Marcello Hernandez : American Boy Full Comedy Show (27 April 2026) – Non-stop laughter guaranteed! 😂
SNL star Marcello Hernández ka debut Netflix stand-up special "American Boy" ab full dekhiye. Is hilarious comedy show mein woh apni Latino roots, first-generation American life, unhinged family dance-offs, mom ke strict life lessons aur childhood memories share karte hain. Miami mein recorded yeh special aapko hasa-hasakar rula dega!
Marcello apne immigrant parents ke real struggles, mental health, family drama aur everyday American life ke funny moments pe zabardast jokes marte hain. Ek baar shuru kiya toh pura video dekhne ka mann karega!
Timestamps:
00:00 - Intro & Stage Setup
05:30 - Family Stories & Dance-offs
12:45 - Mom's Unforgettable Life Lessons
22:10 - Childhood Memories & Immigrant Life
35:50 - Mental Health aur Personal Stories
48:30 - Epic Closing
Agar aapko SNL comedy, Netflix stand-up specials, Latino humor, family jokes aur hilarious desi-style laughter pasand hai toh yeh video miss mat kijiye!
Like karo agar hasi aa gayi!
Comment mein batao – sabse zyada hasi kis joke pe aayi? 😂
Share karo apne friends ke saath jo comedy love karte hain.
More full comedy shows, funny moments aur latest stand-up specials ke liye channel ko subscribe kar lo!
#MarcelloHernandez #AmericanBoy #ComedyShow #StandUpComedy #NetflixComedy #FullComedyShow #HilariousComedy #SNL #FunnyVideos #LatinoComedy #ComedySpecial #2026Comedy
SNL star Marcello Hernández ka debut Netflix stand-up special "American Boy" ab full dekhiye. Is hilarious comedy show mein woh apni Latino roots, first-generation American life, unhinged family dance-offs, mom ke strict life lessons aur childhood memories share karte hain. Miami mein recorded yeh special aapko hasa-hasakar rula dega!
Marcello apne immigrant parents ke real struggles, mental health, family drama aur everyday American life ke funny moments pe zabardast jokes marte hain. Ek baar shuru kiya toh pura video dekhne ka mann karega!
Timestamps:
00:00 - Intro & Stage Setup
05:30 - Family Stories & Dance-offs
12:45 - Mom's Unforgettable Life Lessons
22:10 - Childhood Memories & Immigrant Life
35:50 - Mental Health aur Personal Stories
48:30 - Epic Closing
Agar aapko SNL comedy, Netflix stand-up specials, Latino humor, family jokes aur hilarious desi-style laughter pasand hai toh yeh video miss mat kijiye!
Like karo agar hasi aa gayi!
Comment mein batao – sabse zyada hasi kis joke pe aayi? 😂
Share karo apne friends ke saath jo comedy love karte hain.
More full comedy shows, funny moments aur latest stand-up specials ke liye channel ko subscribe kar lo!
#MarcelloHernandez #AmericanBoy #ComedyShow #StandUpComedy #NetflixComedy #FullComedyShow #HilariousComedy #SNL #FunnyVideos #LatinoComedy #ComedySpecial #2026Comedy
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:06Oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:00:09tú dices que no me atrevo.
00:00:12Si supieras que yo ando a fuego,
00:00:15dime que tú juegas y yo lo juego.
00:00:18No lo dejemos pa' luego, no.
00:00:22Que la lucha se fue y la noche llegó.
00:00:28Hey.
00:00:28Quiero saber si usted quiere lo mismo que yo
00:00:32Dime pa' donde vamos después de la playa
00:00:36Si no se camo, yo traigo la toalla y de nuevo no mojamos
00:00:40Pero en mi cama te voy a dar tabla de selfie a alguien
00:00:45Dime pa' donde vamos
00:00:52Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my son
00:00:56Marcelo Hernández
00:01:27Miami
00:01:35Feels like a family party in this place right now
00:01:38That's how our family parties were though
00:01:40You have to dance
00:01:41You have to dance or you have to find a new family
00:01:44That's the rule
00:01:45I had to dance
00:01:46Ever since I was a kid I had to dance
00:01:48That's how I had to enter my house
00:01:50If people came to my house my mom would be like
00:01:53Marcelo
00:01:53And I'm six years old and I have to leave my room like this
00:01:59And I'm like mommy I don't want to dance
00:02:02And my mom is like yeah and I didn't want to escape Cuba
00:02:05So dance
00:02:07Okay I'm sorry I don't know what that's like
00:02:09I'm sorry
00:02:10And I would think that I'm doing a good job
00:02:13And then out of nowhere my mom would be like
00:02:14No Marcelo not like that
00:02:16Do what I taught you
00:02:17And I'm like mommy please
00:02:20Don't make me get nasty
00:02:23In front of my family
00:02:27And I had to memorize every single dance
00:02:29I was always jealous of the American kids
00:02:31Because American kids don't have to memorize any dance
00:02:35American kids on Christmas, New Year's, Thanksgiving
00:02:38They get to rest
00:02:40They don't have to memorize anything at all
00:02:43American kids live a very free life
00:02:45American kids go oh my god I love that song
00:02:48And then they jump
00:02:56And their mom is like look Tyler's dancing
00:03:01I'm like Tyler's not doing anything dude
00:03:04I had to shake my ass specifically
00:03:08And that's how I grew up
00:03:09You show up at your family party and you dance
00:03:11And then your mom says the most beautiful words
00:03:13That you can hear
00:03:14What's the most beautiful part about being at a family party
00:03:16It's hanging out with your cousins
00:03:18Right
00:03:19Isn't that the most beautiful part
00:03:21Oh my god
00:03:23Something about being with your cousins
00:03:25It just it makes you just
00:03:29You lose your mind
00:03:30You end up in a part of your house
00:03:33That you have never been to before
00:03:35You and your cousins end up in the AC unit of your house
00:03:40And you're in there
00:03:41And it's weird in there
00:03:42And one of your cousins is like
00:03:44I have hair bro
00:03:45I swear to god
00:03:46I have hair
00:03:47I don't know where it came from
00:03:48I have hair
00:03:49Your other cousin he's weird
00:03:51And he's like bro
00:03:52Eat the cockroach
00:03:53Bro please
00:03:55I'm like what
00:03:56He's like eat it
00:03:56Just eat it right now
00:03:57Nothing's gonna happen to you
00:03:58Just eat it
00:03:58I've done it before
00:03:59Just eat the cockroach
00:04:00Just hurry up
00:04:02The parents are getting drunk
00:04:03And the kids are kind of lit too
00:04:04Because we have been drinking Coca-Cola unsupervised
00:04:09We're drinking it out of the bottle tonight
00:04:11Okay
00:04:11And your cousin's mouth is brown
00:04:14And he's lit up
00:04:15And you guys are in there going crazy
00:04:17And then out of nowhere
00:04:18One of your uncles comes into the AC unit
00:04:20And he goes
00:04:20Hey Marcelo
00:04:21Just a little bit of whiskey
00:04:22Nothing's gonna happen to you
00:04:23A little bit of whiskey
00:04:27Come on
00:04:27A little bit of whiskey
00:04:28Nothing's gonna happen to you
00:04:29A little bit of whiskey
00:04:29Come on
00:04:30Eat the cockroach
00:04:31And then drink the whiskey
00:04:32A little bit of whiskey
00:04:36And then somehow
00:04:37It's 2 in the morning
00:04:38For some reason
00:04:39It's 2 a.m.
00:04:41And at 2 a.m.
