00:15hello and welcome welcome to our channel Imar Kimi if this is your first time here
00:22please subscribe to our channel follow us for professional content on mental health
00:27relationships if you find this video helpful like it and share it with others
00:34your support helps us message reach people who are suffering silently my name
00:40is dr. Inayat Bula I am a medical doctor I am a psychiatrist and a certified sex
00:47therapist for many years I have worked with individuals and couples people
00:53come to me with mental health struggles sexual difficulties and broken
00:58relationships today I am addressing a topic that is rarely discussed openly
01:04yet this issue silently destroys thousands of marriages every year today's
01:10topic is persistent sexual refusal in marriage before we continue I want to be
01:16very clear this video is not about blaming women it is not about attacking men this
01:22video is about understanding a serious psychological reality a reality that is
01:28misunderstood ignored and often denied in my clinical practice I see the same
01:35pattern again and again couples come for help when it is already too late they
01:40come when emotional damage has become severe they come when resentment has
01:45replaced affection they come when one or both partners are emotionally checked out
01:51and almost always we find the same cause years of untreated sexual avoidance years of
01:57silent suffering let me say this clearly this is not just a bedroom issue this is not
02:04about frequency this is not about performance this is a mental health issue this is a
02:10relationship survival issue when intimacy collapses the entire marriage suffers sexual
02:17refusal is not always verbal many times it is silent sometimes it sounds like I am tired every
02:24night sometimes it looks like agreeing to sex without emotional presence sometimes it appears as crying
02:30silently after intimacy sometimes it feels like shame guilt or disgust afterward sometimes the body
02:38tightens without conscious control sometimes touching grossness are avoided completely many husbands tell me this she never says no
02:47but she is never present she feels far away that absence is not coldness it is psychological shutdown it is
02:56the nervous system protecting itself from perceived danger
02:59in many cultures women are taught harmful beliefs they are taught that sex is something men take they are taught
03:07that pleasure is not for women
03:09they are taught that desire equals immorality they are taught that desire equals immorality so marriage does not reset the
03:15mind fear does not disappear overnight
03:17fear does not disappear overnight the body remembers fear the nervous system remembers threat men are also taught damaging beliefs
03:24they are taught that desire equals masculinity
03:27they are taught that rejection equals humiliation they are taught that emotional pain equals weakness so men stay silent and
03:37silence turns into anger
03:38fear this creates a painful reality to wounded people sharing one bed without understanding each other without language for pain
03:48without tools for healing
03:50many women never receive accurate sexual education they do not know their own anatomy they do not know that arousal
03:59takes time they do not know that pain is not normal
04:03instead they know fear fear shapes the nervous system you cannot relax in a place your mind perceives as unsafe
04:12trauma does not vanish after marriage the body remembers
04:16it remembers forced touch it remembers painful first experiences it remembers humiliation it remembers being unhurt even with a loving
04:28husband the body may still react
04:30muscles tight and breathing changes pain appears anxiety rises this is not refusal this is survival
04:38vaginismus israel it is involuntary it is not defiance it is not disobedience and most importantly it is treatable
04:48yet many women are never diagnosed instead they are blamed they are called difficult they are called cold this causes
04:58secondary trauma
04:59and deepens marital wounds mental illness reduces desire this is a medical fact depression numbs the body
05:07depression numbs the body anxiety keeps the system alert when shame is added intimacy becomes terrifying sex becomes something to
05:16avoid not something to enjoy
05:17chronic rejection damages identity damages self-worth men often feel unwanted they feel invisible they feel ashamed they feel confused
05:27over time anger replaces vulnerability but anger is not the root unprocessed grief is unspoken pain is
05:36unprocessed grief is unspoken pain is
05:37I treated a couple in a seven year sexless marriage they survived legally but emotionally they were strangers
05:44treatment required time and professional care trauma therapy sexual education gradual exposure emotional rebuilding healing was slow but healing was
05:57possible
05:57when this issue is ignored damage continues silently emotional divorce happens first physical separation comes later infidelity becomes more likely
06:09resentment becomes permanent
06:11these are not moral failures they are clinical failures failures of early intervention failures of awareness
06:19healing requires safety healing requires consent healing requires education healing requires emotional repair
06:28sex therapy is not about performance it is about connection connection without fear connection without shame
06:36if you are struggling you are not broken if your marriage feels distant you are not alone
06:42help exist healing is possible you can contact me or my professional team
06:49visit our official website or reach us through our Facebook page
06:54you may also attend our online educational workshops
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