✨ Trevor Noah: Joy In The Trenches (2026) is a hilarious and thought-provoking stand-up comedy special from the acclaimed comedian and former host of The Daily Show. Blending sharp wit, global perspectives, and personal storytelling, Trevor delivers laughter while tackling serious issues with his signature charm. This special captures his unique ability to find humor even in life’s toughest moments.
🎬 Watch or download Trevor Noah: Joy In The Trenches (2026) in WEBRip Full HD with English subtitles, available free online!
✔️ Genres: Comedy | Stand-Up | Special
✔️ Release Year: 2026
✔️ Language: English (with Subtitles)
✔️ Format: WEBRip | Full-Length Special
✨ Why Watch Trevor Noah: Joy In The Trenches (2026)?
Sharp, insightful comedy with global relevance.
A mix of humor, storytelling, and social commentary.
Perfect for fans of stand-up specials and Trevor Noah’s unique voice.
#TrevorNoah2026 #JoyInTheTrenches #TrevorNoahFullSpecial #StandUpComedy #ComedySpecial2026 #FullHD #WEBRipHD #EnglishSubtitles #WatchOnlineFree #ComedyStreaming #DailyMotionComedy #GoogleSEO #TrendingComedy2026 #TrevorNoahLive #BestComedySpecials
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:08What an interesting time it's been I'm gonna be honest with all of you I had a
00:00:18very different show planned yeah very very different show in fact when I when
00:00:24I planned this show in Washington DC I had a very different relationship with
00:00:30the White House at that time I had a whole different set planned I was gonna
00:00:35tell you some jokes about me playing pickleball and yeah life happened for
00:00:43those who don't know how it came to be I'll try and tell you how it unfolded I
00:00:50was hosting the Grammy Awards
00:00:58it was a good time really good time and then it wasn't I hosted the show had to
00:01:07catch a flight back to the East Coast to come and do shows all right and I don't
00:01:13I don't connect to the Wi-Fi whenever I'm traveling I just like to relax and landed
00:01:19in Boston and the first time I knew my life had changed was when someone walked
00:01:27past me on the plane as I was packing my my laptop bag and he just held me on the
00:01:32shoulder and he's like Trevor you fight you've got this fight come on you got
00:01:39this look like I was struggling that much walking through the airport people are
00:01:48giving me random thumbs ups of support like yeah come on you got this yeah hey
00:01:53yeah except black people black people like hey man and then I turned on my phone and
00:02:03honestly I thought the thing was was was malfunctioning because it started vibrating
00:02:08even before the icons popped up was the Apple logo and my phone was like what the hell no I
00:02:15turned it on with just notifications everywhere I was like oh man did Michael Jackson die again
00:02:18what happened what is going on because every app every app was going crazy was
00:02:24like I message bling bling bling bling bling bling bling what's that Twitter Instagram even
00:02:29UberEats was like yo you got some hot shit coming in man I went to my messages and
00:02:36everyone I've ever known in my life had texted me every from kindergarten teachers
00:02:41onwards Trevor oh my god are you okay Trevor where are you what's happening did you
00:02:45see did you see Trevor call me call me call me call me yo don't call me call me
00:02:49Trevor what's happening Trevor did you see and then one person was like oh my god
00:02:52did you see what Trump said and I was like what what did Trump say what did Trump
00:02:57say this time oh boy let me check what did Trump say me yeah it hits different when
00:03:07you're in the crosshairs I'm not gonna lie it's pretty crazy I uh I hosted the daily show for
00:03:17seven years and for seven years we covered news and politics in America right because that's what
00:03:25the show is and in that time Donald Trump was in the news and politics all the time and so
00:03:31I
00:03:31assumed at some point maybe he would say something about me or come after me he didn't which I was
00:03:35happy about I was like great you know and then I left the daily show and I relaxed like an
00:03:40idiot in a
00:03:41horror movie and I went off and started hosting the Grammys and I was like this is delightful it's a
00:03:48music show so much more chill turns out the president watches the Grammys yeah and he was not happy
00:03:56I was not happy at all no uh he had written a post a lengthy post giving me a google
00:04:05review
00:04:07of my performance
00:04:10and it wasn't it wasn't like a like a flyby it was like a full-on sit out I'll read
00:04:15the full
00:04:15thing to you because I don't I don't want to misquote anything I'll read you
00:04:19this is this is what I saw when I when I searched my name and his um it was a
00:04:26post on truth social
00:04:29from at real Donald Trump fun aside Donald Trump owns true social so it's a little weird that he
00:04:36doesn't have at Donald Trump it's weird that somebody else got it and he was like fine real
00:04:41Donald Trump anyway this is this is what the message read the Grammy Awards are the worst
00:04:53every time I shout it's because the word is in all caps I'm trying to give you a feeling of
00:04:56what
00:04:56I was experiencing all right virtually unwatchable so some parts were good CBS is lucky not to have
00:05:04this garbage litter their airwaves any longer the host Trevor Noah whoever he may be
00:05:14that's a bit bitchy
00:05:19like I know what he was trying to do but I don't think he did it correctly you can't say
00:05:25the host Trevor Noah whoever he may be because that is exactly who I may be
00:05:36I understand you were trying to dismiss me but you said my full name and my job title on the
00:05:43night
00:05:43you can't be dismissive and be vague and specific at the same time that's not how that works
00:05:52whoever he may be I be nobody else there is no may in this equation that is exactly who I
00:06:00be
00:06:00Trevor Noah the host social security number four five seven six seven two eight one three five
00:06:05whoever he may be no that is me it's weird like you don't use that phrase when you know the
00:06:12person
00:06:12whoever he may you use that phrase when a stranger has ridden through your town and deflowered your
00:06:17daughter that's when you use the phrase I'm gonna kill that man whoever he may be
00:06:25it's also funny to switch to feudal English in the middle of a message
00:06:30who ever he may be fee-fi-fo-fum I smell the blood of a South African
00:06:39and it's random so he says yeah the host Trevor Noah whoever he may be is almost as bad as
00:06:51Jimmy Kimmel
00:06:55yo poor Jimmy I like Jimmy Kimmel right and now because of me he's catching strays like
00:07:01he was at home minding his own business doesn't even work on Sundays
00:07:06all of a sudden his phone is like
00:07:10this is almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel at the low ratings academy awards
00:07:15then he goes on Noah said incorrectly about me that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent
00:07:23time on Epstein Island
00:07:25wrong
00:07:28now just so we're on the same page I did not say
00:07:32Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island I did not say that I made a joke at
00:07:37the Grammys
00:07:38all right one of many random jokes that I made this one came after Billy Eilish had just won song
00:07:44of the year
00:07:44all right and I said congratulations Billy Eilish song of the year that is an award that every artist wants
00:07:53almost as much as Donald Trump wants Greenland
00:07:57because now that Jeffrey Epstein is gone he needs a new island where he can go hang out with Bill
00:08:02Clinton
00:08:04okay that's what I said that's what I said
00:08:08I did not say he was on the island I said that he would like his own island
00:08:13clearly a joke as well because he wouldn't go with Bill Clinton
00:08:16right and Greenland is a terrible substitute for Epstein Island completely different climate completely different vibe
00:08:21all right this is and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island wrong I can't speak for Bill
00:08:35I love how in the midst of him like calling me the ultimate liar like this guy's a liar except
00:08:39about the Bill part we gotta check that out I mean
00:08:42I mean you know how this guy is
00:08:44but I have never been to Epstein Island nor anywhere close
00:08:49that's unnecessary the proximity to Epstein Island is not what people are litigating
00:08:54right it's your proximity to the man who owned Epstein Island it's not the land that's an issue
