- 8 hours ago
- #db
SEX EDUCATION BY MY BEST FRIEND #DB - FULL MOVIE
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00:04New Intimacy Level Unlocked
00:00:11New Skin Dangerously Hot is Equipped
00:00:20You're staring, you like what you see?
00:00:23Maybe
00:00:32When are you going to tell me who you really are?
00:00:34You know who I really am. I'm Valleyqueen33.
00:00:37Such a dumb username.
00:00:39Oh, okay, guacamolewizard275. Don't talk to me about dumb usernames.
00:00:44You know, you're lucky you're cute.
00:00:45You don't even know what I look like.
00:00:47Oh, I would if you agreed to meet me in person. Or at least a photo.
00:00:52Maybe someday.
00:00:57Crap, I'm late.
00:00:59Good luck, scholarship queen.
00:01:03Who needs luck when I have my talisman to remind me of my knight?
00:01:11In the game of castle claimers, I might be a warrior princess in love with a dashing knight.
00:01:16But on my first day at Edmunds Academy, I feel like a peasant.
00:01:21Watch it! This isn't public school.
00:01:25Forget your training wheels.
00:01:28At least I have my knight's charm to help me get through the day.
00:01:42Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop the car!
00:01:46No!
00:01:48God, my knight's special talisman!
00:01:51It's ruined!
00:01:58He's so hot.
00:01:59Hey! I told you to stop the car!
00:02:06Oh my gosh, it's cold!
00:02:07He's so hot!
00:02:12Hey!
00:02:14What is wrong with you?
00:02:15Didn't you see me yelling and screaming for you to stop the car?
00:02:18Okay, I see you now, new girl.
00:02:20What are you with me, son?
00:02:22What are you talking about?
00:02:24Why?
00:02:26I thought you were one of my fans.
00:02:28No, I'm not one of your fans!
00:02:32You just broke something that's really important to me!
00:02:34Yeah, I break a lot of hearts, buttercup.
00:02:36Okay?
00:02:39You should know that.
00:02:41I don't know who you are, but you were a...
00:02:44You were a...
00:02:44Eh...
00:02:47Asshole!
00:02:52Alright.
00:02:53I broke something of yours.
00:02:56Sure, but...
00:02:57Hey!
00:02:58You got my attention.
00:03:01So, in that case, we're even...
00:03:09Don't do it, Hayley.
00:03:12Have a good day.
00:03:15Don't do it!
00:03:23Oh, fuck!
00:03:25Now we're even.
00:03:27My laptop better not be broken!
00:03:29I can't lose my connection to Valley Queen.
00:03:36You just made the wrong enemy.
00:03:39You just made the wrong enemy.
00:03:42I'm going to make every classroom, every hallway, and every rumor in this school your personal nightmare.
00:03:50I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
00:03:53What's going on?
00:03:54Who's fighting the new girl?
00:03:56Who's leaving the new girl?
00:03:57Yeah, idiot.
00:03:58I can see that.
00:04:01Just met an unhinged person.
00:04:03Good thing the universe balances it with you.
00:04:06Same.
00:04:07Ran into a certified asshole.
00:04:09Can't wait to see you in the game tonight.
00:04:14Cole, do you need help?
00:04:15I can help you.
00:04:18The new girl poured coffee on him.
00:04:20This bitch thinks that she can just roll up and piss off Michael.
00:04:23But he's not your Cole.
00:04:24Shut up, Lindsay.
00:04:26He's not yet.
00:04:28Come on.
00:04:30Hi.
00:04:31I'm Jen.
00:04:33And this is Lindsay.
00:04:35Hi.
00:04:36I'm Haley.
00:04:37So nice to meet you.
00:04:38You have first day jitters.
00:04:39That's totally understandable.
00:04:41We want to make sure you feel really welcome.
00:04:43And so we'll take you to your locker.
00:04:44Come in.
00:04:46Okay.
00:04:46Let's go.
00:04:50There you go.
00:04:52Thanks so much.
00:05:02Oh my gosh.
00:05:14Aw, you're welcome new girl.
00:05:16Honestly, it's kind of an improvement on your face.
00:05:24Guacamole wizard.
00:05:26Wow.
00:05:26What are you catfishing?
00:05:27Some little lonely online gamer boy?
00:05:30Give it back.
00:05:31Hold on.
00:05:33Hey, if you go to Edmunds Academy, you should come to Locker 83 right now.
00:05:38Send.
00:05:39Here.
00:05:39Now your little gamer friend can see your ugly little face.
00:05:44So when can I meet the hero who ruined your billionaire shirt?
00:05:47I'm your friend first, Max.
00:05:49At least check on me.
00:05:50Oh, is it the online lover?
00:05:52Ah, chill.
00:05:53Please.
00:05:56No way.
00:05:58What is it?
00:05:59Oh, Belle Queen goes to the school.
00:06:06Please ignore that.
00:06:07Someone stole my phone and played a stupid prank.
00:06:10Send.
00:06:15What is wrong with you?
00:06:16You mess with Cole Edmonds and you're gonna mess with me.
00:06:19Edmonds?
00:06:20What?
00:06:21You don't know that his family owns the whole school?
00:06:23Woo!
00:06:23Wow.
00:06:24You really did crawl out of the gutter, didn't you?
00:06:28Stop recording me!
00:06:31Jen is a new girl.
00:06:33Wait.
00:06:34Is the new girl...
00:06:36Valley Queen?
00:06:38There's no way the new girl is Valley Queen.
00:06:40Could it be...
00:06:42Jen?
00:06:44Ew.
00:06:48Your enemy is our enemy Cole.
00:06:50And I just made sure that the new girl knows that.
00:06:53No chance it's Jen.
