twenty thousand dollars to bail her dad out
00:56:32of jail
00:56:32are you serious very and i told her that i couldn't because i just spent 20k bailing my own dad
00:56:40out of
00:56:40jail trats i also had this one girl ask me if i was interested in letting her stick a stalk
00:56:46of
00:56:46celery up my ass god damn gertrude my messages are split in four categories the weirdy pants
00:56:54the tireless spam bots the racist bozos and the chill chicas am i a chill chica you are i fucking
00:57:03better
00:57:03be i think it's funny how online dating has become a legitimate way to make a connection with someone
00:57:10but i still won't admit that i use it you have no idea how true that is i think like
00:57:15three of my
00:57:16friends know that i use dating apps because i mean yes it's commonplace but you still get judged so
00:57:22hard for it like why are you talking to people online that's so weird you can't find a boyfriend
00:57:27online like is it my life or is it yours please say that again for our listeners at home
00:57:36is it my life or is it yours tell it tell it like a t-i is
00:57:43give me some
00:57:45uh put your hand down there you go there you go there you go oh there you go like this
00:57:52no that's wrong
00:57:59look at the puppy my friend just sent me this look at his little ears if you do not think
00:58:07this is cute
00:58:08you have the devil in you no it is i just don't understand why people go cuckoo for coco pups
00:58:14every time they see a puppy or any other furry pint-sized animals because they're the cutest
00:58:18things ever and they represent all that's good in the world but here's what i'm trying to understand
00:58:24people die every day no one seems to care but let a puppy die or a kitten die and it's
00:58:31mass hysteria
00:58:32did you not hear what i just said cute animals represent all that's good in the world their only
00:58:38responsibility is to be cute and fluffy and let me hug your little functions
00:58:42is the baby voice necessary yes
00:58:47miss popular
00:58:49okay you want to see one of the messages guys send me here
00:58:53that violates so many health codes
00:58:55welcome to my dms sorry zanzy stan 46 but your ass is getting blocked
00:59:02these guys are barbarians i appreciate how disgusted you are but i'm sure you've sent
00:59:07your titillating messages nope i'm the boring guy really i usually start off with hey or what's
00:59:15your favorite tv show i mean look at our convos i haven't said anything too racy that's actually
00:59:20true you have been pretty racy tonight though because i'm comfortable i have that effect on people
00:59:28okay colonel comfortable how many girls have you brought back here not including me
00:59:33well that's certainly escalated look the past is the past i'm not gonna hold anything against you
00:59:39i'm just curious i mean in total six girls have been here one of whom was underage
00:59:48um i didn't do anything with her i thought she was 24 the second i realized that she was born
00:59:55post
00:59:55the amanda show i made her leave so one of the six girls you didn't do anything with
01:00:01what about the other ones you're not even trying to approach this with any delicacy
01:00:08why not just ask what you really want to ask how many girls have i slept with how many in
01:00:13my whole
01:00:14life four only four only four you want to get specific i was a virgin all through high school
01:00:23i lost my virginity when i was 20 and only had one other partner in college after graduating i started
01:00:31using the dating apps and only managed to hook up with two girls no game actually and i'm not saying
01:00:37this to brag my body count could have been higher i had opportunities so why didn't you get it in
01:00:43i don't know any guys to shy away from sex why are you shaking your head because i'm gonna sound
01:00:49like such a wimp after saying this let me decide that all right i haven't had many partners because
01:00:56i guess i like the idea of being a mac more than actually being a mac now of course in
01:01:05the presence
01:01:05of my boys i've had women all around town but i want to return the honesty that you shared with
01:01:11me
01:01:11with a little honesty of my own i say a lot of things but i'm not having sex like that
01:01:17i mean
01:01:18i can be very sexually explicit with the things that i say but actually going out there and knocking
01:01:24them dead i'm the only person aside from you that knows this is my friend hut and even he gets
01:01:32the
01:01:33edited version he thinks i've just hit a dry spell he doesn't know my low number of sexual partners is
01:01:42purposeful
01:01:45all right i give you full permission to rag on me i just don't want you thinking that
01:01:50i'm just the average fuck boy because i'm really not so so does this mean your dick isn't really
01:01:56named mr pink his real name is sheldon but he has been known to answer to mr pink sometimes
01:02:05i don't know you're telling me the truth what if this is just a line you feed all the other
01:02:09girls
01:02:10i would do that even if i was trying to run game one year i wouldn't do it by downplaying
01:02:15the number
01:02:16of girls i've slept with why not sensitive guys are in nothing that i'm saying is a line
01:02:21this is the real picaso isn't there women's intuition you have a knack for sensing the
01:02:29shit of the bull is there anything telling you that i'm being dishonest
01:02:36i'm all talk truthfully the idea of hooking up with hundreds of girls
01:02:44kind of gives me anxiety but i wear the pimp hat because you're a chameleon
01:02:52i've only been with five guys for the record i haven't had sex in over three years
01:02:58been on some dates but nothing got physical not since mr not so perfect
01:03:05do you go to these guys houses at first i vowed to keep meetings in public areas
01:03:10you know just in case i had to deal with another psycho
01:03:14but then i realized a lot of guys wear their mr perfect masks
01:03:19they say what they think they need to say to get the second date
01:03:23anything to get the final prize which is boom boom boom