00:08:59you know it's not like where were you in the Caribbean Epstein Island no Jamaica busted
00:09:04dead no uh nor anywhere close and until tonight's false and defamatory statement have never been accused of being there
00:09:14really I was the first before me no one had ever mentioned Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein
00:09:22I was the first I'm the reason his name is mentioned 5,000 times in those files
00:09:28I set those dominoes into place and I took them over
00:09:36yeah not even by the fake news media
00:09:38Noah a total loser
00:09:40meow better get his fat straight and get them straight fast
00:09:44it looks like I'll be sending my lawyers to sue this poor pathetic talentless dope of an MC
00:09:51and suing him for plenty cha-ching
00:09:53he put a dollar sign I don't know what sound that is
00:09:55ask little George Slopadopoulos and others how that all worked out
00:10:00also ask CBS
00:10:02get ready Noah
00:10:04I'm going to have some fun with you
00:10:09President DJT
00:10:13that last line is something
00:10:17get ready Noah
00:10:21I'm going to have some fun with you
00:10:29you know if you're not trying to sound like a sexual deviant
00:10:39this is not the line I would recommend
00:10:43I'm going to have some fun with you
00:10:46is what someone says right after they strapped on the head dildo
00:10:59so yeah that was my Monday
00:11:04and I'll be honest I wasn't
00:11:05I wasn't too worried
00:11:07you know Donald Trump watches TV regularly
00:11:10gets angry about what he sees
00:11:11posts about it
00:11:12and often times he moves on
00:11:15I thought something else would come along
00:11:16right because in many ways he's like a
00:11:18he's like a squirrel that watches TV
00:11:20yeah
00:11:21he'll be fully
00:11:22yeah same size hands
00:11:29so I was like it'll move
00:11:31it'll change
00:11:32and it did
00:11:34it did
00:11:34the next day
00:11:35the big topic
00:11:36in the White House
00:11:37was the government shutdown
00:11:38there was a looming government shutdown
00:11:40because you know America's government
00:11:41is always on the edge
00:11:43of shutting down
00:11:44I mean at this point
00:11:45I think you guys should switch to a family plan
00:11:47right
00:11:48month to month thing is not working out
00:11:51but they were
00:11:52they were interviewing the president about this
00:11:53this is a serious topic
00:11:56and in the middle
00:11:57of a conversation about the government shutdown
00:12:00some journalist
00:12:01from the back of the room
00:12:03shouts out
00:12:04Mr. President
00:12:05are you gonna sue Trevor Noah
00:12:07for what he said at the Grammys
00:12:10on a dick
00:12:15I was gone
00:12:17yeah
00:12:18I always wondered what happened to that kid
00:12:19who was like
00:12:20oh teacher
00:12:21you forgot to give us the homework
00:12:26then Trump went back in
00:12:27oh yeah
00:12:28Trevor Noah
00:12:29said I was on abstin
00:12:29gonna sue him
00:12:30total lightweight
00:12:31loser
00:12:32yeah
00:12:33and so now
00:12:34I might be getting sued
00:12:35by the president
00:12:37of the United States
00:12:39yeah
00:12:43I don't know
00:12:44I don't know if it's a woo
00:12:44I don't know if it's a ooh
00:12:45I don't
00:12:47no I'll be honest with you
00:12:48I don't know how to feel
00:12:51because I don't know
00:12:53how this will play out
00:12:55if it was a normal time
00:12:56I'd be pretty confident
00:12:58Donald Trump would sue me
00:12:59a judge would throw it out
00:13:01for multitude of reasons
00:13:03well you know
00:13:03first amendment protections
00:13:04free expression
00:13:05jokes
00:13:06satire
00:13:07all of these things
00:13:07are covered in a regular time
00:13:11and it would be Donald Trump
00:13:12suing me
00:13:12whatever
00:13:13but now it's not
00:13:13Donald Trump
00:13:14now I'm being sued
00:13:15by the president
00:13:16of the United States
00:13:18Donald Trump
00:13:19and I don't know
00:13:20what that means
00:13:22do I appeal
00:13:23do I appeal
00:13:24we get to the Supreme Court
00:13:26I walk in
00:13:27he's waiting there for me
00:13:29he's like
00:13:30say hello
00:13:30to my little friends
00:13:38I don't know
00:13:41nobody knows
00:13:43yeah
00:13:44with him
00:13:44there is no knowing
00:13:48just ask
00:13:49Nicolas Maduro
00:13:53former president
00:13:54of Venezuela
00:13:55and current
00:13:56inmate
00:13:57of New York City
00:14:00yeah
00:14:00he was president
00:14:01of Venezuela
00:14:03and then all of a sudden
00:14:05he wasn't
00:14:05the story
00:14:06is even crazier
00:14:08what happened was
00:14:09and you can go check this yourself
00:14:11what happened was
00:14:11Nicolas Maduro
00:14:13was on TV
00:14:14giving an interview
00:14:15and then he joked
00:14:16about how
00:14:17people are threatening him
00:14:18alluding to Donald Trump
00:14:19and he was like
00:14:20man
00:14:21I'll be fine
00:14:22we'll be good
00:14:22and then he played a song
00:14:23no war
00:14:24just peace
00:14:24and then
00:14:25he started mocking Trump
00:14:27by doing
00:14:28Donald Trump's
00:14:29dance move
00:14:31like the move
00:14:32singular
00:14:33right
00:14:34yeah he did the move
00:14:35so he came on
00:14:35then he did the
00:14:39you know the move
00:14:40the double jerk off
00:14:55and Trump saw that
00:14:56and he was like
00:14:56go get that man
00:14:59go get that man
00:15:03military went
00:15:03got Maduro
00:15:04brought him in
00:15:05put him in a jail
00:15:06not just any prison
00:15:07by the way
00:15:07they put him in a prison
00:15:08in Brooklyn
00:15:08the same prison
00:15:10where they are housing
00:15:11Diddy
00:15:14imagine that
00:15:15I thought I had problems
00:15:18Nicolas Maduro
00:15:20that I mean
00:15:20he's having
00:15:22whoo
00:15:23imagine the irony
00:15:25of his situation
00:15:25he was witnessing
00:15:26America
00:15:27rolling out
00:15:29the most brutal
00:15:31deportation campaign
00:15:33ever
00:15:35and in the midst
00:15:35of that
00:15:37you're the one
00:15:37immigrant
00:15:38they import
00:15:47Maduro's probably
00:15:48the only immigrant
00:15:48who supports ICE
00:15:50yeah he used
00:15:51his one phone call
00:15:52for them
00:15:52he's like
00:15:52hello ICE
00:15:53come get me man
00:15:54come get me
00:15:55yeah yeah yeah
00:15:56no no
00:15:56come on
00:15:56I'll fly myself
00:15:57let's work together
00:15:58come on
00:15:58we can do this guys
00:15:59we can do this
00:16:03that's why I say
00:16:04you don't know
00:16:05how it's gonna go
00:16:06nobody knows anymore
00:16:08what a crazy
00:16:09twist of fate
00:16:10can you imagine
00:16:10for decades
00:16:12you ruled your empire
00:16:14with an iron fist
00:16:16you terrorized
00:16:17people around you
00:16:18you were violent
00:16:20never held accountable
00:16:21and now
00:16:22they've taken away
00:16:23all your oil
00:16:24and you're in the same prison
00:16:25as Nicolas Maduro
00:16:39ain't that a bitch
00:16:49the one silver lining
00:16:51of this whole situation
00:16:55is that now
00:16:56would be
00:16:58the perfect time
00:16:59for an alien invasion
00:17:03there's no good time
00:17:04I think we can all
00:17:05agree on that
00:17:07but if I had to
00:17:07pick a time
00:17:08I would say
00:17:09this is the best time
00:17:11yeah
00:17:14because if aliens
00:17:15invade
00:17:15it's not gonna
00:17:16be good for us
00:17:18we know
00:17:18we don't stand
00:17:19a chance
00:17:19they can travel
00:17:20through space time
00:17:21our weapons
00:17:22mean nothing
00:17:22we're probably
00:17:23just gonna annoy
00:17:23them with our guns
00:17:24pew pew pew pew
00:17:27they're gonna get here
00:17:28and we've seen
00:17:29how it turns out
00:17:30right
00:17:30they fly in
00:17:31they're gonna
00:17:32blow everything up
00:17:33we've watched
00:17:33Independence Day
00:17:34we know how this happens
00:17:35right
00:17:35yeah
00:17:36and even if
00:17:36Will Smith helps
00:17:37he can only slap
00:17:37like one at a time
00:17:38you know
00:17:45so what do we do
00:17:48I think about it
00:17:48all the time
00:17:50genuinely
00:17:51I think about
00:17:51alien invasions
00:17:52all the time
00:17:53it is
00:17:54it is my
00:17:55Roman Empire
00:17:57like what are we
00:17:57gonna do
00:17:58what are we gonna do
00:17:58I never used to
00:18:00think about this
00:18:01like when I lived
00:18:02in South Africa
00:18:02this was no way
00:18:03in my mind
00:18:03but in America
00:18:04it's a real thing
00:18:06yeah
00:18:06because when aliens
00:18:07come
00:18:08this is where
00:18:09they're gonna come
00:18:12yeah
00:18:12they're gonna fly here
00:18:13they come straight
00:18:14to Washington D.C.