00:06:55So is it...
00:06:56She does look kinda cute.
00:07:04It's you.
00:07:05Please ignore that.
00:07:06Someone stole my phone and played a stupid prank.
00:07:09What was I thinking?
00:07:11Of course she's not my online lover.
00:07:16Hey there buttercup.
00:07:18Keep walking Haley.
00:07:20Just keep walking.
00:07:21You got a problem with shaving this morning or...
00:07:24My name's Haley.
00:07:26Wow.
00:07:27Haley.
00:07:27I think you uh...
00:07:29You used to spell on your upper lip right there.
00:07:33What a coincidence!
00:07:35So did you!
00:07:36Oh no!
00:07:40Oh, I'm sorry.
00:07:41I forgot you don't even need shaving cream.
00:07:43You're just a man child with follicle issues.
00:07:49Whoever ends up with her must have filled an eye exam.
00:08:04I was so relieved to see you.
00:08:06Something happened today.
00:08:07I lost the game.
00:08:08I thought I'd never see you again.
00:08:11I think it's time we call this what it is.
00:08:13And what is this?
00:08:15What I think it is, is...
00:08:17I want to be with you.
00:08:19And you want to be with me.
00:08:22As more than just friends.
00:08:24Oh, thank God.
00:08:26I honestly want that more than anything.
00:08:28You're my soul mate.
00:08:29Like, I like you so much.
00:08:30Okay, well, since we're dating now, um...
00:08:34I'm ready to send my photo.
00:08:37Wait, really?
00:08:38Yeah.
00:08:39Get ready.
00:08:45Okay.
00:08:46No face.
00:08:48Just the boobs.
00:08:50Is it a bad idea?
00:08:51But all my online friends said it's cool.
00:08:54PG-13 nudes are harmless.
00:08:56All the kids do this.
00:08:57You'll love it.
00:09:02Ugh, this lighting hates me.
00:09:04Come on, Hayley.
00:09:05Confidence.
00:09:06You literally fight dragons online.
00:09:13Okay.
00:09:14Yeah.
00:09:15That's actually kind of...
00:09:16Ah!
00:09:20Oh my God, seriously?
00:09:23Hello?
00:09:24Anyone?
00:09:27Don't look at me!
00:09:30Don't look at me!
00:09:32We're trying not for viable, are we?
00:09:33I don't think that you're supposed to do it like that.
00:09:35Get out!
00:09:36Now!
00:09:37Fine.
00:09:39Ow!
00:09:39Damn it!
00:09:44Come on.
00:09:59Good way!
00:10:07Oh, my God...
00:10:17you're helping me i won't i didn't plan it but here we are
00:10:28excuse you these boobs are for someone else our little boyfriend do we that is shocking yeah
00:10:34actually and he'd probably kill you right now if you saw him flirting with me flirting yeah don't
00:10:39lie to yourself i've got a girlfriend too my thoughts and prayers to her funny okay well
00:10:44can we just pretend this didn't happen and go our separate ways fine by me
00:10:51oh and um well the purple bra by the way i like it in a weird way i mean i
00:10:58am my type but
00:10:59you know power theory or whatever did you just get out of here
00:11:11hopefully guacamole wizard will like it too
00:11:15jen red alert calm and the new girl are for sure flirting i think it's time to take drastic action
00:11:23don't be a coward just send it jen
00:11:30oh my god here goes nothing
00:11:40still no response don't freak out he's probably just busy
00:11:48give it back why you don't want me to see your slutty little nude
00:11:53oh this is actually a really good photo honestly it's so good that i think the whole school should
00:11:57see it did you get it lindsey got it
00:12:02what are you doing
00:12:07what are you doing
00:12:17oh my god
00:12:18oh my god
00:12:20oh my god
00:12:32yo what's going on dude your enemies new just got put up on the big screen
00:12:36what's yeah
00:12:51come on
00:12:52let's see if these builds are photoshopped
00:12:56stop delete it please
00:13:09oh my brave knight i wish you were here with me right now
00:13:18oh my god
00:13:20oh cool
00:13:21your enemy's kind of hot
00:13:23since you're so into slutty photos
00:13:26why don't we just go ahead and go full nude
00:13:31oh my god
00:13:51my school enemy is my ally girlfriend
00:13:57Stop it!
00:13:58Oh my God!
00:14:08Hey, you okay?
00:14:12Give that to me.
00:14:20Now give the phone back, Jen.
00:14:23What the hell, Cole? I thought you'd be happy.
00:14:30How does it feel being exposed to the whole school?
00:14:32Not good, huh?
00:14:33Now if you don't delete it off your phone,
00:14:35I'm exposed to what else is fake about you.
00:14:37And I know it's not just your purse.
00:14:40Why are you even defending her?
00:14:41She's the loser who has nude photos for random men!
00:14:46Everybody's got more personality than all of you combined.
00:14:48And if you mess with her, you mess with me.
00:14:50You hear me?
00:14:55Here we are.
00:14:56Cole is on my side now?
00:14:58Is he doing this to play with my feelings?
00:15:00I just need to be alone.
00:15:02Haley!
00:15:07Cole is a rich asshole.
00:15:09And he said we were enemies.
00:15:11But why did I get butterflies when he looked at me today?
00:15:16Don't stay up too late, honey.
00:15:19Love you, Mom.
00:15:22Wait, Mom.
00:15:27Do people change?
00:15:30Like, can a spoiled brat somehow become nice?
00:15:36Well, maybe just give them a second chance.
00:15:39Well, maybe just give them a second chance.
00:16:06I'm just trying to bring a little hope to my family and keep my scholarship.
00:16:10Oh.
00:16:11I'm really proud of you.