00:04:42That's when the parents realize
00:04:43Damn
00:04:44I have not seen my kid
00:04:45In 9 hours
00:04:48And they want the kid
00:04:50Back to the
00:04:50Back to the dance floor
00:04:53And now
00:04:54It's 2 in the morning
00:04:55And I'm still 6 years old
00:04:56But now
00:04:56I want to dance
00:04:58You understand
00:05:00Because I've been drinking whiskey
00:05:02Dog
00:05:02Okay
00:05:04I want to dance
00:05:05What are American kids doing
00:05:07At 2 in the morning
00:05:08By the way
00:05:08It's Christmas
00:05:09Okay
00:05:10Where is Santa Claus
00:05:12Nobody cares
00:05:13Dog
00:05:15Santa Claus is gonna come
00:05:17When the party is over
00:05:192 in the morning
00:05:20What are American kids doing
00:05:23At 2 in the morning
00:05:23On Christmas
00:05:24Watching Elf
00:05:25You nerds
00:05:27I am grinding
00:05:28With my aunt
00:05:30You understand
00:05:43And she is throwing it back
00:05:45Violently
00:05:46Dog
00:05:46Violent
00:05:48And I'm like
00:05:49Mommy why
00:05:50And she's like
00:05:51Because your aunt
00:05:52Is going through
00:05:53A divorce right now
00:06:00And that is not
00:06:01Being inappropriate
00:06:03That is supporting
00:06:04Your family
00:06:13And that's what I did
00:06:14I did whatever
00:06:15My mom told me to do
00:06:16If she tells me
00:06:16To grant on my aunt
00:06:17I grant on my aunt
00:06:18My mom has been
00:06:19Through so much
00:06:19That whatever
00:06:20She tells me to do
00:06:21That's what I'm gonna do
00:06:22For example
00:06:22I have severe ADD
00:06:25Everybody told me
00:06:26I have ADD
00:06:27And I told my mom
00:06:28I have ADD
00:06:28And she said no
00:06:29So I don't have ADD
00:06:35I don't have it
00:06:36And I feel bad
00:06:37I feel bad
00:06:38That I don't have it
00:06:39Because I wanted it
00:06:40And everybody
00:06:40And it's easy to get
00:06:42By the way
00:06:43If you want ADD
00:06:44You can have it
00:06:45You go to a doctor
00:06:46And you go
00:06:47Nah
00:06:47And then they give it to you
00:06:51It takes two seconds
00:06:55Everybody knew
00:06:56That I had ADD
00:06:57I had teachers
00:06:58In Miami
00:06:59That didn't believe
00:07:00In ADD
00:07:01And they were like
00:07:01Marcelo made me
00:07:03A believer
00:07:06I have it like that
00:07:07I have it for real
00:07:08Everybody knew I had it
00:07:09And the problem is
00:07:10I had to tell my mom
00:07:12That I have ADD
00:07:13And when I told my mom
00:07:14That I have ADD
00:07:15She threatened
00:07:16To give it to me
00:07:19I said mommy
00:07:20I have ADD
00:07:21And she goes
00:07:22Ah you want ADD
00:07:23I can give you ADD
00:07:25Right now
00:07:28And in that moment
00:07:31I decided to focus
00:07:43And it's sad
00:07:45Because I wanted the pills
00:07:47I really wanted the pills
00:07:48Because I know that the pills
00:07:49Do something
00:07:50I know that they do something
00:07:52Because I had a friend
00:07:53In high school
00:07:54And his mom
00:07:55Let him have ADD
00:07:58And he would come up to me
00:08:00On Tuesdays
00:08:01And he would be like
00:08:01Hey Marcelo
00:08:02I didn't take the pill today
00:08:03It's no pill Tuesday
00:08:11And I was like
00:08:12Wow
00:08:12Is that how I'm living my life
00:08:15Every day is no pill Tuesday
00:08:17For me
00:08:19It was horrible
00:08:20And that's what my life was
00:08:22When I was younger
00:08:22My ADD was a big problem
00:08:24In school
00:08:25You know
00:08:26And now that I'm older
00:08:27My problem with ADD
00:08:28Is in relationships
00:08:29You know
00:08:30With women
00:08:31Because I have severe ADD
00:08:34And I never got the pills
00:08:35And women
00:08:39They
00:08:40They love it
00:08:42When you listen to them
00:08:50It's their favorite thing
00:08:52And it's my biggest weakness
00:08:56Women are nice
00:08:57Women do not need you
00:08:58To be seven feet
00:08:59And have abs
00:09:00All women want
00:09:01Is for you to listen to her
00:09:02And be there for her
00:09:04And memorize the names
00:09:05Of her friends
00:09:06That's all they want
00:09:09You have to know
00:09:10The names of the friends
00:09:11And you have to be
00:09:12Ahead of her sometimes
00:09:13You know
00:09:14And women
00:09:15That's a beautiful thing
00:09:16Because that means
00:09:17That women are not superficial
00:09:18You know
00:09:19It means that they're looking
00:09:20For someone that's a partner
00:09:21They're not exactly looking
00:09:22For a physical thing
00:09:23Men are more superficial
00:09:25I have friends
00:09:26That are very superficial
00:09:27I have friends
00:09:27That I show them
00:09:28A picture of a girl
00:09:29That I like
00:09:29And they'll be like
00:09:30No bro
00:09:32Nah you have to
00:09:33Break up with her dog
00:09:34And I'm like why
00:09:35And they're like
00:09:36Because dog
00:09:37Her forehead is crazy
00:09:42I'm like what
00:09:42What are you talking about
00:09:43She's nice
00:09:44And she's smart
00:09:44She's a good person
00:09:45And my boys are like
00:09:46No we could tell
00:09:47That she was smart
00:09:48Dog
00:09:48That's not the
00:09:50That's not the problem dog
00:09:53This guy is going on
00:09:54And on about her forehead
00:09:55And I'm like dude
00:09:56You're bald
00:09:57Like how
00:09:59How could you say that
00:10:00When your forehead
00:10:01Doesn't end
00:10:03But that's how men are
00:10:04Men are like that
00:10:05Women are not like that
00:10:07Women can bring anything
00:10:08To their friends
00:10:09A woman can bring a frog
00:10:10A real frog
00:10:12To her friends
00:10:13And be like
00:10:14Hey guys
00:10:14This is my boyfriend
00:10:17And I love him
00:10:18And he loves me
00:10:19And we hang out
00:10:20By the swamp
00:10:23And we get along great
00:10:24And we love each other
00:10:25And her friends
00:10:26Her friends will be like
00:10:27Okay
00:10:29In that case
00:10:32Ribbit
00:10:39They don't care
00:10:40The women are down
00:10:41And I think that's beautiful
00:10:42You know
00:10:42Because it is rare
00:10:44It is more rare
00:10:45To see like a man
00:10:46Like a good looking man
00:10:47With a woman
00:10:48That is not at his level
00:10:49Of attractiveness
00:10:50You know
00:10:50But
00:10:52Quite often
00:10:54You will see
00:10:56A beautiful woman
00:10:57And she's nice
00:10:58And she's hard working
00:10:59And she loves her family
00:11:01And she's perfect
00:11:02And then you see her husband
00:11:07And you're like
00:11:08Hey congratulations
00:11:10And he's like
00:11:12Ribbit
00:11:18Every time I see this couple
00:11:20I go
00:11:21Oh my god
00:11:23That guy probably listens
00:11:25Like crazy
00:11:41That guy probably says stuff like
00:11:44Wait wait wait wait wait
00:11:44Start again
00:11:47My boy's like
00:11:48No bro
00:11:49I bet you that guy's rich
00:11:50I'm like
00:11:51No dog
00:11:52That guy
00:11:53Probably has
00:11:55Follow up questions
00:12:07And that's the problem
00:12:08You know
00:12:09I don't
00:12:09I don't listen good
00:12:10So I'm scared
00:12:11And on top of that
00:12:13Women are scary to me
00:12:14In general
00:12:15In general
00:12:16Because I grew up
00:12:17With women in my house
00:12:18I grew up with only women
00:12:19In my house
00:12:19It was me
00:12:20My mom
00:12:20And my sister
00:12:21And in high school
00:12:22My mom's best friend
00:12:23And her daughter
00:12:23Moved into my house
00:12:24I have seen too much
00:12:27When I was little
00:12:28I would go to school
00:12:29And a little boy
00:12:29Would be like
00:12:30Hey
00:12:30You know that girls
00:12:31Don't poop
00:12:31And I would be like
00:12:37I know very well
00:12:39How they poop
00:12:40And I think it's worse
00:12:42Than ours
00:12:45No man
00:12:46I saw it all
00:12:47Women are
00:12:47Women are very scary
00:12:48They are
00:12:49And they live a violent life
00:12:50Behind the scenes
00:12:51I have seen what you hide
00:12:53Okay
00:12:54Every woman has a mustache
00:12:55Did you know that
00:12:59They all have a mustache
00:13:00And they get it taken care of
00:13:02In the most violent way possible
00:13:04Everything they do is violent
00:13:06They go to a salon
00:13:07And they go
00:13:08I have a mustache
00:13:09And the lady goes
00:13:10Ah
00:13:10How would you like me
00:13:11To take care of that
00:13:12And the woman goes
00:13:13Oh
00:13:13I would like it
00:13:14If you could maybe
00:13:15Rip it off my face
00:13:23And they pay a little woman
00:13:25With big forearms
00:13:27To go up to her face
00:13:28And go