00:18:15blow up the
00:18:16White House
00:18:18and they go to
00:18:19other countries
00:18:20you know
00:18:20they go to London
00:18:20blow up Big Ben
00:18:22you know what time
00:18:23it is
00:18:27and they fly to
00:18:28other landmarks
00:18:29blow everything up
00:18:30I know
00:18:31it's an issue
00:18:31America first
00:18:32I get it
00:18:33yeah
00:18:35when I was in
00:18:36South Africa
00:18:36this is something
00:18:37I never thought about
00:18:38ever
00:18:40because I knew
00:18:40when aliens invade
00:18:41they're gonna go
00:18:42they're gonna blow up
00:18:43the world
00:18:43but the one place
00:18:44they don't go
00:18:45is Africa
00:18:48yeah
00:18:48you've seen the movies
00:18:50they never invade Africa
00:18:53I used to watch
00:18:54those movies all the time
00:18:55and I'd wait
00:18:55in the movie
00:18:56the president would come
00:18:56and be like
00:18:57citizens of earth
00:18:58aliens are invading
00:19:00our planet
00:19:00then you'd see the aliens
00:19:01invade
00:19:02and then you'd be like
00:19:03wait
00:19:03I guess Africa's not
00:19:05on the planet
00:19:05what is happening
00:19:07they never invaded
00:19:09can you think of a single
00:19:09movie where they invaded Africa
00:19:12no
00:19:12what
00:19:14district 9
00:19:17no
00:19:20screw you for trying
00:19:21to mess up my special
00:19:23sitting up there
00:19:24on the balcony
00:19:25like a king
00:19:25district 9
00:19:26I tell you
00:19:27off with his head
00:19:32no
00:19:32district 9
00:19:33it's a good attempt
00:19:34but no
00:19:36if you remember
00:19:37the plot of district 9
00:19:38the aliens didn't invade Africa
00:19:41the aliens crash landed
00:19:43in Africa
00:19:46and then they spent
00:19:47the rest of the movie
00:19:48trying to escape
00:19:50because we don't mess around
00:20:02Hollywood is so messed up
00:20:05man it's just like
00:20:06what's the worst thing
00:20:07that could happen
00:20:07to aliens
00:20:08what if they
00:20:09were trapped
00:20:10in Africa
00:20:15aliens never invade
00:20:16they don't invade Africa
00:20:17they just never did
00:20:20I used to think
00:20:21I used to think it was
00:20:21because they felt
00:20:21bad for us
00:20:23yeah
00:20:23because as a kid
00:20:24I used to love
00:20:25watching those movies
00:20:26I still love
00:20:26watching them now
00:20:27but as a kid
00:20:29I
00:20:30loved those movies
00:20:31anything with aliens
00:20:32I was there
00:20:34and my mom
00:20:34she would
00:20:35she would give me
00:20:36like she'd make me
00:20:36like a big bowl
00:20:37of popcorn at home
00:20:38and we would sit
00:20:39on the couch together
00:20:40and she'd watch
00:20:41all of those movies
00:20:42with me
00:20:42not she hated them
00:20:43but it said
00:20:45parental guidance
00:20:45and she took
00:20:46that very seriously
00:20:49like one day
00:20:50she was walking past
00:20:50and then it was like
00:20:51we recommend
00:20:51parental guidance
00:20:52for this film
00:20:53and she was like
00:20:53ah I gotta watch this
00:20:54and then she did
00:20:55every movie going forward
00:20:57I would have to
00:20:58run and call her
00:20:58sometimes
00:20:59a show would just
00:21:00start randomly on TV
00:21:01and they'd be like
00:21:01and I'd be like
00:21:02mom
00:21:03mom
00:21:04and then she'd come in
00:21:05and I'd be like
00:21:05they don't need you
00:21:07to guide me
00:21:10yeah but then
00:21:10like five minutes in
00:21:11I feel like I was
00:21:12guiding my parental
00:21:13because she would
00:21:13sit there
00:21:14and then the whole
00:21:14movie she'd be like
00:21:15what's happening
00:21:15Trevor
00:21:16who are they
00:21:16who are these people
00:21:17why are they doing this
00:21:18what's going on here
00:21:19I'd be like
00:21:19mom I'm with you
00:21:20I'm with you
00:21:21I started this movie
00:21:21with you
00:21:25so she'd make me
00:21:26like a big bowl
00:21:27of popcorn
00:21:27and we'd sit there
00:21:29and then the movie
00:21:29would start
00:21:30and the alien invasion
00:21:31they'd be like
00:21:31aliens are invading
00:21:33earth
00:21:33and the aliens
00:21:34would fly and fly
00:21:35and you'd see them
00:21:35blowing everything up
00:21:36and I'd be there
00:21:36with my popcorn
00:21:37like
00:21:38first world problems
00:21:47I genuinely thought
00:21:48I was a little kid
00:21:50if you asked me
00:21:50like how come you
00:21:51never see them in Africa
00:21:52I was like
00:21:52oh because they feel bad
00:21:54I thought the aliens
00:21:55felt bad for Africa
00:21:57you know
00:21:57they'd be the ship
00:21:58that would fly over
00:21:59each continent
00:22:00to blow it up
00:22:01and then there'd be
00:22:02one over the African
00:22:03continent
00:22:04two aliens in the cockpit
00:22:07prepare to launch
00:22:08photon lasers
00:22:10do you get ready
00:22:11on your command
00:22:13three
00:22:13two
00:22:14one
00:22:15wait wait wait
00:22:15hold on
00:22:16I think we already
00:22:17did this continent
00:22:19I think we've been here
00:22:21negative
00:22:21we've never been here before
00:22:23blow it up
00:22:24what am I blowing up
00:22:25look at this shit
00:22:25something already happened
00:22:27what the hell's going on here
00:22:28dude
00:22:28what am I supposed to blow up
00:22:30who did this
00:22:30I don't know
00:22:31checking now
00:22:31it says it was
00:22:33the British
00:22:39yeah
00:22:42take that
00:22:43Great Britain
00:22:45hashtag
00:22:45never forget
00:22:51those alien movies
00:22:52man
00:22:54they made my day
00:22:55but they terrified me
00:22:57cause every time
00:22:58it didn't go well
00:22:58the aliens fly in
00:23:00they conquer the earth
00:23:02we win by luck
00:23:03cause it's a movie
00:23:04but in real life
00:23:05I don't know
00:23:07it's not good
00:23:07we have
00:23:08no chance
00:23:10if aliens invade
00:23:11we have
00:23:12no hope
00:23:14or at least
00:23:15we had
00:23:16no hope
00:23:18now there is
00:23:21and it goes by the name
00:23:23Donald J. Trump
00:23:27whoever he may be
00:23:36I don't like it
00:23:37but I think it's the only way
00:23:40yeah
00:23:41as soon as the alien invasion begins
00:23:44we know how it starts
00:23:46it's gonna be that giant mothership
00:23:48that flies into our orbit
00:23:50and that massive thing
00:23:51that blocks out the sun
00:23:57they have a giant speaker
00:23:58under the ship
00:23:59that plays
00:24:00the music
00:24:01it creates the ambiance
00:24:02yeah
00:24:02there's one alien on the inside
00:24:04playing a little organ
00:24:04he's just like
00:24:05they're not ready for this one B
00:24:12and then they park the ship outside