00:16:13And then there's this guy.
00:16:15He has this vendetta against me, but at the same time he's super contradictory.
00:16:19It's so confusing.
00:16:21Sounds like you're into this guy.
00:16:23Sounds like you're into this guy.
00:16:25No, I'm not into this guy.
00:16:27I like you.
00:16:28Only you.
00:16:34I really liked your photo, by the way.
00:16:36You did?
00:16:37Are you gonna reciprocate?
00:16:38I was thinking it would be better if we met in person.
00:16:41That sounds amazing.
00:16:42When?
00:16:43With?
00:16:44About after school.
00:16:45At the balcony.
00:16:46I'll bring followers.
00:16:47Deal.
00:16:56I'm about to meet my boyfriend.
00:17:08Stop thinking about Cole.
00:17:18Army father.
00:17:19I heard about you harassing Jen at school today.
00:17:22Defending that nobody.
00:17:24Hayley girl.
00:17:24Hayley's not a nobody, dad.
00:17:26Are those for her?
00:17:32What the fuck?
00:17:35What the fuck?
00:17:36I know what Hayley is, Cole.
00:17:39Her mother works as a maid at my office.
00:17:42That whole family is trash.
00:17:44Stay away from her.
00:17:45And what if I say no?
00:17:46Stay away from Hayley Cole.
00:17:48Or I'll fire her mother.
00:17:51What if she found out that you were the one making her life miserable?
00:17:54I'm almost 18.
00:17:55Soon I'll have my inheritance.
00:17:57I hate to make Hayley wait, but she can't know who I am before I make sure her family is
00:18:02safe.
00:18:04You're sick.
00:18:06It's called watching out for your future.
00:18:14Oh, hi.
00:18:15Hi.
00:18:16I'm Hayley.
00:18:17Yes.
00:18:18Mm-hmm.
00:18:19So nice to meet you.
00:18:21God.
00:18:21I'd give anything just to hear her say my name.
00:18:24But the moment she knows, I lose her forever.
00:18:29Thank you for the flowers.
00:18:30You're so nice.
00:18:36Guacamole wizard.
00:18:38Bail.
00:18:41Guacamole wizard.
00:18:42Ew.
00:18:45You're waiting for your stupid little secret boyfriend to bed it.
00:18:48Maybe he's married.
00:18:50Or maybe he's fat.
00:18:51And maybe he's sitting on his back video.
00:18:55I don't want any more trouble.
00:18:58Why is guacamole wizard still not here?
00:19:01Oh, no.
00:19:01We're not here to give you any trouble.
00:19:02We just noticed that you didn't have any lunch.
00:19:05And so we thought we would bring you a sandwich.
00:19:08Eat it.
00:19:21I called me.
00:19:23So you think that you can just humiliate me in front of the entire school?
00:19:28You're a maid's daughter, so you can go ahead and eat trash.
00:19:32Guacamole wizard, where are you?
00:19:34Oh, and by the way, Cole's not gonna come save you.
00:19:38Because after all, he's rich.
00:19:39Like me.
00:19:44I'm nothing like you.
00:19:49Yeah, I'm nothing like you.
00:19:53Cole again?
00:19:54Why is he always here when I need help?
00:19:57Pick it up.
00:19:58Cole, we were kidding.
00:20:00It's ketchup.
00:20:01Pick that bloody thing up.
00:20:06I think you're gonna record this.
00:20:15Didn't your dad tell you not to mess with Hailey anymore?
00:20:18I don't think you have leverage here.
00:20:19Cause I'll tell your mom how fucked up you are.
00:20:22You wanna hold that thing next to your face and do what I say.
00:20:28I will leave Hailey alone.
00:20:32I will leave Hailey alone.
00:20:37Got it?
00:20:38Yeah.
00:20:39Let's go.
00:20:41What are you looking at?
00:20:45Got it?
00:20:46Let's go.
00:20:54Uh, thank you.
00:20:57Wow.
00:20:59Never thought I'd hear you say that.
00:21:03Why do you keep following me around?
00:21:05I just...
00:21:07I happened to see you.
00:21:09Were you waiting on someone?
00:21:11Yeah.
00:21:12My boyfriend actually.
00:21:16Well, he...
00:21:17He kind of stood me up, so...
00:21:19Maybe you didn't do it on purpose.
00:21:22Maybe you gotta do it nice today.
00:21:25Cole, are you being nice to me?
00:21:28You thought we were enemies.
00:21:30I mean, I still find you incredibly annoying, though.
00:21:33So...
00:21:33Am I that annoying?
00:21:35Maybe you'll like me once you realize I have layers.
00:21:37Are you trying to play with my feelings, Cole-Edness?
00:21:40Cause it's not gonna work.
00:21:41I'm like those stupid, spoiled heiresses.
00:21:49How'd that online boyfriend use make you fall for her?
00:21:55He...
00:21:56He makes me feel safe.
00:21:58You wouldn't understand it, though.
00:22:04You understand better than you think.
00:22:07Cole understands me better than I think.
00:22:11Is he...
00:22:14Now you touch him like this?
00:22:25If you keep staring, I'm gonna think you like what you see.
00:22:29No, my...
00:22:31My boyfriend has way better abs than you do.
00:22:35In the game.
00:22:38Oh, in the game, huh?
00:22:46Why does he have to smell so good?
00:22:52Are you that slow on the game, too?
00:22:55I can see why he likes you.
00:22:57Yes.
00:23:07I can't do this.
00:23:09I love my boyfriend.
00:23:11And you will never understand that.
00:23:13He's smart, and he's kind, and...
00:23:16He loves me for who I am.
00:23:18That is so much more important to me than whatever this is between us.