00:13:33Everything that they do
00:13:34Is violent
00:13:35And I'm scared of women
00:13:37For that reason
00:13:37I'm scared that everything
00:13:38That they do is violent
00:13:39Everything that they go
00:13:41They do their hair
00:13:41The hair is violent
00:13:42And they get their eyebrows
00:13:44Yanked out
00:13:45One at a time
00:13:48Ripped out
00:13:49And they like it
00:13:50They go
00:13:50Thank you
00:13:50Like that
00:13:53Everything they do
00:13:54Is violent
00:13:54Their hair
00:13:55They go to a salon
00:13:56And they light their hair
00:13:57On fire
00:13:57And they put chemicals
00:13:59In their hair
00:14:00And all types of stuff
00:14:02They put their hair
00:14:03In aluminum foil
00:14:04Like their hair
00:14:05Is food now
00:14:06And then they go
00:14:08Now put your head
00:14:09In the microwave
00:14:11And then the woman
00:14:12Sits in the microwave
00:14:14And lets her head
00:14:15Get cooked
00:14:15In the microwave
00:14:16And it's hot
00:14:17Under there
00:14:18And they go
00:14:18Is it too hot
00:14:19For you Melissa
00:14:20And she goes
00:14:20No I like it
00:14:24And imagine
00:14:25Imagine
00:14:25They get their head cooked
00:14:26They're getting their head cooked
00:14:27Imagine the radiation
00:14:29That gets into their head
00:14:30You have no idea
00:14:30And that's why women
00:14:31Are a little bit different
00:14:32You know
00:14:35They're a little bit different
00:14:41When a man wants to know
00:14:43If you love him
00:14:43He goes
00:14:44Baby do you love me
00:14:45And that makes sense
00:14:46When a woman wants to know
00:14:47If you love her
00:14:48She goes
00:14:49If I was a donkey
00:14:50And you
00:14:52And you were a lizard
00:14:54Do you think
00:14:55We could still be together
00:14:57And the man is like
00:14:58What
00:15:00And she's like
00:15:01If I was a donkey
00:15:03And you were a lizard
00:15:06Did I stutter
00:15:07When I asked the question
00:15:10Like your hair looks fantastic
00:15:12Babe
00:15:12I'm so sorry
00:15:14Everything they do
00:15:15Is violent
00:15:16The Brazilian wax
00:15:17Let me tell you
00:15:18There's nothing Brazilian
00:15:19About that
00:15:21They put the word
00:15:22Brazilian there
00:15:23So that you think
00:15:24It's a tropical experience
00:15:26But it is not
00:15:27A tropical experience
00:15:28I have been there
00:15:30I have been to
00:15:31Every appointment
00:15:31Because I had a single mom
00:15:33And I didn't behave good
00:15:34I know what I'm talking about
00:15:37I've been in there
00:15:37With my soccer cleats
00:15:41You go to the
00:15:42Brazilian wax place
00:15:43And they grab your mom
00:15:44And they throw her
00:15:44On a surgical table
00:15:45And then a little goblin
00:15:47Comes through some curtains
00:15:50Hello
00:15:53And she
00:15:53I haven't seen
00:15:54What they do
00:15:54But it looks like
00:15:55They do honey
00:15:56And duct tape
00:15:59On your mom
00:16:01And then they look
00:16:02At your mom
00:16:02And they go
00:16:02I'm gonna count to three
00:16:03Okay
00:16:04One
00:16:05Two
00:16:08And then they hold it up
00:16:09Like the head of a soldier
00:16:10That she killed
00:16:19And then she looks
00:16:20At your mom
00:16:20And she goes
00:16:21It has been a long time
00:16:26And I'm sure
00:16:26That it hurts
00:16:27When they rip that off
00:16:28I'm sure that it hurts
00:16:29But my mom never screamed
00:16:30And she never cried
00:16:31Women are too abnormal
00:16:32To scream
00:16:33Or to cry
00:16:34They rip it off
00:16:35And she talks
00:16:36When it hurts
00:16:36They talk
00:16:37They go
00:16:37And your mom goes
00:16:39My son is in the third grade
00:16:40Did you know
00:16:46Of course I'm scared
00:16:48And I have seen it all
00:16:49I have seen it all
00:16:50I have seen a woman
00:16:52Getting ready to leave the house
00:16:54A woman getting ready
00:16:55To leave the house
00:16:56Is one of the most violent scenes
00:16:57I have ever seen
00:16:58In my entire life
00:16:59They are able to turn
00:17:00Their bathroom
00:17:01Into Dexter's laboratory
00:17:03There are potions
00:17:05And serums
00:17:06And creams
00:17:06And electricity
00:17:08And water
00:17:09What a horrible combination
00:17:10And everything
00:17:12Is all at once
00:17:12Everything's on fire
00:17:13In there
00:17:14There's a cream
00:17:15That if you touch it
00:17:16And you touch your face
00:17:17All the hair
00:17:17Falls off your body
00:17:20It is violent in there
00:17:22And her makeup
00:17:22She's not doing her makeup
00:17:24Like
00:17:25No
00:17:25She has a pencil
00:17:26And she's putting it
00:17:27In her eye
00:17:29And her eye
00:17:30Starts to cry
00:17:31And she's a savage
00:17:32She goes
00:17:33And goes deeper
00:17:34With the pencil
00:17:36The eye
00:17:37Is rejecting the pencil
00:17:40If the eye
00:17:41Could talk
00:17:41The eye
00:17:42Would say
00:17:42Please mama
00:17:43No more pencil
00:17:45Please no more
00:17:46With the pencil
00:17:47Please
00:17:48And she doesn't care
00:17:49She goes deeper
00:17:50With the pencil
00:17:50And if she makes a mistake
00:17:52She goes
00:17:52I have to start again
00:17:53Like that
00:17:56Tell me that's not scary
00:17:57Tell me that's not scary
00:17:59The clothes that women wear
00:18:01To leave the house
00:18:02Is insane
00:18:03Men are shirt
00:18:04Pants
00:18:04Shoes
00:18:04Maybe ha
00:18:05Shirt
00:18:05Pants
00:18:06Shoes
00:18:06Maybe ha
00:18:06Women
00:18:07There's stuff
00:18:08That you have no idea
00:18:10That they have to wear
00:18:11And the way that they have to
00:18:13Contort their body
00:18:14You don't even know
00:18:15I was the wardrobe guy
00:18:16At my house
00:18:16My mom would be like
00:18:18Marcelo
00:18:18And I walk in
00:18:19And she is
00:18:23She's contort
00:18:24She's a contortion
00:18:25I'm like
00:18:26What's going on
00:18:26She goes
00:18:26I'm gonna put my elbow
00:18:28In my ass
00:18:29Okay
00:18:31And I'm like
00:18:31What
00:18:32She goes
00:18:32I'm gonna put my elbow
00:18:33In my
00:18:33When my elbow reaches my ass
00:18:35I need you to zip
00:18:36You understand
00:18:39I'm like
00:18:39That sounds dangerous
00:18:40Mommy
00:18:40I don't know
00:18:41If that sounds like
00:18:42It's safe
00:18:42It's not safe
00:18:43It's what you have to do
00:18:45Okay
00:18:45Elbow to the ass
00:18:47Yes
00:18:47Elbow to
00:18:47I go
00:18:48Okay
00:18:48It's not zipping
00:18:49I said wait
00:18:50Until my elbow
00:18:51Reaches my ass
00:18:54I had to be in there
00:18:55For all of that stuff
00:18:56Man
00:18:56It's spooky
00:18:57Women are not
00:18:57The delicate creature
00:18:58That you think
00:18:59That they are
00:19:00They're living a violent life
00:19:01Behind the scenes
00:19:02And then they go out
00:19:03And they go
00:19:03Hi
00:19:03How are you
00:19:06Hell no dog
00:19:07All of it is violent
00:19:08You go to a
00:19:09You go to a club
00:19:09And you see a woman
00:19:10And she's beautiful
00:19:11And you're like
00:19:12Wow
00:19:12I like your outfit
00:19:13That's a nice shirt
00:19:15That's not a shirt
00:19:16Papa
00:19:17That thing
00:19:19Clips
00:19:19Okay
00:19:28You had no idea
00:19:29That thing clips
00:19:30Huh
00:19:32You thought that
00:19:33She put her shirt on
00:19:34Like this
00:19:34No
00:19:35She put it on
00:19:36Like this
00:19:37Dog
00:19:39She had to
00:19:40Make it
00:19:40Clip
00:19:41Dog
00:19:42That's a lot
00:19:43A lot of work
00:19:44That she has to do
00:19:45And that's tight dog
00:19:46By the end of the night
00:19:47That thing
00:19:48Is in her neck
00:19:49So
00:19:50Be gentle with her
00:19:52It's scary
00:19:53All of it is scary dog
00:19:54And the blood
00:19:55I saw the blood
00:19:56First hand
00:19:56People don't even
00:19:57Think about the blood
00:19:58Women don't want to
00:19:58Talk about the blood
00:19:59The blood is very real
00:20:00I was a happy little boy
00:20:02And I had a happy
00:20:03Little sister
00:20:05And one day
00:20:07Out of nowhere
00:20:08For no reason
00:20:10Blood
00:20:13And she's like
00:20:14Mommy blood
00:20:14And my mom is like
00:20:16Welcome to the club
00:20:19And she's like
00:20:20Blood only for today
00:20:21And my mom is like
00:20:22Blood forever
00:20:25And now
00:20:26My happy little sister
00:20:27Is counting the days
00:20:28Of the blood
00:20:29Like it's jail
00:20:30She starts to say
00:20:32Scary stuff to me
00:20:33The blood is coming
00:20:38There's three days
00:20:39Until the blood
00:20:41I'm like
00:20:42What?