00:24:14and they send a little scout ship down
00:24:16to give us the bad news
00:24:16the one that lands like
00:24:17and they come out
00:24:18take me
00:24:19tour your leader
00:24:21and they meet the leader
00:24:22kill the leader
00:24:23and then it's done
00:24:24they normally pick the most
00:24:25annoying alien for that job
00:24:27you gotta be a specific type of
00:24:28entitled
00:24:29to just believe you can speak to the leader
00:24:30like who are you
00:24:31so on the alien ship
00:24:32they'll normally pick the Karen alien
00:24:34they'll be like
00:24:35chatting to each other like
00:24:37who are we gonna send down to this planet
00:24:39listen Karen
00:24:40she's the best for this
00:24:41Karen you're going down
00:24:43oh my god
00:24:43why's it always me
00:24:44I hate this so much
00:24:46you guys are always sending me
00:24:47I can't believe this
00:24:48I wanna speak to the manager
00:24:49she's perfect
00:24:52send that alien down
00:24:54and give us the bad news
00:24:58with Trump we have hope
00:24:59but we have to act quick people
00:25:01real quick
00:25:03as soon as they tell us
00:25:05aliens are here
00:25:05NASA tells us
00:25:06they've reached our orbit
00:25:07we act together
00:25:09as a planet
00:25:11and what we need to do
00:25:11is we make Donald Trump
00:25:13king
00:25:14of the world
00:25:17see some of you are confused
00:25:18the good news is
00:25:19he won't ask any questions
00:25:21alright
00:25:21we just go to the White House
00:25:23we're like
00:25:23Mr. Trump
00:25:24you are now king of the world
00:25:25and he'd be like
00:25:26I knew it
00:25:26I knew it
00:25:27yeah
00:25:27and then we give him
00:25:27a little Burger King crown
00:25:29and then we go and wait
00:25:29for the aliens outside
00:25:31aliens land
00:25:32they come out
00:25:33that one is just like
00:25:34take me to your leader
00:25:36and we're like
00:25:37yes
00:25:37welcome to earth
00:25:38come on
00:25:38come meet the leader
00:25:39come meet the leader
00:25:40come meet the leader
00:25:40take me now
00:25:41yeah yeah of course
00:25:42we're gonna take you there
00:25:43how you doing brother
00:25:43you looking good
00:25:44you're on a Zempick
00:25:44what's going on there
00:25:45you're looking great
00:25:46come on
00:25:46come meet the leader
00:25:47we get to the White House
00:25:48and we're like
00:25:49King Trump
00:25:52this is the alien
00:25:53alien
00:25:54this
00:25:55is
00:25:55King Trump
00:25:58are you
00:25:59the ruler
00:26:00of this
00:26:01planet
00:26:01and be like
00:26:02that's right
00:26:04I'm the ruler
00:26:05of this planet
00:26:08planet earth
00:26:09or as I call her
00:26:10big blue
00:26:12beautiful
00:26:13beautiful blue
00:26:14floating up in space
00:26:15she's up there
00:26:17spinning around
00:26:18spinning around
00:26:20spinning so fast
00:26:22you know
00:26:22they say we're spinning
00:26:23I never felt it
00:26:24I never felt it
00:26:25but they say we're spinning
00:26:26we're spinning around folks
00:26:28spinning so fast
00:26:31we're up there in space
00:26:32we got a beautiful axis
00:26:34right through the middle
00:26:35of the planet
00:26:36a big beautiful long axis
00:26:38they don't make axes
00:26:39like that anymore
00:26:40they really know
00:26:41they really don't
00:26:42and we got that axis
00:26:43and it's tilted
00:26:44you know
00:26:45it's tilted
00:26:46if I was in charge
00:26:47I would have straightened
00:26:48it right up
00:26:50right up
00:26:51but that's okay
00:26:52that's okay
00:26:53thanks Obama
00:26:56and it's up there
00:26:57floating up in space
00:26:58a beautiful planet
00:26:59beautiful blue
00:27:00we got a tiny moon
00:27:01did you see the moon
00:27:02beautiful moon
00:27:03a beautiful moon
00:27:04looks like a nipple
00:27:05on a boob
00:27:06that's what it looks like
00:27:07like one boob
00:27:08floating in space
00:27:09should be two
00:27:10I always say
00:27:10two boobs
00:27:11better than one
00:27:12better than one
00:27:13but one better than none
00:27:14can I say boobs
00:27:15I said it folks
00:27:16I said boobs
00:27:17and I'm the ruler
00:27:18of this planet
00:27:19what do you want
00:27:20what do you need
00:27:21what can I do for you
00:27:22they'd be like
00:27:23brrp-pap-peep
00:27:24sorry
00:27:24we didn't know
00:27:25it was already
00:27:26invaded
00:27:27poo-poo-peep-peep
00:27:29peep-do-pree-peep
00:27:30and that's how
00:27:40we survived. Be honest, we wouldn't be shocked if we found out he was an alien. I actually
00:27:51think we'd be relieved. People are like, oh my god, that explains it. Yeah, if two aliens
00:27:59that looked exactly like him, like a mom and dad version of him came down, and they land
00:28:03on the planet, they're like, all right, help us, we left our son here many decades ago.
00:28:08Where's that baby? Where's that baby? We'd be like, come on, come on, come on. Come get
00:28:13your baby. Because he is, man, he's out of this world. And now, we are living through
00:28:28history. Do you ever think about that? Like, we are all living through history. And not
00:28:40like history, like, just time that passed, you know, like, because there's that boring
00:28:44history, like, and then the people settled here, oh, yeah, whatever. I'm talking about
00:28:48like, history, history, where some shit happened. You know when you read the books and you're
00:28:51like, yo, what was it like back then? Yeah, we're in the back then. That's all of us.
00:28:57My history is terrible now, I've realized. Because they record everything that is said
00:29:02at the White House. It is kept for posterity. All right, so that means in like 300 years,
00:29:08there'll be scholars studying old presidents and the White House, and they'll be like, what
00:29:13was it like 300 years ago? You're like, I don't know, but the Grammys host was terrible.
00:29:18Yes, a total loser, apparently. And a bunny was performing at the Super Bowl, also terrible.
00:29:30terrible. Absolutely terrible. What a time. You know, the weird thing about living through
00:29:42history is, it's so much less predictable when you are the one doing it. Like, when you read
00:29:50history or when we're taught history, it is often presented as if it was inevitable. You
00:29:57read the stories, you assume that is how they would have always ended, because that's how
00:30:01they ended. Like, if I asked most people, do you think the Nazis will always lose the
00:30:05war? They'd be like, yeah, of course the Nazis would always lose the war. And yet, at the
00:30:08time, the people who were fighting the war thought that the Nazis were going to win.