00:23:23I wish I could just tell her right now.
00:23:25No.
00:23:33Wait. It couldn't be.
00:23:36Cole, what was that notification on your phone?
00:23:41There's nothing.
00:23:43Cole, who are you?
00:23:47What was that notification on your phone?
00:23:49It was my dad telling me my car got done getting waxed.
00:23:53Champagne problems, huh?
00:23:57You live such a tough life.
00:24:02What was I thinking?
00:24:04We are from two different worlds.
00:24:06He just wants to play with me.
00:24:08But why did I want to kiss him so badly?
00:24:15Why didn't you come to school today?
00:24:17I got into a car accident.
00:24:19Really? Are you okay?
00:24:21You have to keep me in the hospital till prom.
00:24:23He was right.
00:24:24Who?
00:24:25Which hospital are you staying at?
00:24:27I want to come visit you.
00:24:28No, you can't. I look miserable now.
00:24:31You need to see me in style.
00:24:33Fine, if you say so.
00:24:36So, are we going to prom together?
00:24:38Hell yeah, we are.
00:24:40We send the fireworks wild.
00:24:44Why would anyone want to sit next to her?
00:24:47Whoever needs a charity case.
00:25:03Oh, you.
00:25:05Oh, me.
00:25:07Why is she so lucky?
00:25:08Cole's never been this way with any other girl.
00:25:12People think you're really lucky to be my lab partner.
00:25:14I'm sure you feel really lucky to be my lab partner.
00:25:17Because you don't do any homework.
00:25:24You finished it?
00:25:25It's okay.
00:25:27We'll get to know each other more.
00:25:28I'm not that curious about you, actually.
00:25:30I'm curious about you, though.
00:25:32Like, uh, how close are you with your mom?
00:25:35What is he trying to do?
00:25:37It's none of your business, but I'm very close with my mom.
00:25:40I'd kill anyone who hurts her.
00:25:45Does Cole genuinely want to know me?
00:25:56It's okay.
00:25:57I don't know.
00:26:08It's okay.
00:26:15So, are you going to prom?
00:26:19No way.
00:26:20It's a self-locking door.
00:26:22Really?
00:26:23Miss Gorman's going to be back in an hour.
00:26:25I'm sure it'll be fine.
00:26:26I'm stuck here with you for a full hour?
00:26:28No, okay.
00:26:29Am I that bad?
00:26:31I think maybe we can pick up where we left off.
00:26:34Don't worry.
00:26:35Maybe trust me and do.
00:26:36Mm-mm.
00:26:37We're keeping our distance this time, actually.
00:26:39Yeah.
00:26:49That was my first kiss.
00:26:53My first kiss was not supposed to go like that.
00:26:55It was supposed to be special at prom and not just bumping lips.
00:27:10You're really good at this.
00:27:12One day I want you to regret it.
00:27:14You know, we can do more if we want.
00:27:31Hey, I've been wanting to regret a lot more than you think.
00:27:35So you want me?
00:27:39I think you know much I want you.
00:27:45Do you want me?
00:27:47I want you.
00:27:53Oh, shit.
00:27:57Anyone in here?
00:28:00Oh, my God.
00:28:02How long have you two been in here?
00:28:03I really need to change this lock.
00:28:05Are you two okay?
00:28:06Oh.
00:28:07Yeah.
00:28:08Yeah, we're good.
00:28:09We're okay.
00:28:10Okay.
00:28:10Okay.
00:28:11Okay.
00:28:12Nice.
00:28:18You're just going to pretend like that didn't happen.
00:28:20What didn't happen?
00:28:21Hey, wait.
00:28:22It's just hormones.
00:28:24Jake.
00:28:25Can you still play after your accident?
00:28:28Relax.
00:28:28I'm not dead.
00:28:29Wait.
00:28:29Car accident?
00:28:31Guacamole wizard?
00:28:37I gotta go.
00:28:46Guacamole wizard?
00:28:47Huh?
00:28:50Are you all better after your car accident?
00:28:52Do I know you?
00:28:54Why is he being so standoffish?
00:28:56Is he trying to give me a surprise?
00:28:58Or he heard something about Cole?
00:29:01You're crushing your soda can.
00:29:04She thinks guacamole wizard is Jake Myers.
00:29:06He's using a real car accident.
00:29:08According to you, so is guacamole wizard.
00:29:10I'm not gonna make this anymore.
00:29:12Cole, wait.
00:29:15Oh, shit.
00:29:20What's up, Gus?
00:29:21Um, we were just chatting.
00:29:24Chatting about Jake's grand plans to kick balls?
00:29:27Was there something that you wanted, Cole?
00:29:31Hey.
00:29:31I just figured I'd bring you some mozzarella sticks.
00:29:34They're your favorite.
00:29:36Right?
00:29:38How did you know that?
00:29:40Tough day, huh?
00:29:41There's no more mozzarella sticks in the cafeteria.
00:29:43They're my favorite.
00:29:45He couldn't be Cole.
00:29:47Could he?
00:29:53The truth is, um...
00:29:54A dickhead?
00:29:57Will you honestly get out of here, bro?
00:29:58You came to my table, bro, and knocked my ball away.
00:30:08There it goes again.
00:30:09Cole is jealous.
00:30:11We got a problem here, Cole?
00:30:12We don't have a problem.
00:30:14We don't have a problem.
00:30:16Right?
00:30:17Tell Cole to get my ball, and we don't have a problem.
00:30:20Jake, it would take me forever to find one of your balls.
00:30:24I have the ball now.
00:30:26Can we stop measuring each other's dicks?
00:30:29Cole and Jake are fighting over Haley?
00:30:33Maybe I can use that.