00:20:42She's like
00:20:42The blood wants ice cream
00:20:45I'm like
00:20:46The blood can talk
00:20:48She's like
00:20:49I speak for the blood
00:20:51The blood speaks
00:20:52Through me
00:20:54Like
00:20:55Oh my god
00:20:55And
00:20:55The blood has bluetooth
00:20:57Did you know that?
00:20:59Because if three of you
00:21:00Get together
00:21:00You pair device
00:21:12It's scary dog
00:21:13And then imagine
00:21:14Then we have to
00:21:15Take them out on a date
00:21:16You know
00:21:17Imagine that
00:21:18Imagine like
00:21:19You ask a girl out
00:21:20On a date
00:21:21And she hasn't been
00:21:22On a date in a while
00:21:23Think about it
00:21:23Now she has to go
00:21:24Through a week of torture
00:21:25She has to pay
00:21:26All these different people
00:21:27To do all these
00:21:27Horrible things
00:21:28To her body
00:21:29Rip it
00:21:29Rip it out
00:21:35And it costs money
00:21:36They pay
00:21:37They pay
00:21:37They pay
00:21:37Put their head
00:21:38In the microwave
00:21:39Money
00:21:39Money
00:21:39Money
00:21:40Everything
00:21:41They pay
00:21:41And then they get
00:21:43To the date
00:21:43And they're like
00:21:44So what do you do
00:21:44And the guy's like
00:21:45I'm still figuring that out
00:21:50She's like
00:21:50Then I'm gonna kill myself
00:21:54It's not worth it
00:22:03And that's why men
00:22:04Have to pay
00:22:05On the date
00:22:06Because by the time
00:22:07She gets to the date
00:22:08She's in debt
00:22:12There's no money left
00:22:14And you don't know
00:22:14Where the blood is
00:22:15So just pay
00:22:17And say
00:22:17I'm sorry
00:22:18Is what you say
00:22:20I'm sorry
00:22:20I'm sorry for what you go through
00:22:21And if you want to take a girl
00:22:24On a date
00:22:24But you don't want to pay
00:22:25If you don't want to pay
00:22:27Tell her before the date
00:22:29That you don't want to pay
00:22:31So you can both show up
00:22:33With a mustache
00:22:36And then you can split it
00:22:38Like men
00:22:49And that's how I grew up
00:22:51I grew up in Miami
00:22:52In salons
00:22:52And Brazilian waxes
00:22:54And
00:22:58And then I went to college
00:23:00In Ohio
00:23:02Yes, yes
00:23:03I guess you could say
00:23:04That I studied abroad
00:23:16And I was shocked
00:23:17When I got to Ohio
00:23:18Because I thought
00:23:19That I was white
00:23:22And then I got to Ohio
00:23:23And they were like
00:23:24Whoa, whoa, whoa
00:23:25There, Chikorito
00:23:28It was a tough time
00:23:29And I am going to talk
00:23:30About white people
00:23:31A little bit tonight
00:23:32And I want to say something
00:23:34Before I get into it
00:23:35I want to say that
00:23:35I know that right now
00:23:36It's a tough time
00:23:38To be white
00:23:41And I want to say
00:23:43Don't be sad
00:23:45You guys had a fantastic run
00:23:52It's okay
00:23:55You know
00:23:56And I know
00:23:58And I know that today
00:23:58A lot of people say
00:23:59White people this
00:24:00And white people that
00:24:01And it's always
00:24:02Something negative
00:24:03And I'm sure that
00:24:04That can affect
00:24:05Your mental health
00:24:10But
00:24:12I want you to know
00:24:14That when people say
00:24:15White people this
00:24:15And white people that
00:24:16We're not talking about
00:24:17All of you
00:24:19No
00:24:20There's a group
00:24:22And I'm sure
00:24:23Some of you are here
00:24:24And you're like
00:24:24Marcello
00:24:25Am I in the group
00:24:28I want to know
00:24:29If I'm in the group
00:24:30I don't want to be in the group
00:24:33I have a bunch of
00:24:33Latino friends
00:24:34I'm not in the group
00:24:35Right
00:24:39I mean really
00:24:40Am I in the group
00:24:41Just tell me
00:24:42Because
00:24:42I want to know
00:24:44And I'm going to help you
00:24:45To find out
00:24:46If you're in the group
00:24:46Okay
00:24:47If you are white
00:24:48And when you were little
00:24:50Your mom hit you
00:24:52You're Hispanic
00:25:01We accept you
00:25:03We appreciate you
00:25:04And sweet Caroline
00:25:09You see
00:25:10We're cool guys
00:25:13We're cool
00:25:13Now
00:25:15If you are white
00:25:16And you find
00:25:17That a lot of times
00:25:18In your life
00:25:19Someone will say something
00:25:20And you go
00:25:24Then
00:25:26You are who
00:25:27We are talking about
00:25:30So let's try
00:25:31To enjoy this together
00:25:32Huh
00:25:33How about that
00:25:33I'll tell you this
00:25:35When I went to Ohio
00:25:36My biggest surprise
00:25:37Were the parties
00:25:37You know
00:25:38The way that white guys party
00:25:40Did shock me a bit
00:25:41Because in Miami
00:25:42When we party
00:25:43It's all about the girls
00:25:44How many girls
00:25:45Are going to be there
00:25:46There can be no guys
00:25:48There can only be girls
00:25:49The party tonight
00:25:50Is going to be
00:25:51700 girls
00:25:52And us four
00:25:56That's how we like to party
00:25:57And in Ohio
00:25:58It's not about the girls
00:25:59At all
00:26:00It's about the beers
00:26:01How many beers
00:26:01Are going to be there
00:26:02If I sell my car
00:26:04How many beers
00:26:04Do you think
00:26:06And I'm like
00:26:08I want to go home
00:26:09You know
00:26:10I didn't feel right
00:26:11Because in Miami
00:26:12You dance
00:26:13And you have to dance
00:26:15In Miami
00:26:16The music is making you dance
00:26:18You don't have a choice
00:26:19In the matter
00:26:20In Miami
00:26:20It doesn't matter
00:26:21What status you are socially
00:26:23The quarterback
00:26:23Of the football team
00:26:24And the guy that likes chess
00:26:25Are both getting disgusting
00:26:27On the dance floor
00:26:29No matter what
00:26:30No matter where you are
00:26:31You have to
00:26:33And it's not because you want to
00:26:34It's because the music
00:26:35Makes you dance
00:26:36We cannot stop
00:26:38The music is too crazy
00:26:39For you not to dance
00:26:40You're sitting there
00:26:41Standing still
00:26:42And then you hear
00:26:51Look at you
00:26:54You can't stop
00:26:54You're like
00:26:55You have to
00:26:58You just have to
00:26:59And that's what it is
00:27:00The music is playing
00:27:01The guys are dancing
00:27:02And the women are everywhere
00:27:04And they don't want to dance
00:27:05By the way
00:27:05Latina women do not want to dance
00:27:07They are strong
00:27:08Feminist women
00:27:09They're not interested
00:27:09In dancing with any man
00:27:11I don't need any man
00:27:11To talk to me tonight
00:27:12I'm not interested
00:27:13In talking to any man
00:27:13I don't need you to tell me
00:27:14I don't need a man
00:27:15To come up to me
00:27:16And be like
00:27:16Ah you look pretty
00:27:17I know I look pretty
00:27:18I don't need you to tell me
00:27:19I don't need you to tell me
00:27:21What I do
00:27:21And who I am
00:27:22And what I need to look like
00:27:22Or anything like that
00:27:23Ah I
00:27:24Oh
00:27:25Oh you look beautiful
00:27:26You look beautiful
00:27:27I don't care what you say
00:27:28I work very hard
00:27:28To look beautiful
00:27:29I put a pencil in my eye
00:27:30And I made a clip
00:27:31So don't even talk to me
00:27:35I went through a lot
00:27:36To be here already
00:27:38So no man
00:27:39They're dancing
00:27:41And they don't want to dance
00:27:43They're very strong