00:30:12There was a moment when it seemed like it was in their favor. When you're in history, it's
00:30:18a completely different gambit. Whenever I'm in Washington DC, I like to go and visit the
00:30:27National Museum of African American History and Culture. And if you've never been, let
00:30:35me tell you, it is one of the most profound experiences you will ever have in your life.
00:30:41It is a museum unlike any other I've ever been to, for a few reasons. One is, it is as
00:30:49complete
00:30:50a telling as is possible of black history in America, which is history. But it's a history
00:30:57that's often not told, right? And you go to this building, and unlike other museums, you can't just
00:31:01choose your own adventure. You know, normally you walk in a museum and then it's like, what do you
00:31:04want to do? Dinosaurs or space? You pick. There, they curate your moving through time. And so when
00:31:10you get to the museum, you start at the very beginning of black people in America, and then
00:31:15it moves all the way through to the present day, right? And so it starts underground, literally
00:31:20you go underground, and then it starts with slavery, spoiler alert. And then they move you,
00:31:25move you, move you through time, and then you get to the end, and then there's Oprah.
00:31:35That museum truly, it'll make you ask every question of yourself. I was there on my most
00:31:41recent trip, and I was walking through the beginning level, and it's underground, and it's
00:31:50chattel slavery, the transatlantic slave trade, and then the underground railroad. And so it's
00:31:56an emotional ride as well. You know, it's painful, it's oppression, and then there's this moment
00:32:02where you can see people rising up and fighting for what they believe in, overcoming. And
00:32:08because it's so engaging, you see people experiencing it in a different way. There were these two
00:32:14kids next to me, maybe 14 years old, and they were having a conversation that I was eavesdropping
00:32:20on, and the one turns to the other one, he's like, he's like, yo man, he's like, what would
00:32:23you have done if you was around back there, man? He's like, would you have been a slave?
00:32:26He's like, yeah, well, yo, what? He's like, nah, they would have had the wrong one, man.
00:32:29They would have had the wrong one. Yo, I would have cooked theirs. Man, you try and make
00:32:33me a slave? I would have cooked theirs. He's like, nah, you can't be. You can't be. He's
00:32:35like, nah, for real? I would have cooked theirs. I would have cooked theirs. And they're laughing
00:32:38and they're engaging. And I was like, either this is the delusion of youth, which is necessary
00:32:42for a revolution, or that's who they would be. Either way, it didn't matter. What I loved
00:32:47is that they were asking the question, who will you be when history calls? Because of them,
00:32:57I found myself asking the question, and honestly, I think I need to work on my self-esteem, because
00:33:07I came up with nothing as heroic. Like if you asked me, Trevor, what would you do during
00:33:12slavery? I'd be like, I would have worked really hard and seen what happened. I don't
00:33:21think I would have been a hero. I don't have it. I'm impressed by people who say those things.
00:33:25If I was around, if I was around back then, oh, if I was in the store when they rubbed
00:33:28it,
00:33:28I would have done. I don't have that in me. I don't. Like, I would be in the field, and
00:33:32I'd just be working hard, and I'd be minding my own business, you know, and the guy on the
00:33:36horse would come. He'd be like, you better work hard, boy. You better pick that goddamn
00:33:38cotton. I'd be like, yes, master. I was picking this cotton, master. I was picking away, master.
00:33:43Oh, but as soon as he rides away, oh, I'd light his ass up. Oh, I would. I would roast
00:33:47him to bits.
00:33:47I'd be like, that dumbass owner. Is he back? No. But I don't think I would have been a hero.
00:33:59Yeah, like a real hero would have showed up. Like, Harriet Tubman would show up.
00:34:03She'd be like, psst. Yo, Trev. Oh, hi, Harriet. How you doing? I'm doing shit.
00:34:14Oh, no. What happened? Slavery happened. What you mean, what happened, boy? You stupid or
00:34:19something? Oh, yeah, of course. I shouldn't have. Anyway, what's going on, Harriet? I just
00:34:23came to let you know that we're leaving tonight. Who's we? All of us, Trev. We're getting out of
00:34:36here. We're going, baby. Oh, yeah, Harriet. The guy on the horse says we shouldn't leave.
00:34:43He really doesn't like it when we leave. I think he has, like, separation anxiety or
00:34:47something. You should see someone about that. But he said, I don't give a shit what he
00:34:51said. We're getting out of here. What are you saying? You're going to stay? Yeah, I think
00:34:56I'll stay and just, you know, see, see how it goes. See how it goes? What's wrong with
00:35:01you? You're not coming? No, I'm not going to come. I can't believe you. You light skins is
00:35:06all the same. What? Yeah. You scared, ain't you? You a scared little bitch. I am a bitch,
00:35:17Harriet. I cannot lie. I'm a scared little bitch. Look at you, scared little bitch. You
00:35:23almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel. Sorry. Sometimes I do jokes just for me. I'm sorry. Oh, man.
00:35:48Okay. Everyone was asking themselves the question. Everyone. One of the most unique encounters
00:35:59I experienced happened when there was a group of white people who were standing at the exhibits
00:36:06and they were very, very liberal white people, right? Like very liberal white, like very,
00:36:16very liberal white people. Like they were, they were feeling it more than the black people there.
00:36:21They were. Yeah, to show how much they were feeling it, there was a moment where some of the black
00:36:29people who were walking around the exhibit, right? Because there's black people walking around the
00:36:33exhibit and there's white people there because everyone can go, right? And, and so the black
00:36:41people who were there were living what I would consider the full black experience, which is being
00:36:45a human being. So some people were crying. And then a moment later, they were talking to their
00:36:48friends, sharing stories, recounting, laughing, et cetera. And one person laughed was like telling
00:36:54their friend, like, ha ha ha ha. Yeah. And then the woman, there was a white woman here who was
00:37:00like
00:37:00at that love, she was like, ha ha. And she was like, shh. That's how liberal they were.
00:37:19And just when I thought she couldn't top that, she was looking at a photograph. One of the first
00:37:24pictures that's ever really been taken. And it was a picture of a white man on a plantation standing
00:37:31there, smiling, standing in a field, just like smiling in the picture. And this woman is standing
00:37:37looking at the picture and she's like, I, I, if I was there when that was happening, if I swear
00:37:49to God,
00:37:49if I was there when that was happening, I would have never smiled.
00:38:04You know what a sentence has the exact conclusion you did not predict? Like this was, I thought she
00:38:10was like, if I was there, I would have fought, I would have freed, I would have, no, no, no.
00:38:14She's
00:38:14like, I would have had slaves, but I wouldn't have enjoyed it. Just be crying. I'm so sorry,
00:38:21this is happening to you. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Dust behind the couch as well. I'm so sorry. I can't.
00:38:31It was, it was really, really something, you know, you move to that level there for more than an hour.
00:38:37At the end of it, I was so taken by the question that I, that I was asking myself, who
00:38:41will you be
00:38:42when history calls that I, I texted one of my best friends, David Meyer. He's actually the first
00:38:48American I ever became friends with. He came to South Africa by chance 20 years ago,
00:38:53was on like a school project. We met by chance, became friends by chance. And then he convinced
00:38:58me to come to America and do comedy, which I had never planned to do. The rest is history. So
00:39:01we've
00:39:01been friends since that day. Right. And yeah, it's a beautiful story. And also our, our, our lives are
00:39:08so different. He's the six foot five lanky white boy from North Carolina. All right. Sweetest guy ever,
00:39:15super sincere. And because of that, I love, I love playing pranks on him. And as we left that exhibit,
00:39:21I texted him and I was like, yo, Dave, I need to ask you a favor. And he responded, he's
00:39:27like, yo,
00:39:27dude, what's up? And I said, if slavery comes back, do you promise to have me as one of your
00:39:35slaves
00:39:35and treat me really well? And then he responded, he was like, dude, what?