00:30:37Jake!
00:30:38Hey!
00:30:39What if I told you that I have an internship opportunity for you with my dad?
00:30:43Wait, seriously?
00:30:44Yeah.
00:30:45Just one little catch.
00:30:46You have to pretend to like Haley Roth.
00:30:50All right, you have the rest of the period to work on your lab reports.
00:30:53If you have any questions, I'll be at my desk.
00:30:57I thought Guacamole Wizard would feel more like Cole, but if he's really Jake, then maybe
00:31:03this was always going to end.
00:31:05You've literally been staring for five minutes.
00:31:07I'm thinking.
00:31:07About the report or about him?
00:31:09Why are you making it so weird about Jake?
00:31:11We literally made out of a sword room.
00:31:14Maybe you've known Jake longer.
00:31:16No, you don't.
00:31:17How do you know that?
00:31:18You're going to prom with someone else.
00:31:20Stop acting like you're serious about me.
00:31:22You have no idea.
00:31:28Oh my God, is Jake asking me to prom?
00:31:44Haley, someone's here to see you.
00:31:58Are you asking me to prom?
00:32:00Too cheesy?
00:32:02No, it's cute.
00:32:04The accident?
00:32:05The mozzarella sticks?
00:32:07He is Guacamole Wizard.
00:32:09So, um, what do you think?
00:32:11You want to go to prom with me?
00:32:13I...
00:32:14I should feel happy.
00:32:15But why does this feel so wrong?
00:32:20Hey, can we not?
00:32:23Hey, can we not?
00:32:26Dude, seriously, what is your problem?
00:32:28My problem here, dude, is that me and my lab partner have work to do.
00:32:31And you're out here to strike me with bad puns.
00:32:33Wow.
00:32:35That is some weak shit, man.
00:32:37Oh.
00:32:38That's weak shit?
00:32:39Is this weak shit?
00:32:43Oh my God.
00:32:51Wow.
00:32:52He's got really pretty eyes.
00:32:59Wait, I can't.
00:33:00Colt, put me down.
00:33:02Put me down.
00:33:02Put me down.
00:33:03Put me down.
00:33:05Don't do that again.
00:33:19New couple alert.
00:33:21Fuck off, Jen.
00:33:22Why do you hate me so much, Cole?
00:33:24You and I, we're not that different.
00:33:25And if you'd realize and give me a chance, I think that we would make a great match.
00:33:30Like, say, if you asked me to prom.
00:33:33I might say yes.
00:33:36Jen, you want to go to prom with me?
00:33:40Jen, you want to go to prom with me?
00:33:43We're both hot and we're both rich.
00:33:46And our dads have been in business, like, forever, so.
00:33:50How romantic.
00:33:51I think I'll pass.
00:33:53You're going to regret this, Cole Edmonds.
00:33:58Oh, here they come.
00:34:01If I message Corkamole Wizard, I wonder if Jake's phone will ding.
00:34:06What should we wear to prom?
00:34:09And the Dean's List.
00:34:19I'll talk to you later.
00:34:20I'll see you around school, okay?
00:34:21Okay, yeah, I'll see you later.
00:34:22Bye.
00:34:23He's so different.
00:34:25Maybe he's still recovering from the accident?
00:34:27I'm going to say we...
00:34:30Haley?
00:34:34No!
00:34:37What are you doing?
00:34:39Jeez!
00:34:40God!
00:34:46Here, I'll get it.
00:34:47Yeah, I know.
00:34:52Oh.
00:34:53You're scared of me seeing all the girls in your phone?
00:34:55I don't care.
00:34:56I do care.
00:35:02Haley, I...
00:35:16I don't put a problem with Jake.
00:35:18I mean, he only knows you like mozzarella sticks because of me.
00:35:21He doesn't even know you.
00:35:22And you do?
00:35:23How do you know I like mozzarella sticks?
00:35:25That's something I've only ever talked about.
00:35:27Because I pay attention to what you like.
00:35:31I noticed it at lunch.
00:35:33The first day.
00:35:35You were watching me?
00:35:37Just...
00:35:38Just tell me I'm going to apologize.
00:35:54move.
00:35:56Colt is talking to Haley.
00:35:57Again.
00:35:58Your job is to keep them away from each other, Jake.
00:36:01Unless you don't want that internship that my dad got you.
00:36:03Obviously I do.
00:36:04Okay, then break them up, idiot.
00:36:07Uh, what do I do?
00:36:11I've got a few ideas.
00:36:16Hey, look.
00:36:19Someone will take you to prom.
00:36:20All right, I promise.
00:36:21Yeah? Really, like who?
00:36:23I mean, the whole school hates me, except for Jake.
00:36:27And you, but you're not asking me.
00:36:31Hey.
00:36:32Oh, hey, Jake.
00:36:34Hey, Hal, um, I just wanted to thank you again for the other night.
00:36:40The other night?
00:36:41Yeah, it was so sexy.
00:36:46You're so sexy.
00:36:48Jake, what are you talking about?
00:36:51I hate to break it to you, asshole, but she's my prom date.
00:37:00And she's a real tiger in the pep room.
00:37:02Oh, shit.
00:37:05Oh, shit.
00:37:07Oh, my God.
00:37:20Oh, shit.
00:37:23Stop.