00:27:44Feminist women
00:27:45They're not interested
00:27:45In dancing
00:27:46And it's funny
00:27:47Because they have this
00:27:47Strong feminist energy
00:27:49But the music
00:27:50The lyrics of the music
00:27:51In Miami
00:27:51Are not feminist at all
00:27:53Are they
00:27:55They are not feminist at all
00:27:56This strong feminist
00:27:58Latina woman
00:27:58Is at this party
00:27:59And then the guy in the song
00:28:01Is like
00:28:01And out of nowhere
00:28:03He goes
00:28:04I grab you
00:28:04I take you to my house
00:28:05You don't have a choice
00:28:07And the women are like
00:28:11I don't have a choice
00:28:25She does all that
00:28:26And then the next day
00:28:27She goes back
00:28:28To her non-profit
00:28:35That's two in the morning
00:28:36In Miami
00:28:36Two in the morning
00:28:37In Cleveland, Ohio
00:28:38It's a totally different story
00:28:41All you hear is
00:28:42Jealousy
00:28:43Turning on my daddy
00:28:46Black
00:28:46Turning on my
00:28:48The girls are nowhere
00:28:50To be found
00:28:52These guys are destroying
00:28:54The house
00:28:54I have never felt
00:28:56Like more of an immigrant
00:28:57In my entire life
00:29:03And it's sad
00:29:04They're singing sad songs
00:29:06It's the price I pay
00:29:09Like why are you paying a price
00:29:13It doesn't make any sense
00:29:14And we don't do that
00:29:15We don't do Latinos
00:29:16We don't have sad songs like that
00:29:17The saddest song we have
00:29:19Has a happy beat
00:29:20You know
00:29:21The beat is always happy
00:29:22My wife
00:29:24She left me
00:29:25She took the kids
00:29:30I'm homeless
00:29:31I don't have money
00:29:36The beat is so happy
00:29:37You don't even know
00:29:37What's happening
00:29:39This guy's like
00:29:40I'm gonna die
00:29:41In three months
00:29:41And you're like
00:29:45Not even thinking about it
00:29:49But that's how it is
00:29:50We don't do sad
00:29:50We don't do depression
00:29:52You know
00:29:52It's hard for us
00:29:53To do depression
00:29:54The Latinos
00:29:54We don't really have it
00:29:56Like that
00:29:56You know
00:29:56Me and my sister
00:29:57We tried to get depression
00:30:01When we were little
00:30:02We tried to get it
00:30:03We were like
00:30:04Mommy I'm depressed
00:30:05And then she did like a rap
00:30:09She did like a performance
00:30:12We were like
00:30:13Mommy we're depressed
00:30:14And she was like
00:30:15Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:30:18Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:30:23Woooo
00:30:27Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:30:57You're depressed
00:30:58And I didn't have any friends and I didn't have any money and I didn't have any toys and I
00:31:01didn't have any YouTube and I didn't have any Netflix
00:31:03I didn't have any Amazon. I didn't have any Hulu. I didn't have any YouTube TV
00:31:05I didn't have any Toys R Us. I didn't have any Best Buy. I didn't have any Target. I didn't
00:31:08have any anything.
00:31:11And then I had to learn to speak English and I had to pay my way through college and while
00:31:15I was doing that I got pregnant with you.
00:31:20And you didn't ruin my life. But you did it didn't ruin my life.
00:31:25And when you were born you were so stupid you didn't even know how to walk.
00:31:27I had to teach you how to walk because you didn't even know how to walk.
00:31:31And then you got a little bit older and you wanted to do activities and I had to pick you
00:31:35up and drop you off.
00:31:35Pick you up and drop you off. Pick you up and drop you off and drop you off and pick
00:31:38you off.
00:31:49Sometimes I have to drop you off and then I have to wait.
00:31:53And then I pick you up and drop you off and pick you up and drop you off and pick
00:31:56you up and drop you off and pick you up and drop you off.
00:31:58Pick you up and drop you off and pick you up and drop you off.
00:32:01So if anybody in this house is going to have depression, it's going to be me.
00:32:17And that is when I learned that depression is something that you earn.
00:32:39You have to deserve it.
00:32:42And listen, I know that mental health is real.
00:32:45You know, I'm just telling you my experience, which is that I was not allowed to have it.
00:32:51Okay?
00:32:52And I tried to have it.
00:32:54I don't know what my life would have been like if I got to have it.
00:32:57But I know that not having it kind of helped me in a lot of ways.
00:33:01It helped me push through a lot of dark situations.
00:33:03You know, it wasn't always this nice for me.
00:33:05This is a beautiful moment.
00:33:06I'm very grateful for you guys and everything that you've done to support me.
00:33:10It means the world.
00:33:16People sometimes ask me, they go, Marcelo, do you like it?
00:33:19Do you like to be on Saturday Live Night?
00:33:26And they always go, when does it film?
00:33:28I'm like.
00:33:32It's okay.
00:33:34People ask me, they go, do you like it?
00:33:35Do you like to tour?
00:33:36Do you like to do these shows?
00:33:37Do you like what you're doing?
00:33:38And I'm like, do I like it?
00:33:40I used to be the guy at the top of the slide at a water park.
00:33:44I love it.
00:33:46It is insane what has happened to me.
00:33:54My job used to be to look at a little kid and say, wait.
00:33:59And a little kid would be like, I want to go right now.
00:34:05You have to wait.
00:34:06I'm so sorry.
00:34:07That was my job.
00:34:09I had little kids coming up to me and screaming at me, you know.
00:34:12And I learned a lot at that job.
00:34:14I learned about hard work and about, you know, struggle and about being in the wrong place but having to
00:34:21continue.
00:34:21And I also learned that I don't like skinny kids.
00:34:25I don't like them.
00:34:26I'm sorry.
00:34:27I don't like them.
00:34:28Have you seen them?
00:34:28Have you seen a skinny kid?
00:34:30They're possessed.
00:34:30They're like, and the blood is pumping too fast in their body and they're crazy.
00:34:43Skinny kids used to come up to the top of the slide and look me in my eye and be
00:34:46like, push me.
00:34:49And I'll tell you the truth.
00:34:50I wanted to.
00:34:52I wasn't allowed but I wanted to.
00:34:54I don't like them.
00:34:55Skinny kids, and they'll say random stuff.
00:34:56Skinny kids will just lie to your face.
00:34:58They'll just say a lie.
00:34:59A skinny kid will be like, I can run faster than a car.
00:35:02I'm like, no, you can't.
00:35:03You can't do that.
00:35:04Nobody can do that.
00:35:05That's so stupid.
00:35:05Why would you even say that?
00:35:07Skinny kids are insane.
00:35:08Skinny kids will reveal a family secret.
00:35:10Don't tell a skinny kid anything.
00:35:11A skinny kid will tell everyone a family secret.
00:35:13A skinny kid will come up to you and be like, my mom takes pills to go to sleep.
00:35:22My mom hits my dad and he cries.
00:35:27Like, shut up.
00:35:29And I can talk about skinny kids because I was one.
00:35:33I might have been one of the skinniest kids of all time.
00:35:36And I did some skinny stuff.
00:35:40I did.
00:35:41The skinniest thing I ever did.
00:35:46When I was 10 years old, I used to take the bus to school and home from school because my
00:35:50mom worked a lot.