00:39:45And I said, do you promise to have me as your slave and treat me very well? And he was
00:39:50like,
00:39:51what are you talking about? And I said, yes or no? And then I just saw the little dots and
00:39:57it was
00:39:57like typing, typing, typing, typing, typing, typing, typing. And then he called me.
00:40:12I was like, yo, what's up? He's like, dude, what, what are you even talking about? And what is,
00:40:16what is happening? What, what do you mean slavery? I was like, I just want to know from you, Dave,
00:40:20if slavery comes back, do you promise to have me as one of your slaves and treat me really well?
00:40:24He's
00:40:24like, dude, no, what do you mean? Slavery is not coming back. Slavery is not coming back. I was
00:40:29like, that's what they said about Ghostbusters. Just answer the question. Will you or will you not
00:40:33have me as one of you? He's like, no, dude, no, no, no. I would never have you as one
00:40:38of my slaves.
00:40:38I would never, dude, I would never own slaves, like enslaved people. Actually, I would never
00:40:43have enslaved people. I don't think that's right. I was like, yo, save your sanctimonies
00:40:47bullshit right now, Dave. I just want to know if you would have me as one of your slaves and
00:40:50treat me
00:40:50well. He's like, no, I would never do that. I was like, oh, okay. I see. So you're just
00:40:54going to let me be somebody else's slave. That's what you're saying. Huh? Slavery comes back and
00:40:59now they catch me and now they're busy whipping me. Now I'm Django out in these streets. Huh?
00:41:03Yeah, I'm getting whipped because my best friend wouldn't use his white privilege to help me
00:41:07by making me one of his slaves so that we could hang out. Huh? I'm in a field. I could
00:41:12be with you
00:41:12in the house playing PlayStation, Dave. Huh? Yeah, we could be back in Call of Duty in Verdansk like the
00:41:16good old days. But no, you want to be so woke that I get whipped by another white person who
00:41:21wants to
00:41:21keep slaves. He's like, no, dude, dude. I was like, you want me to be a slave? He's like, no,
00:41:24dude. I was like,
00:41:24you want me to be whipped, don't you? He's like, no, dude. Okay, okay, okay. He's like, okay. All right,
00:41:27fine, dude. If slavery came back, then yeah, I'd have you as one of my slaves and I'll treat you
00:41:32well.
00:41:32I was like, aha, so you would have slaves. I was like, all right, I got to go. And he's
00:41:41like, no.
00:41:45He still hasn't forgiven me.
00:41:54Who will you be when history calls? It's so much easier when it's hypothetical.
00:42:04As you move from one exhibit to the next, you know, move through reconstruction, Jim Crow,
00:42:12you get to the civil rights movement, and it's impressive on its own, but because it has now been
00:42:2060 years since the I Have a Dream speech, they've expanded the part of the exhibit that looks at
00:42:28Dr. Martin Luther King's life. And you get to see his writings, his thoughts, his journals,
00:42:38his letters to other people, his letters to the public, his correspondences with his friends,
00:42:43interviews, you name it. Like, you see his life in a detail that I think very few of us ever
00:42:49have.
00:42:52And I don't want to speak for everyone, but I feel like when we're taught about MLK,
00:42:57it's a really sanitized, flat version of his life. Do you know what I mean? It seems really simple
00:43:06and inevitable. You know, whenever you're taught the story, it's just like, there was a man named MLK,
00:43:11he didn't like what was happening, and he marched on the bridge, he had a dream,
00:43:15and he lived happily ever after. Happy MLK day, 50% off your mattress.
00:43:23But, but when you, when you see his life, it's, it's not like that. Because that, like, genuinely,
00:43:27when people talk about it, you know, there'll be a happy MLK day, and then it's a, it almost sounds
00:43:31like a Disney movie. It has, like, the same plot as a Disney movie, you know? It's just like,
00:43:35this summer, you know, one man, one dream changed the world.
00:43:40I have a dream.
00:43:42Timothee Chalamet is Martin Luther King, only on Disney Plus.
00:43:49That's how it feels.
00:43:55But when you see his life laid out, I mean the minutiae of his days,
00:44:02the things that he and the people around him were experiencing.
00:44:07He was arrested somewhere around, like, 29 times over the course of, like, four years,
00:44:14trumped up charges. Sometimes he was left in a jail cell by himself,
00:44:18wasn't given food, wasn't given a phone call, nothing. Sometimes he was beaten, sometimes they
00:44:23just, like, you, you see this man's life in detail. They chased him out of towns.
00:44:29The federal government came after him. J. Edgar Hoover himself, the head of the FBI,
00:44:35designated Martin Luther King as the most dangerous man in America. And then the FBI ran a concerted
00:44:42campaign to destroy him. They try and break up his friendships and his working relationships,
00:44:47and the most sinister thing they did was they tapped his phones and they found out that he was
00:44:52having an affair. And they phoned his wife, Coretta Scott King, and they snitched on him
00:44:57because they thought that that would destroy his marriage and destroy the movement. Yeah.
00:45:03The FBI tried to dish gossip on Martin Luther King. Totally changes how you see the organization.
00:45:11All right. FBI seemed so serious. Now you get the real picture. They're in that J. Edgar Hoover building
00:45:18in the morning. What are you working on, Kowalski? Drug enforcement, sir. What about you?
00:45:23Uh, sir, uh, criminal crimes, uh, uh, specifically financial. And you? Drama!
00:45:34You see everything that happened to MLK. Everything. Some of it internal because he
00:45:39writes about it, some of it external because people are observing. One of the sections that really
00:45:45lays out what it was like is a four-year stretch where Dr. King and other black people would try
00:45:52to go and get served in restaurants that were segregating black people and weren't allowing
00:45:58them to get food. They would walk into the restaurants, they would sit down dressed to the
00:46:03nines, and they would get denied service. They would be kicked out, they would curse at, spat on.
00:46:09Oftentimes they were beaten. Leave with concussions, bleeding. They'd go home, they'd wash up,
00:46:14they'd come back, they'd do it again. Go home, wash up, do it again. Go home, wash up, and do
00:46:17it again.
00:46:18And now when we talk about it, we go, well, they did the right thing because look how it turned
00:46:22out. Yes,
00:46:23but when you read his life, you go, it wasn't inevitable. There was no guarantee that it was going to
00:46:28work. There was no sign that it was working. And yet they persevered. And when I was looking through
00:46:36his life and when I was reading his works and I was looking, I was like, was there ever a
00:46:41moment
00:46:41when he regretted? Was there ever a moment when he regretted what he had gone through, what he was
00:46:47doing? Like when he tasted white people's food for the first time? No, because you realize until
00:47:01that point it was theoretical, right? Black people have never been served in these establishments.
00:47:06They only wished to be served in these establishments. But they had never eaten there,
00:47:12right? They would just sit down at the counter and the owner would come and be like,
00:47:15God damn it. I told you, I don't want your kind around here. Get out of here, boy.
00:47:19And he'd be like, oh, my brother, I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, regardless of
00:47:24the color
00:47:24of our skin, all people will be allowed to sit. Yeah, our brothers and sisters, black and white alike,
00:47:30and America will come good on its promise that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one
00:47:35day,
00:47:35oh, shut up. You've won. They changed the laws. Look at the TV. Here's your food.
00:47:42Look. Thank you very much.
00:47:56Oh, shit.
00:48:03Now I have a new dream.
00:48:08I have a new dream that one day white people will discover seasoning.
00:48:14And I have a dream that they will no longer consider black pepper to be a spice.
00:48:21I have a dream that we will all come together to defeat the real white devil, mayonnaise.
00:48:35Can you imagine how awkward it must have been?
00:48:38That first walk after that first meal.
00:48:43Martin and his boys walking into the parking lots, dead quiet.
00:48:58For this shit, Martin.