00:37:23guys stop it stop stop what the hell is going on over there
00:37:31it's principal stevens i've got to save cole i mean jake i've got to save jake
00:37:40oh my god principal stevens i'm so sorry bailey rock that's detention after school don't be late
00:38:06what are you doing here can we keep company that's the least i could do if you saved my rest
00:38:13today
00:38:15the locker thing that was an accident oh sure
00:38:20so uh you and you and jake huh no he lied about that i don't know why though good
00:38:32father that every time he looks at you makes me sick to my stomach
00:38:36thinking about him touching you kissing you i could kill him
00:38:43promise me you won't go to prom
00:38:48okay fine i won't
00:38:52because i want to go to prom with you
00:38:57okay everyone let's start off by mixing our sodium bicarbonate
00:39:07oh my god i am so fed up with this
00:39:18uh
00:39:28sorry
00:39:30i tripped no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
00:39:33what it always has to be about her doesn't it
00:39:39they're dead they're both dead oh how am i going to be able to talk to guacamole wizard
00:39:49oh what are you are you almost crying it's probably because you can't afford a new one
00:39:57jen what's going on over there
00:40:09what's going on is jen is getting a taste of her own medicine
00:40:14mr edmunds oh please it's baking soda and water you're fine detention today after school
00:40:32jake hey oh uh sorry gotta get to student council
00:40:39hey you didn't even try the rice trick the rice trick
00:40:47yeah you don't know about the come on
00:41:03hey um ella
00:41:06it's emma yeah that's what i said can you hack a broken laptop
00:41:20hey it's gonna be okay all right we'll pour out in a few more minutes and it'll be like the
00:41:25whole
00:41:25thing never happened oh it's not just the phone or the laptop it means it means i can't can't what
00:41:35i talked to a friend online he's really important to me
00:41:42and i'm sure you're really important to him
00:41:54you know cole if you look past all that hair gel and big ol ego and rich kid for bravo
00:42:02okay okay i i get it
00:42:07you're kind of sweet
00:42:13hey look at that oh my god thank you
00:42:19oh my god you're a miracle worker
00:42:27oh what is taking so long you doused this thing in sodium bicarbonate shut up bella it's emma
00:42:34whatever
00:42:41oh my god
00:42:49oh morning valley whore how are things in the castle
00:42:58valley whore what are they talking about
00:43:15guacamole wizard when can we be together in person guacamole wizard i want you so badly i dream
00:43:22about you touching me oh my god someone hacked my castle claimers messages touch me guacamole wizard
00:43:29yeah hey valley whore show him what you really like
00:43:51oh
00:43:51here you go here this is for you
00:43:58oh
00:43:58oh do you like what i've done with the place you hacked my laptop oh no it wasn't me
00:44:04it was that kid ella but i definitely got to reap the benefits
00:44:08what kind of incel sex over a video game hayley what are you catfishing this guy no i'm not trying
00:44:13to catfish him hey everyone i think valley whore is a catfish because who in their right mind would spend
00:44:21their time thirsting over you
00:44:51i thought i said the janitor some time
00:44:57jane hey now's the time tell them tell them what that's your guacamole wizard
00:45:07who's guacamole wizard here you go oh my god did you think that jake was your secret little online
00:45:17boyfriend oh sweetie i've been bribing him this whole time to pretend to like you what why would
00:45:23you do that oh i don't know cole why do you think i would do that jake is this true
00:45:29have you been
00:45:30pretending to like me this whole time sorry it was nothing personal
00:45:41yeah nothing personal
00:45:49all right all right all right enough what in the world is going on here is that a leaf blower
00:45:56that's
00:45:56all him okay well you both have detention so
00:46:04let me get this straight you stole a leaf blower and defaced school property it wasn't school
00:46:10property dad it was jen's cyber boy spreadsheets jesus christ how did she always get away with this
00:46:16shit could it be because her father's running for senate call you think that's what it could be
00:46:21who cares i care and i hear she's got an eye for you so you're taking her to prom
00:46:28what not over my dead body oh because you're like that hayley girl i'm firing her mother right now
00:46:35no no please don't please then you're taking jen to prom max's dad called he said he's having a
00:46:42party tomorrow you're gonna go and you're gonna ask jen to prom end of discussion
00:46:53come on you big coward message him just do it you must think i'm the biggest idiot
00:47:08i could never think that
00:47:15but i thought you were jake please can't you just tell me now
00:47:19i think i've had enough public humiliation for one lifetime
00:47:25i heard that guy max is throwing a party tomorrow if you want i'll meet you there
00:47:42okay you got this haley just take a deep breath you got this you got this
00:47:50you look beautiful
00:47:54thank you mom
00:48:13hey hayley i'm glad you came you look so pretty hi hey max your house is gorgeous i mean
00:48:22no it's just my parents blood money you know they're upstairs watching the last of us right now
00:48:25they don't care about shit get drunk girl
00:48:41what are you doing here valley whore
00:48:46looks like the catfish came out of the pond
00:48:49hey everyone let's give it up for valley whore
00:48:56jen why are you doing this what have i even done to you to me oh i'm actually concerned about
00:49:01our
00:49:01whole community because those little cringy messages on your castle game those are concerning
00:49:07actually kind of a bit of a perv did you know that hayley she's a little pervy princess pervy princess
00:49:22hey let's get perfect tonight leave me alone is there a fire okay we set off the alarm
00:49:42oh
00:49:43oh
00:50:21Are you... him?
00:50:23Would you stop trying to find your stupid little cyber boyfriend?
00:50:27Okay, Cole is not him.
00:50:29Anyways, we are going to the prom together.
00:50:31No, I'm not.
00:50:32Yes, you are.
00:50:34It's okay.
00:50:34You can be honest about your feelings.
00:50:37So you too.
00:50:39This whole time.
00:50:43Oh my God.
00:50:44I am such an idiot.
00:50:46Hey, wait.
00:50:51Hey, wait.
00:50:53Please, at least take my jackets.
00:50:54You know, if you really wanted to humiliate me, you didn't have to go to the extra effort.