00:35:52And I wasn't getting a lot of respect on the bus because I was new on the bus.
00:35:56And the bus is like jail.
00:35:58Whoever is there the longest, they have the most respect.
00:36:02And I was new on the bus.
00:36:04So, I didn't get any respect.
00:36:06So, I decided one day to convince everyone on the bus that my mom lets me smoke cigarettes.
00:36:14And they believed me.
00:36:16And then when they were like, oh, that's cool.
00:36:18I was like, yeah.
00:36:19And my dad lets me drink alcohol.
00:36:22And they were like, whoa, that's cool.
00:36:24And I'm like, yeah.
00:36:25And they were like, all right, well, we better enjoy Marcelo because he's going to die very soon.
00:36:31And I was a legend on the bus.
00:36:33A legend.
00:36:33They thought that I was getting drunk and just smoking cigarettes at 10 years old.
00:36:37I was a legend.
00:36:38Every time I would get on the bus, the girls would be like, Marcelo.
00:36:41And I would be like, chill, mommy.
00:36:43I'm wasted.
00:36:47I was a badass on the bus.
00:36:49And then after like two or three weeks of being a legend on the bus, I got home one day.
00:36:55And my home phone rang.
00:36:57And I picked up the phone.
00:36:59And I swear, this lady on the phone goes, hi, this is Anna from Child Protective Services.
00:37:07And I was like, what?
00:37:09And she was like, I'm calling due to a report by your bus driver that your mom lets you smoke
00:37:13cigarettes.
00:37:13And your dad lets you drink alcohol.
00:37:16We just wanted to let you know that we are in the process of finding you a foster home.
00:37:22And I'm like, no!
00:37:25They don't even let me drink soda!
00:37:30She goes, I understand you're scared.
00:37:33But just please let me talk to your mom.
00:37:36And I'm like, no!
00:37:38Find the foster home first!
00:37:49Hell no.
00:37:50So she obviously was like, this is very serious.
00:37:52Let me talk to your mom.
00:37:53I'm like, okay.
00:37:54And so I talked to God for a moment.
00:37:58And then I gave the phone to my mom.
00:38:01And my mom is like, who is it?
00:38:02And I'm like, she's going to take me!
00:38:05She's like, who?
00:38:06I'm like, the one on the fire.
00:38:08And then my mom's like, what?
00:38:09She grabs the phone.
00:38:10She starts talking to this lady.
00:38:12She gets emotional.
00:38:13She goes, wow.
00:38:14Okay.
00:38:15All right.
00:38:16I will.
00:38:16Okay.
00:38:17I will.
00:38:18When she hangs up the phone, she tells me that now, by law, her and my father need to report
00:38:23to Child Protective Services.
00:38:26My mom needs to check her nails and her lungs to see if she's an active smoker.
00:38:31And my dad has to pee in little cups to see if he's an active drinker.
00:38:37Yeah.
00:38:38Yeah.
00:38:41That's how skinny I was.
00:38:45Yeah.
00:38:49Maybe one of the skinniest of all time.
00:38:52And so imagine the guilt that my mom put on me for those two weeks she had to report to
00:38:57Child Protective Services.
00:38:58Imagine every day.
00:38:59Have a great day at school, Marcelo.
00:39:03I'm going to go to Child Protective Services.
00:39:06To see if I can still be your mom.
00:39:13I felt so bad.
00:39:15I felt so guilty.
00:39:16I was paranoid.
00:39:17Super paranoid.
00:39:18I told everyone at school, even the teachers, that they cannot say anything in front of the
00:39:22bus driver because he is undercover for Child Protective Services.
00:39:28I was freaking out.
00:39:29I have never been so freaked out in my life.
00:39:31And those two weeks felt like an eternity.
00:39:33And after those two weeks, my parents sat me down.
00:39:37We had a conversation.
00:39:38And they were like, Marcelo, your father quit drinking a long time ago.
00:39:42I quit smoking 15 years ago.
00:39:44So, obviously, we tested negative.
00:39:47And you get to stay with us.
00:39:49And I was like, good job, guys.
00:39:56And it was one of those that was so bad that they don't have to punish me.
00:40:01I punish myself.
00:40:03You know?
00:40:04They look at me like this.
00:40:06And I'm like, no, yeah, I know.
00:40:07I know.
00:40:08I threw away my TV.
00:40:10I threw away my Xbox.
00:40:11And I called Disney World.
00:40:12And I told them that we're never going to go back there again.
00:40:17And we never talked about it again after it happened.
00:40:20It was something that was so bad that we never talked about it again.
00:40:24It was that bad.
00:40:25It was one of those things that you just, you let it go.
00:40:28The kid learned the lesson.
00:40:30You let it go.
00:40:31That's how bad it is.
00:40:32And we never communicated about it again.
00:40:34I never apologized.
00:40:35I never asked her what it was like.
00:40:36Nothing.
00:40:37And that was when I was 10.
00:40:40When I was 21 years old, I was in Ohio.
00:40:44And I saw a sign for Child Protective Services inside of a CVS.
00:40:50I'll never forget it.
00:40:51And I saw the sign.
00:40:52And I went, wow, I have not talked to my mom about our experience.
00:40:57I have never asked her what it was like to have such a skinny kid.
00:41:01So I decided to call her and apologize.
00:41:06So I called my mom.
00:41:07And I go, mommy, do you remember when Child Protective Services almost took me
00:41:15because the bus driver was a double agent?
00:41:22And my mom goes, I see, yes, Marcelo, I remember.
00:41:26And I forgot to tell you that that was my friend Maria that called you that day.
00:41:50And I'm glad it's funny to you guys.
00:41:54I was so confused.
00:41:56I was like, what?
00:41:58And she was like, your sister told me what you said on the bus.
00:42:02I was like, wow, I had no idea she was such an evil little witch.
00:42:07My mom was like, yeah, your sister told me what you said.
00:42:10So I was like, oh, he wants to lie.
00:42:12Let's see who can lie the best.
00:42:16And to this day, every year on my birthday, this evil woman posts on my Facebook page,
00:42:23happy birthday from Anna at Child Protective Services.
00:42:36People sometimes, they wonder, you know, they go, how Latino is Marcelo?
00:42:40He looks like he plays lacrosse.
00:42:44And I'm going to tell you exactly how Latino I am.
00:42:47My mom used to hit me in the women's bathroom at the mall.
00:43:00I'm a real veteran, dog.
00:43:03To a lot of people, that was just a bathroom.
00:43:05To us, it was the Coliseum.
00:43:10We lost a lot of great men in there.
00:43:14And I never did anything crazy to deserve to go to the Coliseum, you know?
00:43:17Sometimes you'll be at the mall, and you see a little kid talking to his mom,
00:43:20and he's like, I hate you, and I want to go home!
00:43:27You know, and I'll let you guys decide the race of that child.
00:43:33Anytime I will see a little kid talking to his mom like that,
00:43:36like, I hate you, and I want to go home!
00:43:38I will go up to my mom and be like, you know I would never do that to you, right?
00:43:45That little boy has crossed the line.
00:43:49And I pray that he pays the price.
00:43:53That is all, Your Highness.
00:43:58Aw.
00:43:59But I would never do something like that to my mom.
00:44:00The reason that I would get in trouble is because my mom would notice
00:44:03that I would do, like, a personality trait that she didn't like, you know?
00:44:09We get in trouble not for saying something crazy to our mom.
00:44:11We don't have the balls to say something crazy to our mom.
00:44:13Our mom is too scary for us to say something crazy to her.
00:44:16We say it in our room behind her back, you know?
00:44:18In your room, you talk to her in an imaginary.
00:44:21You go, mm, you better not talk to me like that.
00:44:22I'll kill you, you know?
00:44:24And then she goes, what was that?
00:44:25And you go, nothing!
00:44:29Talking to myself!
00:44:32No, we get in trouble for going like this, where she tells you to do something,
00:44:35and you go, and sometimes you realize in the moment, have you ever done that?
00:44:42Have you ever realized in the moment what you just did and what your future holds?
00:44:48Have you ever done that?
00:44:49Your mom's like, take out the trash.
00:44:50And you're like, oh, oh, oh!
00:44:56No, no, no, please, please, mommy, no, please.
00:44:59I don't even know that guy.
00:45:00I don't even know who did that.