00:49:03For this shit, Martin.
00:49:05I'm so sorry, fellas. I didn't know.
00:49:07God damn it, Martin. You had them whipping our ass for this shit?
00:49:10Did you take that food?
00:49:12I thought it was delicious. That's why I thought they were blocking us.
00:49:15I apologize, fellas. I'm so sorry, fellas. My bad.
00:49:18God damn it, Martin. That shit tastes like depression, man.
00:49:21Is this the shit we've been fighting for?
00:49:22I'm so sorry, everybody. I'll make it up to y'all.
00:49:25I'll buy everybody Popeyes on the way home.
00:49:36Who will you be when history calls?
00:50:00You know, the conundrum of life is that just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops.
00:50:16Just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops.
00:50:25It's one of the conundrums of life.
00:50:28How much of the big do you focus on? And how much of the small do you pay any heed?
00:50:36It was captured perfect for me. There was an exchange that I saw online between two people.
00:50:41Someone posted, just graduated, really excited, got straight A's, party at my house, everyone's invited.
00:50:48It was a joke, obviously, not everyone, because of the internet, not everyone's invited.
00:50:52And then people started posting. And then someone jumped in the comments and was like,
00:50:56really? Throwing a party at a time like this? Read the room. Look around you.
00:51:01Is now the time to be celebrating? This is not the time to throw parties when we're at it.
00:51:05And it was this whole thing, and then it devolved into a huge fight.
00:51:07And I'll be honest with you, I could actually see where both people were coming from.
00:51:11Emotionally, I got it. On the one hand, someone was saying,
00:51:14how can you throw a celebration at a time when it feels like the world as we know it has
00:51:20fallen
00:51:20apart? How can you be joyous when it looks like every norm and institution we have understood that
00:51:26makes up the fabric of society is falling apart? Our public trust is falling apart. Our trust in each
00:51:32other is falling apart. How can you throw a party? But the other person was saying, how can I not?
00:51:37I have lived and worked my entire life to get to this place. I have finally achieved it,
00:51:42against all odds. And so for this moment, I wish to enjoy. And both are right. Right?
00:51:50Both are right. In every hospital around the world, there's a ward where a baby has just been born,
00:51:58and another where somebody has just died. Jubilation at the start of a new life.
00:52:06Despair at the loss of someone you've always loved. Neither ward. Incorrect.
00:52:12But then which one do you focus on?
00:52:19I got an answer for myself in one of the most random places. I was reading a book. There was
00:52:26accounts from soldiers who served during World War I. And they're talking to veterans who had
00:52:33been there at the time. And they were, this book goes through their experiences.
00:52:39And a lot of them talk about the trench warfare, which was some of the worst warfare man has ever
00:52:44invented. Right? When it went on for years and years and years. And these soldiers would cycle in
00:52:48and cycle out. Every day could have been their last. And in the midst of all of this despair,
00:52:54there's one common thread that you see with every single soldier that they speak to. Almost every
00:52:59single one. And that is that they found their joy in the trenches. They have these moments where
00:53:06they host card games and they play around. They had a satirical newspaper that they started. And
00:53:14they'd make jokes about their commanding officers and what was happening in the war and each other. And
00:53:19one of the wildest things I read was, there was a, there was a day when a cow walked into
00:53:24the
00:53:24battlefield. So it was in no man's land. It was perfectly between the allies and, and, and the axis. And
00:53:29it was like, so it was like, both sides wanted the cow. And then they shouted across to the Germans
00:53:35and
00:53:35they said, we want the cow. And then the Germans were like, no, we want the cow. And then they
00:53:40agreed.
00:53:40They said, okay, let's play a game. We'll throw up coins in the air and we'll try to shoot them.
00:53:45Whoever hits
00:53:46the coin gets to keep the cow. And then the English soldiers shot the coin. And then the Germans were
00:53:53like, okay, you win the cow, but we'd like our coins back. And then the English soldier went, got the
00:54:00coins, was like, oh, they're going to kill me. And then got the coins and then gave them to the
00:54:03Germans and
00:54:03then ran back and got in the trenches. And then everyone was like, fun game. You think it's littered with
00:54:10a story. There were stories of soldiers singing to each other on evenings randomly. They would sing across
00:54:16enemy lines at the other soldiers and the other soldiers would sing back. Can you imagine that? You're in a
00:54:24trench. Your feet are rotting. Everyone's tired, scared. In the midst of that, all of a sudden, someone's just
00:54:30like, say you.
00:54:41They found their joy in the trenches.
00:54:46And it hit me because it made me realize they remembered what they were fighting for. They
00:54:50were fighting to live. They weren't fighting to fight. If you forget what you're fighting for,
00:54:55then there's no point in fighting. You're fighting to be joyous. You're fighting to explore yourself.
00:55:00You're fighting to have adventures. You're fighting to laugh. You're fighting...
00:55:03You don't just fight to fight. You're fighting to live.
00:55:07You're fighting to live. Just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops.
00:55:23My therapist told me that I am undateable.
00:55:32Yeah.
00:55:35In the session, and she just turned to me and she said, Trevor, I think it is because
00:55:38you are undateable. I was like, huh, I guess you also didn't like the Grammys.
00:55:47She told me this at the end of a session, which I feel like should be legal.
00:55:52Right? Well, like therapists will drop a bomb on you at the end of a session and then just expect
00:55:58you to wait. They'll just be like, yeah, and that's why your father could never love you. And
00:56:01you're like, what? Oh, yeah, we've run out of time. I'll see you next time. No! No! Next video!
00:56:05Next video! I don't want to wait a week. I want Netflix therapy, not HBO!
00:56:12And I had to wait two weeks and then in my next session, I was like, where were we?
00:56:16Let's go into it. I was like, yeah, skip recap. Skip recap. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
00:56:19And she was like, well, you know, Trevor, I was thinking about, you know, you and relationships
00:56:22and what we're talking about. We're talking about my inability to be in a long-term relationship.
00:56:27And I was trying to understand why and we're delving into it. And she said, I think it's
00:56:30because you are undateable. And then she broke it down for me. She said, there are a few reasons.
00:56:36I think you work too much. I know you love your work, but you work too much and that doesn't
00:56:40create a good balance in your life. She said, also, you travel too much and being in the same place
00:56:48is crucial for building a solid relationship. But I'll be honest with you, those things are
00:56:53really just the side dish. The main course and the real issue I have is, as my therapist put it,
00:57:01I have an inability to not say what is in my head.
00:57:12And she taught me that one of the keys to a long successful relationship
00:57:19is knowing when to think and when to speak. Yeah.
00:57:27And I was like, ah, I don't have that problem. I'm a good communicator. She's like, no, Trevor, you,
00:57:31oftentimes, you have thoughts and you immediately say them. You just have the thought and it comes
00:57:36out your mouth. And Trump was like, tell them, girl. I was like, I don't know. I don't think I
00:57:50have
00:57:50that as a problem. I think it's probably something. I was like, no, no, no, I've got notes. Hold on,
00:57:53I've got some notes. And she pulled out the notes and she's like, let's go through some examples.
00:57:57And there was one example that really, yeah, it's, she was right.
00:58:03It happened with a, with an ex-girlfriend of mine. It was the fracture that led
00:58:07to the end of the relationship, really. It wasn't the moment, but that fracture caused
00:58:12the outcome. We were, we were getting ready for bed. It was an innocuous night.
00:58:20Brushing our teeth, getting into the covers. And then before we turned off the lights, we started
00:58:25talking to each other and we got really cozy. You know, those moments where you're with the person
00:58:29you love and you, you just find yourself in the rabbit hole of stories you've never told
00:58:34and feelings you've never shared and you're laughing and you can feel you're falling more in love.
00:58:39And we're lying there on the pillows, you know, looking at each other and she's there staring at me.