01:03:28when i finally got my zing back and stopped thinking every guy was a predator
01:03:32i started accepting invitations to houses which i know is a very unsafe thing to do but
01:03:39i think the best way to observe someone is in their natural habitat their home i'm not a
01:03:47complete lame brain i do have mace and other defensive materials on deck
01:03:51no i'm the scared one
01:03:53just what i wanted
01:03:56okay i want to see something i want to see your best fuck boy
01:04:00what
01:04:02act like i'm not me you're not you we're strangers in the night
01:04:07how would you approach me if you were actually the player you pretend to be
01:04:11isn't it too early for role playing
01:04:13shut up come on this is your chance to authenticate your smoothness
01:04:17i want to see you pick me up
01:04:19but i already got you to my apartment
01:04:21we're not in your apartment pretend we're in a cafe
01:04:25i'm already here drinking my raspberry ice latte
01:04:29you come in for your usual double espresso and crumb cake
01:04:34you see me over yonder attached to my phone
01:04:37whatever does a big player player do
01:04:41you really want to do this
01:04:42i wasn't oddly specific for nothing
01:04:46okay
01:04:57okay
01:04:58cut
01:04:58can you
01:04:59not walk like you're about to backhand me
01:05:01i was just feeling out the character all right
01:05:03do it again
01:05:24hi
01:05:25hello
01:05:26what's that raspberry latte
01:05:29yes it is
01:05:32sweet drink for a sweet lady
01:05:35okay you're not good at this
01:05:37no no no no no no no let me do it again
01:05:38sweet drink for a sweet lady
01:05:41that works on some girls
01:05:42doesn't work on this girl
01:05:44start over
01:05:45start over
01:05:46but you're really not doing well
01:05:47oh
01:05:48everybody's a critic
01:06:08hey
01:06:09hi
01:06:12i see you're enjoying your drink and i don't want to take up too much of your time but
01:06:17i knew i'd kick myself later if i didn't come over and say something even if nothing comes of it
01:06:22i'm daryl
01:06:24you don't have to tell me your name
01:06:25i'll just
01:06:27i'll just call you beautiful
01:06:30i've seen you in here every day this week
01:06:33coming in
01:06:34drinking your latte
01:06:35and i've always wanted to talk to you
01:06:37but i'm sure you've got guys kicking down your door all the time so
01:06:41the original plan was just to let you have this time to yourself
01:06:44but
01:06:46seven times
01:06:49i've seen you here seven times
01:06:52usually i don't believe in signs
01:06:54but
01:06:55this can't be ignored
01:06:56i had to come talk to you
01:06:59now
01:07:01i'm not asking for your number
01:07:03and i'm not asking you on a date
01:07:05hey i just wanted to introduce myself
01:07:08so i'm gonna go over there and grab my double espresso
01:07:11and crumb cake
01:07:13then go sit over there
01:07:15and
01:07:16if you wanted to join me
01:07:20i would not mind that
01:07:24nice to meet you
01:07:27beautiful
01:07:49not too shabby daryl
01:07:51not too shabby at all
01:07:52i'm not a wizard
01:07:54but i got the magic
01:07:56saying shit like that
01:07:58is gonna annul everything you just did
01:08:00so
01:08:00no more of that
01:08:01okay
01:08:02do i get your stamp of approval though
01:08:03i suppose
01:08:06then where's my reward
01:08:07what do you want
01:08:09some heroin would be nice
01:08:10sure let me just grab some from my purse
01:08:14no but there is something that i do want
01:08:16and what would that be
01:08:20um
01:08:22um
01:08:25i uh
01:08:28oh my god
01:08:38you're terrible at being yourself
01:08:39you know that
01:08:42you know i wanted to kiss you
01:08:44duh
01:08:44we've been leaning up to it for a while now
01:08:46you should have kissed me when we were by the stairs
01:08:48i know i wanted to
01:08:49that would have been a moment
01:08:51i just
01:08:53i usually like to ask girls before i kiss them
01:08:55why
01:08:57i don't want to throw myself on someone
01:08:59that's weird
01:09:00you wouldn't have been throwing yourself on me
01:09:02i wanted it too
01:09:04what if you didn't
01:09:06that's what the mace is for
01:09:09after you shave
01:09:10do you slap on the aftershave
01:09:12or do you dab it on gently
01:09:13dab it on gently
01:09:14of course you do
01:09:16sometimes you gotta throw caution to the wind
01:09:19you talked about women's intuition right
01:09:21guys have it too
01:09:22you knew i wanted to kiss you
01:09:24you felt exactly what i felt
01:09:27should have just went for it
01:09:38much better
01:09:39but next time
01:09:41do it without us having to talk about it
01:09:42next time
01:09:44next time
01:09:49weren't we supposed to watch a movie tonight
01:09:51i think we were
01:09:53we still can
01:09:54young is the night
01:09:56you wanna pick
01:09:57i shall pick the genre
01:09:58comedy all the way
01:10:00if it's comedy you want
01:10:02it's comedy you'll get
01:10:04i know exactly what to choose
01:10:31this new edition of big bang creation up
01:10:34i'm more just placing the headphones to turn on and start them
01:10:37flip my keyboard and say beg your pardon
01:10:40as i pursue to join the squadron
01:10:42astronaut is starting and starving
01:10:43no comedy like stevie and harvey
01:10:45cause they did not regard me
01:10:46proportions are gold
01:10:48control is gold
01:10:49space is powered by produce
01:10:51flow
01:10:51this fast food
01:10:52we're producing dope from low
01:10:54hopefully how we can go
01:10:56and the people of earth are so low
01:10:59and i'm just so alien awaiting them
01:11:01in the starship
01:11:03from the motherland
01:11:04in another land
01:11:05just another man
01:11:06the beat funky make a rough
01:11:08say brother man
01:11:09like 70s sold by your future man
01:11:11where we go
01:11:12where we go
01:11:13where we go
01:11:16where we go
01:11:17where we go
01:11:18where we go
01:11:20up
01:11:21we go up
01:11:22we go up
01:11:24we go up
01:11:25up
01:11:26we go up
01:11:27we go up
01:11:29we go up
01:11:30and where we go up
01:11:31we go up
01:11:32You
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