00:45:01I would never do that to you after everything that you do for me,
00:45:04and all the sacrifices that you make, and everything that you do to give me a good life,
00:45:07I would never do that to you.
00:45:09I've been there.
00:45:12Well, what happened to me is, is right before we leave the mall,
00:45:15we'd be about to leave the mall.
00:45:16And right before we leave the mall, we'd be at the door of the mall.
00:45:19And I can feel the air of the outside.
00:45:22And I can't wait to leave the mall, because we have been at the mall for 10 hours.
00:45:27And we have not bought anything for anybody.
00:45:31And I am so ready to leave the mall.
00:45:33Right when I get to the door, my mom goes,
00:45:35Marcelo, I forgot to go to DSW.
00:45:37Let's go!
00:45:39And I go like this.
00:45:41I go...
00:45:45And that's it.
00:45:49Time to go to the Coliseum.
00:45:52And now I'm in the women's bathroom in Miami in the early 2000s,
00:45:57because I breathed incorrectly.
00:46:07I am in there, and my mom is twisting my ear in a way that is teaching me about anatomy.
00:46:15I'm learning about cartilage and how it cannot be destroyed.
00:46:21She's twisting my ear.
00:46:23I'm like...
00:46:23And it's a very Latina environment, because the music in the bathroom is...
00:46:33I'm getting my ass beat to Gloria Estefan.
00:46:40And I look across the bathroom, and there's another little Latino kid getting his ass beat.
00:46:45And I'm like, what'd you do?
00:46:46And he's like...
00:46:51And I'm like, I don't understand you, Papa.
00:46:55You're going to have to slow down.
00:46:57He's like, nothing.
00:46:59My mom got me some sneakers, and I didn't like them.
00:47:09I'm like, what did you do when you didn't like the sneakers?
00:47:12He's like, nothing.
00:47:13She showed me the sneakers, and I didn't like them.
00:47:16And then very quietly to myself, I just...
00:47:20I went like this, like...
00:47:26That's suicide.
00:47:29You deserve that, my boy.
00:47:33My mom never hit me hard.
00:47:35My mom hit me a lot.
00:47:42Very different.
00:47:44She hit me a lot, and she had talks with me.
00:47:48She would tell me these little speeches out of nowhere that would make me grateful for what's going on, you
00:47:52know?
00:47:53Out of nowhere, on a random day, my mom would be like,
00:47:56Marcelo, what if I told you that everything that you think is yours is mine?
00:48:02I'm like, what?
00:48:03She's like, what if I told you that you don't have anything,
00:48:05because you don't have a job, and you don't have money?
00:48:08I'm like, what?
00:48:09You don't have a job, and you don't have money, so you have not bought anything.
00:48:11I have bought everything for you, so you don't have anything.
00:48:13Nothing that you think is yours is yours.
00:48:15Everything is mine.
00:48:15That's my TV.
00:48:16That's my Xbox.
00:48:17That's my bed.
00:48:17That's my sheets.
00:48:18That's my underwear.
00:48:18That's my clothes.
00:48:19The door is mine.
00:48:20The air is mine.
00:48:21Don't touch the air.
00:48:21That's my air.
00:48:22Don't touch the refrigerator.
00:48:23That's my refrigerator.
00:48:24Nothing is yours, and everything is mine.
00:48:25Do you understand that?
00:48:32And I would be like, what?
00:48:34She'd be like, you don't have anything.
00:48:36You don't have anything.
00:48:36I have everything.
00:48:38You don't have anything.
00:48:38You don't work.
00:48:39I work.
00:48:39I have everything.
00:48:40Everything is mine.
00:48:40nothing is yours and I'm like okay mama I understand and she's like okay happy birthday
00:48:55and when you grow up like that you know when you grow up with that type of upbringing you know
00:49:02American TV and American movies start to become very unbelievable I never understood any of the
00:49:11TV shows I would go home my mom would twist my ear in the bathroom and then I would go
00:49:14home and watch
00:49:15Full House and if you don't know Full House Full House is a show about a white guy that his
00:49:21wife
00:49:21dies and then him and his two friends need to raise three little girls and they call it Full House
00:49:27because that's a lot of people in one house for the whites
00:49:38let's be honest if that was a black latino or asian show it will be called House
00:49:56every episode of that show used to blow my mind because the daughter would do something crazy
00:50:00she the daughter the oldest daughter would do something insane out of nowhere she'd be like
00:50:04I'm gonna smoke cigarettes I'll be at my house like don't do that DJ
00:50:10that could be very oh come on DJ don't do that please don't do that I was like my grandma
00:50:15watching
00:50:15a novella please DJ you're gonna die
00:50:20then of course she wouldn't listen to me she will go smoke cigarettes with the girl with the long neck
00:50:27you remember Kimmy and listen I love Kimmy but and she grew into it but back then it was crazy
00:50:36and so they will go smoke cigarettes and then DJ will come home smelling like cigarettes and then
00:50:41Uncle Joey will be in the kitchen and he will smell the cigarettes and he'll be like
00:50:44oh my god I have to go tell Bob Saget about this and he will go tell Bob Saget that's
00:50:50the dad
00:50:51and then Bob Saget will come into the kitchen and be like DJ
00:50:56why does it smell like cigarettes and where were you
00:51:01and I'm not I'm already a little bit pissed off I'm like speak up Bob Saget
00:51:07you know exactly why it smells like cigarettes that little girl disrespected you in your house
00:51:12after everything that you do for her and all the sacrifices that you make and all the money that
00:51:15you spend to give her a good life she has the balls to go behind your back and smoke cigarettes
00:51:19Bob Saget
00:51:24that little girl has crossed the line and today is the day that she pays the price
00:51:29and of course Bob Saget he she she's just looking at her and she's looking at the camera and the
00:51:36camera
00:51:36goes to DJ and she goes and I'm like don't be scared now you were a big girl when you
00:51:45wanted to smoke
00:51:45cigarettes be a big girl now and then it will go to commercial and I'll be like
00:51:57Bob Saget when we come back from commercial Bob Saget is about to beat the brakes off of this little
00:52:02bitch or at the very least make her smoke the whole pack of cigarettes
00:52:10at least show me something Bob Saget we come back from commercial and DJ's like
00:52:19and then she runs up the stairs and I'm like running makes it worse
00:52:27if you know you know
00:52:30she runs up the stairs and she gets to her door and she goes
00:52:34and she slams the door and I'm like
00:52:43strike two mama
00:52:46now you're really gonna get it
00:52:48and then Bob Saget runs up the stairs and I'm screaming at Bob Saget I'm like take your belt
00:52:53off on the way Bob Saget
00:52:58Bob Saget runs up there he gets to the door and she goes
00:53:02and she locks the door
00:53:06exactly
00:53:09I'm not even upset I'm confused I'm like where did this little girl get a lock
00:53:19she must be paying rent in this house
00:53:24and then Bob Saget gets to the door and he blows my mind
00:53:28Bob Saget gets to the door and he goes
00:53:32and that's when I freak out I'm like
00:53:34you don't have to knock on the door that's your door
00:53:40take the door off the door and hit her with the door
00:53:50and I know that that's not the right thing to do
00:53:52but I was hungry for blood at the time
00:53:57he knocks on the door
00:54:00the little girl goes
00:54:01unlocks the door
00:54:03what a lovely young lady
00:54:05and then Bob Saget walks into that room
00:54:07and again
00:54:09does something that my brain cannot even comprehend
00:54:12I gave him very simple instructions
00:54:15I'm like Bob you don't have to hit her if you don't want to
00:54:17but at least find something that she loves
00:54:19and destroy it
00:54:22that guy walks into this girl's room
00:54:24and he goes DJ
00:54:40why would you go smoke cigarettes?
00:54:45why would you do that DJ?
00:54:46DJ
00:54:48you know not only are you hurting me
00:54:50but
00:54:51you're hurting yourself
00:54:54and she's like
00:54:55I'm sorry dad
00:54:57he's like
00:54:58it's okay DJ
00:55:02I love you very much
00:55:04but today
00:55:06I'm really disappointed
00:55:10and I throw up
00:55:17and then DJ goes
00:55:19so
00:55:20safe to say I can't go to the party on Friday?