00:50:58Jen was doing just fine.
00:50:59I wasn't trying to humiliate you.
00:51:01Then what were you trying to do?
00:51:02I guess you.
00:51:04Obviously.
00:51:04The white clothes were just an added bonus.
00:51:06I knew I shouldn't have trusted you.
00:51:09Now what about guacamole, wizard?
00:51:12What are you...
00:51:21Who is that?
00:51:22I don't know.
00:51:23Just the devil.
00:51:26Get in the car.
00:51:29I'm not going to ask you again, Cole.
00:51:32Get in the car.
00:51:33Dad, can you just act normal for once and please introduce yourself to...
00:51:36Haley.
00:51:37I already assumed that's who this was.
00:51:40I'm a striven.
00:51:41So, you're the scholarship trash that's hell-bent on ruining Cole's life?
00:51:47Well, I've got news for you, young lady.
00:51:49My son is going to marry a good girl from a respectable family.
00:51:53And that's not you.
00:51:55You will be forgotten.
00:51:57You're a maid's daughter.
00:51:58And your mom works for me.
00:52:01Stay away from him.
00:52:02Or I swear to God, your mother is fired.
00:52:06Dad, stop!
00:52:08Don't you touch my family.
00:52:10I'll stay away.
00:52:12Haley, come on.
00:52:13You don't mean that.
00:52:16I hate everything you stand for.
00:52:19I hate your greed and your callousness and your elitist ideas of what you think a good person looks like.
00:52:25I hate everything about you.
00:52:27I hate all of it.
00:52:28I don't want any part of it.
00:52:31So, Cole, go with your dad.
00:52:35Haley!
00:52:39Fuck this.
00:52:41Fuck this.
00:52:44No laptop and no phone for a week.
00:52:47Ever since mom died, you've turned into this co-patriarch.
00:52:50Haley, not that's real love.
00:52:51Why do you have to make me so miserable?
00:52:53I promised your mother I would make you a success, son.
00:52:57Even if it meant saving you from yourself.
00:53:06Hi, Haley.
00:53:08I'm Emma.
00:53:09I know who you are.
00:53:10Right.
00:53:10I just felt kind of bad that I accidentally helped and ruin your life.
00:53:16So, I wanted to return your laptop to you.
00:53:18Goodness new.
00:53:23Oh, wow.
00:53:25Thanks, Emma.
00:53:27Okay, bye.
00:53:32One down, one to go.
00:53:35You're so cool.
00:53:37I know, Emma.
00:53:38Want to go to prom?
00:53:39Why not?
00:53:41Let's get these love birds together.
00:53:48Hi, Mr. Edmunds.
00:53:50Hi, Max.
00:53:51And Max's friend.
00:53:52Sorry, we weren't expecting you.
00:53:54Cole's grounded.
00:53:55Oh, he is?
00:53:57But it was his 18th birthday today.
00:54:00What can I say, Max?
00:54:02Actions have consequences.
00:54:04Birthday or no, Cole is grounded.
00:54:06Well, that really sucks because he's also the president of the prom committee.
00:54:12We were supposed to review budgets today.
00:54:15Cole?
00:54:16My son, Cole?
00:54:18Reviewing budgets.
00:54:19He's never reviewed a budget a day in his life.
00:54:21Well, Mr. Edmunds, today could be that day.
00:54:23We just have to give him back this school-sanctioned laptop
00:54:25so we can get back to his very important and very respectable budgetary work.
00:54:39Go away!
00:54:43Max, what are you guys doing here?
00:54:46Happy birthday, Cole.
00:54:48I brought you my laptop and logged into your Castle Claimers account.
00:54:51Just get it back to me by tomorrow.
00:54:53What's going on?
00:54:54Dude, it's your 18th birthday.
00:54:56You can tell Haley who you are now.
00:54:58You can be together.
00:54:59Just log into this stupid game
00:55:01and tell the girl who you love who you really are.
00:55:04No.
00:55:05I'll tell her myself.
00:55:07Stick me in your car.
00:55:14I'm a wizard.
00:55:18Mom, I'm fine.
00:55:20I just need some time alone.
00:55:28Open the door.
00:55:30Wait, what?
00:55:32He's here?
00:55:41It's you.
00:55:43I'm sure I've given you this to you a long time ago.
00:55:47Haley, I've wanted to tell you who I was from the very beginning.
00:55:50My dad threatened to follow your mom.
00:55:52I had to wait a really long time to tell you who I was.
00:55:55I got my inheritance.
00:55:57And I can protect you and your family.
00:55:58And so you don't have to choose.
00:56:12Haley, I understand that this changes things.
00:56:16If you don't love me the way you love guacamole wizard, but...
00:56:23Look, I need you to know I love you.
00:56:36Nicole, I love you.
00:56:38You do?
00:56:40Yes, you idiot.
00:56:42I've loved you for months.
00:56:43I mean, this whole guacamole wizard thing was so confusing, though.
00:56:47Because I had to be loyal to him.
00:56:50But you're him.
00:56:52You didn't expect her.
00:56:54I mean, I always hoped it was you.
00:56:59What do you hope to?
00:57:01Yes.
00:57:02I hoped it was you.
00:57:04You were always there for me.
00:57:07You're hot.
00:57:09You're really fucking hot.
00:57:15Hey, yo.
00:57:16There are those things I said we could do.
00:57:19You never know.
00:57:24Take my clothes off.
00:57:26Yeah, no, don't worry.
00:57:27Mm.
00:57:30I'm so real, you.
00:57:32Just be on me.
00:57:35I'm so real, you.
00:57:38I'm so real, you.
00:57:38I'm so real, you.
00:57:40I'm so real, you.
00:57:42I'm so real, you.