00:58:45All of a sudden she's like, hey, um, can I ask you a question? I was like, yeah,
00:58:53yeah, of course. She's like, if you could change one thing about me, what would you change?
00:59:06Now I have since learned
00:59:11that there is a correct answer to this question.
00:59:16And yes, one correct answer. Regardless of how unique your relationship is,
00:59:22if you want to win this game show question, the answer you give, if she says to you,
00:59:28if there's a woman in your life and she says, if there's one thing you could change about me,
00:59:32what would you change? The correct answer is nothing.
00:59:37Yes. I wish you were all there with me that night.
00:59:42Yes. Correct answer is nothing. You say nothing, babe. I would change nothing about you
00:59:51because everything you are makes you perfect for me.
00:59:56If anything, can I be honest? I would change myself.
01:00:04I would change myself so that I would be better able to receive the love that you so freely give.
01:00:12That is what I would change.
01:00:16That's the unabridged answer, should you wish to use it. Yeah. That is not the answer I gave.
01:00:25Nope. I said what was in my head.
01:00:29She looked at me. She said, if you could change one thing about me, what would you change?
01:00:36And I was like, oh, one thing.
01:00:42Ooh, one thing.
01:00:46Oh, one thing, one thing. Wow, that's a tough one. One thing.
01:00:51Only one. I went, oh, okay. Let me think. Hold on. Let me think. Let me think. Let me think.
01:00:55It's only one thing. What would I change? What would I change? Okay. Okay. Um, I think I got it.
01:01:00If I could change only one thing about you, I would change how you communicate during sex.
01:01:11And she was like, what?
01:01:15Yeah. And then it snowballed.
01:01:19I know I was wrong. So please don't judge me. I know I was wrong and I'm working on it.
01:01:24I'll explain to you what was going through my head. All right.
01:01:26What happened that night, uh, is first of all, I thought it was a real question. Okay.
01:01:32Secondly, secondly, I was trying to express a feeling that I had.
01:01:38And that feeling was a confusion that I would often have and sometimes a frustration when my
01:01:42girlfriend and I would be getting intimate, right? We'd be in an intimate setting and, um,
01:01:46she would say, and I'm not trying to be lewd or anything, right? She would be like, oh,
01:01:49I'm going to come. I'm going to come. I'm going to come, right? Which by the way,
01:01:52ladies is the greatest phrase you can ever say to a man like ever, ever, ever. There is nothing
01:01:56a man wants to hear more in his life than that sentence. You say that sentence. We have reached
01:02:01the pinnacle of manhood. We have achieved. We have arrived. Yes. You say that and we're like me,
01:02:07Tarzan. It's, it's done. It's done. And it is so powerful on us ladies that we will,
01:02:13we will reach a level of our masculinity that we didn't even knew. We didn't even know we possessed.
01:02:18Yeah. You say that to us and we will become stronger. We will overcome things that we couldn't,
01:02:22our fatigue goes out the window. Yeah. Yeah. We forget about that cramp. We like any situation,
01:02:29like sometimes, sometimes we can't breathe, you know, sometimes we can't breathe. Sometimes our
01:02:34nose is blocked and, and what we're doing at that time is we're moving from breath to breath,
01:02:40right? So we're doing our thing. We're doing our thing. We're doing our thing. And then when we run
01:02:43out of air, we, we, like a whale breaching, we'll, we'll pop up and then we'll dive back into the
01:02:52depths
01:02:52of your pleasure, right? And, and this is fine. It's a rhythm that every man has figured out for
01:02:58themselves, right? But, but, but ladies understand we are going from breath to breath. And when you say,
01:03:03I'm going to come, we then go, this is not the time to breathe. This is my calling. I have
01:03:12but one
01:03:12breath and I shall use it well. And so we hold it and we keep going, we keep going, we
01:03:21keep going,
01:03:22and we try to get you there. Now, the thing I didn't know at the time was when my ex
01:03:27would say
01:03:28the phrase, I'm going to come, what she actually meant was the action you're performing on me is
01:03:36quite pleasurable and I would like you to continue. Please continue exactly what you are doing right
01:03:43now at the same cadence and preferably same pressure. Don't get excited because I said that
01:03:49phrase. Don't switch things up. Just do exactly what you are doing now because you're on the right track.
01:03:58You got this champ. Keep going. Before you were all over the place, but this is it. If you do
01:04:05this,
01:04:06there's a good chance that I am going to reach my climax. So you keep going, buddy. You got this.
01:04:12I believe in you. You're getting warmer. That's what she meant.
01:04:19Right? But you got to understand that's confusing. That's confusing ladies, right? Because you're saying
01:04:24this thing, I'm going to come. And I understand now, like, fellas, when women say, like, I'm going
01:04:29to come, in many ways, they're saying it the same way a person at a bus stop would say, the
01:04:32bus is going
01:04:33to come. Right? They mean you are at the correct location for a bus to coincide with yourself.
01:04:42This is where the bus will come to. But the when is the issue. The when is where we are
01:04:49not
01:04:49connecting. Because ladies, men, we are quite literal about this. You see, when women are saying
01:04:54it, it's theoretical. When women are like, I'm going to come, it just means that this is the right
01:04:59direction. Going could be three minutes. She could come in in 15 minutes. It could be her next
01:05:08relationship. Nobody knows. But you got to understand, ladies, we're not breathing.
01:05:17We're not breathing. We're holding our breath. We are at our limit. You need breath to live. This is
01:05:23probably why men live on average 10 years younger than women, because of all the breaths we've missed,
01:05:27waiting for this to happen. And it does not happen. There's nothing wrong with it not happening.
01:05:31It's just that we didn't know. We didn't know. Because we're a lot more literal when we
01:05:34communicate. We're simple creatures, men. It is what it is. Like a dog. Where's the ball?
01:05:37There's the ball. Where's the ball? There's the ball. When men say, I'm going to come,
01:05:41it means that the come is going.
01:05:47The moment is imminently upon you, ladies. That is what I mean. When a man says, I'm going to come,
01:05:53this is the time. There is no other. There is no ad break you can take. There is no pause
01:05:58you can
01:05:59make. The come is happening in this moment. You cannot blink. You step in the road, the bus will
01:06:05hit you. That's what I'm saying. The bus is there now. The bus is there right now. You'll be like,
01:06:09where's the bus? There's the bus. There's the bus. But he says, I'm going to come. That is it.
01:06:14Then like, sometimes we already have. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes it's already happened. I'm just
01:06:19going to be honest with you. Sometimes it's already happened. And we were trying to not make it
01:06:22happen. And then, then we're like a little kid snitching on ourselves. We just mess up the tents.
01:06:26You know, we're like, mommy, I'm going to break something in the kitchen. It's already broken.
01:06:31It's already broken. And so that's why the worst thing you can say at that moment, ladies, is,
01:06:35oh, not yet. No, yet has already occurred. Yet has concluded. And now our manhood has been crushed
01:06:41with this tiny little phrase. You say, not yet. And then we're like, oh, yet. And then we try,
01:06:45but you cannot. It's finished. It's fading away. We know it is. And so then we just were like,
01:06:50I'm going to do it anyway. What do you mean you're doing it? I'm doing it anyway. Oh my God,
01:06:53I can't believe you wouldn't wait for me. I'm a man. I do whatever I want. You can't tell me
01:06:56when
01:06:57I should or shouldn't. So you don't care about me. And that's why I'm still single.
01:07:04Yo, DC, you guys have been amazing, man. Thank you so much for coming out tonight.
01:07:11Thank you for coming. Have a wonderful evening. Good night.
01:07:31I love that in the sun. The other guy. If I go on a good one,
01:07:38You don't care about me. You don't care about me. If you don't care about me,
01:07:47and for you, you are like, huh? You are like, huh?
Comments