00:55:24and I'm like
00:55:25this bitch
00:55:29and Bob Saget goes
00:55:32safe to say
00:55:46when I saw that
00:55:47I wanted to record it
00:55:48and present it to my mom
00:55:51I wanted to put a TV on wheels
00:55:53and go up to my mom
00:55:54and be like
00:55:55hello sharks
00:55:56thank you for having me today
00:56:01I would like to present to you
00:56:02a different method mama
00:56:05and then my mom would be like
00:56:09in my experience
00:56:11the only way that you learn
00:56:12is when I twist your ear
00:56:13or destroy something that you love
00:56:16and for that reason
00:56:18I'm out
00:56:32and I'll be honest
00:56:33when I was watching
00:56:34those shows
00:56:35when I was younger
00:56:36I did want that life
00:56:37I did
00:56:38I wanted that life
00:56:39it seemed nice
00:56:40it seemed safe
00:56:41and
00:56:42I
00:56:43I was jealous
00:56:44you know
00:56:45and now that I've gotten older
00:56:46I have grown
00:56:47you know
00:56:47really proud
00:56:48of the way I grew up
00:56:49I'm proud to have immigrant parents
00:56:51and to be raised by them
00:56:53and
00:56:55you know
00:56:58they made me strong
00:56:59you know
00:57:00they made me strong
00:57:01and they made me powerful
00:57:02and
00:57:02and
00:57:03I
00:57:04I feel like
00:57:05you know
00:57:05one day I want to have kids
00:57:07and I do feel like
00:57:08I kind of want to have a kid
00:57:09that grew up like me
00:57:10you know
00:57:10and I think
00:57:11sometimes when people grow up
00:57:12like I did
00:57:13you know
00:57:14with the fake phone calls
00:57:15and the Coliseum
00:57:18they
00:57:18they say stuff like
00:57:19I'm going to stop the cycle
00:57:21I'm going to stop the cycle
00:57:22of violence
00:57:23and I want to say to you
00:57:24tonight
00:57:25Miami
00:57:25I am going to continue the cycle
00:57:36and
00:57:37you know
00:57:37I think that
00:57:39it's very interesting
00:57:40to grow up the way that we did
00:57:41you know
00:57:41with immigrant parents
00:57:42it is very interesting
00:57:43you know
00:57:44we are not allowed
00:57:45to have mental health issues
00:57:46and
00:57:47I think that
00:57:48that's why we steal the jobs
00:57:52you know
00:57:52who would you rather hire
00:57:54you know
00:57:54Antonio
00:57:55who has no idea
00:57:56that he has any kind
00:57:58of mental health issue
00:57:59or Jake
00:58:00who's going to take
00:58:01a personal day
00:58:11I don't know
00:58:12I don't know
00:58:13I just
00:58:14I've been watching the news now
00:58:15for the first time
00:58:16in my life
00:58:17because
00:58:17they're talking about us
00:58:19and
00:58:20it's crazy
00:58:21every time I turn on the news
00:58:22there's a white lady
00:58:23and she's like
00:58:24the immigrants are coming
00:58:24in here
00:58:25and they're doing crime
00:58:26and I'm like
00:58:30because I grew up
00:58:31around immigrants
00:58:31everybody I grew up with
00:58:32was an immigrant
00:58:33my parents
00:58:34my parents
00:58:34friends
00:58:35my teachers
00:58:35everybody was an immigrant
00:58:36my soccer coach
00:58:37everyone I ever grew up with
00:58:38was an immigrant
00:58:39and
00:58:40maybe we are doing crime
00:58:41but the biggest crime
00:58:42that we're doing
00:58:43is working illegally
00:58:44which is a pretty solid crime
00:58:54there are a lot of Americans
00:58:55that don't want to work
00:58:56illegally
00:58:57you know
00:58:57so
00:58:58we are filling a void there
00:59:00we're helping out
00:59:01you know
00:59:01and
00:59:02and I just
00:59:03don't like the idea
00:59:04that
00:59:05the immigrants
00:59:06especially the Latino immigrants
00:59:07are scary
00:59:08because I really know about
00:59:09Latino immigrants
00:59:10that's something I know about
00:59:11I don't know about politics
00:59:12I don't know about laws
00:59:12I don't know anything
00:59:13I do know about Latino immigrants
00:59:15because that's who raised me
00:59:16that's who I know
00:59:16and
00:59:17when they get on the news
00:59:18and they go
00:59:18the immigrants are scary
00:59:20white people being like
00:59:21the immigrants are scary
00:59:22I'm like
00:59:22no
00:59:22and don't say that
00:59:24we're not scary
00:59:24and white people are not scared of us
00:59:26have you seen a white person
00:59:28at a resort
00:59:30do they look scared of us
00:59:32when they're like
00:59:38hola
00:59:38como estas
00:59:40they love us
00:59:41they go to a bar
00:59:42they make a joke
00:59:43with a Latino bartender
00:59:44they laugh
00:59:44and then they go
00:59:45that's it Santiago
00:59:46you're coming home
00:59:47with us
00:59:50you love us
00:59:52we're fun
00:59:53you know
00:59:54and I know that
00:59:54there's some people
00:59:55that want the immigrants
00:59:56out of here
00:59:56and there's some people
00:59:56that are sad about
00:59:57the immigrants
00:59:58they're sad about
00:59:58what's happening
00:59:59to the immigrants
00:59:59they're like
01:00:00it's so sad
01:00:01what's happening
01:00:01to the immigrants
01:00:02they're throwing them
01:00:03over the wall
01:00:03and I want to say
01:00:05something right now
01:00:07we'll be back
01:00:08okay
01:00:10we always come back
01:00:14we're smart
01:00:16we're smart
01:00:18what are you gonna do
01:00:19when I get to the border
01:00:20and I say
01:00:21bonjour
01:00:24we'll be fine
01:00:25we're genius
01:00:25we'll be fine
01:00:30it just does bother me
01:00:31a little bit
01:00:32to hear
01:00:32you know
01:00:33white people
01:00:33talking about
01:00:34the Latinos
01:00:34like we're scary
01:00:35we're all scary
01:00:36everybody has scary people
01:00:37but I want to say
01:00:38something to the white people
01:00:39that think that
01:00:40Latino immigrants
01:00:41are scary
01:00:41I want to say
01:00:42that if you're white
01:00:44and you think
01:00:45that Latino immigrants
01:00:46are coming to America
01:00:48to grab a bunch
01:00:49of little kids
01:00:50and put them
01:00:52in a basement
01:00:53no
01:00:55that's your thing
01:01:08we don't do
01:01:09that type of crime
01:01:11we don't like
01:01:12our own kids
01:01:12why would we
01:01:14grab random kids
01:01:15that's not interesting
01:01:16to us
01:01:17we don't do
01:01:18that type of crime
01:01:19and I know
01:01:20I know I'm getting
01:01:20really aggressive
01:01:21with white people
01:01:22right now
01:01:22but I can say it
01:01:23okay
01:01:24because I have
01:01:24a lot of white friends
01:01:30and they love me
01:01:32they're cool with it
01:01:33so be cool
01:01:34okay
01:01:35we're all flawed people
01:01:36and my big message
01:01:37is to remember this
01:01:39white people
01:01:40when you are judging
01:01:40the Latino immigrants
01:01:41remember this
01:01:42remember that
01:01:43Latinos do fun
01:01:45exciting crimes
01:01:46what's a Latino crime
01:01:48be racist for a moment
01:01:49what's a Latino crime
01:01:50I'm driving the plane
01:01:51and it has a little bit
01:01:52of cocaine
01:01:53that's a fun crime
01:01:55that's a fun
01:01:56exciting crime
01:01:57we're in the air
01:01:59it's fun
01:02:01so let's remember this
01:02:03when we judge
01:02:04and when we put
01:02:06blanket statements
01:02:07on the Latino immigrants
01:02:08remember that
01:02:09remember that
01:02:10Latino immigrants
01:02:11do fun
01:02:12exciting crimes
01:02:13that belong
01:02:14in movies
01:02:17and white people
01:02:18do creepy crimes
01:02:22from documentaries
01:02:26Miami
01:02:33thank you thank you
01:02:34thank you thank you
01:02:35thank you
01:02:37I'm so happy to be home
01:02:38thank you for coming out tonight
01:02:40thank you for supporting me
01:02:42always
01:02:42this is where it started
01:02:44y a lo latino los quiero
01:02:46los amo
01:02:47gracias por apoyarme
01:02:49se le quiere mucho
01:02:50buenas noches señores
01:02:52gracias
01:02:52gracias
01:03:05Oh
01:03:22Oh
01:04:02Oh
01:04:23Oh
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