00:57:43Just be on me.
00:57:49Okay, so, what do you think?
00:57:5210 out of 10.
00:57:53Oh.
00:57:54Yeah.
00:57:55One, two, again.
00:57:56I'll get sex with sex with me specifically.
00:57:58I've only ever had sex with you specifically.
00:58:01All right.
00:58:02All right, that's fair.
00:58:03I'll, uh, I'll take that as a one.
00:58:10What is my life now?
00:58:12Am I being nice to Cole Edmonds?
00:58:14Mm, no, God, no.
00:58:16I fully expect you to continue to berate me endlessly.
00:58:21No, I'm just, I'm just lost behind it.
00:58:24There's always been lost behind it.
00:58:25I'll take a minute now.
00:58:26Stop it.
00:58:30Um, same.
00:58:33Is it promenade?
00:58:35I think you know if it's promenade.
00:58:37Okay.
00:58:38Um, but the real question is, do you got a date?
00:58:44Cole, are you asking me a prom?
00:58:46Oh, I would have asked you earlier, but Jay kind of gave me to the gym.
00:58:50Oh, God, please don't mention his name again.
00:58:51I don't want to hear it.
00:58:53Yeah, you don't have to ask me twice.
00:58:55But I don't even have a dress.
00:58:58Later.
00:59:02I just slept with Cole Edmonds, and I'm in love with Cole Edmonds.
00:59:07Who would have guessed?
00:59:11I thought only the best for my princess.
00:59:15Where did you get that?
00:59:18I might have gotten you a dress on the off chance that you might have wanted to go to prom
00:59:24with me
00:59:24and maybe had nothing to wear.
00:59:28Of course they'll go to prom with you.
00:59:35Mr. Edmonds, I didn't expect you to be here.
00:59:38Cole, are you here?
00:59:40Cole, are you here?
00:59:43Mr. Edmonds, you can't just barge into my house like this.
00:59:47I see you, Cole.
00:59:47You are in big trouble.
01:00:05Hey, uh, you almost done in there?
01:00:08You try changing into an evening gown in a bunch of thorny bushes.
01:00:13Okay, I'm ready.
01:00:26What do you think?
01:00:30My God, Haley, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
01:00:36Uh-uh-uh.
01:00:37I just hunched over in a car mirror to do this lipstick.
01:00:40You're not messing it up for at least 20 minutes.
01:00:4320 more minutes.
01:00:44We're in.
01:00:46Deal.
01:00:49Thank you all for using the prom voting site to cast your votes.
01:00:53I hear we have a winner.
01:00:57And your 2026 prom queen is...
01:01:02Jen Longfellow.
01:01:08Thank you guys so much.
01:01:11Seriously, this means the world to me.
01:01:12I mean, like, who else would win, right?
01:01:16Oh, this is just the perfect moment.
01:01:22Oh, my God.
01:01:23That's Haley and Cole.
01:01:25It was fucked.
01:01:27What did you get?
01:01:28Yes.
01:01:33Hey, uh...
01:01:34Most of the time that's up.
01:01:35No.
01:01:36Who cares?
01:01:46I am the queen, okay?
01:01:48She's just a little pervy princess.
01:01:50Come on.
01:01:51Everyone say it with me.
01:01:53Pervy princess.
01:01:54Pervy princess.
01:01:55Pervy princess.
01:02:00Wait.
01:02:02Wait, wait, wait.
01:02:03What are those?
01:02:04Those are texts between me and my dad.
01:02:05Dad, make Cole Edmonds fall in love with you.
01:02:09His dad's month is essential to funding my campaign.
01:02:13Don't worry, Daddy.
01:02:14If I can't have him, no one can.
01:02:18I'm gonna destroy Haley Roth's life.
01:02:20Is this real?
01:02:22Jen's crazy.
01:02:25Who did this?
01:02:26Who did this?
01:02:29What?
01:02:30You exploited me for a hacking job
01:02:32and didn't think I was gonna hack your phone?
01:02:34You little stint.
01:02:36You know, Jen,
01:02:38as the principal,
01:02:39I'm supposed to remain impartial
01:02:41and above all of this petty drama.
01:02:45But, quite frankly,
01:02:47you are the worst.
01:02:49And I think it's time that you are expelled
01:02:52from Edmonds Academy.
01:02:53You can't do that!
01:02:55I'm the principal,
01:02:56so, uh,
01:02:57yes, I can.
01:03:06there was no winter chick!
01:03:09You lied to me!
01:03:10AAAAAAAAAAH!
01:03:12AAAAAAAAAAH!
01:03:14AAAAAAAAAAH!
01:03:15AAAAAAAAAAH!
01:03:15AAAAAAAAAAH!
01:03:17AAAAAAAAAAH!
01:03:26AAAAAAAAAAH!
01:03:26now all i need is my handsome prince oh yeah no can do all i have to offer
01:03:32is a bowie knight with a chip on his shoulder and a awesome sense of humor oh how can i
01:03:39refuse
01:03:45oh no that's my dad
01:03:49we are going home right now you disobeyed me for the last time boy yeah i'm not a boy dad
01:03:57you talk all the time about wanting a man that's worthy of the family last name
01:04:01yet you can't see i've already become that man and it's because of hayley and you can accept that
01:04:08i'll make my own path and best believe me i can i'll say this that's the most backbone i've ever
01:04:15seen in you cole joy pro
01:04:27i am so proud of you
01:04:30i kind of done with all you being by my side that was terrifying it's not like we haven't
01:04:36slayed a dragon before well so i love you jolly queen i love you guacamole wizard
01:04:43oh my god i gotta change that username
01:04:45oh my god
01:04:50oh my god
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